#i wanna see what happens and also i shouldnt be pushing the limit TOO HARD

[morp]

What if i drank 5 redbulls

[stormpainter]

==> Make up

Today at 3:51 PM wickedpainter hey

carnivalsorphans hey sorry i made ya upset. wickedpainter yeah

you okay?

carnivalsorphans i've been worse wickedpainter that aint an answer

carnivalsorphans the answer don't matter much just yet. you okay? wickedpainter shit matters to me. I aint as upset as last night

carnivalsorphans i still ain't really knowin what got ya upset. i mean, i know what made ya upset, i get that somethin bout me sayin i don't want you and lilac ta get together weren't right, but i don't know why. wickedpainter mm I dont talk to people much dont got many friends no lovers to speak of even if I did I might be upset about someone tryina dictate who I can and cant be attracted to, who I'm allowed to get close with

carnivalsorphans ... i'm sorry. can see how it'd be a bigger deal for you than it is for me. wickedpainter yeah I actually care bout people

carnivalsorphans ... i was more talkin on how i got a fuck ton of lovers so it don't matter to me if two or three are removed from the list ... but yeah. i guess that too. wickedpainter all I've got is vel, tars grey ace

carnivalsorphans i'm. sorry. wickedpainter which is why we were in pale for a while, cause he doesnt do the sex, but my best friend's mates ace too so it just. It aint a big deal I'm bein dumb

carnivalsorphans didn't. mean ta make ya all upset. was probably gonna tell ya soon if lilac didn't. wickedpainter yeah I gathered that shit

carnivalsorphans it had come up cuz i fucked his ex. and shit got... weird. wickedpainter whys it matter to anyone who someone sleeps with

am I supposed to avoid any motherfucker you sleep with cause I'm gatherin thats everyone

carnivalsorphans no!

carnivalsorphans i just. got a thing bout non fuckin quads and fuckin quads mixin. if sugary was able to fuck, i'd feel uneasy on you sleepin with her too. and. ... i mean, it ain't a fuckin end of relationship deal. it just makes me uneasy. and i was tryinna get lilac ta see it was alright ta have a few nos if it poisons the relationship for me ta be plowin people. like his ex. so i had ta figure someone to put on the list. ... and it just. makes me uneasy ta have quads overlap. specially fuckin and non fuckin. but that's the reason i hate when kankri sticks his nose in mine and lilac's business, and why i'm stayin away from vel like he's the damn plague. and why i fuckin leave the room any time lilac or val talk about fuckin eachother.

carnivalsorphans and. it's just my pan fuckin up. and i'm sorry. wickedpainter ..sounds like some shit we ought to jam on sometime

carnivalsorphans ... i was plannin on it. i just. don't always remember shit too well. and lilac's fuckin stupid, and it seems like half the problems we have are involvin sex, and it's... weird, a bit, ta me ta talk to you bout my sex life. so it just. hadn't come up yet. wickedpainter look I aint got a lot of people I know an the only clade I ever observed that was any kinda healthy, an I know mine aint, everyones quaddin everyone else, an they just fuckin, let serendipity do its thing

what alls happened upsets lilac bout sex an you?

carnivalsorphans motherfuck that's a tangled mess of fuckery.

carnivalsorphans ... it feels like submission, for me ta bottom. so i don't do it often. gotta like... trust a motherfucker, before i'm up to it. but i got ta trustin lilac, and i wanted it ta be... earned, i guess. fun. a challenge. so i told him he could fuck me if he beat me in a fight. and then that whole shit storm with kankri and sugar sis happened, and before that i was considerin let kankri go down on me, and i figured i might as well do it as a show of trust since i was thinkin on it anyway. then HE gets it into his head ta fuckin TEASE ME bout how sensitive i am on it and how it makes me color, like it's the funniest goddamn thing, which really pisses a motherfucker off to be gods damned honest.

and then lilac gets upset about that. fucks off a while. next time we fight, he don't try so hard. then there's two of him, and they win, and they just have me tie em up.

then i fuck his ex, and apparently his ex cheated on him with one of his abusive alts and lied at him and a buncha shit, and he got upset, and then just. that whole conversation, bout boundaries and shit happened. and i had ta fuckin make him trust me at fuckin all for him to even tell me what the hell was goin through his pan.

and the whole thing with red ain't really been resolved but i ain't touchin him with a ten foot pole. and i know it bothers him when i sleep with val, but he fuckin INSISTS it don't matter, despite the fact he said yesterday he's got a thing for overlappin quads too.

and now, even though i've flat out fuckin told him, asked him ta fuck me before, he goddamn panics and gets all anxious about it cuz he fancies i ain't actually wantin it, i just wanna make him feel good. and it's just. goddamn he's stupid.

carnivalsorphans we've probably got in spats about four or five times by now. and it's all goddamn tangled in trust and boundaries and him not wantin to set em and me makin a big deal of how exactly i want gettin plowed to go down and relationships and.

carnivalsorphans plus i got kankri tryinna play clubs any time i just ask him for a lil advice on how the fuck lilac even thinks cuz i can't figure him out, and then lilac's talkin on bein ganged up on and i didn't even really want him to be involved at fuckin all. becuase he's a nosy little busybody who ain't got any damn sense of where his words are and aren't welcome. wickedpainter it aint so bad, layin out rules at the beginnin about what each session oughta be like. me an vel gotta negotiate sometimes, cause both us got fucky pans but we aint do somethin if we promise not to

hes prolly mistakin you gettin pissed about bein teased about somethin private for bein ashamed of a thing you aint wanna really do

I was gonna say you might wanna get an auspistice but definitely shouldnt be his rail, an it sounds like he dont feel like hes gettin heard a lot

also maybe don fuck valor just to see if you can get him to use his words and tell you to stop, unless you two are real sweet on each other or somethin

carnivalsorphans yeah, but it seems like lilac is so fuckin caught up on how bad he'd feel to put limits on me, he don't realize i don't give a fuck. and that if i don't got boundaries, i push limits until i find some.

we'd had a weird language dispute and i had said 'i'm willing but not ready' and i'd meant my bulge bein out and he'd thought i meant for nook things. and we ended up gettin in the biggest goddamn fight and now i think he's too damn antsy ta think on it no matter how much i tell him i really do want it. now i'm just... waitin for him ta realize it's fine.

we might wanna get an auspistice, but i can't think of who. and i DEFINITELY don't want it ta be valor. and i ain't fucked valor since the first big fight, even though we said we would since gam said he didn't mind. we got lots of overlappin interests, but honestly i get the feeling he'd fuck anyone with paint, and i got no shortage of lovers. plus his empathy makes me uneasy cuz i like bein private.

carnivalsorphans valor pisses me off honestly, he's just. fuck, he's annoyin. get the feelin he's tryinna lord over me and keep me all controlled every time we talk.

carnivalsorphans and any time i get upset anywhere he can see, he starts pryin real hard and bein all public bout it. wickedpainter communication is real important but usually I'm communicatin to vel not to bite my bulge off cause I like my bulge, so I aint got the kinda experiance you need to help with that shit

..tell Kankri you got a fuckin moirail publicly

carnivalsorphans hahahaha fuck yeah. fuck i don't know why i was so damn worried bout talkin at ya, i'm just. i love ya so much, brother, i'm sorry. wickedpainter love you too, an I appreciate that you apologized an accept it

carnivalsorphans OH. AND FUCKIN.... THAT NIGHT I WAS GODDAMN PANICKIN, VALOR TOLD ME HE LOVED ME AND TRIED TA GET ME TA SAY IT BACK AT HIM. and just. messiahs damn him, there was a bitta misunderstandin but he just really wanted ta feel all ~cared about~ and like he ~mattered to me~ and he chose the fuckin night i was panickin and had ta get picked up by you to get all expectant at me ta say it.

carnivalsorphans and like. i do care bout him. my alt banned him from his church, but he's still faithful enough ta see tragedy, and he painted up for the funeral and gave em a sacrifice and shit.

carnivalsorphans so he's just as much family as any other faithful. but god damn he pisses me off so damn much. wickedpainter :o/

the fuck is he doin professin love like that he aint even a quad?

carnivalsorphans i think he's just the ~lovin~ type. and for him, lovin means bein up my ass all the time. could find the log if ya wanna see it. wickedpainter later I think, I aint gonna go confront him

Motherfucker needs to learn not everyones got the same feelins he does

carnivalsorphans lilac's told me he ~likes~ me, but like.... he don't. it don't... it don't feel the same. he just. he's so damn affectionate, and it's... so much different from how She used ta be.

carnivalsorphans and i... i don't love him. not like i love you. but i'm fond of him, like i'm fond of vel, and i wanna... wanna make shit work. wickedpainter I dont got much to base pitch shit on but me an vel an I know we're not healthy, but I think you an him'll work it out

carnivalsorphans .... i don't know what 'healthy' is supposed ta be, really. just know what my pusher tells me. and my pusher tells me he's... not a challenge, not really, cept in the way that he'll call me out if i'm bein 'bad'. but he just. .... he's a makara. and i wanna look out for him. and i wanna see him get better, and come into the faith, and come into himself. and he's fuckin SABOTAGIN HIMSELF along the way, and fuck if that ain't annoyin. and i had ta tell him my name weren't ringleader. he's so damn absentminded, it pisses me off. ... but he's real sweet too. just... it's. different. and it's nice. wickedpainter Mm. I love vel. did you know that shit?

carnivalsorphans yeah, i figured ya did. he seems ta like sayin it when he's doin rude shit or gonna bite you. wickedpainter lovin an hatin can happen at the same time, an I hear a lot of motherfuckers think thats what pitch ought to be like

he gets ..real chipper when hes manic, an when hes manic hes stabby

carnivalsorphans i. feel uneasy sayin 'love' when it ain't.... i don't really feel THAT romantic for him. i don't feel romantic for just bout anyone. cept you. and.... her. wickedpainter he apologized to me last night, seemed to think it was him sayin stuff that caused the fight and not that stuff was done

carnivalsorphans he does that. wickedpainter I hadda bug off though cause I wanted to say shit I shouldnt

carnivalsorphans thinks everythin is on his shoulders

carnivalsorphans ... what sorta shit? wickedpainter he said he aint never seen you worry about anyone the way you were gettin worked up about me an I told him polite like I needed to go

I werent

good last night, all kinda destructive impulses

vel coaxed me out huntin so I could kill somethin

carnivalsorphans i was all fuckin worried on ya, didn't know how ta help and i knew ya weren't good. wickedpainter and I didn tell him its cause you dont feel as strongly for no one else

carnivalsorphans ... think it's probably sorta obvious. wickedpainter it aint somethin I should say to him though

carnivalsorphans ... i love you. love you more than i got words ta say in all the languages i've learned. wickedpainter is it showtime yet? I caint keep my hours straight

carnivalsorphans not even close. wickedpainter you where I can curl up on you or busy?

carnivalsorphans i can get where you can curl up on me. wickedpainter 'd like that fora while

carnivalsorphans i'd move mountains for ya, i can sure as fuck find a private place ta be cuddled at. wickedpainter <>

..magine we both had bad nights, I'm sorry for it

carnivalsorphans <> <> <> ... i just. chilled with lilac, like ya said. didn't get a bitta sleep, but it ain't like that's unusual. ... worried overmuch, perhaps. but that ain't too unusual neither. wickedpainter good on the stayin with him

didnt want you to be alone with me pissed

carnivalsorphans i've been alone plenty. i just... ... i missed ya. a lot. wickedpainter missed you too, my head aint always easy to deal with

carnivalsorphans you ain't never seemed so upset at me that we couldn't talk. and i was fearin the worst. specially since you weren't even that mad bout me not gettin on with tarrat.

carnivalsorphans ... lilac finally just now told me he don't want me ta do shit with his ex, and he thought it'd make me mad. gods he's an idiot. wickedpainter what'm I gonna do shove you against each other an force you to have tea partys?

lilac needs to fuckin learn boundaries are okay

carnivalsorphans dunno. that'd probably be pretty funny. wickedpainter ..and an ex who was actual shit an horrible aint the same as what I was mad about

picturin you in a lil dress now

carnivalsorphans ;o) i'd look great in it you gonna be picturin tarrat in it too? wickedpainter ..no cause he'd get upset with me if I pictured him inna dress

you know how many fuckers toldt him he needs to be more feminine or that he aint a boy?

carnivalsorphans ... it alright if i just. ask ya, if ya ever have sex with any of the people i'm quadded with in the future, ya just. don't tell me bout it? haha, i'd be glad if ya got laid, but. wickedpainter :o* yeah I'll make sure you dont hear nothin from me on it

carnivalsorphans it ain't like i think you're asexual or anythin. you're pretty as shit and i was thinkin bout seein what you was comfortable with before we went pale. just. wickedpainter you think I'm pretty?

carnivalsorphans yeah :o) goddamn gorgeous.

carnivalsorphans nothin about you that ain't beautiful. wickedpainter gonna make a motherfucker blush

lemme know when I can come over

carnivalsorphans now~ gonna kiss you all over wickedpainter :oD

carnivalsorphans and see that pretty blush for mine self wickedpainter >Get your butt over there to have make up cuddles.

carnivalsorphans and then i'm gonna pap it > CUDDLES!!! You pretend you're not being as clingy as you most definitely are, and you are almost instantly purring.