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jadedxrealityw · 4 years ago

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-Humming- Draco Malfoy x Female Reader

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Request: @the--queen-of-hell Draco x reader where they obviously have a huge crush on each other... and reader catches Draco humming a sweet tune to himself whenever he's trying to calm down (because maybe his mom did they when he was little)?? And later, Draco finds reader playing that same tune on the piano, and they kiss. Then draco asks her to play it again, and he kinda falls asleep on her shoulder?? Sth like that?? fluff overload? No pressure tho, totes understand if u dont wanna write it! xoxo

Kody: Super cute.

House: Slytherin

Possible Triggers/Warnings: cursing, panic attacks

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being wealthy did not mean comfort, not one bit. Being able to buy anything you want did not mean you had everything. Draco Malfoy did not have everything. It was hard to find comfort in Hogwarts when he are raised to keep up a tough exterior.

at the age of 13 is when he figured out was panic attacks are. It’s also when he started to have them quite often. A couple things triggered them: stress, anything involving his father, and keeping up appearances. He was lucky to have met his friends Blaise, Theodore, Pansy, and you.

each and everyone of you were like him. Purebloods, wealthy, and wanted so desperately to separate yourselves from your parents. Blaise and Theo just wanted to get married and move away to a small town. Pansy wanted to be a fashion designer and of course marry Ginny Weasley.

you wanted to be a pianist and travel the world playing your music. Oh yes, you might be wondering what Draco wanted most in the world. Well, as cheesy as it was. To be with you. Over the years of friendship between you two it was natural that romance would blossom.

the thing is the both of you have insane insecurities that would prevent you each time from confessing. You needed each other and wouldn’t risk losing what you had for everything. Even if it meant yearning for each other for the rest of your days. Love is blind or maybe you both were

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today Draco was on his own. Blaise and Theo had to retake an exam they missed all morning, Pansy was on a date with Ginny, and you offered to help Mcgonagall to prepare for morning classes like you did every so often. Draco didn’t like being left alone for long periods of time, but wouldn’t say anything.

as he stood in his room he heard a slight tap to left. He gently placed down the book he was reading and looked towards the direction the sound came from. He saw his owl at the window, letter attached to it’s foot. He pushes himself up from the bed and walks over.

he reaches for the window latch and pops it open before he pushes both sides. He reaches for the letter and gently unties it from its claw. “Thank you” he spoke softly and gently pet the owls head. His father would never let him name him because he didn’t want him to become attached to the creature.

he would think of a appropriate name another day for his feathery friend. He flips the letter over and sees a black wax stamp with the letter ‘M’ engraved in it. Speaking of his father. His expression instantly dropped as he used his finger to tear it open.

He picks out the letter and unfolds it recognizing his father’s handwriting. He began to read the contents of the letter. Same old same old, asking about his studies and such and pushing onto him about being a true Malfoy and whatever the hell that meant. He felt his chest tighten a bit, like the air was being sucked out of his lungs

damnit. Why couldn’t he just live his own life? Why did he have to push nice people away just because they weren’t a Slytherin or a pureblood? It was bullshit. Draco started to hyperventilate. Shit. Not now. Everything became hot. Why was the room so hot?

dropping the letter, Draco runs out of his dorm. He needed fresh air or he’d pass out. Running through the halls, he began to lose his sense of direction. He pushes open a random door and slides down the closet wall until he hits the floor. He was panting heavily and his hands were shaking.

he begins to hum a tune. A sweet tune his mother used to hum to him when he was younger and had nightmares. She always say “When you hum this it will calm you down and someone will come and find you. Sweet dreams Draco” he pulled his knees up to his chest and continued to hum the tune.

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after you finished helping professor Mcgonagall you began to walk back to the Slytherin house. It was always cold at Hogwarts so you put on layers. A black turtleneck sweater with a emerald green one on top and black and white plaid pants.

you walked past the music room where you went to play piano and heard a faint humming noise. Taking a few steps back you lean against the door to listen to it. It was definitely male, but you couldn’t tell who it exactly was. It was a lovely tune. It was sweet and upbeat, almost like a lullaby of some sorts.

after a minute or so the humming stopped. You push open the door to find Draco curled up against the wall. You rush over to him, dropping to your knees beside him “Draco?” you say reaching to grab his face. He looks up from the ground and at you “Y/n?” he asked, almost unsure if it was you.

you nod and wrap your arms around him “Sorry i wasn’t here” you spoke in a hushed tone. He lays his head on your shoulder, shaking his head “It’s fine. Your here now” he says. Both of you held each other until you could no longer that day.

someone did come to find him that day.

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you couldn’t stop thinking about the tune you heard. You were tossing and turning in your bed unable to sleep. Fuck it. You threw your blanket off your body and pushed yourself out of bed. You slip on some black boots real quick over your off white long socks. You had been wearing stockings and a oversized emerald green flannel.

you slowly creep towards you door, trying to not step on any lose floor panels that would creek and alarm anyone. You turn the handle of the door and step out into a dark hallway, looking to left. You step out and face forward so you could walk down the hall.

smack!

you come face first with a hard and warm surface “Ow!” you exclaim as you take a step back. You look up to see the one and only Slytherin prince, hair a mess and a confused expression “Y/n? What in the hell are you doing up so late?” he asked.

you stumble over your words for a moment “Just wanted to sneak some snacks from the great hall. Cover for me if Snape comes. Okay bye” you push past him and rush down the hall. Draco stood dumbfounded trying to decipher what you just said.

so he followed you of course. What friend wouldn’t?

☼-🐍-☼

as you walk down the hall, you neared the music room. Your fingers itched to press down on the familiar keys. You push open the door and step into the almost empty room, a smile gracing your face. You walked towards the piano and take a seat on the bench.

you roll up your sleeves to your elbows and straighten your back. The tune flew through your head and to your fingertips. You played the song exactly the way you heard it. You had never heard Draco hum this before and you wondered where he had heard it from.

you gently swayed your head as you played the tune. Closing your eyes you smiled brightly. Soon enough you felt a presence next you, causing you to stop playing. You open your eyes and see Draco sitting next to you. Oh shit. You were caught “You heard me this morning, didn’t you?” he asked.

you slowly take your hands off the keys, nodding. You look down in shame expecting him to be angry for eavesdropping on his private moment. You felt one hand grab your chin and turn it upwards and to the left to face Draco. He leans in a captures your lips in a sweet kiss.

you subconsciously pushed his chest away, breaking you two apart. Draco looks down at you, your faces inches apart. He looks mortified, scared of what your next actions would be “I’m so sorry-” but you smashed your lips onto him instead.

he kissed back instantly, one hand squeezing your side while the other laid on the nape of your neck. Your kiss was sloppy and fueled by by every unspoken confession that was never said over the years. Oxygen is needed for humans to live apparently so you both pull away panting for air.

“My mother is right” he spoke, making you laugh in confusion. “What?” you question. “My mother told me that whenever you play the tune someone will come and find you. It worked for me and it worked for you” you smile lightly and you both kiss again for a short moment.

after your sweet exchange Draco asked you to play the tune again and you did for him. After a couple minutes he laid his head on your shoulder and fell asleep listening to you play. You didn’t want to move him so you wrapped an arm around him and smiles “Sweet dreams Draco”

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Kody: Short and sweet. Remember you can be asked to join to taglist. Anyways, peace.

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Taglist: @sonbelleame @moonpi3 @dracosathenaeum

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ts-2020-olympics · 5 years ago

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EPISODE 3 - “Am I Old?” - Sarah

So far Shosha and Yujo haven’t lost any challenges, if we keep winning until the swap i fear that the other tribes will target our people because we’re all still intact. Maybe it would be a good thing to maybe lose one? I dunno

ちくしょう 😉

FUCK the hosts for this how many hours can you put in challenge this early in the game, i'm literally fucking pissed, FUMIN love! i knew we were gonna lose from early on but i still put in the time and hours to distract myself from this bitch ass boy who curved me yesterday night, whatever. i'm just so exhausted like of the constant losing, the tribal council, ugh. i haven't been on a losing tribe like this in SO long. and i'm so.. over it. i can't stand losing and i can't stand that emma is immune right now because deciding who to vote off is going to be impossible and people are going to be coming for me so i'm like, probably most definitely gone or whatever. and that means i'm going to have to do the arena challenge and NOT have a day off which... ugh....... dont get me wrong i know that ORGs are time commitments but usually i win the premerge challenges so THIS IS NEW OKAy kdhfnsdkfndkfndf. i'm just annoyed and i'm so over my tribe... and i didn't find any advantages at the olympic village i finally remembered to search in. anyway i dont even wanna THINK about tribal rn so this is just me saying fuck this challenge and ughhh i'm so TIRED just so fatigued of everything, i'll like come back tmrw and strategize or something. *throws a rock at the cameraman* fuck this shit i'm out, give me the osake RIGHT! GOD DAMN! NOW! (alcohol for all you non duolingo-ers)

i'm kinda happy that bailey was evacuated from the game, she would have been voted out regardless and this gives our tribe better odds at survival. even if we had gone to tribal i would've been comfortable, but now i feel like it's better than i try to prove my value as a player by competing in the arena! kinda excited.

tribal three times in a row check! 😍✨💋 LMAO no one is wanting to actually talk to me about it so i’m hoping that i can still sway the votes in my favor but we’ll see! i think landen would defiantly do his best to help keep me from going, but it’s all a matter of who would we send instead. so! we’ll see! at least i can say i did my best

So, for starters, the past round went pretty much as expected. Kathy was the vote off from my tribe, and she lost at the arena, as well, past round I found nothing yet again at the village. Now, right now in terms of this round, my tribe didn't win immunity, but Bailey ended up getting medically evacuated due to getting three inactivity strikes, so the tribal got cancelled for my tribe, and Beck ended up volunteering to do the arena. So basically, just awaiting to search Olympic Village again, and hoping to goodness there is a tribe swap next round, since right now my tribe is just my alliance with Ben and Beck, which will make things rough come another loss with no swap.

yep worst case scenario happened. My tribe lost with me sitting out and Will, my one main ally, not showing up to the challenge at all!! I was hoping it could be an easy vote so i didn’t have to vote and I could get the advantage but now it seems like my tribe is ready to boot Will and if I want that advantage I need two of those other three to vote against each other! God this is gonna be hard...

I’m in a tough predicament here. I could either A. play it safe, agree with everyone to vote will or B. try to save my ally and my advantage at the same time by getting Sarah and Eve to vote out Nik, risking my whole game. Godddd I don’t know!! aaaagh!

it's 10am, tribal is in 10 hours, and i've had about 10 separate heart attacks throughout the morning. i don't know what to do tonight. i'm really struggling to figure out what's right. my heart says jacob, that's definitely where i'm leaning. juls is my closest ally at this point, and after the whole debacle with Billy, voting him out, then instantly starting to bond with him and all that, and apologizing, and him sticking by me even after I voted him out first, I would feel terrible voting for him again and I want us to prove to eachother we can trust eachother. but the fact he said juls' name.. if that's who he's going to go for, i simply can't prove to him i will vote with him. i'm tight with juls, she saved me even over emma, and i just really feel a bond with her. we're both the youngest in this cast, we both have lots in common, it really do feel like we're the same person at times. at the same time, my head tells me jacob is good in challenges, and will be ok in arena, but that i really don't need a 3rd person upset at me for going to the arena, and if Emma is still coming after me, she could probably use me coming for Jacob to her advantage, but I don't even know where she's voting or what she's thinking. i'm torn about this vote, and it's all the more annoying that if emma just hadn't fucked up at the last challenge, we wouldn't be here without someone to vote right now. we'd all be able to agree on emma or jacob probably, and it would just... it would still suck complete ass, but it wouldn't be as complicated as it is now. with a tribe as tiny as 5 people, going to tribal THREE times, with all the same 5 people.. it's just not something we can afford. our tribe is being torn apart and... whew, i just need the swap. give it to me rn. as of now, i'm thinking i'm going to vote jacob, and i hope i can get billy on board for that and take his mind off juls. that's where my head is at right now... tribal is making me sick to my stomach

What the f does I stan you even mean? Am I old? And I no longer hip and down with the lingo? Bogus, man...

Our first tribal is tonight... I hate to say it, but I'm voting for Will. Nobody has heard from him in days, or for the last challenge, and tonight will be a second strike if he doesn't come back for tribal. WILL I'M SORRY. I definitely would not have voted him otherwise, he did great on the other challenges and is a great personality to have around. Come back for the next season Will..

I am the swing vote again lol Juls got blamed for messing up last vote by Emma and Billy, which considering Juls is beloved by everyone, PERFECT But now since we lost I need to pick a side, Landen and Juls or Emma and Billy. I like Emma, Billy sketches me out. Landen is the perfect meat shield for eternity. He's a bit of a blabbermouth. I watched the tapes of the live tribal, he sold me out unknowingly in front of Billy. How am I supposed to both sides these people now!? I could get sold onto a Landen vote, but that's not being sold, so WELL, who do I screw over. I feel so bad voting out Juls, but that's a reason to vote her out too, gah. GAH. Do I pick a side and lowkey goat, or do I make my control of the tribe forefront (but not evident because everyone hates each other) Time will tell. 1 Hour until tribal, and I have no idea what to do. inb4 voted out

why the FUCK does emma have immunity? she's literally so useless and does nothing in challenges... and the fact she already turned on juls, this quick, over practically nothing? im sick to my stomach, love. i know i said that already, but you know what? I must have the flu, because my nausea is neverending with this tribe and our constant spins at tribal council. as emma once said, we're basically taking turns sending people to the hellish arena. but the twist is so complex because you can't send someone you like there, because there IS always the very real chance that they lose the challenge. going there could be a good risk if you're smart with it, but it could be a risk that puts your entire game in jeopardy and i'm a KNOWN safe player when it comes to game mechanics ^_^ the only risks i take are in emotional labor! speaking of, myself and juls have both been working very hard to keep her safe from billy and emma's focused target on her, but i don't see it happening.. Billy and em seem to be tight now and it seems like they've convinced jacob to take out juls. The really horrible thing about all this, is that if i want to save juls.... i'm likely going to have to vote billy. and that is going to be aching, because i really like the guy, and i was being 100% honest and genuine with him saying i wanted to be on his side, to prove to him i have his trust and that i will be loyal to him and want to work with him til the endgame and be his ally. but if he's going to go against juls and i have to choose between the two of them..... i mean, i can't choose billy. it would be bad. so there's 30 minutes left and i don't have a clear idea of what's happening yet and any choice i make will permanently damage a tight connection that I thought I had heading into the later game. I guess in good news, Sammy, Caeleb, and a new friend, Jordan, ALL messaged me saying good luck at tribal, and talking to me a bit about it, saying they hope I'm safe. Forming those cross tribal bonds could be crucial in surviving the next stage of the game, which, god please, is happening VERY soon... *i bind myself to the cross* Give me strength to get through this, Japan. Onegaishimasu.

So far the game is makin me p sad, I’m super tired of going to tribal and having to send people to arena. And that Japanese challenge was so damn frustrating

so tribal last night.... i mean, uh, i guess my power, huh? lmao........... MESS!!! IM A MESS MY GAME IS A MESS THIS WHOLE DAMN THING IS A MESS. Someone get me a MOP rn because Sonkei-Matsing tribe is STRUGGLING and it's all EMMA'S FAULT!!!!! On the other hand, I'm very grateful Emma is an idiot, because Billy got to be safe!!! So let me explain what happened in that bonkers tribal council, from MY perspective... When I heard that my closest ally Juls had her name coming up, i was like, oh HELL. NO. So I put in the WORK to get Jacob and Billy to vote for eachother. Don't get me wrong, Juls worked hella hard on this too, she is a bad ass bitch and she deserves credit. But I do believe I was a major factor in swaying their votes as well as I'd built pretty close relationships with each of them in terms of strategy. But with Billy, that relationship wasn't a tight trusting one, more of a, please, I like you a lot, let me prove to you that I can be trusted and we can work together. Let us prove that to eachother. But here's how it happened. Even though Jacob and Billy DID vote for eachother... NEITHER OF THEM TOLD ME THEY WERE VOTING FOR EACH-OTHER. BILLY LED ME TO BELIEVE HE WAS VOTING JULS THE WHOLEEEEE TIME. And initially, I was fine with it, and i was STILL going to vote Jacob off with Juls!! Thinking there was nothing I could do and she would go 3-2. But then, 5 minutes into tribal, you'll see me furiously typing... Because Jacob FINALLY told me he was going to vote for Billy (and that's on Whispering!!! #LiveTribal!!) So from my perspective.... Billy and Emma are voting Juls. Juls is voting Jacob. Jacob is voting Billy. It's 2-1-1... and if I vote for Jacob, then Jacob and Juls can't vote, and Billy and Emma have the majority to send Juls out, saving Jacob on the revote. BUT if I vote for Billy, then Billy and Juls can't vote, and now me and Jacob have the majority over Emma. That was the thought process behind my initial vote for Billy. LITTLE DID I KNOW BILLY ACTUALLY WAS VOTING WITH ME AND NOW I FEEL HORRIBLE FOR VOTING FOR HIM AND I JUST WANT TO MAKE IT UP TO HIM BUT HE DIDN'T TEXT ME WHEN HE GOT OFF AND UGH, I NEED TO MAKE THIS RIGHT!!!! Emotional labor is the most annoying thing, and I'm really bad it. I'm terrible at apologizing and owning up to things, maybe that's why I just let my friendships fall apart in real life instead of doing the actual work to save them once a problem happens. because emotional labor is fucking annoying, exhausting, and stressful! I don't got time for it! But now, I need to have time for it, because our tribes are FIVE PEOPLE strong, and at the next tribal council, if I don't get my relationship with Billy in check, I WILL be gone. It is his vote that I need to help make sure Emma's psycho ass goes home, and if he, Jacob, and Emma all think they're on the bottom... Yikes. I hope Billy understands that I was absolutely disgusted it came down to him or Juls and I thought I was doing everything I could to save an ally.. I even swayed Juls to help save him with me, when she felt uncomfortable with him. He totally screwed up by like... not telling me he was voting with me, he said in tribal people just need to be real with where they're voting, and I agree! I wish he had just followed his own advice with me, because he would still be here right now. But his screw up does not at all compare to Emma... what the FUCK was she thinking, self-voting like that...? Like, HELLO? She throws out Juls' name all round, for I don't even know WHAT reason, since they were supposedly close, but it's implied she throws out Juls' name for getting 4 crowns on the challenge... Um, YOU STUPID BITCH YOU LITERALLY ONLY GOT ONE MORE CROWN THAN HER AND BEFORE THAT DID NOTHING ON THE SLIDE PUZZLE CHALLENGE OR THE TRIBE CHANT, DESPITE US KNOWING YOU CAN PUT IN THE TIME WHEN YOUR LIFE DEPENDS ON IT IN THE ARENA :) Headass.... Then, after doing that all round, she SELF-VOTES??? WITH IMMUNITY AROUND HER NECK??? Girl you MUST be crazy, cus this is psychotic. Headass, deadass, she is gone the next time we lose tribal, which, lbr, is probably next time because we're LIT RALLY matsing. at least caeleb thinks i'm denise though. i feel like i have the same amount of wrinkles as her, after the stress of this game like 3 rounds in. imagine how tired i am.

Round 3's over! That's fun, innit? Glad we got rid of some dead weight in Bailey. As for friendships and alliances, I'm still slightly on edge about Darcy - I trust Beck over him. Got acquainted with Karen - they seem nice, but I'll keep an eye on them, too. Other than that, Nicole and Tommy are the people I'm mainly corresponding with. Seems like fun! :) Here's to a fun Round 4!

Okay so we won this round which is fun! Tommy went to the arena which gives me, Karen and Kevin a good chance to bond because Stoner just isn’t paying attention ever. I wonder if he has even made a confessional. Anyway, I’m going to be real annoyed if we lose and he whips out an idol. Also going to be mad if after this round there’s a swap and I’m swapfucked. I don’t think it really COULD happen to me though, because I’ve talked to at least one newbie on each of the tribes. Unless I’m stuck with Nik, Emma and Billy who have no interest in speaking to me, I think I’ll be fine. Speaking of newbies, I find myself talking to Ben a lot but I’m under the impression he talks to a lot of people. He reminds me of a lot of friendly pure men in this community like Joey, just very social and very nice! The only thing is sometimes he will say something in a conversation and I don’t necessarily know where to go with it. For example right now he’s having a full conversation with me in the village chat about pizza. I don’t know what to do with this and rather not be so vocal in the village chat. While the other newbies are increasingly hard to talk to, and sitting around all day waiting for the arena stuff is boring, Ben is a very nice person to talk to but I just wish we would talk like...about the game not what I’m eating. When it comes down to it I want to know I have an ally or two to bring to the end that might offset my immediate threat of being a winner, but not give them so much power that they win over jury votes. He seems to be showing his social side and not giving me any game info at the same time, which I have to look out for. All of the other newbies I’ve spoken to have talked game. He’s either playing a really good game by doing this or a really transparent one, I can’t tell yet. We will have to see!

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Last night proved something that I’ve been wondering about Landen for a while. He truly is a snake. I unintentionally made a really good move in keeping it mysterious on who I was voting. In order to make the vote go his way and to keep Juls, he instead changed the vote to ME and got Jacob to do the same. Sneaky mother fucker 😋 thank god Juls stayed the same though. I know for an absolute fact now that I won’t be able to trust him. As for Jacob, I do hope he comes back, because now that I know where the tribe stands I know I can get him on my side.

I don't know if I ever had such a frustrating round for challenges first duolingo and now the arena I was in the lead in front of everyone until the last clue and I lost it all I didn't get a medal. I'm so pissed, you really don't wanna @ me anytime soon because I'm at the point where I wanna go off on someone.

Love the tribe, so happy we 5-0d the last tribal!! it was a cute moment!! hehe, we seem to be very together as a unit

So Will’s gone, well he’s at the arena but i think he died so he’s probably out for good. Now that he’s out that leaves me on the bottom of my tribe as the next to go, my only hope is getting as close to sarah as I can and crossing my fingers for a swap! Due to that triple tribal I think it’s going to happen next... hopefully!

Ughh i keep forgetting to make confessionals until right before the round ends so im always like oh shit and then dont really know what im gonna talk about so its not good. hows things in the life of jordan pines? great thanks for asking, while i still feel on the bottom of my tirbe i definitly see a swap coming soon which i think depending on how it goes would be pretty good for me. Id ideally like to stay with most of the people ive been with plus new ones, becuse i think im seen as like an expendable numebr to caeleb and Jacob. I want them to keep thinking of me like this while I go out and start forming stronger relationships, keep bringing in those jordan pines minions, i got my sights set on billy right now, i like him but he makes me look as humble as they come and ive i could definitly turn him into a goat for me with the right coaxing. Im hoping will survives the arena cause hes for sure a number for me, but hes also a lil innactive so maybe he peaced. Im starting to build relationships with Landen who I like. I havent even looked at the all winners tribe holy shit. Karen and Stoner are gonna be my biggest obstacles as they dont necesarily love me. Im gonna try to work with Nicole for a bit if i can tbh. Thats really all im feeling right now. I think best cast scenario is people use me as a number and carry me just a little too far that I can turn shit around and fuck em over. It's definitely gonna be an uphill climb to the finish line, but the only way to do it is go step by step.

I feel like I am in a great position on my tribe! I trust Sarah and Eve a lot. Pete says he has my back so we can only hope that in the case of another tribal council, I will be safe! I’m still going to work my ass off and play my ass off to stay safe and not have to go to another tribal! This game is long and hard and I’m trying to see big picture. And within that big picture is a flashing sign that’s telling me there’s a tribe swap soon! Hopefully I’ll be able to work some magic and avoid being on a tribe with individuals that don’t like me. But overall I’m feeling pretty good after the last tribal!

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#zestypowerfuluniqueflavorfulhealthy #confessionals

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survivor-all-stars-blog · 8 years ago

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EP 5: “I’m Not a Psycopath” - Jake

looking at what everyone says, about this being an all star season and strategy being so intense, but??? its not intense for me... is it just bc i havent been to tribal? like i hope im not playing too slow bc i dont wanna go

so it turns out i'm the swing vote. that's what it seems like anyway.

but before we get into that, let's get into why i'm at tribal council.

i've been super tired and aware of this freaking big gigantic group of people who all kinda knew each other before the game started!! it was especially tiring when the challenge was to have them decide who won immunity basically and have the people who were fucked not do anything to try to stop it. honestly i don't blame them because we were literally fucked but i was still pissed!

at first i was afraid of being voted off by matt and the stevens, but it turns out that i'm the ~swing vote!~ i'm not sure if i can believe it, but it seems that it's abbey and steffen vs matt and steven?? matt and steven made an alliance with me, and at first they were totally obvious about wanting abbey to go over steffen but steffen told steven he wanted to vote matt off i guess and it made them more open towards doing it? so i took the opportunity and drove votes towards him because i know steffen is a player who would backstab to stay in the game, and i respect that! but do i want that in the game, on the same tribe as me? not really. plus it'd make it easier for steffen to go on his other tribe and jake wants him gone.

i had to lie to abbey and steffen about my vote, but that's the game i guess. i feel bad but if this ends up backfiring against me, i'm fine with it! abbey and steffen are LEGENDS if that's the case. matt and steven can choke xoxo

super tired and have had enough. wish my ass luck

THE MOST AMAZING TRIBE I EVER DID SEE I LOVE THE ALPHABET!

ALRIGHT SO i tried to vote matt out bc like he knows everyone and he scares me. so i like got the idea rolling with steffen and steven bc like ? i thot i could vaguely trust steven but i guess not. anyway matt told me he knew and i knew he knew bc he told lydia and lydia told me. anyway so he was like its fine if u vote for me so i was like lmao ok. anyway he got the vote on steffen so i look like a dumbass but what else is new. and i got swapped and im still with matt so ugly. im with jack still which is cool, but i lost pat which is not cool. im with jakey and gage who ive heard good things about so thats cool. NOT WITH LYDIA STILL WHICH IS UGLY.

I just realized that the location for this season is Space & Time/Digital World, yet our tribe names are based on bodies of water and mountains that are on Earth. This is some Earth favoritism, I tell you what.

A SWAP FINALLY HAPPENED. So, I'm now on a tribe with Steffen, Steven, Wes and Pat. How do I feel about being the only girl on this tribe? I'm not sure. Like, I'm definitely glad I have Steffen. I played in IHOS4 and he's just always SO nice, I absolutely adore him, we talked a lot before the swap. I'm just nervous about his whole having one life thing. Like, I'm sure my tribe is going to want to get him out but I want to keep him safe for as long as I possibly can. Then we have Steven who I've been talking to and who I was on a tribe with prior and I like him a lot. I know that Steven and Steffen both have my back, or I hope they do. I think they are at odds, which is definitely a good thing for me, but if they can come together for a vote or two we might be able to get out Wes or Pat. They kind of scare me, like A LOT.

On my other tribe I'm in a bit of a pickle and I'm trying to be as careful as possible, I just hope we win win win. I'm on a tribe with MJ, Kait, Carson and JC, I think. Anyway, today I made the alliance chat with MJ and Kait so I feel solid there, but Kait insisted I make the alliance which I kind of hate. I learned from Alex last season to always let someone else do the dirty work of creating the alliance chat, but I did this one so we'll just see.

Carson is also on our tribe and I absolutely LOVE her. She's who I'm most loyal to right now and I definitely don't want her to know I'm aligned with both MJ and Kait, it would mess my entire game up.

I'm super nervous about winning immunity tomorrow, I want to keep up not having to go to tribal council!

Welcome back to my rants about the game, even though now it seems like it's turning into All Stars: Soap Opera version, that's probably seen on E channel or something. I say that because thing whole playing with friends thing? It's too complicated and it's like there is no right move or right time to make it.

I don't even know where to start. I was on a call with Kait and MJ and found out that Kait told MJ about Jake's advantage. I underestimated how close they were, and I wasn't expecting her to spread this information when we all know how well connected MJ is. This puts me in a poor position, because now MJ knows that I kept it from him. It's hypocritical for me to be upset about this though, because I told Jimmy about it. Although Jimmy isn't as connected as MJ is, and I trust him to to tell others.

With the immunity challenge what it was, there was an increase in strategy talks as people tried to keep themselves safe, and for the most part I think people wanted to save the 3 person tribes. In Game A, Kait told me that Steven had started talking to Matt write away to bring together the 2 small tribes to work with Bering. It became obvious quickly that Caspian was the target, which worries me for Jake and Owen, but I know I can't trust them. Jessy was in a mood about Caspian losing, but couldn't do much about it without shooting Hudson in the foot. While sorting out a list for Bering, I talked to Steven in private about targeting Caspian because they've been to Adventureland a lot, so that Steven was able to bring it up in the tribe chat and I could sort of sneak by without looking like I was actively targeting a tribe that some of my friends were on. For someone with a guilty conscience, I sure suck at showing it sometimes. Steffen used a golden apple, which is complete bullshit, because he was going to get booted entirely (or so was the plan according to Jake) and now he gets off and gets to return with two votes. Meanwhile I go to Adventureland once and pass out after 2 seconds.

In Game B, it was more of a clusterfuck. Owen didn't want to repay Kait and Pat for saving us, and Logan thought of targeting the other 3 person tribe to try and get Ricardo to go to both tribals and out of the game. Meanwhile Owen wanted to send Denali to tribal, in an attempt to get Lydia completely out. I was going to relent and hope for the best with Jimmy going to tribal, but Logan came in and was very direct in the tribe chat that they wanted to put Jannu last. I didn't want to push it too much to limit any trouble I could potentially be in if news travelled back to Steffen, but Matt pretty much okay'ed it to Kait that we could send them without consequence. Steven messaged me and asked if I could help keep Jannu safe, and I had to skirt around that a little bit, but I talked with him today and I think I'm okay there.

I feel like I have a couple of smaller alliances, and by small I mean duos, as I'd like to think that I'm working with Kait, MJ, Owen, Logan, Carson, Steven, Jimmy, Pat and to some extent Lydia. Logan, Carson and Pat have all sent me what happened to them at Adventureland, like full on receipts. I don't know why Kait didn't, but I'm trying not to overthink it. Although at this point, I only trust Jimmy, with slight trust in Pat, Carson and Steven. Ricardo left in Game A tonight, and Jake said he was yelling at him in private. Yikes. Didn't think he'd take it that hard. Matt got some votes, but Steffen left in Game B. I think Abbey voted with him, so that's interesting. I knew they were close, but why risk it? Afterwards, we swapped, and at first I was super excited because I thought it had worked out for me. My first tribe is me, Kait and Jimmy, which is nice because it's an instant majority, but we also got JC and Jessy on the tribe. This is a massive, and I mean an EXTRAORDINARILY MASSIVE problem for me. With an endurance challenge this weekend, a weekend where Jimmy, Kait and I are all very busy, it's a very real possibility that we lose. If we lose, Kait will 100% want Jessy gone. They do not talk, and she loves JC. Don't get me wrong, I love JC as well, but I don't want to lose Jessy this early. If I get rid of Jessy, I lose her and Jake as allies, way too early in the game as far as I'm concerned. Ideally I'd want to tell JC and Kait that I would vote with Jessy as a facade, because we'd know that Jimmy would vote with them, but we can't expose ourselves to JC like that and Kait would never let me get away with keeping myself in good standing with Jake while she wouldn't be. I'm in a mood tonight, but I fucking hate how much power this game has to destroy relationships. I think I'm okay for the swap on Game B, as I stayed with Logan and Owen as a core, and brought over Steven and Gage. Gage is the only one I haven't spoken lots too, and Jimmy and Kait have both asked me to keep him safe although I'm not sure if I can. Sidenote: Maybe I can because I'm pissed as fuck at Owen right now. My goal tonight is to create the start of a relationship with Gage so I can cover all my bases.

As for why I'm pissed at Owen, keep reading. I get a cryptic message from Ricardo, saying basically, "hey, are you around?". I was, and he proceeded to send me a picture of his conversation with Owen. See below:

He said basically that he didn't care what really happened, but he just wanted to let me know. Now, I'm pissed because Owen is clearly throwing me under the bus here, blaming the Caspian loss on me (as well as MJ and Kait) while also exposing an alliance that I thought was somewhat under wraps. What makes me even more pissed, is that I told Kait and MJ that this had happened, and MJ said he got it too. I'm under the assumption that MJ and Owen aren't that close, so I doubt that he would've told him, but I would not be surprised if Kait told Owen, just to soften the blow of the loss. I literally went back and went through all my conversations I had yesterday, to make sure that I didn't accidentally expose who I was talking to (because I was getting suspicious that Logan might've told Owen since they've gotten close and now are on both tribes together) but I didn't. Something it just going on, something really shady, and I've just come to the realization that everyone is here for themselves and for the win and I better watch my back if I get in their way.

I found out last night on my call with Jake that I was drafted the most out of everyone, which has me a) shaken, b) guilty with letting people down and dealing with pressure and finally c) worried that I'll be targeted for that since Jake brought it up for that first before we knew it was me.

(To accompany the last confessional) Heavy is the head that wears the crown, I guess.

**DISCLAIMER I have had a few wobbly pops **

Okay so the vote for going to tribal... look, it sucked. It meant Matt and Lydia went to tribal, and Steffen was doubly vulnerable. But pushing for an individual is a bad move this early, as Jessy nearly found out.

Anyway, Ricardo (cool) and Steffen (unacceptable) were voted out. I'm glad Steffen used his apple, which he let me know ahead of time was coming into play, because it made it easier to adapt and also really reassured me on him.

Anyway, the swaps have left me of a few minds... mostly positive. Here's where I stand with my new tribemates:

HUDSON: Pat: Greatest person ever. Ruthie: Super lovely. Kind every time we've spoken. But — and here's the problem — that hasn't been much. Steffen: Bae <3 Not voting him out any time soon. Steven: Super friendly dude and one of the people I've been clicking with in the early game. Like him. Want to work with him. Wes: Um have you been paying attention? My dude. Love him.

THOTSE: Jack: Also my dude. Jack is an incredible ally and a better human being. Jessy: Who? Sorry. We haven't talked. Lydia: My dudette. Lydia's one of my favourite people and she gets infinitely more hate than she deserves. Pat: Total all-star. Wes: Um have you been paying attention? My dude. Love him.

So if either tribe goes to tribal, I hope the vote lands on the person I'm not confident with. Anything else would suck.

I would say more but I got nothing more to say.

I TYPED THIS AND THEN NEVER SENT IT BUT IT BELONGS IN LAST EPISODE I'M CREYING

soooo I'm a little bit pissed about the immunity?? of course kait and her army of minions get together and decide which tribes will be losing and it's infuriating because like... Not only did they decide my tribe would go to tribal and then worm kait's way into an adventure on game b, but like how fucking blind is everyone????? I doubt that other people don't notice what happened. It's just a matter of getting them all together. If Kait and MJ and Jenn can cast their spell on people like Logan and Jack, then I'll just have to build an army of my own.

Jake and Lydia were piiiiissssed about what happened so I know I could get them on my side, and whoever they bring with them, like hopefully Abbey and Jessy. I think Steffen would side with us if he lasts that long. But with tribes this small, it doesn't take a whole lot to target specific people, or to keep them safe, so we'll just have to see.

What sucks is like... I really like Kait and I really want to be friends with her and I AM friends with her and I was looking forward to working with her but I just... Don't feel like I'm cool enough. People are saying she only plays with and sticks with her friends because otherwise it gets too messy and like.... I'm not good enough huh! Soooo I don't know.

Tonight, it's pretty clear Ricardo has to go, but I know he's loyal to me and I know he'll still be in the game and I don't know what to do about it or how to tell him.

I tried everything in my power to change the outcome of this immunity, and in the end, nothing even mattered kajsfdhsdj I'm way too cute to go down like this huh

Soooo I lowkey feel bad because I told Steffen to use his apple in game a instead of game b, even though he wouldn't have been voted out. I said like "we need that extra vote in a swap" or whatever, but in reality, I just wanted him to use it so that I could convince Jake to vote for Ricardo instead omg. So my convenience came at the expense of one of Steffen's lives, and he was super upset about it, and I feel kind of responsible... But also he had seemed confident about his other tribe when he clearly shuoldn't have!!!

Ricardo was PIIIISSSSSED I tried to tell him that it was because he had been spreading shit to lydia and jake which of course was total bs but I didn't want him to hate me and he still does so that's fine. But luckily this swap worked out the way it did :') and I'm not with him. JAKE IS THO AND THAT SUCKS ASS FASJHKSJDFHKJ

But somehow jenn logan and I are still on the same tribe, and then gage is on that tribe too, and lydia logan and I are on the other :') Idk if I can trust Logan... I really truly don't, because he told Lydia that I was coming after her LMAO even tho I was just pretending to as an excuse to see if I could change the challenge outcome. But regardless, he's on both of my tribes, and since i know he's looking out for Lydia, I made an alliance with the three of us.

The other excellent thing about the swap is that we literally have MJ right in a position where we can cut his throat :') which is good. He needs to gooo

But I'm also very worried about the adventure... Because a whoooole bunch of people went, and this is the first time people went that didn't tell me what they found or where they went to. That Volcano still has a shitload of secrets and I'm afraid they've taken all of my goodies :'( but we'll see

I have to go on the adventure this time, so my ass better win first place!

Playing Tumblr Survivor highlights a lot of things I dislike about myself, including being bad at connecting with people and feeling inadequate at things. I'm probably just projecting negative feelings onto the game but boy howdy does it suck.

I am failing SO hard at this challenge. Who knew I was so slow when it came to replying to things like this? My tribe on game A and on game B are both currently losing and if this is kept up I know I'm going to be the one gone which completely SUCKS. I'm not ready to be gone yet. There hasn't been a new task in 5 hours, so if another is posted soon and I work really hard we still have a chance! I'm just so SLJLSDJF, iits so frustrating. I've been around to work on the challenge but I'm just SO slow compared to everyone else when it comes to replying, how are they doing so well?

Okay, I literally just started talking to Wes but I really like him, I'm getting such good vibes! I love Jannu, MJ, Kait, Carson and JC are awesome but I'm gelling so well with everyone on Hudson. We are sucking at this challenge but they are my favorite tribe yet, crazily enough. Like, they aren't fake, everything just seems so real with them.

Have I talked about how much I love Wes yet? [1/15/17, 9:39:44 AM] Ruthie: SAME. I’m thinking I’m so screwed because both of my tribes are losing RIP. [1/15/17, 9:41:12 AM] Wes: I don't subscribe to the dual boot coordinating [1/15/17, 9:41:44 AM] Wes: Smells like an alliance I'm not a part of [1/15/17, 9:41:48 AM] Wes: Lmao [1/15/17, 9:41:51 AM] Ruthie: Ooooooh thank god. I'M NOT DEAD YET!

someone let me know why steffen gave the points to the two tribes who were about to beat mine and now are?????? thanks steffen is fucking CANCELLED

And also, everyone else is cancelled too cause apparently jenn jake mj and kait were on call last night for who knows how many hours i wouldn't be surprised if they're still on the fucking call where's my invite lemme know friends!!!!!!!!!!!1 FUCK

SO im headed off to my first tribal and im not happy about it at all

i really have no idea what will happen but i gotta get to work

also, last night throughout the challenge me and jessy talked so much and i literally love her shes great.

me and jessy talked a lot of strategy and shes as worried about kait's 'clique' as I am, and she thinks shes screwed in game a, which... looking at her tribe? 3 malaysia people? yeah.

me and ruthie gotta try to survive on game b and then ill go from there! lets see if i can survive at least ONE tribal

Hey so I haven't been doing too many confessionals but I think that's just because not much has been going on for me? I've just been laying low UTR, trying to not make big waves this early in the game. I think my best connections would be with Steffen, Kait, Mj, jenn and Ricardo? Idk.

But now I'm soooo worried, because here I am going to tribal in both games, which has a track record of not ending well in the slightest. I have my alliance with Kait and Jenn in NuBering which will hopefully keep me safe there? Though I'd have to vote out jess on that tribe because Jimmy has that immunity. Which sucks ass because I'd say Jessy is our best challenge player? Idk!!

In the other game I have Kait in NuJannu, but I also have Mj, Ruthie and Carson who have all been nice to me...so it's like who could I get the vote to be and how bad will I feel to vote them? I feel like Mj wants Jenn out which is yikes bc I'd rather like..idk Carson maybe? Idk where I stand with Carson bc he's nice but we haven't had deep convos, then again I'd say I haven't with Ruthie either? Ugh!!!

I need to be sure that I'm going to be safe going to tribal tomorrow, at least in one game. But not only that I need to be sure my damage control is fine if I successfully vote someone out seeing as they'll still be alive in another game! Gtg!!

If I get voted out of one game and survive another beat know that some weaves are getting snatched though ;) BEST. BELIEVE.

WAIT, also did I tell y'all how Simon had me the idol clue? Bc he did and I was living for it. Idk if he told all of oldTHOTse but either way I have an idol clue if I do survive this round and get to finally go on the fuckin adventure. I WANNA GO ON AN ADVENTURE TIME LIKE JAKE THE DOG AND FINN THE HUMAN U FEEL ME.

having a busy day moving into college and stuff, so gotta make a typed confessional! we swapped into the most horrific tribes i've ever witnessed JKKFJL im like fucked on both of them it's horrible. luckily i have the golden record if i end up losing on,.... both of them.... but like... my main priority is winning these challenges holy fuck. i cant afford to lose them......

so in the immunity challenge i took a thing that doesnt allow me to vote at the next tribal and like... IM SO FUCKING STUPID???? WHY DID I DO THAT........ my mind somtimes.... it amazes me.... BUT GOD I SIGNED MY OWN DEATH CERTIFICATE... on tribe A im pretty sure carson and abbey are close as HEckie and i think jack could be roped into that pretty quickly. i like gage the most on this tribe and wanna work with him and i guess it rly depends on jack??? BUT NOW THAT I CAN'T VOTE LIKE... DKFJGKJFJK GOD I GOTTA THROW GAGE UNDER THE BUS HUH? unless i can get jack to flip on carson and abbey.. that would be ideal!

on game B it's like me vs. ricardo and abbey vs. matt.... ill prob vote with matt to get out ricardo or abbey and that makes JIMMY the swing vote.... im working jimmy as much as i can, talking to him as much as possible to get him on my side. i think its working? i mean, shouldn't be hard to get him to trust me over abbey and ricardo LKFJFLJKJF.... and with my no vote thing jimmy would have to go to a tiebreaker either for me or matt,,, and i hope he's willing to do that...

on OTHER tribes..... we got jESSY FUCKED AS HELL WITH THIS SWAP JFCCCCCCC LIKE YALL COULD NOT HAVE FUCKED HER HARDER...... howEVER with long nights on call with jenn............ i think i established a pretty good relationship with her and ive been pushing for a me, jessy, kait, jenn alliance JUST TO MAKE SURE A SWAP LIKE THIS HAPPENED.... LIKE LKFGKJL I KNEW ONE OF US WOULD BE FUCKED WITH KAIT'S ARMY IN MAJORITY AGAINST US SO THATS WHY IM BEING A FAKE ASS BITCH TO THEM OKAY?? IM NOT A PSYCHOPATH. me and jessy are truly so low on their totem poll like,,,,, i can barely see the bottom of their feet. im W A I T I N G for the day.... one of them leaves........

SO JENN TELLS ME that she wants JC out and im like YAAAASSSSS BITCH GET TO WORK!!! and shes like scared of kait and its honestly kinda sad that no one can stand up to kait like what kind of relationship do yall have?? kljfhgkjl anywayyyyy... yeah we need to convince kait to get out JC on .. both tribes preferably. i thought kait would want carson out on game b but apparently kait told mj that "carson is off the table"...???? like what.... ver y confused...... OK...... carson is doing THAT because ik he hates kait lkjFKLJHFJk so yeah. ummmm HOPEFULLY WE CAN CONVINCE KAIT TO GET OUT JC....... IT'LL BE TOUGH BUT LIKE OH FUCKING WELL I DIDNT COME HERE TO BE PUSHED AROUND BY ANYONE???? it will be so ..... fucking good... if we can get them to pick away at their OWN.... when jessy is COMING AFTER THEM.... LKJFKJHFKJHF i'd actually scream... we'll see!

I hate losing.

I was supposed to have plans tonight but my sister bailed on me, capping off a day and a half of frustration. So, hey, irritated and pissed off confessional time instead!

Since the swap, things have been a bit more lowkey. Which is weird. You'd expect people to be scrambling, but that tells me most people feel relatively comfortable in their positions. Me, I'm in that same boat. Especially on Thotse, where I've got three of my favourite people in the game beside me. And also Jessy, with absolutely no offence meant there.

Hudson's a bit dicier. I like everyone on that tribe, and Wes being with me is honestly a godsend. Steffen is amazing to have too. I think I'd be okay there, but like... I don't want to find out? So after getting a few close calls yesterday afternoon on the comp, I had to leave to a friend's birthday party (which ended in excellent fashion after my ride left without me...) and ended up getting home at a pretty decent time. That opened me up to a few comp attempts in the evening, none of which went well. So I go to bed, I set my alarm early, and I lurk. On, like, five or six hours of sleep? Still partially drunk, anyway. I missed the Robo Unicorn Attack comp but was up with enough time to completely shift the playing field.

And the questions never came.

I knew it wasn't intentional right off the bat. All four hosts are good enough friends that I know that's not the type of ~*twist*~ they'd pull. But I got far too frustrated for my own good. I'd have gone back to bed but I didn't know when the next tasks were coming. So I sat there and got irritated and stayed quiet until others started bringing it up, too, at which point I felt commiseration might beat silent frustration.

It didn't. It just exacerbated the problem. So it made it that much more frustrating when the questions only started back when Owen got back online. Completely unintentional, I'm sure, but it made it much more of an uphill battle. So at that point, that's when I told myself we weren't going back to Tribal Council. I put the visors on, I blocked everything irrelevant out, and I went to town. I ended up trading off that tree puzzle for a few smaller tasks, which was fine. I hadn't beaten Owen in a straight up puzzle yet and I didn't like my odds on this one.

But then there was a question about Jeff Probst's birth "month date, year" that I lost because I didn't have a comma. It felt pretty weak at the time, but with the power of hindsight it makes sense.

And then the infamous Harry Potter book question. We had to grab one of the original seven Harry Potter books, hold it upside down, and take a picture. And dude, that's the fastest I have ever run up my stairs to grab a book. I came within a few millimeters of spraining my ankle for it. So when the picture went through and I was first, I was so stoked. We had it made in the shade.

Well, not so much. The question got nullified because the wording on it was enough to possibly confuse our ESL players. And like... I understand the reasoning. I was super frustrated at it, though. I do not believe anyone could have beaten me on that one, proper writing or not. The gist was there. I bring this up not to complain, but rather to give you an insight into what was going on in my mind. I understood why it was nullified, but I was PISSED. And rattled. And shaking from the anger and adrenaline.

Anyway, I managed to put that behind me and snatch up a few more points. And then the option came to get 30 points but be forced out of the challenge for the rest of it (~40 minutes.) And I took it, even though I was doing pretty well. I figured that would widen the gap to the point where Bering couldn't come back. And not only was I right, it also contributed in Thotse's participation in the adventure which was rad. But the other members of Hudson came up clutch while I was gone, Wes in particular.

So the adventures... well, I know now that the end of the whirlpool arc I was going down last time has been found. I suspect either Lydia or Logan has it, but I have no way of knowing for sure. I wonder if Lydia would tell me. I'd hope so.

I tried using the plastic coin in the jukebox at the whirlpool and was told the jukebox was empty. Conclusion: something was there but isn't anymore. I suspect Jakey or Jimmy for no reason at all.

The thing Jordan Pines was guarding is gone. Steffen told me he got it and it was the Golden Apple. Conclusion: it was the Golden Apple. I suspect Ruthie because it's never who you most suspect or who you least suspect. It's always who you most medium suspect.

Lydia said there's nothing at the volcano either from what she'd been told. Conclusion: there's probably nothing at the volcano. I suspect Wes, Jack, Abbey and Jenn for no reason at all.

So in summary, nine people definitely maybe probably don't have powers in this game and those powers could definitely maybe possibly be not really all that game-changing at all.

Heh. I'm glad I started writing this. I'm in a better mood already.

i want to die my fucking GOD kjfadshdskdsj i shouldn't have gone to the adventure before i was on the computer but you know what FUCK i'm destined to ont have anything

idk honestly I need to like

cry

tribal time!!!!

yay

as long as i dont go im happy, but jessy wants to orchestrate jc going in both games which idk if i like but i want jessy safe

At this point I have no idea what we're doing tomorrow. I really want to stick with Carson but I hate to go against Kait and MJ this early. JC would be the easiest option for me to vote out right now, but Carson and I could possibly use him to get out MJ or Kait who I think are bigger threats. I mean, as long as I'm safe I really don't care what we do but I am not writing down Carson's name and that's that. I guess I'm going to try to find out what Kait and MJ want to do and then see what Carson thinks, then go from there.

I'm also still playing around with sharing the idol clue with her that Alex left me. That could definitely solidify our bond and keep her close but I want to be the one that finds that idol first, ack!

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Oh gees, what have I done. Never make decisions at 4 am. At 4:01am I immediately regretted taking that blasted immunity, such a silly thing to do. Already exhausted at that point all I could ask myself was one question posed to me indirectly by singer-songwriter Bret McKenzie -

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Through deep thought I've definitely reached the conclusion that I am in fact a muppet of a man!

Me as a muppet:

So, I've been pretty busy lately and never made time to record a new video even though a lot has happened. I'll make a recap of how I have felt about everything up until now. This probably won't be chronological.

I don't have any formal alliances and haven't been to tribal yet but I have a relatively good amount of people expressing interest in working with me, and others that I suspect want to based on how often we talk but it hasn't come up yet. I can't really bank on any of them at face value though so I need to be cautious. (these people include but are not limited to: Pat, MJ, Jessy, Jakey, Ruthie, Kait), which I don't think all will end up working together so that'll be fun to decide on.

So after Simon took Oasis it was clarified that it was a one time use item, which made it even more idiotic to take. His eventual quit makes sense because his gameplay was not gonna fly with this group.

Alex thinking everyone would take advantages was pretty funny too.

I also screwed up royally in that stupid step challenge when I tried to think outside of the box to get a higher score. It's a miracle I haven't been to tribal yet between that and the 24 hour live endurance challenge. I managed to nab a good 30 points for my tribe to solidify our lead at the end so I'm happy with that.

The adventure seems like it's been gutted of it's rewards, but that's okay, because the best move I ever pulled in Tumblr Survivor didn't need the use of advantages and I'm fine with staying that way.

It seems like people are trying to boot people in both games simultaneously. I don't know if I'd try the same, because it seems like angry people with only one life left might make good allies if they think you saved them. Something to keep in mind with both Steven and Steffen on Hudson with me.

That's all I have for now, maybe next time I'll have something less hypothetical to talk about. :)

I'm thinking about this vote too much and that probably means one thing- that I'm the one that's going to go. Right now I'm trying to play like I'm kind of a goat with MJ and Kait. I didn't talk to them at all about the vote until this morning but they haven't answered. I wanted them to come to me with who to vote out but it's like pulling teeth to get a name from anyone.

If I don't hear from them I am pretty sure Carson and I could get JC to vote however we wanted. MJ and Kait, I love them but they are a duo for sure. Also when I was on my last tribe Lydia was asking her things so I know they are tight. Also she's in good with Pat because she told me to talk to him. She has all these connections and I really need to play up that I have no one.

I............... have thought that my closest ally Carson was a girl this entire time I can't even, I feel SO STUPID RIGHT NOW, FML. I'm currently going through all the intros again so I can double check everyone so I don't continuously keep making this mistake. WHY AM I SO DUMB?

Anyway, I'm glad I just checked that before I posted the video confessional I made. But anyway, I think I'm sitting in a great spot! I went my alliance chat that Kait and MJ are in, and I asked them what they wanted to do... and MJ answered something in the One World chat without responding to anything in the alliance chat which made me nervous , like where even is his head?

Anyway, Kait finally answered and we agreed that Carson talks to us more and I also stated that he tries more in the challenges it seems like (like I can say anything, i'm such a FLOP).

Then I talk to Carson, and he is also going to vote for JC, because as long as it's not us that goes we're good. Theeeeen I talk to JC and it seems like he's going to be voting for Carson, so that keeps my alliance in a good spot, and we'll just see what happens from here!

I know eventually I'm going to have to split up Kait and MJ, but I feel like it's too early to go against either of them at the moment.

confessional: every time we touch, i get this feeling. and every time we kiss, i swear i could fly.

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A lot has happened since my last wild decision to vote out Steffen. I hurt him, and I really should've told him I wasn't comfortable with Abbey and we could've just taken her out. Now I've diminished him down to a single life. However we've talked it out quite a bit and after the swap and the fact you gave me a nightmare new tribe with Steffen means he kinda feels backed into a corner and that he needs to stick with me. I feel I owe him one too, and if that bites my ass in that he sends me home since he has a double vote well then I'll just have to try better on my B tribe, which is even worse because we absorbed the whole old pink tribe so I'm probably in minority there, as well as with people I hadn't really spoken to in the game. If Steffen actually feels like he'd work with me, then I'm probably gonna end up cutting someone else if things go my way and knowing my luck get swapped onto a tribe with them. Pat said he'd have my back, I have Ruthie from my old tribe, and I've played in a game with Wes as allies, so it will be interesting to say the least. It would be pretty petty if Steffen was to vote against me after the discussions we've had, although the move would be warranted so I wouldn't have any animosity towards him. It felt good talking it out with him, and per Jimmy was the talk of a few people? So um, I don't want a reputation. Hopefully someone else pulls a similar move tonight cuz I ain't wanna deal with a cufuffle of problems. Let's see where it goes. Things are getting more and more interesting. If I gotta be the fake bitch well then I'll smize and wave.

Ok y’all its Steffen, here back from the dead, or more or less I lost a life, my life god damn it, I didn’t have the luck of the irish to say the least

OK SO HERE WE GO

So last round I seemed to find myself in this scenario of going to go to both tribals in game A and game B and now I have to be here crying in a corner as the curse comes to claim my soul, but hey I found this magical golden apple which not only let me escape a tribal, BUT ALSO GET A DOUBLE VOTE, so like hot damn, what kind of luck did I have at that moment, its like the TS gods themselves were like, Hey Steffen, babes, take this thing cause child YOU'RE GONNA NEED IT, and guess what I needed it, but it seems I was told to use it at the wrong place, cause like I used it in game A, where guess what, I "had" a deal with Owen and Lydia, but OWEN DIDN'T WANT TO TEST JAKEYS TRUST, SO IM HERE LIKE, OK FINE IMMA SAVE MYSELF IN GAME A, cause I had just set up a deal with Abbey and Steven and I thought I was FINE, since Steven and I knew each other outside the game, but no, he decided to get his little bum paranoid and organize the vote against me because he didn't feel on top of it, WHEN IN FACT WE WOULD'VE SWAPPED, and then I WOULD'VE STILL BEEN CRUISING BUT NO, NO I HAVE NO LIFE, but now Im on a tribe with Steven again in game A and I have to play super safe for a long ass time, but I'm now going to link up with Steven and Ruthie because what else can I do, but at this point, the only thing I can do to keep Steven in my pocket is use pity and emotional guilt......god Im an awful person, but ya know what, fool me once, shame on you, and Im going to make sure you know it. So I have to mend fences with Matt and Jessy and just keep going....ALSO I LOVE PAT AND JIMMY, that is all

JC's going huh!

me and ruthie strengthened our bond, she shared the idol clue alex gave her with me which is awesome so now im in a good position. i trust ruthie, but hopefully kait and mj vote jc too.

also ruthie said jc was voting me?? so i lit just told him im voting him bc i have no reason not to.

okay whew!! I just survived the jannu tc and now.. we've swapped. god

so my bering tribe is with THREE GOD DAMN MALAYSIANS. i was so sure that i was gonna be done once we lost because like it's so smart to keep jc when they're with mj and you could make an alliance with mj/kait/jc/jenn/jimmy to ensure me/jc/carson/ruthie are wiped out but they didn't because my connection to jakey helped me out big time. we created the "duopoly" and it's honestly such a cute alliance name but if i lose on bering again, kait and jenn would vote me off. i'm being fake asf towards them because i'm unsure if i can work with them in the future.

kait might be threatening, jenn might be threatening, but we're not factoring in owen's threat to my game. i believe he's super close with lydia and jakey just isn't factoring in that either when giving him information. he gave him the logs of his adventure when he met jenn and i think owen gave lydia those logs and lydia found the shiny stone or whatever it is. i'm afraid of them and i hope that their numbers get cut short soon.

anyways i need to send this now b/c tribal is starting so smell ya later

#confessionals #ivebeenbamboozled

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ts-2020-olympics · 5 years ago

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Episode 13 - “Put On My Villain Attire” - Sammy

This week was a lot, I made a mistake socially that hurt someone, and i couldnt be more disgusted or hurt with myself tonight. I feel awful for what i said about nicole, after tribal i cryed like a kid on call with sammy and Caeleb. Reaching out to nicole was hard because i dont want her to think im coming to say sorry as a game move. I respect nicole as a person, as a player, and I made a mistake, and it was time for me to own up to making a personal comment in context that should not have been personal. Now getting that out of the way, this week was crazy, the vote was Tommy, then Jacob, Then nicole, cut to tribal Nicole is excused from tribal, which im thankful for because i actually got to reach out to nicole after to say sorry for my comment. Getting a response was the last thing I expected from her. And it made me happy to get one, especially such an understanding one that came from her realizing that was not my intentions. Game wise going forward, im aware theres cracks in this alliance and im not 100% safe. But im gonna ride it till i cant no more. I don't want to think game tonight but obviously i need to keep thinking about the game. Immunity wise, i dont think its necessity that I need to win, Even after I had a blow up and such i still feel like those in the game understand how hard it was for me tonight and my truth of how i didnt mean to hurt nicole. I still feel the most close to Sammy and Caeleb, they where there for me tonight after tribal while a cried, so was Kevin and Emma, idealy these people are the people I want there with me at the end of the game. In other news, Darcy has exposed himself as someone who has voted out sammy, meaning the list of people who need to go before I need to start backstabbing gets longer Stoner, Tommy, Nicole and Darcy are IDEALLY the next 4 boots, but u never know what will happen in this game! I could be working with Nicole next round for all I know. ANYWAYS TLDR: Im sorry, me and nicole are fine, im in a good place in this game. Thank u for coming to this LONG ASS confessional.

im dying, so its been fun toodaloo

Actually feeling very frustrated atm. I wanted this immunity so bad. The way Nicole plays this game is very frustrating and I’d love to see the way she actually plays the real game. Is she just gonna sit under the hut and ignore everyone that approaches her. She just lies about everyone and the minute someone does something against her she cries in her host chat. I’m usually not a mean person but she deserves to be the villain of this season. I literally have always looked up to Nicole as a player bc I have seen how genuine and kind she can be. But this game has really tossed out how i viewed her as a player. As a person sure she’s great but there’s a way to play this game by having good character. I would hate to see me leave before Nicole but if it happens and she makes it to the finals that’s okay but she won’t have my vote poor management. Anyways don’t wanna make my whole confessional about Nicole since she’s made the whole game revolve around her actions already. I’d like to personally shoutout Jordan caeleb and Eve in this confessional. Truly are the rays of sunshine in this game. I have my doubts about Kevin, Emma, and Darcy because I think that they have connections to Nicole. Someone is playing everyone and it’s so frustrating. I was so close to winning this immunity. I need to survive. Also I am very annoyed that caeleb has not had to stress a single round since merge. Yeah he’s my closest ally but like it’s annoying i want someone else like me to be immune and i know it’s selfish but it’s just annoying. I need to figure this out. I might have to put on my villain attire for this round.

IMMUNITY? IMMUNITY? I HAVE THAT? Oh my god I think this may be like the first immunity I've actually one in the history of my Tumblr Survivor career (although checking the records there was one time I was just like individually immune for no reason during Seychelles premerge and I do not remember why) I needed this SO BAD, and even better is everyone is PISSED at me for winning, nobody can figure out where I figured out all the colors and it's SOOOOOOOOO FUNNY god bless, long live the underdog bayyyyyyybeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

Okay, so here goes. To start off my confessional for this round, that past tribal really was a mess. Nicole played a tribal skip, so she survived, which was a good play on her part, but it led to some messy scrambles, and ended up losing probably my closest friend in this game (Love you Jacob <3,) I ended up voting in minority with Jacob to keep my word, even though I knew majority was on Jacob. In this game though, you got to take risks, and if the risk of keeping my word to my good friend outside this game ends up being my downfall, then so be it. However, one isn't going to win by playing it safe every round and voting with majority all the time, you got to vote in minority at times too and try to at least make some bold moves, to get out the threats, otherwise, you might as well just give them the money, as those players would all make finals, and one of them would win. Then where would the sheep be? They would be at the jury, alongside those who they voted out. Now, terms of this round, Nicole and I are trying to come together to split up the power trio of Eve, Caeleb and Sammy. Plan is to try getting out Eve, as Eve has everyone basically wrapped around their finger, which I do not like, and I think Eve has the best chance of winning this game if they make it to the end, so yea Eve has to go. I've also been hearing though, and sounds of things, Emma is wanting me out, and her reason I think is pretty well just because I haven't been voting with her. It's like, I have only been to 3 tribals so far with Emma (4 if you count this one,) and I voted with her the one tribal against Karen, then other tribal was just because I wanted to be loyal to my friend, and keep my word. The first time though, was because I found the other person more threatening to my game. Anyways, I am fighting my all right now to stay, and not going to back down, but if I end up going, so be it, I know I played a great game, and am glad with everything about it. Pitching to people though that I'm not threatening at all, I literally have 0 moves on my resume at the moment, and how I just want to try beating 7th, because as of currently, 7th is my best placement. Here goes nothing, and hopefully cards fall right, and Eve gets slain.

I’m kind of feeling hopeless after this round. Nobody actually wants to make the moves that need to be made, nobody wants to do anything actually smart. People are just being so short-sighted and playing for jury. Eve has an ego and will use it to make you believe that it’s her way or the highway. I feel like any cast with more than three braincells amongst them could really do something but, they won’t. Caeleb will win immunity yet again next round. I’ll go, then one by one they’ll go. I really just like, have no energy to guide these dummies to anywhere anymore. I’m tired. Even with immunity people are just ridiculously fake and annoying.

I think Emma is the plan for tonight. She's playing a double agent type of game which is super dangerous and people are starting to see through it plus me and her don't have the best past so I'm fine with Emma going. It gets me to the Final 10 and gets me one step closer to the Final Tribal Council. I also think once Emma goes I'll be nobodies #1 target and that'll put me in a good position for next vote as long as Nicole doesn't win immunity again. Although who knows things switch around in this game so fast and it could be me going home because if Emma gets wind of her name being out there I see her coming for me just because of our past and I do think there is viable reason for people to flip their votes onto Me, if Emma campaigns for me to go. I'm hoping my name doesn't get dragged into the conversation and it just stays between Emma, Eve, and Darcy so I have no chance of going home tonight. I'm just gonna lay low after this bit of strategy talk but be around if the wind starts to shift onto me.

Fuck I’m not home and don’t want a stike this will be a quick confessional, Sammy I’m so fucking sorry about this but you have such a good social game and I need you gone to free up the field. Formed an alliance with Darcy today that was random but now I actually trust him which is wierd. Still fucking people over with Nicole it’s crazy how that’s working. Next round is final 10 o need to make it past it or I might cry, once I pass that hurdle I’ve never heard passed I’m good. 9th- 1st no bitter Jordan pines, don’t get me wrong though, 1st is still most preferred and it’s seeming achievable

Bye bye Sammy

Ahh I have to turn my phone off and can't find confessional but my confessional is that I hate myself for voting Sammy

I ate dinner, We're doing Sammy. Maybe these people have four brain cells instead of three. I however, still just have the one bumping around in my ear canal saying I might have a chance to win the game which is in fact, the stupidest thought I've had this whole round.

well well well....this round is a BIG OLE MESS, so i went into it last night thinking the vote was gonna be emma because she was leaking to nicole, but then i woke up and i guess the vote is on darcy, but Nicole tried to pull a vote on eve but because emma was involved and very loose lipped I would not have felt comfortable hiding that for almost 5 hours, so i told eve LOL.... but that built my trust up with eve and I thought it would make eve doubt emma even more but instead it seems to have made her want to keep her? which maybe means emma leaked the vote already?? which would be a good thing for me because then i didnt try to hide info that eve already knew, but so then that landed the vote primarily on darcy but honestly if darcy goes home this game is likely in the bag for eve, so I had to come up with something quick ! I have no idea if this is gonna go through but i put all my energy into selling this sarah vote like it was the end all be all move for us to make, when i dont think it is but if sarah can go home then the 5some that im viewing as Sammy/Caeleb/Eve/Jordan/Sarah would be down to 4 meaning theres wiggle room at the final 10 to potentially make a power move on a big player, without them being able to stay 5 solid and threaten rocks. They all seemed kinda hesitant but came around so im nervous, eve also asked for a back up plan which I said could be stoner, but the fact that she asked makes me nervous that shes gonna try to pull a fast one and be like "I think sarah has an idol we need to flip it !!!!!" which would be annoying but i wouldn't put it past eve. This also keeps all my potential numbers in those being nicole and then tommy/darcy emma and stoner, again IF this goes through, i could've lost darcy but then i just a 5v5 or if emma gets bold then a 6v4 and im powerless again. I think this was where i need to make a move and i hope it goes through but if it doesn't at least i tried !!!

I think tonight the night ladies, TONIGHT THE NIGHT I AM RELEASED, i mean if not sarah goes home and its whatever. I love love sarah and feel bad for blindsiding her like this. But I have confidence in Kevins decision here, hes trusted me, I have to trust him now.

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#zestypowerfuluniqueflavorfulhealthy #confessionals

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