#i wanna inject this in my veins like heroine

[canisxx]

Also I need medic in my blood system ASAP. I wanna inject him into my veins, like a heroin.

[daddyhausen]

• day sixteen — breeding kink — drew mcintyre •

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{ warnings } — smut, 18+, { minors do not interact } fem!reader, drew mcintyre x fem!reader, breeding kink, m + f orgasms, rough sex, unprotected sex, vaginal sex, penetrative sex, creampie

{ word count } — 720

{ genre } — smut

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his voice was deep and lustful, like the devil whispering sinful hymns in your ear, drawing you closer and closer to the dark side, it was his way of arousing you, he deep voice, smooth like velvet as his cool breath tickled the tips of your ears, his lips gently greeting the skin.

“i wanna fuck a baby into you, my love” he lulled, already beginning to tug at the ties of your dress. a baby has been in the works for a few months now, he had become increasingly persistent but never acting on his impulses until now, when he knew the both of you were ready. he had been adamant about how many children he wanted, five to be exact, already picking out baby names and buying clothes despite not even conceiving your first one.

his lips connected with your shoulder, soft and supple as he trailed kisses up your neck, reaching your jawline and finally your lips. he let the kiss linger for a few moments before pulling away, taking a second to admire your beauty. he smiled sincerely down at you, wondering how you’d be the perfect mother for his children.

you began to pry your clothing from your body, your eyes never leaving his, as too did his eyes never leave yours, taking the time to stare openly at your perfect form, your breasts, stomach, waist, hips, thighs all beautiful to him. his eyes returned to your stomach specifically, just imagining how beautiful you’ll look, even more so with your belly full of his seed.

he hummed softly in response, the sight of your naked body before his was pure bliss. you laid back on the bed, awaiting him as he too, removed his clothing, piece by piece, inch by inch. he joined you, his skin warm against yours, so heated with an intense, lustful passion.

his lips met yours gently, littering little pecks across your skin, his length grazing against your inner thigh the slightest, feeling it harden against your skin. your stomach and mind a whirlwind, just the thought of him filling you was more that you could even comprehend. it was only just the beginning but you were already imagining how amazing of a father he would be, how loving, how sweet he would be to your future children.

he positioned himself between your thighs, the tip of his cock grazing against your clit, teasing your soaked folds as he pushed himself in with wanted force. you sighed in relief, desperate for his length to fill you up.

“you’re gonna look so fucking beautiful filled with my seed, love” he hummed, beginning to buck his hips up into you, your slick walls accepting his size gratefully, clenching around every pulsating vein in his shaft.

he kept his movements steady despite his impatience, he admired the way your mouth hung open with pleasure how you’d let out a small moan with every thrust he gave, how your perky breasts would bounce in synch with his movements so much so that he’d take one in hand, teasing your hardened nipples as you whimpered, your pretty pussy taking every inch of his cock, drawing the both of you closer and closer to orgasm.

“please…breed me sir…fill me up with your cum…” you barely were able to breathe out, almost choking on your moans, his smirk was devilish, evil intent behind his irises as he increased his speed, each thrust was like pure heroin being injected into your veins, the rush was euphoric, you could only imagine how pleasurable your orgasm would feel.

“you’re gonna be a good girl and take every last drop of my cum, baby” he growled, hooking your legs around his waist, his cock sinking deeper within your warmth, it felt like eternity, you never wanted the feeling to end, your stomach clenched, feeling your orgasm nearing. you cried out his name, your release was euphoric, easing over you like a thousand tidal waves of pleasure.

you were left begging for his release, begging for him to coat your walls with his cum. as if on cue, he gripped your hips tighter, giving a final thrust as he spilled his seed deep within your warmth, letting his size linger within your void as every last drop seeped into your cunt.

“you’ll make a wonderful mother, my love”

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[mintmatcha]

Arranged Marriage stories where the overall theme is getting to know your spouse and eventually learn to love and (even better) trust them is like heroin to me, i wanna inject that stuff into my veins 🥺

yes yes yes!!!

arranged marriage where they slowly build the mutual love and respect together makes fbhsjfhdjnsnxbfhd love love love

[angrylizardjacket]

Run to Paradise {Nikki Sixx} Part 29

29. she’s almost you

Summary: lola meets nicole, who wants to walk on the wild side, they get on like a house on fire (ha), lola n nikki start getting serious about heroin, and it gets worse.

Warnings: HEROIN, lowkey smut, homophobia, overdose.

ragtag bunch of misfits: @starlalove @toofasttofallinlove @xrosegoldwolfx @obsessivesky @trpwthme @lovehelpmewrite @angelicjoonie23 @marvelismylifffe @lilytalebi @glitterdreamsz @freddiessmallnipples @crazysaladchopshop @inthebackofmycarlaytheirbodies @dramatique-moi @missqueeniewrites @calspixie @aryssav @catsoo12 @sweetshutter @silvertonguedserpent @shamelessobsessions @lavenderbones22 @keepcalm-and-beyou @scarecrowmax @nicholeh7 @unknownoblivion @sighsophiia @fruitinthebottom @misscharlottelee @local-troubled-writer

"Do you remember visiting Vince?"

"No."

"Do you remember what he said to you?"

"No."

"He said you needed help."

"Oh."

"Do you think you need help?"

"No."

"Do you even remember what happened to Razzle?"

"No. What happened to Razzle?"

"Lola..."

"Dude, what the fuck happened to Razzle?!"

No matter how many times she hears it, it doesn't feel real. She saw him yesterday... It was yesterday, wasn't it?

"I don't want her in the house! I don't want her in the fucking house! I don't want her near our goddamn daughter, Vince!" Sharise is close to tears when Lola knocks on the door at two in the morning. Lola's swaying and unfocused and blabbering something about Razzle.

"Sharise?" Lola finally asks weakly, and the blonde's furious gaze turns on the strung-out assistant. Vince is on the stairs, rubbing sleep from his eyes.

"Get the fuck off of my property," Sharise tells her, and Lola's lip wobbles, "haven't we gone through enough? Vince is fucking sober, finally Skylar has her father back; don't ruin this for us."

"How is she?" Lola's voice is quiet, but Sharise doesn't let her guard down.

"None of your business Lola, come back when you're sober."

Here is the moment something inside of Lola breaks; the world shifts, like one of the endings in her choose-your-own-adventure of a life had been ripped from the pages. Here is the moment Lola realises that Vince is no longer hers, no matter how much she still loves him. She'd given him to Sharise, but she'd never really let go, not entirely.

Razzle's dead, Vince has a family, and Lola has to let them go.

No more asking after Razzle time and again, getting her heart crushed each time she learns a truth she'd tried to bury in the back of her mind.

"You need help," Sharise tells her, quietly angry before she shuts the door, and Lola doesn't have the willpower to fight the scream that rises in her throat, sick and tired of hearing the same damn phrase over and over again. Sharise threatens to call the cops through the door.

Years later, when asked about 1985, Lola will only remember one thing.

Not technically fired, Lola's in as shit of a state as the rest of the band, spinning their wheels and spending money on the record label's time. Doc won't talk to her, Zutaut thinks she's a waste of money, and Tommy can barely stand to be in the same room as her.

But then there's a light, an angel, who walks in stilettos, wears her feathered hair and sundress like she's about to meet someone's upstanding parents; Nicole, the devil in disguise.

Nicole's an actress, up-and-coming, not that Lola cares. All Lola remembers is the way Nicole had looked at her, like she was the embodiment of everything her management team warned her about, and smiled. Lola remembers 'there's this thing I've been wanting to try' in Nicole's gentle mezzo of a voice, remembers needles, and taking Nicole's shaking hands, and 'it's okay, baby' will spill easily from her lips. Nicole, who's always been on the straight and narrow, will trust Lola's firm grip, will trust when Lola says 'not yet, not right away' and her sharp smile. She'll let Lola give her cocktails of drugs, but won't let her jump straight into injecting smack.

Lola remembers Nicole laying back on the bed she shares with Nikki, wearing a cute lacy bra, high on acid and writhing as Lola's tongue finds her clit. They haven't injected smack yet, Lola's adamant that she needs to try everything else before she feels what it's like to fly. Even though Lola's younger than her, Nicole trusts her judgement.

When Nicole comes, screaming, arching, two of Lola's fingers inside of her, seeing colours she can't even name, Lola, just as high, watching light somehow pour from her open mouth, wants this moment to last as long as possible. Nicole can somehow get any drug Lola asks for, the least Lola can do is to go down on her until she cries.

When Lola goes to get them water, to let Nicole rests, the woman in the bed gasps. When Lola pauses, Nicole's sitting up, looking at Lola's bare back with awe.

"You're carrying civilization," Nicole tells her seriously, and Lola shifts from relaxed to uncomfortable, turning her back to the door, walking without looking as Nicole meets her gaze.

"They're scars," Lola's tone is terse, but Nicole seems not to notice.

"It's a map!"

When Lola gets back, Nicole's smile is blinding.

"Can you feel them?" She asks, as Lola sits down.

"The scars?" Lola asks, offering her a bottle of water.

"The people," Nicole's hand moves to Lola's hip, fingertips brushing the scars on her back, "you've got mountains and plains and cities, it's right there!" And Lola, for the first time in her life, lets someone else explain what they see when they see her scars, and it brings her a strange sense of peace. Nicole's fingers trace the topography of Lola's back with gently awed touches as she explains the civilisations that she sees among the scars, twisted, knotted and shiny.

Nikki comes back to Lola asleep, and Nicole staring intently at her back, as if trying to divine the secrets of life.

"Nicole -"

But she shushes him and waves him over, explains in hushed whispers that there's a team trying to scale Lola's shoulder. He doesn't see anything, but Lola looks so peaceful, so he plays along. Nicole gives him the last of the acid that Lola had set aside for him, and they fuck in the shower while Lola stays asleep on the bed.

Nikki knows where they're headed, the slippery slope Lola's leading Nicole down, but Lola's happy.

When Nicole gives Lola head, it's sloppy and inexperienced, but she's trying so hard, wanting to keep her and Nikki happy, since they're willing to show her the ropes to the things everyone else is too afraid to even contemplate. Lola fists her hand in Nicole's hair, and whines and gasps enough to wake Nikki, and he instructs her on the best way to get Lola off.

Lola remembers being with Nicole as a blur of highs and orgasms, remembers so clearly the sting, the rush, the weightless high, the weight of Nicole's hand on her belly, keeping her pinned, with her head between Lola's thighs while Lola loosens the cord around her arm, lets the heroin circulate through her veins with the erratic beating of her heart.

Then, she'll remembers the gentle way they'd coaxed Nikki down to their level, like he was an animal about to spook. Soft touches, a shoulder bite, murmurs of 'its the best high I've ever had, babe, just trust me', and he does, he gives in to Lola's warm smile and unfocused vision, gives in and then there's a needle in his arm in the bathroom of the recording studio, and Lola's on her knees, unzipping his pants, while Nicole caps the needle and presses messy kisses to his gasping lips as Nikki's eyes roll back into his skull.

"So you're fucking Nikki and Nicole now?" Tommy hears himself asking on one of the few days Lola shows up to the studio. Vince is recording his part for a song that Lola's already forgotten the name of. He's not sure why it hurts, but it does. He's been seeing Heather for a few months now and she's fucking perfect; he tries not to think about Lola, or worry about her, because if he wants to be good for Heather, he's not allowed to get pulled into Lola's spiraling like he would have let himself before.

Lola doesn't answer, just blinks slowly at him. It takes him too long to realise that she didn't even comprehend what he'd said, and by then, she'd left.

Tommy asks Nikki what they're on, and Nikki promises it's the best high he'll ever have. When he shows up to Nikki and Lola's house, he's on edge, waiting for her to pop up, looking sweet and strung out, or mean and feral, and either way he'll do whatever she says.

"She's at Nicole's," Nikki says, when Tommy is sitting on the edge of his sofa, nursing his beer, looking like he's worried the cops are about to bust in, "said you can't be around her, right? Well I still want to show you this, so; compromise." Nikki's bringing what looks like a kit of some sorts from the bedroom, and Tommy agrees quietly.

"You guys all, like, together, like we were?" Tommy asks, and Nikki snorts.

"Like we were?" He asks, and Tommy takes a long sip of his beer to try and hide his flush, "are you asking if Lo loves her?"

"Nah, dude," Tommy tries to brush it off like that exact question hadn't been bothering him since he'd found out about them, "just wanna know what to warn Doc about." Tommy laughs and Nikki rolls his eyes, smiling.

"Lo loves sex and smack, so in one regard, yeah, she loves Nicole, but nothing will ever come close to what we had," he paused where he was preparing the heroin, and Tommy swallows hard at the sight of the needle, "that woman's a hurricane, T-Bone," Nikki told him with a strange sort of seriousness, and Tommy's not sure what to make of it.

Lola doesn't call Nicole their girlfriend, because Lola tells herself that she's not replacing Tommy or Vince with the first person to show her kindness. When pressed, however, Nikki will call her his girlfriend, because otherwise he'd be calling her his dealer, and having two girlfriends is better than admitting Little Miss Perfect gets him and Lola heroin.

Tabloids pick it up, and soon Lola's name is back in the headlines like it is whenever Motley tours. So Lola and Nicole stay inside while Nikki and the rest of the band are practicing their stage show for the upcoming tour, and Lola pretends like it's for Nicole's sake, and not because Tommy had walked into rehearsals grinning like he was walking on air, announcing that he'd proposed to Heather.

It hasn't felt like long, but Lola doesn't even know what year it is anymore, so she buries her hurt heart and fucks Nicole like her life depends on it, because maybe if Tommy can replace Lola with someone as beautiful as Heather, Lola can find solace in someone as beautiful and willing as Nicole.

Nikki knows better than anyone that Lola's hurting, so the three of them live out of Nicole dirty apartment, where Lola doesn't see the ghost of Tommy on every surface.

Lola doesn't come to rehearsals much anymore, but Nikki tells Tommy that she's happy for him.

"No she's fucking not," Tommy rolls his eyes, and Nikki shrugs.

"She wants you to be happy," which is the absolute truth, no matter how much it hurts Lola.

So it's only adding insult to injury when Nicole's manager calls and threatens Lola for ruining Nicole's image.

"You say that," Lola slurs, leaning her forehead against the wall of Nicole's kitchen, "like she's not the one supplying me with smack, dude," and Nicole swears in the other room, demanding to know who it is on the phone with her.

"Calls himself Gary... somethingorother," Lola shouts back, and Nicole swears again, bolting from the room, snatching the phone from Lola's grip. Immediately, her voice is gentle and placating as she tries to calm down the man on the other end. Lola hears him hollering insults, slurs designed to sting, and Lola gives a lazy grin, falling to her knees. Pushing Nicole's underwear to the side, she delights in how Nicole has to bite her lip to muffle her whimpers, but soon enough she's shoving Lola away.

"Not now," she hisses, and Lola wrinkles her nose, heading back into the bedroom.

When she comes in, she's in tears, and Lola tries to comfort her, but Nicole's wrapped up in herself, and the disgust her manager had leveled at her.

"The studio wants me to make a statement, want me to- to- to tell them I'm dating Nikki, and you're just-"

"That I'm nothing," Lola says flatly, the realisation hitting her, though Nicole reaches out.

"You're not -" she tries, before swallowing thickly, pleading expression on her face, eyes full of tears, "I know you're not, baby, but apparent- apparently," she sniffles, "parent groups are boycotting the movie because- because they don't want a dyke tainting their children."

"Even though you're not."

"I'm not allowed to like women, Lola -"

"Because those track marks on your arm show that you always do what you're told," Lola's words ooze sarcasm as she sits back on the bed, ankles crossed, and Nicole looks down at her arms, as if realising for the first time, that injecting heroin as frequently as they had been, had left a mark. Swearing again, tears start making their way down her cheeks.

"Do you like me?" Lola asks, and Nicole looks at her through her hazy, tear-stained gaze.

"I'm not allowed."

"Bullshit. It's a yes or no question."

"Some of us have to care about how people see us!" Nicole cries, but Lola's stony expression waits for an answer. "No," she finally whispers, "it's not allowed."

"Did you just fucking remember that?" Lola asked with a half-crazed laugh, "just decide when you were told you weren't mass-marketable anymore that you'd go back to being the straight part of straight and narrow? I'm a drug-addicted alcoholic dating Nikki fucking Sixx, you should have known from the start that someone like you liking someone like me wasn't fucking allowed."

"Do you like me, Lola?" Nicole hissed, and Lola's mouth snapped closed, "or did you like that I got you smack and made you cum? Or did it get you fucking wet knowing you were corrupting me? Do you fucking love me or not?"

Lola's hands are shaking again, rage and pain coiled tightly in her chest. Lola doesn't cry; Nicole doesn't have that power over her.

"I do like you, Nicole," she says with a thinly-veiled rage, "I could get heroin and an orgasm from any dealer in LA, but I liked you and your fucking company; I was doing you a favour, Miss Mary-Lou, lookin' like a little angel, right? Well you've had your walk on the wild side, whether or not you'll admit to yourself that you like ladies too, that's your fucking business. Ticked weed and crack and smack and acid off your bucket list, now you won't die wondering," Lola rolled her eyes, "but love you? I barely fucking know you."

Lola, high and hurt and spiteful, can't bring herself to go home, instead trudging from Nicole's apartment to the Whiskey-A-Go-Go, just as the night is coming to life around her. People still know her, kiss her on both cheeks and offer to buy her drinks, which she accepts. Every time. There's still various drugs in her pockets, and a guy who she thinks has got cheekbones and a jaw like Tommy lets her do a line of coke off of his chest, and a woman with hair kind of like Heather's offers her a lighter when someone passes Lola a spliff, and everyone starts looking more like them the higher, and drunker that she gets. Heroin up her nose, she finally tries to head home.

She doesn't fight, she falls, breaks her nose on the concrete and stays there, blood pooling, drugs burning through her system, alcohol having her heaving, even unconscious. A passer-by turns her on her side, has someone call 911, and her life's on a knife's edge by the time the EMTs pick her up at the bartender's insistence. Blue lips and unresponsive, her breathing's shallow, and she's rushed to hospital. They pump her stomach and pump her full of chemicals to stabilize her, bandage her nose, and she's pulled back from the brink against all odds.

Nikki shows up the next morning, white-faced and panicked, demanding to know what the fuck happened. News along The Strip is that she died outside the Whiskey.

"Alcohol poisoning," Lola tells him groggily, giving the nurse a pointed look when she makes a surprised expression at Lola's omission of the full truth, "and I broke my nose; everyone's so dramatic." Her voice is low and raspy, and Nikki looks doubtfully at the various IVs, but Lola tries to smile, "they're trying to sober me up all the way; turns out they need some help." She shakes her arm weakly, with a cannula in both her elbow and wrist. The nurse makes a noise, but Nikki's high in his own right.

"You want me to organise a jailbreak?" Nikki stage-whispers, "or a conjugal visit with Nicole?" Which just hurts Lola's heart, her expression falling.

"Nicole doesn't wanna see me anymore," she says quietly, and Nikki wants to ask, but under the supervision of the nurse, he keeps his mouth shut, just nods, "if you want to organise me a fuckin' pizza though, I'd be so grateful, I'm starving." And without further ado, Nikki's off to find the nearest phone.

"Miss Gone, you died last night," the nurse tells her gently, and Lola coughs and clears her throat, "there are some fantastic rehabilitation programs here in Hollywood," she tries but Lola rolls her eyes.

"You don't get paid enough to deal with me," Lola tells her flatly, and throws the remote control for her bed's reclining system against the wall hard enough that it shattered, "I just wanna get out of here and to not worry my boyfriend."

The nurse tries to process that had just happened, but she doesn't have the words.

"You're making a mistake -"

"I've been doing that a lot lately," Lola spits, wincing as she tugs on her cannulas, trying to see if she could get it loose. It wasn't working.

"Please, Miss Gone -"

"Help me out of here," Lola demanded, "or I'll cut my way out." And when she fishes out her pocket knife, the panicking nurse rushes to her aid. By the time Nikki comes back, Lola's almost free, and he seems relieved.

"Mister Sixx," the nurse starts, but Lola shoots her a murderous look, and the nurse wilts, "we just need you to sign some paperwork saying that you'll be getting her home."

"Pizza first, but yeah," Nikki grins, before turning back to Lola, "and the band's glad you're alright; don't worry, they gave you the day off." He jokes, and Lola gives a weak smile. They'd worried about her.

"Fuck, man, I'm so sorry I worried you guys, I was being stupid and went too hard, it was nothing," she tries as they leave, and Nikki wraps an arm around her, tells her it's not a big deal as long as she was alright.

And Lola, recently deceased, feeling the ache of it with every step, tells him she is.

[chezgender]

Permission

Hello everyone!

This fic is inspired by Angst prompt 5 of this post:  “My heart tells me to kiss you, my head tells me to walk away.” The amazing @saint-of-los-angeles helped me with it and if you haven’t, go check her works because she’s amazing!

Pairing: Nikki x Tommy, Terrorcest Warnings: mention of drugs and lots of angst 

Summary: It’s Tommy’s wedding and Nikki has to cope with the idea of losing the love of his life.

Tommy's wedding was, indeed, supposed to be a day of celebration.

But what's the point of celebrating the loss of the person you love the most in the world?

All dressed in white, Tommy Lee looked like the most beautiful creature Sixx had ever seen, an angel sent straight from heaven just for Nikki. Nikki knew every single inch of the skin underneath those clothes, the tattoos he loved to trace, the taste of the salt on Tommy's body. He knew the shades of Tommy's voice, the way they changed when he smiled, or when he cried. 

Despite all of this, Nikki was there, in a stupid black and white tux that he hated, looking at his life-long love marrying another person.

It was no wonder he had injected all the shit that he could into his veins. He was outright wasted, devastated for a lack of a better term, and it was such a miserable scene.

He couldn't even fake happiness for Tommy, even though he should have.

Luckily the ceremony was over, everyone out there was having the time of their life, especially Tommy and Heather, flashing smiles like never before. 

Nikki, instead, was sitting on the cold tiles the bathroom in the huge, painfully clean bathroom. The bassist felt like nothing more than a spot of dirt in there, he felt out of place in every sense of the word. He had barely managed to take a breath before another violent shiver hit him to the core, and he gagged again, his hand desperately gripping the toilet seat. He felt like shit, he knew he had done entirely too much, but no matter how hard he tried, the bassist could think of no other way of making it through that dreadful ceremony.

He could barely hear the knocking at the door through the ringing in his ears, and just let out a weak grunt, hoping the person would take the hint and go away. He grunted louder at the sound of a jiggling door handle as someone tried to open the door, and said a silent prayer of thanks that he at least had enough sense to lock the door. 

Soon enough he was alone again, and focused on the goal of feeling at least slightly better than he currently was, pleading silently with his stomach to just stop lurching. 

His pleas fell on dead ears, of course, as his body kept violently rejecting the goddamn drugs that were supposed to make him feel better, to help him get through this day. This was hell.

His skin was on fire, he felt himself sweating despite the constant chills and shivers that were making him shake like a leaf, and his throat was  burning and raw.

"Nikki? Nikki, are you in there? Open the goddamn door!" a desperate, shaking voice cried out from the other side of the door, a voice Nikki would know anywhere.  

There was Tommy, on the other side of the wooden barrier, with his forehead leaning on the door and wet eyes hidden by his long curls. His shaking hand held the handle in a life-like grip, he would've broken it if he had to. Luckily there was no one around, he had left the party with a poor excuse since Nikki was nowhere to be seen, and Tommy always worried about the bassist.

In the end Sixx opened the door, barely able to stand on his feet, looking dejected and broken, but somehow still beautiful despite the messed up hair, black eyeliner tracks down his cheeks, and the smell of vomit lingering in the air. He would always be beautiful to Tommy.

Tommy hugged him, trying to ignore the feeling of his bones through the clothes. He had lost so much weight since heroin became part of his daily routine. "Nikki... thank fucking god you're alive." He whispered, and felt the bassist shake in his arms. He closed the door and let Nikki sit again, only to follow him. 

"How are you feeling?"

"I love you, you know that right?" Nikki whispered, and Tommy noticed he was barely holding back more fucking tears. "I want to be happy for you, you found love, you found all you were looking for with her…" Tommy remained silent, looking at the ground, unable to say anything. He knew what Nikki was going to say. "So yeah, I'm good really. I might have just.. overdone it with the junk, you know?"

"I'm glad you're here. I know it's hard for you."

"I'm fine, Tommy. Go out there, be with her, you deserve your happiness." Nikki smiled, the best he could. He meant it, in a way. He really wanted Tommy to be happy, even if it meant to lose him. He needed to adapt, adjust. Losing people had been a constant in his life, he was used to it, but somehow this stung more than the rest.

“My heart tells me to kiss you, my head tells me to walk away.” Tommy said in a hushed tone, his heart was as torn as Nikki's. "What the fuck am I supposed to do now?" He continued, and right there Nikki heard the crack in his voice. He lifted his eyes to find Tommy's full of tears, and Nikki's heart broke even more.

"Please, walk away. That's the best for both of us, I can't fuck up your life like I'm doing with mine." The bassist answered, those words hurt so much while being spoken, Nikki could barely hear himself. He whispered them, careful, careful not to say anything that could convince Tommy to kiss him, to cheat on his wife, to give a stupid glimpse of hope to himself when he was trying desperately to accept reality.

"I don't wanna ruin you. I would never forgive myself, Tommy..." 

"But-" Tommy tried to say something, anything, but Nikki interrupted him: "Go, for real. They are waiting for you out there." 

The drummer nodded, even if leaving Sixx there, in those conditions, hurt him like a knife straight to the heart.

"Let me at least walk you to the limousine, so you can go home. Rest, try to sleep and please take care." He proposed, helping Nikki to get up. He was still very weak, possibly even weaker than before, if that was possible. He washed his face with cold water and sipped a bit of it, it tasted amazing and felt so refreshing for his sore throat. He felt his heart seize up when he felt Tommy's warm hand resting on the small of his back, steadying the bassist and grounding him to Earth.

Tommy walked him to the car, dealing with the other guests so Nikki could stay quiet and just smile. He left him in the limo and said goodbye with wet eyes, said he was going to call him later.

Nikki knew Tommy wasn't going to call, he would be much too busy with his new bride and maybe that is for the best, anyway

He asked the driver to bring him home and, on the ride, he did what he knew he shouldn't and called Jason. He asked for more drugs, more substances to help him just forget, and Jason didn't disappoint. When Sixx walked through the garden of Van Nuys, his dealer was already there with the substances requested and waiting for the money.

He shot up again, indeed, because he felt he had no other choice. He needed to forget everything he had said to Tommy, because he regretted every single moment of that conversation.

*****

The drummer had to wait until the party was over and he and Heather were home. He called Nikki once, then twice, but nobody answered. Worry grew and rose in his chest, he was filled with bad thoughts and worst case scenarios. 

Scenarios that involved the love of his life, dead alone on the floor with a needle in his arm.

"Babe, I'm really sorry but I need to go. It won't take long, I promise." He said, hurriedly grabbing his jacket and the keys to his Harley.

The blonde woman looked at him and raised her eyebrow: "Where are you going, to check up on your junkie friend? He can't do anything without you, right?" She sneered, crossing her arms and looking really annoyed.

Tommy walked closer to her, so he could kiss the tip of her nose. Like he always did with Nikki when he was angry for some stupid reason, and he couldn't help but think this felt so wrong with her, but he had to get out of there. "Honey, don't get mad. He needs me, I wanna be there for him. He's my best friend."

"Well then, you might stay at his place for the night then, since you seem to owe him some kind of help." She growled as she threw her nightgown on in a huff. "Why didn't you marry him, instead?" 

Tommy snapped and took a couple of steps back, to avoid losing control of his actions. His fingers were twitching and he couldn't help but think: if I could have, I would have.

"Don't say shit like that ever again. Mind your own fucking business, and stay out of my relationship with Nikki." He spat through gritted teeth, pointing at her with shaking hands. She wasn't intimidated though, just angry, and she rolled her eyes at his obvious distress.

"Yeah sure, go. Go and take care of him. I'll see you tomorrow, maybe. Or maybe not, I might as well pack my shit and leave!"

"I told you it's just for tonight, he was really sick today."

"Whatever. Now get out." And Tommy did as he was told,  running out and jumping on his motorcycle, and speeding his way to Van Nuys. He knew the road by heart then, since he had done it so many times, and luckily it didn't take long.

He had a copy of the keys, of course he did, so he basically ran through the garden and then entered the house. No sound was to be heard except the soft music on MTV, Nikki was probably on the first floor. Of course the place was completely messed up, and he wasn't surprised. 

"Nikki? Are you here?" He called, and then clarified: "It's me, Tommy,'' knowing Nikki's mind spiraled downwards in paranoia, when he was high. He reached the bassist's bedroom and found Nikki sleeping on the bed. He was still fully dressed, and there was the wound of a very recent fix on his left hand. 

At least he was alive, that was all that mattered. Everything else could wait. Tommy laid down next to him, ignoring the not so nice smell in the air, and listened to Nikki's deep breath like a sort of mantra. He was alive. He was alive.

He watched Sixx 's face and breathing for signs of distress the whole night, until the bassist woke up by himself around 4am. 

"Tommy? Is that you or, am I hallucinating?"

The drummer shifted and went closer to Nikki's body: "It's Tommy. How are you?"

"Sleepy. What the fuck are you doing here?"

"I came to see if you were okay."

"And what about her?" Nikki enquired, scratching his forehead and then looking for a bottle of water on the drawer. He took a long sip, still looking at Tommy with half closed eyes.

"She's home, pretty mad, but I don't care."

"The fuck, Tommy, you should be there with her." The bassist put a hand to his forehead, his voice sounded tired and most of all, worried. "You shouldn't be here."

"I want to be here, that's the fucking point." Tommy said, and cupped Nikki’s face. The black haired man looked at him, tiredly. Why did Tommy have to do that to him? Hadn’t he endured enough pain yet? He was trying to get used to the idea of living without the love of his life, because Tommy himself said so, because he said they had to cut their relationship short, for their own good. And yet Tommy was there, taking care of him and ignoring all the things he said, all the things he promised. Tommy was there, and Nikki found it so hard to resist, to say no, because he didn't fucking want to.

“Don’t ruin shit, dude.” Nikki growled then, getting up and taking the chance to change his clothes into something more comfortable. He could feel Tommy's sad eyes watching him during the whole process, without saying anything. "You fucking married her. You wanted this."

"I know... but-"

The black haired man looked at him, dead in the eye: "But what, you still love me or something?"

"...There's no way I could ever stop loving you."

"Then you shouldn't have married her." he said back, barely able to swallow the pain those words caused him. He needed to try to lie, to convince Tommy that this was the right decision. Giving up on Tommy, trying to put some distance between them, to save Tommy's marriage. He really wanted Tommy to be happy.

"You have no right to do this to her, and to me, because you know too damn well I can't fucking live like this."

The drummer sat on the edge of the bed and took Nikki's hands, they were kinda cold, but those long and rough fingers felt so familiar when they intertwined with his. "We always kept our relationship secret. What's different now?"

"Tommy, you chose her. You promised to stay next to her no matter what. You shouldn't cheat on her, and moreover, not with me. The difference is in the choice you made." Nikki’s voice was indeed petty strangled at that point, he couldn’t hold back the salty tears. Tommy pulled him closer and hugged his waist, leaning his head on his belly. They both sighed, while the bassist stroked the younger’s hair.

“I still love you anyway. I think that’s pretty clear, right?” Nikki whispered, and Tommy nodded silently as Nikki sat next to him. Shoulder to shoulder, they were looking at the floor with sad eyes. Everything was chaotic in that room: the bed was unmade, clothes and any kind of personal belongings were scattered all over the carpet, the smell of smoke and alcohol mixed with hairspray, the sound of cars passing by. Nikki’s mind drifted off: he couldn’t stay concentrated for too long. He was tired, and there still was the aftermath of drugs, hazing his mind.

Tommy’s voice brought him back to the harsh reality of things: “Can I kiss you one last time?” he asked, and Sixx couldn’t say no to that. Just one last kiss, he told himself, won’t kill anyone, right?

They were familiar with each other, yet, that kiss seemed full of brand new sensations. First the drummer caressed his cheek and then held up his chin, looking into those green eyes he was so hopelessly in love with. Their lips touched ever so softly, just a chaste contact, before Nikki would deepen the kiss by licking the other's lips. Tommy of course followed him, and kissed him in a desperate dance of feelings, almost crying, almost moaning his name so low it couldn't be heard. 

"I love you, I love you so much…" the drummer whispered, stroking Nikki's tangled hair and kissing his jaw and neck, breathing hot against his skin, trying to savor every moment, every single sensation. Nikki bit his lip before lowering his head to kiss Tommy's hair. 

"I love you too, Tommy. More than anything." he quietly murmured back, words they had chanted so many times. Sometimes between laughs, sometimes during sex, sometimes while fighting, but never like this. Tommy was crying: Nikki felt it by the way his back would slightly jolt and his breath kept on stopping. He couldn't do anything about it.

"Stay here tonight, okay? You’ll go home in the morning, I don’t want you driving like this.” Nikki proposed as he laid on the bed, pulling Tommy with him. The drummer remained silent for a while, until he stopped crying, and then nodded: "Okay."

So they fell asleep together, just by basking in the familiar sound of each other’s breath, so reassuring, and soaking in the comforting heat of their skin, tucked in the sheets together, as they were always meant to be.

But both of them knew that the daylight would come much, much too soon.

[the--blackdahlia]

Kicked Out (Duff x Steven)

Title: Kicked Out

Summary:  Axl kicks Steven out of the band when Duff's not around.

Warnings: Drug use, language, overdose, alcohol abuse, Axl being a dick

AN:  This is an AU where Steven's dismissal from GNR was during Nikki's drug days.

“You’re out,” Axl snapped at Steven. The two had been arguing from the moment Steven had stepped into the rehearsal room.

“What?” Steven looked up at the redhead, who was glaring him down.

“You heard me. You don’t contribute, you’re usually late, and your fucking addiction is getting in the way,” Axl snapped. Steven glanced over at Slash, wanting him to stand up and say Steven wasn’t the only one doing smack or drinking, but the guitarist said nothing. Like sharing a rig meant nothing to him. “Get out.”

“Axl…”

“Get. Out. Steven.” Axl sneered. Izzy and Slash watched the drummer’s shoulders slump as he got his things and walked out of the rehearsal room.

“Jesus Rose,” Izzy sighed. “Way to kick the kid when he’s down.”

“Should’ve been a fucking team player,” Axl sighed. “I got a guy lined up to take his spot.”

“Yeah, but who’s gonna tell Duff when he gets here?” Slash pointed out. Axl paused for a moment then shrugged.

“Not my problem anymore,” Axl shrugged. “Duff’ll get over it. And you guys are gonna fucking love Matt.”

****

Steven walked into the apartment he had been sharing with the bassist for a few years now. What had started out as a roommate situation had turned into something more. Steven half expected to come into the apartment to see Duff on the couch, deciding to skip practice because he could. But he wasn’t anywhere to be seen.

That’s when Steven’s mind started getting the best of him. Duff had been late to practice and wasn’t here because he didn’t want to see Steven. Because he knew Axl was going to kick him to the curb like yesterday’s trash and he didn’t want to see the heartbreak spread on his boyfriend’s face.

That was, if Duff wasn’t breaking up with him too.

Steven dropped the bag that had his drum sticks and other items in it on the floor. He went to the kitchen, seeing some half opened bottles of vodka in the fridge as well as some new ones. He grabbed a brand new one and started downing it. He was sure that Duff would be pissed that he drank all his vodka, but Steven just didn’t want to feel anything anymore. He wanted to drink until he couldn’t move.

But as he emptied the bottle not long after coming home, it did nothing to ease the pain. Instead, it amplified the words Axl had hissed at him. So Steven reached for another bottle and started to chug it. But each drop just made the words louder and louder to the point that Steven just chucked the bottle across the apartment.

The band meant the world to him. He thought he was contributing just as much as everyone else. Yeah, he wasn’t as great of a songwriter as the others, but Axl never wanted to listen to anything he offered, so he just gave up. Axl didn’t write as many of their songs as people thought. He would throw out a word or two but then demanded that his name get added to the credits for his contributions.

The more Steven thought about it, the more upset he got. So he headed over to the phone, took a deep breath, and dialed a number, hoping the other person would be home.

“Yeah?” A voice answered.

“Sixx? It’s Steven. Get your ass over here. Bring the good shit,” Steven told him.

“Why the fuck should I?” Nikki asked. “The good shit is expensive.”

“I’ll pay you,” Steven told him. “Whatever you want. I just know the dealers give you better shit than they give me.”

“Okay, okay. Don’t get your panties in a bunch. Give me like ten minutes. Fucking hell,” Nikki groaned. “You owe me big time Adler.”

“Yeah, yeah. I’ll get you whatever you want,”

“Those are dangerous words drummer,” Nikki’s voice was deep and sent a shiver down Steven’s spine. It was almost like talking to the devil.

Guess that’s what happens when you screw around with black magic while working on Shout at the Devil. You become the thing you were shouting at.

“I’ll see you soon Sixx,” Steven hung up and ran a hand down his face. He honestly thought Duff would’ve came through the door. He thought that would’ve been a sign not to call Nikki, not to ask for drugs, not to want to get high with this much vodka in his system. But he didn’t. Because he was in on Axl’s plan and they were probably all laughing it up at Steven’s expense.

Steven fiddled with a chain around his neck. Duff rarely played with a pick these days, but back when they first met, after Steven got turned down by London and Duff was fresh to LA and in need of a band, he used one. And he laced it on a chain and put it around Steven’s neck when Road Crew broke up, not long before the two of them remet up with Slash and found Axl and Izzy.

It hung there all the time, but right now, it’s weight felt really heavy. Steven sighed and slipped it off his head, laying it on the coffee table. He kept staring at it until he heard a loud bang on the door. Steven opened the door and saw Nikki standing there, towering over him. Fuck, why did everyone he hung out with have to be so much taller than him.

“Hey,” Nikki gave him a smirk. “You gonna let me in?” Steven stepped to the side to let the bassist in. “Shit man, you guys got a nice set up.”

“Uh, yeah,” Normally, when Steven was hanging out with Nikki, Slash or Robin Crosby were there as well. And it was never at Steven’s place. Nikki flopped down on the couch and put his feet up on the coffee table.

“You know, you pulled me away from a very good bed with a very good partner,” Nikki chuckled.

“Sorry,” Steven mumbled.

“It’s cool. Just anxious to use my favor card at some point,” Nikki smirked.

“Yeah, yeah,” Steven shook his head. “You got it?” Steven reached into the fridge for another bottle of Duff’s vodka before going to sit over by Nikki.

“Not much for foreplay, are you?” Nikki laughed. “Yeah, I got it. Give me a minute. Drink your damn vodka.” Steven took a drink as he watched Nikki get the drug ready. Nikki had done it so many times that he could do it while watching TV or anything else. “Turn on the TV,” Nikki told Steven.

“What? Why?” Steven looked confused.

“I wanna see if there’s anything good on,” Nikki shrugged. He looked over at Steven. "What? You think I came all the way over here to shoot you up and leave? I'm gonna use it and I like to watch TV."

"Oh, ok," Steven nodded. Nikki smiled as he got the drug to the right consistency. Steven flipped the TV on to whatever channel they had had on last.

"Haven't seen you around the hangouts much," Nikki made small talk as he got ready.

"Uh, haven't actually done anything in a month," Steven admitted.

"One month sober? What made you change your mind?"

"Axl kicked me out," Steven sighed. "I'd even been writing songs. He just didn't want to even look at them." Steven looked down at his hands.

"Well, if you knew guitar, I'd convince the others to make us a five piece. But Tommy ain't sharing his drum kit with anyone," Nikki chuckled. "Think you can handle a normal dose?"

"I wouldn't see why not," Steven nodded. A dark smirk spread on nikki's face and Steven started regretting it instantly. "Come here babe."

"Don't call me that," Steven sighed.

"Then quit being so cute," Nikki licked his lips as he tied the tourniquet on Steven's arms. "So many nice veins." Steven just took another big gulp of the clear liquid. He didn't even look as Nikki filled up the needle and injected it into Steven's arm.

And instantly, Steven could feel something wasn't right.

"There we go. All done," Nikki patted his cheek. "Feel better?"

"No not really…" Steven admitted.

"Give it time," Nikki tied up his own arm to inject himself while Steven stood up, stumbling some. "Where you going? You're gonna miss this block of videos."

"I'm not hurling in here," Steven barely could get his feet to listen to him as he tried to take steps. Nikki shrugged and turned his attention to the TV. Steven snagged the chain with Duff’s guitar pick off the table and took a couple shakey steps towards his and Duff’s bedroom when his legs gave out under him and he fell to the floor. He thought he heard a door open, and he thought he heard someone yelling his name, but he was sure it was just Nikki. Steven let his eyes slip closed.

****

Duff had showed up for practice about twenty minutes after Steven had left in tears. He had bought his boyfriend a present to celebrate one month of sobriety, and to cheer him up some. But upon walking into the rehearsal room, Duff’s smile fell when he saw a dark haired man talking with Axl, Slash, and Izzy, and no Steven in sight.

“Who’s this?” Duff asked. Axl glanced up from where he was. Slash watched from the sidelines, but Izzy spoke up.

“This is our new drummer,” Izzy explained. Duff looked over at the guitarist.

“New drummer? But we have a drummer,” Duff didn’t like where this was going.

“Not anymore,” Izzy told him. “Because Mr. W. Axl Rose over there fired the ray of sunshine.”

“Fuck,” Axl whispered under his breath. Matt, the new drummer, took a step back as all 6’3” of Duff towered over the frontman. “H-hey Duff. What’s up?”

“You fired Steven?!” Duff yelled. “Without telling me?”

“You would’ve said no!” Axl shot back. “And he doesn’t contribute! His heroin addiction is getting in the way! I’m tired of him!”

“He hasn’t touched heroin in a month!” Duff screamed. “He didn’t want to say anything yet, because the first few months are always the hardest!”

“He what?” Axl asked.

“That’s why I haven’t seen him around the normal hangouts?” Slash asked Duff. “I thought he was just whipped.”

“He wanted to get better, because he realized how much this,” Duff waved at the instruments and the room. “Meant to all of us! Meant to him!” Duff marched over to an amp case and rummaged through it, finding some things Steven had left behind when Axl kicked him to the curb. Reaching into the bottom, Duff found a notebook that Steven had been so excited to show him.

“What’s that?” Axl asked.

“Steven’s song book,” Duff snapped. “He tried to show you, and you were a dick to him about it! Yeah, his songs aren’t fucking “Welcome to the Jungle” but he could’ve done the filler songs!”

“He...he was writing…” Axl whispered. Slash took the book and flipped through the pages, coming to a song dedicated “To Axl”.

“‘The One You Hated”,” Slash announced. “Dedicated to you Axl.”

“God, were you really that mean to the kid?” Izzy asked.

“I gotta go,” Duff went running towards the door.

“Where are you going?” Axl called after him.

“Who knows what kinda damage you’ve caused, you prick!” Duff ran out to his car, leaving Axl, Slash, Izzy, and the new guy behind.

****

“Come on, fucking move it!” Duff screamed at the traffic. His mind kept wandering back to Steven. His loving and sweet boyfriend who had been trying so hard to better himself. Yeah, Duff wasn’t perfect. He drank too much, but he could see that Steven actually wanted to be sober.

But traffic was moving so slow and he just wanted to get home.

It felt like too many long minutes before he pulled up in front of the apartment building where him and Steven lived. He bypassed the elevator and took the stairs to their floor, where he quickly threw open the door.

“Steven?” Duff called into the apartment, hoping he was here. He saw a headful of black hair sticking up over the top of the couch. Duff made his way over to see Nikki staring blankly at the TV. “Nikki?”

“Oh, heey Duffman,” Nikki smiled at him. “Come to join the party?” Duff saw the needle and rig laying on the table.

“Where’s Steven?” Duff asked.

“I dunno,” Nikki looked around. “Think he went that way.” Nikki motioned vaguely over towards the bedroom, but also to the front door. That wasn’t helping Duff in his search very much.

“Fuck,” Duff was about to turn around and walk out of the house when something in the corner of his eye caught his attention. He turned to find his boyfriend laying on his side, his necklace he always wore laying in his hand. “Steven!” Duff screamed

The bassist ran over to the drummer and turned him onto his back. Steven’s head just swayed with the movement and Duff’s heart stopped. What if he touched his neck and didn’t find a pulse? What if he held his hand over his nose and didn’t feel a breath? What if Steven was gone?

But Duff pushed those thoughts down and shakily touched his fingers to Steven’s neck, finding a very slow and sluggish pulse. But it was there and Duff could take a small breath.

“Sixx!” Duff called over to Nikki. “Fuck! Nikki!”

“What?”

“We need to call an ambulance!” Duff called to the other bassist. Nikki looked over and the look on Duff’s face was enough to help sober him up a little bit.

“What’s wrong?” Nikki asked, pushing himself to his feet. Unlike Steven, Nikki had yet to stop, so a larger dose was nothing to him.

“I think Steven OD’d. Nikki please call for help. Or give me the fucking phone. I’m not leaving him,”

Nikki nodded and brought the phone over to Duff. He knew that in his state, he wouldn’t be able to relay things right. Duff sighed and took the phone, calling for help while holding onto Steven the whole time.

****

Duff sat in the waiting room with his head in his hands. He had filled out the paperwork the best he could, telling the orderlies that Steven had been clean for a month and had been doing so good. Now, he was alone. That was, until Nikki slowly walked up to him with a cup of coffee in each hand.

“Here,” Nikki held out a cup of the mediocre hospital coffee. Duff took it, but didn’t drink it. “I called Slash. I figured you’d want your band here…”

“Axl doesn’t fucking care,” Duff whispered. “If it wasn’t for him, we wouldn’t even be here right now.”

“What happened?” Nikki sat down by the blonde.

“You know how Axl is,” Duff sighed. “Steven tell you that Axl kicked him out?”

“I think so, yeah,” Nikki nodded.

“Steven hadn’t touched heroin in a month. I was so proud of him, he was so proud of himself,” Duff stared down at the coffee. “We should’ve told the others. But he didn’t want them to tease him. And he didn’t want to let them down if he relapsed…”

“I...I’m sorry…” Nikki sighed. “Tommy’s been asking me to stop. Thought about it a couple times. But that’s as far as it got.” He paused. “I should’ve told him no.” Duff didn’t say anything. He wasn’t mad at Nikki, but he wasn’t happy with him either. Nikki would’ve been down right pissed if someone had done that to Tommy. They sat in silence for a little bit before a familiar face walked up to them.

“Duff, how is he?” Izzy asked. Duff noticed Slash and Axl loitering behind him.

“I don’t know yet,” Duff shrugged. “He had a pulse when I found him, but he wasn’t awake.”

“Shit,” Slash shook his head. “He probably took a bigger dose than his body could handle.” Duff just nodded. Nikki looked up at the other three and saw Axl staring at the ground. He could see the guilt radiating off of him.

“I’m gonna head out…” Nikki said, standing. Izzy, Slash, and Duff all looked at him, but not Axl. “Uh, call me when you find something out?”

“Yeah,” Duff nodded. Nikki excused himself from the group. The three took seats in the waiting room.

“I, uh, I looked at the notebook…” Axl said after several moments of silence. “His songs aren’t bad, but…”

“You don’t want him in the band still.” Duff stated, matter of factly.

“Duff…”

“Why don’t you like him?” Duff turned to look at the frontman. “What did he ever do to you?”

“He came into the band and...everyone just fucking loved him...including you…” Axl sighed.

“You kicked him out because you’re fucking jealous?” Duff asked. Axl just shrugged. “What the fuck is wrong with you?”

“I didn’t expect him to OD!” Axl yelled. Duff jumped up.

“If he dies, I hope he haunts your ass,” Duff sneered. “Because of your pettiness, he gave up his sobriety, and he might pay a big price for it.” Axl stood up, ready to smart off to the bassist, when someone’s voice could be heard.

“I’m looking for the family of Steven Adler…”

Duff turned to look at the doctor, standing there in her coat and holding her clipboard.

“That’s me,” Duff walked away from Axl. “Duff McKagan.” The doctor looked at her clipboard and nodded. “Is he…”

“Have a seat and we’ll discuss everything,” She told him. Duff didn’t like the sound of that one bit, but took a seat next to slash, who threw an arm around his shoulder, trying to provide some comfort. “As you already know, Mr. Adler was brought in for an overdose to an opioid.”

“Yeah…”

“As we were pumping his stomach, his heart did stop and we had to use a defibrillator to bring him back.”

“And he…”

“He is alive,” She told him. “We are monitoring him closely, but he is alive and breathing on his own, which is the good thing.” Duff let his head drop into his hands. He had honestly believed that she was coming to tell him that Steven was gone.

“When can we see him?” Izzy spoke up. Duff looked up at the doctor.

“Well, he’s currently in the ICU, so only two people can see him at a time. But I can have a nurse show you there and you can go see him.” The doctor explained. Duff ran a hand down his face.

“Thank you,” He whispered. She offered him a smile before leaving. Once Steven was out of the woods, she would have to speak with them about treatment plans. But right now, he just needed to get to a point where he could open his eyes.

A nurse came to get them to take them to the ICU waiting room, and from there, two could go see the drummer. But as Axl stood, Izzy and Slash stopped him.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea Rose,” Izzy told him.

“What? Why?”

“Well, for starters, we wouldn’t even be here right now if it wasn’t for you,” Slash told him.

“And you just told Duff you fired the kid out of spite,” Izzy added. “I think you should just go home.” Slash nodded in agreement.

“Fine,” Axl rolled his eyes. “Later.” He marched out of the hospital. Duff looked at the two guitarists.

“You didn’t have to do that,” He told them as they made their way to the ICU.

“Eh, we didn’t know he was kicking him out either,” Izzy shrugged. Duff nodded as they were led to the new waiting room.

“Okay, who’s going in?” The nurse asked with a smile.

“You go on Duff,” Slash told the bassist. “You need to see him more than we do.”

“Are you sure?” Duff asked. The two nodded. Duff took a deep breath then and followed the nurse to Steven’s room. He told himself he was prepared for anything. But he realized that wasn’t the truth when he saw his usually lively boyfriend laying completely still in the hospital bed. He had wires attached to him, an oxygen cannula under his nose, and he was so damn pale. This was not the usual ray of sunshine that Duff was used to.

“He’ll probably sleep for awhile,” The nurse told Duff. “A drug overdose is traumatic enough. But he had a lot of alcohol in his bloodstream too.”

“He did?” Duff glanced over at her. He didn’t even notice the empty bottles when he was panicking about keeping Steven alive.

“Yeah,” She patted Duff’s arm. “I’m just a call button away.”

“Thank you,” Duff made his way over to Steven’s bed and took a seat. He carefully reached out and grabbed his hand that wasn’t attached to anything. He brought it to his lips and placed a gentle kiss on the knuckles. “I’m right here babe.”

****

At some point, Duff had fallen asleep. He woke himself up with each check a nurse did on the drummer, but he would fall back asleep after that. It wasn’t until the sun started rising that he officially woke up. With a groan, Duff stood to stretch his back.

“Nice view,” He could’ve sworn he heard Steven say. Turning back around, Duff was greeted with a sleepy eyed Steven Adler. He had a small smile on his face, but he looked exhausted.

“You get your energy from the sun. I just knew it,” Duff laughed a little as he leaned over and kissed Steven’s forehead. “How are you feeling?”

“Like shit,” Steven admitted. “I’m sorry.”

“I wish you would’ve waited to talk to me before calling Sixx,” Duff played with his fluffy hair.

“I...I was scared,” Steven told him. He didn’t have to say anymore. Duff figured it out. He was scared that Duff had agreed with Axl, and he was scared that Duff didn’t want to see him anymore.

“Babe, you never have to be scared as long as I’m around,” Duff cupped his cheek. “I love you. And Axl is fucking worthless.”

“Maybe he’s right though,” Steven shrugged. “I’m never gonna be as good of a songwriter as you guys. I can’t sing. All I do is hit the drums. And Axl has told me several times that I’m not as good as half the drummers on the scene…”

“He wouldn’t know anything good if it bit him in the ass,” Duff told him. “But you’ll be great without him. You’ll get a kickass band, and I’ll be your biggest supporter.”

“Maybe I could steal his bassist sometime,” Steven shrugged. “Because you’re not quitting.”

“You think I’m staying there without you?”

“Yes,” Steven nodded. “Because you’re fucking awesome, and your talents would be wasted on anything less. I mean, look how far we got with Road Crew.”

“Babe…”

“Please?” Steven looked at Duff with those eyes he couldn’t say no to.

“Okay, okay. I’ll stay. But the minute he says something to me, I’m choking him with one of those fucking bandanas,” Duff smirked a little.

“Fair enough,” Steven laughed a little but his eyes started to fall closed.

“Get some rest babe,” Duff placed a gentle kiss on his lips. “I’ll be right here when you wake up.”

The End

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[hazza-bear-care]

Can you do a one-shot where the reader's the 5th member of Mötley Crüe? It follows the storyline of the movie The Dirt. She's their rhythm guitarist. She's Nikki's girlfriend and was in London with him. They have similiar upbringings. Her dad left when she was 3, her mom was a negectful alcoholic and she called the cops and had her arrested and was in a juvenile home until she was 18. She and Nikki get addicted to heroin. From there, it goes down the same way as the movie. No smut, please.

Of course babe! I hope it turned out the way you wanted!

Warnings: Drug use and mentions of two overdoses

~~~~~~~~~

 “Ash! Get the fuck over here and vacuum this mess up!” Nikki called, handing her a mountain of cocaine poured and haphazardly separated into lines on a cymbal. Ashley snorted two full lines for herself before separating more lines and passing the cymbal off to Tommy. Colors danced around Ashley in a blurry tornado and a few seconds later, Nikki was nudging her shoulder, gesturing for her to follow him to another room. In her high state, Ashley followed. She zoned out as Nikki fluttered around her. 

“Sit on the counter and hold out your arm. This is gonna feel so much better than blow, I promise.” Ashley nodded and followed Nikki’s instruction, holding out her left arm and watching as Nikki tied his belt around her bicep, slapping her arm lightly until a prominent vein popped up. He pushed a needle into the vein, injecting the syrupy liquid into her bloodstream. Immediately, Ashley felt the effects of this new drug, closing her eyes and leaning her head back on the mirror. 

“Holy shit, Nikki. What was that?” Ashley slurred, staring at one of her best friends.

“That, my dear, was heroin. I told ya it would feel better than blow.” Nikki stared at the girl in front of him, her slumped body still looking gorgeous. He leaned forward, grabbing her hands and pulling her forward. Her blown pupils connected with his and he smashed his lips onto hers. 

~~~~~~~

Five years later, Nikki and Ashley were deep in their addiction. 

“Ash, baby, what did you wanna be when you grew up?” Nikki slurred, his hands resting on her thigh as she sucked on a lollipop. 

“What I am now: a musician in the greatest rock band the world has ever seen. Hey, is there anymore? I can’t feel it.” Nikki nodded, kissing Ashley’s forehead gently as he called over a friend. 

“You guys look like you’re in need of some sweet Persian.” He started heating up the rock, watching it melt into a spoon. 

“Where is Persia? Does it even exists anymore?” Nikki muttered, stealing Ashley’s lollipop. 

“There has to be; it’s where all the cats come from.”

“What cats?” Ashley asked.

“Those cats from Lady and the Tramp. Ya know with the crazy eyes?”

“They’re SIAMESE cats. You don’t know anything about Walt Disney, man.”

“I know he was a pervert. He liked lying under glass tables and paying women to shit on them.”

“That never happened, man.”

“Oh yeah? How do you know?”

“’Cause Nikki is a pervert and he’s never thought about doing any of that,” Ashley remarked, holding out her arm and waiting for her taste of smack. Nikki’s friend shot her up, then Nikki himself. There was a moment of bliss before Ashley went dark and collapsed, Nikki following after.

~~~~~

“This just in: Motley Crue’s bassist and rhythmic guitarist have been pronounced dead due to drug related complications. Sources say that Nikki Sixx and Ash Ryder had been using heroin for years...”

The beeping of two heart monitors filled the ambulance as the paramedics scrambled to save both Ashley and Nikki. 

“Alright, I’m calling it. Time of death-” 

“Nah, man. This is Nikki Sixx and Ash Ryder! They’re not about to die in my ambulance!” The paramedic grabbed four adrenaline syringes, throwing two to his partner and instructing him to help Ashley. 

“One, two, three!” The first injection went in and nothing happened.

“One more time! One, two, three!” Simultaneously, Nikki and Ashley shot straight up on their gurneys, gasping for air as their hearts abruptly started beating again. Looking between the paramedics and each other, they panted.

“OW!”

~~~~~~

Thanks for the request, my love! I’m sorry it took so long to actually get done, but work has been kicking my ass recently lol. Hope you enjoyed!

[writehardwhumpharder]

Deadly Class Fic. because we need more Marcus whump

King’s Dominion - prison, school, slaughterhouse, and now home. Marcus just knew that it wasn’t the street and that’s all that mattered. The fact that he’s any safer here than on the street was highly debatable, but at the school he had regular meals and a clean, warm place to sleep every night. But old habits die hard, and he found himself stuck in survival mode. Sleeping with one eye open and a knife under your pillow was a very good idea in a place like this, but taking half-eaten lunches out of the trash and hoarding whatever he could get his hands on earned Marcus some strange looks. However, there was one major downside to his new living arrangement, the strict no drugs or alcohol on campus policy. Here he was, laughing with his new friends, eating fresh food, wearing clean clothes, it was everything he could have wanted. But still, as the days stretched into weeks, the itch under his skin, the need to get high, never went away.

The students weren’t locked in the school at all times, technically he should be able to go out and score any time he wasn’t in class, but the walls had eyes. Eyes that followed him out onto the street at night, eyes that kept him in line. But that was about to end. When Marcus and Saya received their assignment in AP Black Arts to successfully stalk someone — not kill, thank god — naturally he chose the best drug dealer he knew.

“What are we really doing here, Marcus?” Saya whispered from where they were crouched behind a building. “I thought you said this guy was some kind of rapist, but for the last three hours we’ve been trailing him, all we’ve seen is a couple drug deals.” She saw right through him. Marcus didn’t even know why he bothered to lie to her.

“He is.” Marcus continued with his story. “He just uses the drugs to lure the girls, or boys, into dark alleys where he can make his move on them.”

“You, can tell me, Marcus. Did this man touch you inappropriately?” Saya teased with fake sincerity.

“Oh shut up.” He snapped. In all fairness a few have tried, but Marcus learned to take care of himself a long time ago. They continued following him to an apartment complex on the edge of town.

“I think that’s where he lives.” Marcus said, pointing to a decrepit building. Sure enough the man hobbled up the steps and went inside. Saya took the lead, edging towards the door with silent footsteps. Marcus wasn’t nearly as graceful but with the crying babies and loud shouting coming from above, he doubted it would really matter. They stepped into the stairwell which reeked of piss and cigarette smoke, the front door was not only unlocked, but it didn’t even close all the way. Their assignment was to follow someone without being seen and to get some token of proof which the pair planned to take from his place. It was ambitious, but Marcus had his own reasons for wanting to get into that apartment. They slowly walked up the stairs to the door they saw him enter. The sound of a T.V. carried out into the hallway, nearly masking the light snoring but Saya caught it and took it as her cue to enter. The drug dealer was fast asleep in front of the T.V., he most likely drank himself into oblivion. How he did it in the few minutes after he got home, Marcus didn’t know. But it sure made stealing from him a lot easier.

“Look for something small to take and be quick.” Saya said before they split up. Saya silently rummaged through the junk on his table while Marcus headed for the bedroom. He knew just where to look — under the mattress, under the nightstand, the bottom drawer of the nightstand, the closet, and if all else fails, the medicine cabinet. He found the small tin almost immediately and slid it into his jacket pocket without checking the contents. On the dresser was a thin “gold” chain, if you can even call it that. The initials RT hung from the middle. The man would definitely notice it was gone but he’d probably think he just misplaced it so Marcus held onto it and tiptoed to where Saya was still looking. He held it up for her see then made for the door. Neither wanted to spend a second longer in that shithole than they had to. Once they were safely on the street, walking back to the school, Marcus handed her the necklace.

“It’ll definitely get us an A, right?” He said smugly. “It’s not exactly proof of how much of a dick he is but that’s a stalking job well done, my friend.” Saya still seemed skeptical of the whole thing but if she noticed what he took, she didn’t say anything. Marcus knew that all she really wanted to was to ace the assignment so when they got back to their dorms they went their separate ways.

Marcus’s closet of a bedroom was only temporary but he relished every second of having his own room. Once he got properly assigned any chance at privacy was long gone. He locked the door and emptied his pockets. Opening the container was a nice little surprise, after all, he’d take anything he could get. Weed, crack, acid, heroin… heroin. Not his first choice but it would do, and he had everything he needed right in front of him. Marcus wasted no time heating up the poison and tying his arm off. Luckily there was a clean needle in the container so he didn’t hesitate to inject the heroin into his bloodstream. The effects were almost immediate. He wanted to just give in and let the drugs take him away but he forced himself to put everything back in the container and hide it before he drifted off. After weeks of being clean, this was pure bliss. The numbness spread through his body like a warm, heavy blanket. Marcus closed his eyes, dead to the world.

He woke up a few hours later, still night. But something felt… strange. He flicked the light on, only to be assaulted by a blinding pain behind his eyes. Bad idea. He turned it back off. He’d been careful about how much he took, but now that Marcus thought about it, he had no idea what the stuff was cut with. If the heroin was as dirty as the dealer he was in big trouble. Marcus’s mind still swirled with the effects of the drug, and if not for the insistent itch in the crease of his arm, he probably would have let the darkness take him again. Pulling a hoodie on to cover his arms, Marcus slipped out of his room into the dark hallway. His limbs were fuzzy and difficult to move but he powered through. It wasn’t until he was halfway down the hallway that he realized he didn’t know where he was going. He needed help, but who the hell could he trust to help him? Marcus couldn’t think, didn’t want to, but the high from the heroin was fleeting and left in its wake the feeling of poison shifting through his veins. The dim hallways were a mercy to his aching head, although they did nothing to quill the growing sense of nausea. The kind of nausea where you don’t know up from down and everything spins too quickly to keep up with. His vision swam in front of him but he managed to keep himself upright as he made his slow trek to Willie’s room. It was the last place Marcus wanted to go right now but Willie owed him, making him Marcus’s only real option.

How he didn’t get caught before he got to Willie’s room was an absolute mystery but man he couldn’t have been happier to see his scowling face towering over him. It was clear he wanted to have nothing to do this. Marcus leaned heavily on the door frame, trying in vain to appear normal and not like a drugged out homeless kid cowering at his doorstep.

“The hell do you want, Marcus?” Willie growled. “Get lost.” It was the reaction Marcus expected.

“Remember… remember that one time, when I sav-“ Marcus started, playing the only card he had left. Willie had heard enough to know that this problem wasn’t going away that easily so he pulled Marcus into the room shutting the door quickly. Apparently Marcus wasn’t prepared for the sudden movement because once the doorframe was out from under him he found the floor rapidly approaching his face. Willie sighed, out of both annoyance and discomfort. He was out of his element.

“God damn it, Marcus. You wanna tell me why you’re stumbling into my room at 2am, coated in sweat and looking like actual death?” Willie demanded.

“That bad huh?” Marcus mumbled from his place on the floor. “I think I used some bad shit.”

“Bad what? What are you talking about?” Willie was getting more and more nervous by the second.

“Heroin, some bad heroin.” Marcus said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world while tugging at his left sleeve to inspect the inflamed puncture site. The sight of it almost made him gag. Willie didn’t say anything for a few minutes. In fact, Marcus was already starting to fall asleep when he felt strong hands lifting him onto something soft, a bed, he figured.

“Okay first we’re gonna clean that, and maybe get some water too.” Willie said, wetting a tissue with some vodka he pulled seemingly out of nowhere. “Look man, I don’t know how to deal with this shit. So you’re gonna hang here and try not to go into the light while I go get Saya and Maria.” Fire raced up Marcus’s arm as soon as the alcohol touched his skin. He hissed, suddenly much more alert.

“Wait, don’t… Saya ‘ll just… and Maria. Wh- Why?” The words jumbled in his mouth. Willie gave him a strange look and opened his mouth to say something but next thing Marcus knew he was gone. Naturally he tried to get up to go look for him. Only succeeding in turning over face down on the bed. The movement was just enough to send his nausea over the edge and vomit trickled down the wood frame of the bed, most of it ending up on the floor. He’s gonna kill me for this, Marcus thought as he drifted away again.

“Oh my god?! What the hell happened to him?” Maria whisper-shouted upon entering the room.

“I think I know.” Saya said. Her eyes trailed over Marcus’s limp form on Willie’s bed. He was deathly pale and visibly coated in a thin layer of sweat. What was most concerning was that he’d either fallen asleep or passed out with his hand left in his own vomit. “I knew I should have kept an eye on him when we were at that drug dealer’s apartment.”

“I’m sorry, when you were where?” Maria questioned as she strode over to the bed. She took a nearby water bottle and emptied it over Marcus’s head, gaining little reaction besides a slight stir. “This is bad.” Saya reluctantly placed a hand on the boy’s forehead, eyes widening in shock as she felt the heat radiating from him.

“Okay, new plan. Willie and I will take him to the showers, you can go sneak into the poisons classroom and get that stuff Mr. Denke keeps for emergencies.” She said to Maria.

“We didn’t have a first plan.” Maria pointed out as she quietly snuck out into the hallway. Now all Saya had to do was figure out how they were going to drag Marcus halfway across the school without being seen.

“I got it, just open the door.” Willie said, throwing the limp boy over his shoulder with ease. Saya went ahead of them, making sure the coast was clear every time they turned a corner. When they got to the showers Maria was already there waiting for them. They stripped his hoodie and socks off before leaning him against the tiled wall.

The cold water yanked Marcus back to reality in maybe the most unpleasant way possible. His first thought was that he was drowning, but his surroundings slowly came into focus. Shaking from the cold, Marcus fought to get out from under the stream of ice cold water but someone held him there. A second person started shoving some foul tasting sand into his mouth. Marcus swallowed some against his will before spitting the rest out as soon as the person, — no, Maria — let go of him. He still felt awful but whatever she had given him seemed to be working.

“What’s going on?” He said through chattering teeth. It wasn’t until he looked down at his exposed arms that he remembered what happened. Saya, mercifully, turned the water off.

“Welcome back to the land of the living, you stupid capullo.” Maria said, crossing her arms in annoyance. Saya and Willie had similar looks. Marcus stared down at the last of the water swirling down the drain, letting the shame and embarrassment sink in. He wouldn’t meet their eyes and instead brought his knees up to his chest, curling in on himself.

“Feel free to come clean up my room when you’re done sulking.” Willie said as he turned to leave, Maria right behind him. When Marcus looked up again it was just him and Saya left in the shower room.

“What are you still doing here?” He asked. Saya looked like she genuinely didn’t know. Part of her cared, the other part just felt obligated since she was the one that convinced him to join King’s Dominion. “I guess you were right.” Marcus said after a few long seconds.

“About what?”

“I’m not alone.” He said, his voice barely a whisper. Saya was caught off guard when he reminded her of their intimate moment on the tower.

“I’m always right.” She said, unable to agree or disagree, because either would require some expression of emotion. While tossing a dry towel at him something that looked dangerously close to a smile spread across her face. “Come on.” Marcus dried his soaking wet clothes as best he could and followed her out.

[problematicthoughtsandsonglyrics]

Part two

-“I swear if you pour that water on your corndog I’m gonna kill myself”

-“The powder works so much better”

-“Ah. Ah. Don’t make a lot of noise” (wish I remembered context for this one)

-“He’s going to smite me during second period”

“You’re going to get smitten bro”

-“I’m going to aggressively Gangnam style to Africa”

-“Wow, I don’t remember drinking this much water, ever”

-“I look like I’m walking like a godforsaken penguin”

-“All liberals are suicidal”

-“My dad is a giant teddy bear. Her dad, on the other hand, is who you should be scared of”

-“If my dad wanted to hide a body you’d never find it”

-“There are so many hoes at this school. That’s all I have to say to you”

-“I’m getting a headache where’s my chocolate”

-“Skinny banana? Don’t you mean Jacob’s penis?”

-“Wait let me write something” *proceeds to write Osama Bin Laden under religious leaders*

-“Well what happens if he makes a sandwich out of your body?”

“That’s cannibalism. But cannibalism will solve overpopulation and world hunger”

-“Last time I had a banana I realized you could stick a straw in it and blow and it makes the banana warm”

-“I can’t find the furry mask”

-“I want a Lightning McQueen waffle maker”

-“I need to download a Disney XD wallpaper right now”

-“Life’s not easy being green”

-“I’m gonna run Mr Woodfield up on my dick”

-“I have a new conditioner... I mean follower”

-“We should all get lockets and put a picture of Shaggy in them”

-“Kind of like when a car passes by you really fast and makes this noise” (he did the nyoom sound)

-“You should be a car Mr Childress”

-“Get that finance over here. Let me get. That. Tax.”

-“I wanna go home and eat ratatouille right now”

-“I don’t have a nice face so that leaves one thing. My ass”

-“Ben Shapiro is gonna kill all the liberals”

-“I made a fucky wucky, my bad”

-“No, dude, he would hear us cursing in the hallway at top volume and never said anything”

-“You know what Maddy? I don’t like you anymore. I don’t want to be friends anymore”

-“Maybe if you burn in the fires of hell all the alcohol will burn too”

-“Spreading the diabetes, one marshmallow at a time”

-“At least you got to preform in front of Colonel Sanders”

-“Who’s pet is she?”

-“Everybody gets Kraft Singles, on me”

-“I’ve been scarred for life so much it feels more like a tickling sensation”

-“No one wants to touch you!”

-“It’s less like a rape and more like a gangbang”

-“There is no leader we’re all submissive runts”

-“Temporary joy, permanent pain”

-“Heteronormativity can eat my ass”

-“So what should we have overlapping heterosexuality?”

-“Just because my voice sounds like a man doesn’t mean I am one”

-“I wasn’t expecting a sip of vodka at 7:40 in the morning”

-“If you can’t do it then the best way to go is: don’t do it”

-“If anything, you’re in the way of the wine”

-“I mean, if the Catholic Church had done it right, we would have communism”

-“He is the straightest gay man I know”

-“The last time I had orange juice, I think you guys let me have a mimosa”

-“Your jacket makes you a big blob”

-“You’re like Cetaphil moisturizer because you make me wet”

-“I wish I was as bomb diggity as Beyoncé”

-“My ice cream is crunchy”

-“Quick question, how do you lose a banana?”

-“I’m really confused, yet oddly aroused. Is this normal?”

-“What kind of damn Gucci dogs come here?” (talking about a place with $60 dog food)

-“Your knees look ripe for sucking”

-“Weenus penis suck my kneeus” (they said this in unison while doing the sign of the cross)

-“And my cat’s name is Crazy”

-“If I could drown in applesauce that would be nice”

-”Why do heroin when you can have garlic bread injected directly into your veins?”

-”It’s red ribbon week for the horns. Say no to crack”

-”Oh my god I’m so hungry right now, I should’ve brought my sushi”

-”Where is this man’s penis?”

-”Wait a minute, if a guy masturbates that means he’s using his dick more often, so why doesn’t it grow?”

-”Someone say something smart cause I can’t”

-”Does anyone here have self confidence?”

-”Hello small child. What’s it like having a high voice and ambitions?”

-”I walked over here and thought she was trying to be 21 Savage”

-”Oh my god are you worshipping the antichrist?”

-”See, I know a lot about North Korea because I plan to take it over”

-”Which sounds like a lesbian affair, but it’s not”

-”My mom can spot my hair on the ground and sniff me out”

-”Goddammit. Who is you?”

“Logic would dictate that I answer no”

“It’s machete time baby”

“I have to protect it as if it were my nutsack”

“If you don’t appreciate that, you’re wrong”

-”Your elbow is a bone it can’t be muscular”

-”San Angelo ain’t hell but you can see it”

-”There’s only two things to invest in. Paintings and land cause they aren’t making any more of it”

-”Cats need to be in the center of a pentagram” 

-”If you get bored, drink”

-”They put an homage to blind people. Not like they’re gonna see it”

-”If you don’t have your green card you’re gonna get dimma-deported”

-”Why is the uncle taking pictures but keeping the camera for himself?”

-”My body is going to start physically rejecting fruit snacks”

-”I would wear a Wonder Woman costume to school”

-”I don’t know the first thing about anime”

-”I don’t know why my first thought was ‘cheese stick’”

-”DA DA DA is not the most exciting thing you’ve played! Shut up!

-”On the eighth day, God created trombones”

-”It smells like cheese in the microwave”

-”I wonder what would happen if I ate powdered pancake mix”

-”I guess I didn’t breast feed her long enough”

-”Hey kid, there’s a hotspot in the van”

-”That’s not going to be good for anything. My waist line or my budget”

-”I’ve had to pee four times. It’s noon”

-”Sword swallowers are the best deep throaters”

-”I don’t know where my socks went”

-”Maybe if you wore pants your legs wouldn’t be cold”

-”You could take a survey of everyone in this whole school and they’d say that Minecraft is a culture”  

-”Yeah I would fake a broken arm if it would get me out of testing”

-”Can I have a spicy roll of corn?”

-”Where’s my Asian?”

-”I baked a fucking birthday cake last night”

-”It’s been christened. Christened by ass”

-”I’ve eaten so many expired tortillas my body’s probably used to it”

-”Broccoli and hard drugs are two different things”

-”You’re like the bitch whisperer”

-”Dominance wasn’t established until the later years, but it was effective nonetheless”

-”Is uber a country?”

-”I think I’m good. It’s like dusting off the scent of another woman”

-”You’re under arrest, if you really want to be”

-”I get drunk and I spend money”

-”No honey, that’s heartless. I can still be a caring racist”

-”Are big boy gains genetic?”

-”Wait so he moved the infinity gauntlet from his hand to his dick? What the literal fuck?”

-”If I get a chair with wheels, then I win”

-”I was looking up Foghat on ancestry.com”

-”We all know the more alcohol you consume, the more insightful you become”

-”I’ve had enough experiences in wineries and breweries to last me a lifetime, and I’m only nine”

-”Innuendos and Speedos: his story”

-”You have sobriety on your side”

-”You spilled beer on the Scrabble board”

-”How many times do I tell you, we don’t listen to the retarded kids in school”

-”Furries can enjoy shitposting also”

-”Slow songs make me cry”

-”The resistor is your ass”

-”God dangit there’s a freakin egg in my boot”

-”Oh, Liberia. I know that from the vine”

-”Screaming is kid friendly”

-”Textual evidence states that that’s bullshit”

-”I’m on an emotional high and I’ll crash four hours later”

-”Yeah I got these yesterday and they’re already looking scuffed”

-”Yeah there’s always at least one cocky bastard”

-”All I need to know is how much a coat hanger costs”

-”I kept thinking Europe was a state”

-”I am a handy woman”

-”Oh my fucking god there’s communist Superman. I kind of love that”

-”Why is dog a gender?”

-”I will flood your mucus membranes with urine”

-”Does that mean it’s violent masturbation?”

-”Flex seal is the only 100% effective contraception”

-”It’s like telling someone not to do drugs while sniffing crack”

-”I like my men like I like my apples: red”

-”I invade the percussion’s privacy and pretend I’m one of them”

-”Are you calling my lap dances mediocre?”

-”Don’t even talk to me if you haven’t made out with a Frenchman”

[theamazinguchihabruhs]

Pancakes

“You made it” Itachi walked right to Shisui and opened his arms to receive a hug, “You are going to release me from this prison” “If this is the prison, then you are the warden, bro” Itachi opened his eyes and was met with mine. He broke the hug and stood in front of me. I looked up, Itachi looked so much taller from this angle. “Otouto” He spoke, pulling my hoodie down. I hissed, he grabbed some my hair with it. I rubbed the back of my head. “You are pale” He suddenly leaned in and cupped my cheek in one hand. “He hasn’t eaten till now” Shisui said. “That reminds me, I did promise him to get some food on our way back home” “You are telling me you are letting him eat Mcdonalds as breakfast?” Itachi turned around and I was glad I was sitting down because his ponytail would have bitched slapped me otherwise. “Hey, you have not been with him he woke up at nine! Nine! It has been-” He cleared his throat before imitating my annoying voice, “Shiiisssuuiiiii~I am hungry, Shiiisssuuuiiii~” “At least I am the only one moaning your name, eeeehhhh~” I raised my hand to get some sort of high five, but instead my entire body just moved to the left and I just laid there. “My bloodsugar is very, very low” I added. “Mr. Uchiha?” A woman walked in the hallway, looking right at me. Apparently I was the last one or some shit. “Coming” I said and remained on my side, “Just give me a minute” I figured I should just use all my energy and get up, but instead...I rolled off the bench to the ground, and the worse part of it all...nobody even extended a hand to help me up. “Oh, don’t bother, I don’t need help!” I said, crawling over the ground. “He did that all the way from the parking lot to here” I could hear Shisui whisper to Itachi. “How unsanitary” Itachi commented. I groaned, forcing my weak arms to hold my torso and I finally got up and immediately sat down in the chair. She wrapped some sort of belt around my arm. “It is to help-” “Oh, I know the logic, I am heroin addict, I shoot heroin up my arm for three years...I have been clean...3 days...” I said, looking down and nodding my head slightly. It’s time to play a game called How-to-make-people-think-Itachi-is-a-sick-fuck. “It really my fault getting addicted...though..I would have never started using it if I...never met Dr.Uchiha” “This arm?” She grabbed something to clean the spot with. I nodded. “Hnf...there are no signs of any injections in this arm, are you sure you were a heroin addict for three years?” She asked with a mocking voice. “Whatever lady…” I felt story blocked by her. I hissed when she stuck the needle in me without any mercy. Like the heartless killer she must be. “Oops” She said sarcastically, pulling the needle back out, “My mistake” “You are evil” I hissed. “You thought your brother was bad” She said and I swear I saw fire appear in the background, “You haven’t met me, pretty boy” “Thanks…” I whispered, before getting the next five minutes a needle stuck in and out my arm because apparently “She couldn’t find my vein” . “What was taking you so long?” Itachi asked. “Your entire hospital is a joke...a joke!” I hissed, turning my head around to get one last look at the devilish lady. “You might have crushed my arm, but you can’t touch my hopes and dreams...because Itachi already crushed those!” “Like hell I did, it is called self-sabotaging and it something you are a star at” Itachi commented. I wrapped my arms around Shisui. “Shisuuiii~”  I whined, “Carry me” “There is a wheelchair, right there-” “Carry me!” I shouted, feeling him wrap his arms around me and throwing me over his shoulder. “Otouto, I can get cookie from the vending machine if you are that hungry-” I sushes Itachi. “Whatever I am going to eat now is going to taste twice as good, I am all up for a dinner with greasy fooodddd~” “It beats Mcdonalds” Shisui commented. “I doubt it” Itachi sighed. I lost track of time, mostly because every second seems like an entire minute to me, but damn was I glad we finally made it to the dinner and I could already smell the pancakes. Yup, now I wanted pancakes and a lot of them. “What do you want to get?” Shisui asked me. “Pancakes” I said “Really?” He seemed surprised. Probably because I am more a sandwich guy than pancake guy. “Yes, a lot of pancakes...with jam...a lot of jam” I said. “That I can do for you, cutie” I lifted my head at the waiter, “Yeah, I normally work in the kitchen, but we are running low on staff...so...now I do both” “Working hard or hardly working?” Itachi looked at me and I glared back. “Whatever, my music career is going to take off” “What?” Shisui asked confused. “Music career? Otouto, why are you digging your own grave?”  Itachi asked, raising a bitchy eyebrow. “At least try to sound believable” I sighed. “I will have some waffles and tea” Itachi said. “I’ll have some coffee” Shisui said. “Can I do you some apple pie with that?” The waiter asked. “Yes, make that two slices” I raised my hand and I heard him chuckle. “You got quite the appetite, cutie” He put his small notebook away, “Apple pie is on the house” And with those words he took off and I hope by god he was going to make the best damn pancakes I ever had. “Ooooeeee, sassukkeee~” Shisui put on a teasing tone in his voice. “What?” I asked. “Come on, cute guy, works in the kitchen, obviously can cook and is getting you free apple pie...you at least owe him your number” “I owe nobody nothing” I folded my arms. “Am I the only one seeing a perfectly healthy equation here?” Shisui looked at Itachi who looked sceptical.  “Sasuke loves to eat, the guy is a chef and obviously doesn’t mind feeding our Sasuke” “Tch” Itachi hissed, “Oh, look somebody got shot and is now bleeding out on the ground, oh, I am a medical professional...it is meant to be” Itachi imitated Shisui’s teasing voice. “Dude, isn’t that how you basically met Suké?” A silence emerged. “Well, fuck, you got lawyered” I commented. “So, are you going to leave your number...or...are you going to ask him out?” “Shisui, since when are you cupid? Get your nose out of my love life” I sighed, sitting back. I turned my head to the kitchen and I saw the waiter walk out, skillfully holding three plates and two mugs. If I didn’t know better he looked like a male version of Tina from princess and the frog. I could smell the pancakes from here and damn were they delicious.   “Here you go” He put down the coffee mugs first before putting Itachi’s plate in front of him. ”Waffles, got some apple pie and~” “EVERYBODY QUIET THE FUCK DOWN!” A few gunshots were heard, aimed for the roof.  “WE DON’T WANT ANY CASUALTIES, DO WE?! JUST SIT STILL AND DO AS WE SAY!” Two people walked in, wearing ski masks over their faces.   “You are coming with us!” The ski mask person suddenly grabbed the waiter by his arm, causing the waiter to drop my plate with pancakes. My eyes widened when I saw my hopes and dreams fall and shatter on the ground. All the noises seemed to go and all I could see where the pancakes on the ground...my precious...pancakes…. “Sasuke!” “Sasuke!” I turned my head to Itachi and Shisui before looking up seeing the other ski mask wearer  standing in front of me , holding a bag which already contained quite some wallets. “You fucked up my pancakes” I whispered, looking up at the dude. “You know...I have been starved this entire morning...waiting...for pancakes” I stood up. “Sasuke! No!” “Sit down!” “Hey! Sit the fuck down!” The person held his gun up to my face and I started to laugh almost psychotically. “You think this is the first time I had a gun pointed to my head?” I asked. I figured I should show him instead. I suddenly grabbed his wrist with both hand, moving his hand so it wasn’t aimed at my head. I pulled myself closer, throwing my legs up and wrapping them around his neck, before pulling him down. I landed on my feet, holding his gun in my hand while he was moaning on the ground. I put the safety on and put it in the back of my jeans. “You wanna fight, pretty boy?” He wiped some blood off his face and I smirked. “I have been called that a lot lately” I said, cracking my fingers. “Oh, you wanna go?!” He stood up, jumping slightly while holding up his fist. He tried to directly punch me in the face, and all I could think off is that whoever this guy thought he was...he was nothing but street garbage who thought he was street-smart. I moved my head away and grabbed his wrist again, twisting his arm around before moving my own body in a cartwheel motion in the same direction. I put one leg behind his head, the other in front. I dragged him down on the ground, forcing his body to make a somersault. His back hit the ground and he gasped for air, but I wasn’t about to let him go. I wanted him to feel like my plate of precious pancakes getting dropped on the filthy fucking floor! “Get the fuck off!” I heard a gun click and I got up, turning my head around to see ski mask number 1, holding the pancake maker as his hostage. I narrowed my eyes. “Fucking drop the gun!” He shouted. I grabbed the gun, took the ammunition out before throwing the the rest on the ground. “Listen-” “Don’t give me no fucking speech! I’m holding the fucking gun, I am the one who gets to say shit!” He put the gun against the waiter’s head. “But you are wrong” I grabbed the guy who was on the floor by his hair, forcing him on his knees. I grabbed his arm, kicking right in the elbow. I could hear the bones break, everybody could hear the bones break. I threw the person back on the ground. “I don’t need a gun to claim the same amount of dominance you think you are having” I put my food on the broken arm, putting my weight on it causing the person to scream louder. “You are sick!” “Drop the gun and kick it over” I said, putting more weight on the arm. The guy suddenly stopped screaming, guess he passed out. “YOU ARE FUCKED UP!” The guy shouted before dropping the gun and kicking it over to me. He let the waiter go who quickly ran. I grabbed the gun and walked towards the ski mask person. “You know” I kicked him in the knee cap so he was smaller than I was, I grabbed him by his hair and leveled him to my eye length “I am hungry as fuck...and if you don’t want to end up like your buddy over there, you better pray to your grandmother that she taught you how to make a decent fucking pancake” “Dude...this was all about the fallen plate of pancakes?” I let go of his hair. “You bet your fucking ass it is!” “...so...you are saying if we had waited after you had eaten...you wouldn’t have done any of this?” “Hnn...for somebody who is about the get his legs broken...you sure talk a lot” I said, “Make.The.Damn.Pancakes” He got up and ran towards the kitchen, but then I already heard a siren and not 10 seconds later the cops came. Oxoxoxo “You know how angry I am! You should’ve just let the guy rob the place! You could have been in real danger!” I wasn’t sure how long Itachi was nagging, I was way too busy eating this egg sandwich an old co-worker of my father’s gave me the moment he heard the story. Actually, he only heard my name and hunger and he seemed to know enough. “Dude, he was badass! Cut him some slack” Shisui commented before hitting his elbow in Itachi’s arm. Itachi looked behind me before allowing Shisui to pull him away. I turned my head around seeing the waiter. “Hey...Sasuke, right?” He asked nervously. “I am sorry you got in such a mess by helping me” “I was really hungry, to be fair” I said, pointed at the half eaten egg sandwich. He chuckled nervously. “You are really cute” He held up a plastic bag and my eyes widened. “Are...those...my...pancakes?” I asked swallowing loudly. He nodded and I took the bag. “You are a hero” I could cry right now from happiness. “No, you are my hero” He suddenly leaned in and placed a kiss on my cheek, “Thank you” He whispered. I suddenly felt warm and I put my hand on my kissed cheek. Waaaaaahhhhhh~ what was this sudden feeling of happiness inside me!? Is this how it feels to be appreciated?! I was so not use to this feeling. “The fuck!?” That voice sounded familiar. I looked up and by my surprise I saw Naruto getting out of the store right in front of the dinner. “First Utakata, then Nardo and now this motherfucker, dattebayo!” “No! It not like...Waaaaaahhh~” Oxooxox special thanks to @failureoftheyear for editing oxoxoxo

[sf--lolitaestrada-blog]

“We’re all in the same game; just different levels. Dealing with the same Hell; Just different Devils.”

“Where there is anger there is always pain underneath.”

I was mad. So damn mad I couldn’t see straight, my hands were balled into tight fists. One gripping that baggy of temptation. The other so tight that my fingernails were digging hard into the palm of my hand. I could feel the sting as the skin broke from the force. There I stood seething, fighting to stay calm. Slow deep breaths. Count to ten. One. Two. Three. Fo-Mother fucking son of a bitch. I didn’t even make it to ten before the growl of anger and annoyance, built up from my battle with myself and the hurt, jumped out of me. I was hurt because he knew how hard I had been trying to stay on the straight and narrow. Hurt because he knew how dangerous shit like this could be. Pissed because I wanted it so badly that denying myself that physically pained me. Pissed because I found myself wondering If Ashton had this laying around, what else might he have hidden in that room of his. “Baby? Did you get lost up there?” I was still standing in that very spot when I heard him calling to me, wondering where I was I could hear him at the bottom of the stairs, his voice faint, yet traveling easily up the stairs and down the silent hallway before reaching me in the bedroom. “No babe, I’ll be right down.” I hadn’t ever been great at hiding my ire. I was easy to read when I was pissed off, the look in my eyes, the positioning of my hands, the tone of my voice. I’m sure Ashton had heard it no matter how hard I was trying to mask the upset, it would have been obvious to him. He knew me too well.

“We’re all snorting lines of each other’s Snow white lies.”

He knew. The second I came down those stairs he perked up, his attention focusing on me. Watching as I walked over, arms tightly crossed over my chest. Hands still balled into fists. In one hand nothing but pain from the continued digging of nails into my palm. In the other Temptation. I was just close enough to touch him, but resisted, I couldn’t trust myself. Not with how angry I was. I was afraid I’d hurt him. No matter how mad I was, I couldn’t bring myself to do that. Causing Ashton physical pain wouldn’t make anything any better. It would only make me feel worse when I came down from the high that profound anger gave to me. “Wanna see what I found?” The fake smile on my lips and the feigned excitement in my voice vanished when I uncrowded my arms and dropped the bag into his lap. “It’s not what it looks like.” I had just opened my mouth to start in on what probably would have been the best rant of my entire life before Ashton continued. “Some guy gave it to me while I was on tour.  I promise I only tried it once. I hated it. I’ve been meaning to flush it, but I just kept forgetting.” As a recovering addict I knew an excuse when I heard one. I knew the likelihood of a former addict, like Ashton also was, of getting hooked on something like the substance sitting in his lap was greater than the average person. I knew I should have made him take it and flush it right then. I should have watched while he did it.

“We’re all just a bunch of addicts, struggling with our drug of choice.”

I didn’t. Instead I stood there silent, left hand stinging something awful from the half-moon marks my fingernails had made. Right hand feeling so empty after letting go of the temptation it had held. I’m not sure how much time passed as I stood there, staring at Ashton. The man I had fallen so head over heels for, but I know as I stood there I was giving into another addiction of mine. The only one that rehab never could have helped, mostly because I never wanted to let that addiction go. “Babe?” Maybe it was the shift in my body language, the look in my eyes, or the loss of the scowl that had been on my lips that gave him the courage to speak again. I didn’t bother asking. It was almost alarming how quickly rage turned to desire. Both things driven by passion. Passion was one thing I have never been lacking. Passion was what drove me. It guided me effectively through my life. It guided me to do the things I loved most. It brought me away from that livid high with the promise of a different kind of high. One that I couldn’t ever say no to. So I leaned down until my hands could rest on Ashton’s shoulders and my eyes were fully level with his, the sting in my left hand was forgotten as the right guided by that undeniable magnetic pull of one of the two temptations in Ashton’s lap drifted down to that baggy. I was quick to grab it, tossing it onto the coffee table behind me before placing myself where it once had been.

“Just as a heroin addict chases a substance-induced high, sex addicts are bingeing on chemicals — in this case, their own hormones.”

I know I’ll always be addicted to something. Most of the time one addiction is traded in for another. Sex is the one I never let go of. Being with Ashton again was like giving a meth head access to their own meth lab complete with their own Heisenberg. It didn’t take long for me to realize that I had picked up another addiction, it wasn’t just sex anymore. I didn’t just crave the intoxicating euphoric release that such intimacy gifted me. I craved him. I was hopelessly addicted to the first man who had ever managed to tie me down. Or maybe that’s just what love does to you.

“Falling in love produces the same high as Cocaine.”

[rieshon]

Spring 2019 Preview

How the hell is there another season already. I was hoping for a light load this time around, but it looks like the anime gods will not be so kind. Bonus feature this season is all the titles are links to the shows’ official websites so you can click and look at the cute girls I mention.

Hitoribocchi no Marumaru Seikatsu: This is an adaptation of a Katsuwo manga, who is the guy who wrote the original for the brilliant Mitsuboshi Colors which ended up on my top ten of the year list last year. An all-female cast of adorable looking girls, a proven mangaka, and the usually-capable Hanada writing the scripts makes this one look like a pretty sure bet. Oh yeah it's also got a good looking deko blondenblu gaijin.

Joshikausei: I think this is a short, but all you need to really know about this show is the tagline on the website: おバカかわいい、この日常がたぶん青春. They got all my favorite words in there. Too bad it's a short, but I think it will be fifteen minutes at least.

Sewayaki Kitsune no Senko-san: This is one of those shows where you can probably guess exactly what it's going to be like from the title. It's cute kitsune wife (actual age: 800) and other girls in a rabukome animated by Douga Koubou... which is endorsement enough but it's also got Ayaneru as a meganekko joji anime otaku JD?? Hell yeah. The cast is actually fantastic: Waki Azumi, Mareitaso, Ayaneru and Kitaeri, and Suwabe Jun'ichi holds down the male protag fort so that should be good too. No reason to think this won't be great.

Kono Yo no Hate de Koi wo Utau Shoujo Yu-No: You wanna talk about some aesthetic, this is some aesthetic. It's an adaptation of the hugely influential PC-98 eroge of the same name, which was a work that in large part helped bring us the sort of complex science fiction and fantasy stories that would shape the golden age of that medium. With how much I've been lamenting the lack of 'that eroge aesthetic' in anime as of late, it should be obvious that I'm hype for this, and it's getting two cours from based feel. at that.

Fairy gone: Not gonna lie, I was kinda mad that this new P.A. Works original looks nothing like what they typically produce, but having seen the PV, it looks pretty good. Then I learned that the scripts are being written by the author of Grimgar, and I got hype. Fantasy plus WW2-ish shit is a good aesthetic (think Youjo Senki) and it's got the considerable might of a P.A. Works production behind it. The director of Suzuki Keiichi, who doesn't have a lot of credits but worked on the first season of the Jojo anime, which was great, so this one definitely seems like it could have all the ingredients to really pop off. The girls also look hot which is very important.

Nande Koko ni Sensei ga!?: With Hina-sensei of Domekano about to leave my life this show promises a much more concentrated injection of teacher moe into my veins... In fact it is all about lewd and cute senseis and they all look good. My only worry is that, as sometimes seems to happen with shows where the lewdness is put front and center, the animation doesn't really look like it's the best. I am grateful to this show for allowing Ishigami Shizuka to play a cute girl at least, even if she is still slightly typecast as the tomboy gym teacher.

Bokutachi wa Benkyou ga Dekinai: One of two shows about being a dumbass this season; in this one, everyone is a dumbass. It definitely looks like a standard harem anime, and I always need at least one of those a season to keep myself alive. The girls all look fantastic, but I'm especially excited for the pink-haired teacher character and the purple-haired loli BBA. There's also a delicious brown genki girl, a meganekko who wears kuropansuto... Yeah it's got all the good good ingredients. Oh yeah, it's also being directed by the guy who directed the extremely good Last Period anime last year, so it's got that going for it too.

Kenja no Mago: It's isekai tensei anime, and yes, it literally starts with the protagonist getting hit by truck-kun... But the PV ended up really winning me over, and I'm cautiously looking forward to this one. The premise is recycled, but there's nothing new under the sun anyway. It looks like it's got a decent sense of humor about it and the heroines look cute as hell, but it also looks like it's got some major production values being pumped into it. This show could definitely be a pleasant surprise.

Midara na Ao-chan wa Benkyou ga Dekinai: One of two shows about being a dumbass this season. This one has some good-looking character art courtesy of Silver Link, and one of a couple major leading roles for up-and-coming seiyuu Waki Azumi. The main girl looks extremely adorable and is apparently a pervert so I got hopes for this one to be good.

Senryuu Girl: We actually traditional Japanese arts now (a senryuu is a kind of poem similar to a haiku) but more importantly, cute girls. Za-san takes the leading role but there's also Sumipe as a chuuni looking girl, Kuno-chan, and Paisen, among others. The direction doesn't inspire confidence (this guy was behind the shittier latter seasons of Prisma Illya) but it still looks like a cute rabukome.

One Punch Man 2nd season: How can there be a second season when he already punched last time? He's all outta punches! In all seriousness, One Punch Man was a surprisingly enjoyable romp the first time around, thanks in no small part to the spectacular (especially for TV) animation on display. There is concern over it having moved from Madhouse to J.C. Staff for this season, but if J.C. are being given enough money to rustle up the same level of talent as last time it should hopefully still be a spectacle.

Yatogame-chan Kansatsu Nikki: Hougen marudashi no joshikousei! It's cute dialects anime!! That fishing anime had good dialects but it was actually a bad show; this looks like it will have a good dialect and be a good show. It should be cute if nothing else. The main heroine's thing is that she speaks Nagoya-ben, but given that the other heroines are listed as being from Gifu and Mie, maybe we will even get many dialects. Unfortunately, though, it's probably a short, since Creators in Pack are involved.

Nobunaga-sensei no Osanazuma: This is also a short (ten minutes) which is too bad because these girls look cute as heck. A show with a premise like this is really gonna depend on how likable the male protagonist is, though.

Hachigatsu no Cinderella Nine: Toukyou no chuusuu wa marunouchi, hibiya kouen ryougiin... Wait, wrong anime. But yes, like the venerable Taisho Yakyuu Musume of old, girls are playing baseball in anime again. This one is set in the modern day, and I have no idea if it's a fictional setting where girls all play baseball or if they're gonna do the Taisho thing and try to take down the baseball boys because the website still has no plot section. The character designs look good as hell though, coming courtesy of Noguchi Takayuki, who also did designs for Tenshi no 3P! (they were like the only good thing about that anime) and Shoujo-tachi wa Kouya wo Mezasu (similar). Hopefully this show has more than just good girls to ogle.

Shoumetsu Toshi: Only thing I really know about this is Ayaneru is in it because I've seen her doing promo work for it. The key visual definitely doesn't do it any favors, nor does the fact that it's apparently based on a mobile game, but man some of these character designs look great. Ayaneru plays some kind of moe gumshoe detective, Mingosu is a sexy lab coat channee, actually there's multiple sexy lab coat channees... Really that's all you have to tell me, I'm fucking in there. The show will probably be crap.

Carole & Tuesday: This looks very pretentious and vaguely like they're fishing for overseas viewers (actually they definitely are because the website even defaults to English when I load the site, which offends my sensibilities), but the PV does make it looks fairly interesting. It's another music focused series from Watanabe Shinichiro, who also tried to steal the hearts of the west with Sakamichi no Apollon in 2012, which was terrible. It might be neat though I guess. It does seem to have a black girl as one of the protagonists which is cool.

Isekai Quartet: I have no idea who asked for this, but if it gives me the opportunity to hear more of Amamiya Sora as Aqua while I wait for a third season of Konosuba, it can't be all bad. I ain't never seen no Overlord though, so a quarter of this is gonna be lost on me.

Strike Witches 501 Butai Hasshin Shimasu!: The title is appropriate because this short is basically an appetizer for the coming next wave of Strike Witches content. It's a cute honobono comedy starring the Strike Witches girls, so it'll probably be good. Hopefully this can remove from my mouth some of the bad tastes Brave Witches left. It won't be until next year that we get the return of Takamura-kantoku and true Strike Witches anime, though.

Araiya-san! ~Ore to Aitsu ga Onnayu de!?~: What the hell is this? Do they really have these in Japan? It's about a dude who washes girls in the bath?? Whatever the fuck is going on here, the girls look cute and it definitely promises to be lewd, at least on ComicFesta's own streaming service. MX version will probably have nazo no hikari, so hopefully the uncensored one pops up somewhere I can watch it.

Choukadou Girl 1/6: It's definitely impossible to not think of Frame Arms Girl when looking at this series, which will probably end up being an unfair comparison. For one, it looks like we got a shitty ass male protagonist instead of a cute girl. I remember how Busou Shinki turned out... Not having high hopes for this one.

Fruits Basket: Honestly, there's no way I'd be watching this if it didnt have such a famous name on the tin. Two ikemen danshi on the key visual is too many! Fruits Basket is a legend of shoujo manga, though, and there should be a lot of resources going into this new, full adaptation of the series, so I feel vaguely obligated to check it out. People are mad about the new character designs but the girls look pretty good, especially that blonde delinquent looking girl.

Sarazanmai: Uh-oh. It's Ikuhara anime. My consternation with Ikuhara is well documented, and although I've never seen his opus of Utena, I find his works, though visually compelling, to be frustratingly obscurantist, or to put it another way, "trying too hard." Still, you gotta give the guy credit for being unique I guess, so I'll still end up watching at least an episode, whatever the fuck it turns out to be about. Unfortunately there seems to be a major lack of girls to hold my interest, not to mention none to be lesbians, so it might not last very long.

Kono Oto Tomare!: It's koto anime. You can have an anime about anything and this is one about people who play the koto. Lots of traditional Japanese arts this season for some reason. Unlike the senryuu anime though, this one only has ONE measly female character, and it doesn't even look like she's the protagonist, so I probably won't watch it. The koto is cool though.

Kimetsu no Yaiba: This show looks like a big deal just from the number of stations it's airing on and the fact that it's a rare TV anime from Ufotable... Unfortunately I have little interest in actually watching it. It's a Shounen Jump series, the art makes it look edgy, it uses the word "zetsubou" in the tagline and I already hate the Hanae Natsuki-voiced boy protagonist just after seeing his face in the key visual. There is a cute looking oni girl though.

Gonna put these down here since it feels weird to rank what are essentially ongoing shows:

Aikatsu Friends! ~Kagayaki no Jewel~: Friends is the Aikatsu series that finally really got its claws in me, so I'm chuffed that we're getting a second season, with some sexy looking space idols voiced by Hiyocchi and Oonishi at that. The fact that there will apparently be a time skip has me a little worried, but also, two years older Mio and Maika are gonna be good. I'm sure it will still be great.

Kiratto! PriChan 2nd season: Unlike Aikatsu, Prichan doesn't seem like it's getting any major changes going into its second year, but I hope they shake it up with some new idols or something. Prichan's definitely not on the level of its predecessor (though little is) and its formula is getting a little stale, so hopefully they take this as a chance to rejuvenate it. Oshamatrix full idols now goddamnit.

[morganbelarus]

Photographer Reveals The Addicted Side Of The Streets Of Philadelphia, And Its Terrifying

Kensington Avenue in North Philadelphia is infamous for drug abuse and prostitution. The Avenue runs 3 miles through what is now a dangerous and crime-ridden neighborhood. Kensington Blues is a photography series by Jeffrey Stockbridge, 36, that documented the struggles and the dark reality of local residents.

Between 2008 and 2014, the photographer took a series of intimate portraits of people capturing a side of Philadelphia that is rarely seen or talked about. The residents shared their stories, talking about drugs, prostitution and other struggles of their lives.

"The goal of my work is to enable people to relate to one another in a fundamentally human way, despite any commonly perceived differences"- Jeffrey shared on his website. "I rely on the trust and sincerity of those I photograph to help me in this process."

Take a look at the powerful images below.

"We out here so we can get money so we has somewhere to rest our heads. We look out for each other. If I can't get money, she gets it, and whatever money we get we share...We need quick money cause we need somewhere to sleep every day. I mean, trust me, we don't want to be out here doing this. This is the last thing I want to do....

"We out here so we can get money so we has somewhere to rest our heads. We look out for each other. If I can't get money, she gets it, and whatever money we get we share...We need quick money cause we need somewhere to sleep every day. I mean, trust me, we don't want to be out here doing this. This is the last thing I want to do. But I do what I have to do to take care of my sister. Cause she’s all I got and I’m all she's got."

Al lives in a house off Kensington Avenue without electricity or running water. He sometimes rents his upstairs bedroom to prostitutes in need of a private location for engaging in sex and drug use.

"I'm 55 years old, I have a master's degree in psychology, but after my husband, mother and father, died in a car accident two years ago, I lost my whole family, my career, one, my health, all in one go."

She told that she often sleeps on the streets during the day to protect herself at night.

They still have children, whom they gave away to a special agency for their protection. "We gave the kids away, people say it's a selfish act, but I think it's the best I could do for their better future," Rachel said.

She is 25 years old, working in the sex industry since she was 18.

"I’ve been raped, and, you know, almost killed really"

A local resident, at the time she was 41. Carol told the photographer that she had been doing heroin for 21 years and it became "the love of her life".

The veins in Sarah's arms were no good for injection, so she asked Dennis for the drug to be injected to her neck.

"I don't just do this for drugs. I do this because I wanna eat, because I like to buy clothes, because I like the small things, you know. I did have a normal life once but...I really believe, like if my, if my family say like, "Mary come, come home stay with us" like, if I could I would..."

He struggled with drug addiction after being released from prison. Sepsis developed in his left leg. Because of his addiction, he failed to meet the treatment regimen and eventually the doctors had to amputate part of the leg.

Matt shoots Brian in the neck in front of the McPherson Square Library on Kensington Avenue. It's 10 AM on Sunday morning.

Maria: "I’ve been here almost 8 years and I see a lot of bad stuff going around. They say when you go between it, you gonna do it too." Robert: "You don’t need no cable, you don’t have to watch TV. You just gotta sit out here. You see drama, you see soap opera, you see violence and crime." Maria: "You even see sex."

"I don’t really ask people for a lot, I get my money, like I don’t like to, cause a lot of times to get people to take care of you, you have to lie to them. And then lead them on and make them think that you're gonna get clean. And then, and then it ends up getting to be too much, where they’re trying to control what you do....

"I don’t really ask people for a lot, I get my money, like I don’t like to, cause a lot of times to get people to take care of you, you have to lie to them. And then lead them on and make them think that you're gonna get clean. And then, and then it ends up getting to be too much, where they’re trying to control what you do. And I’d rather just get the money and end it at that with no strings attached cause I don’t need someone following me around, trying to track me down like, trying to drop me off at rehabs and shit."

"I went into rehab, for, like, snorting cocaine, taking oxies, perks, and I met people that did dope and smoked crack, and, you know, like, one thing led to another, and I was just, I was, I wanted to try it, and I did."

"I sold a lot of drugs and was involved with a lot of like, stuff that had to do with shooting guns and all. Most of it was uh selling drugs and collecting money that was owed to me and it caused me getting into a lot of trouble."

"What I’m doing I really don’t particularly care to be doing, but I do it anyway, and I’m not ashamed of it 'cause if I was ashamed of it, I wouldn’t do it....Until I decide to change it’s what I’m gonna do. Hopefully, like, the will of God...will make me strong enough and give me the determination to stop and get some help."

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=> *********************************************** Originally Published Here: Photographer Reveals The Addicted Side Of The Streets Of Philadelphia, And Its Terrifying ************************************ =>

Photographer Reveals The Addicted Side Of The Streets Of Philadelphia, And Its Terrifying was originally posted by 16 MP Just news

[kushedgy]

Be good or be good at it.

Be good at something... it’s what you need to get it accomplished...

Well do you wanna know what I finally got good at?

I finally got good (like major good) at shooting the mix of water+heroin into a vein. Really, like a goddamn nurse.

And this puts im into a new position cause before I didn’t know how to put heroin in your veins, now? Give me a bill, I make a call, I have the H, I go to a pharmacy, I have the water and the syringe and the cotton and the alcohol and the filter.

So technically now I can commit suicide.

When I used heroin I took shots ranging from 100mg (barely feel it) to 250mg (cant open eyes for how much high you are).

So I ask myself.

I keep asking myself these days, do I want to commit suicide? Do I?

I dont need to try a 20% by cutting my wrist. I know I can go 100% success rate with a big injection.

If 250mg knocked me out.

I’d say, 500, 750mg. Or perhaps even more.

That doesnt make me high, that kills me, for sure.

So the question is? do I want to do it?

I learnt that in 1ml of water you cant dissolve more than 200mg of heroin, it doesnt melt. So for a suicide shot I would need a 2.5ml syringe. Take the spoon, boil 1 ml, add 250mg, mix, plug in the syringe. Do another spoon. Do a third spoon, suckin all in and get a syringe of 2.5ml full of yellow liquid.

Then, Only then, I can pierce my vein and inject as fast as I can, cause I wouldnt want to pass out with still some stuff in the syringe...

I imagine it like this...

Me in my car in a place nobody can reach...

Going live on IG or Facebook.

Saying goodbyes.

Prepare the thing.

Deny the calls from my parents watching the live.

Pierce the vein, registering the shot, blood in, good im in vein. Then push. 1ml in, 20 seconds after the pull i start feeling high as ever. But i still push in, all in.

Feeling a 30 seconds of “damn man im high”

And then passing unconscious.

My body frozen, respiration slowers, heart slowers....

Maybe a seizure...

Respiration stops...

Phone still live recording my final moments....

Unconscious, then dead....

Tell me, reader, will it be painful?

Will I hurt others? Will I destroy their lives? Will they go over it? Will I be honored enough at my funeral? Will they cry for me? Will they commit suicide after me? Will I destroy their lives?

I’ll give a chance to this life....

If I dont feel well,

I ll be like an elephant,

I ll drive far far away

And commit suicide by heroin overdose.

No 2019 for me....

I feel like Cobain, Lil Peep, all the artists, the friends, the relatives, are waiting for me and soon I’ll join them....

Do i only bark,

Or do I definitely bite?

[legandaryharry]

Cruel world

Where Harry goes away for a couple days and y/n gets back into her old ways 

Request: Could you do one where him finds out about the readers drug addiction and helps her 

trigger: drug use

A/N: I am so sorry I didn’t post yesterday and didn’t post till later tonight. I was extremely sick yesterday and still didn’t feel the best today till tonight. Tomorrow will be back to normal and I will post early. I hope you guys like this imagine and always remember to requests and leave feed back. Also if any of you guys are going through a drug addiction I beg of you please get help it is not worth it. enjoy

Before Harry and I were together something I never had the courage to tell him about was my drug addiction. It all started is when I surrounded myself with the wrong people and tried heroin for the first time. I did it here and there in high school but it became a huge problem when I got into college. These group of people I followed all the way too college and made more friends who were addicted also. At that time in my life I didn’t care about school, my family, my job nothing was worth it but this drug. I was doing so bad at school at one point that I was dropped and could not return back. I was completely devastated but understand why and at that moment I knew I had to get help to make any type of life for myself. So I sent myself to rehab and got out about 6 months later. When I got out I felt like an all new me a new person. Yes the withdraw was so horrible and never would want someone to go through something like that. It’s been about 3 years since then and 2 years since Harry and I have been together.

But recently I’ve gotten back into it. Yes I know I am dumb and yes I know it is bad. I’ve just been very stressed and have had a lot on my mind. I just recently rekindled my relationship with one of the girls from the old group. I found out she was still doing it and never got help like I did. At first I wasn’t even into talking to her let alone do dope. But when Harry went away for a few days for a business trip I decided to invite her over. When she came one thing lead to another and we both ended up getting high.

 This went on for days and probably was the happiest I’ve been in a long time. Yes Harry makes me so unbelievably Happy but doing Heroin is so much different. It’s a different type of love in your life. I felt like shit when I knew this might ruin not just my life but Harry’s life too and it might ruin our relationship. I knew when he would come back I would have to slow down so he would not suspect anything.

 Harry would be coming off the plain at 7:00 am and knew he would be home probably around 8. So I would have a couple hours to get high and come down so I still would be a little bit stimulated before he came back. It was about 8:07 am when I heard the front door slam and heard foot steps and my name to be called. I slowly walked down the steps and was pretty nervous and worried that Harry would notice something was off about me. I wore the long sleeve so Harry wouldn’t notice the needle markings. When I reached the bottom of the stairs I saw him standing in the kitchen looking in the fridge for some food.

 “Hey y/n! Finally you’re here, I missed you so much” Harry says and walks over to me and wraps his arms around me and gives me a kiss on the top of my head. 

 “I missed you so much too Harry” I say hugging him back and digging my head into his chest 

 “How was your trip?“I ask Harry and pull apart to look at him "It was good but boring, the usual” Harry says and shrugs his and puts his hand on my cheek 

“You look kinda pale love, is there something wrong? Are you sick?” Harry says and looks at my face very deeply 

 “Ugh I had a little cold when you were gone but I’m better now” I say and giving him a smile, showing him he doesn’t need to worry 

 “Oh okay that’s good that you are better now” Harry’s yes retiring the smile back 

 “Hey how about we get some snacks and watch a movie together” Harry says grabbing my hand and guiding me to the kitchen 

 “Yes that sounds like a good idea” I say and picking out a few things from the cabinet He grab the food and walk to our living room and plant each other on the sofa. We turned on some random movie that we both seemed interesting on Netflix. I couldn’t stop thinking about it. All I could sit here and think about the feeling of it running through my veins. I just wanted to feel that rush one more time today. I promised myself earlier that I was done for the day but I am literally dying inside to just have one more hit. I decide half way through the movie that I would excuse myself to the bathroom and just take one hit to hold me over but not get me too high where I’m falling over. I still wanna seem like me when I’m around Harry. 

 “He babe I gotten run to the bathroom” I say getting up off the sofa 

 “Okay baby, we’ll get back soon” Harry says while giving me a smile 

I run up the stars till I got to the bathroom door and shut it and locked it behind me. I pulled out all the instruments getting ready and trying to hurry. I heat it up and wrap my arm up tight. I find a vein and inject it into my arm and push down. 

“God that feels so good” I whisper to myself trying to keep my stance steady 

I don’t really understand what is going on or what my body is going through but something in my head is telling me I need more. At this point I just don’t even care I just need more. I don’t care about Harry or anything I just want more. I start to inject more till I realize it’s been 15 minutes. Thank god Harry hasn’t came up to check on me or anything. I started to do even more till I was on the floor slowly closing my eyes till I was completely black out. 

 P.O.V Harry 

Where is y/n I thought to myself? It’s been like 30 minutes is something wrong? I run up the stairs deciding to check on her and see if she maybe sick or something. When I reach the bathroom I can tell the light is still on but I don’t hear and sound. I put my ear up to the door and still hear nothing. 

“Y/n are you in there? are you okay?” I yell and knock on the door a couple times but hear no response

I walk over to check our bedroom but still she isn’t in there. I call her name out in the hall way but no response. I decide to maybe check under the bathroom door and see if she is in there but doesn’t wanna talk. When I do I am so shocked, All i can see is a slight image of y/n laying on the floor. I put my foot up to the door and lean back and kick my foot into the door as hard as I can. This goes on a couple times till the door busts open. When I reach behind the door I am so shocked to see y/n passed laying on the ground and so confused. When I wrap my arms around her I shake her a bit.

“Y/N Y/N! WAKE UP!” I try to shake her more but nothing happens

I look at around her till my eyes land on a small bag of some type of black powder. Then it hits me 

“y/n is doing drugs, she must of passed out or worse had an over dose” I say picking her body up and run her downstairs to the car

I put her in the passenger seat and get on my side. I drive out there the fastest I can to get her some help. Y/n means so much to me dearly and never expected this to happen to us in our relationship. I knew something was up with her since I got home. 

First she wasn’t waiting for me downstairs at the front door like she usually does. Second she seemed really pale and very sweaty. Third she was so fidgety, she would not stop rocking her leg or tapping her fingers none stop like something was on her mind.

When I arrived at the emergency room I stopped the car and ran to her side yelling for help from the nurses. They came rushing to me with a wheel chair and pushed her inside

“What is wrong with her sir?” One of the nurses ask me

“I don’t know exactly? I think she overdosed on heroin” I say just feeling all this sadness rush through me

“Okay we are gonna take her off to room 566 and we will tell you what will happen” The nurse says and wheels y/n away from me

How could I even let this happen I mean I thought we were pretty happy together I never expected this at all. At this point I just hope she’s okay and wakes up, that’s what is important right now. 

5 hours go by and I did sleep in this chair for about 4 to get my mind off of things. No one has came to tell me anything about y/n and I’m getting kinda worried. What if she won’t wake up? What if I will lose her forever? I can’t lose the love of my life? I will be completely ruined! I want me and y/n to live a long happy life together. 

As I sit here worrying out so badly I see a nurse walk her way up to me.

“She is awake and ready to see you” She says smiling and ready to lead the way

I don’t say anything and just follow her. The walk is a bit far but its okay all I wanna do is reach y/n. When I do I get a bit nervous of opening the door and seeing what kind of condition she is in. When I open it and walk over to her she is laying there with her eyes closed. She does have a bit more color back in her skin but she doesn’t fully look like my y/n. \

“Y/n baby are you awake” I say to her and rub her arm

When I do her eyes slowly open and look at me

“My baby boy Harry, I missed you” y/n says and smiles at me

“I missed you too, I was worried about you” I say smiling back

“I am so sorry what I just put us through” y/n says and looks down till a tear runs down her face

“No baby, its okay” I say and get a bit closer to her

“I don’t wanna be this way, I wanna be happy and live a long life with you” y/n says and starts to get upset

“I don’t want you to live this way either baby” I say and getting upset with her and rub a tear away off her check “I think we need to get you some help” 

“Yes I think also”y/n says and shifts over and makes room for me

I crawl in next to her and she rests her head on my chest

“I will always love you and be here for you y/n” I say rubbing her head

“I love you also Harry, I am so lucky to have you” y/n says and kisses my neck

we both lay our heads down and stay silent and both drift off to sleep.

[theblondedonxx]

I’m Sorry..

Song Inspiration:  Waste Love by Machine Gun Kellyhttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6rE2IsGyGHU "I tried to get away with the worst this time, you caught me. Tried to find a place for the words so I can say sorry"  I never could get those words out of my head whenever I sang them on stage. Each and every time I did, my only thought was of her. The good times, bad times and every single memory that I had tried for so long to forget. We were like two toxic trains that were bound to crash into one another, full speed ahead. I remember the first time that I had met her, back when times were easier. 

Valentina Quintana, the one woman who never took my sh*t and always fought back. F***in' fiesty since the day we met. Not that it's a bad thing, but see the two of us had volatile tempers that would flare at an instant. We were both using drugs and we had some fistfights, some that ended up with me usually leaving Val pretty beat up. Sh*t like that still bothers me and for what the f*** ever reason, I don't get why I pushed the one woman who understood me better than I did--and that was scary as f***. We were so alike in so many ways, but I had my manwhore tendencies once I started to think more about my goals than her. Don't get me wrong, she held her own and gave me more ass beatings than I care to go into, which I rightfully deserved.

"It's so sh*tty how I waste loveI know it's sh*tty how I waste loveCome home, every night I'm wasted, wasted, wasted, wasted, wasted"

All I remember still to this day is all the pain and hurt that I caused her. Val was always supportive of my dreams but she was the type to try and keep me grounded. No matter what happened, she was my one true supporter...even before my daughter was ever thought of. My first tour bus--boy, if that bus could talk the stories it would f***in' say. That night is one of many that would make our lives change forever. 

"It's gettin' hard to fake how I feel when your face still taunts meI know it's hard to fake how you feel, do you not still want me?How'd you run away from the place you brought me?I did it to myself, though, go ahead and blame this on me"________________________

Flashback to the Lace Up tour

Being signed was a thrill of a f***in' lifetime, you've got no idea. Although I was still with Val, our private life was nothing to write home about. I had started using heroin and her and I had already been thru enough sh*t to last us a lifetime. She got mad i'd use until the very night I filled up the needle with the substance that would fuel our passion for violence and pain and inject it into her vein. It had maybe been six months or a year into the tour and I had every intention of living up to the rock star life. 

Val hated me for it along with so many other things but the thing she hated the most was that I took in all the attention from every single woman I met..sometimes more than once. After the show there was always an after-party then we headed back on the bus. Mostly it was just groupies that wanna do anything for the d*ck. Not that we didn't oblige any of the chicks or anythin' but c'mon you really gonna deny it when it's right there? I'm talking fine as f***, not you're average run of the mill chick. Even though I was being a man whore, Val never told me she had caught on or anything, so I figured I could have my cake and eat it too.

Everyone was doing their own thing that night and per usual, I took this chick back to the bus since everyone was gonna be at the club, including Valentina. I had this girl on her knees in the back of the bus when at that moment who comes back early from the club and catches me? Yeah, you guessed it. Val. Looking at her seein' her deal with the pain and anger, it bothered me but I was a bit busy at the time to even care what her reaction was at that moment. No matter how many times we fought, this time would be different. The hits were harder, the hurt was deeper and the anger was more evident than anything I had ever done. We had to have beat the hell out of each other and just like always, the same thing happened----- We ended up in bed together....again.

"Wait, I thought we were doneHow'd you end up in my arms last night? (F***)I guess a little bit of pain kinda make it feel good sometimesWhy you tryna run when I feel like you the one sometimes?I guess a little bit of pain kinda make it feel good"