#i wanna find a tape soon and sing karaoke

[unlikelyapricot]

I want to make a friendship braclet for kim

[clairecrive]

“Waterloo”- Bane x OC

This is for the anon and @littlewollff that requested Bane. Om I’m so excited for you all to read this! I got pretty ambitious about it and it got me even out of my comfort zone, with writing about fight scenes and smut. Anyway, I really hope you like this! Can’t wait to hear your thoughts! 

Tag list: @deaflikehawkeye, @mollybegger-blog, @of-love-and-of-the-sea, @br0ck-eddie, @evelynshelby, @fandom--0verdose, @innerpaperexpertcloud, @shadow-of-wonder , @sopxhiea​ (let me know if you wanna be added)

Warning: SMUT, flashbacks are in italics

Moving in had proven to be a harder task than Donna first thought but at the same time it turned out to be a pleasant one too. Unpacking her stuff meant that she got to find things she had considered long lost. Her life had not been always easy but Donna soon discovered that with time only the good moments were forever stuck in her memory. Her cherished musicals collection gave her a bittersweet feeling, proud of having so many but as it had always been, they also made her think of her mother. That lovely woman who she had got to know only through her grandparents’ stories. Donna had always felt close to her mother while watching musicals, especially those that her grannie told her were her mother’s favorites. Finding her precious fuchsia pin though was a whole different experience. She had loved that thing, she remembered how she used to wear it all the time. She could recall especially one particular night when she had been wearing that. 

When Donna was a teenager, she had started dyeing her hair. The color changed from time to time and when she met Bane, she had been settled on pink hair for a while. According to the hair color, Donna arranged her wardrobe, makeup and accessories. So, she used a sparkly glittery fuchsia clip to hold her baby hair back during that time. The way they met wasn’t a conventional one and neither was the first night they spent together. She reckoned she had been startled and confused, maybe even a little scared. However, now that her mind brought her back to that moment, she couldn’t help but smile fondly at the memory as it played through her mind.

17 March, St Patrick day. Even if Donna had Irish blood in her veins, she couldn’t help but feel indifferent at the festivity. If it hadn’t been for a colleague that had mentioned it to her, she wouldn’t have even remembered it. She had always cherished her Irish heritage knowing how important it had been for her grandparents. Donna was aware that she owed everything to those lovely people and that’s why she had always taken part in the festivities regarding this very day when she was at home. However, since their death and her departure from Ireland, she couldn’t connect to that part of herself anymore. She found it very painful to do so and so locked it stayed, barely acknowledged. 

There was something that she used to do with her grandparents on this day that she still did though, a sort of ritual. She didn’t know why but St Patrick day had always been taken by her grannie as a way to celebrate her mother. So, every year they would watch one, or a few, of her favorite films. That’s why Donna had grown up to love musicals, it was inevitable really. Even if she couldn’t seem to be able to cherish her Irish heritage anymore, she couldn’t renounce of that tradition. And so that’s where she was that night when unbeknownst to her, her whole life changed, on her bed singing along to “Mamma Mia”’s songs. At first, she had been too into her karaoke session to notice what was happening behind her. From her bedroom window, Bane was crawling in, trying not to damage his body more than it already was. He didn’t know how or why but Catwoman’s blow didn't kill him. It only left him to wake up in a lot of pain, even more than he was used to bear, and with numerous wounds that needed to be taken care of. The sight before him was rather… unusual. He had expected to be met with screams of fear, tears or a shocked expression even. Instead, Bane was met with the sight of Donna performing along with the actors on the screen. She was absolutely off-key but Bane was amused anyway. When he sat down on her window seat, groaning from the pain and holding his side, that was when Donna spun around startled by the noise he made and froze on the spot. She didn’t indulge in gossip but his face was one that everyone in Gotham knew. After the failed revolution it was almost impossible not to know him. Donna couldn’t help but feel scared at the sight of his masked face. Her mind instantly linked him with the uproar and the danger he put the city in. Not that Donna loved Gotham but she certainly cared for her life. Forcing her mind to work and not give up on her, she took him in. The side he was holding in his hand was bleeding and the mask, his distinctive trait, was damaged.

“Never thought of getting into Hollywood? I’m sure you’d make it.” His voice sounded strange. Strained, muffled. Probably because of the pain he was in and the mask on his mouth.

“What are you doing here?” She found herself asking, completely disregarding his words.

“As you can see I’m in need of a little help.” Bane simply said, silently asking her to clean his wounds.

“I’m not a doctor nor a nurse.” 

“I’ll just need a first aid kit and somewhere to stay.” He resolutely told her and Donna couldn’t do much other than supplying him with what he had asked.

Sitting on her bed, she observed him cleaning and bandaging his own wounds in fascination. Donna could barely clean a scratch on her knees without flinching and here it was, an almost fatally wounded man in front of her that was taking care of himself without batting an eye. Bane could feel her eyes on him but continued to act none the wiser. This little woman was taking it well, better than he first expected. He figured that staring at him wasn’t a big of a deal. He was used to being at the centre of attention anyway. 

Much to his surprise, when he wrapped the last bandage on his body, she got up and gathered everything he had used to clean after him. Before leaving the room, she almost imperceptibly pointed with her head to the bed she previously had been sitting on. Bane didn’t wait for her to ask twice, so that’s where Donna found him when she returned to the room. He heard her soft steps on the carpet but didn’t open his eyes to acknowledge her. However, his eyes snapped open when he felt the bed dip beside him. Donna was standing on her knees at his side, holding up something in her hands that he later identified as duck tape. Ever so timidly, she pointed to his mask and he understood that she was asking him permission to touch it.

“It probably won’t do much but your mask is broken. I can put the pieces together. Until you find a permanent solution.” Donna had never spoken so softly before and didn’t even know why she was almost whispering now. Like she was talking with a wild beast, afraid that if she spoke too loud she would startle her and made her attack her.

His mask was off-limits, everyone knew. However, Bane felt himself nodding before he could register what he was doing. This little lady was certainly… one of a kind. Not only she hadn’t screamed or tried to hurt him but was also trying to help him. Was she too kind or just insane? Bane couldn’t know, having only met her, but her hands on his face were gentle and unthreatening, he decided. Her touch then left his face and after a few seconds, he heard her leave the bed only to return right away with her laptop. She laid next to him, Bane didn’t know whether it was for keeping an eye on him or checking in on him, put her headphones in and pressed play. 

Trying not to let her know, he glanced at the screen but wasn’t able to recognize the film she was watching. He knew it was a musical though, seeing as there were people dancing and singing. He closed his eyes again, trying to relax and didn’t open them even when he heard her whispers. It seemed that she wasn’t doing a good job at preventing herself from singing along, not that Bane minded. Even if his eyes were closed, his ears were always listening in to see if there was any danger approaching. He knew that there were men looking for him and in the state he was in, he couldn’t put up much of a fight. And the lady… well, he didn’t really think her capable of fighting against mercenaries, nevermind the police. The only thing that he could hear were the words that would leave her mouth from time to time. Until he heard it. The lock of her main door squeaked. Someone was trying to break in, he concluded opening his eyes. 

Tapping on her shoulder, he got her attention. Turning to him, she removed one headphone and looked questioningly at him.

“Someone’s is trying to break in.” He said calmly trying to not make her panic. To his surprise she didn’t, she only nodded and got out of bed. She walked in her bathroom, opened her shower and put on some music. Walking back into her room, she strolled over the side of her bed where he was resting and helped him get off.

Trying to support as much of his weight as she could, Donna let him wrap one of his big arms around her shoulders and together they slowly limped towards the bathroom. The small walk tired them both, Bane was still weak from the blow and the blood loss while Donna was simply not used to lift something, or in this case, someone, that heavy. She gently helped him so that he was sitting on the edge of her bathtub that could also be used as a shower and turned around to lock the door. When she faced him again, she was met with an inquisitory stare. Bane wasn’t in the state to physically stop her, so he had followed her in the bathroom, but was still able to understand that her plan, if she even had one, simply was going to fail. 

“They are looking for you. When they don’t find you here and see that I’m in the shower, they’re just going to go away.” She hoped so at least. Getting into the tub first, she gently turned him around, lifting his legs one at a time so that he was still sitting but was now in the tub. This time, she took both of his arms and wrapped them around her neck, while hers went around his waist. With her feet firmly planted on the ground of the tub, she crunched a little, to give herself a little push to make him stand up. She knew that she couldn’t possibly hold him like this for more than 5 seconds, so she swiftly pivoted. Holding him up with the help of the wall, they were standing close, too close. Their skin touching but their faces apart given the height difference. Donna tried not to think too much about it. They were just doing what was necessary to escape death after all. It didn’t mean anything. Her skin wasn’t reacting funny at his touch. It was for the strain she was putting her muscles through. His breath hadn’t stopped because she was close to him. It’s just that he was in pain. Then, in hope to make her plan work, she started to sing along to the song that was playing.

However, much to Donna’s dread and Bane’s not-at-all surprise, the men didn’t stop at the empty house or at the implication of the water running and loud music playing. When it came to Bane, they weren’t taking any chances. Only standing at his corpse, they would stop. Bane was perfectly aware of their way of thinking because it was also his and a shiver run through his spine at the thought of what was going to happen. No matter how many times he had defeated death, he wasn’t immortal and it seemed that his time had come much sooner than he would have liked. He had never been afraid of death. He had even embraced it, planned for it when he took Gotham. His only regret was that it had to be this way, at the hand of worthless men rather than for a noble cause.

When he heard the door lock creak yet again, his eyes involuntarily moved to the petit body of his unlikely rescuer. He wouldn’t go as far as to say that he cared about her, because then he would be lying. And Bane was above lies. He had never been ungrateful though and was perfectly aware that if it hadn’t been for her, he probably would have died on that filthy road. He didn’t care for her but was mildly sad that she would die in this way. She seemed like a nice person. He knew she was kind and that was a rare thing in this wretched world. She was also full of surprises, he would come to find out. As a matter of fact, when he glanced down at her, the fire and resolution in her eyes startled him. Bane couldn’t possibly know but in her mind, all the different scenarios of what could happen in the next minutes were playing and she was doing her best to try and figure out a way where both of them would come out alive. She would be damned if she’d let those men hurt her, let alone kill her. Completely unaware of Bane’s eyes on her, she slightly nodded to herself when she decided the plan of action.

“Stay here and don’t move,” she told him firmly before hopping out of the tub. Quickly drying her legs, she hid behind the door. Even if they blasted it, and she knew that they would, there was still enough space for her to hide and wait for the right moment to strike. It was in moments like these that she was thankful for her stature. She would push the door right back in their faces, startling them and if she was lucky even sending them back on their asses, as soon as they would open the door. 

Her previous plan hadn’t worked but fortunately, this one did. As she predicted, the blow of the door in their faces did startle the intruders but it wasn’t strong enough to make them fall down. Opening the door again, she took advantage of the startled man. Grabbing the hand that was holding a gun, she pulled it to her and closed the door on him at the same time. This time the blow was strong enough to have at least dislocated his wrist and to make him lose the grip on the gun. With her hand still wrapped around the man’s wrist, Donna let the gun drop to the floor and slammed the door on his head again. When she loosened her grip she was met with the comforting noise of his body falling on the floor. Donna wasn’t sure if they had realized what was going on or if they thought it was Bane attacking them. Anyway, she needed to use everything she had to her advantage. Now that the element of surprise was gone she had to think quick on her feet. However, the door shook again preventing her to formulate any kind of plan. 

She didn’t know how many men there were outside but when the door busted open again she couldn’t do much except for fighting. Hiding the gun she already had in the waistband of her pants, she braced herself just in time. She could only see other two men beside the one that was still k.o. on the floor. The one that entered first, pointed a gun at her head but before he could fire, Donna thrusted his arm to the ceiling, the shot wasted in the air while she swiftly jabbed him in the guts and in the neck with her elbow. When the man bent in two, she graciously let her knee and his nose get acquainted. Blood sprayed everywhere and even if she didn’t hear it crack because of the music, she knew she had broken his nose. When she spotted at the corner of her eyes that the other man was ready to shoot her, she let her instincts take over her. Pushing the wounded bleeding man to the door knocking him out, she pivoted on herself doing a 360-degree angle with her leg and kicked him in the face. Donna didn’t know what had possessed her to make her act like this, she didn’t even know she could be that flexible. It had been ages since her last martial arts class. She still got it apparently, she mused while she looked as the last man fell down with satisfaction. 

Too busy catching her breath and disarming the men while making sure that they stayed out cold, she didn’t notice that the shower had been shut down and that Bane was standing behind her, leaning against the door frame.

“You knocked out three of my men.” He observed. Was that admiration in his voice? Or maybe astonishment? Donna couldn’t tell.

“Well, why the hell were they trying to kill me?” She didn’t feel accusation in his voice but felt the need to defend herself all the same.

“I believe they were trying to rescue me and thought of you as a threat.” 

“A threat? Have you seen me?” she scoffed, “ you should recruit less stupid men.” She concluded while walking to him to help him back to the bed.

“You did manage to knock three fully trained mercenaries out cold.” Bane pointed out as a matter of fact and this time Donna could spot the amazement in his voice.  

“Didn’t I tell you about my taekwondo skills?” she acted none the wiser and laid back next to him. Bane snorted in amusement even though Donna didn’t hear. His mask emitted a constant low hiss, muffling a lot of his sounds.

“Why didn’t you fight me then?” He had been wondering since she started fighting the men. He didn’t think it possible but this little lady kept surprising him. 

“My grandfather always used to say: know when to back off Donna, don’t be like Napoleon at Waterloo.” She explained with a soft smile recalling all the times her beloved grandparent would tell her those exact words. He had been a history teacher and was especially interested in the figure of Napoleon Bonaparte. 

“You were Waterloo, even in your state.” she pointed out. Fighting those men had been all about survival. They were trying to take her out so she acted before they could return the favor. With Bane, it had been different. He was hurt and needed help. As long as she provided for him, she knew she didn’t have anything to fear from him. And also that he could strangle her with minimum strength and bare hands. 

That night had surprised both her and Bane. She still couldn’t believe what she did. She had been trained to fight but never in that kind of situation. Where both her life and his were at stake. Sure, after that her muscles had been sore for days but it was the least that could happen. She had even feared to have strained something at one point. Fortunately, it was just that she was out of practice. However, she could still feel the pride she felt whenever Bane looked at her like he was seeing her for the first time. It was a really nice first impression, probably her best one. Lost in her memories, she didn’t hear the man of the hour walking behind her. 

“Are you having trouble unpacking?” Bane asked her when he noticed her standing still in front of an open box.

“Oh no, I’ve just found something that brought me back,” Donna explained glancing at him over her shoulder, holding the clip up so that he could see. Not that she thought he would remember it or anything. And yet, little did Donna know, that Bane recognized the hair accessory indeed. Only that it brought him back to a completely different time. A sadder memory. A moment in their relationship of which he wasn’t really proud. One that if he could go back, would prevent from happening. But one that Bane knew, looking back to it after five years, helped them made the little jump they needed to bring their relationship to the next level.

Both Bane and Donna had never been fans of labels. Especially when it came to them, they much preferred living in the moment rather than risking ruining what they had by putting it in a box. Despite everything, it was safe to say that they had grown close. Very close. So close that they were now able to enjoy the comfort that only intimacy between two people that shared a bond could bring. As a matter of fact, after sex, they laid together in bed, both of them on their sides so that they were facing each other. One of Bane’s arms was under Donna head acting as a pillow, while the other rested on her back, slowly stroking the skin there. Donna was pretty much draped over him, one of her legs was over his waist and her arms held him in a loose embrace. It had always amazed her how smooth his skin was and after touching him for the first time she was also surprised to learn that his skin was soft and warm too. Always full of surprises this man. So they just were there, in each other arms, contently caressing the other. Skin to skin. Neither of their touches was sensual or provocative. Not at first. They were past round 1 and were just basking into the intimacy of the afterglow. But then Bane’s hand moved slowly from her back, where it was resting, to the curve of her ass cheek. Slowly but firmly he gripped her leg that was draped over his wait to secure it there and also move it a little higher so that their cores were now touching. He didn’t enter her yet, not even stroking, he just moved so that they were touching down there too. Donna gasped at the contact she didn’t expect but smiled a little when she felt him getting hard again. This man’s sexual appetite was endless. She didn’t move, allowing him to touch her and enjoying it at the same time. Bane took this as an invitation to proceed and so he did. He swiftly turned her on her back, his arms taking the most of his weight, otherwise, he would have crushed her, and her legs were now around him. Her hands didn’t stop touching him, they only moved to his neck. Donna would never tell him but his neck and his shoulders, so thick and strong, had always aroused her. And since his mouth wasn’t available to her, they took its place when it came to showing him affection and desire.

On Bane’s part though, he had always liked the striking difference in size between them. She was a tiny little thing, not even over 1.60, so infinitely little compared to him who was a bulky mountain of a man. It was no secret that Bane loved power and being in control, Donna had even compared him once to a certain Monica Geller - not that he knew who she was- and the fact that she was so small and that he could so easily manœuvre her and do anything he wanted, was a huge turn-on for him. Little did he know that it was something that aroused Donna as well.

One of his hand, moved from its position beside her head to instead trace her face. He had the habit of gently feeling her lips with his fingers and Donna had always wondered what it meant for him. If it was maybe a way for him to feel them since he couldn’t with his mouth, a kiss of sorts. In any case, she liked it and the way he carefully moved his fingers and his eyes lit up, would always make Donna curse in her mind at the fact that she couldn’t kiss him. His fingers then moved over her neck. They had been intimate for a while now and she had come to learn that he was as dominant in bed as he was in life and that one of his kinks was choking. Not used to it at first, Donna was, of course, startled and even a bit scared by the threat of his large hand on her throat. But for some unknown reason, she trusted him not to hurt her. And up until now, he didn’t give her a reason for her not to. However, his fingers didn’t wrap themselves around her neck as she expected but instead continued moving to her chest, where he felt her collarbone.

“Look at you, so small and yet so willing to take me.”

“Not going to lie, the first time I saw you I thought you were going to break me,” she confessed 

“Oh, I could. I very well could break you, so easily. You never resisted me though.”

“I trust you. I know you won’t.” Taking her words in, Bane didn’t know what surprised him more, the fact that she genuinely believed that or that she trusted him. He didn’t stop to consider it though, he knew for certain what those words made him feel and that was what he was going to focus on. 

Startling her yet again, both of his hands grabbed her bottom while he made her open up her legs more by leaning over her body. Adjusting her position so that they were perfectly aligned, he only needed to move his hips a little further and then they would be one. And when he did, both of them moaned for the sensation. Despite the fact that they had been doing this for a while, Donna had yet to get completely adjusted to his length. A part of her thought that she never would but fortunately, it wasn’t unbearable. Bane was very aware that their difference in size also meant that she’d take him with difficulty. And even if she had always been willing and never complained, he had always minded the first thrusts. Not too rough or fast. Just a few slow movements to let her walls accommodate him. But when her breath would quicken and her legs’ grip would tighten around him, he knew it was time. Time to finally ravish her. Bane wasn’t a gentle man, and neither was his approach to sex. His hands were strong and would leave marks where they would grip Donna’s skin. His thrusts became more vigorous and deeper, his pube hitting her sensitive bundle of nerves, his legs slapping against her making her move a little on the bed. She knew him though, knew what he liked, so she braced herself and locked her arms around him as well, staying in place this way. Not that his grip on her ass would let her go anywhere.

The rhythm of Bane’s thrusts was always an increasing one: he would start slow to allow her to get used to his length and then, as her moans would be louder and her hands gripped his shoulders harder, he would quicken until the room was filled with the sound of their pelvis slapping and Donna’s broken breath. Bane was delighted to find out that a little thing like Donna was able to take him, even when it seemed that his mission was to break her in two. Donna, on the other hand, wasn’t so shocked to find out that Bane is very vocal in bed. Not in the sense of dirty talking, sometimes he would do that too, but more in the way of asserting his dominance and her submission.

With his head on her neck, where his mask was gracing her skin, he bashed in the sensation of her tight walls around him. Adjusting his position so that he was leaning on her resting his weight on his hands beside her head. That only lasted for a while though, the urge to wrap his hand around her slim neck was too strong.

“ Such a tiny doll, so tight,” he panted in her ear continuing to mercilessly snap his hips on hers, “and yet taking me so well.”

“I wonder if it wasn’t made especially for me.” Applying more pressure on her neck, he stopped his movement with a strong thrust, opting for going deep rather than fast. “No matter because it’s mine.” The possessiveness was loud and clear in his voice but the growl he made while he slowly entered her again left no doubt. 

“Am I right, Donna?” His answer was more of a rhetorical one but Donna knew that he liked to hear her answer nevertheless. And she did open her mouth to answer him. She couldn’t though, only a loud gasp left her lips. He set up a pace that he knew was torturing her and making her unable to make any rational thinking. He would slowly pull away, to the point where only his tip was in, be like this for a moment before going in again with a powerful snap of the hips arriving as deep inside her as he could.

He needed to know, needed for her to talk back, needed the reassurance that she was his and only his.

Moving his hand to press his thumb on her clit, he called for her attention again.

“Answer me.” And with that, his thrusts regained speed adding to his fingers stroking her where she was most sensitive, it brought her over the edge. 

“Oh my god, Bane!” Donna was in pure ecstasy. Her legs were shaking but didn’t lose their grip on him, while her fingers had painfully gripped his shoulder blades. She was a mess, heart beating so fast that was ready to leave her body and her breath so quick that it seemed she had been running the marathon. Donna knew though that Bane wasn’t finished and that since she hadn’t answered him, she was in for a delicious punishment. That’s what she thought.

Growling at her like an angry fiend, Bane pulled out of her only to hastily turn her on her stomach and re-entering her from behind. Holding her still by wrapping a hand in her hair, he resumed thrusting only this time even more vigorously. Still coming down from her high, Donna was still sensitive and while normally she was able to take Bane’s strength with no fuss, now it was bordering pain. 

His hand, resumed its position on her neck gripping hard and pulling her toward him, while hers snapped behind her on his chest to try and tell him silently to slow down. Bane though didn’t seem to notice. He was too far into his mind, set off by her silence, he was soon reminiscing all the time he would catch her laughing or mingling around with men of his army. He had never thought much about it, sure of where her loyalty stood. Now though he wasn’t so sure anymore.

As the thought registered in his mind, he gripped way harder on her neck while increasing his tempo, not aware of how his actions were putting Donna off, until he was snapped out of it by her screams.

“Bane! Bane, stop!” she pleaded, “I don’t want this anymore,” she repeated more vigorously when he didn’t even slow down. The way he gripped her neck, almost choking her, and the way he was mercilessly pounding into her like he was stabbing her in a way, was all too much for her. Donna didn’t know what had set him off but she needed him to stop. She enjoyed it rough but this was just violence. She tried to push him away with her hand when he ignored her and as he got suddenly pulled back to earth, he released her immediately when he registered and her cries for him to get away from her. She fell back on the bed and immediately turned around to face him, holding her knees to her chest so that not even an inch of her skin was touching his. Donna looked at him like he had wounded her, the betray in her eyes painfully evident for him. And for the first time in his life, Bane didn’t know what to say. He realized that he got carried away, lost himself in his emotions and let them control his body. That alone would have been outrageous for him but the fact that she had witnessed this moment of weakness and had even suffered from it, made it even harder for Bane to comprehend his actions. What had gotten over him?

Donna was busy in a train of thought of her own but unbeknownst to her, she was posing herself the same question. What had gotten over him? Okay, that he was usually rough in bed, but this was a different thing. It felt like he really wanted to hurt her, like he wanted to punish her for some reason. That wasn’t rough, it was hate fucking. And Donna didn’t know what to do with that realization. Locked in his bathroom probably wasn’t the best way to deal with this. But what should she do? What could she do? What could have happened to make Bane despise her so? Did something happen or it was just that he got tired of her and wanted to push her away? Did she think that Bane was capable of doing something like that? To be fair, Donna couldn’t say to really know Bane. But she did spend a lot of time with him and she had always thought him to be articulate and upfront. He didn’t seem the type of man to restore to such low acts instead of facing the problem. But what could she know? At the end of the day, you really can’t say to know your partner. Above all, Bane.

They weren’t even partners, Donna sourly considered. What they had was… something for sure but they never stopped and put a label on it. Yes, they were lovers in the sense that they had sex. Very frequently. But was it just that? Were they at least friends? Did he even care about her or was it just physical? Donna had never cared much for labels. As long as there were mutual trust and respect, she didn’t have any problems. But now that those requirements were abruptly missing, she started to question their relationship. If she could even call what they had that way. 

She should talk to him. Yes, that was the best thing to do, she concluded. Maybe it was going to be painful and uncomfortable but she had to do it. It was time to cross some T’s and dot some I’s. Once she returned to the bedroom, she discovered that Bane had left just as she did. Disappointment washed over her. She had expected him to be waiting for her to explain. Apparently not. However, shaking her head, she didn’t let this sway her. She needed to talk to him and she would. Even if she had to wait for him. Sure, she could go and look for him but maybe it was best that she waited for him to cool off. An angry Bane wasn’t one to mess with. Not that Donna was scared of him. She had never been scared of him before, certain that he would never hurt her. Now, however, she wasn’t so sure anymore. And despite her best efforts, she couldn’t help but feel disappointed. Maybe it was wrong of her to trust a mercenary this much but she had always been a firm believer in duality. In the sense that she knew that people were complex beings and one couldn’t just put them in a box and expect them to fit in there. One could be more than one thing. And Bane was more than just a mercenary. Now though, she was beginning to question this very fact. Perhaps she had been wrong. Too naive for trusting him so.

Little did she know though, that she had been right all along. Bane was more than just a mercenary. As a matter of fact, he was troubled by what happened. A man who was just a mercenary wouldn’t have been. He knew that Donna probably expected some sort of explanation from him, if not even an apology. He also knew that he owed her that, but he was also aware of the fact that he needed to sort himself out first. How could he explain to her what happened when he was the first one that hadn’t a clue?

Both of them had spent the rest of the day trying to put their thoughts in order. Clueless to the fact that the only way they could really sort themselves and the situation was by talking to the other. And that, unfortunately, didn’t happen. Bane didn’t return to their shared bedroom, choosing to keep himself busy with work instead, and Donna couldn’t find the strength to seek him out. If only she did, she would have put them both out of their misery. She would have spared herself from making a desperate and rushed decision: to pack her bags and leave. 

When Bane didn’t come back, she took his action as a way to dismiss her. As a confirmation of her thoughts: he had grown tired of her and had given her a reason to go. He was pushing her away and even if she hated that they couldn't even talk about it before she left, she wasn’t going to impose her presence where she wasn’t wanted. And so, as it began so it ended: with one of them leaving the scene abruptly.

Needless to say, Donna had misunderstood the whole situation. But she couldn’t know what was going on inside Bane’s mind. She could only wonder. And her mind brought her to the wrong conclusion. But she wouldn’t know that she did for a long while. When Bane finally returned to their bedroom, expecting to find her there, he was upset, to say the least when he realized that she was gone. With just a note to notify him.

“Breaking up is never easy I know but I have to go. Here is where the story ends

this is goodbye. Knowing you it's the best I can do.”

That’s what the note said. In perfect Donna’s style, she had broken up with him through a musical song. That notion had made him smile. Since she had forced him to watch the movie with her, he recognized the lyrics and at what point in the movie it came up. And so, as easily as always, he was able to go through her whole thought process and cursed himself when he realized what must have gone through her mind to make her leave. If he had gone back to the room earlier, he would have been able to stop her from jumping to a rushed and wrong conclusion. But he hadn’t and now she was gone. 

Bane never really cared to understand what they were. He knew they were fine with each other, he knew Donna trusted him and since that night in Gotham, he had learned to trust her too. He wasn’t an emotional man. He had been trained to use his mind and to only rely on his logic and instincts when it came to making decisions. But now he was left at a crossroad. There was no one to tell him what to do anymore, he was the boss of himself. And while that had been debilitating at first, since he had been used to follow orders all his life, he had quickly learned to appreciate the power that came with getting to make the call. It was in times like these, however, that he found himself missing that part of his old life. When he didn’t need to think at stuff like this, when he was nothing more than a soldier he had orders and he had to follow them. No questions asked. 

But he was not just a soldier anymore. He was a man. He was a person. Donna had helped him discover that through their time together. It had always amazed him how she was able to see through his mask and get through to him. She got to his core. She had managed to know him, to understand him. He had despised her ability at first, he hated that he was such an open book to her. He believed that to be a weakness of his. How foolish of him to think so. After the first few weeks since she left, he had come to find that he missed the closure, the intimacy. He missed her. To acknowledge that, to even admit his feelings to himself, had been a journey of itself. It had taken him a while. Almost a month to be precise. A part of him had feared that it was too late to go back to her. Maybe she had already moved on and forgot all about him. And while that possibility broke his heart, not that he would admit it, he knew that if he didn’t at least try, he would regret it. 

So he did. He looked for her and when he acquired her exact position, he went to find her. She was surprised, to say the least when one day she opened the door to find him. She almost had a mind to close the door on his face, but the other part pushed her to hear him out. She just wanted to understand why, after all. So she had moved away and welcomed him in. And thank god she did, otherwise, they wouldn’t be standing here, in each others’ arms, reminiscing about the good old days. They had gone far since that day. Their relationship had grown and blossomed beautifully in something neither of them thought they would ever have. 

Once, Donna had told him that one had to know when to surrender when one was facing their Waterloo. After a really long conversation, they had both come to the same conclusion: they were both facing their Waterloo, and surrendering to their feelings, allowing their heart to feel them and allowing themselves to live them freely, wasn’t so bad after all. “No,” Bane thought burying his face in Donna’s neck, “it wasn’t so bad at all”.

[somebridgesburn]

almost is never enough

2,383 words

loosely inspired by “Details” by the extremely talented Maisie Peters and the mess that apparently is my life

warnings: lots of alcohol, slight mentions of adult content, Shawn kinda being a dick

***

„We might not be something but we sure as hell aren`t nothing“

***

Shawn’s a Grammy – nominee now. Not a Grammy – winner but a nominee nether less.

And he can’t lie, he does feel a little proud when they announce him like that.

She can’t help but raise her eyebrows at him, sitting on the couch with his eyes glued to the TV, grinning to himself. Nerd.

„Feeling a little proud, don’t you?“

He looks startled for a moment when he sees her but then he gives her that big Shawn grin. (and she tries to ignore that thing in her chest, she really does)

He opens his mouth, searching for a cocky reply when another arm slings around Aspen‘s tiny shoulder and whips her into a big bear hug.

„Jo, Aspen! Good to see you, dude!“

He watches Brian and Aspen exchange pleasantries, catch up with a small smile before turning back to the TV.

***

Shawn`s brought a girl.

It’s nothing out of the ordinary, really.

He meets someone, they talk, he brings her along a couple times until he doesn’t.

Aspen figures she doesn’t like this week`s girl. Her hair‘s a little too bleached and her laugh‘s a little too loud. Especially when everyone knows that Shawn’s dad jokes aren’t a tad bit funny.

So she doesn’t understand, she really, really doesn’t, when he doesn’t drop that girl after a week, or a month even.

He actually seems to quite like her.

„Probably just because he finally found someone who laughs at his lame jokes.“

Aspen doesn‘t like the way her voice is laced with bitterness, too, and she‘s relived too see that Ian, who is sitting next to her in the small nook of the bar, either didn’t notice or didn’t care.

***

They’re hanging out at Brian‘s and they are talking girls. Aspen doesn‘t mind it too much. Being in a friend group that mainly consists of boys, it’s only a matter of time until they start talking about who got laid, when, where, by whom

As I said, she doesn’t mind it. It`s gross but entertaining nether less and she loves to tease the boys with it. She doesn’t mind it until they start talking about Shawn.

“Our boy`s pretty happy these days, eh?”, Ian comes up from behind and shakes Shawn`s shoulders.

“No wonder, man. He`s finally getting laid again!”

The guys are laughing as Shawn blushes.

“It`s not like that!”

“C`mon dude, you really wanna tell me you guys haven’t fucked?”, Brian chimes in, “Cause I´m pretty sure I heard you last Saturday.”

More laughter, more blushing. Aspen should take this as her cue to flee into the kitchen. She doesn`t.

“It`s like, yeah, but-”

“See! That`s what I thought, man.”

“We`re not just fucking, man. It`s, she`s... different. She`s something, I guess.

“Yeah, we`ll see about that in a week.”

Ian shakes his head, grinning and Aspen silently prays he`s right for once.

***

He’s not really her ex -boyfriend.

They almost dated in sophomore year but then there was Lauren and then the whole world knew his name and he knew Taylor fucking Swift personally.

So no, he isn’t her ex-boyfriend he just a big, unnerving almost.

***

She likes to watch him, always has. Not in a creepy way but in a way that she notices when his eyes wander around the room, not matching the big grin on his face.

At least she doesn’t have to feel as stupid anymore, now that millions of teenage girls seem to love to do the same thing. Or maybe she feels even more stupid for being the same as those obnoxious fan girls.

She shakes her head, no, she’s not. She doesn’t treat Shawn like some kind of god or follows his every move over Twitter. She just sometimes wishes she could feel his lips on hers again.

***

They’ve kissed a couple times. At some of the house parties they had had, when the guests started to clear out and only they’re close friend group was left, all of them sitting outside, cuddled up in each other.

Or when they were in the club with the bass rattling and sweaty bodies on bodies and tequila being downed like water. All hands, all lips, all over.

Or a lot of other times. (Aspen could name every single one, she’s sure Shawn couldn’t)

***

She is sitting on her bed, eyes glued to the screen in her hands, thumb hovering over that blue button on Shawn’s girl Instagram account. Her name‘s Kendall,  which is just as cliché as her description. She tells herself it’s no big deal, they’re acquaintances after all. Only that Aspen hasn’t exchanged a single word with her, not even when Shawn introduced them.

Still, she knows her favourite brand of cigarettes and what kind of music she listens to and that she thinks self-tan is gross because Shawn can’t shut the fuck up. She hates it, she really does. She also thought about getting him duct tape for Christmas as a warning that the next time he can’t keep his mouth shut himself, she’ll literally tape it shut.

The next time they’re at his place and he tells them Kendall forgot her hair brush there three times in a row, she regrets she didn’t.

She turns off the phone lets herself fall backward in to the mattress. She closes her eyes. Then she sits up again and presses the follow button.

***

Once, they all met up in Toronto. Aspen could smell the summer air and the liquor and Shawn’s jacket on her shoulders as they were roaming through the streets. They were bar hopping or whatever but ended up in a park anyways. Now, they were passing vodka bottles on a playground and Brian and Ian had a competition who could swing higher. Shawn and her had a bet which one would throw up first.

“They stars are pretty.”, she says as she leaned back, feeling the soft grass on her skin.

She was that nice kind of drunk where she was a bit more than tipsy but not completely hammered either.

She didn’t know about Shawn but he doesn’t look as if he’d throw up any time soon either when he laid down beside her with his arm around her.

“You’re pretty”

Before she had time for a sassy reply his lips found hers. It was sloppy and a bit lazy and felt somehow different than the other kisses before. She couldn’t quite put a finger on it yet.

She doesn’t remember how long they had laid there, on that fucking playground, wrapped up in each other and stealing kisses.

She does remember laying in bed, retracing every single kiss, every single moment moment than once.

***

They were at the bar again. It`s nearby and it`s cosy and it`s got a karaoke machine. It doesn’t happen often that all of them get together, with Shawn being an international pop star and the majority of the others going to college all over the country.

College starts again soon and Aspen is stressed as ever but right here, right now, sitting with her friends in that grubby nook, laughing, it`s perfect.

That one waiter with gelled hair and obviously whitened teeth makes his way to their table again to bring them yet another round of shots, not without giving Aspen a lopsided smirk that made her stomach twist a bit like he had all night.

And then he does something Aspen hasn’t expected for sure. He leans on the table and drapes his arm around the back of her chair. He`s close enough for her to smell his cologne.

„So um, I get off in five. Wanna grab a drink or something?“

He is so desperately trying to look cool, Aspen has to control the urge to laugh, or roll her eyes.

“Nah, thanks, i‘m good actually.”

She doesn´t even really smile at him like she usually would, trying to make it obvious that he should just take the hint. And he does.

The waiter opens and closes his mouth for a moment before giving in, leaving without a word in the end.

“Eyyy, Aspen! Come ON! That waiter was, like, really cute.”

She flincheds when Brian roughly slings an arm around her.

“Really cute, eh?”

“Yeah, dude, like hot, like, really hot, like, you should get his number, man! He was totally flirting with you the whole evening.”

She watches her friend drunkenly gesture with an amused grin.

“Well, if he’s that hot, maybe you should get his number!”

The guys breake out into roaring laughter as Brian openes and closes his mouth, just like the waiter earlier, before raising his hands in surrender.

Aspen laughs with the guys when she meets Shawn’s stare. For the first time in a while, she can’t read his expression.

***

There’s that one Friday night. They were at a club and the ground under her had been spinning for a while now when she pushed open the door to the ladies` restroom. She gripped the sink with her hands. The mirror above her was shattered, she wouldn`t have dare to look into it anyways.

Brooke found her there, head hung over the sink, shallow breaths echoing from the tiles. She pulled her hair back before she realised that no, Aspen wasn’t trying not to throw up, she was trying not to fall apart.

It took Brooke one and a half hours and two bottles of water to figure out that it’s Shawn. Shawn and some blonde he‘d been making out with under the lights.

And usually, it wouldn’t matter, really, Aspen assured her. But maybe it was the alcohol or maybe it was the fact that last Friday he cradled her in his arm with millions of stars glistening above them and she almost hoped. (she keeps that part to herself though)

She went - Brooke dragged her - home then without saying goodbye and emptied her insides over the toilet bowl until she didn’t feel quite as sick anymore at the thought of Shawn.

She’s said a lot of stupid things that night, half-lying on the dirty tiles. She doesn’t remember a lot but she does remember slurring we might not be something but we’re sure as hell aren’t nothing over and over and over again.

She’s shocked to find she’s never said anything more true.

***

He hasn’t written a song about her, ever. Sometimes she wishes he would, so she could at least have something, a piece of him, a piece of his mind, so she‘d know he thinks about them, too, even a little bit. But he doesn’t.

So she stands and watches him sing about his one night stand to the Rogers Centre, full of screaming girls.

It’s fascinating, really. Most of the time, when she isn’t reminded by the amount of girls he attracts wherever they go or his ridiculously large condo, she forgets that Shawn, the boy who had the same blue pencil case all through Middle- and Highschool and copied her chemistry homework every Tuesday, is actually a pop sensation.

Looking at him now, standing on stage, guitar in his large hands, sweat dripping off his forhead, it’s hard to imagine he ever does anything else.

He kisses Kendall, first thing, when he comes off stage, laughing and sweating, and she hates her a little bit for it.

It’s kind of intoxicating when he hugs her. Her heads spinning, chest’s clenching, cheek‘s are burning. She pulls away, wants to say he’s amazing, she’s never seen anything like that, she’s proud, she -

„You stink.“, she says instead.

He laughs and her head spins a little more.

***

They’re at Ian‘s this time and Aspen is just getting Brooke and herself a refill, when she feels something warm against the small of her back for a moment. She turns around to see Shawn laughing with their friends a few foot away.

She knows this game. It starts with their fingers, hands, shoulders lightly brushing against each other, seemingly accidental. A few shots later, he‘d wrap an arm around her waist, shoulder, hand gripping her hip. He‘d pull her into his lap then, first chance he got, and nuzzle his head into her neck. And then it was only a matter of time until her back was pressed against a wall with his hands on her ass and her tongue in his mouth.

It’s not different tonight and she already feels his breath against her neck and his arm locked around her waist like he‘d actually keep her. And she lets him.

He takes her hand, interlocks their fingers and pulls her with him.

She lets him until she feels a wall against her back and hands behind her neck and lips on hers. Then she pulls away.

“You’ve got a girlfriend.” She`s a little breathless already and she loves and hates it at the same time.

“No, I don’t. Me and Kendall, we’re not like, dating or anything.”

She flinches at the sound of her name.

“But you`re something.”

He hangs his head and she knows she’s won. She doesn’t now if she actually liked to win. It`d be so easy to just give in to him, revel in the feeling of his lips against her neck, it`d be be so, so easy. Okay, no, she doesn’t, not at all, not even a little bit.

But it’s the right thing to do, so she licks her lips and tosses her hair and lifts her gaze to meet his, a strand of his thick curls falling into his face.

„We can’t do this as long as you’ve got someone“

„I know“

But he looks like he really doesn’t.

He doesn’t tell her he’s gonna call it off, whatever he’s got with Kendall, and she knows he won‘t.

For a moment, she wants to tell him, word vomit all of these feelings, these fucking feelings that aren’t even really feelings, that she’s kept, bottled up for far too long but she doesn’t.

She watches him leave, walk through the door, raising the beer in his hand and laughing with their friends as she leans against the wall of the hall, embracing the coolness, focusing on her breathing.

They might be something but they won’t ever be enough anyways.

[eltanin-malfoy]

Hard To Swallow (Kill Or Be Killed III)

pairing : draco/fem-collegestudent!y/n 

word count : 2.7k

warnings : swearing, mentions of murder/poison/drugging, angst

Chapter 1 2

a/n : super sorry this took sooooo goddamn long. This is my first work that wasn’t betaed, so any errors or as such are all thanks to me :P any and all feedback is highly appreciated. requests are still open! also if you’re a med student or a doctor or work as an emt or just have a lot of knowledge on drugging, pls pop into my dms! am going to need a lil help for the next chapter. 

Chapter 3 : Hard To Swallow

It had been a.. surprise, to say the least. Really. To say the absolute least. What the fuck is happening? I haven’t told.. a single.. person around here my last name. I could never have. He threw the letter down to the floor, still holding his bleeding finger tightly. The only ones who know are my boss and the landlord. But I think he remembers it wrong.. after all, it isn’t.. He almost retched. Mafcoy. 

But there was absolutely no reason for the elderly missus to try to freak him out, was there? No reason at all. Right? She definitely wasn’t one of the people who his father had stolen from, right? She wasn’t some criminal mastermind who was secretly looking for revenge? No! Of course not! That’s.. ridiculous. Totally! That’s comical! It’s.. 

Insanely perfect! 

What better way to poke at someone than to appear absolutely vulnerable? He would try and do that with.. Y/N but he didn’t have the figure for it. Tall. Lanky. Sharp-featured. Not to mention, ridiculously handsome.. Okay, he was getting ahead of himself here. Someone was watching him. Who? Who?

Had one of his dad’s old colleagues figured out where he’d moved? Were they just trying to shock him into being nicer? Or to leave the country altogether? Or was someone planning to kill him?

Why would anyone want to kill him? He was clearly just in over his head! Goddammit, Draco. Shut up! It’s.. just some stupid prank! Of course! Some stupid git has found out your name and just wants to freak you out! He sighed and walked to his bathroom, pulling off the cap and sunglasses. He opened up his cabinet and took out a bandaid. He opened the packaging and began wrapping his finger in it, then began to stare at himself in the mirror. 

He’d been focusing on the wrong detail this entire time.. Someone had said that they were watching you! Jesus Christ, Draco! He could feel goosebumps forming at the back of his neck and he shuddered. Had they planted hidden cameras in his home? Was there someone stalking him? Had someone actually managed to hack into his devices and watch him from the cameras? He felt jittery and decided to calm his nerves with another fag, reaching into his pocket for the pack.

***

 Unfortunately, even after Draco decided to take every precaution possible (put duct tape over the webcam of his computer, do in all the blinds of all his windows, check cabinets he normally didn’t open for bugs), he wasn’t any closer to figuring out who it was that was watching him.. He could only hope it was the same for Y/N, but of course, she wouldn’t even know he was following her in the first place, he didn’t send her an ominous note saying that he was.

Some people are just too.. over the top. He decided. Better to work hard in private than try to scare your target.

And so, he decided to put in the hours. He had several until his shift, anyways. Further research (or.. checking Y/N’s Instagram account for updates, rather) managed to work out for him a bit. He managed to lay out the locations where she’d most recently posted from in hopes of figuring out her usual hangout spots. It had been fairly easy and ridiculously predictable. Every location she visited was in close proximity to her university campus. Of course. It definitely wasn’t creepy for a random guy to walk around a campus, even if it was in the middle of a bustling city, not attending classes and just searching for a certain someone. Goddammit. Why did there have to be so many people everywhere all the time? Makes everything that much harder.

He groaned, instead getting up to grab some lunch.

*** 

He managed to make no real progress until suddenly, as he was sitting in the Employees Only room, it was as if an angel heard his prayers.. Okay, no angel, it was just Y/N. 

It was too cold to head out for just a smoke that evening. The regular breeze had worked itself up to a strong, blasting wind which threw icy air at anyone in its path, and no matter how badly he wanted a puff, he wasn’t ready to risk getting winded for it. So, for his good old break, he just had to gussy up and hang around in the room where his, now suspicious, boss hung around. He kept himself as far as he could from her, sitting down in a corner and pretending to look busy on his phone.

Soon enough, he decided to check his soon-to-be victim’s account and saw an update on her story. There was some kind of a poster for a club he recognised seeing on maps. 

Carts & Horses.

Singles Night! 

Free pints up for grabs for the winners of our Karaoke Competition!

Happy Hours are from 7 to 9!

She’d added a short caption underneath it, “Does anyone wanna join me?” Jesus Christ. She moves on quick, doesn’t she? He stared at it for a few seconds before shutting his phone and thinking about it. It was for this coming Friday.. A good four days for him to ready everything. He just had to find a way to prick her with the needle without anyone noticing him do it. That was all it had to be. And what was good was, her little question made it clear she wasn’t going to go with anyone she was close to. 

Now, he could actually get to setting out a concrete plan for that fateful Friday night.

***

Everything was ready. Mostly. 

He’d sorted out everything to do with the injections, i.e. managed to sneak into the pharmacist’s section of the store and take out what he needed while modifying the online inventory. He’d then combined them in his own kitchen! Of course, it was a bit difficult getting everything into those syringes and then capping them without creating too much of a mess.. but it seemed to have worked. Obviously, he didn’t have a test subject. Although.. he supposed Y/N was technically one. 

He’d need enough time and a secretive place in which to conduct his plan out without being noticed.. and this was hard. The whole procedure, if it was to be conducted, would take at least take ten minutes. What to do.. What to do.. 

He couldn’t attempt to seduce her and bring her to his house (which, admittedly, might not have worked because of their spat from earlier) because.. people might notice and remember. He’d have to try his best to stay undercover and go unnoticed.. but how could he do it while still trapping her while she was fishing for someone to hook up with? This was going to be hard..  

***

The day finally approached. Draco managed to get out of going into work for the day by feigning a strong head-cold. Easily done, what with Draco’s brilliant acting skills and.. his boss being the slightest bit hard of hearing. He spent the day planning what to do. 

He realised that lurking around or in the corners of the pub likely would not sit well with any of the actual patrons, so he’d have to enter it and hang around a bit. Obviously, he’d keep his distance and try not to attract attention to himself. (Although, he couldn’t help it if people did swoon over him..)

Draco tried his best to pick out something that would make him.. fit in with his surroundings. What did blokes wear to pubs again? It had been a while since he’d socialised, especially in a setting like this. He decided on a black button-up shirt and a pair of tight fitting dark trousers. I mean, I can’t exactly go in looking badly dressed, can I? He remarked as he looked himself over in the mirror, a slight grin on his face. Okay! You aren’t trying to get laid, you idiot. He took a deep breath.

He shook his head as he packed everything carefully into his thick coat. Okay. Run it over again. He shut his eyes tightly. When she’s by herself, make sure she doesn’t see you and grab her from the back. Give her the midazolam and then gag her and blindfold her. Tie her hands up as soon as she loses control. Then, after five minutes, give her the vecuronium bromide. Then, as she stops breathing, give her the good old potassium chloride, then get out of there as soon as you can. Jesus Christ, it did sound ambitious. But, with a bit of luck, it would work out just fine.

***

Draco managed to make it to the pub a few minutes past 7, which was when he thought the bitch would decide to show up. Even spoilt kids search for discounts sometimes, don’t they? He didn’t enter the pub at first and just gazed in, looking around for her. 

And there she was. Sitting by herself at the bar. He felt that same slight annoyance at her presence, but she looked.. good tonight. She wasn’t that bad to look at if she didn’t open her mouth, really. She was wearing a red shirt and some jeans, which all looked.. fairly tight, even in the distance. She was looking towards the entrance now and then, seemingly waiting for someone while she sipped slowly at a drink. So.. maybe she is here with someone? Or maybe waiting for someone? It was unclear. Either way, I should be able to grab her when she’s getting in or out of the ladies’ room.

He stepped into the pub, staring down at the floor as he found a seat by the bar. It wasn’t too far from where she was sat, but enough that she wouldn’t see him unless she tried, and if he tried hard enough, he could ignore whoever it was singing like an absolute tosser. “Grey Goose on the rocks, please.” He muttered, looking to the bartender so he didn’t look like a total creep. And of course, a little liquid courage certainly wouldn’t hurt.

“Ten pounds. Lemon?”

“No need, thanks.”

Draco slid over a note as the bartender passed him his drink, then looked over at Y/N.. who was now.. looking at him. Shit! His eyes widened but he quickly glanced to the side, hoping to play it off as just a.. casual.. scan of the room. But no! She’d seen him staring right at her.. Fucking hell.

He grit his teeth and turned to the side, covering the side of his face with his hand. Hopefully she didn’t realise it was him...

Who was he kidding! Of course she did! He should have gone ahead and dyed his hair darker to blend in, as much as he would have hated it. He should’ve actually bought some makeup and done something to his face to look different. God-fucking-dammit! He almost slammed his fist onto the table as he felt himself grow all the more frustrated. 

He felt his ears turn red and shook his head. It’s not that big of a deal. Of course not. He just had to avoid getting into any conflict with her. If he just sat here and avoided her, she definitely wouldn’t approach him, right? She was looking for someone nice, right? Although.. her last affair did seem questionable. He quickly glanced over at her again and thankfully, she’d looked away. He wondered what had prompted her to take such quick action.. or not really, seeing that she was just sitting by herself, drinking whatever it was she was drinking. She seemed to shrug off people coming over to talk to her as well, instead just staring down at the counter in front of her. Suddenly, she turned to look at him again with an eyebrow raised.

He felt color flush his own face and he looked to his glass, internally whacking himself in the face with it. Why would he make the same mistake twice? What was he doing? He soon heard the light tapping of heels near him and shut his eyes tightly. Draco, it’s over now. You’re going to have to plan for some other day. Or.. pick another victim. If enough people see this, they’ll know she hated you.

“What were you just.. doing?” She was almost uncharacteristically soft, like she was trying to hide something. 

“Nothing.” Draco murmured instinctively.

“Come on.” Y/N sighed. “I caught you staring at me. Twice.” Could it be.. ickle Y/N was ashamed to be spotted here? On ‘Singles’ Night’? He clenched his jaw to force the corners of his mouth not to curl up into a smirk.

“Just.. curious.” He uttered, still staring at his glass. Y/N put a hand on the counter next to his glass and he almost shuddered. 

“Are you here.. for.. Singles’ Night?” He turned to look up at her and froze, staring into her eyes. “What? What is it?” She drawled out, squinting slightly at him.

He stared at her for a few seconds and it suddenly hit him. This.. this girl. How was he supposed to kill her? She was a person, just like him. A person with memories, with loved ones, with goals. No, stop it. He shuddered and looked to the side, face growing hotter. She’s abused her lifestyle enough, she has to pay, doesn’t she? He almost jolted upwards as he heard a slight clunk on the counter beside him. 

“Um.. are you alright?” She was still looking at him, her hand falling back on the counter.

“I’m fine.. and.. yes. I am.” He managed out, gulping nervously. 

“Oh. Um.” Whatever retort she had planned seemed to suddenly fizzle out of her mind. “Okay.”

“Are you.. as well?”

“Yes.” She seemed to turn pink herself. She suddenly turned towards the counter herself. “Excuse me.. Could I have an iced water please?” The bartender nodded and walked to the side, grabbing a glass.

She swallowed softly herself, pressing her red-painted lips together in a way which made Draco want to touch them for himself. He felt that same pang of guilt all throughout him. He could feel those syringes in his coat weighing him down, pulling him towards the floor, almost. 

The bartender slid a glass over on the counter, right next to Draco’s. He turned to look.. and surprisingly, they were hard to tell apart. Both were clear.. and iced. He guessed which one was hers and handed it to her, after which she took a few sips from it, absolutely silent. It certainly was growing a bit awkward between them.. Draco didn’t really have anything unpleasant to say to her and frankly, he wasn’t exactly sure what to do in front of her like this. 

Her.. almost murderer, am I? He looked over at the counter again. His drink.. was a little fuller. Had the bartender refilled it for him? Gee, he hoped he wouldn’t be charged for that. 

Suddenly, Y/N pressed both her hands against the counter and let out a deep, deep breath. His eyebrows furrowed and he looked up at her face, which was steadily turning a deep shade of red. She brought a palm to her face and felt her cheek. “What..? Oh-” She mumbled out, then started walking away from Draco. She continued to speak but began to slur her words, and her steps grew more and more sluggish. Funny. Very funny. Is this her idea of a joke? This seemed.. unlikely, considering her usual.. turbulent nature. Or, is she just bad at handling her liquor?

SLAM!

He heard the loud thud across the floor from him almost before he realised Y/N had fallen to the floor. Her arms were on either side of her torso as her face lay on its side, her lips slightly parted. Her legs shook slightly but then lay flat on the floor, spread out on the floor. What? What was going on? He quickly got off his bar stool and rushed over to her, while the crowd nearby her hushed up. Whoever it was singing karaoke shut up as well. Someone yelled something over at him but it just.. faded away. 

Was this because of something he’d done? Or.. was someone else trying to attack her.. as well?

Chapter 4

[theteenagetrickster]

21 Savage's R&B Love Affair Is A ReflectIon Of The Evolved "Gangster Rapper"

In November of 2019, artist 21 Savage spoke to hundreds of Atlanta students about the dangers of gun violence. The speech was part of Fulton county’s “Guns Down, Heads Up” program. An initiative to curtail the rising number of illegal firearms in the community. During a local news feature, he explained that urging area youth to be wise in not resorting to guns was his mission. However, his single “Immortal” which was released just 20 days prior had a different message. “Brand new Mac-90 with the drum attached, you a shit talker we got drums for that. Tryna fist fight boy you dumb for that. You gone catch a bullet in yo long for that.”

Can a hardcore rapper grow as a person, as a man, as a member of his community - yet still let his music promote the darkness of his past? 

What happens when a man with a troubled past embraces his mortality and refuses to wallow in the same mentality that resulted in the very pain he once sought to escape?

Is society receptive to the duality of a black man finding the silver lining in his suffering, dealing with the convolution and weight of surviving life in the hood? 

If you never cared to learn more about 21 Savage you may have these and other questions. Yet, given the effort, you’d quickly find that the man behind the microphone is more complex than can be understood simply by taking his music at face value. It requires a fair analysis of the environment in which he was born. The environment he references in music. Through his words, though sometimes corrupt, Savage has constructed a platform. In the 27-year old’s maturation, he continues to use that platform to make a change, perhaps the only way he knows how. This while still healing from a past that likely haunts him.

Patrisse Cullors, Co-Founder of Black Lives Matter presents 21 Savage with an award at the NILC Courageous Luminaires Awards, October 2019 - Jerritt Clark/Getty Images for NILC

In an interview with Genius, 21 Savage said, “Words are powerful. You have to be mindful of how you use them. I’m a rapper, so yeah, I’m going to rap about certain shit - but that’s entertainment. That’s music. That’s my past life. When it comes to what I’m doing in these streets as like a man. Fuck a rapper. Just me as a man and what I stand for, don’t throw dirt on that because that’s like a big accomplishment.”

21 Savage leaped onto hip-hop’s proverbial stage, the light finally shimmering on a sound once dimly lit in almost hidden crevices of SoundCloud. If The Slaughter Tape catapulted Shéyaa Bin Abraham-Joseph onto that stage his soon-to-follow EP Savage Mode was the crowd surfing frog splash off of it. The hip-hop community had embraced him. Each project he’s released since has pitted him deeper and deeper into the modern-day pop-culture lexicon. The Slaughter Tape featured a hardcore, gritty production style, heavily fleeced with 808s and a dark ominous undertone. Listening to the early Savage catalog feels like you’re walking into the belly of the slums. His menacing voice and catchy ad-libs rattle your eardrums from start to finish as he uniquely tells his story.

Back in the early days of his emergence, 21 Savage was lauded for his hardcore street, oftentimes violence ladened lyrics. Praising the gang lifestyle and endorsing problematic behavior. Behavior young men feel forced into because of the realities of living in a socioeconomically challenged neighborhood. As time fell through the hourglass on 21 Savage’s career, his tune has started to shift. Both in his outward demeanor and in his music. Perhaps it even softened.

On his most recent album, I am > I was, he goes in-depth about the tumultuous relationship with his father, losing loved ones and the pain of heartbreak. As the title would suggest Savage’s second studio album signifies a turning point in his life. Seeking to be a better artist and a better man than he once was. For his endeavors in proliferation the rapper was rewarded with a Grammy nomination for Rap Album of the Year.

“I just feel like I’m becoming a better person. My music is just getting better. Learning the game better, learning how to move, learning how to create - everything’s just growing.”

 “I might rap about a lot of stuff, but that’s just a reflection about what I’ve been through. But in real life, everything I do is positive.” 

For someone who has been through so much, it’s great to see a man able to freely express himself. His ups and downs. Both his unrestrained joy and his pain. On a 2018 Breakfast Club interview, Savage admitted that “sometimes he cries” when reflecting on the passing of a friend. DJ Envy followed his statement up by saying “the fact that you said you cry is good because a lot of people will never admit that they cry.” The Atlanta-raised rapper then says “That Jeezy and Keisha Cole song, "Dreaming," I don’t care where I’m at if that song comes on I’m going to cry.”

It was here that we realized 21 Savage, like many of us, uses music to mend emotional scars - which would explain his love affair with singing R&B. Music often acts as an emotional ointment, just as 21 Savaged described in this interview. It helps us to process our traumas. For black people, music is sometimes the only therapy we ever had. In many cases, it is the only way we were able to process the things we went through. Have you ever been to a party or a gathering and that classic R&B song plays that calls up so many emotions? We, as African-Americans, don’t simply experience music - we escape into it. Losing ourselves in the words and the melody. Hoping for a momentary fix from reality. For black men, we deserve the chance to be free of the stereotypes that chain us to a nonexpressive mascot-like existence.  

21 Savage at his "Hot Boyz" Birthday Bash, October 2019 - Carmen Mandato/Getty Images 

In the same interview, Savage admitted that he had been to therapy. Imagine a 90’s gangster rapper talking about therapy in a radio interview. As we’ve become a more conscious and progressive community in hip-hop, much of the facade has melted away and we accept these men as human beings who have experienced real things that take a toll on them - not these beacons of hyper-masculinity. We see evidence of this in today’s “gangster rapper.” 

Savage speaks on this candidly in his writings:

“I done did a lot in these streets and that’s facts. PTSD like I came from Iraq.”

“I lost all my friends countin' bands in the Bentley coupe

Diamonds on me doin' handstands, Rosé on my tooth

If she wanna dance, let her dance for the money, ooh

I don't need no friends if you really wanna know the truth.” 

In the Summer of 2018 Savage began frequently posting himself singing on Instagram’s Story feature. He sang everything from The Weeknd to R. Kelly to SWV. Bellowing his heart out. The selection a testament to his wide range of musical tastes. This past Summer the rapper claimed “I’m singing R&B this time on tour,” in an Instagram post. Savage stated that singing clears his mind. So, these internet karaoke sessions may be part medicine, part liberation. Signs of his internal cultivation. 

Men are freer now to express themselves. To be open with their feelings and show a softer side. 21 Savage is an example of this. We as a society have moved toward allowing men the opportunity to be human. To be tender and vulnerable creatures, while still endorsing their masculinity. Breaking down the barriers of masculinity has been tougher than knocking down the Berlin Wall within the tribe of hip-hop. Misconceptions of male identity have long contributed to a hyper-aggressive culture of male behavior. Many times men are incredibly pensive because they’re asked by society to partake in this play where their role is merely the beast. 21 Savage's exterior may present a hardcore gangster rapper. Now we’re seeing a softer side of Savage. Growth is the companion of time and 21 Savage isn’t the same person that scrapped and crawled his way out of the trenches. He’s a greater version of that.

21 Savage’s journey exemplifies the dichotomy that exists in rap. He wants desperately to help his community and his actions show that. But his music is still filled with violence and belligerence. The Grammy nominee’s infatuation with R&B is a sign that he’s torn about the content in his music. On one hand, it propelled him to stardom, on the other hand, it goes against the things he seems to stand for. But the stories in his music make up who he is. Without the horrors of his past, Savage may not be here to share the journey.

Savage takes his fandom of R&B to the next level by more frequently singing on his music, too. Issa Album explored this on tracks "Facetime" and "Special." In "Special," thanks to auto-tuning, he gifts us with a silky vocal arrangement. On his 2019 album, I am > I was, 21 Savage had a few tracks on which he sings in a contemporary R&B style. He later hopped on several prominent R&B remixes; Jhene Aiko's "Triggered," a song in November with Alicia Keys and Miguel titled "Show Me Love," as well as Normani's "Motivation." There may be more of an audience for 21 Savage ballads than there were for former generations of gangster rap. In what many call the golden era of hip-hop, for two decades, gangster rappers really carried the genre. But I would argue, few of the most influential artists in the past 10 years have been hardcore rap artists. Gangster rappers have had to evolve and adjust with the times in order to survive. 

21 Savage isn't alone either. Other rappers known for abrasive style and content like NBA YoungBoy and Kodak Black are showing their more vulnerable sides nowadays. Last year Kodak released HeartBreak Kodak, a project filled with songs of love's enmity. HipHopDX called the album "808s & Heartbreak meets the trap." Needless to say, it was heavily R&B influenced. NBA YoungBoy made waves with his release of "Dirty Iyanna," Michael Jackon’s "Dirty Diana" reimagined. The track features YoungBoy singing feverishly in auto-tune under the iconic baseline. Social changes and advancements in technology have made creatives that never would’ve sung in generations past empowered to give it a shot.

21 Savage gives out a plate of food during his YMCA Thanksgiving Dinner, November 2019 - Prince Williams/Wireimage/Getty Images

It's a proverb of the duplicity that exists in hip-hop and the evolution of the "gangster" rapper. Savage has several different community initiatives where he focuses on giving back. From hosting charity dinners to giving away school supplies in his old neighborhood. After his run-in with ICE and threat of deportation, Savage is now even advocating for immigrant children. It also highlights the line between art and reality. To quote 21 Savage one final time, “This is art, so how the fuck you gone tell me how to express myself - it ain’t no right or wrong way to be a hip-hop artist.”'

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This content was originally published here.