#i used myself as a reference pose again do shoulders normally do that slash i wish i was joking

[hbghq]

mcsrtober day four, crystals :3

[ltleflrt]

Oh my gods, I can’t believe I’m about to do this... (part 2)

So in my last post prompted by @unforth-ninawaters I shared the first thing I ever wrote.  Everything after that was usually self insert fanfiction hiding behind an original story facade.  I never really finished anything tho.  I have shelves and boxes full of notebooks full of writing, but it was just me imagining myself in fictional worlds.  And they never saw the light of day because I had a teacher tell me once that I should be more creative and make up my own stuff.  That messed me up for years.  Decades, really.  I stopped writing after high school.  That literary magazine that my little ficlet was published in was the last time I put any effort into my writing, and I only wrote little stories that sounded like children’s bed time stories.  But after getting out of that class?  Nothing.  All my saved notebooks are from my teenage years.  

Then when I was 31 (in 2011), the writing bug bit me and I started working on a story I call Incandescent.  I had a reason for that title, although I don’t remember it now that it’s almost 6 years later lol.  Anyway, I was talking to @jupiterjames the other day about old writing, and I went through this file and replaced the original names with Dean and Cas and y’know, I might be able to repurpose this into a fanfiction.  But just for funsies, here is an unedited version of the first thing I wrote after I gave up on writing after highschool.

Duncan lay on his back, one hand propped behind his head, and the other arm wrapped around the hard body of his lover.  He trailed his fingers lazily over Ian’s shoulder, and took comfort in the warm breeze of the other man’s breath against his neck.  

He wished he could fall asleep too, because the constant pull in the back of his mind was exhausting to resist.  The last few hours he’d spent wearing Ian out hadn’t helped his fatigue, but he knew that he would have done it again.  Unfortunately, he needed to be awake to ignore the pulse of magic that was attempting to pull him away.  

He twisted his head to look down at Ian’s sleeping face and smiled crookedly.  At least someone was getting some sleep.  He really needed to get up and get down to the bar, but he was reluctant to leave the warm sanctuary of his bed.  

“Five more minutes,” he mumbled to himself.  His eyes drifted closed.  It had been so long since he’d slept…

A woman sat cross legged in the center of a warding pentagram, nude but for the symbols painted on her skin.  Before her was another large symbol, ugly and warped in his sight.  He could hear her whispering to him in the old language.  The normally lilting sounds were twisted by unskilled lips and tongue, but he could still understand.  

“Come for me.”

He felt his body harden in response to the double meaning.  He wanted to obey her request.  He wanted to pin her to the floor with his body, and his claws and teeth. He wanted to spread her legs, and pump into her as she screamed in pleasure and pain.

“Take what you will.”

And he would.  Her flesh, and her soul.  He could almost taste it already.  It would be coppery, and slightly rancid on his tongue.  He licked his lips in anticipation and took a step towards her, no longer paying attention to the glowing glyphs scribed on the floor in salt and blood.  

She looked up as if she could see him, although he knew she could not.  Not yet.  He would reveal himself only at the last moment, so he could taste her fear.  She looked confident, and he wanted to see her eyes fill with realization and terror when she saw his true form for the first time.  

He moved to step forward again, his foot hovering over the warped glyph, and she smiled in triumph….

A strong fist reached out of the darkness and with an audible crack of bone against bone, slammed into his jaw.  Duncan’s eyes flew open and he focused on Ian straddling his waist, fist pulled back for another punch.  

The worried look in Ian’s eyes faded into relief.  “Thank the Light,” he breathed.  “I thought she’d gotten you that time for sure.”

Duncan grunted and reached up to rub his jaw.  “Jesus, Ian.  Did you have to hit me so hard?”

“You started to phase out when I slapped you.”

“You slapped me?” Duncan asked in shock.

“You obviously didn’t notice,” Ian said wryly.  Now that the Duncan was fully awake again, he relaxed his weight and sat back on his lovers thighs.  He ran his hands over Duncan’s chest and stomach in a way that they both found comforting.

Duncan sighed and soaked up the reassurance of Ian’s touch.  He wanted to close his eyes again, but was afraid to.  “She’s getting stronger,” he said quietly.

“I noticed,” Ian said just as softly.

Duncan groaned and closed his eyes, and put a hand over them.  He didn’t want to see the understanding in Ian’s eyes.  It was bad enough that Ian could see what Duncan experienced, but the fact that he could also sense some of what Duncan felt during the visions made him distinctly uncomfortable.  

“Hey.”

Duncan stubbornly kept his eyes closed.  

“Hey!” Ian said again, this time running the tips of his fingers along the ticklish underside of Duncan’s arm.

Duncan didn’t uncover his eyes, but used his free hand to grab Ian’s roving hand.  

“I’ll find her,” Ian promised.

Duncan bared his teeth in a hiss.

Ian laughed.  “You don’t scare me Demon.”

Duncan finally uncovered his eyes and snarled at Ian in earnest.  “I have yet to give you reason to be, Angel.”

Ian’s smug smile was so wicked, that Duncan could imagine his proverbial halo rusting.  “Bring it,” he challenged.

Duncan exploded in a fury of motion, and despite the fact that Ian had been prepared for this reaction, he was almost too slow to react.  Luckily he was rested in comparison to the furious demon, and was able to fend off the attack.   Their wrestling ended with them both spilled onto the floor, with Ian back on top, Duncan pinned on his stomach below him.  

Ian leaned down and brushed his lips against Duncan’s ear.  “I’m sorry,” he said sincerely.  He knew his friend well, and understood that he was ashamed of his reaction to the witch.  “I woke you as quickly as I could.”

Duncan took a deep breath and let out a long sigh.  Ian felt him relax and knew it would be safe to let him up.  He got to his feet, and watched in admiration as the hard body below him flexed as Duncan pushed himself off the floor.  

Duncan twisted around until he was sitting on the floor leaning against the bed.  He looked up at Ian with a wry smile.   “I’m sorry I’m an unappreciative bastard.”

Ian grinned, “Well, she was smokin’ hot.”

Duncan rolled his yes, but chuckled.  Not wanting to think about the witch, he decided to change the subject.  “I had to fire Lynette last night.”

Ian took the hint.  “Shit,” he grumbled.  “What happened?”

“Winston caught her stealing from the register.”

Ian sighed. “Was it at least for a good cause?”  He’d been the one to hire her.  When he’d found her begging on the street, he’d offered her the job.  She’d been starving, and he couldn’t help himself.  

“She smelled like heroine,” Duncan said softly.  He knew Ian liked to bring in strays and help them get on their feet.  That’s how they’d come to hire Winston, and the werewolf had been working for them for 15 years now.  He still felt a thrill of amazement at himself that he cared if Ian’s feelings were hurt by the failed projects.  He felt a twinge in his chest when Ian’s face fell in disappointment.  

Ian’s mouth quirked in a rueful smile, “Well, I tried.”  He turned away from Duncan and rummaged through a drawer, pulling out a pair of green boxers.  

Duncan winced.  He shouldn’t have brought it up.  Now Ian would be depressed for days.  He got up and went over to where the angel was slowly getting dressed.  He wrapped his arms around Ian from behind and propped his chin on his shoulder.  “Hey,” he said softly.  “At least someone tried.  If you ever stop trying, then I’ll know I’ve failed.”

They both went still as they remembered Duncan’s promise so long ago.  Ian leaned his head to the side, until his temple touched the other man’s.  “It’s so hard sometimes,” he whispered.

“I know,” Duncan said just as quietly.  “I miss her too.”

Ian reached up and pressed his fingers to Duncan’s cheek affectionately.  He took a shuddering breath, and moved away to finish dressing.  “Will you be ok for another few days?” he asked in reference to the constant energy drain Duncan was dealing with.

Duncan nodded, and also moved to get dressed, pulling on a pair of jeans without bothering with underwear.  “Yes, if I keep busy I should be fine.”

Ian nodded.  “Good.  I’ll do some hunting this week and see if I can find her.”

Duncan grunted.  This witch was good to have kept herself hidden from Ian for so long. Duncan wanted to help with the hunt, but she was strong enough that if he left the wardings around their building he could feel the tug of the summoning spell increase tenfold.  Typically a witch needed to know his true name to affect him this strongly.  He was grateful that she didn’t, because he knew he’d be lost.  The bitch obviously didn’t need him because she was already powerful.  Only greed could be motivating her at this point.  

“Alright,” Duncan said.  “Good hunting.  I’m sick of this bitch, and I need a fucking nap.”

It was going to be a story about a witch falling in love with a demon, whose best friend was an angel posing as a human priest.  But I never got anywhere with it because the witch kept being ME and I didn’t want her to be.  And somewhere along the way, the relationship between the demon and the angel became more interesting, and those were the scenes I focused on more than anything.  I thought to myself, why not a poly fic?  But again, the female character was trying to be me, and I personally didn’t want to get with the male characters because I was far more fascinated with watching them be cute together.  This was looooooong before I knew what slash was, and I’d never read a fanfic in my life.  I didn’t know it was possible to write gay romance.  Weird, right?  

I’ve got probably 30k of scenes written for this story, but I know I’m never going to finish it.  Not in its original form.  But I might mine it for fic stuff someday.

After a while, I gave up on this story because I knew I wasn’t going to finish it.  Shortly after, I discovered fanfiction.  And the very next thing I wrote was Peace Begins With A Smile in early 2012.  It’s the first thing I ever finished, and nearly everything I’ve written since then is published on my AO3, so you can see where I went from here if you’ve been reading my stuff for a while :)