#i used my irl hat for the reference and still struggled lmao

[jas-the-shrimp]

I remembered RL cowboy aus and had to bring mia into it

Because I'm crazy.

ANYWAY

Here is the prawcess

I don't have a good grasp on lighting yet so I just threw a bunch of light everywhere

I also tried to draw like , hay and carriages but i couldn't so I just, ... Yoinked blocks in the bg lmao

[lavenderek]

sometimes when i play an old game from my childhood, like donkey kong (1994), im like, wow this is a fun game! some of the levels were too hard for me because i was a child, but the gameplay is really engaging and easy to understand!

lego island (1997) was a different experience entirely. this is my review of the first eleven minutes of game time, because i turned it off after that. 

first of all, i think it was banking on the customizable nature of lego sets making for inherently humorous situations? like, all the animation showcases the lego people and structures coming apart and coming back together, pieces being replaced with other pieces, things changing colors, that kind of thing. it’s kind of cute, like, if you visit the brickster - the bad guy in the game - in jail, he’ll insult you, and then he’ll just stand there unresponsive while you click his hat and turn it into random different objects and hairstyles. turns into a different hat, and then a flower, and then a sleek bob, and then a cat. it’s pretty cute. 

only, the animation and graphics are so primitive and jerky that sometimes it’s not clear what’s happening? and also, they put cartoon sound effects every single time this happens. and it happens with every object in the game. 

for example, at some point you’re walking down the road and you see a woman walking toward you. as you approach her, she disappears and reappears on the other side of the road, this time with three other people all in a row. they are walking in sync like a really peppy chain gang, and leaning back really far, while goofy music and a rubber stretching sound effect play. 

why is this happening? did i cause it to happen? does it mean something? is it a reference to something? what do i do when this happens? this is never made clear, so i just kept walking. 

i think it was supposed to be funny, and that’s pretty emblematic of the entire game - it’s full of these like, standup comedy bits that A. aren’t funny, and B. last for seven years each. 

like, i walk up to the police station, and a cop runs at me, yelling at me.

“HEY! YOU’RE UNDER ARREST! oh wait, it’s just you! you’re not under arrest. you’re in jail! no, you’re not! you must be here to build the helicopter. it’s about time! we’ve been waiting! i object! i mean, you’re in contempt! i mean, you’re under arrest! oh wait no, it’s still you. just go inside and speak to the deputy! i could really go for some pizza right now! i mean, what? cake! oh, i’ll just go over here!”

he walks back over to the police station, and i stand there like 👁️👄👁️

i try clicking around for a bit, but this mostly just makes people’s heads spin around and stuff, so i eventually just like, walk away lmao. never did find out what he was referring to with the helicopter thing

that’s the other problem, is the gameplay. the gameplay is so unintuitive that whenever i enter a building, an NPC has to give me very detailed instructions to figure out what to do next. there is no exploratory clicking around to be had, because even if they didn’t have their two minute standup to do for me, i wouldn’t be able to figure it out, i guess. that’s what i assume, because all their instructions go right over my head. i have no idea what they’re talking about. 

i’ll explain. you begin the game in an information building, where a lego man gives a speech about how you are on lego island, and in order to play on lego island, you must become a lego person. in order to become a lego person, you must select their portrait on the wall, and drag it to the location on the map where you want to go. 

but before you can do that, you have to click on a book and sign in. i click on the book, and there’s a bunch of letters, presumably so that you can enter your name if you’re a little kid in 1997 and don’t know how to use the keyboard. before i can enter my name, the man interrupts me and explains that i must enter my name, and then click the checkmark, and then i can begin my wonderful adventure on the glorious lego island, or whatever he says, he talks for way too long. 

i enter my name, i exit the book, and now i can choose a character to play. i select Pepper, who is a child who delivers pizza riding on a skateboard. instead of allowing me to drag the portrait, clicking on him triggers an introductory animation of pepper skateboarding around with a pizza. 

“i’m pepper, the pizza delivery kid! watch me go! whoa!” he hits a ramp. “45 degrees! up in the air! ollie!” he hits an identical ramp. “90 degrees! i’ve got all the degrees! more degrees than a thermometer! i’ve got more degrees than a professor! i’ve got more degrees than i know what to do with! ten degrees! two degrees! and i land it! i’ve got the pizza, here we go!” 

as he skateboards away, unboxed pizza in his little lego hand, an unidentified voice comments, “Pepper: he’s hot.” 

the animation ends. i’m like, “isn’t he like, a child?”

“great job, now you’re Pepper!!” yells the man. now i can play the game. i guess i don’t drag the portrait after all? 

i click an arrow on the side of the screen, trying to leave, but it just takes me to a big cube, and the man gives a TED talk about the cube. it’s just like, a score card, and whenever you do a mini game, your score shows up next to whatever character you were playing. he could have explained that in one sentence. or, better yet, i could have figured that out from context when i started playing mini games. but this requires another standup routine. 

i click another arrow, and finally i guess i have turned around, because i’m looking at the door to the lobby of the info building i’m in. there are some flowers in here too. i click on the flowers. with a bunch of metal clanging noises, the flower turns into a huge yellow tree. when it finishes, i am suddenly outside. 

i remember when i was a kid that i would struggle to play this game for a little while and then give up. i did this a lot. i remember i was able to paint a car. i couldn’t get the car to move the way i wanted it to, so i would never be able to finish a race. i’d just paint it red, and lose the race. i also have a vivid memory of some kind of thing where the brickster escapes from jail, and you have to find him before he steals... something. 

so i’m running around this unnavigable island, but sometimes trees and birds lean over and block the road and harass you, so you can’t go that way for some reason (which - relatable, that happens to me irl when i’m driving to walgreens to pick up my cymbalta). and all the while you hear the brickster’s disembodied voice being like, “you’re never gonna catch me!” and a different voice being like, “you’re going the wrong way! the brickster’s gonna get away!” and i would eventually fail this objective, and then give up and play the magic schoolbus instead lmfao. i remember this happening more than once as a kid. 

so like, at first i was like, this is a lot, but it’s not for me, you know? i wasn’t trying to engage with this game as an adult, because this was a game for children. but i was clicking around and i remembered being bored and annoyed as a child, too. so like, lmao. 

but the main reason i stopped playing is that the 3D pov animation as you move around the game was making me motion sick. i seriously thought i was gonna vom. so that’s why i stopped playing.