#i use too many parenthesis' aaa

[jenivi]

Arthur and the Invisibles (2007) is a one of the worst movies I’ve ever watched

I remembered watching this movie as a kid and felt pretty nostalgic about it. While scrolling for a movie to watch today, me and my bf ran into it and wanted to see if the movie lived up to how cool we remembered it from our childhood.

So for quick plot summary for those who don’t know what this movie is: Arthur is this 10 year old boy living with his grandmother in the countryside. He occupies himself with grandpa’s studies of small creatures (called the Minimoys) in their backyard. It’s also explained that his grandfather earned rubies as a gift from helping out this one African tribe, and hid it in the backyard (presumably with those creatures). 

His grandfather, however, disappeared and his grandmother is in deep debt. Some guy in a suit pressures them that he will own their land if the grandfather doesn’t come back and they don’t pay their debt in 2 days. Arthur finds the secret his grandfather was hiding and finds a way to get to the miniature, underground world of the Minimoys with the help of the African Tribe (who lives somewhere in their backyard I guess???). 

The rest of the movie is about the journey he takes with the Minimoys to find the rubies (and fight the bad guys who have it) and eventually find his grandfather (who was a prisoner from that bad guy). Grandpa comes back and they pay back their debt with the rubies, happy ending yay the end. 

SO excusing the eerily-looking animation and how gross it made me feel (I’m mostly talking about the numerous giant-sized insects they animated with high detail)...

...the content in this movie is completely trash. Throughout the whole movie, the PACING WAS SO RUSHED AND TERRIBLE. This went for both the pacing of the plot and dialogue!! Things escalated so quickly, from one thing to the next, event-wise and with how characters felt about one another. Like you dont even know,, things happened SO FAST. And this was mostly a result of how choppy and quick the dialogue was. THEY TALKED LIKE A BAD ANIME DUB, one line after the next after the next after the next. And basically all their lines were exposition or them explaining things (like what they were holding, what they were doing, etc)?? 

OH and the love interest... the love interest. 

Right off the bat, her personality was mildly irritating.. Her personality summarized is the stereotypical “I’m not like other girls, i don’t need you to protect me” kind of girl. And personally, I’m all for girls being independent,, like power to girls!!  The problem with her is the constant remarks she makes to remind the audience that she’s “not like other girls and doesnt need protecting.” I’m sure that 80% of her dialogue in this movie is a sarcastic line towards someone that radiates negative energy. It’s just not the type of character you’d want to watch on screen because of how negative they sound. (Then as you’d expect because tropes, she becomes softer after falling in love with Arthur)

IMPORTANT THING ABOUT THE ROMANCE IN THIS MOVIE THAT MADE ME UNCOMFORTABLE: So the protag is 10 years old (I’m assuming but he looks and sounds 10). Love-interest-princess acts like she is mentally 16-18, but she’s actually 1000 years old. But it’s “okAY” because 1000 years in her world is actually 10 years in the human world. She’s voiced by Madonna by the way, if that adds anymore to image I’m trying to describe. idk man, i was just super uncomfortable seeing this girl open-mouth kiss this 10 year old kid TWICE in this movie (she initiates BOTH times).

OH and they get married after knowing each other for a day and arthur becomes king i guess

Also THESE are an actual screenshots of things that happened in this movie:

Arthur touched love-interest-princess’ chest and then took the lace off of her top, making her let out this weird scream. She has to cover her chest for the rest of the time until she gets the lace back

Arthur opens a car door for love-interest princess then gets a view of her ass?? then pogs the fvck out???

The jokes were tasteless and inappropriate for a children’s movie. There were just SO MANY moments that made me feel super uncomfortable (whether it was a joke or not). My bf and I seriously had to question if we were watching a kid’s movie. 

They had a scene where they drank this green smokey drink at a club with Snoop Dog (LITERALLY IM NOT JOKING THISGUYISVOICEDBYSNOOPDOG) and green smoke came out of their mouths

Also Snoop Dog hits on love-interest-princess who is an obvious minor, and flexes that he has 7 wives

Arthur underage smoking:

Arthur’s parents come back to visit (cuz they've been away for a while) and his dad was scared of the African Tribe staying by their house. The dad runs away to the grandma and she asks “what’s wrong” then he says “five..” Grandma responds with “five what?” then he plain out screams “BLACK” with exaggerated gestures. uh EXCUSE ME????

im sure the african tribe stereotype this movie was depicting was pretty offensive in itself too...

And there was a scene where the bad guy (voiced by David Bowie) explained why he was evil. Apparently it was because people thought he was ugly and because he kissed some insect that made him contract ugly disease while he was drunk (he actually says he was drunk and the way he talked made it seem like it was equivalent to a one night stand)

and lastly, just a little nitpick but i HATE this guy’s voice (he’s the bad guy’s son). He sounds like a horrible Eggman impersonator with a lisp and with rocks stuffed down his throat. I’m sure with every word he says, saliva flies out of his mouth. 

Yeah I guess you have to acknowledge it was 2007, but you can’t deny this movie is still very uncomfortable to sit through and it does not excuse some of the things that happened here.

So uh overall.. bad movie is bad and I had a bad time. You can watch it if you want to experience what I had to. I won’t stop you. 

I was gonna write about the sequel on here, but I think I’ve written enough. I’ll save that for a different post if I feel like it. Just know that the sequel ends with a Kidz Bop-styled cover of Poker Face by Lady Gaga that chants the bad guy’s name in the beginning of the song (in the link they pitched the audio but it doesn’t change how bad the song is so its ok)

If you made it this far, thanks for reading to the end!!