#i tweet nonsense 24 hours a day in hopes that people think im funny or entertaining and i just KNOW im muted bc im annoying instead

[dammitjameskirk]

it is so goddamned FRUSTRATING that i dont feel comfortable to talk to or about myself at great lengths on the internet, on MY social media platforms, MY own accounts anymore. the internet is so widely public and accessible that it is no longer (and has not been for some time) somewhere to escape and be yourself or even use as a void to talk to, like it used to be. i used to be happy to treat things like this void. now i barely talk in the tags and when i do i STILL worry about decorum, about the expectations associated with blogging (or tweeting, its not relegated to just here) nowadays. its absolute batshit NONSENSE that i dont feel comfortable just throwing all my thoughts up into a post anymore, to tell my faceless friends how ive been or how im feeling and even NOW i have to do it this way, like some kind of coward, like i have to pose as though theres some sort of injustice that everyone deserves to know about, the absolute INCONVENIENCE of being SOCIAL with my social media. like anything i post has to have some sort of comedic or intrinsic VALUE to others. i hate that im looking for this sort of validation, like what im saying is WORTH being read and treated as such. i cant even post comments or journals on goddamned DEVIANTART without worrying about whats expected nowadays. the internet and all of our respective places to live and exist in the nonphysical world used to be where we could talk about ourselves and have conversations with one another anonymously or not, it didnt quite matter and it honestly felt a hell of a lot better than being Known by our physical friends or other "real world" counterparts. now, we are all posturing and pretending and HIDING again, theres nowhere for me to monologue without feeling like i need to put on a SHOW where people can come and agree with me, and i am so tired, i so blissfully wish that i could have someone look at this and Know me, but not ever actually know who i am. you dont need to know me, you just need to read what ive said and either agree or disagree. i dont want anything other than to be heard. i dont care that its me whos saying, i just care that im saying it at all.