#i try to pretend idb abt my birthdaybut the truth is i do. and i fantasize abt it being important to someone else as well
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#tomorrow's gonna be the worst birthday every fr#i was gonna bake a cake - which i havent had in 5 years.. but bc of gallstones i cant have cake#i cant really eat anything :(( so that's boring </3#also since im poor i cant afford to go to the cinema or like literally anywhere else#i wanted to visit my grandma but she's sick so we cant. and i literally have no one else to visit or meet#my sisters arent talking to me so they wont.. talk to me tmrw either. wont congratulate me#i have no friends to hang out with or talk to.#no one will wish me a happy birthday except my mom#ijust feel so fkn lonely and insignificant#i try to pretend idb abt my birthdaybut the truth is i do. and i fantasize abt it being important to someone else as well#i just wanna be important and mean smth to someone :(((#it really doesnt help that i cant eat at all#last year was rough too but i had lots of coffee and chocolate treats during the day which helped my mood a lot#and now i dont have anyone at all to talk to so like.. yeah i feel so lonely#and someone i thought was my friend blocked me without explanation a few days ago#and i wanted to at least chat with her a bit#but she proved that i mean nothing to her. did she lie to me? was everything she said just lies....#idk
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