#i tried to get into ghost in the shell before and found it kinda boring so let's see if i'll watch it all the way thru

[tokoyamisstuff]

Dark Side Of The Moon Ch. 1 - Dark! Loki x Reader

Chapter 1: Speak to Me/Breathe

Chapter Summary: The last thing you remember was being mortally wounded, now having woken up in a completely different reality. And you’d soon need to face the horrors of who would seek you out...

Warnings: Violence, Blood, Suicide Attempt, Graphic Descriptions of Death, Dark! Loki, Spoiler you kinda die but kinda don't

Words: approx. 3800

[Story Masterlist]

Masterlist to my other works right ->Here<-

Lyrics used from the Song: Kina ft. Snow - Get You The Moon

“Y/N, look out!”

The piercing sounds of gunfire nearby made your eardrums ring, yet Steve’s words got through to you nonetheless.

But you were determined to end this, here and now.

Tony was the first one at your side, catching you in his arms before you hit the floor. However, you could only do so much as whimper a silent apology to your friends, who now had to live with the consequences of your actions.

“Why did you do this?!” you heared Dr. Strange yell as he unsucessfully tried to close the deep cut in your gut. Too afraid of what you might see if you’d look at the wound, your glare was locked on the beautiful sky - yes, the sun was almost setting, and it was somehow calming to you that this would most likely the last thing you’d set eyes upon.

“There was no reason to be this reckless!” Steve followed close by, his scolding soon turning into desperate screams. “Fuck. FUCK!” If Captain America himself is cussing, then it’s as severe as you thought it to be.

Your wounds were lethal, that much was sure.

And of course they were right, as always: You didn’t need to play the martyr here, throwing yourself into danger to shield your comrades - well, you did anyway, and there was no going back now.

On the other hand, they were the ones taking a gravely depressed widow onto a dangerous mission. But you did not want your precious friends to blame themselves for that, for it was your own wish.

Dying in an honorable battle was what would send you to Valhalla, after all - where you could finally meet him again, hopefully.

The only one not having spoken a single word up until now was Thor, very well knowing what all this was about. It was no secret that you were sick and tired of how your life had turned out to be, ever since the Infinity War.

You felt empty. Incomplete. Desperate. Hallow.

The God of Thunder had turned his back to you, yet there was still agony radiating from that already broken man. Your almost-brother-in-law was the only one who could possibly understand your pain. Thor Odinson had lost everything: His homeland, most of his tribe, his family and best friend - and soon, you as well.

All this time, you wanted to be strong. For them, who had also lost so much!

But at some point things just got out of control.

“You can’t leave me alone, Lady Y/N! Not you too!” Thor finally whimpered as he fell onto his knees, softly squeezing your hand. “You’re the only thing I have left from him!

So this is what dying feels like.

The bloodloss caused your limps to go limp, and when the pain began to stop and got replaced by numbness, you knew it would soon be time. Your brain lost the remaining control over your body, and you found yourself encoated by pure nothingless.

Only able to listen by their screams, cries and kind words - at least you’d die surrounded by those marvellous people. It sure was a privilege knowing them.

You weren’t afraid - all in all, it had been a good life, after all. 

There were no regrets.

“Shh” you hushed them, using your last bit of strenght so your lips formed somewhat of a most broken smile, forming words between gurling on your own blood.

“It’s alright, I-” you cut yourself off, trying to scream as a last, torturing pain shot through your whole system. “I-I-I’ll-- meet him again...you know?”

“I’m no-not strong enough, please...” Thor cried out like you had never seen him before, feeling a tide of guilt wash over you. “Loki wouldn’t have wanted you to go like this! He told me to protect you, so you could lead a long and happy life!”

Without him? Impossible!

“You gave me a shoulder when I needed it

You showed me love when I wasn’t feeling it

You helped me fight when I was giving in

And you made me laugh when I was losing it”

Yes, indeed: You had been to selfish to keep on living just for the sake of your friends, burdening them with yet another loss.

“I-I don’t wanna go...this was a mistake, I- please...”

How badly did you want to soothe them right now, telling them that everything would be alright and you’d meet them again, eventually?

It was too late now.

Your body gave up earlier than your soul, which had endured and kept on all this time, even in it’s shattered state.

And when Tony’s palm gently closed your eyes, making it easier for you to embrace the cold darkness, the last thing you heared before your senses gave up were startling you enough to almost bring you back to life:

“I’m so sorry, Y/N.”

That voice was familiar, yet it didn’t belong to Loki. Dr. Strange, no- Stephen Strange, your friend and mentor of the mystic arts.

“I don’t have the heart to allow this to happen” he stated frantic, making you wonder if that was a dream of your hypoxic brain or if you were still able to hear them? People tend to say the sense of hearing dies last, after all. “She still has a pulse, even though weak. Hurry!”

Their voices were far in the back, words way too far out of your reach to understand. As if you were an outsider, only observing from a distance.

Your friends were fighting, or maybe discussing something. That much you could make up from their tone, but your mind was too exhausted to make sense of anything.

It felt as if you were already without a body, floating through the unknown like a feather in the wind - not knowing where fate would lead you to next.

Everything was numb - even your pain. It was soothing, somehow.

Because you had been a ghost way before, when you were alive even. An empty shell of a human, acting like they weren’t dead on the inside.

Coherent thoughts, memories, emotions...even the fractions of your own past you had both collected and surpressed. Right now, they were all restrained and pushed far in the back of your very core, where you were finally able to evaluate them without earthly bondings.

Was this heaven, hell - or maybe both or none or them?

____

"Be aware of the limits this tactic has. It’s a very drastic measurement that can most likely be used only once in your lifetime, and it is not guaranteed to work either.”

Stephen’s voice again. You recall that scene, it’s been long in the past...but why are you remembering it now?

Yes, this was familiar. All of you had been invited to the Sanctum Sanctorum, a fitting place to teach about this ancient knowledge.

You clearly remembered that Loki was absent in any of the Doctor’s lessons, feeling that a “puny human” was “unworthy” to teach him, and “it would be nothing new anyway, Y/N, I am a god and the way better wizard, I know it all already.”

What he was about to tell you back then was some kind of crazy emergency-plan: Dangerous, unpredictable and escpecially untested.

“I’ve only read about this tactic up until now” the mage pondered loudly as he picked at his goatee, earning some childish giggles by you and Tony. “So I cannot promise that it will function as planned. The Multiverse is dangerous and acts in unforseen ways.”

“Very reassuring” you had mocked at the time, not really biding the topic any importance or thought ever again.

But now...

The trick sounded way simpler than it actually was, being as complex as it is only natural for something like that, costing a huge prize at that:

Dr. Strange would send any of you who were on the brink of death through a portal, thus leading you into a random dimension of this endless Multiverse.

That dimension, in which your alternate self has most likely died, will gladly accept you as a “replacement”. Some kind of what Peter Parker called a “glitch” will occur, instantly healing all of your wounds - even fatal ones, so you could remain in the timeline that was missing you. 

Yet the consequences of this maneuvre would be unspeakable.

_____

“That bastard...” you gnarled internally, finally realizing why you would remember this of all things after apparently having just taken your dying breath. “He didn’t just-”

Eventually, you realized having escaped death’s grip, slowly beginning to regain your senses - yet still refusing to open your eyes.

“I don’t want to leave this place. My friends -- will I never see them again? No. NO! Life is meaningless. Just let me be with him. Please! Loki...”

“’Cause you are, you are

The reason why I’m still hanging on

‘Cause you are, you are

The reason why my head is still above water

And if I could I’d get you the moon

And give it to you

And if death was coming for you

I’d give my life for you”

Another part of Strange’s lesson echoed in your head, revealing that you were now in fact up on your own.

“Not even I can tell just how much this timeline will differ from what you know. Of course I will search for you right away, but considering the countless possibilities, it might very well be that we’ll never meet again. But you’re alive, and hopefully safe. That’s all that counts.”

Grass tickled your palm as you twitched your fingers, testing the limits of your body, which had literally just tricked death. Suddenly, you felt a stinging pain, almost like lightning boring into your temportal. The origin of this pain remained unknown.

When you finally found the courage to sit up, your flesh still feeling as heavy as lead, you realized that Stephen was most likely wrong: He assumed that you’d find yourself in a place you had a deep connection with, yet that place was unrecognizable to you.

Then why were you here of all places?

Actually, this location was incredibly beautiful, managing to stop the aching in your heart, if only for the fraction of a second.

Your former lover would’ve loved this place.

“'Cause you are, you are

The reason why I’m still hanging on

'Cause you are, you are

The reason why my head is still above water

And if I could I’d get you the moon

And give it to you

And if death was coming for you

I’d give my life for you”

Even though not all of Dr. Strange’s speculations were correct, you decided to stick to his emergency plan: Find as much information about this “new” earth as possible, point out the differences to your initial one, and then contact the Dr. Strange of this dimension.

Two mages working on crossing each other’s path would at least higher the stakes to find your original timeline.

Well, no one could guarantee you that the Avenger’s existed on this timeline, and they could as well be evil in this one...what a weird and horrifying imagination.

Knowledge really was power - that was another thing Loki had taught you a long time ago, and it would prove valuable, especially in this situation.

As you wandered this surprisingly extensive garden and getting lost in admiring the beauty of it’s nature, you found yourself devoid of any weapons. That fact made you slightly uncomfortable, even though your current location seemed absent of any ememies, making a peaceful impression. 

Seemingly there weren’t any evil schemes going on in this dimension.

It basically were only minor differences, at least that was your first impression. At least there were no changes in natural laws or something as big.

“I miss the days where magic and science didn’t mix up like this” you whispered, mainly to yourself as you examined the new, large scar on your abdomen - the only memory left of your “almost-suicide-mission”.

To be more precize: The only thing left from your former life, now leaving you able to start completely anew, wether you wanted it or not.

Sun had almost drowned behind the horizon, diving the sky in a deep orange. Your eyes were still adjusting, yet you could’ve sworn to see the silhouette of a person. It was far away, at the entrance on what appeared to be a palace belonging to this garden.

Apparently, you had invaded someone’s propery, and you could only pray that it was noone important - or worse, a owner who would defend their ground with violence.

You don’t think your earth had a place this...flashy. The castle was way bigger than any you knew on the other timeline. The first difference you had figured out, yet it was only a minor one.

Maybe the headache you were experiencing was from someone making you  out as an intruder?

One thing was sure: You had been noticed, and you immediately were on high alert.

Where to run to or at least hide?

There was a maze made out of bushed parting you and the palace, and since there was no better option, you’d enter it. Talking to that person and convincing them of your goodwill would make it way easier to gain information.

“You may come out” you declared as you made your way, unable to evaluate the situation properly. “I mean no harm. I’m just lost.”

Was it dangerous to be here? Obviously, you were not allowed to be here anyway.

However, when you had finally found the escape to that maze, only several hundret meters away from the building, the person was already gone.

Had your mind just played a dirty trick on you again? Wouldn’t be the firt time it’d betray you like this...

No. You clearly felt someone watching you.

And as soon as your senses had sharpened to your usual self again, you instantly jumped back, gaining some distance to the Citauri that had just appeared behing you.

Shit! You weren’t ready to fight again just yet. Not like this.

And where one of those vile beasts were, many others would appear. You knew that much.

Had Thanos invaded this earth? Oh god, not again...not him. You were so damn tired of those fights, escapes and especially the pain that always inevitable followed after.

Just when it was about to swing it’s weapon at your head, you felt dizziness crawl up your nerves, making you collapse on the floor. Lucky for you, because only like that, the stike didn’t hit you.

Even though having been taught basic magic skills, that certain kind of spell you were unable to fight against - only true masters of the art were able to perform a sorcery that well.

The Chitauri had left your line of sight, yet the other figure from before reappeared in a pace so fast that your eyes couldn’t follow. They sweeped you off the floor just before your head would meet the hard pavement.

“And now you will answer to me, shapeshifter.”

Once again someone robbed you of the control of your life and body, leaving you without a free will.

How long had you been passed out now? You didn’t know and honestly didn’t care either - since you had nothing to lose anymore.

In the meantime, the owner of those lands had dismissed his guards, not wanting to be disturbed as he was left alone with you in the giant throne room.

The apparent ruler of that unclassified location was sitting on his throne, warily observing you from above. You were lying to his feet at the bare floor, every piece of clothing robbed from you and restrained by a pile of chains. He watched every twitch, all breaths you’d take or groans escaping your mouth until you would finally awake.

Oh, how you really were just like he remembered you, with every little detail he had adored.

At long last, you would finally open your lids again, blinking heavily as you took in your surroundings - but when your eyes met certain emerald ones, they immediately sprung wide open, the emptiness in your heart being filled with all kinds of emotions once again.

The man - it was him!

“'Cause you are, you are

Oh, you are

Oh, you are

You are'Cause you are, you are

The reason why I’m still hanging on

'Cause you are, you are

The reason why my head is still above water

And if I could I’d get you the moon

And give it to you”

“Loki!” you screamed from the bottom of your heart. Without a single coherent thought, your legs would carry on their own as your weakened body stumbled in their attempt to climb those stairs.

For both of you, that momend of reuinion had waited far too long.

The god was temptated to approach you, his trembling hands already reaching out to catch your fragile body should you fall - but suddenly, you felt his knuckles digging into your cheekbone.

“Stay away from me, you fake!” Loki yelled furiously as you hit the ground, rubbing your cheek as you tried to understand what just happened.

Yeah, that sure brought you back to reality again, after such a short high.

Right.

That isn’t your Earth - and not your Loki either.

You couldn’t even be sure this world’s Y/N and Loki had the same kind of relationship the two of you had back in your timeline! The only thing you knew was that he knew you from his past, but as it seemed not pleasantly.

Now that you looked closely, he even had less scars, almost looking untouched and pure - like a true, invincible god. Maybe life here had treat him well, unlike his counterpart from your timeline.

He was still wearing that excessive outfit with the golden horns, and much to both your amazement and fear, it seemed that he still possessed theTesseract.

Could it be...

Before you could connect the dots, the king would soon interrupt your string of thoughts. “Drop that disguise, scum!”

Loki kept on degrading you as he paced in front of his throne, brow sinking deeper and deeper. “Don’t think you can somehow appeal to those pathetic sentiments” he explained, “I’ve freed myself from them long ago. Just stop making a fool out of yourself, and maybe I’ll reward it with a quicker death.”

Yet when he saw your most innocent smile, even this Loki would stand frozen in place, deeply in shock.

How he yearned to see it, all those years - to tell you just how sorry he was for everthing he’s done.

No.

He had left all of this behind - to claim his birthright and rule.

“I-I’m deeply so-sorry...that is a mistake” you whimmered with a broken voice, wiping a tear of joy out of your face. “My feelings overwhelmed me, I guess. I’ve never thought to see you again, even if you’re not the same Loki I know.”

Still cowering on the floor, you looked up to him with compassionate eyes, as if he had not just beat you before. You did not dare to make any more, wanting for Loki to try and understand himself.

“A variant?” he gnarled, just like you did when he realized.

No force in the world had allowed him to access other parts of the Multiverse, no matter how desperately he tried - and now fate had literally dropped you in front of his door.

Loki balled his fists in anger, making you flinch as you anticipated yet another blow.

“Dear, I-”

“Shut up!” the God of Mischief shoutet, causing his magic to break free. The walls of the palace were shaking, most windows and furniture having been destroyed. “It’s no use, woman!”

That man was way more powerful than the “puny god” people called names back on Asgard - and his sheer might made you quiver.

Just what kind of monster had he become, and why?

“L-Loki, please...” you tried to appeal to the last bit of humanity  he might possess, and your begging made his guts twist in agony. “You’re scaring me.”

“You better be scared!” he exclaimed, grabbing you by the chin and forcing you to look at him. “No matter what disgracefully weak “alter ego” of me you knew, I am built different. Stronger. Better. Everyone in the Nine Realms fears me, and I desire nothing else! Everything distracting me from fulfilling my destiny and reign over you dull creatures I got rid of. You’re nothing more than an insect I might as well crush right here and now!”

Choking on a sob, he tried to relish that last chance he got to admire you, smell you, touch what he cannot possess...no matter how many universes there may be.

A flood of tears cracked down your face at his words, yet you couldn’t be helped.

No matter what he would say - he looked just like him.

And that was enough for you to feel alive after such a long time of being a walking dead. There had to be a reason you landed right at his home, of all places in this universe. You had a connection, both of you felt it ever since you had been transported here.

"May I ask-” you disrupted yourself, awaiting some reaction. But the conqueror had seemed to have spoken what he thought important to say, not declining your question at all.

Whenever he seemed fit, he could disintegrate you - yet right now, this situation was way too intriguing.

“What happened to myself in this reality?”

Loki swallowed harshly, letting go off of you as he threw you down the stairs. He wouldn’t even bide you one look as he tried to surpress the turmoil of emotion still running through his veins, desperately keeping it from breaking free.

The outcome would always be the same: Suffering, for both of you.

“And if death was coming for you

I’d give my life for you.”

He only ever wanted it to stop hurting. To become unfeeling, since love had always been poisoning his mind, sometimes being gifted with it even though he knew he would never be worthy of anything else than disgust and hate.

And that contradiction caused him to throw away anything good that happened to him, through you. Let it be taken away from him just shortly after finally learning to remotely enjoy.

You deserved the truth, a reason to hate him even more than you probably already did.

Had you only come to his salvation earlier, then he might have been helped - yet now, he was beyond redemption. Broken. Sick. Dangerous.

And when the Chitauri dragged you away, his last words let your blood run cold:

“She died through my hands.”

_____

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[iwajima]

poor little baby. (kuroo tetsurou x f!reader)

KINKTOBER 2020 DAY 1

summary: ever since kuroo saw you talk and get close with his colleague at a dinner event, he’s been teasing and edging you for a week.

warnings: smut, edging, slight!teasing & jealousy

status/word count: unedited / 2.2k

a/n: idk why I made kuroo such a dick, i’m sorry- also i kinda went overboard with this one

Neither of you wanted to go to Kuroo’s company’s dinner event, you both would rather spend time alone with each other. Your expectations for a boring event was rather the opposite, when you found yourself in an interesting and long conversation about art with Kuroo’s colleague. You found commonality through it and found out he too had a hobby of painting.

Kuroo shot daggers towards the man from afar. However, they went unnoticed. Unfortunately, he was stuck with his boss and a couple of other people who were talking about how the women in the company were rather eye-pleasing. Quite unprofessional and disgusting. His jaw clenched when he sees you both laugh. The way you attentively listened and looked at him with big eyes made him regret coming to this place. Had you both stayed home, he probably would be drilling you into the sheets and make you cum over and over for him. The thought of the things he’d do to you sent his blood down to his cock, making him more uncomfortable.

It was his final straw when the man placed a hand onto your shoulder as you both laugh at something that was probably stupid. He marched towards you, ignoring the questioning look and presence of his colleague.

“Kuroo-san! Care to join us? y/n here was talking about her embarrassing high school experiences.” He did it again. He placed his hand on your shoulder when he referred to you. He knew you were his girlfriend, it was like he was taunting him.

“Is that so?” He said in the most bitter voice.

“Tetsurou, are you okay? You seem tense.” You say when he remains silent. His stare at his oblivious colleague was broken when you softly reached for his hand.

“We’re going leaving, sweetie.” He dragged you home without saying any formal goodbyes, which made you worry for him.

Everything went by so fast. First you were in the silent car and now you’re against his apartment wall, cheek pressed on the cold surface with his knee between your thighs. You bit your lip, you knew what was going to happen and what he was going to do to you. Your immediate thought was that he was going to fuck you into oblivion but your jaw dropped at his words.

“Did you enjoy talking to Takuto for an hour, did you enjoy flirting with him hm? Guess what baby, you’re not going to cum anytime soon. How does two weeks sound?” He sneered into your ear, making you shudder at the tone of his voice.

“Tetsuro-”

“Kuroo-san.” He cut you off, brushing your hair off your shoulder to place soft kisses along it.

You let out a breath when he reaches the shell of your ear and leaves a lick. Your legs wanted to give out but tried your best preventing it when he pressed his knee against your core, making your eyes flutter shut.

“K-kuroo-san… Please, I promise I wasn’t flirting. We were just having a friendly conversation.” You tried to calm him down but that only made him even more mad.

He turned you around before tossing you over his shoulder. You yelp, however you didn’t put up much of a fight. When he reaches your shared bedroom, he tosses you onto the bed. He wasted no time in pulling down your bra and dress strap, mouth immediately finding itself onto your sensitive nipple. His rough hand slid from the valley of your breasts to your other shoulder before removing the straps too and fondling with your left tit.

You were so lost from the feeling that you did even notice him snaking his hand down over your panties, finger moving up and down your slit. He smirked at your moans, thinking about how you were going to beg him to touch you again when he leaves you dry and high.

Your nipple was tender after him sucking on it for so long. He moves to your other and giving it the same treatment as his left hand kneads your free boob. You felt like you could cum just from your breasts being stimulated. Over the years, Kuroo has trained your body to be responsive to him whenever he touches you. As a result, certain areas became very sensitive that even a slight graze would make you jump.

“Look at my poor baby, squirming under me, does it really feel that good?” he cooed into your ear, making your eyes roll back. You were so wet, he could feel your panties dampening as time went by.

You nod even though he could barely see you. He pressed his hand to your core,to which your hips automatically grinded against it in hopes to find friction. Kuroo knew you were close because of how your shaky sighs. The wetness began to transfer onto his hand, he wanted nothing more than to indulge in your juices but you needed to be taught a lesson.

He suddenly gets up and walks out the room like nothing had happened. You let out a quiet whimper, seeing his silhouette leave. Your eyes were wide in the pitch black room, the only source of light was the living room light. You mentally cursed yourself, letting yourself fall back down onto your bed. You knew Takuto’s touches were questionable but you were such a laid back person, you thought they just had friendly intent.

The following days felt excruciating. The day after, Kuroo returns home before you. When you entered your apartment, Kuroo was laid back on the couch, book in hand with his legs spread open. Your eyes immediately drink in his semi-naked figure as you think about sinful thoughts. You try to get close to him, in hopes to coax him into fucking you but he brushes you off and teases you about how horny you are. Of course that was his fault.

Attempt two, you wore his favourite lingerie set he had bought you for your birthday. The red lace complemented your skin as it was tightly wrapped around your body. Upon hearing his footsteps get louder, you sink to your knees, catching him by surprise at your position when he opens the door. His eyes widened before returning to their half-lidded state as a smirk formed on his lips. He places his hand on top of your head, stroking your hair before letting them fall onto your cheek. You eagerly pressed your cheek against his palm, enjoying the feeling of his harm hand.

“Welcome home Kuroo-san.” You purred.

He smiles before taking his shoes off and proceeding towards the kitchen. He ignored you. You stare at your front door, motionless in shock. Was he still upset? Your face heats up as you get up from the floor. He casually removes his blazer, before tossing it aside and sitting on the soft cushions. He lets out a moan that you know was on purpose, yet it still managed to make you feel flustered. Instead of being upset, his lack of attention made you angry. You just wanted his touch, and for him to make you feel good like how he always does.

By the time it was your sixth attempt of trying to get him to fuck you, you were exhausted and extremely needy. Each night you’d push yourself against him, trying to feel at least his warmth, but he’d just have his back facing you. You wanted to cry by how frustrated you were, he was being completely unreasonable. You didn’t even touch yourself because you know it wasn’t the same as Kuroo pleasuring you.

“Kuroo-san please… please just fuck me” You whine.

When he doesn’t respond, you turn the other way, deciding to sleep instead, rather than continuously beg for him. You were taken by surprise when he changes your position and spreads your legs. You couldn’t see him, but you know he has a satisfied look on his face as he hovers over you.

“Seeing you needy like this makes me want to fuck you so hard.” He presses his lips against yours, you sighed because this was what you were longing for.

“I’d make you my cumdump but you were being such a bad girl, this is your punishment.” He whispers into your ear.

You bite your lip when he presses his bulge against your core. Your hips automatically grinded itself against his, making him chuckle in amusement by your eagerness. He pushes his sweats off before pulling off your oversized shirt, exposing you to the cool air. You were only in your undergarment, the cold making your skin get goosebumps. However, they soon disappeared when Kuroo encases you in warmth.

The feeling of his hard cock against your thigh made you shudder. You excitedly wrapped your legs around his waist, wanting him to just shove his dick into your pussy, not caring about the lack of prep. His thumb circles your clit, making you moan his name. His forefinger and ring finger spreads your lips as his middle spreads your arousal up and down your slit and occasionally ghosting over your clit. He loved the way that you were desperately holding onto his shoulders.

His name falls from your lips once more when he inserts a finger into your core. The small stretch was enough to make your head go fuzzy. He continues to add two more, coaxing your pussy release more of your juices so he could shove his throbbing cock into your cunt.

His tongue swirls around your nipple, wetting it before sucking and biting onto it. Your voice echoed throughout the apartment, your neighbours above and below could definitely hear you. The sounds were lewd, from the sound of him sucking your tit to him relentlessly fucking his fingers into you.

Euphoria was all that you felt. The feeling grew greater when he replaces his fingers with his cock, pushing the head into your tight hole. You hug him closer when he slowly stretches your poor pussy out. After not being fucked and being intensely horny for a week, you were extremely sensitive. You could feel everything, from every inch of his cock to his vein that was on the side of his length.

He started off with a slow pace, making you want to die. You wanted him to thrust into you hard and fast but you needed to be patient for now. He only just began, but you were already completely fucked out. The feeling of his skin dragging along your insides drove you insane. The stretch was mouth watering, you practically drooled at the thought of your pussy being fucked open.

“You’re being such a good girl for me y/n, taking my fat cock like this.” He whispers.

“Kuroo, please- more!” You whine, digging your heels into his lower back to make him go deeper.

He simply complies, picking up his pace and slamming his hips against yours. The sound of skin slapping only aided you towards your release. He could feel you clench around him, desperately trying to suck in his cock and keep it there. You were so wet that it was starting to run down, soaking the sheets and his thighs.

“Fuck! I’m so close-” You wailed.

“I know baby.” He kisses you deeply, as his thrusts grow more sloppy.

Your moans grow louder and your pussy gets tighter. You were right there, but you were left dumbfounded when he pulled out. He strokes his cock rapidly before shooting his cum onto your pussy, rubbing it all over with his tip, making a mess of you. He lets out a grunt as he reaches the peak of his release, spraying a few more spurts. He leaves a kiss on your cheek before getting up and leaving the room once again.

Tears begin to well up, you’re left on the edge once again. Kuroo returns with a damp cloth. When he turns the lights on and sees you on your side, sobbing. Kuroo immediately rushes to your side, trying to make you face him but you resist.

“Baby, hey-” His face was covered in worry and voice dripping with concern.

“Just leave me alone Tetsurou.” Your broken voice made him regret doing that to you.

He silently places himself behind you, wrapping an arm around your waist, pulling you close before kissing your shoulder. He nuzzles himself into the crook of your neck, spreading your legs apart. He takes the damp towel and cleans his cum off of your pussy and thighs, tossing it away when you’re clean. A finger circles itself around your clit, making you bite your lip because you didn’t want to give him the pleasure of knowing that it felt good.

“I’m so sorry y/n. I was a dick. I should’ve stopped the stupid act sooner, will you forgive me?”

You didn’t respond, instead you spread your legs wider for him, to give him more access to fiddle with your cunt. He smiles and leaves wet kisses on your neck. You were too exhausted to even push him away or stop him, so you let him fuck your cunt with his fingers. He truly did sound sorry, his voice was so worried it made you want to smile and kiss him feverishly.

It wasn’t long until you were clamping down around his digits, letting out the sweetest moans. It was the hardest you ever came before, all due to the week long teasing and edging. When he feels you relax, he removes his fingers before inserting them into his mouth, sucking them clean. It made you blush and sent butterflies in your stomach. He hovers above you, turning you to face him.

You look up at him with sad eyes and pouty lips. He smiles before leaving multiple pecks around your face making you giggle as you try to make him stop.

“Hey, I really am sorry. I was being so fucking unreasonable, I don’t even know why I dragged it on for so long or even did that in the first place. I let my insecurity get the best of me, you know I love you right?” He lowers himself and lays on top of you, transferring his heat to your body.

“Yes, Tetsurou. Please don’t tease me for that long ever again or I'm going to leave you.” He immediately raises his head to look at you with a scared expression. You laugh, running your hands through his hair.

“You’re not being serious right...?” He asks.

“Of course not, idiot. Now go turn off the light, I'm tired.”

[staywritten]

Roommates II│Han Jisung (M)

Roommates II 

Synopsis: Jisung is a selfish, rude and loud roommate but he’s also really cute and you can’t help but develop a crush or ignore the unspeakable tension.  Roommate!Au

Genre: Smut

Word Count: 1787

Part I

M.List

I was inspired by the amazing prompt list made by @prolixitae

33. "How do you expect me to concentrate when you keep rubbing your foot against my crotch?"

The past few months with Jisung had been great. As far as being roommates went, you argued less and there was no longer this passive-aggressive tension when it came to cleaning or playing loud music. However, now there was this unspoken sexual tension. The two of you had hooked up from time to time but never defined it. You were just two roommates that had sex and went on dates exclusively with one another. 

Your living situation was ideal enough for you to resign your lease so there were definitely worst situations. 

On this particular night, you found yourself studying in Jisung’s room, laying on his bed while he played video games with Chan and Changbin over discord. And for the first few hours, you were fine with it. You liked sitting in his room because you got lonely in yours, but after a while, you were starting to feel needy. Leaning closer to his chair you let your legs drape across his lap. 

He looked over at you, giving you a little smile and giving you a squeeze before going back to the game. “You ok?” he mouthed. You nodded, letting him continue his game, absently scrolling through your phone until you got daring again. 

This time the heel of your foot rubbing over his sweat pants. He took in a sharp breath, grabbing your leg and instantly stilling you. He shot you a glare when he missed his kill hearing Changbin complain, especially since he’d been on a losing streak. “Yes?” he whispered to you seeing that mischievous glint in your eyes. 

You shrugged, looking back to your phone and for a few minutes, he was good. He was wrapped back up in his game. Rather it was him working on music, gaming or studying you loved what he looked like when he was focused on something. The furrow in his brow, the pout on his lips, the concentration in his eyes. He was adorable. Admittedly you liked pissing him off just to see him get worked up. 

Was it healthy? Probably not but he was just so fun to mess with. 

Something that kinda boosted your ego knowing that you could make him lose his game if you wanted. All you had to do was tease his cock, or crawl under his desk. Making him lose would be so easy, but you were bored and needed more stimulation than that. 

You smirked rubbing your foot against his crotch again, his body instantly reacting to your teasing. This time he grabbed your ankle harder, cocking his head in annoyance. “Do you want me to turn it off?” he whispered, covering his mic.

“No you can keep playing” You giggled, biting your lip innocently bringing your leg up and making it brush the growing tent in his sweatpants. “If you win i’ll give you a prize~”

“What?” he did a double-take, more so expecting you to tell him to turn it off. 

Leaning closer to him you kissed him just under his ear, chuckling when you hear Changbin complaining that Jisung wasn’t paying attention. Your hand pressing low on his abs. “I’ll let you fuck me if you win” you whispered against the shell of his ear.

“Mmmm that so?” he quirked a brow, seeing you grin. “And if I lose?”

“Then I go back to my room, and I fuck myself” you smirked. “You can keep playing until you win”  you leaned back on to his bed, going back to your phone. 

He looked at you suspiciously. “So you’re just gonna sit there and be good until I win?”

You chuckled and shrugged “I may get bored and make myself cum if you take too long”

“Gimmie two games”

“Fair”

Jisung paused for a moment before going back to his game, a newfound concentration on his face before he responded to Changbin and Chan. 

Watching him play you continued to occasionally tease him. Anywhere from rubbing your legs across his lap to touching yourself. Nothing too handsy but just enough that he’d catch glimpses in his peripheral. Your hand rubbing over your breast, your fingers ghosting the hem of your nightshirt, making the hem rise. Those little sighs that sounded too close to a moan. 

He took in a breath trying to ignore you and focus on the game. His fingers slamming his mechanical keyboard as he clicked his mouse furiously shouting orders to Chan.

It took a little longer than you anticipated, but after each loss he would gently squeeze your thigh, almost like an apology. His anxiety spiking just abit when he could feel your patience run thin. 

He took in a sharp breath watching as your hand disappeared into your panties. His hand gripped a bit tighter giving you a desperate look before refocusing on his game.

“Finally!” you looked up from your phone hearing him cheer. He had the brightest smile on his face. “GG boys, I gotta go. See you tomorrow” he ended his discord chat before crawling into bed with you. Making you giggle at how hastily he pinned you. “Did you enjoy teasing me?” his dark brown eyes practically sparkling at you. “How do you expect me to concentrate when you keep rubbing your foot against my crotch?" his nose rubbed against your skin as he placed little kisses on the underside of your jaw. 

“Mmmm… you managed” you chuckled, releasing a blissful sigh feeling him cup your center through your panties. “Maybe I didn’t distract you enough”

“You’re soaked…” he smirked, licking his lips. 

“What can I say, it took you long enough” you widen your legs for him. 

Pushing your shirt up over your breast he grinned. Lips kneading and sucking your breast as his hands made their way into your panties. Your whimpers and moans encouraging his pace. “Jisung… please” you cried out as he pinched your clit.

“Please what?” he scoffed, biting down on your breast. “You weren’t very nice earlier teasing me like that”

“But I-”

“But nothing. Don’t you owe me a prize?” he gave you a cheeky grin. He pumped his fingers in and out of you. Picking up speed anytime you tried to open your mouth to respond. “Hm? Speak up Baby?” he curled his finger in just the right spot making your cry out. “Damn I love that voice” he peppered kisses up your neck and jaw “Did I make you cum already?”

“No” you huffed in embarrassment. 

“No?” he laughed “I didn’t make you cum?” he moved his fingers in and out of you, riding out your sensitive core, squeezing him. Pulling his finger out, he grinned seeing it covered in your slick. “You wanna say that again?”

You panted and smirked, loving when he’d get worked up. “I made it easy for you. I did half the work”

“Open” he brushed his finger against your lip. Seeing you pout he playfully ran the pad over your mouth “I said open Baby” Licking your lips you opened your mouth, taking his finger in and sucking hard. Tasting your bitterness as your tongue swirled around his finger.

“Mmmm Baby you’re so pretty” he cupped your face with his free hand. He couldn’t help but to pump his fingers in your mouth, making you moan out. “You like that don’t you?” he smirked seeing you nod “Good girl…” tugging your hair he pulled you back, your mouth wide open in want. Your mewls were music to his ears. You moved to take him in your mouth. Head bobbing on his crotch as his fingers laced in yours. “That’s it...Mmm. right there” as you pleasured him, his fingers slipped back into your panties, moving in a circular motion. Seeing your body shake only encouraged him.

You’d only gotten more aggressive as there was this unspoken race to get the other to cum first. And as he loved your voice, your mouth, and that pretty little cunt. His favorite thing about when you had sex was how much eye contact you’d maintain. Even when you were embarrassed. It’s like you always had to see what you were doing to him. 

Feeling your body clenched and squeeze his fingers he knew you were getting closer. You whined, grabbing his hand to still him. “I wanna cum from this” you placed a kiss on to his harden length. “Please? Can I?”

“How can I say no?” he smiled lovingly at you before pulling back completely and laying you on your back. You only came once but you looked so pretty. He couldn’t wait until you were all fucked out because of him. Rubbing him self against your entrance he slipped in so easily. You’d been ready for him for some time now and it almost wasn’t fair you had to wait so long. Feeling him stretch you out you wrapped your arms around his neck. His name, a moan on your lips as he slammed into you. 

He tugged your night shirt up again, letting you bite down on the fabric so it wouldn’t obstruct your body. He could have just taken it off you but he loved fucking you partially dressed. Call it a kink or not, he just thought it was so sexy to see you fucked out of your mind, partially dressed.

His grip on your hip enough to bruise, evidence that he’d been getting stronger with his recent workouts. “Fuck” he grunted under his breath, his resolve crumbling with how loudly you screamed for him, how deep he hit, how hard you squeezed. Your back arched against his bed as he held your hips close to his. Needing to hit as far as you could take him. 

Your legs hooked around his waist guiding him further. “Jisung- Ah. I’m cumming I’m...are you close?”

“Almost there Baby, just cum for me. Please” he pressed kisses against your jaw. “Pretty girl…” he groaned feeling your body tighten and shiver from him. He helped you ride out your high as he came right behind you. Your face contouring in pleasure, eyes rolling back as his name was a prayer on your lips. 

As you both came down, he got you cleaned up and cuddled close to you. Your head laying on his arm as he laced his fingers with yours. “Sleep Baby” he pressed a kiss to your forehead.

You languidly laid against him, his fingers brushing your hair until you fell asleep. 

End.

Just a little part 2 I worked on while I was stuck at home being sick 

∘Tags List:@skzsprinkles @tophuphu @hugs4chan @channieboyo @tonfilm @soobinssmile

[nerice]

finished: plastic memories (not that interesting. what the hell were all those evangelion references tho it was weird)

up next: the entire ghost in the shell franchise

[sirmattchap]

The Dawning

       “You h-have no idea how-w-w lucky you are, to not feel cold…” Tank bitterly spoke between chattering teeth. His blood was frozen, and his bone gripped by the icy tendrils of the encroaching blizzard. His decrepit armour provided no protection against the elements. The fireplace he crouched in front of weakly flickered with life, the ramshackle cottage he sat in was home to a constant battle between the fragile heat, and the oppressive cold from outside. An electronic snicker came from across the room from a dusty table. Atlas sat with crossed legs, scrolling through documents on his datapad, paying no mind to the chilly air blowing through the broken window next to him.

      “And you have no idea how lucky you are, not having to defragment every month.” He brushed some snow that drifted in off of his robes. “Do you ever miss it while we’re on operations?” Atlas asked, not even looking up from his work.

      “It?” Tank looked at him and moved his hands closer to the flame. “You mean The Dawning?” Tank shrugged and looked back, the small blaze reflecting off his sapphire eyes. “I guess… Not much is different, maybe some new snacks at the stores. I guess this year, there’s just more to think about you know?”

      “Agreed. Too many changes for my liking. I prefer things to be boring and simple.” he reponded 

      Tank reached into a pouch on his side and pulled out a small ring and rubbed it gently in his palm. “I think I miss the people the most… it’s so isolated out here.”

      Atlas looked up from his datapad and tilted his head. “What, are we not good enough company?” He snarked.

          Tank laughed and admired the ring. “No offence but being around you guys kinda got stale after the first hundred years” He shot back with a sly grin.

      “HURTFUL!” Hayes shouted, kicking in the door to the cottage, with him came a burst of snow and blisteringly cold winds, instantly snuffing out the fire. Tank’s head snapped to Hayes. A new inferno roared inside his eyes as he stared into Hayes’ very soul. Atlas almost burst out laughing seeing the fire go out. Hayes ignored it, willfully or accidentally, neither was sure; he just rested his rifle next to the door and walked to the fireplace

      Tank clenched his jaw and hissed. “I will make sure your Ghost never finds your remains…” Hayes smiled and stopped next to him, tousling Tank’s short grey hair, which only heightened his rage. Tank fists clenched, surges of arc energy sparked off them.

      “Calm down old man, no need to break your hip.” Hayes pulled out a flaming hand cannon from behind his back and held it beside Tank’s head, shooting into the fireplace. A blast of heat filled the cottage, burning a patch of hair off of Tank’s head. “There, happy?” 

      “Ahhh! Bastard!” Tank patted a small patch of cindering hair. “Why am I not even surprised at this point!?” Hayes shrugged and sat down across from Atlas, leaning back on the chair and propping his legs up on the table. Tank’s Ghost took shape next to his Guardian, healing the man before disappearing again. Tank immediately stood up, gliding his hand across the fresh area of hair, all while glaring at the blasé Hunter, idly smiling widely with his eyes closed.

      “No need t’ thank me!”

      Atlas looked away from his document, resting his head on his hand, watching the two intently. “Frankly, I’m amazed it only took a hundred years for this to get old.” 

      Hayes let out a small laugh, “C’mon, y’know you both love me, without me, it’d just be you two and no offence, but that’d be soooo boring.” He cracked open his eyes and stared down Atlas. “Well, more boring than usual.”

      Tank sighed, “How’s it look?” 

      “Well Jim, it looks like it’s gonna be another sunny scorcher out here, make sure to pack your sunscreen.” Hayes sassed, relishing the stern unimpressed look on Tank’s face. Atlas never gave him disapproving looks, that’s the worst part about trying to annoy Exos as he’d say. “Well, if you must know, it’s the same as yesterday and the day before and so on. The remnant of these Devil’s are still keeping their head down and battling out the Winter. I can’t possibly imagine what that’s like.” He rolled his eyes. 

      Tank rubbed the bridge of his nose and took a seat between the two. “And the Tower?” Tank looked to Atlas, expecting a much better result.

      “No new orders, but a bunch of new news. Rumours say The Guardian has found a way to use the Darkness? That can’t be right… can it?” 

      “Mercury and Mars are just... gone. At this point anything is possible,” Hayes noted. 

      “Anything else?”

      “Hmm… Dawning wishes from Eva, Tess gives us gift cards for one free Bright Engram when we arrive at the Tower. Lynnette wishes you a happy Dawning too.” Atlas gestures to Tank, before continuing “a bunch of messages from the usual suspects asking for Hayes to come back and open the bar-”

      “Ughhh I’m missing out on so much business…” He groans while dragging his hands down his face. “Especially with the Darkness being here? People need to drink away their fears.” 

      Tank shook his head, keeping quiet to let Atlas pick up where he left off. “Weird structures have been appearing on the Moon, in the Dreaming City and the Tangled Shore, and Osiris… Oh no…”

      “What?” Tank and Hayes leaned forward, both of them trying to hide a string of fear that rang in their hearts.

      “...Osiris lost his Ghost… He is safe in the Tower, but he is reclusive and quiet since he lost Sagira...” Tank and Hayes moved back shocked. A quiet note hung in the air, as the wind outside picked up and snow fell like hail. Atlas turned off his datapad and spoke hushedly. “How long did he spend in the Infinite Forest? Several decades? Spending so much time alone with the same Ghost, never saying a word to anyone else, isolated like that. Can you imagine that?”

      Tank looked to Hayes, who gave him a knowing smile. “Yeah, I think I could.” Hayes chirped. 

      Atlas glared at Hayes, “Yeah, but you have not lost Chaplin, Tank has not lost Omar, and I have not lost Cassini. To lose them would be losing a part of your soul.”

      A ghostly silence fell among them, stopping the conversation in its tracks. They all hated the silence, but no one could muster the ability to speak first. Their thoughts all consumed by the idea that the apocalypse is coming, and they could be next. Seconds turned into minutes, and minutes dragged on for hours. Or at least it felt like they did. Then, Omar appeared next to Tank, speaking softly. “I think now would be a good time buddy, save the mood and all that.” 

      Tank nodded “I think that’s a good idea.” Omar turned to the Warlock and Hunter, and spun his shell, materializing two engram shaped gifts, wrapped crudely with paper depicting cartoon Ghosts, engrams, and glimmer. “I know we agreed on no gifts seeing as we were going into the field, but I thought these could break up the monotony if we were out here too long. Go ahead, open them!” Tank looked uncharacteristically happy, looking almost unnatural for having, as Hayes would say, ‘resting bitch face’. 

      Atlas began by delicately unwrapping the present, taking care not to damage the paper, revealing a cardboard engram underneath to hold the shape. Atlas tried carefully to open it but ended up tearing the thing in half. Onto the table fell a pristine new set of robes. He admired the craftsmanship that went into the stitching, making it seamless to all but the most attentive onlookers. Fine gold lines of threads snaked around the outfit creating beautiful patterns. The few metal parts that there are, were painted with Dawning imagery. Atlas looked to Tank confused. “This is from this year’s Guardian clothing line for the Dawning, is it not? But- how did you get it? We’ve been out here for three months.”

      Tank smirked, proud of himself. “I just so happen to have been chosen last year as the model that the male Dawning Titan armour is based on; can’t exactly make a set of armour without measurements. So I called in a small favour with Tess to get an advanced copy of this year's set. I think it’ll look good on you.”

      Hayes snarked “Ooo more options for dress-up time? I’m sure you’re happy about that ey’ Toaster?” he mocked. Atlas looked to him, but Hayes’ couldn’t get the angry look he was hoping for. “I ever mention how creepy it is that you tin-cans don’t really have facial expressions?” 

      “Dozens of times…” Atlas agonized. 

      “Good, it’s true.”

      “Thank you Tank, I love it.” Atlas gratefully accepted the gift, clutching it close to his chest.

      “Alright, sentimental time over, my turn!” Hayes eagerly tore apart the wrapping paper with little regard, shredding the cardboard in the process. He stopped dead in his tracks though when he saw what his gift was. He pulled out a square crystal bottle with a large crystal stopper at the neck of the bottle. Amber liquid swirled inside as he moved it around, examining it. His hands shook a little when setting it down on the table. He carefully removed the stopper and took a sniff before capping it. “You…” 

      “Found a bottle of centuries-old aged whiskey. I remember you talking about how older drinks always taste the best, so I kept my eyes open anytime we left the Tower. Remember that old Bunker we found on Mars? There was a bottle tucked away in a safe, who knows how old that stuff is, but I think it’s gotta taste pretty good.” Tank's pride was oppressive, smiling wide in the enjoyment on their faces. Well. Hayes’ face.

      “Wow, that’s… Thank you.” Hayes’ words oozed with sincerity. He looked around, causing his Ghost to appear. Hayes held up three fingers, then knocked on the table. His Ghost nodded and produced three small glasses on the table in front of him. “What’s a gift if you can’t share it right?” Atlas nodded, turned on his datapad, and set up a small festive song to play in their merriment. Hayes poured a small amount into each glass, making sure not to give too much, then slid them across the table to each one of them. He raised his glass and looked at both of them. “To our survival!” Hayes cheered.

      Atlas tilted his head and grabbed his glass. “To our friendship!” he continued.

      Tank smirked and raised his own. “To another year!” He cheered.

      Their glasses clinked as they toasted, and drank the liquor. Tank and Atlas immediately spat it out in disgust, as Hayes pleasantly finished his without a care in the world. Once he finished, the three of them burst out laughing, both sides complaining and defending the drink. A blizzard raged outside, but inside burned with unbridled jubilation.

[scandeniall]

we’re us

pairing: atsumu x f!reader

summary/warnings: after atsumu almost lost you he decides ts time to make things official. But he’s overly sweet and its weird. Thats not who you two are / mentions of near death, implied sex, hes grossly sweet for part of it, mentions of bad parents

a/n: this is a PART 2 to the rulers. a few of you asked and i decided to give us a happier ending than what we wre left with in rulers. (rulers is 12k words and gives the context to this so kinda impt!)

wc: 2k

“Would you fucking stop,” you scowl swatting at the hands on your waist as you stumbled into the office. You roll your eyes at the way your desk chair is pulled out for you. “No can do. You’re supposed to be taking it easy.” Atsumu replies ignoring the frown at him sitting in the desktop. His hand subconsciously takes yours stroking at the skin and you resist the urge to take your hand from him. He needed it. 

It’d been three months since the incident and since you’d gone into a coma. You stayed in it for a little over a week. Atsumu remembered how he numbly took in the doctors diagnosis. Something about a complication from the surgery or maybe it was blood loss from the bullet wounds? Something about a seizure thus prompting your state. All the medical terminology confused him. 

After he finally decided to visit three days later he came as often as he could. He assigned people like Oikawa to do press releases on his behalf. It was already hard enough having to hear events recounted over the news. He couldn’t be the one to talk about it. 

“President of Yokohama (Y/L/N), (Y/F/N) caught in apparent shootout with parents among others. The 23 year old was rushed to the hospital by non other that Vice President Miya Atsumu. As of now it is known that (Y/N) has fallen into a combs and that Miya will be taking over. The voting families are likely to vote over a course of action within the upcoming days.”

One thing Atsumu made sure to do was to get your recording. You risked your life to get a confession out of your parents. A confession that they had plans to kill you. He sent the recording off and following their own minor recoveries they were promptly arrested. Trials took long and there’d be no way an official one would happen until you were ready, but nonetheless he was happy that both them and Terushima were out of your hairs. 

The day you woke up Atsumu actually shed tears. It was something he denied and claimed that the hospital fumes were finally getting to him when Osamu teased him. But everyone knew better. He’d take your condition worse, a factor that even your little sister teased him on. “(Y/N’s) strong and a bad ass. She’ll be fine. Stop acting like a wimp” he couldn’t even scold the 14 year old for the word choice. 

Even though the first face you made was a grimace, followed by confusion and agitation he couldn’t help but think you were beautiful. He stayed in the room as they took the feeding tube out, gagging himself at how gross it all seemed. He held your hand as you took sips of water all disoriented. 

A few days after that you were able to go back home and he took you to his. Your sister had been staying there and there was no way he’d let you go back to neither your parents or your own now trashed house alone. He’d wheeled you out of the hospital demanding you to keep your head down at the flashing lights and journalists. He’d buckled you in like a child despite you rolling your eyes and complaining and driven you to his. 

He made sure you took all your medications and attended your personal physical therapy sessions. A month in when you wanted to go back to work fully he refused, citing that until you were fine he was the one in charge. He could and would disobey your orders to keep you safe. “I swear once I’m fine I’m going to fucking fire you.” “How do you fire the family head sweetheart? Try again.”

Now two months later you were heading back into your office for the first time. With non other than your shadow practically attached to your hip. You watched as he animatedly recounted some events from his latest press conference and boring financial meetings as his thumb subconsciously rubbed circles into onto the back of your hand. Your hand was slightly sweaty but you resisted the urge to pull away. Ever since you’d found out that you technically died, Atsumu had been more touchy than normal. 

“Hey Tsumu?”

The call of his name stopped him mid sentence as his eyes peered at yours with concern. He started questioning if you were ok or in pain and if it here time for your meds.

“Thank you. For everything. Stepping up, I know this isn’t easy for you, especially since it was so sudden. And for watching after my sister and me.”

“Well it is my job as VP. Ya know when ya can’t do your job. It’s annoying but-“ he chucked as you stood up and told him to shut up. His hands found your waist both as a way to stabilize you and to resume physical contact as you eased in between his legs. “You talk too fucking much,” you mumble arms locking around his neck. 

“I was trying to be serious and thank you and here you are making me regret it.” You don’t miss the way his eyes glance at your lips as you talk. You continue playing with the ends of his hair as you talk. “I appreciate it a lot. Even if you are overbearing and annoying.”

“Yeah well, we’re us. And you know I’d take a bullet for ya”

“Too bad you didn’t take this one,” you muse using one hand to motion at your healing side. You smiled as his hands slipped under your sweatshirt to caress the scar. 

“I wouldve.” He says the words without missing a beat while you frown. “Being sweet doesn’t suit you. Where’s asshole Atsumu.”

“I almost lost ya. I was the one who held ya in the backseat as you bled out. I had to get rid of the car. Couldn’t get the smell, stains or memories out. I was there when you flat lined (Y/N). Sorry if I cant act normal like the shit didn’t happen.”

“All the more reason to act like the man I fell in love with,” you shrug. “The non punctual asshole who doesn’t listen to half the shit i say. The smartass who cares for his friends and family more than he lets on. The one so committed to what he does that id never trust anyone else even a fraction as much. Life is short. Clearly,” you snort referencing your own situation. 

“No point in being different. What’s done is done. Besides, we’ve got a lot of work ahead of us. With the trial and reformations and-“

“Ya just said you loved me.” Your face scrunched up at his smug one. His voice had a happy lilt to it. “If you didn’t know that by now you really are dumber than I thought. Pretty sure it’s been obvious.”

His reaction was to hop off the desk, this time his arms coming around you in a hug.  “God, I’m so in love with ya.” The words came whispered in your ear and you couldn’t help but melt into the hug. “Good or this would’ve been really awkward.”

“Wait a fuckin’ second-“ you eyed him in confusion as the embrace ended you stepping back to cross your arms. “I said i was gonna confess first. Ya just had to mess things up. Take it back. I bet Samu that i would” You looked at him in disbelief. “On second thought-“

Your words are cut off by his hands pulling your hips into his. “Will you be my girlfriend. Let’s make it official.”

“What did i tell you about being sweet,” you scold the both of you leaning in your lips hoovering over each other. “Give me a few more weeks to worry about ya alright?” You nod hands locking around his neck. “Deal. And yes I’ll let you be my boyfriend.”

“Gonna ignore that for now,” before you could react he turns the two of you so that your back was against the desk. His lips ghosting the shell of your ear as he tells you to sit. Before he steps back eying you. “Can’t believe I almost lost this.” 

The words are whispers to himself and you almost didn’t hear him as his hands trail up your thighs. “You’re so beautiful.”

“I’m literally in sweats. A far cry from how you usually see me” you tease leaning back to shift your weight into your palms. “Still the most beautiful woman in the world.” You ignore the warmth that blossoms within you opting to grab at his wrist. “I thought I said to stop being sweet.”

You thought you hear him say something about your deal it it’s quickly forgotten as he slots himself between your legs and roughly presses his lips against yours. 

—-

A few months later

“Well it’s done. How d’ya feel.” Atsumu is the first to speak out his words filling the space within the car. “Like shit. But I’ll live.” You mutter honestly. “Ya want to take a few days off from the office?” His hand rubs comfortably up and down your thigh. 

“And have you try and mess up my office. I’ll pass,” you sigh out, head coming to rest upon the headrest. “Sorry my taste is better than yours.” You flick your middle finger at him before closing your eyes. “Yeah well redecorate your own damn office. Oh wait- it’s not as nice as mine”

His laugh fills the car and you smile as his lips press against the back of your hand. The two of you sit in silence, the forming clouds outside seeming to match the conflict in your heart. “It’s just weird you know.” He nods in support. 

“I know they tried to like kill me but— they were still my parents. They taught me everything I know.” A silence fills the car, Atsumu not really knowing what to say. “I hate that you’re so quiet these days.”

“I’ve lost at least 7 years of my life having to worry about ya through all this s-OW!” You roll your eyes as he rubs the arm you’ve just hit. He complained about you having a good arm before telling you to look at him. 

“You’ll be fine. Ya got me and-“

“Is that supposed to be comforting?” 

Shaking his head he continues,” and your sister and Granny. Our friends, and the whole city behind ya babe.”

You found yourself slowly nodding. You’re right,” you mutter more to yourself before leaning over the console to press a kiss on his cheek. Atsumu gives you a look before complaining. “That’s all I get. What a shitty thanks.”

You notice he slightly reclines his seat a smirk now on his face. “You’re definitely back to being annoying,” you scoff. “If you think I’m gonna ride you ride now you’ve lost it.”

“I’m just getting comfortable. What’s so bad about that. But what’s 1 kiss.” You ignore the way his hand creeps higher as you lean over the console. “It’s not even gonna be that if you don’t meet me halfway.” His eyes soften for a minute as he complied allowing your lips to connect. “Ya know what always makes me me feel better,” he mumbles lips against yours. 

The hand that had been on your thought moved to cup your jaw. “If you say sex I’m gonna walk home,” you breathe out as he presses fluttering kisses along the side of your neck. He only laughs. “That and spending money. Let’s go out.”

You ignore the shiver that runs down your spine as his touch gets harsher and you can feel the beginnings of a pain in the ass bruise at the junction between your neck and shoulder. “Only if you’re buying.” That causes him to stop, his eyes catching yours. “Aw c’mon ya have more money than me.”

“It’s official. I hate you,” you deadpan pulling away to sit in your seat. “I’m just joking. Lighten up woulda,” he teases the two of you fastening your seatbelt. “Just drive already.”

“Hey, (Y/N). I love you”

“I love you too. Now I think I deserve a treat right?

a/n: well one day i may add on to this universe but for now my longest piece of work is complete. Are there things id do differently? absolutely but for a total of 14k words between the two pieces? IM PROUD. thank u if u read it ily. Untl the next celebration yall

[marveloussupernerd]

No Candy is Sweeter Than You - Saeran Choi

Happy Halloween! I hope you’ve enjoyed my randomly generated Halloween fics (I’ll prob do something similar for Christmas maybe). I just watched a YouTube video and it lowkey scared me ? So here’s some soft Saeran to primarily comfort me

Prompts: passing out candy, Saeran’s pretty excited, his favorite candy is m&ms 😉

Summary: Saeran wants to spend his first time ever celebrating Halloween by passing out candy with you at your house. Just some short fluff !

You were... surprised to say the least when you found out Saeran had never taken part in any Halloween festivities before. There was an RFA party planned, but he really didn’t feel like going, so you wanted to stay with him. Luckily, you lived in a neighborhood with a lot of children, so you invited him to come over and help you pass out candy.

He was all nervous at first. He googled how to pass out candy for Halloween. For some reason there’s a Wikihow article on that. It was practically his Bible.

“Are we wearing costumes?” He asked over the phone, calling you the day of to make sure he has everything planned out.

“We can. Why? Did WikiHow tell you to?” You teased. He laughed awkwardly. It did. “Okay. You have any idea what you want to wear?”

“Well they said to do something like a ghost that everyone will recognize,” he explained.

“But that’s so boring.”

He chuckled. “Okay. That’s fair. I wouldn’t know.”

“Halloween is a night you can be whatever you want!” You exclaimed. “Don’t you have anything in particular you’d like to be?”

“Could we... maybe do a couples’ costume?” He asked awkwardly. He sounded nervous over the line, his voice soft and somewhat hesitant.

“Of course! That’s a great idea.” You tried to make sure he could hear your smile even over the phone, hoping it would comfort him. It really was a good idea.

“Well... I was thinking... you know Hades and Persephone right?”

“Like the Greek mythology people?”

“Yeah... I thought it’d be kinda cool to dress like them. Uh, we don’t have to if you don’t want to though!” His words rushed together. “I just wanted to throw out a suggestion and-“

“Saeran that would be perfect. Greek God costumes are always popular too,” you reassured him. “Do you have what you need for it or do you wanna go shopping?”

“I have to run out and get a few things anyway! No problem. I can go get the candy too if you want.”

This sweet boy. “I can go with you,” you offered. You always liked spending time with him, even if it was just running errands together.

“Nope!” He denied you immediately, his voice surprisingly lighthearted for such a shut-down. “You stay home and get dressed up and relax. I’ll be over as soon as I have everything.”

“You sure you’ve got this? I’m more than happy to help.”

“I’m positive! I’m really excited and want to make it perfect.” You heard him laugh over the line, his laughter music to your ears. “See you soon. Love you.”

“Love you. Can’t wait to see you all dressed up.”

He hung up the call first, obviously in a rush to get everything together for the evening. You went to your closet and began tearing it apart for that Greek goddess dress you had worn how many years ago? Hopefully it still fit. (AN: if you never had a Greek goddess costume I’m sorry but ur in the minority)

You got to work doing your hair and makeup. You wanted to look absolutely perfect for Saeran, to make this day so special for him.

It was almost time for trick-or-treating to start. Luckily, you heard a knock on the door. Saeran was right on time. You opened the door. He was wearing all-black, spare a burgundy cape attached to his costume. He had an extravagant looking cane. His intimidating outfit, however, was offset by the bright smile on his face and the dozens of flowers peeking out from the top of a bag. “Saeran! You look so handsome Baby,” you complimented.

He blushed. “I got these for you.” He held out the flowers and you took them happily. “Can’t be the Goddess of Spring without a billion flowers. I picked them all myself,” he added proudly. You loved when he had his little ‘Ray’ moments, dabbling in his passion of gardening.

You took the flowers from him and got to work finding something to put them in. You didn’t have vases or anything in the house. You settled with a tall water bottle for now. He entered the house, setting the bag down on the counter. “I’ve got all kinds of good candy.”

You pulled out the bags, pouring the candy into a large bowl and took note of what he had decided to buy. “Reese’s, Kit Kat’s, M&Ms, Skittles... you even got fun sized bags of sour patch kids!? I’m impressed.”

“See, that WikiHow article isn’t all that bad,” he defended, a small smile playing on his lips as he realized how ridiculous he sounded.

“Do you not have a favorite?”

“Favorite candy?” He questioned, eyes glancing over the types in front of him. “Not really. I was never allowed to have it.” He shrugged it off, as though it wasn’t a big deal, but you were shocked.

“Okay! Well throughout the night we’ll try all the different candies and pick your favorite.” You decided, nodding your head. He nodded his head in agreement.

“Oh! I almost forgot.” He rummaged in the seemingly endless bag. “I made this for you too.” He pulled out a flower crown. It was really pretty. You bowed your head slightly and he put it on for you.

“It’s perfect. Completes the costume. You did this all today?”

“All today. I hope you like it.”

“Oh Saeran, I love it.” You cupped his cheek with your hand and pulled him close for a kiss. Just before your lips could touch, you heard the doorbell ring.

Saeran broke away, far too excited to be disappointed in the interruption. “Our first trick-or-treater!”

You giggled, grabbing the bowl and following after him. It was a little boy dressed as Mickey Mouse. “What do you say?” His mother asked him.

“Trick or treat!” He squealed. You giggled. Saeran took a handful of candy from the bowl and dropped it into his bag.

“I love your costume, Mickey. You look great!” He exclaimed. He was SO CUTE. After he left, it was time for Saeran to try his first candy of the night. He shut his eyes and pulled out a pack of sour patch kids. He popped an orange one into his mouth.

“They’re fine. I like how they’re really sour at first. The sweet part’s just okay though,” he commented. It was like a food critic giving his review. It made you laugh again. The doorbell rang. He set the candy aside and opened it up.

“Oh my! Snow White! Aren’t you so beautiful!” You exclaimed, fawning over the girl dressed as a princes. You gave her her candy.

“I’ve got something special for you too Princess!” Saeran exclaimed. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a flower. “For you, Princess. Thank you for visiting us tonight.”

The mom was fawning over how sweet the act was. The girl was just excited to get candy AND a flower. She left very happy.

Next was a Reese’s cup. The second he bit into it his face formed an O. “I really don’t like it that much,” he confessed, mouth still stuffed with the candy. “It tastes like a peanut butter cracker mostly. If I wanted that I’d just eat a peanut butter cracker.”

“I’m surprised to hear it. Most people love Reese’s,” you exclaimed. He shrugged it off.

“Have you ever thought about having kids one day?” You blurted out, the words leaving your mouth before you could process what you were going to say.

He paused. “I mean... I’m not sure. After everything... I don’t feel like I’d be a good parent.”

You frowned at hearing his thoughts. “I think you were amazing with that little girl. I bet a kid would be lucky to have you as a dad.”

“Maybe with you I’d want kids one day,” he spoke, thinking aloud. When he realized what he said, he smacked a hand over his mouth, cheeks and ears turning bright red.

You giggled. “Me too Sae. Me too.”

He opened the next candy, M&Ms. “Which color should I try?” He asked, cheeks still dusted pink from the previous conversation.

“They all taste the same, so any.”

He nodded, then grabbed a blue one. You could hear him crunch through the shell. “Wait. I really like this.” He reached in to grab a green one, trying it as well. “Babe you need to try these. They’re SO good!” He poured a few into your hand.

You couldn’t hold back your laugh. “I’ve had them before, but thank you for sharing.” You tossed a few into your mouth. “New favorite?”

“I don’t even need to try the others. This is the one.”

The rest of the night flew by with plenty of trick-or-treaters. Saeran’s favorite of the night was the girl in the Snow White costume. Yours was the blow-up t-rex. The trick-or-treaters did NOT get many M&Ms. About halfway through the night Saeran had already consumed all of them. 

Finally, it was time to turn off the porch light and settle in for the night. “Did you have fun?” You asked, pouring the extra candy into a ziplock bag so that you could have some later.

“I see why you like this holiday so much. I think it’s actually my new favorite.”

You grinned at him, proud that you were able to make the night go so smoothly. “Are you staying the night or are you heading home?” You asked, moving the chairs by the door back to the dining room table. Saeran helped carry his.

“Can I stay? I’ve still got one more sweet I wanna try.” He had a glint in his eye but his smile was so innocent. Maybe you were reading him wrong.

“Kit-kats? They’re pretty basic but honestly I-“

He let out an exaggerated sigh. “Nooooo! I mean you.” He walked towards you, one hand resting around your waist, the other taking off your flower crown and setting it on the table. “I never got that kiss form earlier.” He pouted.

“I’m not a sweet,” you giggled, hand moving to rest on top of his own. “I’m just me.”

He leaned his forehead to rest against yours, noses brushing against each other. “My Love, you know that no candy is sweeter than you. At least not to me.”

You couldn’t wait any longer and pulled him in for that long-awaited kiss.

[filthyjanuary]

7-12 and 16-20 for the asks!

7. What do you dislike about your favourite season?

i think season 2 is the best, but as i’ve said before, my favourite is 4 solely because the first few eps i watched were from s4. i think season 4 is very solid and even though it’s a season that HURTS BAD because of everything happening between sam and dean, i think the show earns the conflict for the most part. the literal only thing that still haunts me is that the STUPID VOICEMAIL THAT GETS ALTERED IS NEVER ADDRESSED. like i hate more than anything that sam still thinks dean said those things. like i know jared’s said that sam knows dean loves him but i don’t care!!! sam /and/ dean deserve to know the voicemail was changed.

OH also literally everything with anna milton. she deserved better <3 sorry the fridged you and gave part of your arc to a man, queen.

also sam and dean should’ve found out cas let sam out of the panic room.

8. Thoughts on Sam’s demon blood arc

i love sam’s demon blood arc. his hot girl summer! in all seriousness, it makes perfect sense. mystery spot sets it up that sam goes dark when he doesn’t have dean, and s4 is the natural progression of that. i love sam being hellbent on revenge, and the blood drinking was hot sorry not sorry. like obviously the end result wasn’t stellar and the handling of the demon blood as an addiction was handled rather shittily in the show, but overall this arc is near and dear to me and if i couldn’t have the boy king, i’m glad i got this instead. and it brings up some really interesting concepts that get explored really well in fic.

9. Thoughts on the Moc arc

i hate this arc mostly because like dean was terrible...which makes sense, but even after the mark was gone it’s like... he never /really/ pulls himself out of that place. it also just dragged on for FAR too long. like it didn’t need to be like 30 episodes or however long. i do like that it gave us demon!dean being like sexythreatening, and that scene of sam cradling dean’s face and begging him to tell him that he had to kill all those people and just the general sam is dean’s colette of it all. also the end of s10 with sam on his knees and dean telling him to close his eyes is deeply fucked up and i love it for that reason and obviously that happened bc of the MOC storyline.

10. Fave underrated ep

i am highkey obsessed with 1x04 phantom traveller, 2x07 the usual suspects and 4x19 jump the shark and i feel like most people don’t really care about those episodes or bring them up much. phantom traveller is just interesting bc i think the character moments are fun and i am obsessed with plane crashes for some reason. the usual suspects i just adore because it’s really a great exploration of HOW WELL sam and dean know each other and just how alike they are. and unfortunately i really like the cop lady in this one. jump the shark was the second episode of supernatural i ever saw and for some reason something in my brain latched onto adam and never let go. i love him so much (i know it’s not really him in the ep but ukno) and i love how much you learn about sam and dean through it too.

11. Thoughts on BMOL

boring. like...the actors were not good at their accents. they wanted what bela talbot had in s3. i just didn’t find ‘the british are evil’ a compelling storyline in a supernatural show.... like girl i live in real life you don’t need to preach to me about the british. also like they set up ketch to be evil like worse than toni who i already hate because she tortures/sexually assaults sam by having him kill magda i guess? but then they end up redeeming him and he survives longer than both mick (affectionate) and toni (derogatory), like seriously one of the worst Big Bads they’ve ever had.

12. Thoughts on Mary

to be honest, i think bringing her back was kind of a stupid idea in the sense that the ENTIRE SHOW starts because of her death. but i felt like HAVING DONE THAT, trying to deconstruct her image as like this nuclear housewife was compelling and the whole clash of sam and dean who just want their mom versus mary who left her kids as a an infant and a small child and now has these grown men who are older than her needing things she doesn’t know how to give was very interesting. and i wish they’d done more with that. 

16. Any criticisms of their world building/lore

well i think everyone’s said it better than me that they can’t seem to get their stance on monsters straight at all and the show suffers for it. i also hate how like the later seasons especially just blatantly retcon so much. the prime example is the garden of eden in s5 vs s15.... the s5 version was so much more interesting and i hate that they brought it back just to destroy their own lore. the whole concept of the abrahamic god being like the ��real’ god vs other gods just being minor annoyances didn’t like...make sense or feel good either. i also would’ve loved more exploration of like what the fuck it means to be a vessel and also exploration of other monsters/urban legends. like ok we get it ghosts/demons/vampires/werewolves sure w/e but there’s so much to pull from. it got repetitive and there’s so many other things they could’ve tried. hell the SECOND EPISODE of the show mentions black dogs and we never actually encounter one. or like chimeras... like there’s just plenty to dig into and they just get lazy.

17. What did you like about s15?

15x20 <3 also just...jack....that’s my son! MICHAEL/ADAM IN 15X08!!!! i think there were a couple moments i liked in like...the gambler and last holiday, and i thought belphagor was funny. oh! also sam’s nightmare visions were kinda fun even tho they led back to lucifer :/

18. Thoughts on Lucifer

he was a really excellent and intimidating villain in s5.... and frankly i enjoyed hallucifer as well because sure he was presented comedically but he was a deeply dark presence hanging over sam as a reminder of what he suffered. everything after that...sucked!!! it sucked!!!!! overstayed his welcome, letting him out of the cage again totally nullifies sam’s sacrifice and frankly he lost every smidge of intimidation factor he ever had. he was just annoying and whiny and pointless and sam should’ve killed him <3 fuck that guy.

19. Most uncomfortable moments throughout the show for you?

answered here

20. Define the different eras in a few lines or words (s1-5, s6-7, s8-11, s12-15)

this was meant to be short... and then it wasnt... sorry.

kripke: PEAK SUPERNATURAL. racist AND sexist but like i frankly do not care because the actually storytelling is so GOOD. COHERENT. i long for what could’ve been had the strike not kneecapped s3 and we’d gotten boyking, but hell the arc we DID get... so good. so fulfilling. aesthetics go off the charts. character dynamics so good!!! conflicts are earned!!!! there was a fucking vision here and it was unique and interesting and the show was COMMITTED TO IT. literally iconic television i love her so much. eric kripke needs a therapist but i’m glad he wrote this show instead of going to see one. 

gamble: sera THEE gamble.... overarching storylines kinda weak, but SO FUN! i had fucking fun! soulless sam is a comedian, godstiel was the last time cas was remotely interesting, like!!!! she gave us everything!!!!! gets slandered way too much by this hell fandom like yes the leviathans were stupid but the were FUN and the character moments in s6-s7!!! so good!!!! lots of excellent MOTW eps as well, which... as we know...i love. when the show lost gamble, it lost something great, i’ll die on this hill. i love u #girlboss.

carver: there’s a lot of good here and a lot i despise. dean steadily grows darker throughout the show but there’s like a real VEER into being awful in s9 that the show never recovers from. it makes dean very unlikeable for the rest of its run, mostly by virtue of the show not realizing how unlikeable it’s made dean because it needs him to always be right so the fact that he’s basically turned into john is never like....addressed in any meaningful way. some storylines (MOC!!) dragged on for too long, while others were way too short (TRIALS!!!) but ultimately i think there were some good ideas here and moments i’m fond of. season 11 is Beautiful. i love her so much. there’s some really excellent eps in s11 and the character moments are good.

dabb: i literally hate it here (jack sweetie you are not included in this assessment you’re doing great). it was just stupid. the characterizations of EVERYBODY sucked and fell flat. way too obsessed with pandering to the loudest faction on twitter. took the wreckage of dean that carver left and full destroyed him. like straight up could’ve done something meaningful if they’d bothered to address it at all but they literally didn’t ever make dean be accountable for his actions??? can’t tell u what cas was doing it was so forgettable he obviously had no purpose literally the only scenes i remember were a couple where he’s being cute with jack and that one ep where he and sam go to that old-timey town and sam gets brainwashed. sam like... exists, and his character is intact but it’s only intact because the writers that were left didn’t want to bother giving him anything meaty to do to so the were like *spins wheel* leadership arc that goes nowhere, and he just exists being kind and compassionate and putting up with too much shit. BUT HE HAD REALLY FUCKING EXCELLENT MOMENTS WITH JACK and that alone is why i think it’s worth the slog. sam/jack is my favourite dynamic on the show following sam/dean so...unfortunately based on that.... i can’t just burn the whole dabb era but seriously... way to make every character a hollow, one-dimensional shell.

send me supernatural asks

[khaosgaming22]

Catching Up Part 1 (fluff warning :3)

Ken woke up and looked at the alarm clock, it read 6:00, still pretty early. He turned over to go back to sleep and saw someone else laying next to him. Tears of joy rained from his face, it wasn’t a dream, what happened yesterday happened. Aleina was back. He knew that he probably shouldn’t wake her but he couldn’t help himself, he wrapped his arms around her and kissed her neck lightly. To his surprise she kept sleeping for a bit, then he glanced over and saw her ivy green eyes. She looked down at his arm across her and rolled over.

“Hi there cutie...” She mumbled to him rubbing her eyes. He smiled and pressed his lips to hers.

“Thought you’d be all out of energy after yesterday.” She said smirking. He blushed a bit at that but the shade faded soon after.

“So... you’re back.” He said and she looked at him confused.

“Course I am silly! I’m right here aren’t I?” He nodded.

“It’s just... a part of me thought it was a dream... you’ve been gone for so long...” It was hard for her to understand, she layed in silence for a while trying to comprehend the amount of time that had passed.

“Well... if it was a dream would you feel this?” She wrapped her legs around his and kissed his neck moving upward to his mouth.

“Guess not.” He said smiling awkwardly.

“You haven’t had a girlfriend since I died have you?” She said giggling and Ken shook his head.

“I can tell. Well I’m here now so I can teach you everything again.” She kissed his cheek.

“I’ve got a lot to show you too, music, shows, new locations oh, and new paths guardians have found.” She arched an eyebrow.

“Like what? Let me rephrase, what for Hunters?” Ken moved her hair out of her face.

“Let’s get some clothes on and I’ll show you.”

~

The two of them sat together watching the sunrise on Ken’s porch; Aleina laid her head on his shoulder and he remembered back to the last time they were together like this. The day everything changed between them, the day Ken was chosen to fight for the Last City, the day he became a guardian. But now none of that mattered, Aleina was back and she was the same as him.

“So what do you wanna show me first?” She asked looking up at him.

“Well... you like music right?” He said turning his head to meet her eyes. She nodded.

“Who do ya think you got it from?” She said laughing. He laughed with her for a minute and got up, she looked at him a little sad.

“I’ll be right back hang on.” She pouted and gave him puppy eyes.

“Hurry back... you’re not the only one who missed us...” He kissed her forehead and smiled before racing off inside. He came back after a bit with his phone and an old guitar, the base was a tan wood with an almost golden intricate design where the strings went over the hole. She looked at it and almost started crying.

“Oh my god.... you still have it?” He gave it to her and sat back down on the swing.

“I kept everything you had.” She looked at him arching an eyebrow.

“I find that adorable but at the same time a little creepy...” She said tuning the guitar.

“Not anything weird! Just y’know, the important stuff like this.” She stopped tuning for a second.

“Do you have my paintings?” He nodded and she leaned on him again. “I love you so much.”

“Some of them are hanging up in my hideouts, some are here some are in my closet where I kept a few other things.” She went back to tuning the guitar and he flipped through his playlist to find Imagine Dragons’ Night Visions album.

“What in the world? Where’d you find that?” He laughed a bit.

“I dug it up ages ago, along with a ton of other Golden Age stuff. Malcom left behind lots of old notes about where he thought old cities and towns were and most of the time he was dead on.” She looked impressed and tapped one song that she found interesting.

“Cha Ching (Till We Grow Older) huh, alright then.” The song began to play and she tried to sing along with the chorus. The song ended and she tapped it again to try again. She tried a few more times and eventually got it.

“God I missed your voice...” He said after she got it right.

“What about you? You used to play those drums of yours along with me.” She looked at a few other songs on his playlist.

“Still have those too, just haven’t played in a while since Booms and Blooms broke up.” She looked at him confused.

“Booms and Blooms was a band I started with some friends. I’ll show you them later, but they’re ancestors of Malcoms old fireteam.” He looked at the sunrise.

“So he’s gone... isn’t he...” He nodded slowly and she wiped a tear away.

“He died probably a few decades after you did. I’ll show you his grave when festival comes around.” She held back more tears and moved closer to him. He put his arms around her and waited until she stopped crying.

“He gave his weapon to me... when I eventually found his will.” She rubbed her last tears away in his shoulder.

“Along with some modification suggestions, lemme tell you, it packs a punch.” She looked up at him and smiled a bit.

“Think I can try shooting it?” He laughed and nodded.

“Sure thing. But first we gotta do the boring stuff, y’know Tower, Vanguard lecture, Big Blue...” She giggled at that.

“Well at least we get to see Caydey.” He looked off at the sun and his smile faded away. She could tell something was wrong.

“Cayde... he’s gone too baby....” She looked at him half sad half surprised. Malcom was one thing but Cayde? He was Hunter Vanguard and had been for a long time, how could he have died she wondered. As if he read her mind he answered.

“Cayde was out on a patrol with a guardian in the Prison of Elders in the Tangled Shore and... Uldren Sov shot him after his Scorned Barons took out Sundance...” This time she was the one that brought him closer to her to hug.

“Sundance was my best friend...” A voice said behind them. Aleina and Ken turned to see Citra looking as sad as them, Ghosts couldn’t cry but if they could she probably would’ve been covered in water from tears. Aleina pulled her closer to them and gave her a hug.

“Heh, you always did like Ghosts didn’t you?” She nodded and gave Citra a kiss on her shell.

“Chase and I have a.... complex relationship...” Chase transmatted behind him right on cue.

“You can say that again... and would you PLEASE get me out of this inane makeshift shell of yours.” Chase was almost naked save for a small life preserver around him.

“Yeah yeah... actually festival is coming up soon and if I’m lucky Tess will have the perfect one.” Ken said smirking which didn’t make Chase feel any better.

“Why must you torture the poor babies?” Aleina asked still hugging Citra. Ken rolled his eyes and motioned for Chase to come over.

“I do have to admit it’s kinda cute.” Citra said giggling.

“I will GLADLY trade it for yours.” Chase shot back still peeved.

“Nu uh. No Ghost of mine is wearing a shell they got from Zavala.” Ken said crossing his arms. “I’ll get you your new one soon just be patient.”

“Speaking of Zavala... class selection time!” Citra singsonged cheerfully.

Lore Books are coming don’t worry! Just waiting for a certain tentacle faced Agent of the Nine to give me a certain exotic....

[traiinedhard-a]

[ CHARACTER STUDY; SAITAMA & GENOS ]

THE FOLLOWING ANALYSIS CAN GO EITHER PLATONICALLY VIEWED OR ROMANTICALLY FOR THE DUO. i don’t care how you interpret it. go nuts! just know this is long as fuck.

I’m so GLAD Genos and Saitama have each other now. Without each other,,, genos would be wrecklessly trying to push himself to the point of near death and saitama would be wallowing in his own depression but now saitama has something to look forward to talking wise and genos has someone who cares so much about his well-being that he refuses to let him try and basically kill himself like the way he used to. now genos has someone who actually worries if he'll make it through a fight instead of just trying to self destruct at everything he just about loses to. he has been given a safer and more realistic goal to look forward to and he's become more relaxed. saitama's been able to be more expressive since he's constantly with genos, and he doesn't feel as empty because he feels like he has a reason to live now. it's clear that when they're apart saitama worries endlessly for genos (and once worries that something horrific would happen to genos if he were by himself) but without genos around he immediately goes back to his old, lonely ways and feels so unbearably sad and lonely that even king's like "shit man. u ok". and guess what? the moment he sees genos is safe and not dead or hanging on by a string, he’s IMMEDIATELY far happier and even visibly cheers up, and king’s like “WOAH you look awfully refreshed” and saitama’s like “yeah dude my head’s suddenly clear” and if that isn’t love then i don’t know what is. 

Of course kuseno cares if genos almost dies, but the thing is, kuseno seems to be just as bent on finding that cyborg as genos is. I feel like... though kuseno still cares for genos PERIOD, he seems to be pretty iffy on the fact that genos has been given more realistic goals to shoot for by saitama and even comments "you're seriously trying to aim for be s rank 1? is that what your master told you to do? what happened to getting vengence against the mad cyborg? where's your passion for that?" and genos is just. shocked and doesn't even reply for a moment and he's like "uh.. i mean.. OF COURSE i still want vengence but i gotta do what sensei wants.." etcBut I do think kuseno notes that this is for the better anyways, iffy feelings or not, because at least genos isn't basiclaly dragging himself in every single week and in tatters, because hell, while genos is strong even when saitama and him first met what was his solution to battles he couldn't win, and even sometimes now? use my core, self destruct, im not worthy of defeating the borg if im losing to this, time to end it, sorry dr kuseno, family, master etc Now Saitama steps in, and I was just REMINDED OF THIS SCENE IN PARTICULAR but like the arc where saitama knocks out genos in the middle of him and sonic’s fight? He was concerned for genos and as someone who rarely expresses concern or care for others, don't you think it's very telling that he stepped in on his own volition to make sure genos didn't get hurt to beat sonic's ass?even sonic comments "are you trying to protect him?" and saitama's like "yeah, of course" and he's clearly getting serious because he doesn't want genos hurt. hell, he even basically ghosted fubuki the moment he saw genos and sonic fighting! saitama really does worry a lot for genos and some of the things he worries about are really concerning..  but this isn't the first time he's been pretty scared for genos. remember the deep sea king fight? he was afraid genos bit the dust there for a it and even visibly relaxes when he finds out genos is okay and he says "Don't ever scare me like that again!" As for the saitama part of things, it's not hard to see the difference of before genos vs after genos. Genos brought color to his world and gave him company, and it's what he claims he never wanted but it's clear how much it helped him. I feel like if it weren't for genos, saitama would be just as shelled up if not more than he used to be -- he didn't really have much of anything to do and it's obvious he was starting to get bored of... life, to put it lightly. But when genos basically asserts himself into his life? he starts to feel again. he's not moping all the time, he has somebody to talk to instead of harmfully isolating himself. he's the kind of guy who was alone with his thoughts for too long -- we get glimpses of it every now and them, but we can clearly tell that he's got a lot of sad emotional baggage. it all stems from being too strong, ofc. but, still, he is DEEPLY troubled by it and life basically lost all meaning for him. any farther and i feel like he would've legitimately felt like existing was useless, though with a body like his i highly doubt he could take... action. And the longer he's alone with his thoughts, the worse he gets, and he just becomes so... mopey. forgive me if i sound repetitive, but like!! genos comes in, and all of that is GONE within a few days. He must've spilled about how lonely he felt to genos at some point before he started getting closer to him -- based on the canon info where saitama actually got genos to cry uncontrollably when he told him how lonely he felt which had to have been some serious shit because. genos does NOT cry. with someone else to keep him away from his thoughts, he started to lighten up. at the beginning of the series it's safe to say he was pretty damn standoffish -- but now? now he's actually attempting to socialize with other people, he actually hangs out with more people whether he wants to admit it or not. He's become a bit softer (not much) to those he doesn't know, and DEFINITELY more expressive -- ESPECIALLY AROUND genos. he's become more thoughtful -- he doesn't mope about his powers much anymore, he does anything and everything with genos because he can talk about it and lose himself in the moment. At least, that's what i like to think. and all around... he's found a new passion for life. the dude isn't just wandering around aimlessly now, he's hanging out with genos and he's living to protect the citizens and genos after he moved in. Yeah, he's always gonna have a strong moral compass and save people, but the joy and the meaning of such actions fall to black and white until genos shows up again. now he's got a reason to keep fighting. he has a reason to get out of bed and feel like his strength means something -- because he can use it to protect others and protect genos even if nobody but genos is thankful of it. As much as he detests the attention he gets from Genos -- think about it, don't you think it helps to have someone think you're not totally useless? That your work does mean something to at least one person even if the world basically gives you the finger? Because I don't think saitama realizes it, but Genos is the one thing keeping him going in the hero job. I honestly think he would have quit when everyone chanted at him to give it up after destroying that meteor if it wasn't for genos -- he saved everyone's lives, and genos was the only one to see it. genos is the one that gets him to calm down and realize that if they don't care, that doesn't matter -- he'd always be there for saitama And anyways, the gist of all this goes back to my first point -- it's amazing that they have each other now, because imagine all the development and all the ways they've been improving just never existing.  Without Saitama,  genos would still be the same wreckless kid trying to throw himself without thought into wreckless battles. Saitama has helped him heed himself on that, and to relax and stop taking everything so seriously. Genos still takes some things too literally., like the 10-20 word limit when talking to saitama, but I feel like half the time, Saitama couldn't really care less.  Without Genos, Saitama would be the same old sad sack of hero he used to be, holed up and his depression worsening because he hardly ever leaves the apartment but for what? Sales? Manga? Sometimes Monsters if he happens to run into them? He doesn't do much of anything and it took a heavy toll on his mental health, but now Genos is there to get him out, to possibly even comfort him or just support him if he needs it. He gets Saitama out of the house, involved ina  lot of other activities, and when Genos isn't around, Saitama... doesn't fare too well at all. //COUGHS LOUDLY@ THE MANGA REFERENCED EARLIER  (( and personally, despite saitama coming off as almost always :^| i feel like the poor guy really really overthinks things. you may think there's nothing going on in there, but his thoughts really are dangerous for him  to be alone with )) Romance or not, there’s no denying this. Like, I DARE anyone to try to say they would be good w/o each other -- I feel like so much of the fandom takes this kinda.. not seriously? It’s not really meant as a dig or anything, but a lot of ppl take what they have for granted.. 

Saitama just wants to be carefree and he’s still very much lax, and even though he knows he’s a shitty teacher, I think that he does a great job of teaching genos that there’s more to life than REVENGE, SELF DESTRUCTION, and FIGHTING. He teaches him to enjoy the little things in life, and Genos rejuvenates his passion for heroism. I feel like Genos wants to be strong physically and that’s why he so heavily admires Saitama, too, but that’s a bit off topic.   It’s something Saitama’s been missing for a long time, and something Genos never had -- he just wants Genos to feel as human as possible, and I feel like he tries all too hard to get Saitama to open up as well. Genos may  not be the best at therapy or whatever, but seeing as he’s the person Saitama is closest to, he definitely does want Saitama to feel like he’s never alone and I just. Cannot stress how IMPORTANT THIS IS. Saitama’s got a history of bottling everything up and avoiding confrontation, But Genos? The cyborg wears his heart on his SLEEVE, even if he probably wouldn’t view it that way himself.  Thanks to him, Saitama can be himself. He doesn’t have to hide away what he really acts like -- not that he cared much for it anyways -- but around genos he can be.. childish. He can be difficult. He can be whatever he wants, and no matter what, Genos will be there to support him. And I really, really admire that. ONE & Murata did them the best justice i’ve ever seenwith a relationship like theirs. And if there was ever anyone to get romantic with for them -- not even as a shipper, but from a story pov -- saigenos makes so much more sense. They bring out the BEST in each other, and they live together, and... well,, THIS post sums up all my feelings on the matter.

Genos wants to help Saitama in whatever way he can. Saitama wants to make sure Genos lives out his life like any normal person would. You get the gist?

sO. IN CONCLUSION, Saitama and genos may not realize it.... but they definitely need each other. Them meeting was for the best of both of their lives -- and without each other there's no way in HELL they'd be doing as good as they are now.

[spectrumscribe]

brothers = den mothers

a rottmnt ficlet, set directly after Repo Mantis. word count 3,510; rating Gen. pure & sweet family fluff, banter, and caretaking. :”)

AO3 link

“Three of hearts?”

“Go fish.”

“Aw, come on. It’s been go fish the past five times.”

“’cause I don’t got your cards, genius. That’s how the game works.”

“I have ten cards in my hands, I’ve asked you about half of their matches- no way you don’t have any.”

“Nope.”

Leo narrows his eyes. Raph avoids them.

“You’re cheating,” Leo exclaims, and lunges forwards to look at Raph’s cards. His brother just catches him with one hand and holds him down, lifting the four cards out of his reach. “Raaaph.”

“Just ‘cause you’re bad at cards don’t mean I’m cheating.”

“Lemme see and then I’ll believe you.”

“No.”

“Then you so are cheating-”

A distant sound of something exploding echoes through the walls, and they both go still. Nothing else explodes after a few beats, and Raph and Leo exchange looks.

“Wanna bet that was a Donnie related explosion?” Leo says.

“I would put good money on that bet,” Raph replies. He lets go of Leo and stands up; dropping his cards on top of the other scattered ones.

Leo glances at the cards as he stands too, and splutters. “Hey- you were cheating!”

“Please, Leo, we got priorities right now.”

Leo scowls at the back of his brother’s shell, but grumbles and follows along. They both grab their weapons as they head to investigate- mildly wary of the chance it’s not a Donnie related explosion (for once), and someone’s somehow found their home and busted in.

“What was that?” Splinter calls as they pass the living room.

“Probably Donnie,” Raph replies offhandedly, “maybe a human militia here to kill us all.”

“Well tell them to keep the explosions down; I can hardly hear my gameshow.”

“Will do, pop,” Leo promises with a wave, and keeps pace with Raph as they leave the lair at a jog. “So what do we do if it’s not Don and Mike?”

“Raph’ll kick their asses back to where they came from, that’s what. You can help, too.”

“Oh, I get to help?” Leo says sarcastically. Their conversation comes to a halt as they do; both of them staring at the collapsed portion of a tunnel wall. What looks like the rear end of an unusual vehicle is stuck through it, covered in dust and stray brick.

Leo sticks the tip of his sword in the stone under his feet, leaning on its handle. “Huh,” he says mildly. “Yeah, no, that’s not supposed to be there.”

“Ey! Wall breakers!” Raph bellows at the vehicle. “Who the hell are you, and what the hell do you want?”

“We really don’t have anything decent to steal, if that’s what you’re here for,” Leo adds, cupping his mouth to get his voice to carry. “Well. Donnie’s lab has some okay stuff. You can have that.”

A disgruntled green and purple head pokes around the corner of the broken wall. “Excuse you,” Donnie says irritably, “we do not offer my lab’s contents to hypothetical robbers, Leo.”

“Hey, guys!” Mikey cheers, popping out next to Donnie. He beams at them, covered in dust and band-aids. “We’re home!”

Raph makes a delighted cry and Leo does much the same. Both their weapons are sheathed as they hurry over and give their siblings welcome home hugs. Ten days apart is a lot longer than they’ve ever done before, and it feels better all-around to be back together.

“Man, I missed you guys,” Raph says, squishing all three of his brothers in a hug. “It’s been totally boring, and I was runnin’ out of ways to cheat cards with Leo.”

Leo gasps and thrashes in the hug, pissed enough that he’s hissing. “I knew it! You’ve been cheating this whole time!”

“Awww, we missed you guys, too,” Mikey says, looking pleased as peach despite being squished against an exasperated Donnie and irate Leo. The goofily happy smiles he and Raph are both wearing prove their relation.

“I’ll concede to having missed you two, too,” Donnie admits, craning an arm to hug Raph back. “Even if you’re all crushing me right now. Raph, if you would.”

Raph lets them down, but not before one more firm hug. “Sorry, just- I’m glad you guys got back safe. You kinda ghosted us bunch of the time. But, you got all your limbs still, and,” he says, glancing at the mostly obscured vehicle his siblings brought home, “came back with some serious booty! This is the surprise you talked about?”

“Sure is,” Mikey chirps, grabbing Leo- the closest brother- and dragging him towards the wrecked wall, “and you’re not gonna believe how cool it is!”

They do not believe how cool it is. The two brothers who’d stayed home also cannot believe they somehow didn’t recognize what the surprise was, even semi-buried under rubble.

Raph and Leo quickly become intensely jealous they missed out on the adventure that led their brothers to not only hang out with puppies all week, but also resulted in them coming into possession of the Jupiter Jim moon buggy.

“I mean, we kind of stole it,” Donnie admits as they’re all fawning over the buggy, “but that was only after Repo tried to back out of the deal. Also we’ll fix the wall later, and considering I’ve only ever driven in controlled environments and not during a high-speed chase in rush hour traffic, this is a decent parking job.”

“He forgot which was the break,” Mikey explains from up on the buggy; draped over the lip of the cockpit, head on his arms.

“I only forgot for a moment.”

“A moment too long, according to the wall,” Leo says with a grin, jerking his thumb at the wrecked structure. Mikey laughs, but it turns into a yawn halfway through.

“And it seriously has all the weapons from Return to the moon 3?” Raph asks, touching some of the oil slick that’d splattered the buggy mid-fight.

“It does,” Mikey confirms, nearly in a mumble, though his smile remains bright. “I bug-zapped a guy an’ everything with ‘em. It was awesome.”

He yawns again after that, long enough his eyes water a little. Mikey settles more comfortably on his arms, eyes hooded as the others keeps talking.

“They’re not too shabby for a movie prop, buuuut…” Donnie rubs his hands together, a wicked gleam in his eyes. “I have full intention to overhaul them all and increase not just their efficiency, but the diversity of attack options and double the firepower output. Maybe triple it. Depends how many compatible parts I can get my hands on in the next twenty-four hours.”

Leo walks around the top of the buggy, nodding in approval. “Awesome, awesome- please tell me you’ll re-do the upholstery inside, too? Old pleather sticks when you sit on it too long.”

“Uh, a-duh?”

“Sweet. Classic fuzzy dice gonna be included?”

“I have some!” Raph offers excitedly.

“Are they the ones that went missing from my room a few months ago?” Donnie questions dryly.

“Maybe.”

Donnie rolls his eyes. “That- figures.” His words are interrupted by a wide yawn, and he gives his slightly bloodshot eyes a rub. “We can start with them as a base for the colors scheme of the interior. Mikey, I’m guessing you’ll want to handle that?” No answer. “…Mikey?”

They all glance over to their youngest sibling.

Mikey’s eyes are shut and his mouth slightly open; soft breaths coming from him as he sleeps.

“Wow,” Leo says, coming over to crouch by Mikey. He gently pokes his brother’s cheek, testing for any chance of wakefulness, and gets nothing. “You know, you’d think he’d be bouncing at the walls right now. This is the coolest thing we’ve ever stolen. Besides my sword, obviously.”

“Eh, give him a break,” Donnie says, stretching his arms above his head and yawning again. “He’s been- been working with about five or less hours of sleep per day. Puppy paradises don’t build themselves, after all. Let ‘im sleep.”

His battle shell extends its spider legs, and Donnie goes scuttling up the sides of the buggy to start poking at machinery. Raph watches him for a moment, and then follows him up. Not for the same reasons, though.

“Alright, c’mere, Mike,” Raph says quietly, scooping up his brother. Mikey starts a little, eyes opening briefly, but then he sees Raph’s familiar red bandana and settles again. He’s asleep a second time around before Raph’s even dropped back onto the ground; tucked in close and held in one arm.

Leo is watching Donnie start pulling apart the engine, taking note of the slight jitter to his brother’s movements and the amount of dust and unbandaged cuts on his limbs. If Mikey has been running on five or less hours of sleep per day, then without a doubt Donnie has been running on even less. And, given how Mikey has medical care to his small injuries and Donnie doesn’t- Leo’s technical twin has only paid any attention the needs of their brother, rather than the both of them equally.

Leo and Raph share a look; Raph having been eyeing their genius sibling with a concerned expression, and holding Mikey a little closer to himself unconsciously.

Raph gestures at Leo, then at Donnie pointedly. Leo nods, moving into position as his big brother does.

“Hey, Donnie,” Leo says, crouching right in front of his twin.

Donnie looks up, goggles down over his eyes and a distracted frown on his face. “What?” he says shortly.

Leo shoves Donnie backwards. His brother tumbles off the buggy with a strangled shriek.

Raph catches Donnie with ease. Their sleep deprived sibling is startled enough he actually stays still for a whole minute; which is enough time for Raph to bundle him up, and start carrying both his little brothers back towards the lair.

Leo hops down, grinning smugly and skipping over to aim that grin at his brother. Donnie scowls, flipping his goggles up to get the full look across.

“I sense that was plotted,” Donnie says.

“Closer to spur of the moment ambush,” Leo corrects. “You know how Raph works.”

“It’s called getting shit done now, not later.”

“Like I should be doing, with the moon buggy-”

“Uh, no?” Leo cuts in. He clicks his tongue. “What you an’ Mikey are gonna be doing is sleeping, obviously. We’ll go patch the wall and haul in the buggy later.”

“I can keep working,” Donnie protests, twisting to get out of Raph’s grip. “I’ve got to assess the engine, and then the undercarriage, and-”

“Quit wigglin’,” Raph snaps mildly. “You’re gonna wake Mike.”

“’m ‘wake already,” Mikey mumbles faintly, but his eyes don’t even open fully. Leo and Raph both stare at Donnie until the guilt of disturbing their youngest brother’s sleep sets in, and Donnie stops protesting. He allows Raph to carry them along without further interruption, and with the last of the fight going out of him, Donnie sags under the weight of his exhaustion.

Raph is more than happy to carry that weight, right back into the safety of their home.

…He’s a little less happy to carry Leo’s, though, as their red striped sibling hops up on Raph’s shell and demands to be carried, too.

“You can’t play favorites with your little brothers, bro,” Leo chides as Raph growls. He sets his chin on Raph’s head, looping his arms around his brother’s neck and making himself comfortable as he hangs there.

“Watch me,” Raph grumbles, but makes no move to dislodge Leo from where he is. Leo smiles to himself all the way back into the lair, hardly even mad anymore that Raph had been cheating all week at cards.

Inside again, they’re met by their dad. Splinter is waiting in the main atrium, hands in his robe’s sleeves and a mild expression on his face.

“So I’m guessing you weren’t worried about the militia of killer humans?” Leo asks dryly.

“There would have been many more explosions if that was what happened,” Splinter sniffs, whiskers twitching. “You, my boys, are many things. But stealth fighters you are not.”

“Thanks, pop,” Donnie says sarcastically, as Mikey quietly, sleepily laughs.

“Purple, Orange. You’re home.”

“Hi, pop,” Mikey says, smiling at their nicknames.

Splinter takes one arm out from his sleeves and extends a claw, crooking it in request that Raph bend down and let him see the exhausted turtles in his arms. His nose twitches as he sniffs, eyes squinted and careful as he examines his sons. Other than being dusty and a little banged up, Donnie and Mikey are perfectly healthy.

“Hm,” Splinter mutters, still casting a dubious eye over the both of them. Then, he nods, expression calmly accepting. “You two have been gone quite a while. Welcome back.”

“Happy to be back,” Donnie replies easily, not minding the scrutiny of his father. It’s comforting, being back in an environment that’s completely and truly safe. Splinter, satisfied with the brief checkup, pats Mikey’s cheek and goes to wander back into the living room.

“Seeya later, pop,” Mikey says, waving. “Love ya.”

“Yes, yes, I love you, too- and remember to fix whatever you blew up!” Splinter scolds over his shoulder, tail flicking irritably as he disappears through the doorway.

“I think he really missed you guys,” Raph says, resuming his trek to their rooms. “He asked like, four whole times if we’d heard from you.”

“Aw, I missed him, too…” Mikey says softly, words trailing off into a yawn. His eyes are heavy as their journey continues, and when he halfway wakes again, Donnie has been dropped off along with Leo and Raph is setting him down on his bed.

“Gear off,” Raph reminds, fingers going for the buckles of Mikey’s weapons holster. Mikey brushes them away, fumbling with them himself.

“I got it, I can do it myself…” The holster comes undone and Raph sets it on the chair by Mikey’s easel and paints. Mikey yawns, but feels awake enough he can manage the remaining steps to get to bed. “Go wrestle Don into bed, Raph,” he says, starting to shove his kneepads off. “I can brush my teeth n’ stuff on my own.”

“You sure?” Raph questions, hovering a little.

Mikey makes shooing motions. Raph goes, but silently promises to swing through again just to check in one last time. A few rooms over, voices are mingling in Donnie’s bedroom; the sources the two turtles flopped over each other on the bed and procrastinating one of them getting to sleep.

Raph knocks on the doorway, drawing their attention. “Ey, Leo. You’re supposed to be helping him into bed, not schooling him on Jupiter Jim lore.”

“Can you blame me?” Leo says haughtily, sprawled across Donnie’s stomach to keep him from wandering back to the buggy. “He mixed up Return to the moon 8 and Return to the moon 10. I couldn’t let that stand!”

“I am more than half asleep right now, Leon. Gimme a break.”

“You might as well have mixed up Lou Jitsu and Bruce Willis, you heathen.”

Raph rolls his eyes at both of them. “Donnie, either you get up and brush your teeth or I’m just kickin’ Leo out right now and turning off the light.”

“Gingivitis is a very serious condition to treat. I’m going right now.” Donnie doesn’t move for a moment, then reaches over and flicks Leo’s skull. “That means you get off of me, Leo.”

“Ow, god, you coulda just said you wanted me to get up.”

“It was strongly implied between the lines.”

They heckle each other a little more, but Leo does eventually roll off Donnie’s stomach. Raph steadies their second eldest sibling as Donnie stands, wobbling a little as low blood pressure puts sparks in his vision. Food will be the next step, after he and Mikey get at least a few hours of sleep.

“I can put that away,” Leo offers, tapping Donnie’s battle shell. Donnie mumbles something of a thank you and a yes please at the same time, unlatching the protective shield from himself and handing it off. He stretches, groaning as his shoulders ache.

“Glad I wore one with solar power options,” Donnie tells Raph, once Leo has headed back to the lab to tuck the battle shell into its charging station. He rolls his shoulders again, grimacing as the extended use of the false shell comes back to bite him. “Though, ugh, I wish it’d been a lighter model, too. I think I’ve got bruising, and not just from dropping wood planks on my foot three fuckin’ times.”

“Klutz,” Raph teases, but then adds, “You want some painkillers?”

“Please. God please.”

When they make it to the bathroom, Mikey is there slowly brushing his teeth; mask and gear all left in his room, leaving him bare and visibly dusty everywhere the equipment hadn’t been. Donnie is equally dirty, but neither of them have the energy or willpower to clean themselves properly at the moment. Baths, like food, will come later.

Mikey mumbles a greeting around his toothpaste and brush, and then makes an annoyed grunt as all three of them crowd around the sink and cabinet. Donnie going for his toothbrush and Raph reaching overhead to rummage in the mirror cabinet for necessary drugs. There’s some squishing and shoving involved, but everyone gets what they need done with minimal grousing or paste spat on each other.

“Hey, Raph?” Mikey asks, stopping in the doorway as he’s leaving.

“Yeah?” his brother answers, still leaning against the wall. He’s holding a waiting cup of water and two Tylenols for Donnie, and also making certain their genius doesn’t try anything ‘smart’ and sneak off to look at the buggy. Donnie knows this is why he keeps being watched by his brothers, and is tolerantly accepting the den mother attitudes.

“Come rub my shell afore I sleep?”

Raph smiles warmly. “Sure. Go get in bed an’ I’ll be there in a minute.”

Mikey rubs his eye, nodding. He disappears as Donnie spits in the sink; the second eldest sibling wiping his mouth and holding out a hand for the painkillers.

Raph drops Donnie off in his room again, just as Leo comes strolling back from his trip to the lab. Raph  leaves them both to their own conversation as Donnie flops onto the bed; Donnie rambling a little about some kinks in his battle shell he’d found through its overtime during the week, and Leo listening from his comfortable sprawl at the foot of the bed. Raph will shoo Leo out of the room again when he comes back through one last time, so Donnie puts a pause on the science for a while and actually sleeps.

Mikey is set up in bed when Raph gets there; his side table lamp the only illumination and a battered but loved comic in his hands, reading it absently while he waits. When he sees Raph, he puts the comic aside and rolls onto his front.

Raph sits on the edge of the mattress, hearing it squeak under his weight as he moves the covers off his brother to expose the patterned shell. Placing his large palm against its cool surface, Raph starts a firm but soothing rub of the scutes. It only takes a few passes for his littlest brother to start a gentle purr; Mikey wholly happy to have the indulgence of a shell rub before bed, especially after a long week of hard work.

“Aight, g’night, Mike,” Raph says after a bit, finishing the rub with a few pats to Mikey’s back.

“G’night,” Mikey says, mostly asleep and face buried in his pillow. Raph reaches over and turns off the lamp, and shuts the door quietly behind himself as he leaves.

Leo is still hanging out in Donnie’s room when Raph comes by, but their brother’s tech and gear are in a pile by the bed and Donnie’s eyes are shut. Leo is just choosing to remain on top of his brother’s feet a while longer, eyes hooded as he himself wonders about a catnap.

He also sincerely missed his brothers, like Raph did, like their brothers missed them. It’s not the time for grilling them on details of the puppy RV and moon buggy shenanigans, but they can spend a few quiet moments with their siblings before they drop into slumber. It sets the undertone of being off kilter, with their pairs having been apart so long, back to rights again.

Still, Leo leaves Donnie’s bed as Raph whispers for him to, and the family genius is left in his dark room to get much needed rest.

“Feel like another game of cards?” Raph asks as they hop back down to the bottom level.

“Not in your god damn dreams, you swindling asshole,” Leo hisses without heat.

Their father’s gameshow plays an ambient soundtrack to the lair as they search for something new to amuse themselves with. Other than their good natured banter and padding feet on the stone floors, there’s no other noise to disturb the turtles sleeping in their beds.

Commission info & Kofi link.

[stompsite]

So I Played FFXV

In most of my articles, I start out by presenting a problem. Maybe a lot of gamers hate zombies, and I want to write about a zombie game I love, so I present the problem of the zombie game, explaining in detail why I’m sympathetic to the concerns of people who hate zombie games, before explaining how the zombie game I love gets around that problem.

I do this because we’re rarely wrong about our feelings, but we’re often wrong about why. If I wrote “here’s a good zombie game,” no one would want to read that if they don’t like zombie games. By writing “this is why zombie games bore you and here’s how zombie games can excite you,” I appeal to a broader audience.

This brings me to Final Fantasy XV, a game one of my backers asked me to cover.

Good games writing often happens when an expert explains the ins and outs of a genre they know well to an audience they assume are quite intelligent but aren’t as familiar with the subject as they are. When I wrote about walking sims last year, I sat down and I went “okay, a lot of you are bored with walking sims. Why is that?” My editor’s boss didn’t seem to like it that much, insisting that the walking sim didn’t need any defending (even though The Chinese Room, developers of walking sims, had just shut down, and Tacoma, a walking sim with magazine covers, had sold a mere 10,000 copies). But I think people have strong feelings about things and they want to understand those feelings, so having an expert help them out without talking down to them is wonderful.

A little bit of history.

I may be an expert on video games, but I am most assuredly not an expert on JRPGs.

Unlike most people, I didn’t grow up with video game consoles. I saw a meme posted the other day saying “you can’t argue with me about games unless your first console was a Genesis or NES.” Mine was an Xbox 360, but I’ve been playing computer games for a great deal longer. Since Japan didn’t make many computer games (oh, sure, Final Fantasy VII was developed for Windows 95, but I don’t recall seeing it amidst the Diablo 2, Planescape Torment, and Half-Life boxes at CompUSA back in the day), JRPGs were never really a part of my gaming diet.

It’s not to say that JRPGs weren’t appealing. When my wisdom teeth were pulled, my mom brought our little 13” portable TV into my room and let me watch movies. I stumbled upon UHF channel 53, which broadcast a pirated version of TechTV, which was, at the time, airing Anime Unleashed, a block of awesome anime shows like Last Exile and Crest of the Stars. Most anime I’d seen up to that point was the stuff we got on kid’s shows, like Yu-Gi-Oh! and Pokemon. Digimon aside, most of it was garbage. Watching Boogiepop Phantom or Serial Experiments Lain during late nights on this stupid little black and white TV was something else entirely.

Since then, I’ve loved good anime aesthetics, so you’d think that JRPGs would be my jam. I thought so too, which is why I started talking to friends about them, but every time I did, my friends would talk about what confusing bullshit they were--especially, at the time, Final Fantasy X. “...but Final Fantasy VIII is better!” they’d tell me, and of course I’d ask them about that, and they’d tell me even more confusing bullshit. Plus, the whole turn-based gameplay thing was a huge turnoff. I got into other games, like Age of Empires and Unreal Tournament. They were more interesting. Games like Max Payne had way better stories than Final Fantasy VIII, that’s for sure.

Once, someone got me into Earthbound on an emulator, and I fell in love with it, until someone kidnapped zippy--I think she has a ‘real’ canon name but I don’t know what it is and I don’t want to know--and I couldn’t beat any of the fights because I didn’t understand the concept of grinding. Over the years, I tried other JRPGs, because the premise and the art sounded cool, but I bounced off the gameplay or the presentation time and time again. The closest I got to loving a JRPG was Dragon’s Dogma, and that was more of an open world sandbox game than any kind of RPG.

This brings me to another point.

JRPGs aren’t RPGs.

People usually protest when I make this point. Either I’m wrong or it doesn’t matter, they say, but I think it does matter because I’m a game designer, and understanding the specifics of genre is a really useful skill for a game designer to have. When I look at the JRPG, I see a lot of very specific elements that make them stand apart. If I say “I want to make an RPG,” chances are, I will not make something like a JRPG. If I say “I want to make a JRPG,” I will. The mechanics are distinct and interesting and worth examining on their own; no JRPG in existence could ever stand up to even a half-decent RPG if we judged it by RPG terms. The roleplaying just isn’t there.

Judging JRPGs by their own standards lets us see these wonderful games for what they really are. JRPGs are not RPGs from Japan. They’re not even RPGs. Once, when I made this argument, a guy fought back by arguing that a game wasn’t an RPG unless it had a party (Witcher 3 doesn’t), a bestiary (pretty sure New Vegas hasn’t got one), was turn-based (quick, someone tell Dragon Age!), and had a linear narrative (hahahahahahaha!).

“But you’re playing a role!”

Playing a role means following a script, which is what you do in any game without choice and consequence. Roleplay is a specific kind of improvisational acting that’s about creating and defining your relationship with the world around you. Dragon Age: Origins is a roleplaying game: you can be a dwarf commoner or a human noble or whatever, and your various choices will have major impacts on your relationships. You can define the person that you are. They are tabula rasa.

In every JRPG I’ve ever seen, you are a specific character with a specific personality, and while you may have some choices--Noctis in FFXV can choose to let the crew pull over and take a group photo whenever Prompto asks him too--those choices have little impact on the overall narrative or Noctis’ relationships with the characters around him. Lunafreya will always love him, Gladiolus will always get mad at him when Ignis loses his vision, etc.

Different kinds of games.

Pillars of Eternity, which isn’t a great game, but one I enjoyed well enough, let me set my character’s stats prior to playing the game. I defined my character as a rogue with great mechanical skills and dexterity. In Final Fantasy XV, when you level up… you can’t really control how your character’s stats changed.

None of this is bad! It’s just different, like the difference between a third person shooter and a first person shooter. First person shooting lets you focus on the environment and your interactions with it, but third person shooters tend to focus on your character. They have their own unique strengths. You can’t judge a first person shooter by third person standards and vice versa. The same is true with JRPGs and RPGs. They are different games. And that’s good.

The Game:

When it comes to Final Fantasy XV, this is the foundation I have. I’m vaguely turned off by all the stories I’ve heard, I love the aesthetics of most of them, and the gameplay is something I feel is wholly distinct from other games.

Final Fantasy XV appealed to me because it had real-time action combat instead of being a heavily menu-focused turn-based affair.

So, here’s the deal: you’re Prompto, a prince, who is on his way to meet the object--and really, she is treated like an object in this game--of his arranged marriage, Lunafreya, who’s the princess of a rival kingdom, I guess? Except the wiki says she’s a captive of Niflheim, but she seems to get along well with her brother, who is in charge of the armies of Niflheim, so… like… yeah, I don’t really know what’s going on there.

The wiki also says she’s the “main heroine” of the game, even though she barely has any screen time at all. She has magical powers that cures people of some weird plague that’s making nights last longer, except that the nights are still getting longer and more people are succumbing to the plague, so she’s really bad at her job.

Honestly, she’s just there to look pretty and say things like “Noct, please hurry.” Then she dies. Then one time her ghost shows up and uses force powers to save the crew by removing plot armor that was only put there so she could show up to remove it.

She is not emotionally important to you.

This isn’t like Alan Wake, a game that reveals over time the complex nature of Alan’s relationship and just how wonderful of a person Alice Wake is. In that game, Alan was motivated by guilt, and you, as a player, could connect to him because you got to see all of this unfold. You wanted to help Alan find Alice not because “Alice is Alan’s wife,” but because you saw that these two wonderful, flawed people loved and cared for each other and deserved happiness.

Lunafreya is a pantomime of a love interest, but there’s never any real love there, so there’s no urgency to actually chase her down, no sense of loss when she dies. It’s not all her fault though (I mean, duh, it’s Square’s fault). Noct is equally culpable. He’s just… kinda empty. He’s a shell who occasionally feels things when the script calls for it (ur dad died, be sad, ur gf died, be sad), but who doesn’t feel like a real person. I don’t really care about anything Noct wants. I just kind of do the objectives because they’re what’s next.

I spent my whole life being told that JRPG stories were the best that video games had to offer, and… look, being completely honest here, Final Fantasy XV is the JRPG plot as described to me--incomprehensible, pointless, and horribly paced, doing grandiose things because the developers want to do grandiose things, never earning a second of the awe it expects you to have.

“Yup,” I found myself thinking when I finished it, “this is exactly like every JRPG that has ever been described to me except Earthbound.”

Earthbound is great.

Final Fantasy XV makes the mistake of assuming that because it looks epic, it is epic, but since it earns nothing, it isn’t epic at all. It’s a hodgepodge of ideas. Maybe other JRPGs do a better job, but based on every other JRPG I’ve played, like Xenoblade Chronicles and Suikoden, it’s just not a very compelling game.

So it may surprise you to know that I liked it a great deal.

Brotherhood.

In my film education, we talked a great deal about the idea of the “male as default.” A lot of this is rooted in idiotic Freudian psychology (especially all the Lacan stuff), so it’s as bunk as astrology, even when it sounds good, but let’s not throw the baby out with the bathwater here: all media has a perspective, and most media’s perspective assumes the male perspective as the neutral one.

American film does this too: it assumes everything is seen through American eyes. Most Hollywood movies are very, very American-as-default things, but that doesn’t mean they’re American movies. I’m not just talking geography, I’m talking assumptions about customs, camera angles, lighting, and so on. Russian film (European films too, but especially Russian film) tends to focus on specific body parts, using juxtaposition in editing to create specific senses about things. American films tend to favor wider shots, creating those same moods through things like motion and staging.

A film from another country can feel like it came from a different mind than the Hollywood monolith…

...and yet…

...there are very few genuinely American films out there. This is partly because most American films are built for export to other countries, so rather than focusing on specifically American subject matter, they focus on more universal things like drama and romance. Since America is so good at exporting American film, and many other cultures imitate the stylings of American films (because learning from successful things is how you succeed, after all), we end up with a very dominant American culture that has very little to actually say about America. In fact, lots of what America is tends to get lost in the shuffle.

If you’re lucky, you get filmmakers like Terrence Malick, who make films that are really about America and being American, but the significance of this is lost because people look at it and go “why do you make American films? All films are American!” But there is something specific there. Something interesting.

Maleness is the same way. It’s the assumed default in a lot of narratives, but because of this, very little attention is given to it. I once walked into the USAF museum while the XB-70 Valkyrie was in one of the hangars and didn’t see it because it was so big I thought it was the ceiling. Maleness in fiction is like that; it’s rarely examined closely because it’s too busy being big.

Here are two men. They are friends. The end.

We rarely look at how men bond, how they perceive each other, how they fight, how they talk and think because we’re too busy writing stories about the basic, empty characters who travel from point A to point B and the adventures they have along the way.

Oh, sure, sometimes you have people interrogating maleness, but they’re really only doing it to say “look what’s bad about being a man,” because they assume that male-as-default means we already see male-as-good, when really, male-as-default is male-as-nonspecifity. The beauty of maleness is rarely ever explored.

Somehow, despite all its narrative shortcomings, Final Fantasy XV excels at its understanding of maleness.

I think a big part of this is the road trip nature of the game. Sure, they’re ostensibly on the run and simultaneously on their way to a wedding, but that doesn’t prevent The Boys from having a good time. Each boy has a specific personality that is brought out in interesting ways; Ignis cares a stickler for safety and rules, Prompto is energetic and mischievous, Gladiolus is strong and confident and protective of those who are not. Noctis is basically an empty shell, but when he’s interacting with The Boys, there are still good moments to be found.

As you drive through the world, fighting monsters and helping friends, you learn more about these boys and the things they care about. Gladiolus is self-conscious about seeming too caring, but he cares so deeply, especially about his little sister Iris. He recognizes her crush on Noctis and even tricks Noctis into giving her flowers, knowing it would make Iris’ day. Prompto’s lower-class upbringing means he’s tremendously insecure about his relationship with the other boys. They’re not aware of how awkward he feels in the presence of people much wealthier and more important than he is, and when he makes it known, they do everything they can to assure him that he’s their brother and they wouldn’t have it any other way.

There’s something else that I’ve never been able to put into words. It’s a feeling I have occasionally, and one I cherish. When interacting with most men, there’s a degree of camaraderie, like, hey, we’re all on the same team, we’re cheering alongside each other, that kind of thing. There’s a whole second language that men are only capable of employing with other men that’s completely nonverbal, but not all men are comfortable using it with each other right away.

There comes a point in a male relationship where everything just sort of clicks. That guy over there is just a man you know, but that guy over there, you and him are mates and you’d fuckin die for each other if you had to. When you do things together, there’s a sense of rightness and appropriateness to it all. If your best friend asks you to help him carry some groceries in from the car, it’s different than if you help your next door neighbor who you don’t really know all that well.

I’m sure other, better writers have written about this sense of brotherhood. When I’m playing Destiny with a matchmade team and we roll an enemy squad into a mercy rule defeat, it feels good. When my friends and I trigger the mercy rule against the same thing, it’s like, heck yeah, these are the men who mean the most to me in this fuckin world and I am so lucky to have them with me.

Final Fantasy XV does its darndest to put this in the mechanics. The boys res each other during battle. They all have unique combo moves that play off each other. The battle barks are all designed to make you feel like… hell yeah, these are my bros, we kick ass together.

How many games just have two dudes talkin about dude things together? How many games are like “yeah, bro, let’s go running in the sand and whoever outruns the other is the winner!” How many games get that great banter is affectionate? How many games are willing to have a bunch of dudes who love each other and will die for each other whose relationships deteriorate over time but they come back from them stronger than ever?

There are a lot of stories about men in games, but very few stories about being a man.

Final Fantasy XV might be the best of ‘em.

And it’s still… dumb and flawed at times. I think I would’ve liked a more interesting protagonist and central conflict. I think the game is at its best when you’re cruising around a big, open world, humming about chocobos. I think Square had the opportunity to make a huge, incredible game about an adventure and they wasted it on a game that gets progressively linear (in a bad way) over time. I mentally checked out by the end of the game. I didn’t care that some random giant dude showed up, I beat the shit out of him, and then I had to fight a couple more dudes just like him, and then after beating them into submission too… we, uh, killed the guy who was stalking us the whole game? Why would I connect with random giant ghost kings when I spent the entire game playing alongside my brothers? Instead they get knocked out and fall asleep on the floor and I have the ending I was always destined to have.

Man, fuck destiny.

The game is great when it’s being personal, but it sucks when it’s trying to do all this other stuff. There are no affectionate moments between Noctis and Lunafreya. Mister Badguy, whose name I forgot and don’t feel like looking up because fuck that guy, he was boring, has to exposit his backstory (i was gonna be king but then i didn’t get to be king so i decided to have my revenge in like 2000 years’ time! mwahahaha!!! here is my entire personal history!) instead of just being interesting on a dramatic level.

It’s bad when it’s trying to be a grandiose RPG. It’s great when it’s doing something I can’t think of any other game doing before. I think you should play the first 8 or 9 chapters of the game. I think everyone should. That’s where the fun lies.

What about the gameplay?

The gameplay is kind of neat. Some stuff doesn’t feel nearly as good as other modern open-world games (like, uh, driving, which is kinda terrible and inconsistent about when it lets you drive, and interrupts your drive in really annoying ways at night, but the attention given to things like “needing to fill up with gas” is really cool).

Other stuff is clearly channeling How JRPGs Work, which is cool. The way the game gives you XP or deals with magic and abilities feels Very Classically JRPG. But it’s all wrapped up in a real-time action game that’s nowhere near as satisfying as Dragon’s Dogma or Ninja Gaiden or something. I’m not saying it has to be, but holding down a button and watching your character autoattack isn’t very fun. Zipping around with your teleport power is totally awesome though.

Magic is super strong and I probably should’ve used it more, but I was never really in love with crafting it. The leveling grid is kinda cool, but I have no idea how, when I did nearly every quest in the game, someone is supposed to unlock some of those skills. It just doesn’t seem possible considering the game’s content.

Quest design isn’t great; most of it’s just random fetch quests. The open world itself is nice most of the time, especially when you have a chocobo, but because the game’s so invested in making you feel like you’re on a road trip, you end up doing a lot of driving which a more generous fast travel system would have avoided, which means you end up seeing a lot of the same places over and over again, which kinda kills the whole road trip vibe.

And So it Ends.

There’s DLC. I never did that. I kinda soured on the whole epic journey by the end because of how boring the solo stuff was, and the DLC appears to be all solo stuff. Sorry, but the overall narrative and the gameplay just isn’t there. That’s not what makes FFXV good. The camaraderie is. The vibes are. Listening to the sizzle of ignis’ cooking or watching a huge monster fly in from above. There are so many incredible moments in this game. It’s too bad the narrative and the combat couldn’t keep up.

I think FFXV benefits and suffers from being a big 3D real-time game. A lot of classic JRPGs are 2D affairs where you have to communicate everything purely through text boxes. FFXV has the benefit of voice and physical performance, adding a huge layer of nuance and personality to its characters, their wants, and needs. But because it’s a big, bombastic 3D game, it can’t help itself, and wastes time with boring, endless set pieces that look cool but do little else.

Could I recommend it? I dunno.

But it kinda makes me want to try other JRPGs, even though there’s really nothing else like it out there.

[movieswithkevin27]

Bright

Deciding which film - Bright, The Mummy, Amityville: The Awakening, or The Circle - is worse is a tough task. The Mummy is so bad it is good, so it gets ahead of the competition. The Circle feels incomplete, so it is probably the worst, whereas Amityville feels like multiple movies slapped together. Bright, however, as the third worst (or second best, but I do not want to sound too complimentary), is old school bad. It is boring, it is horribly written, it is incompetently directed, and yet it is coherent. Nobody can mistake Bright for being multiple films or an incomplete film. Instead, it is a straight-forward film with a plot that easily mistaken for actual depth or world-building, characters who are intended to be engaging, thematic content working throughout, and a clear narrative arc that will engage less discerning viewers quite adequately and deliver “a fun movie”. However, in having seen Bright, it is hard to imagine how one could find this slop fun. A pig would think this is just too shitty of a pen to play in if given the option between its own shit and Bright. Compared to the other ⅕ star films I have seen thus far in 2017, Bright is the only film that is just not horribly made, but it is a completely horrible film. It is exactly what the filmmakers wanted to put together, which earns it some points for being less horrible, but is hardly an endorsement of its quality as director David Ayer and writer Max Landis have found a way to waste a seemingly. compelling and original idea. To accomplish this, they put it into a buddy cop film, inserted lame pop culture comedy (“swipe left” right as he swipes to detonate a bomb...hello my fellow kids), had dull action scenes, stilted dialogue, and forced racial commentary that would make Paul Haggis and the filmmakers behind Crash think Bright is too heavy-handed.

The opening act of this film pours on the racial commentary hot-and-heavy. Establishing this as a world in which orcs are hated due to their allegiance to the “dark lord” in a literal race war 2,000 years ago, Bright shows humans to be normal middle class folks, elves to be the 1%, and orcs to be the minorities in the hoods who become gangsters. Meanwhile, the LAPD has hired an orc cop as part of a forced diversity initiative, but every other cop wants to kill orc cop Nick Jakoby (Joel Edgerton). Paired with Darrell Ward (Will Smith), the two traverse Los Angeles, encounter racism towards orcs, discuss the tribalism of orcs and how they are indebted to their clans, they discuss orc culture and being “blooded”, cops want to frame and kill Jakoby, and fellow orcs call Jakoby a traitor. The racial commentary, tragically, is established even further through imagery that aligns orcs with inner city black Americans with graffiti showing images of cops killing orcs without reason. All of this racial commentary could have been fine and even a unique take in a fantasy world, but Ayer and Landis are so blunt and on-the-nose in their treatment, it often feels as though Bright reaches out and slaps the audience in the face while shouting, “Do you get it?! THEY’RE RACIST!” While the film may have its heart in the right place in regards to racism in society and the need to see equality between races, Bright is simply not film that executes on this theme well enough for it truly resonate or have its desired impact. Instead, it just plays out as a hamfisted theme that is never developed in an interesting fashion.

A lot of the films issues in following its racial commentary in a more subdued and compelling fashion is the same reason why its general plotting and originality falls apart. It all felt very surface-level. Ayer was unable to actually make things work beneath the surface, instead opting for a cliche buddy cop movie - which is in his wheelhouse, as End of Watch shows - with cliche action “the hero never gets hits” shootout scenes, one-liners, a generic group of bad guys that want to summon the “dark lord”, and useless federal agents who, despite possessing a threat, disappear for the final half hour after pin-pointing where Ward and Jakoby were within a few blocks. This rather uninteresting foundation for the film, leads all of the cliche fantasy elements such as prophecies, orcs, elves, references to past wars, wands, a dark lord, fairies, etc to just feel like a magic trick. It is a way for Ayer and Landis to distract audiences from the rather shallow and skin deep treatment of its fantasy setting it is giving in favor of exploring a rather straight-forward buddy cop action-comedy set-up. For many audiences, they will praise this distraction and even point to a shot of a dragon flying over Los Angeles as a hint to the depth and possibilities this world holds. Unfortunately, it is merely akin to putting lipstick on a pig. It is still a pig with nothing special or unique about on the inside compared to the other pigs, all it has is some lipstick. Bright is that pig (I do like my pig comparisons for this one, maybe all of the forced racism via calling orcs “pig-faced” is influencing me here), with some nice glossy fantasy elements but without the heart and soul of a fantasy film underneath.

This leads perfectly into the film’s horrific script. With forced comedy, exposition, and awkwardly stilted dialogue, it is easy to see that David Ayer was looking for his next, “So that’s it? We some kinda Suicide Squad?” through the entirety of the dialogue. Between a prolonged bromance scene, a cliche villain waiting just long enough to kill someone for them to be stopped, any discussion about prophecies (Will Smith literally says, “So we’re in a prophecy, huh?” after previously saying, “We are not in a prophecy. We are in a stolen Toyota Corolla.”), and really any joke attempt all mark true lows in Bright. Further lines such as “You need to unfuck this. Magic us to Palm Springs or some shit,” and the “it’s time to go home / “It’s too late to go home” / “Fucking kill me,” back-and-forth between chief antagonist Leilah (Noomi Rapace) and her sister Tikka (Lucy Fry) who is helping Darrell and Nick, are examples of just how horribly written Bright is, with awkward dialogue that continuously misses the boat. References to Tinder (previously quoted in introduction) and the elves having killed the illuminati additionally demonstrate that not only is Bright poorly written with awkward jokes, terrible “intense” dialogue, and continuous exposition explaining where they are in Los Angeles, who they are meeting, what they are doing (“We need to protect the wand”), regurgitating of a prophecy far too many times, and through racist interactions, but it is also a film that is trying far too hard to be “hip”. It drops in pop culture items it knows millennials will love, while trying to serenade them with the latest pop hits from their favorite “hip” rappers and singers as a means to elicit a positive association between Bright and the apps or songs the young folks of America love to use. As such, Bright comes off as not just a long music video like Suicide Squad did, but also a pandering work that consistently tries to reassert just how badass and in-touch with pop culture it and its makers are. To top it all of, the parade of cliche interactions - such as the final moment where Nick nervously tells the feds what happened without being prompted to do so - only serves to help Bright’s script become worse, solidifying it as certainly the worst element of an already horrible film.

The film’s direction and action further harms the film, both through inane and cliches action set-pieces with car chases, shootouts, and crashes, that never really capture the imagination of the audience. As opposed to his work in Fury, Ayer seems content to stick with rather incoherent, dull, and cliche action scenes - there is a scene where Leilah jumps through a glass window in an incredibly similar way to Scarlett Johansson in Ghost in the Shell - which only serves to help Bright become even more uninteresting. An already dull slog of a film becomes worse every time an action scene starts up with nothing but explosions, endless gunfire, “cool crashes”, and forced moments of intensity as the bad guy pauses just long enough to be shot or as the good guy runs out of bullets at exactly the wrong time. These cliches and rather dull exploration of a fantastical world - could we really not get some cool fantastical gun or weapon? - are what really pull down the facade of fantasy put up by Ayer and Landis. It is in these derivative shootouts that Bright screams out to the audience that this is not some adventurous or daring original film. Instead, it just another action movie that is happy to become mere white noise in the background as viewers opt to pay their taxes or bills instead of paying attention. Adding to these issues with direction, the film’s final act seems to occur at least three times with multiple almost endings that hint at putting the audience out of their misery before, somehow, finding more (and worse) content to tack onto the end of the film. This one winds up feeling entirely unending with Ayer and Landis managing to concoct new ways to keep this one dragging on for an eternity.

A dull, unredeemable, and decidedly unfun film, David Ayer’s Bright makes one wonder if he actually wrote Training Day and directed both End of Watch and Fury or if he just killed or blackmailed whoever did before taking all of the credit for himself. Will Smith finds yet another bad movie to star in and Joel Edgerton is saved by the fact that we cannot see his face through the make-up. Honestly, it is entirely possible that this was just a cliche buddy cop film until Edgerton signed on because he needed the money and demanded his dignity was saved by wearing makeup that hid his face, giving birth to this fantastical world. It would certainly explain why the fantasy world is so shallow and uninteresting. The fact that this film is earning such acclaim from audiences and is doing well enough to earn a sequel demonstrates just how starved audiences are for “original” films, willing to accept anything that slightly fits the bill.

[coolmiddlename]

I don't think you ever did your final write up on season 8 Kitty, you gonna get back to that?

aww man, i didnt finish it because i think ive done a pretty great job expressing my thoughts on season 8. it was freaking amazing? but im gonna write up some of what i planned for that post here.

favourite episodes:

two swords is good because it introduces us to the more violent fern and shows finn being a doctor for shits and giggles (foreshadowing?). i get good feelings from this ep. and these days, also sad ones.

high strangeness - tree trunks is pretty entertaining by herself but this episode had a glorious combination of comedy, quiet pain, and…. strangeness. seeing tree trunks be ooo’s greatest activist was nothing short of a golden meme factory. and it was a lttle sad seeing pb explain what it was all about, perhaps even questioning her own sanity here… as for the candy attacking the aliens, if you remember all of pen ward’s previous work, you sure do get a Little Pink Best Buds vibe.

jelly beans have power - yknow when they ended pb’s arc w the whole Being A Pragmatic Coldass back in the Cooler, i wondered if she was going to stay interesting or get boring. well, lets just say the AT crew have exceeded my expectations. not to mention season 8 SURE BRINGS UP A LOT OF COMPETITION in the whole “morally questionable science lady” area. after the whole King of Ooo stuff the princess has been trying to rebuild her relationship with her citizens, and to see her hot-headedness make it crumble apart… well it must have been like looking into your soul and seeing something dreadful.

All of Islands - yes this is cheating. do i give a fuck? no. uhhhh what were my fave eps? hide and seek was the part where i went “this is the best adventure time has ever been”. martin and minnie was not only realistic, making minnie my favourite side character to ever get that little screentime, it also hit all the right emotional notes as well as having a dash of humor. the light cloud kinda highlighted the differences between the humans and the oooish people, it made us all appreciate the wacky land of ooo I feel. finn could have had his life as a human and lived with his parents, but he would have possibly died during the plague, and he’d have never had all the amazing adventures that made him who he is. anyway finn’s kinda my second or third favourite character now which is a significant jump from a few years ago. 

all of elements because i just dont care. highlights: skyhooks was deeply ominous and had marshmalline humming greensleaves which is pretty gay, bespoken for looked like it was gonna be shitposty but ended up making betty of all people a compelling, sympathetic, and unpredictable character… the third one had the ice kingdom which i think is my second-favourite location… cloudy i didnt like on my first rewatch but on our rewatch i learnt to appreciate it for the heart-to-heart bro chat that it was… slime central had funky skating (slime kingdom ftw) and the BEST humor in the miniseries alongside jake fucking dying, happy warrior is my least favourite of the eps but thats because it was setup for the much more magnificient hero heart which is my favourite… the reason for that is because it’s worth the most analysis and has the heaviest atmosphere. from lsp eating marceline’s face to finn holding back his fear to pb going fucking nuts and all those chilling candy zombies, this was the climax of the miniseries for sure. skyhooks II was a cooldown after the climax and a sort of resolution. it could have been better but the way i think of it, we haven’t seen all the resolution yet. highlights? lsp being the hero (lol) and pb and marcy’s kingdom-takeover song. pb’s actions in elements make me think that the power made her exemplify all her negative, controlling traits. she tried to take over the other kingdoms to make people “happy” and they ended up losing all their individuality. remind you of The Thin Yellow Line? the same sorta goes for FP but not really cos FP’s only negative trait is her awful temper.

abstract because i fucking love jake. i know some people found this ep disappointing but i did not.

ketchup for best filler ep because it looked GORGEOUS, it made me SMILE, it had backstory and the tale of what Marceline did in Elements presented in such a charming way, we even saw BMO spin a tale about her mom…  I’m heartbroken that we probably wont be seeing any more guest animated episodes because this is my favourite one yet. 

whispers. I TOO AM DOOM. *thunk thak thunk thank splat*

three buckets is the best episode in the best season of adventure time, and i think it beats out The Lich as my favourite season finale. it’s sad, it’s dark, it’s sweet, it’s hilarious, it’s ominous, theres nothing to dislike about it. my favourite part was the last few minutes starting from when fern left finn alone in the cave. he freaks out for a while which makes us wonder if he might actually die in here, then the robot arm in a surprising twist turns out to have a pb-siri that thanks finn for what hes done which is cute. and finn discovers his salvation in the rock drill and fucking weed whacker. then he fights his clone  fern now COMPLETELY off the deep end, and just when finn is giving up,  well…

“What are you doing?”

“Weed whacking!”

“…What are you?”

“A weed whacker :D”

“It doesn’t have to have this… finnality!”

“F A T A L I T Y”

BRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

i think the end of this ep is more defined by what isn;t said than what is said. finn is so shocked that he can’t even talk. bmo gives us one final bout of dark humor. then we switch to…. Fern……. finally free of his shell but a mere ghost of what he was…. his look of pure rage as he gets picked up by who we believe could be a scholar of Golb…. uncle fucking gumbald. 

What a DEVASTATING finale,  and what a fantastic setup for the final arc of Adventure Time!

a comment i had to make about the last few eps is: it’s suspicious that we didnt get a followup for PB after Elements. but even though Peebles wasn’t in these eps, she didn’t feel absent either. especially with Marceline’s story in Ketchup, Fern’s remembering what he did in Whispers, and literally everything in the last 3 minutes of Three Buckets, i feel that there’s something big building up for her. we’ve yet to see the consequences Elements had on PB who was out of everyonne the most dangerous elemental, the one who took her powers to the furthest extreme. considering what happened in Jelly Beans Have Power, iiiii expect this followup to be soon. maybe it’ll be big? maybe it’ll be quiet. either way i look forward. and if i’m disappointed? well it’s happened before.

altogether season 8 is my favourite in the show for obvious reasons. i dont think season 9 has the possibility of topping it but i really cant wait to see what we get next either way, just in case it manages to be even better.  

no matter how adventure time ends, though, i think it’s going to hold a place in my heart for a long time.

[sending-the-message]

The creatures of Mammoth Cave by KyBlu_I_s

Its recently been brought to my attention what Gunney has started to tell a few of our stories from when we ran the Kentucky Office of Paranomalies[sic]. That's actually the name of our branch. Each state has an office that's a perfect counterpart to ours. Well they did. Until a few months ago. Anyway, I'm getting ahead of myself. My name is Keith. I'm a Chief Petty Officer, and these are MY versions of the stories. Gunney did a decent job of telling the Gluttony story. Although the first half was better than the second, but that's because he told it exactly like it happened. A little personal background;

I grew up in a broke ass family. My dad wasn't home because he worked two jobs to keep a roof on our heads. Mom was a drunken whore that was in and out of our lives. I couldn't play sports in school, because where I'm from that type of thing costs money. So, I read. And I read everything I could. I really loved to read about the macabre and the paranormal. By the time I was thirteen, I had read the local libraries entire section on paranormal and supernatural beings, rituals, magic, and ghosts. A little over four hundred books. But I started when I was seven. I would walk the eight blocks from my home to the library once a week with dad on Saturday morning, because he only had one job on the weekends. I would check out my limit, and usually find a way back to the library before Saturday for my next limit of books.

I graduated High school at the age of sixteen, having skipped sophomore and junior years. I waited for two years and joined the Navy. I knew Gunney from school, and we would hangout after school sometimes and play stupid kid video games til we passed out. So, when he told me he was enlisting, I figured that I would as well. Hell, they pay for college, train you for a career, and pay you while your active. Why not? Well, if not for Gunney I would have died. Several times over. So when he found a way for me to get off of that fucking ship, I was hella happy. I had wanted to study demonology in college anyway, and this way the government would actually pay for it!

Our first case was bad. Real bad. But you already know about that. See, what you don't know, is that even after Gunney left a year ago, I stayed. I'm here now. Alone. A single smartass against the evils of the wilderness. Let me tell ya, there's some freaky shit in Kentucky. Especially in the caves.

It was a crisp April morning when Gunney ordered us to assemble in the wretched bullpen. The overhead monitor displayed a torn and broken corpse. The head lay face down, the body chest up. The head had been twisted all the way around. Left arm ripped off and , and this is sick, shoved down the throat. The right arm lay broken, twisted and bloody barely attached. The legs were shredded and mangled so badly they no longer remotely resembled legs. The shredded remains if the legs looked more like a bad plate of chipped beef and raw burger meat.

" This was young miss Christa Jonas. She was seventeen years old. She was part of a six person group that took a discount tour of the Mammoth Caves. During the tour four of the six members were lost. Christa was the only one found. Her remains are on the way here so that Jerry here can perform an autopsy." Gunney paused, to point at our lone medical officer. He continued " Keith, do you recognize the injuries? Maybe have any idea what the hell got to thus poor girl?"

I shook my head as I wracked my brain for information, " No sir, I don't Gunney" I answered. I felt bad for leaving him in the lurch like that, but I really didn't have a clue what would have mutilated that girl so badly. Well, I didn't know what would multilateral her, and not eat more of her. Maybe we were looking at some type of previously unknown creature. My heart rate increased at the thought of being responsible for cataloging and naming a previously undiscovered animal, or being if another type...

As Gunney talked about the cave system, and ordered the others to get packed and armed, I went to the library of our new compound. We had more books on my favorite subjects than I had ever believed were printed. I quickly looked for anything that lived in caves, mines, or subterranean passageways. I found the book I was looking for, and carried it to a table. Taking a deep breath, I began to speed read, until I stopped on a description that chilled my bones. The creature was named a Cave Dwelling Ghoul. According to the book, the last one was thought to have been exterminated in the year 1909. However the way it kills is quite unique. Its known to take pleasure in the torture of young girls, often making them choke on pieces of their own bodies. It would then chew, but not eat a large portion of the body while the person choked to death, at witch point it would twist the head around twice. I quickly stood up and almost ran back to the bull pen. Gunney stood there waiting, and reading the case file.

" Gunney, I think I know what we have here. His many times was thus girls head turned? " I stammered, excited and full of dread.

" Uhm...It looks like twice. Yeah..twice. Why? What's that got to do with anything?" He looked at me like he expected some big speech, but I didn't have one.

" Its a CDG. A type of Ghoul that solely lives in caves. They were thought to be dead for over a hundred years. They can be killed, but its not easy. Iron bullets and thermite. Shoot them with iron, and then burn em. They'll be alive when the fire starts, just frozen. Iron to those fucks is like a massive dose of sucks to a human. It will paralyze them. However it won't wear off, til their bodies heal and the bullet is pushed out. Thermite is about the only thing that burns hot enough to kill them. They have poison glands in the base of their claws and in that mouths. A bite or scratch will knock a full grown man out for hours. When he wakes up he will be sick as a fucking dog for a few days. Nasty little bastards. Never even rumoured to be in Kentucky. Kinda weird that a species that's not indigenous and thought to be extinct suddenly shows up. So soon after...ya know."

He knew. We tried not to talk about what happened to our group, but it was an unspoken book mark in time. Like a piece of corn in a turd, just there, rather you want it to be or not. We knew that what we fought that day wasn't human. Even the civilians weren't human anymore, but it was still a tough loss.

Gunney told me to go get the thermite and try to find a source of iron ammunition while he briefed the rest of the men on what we were going to be fighting this time. I went to the armory and found the thermite. Iron ammo was another story. See, the last thing to use iron projectiles were civil war cannons. Well, a few other large bore weapons after that, but very few. I had an idea that maybe salting the lead with iron powder might work, but I couldn't risk our remaining troops on a might. So, needles to say I was fucking through the roof thrilled when I found a local black smith. I called and gave him the measurements of the projectiles that we needed and he agreed to make them. On barter no less. He wanted a hundred grams of thermite to speed his forge up and that's all. Well, it still took the man twenty eight hours to make four hundred rounds. Then I had to load them into shells. So, It was thirty three hours after the debriefing before we were actually ready to go. Since it was late, we decided to get up at 0430 and head out. We all went to bed at a little before 2300.

At 0445 the next morning we were up,loaded and heading out. It was a four hour drive from base to the Mammoth Caves state park. We arrived as the police that had closed the property off to tourists were changing shifts, so getting in was a fucking chore.

Almost an hour after arriving, we were unloading the black Humvees and heading for the main entrance. The cave we entered was honestly...Mammoth! No shit, right? The ceiling was almost thirty feet up, stalagmites and stalactites reaching up and down like crooked teeth in a rotten maw. The silence of the caves was deafening. I could hear the others hearts beating. Well, maybe it was in my head.

We walked to the coordinates that the tour guides provided as the last place the entire group was together. We set our GPS lock to those coordinates, and split up with our night vision activated. We decided to walk in a single direction for five minutes before returning to the point we marked. We did this four times before the first blur of movement was seen. Johnson saw a small man shaped thing run just out if his field of view.

" Report to my position. I have movement. I think its a single entity, but I can't be sure." He called out through the com unit. We all looked to our phones to see where he was on the map. He was less than fifty feet from me, so I was the first to arrive. When I got to his position, he was visibly shaken. His pants leg ripped in three slices torn horizontally across his right calf. Thankfully the thing hadn't touched skin, because Johnson was big ass dude, and I didn't want to be the one to evacuate his ass from the caves.

Gunney was next arrive, and quickly spotted the torn leg. After asking if Johnson had been scratched, he decided to call the tour guide on the radio to turn off the tourist lights. The cave went dark as Gunney told the others to remain in NV. The rest if our crew arrives one at a time a minute or two apart.

When we were all in the same spot, I whispered " Listen guys, these things are fast as lightening on crack. They're venomous and vicious. They want to torture us and then chew our flesh. That's how they feed. They chew, but only drink the blood and liquefied fat that they spill from our mangled bodies. Shoot them anywhere. It doesn't matter. The rounds shouldn't pass through them, they're low power and heavy bullets. Once the iron is in the skin, they're frozen solid. Then we have about eleven hours to burn them. The bodies won't burn unless we can powder them with the thermite and use the magnesium strips to start that on fire." I summed up as " Be careful, aim true. We don't have a lot of ammo. "

The men all nodded in agreement and left off across the caves. The next time I would see any of them, three would be unconscious, and badly beaten. But that's for tomorrows post.

[dreadhaus-literature]

{A/N} The Reality Is...

I’m surprised at myself for coming to talk about this, but it’s been tumbling around in my head all day and I figured...I might as well.

I disabled my OkCupid profile today. Not deactivated, all I’ll have to do is log back in and it’ll reactivate. But I just...I don’t know. It sounds dramatic to say I’ve given up, but today felt pretty final, for me. I mean I’m 30, so anything is possible and I’m not resigning myself to...what I’ve always said--

That I’ll wind up alone.

It’s ironic. I’m a really loving, affectionate person but I’ve never really been able to express that. My most serious relationship was with a person in a different country. I’ve been single for seven years, and while I knew putting myself back out there wouldn’t be easy...I’m trying to find another way to say “I think there’s something wrong with me,” because it sounds so depressing and down on myself and I’m really not. I think my personality’s pretty swell and I know how to take care of someone so I know I’m good in relationships, especially now that I’ve been through some shit and grown and know myself really well. No, what I mean is...there might actually be something wrong with me.

The reason I disabled my profile is because of this reason. I’ve been on OkCupid for a year and a half? And I’ve met a lot of women and tried on a few for a while, but the same thing always happens--they don’t interest me. I find myself mindlessly answering them so they’ll...shut up and stop talking. There’s something wrong when I’m annoyed by seeing I have a notification, lol. Shouldn’t you be excited to hear from someone? Especially a potential partner? But I never am. And I mean...ever. And I know it’s not a new thing, because it even happened with Lyn. It took her a month of doggedly trying to get my attention before I really stopped to talk to her and give her the time of day.

Real people just do not do it for me, lmao. I’ve been ruined by fantasy. I see a fictional character and I turn into--

Men, women, a monstrosity with no discernible gender or features? Doesn’t matter, I’m game.

But real life, something else entirely happens to me and I can’t explain it. I’ve always been extremely hard for people to get close to and it is not for their lack of trying.

I hate to say this because it sounds so full of myself but I have a really easy time with women. Whether it’s my height or what, but women’s attention actually comes really easy to me. I don’t go looking for likes on OkCupid, but I’ve got hundreds of them from women liking me and initiating conversations with me. I’ve got a dating pool, the problem is I am interested in none of them. They try and message me, talk to me, text me, and the same thing happens! Every time! I wind up ghosting them or leaving them on read because I’m annoyed by the conversation or so bored I can’t keep it up anymore.

This last month or so I’ve really just gotten tired of trying this whole thing out. With me moving, I figured this would just be a “run out the clock” situation and I’d just chitchat with the women who message me and when I get to AZ I’d start really trying to date. But I just...dude. This one girl, Amber--there was nothing wrong with her. I mean, zero attraction on my end, she was very average and did nothing for me but I was fine to chat with her--but she started double, triple, quadruple messaging me without getting a response from me inbetween and for as clingy as I can be, if someone tries that shit with me and I’m not interested that amps my annoyance up to a 10 right away. Don’t cling to me if I’m not interested, I will palm your entire face and just...squeeze. And she was hitting on me and I was not at all into it but I’m...nice, so I try not to be rude about it, I thanked her for the compliments and I admit, I fake stuff a lot. I had a girl get after me about it last year, when I tried giving her a chance so I faked a lot of my responses to try and get over my initial disinterest in...literally everyone and she got mad at me about it. And maybe it is fucked up, idk. I just, it feels rude to not reciprocate it, I’d be embarrassed if it was me so I try and be nice. Besides, it’s not anyone else’s fault I’m like this.

And I really can’t explain it. I just, girls jump into messaging me and it’s immediately all, “hey sexy ;)” and tf am I supposed to say to that? I don’t know you, even if you are hot I don’t jump into shit that fast. I just don’t. It takes time to get me to open my shell and until I do there’s not going to be any genuine interest from me. There just isn’t. And I realized very early on if I don’t fake some shit I’ll never get close enough to someone to find out if there’s something there. Lyn was a perfect example. I fell for her hard as fuck but it took me about two months--if I hadn’t faked reciprocating initially it never would have happened. And while she was a mistake...I just don’t know what to do with myself. I literally never feel genuine interest in people. Monica was the last person I openly pursued because I had a genuine interest to want to get to know her and be close to her. I haven’t felt that in 11 fucking years.

So I don’t think it’s entirely wrong to say something IS wrong with me. Normal people don’t have this issue. I see people falling in love and developing crushes at the snap of a finger. I just...don’t. Can’t? Idfk. There’s something about fantasy and how it slips beneath my shell because it’s safe and I know it’s okay because it’s perfect. Reality is a different story.

There were a couple other girls this past month who really...worked my nerves. Angela was one, this polyamory married bisexual with a boyfriend AND a husband, and typically I don’t engage with poly folks on the app. I’m not into poly IRL, too jealous/possessive/insecure for that but she messaged me and seemed pretty chill and like she just wanted to be friends so I started talking to her. Found out pretty fast she was interested in more and probably because I’m tall so she’s thinking she’ll add a butch to her collection of dudes. Which...was never going to happen. She was pushy, too, which I heavily dislike. I don’t give my number out very often, mostly because I like to ghost on people and it’s easier to do on the app than if someone has my number, but she kept asking and asking (despite me explaining it takes me time to give that out) and finally, a little before my birthday, she messaged me all, “Are you ever going to give me your number?”

I was at work and annoyed so I just gave it to her, and I got kinda shitty in my response, told her I’d explained this to her multiple times but since she was so pressed about it, fine. And she tried to backtrack and said it wasn’t a big deal but it was too late by then. She text me a few times and I left her on read a lot, lmao. Told ya, I get annoyed. She talked about herself incessantly and was honestly hard to converse with. After leaving her on read for a while she messaged me on Friday with, “Haven’t heard from you. Life’s sucked for me lately.”

I left her on read and deleted the message and her number. D-o-n-e.

The other girl I’ve been texting is Diane. I actually broke my mold and messaged her first, because I thought she was a cute little dyke and wanted to get to know her. It’s rare I find someone who interests me enough to message first, but I did reach out to her. She lives in OH, so she’s not super close (Angela actually lives in Fort Wayne but I refused to tell her where I live) and we chatted over the app for a while but I found out pretty quick that the same issue that I have with a lot of women I talk to...also afflicts Diane. It was the same issue I had with Angela. It’s the same issue I have with pretty much every living soul I interact with.

Why can’t people do anything other than talk about themselves?

Seriously, it’s like a goddamn epidemic. No one knows how to have a conversation anymore unless they’re talking about themselves. Diane was fine to tell me all about her work, her hobbies, her preferred hairstyle, etc etc, but very rarely asked me about myself. It became very clear very quickly that she was insecure, which I would be fine with, but she went the wrong way with it. See, some of the women I encounter have this issue where they love the compliments and attention I give them...but they won’t return it. Diane was fine to send me selfies (unprompted, I did not ask for them) and wait for me to talk about them or compliment her but she never asked to see me or for any selfies or anything. She wanted me to make her feel better, to make her feel pretty and wanted, but forgot to return the favor. And for as giving as I can be, if the other person only takes...well, that begins to chafe with me after a while.

She’d rarely comment on things I said, and if I’d ask her things like her favorite food or color, she’d tell me but not ask me for mine. It was a cycle of taking and talking about herself and I haven’t deleted her out of my phone but I woke up today to a selfie and a message from her that the selfie was a “present” for me and deleted it immediately, lmao. You need to take several seats if you’re thinking you’re making my day by sending me a picture of your face when we’ve only been talking a couple weeks. And part of it is my fault. I’ve been faking a lot of our conversation because I have to mask my initial disinterest, but Diane and all these other girls don’t do much to try and get beyond my shell. I don’t even think they realize it’s there...I mean that would require them to talk to me about myself rather than spending hours talking about them.

But they’re not the entire problem. Even the ones who genuinely seem interested in me, i still get bored and move on. The best way I can describe it is honestly a general disinterest. People bore me. Part of it might be my trust issues and the fact that I don’t expect anyone to really care. They just want a soundboard to talk about themselves to. I’m bitter and jaded, I don’t do anything to hide that. I also don’t think I should have to change to adapt to this new “me me me” era where no one cares about the person they’re talking to. I just won’t do it.

Part of me wonders if my imagination and fantasy have ruined me for reality and relationships. I expect to feel something for people, something akin to the love I feel for the characters that I am in love with. I want to feel that and I know I can. I felt it with Lyn...and that might be why I thought she and I were really meant to be together. It was the realest love I’d ever felt in a relationship. My whole life I’ve struggled with having this big, squishy, affectionate heart but there’s this hard outer shell people can’t get around or I can’t push down to let people get around (whether lack of attraction or disinterest or distrust) so I sit here, alone. It’s why I genuinely, since high school, have felt I would end up alone. Lyn and I weren’t so different in that I figured I’d just adopt some kids later on in life, or get pregnant on my own through insemination and just skip the relationship. It does make me a little sad, I want...someone, y’know? I get lonely. I want to feel loved and like someone wants me like I want them and I want to get married and share those experiences. Fantasy life is wonderful and I’ll always have it but I still get in bed alone every night. I can’t even remember my last kiss. And that part bums me out, to think I spent my 20′s pretty much alone and if my 30′s go that way then I really will wind up either alone or alone with kids.

Life’s weird. Part of me is okay with it, I am who I am and while I could totally fake a relationship I don’t want to. I don’t know if I’m waiting for some romantic movie lesbian to come into my life and take my breath and heart away at the same time or if that’s just stupid. If real life doesn’t work that way and I need to fix myself to try and find some...semblance of romance and happiness? I don’t know. I don’t know what’s wrong with me or how to fix it or even if I should. I can’t change how I feel, when interacting with women who are interested in me but I don’t feel anything for any of them. I don’t know who I’m waiting for.

I just hope she finds me.