#i tried to be as nonspecific as possible

[homosexuhauls]

gendercrits with no experience of trans/nonbinary identity, detransition/desistance etc, while perfectly able to make observations on misogyny, homophobia and racism in TQ+ circles...just inherently don't seem to "get" how differing trans and nonbinary communities view gender, and make a lot of damaging assumptions and judgement errors along the way

there's no way to stop this, everyone has their own opinions after all. but it's frustrating to see, as someone who has gone from being a "trans women are women" no-debate neoqueer to being a radfem. and no doubt it's much much worse for detransitioners, bearing the brunt of most of these presumptions

equally though, it's infuriating - as a former member of the queerios club - to see self-identified queers pulling the whole "that never happens" trick. don't bullshit me, kid, i was there, i witnessed it, i experienced it lol. guess the gays can just never win 🤷‍♀️

[ckret2]

It's fic time. The Axolotl tries to persuade Bill to face what happened to his dimension while Bill tries to avoid that literally any way possible.

This is part 8 of a 9 part plot about the Axolotl meeting this friendly harmless innocent little triangle in the wake of the Euclidean Massacre and gradually learning he's literally the worst person ever. If you want to read and/or look at the pretty art on the other parts, here's one, two, three, four, five, six, and seven.

(WARNING in this one for nonspecific but pretty obvious suicidal ideation)

####

The triangle whirled around as a milky white void closed in around him. "Whoa whoa hey! What is this? How'd I get here?"

"Welcome to my office. You're in a time and space outside time and space," the Axolotl said. "Take a seat. I have a very comfortable bean bag chair."

The triangle did not take a seat. He pointed at the Axolotl like an angry arrow. "What did you do! If you don't put me back now—"

"Don't worry. When we leave this space, you will be where and when you were. Think of this like a dream."

Furiously, the triangle burst into a ball of bright blue flame. It reeked of burning hydrogen—the stench of the fabric of reality itself burning away to nothing. But he, himself, didn't burn. What was fueling his flames? "Yeah?! Well, dreams are my business!" A wave of blue flames surged toward the Axolotl.

And dissipated without touching him. The Axolotl's eyes glowed white. "THIS IS MY DREAM, TRIANGLE—NOT YOURS!"

The triangle shrank down. He squeaked, "Got it." He quietly perched one edge on the Axolotl's bean bag chair. He didn't look at the Axolotl. He was staring up around them at the Axolotl's tank.

The Axolotl's eyes dimmed again to black voids. He settled back, trying to look unthreatening now that the triangle wasn't fighting him. "Do you see something?"

The triangle laughed uneasily. "Not aside from a whole lot of white."

"You keep looking up," the Axolotl said.

"Up?" the triangle said, confused; then apparently figured out what the Axolotl meant and snapped his gaze down to meet his again. "I never—haven't been able to see the stars before," he said, trying not to sound self-conscious even as he slowly tinted red again. "I've never seen anything that could block them. Except you."

Except him. The guy who passed the wall every day on his way to work; the eclipse that blocked out the sun once a year. "I'm sorry, I didn't realize." The walls of the tank seemingly dissolved, letting the triangle see the scene beyond: the glittery cotton candy celestial clouds of his home.

"Hey, I wasn't complaining! You're the one who asked." But the triangle had already visibly relaxed. He still wasn't looking at the Axolotl; but now, he was staring around at the unfamiliar new constellations with wonder.

It was the most unguarded the Axolotl had ever seen him. They didn't have much spare time; but the Axolotl couldn't bring himself to interrupt this brief peace.

After a moment, the triangle gestured toward the sky and said, "So, you—call that direction 'up.'"

"Yes?" the Axolotl said. "Is that strange?"

"No! Nooo no no. Just seems like it might be confusing, trying to tell apart north-up from star-up."

How odd. "We don't usually call north 'up'."

"Oh," the triangle said, voice small and sheepish.

"Some planetbound mortals do. But usually only when they're—" Oh. "... looking at maps." The world printed on a paper 2D plane. Like the plane the triangle had come from.

For all his power, his charisma, his bravado—the triangle was still just a lost little refugee from a flat little world. He held a whole universe in his hand, and he didn't even know up from down. It wasn't fair. It wasn't fair to him.

"Listen to me," the Axolotl said. "You're in a lot of trouble. I'm sure you know that."

The triangle scoffed. "Tell me something new."

"How much of our discussion did you hear?"

"Just something about rebuilding the higher dimensions' foundations. Which is exactly what I told you to do! You mind your business, I'll mind mine!"

He suspected the triangle had heard more than that. "It's not that simple. They can't rebuild the foundation until the fires are out. So, as long as your actions keep setting new ones..."

"A-ha. So that's why you're here," the triangle said. "They sent you to intimidate me into letting 'em condemn my dimension."

"No." It was true enough that they had sent the Axolotl to try to talk the triangle down. And yes, he would if he could—he certainly didn't want to see all of reality destroyed—but he wasn't primarily here to help the other gods. "I'm here to help you."

The Axolotl had watched how this triangle puppeted corpses and terrified the barely-living into dancing along to his tune. He had seen the dying and dead melted together into oversized composite corpses at the triangle's party; and he'd seen how the triangle's unhappy victims tumbled down into his hell. He'd seen how blue flames flared around the triangle in his anger, and how his lines of fire warped, melted, and consumed whole universes, and how he burned mortals down to the soul with his mere gaze. He'd felt how all of Dimension Zero moved when the triangle moved.

This triangle, this poor child, was a monster.

The Axolotl wore many faces. He'd been a psychopomp, a god of death. He'd changed roles so he could help the dead he escorted reach better futures—now he was a god of rebirth, a god of second chances, a god of justice.

And in his capacity as a god of justice, he'd proudly defended the villains that no one else would defend. He did not believe in punishment. It was too late to save the villains' victims, and no amount of punishment would ever change that; but it was not too late to save the villains.

He was god of death, god of rebirth, god of second chances, god of justice—and also a god of monsters. And he'd decided this monster was under his protection.

Dubiously, the triangle said, "So they sent you as my legal counsel."

Oh, for— "No. I'm just trying to give you advice."

"Even better—pro bono legal counsel!" 

"You're not my client," the Axolotl said. "But I'll advise you as a friend. I can tell you your options as I see them. We can discuss them if you'd like. You may ask me one question, and no more."

"What? Why—" The triangle caught himself and struggled to rephrase. "That's a—stupid rule—that I want an explanation for!"

"Because I'm the Axolotl."

"What does that have t— I don't know what that has to do with anything!"

"I'm the only one who gets to ax a lotl questions."

The triangle stared at him. He burst out laughing. "I think I hate you!"

The Axolotl gave him a wide, gummy grin.

"St—stop that! It makes you even more ugly, ugh. I thought you were here to give me advice, not bad jokes." The triangle made a show of leaning back as though getting comfortable, although it was clear he was uneasy touching the bean bag chair. "So advise me, pink stuff."

"I preferred 'frills.'" Gently, the Axolotl said, "I think it's in your best interests to give yourself up to the divine authorities."

The triangle laughed in disbelief. "You're kidding. Hey, I heard your pals talking about how they can't fight me without knocking the multiverse down—"

"And once they've put up a fireproof foundation you can't burn your way through, there will no longer be any risk to the multiverse if they come after you."

"Sounds to me like a good reason to make sure they don't get that foundation in place!"

"For you to do enough damage to ensure they can't construct a foundation, you'd probably knock the multiverse down yourself," the Axolotl said. "And if that's the case, they'll have nothing to lose by trying to stop you anyway, and everything to lose by not trying."

The belligerence leeched out of the triangle's face by the word. "Oh. Yeah. I guess that's... yeah," he said.  "Okay." His expression was faraway for a moment, as he tried to wrap his mind around the magnitude of the situation. "Okay. That's okay, it's fine, it's fine." Could he feel the walls closing in on him? Did he see the stars being blocked out? "I've... got a way out of this."

"What?"

He didn't meet the Axolotl's gaze. He pulled off his hat to worry at it in his hands. "I have a way."

Bluffing. Or wishful thinking. "No. This is trouble you can't get out of. There's no greater crime against reality than the destruction of an entire dimension," the Axolotl said. "Right now, the gods think you're an active, divine threat to all of existence. That's what this is about. They're not after you because you broke a couple of rules—they're afraid of you." (The triangle lit up at that. Not quite the reaction the Axolotl had been going for, but at least he had his attention.) "And that means they won't stop until they're sure you're no longer a threat. As long as they're pursuing you, your best case scenario is getting buried alive beneath the multiverse's foundation where they can forget about you until your dream realm unravels."

"So what g—I don't see what good giving myself up would do! My best move is putting off the inevitable as long as possible! Just let 'em try to bury me!"

"But it's not inevitable," the Axolotl said. "They fear you as a divine threat. If you prove you're neither divine nor a threat—"

"No."

"Mortals can't be charged the same way as gods can. If we convince the court that you didn't have your current powers at the time of the inferno—"

"I don't know why you're so convinced I didn't have powers at the time!"

"I'm not. That doesn't mean I can't convince a judge," the Axolotl said, which surprised the triangle enough that he actually shut up for a moment. "If you're charged as a god, you face eternal imprisonment or oblivion. If you're charged as a mortal, you'll be sentenced to a regular afterlife. If you give up your power—I'm not sure where yours come from, but there are ways it can be done—" (the triangle was already raising a finger to protest) "—and it can be temporary! But if you don't have divine power when you're taken in, it will be that much easier to convince the judge that you didn't have any when your wall burned. On top of that, if you surrender yourself willingly and admit that destroying Dimension 2 Delta was an accident, that alone can knock off half your charges."

"Next you'll ask me to give up my eye! No!" He was clenching his fist around his hat so tightly that it shook; but that was the only sign of anxiety he betrayed. His gaze was as intense as the stare of a sun. "I told you: me, my power, and my people are a package deal. We stay together. We're staying right here. I don't care how much it inconveniences you."

"It's not about how much it inconveniences us," the Axolotl said. "I'm here for you—you and your people."

"They don't need you or any of your stupid 'gods.' I can take care of them!"

"Then take care of them," the Axolotl said. "You understand that, no matter how this ends, your dream realm will be destroyed and you'll have to leave or perish—don't you?"

"No." That stubborn little glitter fleck. "I can patch up this dump and repair the wall by myself. Once the wall's back, you don't have to worry about your stupid multiverse destabilizing, right?! I'll stabilize my realm before you get your stupid impenetrable foundation in place! Maybe I'll put a roof on top of it that you can't get through!"

"You haven't done it yet! What do you think you can do that you haven't already done?"

"You don't need to know," the triangle snarled.

He had to be mad, bluffing, or in denial. But he didn't look it—eye narrowed in determination, flames smoldering around his edges, fist clenched around his hat—

And then it clicked.

He hadn't said he would replace his wall. He said he'd repair it. 

The Time Giant had said there was no way the little speck of matter that the triangle kept in his hat could be all the matter from his universe; no mortal could handle it without its gravity crushing them, nor would they have the energy to move it.

But she'd also said that gravity was turned off in Dimension Zero. And the triangle had proven he did have the power to move an entire universe—so why should a universe the size of a grain of sand be any more difficult?

And anyway—what did restrictions like that mean in a place where dreams and reality overlap?

"The Time Giant was wrong, wasn't she," the Axolotl said. "You don't have a dark matter problem. You're carrying around the rubble of your universe. All of it. All the matter she sensed but couldn't find."

The triangle gave him a resentful look; but then sighed in defeat. He loosened his fist, reached into his hat, and plucked up the speck of what remained of his universe. The black pinprick of white light. "You're not as dumb as you look," he said wryly. "Yep. The whole thing's right here—all but a city or two. I figured out how to catch it pretty fast."

Catch it? "What... happened to your dimension?"

A faint uneasiness itched at the back of his mind; a sound, right at the edge of his hearing, that he couldn't quite identify but knew shouldn't be here.

"It doesn't matter," the triangle said. "It's about to un-happen."

"You're thinking about setting off a big bang, aren't you?"

The triangle said nothing. He just rolled his universe between his thumb and forefinger contemplatively. 

"You are," the Axolotl said. "You want to replace your universe."

Coolly, the triangle said, "You're sounding kinda scared, frills."

"I am," the Axolotl admitted. "Of all your options, that's the most dangerous thing you could possibly do."

"Hey, the dangerous choices have turned out pretty well for me so far!"

The Axolotl really didn't think they had. "You know you can't get your old universe back, don't you? It will only make a new universe."

The triangle didn't say anything—but he went still, holding the tiny glowing pearl between his fingers rather than rolling it back and forth.

"It will have similar physical properties—it will be 2D, gravity and light will probably work the same way, all the laws of physics will be what you expect... but it will be a new universe. New stars and worlds will form. New species will evolve. Your people will never return."

The triangle squeezed the pearl in his hand. "You don't know that," he said harshly. "Everything that ever existed is right in here." He shook his fist at the Axolotl. He could see the light shining out between the triangle's fingers. "It has to have some sort of memory! There's gotta be traces of it left in there!"

"It can't remember. It doesn't have a soul to remember with."

"I'm a soul!" The triangle pointed at himself with a hundred arms. "Me! I remember! The whole dimension remembers!"

There was the hiss. The ever-present hiss that the Axolotl heard any time he was inside Dimension Zero, the static in the speakers, the last gasp of a dying big bang, the whisper murmur scream battering against the walls. Fear shivered up his spine. How was it audible from within his tank?

He tried to push down his fear. "You're not the whole dimension."

The triangle laughed. It was a chilling sound.

"Just—consider how much more you'd lose if it doesn't work the way you want it to. What will you do if you can't fix your dimension?"

"I can," he said. "If I can't fix it, no one can."

Why did he think he was more capable than gods who'd maintained the multiverse for trillions of years? "What if you're wrong?"

"I will fix it," the triangle said stubbornly.

"TELL ME WHAT YOU'LL DO IF YOU CAN'T FIX IT!"

The triangle literally shrank back, growing smaller as he sank into the Axolotl's beanbag. "Keep doing what I'm doing now! Partying!" He let out a half hysterical giggle. "I'll party til I die!"

"Set off a big bang in an unstable pseudo-dimension, and you will die! The kind of death no one comes back from!"

"Great!"

They both froze. Neither one of them had expected him to say that.

"Kidding," the triangle croaked. "I just—I just—I'm trying to get under your skin, pinky, that's all. Is it working? Don't answer that, that wasn't my question, that was—rhetorical. I'm assuming that stuff you've got is skin, anyway." The prattle was hollow and meaningless. "The point is, I'm the dream realm's eternal party host, and I'm not stopping this party for anything, no matter what you say, and—and that's it. That's all there is to it!"

He must have witnessed so many horrors, in so little time—his universe incinerating, his people dying, Dimension Zero constantly collapsing even as he attempted to prop it up, the dimensions above him twisting and warping as their people fell into his nightmarish realm...

The Axolotl slowly flew closer to the triangle.

"Oh, come on— don't," the triangle whined. "Whatever little speech you're about to make, don't, I don't wanna hear it—"

Gently, the Axolotl said, "I know you've lost your home."

The word "home" struck a note with the triangle. He didn't flinch, his expression didn't change; but he went still. He looked down at the compacted ruin of what used to be his whole universe.

"But it's not too late for you to find a new home," the Axolotl said. "You can still move on and rebuild. There's a future for you. If you come out, I'll help you navigate the afterlife system. If you're stuck in this dimension, we'll find a way to free you."

The triangle's face darkened.

"You can be reincarnated, or resurrected, or—just set free to be an energy being if you want. You can settle down in a neighboring dimension, join a new people—"

"No. I'm not about to be a couch surfer in someone else's universe." He glowered up at the Axolotl. "Those people will join me. Everyone can either join me, or—or get out of my way! I finally made my kingdom, I'm not giving up my crown now!"

"If you keep your crown, you'll kill your kingdom! You know that if you stay here you'll destroy everything, I know you know it!"

"It's the best option I have! Better than your plan, anyway! Surrender to the cops and let my world fall apart?" He laughed harshly. "No way, Buster! I told my people I'd liberate them from our flat, oppressive little world and take them to a party paradise, and that's exactly what I'm gonna make for them!" He held out his little pearl of a universe again, the paradise-to-be.

Before, he'd said that the dream realm was his paradise. He'd also said that he'd remake his destroyed universe exactly as it had been. How could the "oppressive" world they'd left be their paradise? Nevermind the fact that none of "his people" were from his world. Which of the stories he'd invented was the truth? Which did the triangle think was the truth? Did he even know?

"If all of this is for your people—would you risk them? If trying to build a paradise kills the very people you made it for—"

"They'd never know."

The Axolotl's blood ran cold. It took a moment for him to find his voice. "What?"

"I can keep the party going until the end. They'd never find out what's coming. If the dream realm collapses, it'll be too fast for them to tell what's happening," the triangle said. "In their final moments, they'll still remember me as a hero."

The Axolotl hadn't realized until that moment just how cold the triangle's expression was.

His mind flashed to seeing VENDOR earlier that day, hustling the Apocalyptic Threat Task Force to clean up this mess faster because THEY didn't want the journalists to claim THEY had mishandled the situation during an election season.

Was that all the triangle was?

Another politician more concerned with how his constituents saw him than with what he could do for them?

"But," the Axolotl said weakly, "I've watched how you rescue the mortals from the fires. I've seen how you're struggling to keep this dimension from collapsing on them. I've seen how much you're suffering. You're running yourself ragged to protect them. You want so badly for them to be safe."

The triangle seemed to brighten at the Axolotl's words, as though he was soaking in the high praise. "Well, sure! And they love me for it! Would any god do less for his worshipers? Would you?" His voice took on a bitter tone. "But I don't know of any god who'd stick his corner out for a nonbeliever—and that's what they'll be if I don't deliver on the paradise I promised. I take my party hosting seriously. I'll give them their paradise if it kills me. Or them. Or everyone, if that's what it takes."

He was no hero. He never had been. He didn't care about the countless souls he'd collected, only their worship.

He didn't want his people to be safe; he just wanted to be his people's savior.

If I can't fix it, no one can. The triangle hadn't meant no one else was able to. He'd meant no one else was allowed to. He'd rather die than let someone else fix his mistakes.

And he would. This was a mass suicide.

No. Worse than that—it was a mass murder-suicide.

"You already lost your world once," the Axolotl said desperately, "don't you remember what that was like?"

The triangle flinched back like the Axolotl had slapped him. The tank rumbled around them; the hissing whispers grew louder. "That's... none of your business! Stop talking about my world, you don't know the first thing about it—"

"I know how much you must miss it. I know how deeply losing your people must hurt." It must have hurt, why would he have clung to what was left of his world if it didn't, why would he be so determined to rebuild it exactly as it had been?

"My—my people are fine." His voice was choked. He squeezed his eye shut. "They're... all out at the party. Waiting for me. Don't talk about—"

"The people at the party are shapes you kidnapped from other dimensions." He was so stubbornly loyal to his chosen delusions. "Your people are dead. You know they are!"

"No!"

His scream was answered by howls outside the Axolotl's tank. Through the static, the Axolotl could pick up a sound repeated over and over. A word. Murderer, murderer, murderer.

"No! They aren't dead! I saved them!" He curled in on himself, hands pressed to his sides like it could block out the sounds. "I liberated them from their shallow lives! I gave them their freedom—"

"Then give them their freedom now!"

The triangle's breath hitched.

"If you want to die, you can die. There are ways to break a soul. I can help. But do it alone," the Axolotl pled. "I know you care about these people!" He had to believe it, he had to believe it, he had to. In spite of the evidence to the contrary, he had to. "If you won't let us help you, at least let us help them go home. Please. You need to let them go."

He clenched his tiny hands into fists; he looked so pained the Axolotl thought he might shatter.

In another timeline, a better timeline, he whispered, "How?" The word he should have said echoed around them, blending into the static whispers. It would be so easy to say.

But in this timeline, he asked, "You're some kind of lawyer or something, right?"

The Axolotl paused uneasily. "By... way of metaphor," he said. "We have trials and courts, but not the way mortals understand—"

"There are no laws in my kingdom," the king growled. "Get out of here. Now."

"But—"

"I said OUT!"

A force crashed into the time and space between time and space, shattering the Axolotl's tank, the glittery cotton candy nebulas' pinks and blues disrupted by a twisted geyser of colors—raw frothing stuff somewhere between matter and energy—and it flung the Axolotl away from the triangle like a wave flinging a fish from the ocean. The anxious background static whispers grew to a buzzing roar, 1000 decibel white noise. He spun dizzily through the cosmic miasma.

The first time he'd come in here—the first time the triangle had chased him out—he'd felt instinctively that he'd been in danger. He'd felt flames licking at his heels.

He knew now that that had been a mere warning.

"I might be in your dream, but your dream is in MY dream realm!" The triangle seemed to get larger without his size changing. Maybe it was the universe around him that was contracting. "And you've overstayed your welcome, Axolotl!"

The Axolotl had tumbled into the nightmarish eternal dance party. Shrieking overlapping music drowned out the buzzing whispers. Thousands of eyes stared at him in horror and thousands of voices gasped in disgust; and he realized that as many times as he'd seen them, he had never been in their two-dimensional field of view.

For all the thousands that stared at him, millions of corpses never stopped dancing.

One last time, the Axolotl turned to the triangle and pled, "Just give the hostages the option to leave if they want!"

"My people aren't hostages!"

"Then give them a choice!" He could feel dead hands grabbing at his skin and fins. He wasn't sure if they were trying to restrain him for their Magister Mentium, or cling to him for escape. He wasn't even sure whether they were the dead who still had their own souls, or the triangle's corpse puppets. "Anyone who wants to stay with you can!"

"Shut up!" The triangle boomed louder and louder and he grew larger and larger, until his voice and his eye seemed to fill the universe. He was shuddering with rage (with regret?)—it threatened to shake him apart, and the universe with him. "All of this is your fault! I'm—sick because of you!" In another reality he said insane; but the realities where he didn't closed up around the word and crushed it into silence. "You made me like this! You infected me!"

"With what?" He'd only spoken to the triangle once before today. He hadn't even entered his dimension.

"This—idea!" He didn't say what idea, not in this reality; but the words echoed in from another reality where he did. He screamed to drown the echoes out. "I was fine until I met you and you ruined everything!" Regret spilled out of his eye so thick it was almost palpable, energy like a river. It threatened to fill the interdimensional in-between space and drown them all. The Axolotl could taste the idea that had poisoned the triangle: the idea that everyone mattered. That everyone was worthy of a god's attention. And now, everyone was gone.

Bewildered, the Axolotl said, "You're not 'sick' to think that. It's the sanest idea you could have—"

"Get out!" The shriek echoed through infinity. "Get out! The dream realm is my domain and I am its king! I told you last time, I won't let you threaten my people!"

"I would never—"

"GET OUT!" Blue flames exploded out of the triangle; some of his nearest prisoners were incinerated as easily as tissue paper.

The Axolotl tried to shield himself; the flames consumed one of his forelegs and ate away at his dorsal fin.

He tore himself free of the desperate grasping shapes and swam from the triangle as fast as he could.

The triangle chased him; and, to the Axolotl's despair, as the center of Dimension Zero followed the triangle, the edge of reality pulled ever further away.

His flames licked at the Axolotl's tail, consuming the fin; he swam slower and slower.

As the triangle pursued the Axolotl, his attacks further destabilized the volatile dimension; wormholes formed where the fabric of reality folded and bunched in on itself and was pierced through. Light shot through the holes like a million disembodied sunbeams. 

He saw one that led straight to the edge of Dimension Zero. He wriggled through.

"Where did you—?! HEY!" The dimension whirled dizzyingly as the triangle refocused on his evasive prey. "You think you can get away from me in my own realm?" 

"Do you want me to get out or not?!"

"I want you DEAD!"

The Axolotl shouldn't have asked.

With a roar, the triangle clawed at him. A thick, sucking wave of gravity as dense as a black hole tore through the unstable miasma toward him. The triangle laughed sadistically.

With one last surge of energy, he paddled his tail hard enough to outpace the triangle and burst free of the dimension.

The ragged edges of Dimension Zero ripped further under the triangle's attack, but it dissipated in the third dimension.

The Axolotl sighed in relief—then flinched when the triangle crashed into the invisible barrier holding the cosmic foam in the space-between-space where Dimension Zero should have been. Like a piece of glitter sticking to a bubble, if glitter sticking to a bubble were the most violent force in the universe. "Get back here! I'll skin your freakish hide and make a tent outta it—!" He strained toward the Axolotl, threatening to drag the bubble along with him, like a particularly determined sled dog trying to pull a trailer home.

The Axolotl hastily backed out of range as nauseating plumes of color stretched outside their bounds again. Blue fire danced over the thin membrane between dimensions like a burning oil spill on an ocean. The plumes twisted into shapes almost like arms, hundreds of them, reaching toward him—

And froze. The triangle was staring past the Axolotl.

The Axolotl turned to look.

It was the most sublimely awful sight he'd ever seen. An impenetrable wall made up of gods, angels, sentient forces of nature—there were things here so transcendentally powerful that the Axolotl couldn't even see them; he only knew they were present by the perimeters of the space he couldn't bring his eyes to gaze upon and the terrifying awe he felt when he tried.

They were all armed.

All their weapons were pointed at the triangle.

Apparently, the ATTF had called in reinforcements.

A god that looked like a hologram projection, the light of its projector shining down on it from a higher dimension like a halo, thundered, "ADVANCE ANY FURTHER INTO REALITY, AND WE WILL BE FORCED TO SUBDUE YOU."

"You can't afford to!" the triangle crowed. "You'll knock your own universes down!"

"NOT ANYMORE."

The triangle's eye widened. The thousand arms of raw reality seized the jagged edges of the dimensions bordering the hole left when Dimension 2 Delta burned down, trying to crush them—and nothing happened. He slammed Dimension Zero against the bordering dimension, trying to crack open a larger opening, and then trying to simply shove the bordering dimensions aside—and nothing happened. Dimension Zero burned; but the surrounding first and second dimensions remained still. There was no creak and crack of snapping lines and shattering planes as the triangle tried to squeeze his bloated universe free. There was no glowing line of fire on the distant horizon.

The neighboring dimensions burned and blackened under the thousand hands; but they didn't dissolve to ash. The cinders got caught between the layers together as the dimensions splintered into layers, then multiplied—splintered and multiplied—splintered and multiplied—thicker and denser and harder—

Parallel universes. Every time the triangle touched them, they split into more timelines, reinforcing themselves. The Time Giant already reformatted the universes most closely adjacent to Dimension Zero. Not every universe—but just enough to form a cage.

The triangle gave up with a grunt of pain. He laughed in disbelief—and then anger. "You were the distraction?"

"No! I was supposed to talk you into cooperating with building the fireproof foundation! We agreed to only call in reinforcements if I couldn't persuade you!" He looked around for the Time Giant, but couldn't find her—nor any of the other gods he'd spoken to while dealing with this mess. Everyone, apparently, had been cleared out of the vicinity to make way for the god militia.

The only civilian left on the 3D side of the missing wall was the Axolotl—once again, stuck in the middle of a situation he had no business being involved in.

The triangle's eye widened further, further, white hot with fury. "Nothing's ever your fault, is it, frills?! Every time you ruin my life, it's all a big misunderstanding! You just keep talking your way out of trouble!" His eye opened wider and wider still. His eyelid unhinged. His mandibles split open and at the back of his eye socket was an infinitely dark esophagus. Sprouting in a ring around the triangle's eye like the petals of a grisly flower, piercing the membrane between the zeroth dimension and the third, were millions and millions of—

—teeth. Teeth longer than the spaces between stars and sharp enough to split an atom.

The Axolotl only barely managed to paddle back out of their range before they snapped at where he had been. A couple of the higher gods caught him, holding his sides protectively. His skin sizzled with holy electricity.

The god militia drew back from the gnashing fangs, then readied their own weapons: spears, guns, swords, a wider array of divine and holy weaponry than the Axolotl had ever seen. The projection leading the militia called, "DON'T LET HIM MAKE IT PAST THE FIREPROOF BARRIER."

"Afraid I'll start breaking things again?" The fangs snapped tauntingly. "Hey—how fast do you think I can find the load-bearing dimensions?"

The Axolotl shook off the gods and swam back toward Dimension Zero. "Stop!"

"HOLD FIRE!" The projected god commanded, "OUT OF THE WAY, AXOLOTL. THE MULTIVERSE'S SAFETY IS WORTH MORE THAN YOUR LIFE."

He knew it was. The leader of the militia was so powerful that resisting a direct order made the Axolotl dizzy—but he did resist. He shouted at the triangle, "You can't fight off every god in the multiverse! This is suicide!" He realized too late that that probably wasn't as discouraging as he'd intended it to be.

"So what?! There's no way for me to win! Get executed for god crimes or get erased when the dimension collapses—"

"Those aren't your only choices!" The Axolotl could see the fangs slowly, slowly curling up in his peripheral vision, and pretended he didn't. "It's not too late for you to stand down—!"

"I can't!" A wave of fire blazed up the teeth of the Dream Realm. He held up a fist, and it was far too small for any of the gods, so mighty and large, to see what he held; but the Axolotl knew. "If I don't get a happy ending, why shouldn't I burn the rest of you down with me?! At least I'll accomplish one thing before I go!" His hand began glowing as energy began gathering around the tiny seed of a big bang.

"Do you want your worshipers to remember you as a monster in their last moments?!"

"Better a monster than a LOSER!" His laugh was a strained subsonic roar. "Are fame and infamy really that different?! At least they'll be thinking about me at the end!"

"It would make you a terrible party host!"

The Axolotl didn't know what had possessed him to say that. Apparently the triangle didn't know what to make of it either, because he froze, giving the Axolotl a wide-eyed blank stare.

But it worked. He snapped out of his rage. The light gathering around the remains of Dimension 2 Delta went dark. For a moment, he was frozen, giving the Axolotl a wide-eyed blank stare; and then he laughed again, just as strained, much weaker. The borders of Dimension Zero shuddered with his laughter. "Fair enough!" The appendages stretching out into the third dimension lost definition. "Fair enough." He glowered tiredly at the god militia—but raised his hands in surrender. Both his palms were empty.

The trembling fangs dissolved as they retracted. The whole paradoxical mass sagged sluggishly back into the crawlspace underneath reality.

One by one, the god militia slowly lowered their weapons.

The Axolotl's heart was still hammering in his chest; and only then did it register that he'd nearly been eaten by an entire dimension.

Where had his power come from? How had the triangle done all this—made his whole dimension vanish without a trace, shoved an entire plane inside a point, gained complete control over it all...

He really did have complete control over the entire universe that had formed inside Dimension Zero—didn't he?

And to control an entire universe, he needed to have an entire universe's worth of energy.

Dimension 2 Delta had been an entire universe. And now—all of its energy was in Dimension Zero.

With the triangle.

As he watched the triangle wincing in pain as the Dream Realm sank back into place, as though the triangle could feel the way the edges of the neighboring dimensions dug into the frothing chaos, the Axolotl whispered, "Oh, no. What have you done?"

His power had come from his own universe. He had devoured it. He'd made it part of him.

All that energy wasn't stored inside the triangle's body—but the Axolotl had been wrong to think that the triangle was the body in the first place. The triangle was only the face: the eye, the mouth, the mind. The part of the Dream Realm that could speak.

The Dream Realm was the anglerfish—and the triangle was its pretty golden glowing lure. They were all one monster.

The triangle was slumped in defeat, but still he shot the Axolotl a tired glare. The hissing static whispers rose up around him again, spilling out of the Dream Realm. (The whispers, too, were a part of the triangle.) "Who are you to judge," he muttered. "You weren't there."

No, he wasn't. He'd gotten here too late.

Behind the Axolotl, the god projection said curtly, "APPREHEND THE TRIANGLE WHILE HE'S COMPLIANT."

The Axolotl whirled around, eyes glowing with rage. "YOU HAVE NO RIGHT!" The gods who had started moving toward Dimension Zero froze again.

"HE'S A THREAT TO THE MULTIVERSE!"

"He stood down!" 

"HE'S PROVEN WILLING TO DESTROY REALITY. HE COULD EASILY CHOOSE TO AGAIN." The higher dimensional projector turned to project straight at the Axolotl, dazzling him even through his shut eyes, shining straight into his brain. "STAND. ASIDE."

"No." The Axolotl tensed his muscles against the compulsion to obey. "He was a threat to the multiverse. Once the last walls are closed over the crawlspace, he won't be anymore. If he doesn't make a move between now and then, you have no grounds to pursue him." It was a little easier the second time to resist the higher god's command. "So if you do follow him out of the third dimension to capture him, you're trespassing in a new god's sovereign territory to make an illegal arrest outside your jurisdiction!"

"HE'S MASSACRED TEN DIMENSIONS AND TRIED TO DESTROY MORE. THERE ISN'T A COURT IN REALITY THAT WOULD CONSIDER PURSUING HIM UNJUSTIFIED."

"I know a few."

"YOU'RE DEFENDING A DIVINE MENACE. WHO THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?"

He quietly kissed his career prospects goodbye as he watched himself do the stupidest thing he'd ever done. "I'm the Axolotl," said the Axolotl, "and I'm his lawyer!"

####

(Thanks for reading!! If the art lured you in and this is the first chapter you read, this is part 8 of a 9 part fic about the Axolotl in the immediate aftermath of the Euclidean Massacre. I'll be posting the last chapter next week, Fridays 5pm CST, so stick around if you wanna watch the Axolotl deal with having gotten his heart broken by this sweet little triangle who actually isn't sweet.

It's ALSO chapter 68 of an ongoing post-canon post-TBOB very-reluctantly-human Bill fic. So if you wanna read more of me writing Bill, check it out. If you're not sold on the idea of a human Bill fic, I've also got a one-shot about normal triangle Bill escaping the Theraprism if you wanna read that.

If this is NOT your first time here and you already knew all of the above: this was The Big One, gang. And now I expect for the next several months I'm gonna get comments from y'all rereading earlier chapters going HOLD ON WAS THIS LINE FORESHADOWING THAT LITERALLY THE ENTIRE NIGHTMARE REALM IS PART OF BILL? And the answer is: yes. yes it was. Looking forward to hearing y'all's thoughts!! 💕

also this was THE absolute hardest chapter to write, goddamn.)

[cripplecharacters]

What are some disabilities you've never or extremely rarely seen represented? As in no one's tried at all as far as you know, not just trying badly - people are at least aware wheelchairs are a thing.

Hi! Interesting question, since there's quite a lot of these (and a million of ones that I only saw done badly).

For the sake of my sanity: I will not include disabilities that I only saw represented as a one-time curiosity on a medical show because I don't feel like this counts for anything to be honest (and because some of these shows have 27 seasons and covered literally all existing conditions with 5 minutes of screentime each). Other than that, these are all disabilities I have never seen in any published media, and the vast majority of these I have not seen mentioned even in the online spaces focused on writing disabled characters (including places like our inbox).

One of my own facial differences. I don't know a single character with a permanent cranial nerve disease. Which is kinda wild to me because facial nerve palsy is really common in real life. I'd like to see someone with permanent paralysis on their face, regardless of how similar or dissimilar it is to what I have going on.

Profound intellectual disability, as in the kind where the person actually needs 24/7 care and requires help with all activities of daily living. All the intellectually disabled characters I've seen have been on the milder side - which does make sense considering the vast majority of people with ID are mildly and moderately affected, but I'd still like to see some more variety.

Spinal muscular atrophy. To be honest I was 100% sure I was missing some obvious character from some bigger piece of media because there was just no way there was none, but I wasn't able to find anything. So as far as I can think of right now, I have never seen it represented. It'd be cool to see characters with SMA of all the different types.

In a similar vein, most muscular dystrophies. Pretty much all the "characters" with them are just real people playing themselves, so I personally don't really count it (?). But even then it's basically impossible to find anything representing MDs other than Duchenne and maybe Becker.

In an also similar vein, just severe disabilities in general. Writers are allergic to the idea of making a character who has significant limitations and needs a lot of help to perform daily functions. Sometimes it's the age-old argument that the character "can't fight so what's the point" that I see online with some frequency (as if there aren't other things to do in an action series), sometimes the writer is just too ableist to consider thinking of severely disabled people as people so it doesn't cross their mind that writing a living human being who needs help with eating is a possibility.

Pretty much all characters that I know of with high-needs autism, high cervical SCIs (from C"0" to C4), severe brain damage, severe muscular dystrophies (as mentioned), severe/profound intellectual disability (as mentioned...), non-mild SMA (...as mentioned...), locked-in syndrome, ALS, they mostly don't exist; sometimes they do and die/are murdered because of the "death>being disabled" sentiment. Disabled lives are worth living and this absolutely needs to be represented more ASAP.

Most autoimmune conditions. I'm blaming it on the fact that 99% of characters that could be seen as having them just have Vague Unidentified Something that makes them Vaguely Weak. I have never heard of a character with Graves' disease or Addison's, named or at least implied enough to reasonably assume that's what the author meant. For the most part all that's out here is just Vaguely fragile characters who are Vaguely staying in hospitals and getting Vague treatments. It could be meant as representation for anything but represents nothing because it's all empty and nonspecific (I'm NOT talking about undiagnosed characters here, diagnosis or not there are still symptoms one can actually show in the story).

Some conditions are more difficult to show than others, but it doesn't change that it'd be cool to see more of them and for them to actually get named. Especially in modern settings where these conditions very much have names that can be said (even in passing) and specific symptoms that can be shown in literally any setting.

Ehlers Danlos syndrome that's not the hypermobile type. Sun Spider has hEDS and she's cool as hell but other EDS types are just completely forgotten to the point that unspecified EDS is presumed to be hEDS. There's nothing here for the classical or vascular types, let alone the ones described as rare (you don't even see pEDS or kEDS mentioned on a lot of EDS info guides).

This kind of "single type of condition with multiple types makes up 100% of existing representation" is really common for a lot of disabilities, actually. Have I seen "representation" and representation of oculocutaneous albinism? Yeah in like every other bad fantasy series. Have I ever heard of ocular albinism being included in media? Chédiak–Higashi syndrome? Hermansky-Pudlak? All the other ones that no one's ever talking about? Absolutely not. Even in the online writing space, all I have seen is a single character with one of these (actually made by one of the other mods of this blog).

You are very much correct in that people know about wheelchairs. However, a wheelchair can have a lot of variables that people are very much not aware of.

99% of wheelchair user characters use either a manual chair or a transport chair. This leaves out the borderline-mystical motorized wheelchairs. Right now I can think of one character who uses a modern-day, realistic powerchair; Saraqael from Good Omens. That's it.

People are still more or less aware of their existence though, even if it's just the "oh, like Stephen Hawking?" angle. But do they know of chin control? Sip 'n' puffs? Foot joysticks? Lever drives for the manual ones? No. Manual-shaped low backrest powerchairs are mostly out of the picture, wheelchairs modified to be propelled by foot are literally seen as a meme. Wheelchairs, despite being the disability symbol, don't have as much awareness as one would like to think.

List of disability aids I've never seen shown anywhere: posterior walkers; ankle-foot orthoses (I saw a KAFO once!); group 3 powerchairs with all their neat functions; platform crutches; refreshable braille displays; adaptive strollers; basically any of the aids made to help with holding objects... These are whole groups of things that don't get shown. Don't get me started on how non-oral communication systems are non-existent outside of American Sign Language.

A lot of the facial differences mentioned in this post.

Also, I don't really take into account how rare or how common these disabilities/aids are because 99% of writers aren't doing it either. There are more characters with ridiculously depicted congenital insensitivity to pain (is there a single writer out there who read about the symptoms outside the name of it?) which is obviously rare (and with high mortality) than ones with diabetes, which ~10% of humans worldwide have... There is roughly 0 correlation between the prevalence of a disability IRL vs in media.

The unfortunate issue of writing characters with a rarely represented/straight up never represented disability is that there will be less information about media tropes and the like, so you might need to be extra careful and talk to more people (or just get a sensitivity reader). When in doubt try to reach out to people with said disability and compensate them for their time!

mod Sasza

Thank you for your ask! I’m going to try to mention things Sasza hasn’t, though the list isn’t going to be incomplete since there are so many disabilities I’ve known people with but have never seen represented in any form (movies, shows, books, or podcasts).

Marie charcot tooth disease. I know multiple people with it but have never seen a character with it, or even any character with AFO braces (I feel like I’ve seen most mobility aids at least once but never has media even mentioned AFO braces?).

Diabetes, type 1 or 2. For all people talk about it in media (and usually negatively..) they never give it to their characters! Meanwhile it’s possibly the most common disability the people I know have.

More chromosome difference! There are so many chromosome syndromes, Turners, Williams, Cri du chat, Trisomy 13 or 18, and more. When I see a chromosome disorder portrayed it’s always down syndrome (note: I’m not saying don’t give your characters ds! It’s underrepresented in media still, but it’s also the only chromosome syndrome I’ve seen represented.), and even then most of the time it seems like little to no research has been done on it.

COPD (chronic obstructive pulmonary disease). It’s a fairly common disability that (9-10% of the population has it, aka roughly 780 million people!) should be portrayed more, and the fact that it’s completely ignored when people make speculative fiction, sci-fi, or post apocalyptic fiction about a more polluted world seems like an oversight to me (though please don’t only write people with COPD in these stories, they can be present in any genre!)

Congenital hand/arm differences [also foot/leg differences, but characters rarely take off their shoes]. Radial club hand, cleft hand, contractures, oro-facial-digital syndrome (OFD), congenital constriction band syndrome, anything!

Ambulatory mobility aid users. If someone is a show is using a mobility aid [which is already pretty rare] they’re using the same aid at all times. There’s no representation for people who use aids at different times for different reasons [such as fluctuating symptoms, depending on the path/time spent outside, safety, comfort, etc.] Every time I’ve seen a disabled character moving without the aid they previously had, it’s used as a reveal that they were faking the whole time, which directly impacts how abled people see ambulatory aid users in the real world.

Ostonomy bags and/or catheters. I feel like if people saw more characters with these, there would be much less stigma around them [I also recently saw a tiktok of a person who made decorative ostonomy bag covers for a friend to match their outfits, and decorating aids is so cool I want to see way more of that!].

Actually on that note, more aids in general! There are so many disability aids such as feeding tubes, ventricular assist devices, tracheostomy tubes, silver ring splints, I really want to see them more!

I hope this helps with your question! In truth the answer would be “almost every disability” since it tends to be a handful that get represented with little to no research about them.

Mod Rot

Hello,

Acute confusional migraines. These are a severe type of migraine that come with delirium-like changes in mental status. Most ACM patients are children who grow out of it, but some people either continued having them into adulthood or started getting them in adulthood, like me.

TBI that occurred when the character was very young, to the point where they either don't remember their life before it or barely remember it. It's a very different experience

Chronic headaches. Not chronic migraines, chronic normal headaches.

Vocal slur that's not from substances or a temporary head injury, that's just how the character always talks.

Myofascial pain syndrome, which is kind of like fibromyalgia's little sibling.

Bilateral waddling gait.

Global aphasia, which is a severe nonfluent aphasia that causes the loss of all or nearly all of someone's language abilities, both expressive and receptive. Here's the Wikipedia page on it

Psoriasis

Mod Aaron

Hi,

Obviously so many things have already been mentioned so I'm just adding a couple things I thought of:

Like any heart/cardiovascular condition that isn't "girl with an unspecified weak heart." And, listen, my favorite ballet has this trope – but the ballet's defense is that it was written in 1842, before we knew literally anything about any heart conditions. Modern-day media doesn't really have this defense.

On that line, pacemakers. Lots of people use pacemakers, and not just old people either.

Crohn's disease. It's not a particularly rare condition, but I have never seen a character mentioned to have it, or even a mention of it past a line or two on a medical TV show.

Narcolepsy. It's rare, yes, but not extremely so. And narcolepsy not as a "haha so funny they fall asleep," because it's not a joke, it's a health issue that can be really stressful and frustrating.

That's all I can think of right now without repeating myself.

Mod sparrow

Adding on a few of my own!

With all the jokes in media about going gluten-free as a fad or an example of being stuffy, I've never seen a character with Celiac disease or complications from it.

Adding to that - vitamin deficiencies are very common side effects of so many disorders and never seem represented, the most common being iron deficient anemia and B12 and vitamin D being other common ones.

Food allergies or severe allergies are another thing that's become a joke but is both difficult to accommodate for and more common than many people realize.

-Mod Bert

Hello!

I think everyone else covered most of it. One thing I want to add is digestive conditions or conditions that affect the digestive system in some way. They're very common but not really represented and there's a lot of stigma around them.

The way they're written doesn't have to focus on their washroom habits either. It could focus more on necessary diet changes, medication they need to take, etc.

When I say this, the conditions that come to mind are things like Irritable Bowel Syndrome (IBS), Crohn's Disease (Which was mentioned earlier), Celiac Disease (Also mentioned earlier), Lactose Intolerance as well as some lesser known conditions such as Hirschprung's Disease and Achalasia.

Cheers!

~ Mod Icarus

[barrenclan]

How do you decide on motifs? Like sleep being associated with death, roses being associated with death? And how did you go about assigning each motif to a character (especially more character specific ones)? Like I get that Rainhaze was seen as a coyote in omens because of his association with Ranger, but why is Nightberry associated with visions, why is Cootstorm associated with never changing, conservative ideals?

Here's a good way to think about this: PATFW is not coming out of nowhere. Seems obvious, right? But every decision made is one that I had to intentionally choose, with a goal in mind for what I wanted to do with them. So I don't have real animals, or real people - I have certain stories in mind, and the characters are tools that I use to express these ideas. Let's take two examples brought up here, and I'll show you what I mean.

Asphodelpaw's death. For this story, I wanted to have a big, climatic moment that really jerks around the story, much in the same way that Shellspring's reveal did in TDS. I know that I want Rainhaze to be an exploration of a character who starts out good and turns complicated, and that I want him to not be redeemed. Okay, so how do I make sure Rainhaze is beyond redemption? He'd have to do something really awful, like killing someone important. The rest of the Clan wouldn't be as impactful if he killed them, so it should be one of his family members, and someone we really care about. Okay, who do I want him to kill? Pinepaw is my narrator, so if I want him to keep narrating, I can't kill him. I want Slugpelt to feel the consequences of this murder Rainhaze makes, and I want her to later confront him about it, so he can't kill her. I can't quite get into why I want Daffodilpaw to live yet, because of spoilers, but I have a certain message I want to create with Daffodilpaw, and she can't die as part of it. So Asphodelpaw is the only one left. Okay, why would it be impactful for her to die? Because she just came into herself, and apologized to Pinepaw, and is on track to grow into a better person. So it's extra tragic - and extra irredeemable - of Rainhaze to kill her. There you go, that's the reasoning behind Asphodelpaw's death.

The sleep/death motif. I have suffered from personal difficulties surrounding death, specifically involved with intrusive thoughts before I go to sleep. So those two ideas are very linked in my mind, and because PATFW is a darker story, I wanted to explore it. Okay, how do I work it into the story? Rainhaze is a character who's disappeared, presumed dead, by the time the story starts. Alright, maybe I can work it in there. I used it for the first time in Issue 4, contrasting between Rainhaze and Slugpelt's views on what happens after death. Alright, so now I have a thematic parallel between their characters and their views. Okay, how does this affect the future plot? As Rainhaze gets further involved with Defiance, his views on killing change, and that strengthens this association with sleep. So later, when Slugpelt kills him, I can bring this thematic parallel back around and make it really resonate, because I've built up the connection over the whole story. There you go, that's how you create a motif.

I hope you found this interesting. Often I find that a lot of writing advice is vague and nonspecific, so I tried to make my reasoning behind these things as clear as possible. From the outside, it may seem like absolutely anything can happen in a story, but from an internal perspective there are only so many ways to get to a point I want to make, so those decisions have to lead to each other if I want to create a natural thread.

[froggibus]

Pride - Soldier 76, Pharah, Baptiste, Tracer, Venture & Lifeweaver

Pairings: Soldier 76 x gn! reader, Pharah x gn! reader, Baptiste x gn! reader, Tracer & Emily x gn! reader, Venture x gn! reader, Lifeweaver x gn! reader

Genre: fun fluffy hcs

Summary: how it would be going to pride w your queer fav

CW: nonspecific relationship w the heroes, canon sexualities/genders, lots of fun pride stuff, pride festival, Soldier being an old man

sorry hi i know pride month is over but i really wanted to include it in our event so here it is! i really wanted to include lucio & other fun characters here but it was so much writing i only did the ones who are canonically queer!

This is part of my Summer Suntacular event, come check it out!

Soldier 76:

not his first Pride, won’t be his last

he’s probably a little wistful the whole time, since he last attended with Vincent

his grumpy old man demeanor drops for a day and he actually lets himself enjoy it

all the young people there LOVE him and he ends up ‘adopting’ at least three kids

reminisces the whole time and probably says “back in my day” at least once

you may have to convince him to actually indulge in fun stuff like temp tattoos and flags

but then he gets SUPER into it and drags you around to get as much stuff as possible

gets hit on at least once by someone half his age and his face is an INFERNO for like ten minutes afterwards

wants to get drinks and appetizers at a bar after and chat about your day

will let you take one (1) picture of the two of you to commemorate it

(he’ll definitely keep the picture in his wallet—but he’ll never tell you)

Pharah:

not her first Pride either, but she doesn’t go very often cause she’s married to her work

wears her sexy ass leather jacket even though it’s probably boiling outside

“Fareeha you’re going to boil in that”

“Don’t be ridiculous, this is my summer leather”

gets one temp tattoo of the lesbian flag on her cheek and that’s it for her

shows it off in every single picture the two of you take together 

doesn’t take many of her own pictures but will indulge you for every one of yours

her strong ass will let you ride on her shoulders to see any performances you want

or if you’re not cool with that, she has no shame and will body her way through the crowd to help you get a better view

loves fruity rainbow drinks and will always have one in her hand

wears her aviators even after the sun goes down

definitely checks if Baptiste is doing anything & tries to set up a rendezvous with him at a club later

she is THE most fun to party with if you’re able to pry her away from her work

Baptiste:

more than likely his first Pride  (at least, since he’s been out of the closet)

probably ended up attending a few before and hanging out in the med tent as an ally

if he wasn’t going with you, Pharah would’ve 10000% taken him with her

super excited to be taking you with him this year 

and to actually be partaking in the celebrations

covers both of you in those cute rainbow temporary tattoos

like they’re EVERYWHERE

total mom friend—he has water, tylenol & advil, wet wipes, snacks, sunscreen & anything else you could possibly need

that doesn’t mean he’s not indulging in any fun colourful drinks at the bars later tho

indulges in any free things offered with him

and totally ends the day with like ten different friendship bracelets

wants to take pictures of EVERYTHING and ends up with a million selfies of the two of you

you’re out from 11am to 3am & you bet your ass he’s waking you up at noon the next day for brunch

wants to go next year & hand out little care bags to everyone you meet

Tracer:

her and Emily insist on taking you with them

they go every year so long as Lena isn’t working (rare)

they (Emily) have got everything figured out, so you can just chill and come along with them

Lena totally goes all out with her outfits & insists you all match somehow

they bring a digital camera to take lots & lots of pictures of everything

prepare to be outside from dawn till dusk

Lena probably gets recognized a few times and takes pictures with every person who asks

she buys a TON of memorabilia and will absolutely buy anything you look at for you

even tho she’s probably tried everything they have to offer, she wants to make sure you also try it

Emily has to stop and remind her to slow down and to eat/drink

they have some cute tradition where they go to the restaurant they want to on their first date & have some drinks and appetizers

even tho it’s their thing, they’ll gladly invite you along & make sure you’re included

and if you’re into it, Lena will absolutely try to play matchmaker for you so you’re not lonely

Venture:

huge dork ass LOVES Pride

they’re a little awkward cause of the big crowds & stuff, but deep down they thrive on it

not nearly as out there with their outfit as Tracer, but they’ll definitely dress according to theme

makes their own little bags of crystals to give out to friends they make there + coordinates them according to different pride flags

makes an extra special one for you too to thank you for coming with them

buys ice cream whenever they see a stand & offers to share with you 

at least one child asks them if they’re a boy or a girl

Sloan just shrugs at them

despite their awkwardness, everybody you meet there LOVES Sloan & they end the day with a million different pins + friendship bracelets

anytime there’s something cool, they want to take a pic with you in front of it

even just random fountains and stuff

if someone’s performing, they HAVE to go and at least check it out, but you’ll probably get dragged into watching a long ass magic show

they might take you for a drink and a snack after, but they’re not the type to go to a club or anything

more than likely they want to have a game night or marathon some movies at home to unwind afterwards

Lifeweaver:

not his first Pride, but the first one he’s been able to enjoy since leaving Vishkar

the most well dressed & insists on dressing you as well

weaves flowers & plants through his hair to make a pretty rainbow (and will do the same for you if you ask!)

lots & lots of biodegradable glitter that he made himself

wants to get there super early to offer his aid to any of the med stations set up & give them his number incase they need him

brings his own biodegradable confetti and gives bags to all the stands to hand out

loves live performances & wants to attend each one

he WILL be dancing and expects you to dance with him, no matter how awkward you feel

usually the best at remembering his sunscreen & water but probably forgets until he starts to feel the effects

wants to stay until everything shuts down and make sure everything is cleaned up correctly

so many pictures that your face will hurt from smiling for the cameras by the end of the day

his Instagram story is probably filled with those same pics

if anyone compliments his hair, he WILL offer to braid theirs with flowers for them on the spot

takes you out to a nice dinner before you guys go home

Summer Suntacular | Masterlist | Overwatch Masterlist

(if you enjoy content like this, interactions go a long way! comments, likes & rbs are always greatly appreciated ^-^ !!)

[divine-misfortune]

Mushy May, day 4. Wound tending/first aid.

Rating: T

Pairing: Alpha/Omega

Words: 1,399

Summary: Omega gets hurt and simply shatters under the weight of his guilt. Alpha puts the pieces back together.

Contains: Vague descriptions of injuries, talk of feral water ghouls (ie: Delta), lot of hurt before the comfort. Mushy May? More like misery may- (i'm sorry)

Once again many thank you's to @forlorn-crows for all of this <333

He was shaking. 

Alpha swallowed thickly as he registered that Omega, who moved with a surgeon's precision in every aspect of life, Omega the sturdiest most reliable thing the unholy father ever crafted, was undeniably shaking. 

His hands trembled as he stumbled for the edge of the sink, knocking a few sterilized tools from the counter beside it onto the red splattered tile as he caught himself. Alpha's ears pinned back. Without all the hissing and growling, with the chaos forcefully subdued by the younger quintessence ghoul’s quick thinking, all Alpha could hear was his mate's unsteady breathing. 

The sound of the faucet being turned on broke him from his stupor, driving Alpha from where he'd been rooted with ice creeping into his veins. Lead settled in his belly, a weighted sort of dread as he flocked to Omega's side. He choked on the scent of copper and gunsmoke as he grabbed for Omega's wrists, a desperate attempt to ground him. Try to bring recognition to his eyes. Omega almost jerked away from him and he instinctively held tighter. Never wanting to let him slip away in this blind panic, he'd get lost in it. Alpha did his best to hush him, he was never one for comforting or soothing. People don't often seek out fire to ease the pain, but it was good for cauterizing the wound. 

“Hey, hey, Megs it's me-” Alpha softened his voice to the best of his ability, “look at me.” 

It took a moment but those pinprick pupils found him after bouncing to a few nonspecific points, and Omega let out a shuddered breath. 

“Did you-?” he began, voice grim. Alpha felt his stomach sink like it might retreat back to the very pits he crawled out of. 

“No. No, your kid just put him out for a bit till we figure out a better solution.” Relief and worry fought for a place in his expression. Omega tried to look over Alpha’s shoulder but he abandoned the idea the second he saw the tattered curtain. 

“This wasn't supposed to happen, the transition was supposed to stop it” his eyes dropped, staring at the multitude of gouges raked down his forearms. The reality of failure dawning on him. “We put him through hell, and we still lost Delta.” 

“I….” Alpha followed his gaze down to the cuts on his arms and grimaced, only now registering the blood seeping through his fingers and down his own wrists. “Fuck…C'mon, I don't need you bleeding out,” he gently tugged him away from the sink and towards the office at the back of the infirmary. 

Omega dropped heavily into the chair behind the desk the second he got close to it, fully sagging into his seat. He looked tired, like this had taken everything he had left. Maybe it had. 

The last few months had seemed somewhat hopeful. Short lived relief as Delta seemed to settle into himself, into his new element. There had been a shared anxiety over the transition to begin with, it had never been done before - the idea of an element like water, entirely untamed, being reshaped to fit the ever changing mold of something as elusive as quintessence seemed so outside the realm of possibility. The solution really had been too good to be true, there was no saving a water ghoul from their element or the fate that they were doomed to. Perhaps Omega should have seen it coming, should have sensed the fraying threads in Delta's very being, and judging by the resignation creating harsh lines on his face Omega accepted his part in Delta’s rapidly deteriorating humanity. 

Alpha watched his chin sink to his chest, eyes fixing somewhere far away, seemingly unbothered by his injuries or just too numb to care. He wanted to grab him by those broad, capable shoulders and shake him. Shake the sense back into him. Rattle the guilt out of him like spare change from a piggy bank. 

But he clenched his fists at his sides and went to collect the things he needed. Alpha was no medic by any means but he could certainly clean and dress a wound, Omega had taught him well through the years and various injuries he'd collected - for a time Omega must have thought he was getting hurt like that on purpose to have an excuse to visit the infirmary. His time in the medical wing was informative at least, he knew the various cabinets and drawers a bit too well. 

Rags, hot water, gauze pads, and bandages in hand Alpha returned to Omega to find the quintessence ghoul had not moved an inch. Even the few strands of hair falling over his face hadn't shifted. 

The position felt backwards. Alpha knelt before him while Omega sat silently, avoiding eye contact out of shame. He did not move with confidence like the quintessence ghoul would have. Hesitant and cautious as he moved to dab a wet rag at the fine imprint of teeth. Omega nearly jerked from his grip but Alpha's tail swatted at him lightly, pulling his hand back towards him. Delta had a nasty bite, two rows of jagged needle like teeth, flinching was certainly understandable. 

“He really got you good, huh…” Alpha mumbled, feeling a tendon in Omega's hand twitch in a sort of agreement. No change in his face. “Omega,” he sighed, barely looking up. “You can't tear yourself apart over him, he knew the risk when he pursued the transition.” 

Not a word. 

“This isn't your fault. You couldn't have predicted this.” He offered with an alarming sincerity, a voice too gentle to belong to someone like him. “You did everything you could, but you can't save everyone.” 

His fingers curled, a fist in his lap suddenly. Alpha feared those claws would dislodge the blood clot and he'd start bleeding everywhere again but Omega didn't seem bothered by the thought. 

“Why can't i?!” The words spilled out of him soaked in desperation, face screwing up, eyes shut. “What good am I as a healer if I can't save them?” His voice broke, silently pleading for an answer to ease his guilt. 

Dropping the red stained rag to the floor with a wet slapping sound, Alpha reached for his face instead. Needed to touch him, skin to skin, he couldn't let Omega fall much further lest he lose him entirely. This was the only lifeline he knew how to provide. 

The tears escaped at the first touch, and Alpha wanted to engulf him entirely. Shroud him in a warm safety where the cold cruel reality couldn't tear into his mate any further, but all he could do was slip his arms around his middle and drag Omega's face into his shoulder. The position was awkward at best, what with Omega in the chair and him just kneeling on the floor, but they still found a way to fit together. They always did. 

Clutching the back of his shirt, Omega's shoulders shook. A muted sob that could have easily torn Alpha's hardened heart entirely in two. 

“You couldn't save him but you gave him more time,” Alpha held him tighter, like the truth might be squeezed into him. “You did more for him than any of us could.” 

“He'd have never forgiven me.” He mumbled, cheek pressing close to Alpha’s steady pulse. 

“He would have never thought you needed forgiveness.” He corrected and laid his palm flat to the nape of his neck, idly scratching at the overgrown whispy hairs. “Delta was nothing but grateful to you.” 

Against his neck he felt Omega open his mouth to argue but the words didn't come. He didn't have the energy to let them tumble out, wilting into the fire ghoul's embrace helplessly. Alpha knew his knees would ache, he'd probably walk with a faint limp for the next day or two from the unforgiving tile against his bone, but he didn't dare to move. The bruises were nothing compared to the proverbial beating Omega had given himself, he could endure it. Alpha could endure it all if only to bring Omega peace of mind. 

So he remained, a light in the dark, coaxing Omega back from the places none of them could follow. Warm and solid, something for his lover to latch onto. Alpha would have stayed perfectly in place for centuries if that was what Omega needed. 

[shadows-writing-lounge]

Any possible way I could get Ganondorf sucking his partner's manhood & swallowing, then getting it from behind?

I tried to get this to a thousand words and was so close. I hope this is acceptable but if you wanted a more submissive Ganon I'll try again.

Content: BJ(receiving), doggy(giving). Use of the word cum, small top and big bottom? Implied power bottom/switch Ganondorf. Nonspecific/mixed interation of Ganondorf. I use Ganon and Ganondorf interchangeably here. Use lube my dudes. Overstimulation.

Reader Info:second person You/your pronouns,Dominant Reader, has a penis, masculine terms. Ambiguous race(hylian,gerudo, etcetera). Dick size not mentioned. Mentioned to curse but doesn't have dialogue.

3rd Person(He/Him) Will link when finished.

_

It didn't take much convincing to have the Gerudo King kneeling between your thighs. You don't quite recall the words nor how you said them but they must of been persuasive for him to be this eager. Despite his large strong hands on your hip and thigh, and the fact you know he could easily flip the roles, you felt irreparably in control. One hand gripping the sheets beneath you, the other slipping its fingers into his vermilion hair. You then tug, pulling his head forward. Ganondorf is stubborn, patient and enjoying your displeasure at being teased. He relents to only tease your tip one last time. Circling his tongue around the crown, licking across the slit before sucking. You sigh relieved as he closes his lips around your cockhead. Now he doesn't mind you guiding his head it's just something to tease you with later. His amber eyes never looking away from your face as he takes your cock to the root and pulls back to the tip.

Fair enough to you, as your eyes don't move his form. It was in the rare moments Ganondorf wasn't guarded, his hair wasn't up nor was he suited in his armor. Instead clothed in loose fabrics that accentuates his body showing each flex of muscle underneath. A plus is that you know just how easy it is to just slip those off. An ease akin a tissue paper wrapped present.

Your breathes and soft sounds as well the lewd wet noises of a mouth working your cock are the only sign to any passing underling to what's happening. Feeling your thighs tense under his hands he increases his efforts at the sensitive parts of your manhood. Ganon smirks as you curse, your cock giving a telltale throb. You buck, rut and roll your hips into Ganon's awaiting mouth. A few thrusts in and your cock spasms once dry, second pumping your cum as far as your length reached.

Ganondorf waits for to finish painting his throat before he pulls back letting fall from his lips as he stands up. Catching your breath you watch through half lidded eyes as he slowly slipped his robe off letting you trail your eyes over any newly exposed flesh. The fabric falls to the floor revealing him in his entirety. His chiseled physique, strong broad shoulders, down his torso the thick happy trail leading your eyes to his own manhood. You know he's aroused but the pure weight and size makes him hang. Ganondorf's voice pulls your attention back to his face.

"Surely you have more to offer then that," his deep baritone might be enough to get you going again by itself. He doesn't wait for your answer for he already knows it. You get off the bed quickly, amusing Ganon by your eagerness. You move into position gently brushing his hair off of his back seeing the scars lined across the skin. They were a few shades darker than the rest of his skin. You press a kiss against a prominent scar causing Ganondorf to tense beneath you before relaxing. He's still unused to tender touches like this. You press your fingers against his ass slowly pressing in at first. Your free hand moves to stroke yourself the rest of the way erect. You don't take you time not this session at least, maybe once he's more comfortable with soft touches you'll go slow. Possibly make love, but now it's not what your king wants from you. You have to judge of it's enough. Removing your fingers and lining your cockhead to his entrance only his own saliva lubricating your cock. You push forward as far as you can your body pressing against his firm buttocks. Your hands against his waist as you lean your weight onto him so you have some leverage to move your hips against his.

You leisurely speed up your thrusts with each smack of your hips. You push against Ganon's back he complies and arches his back for you. Your hands now on his hips as he holds up his torso with fold arms. Now able to push deeper from the vantage point you made you rut against his ass trying to find the best angle. You settle for now and focus on fucking into the large man. It felt great with him under you. This close you could really take in the angles and curves of his body. Makes you feel strong with such a powerful king under you.

Your hands on his hips guide them in movement with your trusts allowing you to hit harder inside. Ganondorf occasionally looks over his shoulder at you noticing either how focused or blissed out you are. He's clearly amused by how hard you're trying to be rough with him. Din deemed him the most powerful for a reason after all.

Thrusts grow slightly sloppy as you near your second climax. You feel the build up, tingles running up your spine originating from your cock brushing against Ganon's insides. Your grip on his hips tightens. Ganondorf doesn't need the warning he knows the signs.

"Go on, give me it all. It's want you want isn't it?" You're unsure if Ganondorf's tone is mocking or genuinely encouraging but you're too close to really care.

Ganondorf feels you tense against him before you cum. Not quite as much as the first time. The king seems to drain you like that. You try to continue moving as you climax until it's too much. Pulling your sensitive cock from him staining the sheets with the last remnants of your second orgasm.

You ground yourself post orgasmic bliss as Ganondorf moves guiding you down onto the bed where he laid.

"You can go again, dear? For your king," Ganondorf says it in more of a command than a request. You know you can simply decline but who are you to deny the Dark Lord his due?

[oldhalloweentape]

if it isn't too much trouble or rush, perhaps a request about the first kiss with vinny santorini?

💐💣Vinny (atlantis) x reader First Kiss Headcanons💥🌹

(Yeah so um… Sorry guys for making you wait for so long on something fresher— I’m just going through it when it comes to my writing, incredibly unconfident in my skills… But I saw how many of you guys liked ‘em. For that I am extremely thankful, I love being able to provide where not many people would get it. Anyways, sorry for the long rant, here it is 💖)

(Edit : all of my headcanons are gender nonspecific when it comes to the reader, and it usually will be if no one specified)

Alright, your first kiss with each other, this sign of love transpires shortly after he overcomes the whole frigid stage of your relationship at the very beginning.

When things started becoming more... Vulnerable and soft started making themselves known, you weren't the only one to notice, your comrades, your amigos did as well. (These are certain people you may or may not know- Who are very supportive of your relationship from the get-go. Wink wink, nudge nudge.)

Um, this expedition crew sees the more than platonic relationship between you two, and all of them have varying opinions on the matter.

For example, Audrey, being the teen she is thinks it's pandering but adorable, Mole? … Not so much.

That stinky little fuck thinks it's nasty, even though he's the one who bathes himself in dirt and grime.

ANYWAYS, going back to Audrey, as I mentioned in an earlier post, (this one right here) Audrey is impatient, and not into the slow-burn trope as she tries to… Quicken the process.

And as the story progresses… Somehow Audrey lassos KIDA of all people into these evil master plans.

These teen-concocted shenanigans are good-natured of course, but they come off as… Odd to say the very least. You see… A kid who is more into mechanics isn't exactly the doctor of love, and an 8,500-8,800-year-old Atlantean woman isn't either.

Their attempts may include the following (let's start up the clown music, shall we?):

- Trying to learn more about the relationship as much as they possibly can (Audrey TRIES to ask somewhat subtle… Kida straight-up demands to know 💀)

- Posing as one partner via love letters… With those letters being very terribly written ones.

- Well, they were kinda bound to be wonky if they were written by an Atlantean warrior woman as a teenager spectates intently… And let’s be honest they could've been believable with how romantically INEPT YOU BOTH ARE, but they didn't take the time to copy your guys’s writing style/handwriting (And Sweets is the one who usually snatches these letters before you guys read them to spare you both, say thank you to Doctor Joshua Strongbear Sweets 💖).

- Putting you guys into DANGEROUS SITUATIONS. This is mainly Kida’s idea, with her being frightfully confident about it due to it working with Milo and her… Thankfully Audrey had enough common sense to dismantle the idea.

After attempt after attempt fails, Audrey finally tries to get Sweets, a man she believes would have far more experience in this kind of thing… But the doctor tells her to NOT interfere, as painful as it is to look at you two being fucking romance failures.

With Milo backing it up of course… This effectively ruined the amusement (I can see Mole just giggling and snorting at all of this, this is COMEDY GOLD TO HIM) that Mole had as Kida and Audrey ran around like two headless chickens, all the while Vinny and you were for the most part unaware of.

But of course, the doctor knew that they all just had to be patient and let things move naturally between you two, a quality that Audrey and Kida were lacking in their plots.

This moment comes to fruition as you both get time alone and find a rather nice spot in Atlantis, which… May or may not have been suggested by Sweets to one of you.

After some heartfelt words and lingering touches, you both were able to share your first kiss, which as many might expect was both sweet and awkward, as God intended 💖☺️

[under-the-dirt]

lap dog.

wanted to write something not super smutty but that has been on my mind forever!!! (ignore bad spelling, i try my best)

warnings: reader has a tail and ears (can be any animal, nonspecific.), simon riley is mean :(, innocent reader, john price (bc i love him sm), non-gendered reader (2nd person) and idk what else help UNDER 13 DNI

Relaxing in the common room with the TaskForce was something you usually enjoyed, although it was boring. Playing card games or discussing random topics was the usual, but it seemed everyone was just tired today. Gaz and Soap were up in their rooms sleeping, or possibly in the gym. It was just you, Ghost, and Price, your superiors. You sat on the couch, nodding off slightly, and as you fall asleep you fall into Ghost’s lap. He was sitting next to you, reading, and you hadn’t meant to fall over.

“bloody ‘ell..” Ghost huffs, annoyed, staring down at your sleeping form, all comfortable on his pillow thighs. He closes his book and taps nudges your shoulder in a fruitless attempt to wake you. After a few tries, he gives up, until he hears your tail gently patting the couch cushion, and he gets an idea.

He yanks your tail harshly, pulling a surprised yelp from your lips. His hand is still wrapped firmly around your tail, and he stares down at you with a cold, calculated glare and a smirk beneath his mask. He pulls your tail a second time, leading you to whine and attempt to pull your tail away.

“What, you don’t like that, pup?” He asks with an obvious smirk, and you huff.

“Ghost, play nice,” Price says in a stern, almost fatherly tone with a gentle chuckle. You look up at him with a slight pout. “See, just look, you’re upsetting ‘em,” Price waves a hand in your direction.

“No fun,” Ghost sighs, reopening his book and leaning back, one leg over the other. You hold your tail and rub it to soothe the slight pain, but with a painfully clear blush on your face.

[sheawritesstuff]

Comforting Relatability

[Gavin x Trans Freelancer]

[Hurt/Comfort - Nonspecific Gender Dysphoria Comfort- 1726 words]

[Freelancer is still gender-neutral but is explicitly trans and experiencing gender dysphoria in some way, I tried to keep it as vague as possible. Gavin is also heavily implied to be trans - There is some brief crying involved, but it's far from a major point - Also sorry this took forever,,, life happened. Surgery, a last-minute understudy play production, and a healthy dose of writer's block kind of piled together at the same time,, oops]

Freelancer dropped their school bag as soon as they entered their apartment and kicked their shoes off. They tugged at their clothes in a desperate struggle to make them sit against their body the right way. Their eyebrows scrunched together as they fought against the fabric. Sensing the tangled ball of discomfort, anger, and anxiety, Gavin wandered from his spot on the couch to the front room.

“Freelancer? Are you alright?” The sound of his voice shook them from their focus. They paused, shirt still stretched away from them, and stared at the incubus at the other end of the hallway. They awkwardly readjusted and hastily smoothed out their clothes. 

“Uh… yeah. I’m fine. Everything’s fine.” Freelancer hunched over and quickly skittered toward the bedroom door, head down. Gavin followed behind them, leaving a bit of space between them. He stood in the doorway and waited for them to search through the closet and find a new set of clothes they felt comfortable in. Once they were dressed, a little tension faded and they visibly relaxed. 

Gavin sat down on the edge of the bed and waited for his partner to meet him there. After a moment, they did, still avoiding eye contact. They fidgeted with their sleeves and adjusted the fabric slightly before finally glancing up at him. 

“Do you want to talk about it?” His voice was soft and careful without a hint of pressure. They sighed quietly before answering.

“I don’t feel good, Gav,” they admitted. “Everything just feels wrong.” 

“Bad dysphoria day?” Gavin asked. They nodded in response and leaned forward, practically falling face-first against his shoulder. The incubus shifted to pull them into a sort of side hug with their head nestled in the space where his neck met his shoulder. “Is there anything I can do to help? Anything you need?” 

“I just want to sleep. I’m not even, like, physically tired. I just want a break from feeling like shit,” Freelancer groaned against his skin. Gavin brought one hand to the back of their neck and held them close. “I just want to feel better.” Their voice cracked at the end as they struggled to choke back tears. They breathed hard for a minute - deep, shaky breaths as tears welled up in their eyes. 

“Oh, baby. It’s ok, I’ve got you. You can cry. You’re safe, it’s ok,” Gavin cooed, running his fingers through their hair. They gripped the blanket beneath them as they forced themself to breath through their sobs. Gavin held them close, never once trying to stop their crying. “Let it all out, Freelancer. There you go, just breathe.” 

Eventually, the tears stopped and they pulled their head up enough to wipe their eyes. They pulled away their wettened sleeves and took one last deep breath and sighed. “God, I’m sorry. I’m a mess.” Gavin gently swiped a few stray tears with his thumbs and held their face in his hands. 

“You don’t have to apologize, my love. I understand how you feel. I know it hurts and I am so sorry you’re feeling this way. If I knew how to help you I would do it in a heartbeat.” They sat still and silent for a minute before they popped their head up to look at him. 

“Wait, can’t you just fix me? Use body modification or whatever?” Freelancer’s face lit up as a faint bubble of hope floated above the ball of other emotions in their chest. Gavin bit the inside of his cheek. He considered the softest way to approach the matter. 

“I mean, technically, I could,” Gavin started. Sensing the impending “but”, the freelancer deflated. “But it would only be temporary. More importantly, though, I don’t want you to rely on me for your self-image.” He paused to cup the side of their face in his palm. “Your self-confidence should come from you, as you are, not from how I can change you.”

They sighed and leaned into his touch. They let their eyes flutter closed and considered the other possibilities. Their mind wandered to all the different ways they could change themself to be more comfortable in their skin. Eventually they opened their eyes and peered at their partner. “How did you do it? Figure out what you wanna look like, I mean.” 

“From what I’ve read, the process is different for humans than demons, so I make no promises that my information is at all relevant here.” He smiled a little before continuing. “I made my body into a home, a vessel I feel conected to. The process, though, was more trial and error and changing things until I found the traits that made me feel like, well, me.” The demon gently rubbed his thumb across his lover’s cheek. “From what I know, human transitions are slower, more gradual. Maybe you take hormones or get surgery, but you can’t just snap your fingers and look like a whole new person. I could- well, I guess I still can- change my body to meet whatever look I want.” Gavin leaned in and gave them a quick kiss. “You deserve that same freedom, Freelancer, even if your journey is different.” 

“Thanks, Gavin,” Freelancer hummed. The roar of dysphoria ebbed to a thunderous rumble as hints of determination peeked through the cracks. They relaxed back into his side, and pulled themself close enough to wrap their arms around his waist. Gavin tangled his hand in their hair and reveled in the feeling of their bodies pressed together. 

“Do you want to lay down? Even if you don’t fall asleep the relaxation might help.” 

“Yeah, that sounds nice,” they hummed against his neck. “Can we watch a movie?”

“Of course, my love.” He bent his neck to kiss the top of their head. “Go ahead and pick out something to watch, I’ll grab some snacks. Do you want anything in particular?”  Freelancer hopped up to climb onto the bed proper as they thought about the best movie snacks. 

“I wanna try those new chips we got, the ones in the green bag.” They settled down on their side of the bed and picked up the remote to click through their options. “Do you wanna watch a new movie or one of our favorites?” Freelancer glanced over at their partner quickly.

“Hmm… I don’t know. Surprise me with something good.” Gavin disappeared to the kitchen and returned about a minute later with a tray piled high with snacks. Brightly colored bowls filled with chips, pretzels, candy, and - most excitingly - popcorn. He also balanced a variety of drinks ranging from water to their favorite sodas. Freelancer stared at the food with wide eyes, shocked at the speed of its acquisition. 

“How the hell did you make popcorn that fast?” They asked, dumbstruck, as they paused their search for a movie.

“Well usually, you would guide me through the neverending hellscape that is using the mee-crow-wah-vay. But, for the sake of both time and efficiency, I opted for a more magical approach.” Gavin carefully balanced the tray of food as he climbed into bed and settled in next to his lover, settling the array between them. “But I need to make it clear - this is a special occasion. Next time, the microwavable popcorn will be made the right way.” He giggled and kissed their cheek. 

Freelancer roller their eyes and smiled back, turning their head to kiss him properly. Then, they continued their search for the perfect dysphoria-busting movie. Finding one that looked good and seemed to have decent reviews, they clicked it and looked to Gavin for confirmation it was acceptable. He nodded and settled into his spot.

“Wait, hold on,” Freelancer interrupted, tugging on the blanket that covered their lap. “Can you help, I don’t know how to explain it, wrap me up?” They motioned around themself like they were pulling something around their shoulders. “I want to be a warm little human burrito.” Gavin stared at them for a moment in complete awe. Gods, he loved his little weirdo. They pulled one of their blankets up around their shoulders, careful not to disturb the snacks still sitting between them. They looked to him with their best attempt at puppy dog eyes as they struggled to properly burrito-fy themself. 

“Of course, my love. Just sit still for a second and I’ll turn you into the cutest burrito this side of the meridian.” Gavin sat up on his knees and leaned over his partner to properly wrap them in a blanket cocoon. He carefully adjusted the fabric around their arms to make them snug but moveable and draped the top of the blanket over their head like a cloak. Once they were situated, he moved several pillows to prop them up in a cozy sitting position against the headboard. “Comfy?”

“Very.” Freelancer smiled contentedly. Gavin could feel the ball of dysphoria dissipating to a subtle drone beneath the new feelings of comfort and hapiness. It was definitely still there, but it was no longer an overwhelming, suffocating presence in his lover’s mind. This shift in their feelings brought the demon a new lightness of his own. 

“Gav?” Freelancer spoke quietly. 

“Hmm?” 

“Thank you.” 

Gavin smiled and cuddled against their side. “Anything for you, my love.” He propped himself up and kissed their forehead. “You are a beautiful person, inside and out, and I would do anything in my power to help you believe that.” He looked at them and their bundled up form with nothing but absolute adoration in his technically non-existant heart. “I love you, Freelancer.”

“I love you too, Gavin.” They awkwardly tried to pull themself up to close the gap between them and give him a kiss but resigned to simply making kissy faces until he got the hint. Once he pulled away, they turned their attention back to the TV. “Hey, babe? Can you click play for me? I can’t reach the remote…” 

Gavin chuckled and did so, starting the movie with one small movement. He resettled into his spot and set the bowl of requested chips in his partner’s lap. He snuggled against Freelancer’s side, arm swung across their waist. Though the movie did not fix the brewing feelings in their chest, it did distract them from its deep echoes for a couple hours. And for now, that was enough. 

[Requested Tags: @themeridian @everything-redacted-and-others]

[cambriancrew]

@mandellaeffect

So. It's been several days since this, but we still want to reply. We wrote out a long thing, Tumblr ate it, we rewrote it by hand, and we're just now getting around to typing it up.

And fair warning. We can't talk in depth about this interview and why we said what we said without also talking about the abuse we experienced from our ex. We'll keep it general and nonspecific as much as possible, but please just know, it was REALLY bad. Much worse than what we talk about here. Like we still have PTSD from it bad.

Also it may help to read the AMA we did on Reddit after this interview came out.

So. Our ex believed we either had DID or were demon possessed, and had very ableist views about DID that he used to threaten us with - believed we were dangerous to be around, for instance - and threatened us with involuntarily commitment. He also tried to prevent us from seeing any therapist or mental health care provider other than the extremely bigoted, very out of date pastor/counselor of the church we went to and that our husband worked at.

We worried that he was right, that we might fit the criteria for OSDD-1 because of our failing relationship with him.

But, in all honesty, our relationship had been falling apart for awhile, because he was abusive - obsessed with being the perfect fundamentalist Christian couple, bigotry and all. He tried to make us Crew stop being friends with people who weren't Christians, and people who were queer. He tried to dictate what books we could read - no more science fiction and fantasy even though that's the genre we write and even wrote together with him, or psychiatry books even though we worked in a geri-psych nursing home and what we read was relevant. Tried to dictate what we watched on TV and what games we could play - even though he was a huge Star Wars fan and that has huge Buddhist underpinnings, and played Dungeons and Dragons online a lot which he made us swear never to tell anyone because they might think it was demonic - hypocrite much?

He even got upset that we were talking to people about the issues we were having - he called it "emotionally cheating", regardless of the fact we talked with people we had zero romantic interest in - like our own mother.

Anyway. We DID get a different therapist. And something he said helped a LOT with our concerns about having DID. He said our issues with our husband stemmed from his controlling behavior and emotional and verbal abuse, not our plurality - because after all, there's no mental illness called "supports queer people" nor "prefers to read speculative fiction and books on psychiatry" nor "confides in trusted friends about difficulties".

That said. Our therapist and his overseeing psychiatrist did talk with us about what our husband was pressuring us to do: try to get rid of all of the non-Willows. We had a lot of long, tense discussions about this with our system, and knew exactly what would happen if we tried.

We Willows would have been locked away from the front. Jas, Varyn, and Aery would have taken over as primary fronters, and we knew they'd have no problem with that based on our experiences with playing tug of war for front with them. Without us Willows, we may have developed memory issues, especially if we Willows fought back or resisted. This also would have caused us significant stress which would have triggered our fibromyalgia, and may easily have gotten to the point we would have to stop working because we physically couldn't handle it. And undoubtedly it would have caused us social issues as well, because those three can't mimic us Willows well at all, and prefer to be overt anyway, and probably would have used that to put extra pressure on our husband John: "Sorry, you can't talk to Willow right now. I can take a message to her. When we she be back? Idk, whenever John stops being an ass."

This, per our therapist and psychiatrist, would have been enough for a dx of DID or at bare minimum OSDD-1 - and then our ex would have had a much easier time getting us involuntarily committed. (As he did actually try. Got the state involved and there was a court case and everything.)

Because being endogenic and having tulpas is not what defines whether you have DID/OSDD-1 or not - it's whether there's distress or dysfunction. Doesn't have to be constant, doesn't have to be severe, just has to be present enough to make it harder to function.

Also, we've been in therapy from that time till now, for our depression and PTSD. Those cause us distress and dysfunction. Being plural doesn't - it eases our distress and increases our ability to function. We get worse when we Willows try to do everything on our own.

Also? Tulpas absolutely ARE endogenic - they aren't caused by trauma, and that's all endogenic means.

And. We were not told by Reddit that our headmates are tulpas. When we stumbled on the community, we recognized that what we had done in creating our headmates unintentionally was the same things people in the community were doing on purpose.

We remember sitting down and coming up with the idea of Jas. We remember learning to hear her, in vague images and ideas at first, then longer and longer full conversations. We remember the thrill of first hearing her interrupt our thoughts. We used to have several notebooks and binders full of written down conversations between us, with us Willows doing all the writing for the most part but on occasion Jas would take over just enough to write her own notes - in her own handwriting, different from us Willows' handwriting. We remember meditating to improve our ability to hear her. We remember visiting her in the paracosm, and her visiting us at our writing desk and on the school bus and sitting next to us at church. We remember her creating Varyn. We remember creating Morrie, and when he went dormant. We remember making Tristan&, and when she broke off communication with us - they'll still only talk to Jas.

Point is, we know their origins, all of them. We were there.

There's no "they were there all along." There's no "we don't know where they came from so we just assume they're endogenic." They certainly don't have roles or even the natural abilities of alters - we had to learn to talk with them, we had to learn how to let them front, we had to learn how to switch.

Some of them identify as soulbonds due e to their connection to their home worlds, but "tulpa" still fits too. Even though some of them cringe at the word, as it's uncomfortably close to a term in the paracosm's primary language for something truly heinous.

Point is, Reddit didn't try and convince us of anything. We came to that conclusion all on our own - and not just us Willows, but the whole system.

And per our mental health care team, we don't fit the criteria for a dissociative disorder. We don't even have issues with general dissociation - we score a 10 on the DES-2, and only that much because of questions directly related to plurality, like hearing voices commenting on your actions. (The eternal peanut gallery lol)

Anyway. Back to Dr. Richard Loewenstein - he was told about our origins. He didn't say that our origins were the reason we did or did not have a dissociative disorder. He said it's about distress.

And now that we've long since kicked our abusive ex to the curb (along with the church that turned on us), we don't have even interpersonal issues like we had with him and them. The people we're close to understand and support us. Our health care team supports us, and even encourages us Willows to lean on the rest of our system as that's what's healthiest for us all.

We don't have a mild case of a dissociative disorder. We're not secretly traumagenic.

We're ready and able to even fight for things our ex threatened us with, including our ability to be out at work, our ability to go through the foster-to-adopt program in our state (and our mental health care team is willing to sign off on our ability to do that), and our ability to be free from the threat of involuntary commitment to an institution.

If our ex, the pastor-counselor, several of our ex friends, state medical officials, and more couldn't find enough proof to diagnose us with DID or get us committed, (versus our therapist and the overseeing psychiatrist and our parents), then there's nothing anything y'all can say that will prove what they could not.

[zombubble]

From In Memory; In Truth Chapter 13:

“It’s my job to help make running the sect easier, right?” Mo Xuanyu asks. “Not your job, anymore,” Jin Guangyao says, “but a favor that Gege would appreciate greatly. Do you think you can keep a secret for me?” A jolt of something in Mo Xuanyu’s core, the words familiar in all the wrong ways. Oh, he feels sick. Really fucking sick. “Of course,” he says, closing his eyes. Breathing. “A-Yu? Have I upset you?” Jin Guangyao stops him, grabbing him by the shoulders. “Gege is sorry, he didn’t mean—” “I’m just… seeing things,” Mo Xuanyu says. “Sorry, I—I didn’t want to appear weak, but I…” “Oh. That’s… It’s okay. Gege doesn’t think less of you. Why don’t you rest? I’ll come see you later about everything; there’s no rush.” Nodding, Mo Xuanyu bows his thanks to his brother. Lets a-Zhen lead him away. Tries not to get sick while they walk because his mind is reeling and everything is cold and hot and he doesn’t—doesn’t know what—why—when this happened but something happened. Something that started with words much like those. Not for the first time, he fears the full, unknown extent of what he’s gotten himself into. Not for the last time, he tells himself to stay strong, that he needs to help, that he can do this.

Got this snippet in the post in time, but then I realized this was the perfect moment to go into how Mo Xuanyu is characterized/portrayed in this fic, and it ended up taking me some time to write that up.

Given how little we know of Mo Xuanyu's particular brand of neurodivergence in MDZS, I've decided to put him on the schizophrenia spectrum, he has psychotic episodes, but does not have paranoia, (and believe me, I'm doing literally everything in my power to do this with respect to schizophrenic and psychotic buds out there, I don't want to do any of you dirty with this, you deserve better). He does have auditory, olfactory, and visual hallucinations throughout the fic, which get worse over time as he is under more and more stress.

In this scene, however, he's also lying to his brother and playing it up so Jin Guangyao underestimates him for his own reasons.

CW for nonspecific mentions of sanism, ableism, and various forms of abuse and discussions of consent following this, as I am going into a little bit of detail about how I've chosen to portray Mo Xuanyu, so people know what to expect from this fic with him being such a major character.

The tl;dr is Mo Xuanyu is treated with dignity and respect by those working alongside him, and is given adult levels of agency throughout the fic's present timeline. His mental illness is acknowledged and described, but not made fun of within or by the narrative. It is not considered a character flaw, but a disability, and I've tried to portray it respectfully. While some characters are sanist/ableist both to and about him, they are not major characters, nor are they in control of him. There are mentions of past abuse, but he gets good medical care throughout the fic. He is an important character with major positive contributions, could not be removed or switched out for another without drastic changes, and gets the happy ending he deserves (without a magic cure).

More on how I'm handling Mo Xuanyu after the cut (a little spoilery, but I've kept it as vague as possible. See above content warnings):

I don't want to spoil the plot too much in public, though I'm happy to answer questions privately via message or ask, but I will say up front that Mo Xuanyu is, very intentionally on my part, given adult levels of agency throughout the fic in decisions both big and small.

There are (brief) mentions of him being treated badly in the past, including not giving consent (informed or otherwise) to medicine/medical procedures and other instances of abuse similar to canon, including being relocated and restrained against his will, but within the present timeline of the fic he is under the purview of the Nie Sect and working with a doctor with whom he has a good, mutually respectful relationship.

He makes his own decisions (and has established plans for what he wants done when he's unable to do so safely), gives informed consent to all instances of medication and relocation that happen during the present timeline of the fic itself, and is treated respectfully by the people he's working with. Like Jin Guangyao above, some people make ableist (and sanist) assumptions (and commentary) both to and about him, and he does personally lean into those assumptions for the purposes of making people underestimate him.

Those who are working with him and care about him only play up his mental illness with his prior input, consent and at his behest, and these instances are few, far between, for the purposes of the mission they're on, and never used as the butt of a joke, or done in a mocking way.

Mo Xuanyu has a solid, well-developed personality outside of his mental illness, though does talk casually and frankly about the symptoms he experiences, including hallucinations and his disconnect from reality. He doesn't enjoy having symptoms, but he does not have a self-pitying or self-loathing inner monologue. Though sometimes he tries to hide his symptoms from others (and, at times, fails), he does not make a habit of minimizing them (or exaggerating them) when he's describing them seriously.

When he does speak lightly of them, it's not mocking, and I intentionally avoided anything that sounded like it might come across as "LoL so random omg!" types of humor. Overall, though, he typically refuses to go into details with others, though his inner narration in his pov does, on occasion, describe what he's seeing, hearing, or smelling, without lingering too long on the descriptions.

His visual hallucinations edge more towards abject horror (monsters, things moving that shouldn't be moving in the ways they're moving, people looking dead/like ghosts with unnatural features (pure black, bleeding eyes, far too many sharp, non-human teeth, as a few examples)) instead of utilizing potentially-real facial/muscular/skeletal differences or movement disorders for shock value.

I do not portray him as someone bloodthirsty or irrational when it comes to killing. He wanted his family dead for the abuse they caused, he wants his brother dead (and wishes he didn't) for various shitty actions at various times. With everyone else, he's kind of just trying to keep to himself (or, when he can, be helpful to the people he gets along well with) and not get involved with any more conflict than he has to. He does not kill anyone in the course of the fic.

Jin Ling has a bit of trouble understanding at first, but does make efforts to be respectful and he improves over time. They end up growing close, and Jin Ling is not distrustful of Mo Xuanyu by the end of the story. The other juniors are similarly respectful.

The help Mo Xuanyu offers everyone is a) help only he could give, utilizing his skills and/or achievements specifically (e.g. making arrays/talismans a certain way, other forms of espionage that rely on his ability to lie and/or memorize information) and b) crucial to many of the successes they have. He is an essential member of the core cast of this fic, and it would be markedly changed if I were to remove him or switch him for someone else.

Mo Xuanyu does not die, nor does he get cured at the end of the fic. He ends up in a loving, mutually respectful relationship where his agency is respected, with a man who understands full well that loving Mo Xuanyu includes accepting his schizophrenia, psychosis, and the symptoms thereof. While Mo Xuanyu is doing better at the end than he was just before the end, it's because he's in a stable home and being treated by medical staff, rather than a magical cure.

[vonpharma]

w[h]ip wednesday

i forgot to post last wednesday! oops

this is from my day 3! the working title is "and the gay one still wearing his cravat"

There’s an omen in the way it’s her sore throat that wakes her, not Miles’ car coming to a rumbling halt. Franziska blinks languidly at the iridescent blur of traffic all around her, runoff from the sprinklers trickling onto the still-steaming blacktop and turning them to mirrors in the newborn night. In the last flash of sunset, the palm trees look black against the sky.

She sniffs sharply and suddenly, the nonspecific area behind her nose and eyes feeling uncomfortable and buzzy. The California dusk slowly crystallizes around her—headlights and streetsigns, the overpass across the way, the undefined purr of engines idling in the… parking lot. They’re in a parking lot.

To her left, Miles pulls his keys from the ignition, and the system clicks off with a quiet beep. Franziska realizes she’d been sleeping with her arms wrapped around her waist, and she tightens her own grip on herself, as if trying to hold it all together.

Her voice scrapes against itself as it tries its damnedest to manifest, “Where have you taken me?”

Miles looks unbothered, pawing around his pockets for something. 

“Creme Royale parking lot.”

Narrow-eyed and exhausted, Franziska blinks owlishly at him.

“Why,” she croaks, “are we in the Creme Royale parking lot.”

“Because the drive-thru line was too long,” says Miles. “Do keep up, Franziska.”

There is an air that Miles wears like a veil across his shoulders when he has no interest in elaborating further. Thus far, the only people who seem able to yank that metaphorical garment from its place there are Phoenix Wright, and Franziska on a good day. Today is decidedly not a good day—evidenced by the fact that she somehow fell asleep in Miles Edgeworth’s obnoxiously loud, fuel-inefficient slag heap of a car—and so she lets him be aloof and dodgy, saying no more to him as he goes. The locks shove themselves back into place with a n oddly abrasive sound, and Franziska leans her head against the car window, feeling uncomfortably warm.

When did she fall asleep? The day’s events run together like paint, each so oversaturated a colour that the blend just ends up an ugly grey in the end. No sooner after she exited the car had the discomfort in her throat returned, as if the shameless munching of cough drops she’d been doing all morning had been for naught. Holding a growl behind her teeth, she soldiered on—trekking the campus in razor heels with briefcase in hand, meeting with countless students, giving her two-hour lecture to a circular room of enraptured, bright-eyed kids, relishing in all the attention and praise. 

Miles was, as always, incorrigibly kind, and so he’d been right there to pick her up as the sun was dipping, and she remembers the ache had made its way clear down to her legs at that point, and her voice was beginning to become a measly imprint of its usual deep, rich tenor… and she had tried to remain dignified as she more or less collapsed, unceremoniously, into her brother’s car. He had asked something about if she’d had a nice day, and she had mumbled out some manner of insult in response, and then… nothing. She woke up in the parking lot, sweating in the fool’s passenger seat.

Why’s it so damn hot? The only thing that stops Franziska from diving for the AC is the way just lifting her arm pulls hard at her nerves. What the hell is wrong with her? Dark a thought as it is, she feels like she had more arm strength than this the day she got shot. 

It’s a useless endeavour, in any case. As she sits there quietly seething with heat and rage, the digital numbers on Miles’ car radio tell her the temperature is already cranked as low as it can possibly go. No doubt he saw her sweating like a maniac and did so in an attempt to spare her the shame, Miles would never keep it that cold on purpose. That thought strikes again—revolting. The idea that he notices at all sits sourly in her stomach, disgust and childish gratitude swirling into a terrible amalgam that unsettles her bones and prickles her skin.

Finally, he is back, with one of those cardboard multi-cup holders braced upon his flowering palm as though he’s a server at a fine dining establishment. If she were anyone else, looking in from the outside into this strange existence the von Karma disciples live in, the whole picture would probably be comical—this grown man in Classical-inspired courtroom regalia, cravat and all, tiptoeing over potholes and buckled asphalt in a fast food parking lot in an attempt to balance his…

Ice cream. 

He is carrying several containers of ice cream.

[enbyleighlines]

It’s June!! In honor of pride month, I decided to cook up some headcanons about the Tellius characters attending a pride event in a nonspecific modern au!

I’m gonna start out with my ot3 Ike/Soren/Ranulf, but I will get around to my other queer ships, too.

If the sun is out, Ike’s guns are out. And by that, I mean his barrel biceps. He’s 100% rocking a sleeveless shirt. Between that and his bear vibes, he is hit on by many men, which still makes him as uncomfortable as being hit on by women, but at pride his boyfriends have no reason to hold back claiming Ike as their property. Not including the unwanted attention, Ike enjoys himself.

Ranulf is the one who drags Ike and Soren along with him. He goes all out, decking himself with a variety of rainbow and bi-flag themed accessories. Unsurprisingly, he has the most fun out of their trio. Some people flirt with him, and while Ranulf flirts back, he makes it clear that it’s all for fun and that he is extremely spoken for.

Soren follows along quite begrudgingly. He comes prepared for the weather: bringing sun hats and sunscreen for all three of them. Most of his time is spent shooing potential suitors away from Ike. Despite fussing like a mother hen the whole time, he enjoys the warm weather, and secretly revels in showing off his possessive side. If asked directly, however, he will do nothing but complain about his experience.

In their usual day to day life, the trio keep their relationship fairly discreet. Close friends and family know, but they keep things vague with co-workers and strangers. This is primarily due to Ike and Soren’s private nature. Ranulf would be more open about it, if it didn’t make his partners uncomfortable. At pride, however, Ranulf is free to tell anybody and everybody about his wonderful boyfriend Ike and “boyfriend-in-law” Soren. And he takes full advantage of that. Ranulf even tries to get them to wear matching shirts, but Soren draws the line at that.

Ranulf wants to stay all day, and tries to attend as many events as possible. However, Ike and Soren’s social batteries are much more easily depleted, so they end up going home and “continuing the party” there. Aka: they have a little picnic in their backyard with music and fruity drinks.

You can view the next post in the series here

[softpine]

did we enjoy hanging out at the virtual bar last night ..... sorry i didn't finish answering the asks i fell asleep on the floor listening to lover you should've come over on a loop for 3 hours anyway here's the rest 😌 i may not be drunk anymore but i answered them quick fire mode for that authentic experience fjkjsds

i feel like as she's gotten older, caroline became the retrospective/morose kinda drunk and that's beth's natural state so it would be like a healing therapy session for sure. mikaela gets sloppy lmaooo so she would be blabbing about things no one asked, probably dropping some crazy anecdote that no one can tell if it's true or not. danny just gets stupid horny fjksjds sorry, gotta kick him out after 2 drinks or you'll see a lot more than you ever wanted to

he earned it!!!

honestly i never do anything for my sims birthdays because there's just so many of them 😭 but tom bought him a brownie from the dining hall and stuck a candle in it, then they gathered some friends and went out for drinks later but casper paid the whole tab with danny's money lol and his friends back home got on a group phone call to wish him happy birthday 💖

it suuuuuucks :( i know it's necessary and someday it will feel good and hopefully my relationships will be stronger because of it, but in the meantime i just feel like a toddler who doesn't have the words to describe how i feel so i just cry a lot fjkjsds it's definitely easier to give austin the benefit of the doubt because i can relate, but that makes me want to see him improve more than anything. i don't want to live my life in such a closed-off way anymore and austin probably doesn't either... he just isn't at that stage yet where he realizes it's a problem, so it's frustrating to witness him act like this 😭

BETHHH all of the above!! (well except HOA, because fuck HOAs) we've seen her volunteer as a chaperone for school dances, she's definitely asa's most involved parent in his school & general safety. caroline liked interacting with other parents when asa was little, because she was a young parent she wanted to soak up as much parental experience as possible. on the other hand, mikaela felt embarrassed about how she was the youngest parent in the room when she was putting casper through school/sports so she tended to keep to herself, but she did eventually embrace her status as a soccer mom and then football mom lmao. i can see her and beth in a bookclub :')

yeah he's at the tail end of his tour right now, he only has a few shows left. in the last post with caroline & asa in the hospital, mikaela was actually on the phone with danny but it didn't really make sense to include in that scene, so i moved it to the next time we'll see asa's parents. so i can't say too much about him yet!! but yeah he did take a SUPER long break, so his team is not going to be happy if he asks for another. he tries to keep his family out of the spotlight and only shares nonspecific information about them, but of course he taps into his emotions when writing music so i'm sure a lot of his family struggles come through, just maybe not in the way a casual listener would hear and think "oh his son has had mysterious health problems his whole life" or anything like that!

it's honestly been really fun to write!! he's such a stoic figure and his inner monologue is too, but there's a lot he doesn't say even to himself that's just simmering under the surface...

@forgotten-pixels omg it's funny you bring this up!! when i first introduced mac in the story, i wasn't thinking at all about genetics, i just picked a coat pattern i thought was cute and randomly decided he would be a boy, but then right after that i switched my major to biology and took a genetics class where i had to do a whole research project about chromosomal abnormalities and used male tortoiseshell cats as one of the focuses because they have an extra X chromosome which can also occur in humans (though obviously we don't get cute patterns because of it..... sad!) but male tortoiseshell cats tend to have a ton of health problems & lowered life expectancy because of this abnormality, so if we were being entirely realistic mac probably wouldn't have survived into adulthood. but since this is the sims i decided pets can never die fjksjds i did think about doing a silly retcon where once mac is no longer a kitten he runs away for a few days and returns pregnant because oops he's actually a female cat but 1. again, this is sims so who cares about realism and 2. there is no way in hell beth would be irresponsible enough to not get her adopted stray cat fixed as soon as possible. so i just scrapped the whole idea lmao but yes!! mac is just an exceedingly rare kitty :P

aww i'm sorry i think you sent this a couple days ago, but thank you for thinking of me 🥺 i hope you had a good day!!

noo you didn't make me feel rushed at all!! i totally get wanting to know, i wish i could be more consistent but i've given up on expecting that from myself jfkjsdj but yeah don't fear, he's not really dead dead hehe

oh i love this for them, thank you so much 💖 i don't know anything but just from what you've said, i think leo & aries makes so much sense for finn and asa because like they literally were never supposed to be together or even meet in their lifetimes but by god they will NOT let that stop them 😌

@morrigan-sims AHHH yeah i honestly have nothing to add to this fjkjsds you said it all !! i could comment more but that would be spoilers territory so i'll just leave it with saying i love hearing everyone's predictions, it makes me happy that you know these characters well enough to see into the future a bit 🥺

he wouldn't do anything to hurt (physically or emotionally) asa's family, nor would he knowingly let asa hurt them himself. so...... honey you've got a big storm coming i guess 😭😭

she loves animals, particularly reptiles & amphibians, she'd be so great working in conservation or education about animals especially for kids 🥺

she has a vague idea of how certain people would react... she thinks stevie would probably believe her (at least partially) because she's always been pretty open to unexplainable phenomenon, but she falsely believes that stevie wouldn't be able to keep a secret (she doesn't know that stevie has been keeping asa & finn's secret for a decade now...). she would never want to tell elaine, because she knows elaine doesn't believe in anything supernatural and would probably assume she's experiencing actual delusions. that just leaves asa, who she might have considered telling, except that she knows how badly he's struggled with his own mental health so she would never want to potentially make it worse by confusing his reality in a sense...

oh yeah i definitely cannot comment on this one jfkjsds

asa truly does not think about consequences or the future. you wouldn't assume this is the case because of how quiet and thoughtful he seems, but he chooses to live in the moment and deal with problems as they arise, not a minute sooner. for him, there's just no way he'll ever be without finn, no matter what he has to do to make that happen or what he has to give up..

[convenientalias]

Why You Should Watch White Christmas (the 2011 Kdrama): A Manifesto

Yesterday I was watching White Christmas (specifically episodes 4 and 5) for the fourth time. I watched it for the first time like five years ago and all my feelings are still there and still potent so today I am here to tell you that you should watch it too.

THE BASICS:

Seven kids at an elite private high school over winter break. They stayed there because they all received mysterious black letters, accusing them of vague, nonspecific crimes and claiming that on New Year's Day someone will die. When they find out that ALL of them received this letter, they decide one of them must have been the one to send it--and they set out to discover who it was. In the meantime, a giant blizzard shuts down all the roads, and telephone and internet connections go down as well, leaving the school isolated and all on campus trapped there together.

things develop from there.

THE CHARACTERS:

Park Moo-yul: A Good Boy. His grades are constantly second highest in the school; he's obsessed with studying and wants to someday come in first. Sort of a leader type, he tries to organize the investigative efforts (and later, keep things from falling apart--except, much as he'd like to believe it, he's not immune to the Lord of the Flies effect lols). For the first couple episodes, he's sort of the main/POV character, but by the end it's more of an ensemble cast show. In the episodes I just watched, there are multiple scenes with him staring down a gun and waiting to get shot. Some ppl think he's boring but I love a guy with a hero complex.

Choi Chi-hoon: The Genius. The first place to Park Moo-yul's second. People call him unemotional and heartless; it turns out later he does have difficulty feeling emotions due to a neurological issue. Loves science, interested in the black letters as a puzzle but for a while pretends not to be. The least likely to go Lord of the Flies but his Very Logical plans are often actually very risky.

Yoon Eun-sung: The Only Girl. (except for that one other woman who shows up later but she's not one of the seven so we're not counting her.) Used to be the most popular girl in school and also Park Moo-yul's girlfriend but then she Changed (aka she developed depression). Sarcastic and possibly suicidal. Everyone is OBSESSED with her (well, four, arguably five characters are obsessed with her, but this show only has a total of 11 characters so that's really too many).

Also, she's played by Esom, so if you like Esom, you should watch White Christmas.

Lee Jae-kyu: Why are you here???? For the first few episodes, that's a genuine question; he doesn't have an apparent connection to the others in the group, and it's a mystery why the black letter sender would have any grudges against him. It turns out later he has some secret issues. He's a bit of a snake in the grass. I won't go into it.

Yang Kang-mo: He wants to be a reporter someday! His nickname is Cameraman Yang, and he's always carrying a camera around. He's deaf, and partly as a result, gets bullied a lot. He is the favorite character of the friend I was watching this show with yesterday. Also there's a whole episode of him getting chased around with baseball bats, look forward to it.

Jo Young-jae: A bully, a coward and a messed up kid. A line he says in the show is, "Yes, I'm used to people hating me. To the extent that I'm scared when people don't hate me. But you made me hate myself!" A line someone else says to him is, "You're not a bad person. You're weak. If everyone knew how weak you were, they wouldn't hate you." To watch Jo Young-jae have multiple mental breakdowns, watch White Christmas, I promise it is very fun.

Also, he's played by Kim Young-kwang, so if you like Kim Young-kwang, you should watch White Christmas.

Yoon Su: His nickname is Angel. In general, it requires incredible academic acumen to go to Susin High; Yoon Su got in bc his parents donated money to the school. He's a loner and does not want to be here; his ambition in life is to be a musician, and he loves playing the guitar. He has some mental health issues and takes (unspecified) recreational drugs. He also has a giant grudge. Against who? Stay tuned to find out.

Also he's played by Lee Soo-hyuk, so if you like Lee Soo-hyuk, you should watch White Christmas.

Kang Mi-reu: THIS BOY IS NOT SUPPOSED TO BE HERE. Remember how I said seven kids got letters, seven kids stayed at the school? Meet kid number eight. Kang Mi-reu didn't get a letter and he didn't get permission to stay on campus either; technically he's on probation and on his way to being expelled. He sneakily stayed on campus to investigate who framed him for exploding a statue, the reason for his expulsion. He can go through air vents and has a great theme song. He wants to solve his problems with violence. Actually he once beat Choi Chi-hoon at academics but got pissed off at always losing to him and gave up on being a perfect student. We all love Kang Mi-reu.

Also he's played by Kim Woo-bin so if you like Kim Woo-bin, you should watch White Christmas.

Yoon Jong-il: The teacher who stayed on campus to supervise. Wow, I'm sure with a responsible adult around, there will be no chaos or violence breaking out on campus.

Kim Yo-han: He's not even affiliated with the school. He got in a car accident near it and then got stuck here due to the storm. He keeps getting concussions/broken bones/deadly fevers. Also, he's a psychiatrist, and finds all the weird shit going on at the school rather intriguing.

IS IT SHIPPY?

I mean, is there any actual romance? No.

Do we see slow burn friendships develop from suspicion to deep trust and affection over the course of the show? Also no.

Do I think some of these people should make out? Yeah.

A few ships I have specifically:

-Choi Chi-hoon/Park Moo-yul: Obvious rival ship, overemotional dude/kind of cold dude, leader type/genius type. There is also some hurt/comfort towards the end that I really can't describe without spoilers but the mix of resentment and trust is immense.

-Kang Mi-reu/Park Moo-yul: This is my just for fun ship. Good boy/bad boy vibes. Also Kang Mi-reu seems to actually listen to Park Moo-yul when for the most part he won't listen to anyone. Also he snuck into Park Moo-yul's bedroom once while he was sleeping and teased him about the fact that he and all the others got black letters and won't the sender be so offended he dares to sleep instead of sitting up paranoid all night. I just think they're cute.

-Yang Kang-mo/Jo Young-jae: Yes this is a bully/victim ship which is not usually my thing, but I love both of them and also Young-jae is so pathetic and Kang-mo honestly scares him at multiple points. Meanwhile Kang-mo is kind of tired and fed up with him but at this point has sort of a weird connection with him regardless. They know each other.

-Yoon Eun-sung/Jo Young-jae: Young-jae is my favorite of the dudes who's obsessed with Eun-sung, and the most toxic of them as well. She used to be perfect and he had a resentful crush on her for that; now she's kind of messed up but still aloof and superior, and he still wants and hates her at the same time. And she knows, and teases him about it, and he acts nonchalant but you can tell it grinds at him. The best m/f dynamic of the show.

I have a bunch of other ships.... explaining them involves spoilers so I'll just list a few: Kang Mi-reu/Yoon Su, Yang Kang-mo/Yoon Eun-sung/Park Moo-yul, Lee Jae-kyu/Choi Chi-hoon, Lee Jae-kyu/Jo Young-jae.

BUT, PERHAPS MOST IMPORTANTLY... THE VIBES!!!

I love the characters of White Christmas but I mostly rewatch it so much bc 1) the pacing is on point and 2) it's so cinematically satisfying.

In terms of plot and pacing--Everything moves fast. Each episode is very distinct from the others, the plot consistently moving forward at a breakneck pace. Each episode I would say gets a little faster and wilder (with the exception of episode 3, perhaps, which moves a little slow--but then episode 4 goes completely unhinged, so it's a fair exchange). There is shit going on and they are going to cram a whole show's worth of content into 8 episodes and you are going to eat it.

In terms of production: Visually stark. Lots of glass and snow and shadows everywhere. Fun shots. A great soundtrack. For one thing, Wake Up by Arcade Fire recurs a lot and the vibes are immense and very teenage angst and "what the fuck am I supposed to do".

Anyways here's some shots I think convey the vibe:

ANYWAY.

Watch White Christmas! And if you do, or if you've already watched it, please talk to me about it! I am currently in the White Christmas feelings, as I often am this time of year.