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#i tried so hard to use my words and communicate and be genuine uuuggghhhhhh and that shits hard man
motheyes · 2 years
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why do i have to be the bigger person
#four thirty am and i’m awaaakkkkkeeeee#i had some anger yesterday i never rlly got to talk about#a kinda snapped at me at the store :(#and it made me like shut down so bad 😭 but i just straight up ignored how i felt and just pretended to be unphased cuz i don’t like conflict#anyways. like a few days ago with the whole their brother is coming with us thing#i like rlly sat down and put my anger aside to apologize to them and make sure they knew i didn’t think it was there fault#because it’s not. it’s kinda just a thing that happened.#but even now the more i think about the less i like rlly think that#i just wish they had taken a little responsibility because i rlly put my fucking ego aside to apologize#and make things right. and they were nice about it but rlly were just like#‘yeah sorry i literally just remembered this an hour ago when he messaged me’#like they said that a lot and i totally get it like i know you didn’t purposely forget#but. i just need a little more then that. it felt like they thought i was over reacting even during my little apology man#idk i feel like i’m rlly over thinking this but it’s like bothering me alot#i hate being the bigger person and then having it he other person not take responsibility too#i tried so hard to use my words and communicate and be genuine uuuggghhhhhh and that shits hard man#god i’m just upset about it and i feel like a dick still having this anger#having major plans changed like that so close to this big event is very very stressful for me#it immediately made me panic and get rlly upset#i’ve already spent sm of my time planning everything in my head and now all that’s out the window because there’s a whole new person involve#and i’m going to have to use a lot more energy now during this trip because of it#which heightens the chance of a melt down or me just being snappy and i don’t want that#does any of this make sense. oh my god i’m rambling like crazy rn#like ik i just need to communicate these things and how this effects me to a but like. i did. and i didnt get the answer i wanted#and maybe that’s on me. :( i don’t know. i hate this tho i feel crazy about it#i should fall back asleep. or at least try i’m tired
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