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#i tried on monday and this is what he said. almost verbatim
bisexual-slime · 1 year
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mental health has been in the fucking sewer the past month, feeling extremely anxious, stressed, depressed, miserable, selfish and just overall shite. the only reason my left arm is in one piece is bc 1. I don't want to potentially damage my tattoos and 2. I can't cover it for work. I am doing BAD and I feel like theres no way out
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usmsgutterson · 1 year
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The Fire That Burns Within- N.L x fem! reader Chapter Five
Masterlist
Okay! here’s the fifth chapter! There might be two updates a day starting Monday because the goal is to have this fic out by the end of June (I have a few things up my sleeve for next month because it’s pride month and I want to celebrate my queerness because it’s not something I’m very vocal about but this June I have decided I will scream from the rooftops about it) 
Fic type- this one is hurt,, not quite angst but still very painful
Warnings- mentions of death, mentions of physical violence (punching someone in the face is mentioned once)
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You’d woken up after only forty-five minutes spent asleep. Part of you wanted to wander the halls again, but you did not want to see a certain blond prince with a too-handsome smirk and a very sharp tone when he spoke with malicious intent. 
Still, you needed to leave your room. As you sat up and reached for your flint, you realized that to stay in your room for too much longer was to suffocate. You liked your quarters in the Spinning Wheel well enough, but sometimes, it was truly impossible to breathe while trapped within those walls. 
So, you straightened out your roughspun tunic. You tucked your flint into the pocket of your trousers and pulled your combat boots back on. You objected not to wear your kefta and put your hands into your pockets as you left your room behind.
You wandered until you had found a balcony, felt the cool of the wind against your cheeks. You thought back to Nikolai’s remark, felt yourself yearning for death all over again. 
You speak like him. The Darkling. 
Considering your hatred for Nikolai, for his bloodline, you supposed it was the truth that he could’ve said worse in retaliation to your expressions of dislike. He very well could’ve had you tried for speaking against him and put you to the prison cells. 
Nikolai could’ve pointed out that you had once been so loyal to the Darkling that your kefta had been embroidered in black. 
There were a thousand different things he could’ve done to retaliate against you, each one crueler than the last, and somehow, the remark he’d made had hurt worse than any one of those things might’ve. 
“He is an idiot of the highest degree,” you jumped at the sound of Zoyas voice, having turned your back to the exit and not focused on anything but the delicate sound of snow falling against the stone. “The Lantsov prince. I overheard him talking to Mal, trying to figure out how to apologize for what might be the lowest blow in verbal history. He repeated his words verbatim, even. Genya heard it, and the only reason she stayed behind was so that she could try to convince Alina to punch him again.” 
“He was right.”
“He was not,” Zoya said. “You talk nothing like the Darkling. Nikolai should be so lucky to be in your company, and had he asked me for advice I would’ve told him he needed to take a knee and grovel.” 
You shook your head. “You don’t--I was one of his most trusted, Zoya. I saw all of the horrors firsthand and thought nothing of them until I watched him expand the Fold rather than shrink it. I’ve watched countless people die, and before Alina Starkov dared to resist the Darkling and his charms, thought it was par for the course. I thought that every death he caused was necessary, did not know that the Darkling was a man to whom my trust should never have been given until I watched him almost kill the girl everyone thinks is to be our salvation.” 
“You were charmed,” Zoya said, shrugging easily. “You liked the idea of power. Of respect. We all did, Y/N. Fedyor carried the black embroidery. Ivan did. I did at one point. Genya did during her time on the boat with you while the Darkling held Alina captive and in the days leading up to the expansion of the Fold. Alina did during her first stint at the palace--she wore a fully black kefta, if you don’t recall? Everyone liked his power, everyone fell for his charms, until we saw the error in his ways.”
“Nikolai--”
“Was behaving like an idiot,” Zoya cut. “He said something really, incredibly stupid, and if he does less than grovel, beg for your forgiveness--especially considering that he has to know the weight his comment ungraciously dropped upon your shoulders--and I find out that he has done less, I will summon a wind so strong that it pushes him into a wall and leaves an indent of his body when all is said and done.” 
You sighed. You did not want to think of the Darkling or of a future king any longer. You wanted to eat dinner, drink tea if any were available, and sleep to your hearts content. 
You let Zoya lead you back inside, headed to the dining hall and avoided Nikolai with no intent to see him for the remainder of the day. 
-
“I believe it is the truth that I owe you an apology,” Nikolai said. “I am sorry for my words, Y/N.” 
A couple of hours had gone past. Night had fallen, and you had fallen into your rhythm of moving about the endless corridors, finding solace in the low burning torches and the sound of your footfalls against the stone that made up the floor. 
“I don’t need your apologies, Nikolai,” you said. “You were right. I talk like him. I concede. Are you content in knowing that?” 
“I never meant harm.”
“If you did not mean harm, you would not have spoken,” you said. “You said that to hurt me, and I know that I deserve it given how I’ve treated you, but fuck that was a hit. You hit a part of me that I did not know still existed.” 
“I know that I did,” Nikolai said with a nod. “I did mean to, and I lied when I said I didn’t mean harm because I did, and I acknowledge that. I regret having said what I did, though, and I wanted to make sure you knew that I feel sorry about it.” 
You did not know whether or not you wanted to forgive him, but the words fell from your lips before you could stop and think. “Thank you for your apology. I accept it for now, but I would very much like to be allowed to return to my quarters without interruption.”
You turned to look at him, caught his nod. 
“I will allow you to do that, then,” he said. 
You did not respond. You only returned to your quarters, closed your eyes, and tried to get some rest. 
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banditthewriter · 6 years
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Welcome Home - Billy Russo
Prompt: Can you write a fic where Billy comes home from the marines to surprise his girlfriend while she’s at work or out with friends or something? I’ve been watching those military homecoming videos recently and they make me cry so much Prompter: @iblogabout-stuff
Tags are at the bottom. Let me know if you would like to be added to one of my tag lists!
*gif is mine*
Enjoy!
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*****
“Day one hundred and sixty five,” you said as you ticked off another day on the calendar.
Billy's deployment would be at least six months, maybe more. You hated when he was gone, but you were so proud of him.
He had told you that this might be his last deployment and you couldn't help the happiness you felt at the thought. As much as you were proud of your Marine boyfriend, you'd be happier when you didn't have to worry about him getting hurt while he was overseas.
The bed felt cold and empty when he was gone but you knew it would be worth it to have him in your arms again.
Your friends had come together to plan a day of getting you out of the apartment. They were worried about you. But not just you.
You did feel a little better that they were dragging Maria out as well. She had been just as hard to get out of the house as you had.
Granted she had two kids, but you meant more in a social way rather than chauffeuring her kids around.
The bar you all were going to was one you had gone to with Billy, Maria, and Frank more than just a few times. Hell, you had a regular drink order there. It had been Ali’s idea to go there and while you had pouted at the memories that immediately assailed you, you agreed.
Drinks with the ladies would be in a few hours so you went through your usual Saturday routine. You checked your emails, replied to any that required immediate attention. The television played in the background as you did laundry and ate cereal for lunch.
If you weren’t going out, you’d put on sweats or one of Billy’s shirts and curl up on the couch for a few hours. There were a stack of books on the coffee table that you wanted to read but you missed reading with Billy during the long days before his deployment.
There were so many memories of Billy in the apartment. Most days you were desensitized to the memories but for some reason they were brighter and hurt more today.
A knock at the door startled you. You glanced at the clock and saw that you had plenty of time before you were to meet with the girls. That in mind, you moved over to the door and pulled it open without checking the peep hole.
“Maria,” you said in surprise as you opened the door a little wider to one of your best friends. “I thought we were all meeting at seven?”
“We are. I just got antsy,” she said as she walked in, stopping to give you a quick hug. “Did you open the door without checking who it was? I think somewhere, Billy just got a migraine.”
You laughed and shut the door behind her. Both of you moved over to the couch and sat down.
“Yeah, I thought about that right as I did it.”
Maria gave a soft smile that you recognized immediately.
“They’ll be home soon,” you said as you reached out to grasp her hand.
She laughed and shook her head as if she was being silly. You watched her wipe her eyes before she met your gaze.
“It wouldn’t be the first time they extended their deployment. You know that as well as I do.”
You hadn’t been with Billy as long as Maria had been with Frank, but this wasn’t the first deployment that you both had been there for. You knew you wouldn’t have made it through without Maria so you were more than willing to be her support right then.
“I know, but we can’t think like that. The what ifs are just going to drive you crazy. And Frank wouldn’t want that for you. Neither of them would want that for us.”
She leaned into your shoulder and you felt her heave a sigh. She knew you were right. It was something she had said to you almost verbatim during the first deployment you had been around for.
“Wanna watch crappy TV before we head out?”
She gave you a smile before she nodded. You leaned into her a little more and flicked the sound up a little higher before you settled in for the time being.
------
The bar wasn’t as crowded as you had expected for a Saturday evening. Alison had positioned you and Maria at a table and the rest of the group sat down with you. It was strange, but Ali was the kind of girl that liked to do things in a certain way.
They were probably just wanting to make sure the two of you had support and enough distractions tonight.
Two drinks in, Ali was checking her phone every few seconds. It wasn’t too unusual because she was on about six different dating apps, but you almost wanted to call her out on it. She usually was the one that called for everyone to put their phones away when you were together.
“How much longer until the men get home?” It was one of your other friends, Sandra, that asked that question softly.
“Another three weeks at least,” Maria said sullenly as she pushed her drink away.
“It could always be longer,” you explained as you gripped Maria’s hand. “It wouldn’t be the first time the government messed things up.”
Ali grinned at her phone before she looked up at the two of you. Her smile grew wider for a second before she tried to lessen it a bit.
“I know you both really miss the guys. And I just know that when they come back, it’ll be a wonderful moment.”
Before you could say anything, you heard someone clearing their throat behind you. You turned your head to glance and see if maybe your chair was blocking the way and immediately froze.
“Billy?”
He was standing in his uniform and once you realized that you were not hallucinating, you squealed and launched yourself out of your chair over to him. You heard applause and the sound of people “aww”ing as well as another squeal, but you couldn’t see anything but the man in your arms.
“You’re home?” You pulled back to meet his eyes and he tugged you into a kiss before you could say anything else.
The kiss made you melt into him even more, his hands wrapped around you being the only thing keeping you up it felt like.
“I’m home,” he whispered against your lips between kisses. “We both are.”
You pulled back and glanced to the side to see Frank and Maria wrapped up in each other just a few feet away. Maria was crying, her shoulders shaking. Frank met your eyes and gave you a smile as he hugged his wife tighter.
You looked back at Billy and wiped tears out of your eyes as you asked, “How?”
“Got rotated back early. Frank reached out to Ali because we wanted to surprise the two of you.”
With a gasp, you whirled around to face Ali and the girls who were all staring at you with tears in their eyes. And their phones up to show that they had definitely been filming that moment.
“Thank you,” you called to her before you turned back to Billy. ���I can’t believe you’re home. You’re here.”
He tilted your face up and pressed a kiss to your lips that made your eyes start to tear up again. There was so much emotion brewing in you as you held on tight to him, your fingers wrapped in his jacket.
“We’ll get together tomorrow or Monday,” Frank said from off to the side, drawing your attention away from Billy. “I’d stick around but I want to get home and see the kids.”
You separated from Billy long enough to wrap Frank in a hug. You could see Maria doing the same to Billy, her hands on his cheeks before she gave him a tight hug. Frank squeezed you tight and pulled back to look down at you for a moment.
“It’s good to see you again Y/N,” he said as he gave you another brief hug. “I hope you guys don’t mind, but I really wanna go hug my kids.”
“Go,” you said as you pushed him over to Maria. Even Billy was smiling at the two of them. “We’ll meet up, all of us. There’s no rush.”
Once the Castles were gone, you could see that the rest of your table had mostly meandered off to leave you and Billy alone. You looked up at him, tears still in your eyes.
You’d missed him so much.
“Do you want to get something to eat? Or would you prefer to go home and shower? Sleep maybe?”
He tugged you in, tilting your head up to give you a kiss that made your toes curl in your shoes.
“I’d rather take you home and show you how much I missed you.”
You swallowed and gave him a quick nod, your breaths coming in shorter in anticipation.
Neither of you could get out of the bar fast enough.
------
The sound of the shower made you smile as you made your way to the kitchen. After a very eventful evening at home and then a solid nine hours of sleep, Billy had finally gotten up to shower. You wanted to go ahead and start breakfast—well, lunch at this point—so that he could have something to eat once he was out of the shower.
While you waited for the stove to heat up, you looked at the calendar that hung on the wall nearby. The dates were checked off, aimed towards one that had a little dot in the corner.
You hadn’t felt comfortable circling the date that he was supposed to be coming home because you felt like it would jinx it. And the thought of him not coming home when you missed him so much had nearly broken you before.
Hands fell to your hips and a pair of lips brushed your cheek, breaking you from your daze. You hadn’t even heard the water turn off.
“Morning,” he mumbled against your neck as he placed another kiss there.
His hands were roaming your sides and lower. You slapped at his hand with a spatula and laughed as you craned your neck to meet his eyes.
“You need to eat,” you said with a laugh as he pouted. At your words, he started to grin wider and you rolled your eyes. “Food, you insatiable man. You need real food. Or do you miss MREs already?”
“Low blow,” he teased as he pulled back. He followed the direction you had been staring and looked over the calendar with interest as you went back to making lunch.
Just yesterday you had been thinking about how much you missed him being here. His presence had always felt so tangible in the apartment and now he was there. You could reach out and touch him, prove that it hadn’t just been a very good dream.
With lunch cooking, you stepped into his space and wrapped your arms around his shoulders.
“I’m so glad you’re home,” you said as you pressed a kiss to his jaw.
“Me too,” he mumbled as he leaned in to kiss you again, pressing you back against the fridge.
Lunch was going to get cold but you didn’t care. You were just happy to have Billy back in your arms.
X
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bearofohu · 6 years
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Professor Layton Anime Theory - Luke’s Possible Betrayal (LMDA Spoilers!)
hi guys its luke today i’m making a callout post on luke 
 this is probably the most cursed theory i will ever create and i promise this is pure speculation, i don’t WANT this to happen i don’t think this SHOULD happen i know the layton community will systematically explode if it does so please don’t unfollow me i am a sensitive boy 
summary of the theory: this theory analyzes the possibly of luke betraying layton in the relic stone mystery similarily to emmy based on several aspects of luke’s two appearances in the anime and what we know about the future of the anime so far.
warning: swearing, implications that luke is a good boy gone bad
ps: sorry for the typos im so fuckign tired
full theory under the cut! 
alright, lets go lesbians
me and the bros were talking on the layton community discord, and i mentioned something that has been bothering me about luke, a theory if you will. @officialchampionred summed up my thoughts on my own theory pretty well after i told them about it
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i originally was just going to not do anything with my speculation, but i figured since the one i made about luke being kat’s father was so well received, even if i ended up being incorrect, i would take another shot at a theory that i think has a good chance of being realized somewhere down the line
ok so the theory summary sounds like a load of baloney when you read it for the first time, right? well hear me out, because i have several points to bring up that may rattle ur bones. without further ado, here are the points:
1. Luke’s Design and its Similarity to the Relic Stone Thugs In Episode 10
im going to start with one point that several people have caught on with all ready, but i don’t think anybody has ever really tried to connect the dots here. so you know luke’s new design, right? the fedora, the jacket, very cute
EXCEPT
here is an image comparison of luke’s design and the outfits of the men, we’ll call them the fedora fellas, we see that attack by don paolo’s orders in the museum 
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now i know what you’re thinking, “that there is just coincidence” or, “THEY MUST ALL HAVE TO WEAR FEDORAS ON MONDAYS” but i assure you, the similarities here are not accidental. there’s just no way. the design team wouldn’t love the same horrible design enough to just use it on multiple characters just cause they want to. there is just no way this has no relevance. 
while some accessories and colors may be different on luke and the men, the general design is still in place, especially with the hat being an exact copy every time. a uniform protocol is being followed here. luke is most likely not wearing choice clothes. this is a uniform, and the men are also following this uniform.
it’s also worth mentioning that even don paolo has a SORT OF similar design change to the color schemes we see in the henchmen and luke
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its not entirely relevant, but the red color kind of fits the bill, and i don’t think they would also change paolo’s design for absolutely no reason.
@muzzable also made an amazing color comparison for this theory between luke’s uniform and the fedora fellas, so full credit there! 
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this image analyzes the color differences between luke’s outfit and the ones worn by those men. note that obviously its not exact, and its probably not supposed to be.
that’s because this is the shit akihiro doesn’t want you to pay much attention to while watching, and its WORKING. 
this is so in the event of a betrayal it will smack you upside the jaw (my jaws been broken before, it hurts)
now another counterpoint could be, “maybe its relevant but it doesnt automatically mean that luke works with the fedora fellas or don paolo” and you’d be fucking spot on you funky little luke fanatic, but i got a lot more up my sleeve to tell you.
at the end of this theory, we’re going to move to discuss luke’s motives, but for now, we’re going to stick with the essential points. now we’re going to move onto point 2, which isn’t entirely as direct as point 1, but still holds relevance if you squint
2. Luke’s Nervous/Suspicious Behaviour in Episode 10 & ESPECIALLY 20
watch out, this point is the biggest one analysis wise
you wanna know something i noticed about episode 10 and 20?
luke looks and acts noticeably nervous in almost every scene he’s appeared in
for one example, did anybody else notice the repetitive anime sweat drop going on with no character BUT luke in episode 20, ESPECIALLY the closer they got to the relic stone chamber?
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he’s sweating in a LOT of scenes, and on top if that, if you pay attention to his behaviour a lot of it is him just looking generally... worried. a lot of people discredit the anime sweat drop as a cosmetic trope, but a lot of animators actually use it to convey genuine fear or anxiety that offers hints to the direction of the plot.
it’s like he knows something we don’t about the relic stones, like he has something to hide, and he gets worse the further they go, like the closer they get to the relic stones the more nervous luke gets that he’ll have to betray the professor IN THAT MOMENT
and hershel isn’t worried or nervous at all because he TRUSTS luke and i know you could be like, “oh but luke, hes just a nervous boy” and thats all fair and good, we can safely say that luke COULD be a naturally anxious character, but these little details and luke’s general behaviour are VERY noticeable once you pay attention to them for the first time, and also the concept of him being a nervous character was never in place when he was a boy with no malicious motives that we’re speculating now
the pattern of looking luke generally troubled is also shown in episode 10, though perhaps not as noticeable as it is in 20.
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while they’re discussing the relic stones and luke is explaning the situation to marina (who im pretty sure is not aware of luke’s outside motive), he gets a little nervous and hesitant when they start talking about why he was doing it. layton then finishes his sentence for him, saying it was for katrielle, indirectly saving luke from having to scramble for an explanation.  he just looks OFF.
marina’s face is also the official mood for this post
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anyway, level-5 loves using body language in their animations. in cutscenes, the characters often perform actions that define their thinking and their motive. for example, layton puts his hand on his chin and walks around, oh boy he’s going to expose someone. descole slams his hands on the piano keys in eternal diva, oh boy he’s pissed. layton points at someone, oh boy they’re the culprit. 
was luke ever THIS nervous and hesitant in the games, when he was a boy? no, not passively nervous. he was only really nervous in the face of danger. as a boy, he was actually pretty confrontational and confident.
so why act so strange here? what changed? 
luke looks pretty nervous in this anime, oh boy i wonder if there’s something bothering him that nobody knows about
i feel like now would be a good time to issue a disclaimer that also supports my points, this theory is NOT meant to imply, “oh luke’s a heartless bastard he hates layton and wants the relic stones for himself”
i have very little faith in the idea that, if luke is doing this, he would be doing it for himself, or because he wants to.
i’m confident in this theory, but im not confident that luke’s motives are just plain evil, because while his character can change and realistically SHOULD CHANGE, i don’t think he has it in him to just become evil. i think someone’s either forcing his hand (maybe similarly to clark’s situation), or giving him something he can’t refuse in return for layton. 
but more on that later.
now we move onto point 3!
3. Key Hint Passively Given by Picarats 
u guys know picarats, right? the guy that provides us with the streams, my bro, an awesome guy...
a guy that is in direct kahoots with level 5 and knows exactly how everything in the anime going to work out
beelieve it or not, picarats is actually a member of the discord server that i run (https://discord.gg/ZYxmPP) and he posts there occasionally. he’s pretty vocal with our community so it’s really not that much of a shocker that he would give us hints from time to time. we’re true bros. i love u my guy
but that’s not the point, the poINT, THE JUICY PART, the REASON why im bringing picarats up... is because he’s provided us with a crucial hint to support my theory, mainly during the episode 20 stream 
THE KEY HINT THAT PICARATS HAS GAVE US WAS...
LMDA’s storyline, in its current form and in its future presumably, is a  reflection of the events of Azran Legacy.
now this is something picarats DID say, though not entirely in verbatim, during the episode 20 stream. i promise u with every ounce of gay power in my body that he said that the anime’s storyline reflects azran legacy’s.
unfortunately, i do NOT have a screenshot because i was too busy having a psychiatric breakdown in the middle of the episode. if anyone took a screenshot of him saying that, pls send it to me, i will credit and love you forever. <3
that single hint during that stream is EXTREMELY crucial and most likely the most important one, it was one of the things that spurred my thinking about this theory, so essentially
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BUT you may ask, lUKE, what is so important about the fact that the anime is supposed to mirror azran legacy?? whats the significance of that?? 
well.. u mere mortal... im about to give you a series of events from both azran legacy and LMDA
azran legacy was an adventure to discover the secrets of the azran, right?
right.
emmy, his loya resourceful assistant and friend of whomst he TRUSTS, is with him up until they are moments away from unlocking the secrets, right?
right.
then, this devastating shit happens.
youtube
emmy shows remorse for betraying layton but tells him she was doing it for someone else and wouldn’t have done it otherwise.
everyone dies.
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are you following my thought process so far?
now lets go to LMDA’s current canon storyline
layton reunites with luke, who is acting nervous constantly and wears an outfit similar to the people who want the relic stones for malicious intent 
layton, fully trusting luke, leave katrielle to go on an adventure to find the relic stones, a series of artifacts that are linked to the azran.
they go on the adventure and then become moments away from unlocking the secrets of the relic stones
LAYTON GOES MISSING.
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thanks picarats, that single sentence you said in a stream has turned me into a conspiracy theorist
are we broken yet? are we all nice and broken yet?? good. now we get to talk about LUKE’S POSSIBLE MOTIVES.
Luke’s Possible Motives for Betraying Layton
now this is yet another juicy part of the theory, and probably where the biggest counterargument might come into play, which is:
“bUt LUkE WoUld NeV ER dO tHAT”
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bUT i will give you my theories on luke’s possible motives for concocting a scheme that wild, but before i do, i would like to give u a memorable quote from clove dive that basically sums up the point im about to make:
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we, as a fandom, are collectively forgetting that it is unrealistic to think luke has barely changed in terms of personality and motive
do i blame us? no. after all, we’ve known luke as an innocent boy for about 11 years now. 
hino knows this. hino knows how good we think luke is. that’s why i said that his attempt to make us ignore the hints is WORKING.
and like i said, i can’t blame any of us at all for wanting to believe that luke hasn’t changed, but its simply unrealistic. 
as much as we don’t like to believe it, luke and layton have basically barely if not at all interacted for several years up until this point
luke is not a boy. something about luke has changed. 
and this theory attempts to connect just what that change might be.
like i said before, i wholeheartedly disbelieve that in the event this theory is accurate, luke has ‘turned evil’ just like we all believe emmy didn’t turn evil.
they were forced to do it for something that they deeply cared about.
they were forced to betray their friend for something bigger.
and i think that’s a damn exhilarating plot device.
Conclusion 
now you might have guessed that in this point in the theory i’ve gone from being serious into shitposting as my thought process usually does, and also i’ve been working on this since 3 AM, so im gonna go ahead and wrap this up with a disclaimer before you throw a chair at me.
i am in no way implying that this is canon or SHOULD be canon. i love luke and don’t want to see him betray layton, but this theory is meant to purely speculate the possibilites of the future of this anime
in a nutshell...
its just a theory.
A GGAAMMEE TTH E EE O RR Y.
(c) luke’s terrible and scatterbrained theories vol. 2
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estrxlar · 3 years
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The Ghost Of You
16 - Is This A Good Idea
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This chapters songs:
These Days - The Wallows
Stay away (it's like that) - TV Girl
Verbatim - Mother Mother
- Y. L. Perspective
It was Monday once again, and I was sitting down at the freakishly clean lunch table, where I nervously waited for my friends' long-awaited responses. "So? Do you guys wanna...say something?"
Everybody sat with their eyes wide, surprised at my explanation of how the other night came to be.
"You're telling me...that...you and Sugawara..were a thing this whole time?!" Giki slams her palms onto the table, catching the attention of a few people around us. "AND YOU DIDN'T THINK TO TELL US...?!"
Toruku puts his finger over her mouth, still keeping his eyes on me. I wasn't very confident that my friends would understand that Koushi and I had loved each other for quite a while. But I had to tell them sooner or later. And before anything is official between us, I'd like to tell them. They're my family, after all.
"Are you guys boyfriend and girlfriend?" Hikishi curls his brows, fishing out some rice on his chopsticks, and shoving it into his mouth. "Damn, I knew something was going on between you guys!"
Giki slaps Toruku's finger away, rolling her eyes. She twirls her short black hair in her fingers, still curious about my relationship with a boy they had only met a few times. "I thought that you said you were just friends? Not that I'm against it.. but.. how come you didn't tell us?"
Toruku chimes in, "Is this why you talk about him so much? Or why you've been so distant recently?" His words make me think back to the many times I had listened to their conversations more than discuss with them anything that happened with me.
"I guess I was just scared you guys would think I'm getting myself into trouble or something. I mean, none of you have got your eye on anyone, right?" I look at the three as they all shake their heads. "Look, we're not a couple or anything. We're just... overthinking things."
I loudly, laying my head down on the table. Truth was, I'd been wondering whether or not being in a relationship with Koushi was a smart idea. All I needed was a chance to go through my options and stop to think. Thankfully, Hikishi taps my head, pulling my attention towards him, Giki, and Toruku.
"Hey, we're still your friends, you know. It doesn't matter who you like, we're always here to talk and give you advice. Besides, we all like Sugawara! He's nice and treats you good," Hikishi says, turning to his friends for reassurance. "Right guys?"
They nod, leaning close towards each other to make a small oddly shaped circle. "Yeah, of course. Now, spill, Y/n! What has been happening ever since the party?"
"Uh, yes. On a walk home, we had both agreed to wait a little bit to figure out our feelings, but it was more so that I could realize mine. It wasn't so bad, though. I had time for myself and to spend some time with the volleyball team. They're loud and crazy, but they're fun. I can't believe they're all so respectful considering they're teenage boys. Anyway, we kept talking casually as two people who liked each other would!" I take a sip of my juice box, taking a deep breath from explaining so much. Still, my friends were all ears, leaning back to hear the frightening love story of Koushi and me. "After Oikawa had seen me at the party, he tried texting me a few days later, saying he wanted to talk. I brushed it off casually as any other person who's been in drama with him would and told him I was busy. But on the day of the practice game, I saw him there! He and Oikawa. Supposedly, they're the two best players on the Aoba Johsai Volleyball team."
"Oh..does that mean you have beef with them not only because of that party and because of volleyball?" Giki asks. By "you guys", she meant Toruku and me.
I nod, slapping my forehead. "Yup. And that's not even the worst part! We have to play in a spring tournament with them, which means seeing them more than what I'm comfortable with. On the day of the game, I bumped into Hajime in the hall. He didn't cause any trouble! He was nice and apologized and everything, surprisingly. I explained how I was there as a manager, not some creepy stalker, and even got to talk a bit about how life's been treating us. As for Oikawa, he didn't say much. He saw that I was at their game as a manager, but never confronted me about it. I'm sure Hajime had enlightened him on how I was a part of the volleyball team. Still, he could have told me something if he claims he wanted to talk so badly! Koushi noticed how I was acting strange when he entered the room and confronted me about it when we got to my house."
Toruku raises a brow, asking, "your house? So he spends the night now?"
"N-no! Well, he's never actually stayed an entire night. He usually just comes over towards night and leaves around two or three in the morning. I think his dad might be strict about him staying out late, so that's probably why he has to sneak back home. Anyway, after I had told him what happened, he understood, and eventually, we began talking about ourselves. God, it felt so good to tell him how I felt. And I know now that I didn't just like Koushi, I was in love with him. He just makes me feel safe and knows me so well. If we weren't separated by an entire school year, I'm sure I would have realized it sooner, but I do love him. A lot, actually. And if I'm being brutally honest, I don't care we only have a year to be together." For a second, I forgot that my friends had opinions of their own and began to blabber on about how much I liked Suga. They all looked as if they were just given a box or issues to solve. "So...do you guys think I should?”
None of them mutter a word and instead trade worried expressions, then look back at me. "Look,
Y/n. I don't think any of us have ever experienced this entire 'love' thing except for you and Toruku, so I don't think that our opinions would help very much. But..we can all agree that you've cheered up ever since you started hanging out with Sugawara. Hell, even your chords have been getting better. We've never seen you so happy before. So if you really love him, then we respect your decision to be with him." Hikishi smiles brightly at me, as Toruku and Giki nod along with his words.
I sigh, very relieved that I had such wonderful friends. They were here for me before I even got to find myself and my talents. How could I doubt that they wouldn't be supportive? It's them, after all. "That amazing, thank you, guys." I smile back, looking down at the poke bowl I'd brought in my bento today. "Now that that's over, we should probably make plans for our schedule. It's been quite some time since we've talked about it."
"Ah, yes!" Giki exclaims, shoving her hands into her school bag and fishing out a large piece of paper. "So, I just got this flyer for a band competition coming up. It's in about a month, so that gives us some time to come up with some ideas for songs and practice."
Each of us passes around the flyer, observing its letters. Although it was written in lazy lettering and small pictures, we knew it wasn't something to brush off. Booking gigs and getting our name out to the public was what we needed. Ever since we had published a small album of some scraps from a few songs we'd written, we've only gotten people from our families, school, and some friends we knew in the industry. And before we would sign with my aunt, she wanted for us to gain a few more supporters and fans to help us get the word out further.
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Giki nods, happily drumming her fingers on the table. "Yup! I already signed us up. Since the festival has gotten much more popular, I'm sure there will be a lot of people there!"
"Great, that gives us something to look forward to. Now, for what to choose as the song..." I lean onto my elbow, stared down by my band members. They all raise their brows at me. "...what?"
"Word on the street is that Summer's Amp Fest is looking for more than just what people can cover. They're looking for authenticity. We think it would be best to come up with something of our own, " Toruku explains. Still, I'm confused as to why they look to me for help.
"So..?"
"So... do you wanna come up with some lyrics?" In surprise of Giki's question, I began choking on my salmon. 'Write a song? I hope they only mean words and not notes as well. I've never been asked such a thing from my band.' I think to myself, choking in distress while Hikishi handed me a cup of water.
I down the entire thing, steering the coughing to a halt. And not long after do I ask, "you mean, like, write an entire song?! Look, I'm flattered and all, but I'm not very good!"
"Come on! You're the one who knows their way with words, Y/n! You've written a few others in the past, why not do it now?" Toruku pleads.
"Because it's so stressful! And only in a month? Can we even be prepared by then?!" I yell out. "Besides, what would I even write about? It's not like my life is any more interesting or sad than you guys!"
"Tch, you're in love for Christ's sake! That's what most artists write about! Take a look at TV girl— all they sing are songs about being addicted to cigarettes, sex, and heartbreak. You can do it, Y/n!" Hikishi claps his hands together. "As long as it's impactful and sounds good, then I think we'll be fine."
"Yeah! If you'd like, you can even talk to Suga about it! Maybe he can help too," Giki suggests.
I frown, scared that when the time comes, I'll disappoint my friends. All I've ever written are a few words and such. Almost all our songs are instrumentals with one or two verses. "I don't know, you guys. What if I make something super cringe and bad?"
"Y/n, you've got everything you need to write a full song. All we're asking for is authenticity and emotion. Not much! Look, me and Hikishi will take care of the chords and notes. Giki can get everything prepared for us, and you can write the lyrics! A good song will get us in the spotlight," Toruku explains.
Although I had doubts about my talents, I had hope that I could grow a pair and put in some effort into a song.
"Okay then. It can't be too hard, right?"
-
"Koushi, this is so hard! There's nothing I have in mind!" I whine to him as we walk to the clubrooms. School had just ended and volleyball practice was next on our agenda. Today, the so-called so "guardian" was to come back from some kind of secondary school he attended.
The boy pats my back as I throw my head back. "Don't stress it, Y/n. They said it was around a month away, right? That gives you a lot of time to come up with something. And if you'd like, I can even help you. Though, I'm not sure I'm very good with words," he chuckles, running his hand through his hair.
"Really now? Your little letter says otherwise," I say, turning Koushi's cheeks crimson. As much as I wanted to go further into the playful argument, locker rooms were just up ahead. We departed before continuing.
Before I enter the girls club room, the sound of two girls talking came from inside. 'Whatever. Other sports teams have things to do too, right?' I straightened my skirt, hoping that my being there wouldn't be an issue.
I carefully open the door, peeking my head inside of it. I could only recognize Kiyoko changing into her sweat pants, but not the other girl. Once reassuring that it wasn't a crowd of people, I fully entered, closing the door behind me. "Uh—hello," I utter, awkwardly smiling while walking towards my locker.
The stranger turns quickly, revealing her figure. 'Who is this chick?!' I ask myself. She had straight dirty blonde hair, smooth milky skin the covered her body, and deep green eyes. I was surprised such a beautiful and classy girl was here in a gym locker room.
She looks me up and down, attempting to return the smile. "Oh—hi! You must be the new manager. My name is Eclair, it's nice to meet you!"
-
Vote pls and ty ok bye ily
- estrxlar
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freenewstoday · 3 years
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New Post has been published on https://freenews.today/2021/04/06/key-moments-on-day-6-of-the-derek-chauvin-trial/
Key Moments on Day 6 of the Derek Chauvin Trial
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After a week of often emotional and occasionally explosive testimony, the trial of Derek Chauvin resumed on Monday, with the prosecution continuing to present witnesses that they hope will support the charges of murder in the death of George Floyd.
Mr. Chauvin, a former Minneapolis police officer, is accused of killing Mr. Floyd by kneeling on his neck for more than nine minutes. The defense will claim that Mr. Chauvin followed his police training and that drug use may have led to Mr. Floyd’s death.
Here are some key takeaways from the sixth day of the trial.
Chauvin ‘absolutely’ violated policy, the Minneapolis police chief said.
Chief Medaria Arradondo said in court that Mr. Chauvin had failed to follow policies on de-escalation, use-of-force and the duty to render aid to people who need it.
“I absolutely agree that violates our policy,” Chief Arradondo said in response to a prosecutor’s question about Mr. Chauvin’s actions. “That is not part of our policy; that is not what we teach.”
The chief said Mr. Chauvin’s actions may have been reasonable in the “first few seconds” to subdue Mr. Floyd, but that much of his actions had violated policies.
“Once Mr. Floyd had stopped resisting, and certainly once he was in distress and trying to verbalize that, that should have stopped,” Chief Arradondo said.
Chief Arradondo, who became the city’s first Black police chief when he took over in 2017, fired Mr. Chauvin and three other officers involved in the arrest within a day of Mr. Floyd’s death. He publicly called Mr. Floyd’s death a “murder” the following month.
From the witness stand on Monday, Chief Arradondo recounted that he had first learned about the bystander video of the officers’ arrest when a community member sent him a message just before midnight on the night of Mr. Floyd’s death.
“Chief, have you seen the video of your officer choking and killing that man at 38th and Chicago?” the message said, referring to the intersection where Mr. Floyd was arrested, according to Mr. Arradondo, who said he remembered it “almost verbatim.”
The doctor who pronounced Floyd dead says a lack of oxygen was the likely cause.
An emergency room doctor who tried to save Mr. Floyd’s life for 30 minutes before pronouncing him dead testified on Monday that he believed Mr. Floyd had likely died of a lack of oxygen.
Dr. Bradford T. Wankhede Langenfeld, who was a senior resident at the Hennepin County Medical Center, testified in court that Mr. Floyd’s heart was not beating by the time he arrived at the hospital last May. His testimony followed that of two paramedics who said last week that Mr. Floyd’s heart had stopped by the time they arrived to the scene of his arrest.
Updated 
April 5, 2021, 7:00 p.m. ET
The doctor said that, based on the information he had at the time, he thought that oxygen deficiency, sometimes called asphyxia, was “one of the more likely” causes of Mr. Floyd’s death.
Prosecutors have said Mr. Floyd died of asphyxia, appearing to divert from the ruling of the county medical examiner who performed an autopsy on Mr. Floyd and said that he had died of “cardiopulmonary arrest.” That term, prosecutors have said, is applicable to any death because it simply means that a person’s heart and lungs have stopped.
Eric J. Nelson, Mr. Chauvin’s lawyer, has suggested that Mr. Floyd’s death was caused in part by his underlying heart disease and the fentanyl and methamphetamine that were found in his system. In response to questions from Mr. Nelson, Dr. Wankhede Langenfeld agreed that many different things — including taking fentanyl and methamphetamine — can cause a death that would still be considered asphyxiation.
Mr. Nelson used his questioning to press Dr. Wankhede Langenfeld on the fact that naloxone, the overdose-reversing treatment often known as Narcan, was never administered to Mr. Floyd. Dr. Wankhede Langenfeld said that even if Mr. Floyd had suffered an overdose, giving him naloxone would have had “no benefit” because his heart had already stopped.
Dr. Wankhede Langenfeld said he had viewed an overdose as a less likely cause of Mr. Floyd’s death, at the time, in part because the paramedics who brought Mr. Floyd to the hospital had given no indication that he had overdosed.
Dr. Wankhede Langenfeld said that he had pronounced Mr. Floyd dead after about 30 minutes in the emergency department. Mr. Floyd’s official time of death is 9:25 p.m.
Jerry W. Blackwell, the prosecutor questioning Dr. Wankhede Langenfeld, used some of his questions to emphasize that Mr. Chauvin and other police officers at the scene had not given medical care to Mr. Floyd.
In response to the questions, Dr. Wankhede Langenfeld noted that beginning C.P.R. as soon as possible is critical for patients who are in cardiac arrest, as Mr. Floyd was. He said that there is about a 10 to 15 percent decrease in a patient’s chance of survival for every minute that C.P.R. is not administered.
“It’s well-known that any amount of time that a patient spends in cardiac arrest without immediate C.P.R. markedly decreases the chance of a good outcome,” Dr. Wankhede Langenfeld said. He noted that the term “cardiac arrest” means only that a patient’s heart has stopped, not that the patient necessarily suffered a heart attack.
The doctor, who is in his early 30s, earned his medical degree from the University of Minnesota Medical School in 2016 and had received his physician and surgeon license just 18 days before May 25, when Mr. Floyd was rushed to the hospital, according to state records.
Chauvin’s former training director said he would have been taught to offer medical aid.
Police officers in Minneapolis must undergo extensive training, including annual refreshers on the use of force and obligation to provide medical aid, the previous director of the department’s training division testified on Monday.
The former training director, Katie Blackwell, now an inspector in Minneapolis, testified that Mr. Chauvin had attended at least two sessions in the past three years on use of force. He would have also been told in similar courses to offer medical aid when a suspect is in distress, she said. The prosecution wants to show that Mr. Chauvin violated the standards and training that he had received when he pressed his knee on George Floyd’s neck.
Her testimony is significant because she directed some of the most recent training in Minneapolis, and she also chose Mr. Chauvin to become a field training officer. Ms. Blackwell, who became a police officer in 2002, worked alongside Mr. Chauvin in the early 2000s when they were both community service officers.
The judge questioned jurors about a social media post.
The trial began in an odd fashion on Monday. The entire jury was brought in for questioning, and Judge Peter A. Cahill had the audio and video feeds turned off. But according to a pool reporter in the room, each of the jurors had a sheet of paper in front of them with a social media post that the judge instructed them to read.
He noted that on the sheet there was a comment about halfway through. He asked the jurors if any of them made a statement, or something similar to it, that was apparently in the social media post.
Thirteen of the 14 jurors raised their hands to indicate that they had not said anything like what was indicated (the specific statement was not shared publicly). The 14th juror shook her head no and eventually raised her hand.
The judge then had them flip over the sheet and asked them if they recognized the picture of the person on the sheet. All 14 jurors raised their hands to indicate that they did not recognize the person. After the jurors left, the judge indicated that he believed the jurors were credible.
“This was nothing more than social media nonsense,” he said.
Jurors are not supposed to discuss the case with anyone — even among each other — or read any coverage of the trial while it is going on.
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My Week from Hell
Stressful would be an understatement. I do not even know where to begin. I would love to begin at the beginning and give you every finite detail, but that would require a shit-ton of more work than I am willing to put in. I’ll just summarize...
My husband began the Respiratory Program at our local technical college in the spring of last year. We were all so very excited. I was a nurse at my dream hospital, he had finally found the career he wanted, and was fighting for it. All was hunky-dunky until he discovered he had an asshole for a teacher. A tool. A dick. A sadist, if you will. He is the type of guy who will pretend to be your friend, and then do everything in his power to destroy you. Not teacher material. He was the type of guy that made all of his students want to report him and get him fired; but there is a catch: The bastard is tenured. Untouchable. A god. He has full control and can play his students like fucking puppets. 
He started playing games on day one, and my husband was a pawn. My husband was given the impression he was going to make it. All signs pointed to graduation, until his sorry excuse for an instructor nearly destroyed our hopes of having an incredible future. During final checkoffs, William did not answer all of the given questions verbatim, the way this god-teacher wanted. His responses were passing-material, but not perfect. So he dropped my William from the program. Put a halt on his career goals. Potentially destroyed our future.
My immediate response was to complain to the dean: Beg and plea for a second chance. Request an interview like we should have done months ago before the prick gained momentum and went on a career-destroying rampage. Then we found out he is friends with virtually all of the faculty in the Respiratory Program. Shit. Well, the next step is the VP of academic affairs. We are gathering an army of disgruntled students and will march in to her office hopefully some time next week.
Sounds shitty? I’m not done. So, I work every weekend. Not because I want to, but because it pays so much extra it is like I am receiving income from a secondary part-time job, but without the extra hours. I use this money to pay for my horse, pay off bills from our past ridiculous spending habits, and save up to buy a house. I knew there were conditions that were required to be followed in order to keep said extra pay. I signed an agreement. I was ready. Excited. I have been doing it for 15 months. When I started, I was verbally told one thing, but then found out last week that the policy I signed actually meant something different than the words I was told. To go in to detail would mean I will be typing all day. Just understand that said misunderstanding has left me with the threat of losing this incentive pay. The incentive pay is so significant that the loss would be nearly ten thousand dollars annually.
Shit. There has, however, been a silver lining in this. My manager has been willing to work with me and has given me the opportunity to plead my case. I plead my case last week. I was promised a decision by Monday. Today is Friday and the stress of not knowing is beginning to take its toll. I am beginning to wonder if she even realizes how significantly this will impact our lives. Ten thousand dollars is probably nothing to her, but it is everything to us. Losing this amount of money will cause detrimental consequences. We have thought of Plan Bs. They will work, but they will suck. I may lose my horse. We may not be able to buy a house when we want. We may have to wait to have a baby--but I am not getting any younger. I’ll be 30 this year.
Sounds shitty? Still not done. We were informed, on the same day William was dropped from the program, and after I checked my work email for the 359th time hoping to finally hear from my manager, that a close family member had lost his job. This affects us significantly because we will have to take on the burden of more financial strain due to the elimination of their monthly contribution to some of our bills. I cannot go in to much more detail than that, for sake of this person’s privacy. Just understand that it fucking sucks for all parties involved.
Sounds shitty? Nope...I’m still not done. Last week my dentist told me that I may need to have a root canal, so he sent me to an endodontist. I saw him today and he confirmed my dentist’s suspicions. I am not good at the dentist. I have had dental issues my whole life thanks to grinding and gritting my teeth. I have had terrible experiences, and said experiences have made me wary of any future necessary procedures. Thankfully, the dentist that will be performing the procedure seems incredible. He is very personable and understands my anxiety, so I will be doped up on Valium and Nitrous for the root canal next week. Also, the cost is turning out to be no where near as expensive as we anticipated. I have no idea how this is the case. Perhaps karma is starting to balance itself out. Still sucks though because we will have to put the charges on a card that we literally just paid off three months ago.
You’re probably wondering what the hell this has to do with my weight loss journey. It has everything to do with it. The stress hormone, cortisol causes your body to retain fat. Your body basically goes in to survival mode when you are stressed, and it becomes nearly impossible to lose weight. The stress this week was so bad that I went to bed with chest pain; pain so severe is seared through to my back, and radiated down my left arm. I was so stressed on Wednesday after hearing William’s news that I had a panic attack and vomited what little I had in my stomach. I did the opposite of over-eating: I had almost nothing for nearly two days. The only thing that makes your body retain fat more readily than stress is starvation. My body was hungry, but my mind shut every desire for food out. I was afraid of throwing up again, so I listened to my brain.
Needless to say, I stayed within my calorie limit, but I lost nothing. I was thrilled that I did not gain anything, but I have plateaued for a week. Yes, I have been checking my weight frequently. I have been doing so because I need to keep a close eye on it, given the extreme stress. I recently joined a weight loss challenge site called DietBet. You pay a sum (this particular challenge was $35) to enter, and if you lose an agreed upon percentage of weight by the deadline, you get a portion of the pot. Given the circumstances, I need the money. I need to ensure that I am staying on track so that I do not lose this bet. Therefore, I have been watching my weight carefully.
This week has been discouraging in so many ways, largely where my weight is concerned, but I am trying my best to give myself some credit. I have tried several stress reducing techniques, but few of them have helped. I am sipping on a beer while typing this, and my chest pain has improved. Today was better than yesterday, but every time I open my work email, I get chest pain so severe I nearly black out. I just want to know. It may be good news, it may be bad news; but I just fucking want to know. The wait is killing me, and probably literally. I wish my manager knew how terribly this is affecting me, then perhaps she would not make me wait for 8 days before giving me the verdict that will determine my future.
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