#i took a whole 2 minutes to make this <3< /div>
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happy out of touch halloween thursday
#out of touch thursday#hall and oates#halloween#thursday#happy halloween#happy thursday#i took a whole 2 minutes to make this <3
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Being a batfam fan is funny because people will make a post like âhereâs my headcanon-â and itâs just something thatâs directly canon to the story then post about major canon events and get everything wrong.
#this post was inspired by me remembering the experience of reading death in the family#after only knowing the fanbase version and realizing oh none of that shit happened okay#like girl you donât understand itâs so bad#Jason wasnât even fired as Robin#Heâs not accused of murdering anyone by Bruce#Heâs not trying to prove himself at all heâs just looking for his mom#The reason Bruce didnât go after him right away is because he was tracking down a goddamn nuke the Joker stole#Then after he finds it and handles the problem he helps Jason track down moms 2 and 3#Also Jason died in like 20 minutes?? even less??#He died in less time than it took his mother to smoke a cigarette#Bruce literally went âwait here Iâll be right backâ and was gone for less time than a trip to the grocery store#and then you go into the Jason Todd tag and they act like Bruce pulled the damn trigger on him#Like besties I donât know how to tell you this he basically did everything right he possibly could have#Even him benching Jason from Robin temporarily happens so that he can get Jason into therapy about his trauma#Like the whole point is that neither of them did anything wrong bad shit just sometimes happens#Thatâs the tragedy. The drama.#Bruce couldnât have made better choices in the position he was in and Jason was never going to make different ones#It was inevitable#Anyway rant over please read death in the family before I lose my mind#batfam#batman#jason todd#tim drake#dick grayson#damian wayne#bruce wayne
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I was terrified Hard as I tried, I couldn't see the signs Worlds fuse and collide But I know, yes I know what's deep inside.
#spacie scribbles#artists on tumblr#oo-nah-med#oc: unamed#i love youuuu unamed#reblog this please i spent 3 days on it#that animation was fucking tedious bro#it took so long#so please#mercy#i wanna make an animation 2 this whole song one day#but for now this will suffice#eyestrain#flashing#i literally thought up this character b/c of this song#the whole beginning and end 2 their story. all contained within 3 minutes 37 seconds#oc stuff#oc
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The true islander going to university in land experience is finding out bus tickets are more expensive than boat tickets
#okay to be fair its a different distance#but like#with 7⏠i can go to a whole different island in 40 minutes#but 2 hour bus drive is 17âŹ?#like#im still on the same land yknow#(ok kinda kidding- but its fun to see the difference)#to be fair a 3 hour boat distance is like ... 25⏠if i remember correctly#how much would a 3 hour bus be??#*also im not making up distance tickets on the spot#i have in mind specific islands in mind that are 3 hours/ 40 minutes away#.... actually.#it was still 25⏠when it was 8 hours...#we had to stop at different islands instead of going directly at it#so it took 8(or maybe 6?) hours#it was still 25âŹ#its not about the hours#obviously#i just dont know the distance#can i Google it?#i will#sugarenia talks#sugarenia thoughts#sugar uni life#edit* apparently the island (3hour one) is 138 kilometers away but the bus (2hour distance) is 190 kilometers away#im not good at math idk which is winning at tickets
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WEREVGOING TO EATVTHE AMONGUS BURGER
#AGAAAAGGHA I CSNT DO IT GIRL#I AM SO TIRED I STAY UP TOLL LIKE 2 WVEEY FUCKING BIGHTH FOING HOMEWORK#I HAVE SO MCUH TO DO DTOLL#BEVAUSEBI HAD TO READ 100 PAGES AND ANNOAYATEBAND ANNAKAYS AND THEN I HAD TIBELABE SHOOL EARLY FOR THERAPY AND GOV#ASSIGNEMR A BUFE HW FOR RTONGIGHT AND I HAVE TO ORAPRE A SPEECH TOR TOMMROW AND I HAVE TO KAKE#5 SKETXH BOOK ENETIRES A PAINTING SND NOW ABUNCH OF DRICKERS BTBMONEDU#I AM LITTERALKY AT MY LAST FUCKING STRAW#I CANT DUCKING EAT BEVAUSE IM WORKING SO MICH AND IN SO STREESSED MY FUCKING SIZE SMALL PAKTS NOW FUCKIGN FALL OFF WTF#AND PEOOLE STILL HAVE THE BALLS TO MAKE FUN OF ME FOR EATING ONE OREO LIKE IK SORRY IMM SOREY OH NO SUGAR SOBSCARRY I WEIGH 80 FUCKING POUND#U SHIT FOR BRAINS AAAAAAGG AND MY ELTEAXHERS ACT LIKE IM SOOOO FUCKING LAZY BEVAUSE IM TARDJE ONCE HAHAHSHSHSHS ONE TIME AND THEY ACT LIKE#I ASKED FOR 5000 DOLLARS AND TO KILL THEIR FUCKING GRANDPABAND FIVKING I ASK FOR AN EXTENTION OOOONCE IN ENLGLISH AJD I HAVE A 504 IBOAY FOR#THAT BUT NO HE JUST GRILACES AND SAYS JUST THIS ONCE ONE WHOLE DAY AFTER CONGRADUALTING ME FOR BEINGG THE MOST PROFUCTIVE STUDENT IN HIS CL#CLASS THIS YEAR AND THE FUCKING GOV TEACHER IM ONE OF 5 WITHOUT KISSING WORK 5 I FUCKING AND THEN SHE GETS MAD BECAUSE I WAS LATE DUE TO A#FUCKING PRACTOCE AP TEST AJSJSJSJDLFKTJ AND MY FUCKING CERAMICS TEACHER OOOH MY GOD#HAVE U EVER WOKEN UP AND DECODED TO CRUSH A KIDS DREAM? WELL HE DID!! I STAYED UP TIL 5 AM DOING WHAT I THOUGHT WAS THE ASSIGNMENT BECAUSE#HE DOESNT PIST JEW ASSIGNMENTS ITS THE SAME VLASSROOM FROM 2018 SO I YHOUGHTS THATS WHAT I HAD TO DO SO HE TOLD ME TO JUST QUIT ART BECAUSE#âI DIDNT HAVE WHAT IT TOOKâ BECAUSE I FIDD THE WROG GFIFIKVING SSOSHNEMTN SHDHDJDKFKFKFJFKKFKF AHAHAHHA HAHS#AND I PASSERD OUT EARLY LAST NJGHT SND DIDNT GET TO PACK MY BAD SO I WAS A FEW MINUTES LATE SO MY MOM YELLED ST ME THE ENTIRE DRIVE TO SCHOO#CUZ IT WAS SOOOOO ITESPEOKSIBLE OF ME AND I SHOULD HAVE KNOE TO PACK UP WHEN I WAS TIRED BUT HERES THE THING!!! I ALWAYSBSTART PACKING EHEN#IM TIRED! I WAS JUST EXAUHAAYED FROM GETTING 3 HOURS OF SLEEP EACH NIGHT AND FEEL ASLEEP SITTING UP DOING MY HW ONE TIME!! AND THAT WAS SOOO#LAZY OF ME HDJFKFKTKTKK I BOUGHT A WEIGHTED BLANKET RECENTLY BUT SHE WONT LET ME HAVE IT UNTIL MY ROOMS CLEAN AS IF I WVEN HAVE FREE TIME#TO DO STUFF I LIKE IN THE FIRST PLACE FHFJFJFJ AND NOW I CANT PARTICIPATE IN SPLATFEST BECAUSE SHE THINKS THAT THE HOUR I SPEND WORKING ARE#SPENT ON MY PHONE SO SHES DRAGGING ME TO THE MOUNTSINS EVEN THO I TOLD HER I CANT EVEN SKI FOR A FUCKING DAY DU TO HOMEWORK#AND FUCK FJFJFJF EVEYRONES JUST SO PISSY ST ME FOR TRHIJG MY FIVKING HADRESY EVEN MY FROEND GOT FUCKING MAD BECAUSEY WORK LOAD MADE IT SEEM#LIKE I WAS BORED LISTENING TO THEM TALK FOR 12 FUCKING HOURS STRAIGHT EVERY SINGLE DAY EVEN THO THE SECOND I TRY TO SHARE NAYTJING THEY GO#OFFLINE OR JUST GLAZE OVER IT OR NOT EVEN READ EVEN THO ITS LIKE 30 MINUTES OF ME TALKING EHEN THEY SPEND EVERY SINGLE DAY TALKING#AND THEY GOT SO MAD I TOOK AWHILE TO RESPOND BEVAUSE I HAD 70 PAGES TO READ AND ANNOATTE 3 PAGES OF ANALYIS TO WRITE AND 5 ARTICLES TO READ#WEITE HALF PAGES EACH ON ALL DUE IN INE DAY#i cant do this man iâm actually like this is it HSJDJ eveeyones so disappointed and mad at me for taking school seriously but having my#struggles i think iâll just jump off a bridge the next time some one drags me down. ANYWAY XOXO LOVE U TUMBLR đđđđ
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i'm so confused rn, can you explain the goncharov thing?? i get off tumblr for five minutes
(Edits closed as of 28 Nov.)
Lmaoooo
Nah I getchu. So this post has been circulating for like two years:
Link to post.
But yesterday, it had inspired someone to do this:
Link to post.
Next thing I knew there were fake Letterboxed reviews.
Goncharov moodboards. Really good ones.
Link to post.
Meta analysis. So many fake meta essays. Disturbingly good ones. And of course the memes. (Edit: HAVE I SAID THIS SHIT IS DISTURBING)
As you can see, the myth just started to grow, characters and ships and tropes being added one after the other, almost bizzarely without contradiction, until there was enough of shape to the whole thing for people to start posting fanfic about it on AO3. "No beta we die like ice-pick Joe" is already a tag.
Link to post.
It was hilarious in the beginning, but the way it's developed within less than a day, kind of like it's being willed into existence, is freaking me out a bit. We're toying with powers beyond our comprehension. đđđ
Link to post.
Of course, there could be an ulterior motive as well.
Link to post (tags mine).
Edit: guys, please tag these posts "unreality" so people with disassociation issues can filter them out (not this one, this is an explainer). <3
----------------------------------------------
Edit 2: Aparently the boots in the original post are actually referring to a movie called Gomorrah that came out in 2008, directed by Mateo Garrone, based on the Scampia Feud. And other people had also been making posts about the fake movie for a while before the poster took off.
found by @thepotch
Edit 3: Explainer: why did those boots have this movie on them anyway?
Edit 4: Alt text added to all images courtesy of @valentineish â€ïž
Edit 5: Turns out tumblr has done this kind of thing before. Nine years in this hell place and I had to have "Squiddles" and penis smp explained in the replies.
Edit 6: This post collects the Lore so far.
Edit 7: Lynda Carter (real one)/ earns more/ Tumblr cred.
Edit 8: Holy shit y'all we have the theme music. With sheet music. And it's on Spotify!
Edit 9: THERE IS A TRAILER WITH THE THEME MUSIC
----------------------------------------------
I made this post 18 hours after the movie poster went up. Closed edits 27 hours after first posting. So all of the above happened within 45 hours of the movie poster going up.
Edit 10: Google document live-compiling all the lore so far (Day 3)
Edit 11: Masterpost of Goncharov soundtracks (Day 3)
Edit 12: Entertainment news articles covering the Gonch-posting (real) (Contd from yday)
Edit 13: The music from the masterpost all compiled into a 31-minute original score with video edits on YouTube (edit: unfortunately taken down)
Edit 14: Staff's Goncharov art showcase for Tumblr Tuesday
As of closing on Day 3 there are 371 works in the AO3 tag.
-----
Updating with Day 3 shenanigans I missed yesterday:
Edit 15: Goncharov TV Tropes page
Edit 16: Ethics of Gonchposting
Important PSA 1 (how to reduce harm to Tumblr's neurodivergents)
Important PSA 2 (reality affirmation, anti-bullying)
Important PSA 3 (why you should stop trying to vandalise legit information sites)
Edit 17: Character lore from beezlebub whose poster they originated from
Edit 18: What we know about/ Director Matteo JWHJ0715 (#unreality)
Edit 19: Link to post with screenshotted and described NYT article (scroll down) and this golden exerpt from BuzzFeed: đ
(alt text included)
End of Day 4 there are now 485 works in the Goncharov tag on AO3
----
Didn't get to update this on Day 5, so these are the Day 5 doings:
More trailers!
Trailer 1 (My favourite)
Trailer 2
Trailer 3
Trailer 4
I also just found out about the Goncharov Game Jam.
It appears this opened a day after after the meme took off.
Goncharov was first entered into Wikipedia between Day 4 and 5 (attempts to vandalise it with fake info don't count, incidentally â please knock that shit off) under List of Internet Phenomena. This was then expanded into its own Wikipedia page at the end of Day 5 because, according to the talk history: "the topic now meets the notability threshold for its own artice due to significant coverage in The New York Times and other sources cited." We're on Wikipedia, people!
And then we made The Guardian half a day later. So while the meme is definitely dying down to embers by now, it still stays winning.
YouTube channels with episodes on the meme:
InformOverlord (4:30)
Lessons in Meme Culture (2:43)
End of Day of 5 there were 511 works on AO3, and End of Day 6 (today) there are 556.
--
đšBREAKING đš from Martin Scorsese's daughter's TikTok (real actual)
tw: unreality:
We did it you guys!
Clarification: Francesca Scorcese asked her Dad about the meme and Martin played along. Please reblog this PSA to help Tumblr people with psychosis. Thanks.
Final edit: Day 8. Media reactions to Scorcese's TikTok (everyone from Forbes to Vulture). That one Tumblr user who said they'd do a screenplay if their post got notes has promised to shoot a single scene, but please don't be dicks just because you reblogged it; leave them alone until they get around to it themselves. As of end of Day 8 there are 609 works in the AO3 tag. I love all you lunatics. Peace! â€ïž
#goncharov 1973#reasons i can never leave this hellsite#we've ascended from pirating criterion movies to straight up manifesting them into existence#get on our level twits#knee of huss#goncharov#tumblr lore#tumblr memes#tumblr culture
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đȘđđđđđđ»đŸđ: 'Intense Desire' àŒàż L.F.
‷ Sex Pills | Overstimulation | Squirting
â± word count: 2.9k
â± warnings: fem!reader, sex pills usage (felix accidentally taking them), mention of a handjob in a car, he gets âmeanâ for like a split second, unprotected p in v, rough sex, multiple orgasms, overstimulation, creampies, squirting, if u quint theres 1 sentence of angst at the end, i might be forgetting something
â± notes: sorry this was delayed! I made it a little longer than the others in hopes that it would make up for the tardiness <3 also 1 the beginning might feel rushed (it was) and 2 sex pills dont completely work like this?? But its fiction so.. pls bare with me im so stressed out LMFAO
Kinktober Schedule
DO NOT republish or translate+post my work!
The pounding in Felixâs head was just enough to distract him from the colorful clothes around the two of you. The initially exciting shopping trip to the mall with your boyfriend had quickly slowed down thanks to the headache he developed out of the blue. Your comforting words and warm hands on his face only helped so much, and he felt horrible for his body refusing to let him enjoy your date.
It wasnât until you reminded him of the medicines he had packed away in his bag that he let up on his pouting Then, with the familiar feeling of the plastic of a pill bottle on his fingers and a gentle reminder from you that this should be fun for the both of you, Felix finds himself leading you to the food court. He quickly buys a bottle of water and chugs down 3 pills. Itâs over the dosage of 2 he normally would take, but heâs desperate to have a good time with you.
Not long after, heâs back to his normal self and the thumping pain in his head is long gone. Wide smiles and crescent eyes watch you pick out interesting clothes, some even meant to match with him. Everything is back to normal!
That is until 30 minutes after the fact when heâs patiently sitting outside of your changing room waiting for you to try on the next outfit. He starts to feel a new, less painful ache. One between his legs that heâs all too familiar with.
Literal lines of sweat are dripping down his forehead and his neck when you open the curtain to present the outfit you picked out. He forces a smile and has to tear his eyes away from the tight pants to give his opinion. A curt, breathy, âBeautiful.â
The sweat immediately catches your attention and obviously raises concerns from the way your eyebrows furrow. He notices right away and tries not to let it worry you, shooing you away and encouraging you to try on the last pieces of fabric that await you in the changing room.
The second the curtains close behind you he racks his brain for possible reasons as to why a sudden, strong feeling of horniness took over his body. Itâs even to the point where his whole body tingles from the ceiling fans above him. The slow gusts of wind make his cock ache in his jeans and goosebumps litter his arms.
He doesnât think heâs ever gotten this horny in his life. Even the time when you managed to rile him up to the point where he almost came in his jeans when you brushed past him he had never felt this way. He swore he could feel his veins burning as he looked through his bag for his phone, praying that Google would explain everything.
But he doesnât get far enough to grab his phone, because the realization hits him like a tsunami wave. The pills. He realizes too late that he never checked which medicine he took. And sure enough, when he checked his bag, the tiny plastic bottle he had a hold on earlier wasnât his Ibuprofen.
Instead, it was a blue pill bottle that he kept for special medicines that he would occasionally get prescribed. This time around, it was the brand new, not prescribed pills he had put to the side for⊠intimacy reasons.
It was embarrassing at first for him. A young, attractive man in his 20s struggling with his sex life. All thanks to the wear and tear from work stress: the unforgiving cycle of working too much and being overwhelmed, then taking a break and working too little just to fall behind.
You understood! Itâs understandable to not be able to get hard when thereâs a never ending dread that has made home in the back of your mind. And it was clearly obvious that he is attracted to you, every other time the two of you were intimate is enough evidence for that.
So you offered him an idea that might help! That idea being âhornyâ pills. It took some convincing and consistent reassurance for him to cave and agree. Which led to that little blue bottle of little red pills that made his not-so-little friend crave your attention.
âLixie?â Your voice snaps him out of his daydreaming and his head snaps up to see your head poking out of the curtain. Your giggle goes straight to his dick and he has to force a smile to get through the ache. âI need your help with this dress. I canât get the zipper up.â
You donât need to ask twice, especially when the promise of getting to see your bare skin is on the table. Heâs joining you in the blink of an eye, using his clammy, shaky hands to zip up the dress the rest of the way. Your body flushes at the way he licks his lips as he looks you up and down multiple times.
âDo you like it?â His eyes snap up to yours in the mirror and he nods. Itâs pretty obvious to you whatâs going on in his head at this point, minus the reason for it, so you rip the dress off and rush to the cashier as fast as you can.
Felix is on your tail the whole time. A hand on your hip and his chest pressed to your back as he shoves his credit card into the card reader. Then again when the two of you get to the car, this time both of his hands on your hips and his face shoved into your neck.
âNeed you so fucking bad.â His hard-on is even more obvious now as he grinds it against your thigh, groaning and whining into your neck about how good it feels. You struggle to get the car keys out of his pocket when his hands are all over you, making you feel good when they arenât even doing much.
âFelix⊠Not here.â The two of you drabbled in public sex before so it wasnât a new experience for either of you. But it had been a while since the two of you were intimate so you really didnât want it to be in the dirty car garage of a mall. In the middle of the day, mind you.
âI need something. Baby, please. I-I canât do this.â The desperation in his voice is enough to make your neck whip around, almost knocking into his as you look back at him with confusion. He knows you all too well and the answer to your unspoken question is already on the tip of his tongue.
âI accidentally took those sex pills instead of pain meds.â He doesnât bother explaining further; he doesnât care anymore. The only thing thatâs on his mind is getting you into the car so he can get some sort of stimulation on his poor, achy cock.
You're lucky to even have gotten his hands off of you after that, let alone getting him in the passenger seat and buckled in without him launching at you. However youâre even less lucky as you drive him home, one hand on the wheel and the other- well, on his dick.
You could hear the wetness of him jerking himself off before you saw it. He was keen to get your help though. His eyes were teary and his voice came out a distressed whine as he pleaded for you to help, complaining that his hand wasnât comparable to how good your hand would feel.
The windows on your shared car are as tinted as legally possible, so you quickly cave and slide your hand toward him. Now 5 minutes away from the house, you quicken your hands in hopes that heâll cum this soon. But luck isnât on either of your sides today and the carâs already in park before heâs even close to cumming.
You donât make it past the entryway before Felix is shoving you forward, pinning you to the wall, and pulling your bottoms to your knees. The sight of your panties all messy and your pussy lips equally as messy from your excitement is enough to make him feral.
âYouâre so good to me, Honey. Always so obedient and keeping my pussy ready for me when I most need it. Iâm going to give you the world and more.â He doesnât wait for you to make a comment before heâs pushing your underwear to join your bottoms.
One hand rests on the wall by your face and the other pushes against your lower back, arching your back at the same time that he pushes his cock in. Your walls are warm and wet as they take every last inch of him in, almost as if two puzzle pieces were finally placed together.
Your eyes roll to the back of your head and he sucks on your neck, whispering incoherent mumbles until heâs bottomed out. He only stops then to take deep breaths and calm his own body down. Now that heâs finally inside of you, the effects of the pills feel a million times stronger.
He genuinely feels like a dog in heat, hips still rutting into yours even as his mind tells his body to relax. It doesnât listen in the slightest and after a short pause his hips are finding a rigorous rhythm.Â
Felix is a man possessed behind you; nails digging into your skin leaving bruises to come and hips moving with more force than you thought he could give. Itâs hard to think heâs not possessed with his filthy mouth, something heâs always been good at but it hits differently when heâs rock hard inside of you and eager to feel every inch of your body all at once.
You start to feel like the pills are affecting you. Your own body reacts to his fervent movements with warm clenches and moans that spur him on. You feel so sensitive and your orgasm sneaks up on you, causing you to wiggle in his hold. The shuffle of your limbs makes him lose his angle and you both whine.
âNo, no, no, no, no, no. Stop. You gotta stay arched, baby. Yeah, just like that. FfuckâŠâ The hand on your back pushes you forward, completely squishing you against the wall as he tries to arch you back to how you previously were. He knows that he did it right when you start to flutter around him again and your moans ascend a few pitches.
With the other hand using all of his fingers to rub your clit back and forth, he pushes you over the edge. You clench around him as you moan into the wall, your arms shaking as you try to hold yourself up against it. He growls against your ear and bites down on it as he continues fucking you through your high.
He doesnât stop after youâre done. If anything it only encourages him, the ache in his veins telling him that he needs to keep going and make you feel even better. And so he does, with one hand still furiously rubbing your clit back and forth while the other now moves to your waist and holds up your slouching form.
It just squeezes you appreciatively, almost even possessively as he holds you in place when you start to flail. It doesnât become mean until in the midst of your thrashing, you move yourself just slightly to the point where he loses his angle again. He pushes his hand roughly against you and arches your back himself again, this time with a disgruntled snap.Â
âStop fucking doing that.â Heâs huffing into your ear as his hips pick up pace, going even faster than he was before. âBe good or else Iâll bend you over with nothing to lean on.â But itâs hard to control your body when painful pleasure is swimming through your body. Even more so when you feel another orgasm lurking.
âB-Baby, fuck! Give me a sec, youâre-â You cut yourself off with a shriek as the hand on your waist moves to tangle itself in your hair. It uses the grip to pull you back up to rest your back flat against his chest. His other hand finally falters at this point, instead of rubbing your clit it sinks into your thigh.
âIâm what, Honey. Tearing up your guts?â He laughs out a sound of agreement that turns into a guttural groan as his blinding thrusts finally let up. A few sharp thrusts and a series of moans fall from his lips as he empties himself out inside of you. It feels like gallons of his seed are filling your stomach, and the feeling of it leaking out onto your inner thighs is enough to make you believe thatâs the case.
If he notices, he doesnât say anything. He just stands there with his forehead against your shoulder and his arms wrapped around your torso, mind reeling as he comes down from such an intense high.
âBaby. You didnât cum with me at the end, did you?â Heâs more upset that he faltered that badly, but the twitch of his cock lets you both know that heâs not close to being done regardless. The question is a real testament to your faith. Lie to him and maybe bribe him to let you take a break, or tell the truth and deal with the consequences. Though, it doesnât seem like he was asking.
He pulls out and moves his hand to the small of your back. Neither of you even spared a glance at your bottoms as youâre dragged to the living room and shoved into the couch. It knocks the breath from your lungs momentarily, and itâs all the time he needs to bend you to his will. Your shoulders sink into the bottom cushions and your legs are hovering just above you as he shoves his cock inside of you again.Â
The breath is almost knocked from you again as he finds a new, rougher pace to follow. This one isnât nearly as fast but the new angle, thanks to your ankles being by his ears, sends him right where he wants to be. His previous load froths along his length as he fucks into you like your lives are on the line.Â
Your hands find home on his biceps and your nails leave deep crescent shapes along his skin as you desperately try to find something to ground yourself with. The new vigor he fucks you with makes it so that your next orgasm builds up within a minute or two. The feral stare from his lidded eyes only makes your stomach squeeze as you realize that he really has no plans to stop, even if he really wants to.Â
âFelix, baby, s-slow down. It feels w-weird.â You push against his stomach in hopes that it will slow him down, but it doesnât. He stays quiet and only responds by grabbing your wrist and shoving it into the cushion by your head; a wordless command for âHands off.â You look up just in time to see his gaze grow more intense.
He even leans forward, both of his hands moving to your thighs to fold them into your chest. His hips pick up speed once he has you folded to his liking and you find that strange feeling growing stronger. You get a glimpse of him licking his pink lips that then perk up into a menacing smile and then the feeling grows too strong, forcing your eyes closed and your legs to combat his hold.
Your body can only shake as you gush around him and he curses under his breath at the sight. Your cunt spams around him and you squirt through his merciless fucking. The wet, squelching noises combat the volume of your cries to the point where he periodically goes out of his way to thrust into you even rougher just to hear it more.
âYou hear her talking to me? Fucking shit- She really liked that, huh baby?â He laughs in disbelief and slams into you repeatedly, chasing his own sudden orgasm from watching you cum so intensely.
âThat was so fucking hot, Baby.â The whine in his voice doesnât match the cocky look on his face, but you canât be bothered to comment about it as he finishes inside of you all of a sudden. Your sensitive walls constrict around him yet again and he cums deep inside, riding his own orgasm out to the sound of your overwhelmed sobs.
His chest heaves as he catches his breath and he takes the moment to glance at a clock on the wall. Itâs been a few hours since he took the pills so they should be going down soon. He can already feel his brain going back to normal, and his thoughts are clearing up as the two of you sit there unmoving.
âYou⊠Are you ok, Honey?â Your sniffles are enough to make his heart drop into his ass, but when you look up at him the anxiety leaves his body. You smile at him through the tears and laugh as best as you can while still breathless.
âHoly shit, Felix.â He matches your chuckle and leans forward, slotting your legs on either side of his waist as he repeatedly pushes his lips against your cheek. âIâm⊠great. But you owe me for fucking me within an inch of my life like that with no warning.â
Taglists: (red=can't be tagged)
@valkyriexo @lunearta @jabmastersupriseee @rylea08
@yaorzu-blog @amararosesblog @jiminssluttyminx @clemissleepy
@miss-daisy04 @kittyxnoa @dwaekkiiracha @bubblerizz
@mariteez @fun-fanfics @honeyybbuubblleess
@dreamingaboutjisung @everythingboutkpop @velvetmoonlght @4l17h4
@felixsangelicfreckles
#sianâs writing#stray kids smut#stray kids drabbles#stray kids x reader#skz smut#skz drabbles#skz x reader#lee felix smut#lee felix x reader#lee felix imagines#felix smut#felix x reader#felix x reader smut#felix imagines#yongbok smut#yongbok x reader#yongbok x reader smut#yongbok imagines#sianâs 2024 kinktober <3
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Please give us sum eren & armin toxic hc Like armin and eren would be two different types of toxic. Ex!boyfriend eren blowing ur back out n sending it to ur bf or whoever ur talking to n ex!boyfriend armin not being able to take you talking to someone else so he fucks you a party or smth idk go crazy. đ€°đŸ.
âYeah my ex is crazy.â
A/N: No bc they are two completely different types of toxic. Like idk how to explain it? I js feel like eren is the type of ex to be petty and trifling. But armin..omg..armin goes off the fucking deep end. But i love my lil psychosđ€.
WARNING!: A lil fluff , toxic behavior, unhealthy relationships, smut, unprotected s*x, Blackmailing, Mentions of offing someone, obsession, controlling, plus other things . +17 mdni
EREN! Please for the love of god donât let Eren find out you fucking with someone else. This man will go from nonchalant to crazy. âOh word? This what we doing?â. He disregards the fact yall broke up a whole month ago.
He would definitely blow up your phone after seeing a post on instagram. âWho is he?â & âHe fuck you better then me?â. Oh and please donât tell him yes. Because let me warn you. He will be right there at that door knocking.
âYou know you fucking lyin. But ight we gon see.â He hung up the phone and you laughed at him. Who gave this man an ego? Did he really think he was the only man with good dick?
You were confused when you heard a knock on your door but to your surprise, it was eren. âWhat the fuck?â he pushed right passed you walking into your apartment. âNah, donât fucking play with me y/n.â You could tell he was pissed just by his voice.
This man wasted no time bending you over the couch and fucking you right there.
âNobody could fuck you better the me.â He grabbed a fists full of your hair pulling you up to his mouth.âYou belong to me. Donât ever let me find out thereâs someone other than me fucking you like this.â and to be quite frank, nobody could fuck you like eren.
Eren talked you through the whole thing. He knew he was rough with you, but god he couldnât help it. So thatâs why he praised you for taking his dick so well <3.
He took out his phone and pressed record. His hard thrust drove lewd moans from your lips. âFuck right there!â you screamed every time his hips slapped your ass. He made sure he got glimpse of your face so the guy knew it was you. He made sure you screamed his name just to prove who you belonged to.
You got so many miss calls while eren fucked you to sleep. Every time ole boy called eren went faster. <3
You woke up alone, your bed empty. Your phone notifications were through the roof. Over 100 notifications from that guy. It was crazy. But a simple text from eren stuck out. âLet me hear word about you fucking w some again. Next time ima put em in a casket.â
You werenât sure if he was joking or not. But one thing you did know was he made every threat a promise. And he always kept his promises.
ARMIN! Lawd, you let armin find out you even thought about some one else fucking you, it was over.
This man went full psychotic when word got to him about you talking to someone guy. Apparently you were at a party grinding all up against him.
The first thing armin did was collect every drop of information he had on this guy. His home address, His motherâs facebook, His phone number, Job number. He knew too much on the fucker who decided to touch his pretty âgirlfriendâ.
It pissed him off, how dare you try to replace him. He blew up your phone to the point it crashed. âThatâs so fucking cute, y/n. You think that you can just go fuck some other guy?â , âPlease donât make me do something crazy.â . The crazy part was you didnât even fuck the guy, he was just fucking crazy. He always assumed you were cheating for some reason.
When you didnât answer his calls he pulled up expeditiously. if you didnât answer within the 30 minute window he wouldnât wait to show up to your door.
âY/n open this goddamn door.â He banged on the door. It was 2 am- oh yeah he knew you had work later, he didnât care.
As soon as you open the door an argument ensued. âPick up the fucking phone when I call you y/nâ He yelled at you slamming the door behind him. âYou ainât my fucking boyfriend Armin. Ion gotta do shit.â
He never made you regret your words so fast. His nails dug into your hips as his pace increased. âAinât yo fucking boyfriend huh? Then why you letting me fuck you raw?â
Your bed was a mess after he made you cum over and over again. After he was done all you could do was mumble incoherently âNobody is better then youâ. He was rough but his after care made up for it <3.
He kissed your forehead before he nuzzled into your chest. âYouâre the best I ever had.â he soon fell asleep after those words left his mouth.
I love my cute lil crazy guys <3
#Eyena writesâĄ#eren smut#eren x y/n#eren yeager#eren x black reader#eren aot#eren x you#eren x reader#eren x black fem!reader#eren jeager smut#eren jaeger#eren jeager x reader#armin aot#armin x black reader#armin smut#armin x you#armin x reader#armin arlert#armin x y/n#armin fluff#aot x black reader#aot smut
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The driving times you've given are so interesting to me because for the same distance in the uk, using all motorways so 70 mph speed limit, is 5 hours for 300 miles and 9 hours for 500 miles without traffic which is absolutely impossible.
I regularly drive 70 miles (1 way) and that still takes me around 2 hours even being 95% dual carriageway (70 limit) and 5% country roads (60 limit) with decent traffic I am exhausted by the end. I couldn't imagine ever doing that as a commute!
But I'd love to do a long drive on american roads at least once to see how it differs
Sometimes I drive like an absolute asshole so the drive from LA to Vegas (about 250 miles from my departure/arrival points) takes under 3 hours when I'm driving in the middle of the night and there's no traffic. That kind of thing is pretty easy when you leave at 1am and show up around 4am and you can do 80-90 easy for most of the drive when there's no one around on a tuesday night. 90 also doesn't feel all that fast on a wide, straight, well-maintained highway. I don't think I'd ever do 90 on, like, the 10 through Pomona where there's always traffic and lots of construction and the road is full of potholes, but on the 15 between Barstow and Vegas? For sure.
But also my 30 mile one way commute to the office takes a minimum of 45 minutes in good traffic and took 2 hours the last time I drove in. It averages about an hour on an eight lane freeway with a speed limit of 65mph. THAT is exhausting. But that's traffic, which is different than just driving, which is relaxing.
When I was taking my trip from LA to Texas, I ended up driving through large parts of Arizona and all of New Mexico; it was mid-week and we were on one of the main interstate highways (40) and there were stretches where I wouldn't see another car on my side of the highway for a good ten minutes at a time. I just looked it up and the population density of New Mexico is 17 people per square mile. The population density of the UK is 740 people per square mile. The population density of LA county is 2467 people per square mile (though California as a whole is about 250 people per square mile - the drive from LA to San Francisco takes me around 5.5 hours and is about 400 miles because a lot of the area between those two huge metro areas is extremely sparsely populated! But also I once drove from Sacramento to LA and it took me around 4.5 hours to get from Sacramento to Canyon Country (330 miles), then another 3 hours to get from Canyon Country to Culver City to the area I live in (60 miles) because I hit morning rush hour traffic).
One of the things about the US is that it's HUGE. But another thing about the US is that there are many parts of it that are very, very empty. I live in an area that is VERY very crowded, but it's relatively easy for me to get to someplace that is very empty, and really I think that's the thing that makes it different in terms of driving.
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° . ᥣđ© . ° đđđđ! đ đąđđâđđđ đđđđđđđđĄđĄ.. . ° . ᥣđ© . °
đĄâđđđđđđ đđđđąđĄâŠ when nerd! hoon being assigned to be your tutor for the semester, youâve never been the brightest out of the bunch, only thing carrying you are your looks and outgoing personality of course. youâve always found sunghoon attractive i mean look at him! quiet, handsome, and heâs smart who wouldnât want that man!
đĄâđđđđđđ đđđđąđĄâŠ the first time nerd! hoon came over to tutor you, you nearly made him cum in his pants due to your pajamas! you were wearing a almost too small pink tube top along with some hello kitty shorts letting your ass hang up of them, being the gentleman he is he kept himself contained until he went home, fisting himself pretending his hands were your warm cunt!
đĄâđđđđđđ đđđđąđĄâŠ when nerd! hoon and you were studying in the library and you were acting like a complete dutts! not understanding any equations he gave and not even caring! leaving him to get frustrated at your bimbo behavior. once you muttered, âwhy would i listen to you, youâre probably failing aswell!â rolling your big eyes beginning to stare at your fresh manicure causing sunghoon to drop a book onto the table whispering, âtalk slick to me again baby and the whole library gonna know how you sound when you moan and iâm sure you donât want that happen yea?â he smirked at your shocked expression clicking his tongue after opening up the geometry boom like nothing happened.
đĄâđđđđđđ đđđđąđĄâŠ nerd! hoon making you answer math questions while he eats your pussy! sunghoon layed underneath you as he lapped his tongue onto your core as he read out facts for you to solve, get it right? get a orgasm. get it wrong continue to get edged for the next 2 hours. youâve been quivering for about twenty minutes now crazy how you havenât tapped out yet! âletâs start off with a refresher alright baby? whatâs y+3=8y+3?â he stated the question bringing his warm tongue onto your clit gently sucking on it causing you to grind your hips onto his tongue causing him to slap your thighs still. you started doing the equation trying to remember everything he taught you. âtimes ticking babyâ sunghoon mumbled against your core as you let out a whimper. ât-the answer is zero! y equals zero!â you shouted feeling his tongue go into your tight hole. as he removed his tongue out of your core, âgood job princess youâre so smart pretty girl, smart girls rewards you know mhm?â he teased as he finally let you ride your high out onto his tongue.
đĄâđđđđđđ đđđđąđĄâŠ once you took your math exam you were so happy to show nerd! hoon your score! running up to him at the end of the day looking like a kid in the candystore once you seen him. âhoon! hoonie! i got a 95 on my exam!â you shouted hugging onto the taller manâs waist. âthatâs amazing pretty girlâ he said patting your head as he grabbed your hand leading to the car to reward his princess with his cock <3
#enhypen#park sunghoon#sunghoon smut#park sunghoon smut#enhypen smut#enhypen fluff#kpop#park sunghoon x reader#yang jungwon#kim sunoo#lee heeseung#park jongseong#sim jaeyun#nishimura riki#sunghoon fluff#emowonz
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âThe CameragirlÂł || snc
After a cheeky reply you might've regretted, you end up dragged into the office to have a little... talk.
contains: SMUT +18, oral (both ways), unprotected sex, cursing, pet names, alcohol consumption, no mention of Y/n
a/n: you asked, i delivered.
[part 1] [part 2] [part 3]
word count: 3k
[u n e d i t e d]
âź â ËïœĄđŠč âïœĄÂ°â©
You thought about how lucky it was for the room to be soundproof, glad that nobody will hear your screams. Although... it would be quite pleasant to let everyone know how they please you, how they touch you like nobody else.
The way you know only them could do it.
You didnt expect this to be the way you'd be doing your cardio, but it seemed destiny had some other plans.
[hours before]
You were basically shaking as they took you back onto the office, the thought of them asking about your stupid comments instead of going with the flow like they always did.
It was too obvious to be jokingly flirting this time, and they noticed.
And you were scared shitless.
You didn't know if they would genuinely go ahead with it or maybe let you know they're not interested, which made your stomach growl in response to your anxiety.
Well, to your hunger as well. You haven't eaten anything since yesterday.
They just got to sit you down on the table before listening to your poor stomach. They laughed.
"Right. You just woke up." Sam said as you shamelessly nodded your head out of embarrassment. "Then let us eat before talking it out. Wouldn't like for you to pass out on us."
"Come on, then." Colby continued, extending an arm to you, which you cheekishly ignored and stood up from the table wilst puffing your cheeks out. "Giving me an attitude? Yikes." He laughed.
"Didn't even help me out when I was stuck in Sam's arms? Yikes." You replied, walking out of the room. You could hear their chuckles before walking down the stairs and into the kitchen.
Heating yourself something to eat, they reluctantly got closer and sighed. "Hey, uh... we need to leave right now. There's this person we have to meet for another haunted place and this is the only time they have available. We completely forgot." Colby explained to you, looking back at his phone, guessing it was the message he received.
"Oh, okay. I'll be here, then." You said, giving him a side look before continuing making your food.
"You don't wanna come with us?" Sam asked.
"I wanna eat?"
"Right, right... well, we'll talk later, then. Don't think you're still safe." Sam smiled at you before walking away with Colby.
You rolled your eyes jokingly, but when they left, you let out a big sigh you've been restraining.
You were safe, for now at least. While thinking of a way to try and avoid the topic all together, you got a message. It was a mutual friend of yours, asking you to come to a party.
Quickly agreeing at the false sense of hope you received, she told you that the boys were also invited. She also agreed upon picking you up beforehand, since you weren't really going to do anything anyways so being early and prepping everything up was also a nice way to keep your mind out of the gutter.
After eating, you basically had the whole day for yourself, so you might as well prepare yourself earlier.
Thinking about them, you thought cautiosly about what to wear.
And honestly?
You felt like you needed to push their buttons a little bit more tonight. Yeah, whatever happened a few minutes ago made you a blushing mess, but at the same time, boy... the adrenaline you got from it sure was fun.
Then again, you guys weren't exactly together... so what's wrong with wearing something a bit more... revealing?
And so, it was decided. Searching throughout your closet, you found a short dress that fit your criteria for the night. With a slit through the back that went down to heaven and short slits on the side, making your thighs almost pop out.
It wasn't something you usually wore. Heck, you forgot you had it for all you remembered, but it looked so good in your skin that you just had to use it.
A couple of hours passed by and you were already at the party, getting things ready before some people started coming through. It didn't take long before the place began crowding with people.
The host, your friend, has been under the influence even before it all began. You were starting to get a bit tipsy yourself, getting loose at the dance floor whenever a good song started playing.
"Hey, quick question." Your friend yelled at you. "Where's Sam and Colby? They said they were busy and didn't know if they were gonna come." She explained. Looking at her with confusion, you then remembered.
"Oh! They're talking to someone for their next investigation, that's why." Unbeknownst to you, you were merely half right. Yes, they were talking with someone about their next location, but they also denied due to other reasons involving you.
Thinking about it, you believed they weren't going to arrive at the party, therefore, you were somewhat down at the thought. You wanted to tease them tonight, but it seems that your plan wasn't going to happen.
It didn't step you away from having fun, though. Drinking, dancing, talking with friends... it was a good time. That is, until a random dude you've never seen in your life started approaching.
Disinterest in your eyes was visible, but the guy seemingly ignored it completely and kept making the cringiest remarks you've heard in your life.
He tried to get closer to you, reaching out to your waist before you could try and run away.
Your heart racing at a thousand per hour, his hands were rough, almost certain that there might leave a mark on your fragile skin.
"Won'tcha come with me tonight, 'lil mama?" He smirked, holding you tight and close to him, making you almost puke.
"Get the fuck away from me!" You tried to scream, tried to push him away but to no use. You were still weak from your recent investigation after all.
"Now, come on. Don't do this to me, honey." Holding your chin on place, he made you look at him. "I can make you feel really g-"
"Back off dude, she's taken." You heard a familiar voice before finally setting free from his grasp. Colby was the first one you saw, taking off the guys arms from you.
Another set of hands held you softly by the waist, pulling you closer, away from him. Sam. You looked up at his face, he seemed mad.
He looked at you, now worry in his blue eyes. "You alright?" He asked softly in your ear, holding one of your hands to try and comfort you. You nodded quickly, glad that you've been saved once again.
Looking back at the guy, Colby was pushing him away. A determined stare down from his side, making the guy that was trying to gain your attention chuckle.
"Where were you, huh? When she was having fun all alone in the middle of the room? You're just tryna pull her off as well. You dipshits are nobody." He snarled back at Colby, annoyance in both their faces.
"We're not gonna let shits like you touch our girl, understand?"
You could barely hear what they were saying due to the loud music from every side, but you surely heard that last part.
Their girl? What did that even mean?
A visible smirk on Colby's lips when he turned around to look at Sam. You didn't think the next set of actions were the respond to this childish kids play, but you could feel Sam's soft hands on your chin, making you look at him and his lips interlocked with yours in an instant.
Oh fuck.
Oh fuck, what was happening?
Was there a faucet running? Cause boy you were dripping wet. These men were driving you crazy.
You caught a glimpse of the now pissed guy walking off before Sam could pull away. When he eventually did, you looked at his smiling face for a second before reality hit you like a truck.
Your face flushed with a red tint on your cheeks. Looking back at Colby who was walking closer towards you, both of them now towering over you.
"I-I thought you guys weren't gonna make it?" You asked, genuinely confused now that you remembered your friend vividly explaining they were busy.
"We weren't, but our plans for the night switched places." Colby smirked at you, making Sam laugh at the remark, even more with your confused face.
You didn't understood at the time, but their plans were supposed to be you. "We finished earlier than expected, but then when we got home you weren't there." Sam explained. "Why didn't you tell us?"
"Well, she told me to come here early to help her out, so..."
"Ah, so you've been here for longer?" Colby asked, putting his hand on the slit on your back. "I guess I can't blame the guy, such a revealing outfit for so many hours..." He continued, slowly caressing your back with his hand, moving his hand down your bare skin. "I don't think I'd be able to hold it on a minute longer if I were him."
Shivers went throughout your whole body after listening to his words. "So if you didn't know we were coming, did you put this on for everyone else to see?" Sam asked, looking at you in the eyes. "I'm a bit jealous."
Your lip was quivering. The plan was to flirt back and tease them if they eventually came, but right now, you were speechless. The touch of their hands making your legs weak and shaky. A sudden hand up the side slit of your dress from Sam caught you slightly off guard, caressing your hip softly.
"Showing this much skin... Is this dress yours? Why have we never seen it before?" He asked.
"I don't.. I-I don't use it often." You managed to reply before panting at the constant feeling of getting touched by them. The adrenaline of someone possibly seeing what they were up to with you was nerve racking.
"We'll make you use it more often then, but only for us." Colby whispered, holding your ass and making you let out a soft moan. "We might as well have to find another place to chat more comfortably, what do you think, Sam?" He asked and Sam nodded.
Holding your hand tighter, he started walking away from the croud and into a random room from your friend's house. Closing the door, they noticed the music was barely heard. "Soundproof?" Sam asked.
"Seems like it."
"Most her rooms are..." You explained, making them look at eachother with a smirk before looking back at you.
"Good. You won't have to worry about screaming our names too loudly tonight then." Sam said.
"W-wha-" You could barely manage to say before Colby lifted you up and walked you to the bed.
Sitting you down, you looked up at them towering over you again.
"You're not escaping us tonight. You know that, right?" Colby began, crossing his arms.
"We're gonna have that... talk. Right now if we need to." Sam said, making you gulp.
"Can the talk be a bit more... dynamic?" You opened your legs slightly, which made them smirk.
"It was going to be from the start, sweetheart." Colby said with a deep tone, putting his hand on the insides of your thighs, quickly getting his hand closer to your heat. You sighed when you felt it, Sam fixing your hair behind your ear before getting closer to your face for another kiss.
While you kissed back, your legs closed a bit by instinct when you felt him playing with your clit through the fabric of your panties. "She's so wet, Sam." He informed, making Sam chuckle in the middle of the kiss, pushing his tongue deeper inside when you opened your mouth.
They made you lie down on the bed while your heated make out session with Sam didn't give you a second to even breathe. You moaned slightly when you felt your legs being pushed apart.
Sam slowly pulled down your dress, leaving your boobs out in the open, he separated from your lips and sighed. "No bra or anything, it almost seems like she was expecting us to fuck her." He said, pulling back only to see your whole view. "Fuck." He whispered.
Colby took off your damped panties and threw them to the floor, pushing up the skirt of your dress to have a clear view of your pussy.
You could see him licking and biting his lips while admiring the view. While sam went back to your soft, tasty lips, he began kneeding one of your breasts, playing with your nipple. You whined at the feeling, your heart racing at the touch.
Not a minute later, you could feel your legs being slightly lifted and a tongue licking your pussy, making you moan in between the kiss, letting Sam's tongue slip back in once again.
Shaking, you could feel Colby's tongue making circles around your clit, sucking at it, eating you up, making you arch your back at the feeling.
Sam separated from your lips and started giving you wet kisses around your face, slowly descending through your neck and onto your boobs, nibbling at your skin before making its way towars your nipple.
Sucking at it, you moaned softly and held onto his hair for support, while Colby kept on sucking and pushing his tongue inside of you, exploring every inch he's able to.
While Sam started sucking and licking one of your nipples, he made sure you were kept entertained. Putting two of his fingers inside your mouth for you to lick, you began sucking on them while drowning the moans in between.
From all of the stimulation, it didn't take long for you to cum all over Colby's face. He cleaned you up with his tongue, making sure to look at your erotic expressions whilst having Sam's fingers in your mouth, drooling all over them.
They both separated from you. You were filled with a sense of loss for a moment, but nothing that was going to stay for long. Sam sat behind you, making sure you lied your back on his chest while holding one of your breasts and opening up your legs.
Colby, enjoying the view, waited patiently for his friend to make you feel good. "Let's make sure you can suck us up well, yeah?" Said Sam while slowly moving the hand he had in your mouth down to your pussy.
Opening your lips with his fingers, he teased for a moment before pushing inside of you, making you moan and pull back your head on his shoulder.
One finger, then two, then three.
He stretched you up good while Colby was busy taking off his pants and looking at everything his eyes could manage from the view.
"Make sure Colby can see your pretty face." Sam whispered, thrusting quickly with his fingers. You could feel his bulge quickly rising behind you, poking your back.
You did as told, looking at Colby in the eyes while moaning and whining, your legs shaking at the feeling of being stretched out. "Colby... fuck. I need you."
"What do you need, baby?" He asked seductively, putting out his dick while you moaned at Sam's teeth biting onto your skin.
"You.. your dick... please." You whined.
"You want him to also make you feel good?" Sam asked while squishing one of your boobs and you nodded rapidly.
"Yeah. Yeah, please. Oh, fuck. Please." Pleading in such an erotic way, they couldn't just say no. Sam's fingers left you right before you were on the edge of yet another orgasm, but it didn't take long for something even better to take its place.
Colby's tip was slowly pushing in, making sure to not hurt you. You opened your mouth, taking out your tongue as the feeling was euphoric. He got closer and sucked on it before kissing you.
When he was completely inside, he began thrusting slowly but surely. Quickly speeding up when he felt you were already getting used to his length.
Moaning his name out, you looked back at Sam and whined for him as well, touching his erection from behind you, making him grunt. "Sam. Take... take it out." You panted in between moans.
And he did as told, quickly pulling out his dick while getting on his knees so that you could quickly hold it and put it inside your hot, wet mouth. "Oh, fuck." He let out when he felt your tongue up his friend.
You were quick to put it inside your mouth, bobbing your head up and down while getting railed up by Colby. The vibration of your moans sent shivers down Sam's spine. Holding your head up for support, he began thrusting inside your mouth as well.
It was a dream come true, you were on cloud 9, almost fainting at the pleasure you were receiving from both ends.
You didn't take long to cum, neither did them. After all, those teasing were killing them as well, they were just trying to hold it long enough for you to release yourself first.
You gulped down Sam's juices before pulling out, panting when he did. You were beat. If you barely had any strength before due to the recent investigation, now you were sure of it.
They made sure to clean you up before fixing your dress, giving you kisses all over your body, looking at the now visible hickeys all over your skin. "Gotta let people know you're taken. We can't have what happened before again." Colby whispered in your ear before kissing your cheek.
Breathing heavily, you nodded at them, not even entirely sure what you were agreeing upon.
"Well, that was a nice chat, was it not?" Sam said, smiling at your wobbly self.
"It really was, glad we could clear things up, right?" Colby continued. "I mean, I'm guessing you understand what we meant, right?"
You looked at him, getting your breath back together, smiling. "That you're my boys?" You asked, "Or maybe you have to explain it all over again, maybe I didn't understand what you meant."
They looked at eachother, smirking. "Then let us explain it again."
âź â ËïœĄđŠč âïœĄÂ°â©
"come over here and kiss me on my hot mouth, i'm feelin' romantical."
thank you so much for reading <3 //also last part isn't a cliffhanger, we all know they went for round two, the end
smol taglist from those that wanted pt 3 *(sorry if you didn't want to be tagged): @oh-prettylady @lemonnightmare @honey-bees-13 @jupiter1700
~nikkĂ”
#colby brock#sam golbach#colby x reader#colby brock imagine#colby brock one shot#colby brock fanfic#colby brock x reader#colby brock x you#imagine#fanfic#fic#one shot#sam and colby#sam and colby one shot#sam and colby fanfic#sam golbach x reader#sam golbach x you#sam golbach one shot#sam golbach fanfic#sam golbach imagine#angst#sam and colby fluff#sam and colby imagine#fluff#flirting#gettin railed up by them boys#colby brock smut#sam golbach smut#sam and colby smut
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i know youâre not taking requests for him⊠but rob rausch (from love island) smut would actually be amazing đđ
hehehehe yes this is one of the only exceptions iâll take for non-requested people bc rob is HOT
you and rob have been coupled up sense the beginning. you chose him and he chose you. rob, being himself, did have moments where he was skeptical, however he was always completely transparent with you and would tell you how he felt.
there were many girls that liked him, including liv, who stole him, and he eventually came back to you. you and rob had won todayâs challenge, and been voted americaâs favorite couple, so you gained your night in the hideaway.
and thatâs how you ended up on top of him, his hands tied behind his back, mask on your face as you rode him, hips moving against his.
âgod, that feels amazing,â he whispered under his breath, his head falling back, tugging at the rope that held his hands together.
âyeah?â you spoke, various cuss words slipping from your mouth as he fucked up into you, âfeels good when iâm on top, doesnât it?â
the whole villa knew you were probably the horniest couple on the island, so they knew after your night in the hideaway there would be many stories to tell.
after 2 rounds of you on top of him, he took the mask off your face, throwing it across the room, turning your bodies over.
âmissed that pretty face of yours..â he says, tucking some hair behind your ear, before turning your body around, shoving your face into the pillows, knowing you liked it rough.
âthat feel good, baby?â he said, pushing into you again and gaining speed. he smiled as your back arched, holding your hip with one hand and your head with the other.
âyes, feels so good!â you shout out, clenching around him as he pounds in and out of you.
âgood girl,â he says, sending shivers down your body, âyou know i like it when you respond to me,â he said, watching as you scream into the pillows.
âyeah, come on, scream my name, baby,â his words cause your body to tremble and scream his name into the pillows, feeling him twitch inside of you, he enjoyed seeing how much pleasure he gave you.
âgood fucking girl, iâm so close baby, you feel so good, fuck,â rob moaned, starting to bottom out as he starts to reach the edge, his hips stuttering as he shoots his cum into you.
once he comes down from his high he doesnât stop, continuing his thrusts, âcome on, love, cum for me,â he moves faster, moaning as he sees his load spilling out of you.
âcum for me, god, you look so pretty with my cum spilling out of you,â his words brought you over to the edge, his hand reaching over and rubbing circles along your clit, watching intently as your body trembled as you came.
âgood girl, itâs okay, iâm here,â his words slowly slowed your breathing from quick pants to regular breaths.
rob turns you around after a minute and kisses your forehead. âyou okay?â you nod your head, eyes tired and drowsy as you smile up at him.
âiâm okay, robby,â you say, your voice obviously tired, he giggles at the nickname you call him, which you really only use when youâre tired and drowsy or feeling playful.
âgood, had to make sure. letâs go to bed baby. 3 rounds is more than enough for us.â
you giggle at his words, âis it?â you say, raising an eyebrow. he laughs at your words.
âfor now it is. who knows, maybe weâll be up again at 2am. tonightâs the night to do whatever we want,â rob says, wiggling his eyebrows as you gently tap his face.
âyouâre so stupid,â you say, and you both laugh and you cuddle against his chest, you both finally falling asleep.
#what jana said#rob is a dirty little boy#rob love island usa#rob#velvrei#connor love island usa season 6#rob love island usa season 6#rob love island smut#trending#smut imagine#smut#writing#velvrei smut#love island smut#love island usa season 6 smut#rob rausch#rob rausch smut
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two little lines
toji x reader
in which you find out that you're pregnant and fear toji's reaction.
because of pregnancy this is technically an AFAB!reader, but I did my best to keep it gender neutral. though I did use the pet name "doll" (sorry it feels so toji), and I don't exactly know if it's gender neutral.
despite this technically being AFAB, if you're AMAB and want to read I am not here to yuck your yum.
wc: 1551
look at me mixing it up with a toji fic after three straight nanami fics!
pt. 2 pt. 3
______________________________________________________________
two little lines. all it took to seemingly destroy your entire life was two little lines on a pregnancy test.Â
sure, it had been two months since your last period, and sure, you were in a long-term relationship, so pregnancy was something that was technically plausible. however, you just couldnât fathom how you had been so careless. i mean, having two kids was enough, but a third?Â
no, your husband was definitely going to leave you, and the thought of it made your heart clench.Â
âfuck,â you thought, vision blurring. âeverything is just going to end because of two stupid fucking pink lines?âÂ
youâre lucky toji was off on some other random bounty hunt, giving you time to hide the test before going to pick megumi and tsumiki up from school. the floorboards creak as you run to the kitchen, throwing the test in the box with your favorite snacks, knowing toji would never look inside it. Â
silence fills the house, creating a sharp juxtaposition with the pounding of your heart echoing in your ears. there has to be some way to calm down before going to get your stepkids. you tried everything you could think of, from splashing cold water on your face to walking around to holding an ice cube in your hand, until eventually you got to a point where you felt like you could pretend.Â
keys, wallet and stress in hand, you got in the car and headed to their elementary school. the kids were there, standing on the curb, and you waved as you approached. there seemed to be an argument before tsumiki opened the passenger-side door, megumi grumbling as he slid into the backseat.Â
âhow was school?â you asked, and the kids scrambled to talk about what they learned, from the different types of clouds to their times-tables.Â
âit was super fun and the teacher said that we have a new project coming up about the types of clouds! we get to make diaramas of them and it sounds really fun!â tsumiki exclaims, the smile evident in her voice.Â
âthat does sound fun! youâll have to tell your dad all about it when he gets home,â you feel your brows furrow at the mention of toji, but you quickly resume your role of the happy guardian so as not to cause any problems.Â
the house comes into view minutes later, and megumi runs inside. you turn to get out before tsumiki sighs softly.Â
âwait,â she says, and you turn to her. âis something wrong?âÂ
âcurse her for being so observant,â you think, but you shake your head quickly.Â
ânothing for you to worry about, just worried about your father, as always,â which technically is not a lie, just not fully the truth.Â
âoh, well you know that heâll be okay! heâll be back and then heâll stomp around the house talking about those âdamn sorcerersâ-â tsumiki deepens her voice to imitate her father, but you stop her.Â
âhey! watch your language!â she opens the door and runs inside, laughing the whole way, and you smile softly. you really do love those kids, even if they arenât yours by blood.Â
the house is cold when you enter, and you make your way towards the thermostat. however, before you can even turn the temperature up, a sour taste climbs up your throat. you feel sweat drench your brow, and you canât shake the feeling that youâre going to throw up.Â
you run up the stairs, throwing yourself in front of the toilet to empty your stomach. footsteps pad up the stairs, and you feel a little hand rubbing against your back.Â
â(y/n)? are you sure youâre okay?â tsumikiâs soft voice brought tears to your eyes, more running down your cheeks as you retched. it took a minute or two to get everything out of your system before you sit back on your heels.Â
âsorry, i guess iâm a little sick. we should have some microwavable meals in the fridge, do you think you could make some food for you and megumi?â she nods, leaving you alone with your thoughts once more.Â
âheâs going to find out soon,â you worry, brushing your teeth to rid the awful taste from your mouth. âi guess i should get some rest so i donât have to face him when he comes home.âÂ
you sink into your shared bed, blankets reaching out to hug your body, and you drift off to sleep.Â
the bed sinks, pulling you out of your slumber. you begin to turn to face your husband before youâre reminded of the events from earlier. your pulse is rapid, and you think about pretending that youâre still asleep before toji speaks.Â
âhey doll. âmiki said that you werenât feeling well earlier. youâre not hurt, are you? i can handle whoever it is for you.â you smile at the softness he only displays for you, but how can you explain that the person causing you stress is none other than him?
âiâm okay. itâs probably food poisoning or something. you did cook dinner last night,â he frowns, groaning lowly.Â
âiâm not that bad. the brats said it was fine enough,â you laugh at him, burrowing into the blankets. your husband slides his shirt over his head, revealing his broad shoulders riddled with muscles and scars. mindlessly, you reach out to caress him softly, and he slides into bed beside you. while normally youâd ask to lay on his chest, youâre worried being that close would make him aware of your irregular pulse.Â
âgoodnight babe,â you say, curling back into yourself and closing your eyes, knowing that if you look at him now his confusion would cause the truth to tumble out.Â
ânight doll,â he hesitates, weight settling in on the other side of the bed.Â
â-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
you wake up to a quiet house, something that sets you off immediately. two elementary school aged kids does not bode well for a quiet house, and so you sit up, reaching to your right to find tojiâs side of the bed cold to the touch.Â
âokay, somethingâs up.âÂ
you walk down the stairs to the kitchen, calling out for the kids, only to see that their shoes arenât by the door. tojiâs in the kitchen, looking through the fridge.Â
âhey babe, where are the kids?â you normally get them off to school, but it seems that maybe youâd slept in late.Â
âtheyâre at school,â he says shortly, taking you aback.Â
âokay. sorry i slept in, i must have been really tire-â you stop when you step into the kitchen, seeing your positive pregnancy test on the counter. the whole world freezes, and you can feel everything crashing down.Â
âoh that? yeah, it was weird. i tried to bring your favorite snack to you in bed when the box was making a weird sound. found that at the bottom.â he gestures haphazardly, cracking the dam holding the next wave of your anxiety back.Â
âitâs a friendâs-â
âdonât bullshit me. were you even going to tell me?â his voice is low, eyes piercing.Â
âtoji-âÂ
âwere. you. going. to. tell me.â he enunciates.Â
âi didnât know how! i mean seriously, you have two kids to worry about, the last thing you need is a fucking baby! i get it, itâs over. iâll go get my shit,â tears are running down your cheeks as you tear out your heart with your bare hands. you turn to leave, making your way upstairs, when a hand grabs your wrist softly.Â
âwaitâdoll. fuck.â he turns you to face him. âyou donât have to leave.âÂ
âof course i fucking do. should probably go now before the kids get back. i donât want them involved.â you take another step, but his grip remains firm.Â
âi said you donât have to leave. the bratâs mine too.âÂ
âwait. you want to keep it?â he looks to the side, rubbing his other hand against his neck.Â
âof course i fucking do,â he mirrors, and your eyes widen.Â
âyou meanâŠyouâre not mad?âÂ
âiâm mad you didnât tell me, not about the brat.â your eyes water, and before you know it youâre sobbing into his chest.Â
âwhat is this all about? you really have such a low opinion of me to think iâd kick you out?â his voice rumbles through his chest against your ear.Â
âyouâre just so busy, and i thoughtâŠi thought that you would be mad,â you sob even harder, not knowing where the emotions end and hormones begin.Â
âso what? iâd just kick you to the curb?âÂ
âi mean, you have two kids alreadyâŠmaybe a third would be too much.â he starts to chuckle, causing you to pull away from him.Â
âwhatâs so funny?âÂ
âthat you seriously thought iâd kick you out. i donât break promises, doll, and marriage is just a big promise. besides, youâd probably get custody of the brats. they like you more than me.âÂ
you run your hands over your face before reaching out to play with his hair.Â
âyouâre really not mad?â you repeat, and he rolls his eyes.
âno dumbass. besides, i canât let any other men see how hot you are carrying my kid.â you snort, circling your arms around his neck to pull him closer.Â
âlove you, toji.âÂ
âlove you too, doll.â he says, your lips meeting.
#jjk#toji x reader#toji jjk#toji fushiguro#toji x y/n#toji x you#toji fluff#angst to fluff?#manga#anime#jujutsu kaisen toji#jujutsu kaisen#jujutsu kaisen toji fushiguro
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secret relationship smau || katsuki bakugou
my first time making something like this!! going to make it a pretty short one. i hope you like it!! <3
tags: fem!reader x katsuki bakugou, my hero academia, social media au
tws: none, sfw!
đ„â€ïžđ„â€ïžđ„â€ïžđ„â€ïžđ„â€ïžđ„â€ïžđ„â€ïžđ„
ynynynyn 2 months ago
liked by bakugoukats, froggytsu, momoyao, m_ashido_, and 72 others
himđ
m_ashido_ EXCUSE MEEEEEEE WHOISTHIS
ynynynyn đ€
m_ashido_ Y/N DONT PLAY WITH ME
m_ashido_ DO I MEED TO CHECK EVERY LIKE HNTIL I FIND HMI
ynynynyn CHILLLLLLL LMFAO
froggytsu aww congratulations y/n
ynynynyn thank you tsuuu ilyđ
ynynynyn 1 month ago
liked by momoyao, reddriott, bakugoukats, m_ashido_, and 68 others
he took me on a date and walked me homeđ„č
m_ashido_ y/n you have five minutes to text me or iâm dming every dude you follow
ynynynyn 200 likes for a relationship reveal ?
m_ashido_ SHUT UP IâLL TAG EVERYONE I KNOW froggytsu urfrienduravity momoyao shojishoji musicalkyoka tapeboisero see moreâŠ
ynynynyn mina pleaseeee lolol
shotoutodo m_ashido_ Why have you dragged me into this?
musicalkyoka oop tea
m_ashido_ shotoutodo SHUT UP ICY HOT I NEED TO KNOW
tapeboisero minađ
bakugoukats m_ashido_ thatâs my nickname for him, dumbass. [â€ïž liked by ynynynyn]
bakugoukats 5m
tagged: ynynynyn
liked by ynynynyn, m_ashido_, reddriott, pikadenki, and 108 others
my girl đ
ynynynyn my manđźâđšđ
m_ashido_ iâ I WAS NOT EXPECTING THIS
ynynynyn surprise đ
pikadenki đđ
m_ashido_ DID YOU KNOW THE WHOLE TIME?!?!
pikadenki Yeah why
m_ashido_ DENKI BITCH ISTG AKDBSKGXJSSJDL
ynynynyn m_ashido_ ilyđ€đ»
đ„â€ïžđ„â€ïžđ„â€ïžđ„â€ïžđ„â€ïžđ„â€ïžđ„
if you enjoyed this please like + follow!đ€
[all pics from pinterest. i do not own any of the pictures, or any of the characters referenced. bnha/mha is originally a manga by kohei horikoshi that was adapted to anime.]
#mha scenarios#bnha scenarios#bakugou katsuki#bakugou scenarios#secret dating#smau#bnha smau#mha smau#fake instagram#bakugou x reader#bakugou x fem!reader#bnha bakugo katsuki#katsuki#katsuki x y/n#katsuki fluff
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Take it off
summary: fwb!sub!abby x reader
warnings: fwb! abby, mentions of marijuana usage, sub! abby, teasing, nipple play, cunnilingus, making out, fingering, needy abby because it's my favorite. proof read-ish. lmk if i missed anything
Fall time was the best time. The stuffy, clammy summer air is gone, and the brisk fall air enters your lungs. The sound of the crunchy leaves under your feet, warm drinks, and smoke seshes in your nice, warm home. You love it.Â
But.. it also means cuffing season, and you weren't getting any of that because Abby decided to stop seeing you. You know you are not supposed to get attached while being friends with benefits, but fucking hell, it was Abby for crying out loud. It was normal for Abby to ghost you for 2-3 days, but a whole week? The beginning of the season has been shit for you.
You set up your nightly, ritually smoke sesh in your room. Sitting down on your cozy floor table, convenient for times like these, you start preparing your spread. Rolling papers that left a lingering taste of strawberries, the grinder that you decorated with stickers, your lucky lighter that is always with you, and finally, your precious herb that was in a small glass jar. You put on your favorite show and start getting comfortable until you hear Abbyâs signature two knocks. You feel your heart drop literally to your ass. You wait for about 2 minutes until you listen to it again.
Knock, knock.
âAre you fucking kidding me..â you mutter, pushing the table as you stretch your legs. Grabbing the first item of clothing in your hamper, you slip on a hoodie and quickly walk to the door. Opening the door where you meet a deliciously looking blonde-haired girl. Hair out of her braid and shorts that accentuate the muscles on her thighs. She looks too good, and she knows it.
âWhat do you need?â you said, not even a hello and not even opening the door all the way. Abby puts her arm in the doorway.
âAw, did you miss me?â she asks, using her body weight to push the door open, pushing you with it. She lets herself inside, already looking around your living room.
âCâmon, Abby. What do you need? You want to call us off for a week and show up at my house without letting me know?â You say as you close the door, following her into your living room. You instantly regret letting this woman back into your home again. The smell of her pine body wash, the sandalwood perfume she wore, and the warmth she emitted from her was enough to open your arms(or your legs) to her again.
âThe thing is..â Abby starts, but as she sits on the couch, a sly smirk creeps on her face. You bite your bottom lip, aware of the effect Abby has on you, so if she smiles, you canât help but smile.
âTake it off,â Abby says, making herself comfortable by spreading her legs, seeing how her shorts ride up and can get a peek of her baby blue spandex shorts. You feel your face warm up, trying to keep your eyes above her waist.
âE-excuse me?â was all you could say as you stared at her in disbelief.Â
She raises her eyebrows. âThat hoodie,â she says, pointing to the exact hoodie you had on. âI came to get it back with a few of my other things.â
Shit.
âLook, I'm sorry,â sighing to mostly yourself. Abby reminded you that she wanted her stuff back, and because of the sudden disconnect between you two, you didnât have the time. You took a moment to look around you, seeing if there were any remnants of her presence still lingering in your home. âI haven't done any laundry and just grabbed whatever was in my hamper. Tomorrow, I'll have a look around.â
Abby shakes her head with that same stupid smirk on her face. She flips her hair to the side and loosens the neck of her hoodie collar Was she hot..?
âNo. I want you to take it off. Right now,â She says in that tone that you're familiar with. A deep, dulcet, yet desperate.Â
You feel this fluttering hurt in your stomach, the good kind. You havenât slept with anyone since Abby, and she looks like she needs youâŠ
Fuck it.
You grab the bottom of the hoodie, lifting it and revealing your naked top half. Your skin litters with goosebumps, feeling the slight chill air around you, but the warm liquid swimming in your belly is another thing. You see the light pink blush painting Abbyâs cheeks as you toss the hoodie. Fuck sheâs so cute. Abby catches it but tosses the hoodie to the side and yanks your hand as you fall on top of her.Â
âAbby!â you let out a small yelp as she melts her lips to yours. The way Abby was kissing you was enough to tell you that this girl was needy. Hertongue finds yours, teeth clashing, letting out small, quiet moans and whines as her grip on your arm tightens. You break the kiss, taking a good look at her glossy lips, her eyes drooped with arousal, and how her hair is already mused.
âAnd you said that I missed you? Look at you, poor baby.â You whisper in the space between the two of you, letting your lips linger but not enough for the needy girl below you to get another taste.Â
Abbyâs eyes widen for a second, opening her mouth to say something but closing it with a flustered face.
âYou missed me so much,â You say as your hand creeps up on the muscular thigh, so close to where she needs you. She shifts, wanting to get you between her legs, but youâre already one step ahead of her. You move your knee, having good pressure against Abby that has her slightly bucking her eager hips. âThat you came over to get a stupid sweater?â
Abbyâs eyebrows furrow, and she shakes her head. This cute, puzzled look on her face makes you want to bury her in kisses, but youâre supposed to be mad at her. You lean back into her lips, biting, sucking, anything that works her up. Abby is putty below you. She lets out these moans that youâve never heard before, high-pitched mewls that make you bite her lip harder. Your hand creeps up her thigh, up into the crewneck, and you are met with her bare, sensitive chest, rising and falling rapidly You smile into the kiss, not wanting to embarrass her even more for coming over prepared. You grope her chest, fondling with the fat that lay there and playing with the pebbling nipple. Abby breaks the kiss, inhaling sharply.
âAh- please.â She gasps, bucking her hips again. This was a completely different side of her. Abby has received from you, and she is pretty vocal in bed, but this fucking submissive? It makes you want to deprive her for weeks on end. You break the kiss, hurridly helping Abby take off her crewneck and attaching your mouth to her boob. Circling your tongue around the rose-colored nipple has Abby holding her breath. After a few minutes of playing with her chest, you trail kisses down to the navel. You didnât even have to ask, as Abby was quick to slip her shorts off, tossing them somewhere in the living room.
âMmm, needy, arenât we?â looking into her eyes as you mutter against her hip bone, skin almost feverish to how warm she was. Abby rolls her eyes, the sass still somehow in her.
âFuck yes, ok? Please, baby,â Abby whines, throwing her head back onto the couch armrest. She reveals her neck, sweat droplets cascade slowly, accentuating the veins that played there. Fingers are dancing up her leg, in between where you see how desperate her cunt is. Glistening, soft pink flesh and her musk have you blacking out slightly.Â
âI want you to look at me, Abby.â You said, patting her thigh to grab her attention as you met with her eyes. Itâs as if she was god himself. Her fucked out expression made you clench around nothing.
âGood girlâ was the last thing you said as you stuck your tongue out and licked a fat stripe of her pussy. Abby can't help but close her eyes, too overwhelmed by your teasing tongue.Â
âNuh uh, look at me. I want you to watch, baby,â putting your tongue away, smoothing her shaking thighs over with your hands. She nods eagerly, raking her hair out of her face. You bite back a smile before diving in again. Spreading her open with your mouth, Abby was so wet. Slick coating your chin, you move your hand over to pull back her clit to kiss it. Moans strung out from the blonde above, not caring how loud she was getting. She grabs your hair and makes a satisfying pull to your scalp that has you groaning into her cunt. You alternate between sucking, licking, sucking, licking. Your head is spinning as you prop yourself on your elbows, applying the pressure of two fingers dancing on her clit, your jaw feeling sore. Smiling at the cute, blissed-out expression on Abbyâs face makes you want to be between her legs all night.Â
âAre you close?â you ask, voice hoarse after not speaking for the last 3 minutes. Abby doesn't dare to open her eyes, knowing that if she makes eye contact with you, sheâll come too fast. She nods, eyebrows furrowed as she nibbles on her swollen bottom lip from the constant biting she does. You allow it this time, allowing Abby to take in the euphoric blooming in her stomach. You really shouldnât, wishing you had prolonged her orgasm as a punishment for ghosting you and making you suffer every night.Â
âCome for me, baby, yeah? Show me how bad you want thisâ Famous last words before you attached your mouth back onto her clit, switching your finger to easily slip into her. Pumping your index finger in a âcome hitherâ motion, feeling her clench around you.Â
âFuck fuck, please, Iâm coming. K-keep-ah-doing that,â She hisses as her body seizes, fingers gripping so good in your scalp. Strong thighs clamp around your head as you lazily lick at her rosy clit with a grin.
Who knew Abby could be so fucking needy?
a/n: heyyyyyyy, sorry i was on hiatus for a while. i suddenly got the motivation to write, so do what you will with this
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To Lean On You | Spencer Reid
Pairing: Spencer Reid x fem!reader
Content Warning: post prison!Spencer, mentions of addiction, prison talk (typical for the prison arc), gun use, mentions of death, suggestive themes, idiots in love, angst, so much angst.
Word Count: 8.6K
Summary: You and Spencer wasted years, truths hidden, feelings uncertain, and a fear of the unrequited. It took ten weeks, isolated, silent, and broken, for the realization to strike. There was no life, if you didnât have each other.Â
A/N: Itâs finally here! Wow, writing this was a wild ride, honestly. Over a month of writing, blood, sweat, and tears poured over it (there were in fact some tears). This is also the first thing Iâve written in 3 years and I'm very happy to finally be out of my slump. It's probably the angstiest thing I've written ever, and at the same time, I feel like it's not the greatest, but deep down, I still love it, haha. Let me know if I've missed any warnings. And, enjoy and any feedback is appreciated. <3
Here are some of the songs I listened to while writing this if you want to get into the mood:
Hearts by Jessie Ware
The Smallest Man Who Ever Lived by Taylor Swift
Lost Without You by Freya Ridings
In This Shirt by The Irresponssibles
masterlist
79 days, 3 hours, and 27 minutes - thatâs how long itâs been since he got arrested in Mexico.
70 days, 6 hours, and 13 minutes since you saw him being pulled out of the courtroom after he was deemed a flight risk and denied bail. 70 days, 6 hours, and 13 minutes have passed since you last saw him.
65 days, 7 hours, and 11 minutes, since he was transferred to Millburn Correctional Facility, and this whole nightmare, had started.Â
Per Penelopeâs carefully crafted schedule, every team member has made numerous trips to visit Spencer - every member except you. Youâd only made one trip out, and that had been 3 days after heâd been transferred.
March 4th, 2017
Itâs been 8 days since you saw him led in cuffs out of that courtroom, where Penelope had broken down in Lukeâs arms, everyone too shocked to make a sound. Heâd looked back, his eyes meeting yours briefly, and it had been as if youâd almost seen your reflection in the mirror, every emotion had run between you both in a matter of seconds.Â
Shock, youâd almost been sure they would grant bail, and youâd be able to take him home. Almost.Â
Fear, for his future and his well-being. Fear of the uncertain.Â
Desperation, the desire to run to him and take him into your arms, finally, and to not let go.Â
Except youâd held his gaze for as long as you could before youâd looked down and turned your head to save him from seeing you break down in tears. Youâd made a hasty escape after that, not sparing any of your teammates a glance, and walked out of the courthouse, stopping by a tree outside. The urge to curl up into a ball and hide, pretending none of this had happened, was strong, and then a hand wrapped around your shoulder. You had turned around, only to see Rossi and one of his sad little smiles, the ones you rarely saw.
âItâs going to be okay,â heâd said, squeezing your shoulder. âThe kid is strong.â
Youâd sniffled, trying to hide the tears in your voice. âYeah, well, Iâm not sure I am," youâd whispered in despair.Â
You were better than you had been 8 days ago, calmer. Although still heartbroken, you were looking forward to seeing him, seeing with your eyes that he was okay. Garcia had seen him, 2 days ago, before youâd been sent out on a case. Â
âHe looks good. I mean, as good as that big genius brain of his can look in prison. His eyes were sad though, really, really sad.â Sheâd paused as if to assure herself it would be alright, âIâm sure heâs looking forward to seeing you, sweetness.â Sheâd squeezed your hand, but her statement hadnât rung true.Â
Your hands were shaking, you werenât sure what from. The anticipation youâd felt? The nerves? Or the words you had a hard time coming to terms with.
âIâm sorry, but your name isnât on Spencer Reidâs approved visitor list,â the guard at the checkpoint had said after rechecking the list.Â
âThere has to be a mistake, I made an appointment,â you insisted, feeling yourself unravel. It wasnât possible, you knew for a fact you were on that list, Emily had made sure of that.
âLook, lady. There are only 10 names on that list, and yours is not one of them. Now, you need to move, because there are people here waiting to see their loved ones.â youâd hiccuped and turned around, walking to the lockers to unlock your gun, badge, and phone.Â
âIâm here to see a loved one.â Youâd wanted to scream, but you knew it would have been futile. There wasnât anything you could do at that moment.Â
You walked to your car, dialing Emilyâs number, âThis is Prentiss.â Â
For a second, only your breathing could be heard over the sound of the wind, and then a tiny sniffle. You wiped at your eyes and nose, and then spoke up, barely, âWhy am I not on Spencerâs approved visitor list?âÂ
âWhat do you mean? Every member of this team is on the list. So is his lawyer and Diana, even Derek,â you could hear the surprise in her voice, yet you couldnât keep calm any longer.
"They refused to let me see him! I made the appointment, Emily, and I came, hoping Iâd finally see him hear his voice, and ask him-â Your voice broke mid-sentence, and after taking a deep breath, you continued, âAsk him if he was okay, and I was denied because out of the 10 names on that list, it seems mineâs not one of them.â You finished defeated, barely above a whisper.
All was silent for the moment, save for what you could hear was Penelopeâs voice on the other end of the line, quietly asking what was going on, âLet me call Fiona and the warden, and Iâll see what happened. Meanwhile, I need you back here, because we just got a case.â Her voice wasnât leaving anything up for discussion. Still, you couldnât go, not until you saw him.Â
âEmily-â she cut you off.
âItâs not a discussion. Iâll resolve this, but I need you here and your head in the game. Am I clear?â Her voice was stern, but maybe thatâs exactly what you needed. Maybe.
âYeah, clear. Iâm on my way back.â You took a deep breath and started the car and the journey back to Quantico, but your mind stayed right there, on the bars that kept you away from the one thing you held dearest.Â
As it turns out, there was nothing the warden or Fiona could do. Even Emily Prentiss, Unit Chief of the BAU, couldn't âresolveâ the situation. Days, weeks, and months passed, and for 70 days you couldnât see him, isolated out, not even knowing why.
â-to be in the courthouse in one.â You snapped out of your thoughts, only catching the end of the sentence, digging the heels of your hands into your eyes. You were tired, and it had little to do with the fact that you had been up all night, going over all the evidence with the team and tracing Lindsey Vaughanâs steps to a T in an attempt to exonerate Spencer and finally bring him home.Â
You were exhausted, both physically and mentally. Youâd been up for more than 24 hours now, but then you hadnât been sleeping all that well to begin with. Every single night was spent wondering how Spencer was doing, and every time you closed your eyes, you saw him in that cell in Mexico.Â
His eyes were red, high out of his mind, barely coherent, dirty, and injured - a far cry from the person you were used to seeing every single day - energetic, passionate, and brilliant. After 12 years, if there was one image you wished to erase from your memory, it was this one. Not all the blood youâve seen spilled, every victim, be it men, women, or even children, all the horrors of the job, but this. Maybe it made you a bad person, but there was nothing worse than seeing the one person you held dearest at their lowest and not being able to do anything to stop it.
Every waking hour that you werenât on the job was spent wondering how he was doing and if he was okay. If he was healthy, unharmed, and safe, or as safe as an FBI agent could be in prison. But most of all, the one thing that had kept you up at night, slowly destroying your sanity and making you question everything, had been the one question you couldnât seem to get an answer to.Â
âWhy doesnât he want to see me?â
Youâd asked everyone and had waited with battered breath for an answer, a clarification on the matter, and it never came. As shocked as you had been at the notion that you wouldnât be seeing Spencer for an indefinite amount of time, your team had been even more shocked. They knew the kind of relationship you and Spencer had, how close youâd become over the years, and how much you relied on each other.Â
Youâd asked every team member, youâd asked yourself, youâd even asked Spencer in a few of the letters you wrote to him, and then there had come a point where you just stopped.Â
You were torturing yourself more than enough, day after day, and every single night, asking yourself a question you wouldnât get an answer to. Not as long as he was locked up in that hellhole and you were out here, trying to keep together the pieces of something, that was on the verge of breaking.Â
You felt a hand taking hold of yours, and for a second, you tensed up. Pulled out of your thoughts, you looked up and were met with chocolate brown eyes, full of worry - Emilyâs eyes.Â
You glanced around the room, only to realize it was empty, save for the two of you. You hadnât felt when the others had left, thatâs how deep in thought you had been.Â
âWhere did you go? Iâve been calling your name for a while now,â she spoke gently, squeezing your hand. If you were honest, thatâs the first time she asked you anything about the situation. Youâd spent weeks suffering in silence and trying to pretend that you werenât slowly dying on the inside.Â
You briefly thought about lying, it wouldnât be the first lie youâd told since Spencer had been incarcerated, but you didnât have it in you to hide anymore.Â
And so, for the first time since Spencerâs hearing, you told the truth.
âNothing makes sense anymore, Em,â it left you in a whisper, âIâm barely holding it together. I feel like Iâm drowning sometimes, and just when I breach the surface, Iâm pulled back in. My mind, itâs...I question everything, all the time. My mornings start with thoughts about him, and my nights end with tears over him, over this entireâŠthis nightmare. I keep waiting for my alarm to go off, to wake up and realize that this has been a plot of my imagination, some cruel joke my mind has conjured, designed to show me... "Your eyes welled with tears, prepared to admit something you should have long ago. Emily gave your hand another squeeze, prompting you to continue, and so you did, admitting it for the first time aloud.Â
âDesigned to show me that I canât live a life that doesnât have Spencer in it.â You wiped at your eyes, willing your tears at bay. When you dared to look up, you were met with the eyes of the only other person besides Spencer who has been a constant rock in your life for the last 11 years. What you saw in her eyes then wasnât surprise like youâd thought, but relief. It took you a moment to fully read her, but it was like a switch had gone off when you finally did.Â
âBut youâre not surprised to hear this, are you?â you smiled sadly, a light laugh leaving you.Â
âI wouldnât be a good friend if I didnât have my suspicions, and Iâd be an even worse profiler,â she smiled at you, âPlus, there are some feelings that you just canât hide,â you blinked, and then you blinked again. You hadnât come right out and said it, and yet she knew, she somehow knew.Â
âI didnât mean it like that.â you tried to backtrack, but you knew it was a losing battle. Emily knew you well enough to smell your bullshit from miles.
âThatâs exactly how you meant it, and donât even try to deny it. I see it every damn day. Itâs how you leave the room whenever you hear someone talk about visiting Spencer. You donât want to hear how heâs doing because you wouldnât believe it, not unless you see him with your own eyes. But you canât, so youâve resigned yourself to the torture of not knowing instead of giving yourself the smallest amount of peace by asking. Youâve been suffering in silence for almost three months, too stubborn to say anything, thinking you were doing yourself a favor. And what for? Youâre crying yourself to sleep every night and coming to work the next morning, pretending everything is fine when clearly itâs not. You think youâre fooling everyone, but the only person youâre tricking is yourself. And howâs that working out for you?â she had a point, and itâs not like you werenât aware of that fact. You knew what you were doing wasnât okay or healthy. You had the most stable support system imaginable to get you through the hardest parts. It was hard, though, especially when the person who was suffering the most was the person whoâd taken your heart with him.Â
âWay to call me out, boss.â you were just about ready to end the conversation, you couldnât take any more of this. Youâd promised each other long ago that you wouldnât profile each other but you had a feeling that was exactly what Emily was doing right now. Maybe not on purpose, and with every good intention imaginable, but you didnât want that. You didnât want one of your best friends to try to understand you based on behavioral analysis right after youâd spilled your soul out to her.Â
âJust calling it the way I see it, someone has to,â she smiled, but then she shook her head a little before continuing. âWhat I want to know is why you didnât say something earlier. You know I would have been there to listen, and so would have the team.â Damn, Emily Prentiss.
You didnât have to think hard about it, youâve been ruminating over everything for days. You were trying not to, but whenever your mind wasnât focused on a case or the many drinking nights spent in Penelopeâs purple adobe, that was where your mind would take you.
âOut of fear, I think,â you started, unsure for a second, still nervous to admit it. It wasnât exactly what she was asking, but it was a start, âI was afraid, and I still am. Iâve been baiting myself into thinking it was just some sort of fondness, a little stronger than that which you feel towards a friend, and far lesser than what it actually is. I thought that if I didnât say anything, I could go on lying to myself, and nothing would have to change, we wouldnât have to change. Because words hold meaning, and an admission like that holds weight. What would I have done if it was just me who felt like this? I would have ruined the one thing weâve both cherished for over a decade.â It felt good to finally say all of this out loud instead of holding it inward. But then again, Emily always knew when you'd had enough.Â
Sheâd told you time and time again the same thing Hotch had asked of her when she returned to duty after faking her death: âLet me know when you are having a bad day.â. Honestly, youâd held off long enough, and so had she. It was a whole miracle she hadnât pressed you about your behavior earlier.Â
âThatâs not what I was asking,â you said, shaking your head with a smile to let her know that you werenât done speaking.Â
âEveryone was suffering as a result of what happened in Mexico, what I was feeling wasnât any different, Emily.â You were flippant about it, you always have been. You preferred isolating yourself and hiding everything instead of seeking a shoulder to bear the weight of what you felt.Â
âOur sadness came from the fact that our friend was framed. And yours? Thatâs different.âÂ
âIt isnât,â she scoffed, getting up. Now you really felt like you were about to get scolded like a child.
âYes, it is. God, you and Spencer are the same. Itâs like Iâm looking at his doppelganger without the whole⊠IQ of 187. You share some of the worst qualities a person can have,â you laughed at that, âYou are both changeophobes-â you cut her off
âMetathesiophobia, fear of change.â She only raised her hand at you, as if to say, âSee, you even sound like him,â which made you laugh even more.Â
âYou close yourselves off after a sad or traumatic experience, silently hoping youâd be able to get through the worst of it on your own. Most of the time, itâs evident thatâs not the case. You only ask for help when youâve reached rock bottom or have no other choice, but youâve had a choice from the get-go. Your stubbornness even stems from the same anxieties, itâs infuriating,â she seemed to calm down then, in defeat maybe, or she hadnât been mad, to begin with, she sat down again.Â
âMy point is, it shouldnât have taken you learning that he might be coming home today to tell me all of this. Iâve known for a long time that there was something far more than platonic friendship on your end. You shouldnât have tortured yourself since his trial to try to put the puzzle pieces together. You arenât late, you have all the time in the world to say what you feel and what you want, and rejection shouldnât be a factor, believe me. You need to make peace with that fear because Spencer is coming home today. And whether you are ready or not, you both need to have a serious conversation.â You appreciated her determination about Spencer being released, but then again, you had more than circumstantial evidence to support the fact that he was innocent. But, as always, Emily was right. He was coming home today, and after months of not seeing each other, there were a lot of things you needed to say.Â
âI know. Thank you, Emily, for everything,â you whispered, squeezing her tight.Â
Spencerâs POV
The first breath of fresh air after being on the inside for months felt far more overwhelming than he thought it would be. Being in charge of your being and your responses and emotions felt almost unnatural like the feeling of it didnât belong to him. The sound of the wind and the traffic, peopleâs voices, and even the simple act of getting comfortable in the leather seats of the jet overwhelmed any ability to concentrate and think straight.Â
In itself, it was strange. The prison was loud, the prison commissary at breakfast, lunch, and dinner was a cacophony of prisoners talking, cells being opened, and guards barking orders. The yard was loud too, although, in the middle of nowhere, nature could still be heard - the sounds of trees and the lone birds, if he had to guess a mix of Mourning Dove and Field Sparrow. Their songs were soothing most of the time, a welcome distraction from the usual noises around him.Â
Without the atmosphere heâd gotten used to and subjected to all of those sounds and people whose presence he found comforting before, he now felt almost out of place. He wanted to feel at peace, he wanted to feel free, and although he technically was, his mind was more trapped than heâd actually been in that 2 by 2 cell in cellblock C.
He kept replaying some of the hardest moments from his time in, every threat, every punch heâd gotten, and the phantom feel of the fists connecting. Luisâ blood on his hands, the smell of bleach incorporated with the drugs, the tip of the sharpened toothbrush embedding into his thigh. All heâd done to survive, harm, and more harm, only to make it out alive.Â
He barely recognized himself. Heâd deliberately ignored looking at himself in the small plastic mirror in his cell, for fear of seeing what heâd had to become. Gone was the Spencer whoâd use his brain to get out of situations, whose obliviousness more often than not helped to balance his intellect with the socially acceptable. Gone was the bubbly personality of a kid excited to share a plethora of facts with his friends.Â
In his place sat a man, tormented by the reality of the hatred felt towards him. The reality of being a pawn in a game whose complexity could have been his downfall. A man whose genius, as much of a blessing, could sometimes be a curse. A man who had felt too much and was made to experience far more loss than his quaint heart was able to take. In the end, he kept losing, be it his father, by no choice of his own. His mentor, at the hands of a killerâs insanity. His friends and loved ones, hoping for a better life or his freedom, made to rot in a place he didnât deserve to be in.Â
Some would doubt that he had anything at all left to lose. All in all, how much more could the scrawny twelve-year-old child prodigy, left to survive in a public high school, take?Â
His mind had been plagued by that question for years. Heâd thought about that more than heâd like to admit. After every loss, thereâd been a split moment where heâd asked himself what was next. What would be the next thing life would take from him? And every time, heâd had to wonder if, next time, life wouldnât reach for the one thing he couldnât allow to be taken from him. The one thing that, were he to lose, heâd never recover. He had hoped, sometimes prayed, that after everything heâd seen, everything heâd lived through, this would be the one thing thatâd be spared.Â
Locked in that cage, heâd tried even harder to ensure that there wouldnât be another loss in his life - not anymore. Be it good or bad, heâd done everything. For 70 days, heâd had to assure himself he was doing what he thought was right, and what he wasnât saying, heâd be forgiven for. Heâd had to dodge questions and see the disappointment in his friendâs eyes, and when that wasnât enough of a burden to bring all of his anxieties to the surface, heâd resigned himself to reading the words of the person he was doing all of this for - you.Â
Heâd reread every letter to the point where the edges of the papers were worn out, even though heâd known the contents by heart on the first read. He tortured himself by looking at your handwriting, analyzing the slanting of the words and the pressure of the pen. The little stains on the paper, he didnât have to be a genius to know, were your tears. It broke his heart, to know he was causing you this much pain. He didnât need to be there to see it, he felt it through your words.
He often questioned if it was worth it, if he was protecting you, or himself, or maybe even what you were or werenât.
Even now, the weight of your words sat heavily on his mind, and right by his heart, in the pocket of his jacket, he felt the weight of the 9 letters you wrote.Â
As he looked over from the little window of the jet, he couldnât help but wonder if, in his desire to shield you from everything, he hadnât gone too far. Ultimately, was he going to be forgiven, or be forced to pick up the pieces of the reality broken by his own doing?
âDonât do that.â JJâs gentle voice startled him from the overwhelming nature of his thoughts. Sheâd spent the last 30 minutes since they boarded silently observing him, waiting for him to pick up a conversation. But heâd decided to stay num.Â
In every twitch of his fingers, in his desire to get comfortable but being unable to, she could see that he was restless. If she had to guess, his mind was much the same.Â
âDo what?â
She gave him a look, one, had he not known her long enough, he might have been offended by. Clearly, she was offended herself, watching him play the clueless card.Â
âSpence, I donât need to profile you to know that your mindâs running a thousand miles a minute, contemplating your decisions, and I donât think you should. You did what you thought was right, and no one blames you for that, not for Mexico, and not for what you did after,â she spoke evenly, gathering even Penelope and Alvezâs attention from where they sat. He looked over, receiving a smile and a nod from both before focusing on JJ again.Â
Rationally, he knew she was right about everything. He didnât need to run himself ragged with everything he could have done differently, or search for the perfect way to explain, or overall, the perfect outcome of his own decisions. He knew there wasnât one, there was no perfect way to say what he needed to, no perfect words to pick so he could fix this and erase the pain he knew heâd caused.Â
Perfection wasnât something you could strive to achieve, because thereâs no such thing as perfection. The term was diverse, everyone had a different perspective on what that might look like. If for JJ, perfection was the family that waited for her at home every time she returned from a case, for Spencer, perfection was vastly different.Â
For him, perfection was the rich aroma of coffee that could cause someoneâs insulin to spike because of the amount of sugar in it. The softness of a book page between his fingers, or the familiarity of a book heâd read before but needed to revisit.Â
Perfection was the sound of your laugh whenever he was the one to prompt the sound. The way your eyes lit up every time you listened to him babble on. Perfection was the time he got to spend with you every day, every hour, and every minute that he could remember with almost scary accuracy.Â
He could sit and wonder what the perfect way to go about this was, but there simply wasnât one, there was only the truth. And as painful, hopeful, or even a little dumb as it was, that was the best he could give.
And maybe thatâs what his mind should focus on instead, the truth, in its simplest form, at its core the truth heâd hidden for months, and then the truth heâd hidden for years.Â
He had wondered long enough if heâd made the right choice. He spent plenty of time focusing on the shame heâd felt, prompted by the disappointment heâd seen in his friendsâ eyes whenever they brought up your name. How heâd sit, silent, or give an answer so short and angry, itâd add even more shame to the one he already felt.Â
Beyond his time in prison, where he spent most of his time questioning his decisions, he spent years before that questioning himself as a person. His place on the team, his intelligence, even his failings. His inability to form relationships where heâd be seen as more than Dr. Reid, or the skinny kid, pretty boy, or a genius. A relationship thatâd make him feel like simply Spencer, without the added adjectives, that sometimes made him feel like a circus clown.Â
Only when heâd been locked up, had he started to realize that heâd finally built a relationship with someone with whom he could be himself. The most basic, boring, and peaceful version of himself, and slowly, all had started falling into place.Â
How content he felt whenever he was around you, the desire to tell you every good or bad news he received. How when you asked about his mother, it warmed his heart, or how worried he felt when you acted stupid in the field. How out of control heâd felt when youâd gone missing last year. Or even, at the time, the unexplained jealousy heâd felt seeing you talk with another man.
Morgan had asked, once, twice, a lot, if maybe he didnât have a crush, but heâd denied it, every time. And every time heâd question himself, he'd dismiss the idea just as quickly.Â
Yet, upon being forced away from you, the pieces had started mending into one.Â
Every realization heâd had was like a new broken piece being glued to the overall mosaic. And every new piece added built everything he felt about you. And it was a lot, and it was overwhelming, and so, so right, it sometimes felt wrong. Because he was inside a prison of his own doing, and you were out there, made to wait for him, for an explanation, for the truth.Â
And heâd vowed to himself that the moment he was out, heâd put everything on the table, no matter how much heâd fucked up or how much heâd hurt you. Heâd sit there, and heâd let it out, and if necessary, heâd even beg for your forgiveness.Â
Because there wasnât a moment in this life, he wanted to live through, without you there with him.
Your POV
You pulled the trigger, your eyes focused, and your hands steady. Three consecutive shots were fired, each one hitting its intended target. Three more followed, and then as many as it took to empty the magazine.Â
You put down the gun and took a deep breath, steadying your heartbeat, trying to rid yourself of the deep-seated anxiety you felt. An odd sense of calm overtook you whenever you found yourself at the shooting range. Maybe it was the everpresent scent of gunpowder or the quiet only disturbed by the firing of a gun. Or even the possibility of escaping your rising thoughts, the desire to run or scream, sometimes both.Â
There was a sense of solitude there that almost made it easier to breathe. The repetitive motion and the weight of the gun in your hands felt like second nature.Â
Front sight, trigger press, follow through, just like Hotch had taught you all those years ago. As long as you held that gun, your mind was quiet, and you focused on something other than the worry you felt.Â
It made sense you found yourself there shortly after Emily had shared the long-awaited good news - Spencer was finally free, and JJ, Penelope, and Luke were on route back with him. For a short moment, youâd felt the weight being lifted from your chest, and then it dropped again, now tripled.Â
Suddenly, your earlier conversation with Emily had gotten as real as the target before you. Even with the sense of peace, youâd felt after, your thoughts on the matter clear, you still felt a sense of dread at the idea of seeing him.Â
As if he wasnât your best friend, the man whoâd long ago won your affection and captured your heart, but rather a stranger who held your future in his hands. And he might as well be, because whatever the truth to the questions you wanted answered was, one thing was for sure.
Itâd either make or break you both.
You picked up a new magazine, and loaded the gun, aiming at the target before releasing the safety. Before you fired again, you released a breath, and with it, all the feelings within you - fear, uncertainty, yearning, and the sense of madness, which, although mild, was persistent.
You fired once, twice, your aim impeccable, and then, out of nowhere, you missed.Â
The hair at the back of your neck rose, your heart rate quickened, and the feeling of anotherâs presence in the room was unmistakable. It took you just a second to put the pieces together, the intrusion felt like anything but that.Â
Instead, for a brief moment, the person brought with them a familiar feeling of calm. In the next instance, though, reality came crashing like a tidal wave, and you knew youâd run out of time.Â
Your hands shook as you put down the gun. You could feel him watching you, probably standing next to the door, as if he couldnât will himself to move closer. The anxiety was palpable in the air, although you couldnât really say if it was yours or his, most likely, it was a mix of both.
You went to reach for your protection but hesitated. Once you took it off, thereâd no longer be an excuse for you to ignore him, youâd finally have to meet the reality heâd so carefully crafted for you.
Even though you felt like you could barely breathe, the desire to finally lay your eyes on him won out.Â
Without missing another beat, you took off your earplugs and then your eye protection. You could faintly hear the sound of shoes squicking against the floor. He could never stay still when he was nervous. Â
You picked up on the sound of your own breathing too, the beating of your heart was almost erratic. You were waiting, what for, you werenât sure.Â
He was waiting too, for you to turn around, to lay his eyes on you. Like a sadist, waiting to see the pain heâd caused, or a masochist, wishing for his own in turn.Â
70 days of slowly killing you both.
When you finally dared to turn around, it took you a moment to fully take him in. He looked like the Spencer you knew, yet there was something different about him too. Dressed in his usual suit and tie outfit, he didnât look comfortable. His posture was rigid, almost defensive. It wasnât a conscious decision, that much you were sure of.
His hair was longer, pushed back, curling at the ends, and heâd lost some weight. Not much, but enough to make an impression after all this time. He looked pensive, like the weight of the world sat on his shoulders, but maybe it was just the weight of the consequences he had to face.
Your eyes ran over every inch of him multiple times, intentionally avoiding his gaze for as long as possible. Seconds and minutes passed, and you werenât really sure how much exactly.Â
Spencer knew, though, of course, he did. If his fear of meeting you eye to eye was as great as yours was, you knew he was counting until the torture of the act itself was over.Â
89 seconds heâd counted, although now with you there, they felt longer than the days without you did.Â
When you eventually met his gaze, you felt a part of your heart chip on the inside. What people said about the eyes being a portal to one's soul couldnât have been more right in that moment. Spencer, a man who excelled at hiding his emotions when he really wanted to, had let them out as clear as day for you to see.Â
His eyes sparkled with so much sadness and guilt that it threatened to take you apart even before he had the chance to talk. Something softened within you at that moment, but in the next instance, it was like someone else took over.Â
One moment you wanted to cry for him or with him, and the next you felt like your whole being needed to be let out.Â
âIs thatâŠis that all you can offer me right now? More of your silence? Donât you think Iâve had enough of that?â The questions, a few of many to follow, had a bite to them.Â
His face fell a little, taken aback by your tone. He fidgeted with his fingers, unsure what to say, or where to start. How could he answer your question? He pictured a scenario where his words flew freely, where he gave you an explanation worthy of forgiveness and a confession, so earnest that it ended with you in his arms.Â
Try as he might, the words didnât come to him, just a barely audible accusation.Â
âThatâs not fair.â
You scoffed, as if in outrage. A madness, one born out of so much heartbreak, took over, it was blinding. If someone had asked you to explain yourself, youâd say that wasnât you. Youâd never be so forward, almost cruel, to him, but at that moment, being mad sounded so much better than being vulnerable. Like a shield, you werenât ready to let go of yet.
âHow exactly is this not fair, Spencer? Itâs the truth!â you yelled, and you felt free, finally letting it all out. âYou want to know what isnât fair, though? The way you isolated me OUT of your life! For three months, Iâve had to stand on the sidelines and beg for scraps, just to know you were okay. Every pitiful look Iâd get from the people I consider family felt like another stab to the heart. Thatâs whatâs not fair!â You were screaming so loud. It was a good thing the range was soundproof, otherwise, the whole of the BAU would have been deep in your business by now.Â
If he looked surprised by the accusation, he didnât really show it. His posture took a turn, though. The rigidity disappeared, and in turn, it opened, as if the need to comfort you overpowered the uncertainty or the mask heâd had to hold while imprisoned.Â
You didnât want his comfort, not right now. Maybe later, when all was said and done, youâd get to have a normal conversation without the frustrations of the past. At that moment, you just wanted everything out of your system. You wanted the questions, the answers, and the truth.Â
His silence continued as he started closing the distance between you. You wanted to move, to create more distance, but there was nowhere to go. You were squeezed between the range, and him. Whatever else was left than to continue begging for clarity.
âItâs not fair being sent away the first time I came to see you. To learn you didnât want to see me! Each time it was my turn to visit you, do you want to know where I was? I sat outside that fucking prison, wishing for a glimpse of the person whoâs been my rock for 12 years! Holding back tears, thinking you didnâtâŠyou didnât care like I did. Is this what I really deserve after 12 years by your side?â You almost slipped, you almost told him, and maybe you should have, it might have prompted him to talk or to say something. But no, he stayed silent. Step after step, he limped, his cheek twitched, and his brows furrowed, but like a coward, he remained quiet.Â
He was meters away from you, three more steps, and heâd completely close the distance, and meet you face to face.Â
âSay something, Spencer, damn it!â Your throat burned from the strain, and he advanced even more. âAnything,â you finished in a whisper, and all of a sudden, all the fight left you, and your eyes watered and your vision went blurry.Â
He was just a step away then, and when you looked into his eyes, you couldnât help but see how they shined.Â
He reached forward, one hand taking hold of your arm while the other went to hold your waist, but you shook your head. âNo, Spencer, please,â you whispered. You didnât want to find yourself in his arms, because that would be the last of your composure, gone. Youâd surrender to the feel of him like you even had a choice not to.Â
He didnât stop, not until you were snug into his arms, one of his hands at the back of your neck, holding your head tenderly, but the arm around your waist held onto you as if he was scared youâd slip away from him.Â
Once in his arms, you finally let go, breaking down into pieces, hoping heâd be able to hold them all from crumbling to the ground.Â
âHey, shh, itâs okay. Iâve got you.â He kept repeating, his thumb rubbing soothing circles on your pulse point. All the while, you could only stand, your arms at your sides, as if paralyzed.
Being in his arms felt like being home somehow. It felt so right after having been deprived of the feeling for so long. It felt like there was nothing wrong, and nothing could go wrong at that moment.Â
Even though you hadn't initially wanted his comfort, somewhere deep inside, you craved his tender touch. You craved the feel of his body near and the faint scent that was so uniquely him - a mix of coffee, fall, and old paper, books. You realized then that you craved the sound of his voice too, another part of him youâd been deprived of.Â
The voice of the always rambling boy that never failed to bring a smile to your face, even when you couldnât understand him sometimes.Â
And the more he whispered, his voice broken and shaky, the harder you cried. Youâd thought nothing could match the heartbreak of his actions or the anger of his silence, but the reality of being held against him brought the realization that your suffering mirrored his own.Â
If youâd been dying on the inside for months, heâd been on the other side of the link holding you tethered to each other, dying just as much.Â
And you couldnât hold yourself back any longer after that. You buried your head in the crook of his neck, and your arms finally circled his waist underneath his suit jacket, fisting the back of his shirt as if it were your one lifeline.Â
You felt him exhale when you finally returned his touch, most likely in relief, before he dropped a light kiss on your head.Â
You cried for the relief of having him back and close. For unspoken truths and time wasted, years of figuring out feelings clear as day. For all the anger, for all of his silence, for all you felt for him.Â
He cried for all the pain heâd caused you and for all the time heâd wasted being alone instead of being with you. He cried for himself, he cried for you, and he cried, overwhelmed by his feelings for you.Â
You clung to one another, crying, and minutes were passing and neither of you cared. Not when you had each other.Â
After a while, when both your tears dried out and your cries quieted, but you still felt the need to hold each other close, you dared to murmur a broken âWhy?â hoping heâd hear, hoping heâd understand.Â
It didnât take him long to mumble a reply, no longer silent.Â
âAll the words in the world available, and I wish I could explain.â it came out just as quietly, both of you scared to break the little bubble youâd found yourselves in.Â
You pulled back from him, wanting to look into his eyes, red-rimmed and still sparkling when you felt yourself begging again.Â
âThen try, please, because Iâd rather know, and not understand, than not know at all.â And it was the truth. He could speak in riddles if he wanted, but you needed to know why heâd made that choice.Â
You looked at him expectantly before he pushed a piece of hair back, and his hand once again settled at the back of your head, gently cupping it.Â
âI wanted you safe from a world you didnât belong in,â he admitted on an exhale, like a lifelong secret heâd gotten tired of holding onto.Â
You looked at him in wonder, and it was on the tip of your tongue to tell him he didnât belong in that world either, but just as you opened your mouth to speak, he shook his head.Â
âI was ashamed when I had you removed from the visitorâs list. I didnât want you to see me like that, like a criminal,â he started, pulling you into his arms, not wanting to admit it to you eye to eye, out of fear of being right. Of course, he was wrong, but that didnât stop him from wondering.Â
âThe first time JJ visited me, they leered at her like they were being fed fresh meat, taking her in, committing her to memory. A cage full of animals. I knew then that I didnât want that for you, and any guilt I had at keeping you away disappeared that day. It hurt me, knowing I was failing you and whatever trust you had in me,â he whispered, wishing to keep the reality of his thoughts and his feelings in a little bubble as if you only existed in it.
âIâm not the same person I was before, I couldnât be him, even if it meant losing a part of myself in the process. I couldnât really be a decent human being without bearing the consequences. Everything I saw, everything I did, and everything that was done to me, I donât think Iâd ever fully be the person I was before. And that too, Iâm thankful I spared you from seeing.â It would explain his rigidity, a defense mechanism heâd had to get used to.Â
And while everything heâd said thus far was true the biggest truth, heâd had yet to say. He had yet to really explain why heâd done what heâd done in the first place. He was stalling, still afraid, but the longer he held you, the longer he felt your heart beating in time with his, the more sure he became.Â
To hell with the consequences, to hell with whatever happened after, he was right here in the now, alive, breathing, his arms around you, finally at peace.Â
He pulled back, took your face into his hands, and finally whispered.
âMost of all, though, I knew I loved you enough to risk us if it meant keeping you safe.â It left him in a rush, a confession waiting to be let out for months. A feeling heâd had for years, and a moment where he could finally be open about it.Â
âWhatâŠ?â you licked your lips, shocked that you might not have heard him correctly. âWhat does us mean?â This part of the conversation felt like you were daydreaming about it, it just didnât feel real.Â
âIt means whatever you want it to be. Whatever you want us to be.â All of a sudden, it was that simple.Â
âSo, you love me?â You had a hard time taking it all in, yet your heart fluttered in pure happiness. âAnd youâŠyou want us?âÂ
"Yes.â Even before you were done speaking, he was already answering. He was desperate to finally admit he was absolutely smitten by you.Â
Months of figuring out your feelings, years of hiding them, a conversation to finally prompt a confession out of you, and all this time it was reciprocated. You could have cried, happiness like no other coursing through you, pure bliss.Â
You wanted back into his arms, you wanted to kiss him so badly that your blood was burning from the need to feel him like you'd never been able to before. And yet, you knew there was something else you needed to do before you could finally do it.
âSpence, you donât push away the people you love, no matter the cost. You rely on their love to help aid you when youâre at your lowest.â You gave his sides a light squeeze before you looked back into his eyes, only to see them hopeful and uncertain at the same time.
He looked hopeful, for the possibility that you might actually love him back, but uncertain because it felt like you might be pushing him away this time.Â
âI canât go through this again. Having to watch you wither away, in prison, at home, or by your own thoughts, I wonât be able to handle being pushed away again,â whispers, cries, pleas, memories full of heartbreak intertwined with present confessions full of joy.Â
His eyes watered then, his lips trembling. Any sign of hope was gone, and in itsâ place stood the realization of a man whoâd maybe gone a little too far. Heâd pushed you away, and now, it was your time to be the one sticking and twisting the knife deep, breaking his heart in the process.Â
If someone were to ask him at that moment what his biggest regret was, heâd say this. This was his biggest regret, his own choices.Â
A tear escaped him, and you reached up, wiping it away gently before you spoke again.
âIf..if this is going to go anywhere, you need to rely on me. You need to believe that I can handle anything and everything, just as long as you are by my side. All those years of being pushed away - your addiction, Maeve and Gideonâs deaths, your momâs diagnosis, Cat Adams - you werenât alone then, you arenât alone now, and you wonât be alone in the future. Youâll always have me by your side, youâll always have my support. Most of all, youâll have my love, but when things get hard, I need you to lean on me, and trust that I can help you because together we can pull through everything, anything is possible as long as we are together.â You finished on an exhale, full-on crying now. You could barely see him, but from the little you could, you saw tears streaming down his face, and a smile that grew wide, happy.
Those words, he knew them word for word. For 13 days, heâd repeat them, no longer needing to see them written down, he had them engraved in his brain. Your letters he could recite, but your final one heâd remember as long as he lived.Â
âI promise to lean on you and trust that youâd help me because together we can pull through everything, anything is possible as long as we are together,â he whispered back, his eyes searching yours for just a moment before he pulled you in, and finally, his lips met yours.Â
He kissed you, tentative at first, testing the waters. He wanted to take his time, commit your lips to memory, gentle, and plump, exactly how heâd imagined theyâd feel. The more he kissed you, the more he couldnât stop. Passion, urgency, desire - his kisses turned desperate like he wanted to swallow you whole and never let you go.Â
He bit your lip gently, asking for access, before his tongue intertwined with yours and he pulled you flush against him, closing any gap left between you. Chest, hips, there wasnât an inch where you werenât touching.Â
It felt so familiar, even though you hadnât kissed before. So right, like no one's kisses had felt before. As if your whole lives, kissing each other was the missing piece in a complicated puzzle, waiting to be put together. Coming together as one, it felt magnetic, a feeling of euphoria, pure ecstasy, no one else mattered, no other feeling mattered at that moment, other than your hands on each other and your lips locked together.Â
Time was passing by, and you didnât care. Years of missed opportunities, hidden feelings, and long-awaited realizations all led to this moment. Starved for each other, a kiss full of fervor and even the taste of tears was present. Unimaginable, but very real.
When you finally pulled apart, he wiped your tears, and you wiped his in turn, before he gathered you back in the comfort of his arms, laying a kiss on the side of your head.
And between the four walls around you, nestled in each otherâs arms, the place where no one could touch you, in a shared breath you both whispered.Â
âI love you.âÂ
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