#i too have tried to convince a new gm to let me do something absolutely hairbrained

[mephestopheles]

I, for one, am super happy that the time honoured tradition of experienced GM's hazing the new GM by trying to get away with as much chaotic shit as possible is, not only alive and well, but thriving.

[inkdemonapologist]

Been a lot of emotions in recent BatIM Call of Cthulhu events!!

Prophet Sammy slipped and sank into the mud in the swamp and immediately went into DROWNING FLASHBACKS from his inky death back in the Star Pools. Stunningly, panicking and thrashing around did not help and in fact only got him more stuck.

Henry was the one to pull Sammy out, which is a bit weird, because the Prophet didn’t actually... expect them to... want to help him??? Henry was also leaking gold blood out of his face from doing some intense magic (???), it’s fine, don’t worry about it.

Prophet Sammy ran out of ink, which he has to drink periodically to keep himself from changing back into normal Sammy, and JOEY... GAVE HIM SOME OF HIS OWN INK SO HE COULD HAVE A LITTLE MORE TIME???? Both me and the Prophet were absolutely flabbergasted.

We rescued Jack’s old boyfriend Peter, that newspaper editor guy from before! He was trapped in another world and Jack managed to guide him back to this one and we all pulled his reflection out of the Lake and fought off the eldritch horror that tried to follow him out to our world! THERES A LOT HAPPENING IN THIS GAME

As always Boo has the summary posts for a more detailed description of events, but if you’re here for out-of-context quotes IVE GOT YOU COVERED, here’s some quotes from Session 7:

[Sammy is played by me, Joey is played by Boo (inkyvendingmachine), Henry is played by Maf (inkcryptid), Jack is played by Mochi (whatyouwantedmetosee) and Thren (haunted-hijinxer) is our GM!]

[Henry] *rolling dice* Some nice dice clacking for the auditory experience, [Sammy] Call of Cthulhu ASMR [Joey] Some clacking dice, some screaming,

[GM] But you are on the shallower end of it, so you're not sinking. You are SUPER muddy. [Joey] That's fine-- [Jack] Noooo!! Jack's sweater!!!!!

[GM] Jack's turn! Make a luck roll, Jack! [Jack] *rolls terribly* ...hrrMMM... [GM] Okay. We'll just. We'll just keep that. For later. :)

[Sammy] Sammy is scrambling and panicking and yelling! [GM] Make a strength check! [Sammy] Cool, I'm good at those. *rolls* Success! [GM] You strongly thrash yourself about waist-deep in the mud. [Sammy] [Sammy] OKAY, um, [Sammy] That is. Uh. Worse. Than it was previously, yes? [GM] Yeah. :) [Sammy] OKAY, COOL,,, JUST CHECKING,

[Sammy] I don't think it's good when the GM says "Fun!" I think that's bad.

[GM] *flipping through notes* Where are your stats. Where are your stats, sir. [Sammy] "Young man, where are your stats?" [Jack] If he didn't do his homework, then all his stats are zero.

[Henry] Nope. I'm gonna accept my fate. Henry's goin' to space. [GM] The angel doesn't try to claw Henry, but it does pick him up! He's in the air. [Henry] Bye guys!

[GM] A gunshot does come from the brush also, and it hits the angel next to the one that's got Henry. [Henry] (Thanks, Norman!) [Jack] Does Norman have a gun??? [GM] Norman's not going to go into a cult swamp without a gun! What kind of crazy person would do that?!

[Sammy] I'm sorry if we lose your hat, Jack. [Jack] D: Nooo it's not his hat! [Sammy] Yeah I know, well I'm sorry if we lose it. [Joey] Yeah, sorry. [Jack] Noooo he needs to give that back! [Joey] well then he should wAKE UP!!! [Sammy] Love the idea that Peter later comes through here and finds his own hat discarded on the ground and is like, OH NO, JACK! [GM] Make another luck roll, maybe it's still on. [Jack] Okay dice! This is the ONLY thing I need you t-*sound of dice bouncing off the desk* whoOPS--

[Henry] *still held aloft by eldritch horrors* I'm guessing I don't hear anything either [GM] No, you're just having a nice little roller coaster ride.

[Joey] Ohhh... I guess we wouldn't need to breathe in space, huh. [Joey] ...AM I BREATHING???

[Joey] What time is it... are we at like, 8:30, 9ish? [GM] Well that's highly specific! What happens at 8:39?!

[Joey] Joey's still not willing to let random cultists carry Jack, unless they can do something to convince him??? [Sammy] I feel like the main convincing tool at this point is GUNS? Pointed at us. I think that's the main thing.

[Jack] I guess Jack is the imposter, since he's not doing human things like "breathing"

[GM] And shove all of you into a hut! With Norman-- no, that's right, he didn't get caught, I keep forgetting, his Hide skill is higher than I thought it was. Norman's still at large! [Jack] NORMAN, IS LOOSE, IN THE SWAMP [Joey] What crimes will he commit!

[Jack] This is why you don't smear your weird glowing blood on symbols that are known to watch!!!

[GM] They probably did take away a lot of your cooler stuff. [Sammy] I didn't have any cool stuff. I just had a coat. [Joey] You had ink. [Sammy] *muttering* I wasn't going to mention that that was in my coat.

[Joey] Joey is going to grab Sammy's face... and give him some of his ink. [Sammy] *stunned* Oh...! [Joey] We don't need a passed out Sammy!! [Jack] Only ONE unconscious man in this party!

[Jack] How has Cthulhu AU made "Joey feeds Sammy ink" wHOLESOME in some way?!?

[GM] They've got him in a robe now, and they've painted that yellow sign on it -- possibly in Henry's blood, because why not! [Joey] Excuse me, you did not get license to use that; I'm going to sue you in court now, [Jack] Unethically sourced! [GM] ...Did you just call Henry's blood your IP?

[GM] *startled laugh* my husband just said "Intravenous Property,"

[GM] The other prophet guy seems to be having a grand old time. It is even-odds whether he might just look over to see if Sammy's looking, just to smirk at him. [Sammy] oHHHHHH BOY. I hate this guy! I hate him. [Jack] Okay, well, I wanna-- [Sammy] *still going* I know who I'M sacrificing. [Jack] --Sammy, no. [Joey] You want to make a GOOD sacrifice, not give him trash. [Sammy] ...*sighs* Yeah, yeah, you're right... [Jack] You don't want to give the Masked Messenger a McDonald's burger.

[GM] It's Pete! [Sammy] Oh! Sammy vaguely knows who this is. [Henry] I'm gonna make a check to see if Henry recognises this guy, in the heat of the moment. [Jack] In the Pete of the moment. >:3c [Sammy] *groans* Why would you do this. Everyone was being so well-behaved.

[Sammy] I'm gonna... I'm gonna wait. Gonna be actually, a little bit smart. Trying out this new thing.

[GM] One of the angels is definitely heading your way. [Jack] Oops. [Sammy] ...what if we just... close the door.

[GM] And a sanity roll from Joey and anyone else that is watching this. [Sammy] *sarcastic deadpan* Oh No. I'd Better Look Away. *scoffs* Why would I NOT want to watch my lord work?

[GM] It does a d8 + damage bonus, which, I don't think Joey has one. But it does a d8. [Joey] Does Bendy have one? [GM] No! Bendy's damage bonus is NEGATIVE TWO because he's a tiny cartoon character! You don't want his damage bonus. [Jack] You attack and there's a squeaky hammer noise,

[GM] Peter doesn't seem to have a reflection. [Sammy] ...Do we? [GM] Yeah [Sammy] Okay. That's cool, that's nice, luv 2 reflect. [Jack] *whispering* Peter vampire???

[GM] Sammy thinks this is a spawn of the Yellow King, something that happens to people who dabble too much in his worship. [Sammy] Again, MORE reason why this guy is an idiot and trusting the wrong god! [Sammy] ...Sammy knows all this stuff and is still like "yeah, but the Masked Messenger is cool! I'll definitely be rewarded for my service!"

[Jack] Jack didn't learn how to ASTRAL PROJECT for Pete to get eaten by something!!

[Sammy] Did they steal our ink??? [GM] Looks like they poured it out. [Jack] Pour one out for their FAKE LORD,

[Jack] Rescued. From a cult. By a second, different cult! [Joey] Our cult is COOL, though. [Henry] the coolt

[yahoo-puck-daddy-blog]

Puck Daddy Bag of Mail: Where will Tavares, Karlsson play in 2018?

Ottawa Senators defenseman Erik Karlsson (65) tries to take the puck away from New York Islanders center John Tavares (91)in the second period of an NHL hockey game at Nassau Coliseum on Tuesday, Dec. 2, 2014, in Uniondale, N.Y. (AP Photo/Kathy Kmonicek)

Hope dies in late March.

At this time of year it seems like each new day brings with it a team being mathematically eliminated from the playoffs, and a lot of other teams are just kinda playing out the string. There’s not a lot of excitement at this point in the season for the vast majority of teams.

So we instead turn to insipid, never-ending arguments about value, and pin too many hopes on college and junior free-agent signees. The two or three weeks before the playoffs is arguably worse than the absolute dog days of post-All Star hockey. This is just a slog until the fun begins again in mid-April.

Let’s talk it out:

Josh asks: “Who will John Tavares and Erik Karlsson be playing for next season?”

The interesting thing is that the cap could rise by more than $5 million next season. If that happens, a lot of teams will have a lot of money to throw around on a player like this. Suddenly, it becomes very feasible for, say, San Jose or Tampa to get these guys in under the cap without a major salary dump or swap.

Of course, Karlsson still has to be traded since he’s not a UFA until summer 2019, and there will probably be plenty of bidders given that he’s on such a cheap-o contract. Colorado, Vegas, and Tampa were reportedly heavily involved in trying to acquire him at the deadline, and they might even be willing to take on that Bobby Ryan deal, so let’s say those are the prohibitive favorites for Karlsson’s services.

I’m just gonna throw this out there for Tavares: You know who has at least $14 million to spend next season, no one of any real consequence to re-sign (maybe you say Ryan Hartman and that’s fine with me!), and a penchant for getting great players on sweetheart contracts? Nashville! Just something to think about.

Isabel asks: “My team is solidly in a playoff spot and has been for a while, but I’m struggling to believe in their ability to perform in the playoffs — both this year and in general (the Wild, it’s the Wild). How do I get excited for playoff hockey again?”

Yeah, this is honestly a problem of the NHL trying to make every fan think their team is good. There are very few good teams, and even with the fact that most games between middling and elite NHL teams are almost coin flips, over a seven-game series, The best team wins it far more often than not.

The real problem for the Wild is that, because of the divisional playoff format, they’re going to have to play both Winnipeg and Nashville if they want to get into a Conference Final, perhaps against the extremely hot Sharks. Not a great group of teams to run into.

For the Wild or, hell, any team in the West, getting past one of Winnipeg or Nashville is going to be an incredible feat. San Jose can probably be added to that mix now.

But the problem with this question is a bigger issue for the NHL: Hockey fans often aren’t hockey fans, so much as they are fans of hockey teams. This is why ratings tend to go down throughout the playoffs, because as teams lose, people just stop watching. Few have the brain disease I have that will compel them to watch regardless of outcomes.

You get excited for playoff hockey because playoff hockey is the absolute best kind of hockey. Have you ever see that Jon Bois tweet? C’mon!!!

why watch overtime playoff hockey when you can simply snort cocaine and ride a motorcycle out of a helicopter

— Jon Bois (@jon_bois) April 17, 2014

Zach asks via email: “Which bottom-six team will rebound the fastest?”

For reference, the six teams ranking 26th to 31st are Montreal, Detroit, Vancouver, Ottawa, Arizona, and Buffalo.

Of that group, I don’t see a lot of quick turnarounds. Detroit, Vancouver, and Arizona seem as though they’re in tough to make anything happen any time soon. The other teams are interesting, though.

Montreal’s year was a disaster for a lot of reasons and they could turn it around next year just in terms of not being total crap. It depends what you mean by “rebound,” I guess, but I can see this team being in the playoffs next year. Doesn’t mean they’ll be good, but you don’t gotta be good to make the playoffs if you have elite goaltending, and Carey Price is at least capable of that, historically. But more on them in a minute.

With Ottawa, it depends what happens this summer. If they can somehow convince Erik Karlsson to stick around (big if, and more on THAT in a minute, too) they might not be too far away from being competitive, provided they can actually get goaltending.

Buffalo is interesting, too, because they need defensemen and maybe not much else. If they can add like two guys who can reliably carry the puck out of their own zone, I think this team can be fine.

All of this, by the way, comes with the caveat that we’re assuming any of these teams doesn’t get Dahlin by winning the draft lottery. If that happens, their futures get very different, very quickly. That might be especially true for Buffalo, to be honest.

The 41-year-old Chara will make $5 million next season.

Mike asks: “How do you like the Zdeno Chara extension?”

I think it’s fine. The term is perfect at one season, since he’s a million years old. The money ($5 million) might be a little higher than you’d like, but it’s not a significant raise from his current $4 million, and the Bruins don’t really have any pressing expenses coming up this summer.

Hell, the Bruins are in such a good place financially right now that they can do a lot more than give Chara $5 million, carry a buried contract and two buyouts, and go get a backup goalie. In theory, they can probably add a $7-million player comfortably. I don’t think they necessarily would because of whose contracts are expiring in the next few years, but they could. And that’s scary as hell.

Megan asks: “If the Oilers weren’t a raging dumpster fire, would there be any actual debate about the Hart trophy?”

No, of course not. McDavid is the best player in the world and people want to hold it against him that Peter Chiarelli hates high-end talent. I understand where they’re coming from even if I don’t really agree.

But if the Oilers were even remotely playoff-competitive I don’t think we’d be having all these screaming matches about it. We certainly wouldn’t have people universal-braining their way into saying 10 guys league-wide are better MVP candidates than McDavid.

Aniket asks: “You are the Habs GM this summer. What are your moves? Try once again throwing the kitchen sink at Tavares-plus or tear it down?”

My understanding is that the Tavares-to-Montreal thing comes because Bergevin has some kind of pre-existing relationship with the player, his agent, or both. Anyway, supposing I could have that same kind of pull with Tavares and his camp (and who’s to say I wouldn’t????), my approach would of course be “burn it to the ground.”

If anyone wants to take that Carey Price contract off my hands, hell, I’ll pay for half of it. You want to give me picks and prospects, plural, for anyone on the roster, you can have ’em.

Of course, I wonder how open management would be to such an approach (my guess: not at all) but if I had carte blanche, I would honestly do a tear-down rebuild with like 40 percent of the teams in the league. I’m not the guy to ask this question.

Noah asks: “What’s your objection to defensemen diving to block shots with their body?”

I don’t know that it’s an objection so much as I just think if we’re trying to increase goalscoring, that’s a good way to do it.

You hear all the time that guys block too many shots or whatever (I don’t know if I agree with whatever that assessment of “too many” is, but that’s beside the point), and if we’re going to say it’s a problem then a great way to curtail the practice is by making it illegal to leave your feet to block shots. More shots get through to the goalie, maybe more get tipped in by his own team, whatever.

Plus, y’know, the fewer guys who put their faces at ice level, the less likely they are to be concussed or lose teeth trying to block a shot. Just something to think about.

Chad asks: “What are your thoughts about the Motzko hire at Minnesota?”

First of all, thanks for asking a college hockey question.

Second, obviously Bob Motzko is a great coach. Everyone thinks so; the heights to which he took St. Cloud over the past several years, number of high-end pros his program produced, etc., are all testament to that.

He’s almost certainly one of the top potential candidates that would have been available, so locking him in quickly after St. Cloud got bounced from the NCAAs is a good move for the Gophers. That said, everyone always complained about Don Lucia not winning in the tournament, and specifically not winning a title since the early 2000s. Motzko hasn’t exactly posted a great track record in that regard. One Frozen Four in 13 years, and they got smoked by Quinnipiac. St. Cloud also only has one postseason conference title in that time, despite eight NCAA tournament appearances and three regular-season title.

Maybe you say he gets an extra mile with Minnesota’s recruiting power, budget, etc., but that lack of postseason success is the only real concern I’d have for an otherwise amazing college coach taking over the biggest-name job in the country. No reason to expect he won’t do great there, but will “great” be enough for the freaks who spent a decade trying to run Lucia out of town?

Ryan Lambert is a Puck Daddy columnist. His email is here and his Twitter is here.

All stats via Corsica unless noted otherwise.

More NHL coverage on Yahoo Sports: