#i thought we weren't supposed to call this kind of thing milk anymore

[kitchenrat2-0system]

Today was not a good day. I found out the job I was supposed to begin with fake. And I don't mean fake, as in, " this is a fake company ", I mean fake as in real company, real job listing, was never going to be filled.

I feel like such a failure for this. I feel like I should have been a better host for this. I feel like I should have seen this coming and not stopped applying. As it stands I have wasted 9 days as far as the job search goes. And I am now desperate to pay rent. There is one charity in town which I can call, and I've taken out an emergency loan with a ridiculous payment plan. I feel stupid for getting us in debt. My mom came through and offered us a credit card with a $500 limit on it in order to at least keep us housed. If it weren't for her I would be literally shaking apart with anxiety right now.

In addition to that, I have, unfortunately, come face to face with the phenomenon of white people teaming up when one of them cries even when it makes no sense, or they shouldn't be. I told my roommate to stop interrupting me mid conversation because she kept making stupid asides and interrupting people and I was trying to say something important, and all three of them just had a game night along with their friends that I already know, and no one invited me.

So I feel like even though I just moved in with these folks and my chances here are already dead. I feel like I fucked that up even though I know that my boundaries are not to be crossed when I went out to get milk, literally nobody said anything to me and I caught some people doing the sneaky glance thing.

I wound up having a two and a half hour phone call with one friend that helped a lot with all of this but it's still a painful on the job aspect and annoying on the roommate aspect. That's okay though because as it turns out no one's better at sitting calmly during passive aggressive attempts than me.

All you have to do is pretend like you actually don't understand this level of subtext even though it's obvious. Basically the person will jump to provide you an explanation that explains their behavior to you but that doesn't give away what they were actually doing. The problem is they're just telling me a half story there, and I'm extremely empathetic. You can't talk a hole in a conversation without me figuring out that there is one even if I don't know how to look at it directly.

I kind of went back into my past a bit today and recalled what happened with the people who wound up helping me get out of the slow slide into death I was doing with my ex fiance. They wound up putting me in a psych ward, then pigeon holding me into going to fort worth, then basically abandoned me there to figure out my s*** even though I was physically incapable of working at the time and I was mentally desolated.

Speaking of desolated, I went to the mountain today and found that the area underneath was still extremely scarred and raw. To back up, the mountain is the machine that we run all of our logic and reasoning with it basically processes all of our ideas it catches our internal biases it runs checks for that jokes, implications that we might miss otherwise, etc.

Back when I went to the psych ward the area under the mountain was freshly destroyed and I thought that with time and with healing it would go away, but the area is still ugly it looks like a permanent scar on our psyche. And I don't know what to do about this, I don't really know what to do about anything inside the inner world anymore. C and W are still absent from the tower and so it is extremely quiet. It is still storming outside in the green space, so I know that whatever is going on with Kay isn't over yet.

I think what got me about today is that it's exhausting. And I'm so exhausted at this point that my passive suicidality has started to increase. And I know that this is incredibly dangerous territory for both the entire system and for me in particular. I have never once gone dormant and I'm not entirely sure what happens if I do. I'm not entirely sure I will come back out. I don't think I will. The system values stability and a change in host means an extreme instability that won't be simply fixed overnight.

But right now I'm so exhausted that I just want to never wake up. And I don't know what to do about this. I get no support from the inner world. I get the support that I can Garner from the outer world, but when all of your friendships are based on what you can't do in order to not be replaced, it's a risky move every time. I don't really know what to do with myself. I can't really take a lower paying job because I'll drop us in Texas I can't really take a higher paying job because they literally won't hire me.

So I guess back to the drawing board and hopefully I will not put my head through it.

[writer-at-the-table]

"Pea milk, despite its bizarre name, is actually quite delicious" is not a sentence I ever thought I'd hear.

[horrorslashergirl]

Kinky December Day 4: Fireplace Sex with Chromeskull

Authors Note: We spend the fourth day of this event with Chromeskull and it seems this Florida guy hates the cold. Let’s see how Jesse deals with it. I decided to introduce my home country in this piece and share a little of my country with you all. Greetings from Romania! I hope you all have a warm winter.

Chromeskull x Reader- Not the usual Florida heat

Winter was all about the coldness, the pure white snow that fell from the sky, fluffy coats that hugged your body and drinking hot beverages, but that wasn't the case in Florida. You weren't looking forward to decorating a palm tree for Christmas, so you suggested your lover spending this year Christmas in your home country, which he agreed, all for you.

You had to stifle the laugh the first time you got off the plane in Romania and the first cold air that hit your bodies; Jesse was a shivering mess, pulling the black coat closer to his body, the mist of cold air that escaped his mouth with each breath he took.

The whole ride to the cabin you rented for the holiday was spent with Jesse searching for warmness, his body flush against yours in the backseat and the constant signing about how cold it was and something about him freezing his balls.

After five hours of driving, you reached the cabin, Jesse entering the cabin first and setting your and his luggage on the wood floorboards. The cabin was still cold and he had a constant frown on his scarred face, half of which was covered by a scarf.

'It's freezing cold inside.' Jesse signed with shaky fingers and you rolled your eyes at his bickering.

"Of course it's cold. We have to start making the fire, big baby." You told him as you waltzed into the living room, pulling your scarf off and coat, stretching your arms above your head. The cabin was very cozy and it was so good to be finally back in Romania, Jesse on the other hand? Not that much.

There was also another problem, the lack of firewood and you knew that the next words that will leave your mouth will make Jesse want to go back to Florida with the next plane.

"You will have to go outside and get wood for the fire." you told him and he gave you a simple look that said 'Are you kidding me?'.

"The ax is outside on the front porch. Good luck, stud." You told him, hiding the smirk that formed on your face as you heard the front door open and shut with a bang.

Jesse was a southern guy in all ways possible, spending all his life in the Floridian heat, so being dragged into your country when the winter was in full blast wasn't exactly something he enjoyed, but you knew he was doing all this for you and that made you happy. Looking around you decided that you should start decorating the cabin and make it homely.

You were grinning in victory when you found the Christmas decorations in a closet; as you were putting the shiny globes on the empty Christmas tree in the living room you heard the front door open, something being dropped on the floor and the door closed with a bang. Peeking your head in the hallway, you saw some wood by the front entrance.

It was a silent request: Start making the fire while I get more wood so my dick won't be transformed into a popsicle.

You quickly started to make the fire in the living room by the fireplace, your eyes shining as the bright flames came alive, the warmness kissing your cold hands. 

After one more hour, you looked around the now Christmas decorated living-room; Christmas tree beautifully shining with lights and all kinds of decorations, the flames dancing in the fireplace. Next, it was the food; you skipped into the kitchen and mentally thanked your friend for taking their time to come and bring the food, the fridge full of all you needed to cook.

You decided to make something homely, something traditional. One of the Romanian dishes that best represent the Balkan influence is the popular sarmale, stuffed cabbage or vine leaves with a mix of rice, minced meat, onion, tomatoes, and herbs. A favorite for most Romanians, this dish is usually served with cream and polenta and is a sure presence on all Christmas tables across the country. You also grinned wickedly when you found a certain bottle in one of the cabinets in the kitchen. Traditional spirit with approx. 40% alcohol, made from the distillation of plums. Its stronger alternative is Palinca or Țuică, usually prepared in Northern Romania (Ardeal county), distilled twice and made from different sorts of fruits.

Jesse loved fine liquor, so the thought of him taking a sip of this would be interesting; it was a strong drink and the note on the bottle made you giggle.

'A little treat before having fun.'

Back on cooking, next, it was Cozonac, a kind of Stollen made from leavened dough, into which milk, eggs, sugar, butter, and other ingredients are mixed together before baking. You decided to make it with almonds. After putting it in the oven, you decided that the last on the list would be a traditional warm soup, knowing Jesse will need something to put the coldness away.

You started to make meatball soup, a traditional Romanian sour soup with said meatballs consisting of pork and rice. They are seasoned with parsley, lovage, salt, borş, and sour cream.

Whipping your hands you were looking proud at the table filled with the warm Romanian cuisine, and just like the time couldn't be more perfect, you heard the front door open, a gust of cold wind and snow coming into the hallway.

You walked there to see Jesse covered in snow and shaking like a Chihuahua, and you giggled, making your behemoth lover glare at you and you knew if you were a piggy the ax he was holding in his gloved hand would be impaled straight in the center of your forehead.

'I hate winter. I hate the snow. Romania is cruel.' he signed, pulling his snow-covered coat, scarf, and hat off. Your eyes noticed the pile of wood by the door and you smiled warmly at Jesse, walking towards him and resting your hands on his chest, nuzzling into his cold chest, the turtleneck he was sporting didn't help much to keep him warm.

"I cooked for us. It's all warm." you whispered into his chest, rubbing his sides to get the coldness away.

'Finally. I'm starving. Chopping piggies heads off is much funnier, than chopping wood.' he signed, following you into the kitchen and you rolled your eyes.

Typical Jesse.

Brown eye widened as you entered the kitchen with him, the smell of delicious food hitting his nose, it was much warmer here from the oven constantly working up from your cooking.

Filling two small glasses with , you offered him one and he looked at it suspiciously.

"I'm not gonna poison you, idiot." you told him with a smirk making him snort.

You both raised the small glasses in salute and drowned the drink; you were used to the strong alcohol, but Jesse? You laughed as you watched him cough, looking at you like you were crazy.

"Stronger than whiskey, huh?" you asked Jesse all smugly.

'It's very good, but....How do you Romanians live drinking it?' he signed, making you giggle.

'By the way. Drinking isn't supposed after eating?' he asked you and you shake your head.

"Not this one, baby. Normally, Țuică is only consumed before the meal." you explained then offered a seat for him at the table, first serving him the warm soup, which he eats eagerly, probably starved from all the wood chopping and cruel weather outside.

Cruel for him of course.

Next was the second dish, which he looked at with confusion.

"Go ahead, take a bite." you urged him, continuing to eat your own meal.

You were ready to get another portion of sarmale, but your eyes widened when you saw that the big bowl was empty. Looking at Jesse you saw him lean into the chair, a content look on his face, rubbing his stomach.

"You eat all of them." you said, almost dumbfounded.

'It was delicious, doll. How come you haven't cooked these meals for me before?' he asked, filling his glass with the traditional Romanian liquor that he seemed to get accustomed to.

"I didn't think you would like them that much." you whispered and he simply smirked, shrugging.

'So? What else you got for me?' he signed, ready to eat more.

"I didn't think I would have to feed a lion, but we still got some dessert." you told him, offering the plate of cozonac to him.

He took a small bite of the good and his brown eye lit up, getting the plate from your hands and eating all of the pieces. After he was done, he closed his eye and sighed silently, his stomach full and feeling like he was in heaven.

"Geez, all Americans are big gluttons?" you sassily asked with a raised eyebrow, amused to say the last, but also very proud of your cooking.

Jesse opened his eye and gave you a lop-sided smirk.

'Everything that you do is delicious, baby girl....Including your own little self.' he signed, licking his lips as he gave you a not very discreet look that made you blush.

"Well, I'm glad you aren't bickering about the cold anymore, but I have to wash the dishes." you told him, getting from the chair and walking to the sink, only for a pair of strong arms to wrap around your waist, pulling your body flush against Jesse.

"Jesse?" you called on to him, only feeling his lips leaving a trail of kisses down your neck, his face nuzzling into your hair, the embrace you were trapped tightening.

'I want more dessert.' he signed in front of you, turning you around and backing you into the living room, his eyes on the fireplace and he pulled away from you to put more logs to keep the cabin all warm and cozy.

'Come here, doll. Come to daddy.' he signed, beckoning you over to him, which you happily did.

You could never deny him anything, not Jesse. He did so many things for you, treating you like a princess, making sure you had no worries, that you were always smiling. Walking over to him, you pressed your lips against his, your hands moving up and down his chest, while his own were cupping your asscheeks through your black leggings.

Tongues rubbed against each other, loving how you both tasted, how delicious you were. Teeth nipped at his lower lip and he let out a silent growl that vibrated through your mouth. The next thing you knew, you found yourself on your back on the soft, fluffy rug in front of the fireplace with Jesse between your legs.

He looked down at you with a mischievous smirk.

'Since I'm a guest in Romania, I should get the full-on experience, sugartits.' he signed deviously and you chuckled, starting to kiss his neck, your hands moving under his black turtleneck and over his chest, your cold hands making him shiver and jump slightly.

'Fuck....You're so cold.' he signed, resting his forehead against yours as your thumb grazed one of his nipples.

"Mhmm....You know I have bad circulation. You weren't bickering about it back in Florida." you commented, making him snort, one of his hands moving under your leggings to pinch your buttcheek, a squeal leaving your lips.

He didn't waste another moment with signing, tugging on your sweatshirt off along with your leggings and socks, leaving you in only black matching lingerie.

"Hey....You're way too overdressed here." you whined, making Jesse chuckle silently against your collarbone, his hands moving behind you to unclasp your bra, nipples hardening as you felt the tickle of the flames kiss your skin which was so sensitive from all the teasing.

Your hands found the edge of Jesse's turtleneck and tugged it up, exposing inked skin, your fingers running over the intricate designs, admiring every detail that he had to offer.

"You're so handsome." you whispered; God, he loved you so much.

Jesse never thought that he would ever spend Christmas with a beloved one ever again, not with the face he had, but you proved him wrong and he felt like this was all a dream and he was afraid he was going to wake up. he couldn't bear the idea of losing you.

He has pulled away from the dark thoughts when you cupped his scarred cheek, looking up at him with a longing look on your face.

"Jesse.....mae love to me." you whispered, giving him an innocent look from under your eyelashes.

He felt all his restraints leave him; he couldn't control himself when you looked at him like that. Lips crashed into yours in a needy kiss, his hands working on his black cargo pants and socks, pulling every layer of clothing off. Finally, his hands tugged on the waistband of your panties, pulling the last piece of clothing that separated both of you.

You shivered when you felt his intimidating length brush against your inner thigh, his big hands cupping your ass, loving how small you were compared to him, all the power dynamic between you two was making all the blood rush straight to his cock.

"You're everything I've ever wanted," you whispered against his neck, your teeth grazing his Adam apple.

Jesse tightened his grip on your skin, brown gaze looking down at you and when you tightened your legs around his hips, pulling him closer, his cock flush against your already dripping pussy, he felt like he would almost come undone; the effects you were having on him were making him feel like a virgin teenager.

One hand moved between your legs, running his palm over your slit, his face into the crock of your neck inhaling in your sweet scent; you were just so perfect and when he guided his length inside you, he thought he died and went to heaven.

You were such an angel, an angel that decided to sin with the devil.

You were so warm and tight, gripping his length like a hot soft blanket, so wet and ready to be pounded into oblivion. He started with slow and long thrusts, savoring every inch of your walls.

"H-Harder, please...." you moaned out, your hands gripping his biceps, nails dragging over tattooed skin.

'Beg me...Beg me to fuck you, my queen.' he signed with shaky hands.

Your breathing picked up, gulping down, and wetting your lips with your tongue.

"Jesse...Please, fuck me harder. I need you so bad. I’m…so…dam…horny right now." you whined, inner walls clenching on him as he picked up his pace, not wasting any moment to bring you such satisfaction, knowing he was the only one able to make you beg, make you shake under him all helpless.

The sounds your pussy was making around his cock was music to his ears, feeling your juices coating his cock with every pull and push of his hips. He would have liked to tease you more, but he loosed his patience. He will have more time tomorrow to tease the hell out of you, but now? All he wanted was to fill you up until you will be dripping his cum until the next day.

Jesse wished he could have more control around you. Gripping your legs tightly he began to pound into you mercilessly, making your breasts move with each push against you; scarred lips pulled into a snarl as he felt the delicious knot in the pit of his stomach.

Oh so close, just a few more thrusts.

When you came hard on his cock, squirting over the rock-hard length he came undone, following in your climax. Your nails dragged down his back as you felt hot jets of cum coat your inside, milking him for all he was worth.

"Te iubesc atât de mult." you whispered in his ear, making his eye widen, your accent so sweet.

You thought him a few Romanian words so he knew exactly what you said, but it was the way you said it; so sincere and innocent.

'God, I love it when you talk Romanian.' he signed, nuzzling his face into your neck, layers of sweat coating your bodies as you snuggled into each other in front of the fire on the white fluffy rug.

"Mmmm Jesse.....Will you pull out?" you murmured into his chest as he laid you both on your sides.

'Later....You're so warm.' he signed, lips pressing against your forehead.

"You're such a child." you said, rolling your eyes, but your arms tightened around him.

Not even the big blizzard outside bothered Jesse anymore, not when he had your naked form in his arms.

'Will you make more of your traditional food?' Jesse asked, eye shining like a child's with enthusiasm.

"Mhmmm.....if you will take care of the firewood." you replied.

'Crap...'

END

[ggreactionsandscenarios]

Yeojin x Reader

I'm here for you, I got your back and I always will

Requested by : anon 🐱🐉🐽

When Yeojin told you she wanted to enter the company known as BlockBerry Creative, as her big sister, you felt proud but also worried about her choice. Worried that she'll be sad if she wasn't accepted.

Sadly it happened and Yeojin was disappointed of course, she started crying as soon as she got the news. You've been there in every difficulties of her life as a caring and loving big sister so obviously you were there for her this time too.

"Hey, stop crying baby, it was your first try it doesn't mean your not talented, you're super talented. Let's just try an other company."

"No I don't want to."

You sat next to her, enveloping her in your arms even if she had her head on her knees.

"What do you want to do then ?"

Yeojin always liked the fact that you were never forcing her to do anything, you were there for her but she was still the one choosing.

"I want to try again. I want to train more and go back to BBC to audition again and show them that I'm worth it."

You smiled, she'll always surprise you by how she was getting more motivated after every defeat.

"Should I call the dance teacher immediately ?"

You knew Yeojin would pick up at those words, she got her head off her knees and looked at you with loving eyes, your favourite ones.

"I love you so much Y/N !"

Yeojin's body crashed on yours, hugging you tightly and crying even more but from happiness this time.

"Come on stop crying big baby, I'm here for you, I got your back and I always will."

After training with her for a month, you knew she was ready to go audition for BBC again.

"You're ready ?"

"I can't wait to show them unnie."

You smiled, kissed her forehead and got to the audition room with her. There was no way you would let her audition without being there. As you entered the room a lot of people looked at you wondering what was doing someone like you here, but you didn't even spare them a glance. Your only concern was Yeojin and her wellbeing as usual.

"Name."

The pompous man was everything but nice, he was talking harshly without even giving a look at your sister. Yeojin didn't seem phased at all and you were proud of her for that but you had the urge to punch him in the face for talking like that to your sweet Yeojinnie.

"Im Yeojin."

"Go sit with the others."

Your jaw clenched at his lack of kindness and consideration, this time. Seeing you were about to speak your mind and not in a nice way, Yeojin grabbed your hand and pulled you to the bench before you could say things you'll regret.

Once sat, she played with your fingers, at first you thought it was only because she was trying to calm you but you finished by suspecting it might also be due to her own stress. She was rapidly called, so you gave her a kiss on the temple and a reassuring nood.

"Come on little sister, show them what talent is. And don't worry I'm here for you, I got your back.."

You didn't have to wait a long time for her to finish your anthem, she was used to it."

".. You always will."

"That's it, now go."

Yeojin looked so good while dancing and singing, her performance was as perfect as always. The judges were dumbfounded, the girl they saw a month ago was now at an all new level of dancing.

After a moment of debate between the three judges, one of them stood up.

"We won't take any more auditions in, we have the one we need, thank you."

Yeojin jumped in your arms. She did it, she was now part of BBC.

"Thanks Y/N, without you I couldn't have done it. I love you so much."

"I love you too."

Before you knew, Yeojin had become an idol, and debuted in the girl group Loona with eleven fellow members. All of them becoming her unnies, which was, you had to admit really weird for you and sometimes even upsetting.

At first you had some sort of jealousy rising up when Yeojin would turn to someone else than you for advices. But now, you understood that it was nothing but beneficial for Yeojin, she now had twelve people as mental and physical supports.

So even though it took some time, you got close to the others girls, some more than others. You were actually pretty much a big family.

That's why today you were on an interview for the celebration of Family day, an interview that would be diffused on this year AAA concert's website. Yeojin invited you because she claimed it was Family Day so there was no way she won't spend this day with you, her family.

You didn't have to do much, you were off camera just being Yeojin's guest that came watch her and cheer her up when she'll get nervous.

You were proud of how she talked about your family, you knew your parents would be proud while watching this at home.

"So Yeojin, I believe you also have a sister, is that right ?"

When the interviewer asked this question Yeojin's couldn't restrain a glance in your direction, giving you a big smile.

"Yes I do have a big sister. We actually don't have the same dad but it doesn't matter, she is my everything. I love her with all my heart, she is actually here right now, keeping an eye on me as always."

Before you knew it, you were asked to be interviewed too with an other camera. Your face and silver hair were shown on a big screen in front of the girls.

Yeojin gave you a questioning look from her sit but you only answered with a shrug. You didn't know either what was happening, you just brushed it off and dusted off your leather jacket before someone asked you to introduce yourself to the camera.

"Hi, I'm Yeojin big sister Y/N."

"Nice to meet you Y/N, can we ask you what are your origins since you don't really look Korean ?"

"Oh I'm half Korean, our mom is Korean but my father is a foreigner."

"So what do you think about your sister being an idol ?"

"I'm really proud of her, I always knew she would do big things. As soon as she was born she was already an idol to me that's why I fell in love with her. She's my soulmate, we were meant to be sisters."

You looked right into Yeojin's eyes as you said that, already able to see tears coming. You chuckled at how cute she was. The girls were all very touched by what you were saying about your sister, they all could once again feel how much you cared for her.

You gave a wink to your secret girlfriend, telling her you weren't forgetting about her before getting ready to answer the next question. But before asking anymore question the interview said they had some footage of your childhood memories.

On the big screen was now projected the videos from Yeojin's birth, a video of you feeding her milk from a feeding bottle, her small figure in your arms and your eyes as connected as today. The next showed your first dance lessons together, followed by a few recent ones from your month of practice before she debuted.

You heard Yeojin's sobs, she couldn't restrain herself anymore, it was too much memories in one go for her. You wanted to go comfort and hug her but you saw the girls were already on it, most of them crying too.

"You seem to care a lot for your sister, would you say you'll die for her ?"

"I would do anything for her and for her well-being."

You didn't even had to think before answering this question, it was logical for you.

"Do you remember the video BBC asked you to make when Yeojin debuted that was filmed on Family Day ?"

"Yes, they asked me to give a cheerful message for Yeojin to watch when she would feel down and I said exactly the same thing. I said that I would do anything for her."

Yeojin looked at you confused, you never told her anything about this video neither did her company.

"It was supposed to be a surprise for later in her carrier." You explained.

"That's exact, but especially for Family Day BBC allowed us to show her. So Yeojin, do you want to know what your sister said in that video ?"

Of course Yeojin was eager to find out what you said to her company. The video started and we could see you on your motorcycle with your gloves on, you saw your girlfriend gasped at the sight of your badass look.

In the video you explained that you were actually part of a biker gang, involved in women and children protection against domestic violence and harassment.

BBC asked you if they could meet the bikers leader at the time and being like a foster dad for you he accepted to say few words.

"If something were to happen to her group or Yeojin herself, we will come and protect them with all our might. Y/N tells us all the ups and down of the group, we learned to treat them as her family, we love Loona, care about them and also support them."

You were proud to be able to show the girls that they had backups in any circumstances.

"Hey, Yeojin and Loona. I love you all, don't give up, keep working hard. You are now Yeojin's family, girls, so you're my family too. Happy family day, fighting!".

After the final message of the video, the screen turned off, letting you hear them cry even more.

"Come on girls no crying on Family Day."

You opened your arms for them, ending the interview because none of them could still answer any more question. They rushed to your arms, forming a giant group hug.

After some time, most of the girls went to the van, letting you with Yeojin still in your arms.

"Are you going to stay here all day baby ?"

"I should with all the things you said."

As she spoke you noticed how her breathing wasn't as stable as it should be.

"Yeojin are you alright ? Did you take your vitamins this morning ?"

Yeojin didn't answer, she only shook her head, her state getting even worse.

"Okay we're going to the hospital."

You lifted her up from the floor and held her in bridal style. You got to your bike rapidly.

"You need to hold me tight now Yeojinnie, you're going to be fine just hold me."

You rushed to the hospital, in few minutes you were already asking for a cardiologist. You were used to her heart attacks but it wasn't one of her usual one, and it scared you even more.

Since birth Yeojin had troubles with her weak heart but until now some pills did the trick, maybe the overdose of emotions of today exhausted her too much. You couldn't help but feel guilty.

The doctor came back announcing you that Yeojin fell asleep for exhaustion but that after the first exams her heart seemed to had became too weak to keep her alive for more than a few years, starting from now.

You realised that all that idol lifestyle with it's unstoppable rhythm was too much for Yeojin's physical state. She would die in a few years if she doesn't get an heart transplantation.

You weren't ready to lose your sister yet.

You enjoyed your time alone with her before the girls and your parents arrived, called by the doctor. Once they arrived you eclipsed just long enough to ask the cardiologist to do a test in order to know if you were a compatible donor.

Few weeks after you learned that you were the perfect donor thank's to an letter sent by the hospital.

"I can't believe you're going to do that."

Your head turned towards your girlfriend and her crossed arms on her chest.

"Vivi please not again.."

"How can you just say that like it's nothing ?! You're going to die Y/N !"

You sighed, since you told Kahei about your decision, she kept getting angry at you.

"I know that, thanks."

"So what ?! Are you not scared !?"

"Of course I'm scared !"

"Than what ? You just prefer dying rather than waiting for an actual heart donor ? You prefer abandoning me rather than live ?"

"Of course not. I care about you Kahei, I love you. But it's my sister, I'll do anything if it means she'll be safe and yes it includes dying if it's what it takes for her to live an happy and long life."

Vivi got silent.

"Please don't hate me Vivi, I wouldn't be able to live with that."

"I'm sorry.. I'm acting selfishly. I shouldn't be asking you to let your sister die for me."

You took a step forward to embrace her, letting your chin on the top of her head.

"I'm sorry that I'll let you alone, but we still have some time we should be enjoying our time together rather than arguing, don't you think ?"

She smiled weakly at you before kissing your cheek.

"You're right."

"So are you going to help me with the video ?"

"Sit on the couch, I'll go get the camera."

That day you filmed a video message for Yeojin, for when she'll wake up after the heart transplantation. You explained her why you were doing that, reminding her about that interview and what you said about sacrificing your own life for hers if you had to.

"Don't think that I left you, my heart is beating in your chest, and when you're going to be rehabilitated you will dance again and receive amazing awards for it as always.

The bikers will protect you and your sisters the way I used to, they gave me their words.

But remember I am still and always with you, I will dance next to you, and as long as my heart beats in your chest, I am alive and always there, looking through your eyes.

I'm not saying goodbye, this is a new beginning, our new beginning. I'm here for you, I got your back and I always will, remember ? I love you my dear and beloved Yeojin. "

Vivi stopped the recording and crashed in your arms, sitting on your lap. She was crying.

"Hey baby don't cry, let's go get food, I'm not dying today, it's only if Yeojin need me one day."

Hey, here is your request hope you'll like it. It's the longest scenario I wrote so far. As I told you I changed a few things hope you don't mind. I couldn't kill Y/N it was too hard 😐. Anyway give me feedback or else I'll come roast your last brain cells 😅😂😘 -Ael

[a-knightinsourarmor]

Small Trouble | SPN Fanfic

This is old @castiellover20. It's been long since I wrote a fic. I hope I am back.

| Archive On Our Own Link | Wattpad Link |

Words: 4,257

Chapters: 1/1

Fandom: Supernatural

Characters: Deaged!Castiel, Dean Winchester, Sam Winchester

Summary: Castiel got cursed and he turned into a child. Things were supposed to be easy for him, but he is the one to suffer the most.

Notes: I wanna thank @experimentzero for editing this fic. Thanks a lot!

Castiel was a really serious child. A damn serious child. When the angel turned to this small five-year old kid, Dean thought, or hoped, that Cas would be a cheerful, excited, energetic child that would make their lives difficult. But that just wasn't the case. Cas was the most serious, quiet, and calm child that Dean had ever seen. Yes, the hunter knew that Cas remembered everything about his past, which was quite unpleasant, but a kid should have no worries right? Enjoy the present. Jump around, yell and scream, play games. Cas wasn't like that. Cas was ever normal.

It was a witch hunt that Dean and Sam had planned, and Castiel decided to join them. The witch was too damn powerful. Some would say almost as powerful as Rowena was, not that he wanted to find out for sure. The witch had them coughing blood on the ground in seconds, with only Cas being able to escape from her spell and run after her. All Dean knew was that, according to Cas, he managed to cut her deeply-that was also why he and Sam weren't under her spell anymore- and then she said something in Latin, a spell of some kind that seemingly removed his grace. A spell to make him a small kid, a human kid.

Dean had found Cas, almost an hour later, curled up into a ball, into his now large shirt, crying, scared. If Dean hadn't seen the trench coat thrown close to Cas and the blue tie loose around him, he would think he was a random lost child. Cas was crying so hard that he couldn't even talk to him. “Cas?” Dean had asked, only to get a loud whimper and the kid to look into Dean's eyes.Yup, it was him. He recognized those bright, blue eyes anywhere. Dean picked him up carefully, only to notice that Cas' shirt was wet, and not only by his tears. The embarrassment in his eyes said it all. The hunter just kissed his forehead and reassured him everything would be fine as they returned to the car to make their way to the bunker. Sam was driving this time.

Cas later told them everything and how scared he was they wouldn't ever find him. How he didn't remember their phone numbers and how he wouldn't find them with their fake names even if he managed to find a grown up. He told them how he felt scared for the first time. How dark the night was, how big the bugs suddenly seemed, and how cold he felt.

Dean could understand the small angel's feelings. After all, he was a kid once. However, Cas hadn't. According to him, Castiel was a grown up angel in less than three days. He had told him that before the world was corrupted, the angels had some kind of physical form and that he was a kid for three days. Not that it mattered. Cas wasn't an angel kid, he was human now. And no matter how hard he and Sam would try and find the witch, she had gotten away. There was no way to reverse the spell. Not even Rowena knew how to reverse it. The deaging spell was older than she could remember.

And here they were, stuck with the most serious kid in creation. Dean felt like he was going to lose it. He knew that kids like Cas existed. Kids that seemed all thoughtful and worried. But these kids were mostly coming from a family with strict parents. Parents that didn't seem to even want to have kids. Parents that yelled and screamed. Sam could have been that kid if he hadn't Dean. But Dean was a GREAT parent. He was always good with kids. Always up to make them laugh, always up to make up games and fairytales. Always up to make everyone have the time of their lives. But nothing worked with Cas.

“What is he? Depressed? He can't be. He is a kid, he shouldn't feel any worry. It's not natural. I tell him to play, to buy some ice cream, and he tells me he wants to sleep! Freaking sleep!” Dean said, frustrated, one day. He couldn't take it anymore. “I know he's still Cas, but I can't make him happy even in that form?” Dean said obviously hurt.

“You need to calm down, Dean. I know it's hard but you have to accept that he is who he is. Be thankful he has a toy that he's attached to,” Sam said staring at his laptop.

“Yeah, thank God. I took him to the damn store and he didn't want any toy. Not anyone at all, until we found this bee plushie. At least we know he likes something. Bees”

“Yeah, and you bought him all the stupid stuff you found that had bees on it. Clothes, sheets, even pens that had bees. Suddenly the bunker has turned to black and yellow," Sam chuckled.

Dean couldn't help but laugh. “Well yeah, I am worried for the guy. He has been through a lot lately and now this?” he shrugged.

“Dean, you stuck bee stickers all over the place! That's too much, even for him!” Sam laughed and Dean rolled his eyes.

After some time being quiet, Dean sighed. “At least, he follows rules and we won't have to worry for his safety. But dude... I gotta tell you something. Promise not to laugh, and don't tell him I told you”. Sam nodded and Dean just took a deep breath, thinking about how to say it. “I want you to look on the internet about why he may be wetting his bed. He does it every night.” Dean said with a sad sigh.

Sam seemed confused. “Isn't that normal?” he asked.

“No dude! He's not three, he's five. And surely every night is not a good sign,” Dean mumbled as he stretched his hands. “Look for it and tell me later. I am taking him for a walk” he said as he stood up. “I don't think his mood is that bad. He doesn't seem to enjoy things that much, but he doesn't cry either. He hasn't cried since we found him, even when he fell off the furniture," he said worriedly as he left the room.

Dean knocked on Cas' door as he walked in, only to see the tiny angel rushing back to his bed, as if he was hiding something. Castiel held his bee tight and returned his attention back on the TV, acting like he hasn't seen Dean. “What are you planning to do, little guy?” Dean smirked.

Castiel blushed darkly and bowed his head, moving his small legs anxiously. “I wanted t-to take the chocolate from the fridge” he lied as he gave the hunter a small, innocent smile.

Dean seemed confused. Castiel never tried to sneak out to get some chocolate when he was told not to. The fact he wanted to do something... So normal for a kid, made him feel a little relieved. “Since when you do things behind my back, little guy?” Dean said with a giggle as he sat next to him. Cas was watching Scooby Doo again. “How many times will you watch all the episodes all over?” he teased.

Castiel smiled and made space for Dean. Castiel smiled. That was... Impressive. “I am sorry, I just really wanted to eat some chocolate, after this ep-pisode that Scooby Doo eat-ed the many many chocolates,” Castiel said with a big giggle. “I like these,” he mumbled, holding his bee plushie more tight.

Castiel giggled. Another surprise. Except the fact he wanted to steal some candy from the kitchen. “Next time, just ask me.” he said petting his head and the small kid just nodded. “Wanna go for a walk?” he softly asked.

“Yes,” replied Cas. He sighed and forced his biggest smile.

Cas had said "yes," just like that. Without complaining. Another shocking thing. “Alright, let's take your bee and go? Wanna go get some burgers and ice cream?" Dean asked. "Damn Cas, I am too good with you, but it's good you like something healthy at least, like honey.” he teased.

“Ice cream is healthy too. It's milk...” he whispered as he held his bee. “Bzz likes the idea. And he wants e-tra honey in his ice cream, please,” he said with a begging look.

Okay. Something was wrong. The little angel had named the bee? And with such a stupid name? ‘Bzz’? Until now, he was calling it just bee? And he was asking freely about extra ice cream without questioning if he was too demanding? Dean was worried, yet happy to think that Cas might have started getting used to be a kid and let himself enjoy it for as long as it lasted. “Extra honey for Bzz,” said dean, laughing, as he carried Cas with a big spin to the car. “My little super-angel, going to get some honey,” he said softly, only to get more laughs from Cas.

The drive was also weird. Cas was mumbling a stupid kid's song Dean had on the radio for him to listen. He smiled to himself as he relaxed. Maybe the wet nights meant nothing. Maybe Cas was starting to accept the situation.

As he got with the angel to the restaurant, he helped him sit on his lap. He always loved to sit on his lap, no matter how ashamed he felt about it. He ordered for them two burgers with potatoes at first as he played with Castiel's small fingers, just to get another laugh. That was when Castiel looked up at him with these big, blue eyes. “Can I go play?” he asked as he stared at the very few kids playing to a corner of the store, probably hide and seek. Dean opened his eyes widely and nodded. He set him on the ground and watched him rush to the place the kids were. He swallowed anxiously. This was starting to get too much, and honestly too fast. Could Cas... Lose his identity to the spell? Turn to a normal five year old kid and forget what it was like to be the dorky, serious angel he was? He sighed as he texted Sam to keep searching for the cure, because something was starting to feel wrong.

He watched Cas carefully as he stood between those kids. The food arrived but he kept standing there, trying to figure out what was happening. Cas wasn't playing obviously. He was standing there, keeping some distance from the kids as the kids seemed to talk to him. Then one of them, the bigger one, walked closer to Cas and grabbed Castiel's bee, dragging it away from him. Dean knew this wasn't good. Instinctively he jumped from his seat, wanting to get it back for him. But it wasn't right. Not now. The angel should have the right to have some independence.

He knew Castiel wouldn't give it to him, no matter what. Cas wasn't letting that bee free from his hands. Dean had really struggled to convince him to let it go even when he was taking a bath, because ‘the bee didn't know how to hold its breath underwater’. So it was a big deal someone took it from him.

Cas said something that Dean couldn't hear, and then the kids started laughing. He kept talking, and suddenly, all of them stopped. Then he moved to take back his bee from the boy's hands, but the other pushed him and Cas fell. Castiel groaned in pain, since he had recently hit his knee. He just stood up, and he returned to Dean's lap. Without his bee. Having the most sad look on his face.

“What happened?” Dean said, trying to hide his anger.

“They said I am too big to have a bee, and laughed... Called me a baby.” Castiel said with a sad tone.

“And why didn't you take it back?” Dean asked.

“I don't hit humans. Not small kids, at least.” Castiel simply said. Well, that was his Cas. That was his angel. “Dean, is my name stupid?” Castiel asked with the same sad look as he looked into Dean's eyes.

“No, Cas, you have a beautiful name. Why?”

“They said it's weird like me.”

“And what did you say?”

“That I like it. And they said my p-parents must be stupid to name me that.”

“And what did you say?”

“That I don't have parents. I tried to take it back, but no violence” he sighed, bowing his head. Feeling humiliated. "Then the mean one pushed me," he continued.

Dean stared at the kids, as they used Castiel's adorable bee as a ball, kicking it around. Dean felt anger boiling inside him. Now he understood all the mothers that were screaming to protect their kids. He placed Cas on the seat, as he went where the boys were and he grabbed the bee immediately. The poor thing had gotten dirty. “If you dare bother him again, I will have a talk with your parents.” he only said as he returned to Castiel with the bee. He held it out for Cas to grab, and Cas took it quickly. Castiel hugged it tightly, and even if Dean was slightly disgusted, he smiled that the angel seemed to be happy again.

“Thank you, Dean” Castiel whispered.

Then, Dean cut the burger in small pieces for him, and fed it to him, knowing that Cas enjoyed it more than he would admit. He still was worried for Castiel's mood before. This childish mood the angel didn't normally have. “Cas, why did you want to go play?” Dean asked, only to get the boy to shrug and stare away. He should probably ask later. And that's what he did. He bought him some ice cream, he carried him to the car and drove home. Cas had returned to his normal mood. Not talking much. Seem to be thinking most of the time, and not showing much emotion. Dean was relieved.

Dean walked into the bunker, carrying the small angel in his hands. He loved to hear Cas giggle. He laid to the bed with him on his arms, laughing. “You liked the walk we had?” he asked, Castiel nodding with a big smile on his face. Now was the time to ask.

“Cas... What happened today? I know you. I know that something was weird today...” he said. He didn't have the time to finish his sentence and he saw the angel cry. He didn't know what was wrong. “Cas? Cas? Hey, buddy, please, what's wrong?” he worriedly said.

Castiel buried his face in his hands as he kept crying. “You ssssaid I am not n-nowmaw” Castiel stuttered and Dean just held him close, not understanding.

“Normal? When?”

“I heawd you! You talked to Sam! You said I am weiwd” Castiel mumbled as he kept crying. Dean started to understand. Was it when he talked to Sam? Did he listen to them? That was why he rushed back to his bed when Dean walked into his room?

“Were you eavesdropping?”

Castiel just nodded. He felt ashamed but he had heard everything. “I make you sad”

“You don't Cas. I was just worried... Because even as a kid, you were too much like... You... That's all... I prefer you as you are Cas. I love you the way you are... You scared the hell out of me... Was this all an act? Because I started getting worried you were becoming... Too much of a kid” he said, rubbing Castiel's back.

Castiel looked up, with his red eyes from crying. “I... wanted you not to worry... Be a kid...” he sniffed.

Dean sighed relieved and kept holding him close. “Cas, I didn't want that. I was just worried... But it's you, and I love you as who you are... You don't have to act like a kid... You don't have to steal candy, or give stupid names to your bee, or play with kids... My serious baby angel is already perfect” Dean chuckled only to get another whimper from the boy. “What's wrong?”

“I liked the name Bzz... This was not an act...” Castiel whimpered and Dean couldn't help but laugh. That was a big mistake. Castiel looked up confused and offended, he gave a small push at Dean's shoulder and then smiled softly, feeling much better. “Bzz is a cute name”

“Yeah, Cas,” Dean softly said as he kissed the top of his head.

“And for telling Sam for my bed a-accidents, you owe me a big, big ice cream”

“I sure do. Now brush your teeth and tell me when you go to bed,” Dean sighed as he left the room, with a small smile on his face.

Dean walked into the library, looking to find Sam. “Have you slept at all?” Dean said,raising an eyebrow. Sam was in the same position he had left him. Sam just rolled his eyes and looked at his brother.

“I searched what you told me... I didn't find anything interesting” he admitted. “Kids usually wet their beds when they move to a new place, or they are in a stressful situation...”

“So its psychological?” Dean asked and Sam nodded. “Or he is drinking too much water before going to sleep,” Sam said as he shrugged.

“Don't be stupid!” Dean groaned as he gave a pat at the others shoulder. He wasn't pleased with the answer. He just returned to the little angel's room, to find Cas laying and waiting for him. “Did you brush your teeth?” he asked.

The angel gave a nod. Dean would never doubt Cas' words. Even as a kid. He sat at the edge of the bed giving a kiss at the kid's forehead. “Goodnight,” Castiel whispered. Dean nodded and walked out, leaving the door cracked open. He usually closed it, but since Castiel's lamp had broken, he thought Cas would want some light getting into his room.

A few hours had past, Dean had a few beers in the kitchen, while searching to a book of spells for any reaging spell. There was nothing. And that was it. He went to return to his room, but on his way past Castiel's room, he heard him crying.

He didn't enter. Not to grab the angel and tell him everything was alright or ask if he had a nightmare. He just stayed at the door, peeking inside at the angel, curled into a ball, crying with his eyes closed. A few minutes later the crying stopped. That was when Dean entered and checked Castiel's bed. It was wet. So that was it? Was Castiel having nightmares? How didn't he know that? Was it because he always had the door closed, and couldn't hear him? He sighed softly, as he kissed the small angel's head and carefully placed him to his bed, while he changed the sheets. Next time he would leave the door open, or sleep in the room with him. Try to see what was wrong and why he had never asked for help in the middle of the night.

Castiel woke up the next morning, staring at his bed. He was sure he had wet his bed again. He thought he must have been dreaming and let it go. He joined Dean in the kitchen, giving him a small forced smile as Dean made him breakfast. “Hey,” he whispered. Dean placed a plate full of eggs and bacon in front of him. Sam walked in too with a sleepy face.

“You are going to kill him, with all this fat,” Sam sighed.

“Said the most responsible parent in the world,” Dean grumbled as he served Sam and himself the same. “I had a strange dream last night,” Dean said. “It was a horrible one... It seemed too real... It was like I was in hell again” Dean said, giving Castiel a weird look.

Sam seemed confused. “Since when do you talk about things like this?” he asked.

“I am just saying. It has been a long time since I had this nightmare," Dean said. Castiel didn't react at all. He just heard them, and he kept eating. “Do you have any weird dreams Cas? Since you are human now?” the hunter asked.

Castiel had his mouth full and just shook his head. “No” he said after he swallowed. “I don't dream at all”

“That's weird. Don't you dream about unicorns and stuff?” Dean chuckled, while Sam looks confused.

“No, I don't. And unicorns don't exist anymore,” Castiel said, still focused on his food. Dean and Sam stared at each other after hearing the word ‘anymore’, not knowing how to respond.

“So, do you see like... Happy stuff? About us, or villages made of chocolate or whatever? You are a human kid, Cas, you should be having dreams,” Dean said.

“I don't!” Castiel said with a loud voice, his eyes getting wet suddenly. He dropped the spoon, held his bee tight and left the kitchen, heading back to his bedroom.

“That was weird,” Sam sighed.

“You're telling me,” Dean said. He decided to leave the angel alone for now.

A few hours later, after both of the brothers finished their food and Dean washed the dishes, the older brother knocked on Castiel's door. The small angel was watching TV. “This is going to rot your brain,” Dean chuckled.

“You watched a lot too when you were small” Castiel said with a shrug, as he kept his eyes on tv.

Dean jumped to Cas' bed, and held him close, making Cas sit on his lap. “Wanna watch Frozen? You'll loooove Olaf!” Dean smiled. “I am into Elsa, so you know,” he smirked and Castiel nodded.

“I want popcorn too” the angel said shyly.

“It's a deal!” Dean laughed as he grabbed the boy in his arms and carried him to the kitchen to make lots of popcorn with him.

After the movie was over, Castiel was peacefully sleeping on Dean's arms. Dean couldn't help but smile. They had already watched 'Frozen', and all of the 'Toy Story' movies. So he was happy to see Cas that relaxed again. He laid him in his bed and for the first time, he decided to sleep with him, and try to see what's wrong.

He closed his eyes too, and after a few minutes, he was fast asleep. They were both tired and it was really late. But Dean suddenly felt a small hand holding him tight and that was when he opened his eyes. Castiel was crying again. He was crying hard. He had his eyes closed and he was clinging to him, wanting to be held. Dean hugged his small body, immediately, not understanding what was actually wrong. “Cas, hey, what you saw, it wasn't real. I am here. You had a nightmare buddy” Dean said and could already feel how wet the sheets were. “Hey, you don't have to be so scared. I'm right here, right next to you,” Dean said softly. But Castiel kept crying, holding Dean's index finger tight, as he was hiccuping and trying to calm down.

“I d-don't w-want them to h-huwt you!” Castiel managed to stutter.

“Hey, no one is going to hurt us, Cas. What do you mean? What did you see?” Dean calmly said, giving small kisses to the boy's forehead.

It took a few minutes of Castiel was panting and sweating, but slowly started to calm down. When he could talk again, he looked up at Dean, feeling so ashamed. “She will hurt you... I see her... The times she... Was in my head... And I am small and have no... No powers or wings... And can't protect you... And she... She is mean...” Castiel said, stuttering.

Dean immediately understood it was about Naomi. That bitch had hurt Cas more than Dean imagined. And if she wasn't dead, he would have made her pay for this. “We are safe Cas. We know how to protect ourselves and how to protect you. You don't need to protect us. Let us protect you and keep you safe for once.”

Castiel shook his head with a small whimper and Dean sighed. “What do you see… in your nightmares?” Dean asked.

“The stuff... She makes me forget... And the stuff I did” Castiel said, ready to cry again.

“Hey buddy, calm down, okay? It wasn't you that did all these things. The real you is nice, and soft. The real you is amazing. You are kind and caring, and emotional and always ready to help, no matter the cost. You are selfless, and generous. More than you think. Cas, what she made you do, it doesn't matter. What matters is how many times you saved us, how much you care and what relationships you built here,” Dean said, just feeling uncomfortable to talk about all these but knowing how much Castiel needed to hear that. Especially in the mind of a kid. “Everything is going to be alright, okay?” he smiled, and Castiel nodded. “Is that alright for me to sleep with you, from now on? Help you with your nightmares?” and Castiel nodded again. Dean couldn't help but smile and held the boy close to him, as Cas buried his face to Dean's shirt. Castiel whispered a small “Thank you”not sure if saying “I love you” would mean the same thing, and that was when he fell asleep.

———

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