#i thought open starters this time instead of a starter call since my last one

[steddieasitgoes]

@steddiemas Day 16 Prompt: Angst Themed Sentence Starters

3. I don’t know what you want from me. and 5. I don’t want to fight with you. Not tonight.

Tags: Established Relationship, Steve Harrington Has Bad Parents, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Mentions of Past Child Neglect, Protective Eddie Munson

wc: 1184 | Rating: T

Read on ao3 | ao3 collection

“I don’t know what you want from me!” Steve shouts, arms thrown in the air.

He’s glued to the floor in their living room watching as Eddie stalks up and down the length of the room in the dim glow of their Christmas tree. Steve’s hands are clutched around the cordless phone, double-checking that he properly hung it up.

The last thing he needs is for his mother to overhear the argument currently going on.

The same argument that happens every year, without fail.

An unofficial tradition that Steve fucking hates.

“I want you to stand up for yourself!” Eddie shouts back.

Their voices may be raised, but they’re not screaming at each other. At least, not in the ways they were raised too. Their voices may be loud, but they don’t hurl insults at each other. Nor do they shout directly at each other, shouting their concerns into the void of the room instead.

“I do stand up for myself!” Steve defends, crossing his arms.

“Not when it comes to them!” Eddie growls, flippantly waving his hand in the air. “I thought we decided after last year's disaster that we weren’t going to put up with it anymore. If your parents wanted to be in our lives, they’d be there for us every day and not just on the choice fucking holiday so you’re mom can take her family picture that conveniently always makes me look terrible.”

“I know. Okay? I know we said that!” Steve uncrosses his arms, one hand coming up to pinch the bridge of his nose. The other hangs limply by his thighs, opening and closing into a fist, tethering him to the moment. “But they’re still my parents!”

Eddie scoffs, shaking his head. “Just because a piece of paper says they’re your parents doesn’t make it true.”

“I know, but—“

“No! No buts! They’re shitty people, Steve! I’m not going to apologize for saying that because it’s the truth! They only want you around when it's convenient for them and then they leave. You might not see it, but every time they walk out that door you turn into that lonely, abandoned teenager you’ve worked so hard to grow from! I’m not going to let them keep doing that to you!”

“Eddie,” Steve huffs. He’s not wrong, not in the slightest. But it still stings hearing it. Knowing that even though he tries to hide how he feels when his parents walk out the door every year, Eddie sees. That he hurts just as much as Steve does.

“What if it was my dad who called and said, “Clear you’re scheduled for the 20th, we’re having Christmas dinner since I’m going out on Christmas but still need to show face with my friends and see you?” What if he did it every fucking year for seven years, only to bitch and moan about every little thing? Questioning my life choices, talking shit about the man I’ve become because I didn’t live up to his expectations. Making snide comments about you when he thinks you’re not listening. Would you let him keep coming?”

“Of course not!”

“Then you understand where I’m coming from!” Eddie says, slowly making his way over to Steve. “I wish things were different. I wish your parents saw you for the amazing man you are. Saw us for all the work we’ve done to better ourselves. But they don’t. They never will. And I’m tired of pretending for a few hours every year to be okay with their bullshit. You deserve better than that.”

“I—“ Steve breaks, the first tear racing down his cheek before he can even register what’s happening.

He’s wrapped in Eddie’s arms in an instant, pushed and flushed with his warm chest. His shirt is soft, soothing the prickly feeling spreading across his own cheeks as he lets the tears fall. Eddie holds him, strong and firm. Rocks him slowly in his arms, and runs a hand soothingly up and down his back. Whispers encouragement into the wild tufts of hair on the top of his head.

“Sweetheart,” Eddie coos. “It’s okay. S’gonna be okay.”

“I don’t want to fight with you,” Steve hiccups, pulling away from Eddie’s embrace. “Not tonight. Not ever.”

“I don’t want to fight with you either.” With a gentle hand, Eddie swipes the tears from Steve’s eyes before cradling his face in his hands. “Especially not about your parents. Maybe about your questionable taste in movies—“

“Hey!” Steve laughs, swatting at Steve’s chest. “You’re the one with the questionable taste.”

Eddie hums, shaking his head. “Keep telling yourself that, big boy.”

They stay like that for a few moments, wrapped in each other's embrace. Letting the tension ease from their bodies and minds. The air in the room already feels lighter, the lights on the trees twinkling brighter.

But there’s still a weight pressing on Steve’s chest. One he knows isn’t going to go away until he figures this out. Once and for all.

“What should I tell them?” he mumbles, words nearly lost amongst the quiet hum of their space heater.

“You could tell them we’re going on vacation? Or that we already made plans.”

“I don’t want to lie to them,” Steve sighs, feeling the pressure building behind his eyes again. “If I tell her that she’ll want to see pictures or hear stories and then it's one lie after another.”

“You could tell them the truth?” Eddie suggests, arms wrapping around Steve again. “Tell them that they don’t deserve to spend Christmas with you because of the way they’ve treated you. That we don’t need their negative energy in our lives.”

Steve grimaces. He wishes he could have a conversation with his mom. Wishes they had the type of relationship that allowed him the grace, to be honest with her. To give her space to listen and hopefully learn. But they don’t. They never have. All that will get Steve is an earful of guilt and yelling, followed by a call from his father about he broke his mother.

Still, what other choice does he have?

If he doesn’t want to lie, the truth is the only other option.

“Will you stay by me while I make the call?”

“Of course, sweetheart. M’not going anywhere.”

“Okay,” Steve says, letting the plan take shape in his head. “Okay. I’m going to tell her the truth.”

“I’ll be the whole time,” Eddie says, squeezing Steve’s hand. “But if she starts yelling, I will grab that phone and hang up on her. You understand that, right?”

“I think you hanging up on my mom is the kindest thing you could do to her.”

“Damn right, it is!” Eddie laughs. “Now come on, let’s rip this bandaid off so we can start planning what we’re actually going to do now that we have the 20th free.”

“I’m sure you already have ideas.” Steve laughs, watching as Eddie’s eyes light up as they drink him from head to toe.

“Yeah,” he says, dragging his tongue across his bottom lip. “I’ve got a few ideas up my sleeve.”

[sjsmith56]

Making It Clear

Summary: Bucky’s girlfriend reminisces about their relationship while he is on a long mission. She also recalls how one member of the Avengers tried to bring her down.

Characters: Bucky Barnes, named OFC, Sharon Carter, Sam Wilson

Warnings: Body shaming, self esteem issues, bullying behaviour, gaslighting.

Author notes: Set post-FATWS. Captain America 4 and Thunderbolts* have not happened. Instead, the Avengers were restarted with Sam and Bucky as the leaders. This happens a couple of years after that. A certain MCU woman character is the antagonist.

📚 ☕️ 🥙

It had been two weeks since most of the team went on the mission. Two weeks since I last spoke to Bucky. Two weeks since we last made love. We had only been living together for six months, six glorious months where I finally believed that I found a diamond in the rough. I was in love and with everything he said and did, I believed he was falling in love with me.

I'm not an Avenger. I'm nothing special, just an ordinary woman who was doing an ordinary job of working in a used bookstore in New York, one of two jobs I held: the other transcribing doctor's audio notes into a readable file, then uploading it into the healthcare database. I could do it from home, which suited me fine. One morning, as I was working at the bookstore, I became aware of the most beautiful man I've ever seen glancing at me as he looked at some books. Our eyes met and I felt a pull to his blue ones unlike any other connection I've ever had with a man. I smiled; he smiled back, then he smiled again when he brought his small stack over to buy the books he had chosen.

"Nice selection," I said, as I rang them through.

I looked at the hardcover illustrated one about the horse Seabiscuit. I thought it was an unusual choice, although it was a good book. He noticed my attention on it.

"I actually saw Seabiscuit race," he said. I looked at him strangely. "I'm Bucky Barnes. I was a young man then." He placed a gloved hand on the book cover. "It brings back good memories."

"You are really him," I stated. "You're different than you seem on TV. You're smiling, for starters."

He chuckled. "Yeah, I'm not a big fan of the media. Sometimes I feel as if they're waiting for me to screw up so they can point the finger and say I should never have been pardoned." He shrugged and looked around. "A bookstore is one of my safe places."

"$25.67, please. I've never seen you here before."

He offered his bank card and placed it on the terminal. "I only just found it this morning, but I think I'll be here more often."

Producing a cloth bag out of his pocket, he held it open while I slid the books and receipt into it. He nodded his head and turned to go to the door then looked back.

"What's your name?"

"Robyn."

He smiled again, his almost perfect white teeth showing briefly. "It's nice to meet you, Robyn. I'll see you next time."

That was how we met and true to his word, the next time was five days later, when he returned with his cloth shopping bag. I heard the bell on the door ring and got up from where I was rearranging a shelf. He was there at the end of the aisle.

"Hi, you're back," I said, saying the first thing that came to mind.

"I am. I finished the books. The Seabiscuit book was good. Do you have other sports books that might interest me?"

I smiled. "Well, I took the liberty of looking you up on the internet." He raised his eyebrows. "Not the bad stuff. The good stuff from before the war. You were a boxer." He nodded. "There's a book called The Sweet Science by A.J. Liebling. It was published in 1949, after you were declared dead, but it's considered one of the best books about boxing around."

I walked behind the front desk and opened the cupboard, pulling out a stack of books. Finding the boxing book, I put it on the counter for him. He smiled that brilliant smile again and picked it up, reading the back cover, then opened it and scanned the first few pages.

"That looks good. What else do you have there?"

"You'll like this one, even though most of the story happens after the war. It's called The Boys of Summer. It's about the Brooklyn Dodgers until the 1955 World Series. There's some criticism that it's too worshipful in tone but for a loyal fan of the Dodgers it's supposed to be an excellent read."

His eyes lit up and he picked it up, reading the back, then the first few pages of the first chapter.

"You're batting 2 for 2 so far, sweetheart," he said, then he looked at me. "Sorry, bad habit. I know women now don't care for those nicknames."

"I don't mind," I smiled back. "It reminds me of my grandpa." He made a face at me, which made me laugh. "I'm not saying you're old enough to be my grandpa because it's true that you are. You're just from a different time, that's all. It doesn't offend me."

The next book was The Natural, by Bernard Malamud. I described it to him, telling him it was made into a pretty decent movie as well. Sticking with baseball, I showed him Shoeless Joe, by W.P. Kinsella, and described the plot.

"They made a movie out of that called Field of Dreams," I said. "Whenever I'm home and it comes on, I watch it with my dad. Even though there are differences from the book it makes me cry every time." I put the final book in front of him. "This is No Cheering in the Press Box. The editor interviewed 24 sportswriters who were active between World War I and World War II. They basically just talk about the memorable sporting events and athletes they wrote about. Oh, and there was a movie about Seabiscuit based on the book you bought but the book was better, in my opinion."

He sifted through the five books then pushed them all towards me. "Ring them up. I'll take them all."

I scanned the barcode on the back of each book through as he watched me.

"You're not full time here," he noted.

"No," I replied, shaking my head. "I have another job that's almost full time, but I do it at home. This one gives me spending money. New York's expensive."

"Yeah, it is, but I still like the energy," he answered. "How much do I owe you?"

"$54.35." He put his cloth bag on the counter, and I packed the books while he placed his bank card on the terminal. "I hope you like them."

"I'm sure I will. If you want to pick out some books on science and technology for next time I would appreciate it. I'm still trying to catch up on what I missed."

It looked like he was going to ask me something else then he nodded politely and left the store. I went back to rearranging that shelf, then a few moments later heard the bell on the door ring. Just as I started to rise, he was there, offering me a hand up. It was a nice gesture and I thanked him. He stood awkwardly for a moment then took a deep breath.

"If you're not busy sometime I would like to have coffee with you, if you want, and you're not busy yourself. I can imagine two jobs keep you busy but I found it easy to talk to you and I just don't like going through the dating apps and judging people based on a photograph. If you don't, it's okay."

His voice trailed off and he looked so vulnerable for a long moment.

"I would like that, too, except I'm a tea drinker," I said. I pulled my phone out of my pocket and looked at my schedule. "I'm free at 5 today. We could make it drinks and a light meal, maybe? There's a nice bistro around the corner that makes good coffee, tea, and great paninis."

The smile that erupted out of his face was so sweet and I could feel my stomach do a little flip flop at the sight of it.

"Yeah, that would work. Shall I meet you here and we walk over together?"

"Sure, but let's exchange numbers, just in case something comes up. I imagine that in your line of work you're on call all the time."

Agreeing with that he produced his phone and handed it to me so I could enter my information in his contacts. He texted my number and watched as I saved it to my list. Then with a wave he left the store and I returned to that shelf.

Bucky showed up at 4:55, walking in as I was finishing with a customer. He smiled at both of us, then stood at a shelf, looking at the selection, until I walked the customer out, locked the door, and pulled the blinds down on the windows and door.

"I just have to put the cash into the safe," I said. "The owner will be in tomorrow morning and will do the tally for the bank deposit."

After I printed off the sales record and emptied the cash drawer, I opened the safe and placed all the cash in it. The door was closed, the dial on the safe was spun, and I locked the cabinet. Then I grabbed my purse and jacket, and came out to the front.

"Are you ready?" he asked.

I nodded and unlocked the door so he could leave ahead of me, locking both locks on it, then I asked for his help to pull the grate down and locked it into place. Like always, I sent a text to the owner that everything was secure for the night.

We arrived at the bistro just a few minutes later and I ordered a London Fog Tea Latte, and a chicken Caesar panini, while Bucky ordered a regular coffee and two roast beef paninis. It was common knowledge that he needed more food due to being a super soldier, so I wasn't surprised. We took a seat outside in the shade of the awning and waited for our food.

It was one of the best dates I had ever been on. Bucky was charming, in an old-fashioned way. He didn't monopolize the conversation, instead he asked me a lot of questions about myself. When I did ask him something he got nostalgic, but not in a complaining way. There were just things that he missed from before and he was sorry they didn't last.

"What about new things?" I asked, as our food was served. "What do you like about the present?"

"Food," he said, immediately, as he took an appreciative bite of his panini and smiled as he chewed before he spoke again. "Some things were better then but things like this, and the variety that's available is good. Healthcare is better. I mean, so many things were bad then, like cancer, tuberculosis, polio, and diseases that needed better antibiotics which didn't exist yet to be cured." He shrugged a little. "I prefer the old music but I'm making my way through the newer stuff and finding out what I like."

"I don't think they do romantic songs well now, not like they used to," I commented. "It's more about sexual attraction instead of the emotions, although there are still a few singers of the old stuff. I remember watching my grandparents dance at weddings when they played the old stuff and it was sweet, you know? It was romantic that they still felt the same way even after so many years." He got a pained look in his eyes for a moment, and I wondered if he was remembering something sad. "What were you like then? I've seen the pictures of you in your uniform and you were, and still are a handsome man. You looked so confident."

"Yeah." His voice softened. "I went out a lot, dancing. I was popular, mostly because I didn't kiss and tell. A woman's reputation was everything and it was easy to destroy if someone said something that really wasn't their business. I'm more introverted now as I don't have much in common with most people. I've had a few relationships, but they fizzled out and I never really figured out why as they said it was them, not me. Hard to believe that when you hear it several times."

"You like books," I replied. "That's a big plus for me. You're polite, attentive, and you have manners. That puts you above a lot of guys in my generation."

"You don't date much?" I shook my head, then took another bite of my panini. "They must be idiots. I think you're interesting and I'd like to see you again."

His words made me feel warm inside and I smiled at him. "I'd like that, too."

After we finished, we walked around, talking some more, then Bucky saw me home, sitting on the train with me. When we got to my apartment door, he hesitated for a moment then he gently brushed his lips against mine and watched as I entered, telling me to wave from the window when I was safely inside.

That was the beginning of our relationship, and it was wonderful as it developed over the first two months. We saw each other whenever we could, even if he sometimes just came and sat in my apartment to read as I worked on my medical transcriptions. He always made sure I had something to eat and drink while I was doing that. Sometimes, he would massage my shoulders when it looked like I was stressing out over some of the more unintelligible voice recordings, as accuracy in the transcription was paramount.

The first time he stayed over was incredible, as it started to rain hard while he was there. I wasn't going to send him out into the rain, so we made soup and grilled cheese sandwiches for dinner. When the power suddenly stopped, we made out, which led to our first time together, which led to him staying over. He was so giving, wanting to make sure that I was satisfied before he was. I can honestly say he made love better than any man I had ever been with, not that I had a lot of experience in the matter. It didn't matter, I was falling in love with him and by the words he said to me, the feeling was mutual.

My world fell apart a little just over two months after we started dating when the bookstore was broken into overnight, robbed, then set on fire. I wasn't working that day, but my boss phoned me in tears that someone would destroy her livelihood like that. Bucky came with me in the middle of the night to comfort her, as we watched the fire department try to save what they could, which ended up being nothing. Even with the insurance, she couldn't afford to reopen it and I was out of one of my two jobs. Two weeks later, the medical transcription service I worked for was sold to a conglomerate, who promptly terminated the contracts of over half the staff, me included. Because it was a contract position, there was no severance pay. It wouldn't be long until my savings ran out and when it did, I would be homeless.

"Move in with me," offered Bucky. "The suite I have at the tower is huge and I'm sure you can get on with the support staff there. All I have to do is ask Pepper Stark."

"Bucky, I don't want to use you like that." I appreciated it but it seemed wrong to use his friends to get another job and I didn't want to impose on him. "I'll find something. I can manage on my own."

He looked at me with a strange, soft smile on his face.

"The thing is, you don't have to. You're more than qualified to work at the tower and we're together so much already that I feel like we're already living together. Please, let me help the most important person in my life."

My interview with Pepper Stark went well, and I got a job, a good job, in the IT department. She even paid for my things to be moved into Bucky's apartment, although most of the furniture went into storage because his apartment was furnished already. Almost everyone was welcoming to me and I felt comfortable there.

There was one person who seemed friendly at first, but I found when Bucky went on longer missions that she wasn't on, she could be a little cold. Sharon Carter, who was apparently related to Steve Rogers' girlfriend from World War II, was beautiful, smart, and a very capable operative. As a CIA liaison with the Avengers, she was often sent on undercover assignments, with various Avengers, occasionally Bucky, to infiltrate secure places. In front of him and the others she was very complementary to me. But when they were away and we were alone, or with some lesser agents, she would make comments that could be seen as snide or hurtful, although she always worded them in a way that made me wonder if I was just imagining it.

Once, I came back from working out. I knew I wasn't at the level of fitness most of the agents or Avengers were. I just did stuff to keep active and Bucky never said anything to the contrary. On that day, I felt good about what I did, actually pushing myself with the weights. I stopped to get a bottle of water from the communal fridge. I took my sweaty T-shirt off and was in my sports bra and leggings. Sharon sat at the table, reading something on a tablet. As I walked past her, she hummed.

"I don't mean to be critical or anything," she said, in that confident voice she had. "Are you gaining weight?" I looked at her as if I couldn't believe she would say that. "It's just that you seem to have a bit of a muffin top forming. Maybe you shouldn't be eating ice cream for a snack so often. Just a word of advice. Bucky likes his women fit."

That was the first time I ever felt misgivings about my body. Even though I knew I looked good, she planted a seed of doubt in my head that day. Ignoring her, I left for our apartment and stripped down, looking at myself naked in the mirror. I grasped my midsection and tried to see where the muffin top was. I couldn't see it and even though I dismissed the thought, it percolated in my head, and I found myself cutting back on my food during the rest of the week. When Bucky returned, he made a big show of picking me up and holding me tight as he kissed me. There was a mirror wall and I glanced at it, seeing Sharon while he was doing it. She was jealous; it was clearly all over her face that she wanted Bucky. During dinner with everyone, she was polite again. As soon as we finished Bucky and I went to our apartment, locked ourselves in and didn't come out until morning. I wanted to ask him about Sharon, but something stopped me.

"Robyn, are you alright?" Bucky was looking at me as we brushed our teeth. "You seem off."

"I just missed you," I replied. "I'm glad you're back."

"Me, too," he smiled. "We have a lot of catching up to do. I've missed this."

He wrapped his arms around me from behind and kissed my neck. Then he frowned.

"Have you lost weight?"

"I don't know," I lied. "Maybe I've been grabbing food on the go while I'm working instead of stopping for a meal."

"Don't lose anymore," he said, softly. "I like you with something extra to hold. You've got a beautiful body."

His words soothed me, and I felt better. Our relationship progressed and we said the "love" words to each other often. The time apart while he was on missions was hard, but he bent over backwards to make it up to me on his return. Sharon made little comments when he wasn't around, but I ignored them as best I could. That lasted until he had to go on a long mission again, this mission that he was currently on. Thankfully, Sharon wasn't at the tower as she was on assignment in Los Angeles. But the day before Bucky got back, she walked into the common room, where I was sitting alone, minding my own business. She flopped onto the sofa next to me then looked over.

"You changed your hair."

"Just got it cut."

"It looks alright, I guess. Has Bucky seen it?"

"On FaceTime. He likes it."

"Oh." She was quiet for a moment. "Maybe when he gets here, he'll change his mind."

I shouldn't have let what she said bother me, but something flipped inside me at that moment, and I turned to her, glaring in anger.

"What is your problem? Why do you say things like that?"

"Like what? They're just observations. Whether you listen to them or not, isn't my problem." I got up to get away from her, but she just had to have the last word. "You know his relationships don't last. Something always goes wrong. It just depends on when you realize that he's not cut out for something long term."

I kept going until I got into the apartment. Then I cried, feeling stupid that I let her words hurt me. All the old insecurities from her first hurtful comments came up and even though I knew I should just let it slide off me, something must have hit the mark because I couldn't let it go. That night I slept terribly, unable to put her words out of my head. Eventually I fell asleep for a bit but was awakened by the sensation of someone getting into bed with me. With a start I sat up, only to see Bucky smiling sheepishly at me.

"You're back early!"

"We left early, and I flew at top speed to get back sooner," he said, reaching out to caress my face. "Was hoping to be with you before you left for work."

I clutched at him, kissing him frantically, until he laughingly pulled me off of him. Then he looked closer at me and saw how tired I still appeared. Immediately his whole mood changed into something more serious and concerned.

"Hey, what's wrong?" he asked. "Didn't you sleep last night?"

I looked down and shook my head. He waited to hear more.

"Sharon got into my head, and I couldn't shake it off."

"She what?" His voice hardened. "What did she say to you?"

"It was nothing."

"Robyn, it wasn't nothing if it bothered you. If you don't tell me then I have to ask Friday for a playback."

I explained how her comment on my haircut triggered me into confronting her and she gaslighted me into making it my fault I was offended. His face went steely. Then, haltingly, I told him what she said about him and relationships; that he wasn't cut out for something long term.

"How long?" I looked at him blankly. "How long as she been messing with your head?"

I told him about the snide comments about my appearance, and lack of fitness. It all came pouring out of me in a torrent. By the last words I was crying and he held me, pulling me onto his lap while he kissed me and told me over and over how much I meant to him. When my crying finally slowed down to shaky breaths and occasional sniffles, he placed his hand under my chin and raised my face to view his.

"Understand this and believe it," he murmured. "I love you. Living with you has made me feel like a new man and I wake up every morning smiling because I know that you're here with me. I want to wake up next to you for the rest of my life. That's not a proposal but it is a promise that someday, sooner rather than later, I'll ask you properly to marry me." He kissed me sweetly on the lips then he took another audible breath. "Sharon Carter is another matter. I turned her down once because I honestly don't like her. She's a good operative and I've had her back while she's had mine. But she's got a mean streak in her that comes out without warning, and she doesn't care who it hurts. My last girlfriend before you, said something about Sharon and then left, not wanting to elaborate. I didn't put it together then I met you and put it out of my mind." He looked up at the ceiling. "Friday, can you compile recordings of any interaction between Sharon and my previous girlfriends and with Robyn. Specifically, any that involve criticism of the relationship between them and me? Include any comments that were critical of the girlfriends."

I looked at him in a new light. "You think it was her who sabotaged your relationships?" He nodded. "She planted the seeds of doubt and watered them every chance she got." I rubbed my face. "She wants you for herself."

"It's never going to happen." His tone was firm, then softened as he gazed at me. "I have what I want right here, right now."

I unbuckled his tac suit jacket, slipping it off his shoulders then tugged his singlet off between tender kisses and caresses from both of us. He took off the rest and showed me how much I meant to him in the best way possible. All my fears about us were dealt with and we slept afterwards wrapped together for several hours. When I woke up to get ready for my job, he let me shower alone. When I came out, he went in for a quick shower then dressed.

"Let's go for breakfast," he said. "I have a video to show everyone."

Together we came out to the common kitchen and dining area where everyone was making or eating breakfast. Sharon was sitting at the table with a pastry and coffee, pretending not to notice us but Bucky made sure he had his arm around me and kissed my head often. He made me a tea and gestured for me to sit at the table while he brought our food. It was close to Sharon, but I ignored her. Bucky brought our food then went back and poured himself a coffee, sitting next to me.

"I do like your hair like this," he said, running his eyes over it. "It looks even better than it did on FaceTime. What do you think, Sharon?"

"It's fine," she answered, as if she were bored.

"I guess fine is better than alright," he said, looking straight at her. "That was the actual term you used, wasn't it?"

"I dunno."

"You know, maybe it's because I was out of practice or maybe it's because I thought we were colleagues, but I never once thought that you would stoop so low as to try to sabotage my relationships."

She made it seem like he was boring her then looked at him. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"Let me refresh your memory then. Friday, playback video compilation from this morning."

The large wall screen came to life and a series of videos began of Sharon with Bucky's earlier girlfriends. Everyone stopped talking and watched in confusion, with open mouths, as they heard her say some nasty things to the other women. There were many comments about their hair, weight, lack of style, lack of fitness, but mostly how Bucky wasn't capable of being in a long-term relationship with anyone because of his PTSD, or because he was more interested in playing the field. To her credit, she sat there and took it, although her face hardened throughout the playback. When the video got to what she said to me, I could feel the mood in the room turn completely against her. Sam Wilson, who hadn't said anything until then, finally stood up and looked at her with daggers.

"I think you should put in for an immediate transfer to another agency," he said. "By what I've seen and heard just now I don't think anyone wants to partner with you on any missions. Whatever trust we may have built up with you during and since the Flag Smashers is gone, by your own actions."

She breathed out angrily and stood up, looking briefly at all of them, then finally on Bucky and me. With a shake of her head, she left the table and the room. Sam advised Friday to lock her out of any systems that required clearance. As far as he was concerned, she had no clearance with the Avengers anymore. Then he looked at me and Bucky.

"All of us can see what you mean to each other. You make Bucky happy and that means a lot to all of us. I'm sorry we didn't know about her behaviour sooner. It was unacceptable."

He left to file a formal complaint about Sharon and why he fired her summarily. Others came to offer hugs to me and even Bucky, who took them. We sat back down to finish our breakfast. I couldn't help it, but the tears began again. He put his knife and fork down, then turned towards me, cupping my face in his hands. Gently, he wiped the tears from my cheek then kissed me on the lips. He didn't say anything, just gazed at me so lovingly that I stopped crying and nodded that I was okay. It was the truth. I was great. In front of me was someone I loved very much, and he loved me just as fiercely. Whatever the future brought we would face it together.

One Shots Masterlist

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[ominous-feychild]

✦ Writer Questionnaire 2 ✦

Thanks for the tag, @the-golden-comet! (And @the-letterbox-archives tagging me when I was almost done here, haha)

Heads-up! Long post!

How long have you had your writing Tumblr/Writeblr? A fast and loose estimate is fine!

Two months ago to the date actually??? Or, at least, that's when I first uploaded a story here. My first actual Writeblr post was me hopping in on an open tag on the 6th of June, haha. I thought it was just a month, but looks like the summer's gone by in a flash! 😭

What led you to create it?

So, I'm a writer on Tapas! I'd been attempting to social network on other social medias (twitter and bluesky) but wasn't getting anywhere, didn't like the general formats, and uh... I'm sure I don't have to explain why I don't want to touch Twitter with a 10-foot-pole anymore. Let's just say, if you haven't seen, it's just as bad as (if not worse than) everyone says. Anyhow, I'd seen lots of Tumblr short stories on other platforms and started investigating what it's like here. Didn't know what "Writeblr" was or that it even existed, but eventually stumbled into the field after posting my short story. Thanks, @darkandstormydolls! ❤️

What’s your favorite thing about the Writeblr community?

How supportive everyone is??? Like omg you guys are so sweet, idk how to take it. Also I love seeing how much passion everyone else has for their writing, haha.

What’s one thing you’d like your mutuals to know about you?

Uhhhh, I think I'm pretty open about the things I'd like people to know about me, haha. I never mean to offend, so if I accidentally say something wrong, please tell me! I'm autistic and very dumb.

Is there anything you’d like to see more of on your dash?

I'm ngl I keep meaning to build out my followed tags for my fandoms, haha. The only fandoms I really see things for are TMAGP (10/10, TMA is my obsession. I am obsessed. It is one of my Special Interests and I love it with all my heart) and House of the Dragon??? Except I'm not even a fan of HotD??? So that's kinda annoying, haha. (Aka, my fandom stuff, but that's on me.)

WIP it Good

Which Works-in-Progress (WIPs) or writing projects are you noodling about, lately?

Rising From the Ashes, tragically. (Because it's one of the LAST things I should be working on right now, haha.) Otherwise, I'm of course always obsessed with the Arcane Rifts. Then I force myself to be obsessed with Sun and Shadow, though it's slowly growing on me, haha.

How long have you been working on them?

Haha, so I've historically jumped around a lot in working on different things, so these are approximate guesstimations!

Rising From the Ashes has likely had 3 or 4 years put into it/the characters. If you include the Calamity Crew (which overlaps with it in the timeline and originally ended up merging with the cast of RFtA), I'd say definitely 4 years!

The Arcane Rifts has had 5 years put into it.

Sun and Shadow is very new; I'd say it probably only has about 4 months of work in it? It's part of why I'm less interested in it, haha. Less I've put into it and less I'm attached to.

Do you remember what inspired them/what got you started?

Oh... oh dear. How could you ask me this??? 😭😭😭

Rising From the Ashes has existed since, I think, 2016. It started (tragically) as an RP starter on Google+. I wish I was kidding.

To those unaware of how it worked in that space (and likely similar ones to this day), you'd post a starter and people would join in with their own characters. 99% of the time, they'd drop out before long. However, I'd work out details of the characters in the process and carry that info over into the worldbuilding. I eventually stopped RPing with the masses and settled down with a single "partner" who I'll call Kris.

She's the one who stole my docs.

The Arcane Rifts technically originated as another RP starter? It never got attention, though, and instead my ideas for it simply carried over into the worldbuilding in general.

One of the characters of the original starter was important in the worldbuilding. It was not a character you see in the early books of tAR, though, so don't bother trying to figure it out. But, since he was so important, his origins were also important.

The Arcane Rifts started in 2019, as I wanted to make a story building out said character's origins. It was originally going to be a duology, the first book being Gene's backstory and the second being how Gene and The Other Guy's lives intertwined. (No, they were not gay for each other! 😂) It's since changed a lot, and focuses basically exclusively on Gene, haha. The last book in the series will probably be focused on the other character, though!

Sun and Shadow started for a romance novel competition on Tapas which has since ended. I didn't get to finish it in time for a lot of reasons, but I primarily cite stress and exhaustion from working full time at a physically-intensive job. It grew shockingly quickly and I had some fans donate to me related to it, so I'm kinda forced to work on it, haha. Dw--I like it! It's just harder to work on for a number of reasons, haha.

How much time, in your best estimation, do you spend thinking about them?

Tragic, the questions you're asking me--

It depends, haha. I'm autistic and hyperfixate a lot. Also, for one, that's a suuuuuper vague question??? Like what do you mean "how much time"--how much time within the day? How often in general? Idk, man, haha.

I think about the Arcane Rifts a LOT!

I've put an incredible amount of time and effort into it, and I'm in love with 90% of the characters there. Even the background characters have had a lot of work put into them, getting relatively fleshed-out backstories to make their motives understandable (even if not agreeable!), and I love them all so much, haha.

Except Katerina. She's a bitch.

I also think about Rising From the Ashes a good amount, and it's invaded my brain again lately, haha.

I took a step away from RFtA and basically all of my other stories late 2021 when Kris (my ex-writing partner) and I had a falling out. It was incredibly difficult for me emotionally to look at anything I worked with her on, and obviously RFtA was a huge one (actually, tAR was the only thing of my early works she had nothing to do with). Since early this year, I've finally been able to work on it again and it's been incredibly fun removing her stuff, actually!

I think all that is a good part of why I keep randomly getting obsessed with it again, haha. It's like looking at old friends (the characters, not Kris) and being all "omg??? I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU IN FOREVER??? PLEASE TELL ME EVERYTHING YOU'VE BEEN UP TO!!!" except it's removing Kris's stuff, haha.

I think about Sun and Shadow a lot more than you might expect with how much I talk about not preferring it, haha. I love the characters! Crow and, actually, Valyarus especially. They're both super interesting characters, and I'll randomly find my brain working out scenes between characters interacting with them.

(The problem with SaS is that, as a book, it's incredibly different from my usual works. It's a small cast of Frey/Crow and technically Daleira, while most of my stories focus on larger casts. It makes for a VERY different experience, and so it's a lot harder to work on)

When someone asks the dreaded, “What do you write about,” question, what do you usually say?

Actually, I've got a ready answer for this one! Until SaS, I was dedicating my time to the Arcane Rifts and had prepared the answer:

Percy Jackson meets Lord of the Rings in a steampunk fantasy world full of ✨mysteries waiting to be uncovered✨

(I'd say the "mysteries waiting to be uncovered" part ironically/accidentally mockingly most of the time, whoops, haha. I always feel awkward advertising my works.)

It was awkward when people would get actually interested in it from there and ask more questions, haha.

To clarify: that's my tagline for the Arcane Rifts! The story has gods and demigods messing with mortals, using them as their playthings and being REALLY immature babies because they don't really face consequences for their actions like PJ. Then, it's a lot more "grounded yet fantastical" like LotR, where magic is kinda infused with reality and yet you still have issues like starving to death and whatnot.

Let’s Rotate Blorbos

Name any characters you created.  Side characters, protagonists, antagonists, characters who’ve never been written, the first original abomination you ever pulled from your ass; whomever you’d like!

UHHHH THERE'S A LOT TO LIST???

Try this for a taste! These are just the guys I've gotten colors for!

Freya, Crow, Daleira, Valyarus, Grimnir, Soren, Gene, Tazin, Mislav, Adilzhan, Ludmila, Rada, Caspar, Nikolai, Gennadi, Oska, Rieka, Liesel, Carmin, Nora, Sammy, Kieva, Caron, Varik, Elazi, Riaan, Roman, and Tiberius! (Though Tib is getting a name change sooner or later)

Who’s the most unhinged?

Unhinged in which way? There's a lot of options there, haha.

I'm going to give honorary mentions to Valyarus, Gene in the later books, Tazin, Rieka, Gennadi, and Tiberius ! (Why does it not surprise me that most unhinged characters are from tAR? 🤣 Also I swear it's a coincidence most of the unhinged characters are red.)

(... Probably.)

In general, I'd say that, incredibly ironically, the Existence of Order is the most unhinged of all my characters. She's just incredible at hiding it.

(Tbf half of the Existentials probably belong on the "unhinged" list anyway but eh. They still don't compare to Order!)

Who comes the most naturally for you to write?

I'm going to give this as a tie between Gene and Sammy!

Gene has my 'tisms and just about all of my trauma, so we have a lot in common, whoops, haha. Also there's a... very specific detail about his character that makes him easier to write in general. It's just a major spoiler. 👀

Similarly and actually identically to Gene in some ways, while Sammy has a lot in common with me, he's also incredibly perceptive! (Although we don't share that fact.)

Due to the way I write, their analytical natures allow for them to spit straight facts about the worldbuilding and the people around them rather than beating around the bush, haha. Both are highly investigative, try to learn and understand everything around them, and notice small details other characters wouldn't! It makes it much easier for me to write, because uh... well here's an example of what my outlines look like.

Long story short: I include a lot of detail which I then transfer into the POV's character narration, cutting out details which they wouldn't notice or think about, haha. In Sammy's case (which that scene has Sammy as the narrator/POV character), very little information gets cut out because he's so perceptive!

(Here, as a treat--have another example!)

(In this scene, Nikolai is the narrator. Even the outline gets "filtered" to mirror the characters' way of thinking--like it's Nikolai himself seeing Caspar as "doll-like". The crossed-out stuff is details I most likely won't mention, but noted for myself, haha. I do the same thing if/when including details about the motives and thoughts of non-narrator characters.)

Do you ever cringe at them?

Gene and Sammy?

A B S O L U T E L Y .

Gene is a wreck in basically every way and desperately needs help (that he won't get until he meets Dimitry). As much as I love him, there's a lot of moments where you just can't help but wince and be all "shit, did you REALLY have to do/say that?"

Sammy on the other hand? He's a terrified, control freak manipulator who panics the moment he feels like he's losing control of a situation. It can be painful to watch, even if simultaneously fascinating.

How much control do you feel you have over your characters?  AKA, do they ever “write themselves,” refuse to cooperate, or do things you didn’t expect? To what degree? Are some less cooperative than others?

I explicitly go out of my way to add backstory to and develop each and every one of my characters until they "write themselves", haha.

I want my characters to feel like real people, so I do my absolute best to make them as real as possible. (That's part of why tAR is so massive...)

Special shoutout to Dimitry here, btw. Dude COMPLETELY screwed over the planned and intended from the earliest days path of the Arcane Rifts. I've mentioned before that Gene is villain-coded, yeah? Want to know why?

Because he was MEANT to be one! Then Dimitry had to come along, be the sweetest, nicest fucking person around to Gene while he was going through the worst part of his life, and keep Gene from slipping off the deep end!

MITRY, YOU PIECE OF--

Do you enjoy people asking questions about your characters? And do you have a preferred means of receiving said questions? For example, as Asks, as replies, as reblogs, as tag notes, as comments on AO3, etc.

I absolutely love, love, love!!! people asking questions about my characters!!! 🥰

I would absolutely prefer them as Asks sent to me, and especially would prefer if separate subjects/questions were sent in separate Asks! Like, say you were going to ask me about Gene and Dimitry. I'd rather two separate Asks, one asking for whatever you wanted to know about Gene and another for whatever you wanted to know about Dimitry, haha. However, if you wanted to ask a single question about both, that obviously is fine as a single Ask!

On writeblr engagement

What makes you want to follow another Writeblr account? Do you follow ‘em as you see ‘em, or take time scoping out the blog to make sure you align with its content? Do you follow based on WIPs, or vibes?

I definitely scope out before I follow, yes.

I choose based primarily on the personality of the person behind the blog, but the WIPs/vibes can also have an influence on my decision, haha. I'd rather follow people with kind/supportive personalities, and I'll eventually start liking their stories even if they're not initially my thing!

What makes you decide against following?

Bigotry. Moment I see it, I'm on the lookout for even the slightest hint of more and, if I see it, I'm OUT!

(That includes things like: homophobia, transphobia, TERFs, ableism, racism, xenophobia, etc.)

Also, while I include angst in my stories, the people who are big on "I have nothing but bad stuff in my writing and I'm proud" are, uh... not on my "follow" list. While they can write what they want and enjoy it, grimdark is not my thing. Angst is best in moderation and I very purposely control the amount of it in my life.

(Also Kris's--my ex writing partner's--obsession with "grimdark-ness" is a good part of why I'm so ecstatic to remove her stuff from my writing. Yes, I've tried it. For years. I hated it. Please and thank you. Also note that I proudly call myself an evil writer, so it's not like I don't love angst, it's just--moderation. Seriously.)

Do you interact with non-mutuals often?

Yes! I think a good 50-30% of my interactions are with non-moots, haha. I go out of my way to try to support my moots, but I'll definitely share support with anything that catches my attention, no matter who it's from!

To be fair, though, I think a majority of non-moots I interact with are on my mental "probably going to follow soon" list. I can be slow to make decisions, haha. It doesn't help that I try being active with my moots, so I'm trying to avoid growing that list too quickly!

Do your mutuals’ characters occupy space in your noodle?

Haha, depends what you mean by that? My brain is definitely too full of my own characters to have any space for anyone else's, but I definitely do think of others' characters at times! There's plenty of y'alls characters I really like, haha.

Just... omg, my hyperfixated AuDHD brain refuses to focus on anything except for the Hyperfixation of the Moment™.

This was a huge one! Hopefully I'm not screaming into the void with this one, or you guys enjoy finding out more about me and my WIPs.

If you're curious about the reason this is labeled Writer Questionnaire 2... well guess what!

Tagging (gently! This is a lot, haha): @honeybewrites @yourpenpaldee @paeliae-occasionally @mysticstarlightduck @illarian-rambling @.darkandstormydolls (tagged you earlier in the post haha) + open tags!

Divider from @cafekitsune!

[hoonichi]

rule nr. 4 | enhypen jay

pairing: fwb!jay x fem!reader

genre: smut, angst

words: 3.6k

warnings: mdni, friends with benefits, explicit smut, heeseung is mentioned, blowjob, eating out, fingering, unprotected sex (wrap it b4 u tap it lads), riding, a few time skips, lmk if i missed anything else !

summary: once you get into a complicated relationship with jay, you decide on becoming friends with benefits instead. and with such a predicament, comes a list of rules. rules which you both decide on, that don’t seem too hard to break yet for a night of envy and lust, rule number four is exactly what ends it all.

a/n: i might write a part two for this if people are interested? also ik ive been kind of dead,, but i just have so many stupid shit to do at uni that it makes me want to jump out the window lol, but for now! here! a spicy jay one shot bc I’m in the mood

likes, comments & reblogs are always really appreciated !! <3

“okay, so three rules?” you glance up at jay who’s sitting in front of you, flipping through his economy book. maybe it’s not the best thing to do this in the university’s library but you can’t find the perfect timing to talk about your questionable sex life anytime soon.

you look down at your notebook, where three rules you’ve just decided upon are written in a blank ink. rule number one - sleeping with other people is allowed. rule number two - only call each other when you want to hook up. rule number three - no lovey dovey shit. you still chuckle at how jay decided to phrase the last one.

jay lightly taps his pen against the side of his head, he looks deep in thought, “i have one more,” he finally says and your eyes meet.

“rule number four - no kissing. if we kiss, it’s over”

—

your head rests against the cold glass of the bus window. you mindlessly gaze out of the window, eyes tracking the quickly passing environment as you immerse yourself into your own world which is accompanied by the rhythm coming from your earphones. you look down when a buzz alerts your hands, a notification coming from your phone.

there’s a message from a group chat with the name of ‘y/n & friends’ that is the first thing you see on the screen. the name of the group chat was born purely out of sarcastic jokes and it still makes you laugh every time you see it.

party at my house in a few hours, don’t miss out! - heeseung says. you unlock your phone and type in a quick reply that you will be there. you had no plans for today anyways. well apart from contacting jay, but this was even better. if heeseung was the host, your fuck buddy will also definitely be there.

you grab your belongings and step out from your seat. the timing of heeseung’s invitation was great. he lives a few streets away from your house and since the bus was already heading towards that direction, you figured you would just go there right now. nothing would hurt for you to hang out with heeseung just before his party started.

heeseung stands shirtless in the door way with a toothbrush hanging from the side of his mouth and wet hair, indicating that he must have just left the shower, “early as always,” he mutters and turns around, leaving the door open for you to go inside. he doesn’t question your sudden appearance at his house. he never does.

you take off your shoes and plop down on the couch first thing. you spark a light conversation with heeseung, which is just both of you screaming answers from different sides of the house.

when heeseung is all dressed up, he joins you in the living room, “starter?” he asks, tilting a can of beer in his hand towards your direction. you nod and take it with a smile, “people should be piling in in about an hour, wanna watch something?”

“sure,” you nod and heeseung turns on the tv. he settles on some random movie and you sit in silence, occasionally pointing out the weird plot and making jokes about it.

you’re already done with your drink when the doorbell rings and heeseung turns off the tv and puts on a speaker instead. loud music erupts in the room and that’s when you know peace was never an option (lmao). just as heeseung said, random people, yet most of whom you have seen at university, are entering the house and in no time you’re surrounded by countless of bodies. what once was just you sitting alone in the living room, is now filled with people. it doesn’t even help that heeseung’s house is massive too.

once heeseung opens up the door to his kitchen, it doesn’t take long for everyone to get drunk. you went there too and were up mostly surprised by how many different kinds of liquor heeseung has bought. but then again, it’s heeseung, the biggest party animal you’ve ever met.

few hours into the party and you have seen jay, your main target, just once before he got lost into the crowd. the second time you see him, he’s got some girl on his lap, quite literally sucking each other’s faces off. it makes you feel weird but you have to remind yourself of the rules because they’re there for a reason, right?

choosing to ignore the evident envy flowing in your system, you go and hatch yourself another drink. even so you’re certain you will end up with jay by the end of the night anyways.

your certainty never fails you. once you and jay lock eyes from across the room, you are abruptly pulled into one of heeseung’s awfully small bathrooms with only a sink and a toilet.

jay doesn’t even have to say anything before you’re pushing him down to sit on the lid and fall down on your knees in need, hands immediately going to fumble with the zipper of his jeans.

“fuck, i missed your pretty little mouth,” jay seethes through his teeth, head falling to gaze down at your frame. the way you kneel down before him, makes you look small and cute, more reasons that make jay want to ruin you faster.

your hands work quickly on releasing his already semi hard cock and you bask in satisfaction from making him this hard without even doing much apart from some hurried groping on the way to the bathroom, “don’t make me wait too long, baby,” jay sighs, hand resting on your head, brushing away the hair that falls down on your face.

as if i’d make you wait, you think before leaning in to lick a strand of wetness from the base of his cock right to the very tip. jay sucks in a harsh breath, gaze burning holes in your body. you slowly wrap your lips around his tip, instinctively wrapping your hand around the base since you already know you won’t be able to reach that deep with your mouth. that’s, of course, if jay doesn’t decide on fucking your mouth, which happens.. quite frequently if you had to say so.

you let yourself go deeper until his dick hits the back of your throat, making you gag. you eagerly bop your head to what you can take, your hand working on what you can’t in return. deep groans coming from jay encourage you to fasten your pace and you almost choke on a mix of your own saliva and jay’s pre-cum.

jay puts in the work too, his fingers harshly tug on your hair from time to time, guiding his cock against the warm and slippery walls of your mouth. you hollow your cheeks around his cock, slurping it like a lollipop which makes jay throws his head back in pleasure. the position you’re in and jay’s low moans are already making you pool your panties. you’re so wet and it’s so uncomfortable not having any friction against your pussy. nevertheless you focus all of your attention on getting jay off especially when his hips buck rather harshly and you know he’s close. you can’t wait to gulp down everything that jay gives you.

that’s exactly when jay becomes aggressive, he grabs a fistful of your hair, pushing you down until his cock fully disappears in your wet cavern. tears appear in your eyes but you let jay do what he wants. you always do.

jay continues to fuck your mouth with no mercy, hitting the back of your throat with each thrust until he reaches his climax. you can feel spurts of cum paint the back of your throat and you have to gulp everything in the midst of still having his cock in your mouth, in fear of choking too hard. this sends jay into ecstasy and he rolls his hips, letting you milk out every last drop.

“fuck,” he swears, breath hasty and out of tune. you back away after some time, jay’s cock slipping out with ease, “open your mouth” he demands, wrapping a hand around his cock. you open your mouth obediently, loving the way jay uses you for his own pleasure. you roll out your tongue for jay to give himself a few more pumps and release a few more drops of cum on your tongue. you savor the taste but not for long before you place your hands on his knees for support to lift yourself up from the ground. just when you’re about to let jay taste you himself, the door of the bathroom is shoved to the side, hitting the wall with a loud bump. a very drunk heeseung appears in your sight.

“no fucking way y’all fucked in my bathroom,” he slurs, watching you quickly pull down your skirt and climb off jay, whereas jay goes to zip up his jeans.

“we didn’t.. yet,” jay shrugs but then smirks at you. you’re red to the face, reality setting in when heeseung still doesn’t leave.

“get the fuck out, i need to piss,” heeseung shuffles his way into the bathroom, pushing both of you out and slamming the door with the same loud bang as before.

that’s when you’re reminded by the uncomfortable feeling in between your thighs, some of your wetness running down the sides of your legs. it’s horrible.

but for obvious reasons, you refuse to fuck jay in heeseung’s house.

“jay m-my house,” you grab the side of his jacket and pull him closer to whisper in his ear, “let’s go to my house.. please” your voice is laced with neediness. you’ve never felt so horny in your life and jay can tell when he’s pulling you out of heeseung’s property and into the darkness of the streets, only to realize he actually doesn’t know the way. so you take initiative by pulling him across various alleyways and short-cuts towards your apartment. however, jay just has to push you against the cold wall of one the alleyways to buck his hips into yours instead.

“can you feel how hard you got me again?,” he would whisper in your ear, the outline of his cock rubbing against the side of your naked thigh which got you whining and writhing against his hold, “you’re so hot y/n, i would fuck you here but it’s probably unsanitary,” he laughs before you’re pushing him off yourself and continue to drag this horny motherfucker towards your house. you’re almost there.

it’s short lived though because jay can’t seem to keep his hands away from you. this time he slips his hand under your skirt, palming your ass and brushing his fingers against your heat. you would fuck him right here on the streets but just like jay said, it’s not safe. like at all.

“jay,” with a frown you have to slap his hands away and struggle free, quickening your pace in hopes of jay falling behind. he doesn’t, jay catches up to you just as fast, hands attaching to your body like glue once again. this time you let him, already walking towards the front porch of your house.

you struggle with the keys, especially when jay stands right behind you, his very obviously painful bulge straining right in between your ass cheeks. you move your hips against him just to stir him up even more, revenging him for what he did to you on your way here. jay groans, pushing you against the door while you reach to unlock it.

as soon as the door opens, jay is quick to push you inside. unlike not knowing the directions from heeseung’s place to yours, jay knows the inside of your house like the back of his hand. even while being remotely tipsy he drags you upstairs and into your bedroom before you’re being thrown down on your bed.

jay crawls on top of you, disregarding his jacket on his way. it gets thrown somewhere on the floor. his mouth latches down on your neck, teeth bruising up your skin, leaving numerous of hickeys which will only become memory fragments of this night once jay is done with you. you moan out, fingers interlocking with the soft strands of his hair, pulling and tugging when jay’s teeth come across quite ticklish parts of your neck.

“jay, please,” you whimper once jay moves down your chest, fingers hooking under your shirt and pulling the fragment over your head. your bra shortly comes off too.

you’re annoyed by how slow he’s going through this after almost taking you in the streets. your chest heaves with rushed breaths, still not over by how fast you have gotten home nor by how needy you feel either, “i know you want me just as much as i want you right now so-“

jay hums into your chest but doesn’t look like he’s taking your words into consideration when he harshly bites down on one of your breasts. with a squeal you immediately shut up, drawing your lower lip in between your teeth, harshly biting down.

“fuck you jay,” you manage out, a frown evident on your face.

he chuckles, “soon.”

jay abandons your chest just like that, his mouth now leaving wet traces down your tummy, “i will fuck you so good.. so good that you will scream my name,” he mouths against your skin, the vibrations sending shivers down your spine.

you lift your hips up, helping jay with removing your skirt. he slips it off with ease. you whine again. you want him. no, you need him.

“please jay.. please please,” you beg for the man to do something.

the man has the nerve to chuckle, “patience, baby. i will make you feel so good,” jay moves down your body slowly, hands grazing down the sides of your hips until he stops in front of your heat. he’s so close you can almost feel his breath on your panties which makes you shiver in anticipation.

another kind of shivers run down your spine when jay suddenly is pushing your panties to the side, your hot cunt now meeting with a cold whiff of air. and another one when jay dives down, without giving you any alerts, hot tongue of his meeting with your wetness. he licks at your lower lips and softly bites down on your clit, all while maintaining eye contact. you squirm and gasp. your hands find their way into his hair, rather harshly tugging at his soft strands of hair. a sign of how much you yearn for him.

jay proceeds to fuck you with his tongue until he’s replacing it with his fingers. one. two. now the letter being replaced with three and you’re choking on your own spit.

“you’re so wet, y/n. my fingers go in with ease,” jay mumbles, mouth still busy working on your clit. it’s bruising and it hurts but the pleasure of his fingers pumping in and out of you is overruling the pain, “fuck, i can’t take it anymore,” jay announces and just as soon he’s pulling away. both his mouth and fingers now leaving an empty feeling.

jay pulls his body away from you, quickly fumbling with his jeans but not before taking out a condom from the back pocket. you lick your lips as jay pulls down his underwear, his cock springing out, hard and sturdy, and slapping against his stomach.

in the midst of a cloudy mind, a stupid thought is born. there’s no man in the whole world you would spread your legs so quickly for if it wasn’t jay.

unlike him.

that one thought does something to you, jealousy overtakes and hits you like a truck. a slap of reality that jay isn’t yours to begin with. you bite down on your bottom lip and while jay is focused on putting on the condom, you catch him by surprise.

reaching for his shoulders, you push him down on the bed, flipping both of you. the man hits his back on the bed frame rather harshly, the condom flying off somewhere in the room. jay’s eyes grow wide as you straddle him, hands automatically grabbing at your hips.

“wha-“ jay starts but you’re already sinking down on him, “y/n- the condom-“ he stops you before you can go down fully. you roll your eyes.

“i am on birth control, don’t worry,” you quickly say, swaying jay’s hands away and finishing off the act. you sigh in content, finally feeling full, stuffed raw and it’s something you’ve never experienced before. jay is still taken aback by your sudden change of positions but he loves it either way. as long as he can have you, it doesn’t matter.

you move up slowly before flopping back down. jay sucks in a harsh breath, head dipping down in the crook of your neck. his lips lightly graze over your naked skin before he’s sinking his teeth into your flesh, marking as if you were his. it keeps you going and that same stupid feeling is coming back. if only you were his. heart begins to ache but you brush it away by moving your hips faster, harder, until you’re both out of breath.

“that girl you kissed,” you say, placing your hands on jay’s chest and pushing him away from your neck, “at the party..,” jay stares at you, the new expression on his face giving you doubts, “…i am better than her, right?” you grit through your teeth, “i can make you feel way better, right jay?”

you ask but you don’t expect an answer and you tear up. you’re not sure if it’s from the pleasure you’re feeling or something else and you would rather not overanalyze it anymore. jay sinks his nails into your ass as he thrusts his hips into you harshly.

“say it jay- say i am b-better,” you cry out when jay thrusts in deeper. his eyes are fixated on yours but he has that unfazed look on his face and you wish to brush it away. his cock hits the deepest parts of your insides and you moan out loud when he hits the spot. now it gets repetitious, jay repeatedly thrusting into that one spot which gets your eyes rolling to the back of your head.

the silence from jay, apart from his deep grunts and groans, begins to suffocate you. you need him in a way you’ve never needed anything, anyone before.

before you know it, you are kissing jay. there’s evident hesitance before jay is pulling you closer by wrapping his hand around your waist. his lips are soft and plump against your own, just like you’ve spent countless of nights imagining what it would be like to kiss him. the kiss is short lived though as you’re pulling away, out of breath and in ecstasy.

“jay i’ll.. i will-“ you struggle with your words when the familiar feeling begins to build up in the pit of your stomach. jay seems to understand. nevertheless, he’s had you in this position so many times already.

jay hums, gripping your waist and pulling you off of him, only for his dick to slip out before he’s slamming his hips back into you again, “cum. cum for me,” he says, burying his head back into your neck. you can feel he’s close too by how his dick keeps ramming into you.

his words or rather him allowing you to do so, send you over the edge. you scream out his name, throwing your head back, body shaking non stop, pussy clenching so hard that jay cums soon after you and you get startled by the new feeling of his cum spilling inside you. you’ve forgotten he’s been fucking you raw.

both of you sit in silence, rushed breaths gradually getting calmer. when jay pulls out, you can feel his cum dripping out of you and down the sides of your legs. holy shit.

jay doesn’t leave immediately but the atmosphere is different. as always, he gives you proper after care, cleaning you up with a warm towel and you’re glad that you won’t have to wake up with his cum all dried up on your skin.

jay lays you down on the bed and tucks you in. you can barely hold your eyes open as you look at him. there’s something in his gaze that you can’t exactly put your finger on what he’s thinking. for some reason you know something’s wrong. nevertheless, he lays down beside you, caressing your hair and soothing you to sleep.

in the midst of the night, jay places a soft kiss on your forehead and leaves.

—

you don’t hear from jay the next day nor a week after he left your house. and as much as you tried to believe that he was busy, it was constantly eating at you that it must have been because you kissed him.

you didn’t mean to. you were so in the moment, you lost yourself. but now you kind of understand why jay was so adamant about this fourth rule. it changed things.

on a thursday night, two weeks after hooking up with jay, you are cuddled up on your bed, a blanket thrown on your head, completely submerging you whole into the soft material, when your phone dings. your heart jumps when you see jay’s name light up the screen but it drops just as fast as it got excited once you read the following words,

“you broke the fourth rule. it’s over”

[griseldabanks]

Maybelle and the Beast

My contribution to the @inklings-challenge Four Loves Fairy Tale Challenge. This was my back-up idea for last year, so I was excited to have an excuse to finally write it out! Beauty and the Beast is my favorite fairy tale, and I have a feeling I may revisit this particular version again in the future, because I could definitely turn this into a novel ;) I'll admit to taking a lot of inspiration from Robin McKinley's retellings of this fairy tale.

Maybelle stared at the tall, imposing mahogany door. She felt just as reluctant to open it as if it had been the barred portal to a dungeon—like the cold stone chamber she'd explored early on in her stay here, which she expected had been a dungeon once but was now a wine cellar.

More to stall for time than anything else, Maybelle brushed off her rust red skirt and straightened her collar. It was a nervous habit, but in a way it also served to remind her of why she was here, because of who had given her these clothes. Days, weeks, months in this huge, empty mansion, alone except for one companion. The companion who had slammed this very door not half an hour ago.

Taking a deep breath, Maybelle knocked firmly on the door.

“Go 'way,” a muffled voice growled out to her.

Letting out her breath again in an impatient huff, Maybelle crossed her arms. “Are you still sulking, Agnes?”

“I am not sulking,” the voice insisted sulkily.

“Right. You're lying in bed at three in the afternoon, glaring a hole in the ceiling, for your health.”

After a heavy silence, a loud click told her the key had turned in the hole. Taking that as an invitation, Maybelle opened the door and stepped inside.

The heavy drapes had been pulled closed, leaving the bedroom in a stuffy half-light. The only illumination came from the embers of the fire dying in the fireplace. She could barely even make out the silhouette of a large bulk lying in the huge four-poster. It was like stepping into a sickroom.

Rolling her eyes at the drama of it all, Maybelle closed the door with a snap and made a beeline for the window closest to the fireplace. She pulled the curtains aside, letting a band of lazy afternoon sunlight stretch across the carpet, revealing the twisting patterns of vines and roses. After a moment's consideration, Maybelle decided not to open the curtains of the other window nearest the bed. Best not to annoy Agnes any further with a sunbeam in her eyes. She would probably just wave her hand and make the curtains close, then stick together so Maybelle couldn't open them again. Instead, Maybelle contented herself with throwing the window open and letting in the delicious scents of flowers and the buzzing of bees from the gardens.

“There,” she said, drawing in a deep breath of the fresh smell of spring. “Much better.”

With a grunt, the huge lump on the bed rolled over.

Maybelle walked up to the foot of the bed and stood there with her hands on her hips, just waiting. How strange, to remember how frightened she had been the first time she'd ventured into this room. Or how her knees had nearly given out the first time she'd dared to meet the gaze of the terrible Beast who was to be her captor.

It had been months since she'd ceased to be the Beast, and became instead...simply Agnes.

“Well?” Maybelle said, when it became clear Agnes wasn't about to break the silence. “Aren't we going to at least talk about this?”

The long tail lying on top of the blue bedspread flicked irritably, like a huge cat's. “What's to talk about?” Agnes retorted, her voice grumbling like a motorcar in her massive chest. “Clearly, you don't care what happens to me, as long as you get to go have fun without me.”

Closing her eyes for a moment, Maybelle sent up a silent prayer for patience. “Well, for starters,” she said, her voice coming out more sharply than she'd intended, “you called me an awful lot of horrid names, and I thought perhaps you might want to apologize.”

A long, pregnant pause. Finally, with a long-suffering groan from the bed, Agnes rolled over onto her back, her arms tucked up against her chest almost like a dog waiting for a belly rub. The long, black skirt did little to hide her bowed legs ending in sharp claws, and from this angle, her long saber teeth and curled goat-like horns were no longer hidden in her mountain of pillows.

Agnes sighed in resignation. “Sorry for calling you a selfish, bird-brained floozy.”

Maybelle nodded. “Apology accepted. And...I'm sorry too. For calling you a heartless, hairy pig.”

Their eyes met across the room. Agnes let out a snort, followed by a loud guffaw, and suddenly Maybelle found herself laughing as well. The tight coil of anger and bitterness loosened in her chest as she tipped her head back and let her higher-pitched laughter harmonize with Agnes' deep, hefty chuckles.

Still giggling, Maybelle crossed over and flopped onto the huge bed beside Agnes. She felt so tiny in this bed, like a doll. And yet, even though she was sure Agnes could snap her like a twig if she so desired, Maybelle didn't feel a shred of fear to lie a mere foot away from her.

For a couple minutes, they merely lay there, staring up into the canopy over the four-poster. Maybelle had just realized the stars embroidered there formed constellations and was looking for Orion when Agnes broke the silence.

“You were right, you know.” Her voice was a low, sad rumble like a locomotive rushing past in the night. “I am a pig.”

“Oh, no!” Maybelle raised herself on one elbow, looking over in alarm. “Please, forget those awful things I said. It was very wrong of me to call you that.”

Agnes turned her head aside, but Maybelle thought she caught the sight of a tear glistening in one eye. “You were only speaking the truth. Like you always do. I am heartless. Because I care more about not being alone than I do about you getting a chance to see your family. Even when all you ask is to go to your sister's wedding...I'm too selfish to let you go.”

Slowly, Maybelle lowered herself to her pillow again. She wasn't quite sure what to say, so she spoke slowly, picking her words carefully. “I wasn't thinking of you either. I'm sorry, Agnes. I know...I mean, I can imagine how lonely it must get here, in this huge mansion all alone. But it would only be for the weekend. Just enough to meet Edward and see Adeline off. I'd be back before you could miss me too much.”

“You...would come back?”

Agnes' voice sounded so hesitant and tremulous, Maybelle looked over in surprise, but she couldn't make out her friend's expression past the horn and the unruly mane of hair. “Of course I'll come back. That's part of the deal.”

The silence seemed to congeal between them. Neither of them had mentioned the deal Agnes and Maybelle's father had worked out, not since...Maybelle couldn't even remember. During the past several months, it had become easy to forget how all of this began. When Maybelle had first arrived at the mansion, she'd shut thoughts of home out of her mind as much as possible, to make her dreadful fate a little more bearable. If she weren't constantly thinking of the little cottage or trying to imagine what her father and sisters were up to, perhaps she could carve a small measure of contentment out of her exile. It was a small price to pay for her father's life, after all.

But it had been months since Maybelle had seriously believed that Agnes would have eaten her father. Not after she'd seen the delicate way Agnes handled the gardening tools when she tended to her enchanted rose bushes. Not after the way she'd cradled that finch's body in her enormous hands, huge tears rolling down her hairy face as she muttered spell after spell that fizzled out, unable to bring the tiny animal back to life.

Not after scores upon scores of cozy evenings by the fire, laughing together as Maybelle tried to teach Agnes how to knit with two iron pokers, or taking turns reading from one of the books in the huge library.

For the first time, Maybelle tried to imagine what life must have been like for Agnes in all the years before her father had shown up on the doorstep. Sitting alone in front of a guttering fire. Pacing the dark, dusty hallways, with nothing to hear but the echoes of her own footsteps. Wandering the grounds, able to turn the seasons at a word and the weather at a glance, but with nothing but the birds and bees to listen to her words. A library that magically seemed to provide exactly the book she wanted to read, but all the stories of friendship and adventure only serving to mock her solitude.

“I promise I'll come back,” Maybelle said firmly. “Deal or no deal. I won't leave you alone forever.”

A strange, strangled sound escaped Agnes, quickly disguised in a clearing of her throat. “Well,” she said gruffly, “good. But if you don't come back in three days, I'll die.”

Maybelle rolled her eyes. Always so dramatic.

-----

It was raining when Maybelle returned to the mansion. Since it was midsummer out in the rest of the world, she hadn't thought to pack a coat, so she just ducked her head and hurried up the gravel walk to the great front doors. This wasn't a summer rain, either; the chilly breeze cut right through the thin sleeves of the flower-patterned dress Violette had made for her.

The front doors seemed heavier than usual. Normally, they swung open at the first touch of her hand, but this time Maybelle had to throw her shoulder against one to open it. Perhaps Agnes had left a window open somewhere and there was a draft. Though that seemed strange; surely Agnes would have either closed the window or shifted the weather instead of letting all this cold rain blow in.

Maybelle turned back to glance out the door. It looked like Agnes had fully committed to a dreary late November today. The bare branches of the trees clacked together while the wind howled through them, cold raindrops splashing in puddles that turned the walkways to mud. It made her wonder if the rain had kept up the whole time she'd been away.

Shivering, Maybelle heaved the front door closed again, picked up her bag, and started towards the stairs. “Agnes!” she called, her voice echoing around the huge entryway. “I'm home!”

She was halfway up the stairs, struggling with her free hand to unpin her hair and wring out some of the water, when she realized the lamps were dark. Her feet slowed to a stop in the lush carpeting, and she frowned up at the huge chandelier that hung over the open space. Every time she'd set foot in this hall—or anywhere else in the house, for that matter—candles lit themselves and lamps burst to life. At first, she'd found it frightening, especially when she would walk down a long, straight corridor with the candles flaring up in front of her and winking out behind her, leaving her in a bubble of illumination.

But after all these months, she'd grown used to such things. Doors opening at a touch, lamps lighting on their own, plates of food and cups of tea appearing on tables right when she wanted them, a bath drawn and waiting for her without even the hint of a servant in sight. It was all part of the magic of this place. Agnes' magic.

In the cold darkness and silence, Maybelle suddenly remembered what Agnes had said before her trip. If you don't come back in three days, I'll die.

A chill ran down her spine that had nothing to do with her soaked dress. Surely Agnes had just been exaggerating, the way she so often did. Like that time she'd said she felt like she'd been alone in this mansion for a hundred years. Or when she said she lived under a curse.

But still...where was she? After all the fuss she'd made when Maybelle had first asked to leave, why wasn't she waiting for her? Was she sulking in her room again?

“Agnes!” Maybelle called again, slowly climbing the rest of the stairs. “I'm back! Where are you?”

Nothing but silence to welcome her.

Her footsteps slowed as she reached the top of the stairs and turned to the right, heading for her room. The corridor was wide enough that there wasn't much danger of bumping into things, but it was all so eerie without candles lighting her way. She paused at the corner, where a tall window offered a bit of cold illumination.

Shivering, Maybelle looked out at the darkening grounds, still lashed by the driving rain. The rosebushes looked like they were taking a beating, magic or no magic. Even as she watched, the wind stripped leaves off the branches, and most of the brightly-colored petals were already gone. What on earth was Agnes thinking? Even in her most fickle moods, she would usually relent if she realized it would endanger her precious roses....

Maybelle frowned. What was that dark lump in the middle of the path? She hadn't noticed it as she rushed up the front drive, but from this higher vantage point, she could see it clearly. Was it a tarp caught under a wheelbarrow, knocked onto its side in all this wind?

No. Those weren't the handles of a wheelbarrow. They were horns. Two horns, curled like a goat's, rising from a big hairy head lying in the mud....

Dropping everything, Maybelle grabbed her dripping skirts and raced back down the corridor. She hopped up onto the banister as she'd done so many times before and slid expertly to the bottom. Laughing as Agnes tried to imitate her and toppled over the side in a heap.

She ran to the front door and heaved it open, letting go as the howling wind gusted in and slammed it back against the wall. “Last one inside's a rotten egg!”

The rain almost seemed to be falling horizontally, the wind was so strong. Holding up an arm to shield her face, Maybelle splashed along the muddy path as fast as she could. Walking along the path, crunching through the snow, leaving behind a neat row of shoe prints and paw prints side-by-side.

“Agnes!” Maybelle screamed, the wind stealing her voice, as she turned down an aisle between the rosebushes. “You were wrong when you said there was nothing beautiful about you, Agnes. Just look at your roses!”

There she lay, like a mound of dirt, one arm flung around a rosebush as if to protect it, the other curled tight against her chest. She wasn't moving.

“Agnes?” Maybelle dropped to her knees in a puddle by Agnes' side. Throwing her weight against Agnes' huge shoulder, she managed to roll her onto her back. But how would she ever drag her up into the house?

A weak groan escaped Agnes' lips, and her eyelids fluttered, then slid open. “May...belle?”

Hot tears stung Maybelle's eyes. “Thank goodness!” she cried, grasping Agnes' hand in both of hers. “I thought you were....”

Agnes slowly opened her hand, and Maybelle saw that it was cupped around a small, bedraggled red rose. Most of the petals were gone, and those that remained looked wilted.

“Last one,” Agnes grunted. “Not much...time now.”

“It's all right,” Maybelle said, trying to give her an encouraging smile. “We can replant. Once you're feeling a little stronger, maybe you can turn the weather back to spring and—“

“No.” A shudder ran through Agnes' whole body, and her face twisted in a horrible grimace of pain. “No starting over. No...No use.”

“What are you talking about?” Maybelle patted her friend's hand. “Of course we can start over. We can always start over.”

“But...we sh-shouldn't.” Agnes' voice grew fainter by the minute, and Maybelle had to lean closer to hear. “Just...go back home...Maybelle.”

Icy fingers of dread closed around Maybelle's heart. “What? No! I made a promise, remember? I'm to stay here in my father's place—“

“I release you.” Her big amber eyes rolled to meet Maybelle's, bloodshot and exhausted, but crystal clear. “It was...wrong. I...was wrong. To make you stay...against your will. So...I...re...lease...you....”

With that final whisper, her eyes slid closed, and her head lolled back onto the ground. A shiver, like a tiny electric pulse, ran through Maybelle's whole body, and she knew that some sort of spell had just ended.

“No, Agnes!” Frantically, Maybelle chafed Agnes' hands, patted her cheeks, loosened her collar. “Agnes, you don't understand! I'm not here against my will! We're friends, Agnes! I want to be here!”

The huge beast didn't move. This wasn't like the times Agnes sulked and refused to talk to Maybelle. She couldn't even tell if Agnes was breathing anymore.

Desperate to do something, Maybelle tried to heave Agnes into her arms, but the most she could manage was to cradle Agnes' head in her lap. Tears mingled with rainwater on her furry cheeks.

What if she were dead already? What would Maybelle do then? Go back to her family? But there would be no more strolling through the gardens in the evening, no more reading by firelight, no more long conversations or teaching each other games or trying to braid each other's hair or teaching Agnes how to dance or listening to her wonderful singing voice or laughing at each other's silly jokes or....

“Don't be stupid, Agnes!” Maybelle sobbed. “You're my best friend. The best friend I've ever had. No one knows me like you do. No one cares like you do. If I knew this would happen to you, I never would have gone away.”

Maybelle rested her cheek against Agnes' forehead, in between the horns, and rocked back and forth, holding her best friend close. “I'm sorry, Agnes...I'm sorry.... I never wanted to lose you. I just...I just wanted to keep being your friend. Always. Forever.” A painful sob ripped out of her chest as her best friend's body lay cold and still in her arms. “I love you, Agnes.”

Faintly, Maybelle was aware that the wind had died down, and raindrops no longer pounded down on her head and shoulders. The realization of what that meant only made her cry harder. Her fingers tangled in Agnes' mane of hair as she mumbled over and over again, “I love you, Agnes...I love you....”

“Love you too.”

Maybelle looked up at those gruff words, then gave a great start as she realized she held a complete stranger in her arms.

The woman she held was large, with broad shoulders and a squarish jaw. She was no great beauty, especially not with disheveled brown hair straggling all over the place or her body swimming in Agnes' oversized dress, but there was something comfortable and familiar about....

Wait. “Ag...nes?”

Moving stiffly, the woman held her own hands up in front of her face and turned them around, as if she'd never seen them before. Slowly, a wondering smile crossed her face, and Maybelle noticed this woman's front teeth protruded slightly.

Not too unlike the huge fangs that had curved from Agnes' lips.

Then she raised her eyes to meet Maybelle's, and there was no doubt. Those were the amber-brown eyes of her best friend.

“Agnes!”

They threw their arms around each other, and they were crying, but they were also laughing, and Agnes was trying to tell her something about a fairy and a flower and a curse, but Maybelle was too distracted by how small Agnes was in her arms. How high Agnes' voice was.

“How?” she gulped, pulling back and holding Agnes at arms' length. “How did this happen?”

“It's all you, silly!” Agnes laughed, swiping her sleeve over Maybelle's cheeks to dry her tears. She still moved carefully, as if afraid of accidentally swiping Maybelle with nonexistent claws. “True love breaks any curse, don't you know that?”

“True love?” Maybelle sniffled.

Tears spilled out of Agnes' beautiful amber eyes and rolled down her round, rosy cheeks. “What love could be truer than this?” she said with a shaky laugh. “That you'd still want to be friends with someone as beastly as me?”

“Oh, you're not as bad as all that.”

Agnes raised her eyebrows. “Really? Even after all those nasty things I said to scare you on your first night here? Or when I threw a chair at you and screamed when you went exploring in the west wing?”

“Well....” Maybelle didn't know how to deny it without completely lying, so she hastily changed the subject. “I don't regret anything, though. I don't regret coming here. I don't regret deciding to be your friend.”

With a watery chuckle, Agnes rested their foreheads together. “I don't regret it either.”

[steel-and-fire]

🥀 romance headcanons

Tagged by: @undyingmedium Tagging: @nameaprice, @duchess-scryer, @llixulia, @belost-the-watcher, @pvremichigan, @witchcraftandburialdirt, @seekslight and whoever wants to~

name: Ferenir Neskan nickname: Fen gender: Male romantic orientation: Gynesexual preferred pet names: Honey, dear, sweetheart relationship status: single

opinion on true love: He crossed his arms in thought. "True love is complicated for me. For starters, it's one that works. But i see many people around me, couples and marriages, with relationships that 'work'...but i could never call them true love, in my eyes. If it exists, true love is a fire that is shared by two people, strong and burning but controlled by their united efforts. If either one falters, it will burn them both, but they trust each other that they will always hold. If they succeed, that would be it.

opinion on love at first sight: "I don't believe in it, no. It's attraction, which is normal, it's natural, that i have and i think a number of people do. But it isn't love, that's just silly. You're better than that, don't be skin-deep in your feeling."

how ‘romantic’ are they?: A lot, or he tries to be. Intimacy and sensuality are a big deal for Ferenir. It's not about courting or chasing, it's about showing appreciation and affection. It's not like he overthinks it, and he will do silly things, and practical things, and casual things. But if he finds the chance, he will always bring feelings forth, and show the other that their bond is more than a business agreement...It's feelings, senses. A quiet night, pretty flowers, a little poem. Hearts speak too.

ideal physical traits: The only really important one here is that they take care of themselves. Whether tall or short, atheltic, slim or soft, whether they have brown hair or red curls, they all don't mean much to Ferenir. He thinks every characteristic has its place to be beautiful, should the person bring it forth, and he lives by that. The people he has been with have been very diverse.

ideal personality traits: Here he is a little more picky instead. He likes people with drive and ambition. People who have something they live for. Whether they are open and arrogant about it, or quiet and reserved doesnt matter, as long as they have that spark in them. He likes people that are easy to laugh and talk with, that will tease him right back when he does. And he likes those that are open with their care and affection. He will give them a lot, and showing their appreciation is very appreciated.

unattractive physical traits: Only if they are heavy or light to the point of unhealthy, and they don't take care of themselves. As long as they keep general humanoid proportions, then it's more than fine.

unattractive personality traits: People too timid, or those self-centered to the point they dont see him as an equal. Overly cruel people aren't his cup of tea, and neither are apathetic people. He is a man of emotions, he needs to feel them reflected and returned.

ideal date: He has many. For Ferenir what matters is spending time with the person he likes. Whether a nice, romantic dinner, a quiet walk, studying together or readin silly books on the couch in pajamas, it's all good. He only doesn't like too loud places, as a general rule.

do they have a type?: As described, not really, he is just attracted to feminine individuals.

average relationship length: Ferenir hasn't had enough experiences to call an average. He had one that lasted about six months in his village, one that was on and of, and he had one after his exile that lasted two months or so. Since then he has had flings, but nothing to call a relationship.

preferred non-sexual intimacy: Hugs, cuddles, hand holding, leaning on each other, meaningful conversations in bed, sharing activities together

opinion of public affection: It's welcome if it's not overwhelming. Little touches, little kisses, sweet things. Nothing overt.

past relationships?: As i mentioned, he's had three. The most recent and important one was with Anika. They had a strong passion, but a lot of bad things happened to the party they were in, and Ferenir's mental health deteriorated rapidly. Foolishly thinking he was dragging her down with him, he left to stop his journies for a while till he healed, and she never forgave him. He hasn't felt emotionally ready for a commited relationship since.

[the1975attheirverybest]

The 1975: SATVB— A Review

Notes And Disclaimers: a couple of you have asked for my thoughts on the show. And, y’all know I don’t need to be asked twice, lmao. Consider this a conversation starter and feel free to agree, disagree, suggest alternative ideas, etc.

I’ll be returning to this and adding/evolving as the show grows and changes over time. Let’s geek out over this beautiful show and this beautiful band.

This review shall discuss opening night but will make references to additions/ alternations from subsequent nights when necessary.

———

Since SATVB has kicked off a couple of weeks ago, I’ve seen conversations about this show being a sequel to “At Their Very Best,” (2022). On the 1975 subreddit, a fan made a post about how SATVB is too much like ATVB. I think this issue is a good starting point for thinking about what SATVB is and how it works.

Instead of a sequel, I would like to offer a different word: palimpsest.

In other words, I think that SATVB is a self-conscious reimagining of ATVB, that is constantly thinking about its own former version, responding to itself, to the audience, and refining the points intended by the original show. You can still see a lot of the original show in this new version. But it’s also significantly different in, small, but important, ways.

The way that I propose we think about this is through an examination of the similarities and differences.

What’s new?

1. The first half: on opening night, Matty meta-theatrically references the older show by noting “during the first part of ATVB I wouldn’t address the audience at all, but this is a new show. So, I suppose I can.” The audience cheers before he has a change of heart - and starts singing a change of heart. This self-reference is by no means new to the world of the 1975, but it establishes the shows relationship to its predecessor. Matty calls our attention to the fact that SATVB is a mutation of last year’s show, even flirting with the potential of replicating or deviating from the expected path, only to shut it down.

2. The setlist: in typical 1975 fashion, the setlist starts off similar to what we came to expect from ATVB, but it quickly morphs from BFIAFL songs to other great hits. For example, Robbers is performed extremely early into the show. On opening night, it was performed 8th on the setlist. During ATVB, Robbers (along with Sex, Too Shy, etc) would be performed towards the end because there was a clean delineation between the two halves of the show. The first part was meant as a “performance” with a storyline and a message, whereas the second half was a “1975 greatest hits” where Matty would break the distance between himself and the audience, at one point even jumping into the crowd to do the robbers kiss. So, by including songs out of order, SATVB blurs the previously established line between the two halves and subverts audience expectations. Sending the message that this show is not going to be as structured as it’s original.

3. Consumption: on the face of it, it might seem like Matty is showing us a less destructive/ better version of himself. Replacing the dick-touching and raw-meat-eating with exercise (and we know beyond the symbolism of exercise as strength, that Matty’s workout and jiujitsu regimens have been a source of structure and a way of taking care of himself) BUT it’s ultimately still functioning within the concept of masculinity because he’s quite literally flexing his strength in front of thousands of people, taking his shirt off, presenting an image of himself that reflects the desirable male attributes of our culture. So, as a whole, this replacement of mastrubation with weight lifting ends up being an example of how he’s trying to change things/ get better, but is nonetheless ultimately always trapped within the masculine ideals that he knows are toxic.

4. The Rooftop: this, I think, is the second most darkest moment of the show. Next to Peanut (discussed below), “Bagsy Not In Net” is a devastating song. A spin on the romanticized Romeo-and-Juliet joint suicide concept of lovers in life and in death. The fact that it takes the place originally occupied by “I Like America” makes it even harder to stomach. He literally goes from “I’m scared of dying/ it’s fiiinnneee” to “do you wanna leave at the same time?” Not to mention that the song is one of his most vulnerable and fragile. “Dealing in death and being lonely,” “I’m reeling I know that I’m appalling.” Serves as a way of looking inward and finding the most difficult version of himself. As well as, perhaps, commentary on how he’s felt in the past 10-11 months since BFIAFL and since his reputation as “controversial” began to spin out of control. ILA felt like a….call to action? A statement of resistance meant to remind us all that it’s up to us to make shit happen. Bagsy feels like….a cry for help.

5. Peanut: this one is, perhaps, the most self-explanatory, so I suppose it doesn’t require me to linger around it for that long. Often artists can be accused of creating drama just to make art. When writers or artists of any kind are happy and content with their lives they feel least creative. See the Father John Misty song called “Songwriter” where he feels that he “undressed [his wife] repeatedly in public. To show how very noble and naked [he] can be.” Similarly, Matty’s been accused of self-destructing this past year and “not dealing with the issues underlying his addiction that drive him to ruin himself” or whatever. So, for this show, hd undressed himself instead. Bares himself naked both literally and metaphorically and exposes the most intimate parts of himself. The body double, peanut, shown out on the grass in a not-quite-fetus position is the most honest he’s been to date. The fetal position might symbolize vulnerability on some level but often people curl up into a ball when they’re trying to be “closed up” or “protect themselves” from the world. Animals sometimes do it to protect their vital organs as well. But peanut is not entirely closed off from our intrusive gaze; he’s not protecting anything. It’s all out for us to see. Including, yes, his flaccid dick and balls. So, the image connotes openness, exposure, having the most private and intimate parts of yourself projected out into the public. And….basic fundamental humanity. The body is not positioned to be viewed as sexy or desirable (though the show is nothing if not aware of the audience’s objectifying reaction). On one level it’s commentary on the work on a songwriter/musician. You make art out of the private parts of your life. On another level it’s commenting on his recent status as a celebrity famous enough to be papped, etc. or on the fact that underneath all that slander is a human being with feelings that we commodify and objectify. This point is further made clean when real matty, shirtless still from the earlier consumption scene where his body WAS positioned desirably for our gaze crawls over to peanut and comforts him (or in other iterations of the performance spoons him). The paradox of both versions of himself being side by side, of self-soothing, over having to literally be face to face with his own nakedness is the most introspective image that one could possible visualize. He’s looking inwards at himself and sharing allllll that he finds, all parts of himself, with all of us. The moment is made more uncomfortable of course by the crowds zooming phones getting his ass and his dick. So, in real time, we see the process of what it means to be an artist under the circumstances that he’s been in over the course of this year. The desire for connection and for reaching out to people immediately re-constructed as entertainment for the viewers. If that ain’t dark, I don’t know what is.

6. The SATVB-ification of Tiktok: literally. This is “The Man Who Married A Robot redux” over the last few months, Matty has addressed the discomfort of performing at festivals because he feels it’s impossible to be a rockstar out of context these days. And the struggle of knowing what to make of the “tiktok-ification of The 1975” since they went viral. So, his solution is to dish it back out. If tiktok is going to clip the show and spin it algorithmically then Matty is going to put tiktok in the show. Which, of course, he knows, will be filmed happening and posted to tiktok (three layers of meta-performance How’s that for post-modernity?). It’s espcially considering that he chose to use the subway surfers Reddit stories and stitched videos of slime etc. meaning the most heightened use of entertainment. We view these videos because we get two forms of media: the story being told and then the game/slime it’s being placed with. All the while Matty mono-tone rambles about our need for attention, human connection, how badly we have depended on the internet etc etc.

The show, as a result, is constantly in conversation with itself, with us, with culture. There’s a sense of immediacy to it because it’s responding to things that have happened recently/are still happening and is addressing us directly. Despite its very highly constructed nature, and all the tricks and paradoxes involved, the fact that it’s speaking to us and addressing what’s on all of our mind makes it so direct in its connection with the audience. So, in the end, Matty might be said to have succeeded at forming the connection that he seeks in his art.

[demcnsinmymind]

KNOWING YOUR PARTNER WELL CAN POTENTIALLY MAKE WRITING TOGETHER A LOT EASIER. ( REPOST DO NOT REBLOG ! )

○    name: Veri (short for veritaaas) is the nickname I usually roll with :)

○    pronouns: she/her.

○    preference of communication: tumblr ims tbh. I do have a disco but we also use disco for work so it generally stresses me out to see it blink/make noises

○     name of muse(s): Lance, Azathoth, Kiara (@thatevester)

○    experience/how long (months/years?): writing in German in general since late elementary school, English fanfic writing since 2012, RPing since 2018

○    platforms you’ve used: livejournal (lol), tumblr, disco

○    best experience: coming back after a 4 year break last year and still having some loyal mutuals left (once again shout out to awesome peops like @greatwrath and @orphanedshadow), while at the same time making a lot of new friends and dearly beloved mutuals. I just LOVE writing with you guys!

○    rp pet peeves / dealbreakers: It just upsets me so much when people start following first, only to then never bother interacting in any way whatsover. be that sending in a meme from my meme tag that is always there to choose from and easily accessible, or replying to opens or liking the permanent starter call. Like, all that stuff is in my pinned post and super easy to find and access both on a pc or on mobile. It literally takes like two clicks and a copy paste and here we go, we’re rolling. And especially if you’re too shy to start up an IM conversation/plotting first - it’s so easy to get something started by just sending something in without comment. I’ll be more than happy to reply and wing it and start developing something from there. But to have people follow you who can’t be bothered to get anything started for weeks, if not months and always having to be the one to start things first only to see your efforts to reach out be ignored as well, is seriously discouraging. If you don’t have time to actually interact or aren’t interested after all, don’t get my hopes up and don’t start following me first. It is as simple as that. I get excited every time I gain a new follower because I assume they’re interested and I’m super looking forward to getting something  started with their character soon. But if I’m just there to boost a number, well, no thanks. I’ll softblock sooner or later. And if you’re too shy to start something first, my posts and IMs are always open to give me a heads up. Then I’ll be more than happy to write you something first. But then again, that’s what the starter call is already for, that takes just one click on a heart and that’s it, so I seriously don’t get a complete lack of interaction. It’s not really about who starts something first, it’s more about a complete lack of effort/communication/interest on one side. Sorry for the rant haha.

○    fluff, angst, or smut: angst > smut > fluff. Though I admit my blog could use a little more fluff and comedy every now and then

○    plots or memes: truth be told, I’m super into winging stuff. I write based on emotions and how I feel and think in a moment, I’m not much one to plan far ahead and just keep talking about writing for a while instead of just doing it. I simply get to excited to just start writing right away :D HOWEVER, if people require some plotting first, I’ll be more than happy to do so. My goal is to build fun character relationships and developments over time too. I just get there differently most of the time.

○    long or short replies: looks at the blog. Laughs. I can’t do short replies for the life of me, though once again, I’ll be more than happy to try much harder and keep it short if my partner asks for it. Personally, I just have much more fun exploring thoughts and emotions, so my replies tend to get heavy on the descriptive and heavy inner monologue but sparse on the written dialogue.

○    best time to write: night owl through and through. Sometimes I get started around 8pmish (GMT+1), most of the time I won’t get started before midnight. My most creative and active phase is between 2-4am though tbh.

○    are you like your muse(s): I think I actually am in a lot of ways. I think I’m a bit friendlier/kinder and more polite and empathic, but other than that, I can be a pretty selfish, workaholic bitch as well if I want to be. Also we’re both filmmaking nerds who dig the paranormal, so...🤷

tagged by : @ebonyforged <3 tagging: @innerwar @adeathsentence @thesoulofasurvivor @therebekahmikaelson @bitchheroine and whoever else wants to do the thang

[six31]

Giant survey, then and now

While going through some recently acquired archives of my early days (i.e. my Xanga account from 20 years ago), I found one of those survey things that tells people all sorts of random stuff about you. I thought I'd take a stab at filling it out again to compare the answers. Formatted painstakingly for clarity.

STARTERS

date 2004: August 29, 2004 2024: February 29, 2024

time 2004: 11:39 p.m. 2024: 10:48 p.m.

name 2004: [first name] 2024: [first name] or Six, which I didn't start using until after the Xanga was created.

age 2004: 22 2024: 42

birthday 2004: 1/4/1982 2024: 4/1/1982 (I have since moved to a commonwealth country)

school 2004: University of Georgia 2024: The same, class of 2004

BASIC

eyes 2004: Brown 2024: Brown

hair 2004: reddish-brown 2024: brown with gray at the temples, although at times chocolate brown, ginger brown, brown with caramel highlights, pink, red or purple, depending on what wig I'm willing to tolerate that day.

height 2004: 5'0" 2024: 5'1" or 155 cm

shoe size 2004: 6 1/2 2024: 7, or 7 1/2 if I plan to wear insoles. I was probably a 7 back then too. Shoes aren't supposed to hurt, regardless of what pop culture tells us

when is your bedtime? 2004: Paper clear time + 30 minute travel + 1 hour. So roughly 1 a.m. on a good night 2024: Whenever I feel like, which tends to be sometime between 11:30-1 p.m.

HAVE YOU EVER…

flown on a plane: 2004: yup 2024: many times

ever been so drunk you blacked out: 2004: nope 2024: at least twice

cut your hair: 2004: I desperately need a haircut 2024: During the pandemic I couldn't stand the feeling of hair on the back of my neck, so I buzzed it all off with a #1 clipper

FAVORITE

shampoo 2004: Joico Kerapro. I have 2 liters of it under my sink 2024: See the last question. My husband has the long thick curly hair, so I use whatevers available in the shower

fav color 2004: sage green 2024: mostly true, but I also like purple, and I'll always default to gray when I'm chosing a product/item of clothing. If there's a color called pewter or charcoal, even better

day/night 2004: night 2024: still a night owl

summer/winter 2004: summer…i don't like cold! 2024: summer, but I really prefer autumn

lace or satin 2004: satin 2024: satin

person to talk to face to face 2004: The redhead 2024: Randy. I miss him terribly

person to talk to online 2004: Seth. Definitely seth. 2024: Carl

RIGHT NOW YOU ARE…

wearing 2004: short shorts and an old t-shirt. My equivalent of pajamas. Oh, plus an avocado and clay purifying masque 2024: An oatmeal tank top and a pair of capri leggings

eating 2004: my words 2024: M&M's I hide in my desk so my husband doesn't eat them all in one sitting

drinking 2004: tea 2024: Raspberry Coke Zero

listening to 2004: Meat Loaf - Bat Out of Hell 2024: the very loud crickets outside, because the windows are open

HAVE YOU EVER… IN THE LAST 24 HOURS

cried 2004: no 2024: not in the last 24 hours

worn jeans 2004: jean skirt 2024: jean shorts. jorts, if you will

met someone new online 2004: not online 2024: no

done laundry 2004: I took Gavin to the laundromat 2024: Marc puts in a load before he goes off to work, and I take it out, fold it and put it away in the afternoon

drove a car 2004: yup 2024: yes! In fact, it was my first time behind the wheel of an Australian car, driving on the left side of the road. Every time I tried to put on my turn signal, I hit the wiper blades instead. I will never, ever relearn the correct way, it's too deeply ingrained at this point.

talked on the phone 2004: Yup 2024: No

DO YOU BELIVE IN…

yourself 2004: more often than I used to 2024: barely

your friends 2004: yes 2024: much more than myself

destiny/fate 2004: nope 2024: no

angels 2004: nah 2024: no

ghosts 2004: not in the traditional sense 2024: There are things we don't understand but I'm hesitant to ascribe them to the supernatural

UFO's 2004: "We've been coming to this planet and probing people's anuses for over fifty years and the only thing we've found out is that one in ten of them doesn't mind it all that much." 2024: Kids in the Hall was so fucking gay (laudatory)

FRIENDS & LIFE

do you ever wish you had another name? 2004: yeah 2024: I have another one now, and I go by it in some circles

do you like anyone? 2004: yep 2024: yes

which one of your friends acts the most like you? 2004: If you put all my friends in a blender, the metaphoric result would act something like me. 2024: I don't know? There are parts of me in all my friends and vice versa

which friend have you known the longest? 2004: Tim 2024: I'm still in touch with Tim, bless his heart

who do you go to for stuff? 2004: Depends on what I need 2024: Depends on what you mean by "stuff"

who do you hang around the most? 2004: Glenn, Katie, and the rest of the copy desk. 2024: Marc, Jimmy, Mika, Ethan, Cleo in person, the rest of the Gang online

worst feeling? 2004: being forgotten or ignored 2024: being forgotten or ignored

OTHERS

Keep a diary 2004: In spurts 2024: Oh man, as part of my last move I consolidated and scanned in all the diaries I've been holding onto for years and years, so now I have a digital copy of every journal I've kept. By and large, two things were consistent: 1) they all started with some variation of "Paper feels better to write on than a computer, and even though I've started many of these and lost interest, THIS ONE WILL BE DIFFERENT." and 2) they all peter out at about 35 pages.

Like to cook? 2004: I have a few select dishes I do well 2024: I'm trying to learn how to cook more, and not just recipes from food companies trying to get you to buy their prepared food. It takes me three times as long to shop for groceries here in Australia because I get flustered when they don't have things I used to regularly buy, like Shake 'n' Bake and sweet pickle relish, kosher salt and graham crackers. Bloody graham crackers! Its a learning process

Fold your underwear? 2004: nah, it gets piled up 2024: yes, it fits better in the drawer that way

Talk in your sleep? 2004: I grit my teeth pretty loud, so I'm told 2024: I still grit my teeth pretty loud, and they're noticeably shorter than they were when I was in my 20s, and I've been told if I don't get a handle on it, they'll cost about $10,000 to replace

Set your clock a few minutes ahead? 2004: every room in my house is in a different time zone 2024: this house is run by Google devices, so everything is synchronized but the microwave, which is several hours off.

Bite your fingernails? 2004: yep 2024: I quit cold turkey when I was 38, then had to relearn how to use my hands

Believe in love? 2004: sure 2024: Yes

LAST…

Movie you rented? 2004: We buy them by the handful around here 2024: I have no idea. I mostly watch things that are available for free on streaming

Movie you bought? 2004: Lost in Translation 2024: Who buys movies these days? I think I bought my mother a copy of Moonrise Kingdom back in 2012

Movie you watched? 2004: The American President 2024: The Fifth Element

Song you listened to? 2004: Poe - Not a Virgin 2024: The Rolling Stones - Gimme Shelter, part of my 120 bpm walking playlist on Spotify

Song that was stuck in your head? 2004: The very same. I made the discovery that it falls nicely within my range 2024: Albert Hammond - It Never Rains in Southern California, which was shared by a former mentor in SoCal kvetching about the near-flood conditions they were experiencing

Song you've downloaded? 2004: buncha Liz Phair stuff 2024: I bought the soundtrack for Fran Bow

CD you bought? 2004: Outkast - Speakerboxxx/The Love Below 2024: Lol. Lmao even

CD you listened to? 2004: Meat Loaf - Bat out of Hell, per Glenn's request. Learn something new everyday. The CD now lives in my car 2024: From Exile - Monolith. My brother's band

Person you've called? 2004: Gavin 2024: My mother-in-law

Person that's called you? 2004: My brother, Ben 2024: My husband Marc

TV show you've watched? 2004: Sealab 2021 2024: Ramsay's Kitchen Nightmares

Person you were thinking of? 2004: Bo. I shoulda called him yesterday for my New Media project. 2024: a college friend who's going through a rough time at the moment

DO…

You wish you could live somewhere else? 2004: I belong in the mid-atlantic region 2024: I belong in South Australia

Others find you attractive? 2004: yeah. Attractive attractive, not this "she's cute and has a nice personality" bullshit 2024: Some do, yes

You want more piercings? 2004: I wanted an eyebrow ring before I learned about the whole severing a nerve to your face thing… 2024: I don't even use the holes I have

You want a tattoo? 2004: I'd never be able to settle on design I could love for the rest of my life 2024: same

You drink? 2004: Citron and ginger ale, baby 2024: Still my go-to cocktail, but I'm more of a craft beer person these days

You do drugs? 2004: nah 2024: In Texas I used to buy delta-9 gummies from a local small sister-owned business, which I would consume at the rate of 10 mg every two weeks. Nothing more than that.

You smoke? 2004: only second-hand 2024: From approximately December 2004 to Ausgust 2014, I regularly smoked clove cigarettes. I switched to e-cigarettes for about 4 months before quitting completely

You like cleaning? 2004: my things need to be in an order that I can understand 2024: Marc runs a very tidy house and I'm mostly on board. Ironing can be very zen if you let it

You like roller coasters? 2004: hell's yeah 2024: hell's yeah

You write in cursive or print? 2004: a hybrid of the two, just like my father 2024: a chickenscratch hybrid of the two that's getting worse and worse

HAVE YOU…

Ever cried over a boy/girl? 2004: Who hasn't? 2024: yes

Ever lied to someone? 2004: yeah 2024: yes

Ever been in a fist fight? 2004: nope 2024: no

Ever been arrested? 2004: Nope 2024: no

NUMBER

Of times I have been in love? 2004: every time I think I'm in love, I realize later I'm not. 2024: twice

Of times I have had my heart broken? 2004: At least twice. I can't remember because I don't dwell on it 2024: multiple times

Of people I consider my enemies? 2004: three 2024: I'm too old/tired for enemies

Of CDs that I own? 2004: about 100 not counting mp3s 2024: One. I gave away my entire collection when I moved, save for From Exile - Monolith

Of times my name has appeared in the newspaper 2004: every day for the past year my name has appeared in 6 pt type on the opinions page of The Red & Black 2024: From October 2011 to February 2016, my name appeared in the corner of every page I designed for The Gaston Gazette and The Shelby Star, a number that is conservatively north of 6,000.

Of things in my past that I regret? 2004: 2. One, not getting into design sooner, Two, not getting the help I needed back when I realized I needed it. 2024: 2. One, getting into design in the first place, Two, not getting the help I needed back when I realized I needed it.

[fumikomiyasaki]

( GIFT ) with Noboru x Alioth, ( STAR ) with Lucille x Flynn and Nanoya, ( PLAY ) with Melanie x Paula or ( SILENCE ) with James x Yuzuha

Seduction starters

( GIFT ) giving mine a gift. (example: flowers, jewellery)

Alioth looked at some of his old belonging he still had to keep his parents in memory... he found the first Macaroni painting he made for his father, photos of his mother... but among them something he really did forget about... an ancient pendant a fellow god gave him... however the deity already passed a long while since them... Alioth put it in his pocket and made his way out of his dorm... the night shined calmly as his way was heading to the Tetravania dormitory.

He knew where he could find Noboru, around this time commotion was high in the dorm building so he probably was relaxing at the rooftop, so he used his floating disco ball to rush to the top and greet him.

"A beautifull night, isn't it my Meteorite."

"Good to see you, it was getting a little boring around here."

The tall Deity sat down on the chair next to him with a soft smile.

"I have something for you.... would you open you hands and closer your eyes."

Noboru was a little confused but did as he said, opening the palm of his hand Alioth placed the pendant from before in his hand yet enchanted a spell on it before gently pulling his hands from his eyes.

"Call it a personal historical gift... a memory of a former deity of the night who passed."

"I.... don't know what to say... this must be an incredible relict and you... just give it to me."

"Anything for me dearest Meteorite... I am sure the person who gave me this also wanted it to be used and worn... I really hope you will cherish it."

"I will, thank you."

Alioth had a happy smile tapping his feet thanks to the response before continuing on.

"Right, I have a fun story about the person this pendant belonged to, wanna hear?"

( STAR ) staring at mine instead of the stares while stargazing.

Lucille stayed over at the Polisionalle dorm after a play she watched Flynn and Nanoya do... before the three settled standing at the Balcony, chatting and looking at the stars. The air was a little Fresh so Flynn lend her his coat to have it over her shoulders... but while Flynn and her held hands the Bird noticed his friend Nanoya not look up but at his dear gem. Chuckling to himself.

"I know she is beautifull but dear Nano, I thought you were hesitant at first about her joining us."

"Flynn..."

"Hm? Whats wrong?"

Nanoya sighed and spoke up.

"Flynn made a proposal the other day we both wanted to talk with you about but, before that I need to ask you something... what do you... think about me."

"Well your handsome, strong, admirable... I understand why Flynn relies on you so much. And... I do admit I had a slight crush on you too."

"Well Well~ That settles it then, my dear Lapis. How about you have two instead of one hand to hold... how about we both are your fated match?"

"You mean... Nanoya you as well."

His nod was red looking away from her eyes as she instinctively hugged him which cause him to flinch but slowly he could calm down and put an arm around her too, Flynn hugging her from the other side.

"I promise... Flynn and I.... we will both love you for as long as we can, right?"

"Of course my dear platinum... a deal is a deal... no... our bond lasts already so long.. maybe this was fate... that we both concentrate our love on another and one dear gem to share it with."

The three of them continued to watch the stars but now they all held hands together... enduring the cold for a little longer till returning back into the building.

( SILENCE ) silencing mine’s by pressing their finger on mine’s lips.

Things were quite a mess again at RSA... not only did James get accidentally caught up in some students fighting, no in the end they turned on him who tried to talk out the situation and chased after him... eventually as he ran away from his pursuers however he was pulled to the side into a dark corner, noticing Yuzuha who held his arms and as he wanted to talk put a finger over his lips to shut him up.

"Do you want to get caught or do I have to kiss you to shut you up?"

A question that made him red and quiet for sure as Yuzuha looked if his pursuers have rushed off. Eventually James took a breather after the air was clear but he still felt Yuzuha hold his wrist.

"Could you let go?"

"Hm? Not yet... I know a place where you can rest till the trouble settled down, Jam."

"Didn't I tell you to not call me that?"

"Oh... is little JamJam, or something like Whitebread better?"

"Fine... I won't complain."

What did he even know about Yuzuha... sure he was part of his friend group but aside some Jabs and mean comments while reading, he barely knew much than surface info... however seeing his eyes up close before... they were really stunning... he felt Yuzuha quickly drag him along to his dorm where they sat down together in one of the host booths... the red haired man offering him a glass.

"I don't drink-"

"Its Water... you need to cool down, or did I make you this red?.. hmm I wonder.~"

"Hey-"

"No need to get defensive, Jam. I just tease you. You should be thanksfull Marcos didn't find you instead. He would make more comments on you. "

"Why did you help me?"

"We are friends right? That and those meatheads shouldn't just blame anyone else for their tiny brain."

His aura was a whole different... there was something charming about him... what was with him... James had troubles wrapping his head around it but he knew one thing... something about him drew him in... and he didn't want to admit that. Still he met him with a smile.

"I still thank you for the help."

Yuzuha stayed silent just giving a nod... his expression was back to being his usual gloomy self... hiding his face in a book. However he could see a hint of a blush behind it too, he knew he if were to comment about it he probably turn it back against him so he just leaned back for now and enjoyed the rest.

[lnsania]

ooc. okay plan for today . my owed replies obvs and then maybe if I still have muse , open starters for each of my boys ? if that’s something people are interested in … we shall see !!

[karmic-vibes]

If I Can Dream

8 - Oh Why Can’t My Dream Come True

art credit: @lazylittledragon on tumblr and lazyjunebug on twitter

cw: gender dysphoria, misuse of pronouns, use of deadname

Year: 1988

“They’re gonna freak out,” Eddie panicked.

“No they won’t,” Steve assured.

“They’re gonna call me a girl,” he hissed.

“And I’ll yell at them, then we’ll leave. You’re my boyfriend and soon-to-be husband, alright? I’m not gonna let them walk all over you.”

“If you say so.”

“Oh, hello boys. What brings you here?” he asked.

“Oh, hello boys. What brings you here?” he asked.

“Off to a good start,” Steve whispered. “Hi, dad. We, uh… we actually had some news we wanted to share with you guys.”

“Alright, what is it?”

“For starters, we’re getting married.”

“Oh, congratulations!” Pattie cheered, forcing the two of them into a hug.

“How, uh… how exactly does that work?” John asked.

“Well…” Steve looked to Eddie, seeking his approval before continuing. He gave him a nod and a reassuring rub on the back. “Since Eddie is still legally considered a female, we’re able to get married. When we go to change his last name, he’ll finally be changing his first one too.”

“About time,” John said.

“You’re telling me,” Eddie dryly chuckled.

“So what else?” Pattie asked.

“Hmm?” Steve hummed.

“You said ‘for starters’—what else is there?”

“Well…” They looked the each other, fear filling their eyes. “We’re, um… uh…”

“For Christ’s sake, we’re having a baby,” Eddie rushed out.

Pattie and John stood there catching flies. Their eyes bulged out of their head, not quite sure how to take the news.

“Okay, not everyone speak all at once, god,” Steve said.

“I… are you sure?” Pattie asked.

“Yeah, we’re sure.”

“Okay, but how sure?”

“I took an at home test and just got my blood work done. So… pretty sure…”

“Wow… John?”

His father didn’t answer. Instead, he pushed past the boys and made his way to the study. Pattie rolled her eyes and chased after her husband.

“Told you so,” Eddie said.

“Not the time, Munson. Mom, dad?” Steve called.

“What?” Pattie sighed.

“We just… we thought you guys would be happy. You know… grandkids, yay…”

“Steven, we put up with this whole charade you made us put on for your girlfriend–“

“Whoa–“

“I am not done speaking, Steven. You make us relearn a name, address her by some ridiculous new pronouns. We can accept the two of you getting married, since legally we can’t stop you. But having a child? No, absolutely not. You two as parents? Please. It’s an unfit household.”

“How, dad? Hmm? How are we unfit to be parents?”

“A child needs a mom and a dad. Not a dad and a fucking tranny.”

“Yeah, because a mom and a dad did me so fucking well. We’re done here. Let’s go.”

Steve grabbed onto Eddie’s wrist and practically dragged him out of the house. He opened Eddie’s door for him and shut it once he was fully in the car. Even when he was heated beyond belief, he always took the time to treat Eddie the way he deserved. Especially now that they had a child on the way, he always found a reason to calm himself down.

Without realizing, Steve was driving with his mind on autopilot. Despite not being scheduled to work that day, he found himself pulling into the Family Video lot. When it clicked, he blinked aimlessly a few times and profusely apologized to Eddie.

“No, no, it’s okay, honey. Let’s get a movie or something while we’re here and say hi to Robin.”

“Yeah, okay…”

“We don’t have to tell her yet if you don’t want.”

“No, no I do. Sorry, my parents put me in a bad mood.”

“I know, it’s okay.”

Steve got out, rushing over to get Eddie’s door for him. He helped him out and the two stood outside the door, trying to silently reassure each other before heading inside. As Eddie reached for the door, Steve grabbed his waist and pulled him in for a sweet kiss.

The two caught Robin’s eye as she was processing some returns. She raised a brow and leaned over the counter, waiting for the two to walk in. They mumbled something incoherent to each other before Steve opened the door for Eddie.

“Long time, no see, boys. How’re we doing today?”

“Good,” Eddie smiled. “How’re you, Rob?”

“I’m good,” she said, glancing over at Steve. “Are you hiding something from me, Harrington? You’re usually talking my ear off.”

“Can we talk in the back, Rob?”

“Sure… everything okay?”

“Yeah, just come on.”

The friends dipped into the cramped back room as Eddie wandered around looking for a movie for the night. Robin leaned against the door as Steve hopped onto the desk with a huff.

“What’s really going on?”

“What do you mean?”

“Something’s up. What’s going on?”

“Sorry, we just got back from my parents’ house.”

“Ah. Any reason you were there?”

“Do I need a reason to visit my parents?” Robin raised a brow and crossed her arms. “Yeah, okay, you got me there.” Steve buried his face in his hands. “Eddie’s pregnant…”

“Holy shit, what? How?”

“We weren’t careful and uh… yeah. He’s pregnant. Just about two months, now.”

“Wow… so, you’re gonna be a dad?”

“I know…”

“What the hell‽”

“I know!”

“Jesus… how does Eddie feel about the whole thing?”

“He’s nervous, understandably. I’m more nervous for his mental state, y’know?”

“Why?”

“Rob, he’s worked so hard getting where he is. He’s come out to me, to everyone we know, dealt with the backlash, went through the agony of top surgery, and now… after all that… he’s pregnant… it’s like two steps forward and three steps back. I feel terrible.”

“Steve, he loves you and I’m sure he’s happy to do this for you. If he weren’t, I’m sure he’d bring up the idea of getting rid of it. I think he’ll be okay.”

“I just worry.”

“And you have every right to worry! It just means you’re a good boyfriend.”

“Fiancé,” he corrected.

“Jesus, Harrington, I don’t see you for a week and you come in here saying you’re gonna be a dad and a husband!”

“I know, crazy, huh?”

“Where does all the time go, Christ…”

“What do you mean?” Steve chuckled.

“Steve, three years ago, when we met at Scoops, you and Ed had only been dating for like six or seven months. Both unsure what you’d be doing with each of your futures. Now here you are, nearly college graduates, engaged, and future dads. It’s insane!”

“Yeah, I guess it is…”

“I’m happy for you.”

“Thanks, Rob. That means a lot.”

“Of course, dingus. I’ll always be happy for you.”

“Thanks,” Steve chortled. “I should go check on the husband. Lord knows what he’s getting into.”

“Probably ruining all my hard work from this morning,” Robin teased.

“I wouldn’t put it past him.”

As if I’m cue, as the friends emerged from the back room, Eddie had tripped over one of the displays Robin had spent all morning setting up. She pinched the bridge of her nose, motioning for Steve to collect his man.

“Sorry,” Eddie started. “Pregnancy brain is already getting to me.”

“I figured. Congrats, by the way.”

“Thanks, Robin…” Eddie blushed as Steve helped him up. “Uh, Stevie, how do you feel about a horror movie?”

“Depends which one.”

“Nightmare on Elm?”

“Ed, we’ve watched that a million times.”

“Yeah, your point?”

“God, I hate you. Fine, we’ll rent it again, but I’m getting something too.”

“Fine by me. I’ll be right back,” he said, setting the tape down on the counter.

“Where’re you running off to?” Steve asked.

“If you must know, Steven, I feel like I’m about to puke my guts out. Happy?”

“Dear lord. Call me if you need anything.” Eddie gave him a thumbs up as he headed to the Staff Only bathroom.

“So, what’re you gonna make him sit through?” Robin asked.

“A birthing video. He wants horror, I’ll give him horror.”

“You sure that’s a good idea?”

“Why not? We both need to be prepared.”

“If you say so.”

Later that night, after the boys had dinner and finished watching Nightmare on Elm Street, Steve surprised Eddie with the birthing video. At first, Eddie was reluctant to watch it, especially so soon, but he eventually caved and let Steve pop the tape in.

The tape started out as rather informational, going through the different stages of labor and what to expect in each. What neither of them were anticipating, was it cutting to a woman actually pushing a child out of her.

“Can result in a severe hemorrhage, which could lead to death in minutes,” the narrator droned.

Eddie and Steve sat back on the couch, clutching their thighs to their chests, mouths hanging open with eyes popped out of the skulls.

“Steven, why did you make me watch that‽”

“I don’t know!”

“Was that meant to be comforting‽”

“I don’t know!”

“Oh my god, a human is going to be coming out of me!” Eddie panicked. “This is all your fault, Harrington!”

“What is‽”

“First knocking me up, then showing me that video!”

“I’m sorry!”

“Ugh!” Eddie fell back on the couch, dragging a blanket with him. He cocooned himself in the couch’s throw, only allowing his eyes to pop out. “This kid better be worth it.”

“She will be.”

“I hate you, Harrington.”

“I know you do, Munson…” Steve sighed as he rubbed his fiancé’s back. “I know you do…”

[aetheternity]

Did you miss me? ~With the Genshin boys

Synopsis: It's been way too long since your boyfriend last saw you and he's so unbelievably happy you're back. (Just a beautifully fluffy established relationship)

Disclaimer: In Bennett's you are the traveler

Characters: Bennett, Chongyun, Razor and Scaramouche.

Yun Yun (Chongyun)

It'd only been a month since you'd left.

Your work had led you to Fontaine and while you received letter after letter with little trinkets and information detailing even the smallest things regarding Chongyun's day to day it wasn't nearly the same. So when you could finally return to Liyue it was unsurprising that the first thing you set out to do was find Chongyun.

Well, after you'd dropped your belongings off of course.

You hadn't told him you'd be coming home a day early. Opting to surprise him instead. But a less than fruitful search after an hour made you regret it a bit. You'd checked all his usual hangouts as well, Wanmin restaurant, his house, even Xingqiu's workplace but even Xingqiu was out. However upon your exit you did happen to stumble into him. Quite literally as you slammed right into Xingqiu, the pile of books he'd been carrying scattering all around the two of you.

"Uh.. sorry." You both apologized in unison.

"Hey, you have perfect timing Xingqiu, I was just looking for you." You explain as you help him retrieve his scattered items.

"Oh? Well, how can I be of service my liege?"

"Well for starters, sorry about your books." You hand them over with a sheepish grin. "I should've been looking where I was going."

"Don't mention it. I was a bit rattled at first to be truthful but seeing that it was you I bumped into makes me feel a bit better." Xingqiu says with a smile. "Chongyun hasn't stopped bringing up your name in conversation since you departed."

You feel warmth rush to your cheeks and you quickly chuckle rubbing the back of your head. "Ah..ha."

Your sudden embarrassment immediately makes him snicker, a sly smile forming on his lips, "I'm fairly use to it by now." He shifts his hands so that he can pat away any dirt that might have accumulated on his clothes when he fell. "If you're searching for him, he should be meditating on Wuwang hill."

You breathe a sigh of relief, "Thank you Xingqiu." You began to walk away but turn in your stride to call out. "I'll come over later to show you the pics from Fontaine!"

He waves to you before replying, "Please do!"

Sure enough Xingqiu had been right on the nose about Chongyun. You walked up to his usual spot to find him perched on a rock and for the briefest moment you ponder why you didn't think to come here yourself. Your immediate thought was to make your presence known so that you wouldn't scare him but he looked so tranquil you opted to watch him for a couple minutes. That is until your decision to inch a little closer snapped a twig beneath your feet.

Too late to inform him of your arrival because the sound snapped his attention instantly, "N-Name!" And in his struggle to get off the rock he slipped backwards onto moist grass slamming his head in the process.

"Yun!" You called as you ran to his side. He groaned but from what you could see as you pulled his body towards yours he wasn't injured too badly. "I'm so sorry, I wanted to surprise you." You admitted

"I didn't mean to fall, but you're back. I'm glad you're back, I can't believe you're here early." He panted, pressing a hand to his stomach.

"Your face looks a bit red, honey." You reach around to his pocket where you know he keeps his popsicles pressing one to his lips and he happily opens his mouth for it. Without any further prompting he slips his arms around your neck mumbling out some words that were nearly inaudible with the popsicle still between his lips. When he leans back you slide a single finger beneath his bangs.

"Aw I wasn't gone that long and you had Xingqiu and Xingling." He bit into the popsicle, face growing a soft shade of pink as he mumbled out more words that you were surprised you understood. When you leaned in he flinched for the briefest moment but ultimately let himself be kissed on the cheek. "Well now that I'm back I can tell you everything that happened. I'll stay with you for the rest of the day."

As he finished his popsicle you hear the smallest whisper of his cool breath, "I'd like that."

Scaramouche Scarmouche maybe he'll do the fandango

You didn't exactly expect much when you'd left for this mission and you hadn't gotten anything either. That's how Scaramouche normally was when you left for missions. He'd, "See you when you got back." But the nights before he'd hold you a little tighter, rub deep circles into your back and kiss your temples and cheeks. Like you were the most fragile thing he'd ever held.

By the time you'd arrived back at headquarters he wasn't even there. So after your report you retreated to his room eager for even the smallest amount of rest. You could've sworn your eyes stayed shut for only a few minutes but when you awoke the room was illuminated only by a couple small lamps in the corner.

You shifted your gaze to the figure at the desk, an unmistakable smile curving over your face. He immediately looked up from the papers scattered across the frame, standing from his seat to approach you on the couch.

"Was starting to think you'd finally kicked the bucket." He greeted with the softest sigh. His knees sliding against the floor. Hand reaching out to cup your cheek.

"You would've cried so loud if I did." You reply, leaning into his palm.

"You went to sleep without a blanket over you. Dumbass, my room is colder than every other room in this building."

"Mm sorry. I thought I could sleep for just a couple minutes." You mumbled shutting your eyes and curling further into the blanket that was draped over your body. "Come lay with me." You say without opening your eyes.

"I'm busy."

"Please." You drone, reaching out for his wrist. "We've been apart for weeks." You groan.

With a small huff he flips the blanket off you before sliding into place by your side. "Thank you." You whisper, closing the distance as much as possible between the two of you. He merely grumbles into your shoulder blade but you immediately feel the weight of his hands on your back. Rubbing tiny circles into your spine. His favorite place finally returned.

Benny Bouken (Bennett)

News traveled fast whenever the hero of Mondstat re-entered the city. So as much as you wanted it to be a surprise that you were back you were also fully prepared for Bennett to know long before you ever made it to him. You did your catching up with some of Mondstat's locals just indulging them in conversation when you happened to walk by and they saw you. Up until you'd finally made your way to the cathedral where you knew Benny normally was.

As per usual there sat your boyfriend being carefully tended to by Barbara and as subtle as you wanted to be it wasn't long before Barbara spotted you waving and calling your name. Bennett nearly jumping from his seat the second he saw your face.

"You're back! Ah I missed you so much!" He squirmed, almost instantly regretting it based on the wince he let out.

"What happened to you this time?" You lowered yourself onto your knees, cupping the skin around a thick bruise on his leg.

"He told me he'd been attacked by some teleporting wolves in Wolvendom? They backed him off a cliff and he rolled down into a ditch." Barbara explained

"Rifthounds?" You reply, eyebrows creasing.

"Yes! I knew you'd remember them from our adventures."

"Are other adventurers aware of these creatures?" Barbara asks

"I'm not sure, I wanted to talk to Katheryne about it but I got escorted to the cathedral by Cyrus as soon as he saw me enter the city." Bennett admits

You press a small kiss to Bennett's cheek standing at his side, "I'll head to her and warn her."

Bennett groaned, "We've only been back together for a couple seconds and you're already off again running errands for me. I'm sorry, I promise I'll make it up to you."

"Just relax and heal up. I'm not upset, after all this is what adventurers do." You say "I promise I'll be right back." You rub his sides careful not to disturb any of his injuries.

"You're the best. I don't know how I got so lucky." He sighs softly as you move a hand up to ruffle his hair.

"He should be feeling strong enough to stand by the time you get back." Barbara interjects. You nod and afterwards quickly take your leave.

Razor

Since Razor didn't like crowds or being in cities in general the two of you had split while you headed over to the Irodori festival in Inazuma. It was only for about three weeks but you felt yourself missing your boyfriend more and more as time dwindled on.

He'd only sent you one letter in the time you'd been there but by the time you'd finally received it, it was the day before you were to head back home to Mondstat. The only reason they'd held it so long was probably because it had three pounds of raw meat in it. And reading it after the juices from the meat had soaked onto the paper made it more of a hassle than it should have been but overall you were just glad to be leaving as terrible as that may have sounded.

It'd be pretty hard to surprise your boyfriend and you knew that even before you'd walked halfway through Wolvendom. The whispers of howls around you making your heartbeat race in the best way possible.

"Lupical!" You heard the soft call soon followed by footsteps you recognized immediately. "Lupical!" The call grew louder.

You smiled so brightly dropping your bags as Razor came barreling into you. Nearly knocking you off your feet but you wrapped your arms around his waist steading the two of you with a laugh. "Seems everyone missed me a lot."

"Pack missed you and Razor too." He proclaimed giving your neck a fond lick.

"I missed everyone too." You replied

"Letter! Razor's letter did Name get it?"

"Sorry Sweetie, I didn't get it until the last day I was there. Otherwise I would've sent you one back." You remark, cupping his face with both of your free hands.

Razor nodded understanding, "Come Lupical prepare food for your arrival and.. I want to listen to Name's stories about trip."

You reach out for his hand, squeezing his fingers in your grip. "I'll tell you everything."

[nataliaphantomhivesblog]

Corruption & Trust

Stormbringer and bsd spoilers in general ahead so read at your own risk!!

So in this post I will be listing all the times Chuuya used corruption and all the times Dazai was there to stop it. I will also go into depth as to why Chuuya trusts Dazai when it comes to having to use corruption and I will also emphazise on Dazai's care and how he takes corruption seriously.

1. First time using corruption: Stormbringer

Chuuya and Dazai's age: 16 yrs old

"Isn't it an unpleasant sight, Chuuya."

It was a young boy. This young boy casually caught hold of Chuuya's arm and lifted it up. With this movement, the gravitational field which had occured around them disappered immediatly. As well as Chuuya’s agony.

"Y...You..."

"You can't even die gracefully can you?" the young boy said in a raspy voice as he heaved Chuuya on his shoulders. He set off to walk.

Alright so this was the first time Chuuya's corruption was ever activated, after Dazai nullifies it and carries Chuuya on his back, he drops him off outside the bar were Chuuya's friends lay dead. He took him there instead of taking him directly to the port mafia quarters.

Why did he do that exactly? If Dazai doesn't care for Chuuya, then why did he give Chuuya the opportunity to pay farewell to his dying friends?

It's actually sort of funny because I don't really think Dazai really realizes or accepts that he feels a certain connection with Chuuya and therefore looks after him.

2. Second time using Corruption: Stormbringer

Chuuya and Dazai's age: 16 yrs old (obviously, its still the same light novel lol)

After losing his strength, Chuuya drifted in the air for a few seconds, then lost the black wings on his back and slowly fell.

Dazai caught his body.

From the spot where Dazai touched, the nulification skill was activated.

The self-contradictory skill that supports the energy of the singular point receded, and the output of the singular point decreased. Eventually, it converged and the "gate" closed. The red imprints disappeared from Chuya's whole body. Eventually, the gravitational field disappeared and the complete silence was restored.

“Good job, Chuuya." Dazai chuckled, looking at Chuuya he was holding in his arms. "I forgot to bring my ink pen, so I'll spare you from having your face scribbled."

As much as it looks like this is from a fanfiction, I can assure you that it's an actual passage from stormbringer.

I can't really say much except the fact that Dazai is being extremely soft here.

And this was the conversation Dazai and Chuuya shared beforehand:

"There is one problem." Dazai cut off his sentence hesitantly. "It has nothing to do with the sucess rate of the plan. It is a matter we have to overcome in the end but... It may require some time to decide."

"What's with you?" Chuuya raised his eyebrows at Dazai. "Stop dramatizing it. Just hurry up and say it."

"I said earlier about this control spell to open the 'gate' that is used to reset the command inside Chuuya, right?" Dazai spoke with a strangely restrained voice. "If we use that, the logs of the command formula that were written in the past will be erased. That means...even if the memory erasure was used on Chuuya in the past, the traces of that will be erased as well."

"What?"

"I told you before right? the memory erasure command. The only way we can confirm if Chuuya is human or not is to check the history to see if the memory erasure command was ever used. It means..." Dazai looked at Chuuya with eyes that he had never looked at him before. Those eyes were serious. "If we use that control spell, the method to confirm if Chuuya is an artificial personality created by a string of code, or just a normal human being, will be lost. For good."

The time had stopped.

Chuuya opened his eyes and looked towards Dazai but his eyes were not seeing anything. The wind blew between the two of them. Even so, Chuuya did not blink.

"Verlaine became like that because he was tormented by the curse that he was not human. That only is enough of a big problem. The matter of being human or not." Dazai looked at his pocket watch, gave it a glance and continued. "I can delay the time until the plan starts for about two minutes. I will send an order for my men to wait... You can think about it alone for a while. Cuz I guess its hard for you to collect your thoughts with me around."

Having said so, Dazai turned away and walked down the stairs, leaving Chuuya alone.

Dazai fixated in his pocket watch. Two more minutes. Too short for a life decision. But he couldn't afford more than that.

Inside Dazai's head, he was planning a procedure to swith to an alternative plan in case Chuuya refused, at a tremendous speed.

After this exchange, Chuuya does decide on using corruption. I have talked about this section on a previous post of mine, and I just love it so much. For starters, I think this conversation that these two shared is very important to their characters.

For Chuuya, it shows us how undeniably selfless he is. He would rather save the people of Yokahama instead of finding out something that meant a lot to him. He sacrificed his own desires to save the people he cares about.

For Dazai its a completely different story, in this exchange Dazai was able to openly express genuine concern for his partner. He also understands the gravity of the decision Chuuya has to take and therefore leaves the decision up to him.

Third time using corruption: Dragon's Head Conflict

Chuuya and Dazai' s age: 16 yrs old

During this one, Chuuya demands to know where his friends are, and Shibusawa says all six of them killed themselves after being caught. Enraged, Chuuya activates Corruption which ultimatley ended the 88 day conflict.

There isn't much to say about Dazai and Chuuya here since there isn't really an aftermath on this occasion but I bealive this picture is enough.

Before reading the DA manga, I genuienly thought that the only time Chuuya ever rested on Dazai's lap was when they were 22 but this proved me wrong.

I mean this is a minimal thing to point out but if Dazai disregarded Chuuya he would've just left him there, right? But instead he remained with Chuuya and allowed him to rest on his lap, in the picture you can also see he is putting Chuuya's hat back on. It's such a simple gesture but it shows us how caring Dazai can be when it comes to Chuuya using corruption.

Fourth time using corruption: Lovecraft Battle, Double Black reunion

Chuuya and Dazai's age: 22 yrs old

This is personally one of my favorite times in which Chuuya uses corruption. The fact that these two had not been working together for 4 years yet they still managed to not only accomplish their mission, but mantain their trust for one another.

I find what Chuuya says here extremely ironic because if anything, the choice has always been up to him. Dazai always uses corruption as a last-resort trick and its always Chuuya who makes the final decision of using it or not, even in a life or death situation Dazai won't take it upon himself to force Chuuya to make the decision if they will be using it or not, and hes always willing to come up with an alternative plan in case Chuuya refuses. (an example of this is when Chuuya used corruption for the 2nd time in SB).

I think the reason as to why Dazai takes corruption extremely seriously is because during stormbringer he was the first person to even see Chuuya use corruption and also the person who understood how corruption will always be sort of like a burden to Chuuya, since it was thanks to corruption that his "am I human?" question stayed unanswered.

He knows how it feels to struggle with your own humanity and he doesn't want for Chuuya (who he literally sees as human), to hold that inner conflict with himself because of corruption.

Anyways, Chuuya decides to go through corruption trusting that Dazai will be there to nullify it.

And of course, Dazai does nullify it.

And after Dazai nullifies corruption, we get this very touching moment between both of them.

This is the first time Chuuya openly admits to trusting Dazai, although it was always evident that he trusts him, I just love how open he is being here.

Also the light punch he gives to Dazai's chest is such a sweet gesture, I see it as a silent way for Chuuya to say "I trust you because after all this time I still see you as my partner."

Dazai's smile in that small pannel is one of the most genuine expression we have gotten out of him. What he says is also a very sweet, I love that he calls him partner. The fact that these two are literally in rival organizations yet Dazai still calls him partner, it shows us that even after all these years he still can't help but see him the same way as he has always done.

Actually in Japanese he calls him "Aibou" and from my understanding, when you use the term Aibou it's for someone who you consider yourself to be close with. It means "partner" like in english but it holds a deeper meaning. If Dazai used the word "nakama" it would have been a very diffrent story since it means partner as well but it isn't used for someone you share a significant connection with. Asagiri's play with words here says a lot.

Fifth time using corruption: Dead Apple

Chuuya and Dazai's age: 22yrs old.

Of course I have to talk about one of the most iconic moments in the history of Soukoku.

Chuuya uses corruption to save Dazai, even if Ango says that he's dead for sure. Something I find very intresting here though is that Chuuya screams for Dazai while he is on corruption, he is obviously not supposed to be self concious about the whole situation, while on Corruption clearly he is not supposed to be in sane state of mind, as we all here know, Chuuya loses control and does not have the track of reality while under his own ability but this time, while using corruption, the one and only thing that was on his mind was "Dazai."

It wasn't only Chuuya who entrusted his life to Dazai, Dazai too entrusted his life in Chuuya's hands. When Dazai came up with this plan, he was more than certain that Chuuya was going to save him. And I think a tumblr blog pointed this out but when Chuuya uses curroption, he cannot control his strength, but when he had to punch Dazai he did it lightly, which is strange considering he was using curroption and it would've made a lot more sence if Dazai ended up decapitated due to being punched by a literal god. Dazai had to have faith in the fact that Chuuya will somehow be able to control corruption, even if its just a little bit.

Afterwards when Chuuya manages to rescue Dazai, Dazai gently touches his cheek to nullify corruption and greets him with, "You used Corruption believing in me? I am so touched I could cry." Chuuya groans, and replies that yes he did, that he believed in his disgusting vitality and craftiness.

When they both fall to the ground, Dazai forces Chuuya to rest in his lap because he didn't want to have to protect him from this situation since the fog is still up and Chuuya himself is all worn out and wouldn't be able to fight. But heres the thing, both Chuuya and Dazai's abilities can't be seperated by the fog. I mean Dazai's ability is nulification so it basically cancels out, and Chuuya hosts a literal god inside him so it isn't really an ability if you know what I mean.

So in reality, Dazai just wanted Chuuya to rest. Dazai could've literally just left Chuuya in the fog if he was only using him for his goals, but he was genuienly appreciating Chuuya's trust in him. The way Dazai's hand is resting on Chuuya's hair is a nice gesture too, he is greatful for him and he is moved that someone trusts him, it is shown throughout the Fifthteen and SB light novel that no one trusted Dazai and how most were afraid to even approach him. And in the ADA, everyone is somewhat warry around him (excluding Atsushi ofc). But Chuuya literally puts his life on the line trusting that Dazai will always be there to save him. He trusts him greatly and Dazai knows that, and I think its pretty clear to us that he would never want to break that trust.

The fact that Chuuya trusts Dazai even after he left the Port Mafia without an explanation or goodbye shows us how strong their bond is. Chuuya most likely trusts Dazai because deep down he knows that he isn't using Chuuya's ability out of his own selifshness, a part of him is aware that Dazai uses corruption as a last resort but he just doesn't want to admit it, and I feel like he also trusts him subconciously because of how gentle Dazai is after Chuuya uses corruption.

I really hope we get to see more of these "corruption moments" because in all honesty, these moments are the ones that bring out the most vulenrability for both characters. The moment corruption is used, we see the inmeasurable amount of trust and care these two have for each other that they won't show in other situations. During these times it always shines a very open and bittersweet light on their bond and I love it so much.

[charming-2d-boys]

Hii😚 Can i request some fluffly Hisoka headcannons where he found out he was really really in love with the reader and he realized that they weren't just toys or like any other partner ? Plsss i love your writting 😔🙏🏻💖

Ooooh, this is so cute 😍

Fluffy Hisoka = BEST Hisoka

Thank you for the request and I hope you’ll forgive me for my lateness! 🙇

Warning: allusion to and/or mentions of intercourse

of course, when you and Hisoka started seeing each other, you were pretty certain that it wouldn’t last

Hisoka thought it would just be a fling of a few days, maybe weeks or months, if you really were lucky

honestly, you thought the same, especially because it was something between FWB and hang out buddies

you were mentally prepared to get dumped, either by a text message, face to face by Hisoka with a cruel smile on his face or just...left behind without even as little as a goodbye

in short, you were both just waiting for the moment when you’d be able to call yourselves single once more

only that it didn’t...really happen

weeks and months passed by and you and Hisoka were still meeting up - hanging out, going to try new foods, seeing new places and...having fun

you thought it was weird when you went to one of his matches at Heavens Arena

no, it wasn’t the fact that he invited you to see him compete and destroy another overly-confident and probably weak opponent

that had happened more times that you could count, since Hisoka prided on the fact that he was never actually defeated

what was weird was the fact that you got invited to spend the night...without actually doing anything remotely FWB-ish

after dinner following Hisoka’s victory, you two went to his apartment and well, you started getting ready for what he called “his favourite part of spending time with you”

only to feel yourself get picked up and taken to the bathroom, where you were sure he’d initiate something

...he didn’t

you two only had a pretty relaxing shower together, just listening to Hisoka babble about his next opponent and what his last victory entailed

even afterwards, when you were pretty much carried to bed and the lights were turned off, you made yourself comfortable on the bed, expecting Hisoka to start the usual foreplay consisting of teasing you

again, it doesn’t happen

instead, he also gets comfortable and pulls you into his arms, sighing as he starts relaxing

“Umm, Hisoka?”

“Hmm? ♥️️”

he sounds tired and he only pulls you closer, almost squishing your cheek into his chest

“Are you sick by any chance? Were you hit by someone’s Nen recently or something?”

he actually chuckles, opening his eyes to stare at you

you can almost see yourself in his golden eyes and they just seem really...clear

“Not at all, lovely~ Why do you ask? ♦️”

“Well, for starters, there’s been no teasing coming from you the entire day. You were a gentleman tonight and now you’re not trying to sleep with me? I wonder if you’re the same Hisoka I’ve known for the past few months.”

he huffs a laugh, raising an eyebrow as he smiles playfully

“Oh? So you’re saying that I’m acting weirdly? How would the real Hisoka act then? ♠️”

you’re not falling for that trap - you need answers

“Seriously, cut it out and tell me what’s wrong. What’s with the sudden change in attitude? Did you hit your head yesterday by any chance? I told you you should be careful. Not all doorways are made for giants like you. Is there a-”

“It’s not that. ♣”

his voice is suddenly serious and he loosens his hold on you

you sit up, looking down at him as he stares at the ceiling, refusing to make eye contact while you wait

“Then what is it? Did I do something?”

“I wonder... ♠️”

his voice is quiet as he says this and then his golden gaze moves to you, scrutinising your face

Hisoka wonders what he should do

his brain is screaming at him to either drive you away or kill you

but just the thought makes his stomach sink

with a troubled sigh, he closes his eyes before he starts to speak

“For how have we been together? 3 months? 4? ♦️”

“4.”

“And what sort of a relationship do we have? Acquaintances? Friends? Lovers? ♣”

you let him speak, not knowing how to label your relationship exactly either

with Hisoka, it’s impossible to

now he acts like a complete stranger, ignoring you, giving you the cold shoulder and looking down on you

and the next moment he’s hugging you, taking you out for a day of fun before ending...wherever at your place

“I’ll be honest: I don’t know. You’re giving me so many mixed signals that I’m honestly more confused than anything when it comes to what we are to one another.”

“What if I told you that I knew what I wanted us to be? ♥️️”

you raised an eyebrow, wondering if your train of thought mirrored his

“And what would that be, exactly?”

“Together. ♥️️”

the answer was so simple that for a moment, your mind blanched

then you smiled, eyes crinkling with joy before one of your fingers rubbed the top of one of his hands gently

“Aren’t we almost always together, though?”

he opened one eye tiredly, a smile curling at the corner of his lips

“You know what I mean, cupcake~ ♦️”

his hand turned palm up, grabbing your hand in his before intertwining your fingers together

“Hmm, I wonder... I’d like a better explanation of your definition of ‘together’.”

“How about in the morning, during breakfast? ♠️”

you teasingly sighed before snuggling into his side, feeling Hisoka’s arms around you again as you both made yourselves comfortable

“Fine... Good night, Hisoka...”

you yawned, already feeling warmth seep into your chilled body as you untensed the more sleep pulled at you

“Night, (Y/N)... Sweet dreams~ ♥️️”

the slight nervousness Hisoka felt about talking about his feelings in the morning was overshadowed by the excitement of doing the same thing

he could feel that you were a good match for one another and the transition from FWB to a romantic relationship already seemed promising

the knowledge that you’d managed to sneak into his heart and become so much more than anyone else in his life already made him smile as he closed his eyes and allowed himself to drift off

just a few hours left until morning...

[thunder-at-dawn]

Yearning

word count: 2,311

summary: sometimes, you don’t realize how much you miss something until it’s right in front of you.

this fic is a bit different then my usual ones! i played around with my writing style, and it’s pretty much half tickle fic, half me exploring characterization stuff. it’s a tad bit messy but whatever. anyways i haven’t written any eternalduo fics since last year, and that is too much time for me to not write about them. enjoy! :D

warning: this is a sfw tickle fic! don’t read if that makes you uncomfortable :]

extra notes: this fic takes place a couple of days after c!foolish joined the smp, in january of 2021. also, this fic is platonic. if you tag this as romantic i will fight you in a denny’s parking lot at 3am /neg

Foolish didn’t think he would ever see her again. And he still hasn’t, in a way.

When the totem of death had met Eret, she was a powerful being. She could defeat anyone in battle, yet still had the most relaxed, carefree, whimsical personality out of anyone that he had ever met. It was a perfect balance of light and darkness.

When the totem of life had met Eret, she was frantic. Uptight. Cautious. And he didn’t really blame her. She was a king, after all.

He just wondered what had made her this way.

So, here he was, in her castle, wandering and looking for the royal. Foolish wasn’t sure why, but he wanted to speak to Eret. He didn’t even know what he was going to talk about. He just… yearned for her, supposedly.

Some familiar humming could be heard around the corner, and Foolish saw the door to the castle library wide open. Taking a peek inside, he could see Eret walking amongst the bookshelves, a stack of books in her arms. It didn’t take long for her to spot him.

“Foolish?” She questioned.

“…Eret!” He said, stepping inside the room. “Uh, are you busy?”

“Not really. What’s up?”

Foolish paused, wondering what to say next. He didn’t know why, but she seemed to not really know who he was. From her perspective, they had known each other only for a few days. But from his perspective, they had known each other for a whole lifetime.

And he wasn’t sure if “We were best friends years ago and fought against monsters along with a wither cult together, except you don’t seem to remember it or me at all” was the best conversation starter.

“I just… wanted to check in.” He shrugged, walking to her. “How have ya been?”

“I’ve been alright.” She nodded, giving him a soft grin. “How about you? How have you been adjusting to your arrival here?”

Instead of answering right away, a thought crossed his mind. Why was she acting so formal? It was just the two of them…

“It’s been pretty good, yeah.” He said in response.

“Can I help you with anything?” Eret wondered aloud.

“Not particularly, but… is it okay if I stay here for a little bit?” The totem asked, hoping to not intrude.

“Oh, of course!” She nodded. “My castle is a home to all who pass by. You don’t ever have to ask, Foolish.”

“I’ll keep that in mind.” He smiled as Eret turned back around.

As she went back to stacking books on the bookshelves, Foolish looked around the surrounding area. The walls were sky-high, decorated with paintings and glass mosaic windows. Yet, the library felt small, but not in a bad way. It was homey, in a sense. Multiple chairs were set around a table, an ottoman couch aligned itself against the wall, and the lit fireplace emitted warmth into the library.

Foolish sat down at the table, which had various books and papers scattered about it. “So, what exactly are you doing right now?” He asked.

“Oh, just some organizing.” Eret called back to him.

“You seem like the organizer type.” Foolish thought.

“Hm, I suppose I could be described as such.” Eret said with a light chuckle.

Wait, did he say that out loud?

“It just helps me keep my mind off of things, I guess.” She continued. “I enjoy it, it keeps myself busy.”

Foolish nodded in acknowledgment, his eyes drawn to what was on the table. He could see books open to pages about historical events, and he saw a couple of photos of people he had and hadn’t met yet. Eret walked over, giving Foolish a soft, comforting smile as she placed some books onto the table, and grabbed the ones that were already there. She turned around and started walking away, and Foolish quickly stood up to follow her.

“This castle is really big… did you build it all yourself?” He asked.

“Mostly, with a bit of assistance here and there.” Eret nodded.

She had always had a passion for building. Foolish remembered times of back in the day, when Eret would always talk about large building projects she wanted to do, but didn’t have the time for.

Even with how much she’s changed, it made him happy to see that this passion of hers had stayed the same over time.

Eret hummed to herself, quickly walking amongst the bookshelves and finding the right places to put the books in. Foolish was low-key amazed with how easily she did it, even if it was relatively simple.

“You’re quite intriguing, you know.”

Foolish looked to his friend, who was looking back at him. “…I am?” He raised an eyebrow, confused.

“You are.” Eret nodded, turning back to the shelves. “I know we only met a couple of days ago, but I felt drawn to you, if I’m being honest. I’m not really sure why… it could be your personality, or that we share similar interest in building things… I don’t know. It’s just… you’re a very interesting person, Foolish.”

Foolish kept staring, unsure what to say in response. The royal turned back to see his surprised face, her lips curling into a small, awkward grin.

“Sorry, that was very sudden. I just felt like I should say it.” She apologized.

“No! No, it’s fine! I appreciate it!” Foolish reassured. “Really, I do.”

Eret nodded. “Well, it’s true. You’re very interesting, I’ll admit.”

“…I’m not really surprised that that’s what you think. I mean, they don’t call me “Foolish “Most Interesting God Alive” Gamers” for nothing.” He joked around, knowing no one had ever called him that. The joke made Eret smile, and then it made her laugh. She shook her head, laughing softly at the other’s silly behavior.

As they stood, Foolish’s emerald eyes looked out the window, seeing the dark night sky. “Oh- wow. I didn’t realize how late it was.” He pointed out.

Eret turned, noticing the darkness as well. “Oh my. It doesn’t even feel like you’ve been here for long.” She sighed, turning back to her friend. “Well, you know what they say. Time flies when you’re having fun.”

The totem grinned, happy to know that Eret enjoyed his company.

“I should probably get going.” He said, unsure if he wanted to leave, in all honesty.

“Well, you get a good night’s rest.” She nods. “And like I said earlier, my castle is home to anyone that steps inside. You’re welcome to come and visit any time.”

“I’ll be sure to, Eret.” Foolish nodded in return, leaning forward and placing his hand on her shoulder, giving it a reassuring squeeze, as if to say, “I’ll definitely be back.”

However, Eret let out a startled noise, stepping away and placing a hand over her mouth.

Foolish stared at her, intrigued. “What was that?” He asked.

“I- Nothing. It was nothing.” Eret said, looking away and placing one final book on it’s shelf.

“Nothing?” Foolish repeated. “It didn’t seem like nothing, it-”

Oh.

Oh.

In that moment, Foolish had remembered one small, tiny detail about his friend.

And by the looks of it, it was a detail that had stayed the same about Eret, even after all these years.

“Eret?” Foolish questioned, this time, with mischievous intent that was obvious to the other.

“Foolish, I thought you said you had to get going.” Eret said with a nervous grin.

The god huffed out a breath. “You know what? You’re right. It’s getting dark. I had fun spending time with you, though.” He exclaimed, holding his hand out to Eret. She looked a bit confused at first, but slowly reached towards his hand to give him a handshake. And then…

BZZZT!

As a small spark united between them, Eret burst into giggles, pulling her hand away. “Whahat the hell?!” She asked Foolish, who held a shit-eating grin on his face.

“Gotcha!” He giggled along with her.

“That… that felt weird.” She said, looking at her own hand.

“Weird how?” Foolish smirked, knowing the answer. Eret looked up, giggling with a nervous smile on her face.

“Oh, come on, pal! You were all chatty with me earlier, and now you’re not answering my question! Kind of rude, don’t you think?” He poked at her side a couple of times, watching her flinch and squirm away.

“Fohoolihish-” She snickered, returning to covering her mouth with her hand. She felt the other’s hands wrap around her torso and squeeze at her sides, and she didn’t have time to properly think before her body went limp like jello.

“Oh goHOD!” Eret melted in his hold, uncovering her mouth and letting her laughter flow free.

“Awww, there’s that smile!” Foolish cooed, squeezing up and down and up and down again. He noticed that Eret was losing balance, so he slowly lowered her to the ground, following her down and continuing his playful attack.

“You’re not even fighting back!” Foolish noted out loud, to which his friend let out an embarrassed, giggly whine into his chest. While keeping one hand squeezing away at her side, he surprised her by using her other hand to scribble at her stomach. Eret let out a sudden squeal, her squirming increasing almost instantly. She continued to laugh until she grabbed onto Foolish’s wrists.

“O-Ohokahay! Thahat’s eHEnohough!” She giggled as Foolish’s hands came to a stop. They were looking right at each other, and he could see her smile.

Now, for the past few days of knowing each other, Eret had smiled at Foolish. She had given him small, welcoming, smiles and warm grins. This, however, right now? It was a smile. A large, goofy, genuine smile.

It was the smile that Foolish had recognized from seeing it years ago. It was the smile that would be on Eret’s face whenever exploring a hidden temple. It was the smile that would be on Eret’s face when she was laughing too hard to be able to get out a full sentence. It was the smile that was Eret’s face when she and Foolish had realized that they had defeated the wither cult for good.

And right now, it was the genuine smile that Foolish had longed to see. He didn’t realize how much he wanted to see it. How much he needed to see it. All of those years of memories were flooding back to him, and it made him feel warm inside.

However, his thoughts were interrupted by a shriek of his own laughter.

“EHERET-! Wahait! WaHAhait!” He squealed out, feeling fingers start to dance along his sides. “Thihis ihisn’t faHAIHIR!”

“Oh come on, I’m just doing what you did to me! And I, for one, think that’s completely fair!” Eret grinned, swiping her nails across his belly and making him giggle like mad. “Wow, it looks like you’re a lot more ticklish than myself.” She teased.

“NohOHOhoho!” Foolish whined. “Ihi’m nohot!”

“Really?” Eret smirked evilly, more than willing to test that theory. She increased the speed of her fingers, wiggling themselves all around his side and stomach.

“And you’re not even fighting back, either! How adorable…” She smiled, giggling as she watched Foolish’s face become pink with embarrassment. In this moment, her hands trailed down to his hips, lightly scratching along them. Foolish’s laughter went up a whole octave, and he covered his face with his hands.

“Is this a bad spot?” Eret teased, her movements light and taunting. Foolish shook his head no, and the two of them knew that was a lie. She squeezed at his hips and used the tips of her nails to add light scratching to the sensation. The shark hybrid let out a loud snort, laughing and grabbing onto her wrists as she had done with him earlier.

“OKAHAY! Okayokayohokahay! Tihime ohout!!” He insisted, watching as Eret laughed and pulled her hand away. The two of them sat together on the floor, looking into each other’s eyes and letting leftover giggles fill the air.

“I should prohobably go, it’s pretty dark out.” Foolish stated, standing up and helping Eret stand up as well.

“Alright.” Eret sighed, grinning as she held onto Foolish’s hand. “…Foolish, I know we’ve known each other only for a couple of days, but… I have a feeling this friendship will last for a long time.”

We’ve known each other only for a couple of days.

Those words rung painfully in Foolish’s ears. They had a lifetime of memories together as best friends, and she didn’t remember a single one of them.

And before he realized he had done so, Foolish had pulled Eret into a tight hug.

The library that was filled with the joyous sounds of laughter just a few minutes ago was now filled with a cold silence.

Eret paused, surprised, but she hugged him back after a moment. Her warmth made Foolish feel a familiar feeling that he had not felt in a while.

He felt at home.

Eret pulled away, smiling. “I suppose I’ll see you soon?” She asked.

“Yeah… yeah.” Foolish nodded, giving her one last look before walking towards the door. “Night, Eret!”

“Goodnight, Foolish.” She said, following him until he had left the room, and then gently closing the door behind him.

Foolish walked down the halls of her castle, heading towards the entrance to leave. As he walked along the wooden floor, he couldn’t help but feel a tiny bit upset. He didn’t know what had caused Eret to lose her memories, and he wanted to know. However, the sadness was quickly replaced with a feeling of hope. Hope for a bright future with his friend.

It was just as she said. Even though Eret had only known him for a couple of days, they were already very close.

Maybe one day, they would become as close as they used to be.