#i thought josh groban was gonna be my number one but he made it to the top three

[acciocolinmorgan]

[bxllafanficc]

What lies within our voice

Part one.

Summary: The hottest current singing competition in your country; Beyond The Voice, is taking contestants for this years new season. And you’re competing, something you’ve dreamed of since you were a little kid. Your best friend Natasha joins you on your audition day with the assurance that everything’s going to go just as planned. As in; you preform, get all the standing ovations from the jury and then you go out to celebrate. But it doesn’t quite work like that, does it? Especially not when a handsome blue eyed singer with angelic pipes (and dare I say, jackass?) enters the competition and gives you some serious problems; both on a competitive and on a personal level.

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x reader

Warnings: implied smut, smut later on as the story progresses, Bucky’s kind of a prick at first glance, Natasha being cringeworthy,

Anyone will have to believe you when you say that you’re meant for this.

“Girl, you’re going to kill this! You’re the best singer here. The judges will find you irresistible!”

The stage and the cheer of a crowd is where you feel at home. Like you could do anything you put your mind to. If you only got the chance to show the world what you got to offer. That you belong on stage, to please a crowd.

That’s why you’re here. At the large entrance hall of the largest arena in your country, ready to perform your heart out at this years season of the hottest contest currently in the making; Beyond The Voice. The competition that will be your awakening as the artist you’ve dreamed to be for so long. Because already as a little girl, you used to sit in front of the tv with your best friend since diapers; Natasha. And oh, how you loved B.T.V. From the first season ever all the way to where you’re standing now. Here, ready to be a part of something you’ve set as a goal since years back. And so you have come here and along with you, brought your best friend so that you can live the dream together now all grown up.

“I have a hard time believing that, Nat. There are so many talented and attractive people here who want this too. And I don’t doubt for a second that there will be a lot of people putting on their best efforts here tonight.”

You scan the large groups of people in the hall, some pacing around nervously, others sitting down on benches and some awkwardly attempting to put on their best sides of themselves as the camera team sneaks through the crowds to shoot some interviews with the contestants.

The camera team has already been filming their interview with you, and if you should say it yourself, you had done the best possible out of the situation. To be yourself. No faces and no strained jokes, just plain you, unlike some of the other contestants you had seen earlier who seemingly failed to acknowledge the fabric of their shirt hiding their cleavage noticeably sliding down their shoulders until the producers felt the urge to cut because they ‘would need to censor that out’ somehow.

“Puh-lease! No one wants this as much as you do. And sure, there may be great singers here today, but no one has the pure and raw talent like you. Most of the people we’ve seen so far is clearly showing in their voices that they’ve taken dozens of singing lessons, and some not at all. Everyone here started out as a rookie but not you. You were born with it. I can confirm since I’ve known you so long. See, the only other people here skilled enough to put you up for a challenge is that guy performing for the jury right now. Look! He’s like the hunkier more brooding version of Josh Groban!”

You look towards the big screen displaying everything that’s going on in the auditions room. Right now there’s a guy in a deep blue suit performing “Being alive” originally sung by Stephen Sondheim from the musical Company; a classic and and a regularity when it comes to audition songs. Not a choice you would’ve gone with because of everyone before this man who’s chosen the song on previous seasons of Behind The Voice. But maybe his choice might just make this performance a success. That voice is unlike any other contestant you’ve seen today and those blue eyes are definitely moneymakers on their own. A handsome man to be sure, Nat wasn’t joking around with her comparison. And the look on the female judges faces reveals that the sexy mysterious persona he’s putting on is working its magic on them.

“Make me confused, mock me with praise. Let me be used, vary me days.”

“Goodness, that vibrato is to die for! There’s no effort displayed on his face what so ever and completely free from strained vocals or any muffled sounds from accidentally switching back to using his nose as support!”

“Right?! Maybe he’s good enough for my best gal right here? Why don’t you give it a try?” Nat elbows you and makes a rather inappropriate finger motion with her hands as her eyebrow raises and sinks in a provocative manner.

You quickly squeal with disapproval at her and slap her hands away, afraid that someone in the hall, or worse, the camera crew, had caught her little message.

“You know I’m too busy with focusing on my career for that kind of stuff. And he’s most likely to be my most skilled rival so far!”

“Somebody crowd me with love, somebody force me to care. Somebody let me come through, I’ll always be there, as frightened as you, to help us survive...”

The song finishes and the crowd in the hall is overwhelming with cheers and blowing whistles. It’s four yes out of four possible from the jury; a crystal clear win.

The man who just performed and the jury can clearly hear the crowd’s chanting from inside the studio, because everyone is glancing at the door with a low snicker.

“Next up, contestant #70!” One of the managers shouts from an opened door in the hall.

Your number is #71, which means your up after the shocked young girl beside you who were too caught up in the man singing just now that she completely forgot to prepare herself.

You stand up as well and make your way towards the door leading into the corridors of the audition’s studio, just to prepare yourself a little extra. Nat follows along and whispers encouraging nothings into your ear. She pats your shoulder and bumps into your crimson colored les paul hanging strapped inside its case on your back.

Right, you failed to mention your own audition song in the interview (and the genre you’ll be singing.)

You like to label yourself as a rock singer who also plays the electric guitar in the songs you perform. So you’ve carefully chosen the song “Anastasia” made by Slash, Myles Kennedy and The Conspirators. You’ve requested the assigned go-to band for this song because it simply can’t be done by just a guitar and a voice. Your song of choice is also going to give the judges the full feeling of how a concert later on with you as their star would look like. The vocals are great, showing off a lot of control but not too complicated so there’s room enough to blow the crowd and judge’s minds later on in the competition. The guitar isn’t essential for a singing competition like this but to aggregate with playing the guitar and singing at the time always gain some extra points since the judges will understand that your multitasking abilities will come in handy if and when a casual error or scene malfunction occurs in the life as an artist.

Of course you sing other genres as expected from you in this competition, but rock will forever be your go-to genre if you’re out to bedazzle the crowd or just want to dance your heart out in the living room (aggressive head banging is included).

But in your current situation, you had been so caught up in your own plans and preparation that you failed to acknowledge the man standing in front of you until it’s too late and you bump into something broad and rock hard.

The stranger gets pushed forwards and his friend catches him before he tumbles too far. A pair of blue eyes turns around to glare at you with a raised eyebrow.

“I’m so sorry! I was just-“ You stop and silence yourself. It’s the previous contestant with the angelic voice; and he does not look pleased.

“Shouldn’t a person competing in such a high prestige competition be aware of their surroundings always and watch where they’re going?” The man speaks up and turns to face you entirely, his blonde friend standing right beside him. Nat comes to join your side when she senses the tension going on.

“I... excuse me, I was just so caught up in my on thoughts that I didn’t notice you. People make mistakes and I’m sorry. It’s not that big of a deal.”

You fold your arms and try to flash a genuine smile at the stranger but he doesn’t seem affected by your words.

“So you’re a little self absorbed, you say? That’s not a personality trait I would go with in a competitive area like this but you do you, I guess.”

Is this man for real? He seemed like such a genuine and open guy when he sang but now when he’s in front of you, he’s just an asshole. Guess that’s what they call on point stage presence then.

“Hey now handsome, Aren’t you being a little rude to my friend? It was actually nothing more than a simple mistake. There’s nothing to feel personal about if your feelings got hurt. Happens to anybody.” Nat joins in and defends you, but she’s not paying attention to the blue eyed prick in front of her, but she’s eying the tall blondie beside him with careful eyes.

“Yeah, whatever.” The man answers with a huff and leaves, his friend following right behind him. As you watch them go, Blondie seemingly scolds his friend about something, though you never catch the response of your now-rival.

“Well that’s a waste. A beautiful brunette with magical eyes but on the inside he’s just a bastard with low-dick-energy.” Nat mumbles and snorts, pushing you towards the corridors you originally planned to make your way to. You giggle in response and bite your lip.

“With an attitude like that to a lady, he couldn’t possibly afford having a small dick, Nat. It must be pretty huge if it’s gonna make up for his frame of mind.”

Well, at least it’s not a must to befriend the other contestants, because then you would be forced into some kind of team building exercise with Mr. Jackass. The last thing you needed right now was excessive negativity in your life.

“Yeah, you go (Y/n)! Dab on them haters!” Nat yells and proceeds to do the dabbing motion with a cheerful expression.

The crowds standing near the two of you suddenly fall silent and eyes you with a judgements stare.

“Don’t you ever do that in public again or I will-“

“Contestant #71, you’re up!

The crowd stops glaring at you and shifts to clap their hands with encouragement, some even shouts stuff like ‘You can do this!’ Or ‘Go inside and kick some ass!’

You’re heart immediately takes two turns and beats like crazy in your chest; something it always does right before when you’re about to preform. Much to your gratitude, it always rolls off of you like a waterfall the second you start to sing.

‘This is your chance, (Y/n). You have to prove to everyone in the hall, to Nat, to yourself, to Jackass Ocean eyes, and most importantly the judges, that you’ve earned your right to be on this program and on television. Tonight we focus on getting the judges’ approval, tomorrow, a new goal will be set.’ The internal speech you go through with yourself echoes through your eardrums as you step into the audition’s studio and into the camera’s view.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #263

laptop is still broken, nvm. :’)

Do you have a favorite song by The Cure? "Sweet Soul Sister." (': Are there things you've never told for fear that others would judge you? Yep. Can sex ever be casual? I personally don't support it, but ultimately, so long it's consensual, protected, and both parties understand what's going on, you do you. Would you like to go on television to receive a make-over? Not on TV, no. It'd be awesome to see myself after a professional makeup, but I ain't going on TV to show my ugly face. What will no one ever see you do? Smoking. Are you quick to anger? Rarely. Are you slow to forgive? Not really. Usually. What do you need help with? Being an adult, lmao. Do you take the easy way out of things? More often than I'd like... What is your favorite fabric to wear? *shrugs* I don't pay attention to the fabric I wear, really. Do you still make a wish when you blow out your birthday candles? C'mon dude, you've got to! I don't believe in wishes increasing your odds of anything, but it's a must anyway! Do you look for four leaf clovers? Just casually when I'm walking or sitting outside. What are you the guardian of? My pets! Are you for or against censoring child pornography? I've seen many stupid questions in surveys. But this is the absolute dumbest. What the fuck is wrong with you. Are naked child images in paintings more acceptable than photographs of naked children? GENERALLY, yes, but it really depends on the artistic portrayal. None should be sexualized. Now that we can create such lifelike digital images, do you think it should be allowed for digital child pornography to exist (as in there were no children involved in the porn, it is all digitally made, the kids aren't real, they just look real)? Absofuckinglutely not. The concept is absolutely repulsive. Enough with these fucking questions. Do you like Wheel of Fortune or Jeopardy better? Wheel of Fortune, ig. Jeopardy is pretty boring to me. What is your favorite tarot deck? I don’t know enough about tarots to comment. How do you feel about Wicca and Paganism? IT'S SUPER SUPER INTERESTING AND COOL AND I LOVE LEARNING ABOUT IT!!!! I relate most to Neo-Paganism anyway, so I obviously don't mind them. Wicca especially is a very, very misconstrued religion that has just been horribly abused by the media. Do you believe that people who practise the above religions are able to accomplish magic? No, I don't. If you were given the opportunity to lead a creative writing program for a small group of students in a high school with a low budget in generally poor neighborhood, would you do it? No, but only because I could never been a teacher. Sounds fun otherwise. Should high school cafeterias stop serving twinkies and other fatty foods? BIIIIITCH whose HS sells Twinkies????? I need to know?????? Anyway, no, but I believe there must be mostly actually nutritional options. Let kids have the chance to have a little snack during a boring 'ole school day. What band is so romantic that anyone who listens to them must be romantic at heart? BOY Josh Groban. Have your gods and idols let you down? The Christian god did. What do you waste? Whew... time... time. When was the last time that you were neither going to school or working for a month or more? Currently. Ugh. What is your light at the end of the tunnel? The potential of a beautiful future. Speaking of the light, is the light that people see when they die the random firing of electrons or is it something more? Good question. I lean towards it being a natural phenomenon as everything shuts down, BUT I find the reincarnation/birth canal theory to be quite interesting. I don't really believe it, but hey, who the hell am I to decide if it is or not. If you were going to have a mural painted in your bed room what would you want it to be of? A scene of meerkats probably. Is sex more about fulfilling a need or giving yourself? Giving yourself. Do you like your belly? FUCK NO. Do you think more or act more? Think, sadly. Should there be a mandatory retirement age? Of course not. You work all you want boo. What's the craziest thing you've ever done on impulse that worked out well? This is gonna sound... very bad, but my suicide attempt. It made things abundantly clear I needed serious help. It led to my partial hospitalization program. Do you have any exercise tapes or DVDs? No but OH MY GOD this made me remember my lil sister used to a Barbie one that we followed lmaoooo. Does the sound of crickets bother you? No, I quite enjoy it actually. Is the sound of a fan on at night soothing? Yessss. How do you feel you will likely die? I really don't know, but probably cancer-related. Recent events have made it abundantly clear it does in fact run in our family, and genetic testing because of Mom's cancer revealed that at least through her, my sisters and I are susceptible to pancreatic, breast, and ovarian cancer. Once this virus passes over, we're all getting tested for free to get an understanding of what hell Dad gave us lmao. Have you ever been slapped in the face? No. How about punched? Yeesh, no. That was something unique about you as a child? I was CRAZY about dinos for the average little girl. Have you ever come up with a memorable quote? Not really. What is something interesting about where you live? The town is like, really, really old. Downtown looks right out of an old movie. Were you breastfed as a baby? Yeah. If you’ve lost your virginity, what was your first time like? I don't remember it because it didn't really register what we were doing was sex. I still don't know today if you could call it sex since it was really dry humping through thin clothes, but it sounds close enough. What do you think about masturbation? You do you boo. Is it sometimes better than the real thing? I don't think so, though I only had a brief episode where I did it when I was put on a new birth control that made my hormones like so, so far beyond control. I stopped that shit sooo fast. I got almost nothing out of it, honestly. Intimacy is a two-person job for me. Who do you think about most? Jason, whether I want to or not. Favorite way to pamper yourself? Go to bed early lol. What's your most expensive piece of clothing? I don't have a clue. I don't really have expensive stuff. What was your last big achievement? Ugh... I'm not the person to ask. I haven't made any big ones even semi-recently. Have you ever had a "false alarm" moment, what was it about? Oh sure. The first time that comes to mind was when I thought Venus was dying once when she had a series of horrible coughing/gagging fits a long time ago. We took her to the vet with the risk of a respiratory infection, but she was clear, thankfully. I think she had early signs, though. Do you know how to ride a bike? Ye. If you were in the hospital who are the two people you'd want by your side? Mom of course, and it'd be nice if Sara was there if she was at all capable of that, but I'm fine w/ just Mom. If you could ever take a street sign, what sign do you want? Well, I wouldn't, but probably "stop" bc that applies to a lot in my life, lmao. Have you ever not returned something you borrowed and if so what was it? I don't think so? When you pack your lunch, what's your favorite packed lunch? Usually just a good 'ole pb&j. :') What was the one most important thing you learned from your parents? Take care of your goddamn relationship. Talk shit out instead of yelling. Work together. Never neglect the reason you're with each other. Have you done something you worry could come back to haunt you, what? No, because I don't believe in karma. If you had to build a small ark, what 7 animals would you save? Those with the biggest ecological impact, like bees and spiders, for example. I wouldn't be very happy with all my choices while all other animals perished, but you've gotta think of what comes next. Out of just selfishness I'd obviously have to spare a spot for meerkats, aha. They'd help with the bug control, though! I don't know about the other four, though; I'd have to think real hard on 'em. What is something your parents love that you actually love too? Classic rock and metal. Has anyone ever said "I love you" and you couldn't say it back? I firmly remember this is how I ended that childish shit with Joel. He said it and I couldn't. Have you ever ridden a camel? No. What's been the hardest loss you've had to take? Jason. What emotion is your least favorite and the one you are not in touch with? Fear, of course. No one likes being afraid. I'm not all that in touch with greed at all. Do you think facial moles or freckles are cute? I don’t mind 'em. Sometimes they're super-duper cute. Would you ever pick up a hitchhiker? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO I don't trust strangers for shit. If you're searching for a relationship, where is your go-to place to look? I don't really "look" anywhere. What book have you read multiple times? I lost count of how many times I've read Meerkat Manor: Flower of the Kalahari. Granted, in subsequent reads, I would skip over the HUGE tangent chunks that were entirely unrelated to meerkats. I seriously remember one long-ass section was like a goddamn essay on why smaller animals tend to have unnaturally large testicles like I don't fucking care talk about Flower again. I think I only decided to read it in full two times, but maybe not even that. Do you keep a budget? I don't have the income to do so. Have you ever test driven a car you knew you weren't going to buy? No, never test-drove anything. What do you have a hard time visualizing? There's a number of things, but this one thing is weird shit: I can't picture my old therapist. Even when I saw her every month, I could almost NEVER visualize her in my head. She's a fucking cryptid or something, paranormal shenanigans is going on here. She's the only person I know where I have that problem. What makes you feel uncomfortable in group settings? I worry I'll make myself look stupid in front of everyone. What was your worst date ever? I don't feel like I've really had a bad one. I've had one that did nooooot go according to plan and I know the average girl would've been annoyed, but I'm actually an understanding human being who found the adventure fun in the end. Basically a flat tire, a sketchy tire place, and a lot of walking happened lmao. Tyler felt fucking awful, felt bad for him. Have you ever gotten in a bidding war on Ebay, if so for what item? HAHA yeah, though it was technically Mom, but she had me keep an eye on it. I remember Parasite Eve took some battling to get. I think maybe a Legend of Spyro game, too? Are you supportive of your friends even if you don't agree with them? So long it's not literally insane or stupid, usually. It really does depend. What did you think was stupid until you tried it? Hm. I'm not sure. What subject do you and your parents never see eye to eye on? Religion. I keep most of my beliefs to myself now. Where do you see yourself in 1 year's time? Honestly, I don't want to ponder and picture this. What is your favorite type of seafood? I only like shrimp. What triggers your inner shopaholic? HA, do tattoos count? See cool ones, and then I'm planning (more than only always...) tons of new ones I want and will just be DYING (ALSO more than always lakdjfwe) to go to the parlor. What public figure do you disagree with the most? I really can't say considering I'm just not educated enough here. What is your opinion on rats as pets? They are absolutely wonderful! Smart, sweet, and very clean despite their stigma. I've had quite a few. What is something you're afraid to try? Sky diving, the Tower of Terror ride. ;___; That kinda stuff. What song makes you dance uncontrollably? None. Do you like nachos, if so what topping is a MUST have? Cheese is all I really need for nachos. Do you have any subscriptions? Yes, to Adobe Creative Cloud. Which is better, Mario or Sonic? Mario games are cute, Sonic's make me cringe - I've watched enough Game Grumps to know lmao. I hate hate hate cringe culture, like let people enjoy whatever, but I absolutely cannot stop my cringe reaction to some shit. I don't judge the people that enjoy whatever it is, though. THAT pisses me off. Who is the most creative person you know? I've known Sara and Connie much too long to not say them. They have such vast imaginations. Besides a pickle, what is your favorite thing pickled? I've actually never tried anything pickled, I think... no wait. Aren't jalapenos? Well there, jalapenos. What did you do for your 21st birthday? If not, 21 what are your plans? I had my normal therapy sessions in the mental hospital lmfao. It's unfortunate, but I do have fond memories of the day. Everyone was so damn sweet, and the friend I made there even got in touch with one of the lunch ladies, who literally went to go buy me a slice of cake. She and the other employees in the kitchen brought it out at dinner, and everyone sang happy birthday. I think I remember tearing up just because it was so goddamn sweet, but also bittersweet in that I was in a fucking mental institution for my BIGGEST birthday. When I got out, Colleen bought me a red velvet cake to "make up for it," ha ha. I miss her every now and then alsdkjf;wae. Are you a role model for anyone in your life? Oh, I doubt it. Do you think you need to slow down and enjoy life more? I don't need to go any fucking slower in my life. Can you impersonate anyone famous? I don't believe so. Never really tried anyone. What is your favorite salty snack? Spicy Cheetos mmmmmmmmmMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM What is your favorite restaurant? Olive Garden for sit-down, Sonic for fast food. Have you ever been in a play for school? In elementary school. I never had a big roll, though. Do you wish you had more friends? Very much. What is the main character’s name in the book you’re reading? Aunt Lydia. Which famous author would you like to meet? I'm not particularly interested in any. Which artist would you like to meet? Hey hey hey. Mark's brother is a comic artist. Meet him, one step closer to meeting God Himself. (ง ͡ʘ ͜ʖ ͡ʘ)ง Which singer would you like to meet? OZZY sobs What celebrity do you have a crush on? Anyone who's even heard about a hint of my Markiplier obsession knows I would fuck him into oblivion. When you were in middle school, were you in love with someone you never talked to? No, I didn't romantically love anyone. Do you believe that there is an unseen spirit realm? I do. Martini, margarita, or sangria? YO STOP I'm weak with these things. I can't pick. Do you feel you are extremely gifted but no one appreciates you? No. I honestly feel like people have more faith in what I'm capable of than deserved. What Lisa Frank character is your favourite? The angel cat, probably. Or tiger. Do you know how to use Braille? No. When you use stairs, do you usually hold the rail? Currently, I have to because of my muscle atrophy. I need help to stay steady. Have you ever worn a veil? No. Have you ever planted a tree? We actually did plant an apple tree in our front yard at my childhood home. Never grew much. Have you ever made anything with clay? A number of things from art classes. Has today been a good day? No, honestly. Have you ever fed a horse hay? Yes. Are you more likely to text "Okay", "OK" or just "K"? "'Okay.' The other two are restricted for when I am in a mood and want someone to know I am in a mood." <<<< HA HA SAME. Do you like the taste of lime? Sure. Have you ever seen a mime (in real life)? Not to my recollection. Have you ever seen a deer (in real life)? Plenty of times; whitetails are common here. Right now, what can you hear? "Game Over" by Falling In Reverse. Have you ever seen a bear (in real life)? In the zoo, yes. I think there's a possibility I have in the wild, but only from a distance? Have you ever eaten glue? No. Do you tend to buy clothes used or new? New. If you have Netflix, how many items are in your queue? N/A

[canaryatlaw]

mmm. I have a lot of conflicting emotions about things right now. mostly nothing to actually do with today, just stuff that’s been floating around in my head and being exacerbated by not knowing what’s going to be my future. Like if it’s NY that’s going to be a whole new world I’ll have to adjust to, and even if I stay in Chi I have no idea what I’m going to do job wise. And everything being in flux like that just makes it so difficult to plan practically anything. And on top of that I just have so many messy emotions regarding friends and relationships and I’m trying to make sense of it all but my brain doesn’t work correctly because it’s actually depending on 3 different antidepressants to change the chemistry, so I can do more than literally just sleep all day like last summer. and antidepressants are great and I’m very thankful for them, but sometimes there are gaps, and things just don’t work right, or past experience makes you paranoid about certain behaviors and desperately trying to prevent the past from repeating itself while also trying very hard to not come off as clingy because I know that I can be very clingy and I really hate that. Trying to convince myself I’m not being purposefully excluded which I know in all rational thought I’m not, but my mind is not always rational and has such feelings anyway. Sigh. Anyway, that's enough rambling, I should actually talk about my day now. It was fine, pretty good. I woke at I want to say 10:22, and before I looked at the clock I thought it was much earlier than that, like 6 am but no it was later so I got up and had some breakfast, after which I got in the shower to continue the whole morning shower thing (and omg, my bangs looked so good all day, I’m so obsessed with them). My normal hair routine is to use shampoo every day, then every 3 days use the special color depositing conditioner I have, as recommended by my hair stylist to keep it from being oily, and it’s worked pretty well so far. I only brought the conditioner with me because shampoo is shampoo for the most part, and after I used the stuff they had here my hair had a very weird feeling to it, like hard and would like, make noises and shit if you pressed against it lol, so I took a very tiny amount of conditioner and worked it through my hair which seemed to help a lot. My mom, my uncle, and I ended up going to this giant mall not too far from them (my aunt was totally pooped from partying yesterday and just wanted to sleep). It was pretty cool, a really big place, so we mostly just walked around there for a bit and went in different stores. We got some lunch in the food court from a soup and salad place that I’m pretty sure has places in Chicago, I got the crab and corn chowder which was very good, there was a hint of spice but strangely enough it wasn’t the burn my tongue spice but more like I could just feel it in my mouth afterwards. Idk, it was weird. We took a look in Brookstone trying to find something for my dad being that father’s day is next weekend and his birthday is two days after that (both my mom and my dad have birthdays super close to mother’s day and father’s day respectively, which is very convenient tbh 😂) because he likes their kind of gadgets and such, but they didn’t really have much, just like, stuff for a grill, speakers, and a bunch of different massage centered products, so that was a bust. We ultimately ended up leaving without buying anything (which is honestly rather impressive) but we drove back and stopped at a Tim Horton’s on the way, because Michigan, I got a small white hot chocolate because of course I can’t have coffee, and we chilled out in there for a bit before going to the house. Upon arrival we all just chilled for a while, and eventually got around to the topic of dinner, there wasn’t much in way of options at the house since my aunt was down for the count, so we ended up getting chinese food that I ordered online and my uncle and mom went to go get. I’m finding that the term “lo mein” can have many different interpretations depending on where you are ordering it, because several times in Chicago I’ve had types that didn’t match the one I’m used to, and this was one of those as well. It was still pretty good though, and I ate rice and fortune cookies and all that good stuff. By the time we finished it was about 7:30, and we watched a little tv before switching over to the Tony Awards!!! Which I realize I did not liveblog on here at all lol, I had to make a decision if I wanted to live tweet it on my main internet peeps account or my IRL people’s account, and I ended up going with the latter because that’s where my actual theatre people were. Overall I thought it was pretty good, Josh Groban and Sara Bareilles were great hosts. This review is probably not going to be in chronological order of the show, just warning you now. When they honored the Parkland drama teacher for hiding SIXTY FIVE FUCKING CHILDREN in her office for two hours before the all clear was given, and of course she should be credited as many of the more outspoken student advocates from Parkland were in the drama program and credit it for giving them the means from which it express their opinions. man, I cried so damn much. And then they had them all sing, SING, ONSTAGE, AT THE TONYS, as high schoolers, man, that has got to be such a dream come true. The girl who had the Joanne solo towards the end of the song fucking KILLED IT, I was watching knowing she had the high note at the end and I’m just thinking please don’t crack please don’t crack and she didn’t, she fucking NAILED it in an incredible show of talent, like dude, that’s insane. So I enjoyed that part of it. It was interesting that Mean Girls performed so early on. I was wondering what song they were going to do, and I understand why they chose what they did as it featured most of the cast, but I also think it wasn’t the strongest song(s) in the show, so that wasn’t all that helpful. Taylor Louderman sounded either very nervous or sick, her voice was pretty shaky, but she pulled through. I fucking lost it at Karen, I knew just from listening to the OBCR that she was perfect for the role, and tonight just confirmed that, she was great. I wish my girl Janis got to do more (I had been thinking maybe they'd do Revenge Party) but at least she got in there. Other things, let’s see, I hadn't heard of The Band’s Visit until tonight, so I certainly wasn’t expecting them to largely sweep the awards, I guess the voters (or whoever determines the winners) were really feeling it. Not gonna lie, Hailey Kilgore from Once On This Island was fucking ROBBED for the leading actress Tony, she had a stellar performance and she totally deserved it. Loved their number as much as I did when I saw the show back in January. Frozen was interesting on a few different levels. I had been thinking about how they were going to split the musical into two acts, and how Let It Go might be too early in the story to make it the act one finale, but there’s no way in hell you’re going to get an act one finale that even holds a candle to it. So I looked it up and they ended up just making Let It Go their act one finale, probably a good choice. When I saw they were doing for the first time in forever I was like oh we’re gonna end up switching to Let It Go, they had to, so of course I was right and they did, and man, they nailed it so well. It was clear they had to get that scene exactly right if they wanted to be taken seriously as a show, and they managed to find an actress who can actually hit the notes on a level comparable to Idina Menzel, because if she didn't that’s all anyone would be talking about. But she fucking killed that song, made it her own, and even managed to hit an extra high note that was not in the movie score, I was really impressed and I might go see it honestly, I’m trying to think, I wasn't as engaged with the performances of shows I’m not terribly familiar with, Carousel had a great dance number but I didn’t get much else out of it. The Spongebob number was......something alright, I mean if nothing else he certainly did a great job embodying Squidward, so there’s that. I’m trying to think if I have anymore feedback but it’s 1 am here and my eyes really want to close so I’m gonna try to keep it short. The De Niro thing was fucking hilarious and I love that it happened. I am cautiously curious about the harry potter play, I know a lot of fans thought it was trash, but it did do fairly well awards wise so there might be some good in there. Alright, that’s the end of my day and that’s it for now, my eyes really want to be close so that is what I’m going to do. Goodnight my lovely friends, Good luck on your Monday.

[swan-archive]

Okay so I said I wasn’t gonna do this but I have been REINVORGATED and REJUCINATED by the Oak boot of “Dust and Ashes” so here you go, more rambling than you require about the cast recordings of Natasha, Pierre, and the Great Comet of 1812. Sorry, y’all.

Blease to keep in mind that these are all just, like, my opinions, man.

First off: not to be all I AM UNCOMFORTABLE WHEN WE ARE NOT ABOUT HAMILTON? but I really do wonder how many of my issues with Comet’s obcr can be traced back to Hamilton’s cast recording...

So, as we all know, Lin took pains to make Hamilton’s cast album sound as much like a hip-hop record as he could. This is there in the way the songs are composed and performed, and it’s very much there in the production—Questlove and Black Thought were co-producers on the album, along with Lin, Lac, and Bill Sherman.

Now, when I think of big-name modern rap and hip-hop records, I think high production value. At their best, you should be getting an incredibly well-crafted, slick, cohesive sound, vocals married to instrumentation and beats in a way that just works whether you’re listening track-by-track or to the whole album start to finish. And, most importantly, the work that goes into achieving that sound shouldn’t be audible. You should be able to listen to something like Lemonade or Coloring Book or My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy without getting tangled up in “oh, interesting eq going on there” or “what’s going on with that delay?” at first pass. Just let it be about the music.

This worked for Hamilton. It doesn’t work so well for Comet.

And, I mean, they tried. They worked very hard to polish things up, to make a Studio Album that stands by itself, bless ‘em, but honestly, I just wish they’d let the music speak for itself a bit more, just let it be a recording of a very good Broadway show. Because on Comet, that sort of tight-ship production value just reads as...overproduced. And it makes it a less enjoyable listening experience.

Now, music producers wear a hell of a lot of hats, so “overproduced” can mean a lot of different things. With this album, it takes the form of stuff sounding TOO clean, overpolished to the point of sounding artificial, and artificial is not a thing you want in a vocal sound in a genre based around showcasing, well, vocals. It’s mostly little things that I noticed, not anything that would ruin an album, but just things that might turn your head and make you go, “huh, that didn’t sound quite right.”

For example, I noticed a different treatment on certain phrase deliveries, exemplified by Grace McLean’s bit from “In My House” where she sings “Why didn’t he come to the house? / Why didn’t he openly ask for your hand?” as well as Amber Gray’s “Charmante, charmante” from (obviously) “Charming.” Both of these phrases end with a little descent that, on the ocr, sounds more like an interpretive/ornamental bit than anything; a sort of natural falling-off of the line that comes from an emotional rather than a technical place. On the obcr, both of these ornaments persist, but are “tidied up” for lack of a better phrase—both actors deliver them with significantly more weight, taking care to strike specific pitches. And it...well, in my opinion, it doesn’t work as well. It sounds like someone circled the bit in the music and went, “okay, let’s make those ornaments INTENTIONAL,” which removes the the charm of the unstudied voice and makes the part sound rehearsed.

At other times, they go too far in the opposite direction, pushing on the bounds of the written music in a way that simply doesn’t read on a recording like this one. I’m thinking in particular of Lucas Steele’s long notes at the beginning of “The Abduction” and at the end of “Pierre and Anatole.” Now, I’m not saying the album shouldn’t show off Steele’s vocal prowess; he’s an unbelievably talented singer, and he can do some Real Shit with his voice that is frankly terrifying and everyone should fear and respect him. What I AM saying is that a recording is a different format in which to hear those notes, as opposed to a live performance. When you’re there in the Imperial Theater, watching Steele sit on a C#5 for 45 consecutive seconds like it’s his fucking job (which...I guess it is), you can tell by dint of BEING THERE that there’s no artifice, just a skilled singer and his throat and his voice. And that’s part of the beauty of it, that you can watch it happen in real time and marvel at it. When you’re listening to a neat studio recording, on the other hand, there’s that level of abstraction, of knowing that between the note coming out and hitting your ears there’s been work done on it. And maybe Steele did actually hold it out that long in-studio (he probably did. The man isn’t human, I fucking swear), but you can’t know that. Cross-fades are a thing, and it is a fairly trivial task to knit together two long notes to make one biiiiiiiig long note, especially with a clear pure tone like Steele’s voice has. So it ends up sounding self-indulgent and gimmicky. Look how long we made this note. Such high. Very edits. Wow. Please clap. Lin got it when he said there’s some stuff that should stay unique and exclusive to the live performances, and these virtuoso showings definitely fall under that heading. Hint at ‘em on the recording, but their proper home is on the stage, in the theater.

(I’m sorry! I’m sorry! I AM UNCOMFORTABLE WHEN WE ARE NOT ABOUT HAMILTON!)

All that said: Comet has a very complex, group-oriented score, and everything I’ve been pointing out so far is fairly nitpicky. It’s subtle artistry stuff that will, by its nature, get lost when there is a lot going on, which there frequently is. Not to mention the score features long recitative-style sections, where the actors will deliberately use a more speech-like singing style to deliver exchanges between characters, quick exposition, etc. which does a lot to counter the “getting too technical and shoegazey” thing. People know what speech is meant to sound like! If you stray too far from that, you’ll undermine your listeners’ comprehension, as well as the whole uh...ACTING part of the PLAY. Which is important.

However, the whole play isn’t like this. You do have solo arias—broadly, major pauses in the action to expound on a single character’s emotional state. I’m thinking of three songs from Comet in particular: “Dust and Ashes,” “Sonya Alone,” and “No One Else,” standout showstopper numbers that are meant to drag the tears out of everyone in the audience. (Don’t worry, I love crying. It’s my favorite thing, next to dying and being dead.) Overall, these three songs are more delicately orchestrated, in order to showcase the unique voices of the soloists. Which would be great, if, you know, they’d managed to consistently mix the songs in a way that showcased the unique voices of the soloists! Fuck!

(“Charming” technically fits this mold as well. However, I would argue that it has more of a narrative action, i.e. showing Hélène’s beguilement of Natasha, not to mention that it is musically a very different song from any of the other ones I’ve listed above, faster-paced and with a more active accompaniment, which covers things that might otherwise give pause. Even so you can hear a few off-kilter things in it, as outlined above.)

“Dust and Ashes” (and to a lesser extent, “Pierre”) are difficult to compare between albums—obviously, because there’s no studio recording of the former (@DAVE! PLEASE SAVE MY LIFE), and because Dave Malloy and Josh Groban have such radically different voices. Let’s be very clear, I am not dunking on Groban’s prowess as a vocalist; there’s no question in my mind (and shouldn’t be any in yours) that, in terms of technical skill, he has a better voice than Dave in every way. To my ear, though, Groban’s recordings of Pierre’s songs sound almost unpleasantly slick, which I would guess is what you get when overproduced hypercleanliness meets vocal control that could knock an apple off someone’s head at forty paces without batting an eyelid. Especially next to the raw, almost painfully sincere delivery of Malloy’s versions, Groban’s sound sanitized, lacking in sincere emotion, just a string of notes with a vibrato as wide as a barn. It’s very disappointing, and makes me regret not watching the Groban boot all the way through for a better idea of how his Pierre comes across onstage.

“Sonya Alone,” luckily, manages to escape overproduction for several reasons. First off, it’s performed by Brittain Ashford on both albums, which presumably gave the production team a model for how to showcase her voice on the obcr. Secondly, the way the song was written and performed naturally resists this sort of treatment. It doesn’t have a virtuosic range—nearly the whole thing sits within less than an octave, and the one high belt note just kind of gets tapped briefly before settling back down. Hence, the emotional beats in it are a matter of performance, rather than technical prowess, and cleaning up too much of the natural wobble and waver of the voice in that range would make it sound absolutely lifeless and boring. Ashford also has that unusual, striking dark tone to her voice, which can already sound like an affectation to the first-time listener; placing too many effects on it would only exacerbate that. Hence, a reprieve. We get to enjoy Brittain Ashford’s voice showcased as it is. Nice.

Which leaves us with “No One Else.”

Oh, you guys.

You guys, I love “No One Else.” I think it is the second most perfect song Dave Malloy has ever written, only missing out on the top spot because he also wrote the ear worm from hell. It is PEAK F major aesthetic in every way. It is such a gorgeous, wistful, romantic piece, and couldn’t have hit more of my buttons even if Dave Malloy had literally come into my home and said, “hey, Swan, I’m trying to write a song that will knock you, specifically, on your ass, wanna give me some pointers so that I can more efficiently Kill you?” It is so good.

And this recording of it did Denée Benton SO. DIRTY.

Benton’s Natasha is necessarily a bit different than Phillipa Soo’s Natasha. Soo has a somewhat weightier voice than Benton, so her interpretation of the character seems to lean more on her vitality and spirit, whereas Benton reads as a very young Natasha, naïve but deeply good. (Margaux @likeniobe, I’m pretty sure it was you who pointed this out to me, thanks, you’re the real mvp.) I think both of these are perfectly valid character interpretations of Natasha as she appears in this adaptation, and based on what I’ve seen of the bootleg, Benton’s Natasha is lovely to watch onstage.

...However. The thing about that interpretation is that it requires a good bit of subtlety in order to come across as compelling and not saccharine. This reads onstage, but on this recording, very sadly, it kind of flops. Again, this strikes me as the fault of hewing too close to the written music, and ironing out too many of the natural kinks in a voice. Benton performs this song very delicately, with a light touch regarding theatricality; when overworked, this gives it an almost Disney princess-y feel, all fluff, no substance. It’s not as moving, it simply doesn’t do justice to Benton’s interpretation, and I’m mad about it.

There are also some technical...I wouldn’t call them errors, I guess, but interpretive things in this recording that just seem like sloppy mixing. The first one comes right on Benton’s first line, that beautiful fifth leap that sets up the airy space of the song as a whole. There’s reverb on her voice to mimic the atmosphere of hearing the song in a theater, but for some reason they don’t even give it time to fully die away before launching her into the first verse, and as a result she sounds rushed. This could work with a different vocal interpretation, but Benton performs the opening of this song with a very dreamy, mysterious approach (contrast Soo, who takes it more stridently), so it just comes off as sloppy and badly-paced.

Then, at the end of the song (and bear with me, folks, I’m about to get VERY nitpicky), Benton sings that wonderful ascending “you and I / you and I / you and I,” showing off her higher range and building suspense before the surprisingly tender and introspective ending of the song. Since she is singing high notes, an engineer mixing the song would most likely apply some compression to her voice to keep it sitting in the appropriate place in the mix, and to prevent the signal from clipping. I’m not gonna get into a super in-depth discussion of compression here, but in short it’s an effect that reduces the dynamic range (“loudness”) of a signal when it passes a designated threshold frequency, thus allowing you to get a more consistent dynamic range throughout, so your pianos aren’t inaudible and your fortes aren’t blowing out your speakers.

...It’s more complicated than that. Whatever. Don’t @ me.

Anyway, the way what I assume is compression has been applied to Benton’s vocal here sounds VERY sloppy in comparison to how Soo’s was treated on the ocr. A cool thing about many types of compressors is that you can control exactly how fast the compression kicks in, smoothing out the level changes so that you don’t have a track that’s pulsating wildly in dynamic range. Here, as Benton reaches each held note, her vocal ducks audibly before coming back up. This effect is audible in Soo’s recording of the song, but it’s MUCH more subtle and naturalistic, serving a technical purpose without distracting from the artistry of the song. So...either this was some very spotty compression work, or like, the engineer just went into the volume for her track and manually ducked it and brought it back up? I don’t know, but whatever it was, I don’t like it.

Now, in the end, Dave Malloy signed off on this album, and as long as he’s happy with it, that’s all that really matters. As an engineer, you’re (for the most part) there to bring your client’s vision to life, and if they like the product you put in front of them at the end of the day, then you’ve done your job. And there’s a huge chance that I’m just being all IT’S DIFFERENT SO IT SUCKS, given that I’m very sensitive to small differences in versions of a song.

But still. Still.

Denée, sweetie, you deserved better than this.

[thesestrangerthings]

Beauty and the Beast Review

I saw the movie yesterday and decided to write a review because eh why not I like procrastinating and I have very strong feelings about this. This is probably about to be a hot, unorganized mess because I don’t write reviews very often.

But yeah.

Overall Thoughts: I loved it a lot. Great visuals and I was pleasantly surprised by the singing (but I’ll talk about that more under the cut). Some people are gonna hate me for saying this but I thought it was better than the original. I would love to see this movie win at least one Oscar, whether that be for sound, visual effects, costumes/makeup, original song, whatever. I’m dying to see it again but I’m so broke. Read more for detailed thoughts and spoilery things :)

Overture/Prologue Pts. 1 and 2/Aria: I thought the whole prologue was very well done. I was surprised by how much of a historical look they seemed to be going for with the costumes and the prince’s entire getup. He looked super freaky in that makeup but I like that they didn’t try to make him attractive. Also Audra McDonald (Madame Garderobe) is a queen.

Belle: Before watching the movie, I wished that they would have done more with Emma Watson’s hair to make her look less like herself, but I could totally see her as Belle by the end of this song. I really like the look of her blue dress + the boots. I also adored the color palette they created with the village. My only complaint (with this scene and pretty much the whole movie tbh) is that I think they autotuned Emma more than she needed to be, I feel like taking her natural voice and maybe just raising the volume and tweaking it a tiny bit would have been just fine. That being said, because the only clips I heard from the film beforehand were of Emma, I was expecting everyone to be autotuned and had no idea that the male leads were going to be as strong as they were. Emma’s Belle is so fierce, I loved it when Gaston was like “oh are you busy” and she was just like “...no.” And when he sang “I’m going to make Belle my wife” I was like yessss boy sing holy crap strong male singers.

How Does a Moment Last Forever (Music Box): Yay for new songs! I loved that a little more substance was added to Maurice and that you got to see the father/daughter relationship here.

Belle (Reprise): Def think they were going for Sound of Music vibes with her running into the field (not a negative thing, just a thing).

Gaston: M’kay I have strong thoughts here even though I didn’t really have an opinion of Gaston until this movie. But Luke Evans is like 10000% a perfect Gaston. And they did an amazing job at making him look the part (glad they went with a long-sleeved coat instead of the short-sleeved shirt from the original). I definitely screeched when he went up on that high note for “roughly the size of a baaaaaAAAARGE.” And oh my goodness, I love how freakin’ extra they made this whole scene. When they started dancing I completely flipped, ugh I loved it so much. And to top it all off I laughed so hard when LeFou was trying to spell Gaston. xD

Be Our Guest: This number was even more extra than “Gaston.” I loved Lumiere’s character as a whole and I’m totally biased towards Ewan McGregor because of Moulin Rouge. I thought that the special effects in this scene were well done.

Days in the Sun: Okay so I was a little weirded out at the very beginning when the young prince was singing, but it was catchy and I was on board with the song by the end. So yay for more new songs. I looooved how the Beast hated Romeo and Juliet. xD

Something There: The snowball fight was super cute but poor Belle must have had a headache after that. Because they worked on developing the Beast’s character a lot more in this version, he and Belle falling for each other was so much more plausible. And idk if this was before or after Montmartre, but it was so cute how they compromised on the eating thing and drank out of their bowls. Also yay for hearing the beast sing!!!

How Does a Moment Last Forever (Montmartre): I’m glad that the enchanted book thing didn’t end up being too cheesy and that we actually got some backstory on Belle’s mother. Also it was an interesting detail how Belle said that they should go “home.”

Beauty and the Beast: Okay so this scene brought on 10,000 degrees of feels. It was definitely the most nostalgic part for me. And agh it was just so cute and Emma Thompson is a perfect Mrs. Potts. So it made me really sad afterwards when Belle said she wasn’t happy even though we know she isn’t really. The pictures I saw of the yellow dress before seeing the movie made me wish that they had given it more volume/texture, but I actually liked it a lot when I actually saw it in the movie.

Evermore: !!!!!! This is the song that the animated movie needed but didn’t have. a) because the beast just needs a solo song and b) because duh we need to know how he’s feeling and get punched right in the feels. I know that they edited Dan Stevens’ voice some to give it the beast sound, but wow he was so beautiful singing this. And the fact that there’s a Josh Groban version of this song makes me like it even more because I love Josh Groban with all of my heart.

The Mob Song: v spoopy! Have I mentioned that I love Luke Evans as Gaston? And the atmosphere was A++. Alan Menken is a brilliant composer and this is one of those songs that made me realize that Beauty and the Beast might be the best Disney score, definitely one of the best. 10/10 would punch Gaston. And again, I love the father/daughter dynamic we got with the two of them trying to pick the lock. Tbh I loved the whole final fight scene in general.

Beauty and the Beast (Finale): Have I mentioned that Audra McDonald slays my existence? But tbh that growl thing was a little weird. Regardless, wow this movie made me really feelsy and nostalgic even though I don’t even remember the first time I actually saw it as a kid.

I know I missed some ground by just going song by song, but oh well.