#i thought i lost completely all my senses on how to paint. ok no im still good!!! phew!

[kishdoodles]

Happy New Year! 2025's Davesprite is here :3

I was afraid I wouldn't be able to make a Davesprite I liked in time for new years, but I think I managed to pull it off! Hope everyone has a good year ahead! ^_^

Previous yearly Davesprites: 2014 - 2024

[caitliinclarkswife22]

All Your’n

Caitlin Clark x reader

Your summer vacation Junior year of high school your families went on vacation to Disney.

The second day there you and Caitlin decided to venture out on your own, you had been walking around for a while.

“Caity I’m so tired!!” I whined

“Ok let’s do this ride, so you can sit for a bit”

I smiled to myself and thought she’s always caring when it comes to me.

It was the Haunted Mansion ride… “ummmmm Caity I don’t want to get scared”

“It will be fine! Come on” she urged me

“Finnnnnne,” I say even tho I’m hesitant.

Five minutes in and I was so scared I had to grab onto something. You interlocked your and Caitlin’s arms and hands so quick she wasn’t able to register what had just happened. But she didn’t care, she had always wanted to be more than friends with you so any touch was welcome intentional or not.

After the ride you both kept your hands together, it was just comfortable you both felt like that’s where your hands belonged.

When you got back to your hotel and had both showered, Caitlin was sitting at the top of the bed talking about your guy's year and all the school drama while I was at the foot of the bed painting my toes. I couldn’t help but notice how good Caitlin looked, her long brown hair still wet from the shower, her tank top showing off her arms in the most amazing way.

Caitlin could tell she lost you a while ago

“Something I said?”

“Hah no… I’m just tired from all the walking today”

Her eyes bared so deep at you she could probably see your soul, I nervously cleared my throat.

“You sure? Looked like you were thinking about something serious?”

Caitlin asked cuz she always knew you better than yourself

“I um… “ I stuttered, now completely aware of how dry my throat was. Caitlin scooted closer to me causing her to realize the power she has over me, causing me to sigh realizing how much I’m craving her in a way I never had before.

“I’ve never done this before but iii …” Caitlin’s brows furrowed

“I’ve um been wanting to tell you I i i “

My hands are shaking I haven’t told someone I love them let alone my best friend

Caitlin’s gaze softens giving me a boost of courage “CAITLIN IM IN LOVE WITH YOU”

I blurt out, I can’t read her face I nervously suck in a breath. A million things are running through my mind, I feel Caitlin’s hands grab mine she lifts them to her lips and places the softest kiss on my knuckles “Y/n baby” she sighs softly “ I’ve been in love with you since elementary school, I thought that you just saw me as a friend and I was ok with that as long as you could be around me.”

“But you love me?” She questions

My heart stops at her confession, really that long? We could’ve been together all this time? I’m in awe!

“ Oh my god yes Caitlin!” I exclaimed, “ I really do love you!”

A slight smile appears on her face “Really?” She questions I guess she’s new to this too, I chuckle slightly and she smirks “ Can I kiss you ?” Her eyes almost pleading “ Oh my god YES!!!”

She places the softest, sweetest kiss on my lips. I’m hungrier so I grab her face with both my hands deepening the kiss as her hands find my hair.

We stay like that for a bit but then eventually break apart to catch our breath.

Suddenly it hit me, that was just a confession, that didn’t mean anything.

What if she doesn’t want us to be together? What if that was all it was? Just a Kiss.

Caitlin can sense my anxiety, her hands cup my cheeks pulling my gaze toward hers

“Y/n it will be fine, we are gonna figure it all out together” She pulls me in for another kiss, this one is light and gentle I can feel all her love through it.

After the kiss she rests her forehead against mine we are just breathing each other in

“You really mean it Caity?”

I question her confession

“Hah… your funny” she’s laughs

“Come on Caity I’m being serious!!”

I pull away from her crossing my arms and huffing

“You’re too cute” she laughs

I frown harder now she can tell I’m upset.

“Oh baby girl” she sighs

Grabbing my hands “ I’m so in love with you it’s not even fair, my heart aches whenever I’m away from you. But yet I can’t breathe when you’re near me. My heart skips a beat when you walk Into the room. To say I need you is an understatement. Please be my girlfriend? Please don’t ever leave my side! I need you more than air! “

She starts getting choked up, tears start brimming at her eyes. I gently wipe her tears away from her eyes and pull her towards me resting her forehead against mine as I gently kiss her nose

“Oh Caity girl” I sigh “I have always wanted to be yours!” She starts grinning ear to ear as I peck her nose again.

“I’m yours Caity girl!”

“I am yours, sweet girl!”

I sigh over and over in between kissing her mouth and nose.

And from that moment on I was hers.

(Authors note

Thank you everyone for reading this. Please know this is my first fanfic so please go easy on me. I’m not sure if all continue to make fics this was just something that came to me and I ran with it. If something else comes to me then I’ll make another one. That being said if you have any asks I’ll see if I can make something with it. 😁

Love ya!)

[not-alien-girl-v]

love your work! can u write a kai anderson x reader smut with him as an elf on a shelf????

absolutely yes!!!!

warning: elf!kai, smut, lowk being attracted to an inanimate object, unprotected sex, size kink, he’s an elf so whatever kink that is, watersports, dirty talk, use of a different hole in the female body, ready has to lick her own pee, elf!kai licks readers eye, gets sealed in her wall

note: not my best work but that’s ok. JUST FOR SHITS AND GIGGLES I SWEAR GUYS IM NOT CRAZY. tbh this isn’t that good but it’s comedic and that’s all that matters to me, also it’s not x reader it’s x claire sorry not sorry

she couldn’t believe her eyes. he looked just like him.

it has been a full year now since kai’s untimely demise, and sometimes she felt as though his face was everywhere. in the passing of strangers, in the clouds in the sky, the paint imperfections on her ceiling as she layed awake at night.

but here he was. his stern face magically before her, his greasy blue hair, his dark eyes. all fit compactly onto the small face of the elf on the shelf she stared at in the store.

how had the makers of this doll gotten every single feature correct about him? all down to the single freckle at the tip of his nose.

claire was supposed to be moving on. claire had moved on. hadn’t she? as she grabbed the doll and stuffed it into her basket, heading to the checkout lanes.

___

she thought about it all night. the way she delicately unpackaged the doll, set him carefully up above the mantle, a place where Kai and her used to sit, cuddled up before the fire, now much duller and more empty once he’d left.

the elf sat there like a reminder, of him, of who she used to be, what they once had. she had to avert her eyes before she teared up too much.

claire wasn’t really sure what she was expecting the first night she took him home, but when the elf remained there, untouched, unmoved, looking still, identical to her beloved but in the sense that it, too, was lifeless and cold.

though, it’s not like she could just throw it away. throw him away. so she left him there. sure, it hurt to see him like this, but it hurt more to have to say goodbye for a second time. moving one is for chumps, right?

the second night was different, however. firstly, claire had taken a shower at 10, finding that none of her clothes were clean, she was left to shut down the house for sleep completely naked. it was no big deal. she lived alone now, and she kept her windows closed most of the time.

she locked the door and tidied up the house, turning off the lights of the well decorated tree in her living room. as she practically danced around the house wearing nothing, she was completely unaware of the tent slowly growing in the groin of the elf, carefully watching the show. it wasn’t something she’d concern herself with, given that elves don’t have genitalia, or so she was led to believe, but something about this elf was different.

he wasn’t like other elves. perhaps he was special enough to cure her lovesickness.

after taking care of all that needed to be done, she layed down in her empty bed once again, as she had done for an entire year now, day after day, and it didn’t ever get easier, she just got used to it.

that’s when she heard it. thump thump thump

‘what the fuck?’ she thought to herself. she would have said it out loud, but she had two reasons not to: one being that she promised herself she wouldn’t allow herself to go crazy in such a way and another being that if an intruder had entered, they would surely hear her.

she didn’t dare move, her breaths shallow and quick as she waited to hear if she truly had gone crazy yet.

thump thump thump

she lived alone. of this she was sure. no doubt in her mind, nothing in her house was supposed to make any noise after she had retired to her bedroom. unless…

no, it couldn’t be. sure, she had dreamt of it almost every night, no, every single night since she had lost him, but there was no way he could walk back through that door. magical things don’t happen in the real world, as much as you hope and pray.

she crawled out of bed and crept down to the floor by her bedroom door, trying to make out a shadow of what might be out there. the hall light was on, something she definitely was not responsible, and her stomach dropped.

the more she thought about it, the more the most dangerous part of her brain took over. what did she have to lose? she had no family, aside from kai, no friends, aside from kai’s friends, though she hadn’t talked to them since, and was working a minimum wage job in a fast food restaurant.

she could storm out of the room and confront her attacker with nothing but her bare fists and let god be her witness as no one else sure would be.

with no second thought, that’s what she did. she swung open the door.

in this world, there were a few things she had to be sure about, with each passing day, the threat of losing her sanity became more apparent.

1. magical things don’t happen in the real world

2. she truly was alone in this world, in every type of way

3. kai anderson, the love of her life, bane of her existence, and the only thing that ever kept her tethered to the earth, was dead

though, as the elf, also known as kai, stood before her in the doorway, menacing as ever, almost as much as when he was alive, with a boner in his silly little red footie pajamas.

it was erotic in nature to claire, being so sexually aroused by an elf doll, but she found it hard to be ashamed as he resembled her beloved so closely.

“kai?” she gasped out loud and fell to her knees, still not even eye level with the elf.

“claire…” the elf spoke lowly and claire expected some type of comfort, jesus, he had been gone a year now, how much more can she take, but he stepped forward and continued, “you’ve been a naughty girl, haven’t you?”

she picked her head up from her hands. “wha- i don’t understand?” she spoke through sobs.

“you heard me. loud and clear. you’ve been naughty. i’ll tell santa if you don’t obey me.”

“what do you want, divine ruler?” she looked down at him with dark eyes.

“lay down on the bed, you dirty little slut.”

she felt her arousal grow with every squeaky word he spoke. something about being an elf, in such a small body caused his voice to sound something like a chipmunk, but she found it erotic, regardless.

she lay down on the bed, legs spread, ready for whatever may happen. he climbed on top of her, straddling her face with his doll legs, and he let his micro erection spring free. “suck, bitch.”

she gulped. “how exactly do i-“ she started but he shoved his length into her mouth before she could finish. it was almost like a single french fry, warm, salty, and small on her tongue, but she worked her best to please him in any way he desired.

“good girl,” he moaned out to her, and attempted to smack her face with the sewn in white gloves he wore, but he could merely caress her cheek limply with every attempt. he sighed and didn’t try again.

his moans got higher in pitch as he got closer to his release, and she was worried he was getting so high in pitch that only dogs would hear him soon.

“fuck baby, i’m gonna-“ he didn’t end his sentence as his hot load shot into her mouth, being about a single drop on her tongue, but once again, she didn’t mind. anything for her master, even if he was an elf.

he removed himself from her mouth the moment he felt her swallow, and moved down to abruptly stick his length into her leaking cunt.

she moaned loudly, out of pity for his small size and in some odd way, immense pleasure, as she found his micro penis much more arousing than she expected.

he groaned in annoyance. “fuck, i can’t feel you at all,” just as claire was about to reach her breaking point, he pulled out, and developed a sinister look on his face. “i know what will work.”

she aimed to raise her head to look at the elf working on her but her body went stiff when she felt his dick slide into her urethra.

“what the fuck are you doing?” she whined out in pain but he continued his attack on her smallest hole, the exact right size for his less than average manhood, or elfhood, as it would now seem to be.

“fuck, you feel so good you little whore. you’re still daddy’s princess, aren’t you?”

she hardly felt any pleasure anymore, mostly just an odd pain, but it was enough knowing it would please her master.

“yes daddy. i’m your princess daddy. i love you daddy,” she moaned. “oh shit,” her voice dropped an octave as panic began to swim around her leaking body. “fuck, daddy, i’m gonna-“

before she could finish her sentence, a powerful stream of piss shot out of her, through the hole the little elf man had claimed, pushing him out of her, and with that, given his now minimum body weight, catapulted his entire body away from her, thwapping him against the wall with a loud smack before he could register what was happening.

he sat up and observed the mess she had made. “lick it up, bitch.”

“what?” she sat up in shock to look at him.

“i said lick it up. since you’re daddy’s princess, you have to do what daddy says.”

though he was just an elf, he was still scary, intimidating and had a murderous gleam in his plastic eyes, something that claire didn’t want to explore, given her reoccurring nightmare of being murdered in her sleep by a doll.

on her hands and knees now, she licked the trail of piss with her tongue off the carpet, attracting all types of gunk left in the carpet from her lack of vacuuming, before she was met face to face with the elf again.

she expected him to leave her a kiss, something she hadn’t had in ages, even in the time leading up to his death. she’d be lying if she said that what she had with kai was perfect, or anywhere near it, and as the last few months went by, the two hardly ever spoke.

instead, he leaned in, slow and carefully, noticing her wide eyes gazing back at him, and licked her eyeball. she flew back in surprise, clutching her teary eye with both hands. “what the fuck?” she cursed, screaming and sobbing in pain.

“i always wanted to try that when i was alive, baby. thanks for giving me the chance to live out my wildest fantasies.”

but the clock struck midnight. with a panicked look on kai’s elfy face, he scrambled to speak one last word, “wait!”

it was too late. his sopping, putrid, soggy elf body was lifeless on the floor, just as he had began. claire picked him up and chucked him at the wall again.

“fuck you!” she screamed as she beat him against the wall, over, and over, and over, until a big whole was left in the wall.

she stuffed him inside of it, and with a plaster repair kit she had been smart enough to purchase a few months back, she sealed him in there. she hoped she would never have to see his handsome, elf face ever again, no matter how much it pained her greatly.

moving on wasn’t for chumps. it was for survivors, and that’s who she was.

[apocalypticgargoyle]

𝙈𝙀𝙀𝙏 𝙏𝙃𝙀 𝙅𝘼𝘾𝙊𝘽𝙎𝙀𝙎. | 𝙠𝙖𝙧𝙡 𝙟𝙖𝙘𝙤𝙗𝙨 (18+)

edit by @raeganlolz <3

∘ requests: I tried to use as many as I could that made sense! Hope you enjoy!

“the things i’d do to meet edgy karl’s parents.”

“ok but next time you want to write smut for edgy!karl...post pregnancy scare...karl having a fixation on readers tiddies...like the whole time. -🧚🏻‍♀️”

“i stg this is my last thing ill send in today about edgy!karl but karl letting reader dom him completely.-🧚🏻‍♀️”

“CONSIDER edgy!Karl saying ‘that's my girl’”

∘ pairing: edgy!Karl Jacobs x fm!reader 

∘ warnings: nsfw (minors dni), mentions of underaged sex, asphyxiation, domination, this being 4k

∘ word count: ~4000 (im so sorry)

∘ links: 𐐪 ao3 𐑂 𐐪 previous part 𐑂 𐐪 submit an edgy!karl edit 𐑂

∘ disclaimer: I made up all the dynamics and Karl lore. This is also an au and I do what I want so

You rolled your shoulders, twisting your back to alleviate some of the stress in your back as your mind raced at the possible outcomes of spending the weekend at Karl’s parent’s place. He seemed to deal with the situation in his own way, a cigarette lazily hanging from his lips as he scrubbed the nail polish from his fingers. You wondered if his parents were sticklers for order, then again, knowing Karl, there was no way they weren’t crazy strict. You thought about your own family and what would happen if Karl were to meet your mother.

Karl seemed almost absent-mindedly going through the motions of visiting them like you had nothing to worry about. There were occasions when he even made it clear that you had your life more intact than he did, so it was doubtful they would hate you.

You peered over at him, taking your eyes off the road momentarily as he paused to blow smoke out of his window. “Why do you have to take it off?” You asked, gesturing to his hands.

He scoffed slightly, sitting up and throwing the dirty cotton ball into the small bag beside him. “My mom hates the dark colors,” he murmured, flicking his cigarette bud outside. He moved a hand to settle over your thigh, wrapping his fingers around the flesh. “Don’t worry, I’ll paint them again when we get back,” he chided. “I know it’s the only reason you keep me around.”

You snorted at this, shaking your head at his joke.

The two of you came to a small stop-over town, swapping seats after filling up the tank at the local gas station. Through the crack in the passenger window, you could hear the cashier greeting Karl as if they were old friends, smacking him on the back and walking him out the door with a smile. As Karl sank into the driver’s seat you furrowed your brows. He looked at you with a shrug. “We vacation around here sometimes,” he brushed off, making your mouth twist in disbelief. He was downplaying the extent of his family’s hold over the town.

As the two of you drove through the main street of the town, your eyes snapped to the various stores with his last name plastered on the signs. You nearly asked him about it, instead opting out as you figured he would give you a half-assed answer and only give you part of the story.

His house had its own street, a long winding road that ended in a looped driveway the size of a suburban cold-de-sac. You willed yourself not to let your mouth gape at the sheer size of the mansion as it stared back at you, blocking the moonlight as Karl opened the passenger door for you to climb out. “Stop treating me like the fucking Queen of England,” you murmured, elbowing him as he pulled on his hoodie, shaking out his hair slightly.

He laughed at you, popping a piece of gum in his mouth, and pressing his lips to yours in a nearly heated kiss as if to give you a taste of what he had in store of you. As he broke the embrace, his nose brushed against yours. “I can treat you worse if you want, pet?” He offered, causing you to shove him away from you.

“We are literally in your parents’ driveway. Chill out,” you urged, making him chuckle as he laced his fingers with yours, pulling you towards the front door. Your heart hammered in your ears as he pushed open the door. You tugged on his arm. “Shouldn’t we knock first?” You whispered, making him pop his gum and shrug.

As if telling you not to worry, he pulled you the rest of the way in the house, only to be greeted with an old man barely reaching over your height. “Karl! My god, you nearly scared the living daylights outta me!” He hooted, as Karl wrapped his arm around the old man, the two chattering away like the best of friends.

You smiled at the warmth between the two, watching Karl blossom. He moved to stand by you, wrapping his arm around your waist and gesturing to the man. “This is my nanny, Leslie. He wouldn’t leave so I think he just dusts the books in one of the libraries,” Karl joked, making the man swat the air in front of Karl.

You raised your eyebrows. “One of the libraries?” You repeated quietly as if to make sure you heard him correctly.

He smirked at you, disregarding your surprise. “This is my girlfriend,” he introduced, rather proudly as Leslie’s face lit up. He grabbed your hands and rambled on about how he had never thought Karl would introduce a girlfriend to the family.

“I thought I heard Karl’s voice. Did he make it?” A feminine tone rang out into the foyer, capturing Karl’s attention a beat before she had started talking as if he had sensed her. You wanted to smirk at the vision, knowing he did the same when he heard you.

A woman came around the corner of one of the walls, her hair and makeup applied to a professional standard and her clothes were cleanly pressed. She looked as if she had just gotten home from an office job with a corner office. Her intimidating aura vanished along with his as soon as she saw him, scooping him up in her arms as he chuckled slightly. She held him out an arm’s length away, pinching his sides and calling him a beanstalk. Another man a few years older than Leslie entered the room, draped in a flowery apron. He embraced Karl as well, the couple fawning over him like they hadn’t seen him in years.

Karl gestured for you to come closer as he showed you off to the pair, introducing them as his parents. Karl’s mom immediately embraced you, murmuring about how Karl hadn’t brought a girl home in ages let alone a girlfriend and you were quickly being to notice a theme amongst the group.

The house was massive, which you had quickly noticed was even bigger than it looked outside, as Karl’s mother looped her arm around yours, giving you the tour and explaining the extensive history of the Jacobs family and their impact on the house. Leslie and she served as some of the most entertaining tour guides you’d ever experienced as they giggling and joked. Karl walked quietly behind the group of you, hands in his pockets as he looked up at the ceilings and pictures as if he hadn’t seen them a thousand times growing up.

You peered over your shoulder, making sure he was still with the rest of you. He set you a wink, lips curling at the sight of you getting along with his family members.

After you were finally beginning to lose track of time Karl broke into the charade, and after vaguely mentioning he was tired, his mother when into a mock cuddling mode, cooing to him sarcastically, yet letting the two of you slink away for the night with the promise of finishing the tour before Karl’s brother showed up in the morning.

Soon it was just you and Karl again, him leading you up a flight of stairs. The hallways were lit with small lanterns that at one time had probably fostered candles but were now replaced with electric ones. You weren’t sure where to look as the walls were crammed with painting and photographs. Half of you wanted to admire the architecture while the rest of you was attempting to identify who the artist was that had done most of the artwork.

Karl sighed tiredly, popping open a door and switching on the lights. You bit back a smile at the view of his room in its pristine condition. The various shades of blues and greys accenting the features of his bed and various pieces of furniture. As you looked around, he threw his wallet and keys onto the dresser beside his bed, shutting the door to drown out the faint music coming from the kitchen. You sat in one of the massive chairs beside the fireplace, your mind running blank with disbelief. A fire was already burning in anticipation of his return.

You ran your finger along the seam in the leather. “When you said your family had money… I didn’t picture all,” you paused gesturing around you, “… this…”

He shrugged with a small smile on his face. “Do you wanna know a little piece of Karl lore?” He asked, smugly.

You perked your eyebrows at his words. “You know I do.”

He gestured with his fingers for you to come towards him as he walked closer to one of the massive windows. He settled his hand in the crook of your neck, turning you to look across the pond at a few of the other massive properties. He pressed a kiss to your shoulder before pointing at one directly in front of you. “I lost my virginity in that one,” he stated, making you chuckle.

He wrapped his arms around your waist. “And to whom?” You queried, as his teeth nipped at your ear.

You could practically hear him smirk. “Her name was Ms. Scarlet back then, but I think she’s been married again,” he answered, making you freeze in his hold. “I think she was between husband two and three.”

“Wait, what?” You turned around to face him.

He brushed his lips against yours. “You jealous?”

You furrowed your brows at him, pulling out of his touch. “Were you of age?” You questioned, voice coming out in almost a winded laugh.

He shrugged, plopping down on the bed behind him, leaning his weight back on his hands. “Not the first time.” He smiled up at you. “She’s a friend of mine’s mom. I cut her grass that summer.”

You rubbed your eyes. “Jesus Christ,” you murmured. “Did you hook up again after that?” It was like he had opened Pandora’s box, a mass of questions echoing like bees within your mind.

He looked at the ceiling. “We stopped before my sophomore year of college, I think.” He furrowed his brows in thought. “Yeah, so almost five years.” Your mouth gapped slightly. “But only when I came back for breaks.”

“You were seventeen?” You stressed. “And when you came back from where?” You sat beside him, attempting to decide if you should be worried or not. Obviously, it wasn’t a fact you could change, but the fact that a woman had him at so young-

He hummed slightly. “Boarding school,” he mumbled, trying not to seem smug. He wrapped his arm around your waist. “I know it sounds bad now, but she wasn’t taking advantage of me or anything,” he assured. “I think you’d like her, honestly.”

“You think I’d like a woman that preys on little boys?” He snorted at your comment and you smacked his chest, making him laugh louder.

He dug his face into your neck. “Age of consent is lower here,” he continued to assure. “Baby, I’m okay.” His teeth nipped at your skin. “Plus, I don’t think I’d know how to make you feel so good without her.” That made you green around the gills. You attempted to put the thought of Karl and an older woman out of your mind. “How did you lose yours?”

You swallowed your questions, deciding to save them for another day. “In a treehouse before I left for college. With my roommate’s twin brother,” you murmured.

He chuckled. “Oh, shit. We’re both bad friends, aren’t we?” He jested.

You shook your head, chewing the inside of your cheek. “I was dating him, actually. It was really brief.”

“The sex or the relationship?” He asked, making two gesture two fingers into the air. He pulled away from you, sending you a small smile. “And what’s his name? I need to know who you’re comparing me to.”

You scoffed. “Clay,” you answered, the image of the boy flashing into your mind for an instant.

Karl’s demeanor changed. “Clay?” He repeated, sounding like you earlier as you wrapped your brain around the extent of the Jacobs fortune. “What does that seem so familiar…” he trailed off in thought. You perked your eyebrow at him, knowing full-well the two could have unintentionally crossed paths on campus.

The next morning, you could have sworn you were on the set of a period piece if it weren’t for Karl’s father’s golfing attire and his mother’s tight black dress as they welcomed various family members into the house. You had finally met Karl’s older brother, an accomplished man with a good job and an even more impressive education, yet each time he attempted to boast about his earnings or the progress he was bringing to the family business, he was swatted off only for his parents to gloat about Karl’s fraternity connections and grades.

You peered over Karl’s shoulder as he showed you Todd’s Instagram post, the two of you scoffing before you liked his picture from your account, making Karl roll his eyes as you snickered.

“… And that being said, renting cars is no longer a strenuous task,” Karl’s brother finished.

Mrs. Jacobs nodded her head slightly. Karl had mentioned the family joke of disregarding what his brother said, even if it was impressive or you were interested. It had been a running gag since Karl was in high school and they weren’t planning on letting up anytime soon. “Yeah, that’s neat. Did you hear Karl learned how to do his own laundry?” His mom boasted with a small chirp to her voice as if Karl were the best thing on the planet.

You bit back a laugh as his brother grumbled to himself, his wife patting his arm reassuringly. “He was also one of the most expensive at KA. Very impressive son!” His dad added, sending him a thumbs up.

You stood with Karl in the living room; his arm draped around the top of a bookshelf you were leaning against as you both listened to one of his cousins talk about a new boat they had just paid off.

Your heels felt tight on your feet as you switched the weight from one ankle to the other, leaning closer to Karl. He moved so his lips were near your ear. “Don’t let him fool you. It’s a hollowed-out log with a rudder,” he chided, making the corner of your mouth twist up.

“It’s not much, but it’s honest,” you mockingly defended. “You’re jealous, aren’t you?”

“Inexplicably,” he murmured back, making you laugh quietly. He let a beat of silence pass between the two of you before wetting his lips. “Say the word and we’ll find a random room and I’ll ruin your makeup,” he whispered.

You scoffed, inching closer to him while your eyes remained on the center of the room where everyone was talking. “How can you be horny around your family?”

You could feel his warm breath against your neck. “Because I’m more focused on you in that tight little dress than Kevin’s boat.”

You took a sip from your cup. “Dirty boy,” you joshed quietly.

Karl smirked at you before his eyes drifted to the front door, a new flow of people filing into the house. You noticed him grow quiet, following his gaze to a woman and a boy around your age. They greeted Karl’s parents happily before integrating into the living room with the rest of you. You could tell by the way his face twisted smugly that the woman was Ms. Scarlet. You drew in a breath as she neared the two of you.

Karl stood up a bit straighter and you bit back a laugh, making a mental note on having to tease him about his MILF. The woman smiled brightly at Karl, pinching his cheek. You attempted to piece together who the boy was and if Karl had mentioned him before.

Karl cleared his throat after they shared their pleasantries. “Uh, this is Nick, but everyone calls him Sapnap, and this is his mom… Ms. Scarlet?” He questioned the last part as she charmingly laughed.

“Oh, no darling. I’m Mrs. Donahue now.” Sapnap rolled his eyes slightly at her words, taking a sip of his drink as she winked at him.

Karl smirked. “Right, congratulations. Anyway, they’ve been our neighbors for years-”

She cut him off, squeezing his arm. “Oh, come on! We were trying to marry Karl off to one of Nick’s cousins and finally join the families, but it’s just funny how things work out,” she stated. You wracked your brain, attempting to figure out if it was a dig at you or Karl. The two of them went off on a tangent about the array of Sapnap’s cousins that Karl had had to take on dates and whatnot.

“So, you’re dating Karl then?” Sapnap asked you, more of an aside as they had seemed to forget about you.

You nodded; the fact still rather foreign to you when given the chance to think about it. “Yeah, I’ll claim him,” you joked. “Did you guys go to the same high school?” You asked, attempting conversation.

He looked at you tiredly. “Yeah, yeah. We’ve been classmates since we were little.” You hummed in interest. “I mean, since he fucked my mom we haven’t been hanging out or anything,” he added as if you had been itching to ask.

You had been.

You snorted at his words as he smiled slightly. “Sorry, that’s not funny,” you apologized, covering your mouth.

He shook his head, laughing softly. “No, it definitely is, don’t worry.”

“How did, uh… that affect you guys?” You asked, biting back your humorous response.

He seemed to relax from his stiffened introduction a few minutes prior. He wet his lips. “Honestly, there’s no going back from that, you know?”

You giggled. “No, I don’t.”

He laughed at your answer, covering it with a cough as Karl seemed to remember you were standing beside him. Sapnap’s mom suddenly spotted an old friend of hers, the two parting from your life almost as quickly as they had entered. You leaned against Karl’s arm.

“I like Sapnap,” you hummed, watching the two leave. “He seems quiet.” Karl shrugged beside you. Your mind wandered to whether Sapnap knew Todd. Part of you wished you had asked him, but you were struggling to remember Todd’s real name anyway. “Did you have fun with your lady friend?” You mocked, looking up at him.

He shook his head, biting back a smirk. “You’re my lady friend.”

You chuckled. “Oh? I thought you’d forgotten.”

Before you knew it, you were pressed against Karl in a coat closet in a remote part of the house, unable to make it to his room before his hands were up your skirt and his lips were attacking your skin. He pinned you against the door as if he were worried you would slip out of his grasp as he ground his hips against yours. His teeth grazed against your neck in a mess of hands and hair.

You pushed him further into the closet before he plopped down in a chair towards the back. The both of you shared a look of confusion as to why it was there yet shrugged and went back to carding your fingers through his hair and tugging at his lips with your own. He moaned into your mouth as you climbed into his lap, his hands gripping the flesh of your thighs before snaking up to slip into the top of your dress and take your breast into one of his large hands.

Kissing him felt strange without his tongue ring; if you weren’t so desperate to get yourself off, you would have complained about missing it.

You ground yourself on his lap, groaning at your newfound friction as he spread his legs further for you, his free hand dragging you against his crotch. You pressed your lips against his neck, biting at the skin, determined to mark him as yours. You weren’t doing it to ward off Ms. Scarlet, no. This was for you, knowing full well that Karl always wore your hickeys with pride.

Your hands went to his belt buckle, impatience taking over as you nipped at his skin, earning moans of pleasure as he let you have your way with him. He pressed his lips to your chest as you freed his cock from its cloth entrapment, stroking him with your hand. “Give me your panties,” he whispered, breathlessly as he hooked his fingers around your waistband. You obliged before angling him at your entrance and sinking down onto him. The two of you let out moans of pleasure, swallowing each other’s appraisal.

The air grew warm around the two of you as you began to roll your hips against him. Your head tilting back as you tried to quiet yourself down, knowing the last thing you wanted was for someone to walk in… again.

Karl’s fingers moved to unzip your dress, exposing your chest to his mouth as your fingers moved to tug at his dark locks. He ground his hips up into yours, a thankful moan slipping past your lips as his tongue pressed against the valley between your breasts.

You pushed him against the back of the chair, capturing his lips against your and slipping your tongue into his mouth. He completely submitted to your actions, wanting nothing more than to taste you as you began to ride him harder. Your nails dug into the back of the chair, your other hand moving to unbutton the top of his shirt and wrap around his neck. “Is she better than me?” You asked; your breath husky and demanding as his teeth flashed back at you, his leering smirk mixing with his blissed-out expression as he tried not to roll his eyes at how good he felt with you taking all of him.

“N-no. Of course not,” he groaned. His lips were pink from your teeth, cheeks flushed with lust and adrenaline as his blunt nails raked up your body to claw at your back. “Fuck, you feel so good,” he moaned, voice almost a whimper.

You moved your hand to press your thumb to brush against his bottom lip, loving the pleasured expression on his face as he looked at you like you owned him. “Good,” you answered plainly, swirling your hips and tightening your grip on his neck before you could feel your impending orgasm nearly within reach. He almost smiled up at you. What a little freak.

You moved your hand to fist in the front of his shirt, pulling him up to press your lips against his as you bounced on top of him. He let out a deep moan before you felt him release, making you scoff sardonically. His fingers moved to grip your hips, thrusting against you harder, determined to get you to follow him. You dug your face into the crook of his neck, his teeth digging into your skin.

Shamelessly, you let him drag you over the edge, your orgasm ripping through you with a flash of heat and relief. Karl kissed you roughly, desperate to taste your moans as if looking for your approval. "That's my girl," he moaned, smiling against your lips.

As the two of you straightened your clothing and cleaned up your appearances, you went for your underpants in Karl’s pocket, but he grabbed your wrist, drawing you to his chest. “You got to be on top, that means I’m in charge of foreplay for the rest of the night,” he answered, pressing a brief and sultry kiss against your lips to wipe away your shocked expression.

“Fine, then I’m in charge when we get back and I’ll send lewds to Todd,” you threatened with an empty conscious on the matter. “Just to make it spicy. Stir it up a bit,” you joshed.

He groaned, making you smirk. “You’re playing with fire,” he mumbled.

Tag List:

@mrwinemaker @madsbbg @idiotinnit @xxtakechancesxx @chxrrymilkshake @westyywifee @kiritokunuwu @theholycakehole @itgetsatadhazy

[akingdomofswordsandstories]

Unrequited pt. 2

azriel (acotar) x reader

*this is part 2! Sorry for the wait guys! I really struggled with this and low-key I don’t like it but I hope y'all do! I wanna write the scenes after this but idk how im gonna make it work lol. anyway, enjoy!

word count: 3193

---------------------------------

What you hadn’t realized was that Azriel left a few minutes later, walking to your apartment to make sure you had gotten home safe.

All of a sudden he heard whimpers and labored breathing coming from the alley.

Nothing could have prepared him for the sight of you laying on the ground and bleeding out. He felt a tug in his chest. A click. Panic instilled in him as he gently but swiftly picked you up and flew you to Madja.

“Hang on y/n, you’re so strong” he whispered

In those moments, he feared for you. Fear that was so strong. Something he had never felt before.

He rushed into the house laying you on the bed gently before he was shoved out by the Madja so she could try to save you.

Azriel alerted the others and then collapsed into a chair, sitting in silence. A tear slipped out of his eye at the thought he may have been too late to save you.

You. His mate.

Why, of all the times did the bond have to click while you were on the brink of death. In a situation where you may not make it out alive. It wasn’t fair.

He wondered if you had known. Could that be the reason why you had been distancing yourself from him? Because you didn’t expect or want him to be your mate? But if you had known you would’ve said something, right? You wouldn’t keep it a secret? So many thoughts kept racing through his head.

Could it have been because of Elain? He knew the inner circle wasn’t stupid, they all saw him drifting more and more to Elain. Could that have been why you had distanced yourself? He would be lying if he said he didn’t like Elain, but he would also be lying if he said he didn’t like you.

Your stubbornness. Your generosity. Your sense of adventure. The way you could get lost in the things you did.

Suddenly the door swung open and the others came into the room, worry written all over their faces.

Azriel could tell that Cassian and Mor had been crying on the way there.

“How bad is it?” Mor shook as she spoke. You could see the pain in her eyes. The worry she had for someone who was basically her sister.

Azriel’s expression was unreadable and he didn’t respond.

“Do you think she will make it?” Feyre asked, grief evident in her posture. “I- I don’t know” Azriel answered, “It was pretty bad,” he said quietly.

Just as he answered, Madja appeared from the other room. “She’s in rough shape, I don’t know if she’s gonna make it through the night. She lost a lot of blood.”

The room grew eerily quiet

“She’s stable for now, but I will stay here and notify you if any changes occur.”

---------------------------------

Rhys, Feyre, Amren, and Elain went back to the townhouse to try and get as much rest as they could. Mor, Cassian, and Azriel decided to stay in your room with you.

Tears started slipping from Cassian’s eyes once he saw your fraile body lying in bed, barely hanging on.

“Oh mother” Mor sobbed out, a hand slipping over her mouth. She went over to the bed you were on, gently sitting on it and grabbing to hold your hand. She leaned against the headboard and watched as your chest heaved.

The trio sat in silence for some time, watching your every move, your breathes, whimpers, and shifts.

Azriel broke the silence.

“She’s my mate. All this time and I never knew.”, the sentence coming out as a whisper.

Shock was painted on Mor’s face. “Y/n’s your mate? How di-? When?”

“It clicked when I saw her body lying there.” his voice started breaking “Why did it have to happen right now. Of all the times. Why couldn’t it have happened months ago. I could’ve had more time. This never would have happened. How do I move on from this?” his voice ending on a whisper.

“All you can do is hope to mother that she has the strength to pull through.” Cassian replied softly. “You know, this whole situation is so ironic.”, he said softly to himself, lightly shaking his head.

Azriel gave Cassian a look of confusion, wondering what he was talking about, but decided to drop it for now.

“Anyway, let’s try to get some sleep and pray the morning holds better news”

Mor had dozed off, back against the headboard and hand still holding yours. Cassian was sitting in the chair, head resting on the palm of his head, it still took him a few hours to fall asleep completely. Azriel, however, couldn’t sleep. The thought of sleeping while you laid like this. He felt guilty, the feeling that he may have been too late. For the rest of the night, Azriel sat in a chair next to your bed, shrouded in darkness, hoping you would be ok.

---------------------------------

Sunlight peeked through the sheer blinds over the balcony door. The faint sound of birds singing flowed through the air. Light shined onto your face, causing you to groan. Groggily, you opened your eyes, blinking to adjust to the light filling the room. Your head pounded and you winced as you shifted in bed.

“Y/n?” you heard a whisper. You mumbled in response. “Oh! Thank mother you’re alright! We were all so worried for you. Wait, let me call Madja now that you’re up.” Mor rambled on causing you to smile slightly. “CASSIAN!” she squealed “Wake up! Look! Y/n is awake!”

Cassian jumped to his feet at her shout. “Oh my god!” he ran over to your side “I was so worried, I’m so glad you’re alright” he said, taking your hand into his. “Let me go call the others, they’ve been waiting for an update.”

Soon after, the rest of the inner circle came over to your room to check in and Madja came to see how you were healing.

“That was quite the wound you had. Make sure to rest for the next two weeks. No buts, we don’t want this opening back up from stress or straining activity.”. You groaned at the thought.

“But I feel fine now, it’s not a big deal! I can go back to doing my duties in 2 days. I’ll be good as new.” you pleaded, trying to convince Madja and yourself. Before she could respond, Rhys cut in.

“You will do nothing of the sort. You just got stabbed for cauldrons sake, if i catch you trying to do anything remotely straining, i’ll lock you in your room and have Cassian stand guard in front of it”

“Fine” you grumbled out

“Now that everything is settled, i’ll be coming to check on you every few days.” Madja states before leaving

After a little more small talk was exchanged, the inner circle decided to leave you to rest a bit more, but promised they would visit you as frequently as they could.

Except, one person stayed behind.

Azriel.

“Can I talk to you?”

“Is something wrong?” you asked

After a hesitant pause his voice rang out. “We’re mates.”

You felt a blow to your chest. When did he find this out? As if Azriel had read your thoughts, he responded “Last night. After I found you.”

“Oh”

“But, Cassian said something, how it was ironic, and I can’t help but wonder how long you’ve known”

“I-, I told Cassian that we were mates yester-”

“But how long have you known y/n.” his voice quiet and sharp as a knife, as if tendrils of anger were waiting to escape

“Since the diplomatic mission Rhys sent us on”, you whispered. You could feel the tears threatening to fall from your eyes

“That was months ago and you didn’t think to tell me?” You could feel the anger in his voice

“I thought you would have figured it out sooner. I’m sorry. I’m so so sorry” tears started falling from your eyes

“You knew and said nothing. Why didn’t you say anything? You should have said something” he seethed. His anger was unhinged, a drastic change for the usually calm and collected shadowsinger.

“If you didn’t want to be my mate just tell me. I’d be glad to be rid of the bond.”. As soon as he said it, he regretted it. His anger dissipated. He looked up and saw your face, tears streaming down.

“I see the way you look at Elain, Azriel. I’m not some stupid fucking female. How do you think it feels to see your mate all over someone else. I wanted to give you a chance to find your own happiness without me burdening you with this. And if we’re being honest, if you had to choose between me or her, you would choose her. I knew you would be disappointed by me. I knew you wouldn’t want to be my mate, that's why I didn’t tell you.” your anger started boiling up. “Do you think it feels good to be rejected, especially by someone you’ve loved for a long time? I didn’t want you to be disappointed that I was your mate, the person you’ve waited so long for.” your voice tapered off at the end. “Can you leave please” you said softly

“No, wait, I’m sorry I-“

“Azriel. Get out.” your voice boomed through the room.

He left reluctantly, softly shutting the door behind him. Just as the door shut, the sobs that you had been desperately trying to hold back broke free. Your body shuddered as you hugged yourself, crying yourself back to sleep.

---------------------------------

During the following weeks, you avoided Azriel at all costs. As soon as he walked into the room, you would walk out. Any required conversations were kept short. You did anything you could to keep your mind off of him, cleaning, errands, hell you did it all. It certainly didn’t help your recovery, but you did what you could to keep your mind busy and off of Azriel.

“Y/n stop please. You need to rest, how many times do we have to tell you. You’re only making the healing process longer” Mor ranted on.

“I’m fine, I doubt a wound, which is almost healed by the way, would be damaged by me doing chores” you emphasized as you rolled your eyes

“Maybe not by chores, but it is affected by your stress”

A moment of silence passed.

“He feels terrible, you know, he didn’t mean to say it. He just wants to talk to you.”. Mor didn’t risk saying his name because she knew it would only anger you more.

“Well I don’t want to talk to him, or deal with him, or see him, or think about him. At all.”. You grumbled. Your heart clenched, but you brushed it aside.

“Y/n, please. I love you two and it hurts to see our family like this right now.”

“Please, can we drop it, I-“ your voice cracked

“Yeah, of course. Just… keep an open mind, maybe?”

“Yeah, ok” you looked down.

“I’ll see you later tonight then, for Rhys and Feyre’s dinner party.”

“Sounds good.”. You pressed your lips into a tight smile as you watched Mor walk off. You had definitely contemplated not going today. All of the inner circle certainly knew what happened, maybe not all the details, but still enough, which made you feel exposed. You weren’t use to having your emotions splayed out to everyone like that, and it made you too vulnerable. However, Mor had threatened to pull you to the party herself if you refused to go, so being complicit seemed like the best option.

It was just one night. You would be fine… right?

---------------------------------

It was nearing 8 as you finished getting ready for the party, which started at 8:30. You were wearing an olive green silk midi dress. It wasn’t anything too fancy, but it was still very elegant. And comfortable. You were touching up as Mor arrived.

“Ah, there she is, beautiful as ever.”

“I could say the same about you, darling” you emphasized

“Are you ready to go, I heard the party is getting started, and you know I wouldn’t want to miss all the cocktails”

A laugh mused on your face. You grabbed your purse before the pair of you winnowed to the house.

You arrived at the front door, scanning the scene when you got there. It was a cozy ballroom with french doors which opened up to a huge balcony leading to the gardens. There was a huge dining table in the center with plenty of space to mingle in clusters.

You hadn’t spotted Azriel yet, a sigh of relief leaving your body. You strutted in, arms linked with Mor, grabbing a drink off the platter. You weren’t even sure who or what this party was for, but you realized you had downplayed it after spotting Helion and Tarquin. The high lords in Velaris. But that was the least of your concerns, the only thing you were focused on was avoiding Azriel.

Spotting Feyre near Helion, you breezed over to say hi.

“Ah! Y/n! Helion, i’m sure the two of you have met a few times before!” Feyre smiled out

“Yes, I do remember you! I heard about what happened, how are you feeling?” He asked

“Much better than the last few weeks, that’s for sure. Although I must say, this alcohol is certainly helping” you giggled. “Well I just wanted to pop over and say hi, but I think I’m gonna go find Cassian now. It was so nice to see you again Lord Helion, enjoy your evening.”

“You too Miss Y/L/N”

You dipped your head towards the both of them before making your way through the room to find Cassian. Where was he for caldrons sake. You hadn’t seen him in a week because he had to go up to the illyrian war camps again. Pushing your way through the crowd, you bumped into a hard chest, spilling your champagne. Cursing to yourself, you started to apologize.

“Oh mother, I’m so so sorry, clums-“. Looking up your y/e/c eyes met strong hazel ones, which were burning into your soul. You felt your throat close up, starting to feel trapped in the crowed room

No no no no. This couldn’t be happening. Not now.

You knew it was only a matter of time before you would have to talk to him, but you couldn’t do it now. Before he could say a word, you pushed past him and bolted out to the balcony to get some fresh air. You had run to the corner, near the steps to the garden, out of sight from others. Taking deep breaths, you calmed your nerves. You would be ok, everything was fine. It would be fine. At least, that’s what you kept telling yourself.

You decided to quickly go grab another drink before returning to the serenity outside. Leaning against the balcony, you stared out at the stars and the gardens. They were so beautiful, even in the winter, you thought to yourself. You basked in the silence, your thoughts drowning you.

Some time had passed before you heard footsteps approaching you on the balcony. You knew who it was without having to turn around, but you still couldn’t bear to be around him. You turned to leave but his hand caught your wrist, holding it firmly. You could feel the scars from his hands against your skin.

“Please. I just want to talk”

“What’s there to talk about Azriel, you made your feelings clear that day.”

“Just listen, please, and then i’ll leave you alone if that’s what you wish”

You sighed, nodding your head in defeat. You couldn’t keep balling up your emotions.

He led you back to the railing of the balcony before his grasp left your wrist. You tilted your head down looking at your feet and fiddling with your thumb.

“I spent 500 years pining after Mor because I was so afraid of maybe having a chance at love. I thought it was best to love someone who would never love me back so I wouldn’t get hurt. Then I met Elain. She helped me to open up more, and helped me to believe that happiness would be possible for me, with someone. I had given up on the idea of having a mate. I didn’t think I deserved one. I was ok with that and had accepted that.”

He let out a breath as he ran his hand through his hair, light curls falling onto his forehead. “When I saw you lying there and the bond clicked, I was so mad at myself. I shut out the possibility of having a mate for so long. You were my mate. My mate. I never thought I would be able to say those words.”

He paused.

“I was mad that you may not make it. I was mad that I didn’t find you soon enough. I was mad that we didn’t have more time. I didn’t know what to do or how to feel. I Just wanted you to be ok. And then when you told me that you had known for so long, I was angry. Angry that I hadn’t realized sooner, and angry that you kept it from me because you may not have wanted me or expected me to be your mate. And I snapped. Then you said the thing that I had least expected. You said you had loved me” He chuckled dryly. “I am so sorry, y/n, so very sorry.”.

His hand reached down to cup your face. He jerked your head up so you were looking at him. “What i’m trying to say is that I love you, but I understand if you don’t feel the same way anymore”.

The air had been knocked from your lungs. Your heart swelled and your eyes watered. Before you had realized what you were doing, your lips crashed into his. His mouth fit perfectly against yours. He was a breath of fresh air with a hint of mint. Azriel’s hands gripped your waist, pulling you into his body and he smiled against your lips. It felt so right. Everything about it. Your heart was pounding out of your chest as you both pulled away, breathless. Your forehead rested against his.

You whispered just loud enough for him to hear.

“I love you too”. As soon as the words left your mouth, he pulled you in for another kiss, his wings forming a cocoon around you. This one was more demanding. Passionate. A promise. You pulled away from his mouth and leaned against him, his arms wrapping around you.

“Oh, I almost forgot.” Azriel said. Reaching into his pocket he pulled out a small black box. “It’s your Solstice gift, I was trying to find a good time to give it to you.”, he scratched the back of his head.

You gently took it from his hand. The box had a red ribbon wrapped around. Undoing the ribbon, You opened the box to find one of the beautiful necklaces you had been admiring with Mor. “Oh my Az. Its so beautiful. I love it. How did you know?”

“I may have had my shadows follow everyone around to find out what they wanted.” he laughed out.

You smiled. “Will you help me put it on?”. Handing the dainty chain to Azriel, you brushed you hair aside. Baring your neck to him. His fingers ghosted the soft skin, clasping the necklace together. He tenderly placed a kiss next to your ear, causing butterflies to erupt.

You cleared your throat. “I think we’ve been gone long enough. Would you like to get some food, Azriel?” you smiled.

“I would love to, my darling mate.” he paused before darkly saying “I am especially excited for the part that comes after I eat.”. You lightly smacked his shoulder before the two of you made your way inside, beaming.

taglist ---

@minnie-mitzel @itsbebeyyy @preciousbabymuffins @kexrtiz @vicisbookishblog @peneflop @millianec @agentsofsheilds 

[wistfulrat]

im sorry if u dont do fic recs u can ignore this! ive been seeing ur reblogs n its kinda putting me back to mdzs mood (i thought i was over this sike to me ig) n if u have any fics uve read n liked id gladly take any 🤲

oh i love this for u!! im def new here so i haven’t actually read a ton but my fic finding method is currently —1) ask @lanwangjigrumpyfacecollection what i should read bc their taste is immaculate and i always end up crying at whatever they rec 2) after reading a particularly excellent fic, comb thru that author’s ao3 bookmarks, rinse repeat etc—and that hasn’t failed me yet :)

anyway here’s a list of my faves so far!

The Roots Grow Riotous by hansbekhart - 104k E a fashion industry au from LWJ’s pov. immersive, devastating, poetic. i could probs write an essay-length reflection on this shit. felt genuinely rearranged after reading it. a stand alone novel in its own right. a beautiful exploration of grief, loneliness, despair, horror, etc. like, come for the lovely wangxian dynamics and them being hot, stay for the revelatory LWJ character study that had me in fucking tearsss by the end. truly deserves to be read widely just for how singular and cinematic that third act is.

Three changes. by orange_crushed - 18k M for someone who reads so much angst i could choke on it, i love to recover with distilled tenderness, no hurt all yearning etc. and this is the blossoming of summer love cql-lecture-arc the boys deserved. peak comfort fic mentally i am in that lake scene. young terrified-of-love LWJ my beloved!!

Say So by @lanwangjigrumpyfacecollection - 15k E feat. a sex-cursed WWX incapable of playing it cool. LWJ is not not pleased. more importantly who is doing it like feelsforbreakfast. who!!! u know i had zero intention of getting into the untamed even tho it ruled my dash for 2 years and yet the moment ffb wrote a fic? im there. say less. say nothing at all. ur always in for a tender funny horny time. it’s hot it’s hilarious it’s abt the mortifying ordeal of voicing what one wants. 10/10 re-readability.

your name, safe in their mouth by astrolesbian - 10k G [lan sizhui gets sick on a night hunt. wei wuxian comforts him. they both have a lot of feelings about it.] how to gently rip out my heart and stitch it back together in 10k words: explore literally any aspect of WWX-LSZ father-son relationship. be sure to include post-resurrection WWX feeling like he’ll always be playing catch up with lost time and the people who had to survive his death. feature a vulnerable LSZ (who just wants to be close with his undead dad) and a wary WWX (who doesn’t know if he deserves that closeness). im still emo abt this

Pentimento. by orange_crushed - 73k E [Former best friends Lan Wangji, paintings conservator, and Wei Wuxian, art handler, meet again and realize... neither of them were actually in unrequited love.] immaculate setting, i read it for that reason alone. loved LWJ’s pov in this—reserved, self-conscious, observant, sad, suffocating with unspoken desires etc. but it’s the final paragraphs of the last chapter that got me. thee loveliest surprise and such a satisfying close to the story.

A Very Star-Like Start by hansbekhart - 3k E short lovely soft perfect. the extended cql wangxian lotus lake boat scene we deserved.

All that is solid melts into air by huxiyi - 18k T was absolutely taken with the premise of this fic bc 1) i love angst 2) i love seeing a bitter/sad/angry wangxian in their older age making amends 3) i love thinking about the class dynamics in CQL, WWX’s robin-hood streak, all the villains having origin stories that amount to a lack of status, and the breakdown of relationships because of these dynamics. everything is a sad mess but it will be ok!

No night as deep as my night. by orange_crushed - 17k E another orange_crushed bc well. if u find a good author it makes sense to work thru all their fics. anyway this one is a post-nightless city au. wwx on the verge of death. lwj desperate to save him. equal parts dark and lovely. idk how to explain it but i feel like orange_crushed excels at using a fic setting to build emotional landscapes that completely expand ur understanding of a character. this one in particular feels like a love letter to the burial mounds, homes made out of dead things, personified darkness, etc.

[roguestarsailor]

You know what since we’re still in quarantine and i have nothing else better to do, i need to obsess over ACOTAR. I don't like a court of frost and starlight. For the longest time I couldn't figure out why I didn't like it. I aggressively read the book in maybe a day and I closed it feeling frustrated and annoyed. My version had A Court of Silver Flames preview so that definitely contributed to my annoyance greatly.

It's because it felt too perfect. Everything that had happened -- after the entire war was fought and won, they just go back to their normal lives? Yes there were hiccups and yes there were still aspects that made every IC character feel like their problems aren’t solved yet...but it didnt feel right. yes i enjoyed the snowball fight between the bat boys, feyre + rhys sexy time, and those little comfort moments too, the slice of life type things and seeing feyre accomplishing her goals and how hopeful the future seems BUT its too fast. the good parts of the book did not offset the bad parts of it.

Feyre literally accomplished pretty much every single goal she made back in ACOMAF just like that?? within a span of what a few months? a year?? She really came back from an entire war -- probably the first war of many since she's immortal and just like that, after her 21st birthday: she gets a whole entire estate, wants to start poppin babies, opens her art studio and starts teaching kids and then acting like she can rule an entire court?? the timeline is sooo short esp since its been brought up over and over again how everyone is literally 500 years old and have a super “messy” history and their changes seems to come super dupe slowly. but feyre, who has only lived 0.000000002% of her fae life, is out here thriving just fine???

the war devastated thousands of illyrian soldiers where its changing the politics of the illyrains and the faes, all of whom feyre has responsibilities over too as high lady. the mortal queens are still at large who left the humans on prythian to die which is why feyre was willing to go to war in the first place! what about the rest of hybern and their land and residents?? they wanted to enslave humans for social and economical reasons! then what about integrating humans w deep hatred and fear with deeply prejudice fae??? there’s also spring and summer court who are literally in ruins. thats literally so much. so idk how feyre is just chillin???? she gonna let rhys do all the hard work???

like feyre sit down. u should not be having a baby. esp since it took u literally a 700 pages to heal from those 3 months UTM. ur telling me shes gonna whole heartedly bring in a newborn in a war devastated world, with civil unrest (illyrains, other courts), with the messiness of human and fae integration, with trauma u and rhys will have to continue to overcome esp after THIS war??? even helping ur sisters w their traumas??

this is a personal opinion on this subject (and maybe my thoughts will change on this later on; opened to other thoughts) but when i read the part about how that weaver/seamstress artist who made that dark quilt that feyre loved talked about how her mate of 300 years didn’t come back from the war and her biggest regret was that she didnt have a kid to remember him by i just thought ur kid isn’t some sort of memorabilia. don’t have a kid to keep the memory of ur mate alive; have a kid cuz u want a kid purely for the sake of having a kid. ur memories and photos and shit will keep their memory alive but its not having a kid. some primitive need to keep the genes alive maybe?? but the way it was phrased and then in turn how feyre was like oh i need  a baby pronto cuz rhys might die in the next war and regret not having a kid with him didn’t sit right with me. also the other couple were together for +300 years and have a rich life together, while shes been with rhys for literally two years THATS NOTHING IN FAE YEARS. thats still the honeymoon phase and also ur problems arent even close to being over!!!

everyone was shitty to nesta. in ACOMAF, we saw how much the IC went through and still did all they could to help feyre. what made them not think nesta deserve the same welcome? nesta is mean as a defense but did no one try to figure out what would help (amren got close but shes so under developed)??? feyre knows nesta feels too much and yet she continued to be shitty. continued to flaunt her wealth, her status, her familiarity/borderline know-it-all attitude about fae/night court, her ~estate~. forcing nest to the solstice party when nesta was literally like i dont belong, im looking at everyone through a window type of thing; the fire cracking triggering her, etc. what kind of power play was that when she made nesta come to her estate, where nesta could SEE how ~homey~ and how suscessful feyre is and fully see all the lovely paintings of everyone feyre loves that explicitly exclude her to tell her to fuck off to a war camp?? bro???? cas was a dick too and elaine was rude. i think a lot of his actions were meant to make her angry since anger keeps u fighting (as was the method of rhys for feyre in ACOMAF) but what he said was stupidly shitty and i demand that he apologize properly. elaine could have done more to help her sister but whatever. mor was definitely an ass too (and im upset for how little her character growth is). 

Lucein. that man can’t catch a break tbh. im happy that hes w the band of exiles cuz he is whole heartedly accepted there. feyre was definitely an asshole to him even tho he helped as much as he could throughout the books. he tries so hard w elaine as well and it did hit my heart a bit when she was like gloves to work in my garden?? no ?? i use my bare hands see oNly aZiReL sEeS mE fOr WhO i Am. and at the same feyre is like flaunting her mate status to lucein which is mean as shit. its like this man can’t find love in prythain. then tamlin sending him his box of his things??? thats for sure brutral. tam was literally his partner through it all; savior of sorts even. no love from IC, no love from elaine, no love from feyre, no love from tamlin, no love from autumn court rejected everywhere! also HIS TRUE FATHER?? HEllo??? 

then on tamlin. i pity the guy! was i suppose to feel that way??? it felt like he is allowed to get a redemption arc and maybe i’ll even root for a redemption arc??? i was absolutely excited for freysand in ACOMAF but after ACOFAS, im like tamlin is....not completely bad??? his relationship w feyre was bad and the controlling parts were very much a no-no. i dont truly understand the dynamics of an abusive relationship but i can understand that it can be insidious and its the little things that hurt the victim. and i felt  feyre through ACOMAF and rooted for her to escape her abuser! but then it felt like i dont think he was doing any of those things out of malice. ill say tamlin is a bad leader and doesn’t know how to run a court outside of what he sees his father do. his understanding on everything is based on the traditions of the past which i think fueled most of the things he did i.e. not telling feyre she was in danger since maybe his mom didn’t do those war planning things. ACOTAR showed how he truly cared/loved and took good care of feyre and her family. he even talked about how he didn’t believe in the enslavement of humans! i think that tam wanted to preserve what he thought was the good (aka feyre + her love of painting) and get back a sense of control that he and his entire court lost while chained to amarantha. but at the same time, i think he truly thought feyre wasn’t safe. he knows rhys can crush minds and knows feyre can’t read/write so when he got that letter telling him shes safe of course hes gonna flip shit and made a deal w the devil (although those temper outbursts were DEFINITIVELY not ok!!!). he also didn’t listen and has sense of he knows best when feyre was not the type of person. but feyre destroyed his entire court. he lost all his sentries who literally went out to die for him during amarantha’s reign. he lost lucien too; his trusted right hand man. his people were cursed for 50 years and then continued to suffer UTM and was in the process of rebuilding too!  but just seeing spring court, WHO BORDERS THE HUMANS, be in ruins where his subjects left him, his people left him and hes all alone in the manson?? that was sooo sad. so im like why does what feyre did not feel satisfactory????? im mad that it didn’t feel right??? maybe there wasn’t a point where feyre talked to tamlin -- like really talked to him esp w her new found voice and power, etc. anyways, i dont hate tamlin and was like oh shit i think feyre fucked up a bit there.

rhys is a dick to nesta. which made me think, if feyre wasn’t his mate would he extend the same love and care to her???  i loved how he tried so hard to make sure feyre was ok. made sure she wasn’t breaking! all of it! but for nesta, he had the audacity to use his high lord voice and be an ass overall. even tho he can see how cas is fucken in love??? even just how he talks to cass feels off too. 

i’ll even go as far as to say because of how terrible ACOFAS was, it created this intense divide within the fandom. i remember reading the first three books and was absolutely 1) rooting for freysand  2) curious about the sister relationship and how it will be mended 3) i definitely didn’t hate nesta nor did i hate elaine either -- but i was adament about them talking it out with feyre for those tough times 4) saw a more realistic and charming healing arc 5) was rooting for feyre to be a stronger voice and grow into herself 6) love the dynamic of the inner circle + feyre

but after ACOFAS, I have this intense need to defend nesta and was super mad at how she was treated after the war and in turn a deep dislike for elaine for both her lack of agency, lack of grit that made all the other characters interesting, and lack of care for her sisters (who showed how much they would risk for her). i dont hate rhys but i was extremely not happy with him and his attitude and behavior. feyre became more arrogant and was acting like how asshole rhysand would act. like her life is perfect now and i was not rooting for her anymore. freysand didn’t feel like they have complimenting qualities that made them interesting in the first place but rather they are merging to become the same person but in a bad way. that mind reading thing was cute in the beginning but it became insufferable since all thoughts were shared so seamlessly it made reading feel weird. 

anyways those are my thoughts on ACOFAS. it was a 1/5 stars for me and im mad those events transpired. reading the other books made me excited to know what was gonna happen and i was truly ready to accept the characters as flawed and nuanced as they are. im not mad about character not liking each other but i am mad that everything felt off. ACOFAS just felt regressive in some parts and forced in other parts. i know not everything ends in a nice tied up bow but this book single handily ruined what i thought about these characters in the worse way possible. this book wasn’t suppose to wrap up all the problems that exists in the other books but it didn’t feel hopeful like i thought it would. it didn’t feel wrapped up and didn’t feel like i should be excited about the next books. theres so many missing pieces i feel that i think need explaining and at the same time, i think it introduced too many problems at once which made it feel like its jumping around everywhere. although im still excited for ACOSF because i love nesta, and nesta deserves so much better and i want to have hope that this bad ending will either make sense later on or it was just a blimp.

[michibikionmain]

This isn’t THE tommyinnit villain essay but it sure is one of them

Ok ok so 4 those of u who aren't on discord with me: i have two main essays that have been in the works for MONTHS, these being my Complete Dream character analysis essay going in-depth for nearly all of his canon interactions and finding his character traits and motivations through the story, and my Tommyinnit (and Wilbur Soot) were Always The Villains on the server essay talking about how the only reason so many people view them as the good guys or heroes is because we see the story from their perspective mainly. This essay? Is not either of those. BUT, it does go through a lot of my thoughts on Tommy and Dream’s characters so I figured I’d post it. maybe itll help me organize my thoughts 4 my Mega Projects lol

@ranboocore bc u helped me pop off on this so hard LMAO

Warning, it’s VERY Tommy Critical, what a suprise. I do not like Tommy as a character lol. idk what triggers yall might need me to tag but if u need one in particular pls lmn!

My biggest issue with tommy's character is that he SAYS hes learned but he never does he is exactly the same person he was at the start of the server just More Sad and with Trauma, when out of all the characters he's had the most push to change. c!Tommy is a very tell-don't-show character which can make it hard for some people to connect to him, especially those who don’t directly share his trauma or see themselves in his character. Of course, there is still a MASSIVE amount of people who relate to his struggles and thus love him regardless of his writing, but those who can't relate to him will always feel some kind of barrier until the things they've talked about are actually shown to the viewer instead of being spoon-fed to them.

It is a very beginner writing thing, and I'm hoping that Tommy is figuring out how to fix this, maybe with support from the many other writers on the server. There's the 3 you mentioned, plus fundy, niki, and maybe tubbo who also play dnd, plus Dream who said he would've been an English major and does a lot of personal writing for fun.  I think the biggest issue in the writing lies in the individual ccs being inexperienced in the medium, particularly with planning out their own character growth. 

Another glaring issue I have with c!Tommy is how he's framed to be sympathetic and he goes through all these horrible things without acknowledging his role in any of them. The things that have happened to him are a direct result of his actions, but the thing is HE won't acknowledge and so it falls flat. This isn’t to say that being abused is his fault, because it’s NEVER the vicitm’s fault, but being exiled? His multiple fights with c!Dream? His friendships falling apart? Losing the disks in the first place? They’re the direct consequences of HIS OWN actions, but he never acknowledges this and constantly just... brushes off any accountability by either saying that it’s Dream fault or simply SAYING he feels bad without properly showing it through redemption and GROWTH.

Denial is useful in storytelling sometimes, but Tommy's character has been in denial since the very beginning of the server and at this point it's just exhausting. He only ever switches between denial and depression, not really going through all 5 stages of grief properly. His violent/upset reactions would be more powerful if they were any different from how tommy usually acts, but this is always how he is. When he “lashes out” because he’s reached the end of his patience, it doesn’t SEEM like the snap it is because that’s just... it’s seriously just his standard reaction to everything. It hold no WEIGHT to see c!Tommy yell at someone violently or threaten to fight them because he does that anyways!

Static characters can be a good thing, and can be interesting if done correctly, but not every character SHOULD or CAN be static in a story.

Static characters need to have their position or behavior challenged and question, where they look into if the way they see and interact with the world is really the 'correct' one or just evaluated to see if they truly believe in them. This questioning period is CRUCIAL! and NEEDS to be well done in a way that ACTIVELY SHOWS the conflict between the two ideals. If they decide to hold onto their beliefs/continue their behavior then, it feels deserved, because rather than just being a flat "they do thing its who they are" they have defined WHY. WHY is a very important question to think of when telling the difference between dynamic and static characters. The why of a character is ESSENTIAL to developing them as a relatable, sympathetic person rather than a flat story telling device. It makes them a human rather than a puppet. When a character's motives aren't well defined or discussed, they're doomed to fall flat in everything else, because the WHY is the foundation of what makes them who they are.

c!Tommy has an underdeveloped "why", his motivations are weak, rarely properly discussed and when they are it doesn't particularly stick with him. His motivations change without showing us the internal struggle that should come from literally shifting your driving principles. There are some good MOMENTS of him reevaluating the importance of certain things, but they're so spread out and contradictory and immediately spat one that they're hard to piece together. He TELLS us what his motivations are as well, which is another big flaw when it comes to all that but we don't have time to unpack all THAT Anyways, the key to static story telling is reaffirmation. The character goes through a complete journey and ends with the same beliefs because they've looked into why they have them and determined that they still matter to them. A great example of static writing in my eyes is c!Techno, who since the beginning has believed that governments are bad. c!Techno enters the server to destroy a government, and still ends up doing that because he sees and we see him experience that the reasons he didn't like government before still hold true and he has no reason to support them any more than before, and so his anarchist beliefs are REAFFIRMED, proving to him that they way he handles things is the right one for him.

c!Tommy’s attachments are all just... they're all so weird.  like he LITERALLY SACRIFICES HIS LIFE MULTIPLE TIMES for L'manburg. By action of sacrifice it seems like it should be the most important thing to him, but then he throws it away for some disks that mattered less to him just a minute ago.  But then it's all about how c!Tubbo is worth more than Anything and maybe he's found something more important! but then he shoves THAT out the window for the discs again ig!!! but then it's about l’manburg again? Make it make sense.... pls....

Here's smth that really irks me about Tommy's character, and is kind of weird but give me a second to explain: Tommy has never actually permanently lost much of anything on the server. Every punishment he's ever received he's tried to find some way around. And like... I'm not expecting him to be HAPPY to face the consequences of his actions but seeing him constantly have his cake and eat it too is very irritating, especially when there are characters who DO have to deal with actual permanent sacrifices. The whole thing with the disks. where he WILLINGLY OFFERED THEM UP AND GAVE THEM AWAY THEN SPENT FOREVER TRYING TO STEAL THEM BACK WHILE CLAIMING DREAM STOLE THEM FROM HIM, is the biggest example of this, but it's generally his characters way of dealing with things. He's very backhanded and conniving, constantly calling himself "big man" except for when he wants things from people and he plays up the "iM a MiNoR" card to try and get them to give him things or feel bad. He's not just some sweet innocent kid like people paint him, he knows damn well he's messed up and while he SAYS he feels bad about it, he has never once really shown, with his ACTIONS, regret for what he's done except for the stuff with c!Sapnap, which could it could be argued he did because he thought it would help get c!Sapnap on his side to fight Dream and he knew c!Sapnap was a skilled warrior and could possibly be persuaded to fight with dream.

c!Tommy is in NO way some sweet innocent child, he knows what he's doing. He KNEW l'manburg was a drug empire, and wanted to turn his hotel into the same He was FULLY prepared to just murder c!Schlatt for legally winning an election that he KNEW was rigged AND INTENDED TO HELP RIG HE LITERALLY TEAMED UP WITH c!TECHNOBLADE KNOWING THAT HE INTENDED TO BLOW UP L'MANBURG AND ONLY LEFT WHEN HE REALIZED IT WASN'T GOING TO ACTUALLY HELP HIM--

The line of c!Wilbur saying "Tommy, are we the bad guys?" wasn't him mentally going batshit it was him realizing that the entire time they've been doing terrible things. c!Wilbur was literally ALWAYS Vilbur but the time people CALL Vilbur is when c!Will himself realized he was a villain.

[gaphic]

@geeeny02 @ivehadanapophany @lastoneout

THANKS FOR ENABLING ME YALL

ok so, this isn't a criticism of the movie Raya so much as an observation of a corner disney have been steadily painted into with their most well-known IP: The Princesses.

It's pretty clear the studio has been struggling with their princesses for a while now- all of their live-action remakes have made painstaking (and painful) attempts to 'update' their female protagonists, and a lot of those changes are taking aim at the same problem: being a princess needs to like,,,, Mean something nowadays

Snow White, Cinderella, Aurora, Belle, Tiana, and Rapunzel all essentially become princesses as a reward for being Good. Their royalty is completely meaningless, it's just the romantic idea of 'being a princess' that little girls love.

Ariel goes from being a princess to being a princess and it means nothing, Jasmine's beef with her station in life has barely anything to do with being a princess (forced marriage isn't exactly exclusive to royalty!) and Merida just gets the exact same conflict but worse

Pocahontas stands out as the first princess to not really be a princess, but she's also the ONLY princess based on a person we objectively know existed, and thus a huge outlier. Mulan is the real change. She isn't royal at all, and I get the sense she was only included in the princess brand because... what else were they going to do with her? All their other animated leading women were united, one IP under marketing, amen. So it was either market Mulan alone, which would be strange, or sneak her in with the princesses and really push her more feminine outfits. Breathing a sigh of relief, disney went back to their usual fodder with Tiana and Rapunzel

...Then there was Frozen.

I honestly think it was a coincidence, but Frozen introduced the idea of the princess doing actual royal activities. There's a coronation, a state dinner with ambassadors, a hint of power struggle when Elsa leaves! And then the movie was a SMASH fucking hit and revitalized the hell out of disney's image.

By this time the romantic image of The Disney Princess has long lost its shine, so the mouse is RABID to recapture that success.

Moana gets an aesthetic stand-in for a coronation with the shots including her headdress, and the first act of the movie sets up that she's being groomed to take over one day. She makes executive decisions and helps solve problems, but her being a princess still doesn't really matter to the story, and while the movie was a huge hit, Princess Moana didn't quite slot into the brand like her predecessors did

Frozen 2 got weirder. More vague allusions to governing with evacuating Arendelle, then Elsa is hastily de-princessed and Anna becomes queen offscreen with NO buildup

The live-action remakes? Well. They change the characters a lot. But their relationship to royalty stays very much the same. At first. Frozen comes out in 2013, Moana 2016, in 2017 Beauty and the Beast said nothing substantive about monarchy (just like the live action Cinderella + Maleficent) and everyone on earth hated it, and in 2019? We got Girlboss Jasmine. Oh dear.

Girlboss Jasmine is a PRINCESS alright! She wants to be the sultan! She has no formal policy in mind, but she gestures at slogans like 'my people make the city beautiful' and does complex political maneuvering like... reading maps. But nobody really likes that either

Mulan 2020 basically offloads the princess angle entirely and everyone hates that too

ENTER RAYA.

Did you even notice Raya is a princess? Raya is a princess. She's like the combination of both Frozens and Moana, having the vaguest possible allusions to the responsibility of her position (through her father, NOT herself!!!) and then rushing off on an adventure where her royalty is utterly irrelevant (the movie would actually be better if Raya wasn't a princess- if she was a servant in the palace who didn't know exactly what happened and thought she'd been betrayed by her leaders. If her rival was the princess of her country and that betrayal was the source of her distrust, rather than a broken 30-minute friendship with a total stranger) and doesn't even provide any glamour or romance. And then the movie bombed.

I highly doubt disney will stop trying to do princesses because of this, but I do think they're officially out of ideas. The only way to REALLY justify a character being a princess going forward would be to incorporate it into the story (because nobody is interested in that 'princess as a reward' shit anymore) and there's just no way to do that without a lot of bad press. Cause once you acknowledge a character's responsibilities as a royal in the plot, you're kinda forced to portray it either positively or negatively. Negative depictions ain't marketable. Positive depictions would be pro-monarchist propaganda

You might say 'well they could just go the Mulan route, and use 'princess' as a figurative term' and they are sure as fuck trying to do that in some of their marketing initiatives, but it's just not hitting. Not like they want it to. You can really only play that game with literal babies, because any girl over the age of 10 has developed enough cognition to feel condescended to by the insistence that every woman who accomplishes something is a 'princess'

Committing to that direction would constitute an admission that disney doesn't know or care how to market female protagonists without slapping a crown on them and adding them to the monolith. That's bad press disney doesn't need.

im sure some people will be disappointed by this but i hate monarchy so

[yoichichi]

✨ Anon Playlist

For my ✨ anon, I hope it’s what you were looking for!

warning: slight timeskip!nishinoya spoilers, kissing?

gif not mine, credit to owner

A/N: I tried to make this GN! since I don’t know your pronouns, if you have any problems please let me know!

Relationship Head Cannons

Okok reading your ask I definitely had to pair you with Nishinoya!! Looking at your interests and your personality etc. I think you guys would make a lovely couple :)

He definitely met you while traveling and immediately asked you for your number (this man is so bold and shameless you cannot tell me otherwise); he was probably a little ridiculous about it and loud and he could not believe you said yes

Went from 😉😁😏 to 👁👄👁,,,😳😳😳 so fast

Called Tanaka drunk after you gave him your number talking about how you have to be the one or something cause he just got some gorgeous babe’s phone number at the bar and he’s pretty sure it’s real

Tanaka still laugh’s about it with him all the time and Noya’s always like oml haha so embarrassing😅😅 stop it dude they’re gonna think I’m a creep 🤬

Nishinoya love’s it when you get to meet his friend’s and get along with them!! It make’s his heart so full!

Double dates with Tanaka and Kiyoko!!! And Noya’s just so🤩🤩 guys guys look at my bb!!!!

omg would endlessly brag about your cocktail making skills asjjskfjnkajeke and NO ONE asked but he can’t help himself

Would shamelessly ask you to paint him and then immediately start undressing for a nude painting  adjskfieurir 

Would for SURE ask you to read to him and it’s one of the few times he’s actually calm, he just finds it so calming he gets to stare at you and just bask in you and how much he loves you is the real reason

Love love loves listening to you talk about your current book obsession and just finds it so cute

let’s be honest just worships the ground you walk on

LOTS of stargazing on beaches at night

He would ask you an abundance of questions about literally anything you know or love cause he’s a passionate guy, too!! You guys could definitely talk for hours and hours and never get bored of each other

And the way you listen to him while he rants about literally any and everything makes his heart practically implode

He’s so soft for you too cause he never thought someone would actually be down for his lifestyle of traveling and having a good time but you do! And you enjoy it so much :)!

PHYSICAL AFFECTION

LOVES holding your hand cause not only does it let him run around and make sure he’s not gonna lose you in the crowd but it just makes him feel so close to you? And it let’s everyone know he’s your boyfriend which he takes so much pride in pls

All in all, your guys’ relationship is just so full of fun that when you guys get to lay and look at the stars together and everything slows down for that moment, Noya knows he really loves you and couldn’t imagine finding anyone better

And what you’ve been waiting for... your playlist!

Ok, so I did my best to match your playlist to the indie vibes you mentioned and keeping it to the scenario of just laying with Noya as best as I could!

I sincerely hope you enjoy, please tell me your thoughts!! Below is the listed songs in order and my explanation for each :). And if you need anything changed, please tell me!

1. Lost in Your Love - Colyer: This song definitely is reminiscent of when you two first met, seeing you just hit him like a truck. Now, he could let literally let go of anything in his life as long as you were there with him. He’s quite definitely lost in your love (talk about devoted, sheesh).

2. My Kind of Woman - Mac DeMarco: So this is written with the intent of keeping you gender neutral since I don’t know your pronouns, so I don’t specifically take the “woman” part of this song as inspiration, but rather the idea of the love in the song if that makes sense. But if this song makes you uncomfortable please let me know and I will happily replace this song. SIMP ALERT 🚨 please Noya wishes he could dedicate this song to you with his whole heart. It’s more of him just being in complete disbelief that YOU choose to be by his side (this is a common theme here 🙄) It doesn’t matter how long you two are together he will never get over letting him be by your side

3. Nothing - Bruno Major: PLS THIS SONG IS MAKING ME SO SOFT FOR NOYA😰✋  please, this is your guys song. The epitome of just laying in each other’s presence and enjoying the warmth and conversation between you two, it’s these moments that really make Noya fall in love with you

4. Something About You - sophie meiers: Noya was definitely more nervous to ask you to be an official couple than he was saying I love you LMAO. He was just so scared to be like look I really like you, please just let me be yours and please be mine officially and let me do couple things with you and show you cool things I like (definitely came off like 💧👁u👁..... be my girlfriend? 🧍‍♂️)

5. Pluto Projector - Rex Orange County: C’mon now TELL me this ain’t you and Noya 🙄✋ your relationship is definitely always in that “honeymoon” phase, you guys are just effortlessly obsessed with each other cause not only do you have so much love to give but so does he!! And this song is just pure ~vibes~

6. Fall - Chloe x Halle: Ok, this one is mainly just for the feeling of it, but okok. You and Noya laying and looking up at the stars and it starts to rain but he just won’t get up and you guys just lay there having a laughing fit until you pull him up and make him come back to the warmth of your guys’ home. And as you’re drying each other off and you have a towel around your shoulders and your still dripping a little and you’re handing him his tea and fuck you just look so perfect he can’t help but tell you he loves you

7. Honeybee - Steam Powered Giraffe: SLOW DANCE TIME, everyone's gotta have one right? It’s more soft behavior, but this song? WHEW. Noya know’s he will forever be trapped by you and your beauty and presence but he just couldn’t care less, the things you do to him, god he swears you’re gonna kill him.

8. Intertwined - dodie: There’s no way you could mention laying with your s/o and NOT have me put this song on there, please just listen to this song you’ll understand 🙏 pure cuddly, chill vibes

9. Turning Page - Sydney Rose: stop it this song makes me cry tell me you guys aren’t laying with each other, tracing each other’s features with your fingers, memorizing every little detail there is to notice (fuck this is so intimate i-)

10. Like You Do - Joji: 🚨A LITTLE NOYA ANGST IM SORRY🚨 Noya would be a little scared his lifestyle would become too much and it’s kind of an irrational fear he has for you, but at the same time he knows that you make him so happy and you love him so much he’d be willing to even change this for you if it meant you could keep loving him like you do now.

11. Goodbye Horses - Q Lazzarus: Did someone say late night cuddly and giggly make out sesh? 😳 Noya pulling away every time just to go “oh no sir🤠!” before kissing you again  ( :40 in the song, you’ll know what I’m talking about)

12. Body Language - Miki Ratsula: We get it you two 🙄✋ you like laying down and cuddling together

13. Dogs at the Beach - The Altogether: PLS this is just for vibes tbh

14. Wanna Know - Sabrina Claudio: I do feel like sometimes Noya is a very blunt guy who says it as is, and not everyone else is like that! So I’m sure sometimes he gets nervous that he’s too much for you and whether or not you love him as much as he loves you! But ultimately he knows you guys wouldn’t be where you are now if you didn’t love him (and then he immediately hates himself for even questioning your love, protect him pls)

15. Let Me Follow - Son Lux: TL;DR, all you need is each other’s love to exist and you couldn’t ask for more.

----------

AHHHH IT’S FINALLY HERE , I’m sorry this took so long! I was having a lot of problems with Tumblr and am a fairly new writer, I really hope you enjoyed this, please give me your feedback and thoughts! I want to make sure you got this :(

Feedback and opinions from anyone is appreciated!

request’s for playlist’s are currently closed until I finish the others, but I will make a post when they’re open again! And to all of those who have requested, they’ll be out shortly!! 

-🐇out

[normal-thoughts-official]

Do you have any hcs for Magnus taking ppl to pride for the first time? I kinda feel like he’d act as a guide for others, making sure everyone feels safe and happy during their first time. Like, I can picture him bringing daylighter Raphael out for the first time, showing Meliorn around (bc even though they’ve been around for a while, the Seelies don’t really do human stuff) and holding Alec’s hand while he looks around in amazement.

well surprise surprise this got very long. bet y’all never saw that coming

ok so i particularly love this ask because like, the idea of meliorn going to pride for the first time is a riot and i adore it

like seelie society has developed completely independently from mundane society in every way, hell, it existed before humans did. so there's absolutely no reason whatsoever to believe that their culture even has the concepts of gender of sexuality, and believing that it would be the same as modern western ones is just straight up anachronistic tbh

so like personally i hc that seelie society has no gender (and therefore no concept of sexuality in the way that we see it), so the idea of pride- doesn't even make sense to them, cuz there's no concept of these identities, much less a history of oppression that would bring forward the need to celebrate their resistance like there currently is

so meliorn would want to go just to like, see what that's like and what's it all about. and the whole time they're just following Magnus around and like, taking notes. hm, interesting, what is this trans thing again? ah yes, people who dont think their personality matches the one mundanes believe would be brought by their genitals. hm. fascinating. and Magnus is just like, laughing loudly and it's the best pride he's ever been to, because he knows how ridiculous queerphobia and cishetnormativity are, but meliorn can make that so clear in their words in a way thats just, like, fantastic to hear, you know? and they dont even mean to, but it's great all the same

plus meliorn actually does feel good because a lot of people look at them and smile broadly or even wave, especially younger people who are just like, in awe of them and Magnus, who are so unapologetically gnc and indisputably beautiful, and looking at them is just like, inspiring, you know? and Meliorn has never felt this admired and appreciated and they dont even fully understand why, they're just walking around in their usual clothing and leaf makeup and everyone is just like, in love with them. and it's nice. they can tell there's an edge of sadness to the whole thing, like how their normal everyday existence seems to be so shocking and refreshing for these people, but mostly they feel good about it

later they bring their findings to the other seelies - you know, the ones who dont usually leave the realm and are way less familiar with mundane culture(s) than they are - and the others are like. shut up. there's no way this is real. the shape of their genital defines what wavelength they are supposed to find appealing? this makes no sense. and meliorn's like "idk what to tell u buddy i literally physically can't lie" and they're like surely this is an elaborate prank

but anyway it's fun and nice and they enjoy it greatly and ask Magnus a lot of questions, and Magnus loves going with them more than anyone else because its just so fun and the way this is completely unnatural to them feels refreshing - Magnus doesnt have to explain why he feels the way he feels, for once, but rather he has to explain why people dont get that, and thats a good change tbh

okay onto other ppl im sorry for this tangent djdndjdndk RAPHAEL YES. god i just. okay i love the mental image of Magnus taking Raphael to pride aaaaaaaa

like okay first of all so many layeRS to make this emotional, okay. the fact that he's now a daylighter and can enjoy being out in the sun, the fact that this is a bright costumed parade and it kinda reminds him of the día de los muertos parade and makes him feel at home, the fact that he gets to celebrate and meet other ace ppl - just, so many good things going on here dundidmdi

and Raphael was kinda unsure about going because 1- pride can get pretty sexual at times, and while he gets it and doesn't mind other people's business, he doesn't want to be hit on or participate in that; 2- big crowd makes senses go craycray and it can get very overwhelming and he's scared of overload, plus it's just not his scene in general with huge parties and such. but a part of him does want to go and he's torn, so of course Magnus is immediately like "oh dear, don't worry, i can take you, i'll make sure it's good" and Raphael is like okay

so Magnus takes him and it's :') nice, because as always he’s just so attentive. disclosure i’ve only ever been to the São Paulo pride so i’m gonna go with how it works in here but im assuming it’s not that different in like, other places. also São Paulo currently has the biggest pride parade in the world along with NYC so you know, i think it’s influential at the very least

anyway so he finds a section that’s led by ace pride groups, one that’s considerably small (in number of ppl) and spacious, and it’s. nice. very nice. magnus makes it a point to paint the ace pride colors on raphael’s face (we deserve raphael in makeup tbh) and raphael is all like “it’s fine, it’s not like i’ll want to draw a lot of attention” (like he isn’t wearing the ace flag colors already) and magnus is like hush, let me have this, i want my boy to have a good pride experience. so raphael lets him and hides his smile and lets him, and it’s. cute okay

also idk why but i have the mental image of raphael seeing some other latino guy with some sign like. “i’m not your fetish” or something of the sort, and kind of tearing up because his whole life he’s been seen as this kind of sexual fantasy that couldn’t not be about sex, much less not be interested in it, and he feels seen. and it’s nice, okay

and as promised it’s not too overwhelming in matters of like people, tactile issues and such (there’s little magnus can do about the noise other than spell raphael to decrease his sensitivity so he doesn’t get overwhelmed, which is not ideal because it makes communication a bit harder between them, but he does it anyway if raphael asks him to), and if raphael gets tired, they can always turn into a corner and take a portal back home and cuddle the post-crowd jitteriness away. so it’s a success. and raphael hugs magnus later and thanks him and says that it was so great, that he’s missed this, the energy and the colors and the sun, and he never thought he’d get to have it again, and he did thanks to magnus. and magnus hugs him back and tells him “anything for you, my boy,” and it’s the sweetest thing okay im emo

also okay this still falls under Raphael and Meliorn but the POLYCULE okay, or at least saiaphaeliorn. like sign me the fuck up for the 4 of them together at pride, meliorn and magnus helping make some cute pride-themed makeup on the other 3, just aaaaaaaaa. maia looking absolutely gorgeous with her face framed in the bright bi colors, maybe a sunny dress with the trans flag colors? just because i think she’d look so cute in like, a mostly white dress with baby pink and blue details, okay. simon just paints the pan flag on his cheek but it’s still vibrant and cute and it suits him. and ghhghghghg meliorn delicately painting raphael’s face with colorful glitter..... effervescent, okay. just beautiful

and they get to hold hands in public and laugh and crack jokes and simon loves the music and the festival and raphael smiles fondly at him and maia singing along (him and meliorn definitely don’t know what the fuck they’re singing, but it’s okay because they’re clearly happy and that makes the two of them happy too) and just duahsdiahdaiuha soft okay. also they all get to experience meliorn’s takes on the whole thing and it’s fantastic and as usual meliorn gets raphael to laugh until he almost cries, and simon smiles brightly at the sight and gives meliorn a peck for their efforts, and just aaaaaaaa

in short they’re SOFT and i’m SOFT. and look yes i know that usually parades esp big ones are super crowded (lord knows the SP pride parade is an experience) but if in SP with 5 million ppl parading i could find sections with less people where you had enough space to walk holding hands and hear each other and not be overwhelmed, then i’m sure they can too, especially with magic and powers at their disposal. so i’m going to have this

also like. as much fun as this is for magnus (and it definitely is, it’s very nice to get to enjoy to be himself openly, and to bring kids there for their first time, and you know), it’s also bittersweet because like. he was there at stonewall, he was there for the first pride, you know? and apart from the obvious part where he lost so many friends who were there, there’s just. the very bad memories of the riots, because as important as they are and as much as he obviously doesn’t regret them, riots are hard, they are the language of the oppressed. he’s had to magically protect people from being shot by the police, he’s had to withstand trial by the Clave for using magic to shield the people from the tear gas and risking being seen, he’s had to save a lot of lives and he’s failed at it sometimes, too (i’ll always hc that he’s the reason neither Marsha nor Sylvia died during the riots and you can pry that away from my cold, dead hands). and he’s also seen it be whitewashed and lose some of its resistance and meaning, he’s seen Sylvia be booed at a later march when she spoke against imprisonment, and he’s seen so much be lost

and in that sense going to pride with alec later on might be his favorite, because it’s not like, a first time where he’s trying to get everyone to have the most fun they can and shit, you know? plus alec loves watching more than he does participating, he feels way too exposed in the crowded streets with so many openings and whatnot. but watching from a rooftop, where he has the best view, can still hear the sounds and enjoy the colors and the beauty of it from a distance? that’s perfect for him, and it’s a different experience

and magnus sits by his side as they watch, hand in hand, and reminisces about everything that he’s experienced after so many years, all the changes he’s seen, how he feels pride but he also feels loss and he feels old, and he fears what happens if pride’s history is forgotten, you know? and alec listens to him, listens to his version of this story, playing with magnus’ fingers and just enjoying the sound of his voice and the sight. and it’s nice. alec is always super attentive and enjoys hearing him talk and magnus can get lost in his memories unapologetically, you know? and it’s good

but that’s later on, of course, when they’ve already attended plenty together. for alec’s first pride he probably wants it to be like, perfect, so much so that alec has to tell him to slow down again, because of course magnus wants alec to have The Full Pride Experience, but alec would rather soak it up slowly than participate in a lot of stuff, anyway. magnus paints the rainbow flag on his cheek (one of the only occasions alec lets magnus put glitter on him, then promptly complains for the next three months because i swear that stuff is still on my skin, magnus, the other day i found some on my shoes! and magnus laughs at his antics as always and alec is forced to laugh too and can’t even be mad) and they kind of stay more by the end, and alec is kind of smiling in disbelief to himself the whole time as he watches all the colors and the unapologetic way people express their pride, and magnus can’t stop looking at him and grinning, too. and they walk hand in hand and it’s cute

(later, magnus says, see, mundane culture isn’t so bad, is it? and alec looks at him with a way more serious look, full of joy and happiness, and says, no, it isn’t. and kisses him and thanks him for everything, and it’s sweet)

also I'm soft thinking about Magnus reminiscing about planning the first pride along with "his dear friend Brenda" to Alec and/or Raphael, them putting their arms around his shoulder as he tells them the softer stories, too, the good things they did

small bonus: Magnus plays 2 truths and a lie with Simon regarding his memories of past prides, and Simon gets it wrong every time and is all wide eyed by the end, which makes both Magnus and Raphael laugh :)

[aplaceforthesoul]

Anonymous submitted:

for tash again pls from https://aplaceforthesoul.tumblr.com/post/620183874016870400/anonymous-submitted-from

i’m really sorry that i keep hammering on about this but some days im ok and i thought im getting over it but sometimes like today it all comes in waves and i’m overwhelmed with sadness and cry about it again and i dont know where else to turn because i dont really have friends and my family expected me to be over it.

i used to have a friend who is still working there (lets call her C). we bonded bcs we’re from the same country, on the same visa, and the same age, although she’s been working there longer than i have. our visas expire around the same time, and we both had spent a lot of time together worried about what to do about it (we wanted permanent residency, but it’s not easy) so we talked about maybe going to regional australia and study something else, maybe we’ll just return home, and we can live together. we bonded over how we were not getting paid, our toxic employers, etc.

C came to australia as a student, on her own, and started working at this restaurant years ago, when it once was a small takeaway shop, before it reopened in a bigger place - thats when i joined the team. in some way, the original boss had acted as a sort of maternal figure to C, who is obviously far away from her family, and she is also epileptic. so the boss had done things like fetch her to and from the airport, the clinic, advice for living in the country, etc. and somehow, in this employer’s twisted mind, she thinks it is then ok to treat C like free help for her shop rather than an employee because she had done all this for her. so instead of paying C properly, as well as paying her super and everything else an employer should do, she finds it ok to abuse C by paying her whenever she likes, screaming at her for not answering her phone, overworking her, etc.

and C has on numerous occasions complained to me about the abuse she went through. she clearly doesnt like the boss, as on numerous occasions she had brought up the idea of reporting the business, she complains about the work, not being paid and the difficulty it had caused her and flat out said doesnt like the working conditions. BUT. if u were to ask her about the NICE things the boss has done for her, she changes her tone. she boasts about the GOOD things the boss has done for her like the flowers for her birthday - the pictures of her holding the bouquet is her profile pic everywhere, and how the boss takes care of her during an epilepsy episode - (and then put her to work the next night.)  i’ve always thought it was weird , but never questioned her more about it. soon after the fallout with the two bosses, i was on the phone with her. i was crying bc i was distressed about the change, and she said: “we are the children, and they are the adults. if the business fails, it fails. let them deal with it. we’ll just carry on our work."

we were talking everyday after that just before i realised i had gotten fired. our last conversation was in february, on the phone, when we were talking about hanging out after work. and suddenly, everything dropped. i realised i had been let go from work, and suspect that the boss had told C not to talk to me anymore. i know C had extended her visa by changing to a student visa, to study cooking, because the boss said she would sponsor her if she did that. she went to study with borrowed money from her family (since she isnt getting paid nearly enough to even pay her rent smh) which is something she told me she didnt want to do. like i dont understand that at all.

what a shit show huh.

now C is not returning my messages. in fact i saw her at the shopping mall just last week. my first instinct was to go up and speak to her, until she spotted me, stopped in her tracks, and went the other direction. i truly did not expect her to be the one to turn her back on me, after everything we’ve been through.

my visa is supposed to expire next month, but after the lockdown my family and i decided that it is the best decision to stay put in australia for the time being. so i applied for a visitor’s visa for a year. the form asked for proof that i had stopped working, in the form of payslips or contract, both of which i dont have, obviously. but i submitted it anyway so now im still waiting on my application.

it just baffles me how one bad employment and two incompetent bosses had fucked up my life this bad. i cant apply for anymore work in australia, so i have no income, the only other person who understood my situation is now gone, now im just waiting until its safe to leave the country. sitting at home, doing nothing but mulling over how i had lost my job, lost my best friend, lost the opportunity to do my masters, and leave the country i had lived in for this long.

im trying not to think about it anymore but its like half a year later and its still causing me grief but nobody knows or gets it.

anyway. sorry that this is long winded i just need to vent. you’re amazing tash, if only i could borrow your residency while you’re in the uk.

hey again <3 yeah getting permanent residency in australia is a nightmare, australia’s government is mostly anti-immigration which makes me sad. 

I can honestly understand why you’re still thinking about this and being negatively impacted by it all, the job gave you hope of completing your masters and staying longer in the country? and hope is a very powerful emotion! to then have it all taken away in such a brutal and unfair and cruel way...well that would affect anyone pretty badly. add in the fact that the ending of the job has created a lot of other negative situations and distress? it makes a lot of sense about why you’re still upset over this. 

this business needs to be reported, honestly what they’re doing is cruel and illegal. it’s quite clear that they are using the promise of sponsoring study as a way to manipulate vulnerable people into underpaid work, it’s also now very clear that they have no intention of following through on that promise -- it’s now become a pattern of behaviour if they did it with C as well as you. they shouldn’t be allowed to continue to operate and to profit off the backs of immigrants and illegal wages. you’re the one who’s suffered, it’s up to you whether you do want to do this? but I would think a lot about it -- I know you mentioned that your parents are close with the owners, but this isn’t ok.

I think all you can do now is put this behind you, accept the reality of the situation and try to be as kind to yourself as you can. spend time looking after yourself, practising self care, prioritising you and your well-being. maybe that means daily exercise and walks, or creating art (clay, painting, drawing?), or spending time gardening, or practising yoga / meditation, whatever works for you. as long as it’s calming and relaxing for you, and you find some measure of peace? then that’s what matters. 

know that what happened to you wasn’t right, it wasn’t your fault at all. you were exploited and taken advantage of, and you didn’t deserve that. try to keep yourself busy as best as you can, take it one day at a time. make a conscious decision to work on letting this go and looking forward, see how things go. I think right now is the hardest bit, because you’re kinda stuck in limbo and there’s lockdown / social distancing measures to deal with too? but once you get moving again and things change, it may have a more positive impact on your mental health when you’re being kept busy again and you have a change of environment. 

I’m glad you were able to vent and get this off your chest, I hope you’re able to find some peace and acceptance moving forward xxx

- tash

[uncultureddirt]

I Let You Decide - Park Jisung

~REQUESTED~

“I wish I never did it. I swear”

‘You can’t let someone else determine your worth.’

You are you for a reason. You were placed on this planet with a purpose. Often times, as humans, we fail to understand the following concept: we are worth it. We tend to let others take the lead on determining our value; we allow them to decide who we are. We are never fully able to see how extraordinary we are. So we believe the words we hear. We fall victim to the critics, the assholes, and the liars. We let them tell us who we are. And we wait for them to announce that we are worth it.

~

Your bed had been decorated in papers, books, and pens. You resided in the middle of the chaos, wearily hunched over a textbook. To paint a picture, the scenery was dark around you, every aspect of it. The outside world was swallowed in night, too shadowed for the glow of stars, and too gloomy to keep you awake. You always found yourself in the same scenario, and every day began to feel like a loop.

‘You should have started this last week y/n,’ you thought to yourself as you wildly flipped through your textbook. The words on the page seemed to swirl and throw themselves at you. Each letter was visible, yet they refused to form cohesive sentences. Your English paper was due the next day and up until this point, you had not even begun to select a passage to base your paper off of. With the amount of energy you had left, nothing was making sense anymore. It felt like nothing was successfully able to hold your attention for more than a minute. Your mind was wandering and your eyelids were sinking, suddenly pushing you into a place away from crumpled papers and complex words.

Beep

Your body jolted, forcing your eyes open and pulling you out of your zombified state. You rubbed your eyes, lazily scanning your bed for the source of the noise. You tilted your head when your eyes met the glow of a screen. Your phone. Who could possibly be texting you at this hour?

Unknown: ‘Hey’

The number wasn’t in your contacts. You instantly began racking your brain, trying to guess who you might have given your number to. Right as you decided you were going to respond, they sent another message that almost made you jump at the sight of it.

Unknown: ‘You know I think you’re really cute’

“You know I think you’re really cute? Huh?” You read the words aloud, in utter disbelief. “Who the hell is this?” you mumbled while staring at the keyboard. You had to respond and began to quickly type, your fingers dancing across the keyboard. You had to know who this was.

‘im sorry, who is this?’

Unknown: ‘You don’t know? Maybe it’s better we keep it this way’

Unknown: ‘I just wanted to talk to you, beautiful ;)’

“What?” you whispered, staring at the messages that caught your attention in the middle of the night. The compliments were compelling. No one has ever said these things directly to you before. You moved your eyes from the phone screen to the mirror on the wall across from your bed.

The light in your room was dim, but was just enough to illuminate your features for you to see. You studied your face and then dropped your eyes back to a new message.

Unknown: ‘I could look at you all day long’

You laughed quietly to yourself. A large part of you was confused and honestly, almost annoyed. The remaining amount of attention you so desperately needed was pulled entirely from your essay to a mystery author text conversation. How childish… but you did want to know who was behind it. It was in your rights to know, right? Though slowly, your concern seemed to dissipate as you found yourself slightly blushing. A faint wave of confidence had overtaken you. You placed a hand to your face, warm from the blood rushing to your face, and softly smiled, lost in wonder.

-

You never found out who it was that night, and though you told yourself it wasn’t that important, the question endlessly circled your mind the next day. Due to your newfound confidence from the messages, you found yourself feeling slightly renewed. You walked through the halls of your school looking at everyone slightly differently than you had before. Everyone became a potential candidate for being your secret admirer.

‘Maybe it’s him? No, that wouldn’t make sense.’

‘Oh, wait may- nope, probably not him either.’

While you were consciously assessing others differently, you couldn’t help but feel like people were doing the same to you. Concluding you were likely just being paranoid, you scrapped the idea and placed your focus elsewhere. The most important thing was solely planning for an excuse to give your English teacher about why the only thing completed in your essay is your header. The question about who was texting you last night? That could be put on hold for a few hours.

-

You sat alone at your lunch table. You hated waiting for your friends to come back from the ordering food. Sitting by yourself always make you feel so vulnerable, like everyone was looking only at you. But what was the alternative? The lunch ladies had a habit of yelling at people who were in line without getting anything. You buried your face into your phone hoping to avoid any attention from being drawn to your lonely presence and also to distract yourself from the thought of it. You were beginning to flip through the messages that were sent to you last night when you were interrupted by a low voice.

“Uh, hey.”

You looked up, immediately turning off your phone.

‘When had he gotten there? I didn’t even notice him sit down.’

“Hi Jisung?” You spoke it more like a question more than a greeting. You knew Jisung. He was in a couple of your classes, but you two weren’t exactly friends. He always had a slight awkwardness to him. Though he was friends with some of the loudest and rudest boys, he failed to share some of the qualities they did.  

He was sitting across from you, but struggled to make eye contact. With one final glance at the table, he looked up to your face and continued, “Hi um did you get my texts last night?”

‘No way. There is absolutely no way.’

A siren went off in your mind as you fumbled through reasons on how this could be possible. He barely knew you, how could he say any of the things he said?

“Oh. So that was you. I did, actually. Well, thank you it was real-”

“Yeah uh, well I wanted to know if you wanted to go out with me maybe after school today?” He sounded rushed and robotic, almost like reading lines from a script. It felt unnatural and wrong, but you didn’t notice it then. You felt caught up in what the words were that left his mouth, not how they left.

You had never been asked out before. You always found yourself steering away from ‘relationships’ and always took on the role of the ‘good friend.’ This was new to you, and you weren’t opposed. The siren going off within you was blaring, and you wondered if Jisung could hear it.

“Sure.” As the words left your mouth you observed him wince slightly to himself. The action was minimal enough to go unnoticed, so when a smile covered his as he looked at you, you thought you might have imagined it. He was cute, he really was. You noticed the way his eyes lit up along with his whole face, you liked that.

“Cool, I’ll see you later.”

Jisung then walked back to his table with his head low. The boys erupted into laughter as he sat down in his seat, one slapping him roughly on the back. The table was zoo-like, the boys teasing Jisung throughout the rest of the period, occasionally throwing a look in your direction.

You directed your view back to your phone and sifted through the messages once again. Putting a face to your ‘admirer’ was strange, but it satisfied your burning night-long curiosity. You were fueled by a new high and were so focused on how good you felt that you forgot to think logically. The question of ‘why?’ started to lose importance. You had your suspicions about the sudden turn of events, no doubt, but you were going on a date with Park Jisung. ‘Why?’ didn’t matter.

-

He planned to meet you at a popular restaurant that you’ve been to a couple of times before. And thankfully, that meant that you wouldn’t have to take a while to figure out what you’d like to eat. It was set for six o’clock, which wasn’t the smartest idea, but you weren’t going to object. The place got extremely crowded during the evening hours of the day. It was always filled with hungry students, busy moms, and sharply dressed people in blazers who were just getting out of work. The crowd was diverse, but they all shared one similar feeling, hunger.

Your emotions felt inconsistent throughout the rest of the day. One moment you were basking in excitement, and the next you were falling into a pile of worries and anxieties about the date. It was all you could think about, your mind was clouded.

You sat in front of your bedroom mirror that evening, your hand shaking slightly while glazing your lashes with a, hopefully, even coat of mascara. You knew it wasn’t a formal event, you knew it was ‘no big deal,’ but regardless, you wanted to look nice. As you watched yourself, the sweet words from Jisung poured into your mind. You found yourself smiling, not only outwardly, but every part of your body felt like it was smiling as well.

-

You pulled up to the shop a few minutes late. As you made your way down the sidewalk, you could feel the blood rushing to your ears and face. Nerves. They always found you in situations like this. You always seemed to be slipping into your own thoughts and your excitement was slowly melting into worry. Though you decided it walk going to be ok. He wanted you there. He asked you. As you pushed open the door to the restaurant you calmed down a bit.

‘You’ve already made it this far.’

Once you were in, your eyes immediately scanned the place.

‘Where is he?’

You made your way further in, finding an empty table to sit at. Before sitting down you surveyed the place one last time, searching for his smiling eyes. You didn’t see them anywhere.

‘He’s probably running late, I mean, I’ve done that countless times before. It happens to everyone.’

Furrowing your brows, you plopped down into the seat you had chosen. You flipped through your phone for a couple of minutes, constantly glancing at the time.

[6:10 P.M.]

You looked up from your phone at the noise of the door opening. You felt your heart in your throat, thinking maybe it was him. Just as it began to rise, you felt it plummet to the depths of your stomach. It was a couple. You sighed heavily, resting your chin onto your hand. The table you chose faced the window, allowing you to view the street. You found yourself absorbed in watching the cars passing by. You were being stood up, right? You had to be getting stood up.

‘Don’t think that. Not yet, at least.’

You shook yourself out of your trance and looked back at your phone. If you didn’t distract yourself, there was no doubt you’d overthink this.

[6:35 P.M.]

You began tapping the table with your fingers and letting your ears fill with the noise of conversation that wasn’t yours. The seat in front of you remained unoccupied as you stared at it, realizing something to only sadden you further. Every other table for two was filled. Whether family, friends, business acquaintances, or couples, everyone had someone. Somehow, on that specific night, the rest of the world had company. It felt like the universe was mocking you. You let your eyes fall back upon the empty seat. Maybe you were the only one alone that night, but not by choice.

‘He’s not coming.’

You knew that, but you so desperately wanted to be wrong. You wanted to see him come in and tell you that something terrible had happened and there was no possible way he was going to make it on time. That his phone was smashed and he couldn’t even tell you why he was going to be late to begin with. You just wanted validation that someone finally appreciated you and confirmation that whatever the reason for him not showing up was, you weren’t the issue.

With that, you pulled out your phone for the last time.

[7:50 P.M.]

“You know, why am I even waiting anymore?” you mumbled, hastily throwing a tip down for being allowed to stay that long without ordering anything, standing up, and walking out the door. You wanted to hear that someone was coming. You wanted to see that someone actually cared, even if it wasn’t Jisung.

But you didn’t see anything once you were outside. The air that met you was cold and dark. The world became unwelcoming, as if it didn’t want you. As if no one did.

Your face burned with embarrassment and stung with tears.

‘Am I really that pathetic?’

-

“Yeah uh, well I wanted to know if you wanted to go out with me maybe after school today?”

“No. Why didn’t you say no?” you spoke aloud to yourself as you lay face up on your bed. You thought back to lunch, being reminded of the laughing coming from his table. There was only answer that made sense. It was a joke, and you had fallen for it.

You wanted to move on. Reminding yourself that no one had to know you ever went. Convincing yourself that whatever happened tonight was his fault, not yours. Telling yourself that none of this is even going to matter after a while. And deep down, you probably believed those things.

But you couldn’t fight the fact that at that moment, it still really hurt your pride.

‘Why did he choose me to fool? Do I look easy or weak? Is it because I seem desperate? How many people know about this? Am I being laughed at? Was any of this genuine? Is this what the world thinks of me?’

You were lost in your thoughts and drowning in embarrassment.

‘He didn’t even show up. How could he not show up? I’d rather he’d shown up and tell me there that it was all a big insensitive prank than to leave me like this. At least I would have answers.’

Your vision began to cloud as it quickly welled up with a fresh set of tears. As you let your eyes close you could feel the tears stream down the sides of your face. You weren’t audibly crying, but maybe your body needed to cry, whether you felt like it or not.

Your thoughts were fuzzy and blurry as you drifted off to sleep that night. And strangely enough, there was only one thing managed to remain clear.

An empty black seat.

-

It’s funny how our minds work. They make us think things, and feel things that no longer exist, or perhaps never existed in the first place.

You fell victim to the unconscious workings of your mind that very night. It occurred when you suddenly decided that everyone thought of you like some big joke. Though the evidence was remarkably slim, as only one event transpired which supported your thesis, you couldn’t void the idea.

And come morning, you had subconsciously clutched to those feelings while you slept. Once at school, it felt as if everyone around you knew what happened, like there was a sign taped to your back that read ‘I was stood up.’ A few times you turned around to check if people were staring at, but no one ever was, of course they weren’t. There was no sign on your back.

You stared at your feet as you walked, noticing a stain of mud on your white shoes. You were searching your brain for when you could have possibly been walking in mud when you felt someone bump into you.

“Oh I’m sor-” you quickly stopped your sentence. You failed to piece together the rest of your sentence as Jisung rushed past you, his vision desperately aimed away from your face.

‘So now he’s coward?’

You dropped your head again, forcing down your heart which had made it way to your throat at the sight of his face. But within seconds of your social silence, a deep voice broke through the noisy hallway.

“Hey y/n!” You turned around. “Enjoy your date night?”

It was one of Jisungs friends, one of the loud ones. He smiled and began to walk next to you.

“Sorry?”

He rolled eyes, “It was a dare y/n.”

‘Of course it was a dare.’

You expected it by now, sure, but hearing him confirm your thoughts still pierced you. Each word felt like a slap across the face. You didn’t want him to know you felt that. So what you said next was a lie, a complete lie.

“I knew that from the start.” Your mouth drew a straight line as you forced composure and before he could see you break, you quickly walked away. The boy was confused for a moment, but he then called after you with a lucky guess.

“Oh come on, don’t tell me you actually went!”

You wished you could say you didn’t, but that would have been your second lie.

-

You pushed your way into the bathroom, thankful to find it empty. You placed yourself in front of the last sink and looked up.  

The mirror was cracked in the corner and slightly foggy, but it still served its purpose. You then found yourself staring in the eyes of someone. Someone who looked sad and you wondered, why? Most people would probably be able to brush this off, right? Why was she unable to. Maybe it was because she had actually liked Jisung and before she could even take her chance, it became clear he didn’t feel the same. You began to then wonder why he didn’t.

You searched your face and body, noting every flaw. They seemed to jump out at you as if they had been circled with a marker. Maybe you were just a joke.

You stood before that mirror as you had done last night. From them until that moment, you looked the same and you were the same, aside from one change. How you felt. How you felt was not determined by yourself. No, how you felt now was a result of how he made you feel.

Isn’t it remarkable, what our minds can do? The way they can distort things? Your image became an ink blot, its appearance determined not by facts but by feelings. How? How can others become so powerful to us that we let them determine what we view?

You took your eyes away from the mirror and pressed your face into your hands.

Your eyes are useless when the mind is blind.  

-

You decided to get away from the crowd during lunch and put your focus into your essay. You had never finished it, but your teacher decided she would let you submit it late for at least half credit. Placing yourself at a table in the corner of the library, you began working.

A joke.

You could almost see all of the boys laughing at you as you wrote. But you ignored it and pushed on, letting your pen drag quickly across the lines. You lost track of time as you let all your energy flow into your work. You felt closed off from the world as you sat there, in your own space.

Until your space was invaded.

“I didn’t want to do it.”

You looked up, only to meet eyes with him. With Jisung. You wondered what compelled him to sit there. To remove himself from his friends and come find you. You wondered. Though through questioning, a sudden thought fell upon you. He was there, before you, filling the space.

The empty seat was no longer vacant, but rather occupied by him.

“I’m sorry y/n.”

~

a/n: I truly would like to apologize for taking so long to publish this work. Thank you for being so kind and supportive during this time, it means a lot. My sole purpose for beginning this blog was to further engage my love for writing and also to entertain my audience. I want you all to feel everything from happiness, sadness, love, and everything in between during these fics. I hope I share some good stories and messages with you all. I will be fully running this blog and taking requests again after May 13. After that time I will be done with most of my hard classes and AP exams. Thank you all for being so amazing I love you all and I hope you enjoyed this :)

[noxus-the-venomous-blog]

Part 3.02 Where is your head?

“This is a joke right?! I literally just came from the Science Division,” Ed said in frustration.

“And they sent you here? They radioed us saying they sent the load to engineering but needed something else taken that way.”

“WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN?!”

“Calm down poison puff,” the rank two grumbled with little patience left, “it means you need to head back to Science and get the new load, should look like a clipboard, then take that to Engineering who will give you the package for Science as well as the new keycard you’re going to need.”

“Wait… Isn't this Engineering?” Ed felt a slight twitch in his eye. His heart was beating like a war drum.

“Nooooo this is S Division. It's like a legal department.”

“So I have to walk all the way back to the first cave elevator?” he sighed admitting his defeat. When he had signed up to infiltrate this place he expected an exciting game of psychological cat and mouse, instead of a ridgid trip to the proverbial villainous version of the DMV. Or was this the cat and mouse game?

“Don't go all the way back to the elevator, that's the long way. Follow the signs for H Division up around P Division. It takes you the back way. When you get to H, turn around by the smoke fountain and head down the corridor between the mess hall and the lazertag center.”

“Wait there's….nevermind. Ok I’m on it.”

“Also, gimme five bucks” the rank two said with a serious set of eyes peering over the respirator.

“Is… This a robbery?”

“Nah man. I forgot my lunch and I totally just spent like 10 minutes helping you. Gimme five bucks.”

“Ok fine,” Ed handed him the money requested, still completely sure this was just a robbery. Then off he walked, following the directions given by the rank 2 from the Subversion Division.

The place was entirely too complicated. He made his way as far as he could go following colored lines on the ground but each of them led to buckets of paint, where apparently someone had forgotten what they were doing and walked away. He then checked a map posted on the mall. After studying it for a few moments he realized it wouldn't help him. It was a map of the eastern New York area. Why? He was ready to give up until he saw someone with a full face mask. Ed knew little about the complicated rank system but the rule of thumb was the more mask the more rank. Hopefully.

“Um, hello?”

“Yes,” the masked rank 3 said to him.

“Yes what?” Ed stammered.

“Just looking on the bright side! So where is your brain thinking it's going?”

Insane… “Science?”

“That's by the elevator. Just go past the poison mushroom field, and cut by…”

“The weird corner with the jugglers and crap that's what i thought but someone said going around the smoke fountain is faster” Ed insisted. He wondered if his tone was bad for speaking to a superior but at this point he was grinding his teeth into calcium powder.

“The jugglers aren't weird… Anyway why would you walk away from science and think its a shortcut?” the woman said, tilting her head as if the helmet was heavy.

“I just…. Basically paid five bucks for wrong directions i guess”

“People make mistakes when they’re hungry, come with me lost little lamb” she insisted, dragging his arm to the cafeteria. The day was about to become a lot longer. She slowly introduced him to each member of the food prep staff, a dull looking bunch who seemed eager for the two of them to grab a tray and leave. She then gathered him and a few other new rank ones and made them each say something positive about themselves, but the rank 3 kept getting distracted and instead doubling back to the same two after repeatedly complimenting their hair. She then dragged him to the entertainment corner where she taught him to juggle. This was the most surprising part of the day since he actually picked up on it quickly, and despite his deep frustrations, realized he made a competent juggler. The joy of this was vacuumed out when she saw a cloud of gas and made Ed chase it, claiming this was a stamina building, motivational exercise. He couldn't see the supposedly running cloud of gas she referred to so what actually occurred was him running in circles while the Rank 3 woman laughed at him and shouted directions. She was in the middle of telling him to use a stranglehold to subdue it when Ed noticed a familiar face. James ran up to the two of them.

“Division leader Haze,” he said panting, “forgive my interruption! You are needed in the laser tag room right away!”

“Oh no what is it?”

“Someone looked absolutely depressed. They kept talking about being hungry and not sure if they should love or believe in themselves.”

“GASP!!!” haze said instead of actually gasping “IM ON IT! You’re on your own for now little lamb. But before i go.” she held her hand to out in front of eds face, “look at this interesting glove,

He stared at it for a moment, having a hard time focusing with it being so close to his face. The moment he saw the small distinguishment on the palm, a tiny hole, it was too late, as a little puff of mist shot forward and into his face and eyes. The toxic effect of the mist muffled the noise and lights around him. She leaned in “Edward… Where is your head?” She then did a hundred and eighty degree twirl and began skipping away.

He turned around slowly. The steady rhythm of ambient noise around him began to go off beat. Sounds of people talking in the distance melted into a blur the footsteps all around him seemed to multiply into a dark applause. He was nearly in a panic until an arm on his shoulder jolted him out of it.

“Hey she won't be distracted long, get to wherever you need to go.”

“Yeah… I have… Who is she?” Ed mumbled.

“That was Haze. She's not so bad once you get to know her, just very….. supportive. You doing ok? Im guessing you didn't expected to get sprayed your first day.”

He steadied himself against the wall. “I feel like i'm going to fall over.”

“It wears off quick,” James added, “you likely just got a little dose of what they call the happy spray. After a while you learn to love it, like a morning cup of coffee. Although it was Haze, so small chance she used the clown spray. No one enjoys the clown spray….”

“Clown spray??” Ed said gasping. He was just thinking he was ready to tap out but if there was any doubt in it, any question of whether or not he was in over his head, it was just clarified in two words. Clown spray.

“If it was i imagine you would have noticed by now. Anyway you said you were headed to Science so get over there before she comes back. “

Ed began stumbling away, had he said he was going to Science? Had any of that conversation even happened? He can remember the conversation but with each step he took it seemed more like he made it up in his head. He made his way backtracking the way he came, wondering if he had passed the jugglers or not. But why? Why was he thinking about them. Why does he know how to juggle? Where was he going again? That's right, to the Science room. Hadn't he just come from there? He kept walking hoping someone would run into him. Hoping someone would hit him to the ground and stand over him and explain who he is. He nearly got his wish when he was knocked to the floor by running into a rank two who he hadn't noticed had stopped walking in front of him.

The decently sized man leaned out a hand to help Ed up. “Thanks i jus…” Ed was cut off by holding a finger up to silence him. He then pointed at one of the nearby tv monitors. The image on the screen was a thick swirl of moving green smoke. It all slowly faded revealing Noxious leaning forward in a dark room. Ed had seen this person many times when being briefed for his mission but the descriptions seemed outdated based on what he was seeing now. The masked figure leaned into the camera and began to speak.

“What is fear? We all have things in our life worth being afraid. I'm afraid of failing. I'm afraid of letting many people down. This is why i try harder. In each step of my life i was afraid of how id make the next one. This is what guided me cautiously through a dangerous world. Fear and concern can aid us, but when insecurity is present then our fear loses its beneficial nature. Insecurity makes us hesitant. Insecurity makes us doubt. Insecurity drives us to more dangerous roads as we seek to run away from the causes. What causes insecurity? Violence, despair, needless aggression, needless hostility. A world where people shout. A world where people take for themselves and give to no one. A world where a fair chance is a contaminated concept.” Ed looked around the wide open courtyard to see that everyone had stopped and this entire little underground city had halted to give attention to the various scattered monitors bearing their overlord’s face. If evil was a feeling he sensed enough of it around himself to grow sick with it.

“What makes people so selfish? What makes human beings so hostile? It's not our broken souls, or a broken culture. It's a broken brain. Can't it be said that the people who prevail in such aggression are just doing so out of their own insecurities? If you have depression people encourage you to get treated right? Well i have seen this world and diagnosed it with aggression. Lets help it. Lets get it on a proper medication cycle. Let's cure this flawed world so it can't hurt us any longer. Breathe deeply friends...” The monitors shut off one by one.

“I'm new here what was that?” he asked the large man he had accompanied in watching it. The man said nothing, merely offering a thumbs up and walked away. Was this one of the so called “quiet soldiers” he was warned about? He still felt trapped in his thoughts from that spray but at least the weird brainwashing tv message had him distracted long enough for some of the side effects to wear off. It was time to get serious about why he was here, and so off he rushed to the Science department.

----------------------------------

“No.” the mousy rank 2 said, not even glancing up from her keyboard.

“I don't know what that means,” Ed said in frustration.

“You don't know what no means? That's a terrifying thought.”

“No i don't know why you’re telling me no. i was just sent here from Science, to S Division and then back again.”

“That's your problem. The so called ‘S Division’ isn't around to give you the good directions. You were here this morning and we told you in detail to go to Engineering. If you took advice for others along the way that's your problem.”

“Is there anyway i can just speak to someone in charge?”

“This isn't a department store puff. You can't just… You know what. Nevermind your timing is great. We have three division leaders right over their and i'm sure they have all the answers you need,” she said slyly, gesturing her hand to wave him off. He went passed the reception desk and towards the back room she referenced. Half way down the hallway he felt a wrenching in his stomach, lingering effects he assumed of the toxic spray. It drained his energy and made it feel impossible to think or even stand. He fell to his knees and puked on the sterile white flooring.

“You’re lost little girl,” a woman told him. He could only see her boots.

“I'm not a girl...” ed stammered.

“It's a metaphor,” the woman corrected.

“Lynn that's not a metaphor.” A second set of boots joined. He still only had the strength to look at the floor he had sullied.

“Actually CT, Its a reference so technically it falls under symbolic language” a third voice insisted, again accompanied by another set of boots. This time the voice sounded male.

“Thanks DD, although i think were crowding this poor little puff,” the one called Lynn said. They all then took a step back in a unified manner that Ed found to be robotic and unsettling. With the extra space he took a deep breath and stood up. Before him were the three division leaders. From dossiers he could put together who was who. The one known as Lynn was recognizable from the propaganda videos. The other female was an easy puzzle to solve since he was in the Science Division and the division leader used the monicor ChemTrails. CT. The male however was a coin flip. The Dossier had multiple names on file for the three known male division heads. This DD one must be one of them. Still though, a bit of prodding would come off as curiosity not investigation so he decided to prod.

“Who are you guys?”

“Guys and girls. Or so i can tell,” DD chimed.

“‘Guys’ can be gender neutral nowadays,” Lynn said adjusting a valve on her suit.

“Objectively it cannot.”

“But contextually it can. It’s a word devolved into sland,” CT added, “also none of you are answering the poor puff’s question. I'm ChemTrails, of the Science Division. That place you seem to have spent all day trying to walk back to. This is Evo-Lynn of Propaganda, and The Diabolical Mr Dave of Engineering.”

“A pleasure to meet you… um… Ed?” DD smiled, his mask hanging from his neck gave him a more laid back and inviting look then the rest of them. He had a charming smile but Ed couldn't help but feel like he was being played.

“How did you know my name?”

“You’re damn near famous today. The video is going around of you sitting on Haze’s shoulders juggling like a pro.”

“Oh right…” Ed had no memory of this. “Wait why do they call you Diabolical Dave or whatever?”

“The Diabolical Mr Dave, you have to say the whole thing to really get the effect. It was a college nickname and with my current line of work i figured it was appropriate enough to keep.” Dave said, further unsettling Eds now fragile sense of what was even happening.

“This is all a lovely chat by the water cooler but before we regail ourselves with any more wonderment, Ed, do you have the part my people gave you to give Engineering?” CT asked, “Since DD is right here we can skip the walk,”

What was she talking about. Was he given a part? In all the chaos of the day he had forgotten exactly why he was ever sent to engineering. Is this why there are so many unfinished lines painted on the ground? Are the fumes of this place so mentally infesting that everyone here is doomed to just wander aimlessly from one task to another? Is this the paradise the Noxious Agenda promises? A world so sedated it can't war but neither can it function? And if this is the WAIT WHAT’S IN HIS HAND? ITS MACHINERY AND ITS HEAVY HAD HE BEEN CARRYING THIS THE ENTIRE TIME AND NOT NOTICING? WHAT IS THIS PLACE??

“Yeah this. Thanks champ” DD said with a warm smile. He took the large part and brought it over to a desk. CT followed and Ed saw this as his chance to leave until Lynn grabbed him by the hand and dragged him to the table as well. Their DD added components to the device one by one as it started to take shape.

DD leaned in, placing each part carefully on. “The attachments are magnetic and self bolting. The magnet holds the legs and establishes a current. Once the legs feel that current they rotate the small bolts, holding it in securly. With a press of a button it can remove all of the legs and dismantle itself. The legs can pop off in seconds and be replaced with tracks or even gyros for flight!” Ed was fascinated by this small machine. He had seen drones before but this man DD described it with such childish glee that he couldn't help but look at it with the same excitement.

“What controls it?” Lynn questioned.

“Artificial intelligence,” the proud Engineer said. He noticed a worried look on Eds face so he reassured, “not likely what you’re picturing rank one. It’s AI in the way that i programed algorithms and it finds its own data. Much like a popular online search engine. I collect data from the personalities of people randomly found around the lair and then let it manifest into a code for the drone to follow. Watch,” he leaned over and flicked a small switch.

The robot stood up and a gritty simulated voice began to speak, “NOXIOUS AGENDA! GAS THE SHOUT IN A WORLD THAT PEOPLE!”

They all stared with wide eyes. DD reassured, “this is expected. It uses the words people here use most. It seems weird but as the code refines it will be less eccentric”

“RANK ONE DETECTED! SUCK IT PUFF! CURSE YOU NEWB!” the robot then shouted at Ed as a small cannon emerged, a small flame sparked from it and then much larger jet of fire shot out, scorching the Eds clothing. In a split second CTs mask began to move and swish, then a small liquid tendril protruded out the side and across the room, grabbing the fire extinguisher and returning it to Chems hands as she put out the burning spy.

“WHAT JUST HAPPENED?!!!” Ed screamed from the floor.

“Just a flaw in the coding… It is a prototype” DD confirmed.

“No no no… Did an arm just crawl out of that mask??”

CT leaned down in front above Ed “Sometimes you don't want to be on a short list of people who know certain things. Especially if people in the future ever want to make that list shorter.”

“I told you you’re lost little girl,” Lynn said. Ed made his way out as the three of them giggled and spoke about the potential of the robot. This was surely valuable enemy data but he was having no more of the three of them. He made his way to a quiet alley between cave walls and a dark building. His daily objectives were a complete failure. He never bugged the servers, never checked out the exits and never made visual confirmation of this cult’s boss, unless a vague image on the screen counted. Did it? Likely not. He can only assume he’s been too intoxicated for any of his report to carry validity. None of the challenges in this hellish place were predicted and thus none of the challenges met. He was ready to start crying at the anguish he had felt when he heard encouraging words.

“Jeez Eddie why the long face?” A man said next to him. He hadn't noticed anyone sit down but at this point company wasn't the worst thing he could have.

“Today's my first day and all i'm doing is messing up. This is all just too much i feel like i can't breathe.”

“That sounds like anxiety, friend. That's normal for a first day. Do you know what causes anxiety?”

“Yeah all these OH MY GOD YOUR A CLOWN!!!” he shouted, nearly falling out of his chair at the sight.

“Now that's not very nice Eddie. Anxiety can be one of two things, a chemical imbalance or an effect of over stressing circumstances. Do you feel overstressed friend?”

“I… Yes i do.”

The clown leaned in and put a hand on his shoulder. “Do you feel like you spent the whole day not doing what you planned to?”

“Yes exactly. I can't get my thoughts straight. I feel like such an idiot.”

The clown leaned in further. “Whose side are you really on…”

“Wh...what?”

The clown leaned back, relaxed. “You can't call yourself an idiot like that. You might be venting but your brain will always take it serious. Don’t be against yourself. You had some setbacks but you learned from ‘em right? Tomorrow will be another day”

“You know for a clown you got some pretty good advice,” ed sighed.

“Why do you keep calling me a… Oh right, clown spray. Let me fix you up” the clown then reached into his massive gag pockets and pulled out three small colored vials and a tiny machine. He examined each vial then put them in the small device. He punched in some numbers on the side of it and the machine began to vibrate, mixing them together. He leaned the machine towards Eds face an a small gas release came out of it. The instant he inhaled a portion of it his head felt like it was on fire. He lost control of his muscles and his head fell into his palms, doing everything he can to not fall of the bench he was sitting on.

“Breath Deeply Ed, this will fix you,” the former clown said, his voice now more raspy and muffled. Ed summoned what strength he could to raise his head to the man, but the clown was gone, and replaced with something much worse. The modified gloves, the glowing mask, the shoulder vents. This was Noxious. “You'll be ok Eddie. Just keep doing your best here and who knows, maybe we will grow on you?” The boss said before getting up to walk away.

SUPERSECRETSPECIALOVAENDING

DD “how long do we have to keep being mean to the rank 1s?”

CT “wait were we being mean to all of them? i thought it was just those two new ones”

Tranq “its just the one called Ed. we are attempting to draw them out.”

DD “oh.... i have a lot of crispy rank one’s to apologize too.....

[rooneywritesbest]

The Horsemen

The Horsemen

By Cory Benoit And Brendan Rooney

Takes place in the quaint town of Springdale which was built over an Indian burial site underlining and alluding mystery. We open to the 4H it’s a bar. The horsemen are the title of a group of friends who are essentially brothers. The horsemen are enjoying Guys night when they hear it’s karaoke night what could go wrong

John - 21-year-old leader of the solves the problem (Action Man)

Jose - 21 yrs old Brain of the group  

Jim - 21 yrs old Moral compass of the 4H sees the problem but can’t figure it out

Mackie- Funny outgoing, caring, tries to do the right thing all the time also trying to get out of the shadow of the 4H  

Melanie - New girl working or in town

Johnny: Hey Guys another night at the 4H Does this mean we are officially horsemen because were regulars all the time. They literally have our faces on the wall of fame.

Jose: Maybe in your mind but isn’t it the wall of shame. I Mean Mackie threw up last month when we were here.

Jim: Lol maybe you guys are right what do you think Mackie.

Mackie: I think it's time to order actually boys.

John: yeah you're probably right Jim -  Mackie look at the new hottie at the bar absolutely smoke screen.

Jose - Well mack go get it.

Mackie-  I don’t know boys she looks like she’s staring into my soul.

Johnny - Tell you what Mack I'll take a shot. Here I go boys

Melanie - can I help you another drink or closing your tab?

Johnny - Nah just shooting my shot and see where im getting

Melanie - Nice try and no thanks scurry back to your little fraternity over their

(Feeling a sense of shame and being upset John swallows his hubris and proceeds to walk back to the horsemen)

Mackie - Damn Johnny you got crucified up there by the bombshell

Jose - Using those big words again Mack trying to play out of bounds

Mackie -Screw you Jose I don't see you trying to stand out and make a name for yourself

(Jim proceeds to smack Mackie on the head almost to wake him up from his tangent)

Jim - Come down to earth Mack and relax bro the waitress is coming back boys you ready to order yet

Melanie alrighty you four ready to order. (Melanie has a sense of disgust for the four sitting like they owned the bar.

Mackie - I’ll have a beer and a burger

Jose - steak for me please, seasoned, and medium rare

Johnny - Uh i'll have Wings and I’m sorry for before we noticed ya wasn’t from these parts

Jim- I’ll take a sampler platter

Melanie - So Btw horsemen I guess that’s what they call you guys.  There is a karaoke night going on maybe you should join

Mackie - What uh no thanks singing is for chumps.

(Mackie suddenly gets an urge or a gut feeling then Mackie realizes karaoke sucks but only says that because he has ulterior motives because Mackie doesn't possess the ability to sing.)

Mackie- You know what actually I’ll give it a try.

Johnny - Mack attack you sure you wanna go up there

Jim - Mack we know you can’t sing you sound like a dying whale

Jose- Do you bro remember boys Mackie just being Mackie

(Mackie goes on the stage looks over at the 4H and scolds and scolds himself for getting himself in this predicament. Mackie warms up and makes a whale like sound which proves to himself that he can't sing. Sweating bullets on the stage.)

Jim- So you heard it here first I’m telling you boys shammu wants his voice back

Mackie: all right everybody got a mop this won’t take very long (im getting nervous Mackie has a sense of fear painted on his face)

Extra - here’s the mic here is the screen go break a leg. Big guy

( Mackie gets the mic he feels an earthquake below his feet but notices no one else is feeling the same which Mackie feels nervous.) (The earthquake is figurate because it’s a shift in the tone and emotion of Mackie) But I feel I could put an audio bite in the BG  

(Mackie starts to sing a little)

(Melanie is seen talking to the horsemen with a sense of amazement on her face. The others are surprised on what is occurring)

Melanie - Wow so boys Mackie is really good did you guys know he could belt like Sinatra

Jose- That’s just Mackie being Mackie

Jim- The Machine is probably doing it for him

Jose- I don't know guys. I feel like what if it’s something else. I really think it’s more than autocorrect something about that machine don’t seem right?

Johnny- Sweetheart The Mack cannot sing it’s just not possible if he could sing then I'm an alien in disguise but that’s a big joke

(Jose proceeds to get up and walk around to solemn apologize for Mackie singing even though the crowd starts to boo Jose)

Jose- Hey everyone here sorry for the torment on your ears they are probably bleeding by now

Melanie - Sounds like maybe you guys should pay more attention to Mackie from now on. You guys must look like fools not knowing he could sing like that. (Melanie walks away tending back to the bar)

Jim - Maybe the waitress is right btw what’s your name

Melanie - It’s Melanie

Johnny- Boys lets go get the big guy off the stage and buy him a round.

(So the scene ends and now we have A brotherhood. That is broken and torn because of that Microphone. The horsemen play it off quickly dismiss it. But the action shifts to Melanie sketching away on her notepad and  Melanie’s design shows Mackie singing afterward)

(Melanie suddenly gets a gut feeling pointing her to the image of the mic cemented in her train of thought)

The scene opens the horsemen sitting around confronting and asking Mackie about what just occurred walking out of the 4H

Jim -  So i gotta ask Mack where did that come from?

Mackie -  I don't know boys I really don't remember what happened

Jose -  Mackie all the ladies were chanting you're name

Johnny: bro that was dope.

( Suddenly Mackie has anger on his face almost a complete 360 of his positive attitude all the time. A vain imprint was on the face of Mackie he looked over at the three with disgust in his eyes).

Mackie - I gotta go and screw you guys. Maybe you know what. Mackie should hit the road and leave the horses in the stable from now on Mackie out.

(The trio felt broken and split Jim being the brains of the group comes up with a theory about what occurred)

Jim - Boys I think Mackie is revoking his brotherhood card. I’m telling you something is wrong with that machine. First off who talks in the third person about themselves. You know what I’m gonna take a further look. Even autotune being invented in the spring of 1997. No one is that good.  

Jose- What happened to the mack

Johnny- Boys that’s not Mackie something feels wrong

(Johnny walks to the bar and bumps into Melanie. Melanie being startled proceeds to run away).

Johnny- I'm sorry btw on how I treated you did a great job and the boys and I wanted to give you a tip welcome to the 4H and the quaint city of Springdale.

( But it was Too late the humiliation was already in seeched in his vigor and her mind)

(Next day Mackie has a proverbial fire lit up his ass.)

Mackie arrives at 4H to see the guys sitting alone. Mackie pulls up a chair

Mackie- What’s up dipsticks

Jim: Mackie you're being a douche and you can say yeah yeah whatever but you know it’s the truth. Look inside bro this isn’t you

(The horsemen are playing cards and Mackie gets dealt in)

Johnny - Deal him in boys

Mackie -  Cards in time boys Aces boys I win alrighty. So I’m off now. See ya later boys.

(Mackie leaves the table goes to the bar. The 4-horsemen are now dissolving away to the trio comprising of Johnny, Jose And Jim.)

Jim - Jose what’s macks problem he hasn’t been the same since the karaoke night

Jose- Maybe it’s a new Mackie and he wants to test the waters of the social chain I guess. (Jose tries to hide the fact that he’s afraid of what Mackie has become and wants his friend back

Johnny- I don’t know boys maybe we should come back on another music night. Wonder if Mack will actually show.

(Mackie comes back from the bar to tease the horsemen with his newfound talent)

(Jim looks at the trio with a mission about to take place).

Jim- Hey if anyone asks I’m in the bathroom.

Jose- You got it, bro, wait are you sleuthing again? (Jose gets a sense of feeling annoyed)

Jim-Maybe maybe not

Johnny- Just don't get caught.

Scene end

(We return to Jim looking at the karaoke machine and Melanie investigating the disturbance holding a letter in her hand).

Jim - I knew it autotune wasn’t even turned on. So it has be to something else or Mackie can just really sing because I’m all out of ideas. (Jim hears an explicit sound) Whose their?

Melanie- Relax I'm not here to turn you in. I just doing some maintenance getting the machine ready for the headliner. (Melanie feels conflicted should I give him the letter or not?)

Jim- Please just don’t tell anyone about this ok I’m just worried about Mackie. He’s never been this distant.

Melanie- I understand I won’t tell but you kinda should hurry back to your table just saying. (Jim leaves the backstage and joins the trio waiting for the stage to erupt when the corrupted Mackie gets up there.) Whew, that was a close one when should I tell them the truth it has to be soon. I can feel it.

(We pan to the horsemen sitting in their booth feeling lost and confused with a not a glimmer of hope to rescue their friend. Mackie strolls over with a smug attitude emanating from him clouding his judgment.)

Mackie- So boys ready for karaoke again. (Mackie then proceeds to push the horsemen severing the bond) Get out of my way chumps.  It is time to grace my kingdom. If you excuse gotta go warm up the pipes.

(Melanie enters the bar holding her notebook  sketching an image of the mic pondering till it hit her what if the mic was the problem for the four horsemen)

(Melanie rushes and surveys the bar to find the horsemen to spread the newfound answer to all of their problems)

Melanie - Guys I know what’s wrong with Mackie it’s the mic if we destroy the mic I feel like we can change him.

(The horsemen look at her with a confused look on their faces. Jim then gets up to talk to Melanie about her theory)

Jim- What are you talking about destroying the mic you crazy.

Johnny- Yeah are they gonna put that on our tab or yours just saying,

Jose- Hey are you not telling us something we should know?

Melanie - Everything you need to know is this in the letter please trust me. I can get your friend back i know a way but we have to work together. (Melanie throws the letter on the table. Jim proceeds to open and read the letter. Then the trio’s faces are immediately glued with the impression of a shock to the new-found clue of their investigation.

Jim, Jose, John- what!!!!!!!!!!!

(John Reads the letter with anger and sadness on his face staring at Melanie sensing her guilt.

John- “Dear Horsemen, It’s Melanie aka the hottie from the bar btw thx for that insult but I think I know what’s wrong with Mackie. If you guys claim to say that he couldn’t sing then explain to me in person how did he sing and belt-like Sinatra moving on? When he was up there something was surrounding him. I know it sounds weird and hard to explain. But you need to believe me. So stick with me the town of Springdale is not what it seems. Mackie will continue to spiral down a path of being a jerk and will slowly break away from you guys. I’m telling you this ahead of time to put aside your own truths and pride to save your friend before it’s too late. I know you four are inseparable but the time is now you have to fight for Mackie or you will lose him forever. (Jose stands up with a new lit fire of emotion)

Jose- Boys Mackie is our friend our brother. our fellow horsemen it’s not the 3 horsemen it’s the four horsemen we take on everything together. He fought for us let's fight for him. Whose with me!

Johnny- For the Mack

Jim- For our brother

Melanie- ok ok relax and breathe guys  Get Mackie on stage and we can fix this now

(Jim finds Mackie standing at the bar flirting away with his new faux sense of pride and confidence. The first part of the plan is starting to come together. Jim grabs Mackie and walks him to the backstage area)

Jim- Hey Mackie buddy it’s Showtime show the 4H some magic bro

Mack - Alright Jim I never liked you anyone what’s your game anyway.

Jim- I just want to see you sing bro

(Mackie walks to the stage grabs the mic. starts to sing and has the crowd chanting his name like nothing ever seen before).

(Melanie  Picks up her notebook and starts to draw a presence of energy around Mackie confirming her theory)

(John now standing next to Melanie sees her sketching away and the aura around Mackie starts to emit from the page to the visible eye).

Johnny- What's that around Mackie? (John says curiously)

Melanie - That John would be dark energy let's just say I have my fair share of knowledge

Jim- So what do you want us to do. Should we get the mic or create a diversion. Your call. I say we stop doing this and leave but that’s just me. But this is for Mack i want the old Mackie back.

Jose- I say diversion turn the lights off and get the mic out of Mackie's hands

Johnny- Melaine your call?

Melanie- do both

Jim - ok let's do this! This all started because of that stupid mic.(Jim interrupts Mackie on stage to get his attention) Mack, I'm sorry for this bro but get off the stage you stink

(Mackie furious stops singing proceeds to fume anger and the darkness around him starts to emit from him being visible to Jim.)

Mackie- What did you say to me out of everyone I thought I trusted you, Jim. You're just a follower you have no identity. (The distraction was going perfect. Jose was in a position calling out orders. Johnny would bullrush the stage and Melania was idling by at the lights waiting to pull the switch.)

Jose - Now Johnny get that mic and break it. Melanie, you got lights

Melanie - Got it

(Melanie turns the lights off for a few seconds. In the dark a fight can be heard for the control of the cursed mic)

Mackie - what's going on hey where's the mic

Jim - Sorry bro but this is for your own good.

(Johnny grabs the mic and then stares at the evil creation but then makes the choice of a hero cementing the role of horsemen leader)

Johnny- I’m breaking it boys just remember Melanie this is going on your tab

(Melanie starts to laugh and roll eyes a little. Then at that moment, The aura disappears from Melanie's notebook and the cloud around Mackie. Jose then starts to talk to Mackie)

Jose- Mack Mack you ok bro?

Mack - Boys what happened i don’t remember anything from the last time. I was up here on the stage

Jim - It’s alright Mack we got ya bud now how about a round of beers on us

Mack - I'll drink to that btw what are we drinking towards anyway

(Melanie laughs and calls the horsemen to the bar then serves the drinks and says)

Melanie  - To friends and brothers who are the one and only Horsemen  

Johnny- Hey Mel can I talk to you in private what's up with that notebook of yours.

Melanie - Let's just say I don’t think the mic will the end of these disturbances. Just remember Springdale is a scary quiet town but with tales waiting to be written. No offense you guys aren’t ready to fully understand who lives in the shadows and plagues the streets of Springdale. No one is ready for that, for now, See you boys around.

Johnny- Wait stop please your hiding something I can feel it. I know it. (Melaine calls Johnny outside and they converse more in private)

Melaine- Listen Johnny you're the only one. Whose figuring out my story, and your buddy Mackie. The poor guy just wants a place to belong and to break out of your shadows. You may not know but you cast a huge shadow on that poor guy. Just remember you seem different but that’s the thing it’s cool and intriguing about you four something brought you together. Destiny has a bigger plan for you i can feel it. I gotta go.(Johnny walks backs inside the bar almost feeling like nothing occurred in the last couple days. When it really it did but he was happy to have his brothers back.  

(The horsemen sit and ponder about what just occurred and with Mackie having no memory and Johnny questioning his thoughts on who Melanie really is and what she told him? Melanie stands outside 4H sketching an image of the horsemen enjoying their drinks. Melanie then looks up and says)

Melanie- Those four really have no idea what really lies in Springdale. However, it may seem crazy destiny has a bigger plan for them I can feel it. (Melanie walks off into the shadows of the night.)

End?   

[ibolyafagyi]

been going through a phase recently where everything seems ridiculously obviously boring and meaningless. my mind has become the kind of place where u hear stuff like "ugh why look at a painting dear god its all so boring and obvious and shallow how do you get paid for that" and "why listen to anything why read anything it literally doesnt help" and "why post anything why say anything i can literally feel myself becoming stupid theres not a thing im sure of anymore so whats the point". somehow nothing gave me anything anymore n i lost curiosity, even the energy to intake things. i stopped being able to express myself much bc i *was* smart before and i knew things and i used to function well but now all those things dont work or lost their meaning, their effect, their depth. i think my feeling for things might be coming back (maybe just a bit) bc i can look at a painting again and not feel so nothing but i very well remember being horribly disinterested in composition and colors with the knowledge that it was the most exciting thing to me before, and i feel like it must not be that hard to fall back into the nothing state. its a thing of feeling! you can only sense depth when you approach with some kind of mindset? i dont know. i dont give much credit or reliance to mbti, but recently realized i got the isfj result both times i got ill enough to ask for help. its primary function is introverted sensing. another result i remember getting from a better time is infp, with introverted feeling. maybe i need abstract inner values for myself? i remember how good it felt to just decide this is important to me for no reason. this is my thing and i dont need to explain or search for a reason. but that also sounds kind of stupidly idealistic... and im not sure im able to do it. but like im beginning to think if i continue being so realistic in my perception of things im gonna go insane.

i need to cut some slack on making everything so 100% clear. it goes for expressing myself, taking things in, completing a story fully. i need to bring back my stupid sentimentality. (maybe i got here bc of that ridiculously high-bar seminar paper i needed to work on all semester. or well, all of university and academics has this horrible fact-checking side to it.) i dont know where from to take resources for that -- idk if i function like this bc perfection fuels me, and if i dont have that but im not *guaranteed* to enjoy feeling things like before, then what... no one ever tells you you can suffer from being too objective, conscientious, hardworking. "u dont need to be a perfectionist" ok but thats just a few words, meanwhile most of the world operates in a way that rewards perfectionism. im gonna hate telling this to my psychologist bc thats also a place where i dont know how to approach things lightly and abstractly and it makes me suffer. i routinely feel stupid and exhausted and empty after psych sessions. like overwhelmingly stupid, like i dont understand the most basic things about myself and the world anymore. once somethings been questioned and i cant really answer im like huh? out the window that goes i guess, that was stupid of me i guess. when she asks more details about anything i feel like im a criminal whose story is falling apart. idk how to bring this text to a positive closure but ill keep the idea of sentimentality around, what can you do. i wanna solve my problems but i cant take the perfectionist approach to that. i cant be "good enough" to the psychologist, and i shouldnt attempt it, but i can only swing it the other way like "guess ill be a nuisance then". if i sense i cant continue being as good in human relationships, as attentive and whatever cuz i got shit going on, the thought of "i need to become a nuisance" surfaces. i guess i became a nuisance. but thats got entirely nothing to do with me i feel. i need to tell that friend eventually the things that bothered me in our relationship. or we will never talk again, might happen too. im just unable to make the painful experience of bringing up shit and the anxiety of waiting for a reply into a situation of self respect and self empowerment. (what do i say here.... once again, unable to bring things to a clean close.)