#i think we subconsciously tolerate a lot of weird things like that from pets

[beatcroc]

pest control.

bonus:

*UPDATE: i made a sequel

[if-found-return-to-gusu]

Homework Time

Okay okay. I’m supposed to make a list. 

The negative thoughts. Negative thoughts.

It’s my homework. I know  I could do this privately but whatever. In for a penny, right?

And after reading Lan Zhan’s update…… Well I’ve got lots of negative thoughts.

Lan Zhan, this does not mean stop posting or that you should sugar-coat what happened. This is gonna suck for both of us but it’s what we need. 

And after the pain I caused you it’s the least I deserve.

Okay. Anyway...

So I’m supposed to write out my negative thoughts  and what triggers them. Like the ones that happen a lot. I’ve been adding to this list through the week but since my next session is today I may as well post it as ‘done’ now, huh?

This… uh… this is gonna be a bit depressing I guess. So ignore this if you want. It’s apparently supposed to help me process. 

I Am Not Good Enough:

I can’t measure up.

I don’t deserve this.

He is out of my league.

He deserves better.

Triggered By: This tends to be triggered when Lan Zhan does something particularly kind for me. Like things that I can’t reciprocate. When I just have to receive without having to pay it back. I feel like I should be paying it back. 

Frequency/Intensity: This comes up occasionally and tends to pass quickly - Overshadowed by more positive feelings of love, happiness, and gratitude. Can creep up later again when it’s quiet at night.

Im Useless: 

I’m not good for anything.

I’m no help to anything

Nothing I ‘own’ is mine

I provide nothing

I only take

Triggered by: When Lan Zhan spends money on me or gives me gifts, and when I try to do something nice for Lan Zhan involving money I realize that all of my money is from him. Even what I earned from the cafe is from him. I’m spending his money on him. I don’t have any talents to provide for him instead so it’s all I can do.  Everything I own no matter what it is now is from him. 

Frequency/Intensity: Generally a couple times a week. It’s not overwhelming but it makes me feel guilty the entire time we go out somewhere. It makes me feel like I’m nothing but a burden. Or like I’m some sort of weird pet. 

My Fault:

I cause pain to others. 

I will mess this up.

I deserve my pain

I break everything I touch. 

I am nothing but trouble.

Triggered By: Literally any time I do anything that mildly inconveniences anyone. If I cause problems for others I feel it in my soul.

Frequency/Intensity - Constant. Was getting better but has increased 100 fold since the RE incident. I now have nightmares of hurting Lan Zhan. I haven’t told him - Sorry Lan Zhan. I didn’t want to wake you up because it feeds into the ‘my fault’ problems. Intensity varies from mild to debilitating. 

This Can’t Last: 

This is too good to be true. 

I’m too happy - Will end soon. 

They’re tolerating me

He will regret this.

He will resent me.

I’m bound to fail. 

Triggered by: Random. It accompanies great bouts of happiness. I will be in a wonderful mood and suddenly get the ‘waiting for the other shoe to drop’ emotions. - fueled by past experience

Frequency/Intensity: Less frequent now but very intense. Sours positive emotions by turning them to dread and negative anticipation of when the happiness will leave forever. The happier and more positive the original emotion, the more intense the switch. 

I’m Not Worth It:

No one should care about me. 

I don’t deserve this happiness.

I am nothing. 

I am pathetic.

I’m worthless.

I need to try harder to make up for them having to tolerate me.

Triggered: Constant. This feeling is underneath everything I do at every moment. I feel the need to prove myself or to be worthy of other’s time which causes me to overcompensate. In my youth it made me a show off. Now it makes me overwork myself to the point of exhaustion. Generally so low that it’s more or less subconscious but I know it’s there if I think about it. 

Frequency/Intensity: - see above-

Appearance:

My scars are disgusting. 

He’ll be disgusted 

Don’t let him see

Don’t let him touch them

Disgusting.

Triggered: Whenever I see his eyes move to my neck or shoulder. I know he sees them. I feel like I’m not attractive anymore. And he touches them. Don’t force yourself. I know they’re hideous. I don’t want to tell you because I don’t want to make you feel bad. But you don’t have to force yourself to touch them. Or look. The one on my back was already bad enough but these…

Frequency/Intensity: It’s… not every time we get undressed but it is most of the time. Normally I can get past it once things get more.. Heated. But when I see them myself by looking to my shoulder or in the mirror… that’s when the smoke comes back. Looking at my hair and my scars. This one is new and harder for me to deal with because I’m not used to this kind of insecurity. I used to be attractive and I can still pull it off but… I wondered for a long time if Lan Zhan noticed all my new shirts had higher necks. Well I guess he’ll notice now because you’re reading this, aren’t you? I’m sorry I can’t talk about these in person. I’m working on it. I’m sorry. 

Okay that’s…. That’s enough….

I realize a lot of these are rather…. Related. I broke them into sub-categories based on more of how that particular thought makes me feel, but I know a lot of them kinda…. Overlap. 

There are… more. I know there are. But my defense mechanism is to not think about them. Lock them behind those doors I used to talk about. So….

Well this is what I can do for now. 

…………..

I don’t like this….. I’m…. 

Ugh…. Okay be a big boy Wei Ying. Go ask Lan Zhan for cuddles. He likes your cuddles. He likes you. Go cuddle your husband. It’s not an inconvenience. 

Okay. I’m gonna ask Lan Zhan for cuddles now instead of sitting by myself pretending I don’t feel like shit right now. :D See? I’m learning. 

@i-am-gusu - Cuddles plz. owo

[cibokilley]

Consider This: Cat Edition

Also: How to Improve Relations With Your Cat

So, I’ve got a bit of a rant to make about how to better your friendship with your pet cat. I’m gonna outline some of the obvious stuff first before moving on to My Opinion™, which means I’m not an expert but probably better than the average layman when it comes to dispensing experiential wisdom.

Here we go~!

As a cat owner myself, I’ve sought out a ton of anecdotal advice as well as expert advice on the raising and treatment of pet cats. Some advice I’ve had to ignore, while others made life so much easier for me and my cat. Along the way, I subconsciously developed a set of standards for my interaction with my cat, which I feel like might benefit cat owners across the board, new or experienced.

Also, please be aware that this is MY take on this subject. Not all cats are the same. Nonetheless, accept the challenge of getting to you know your cat better by remembering these important rules:

(That said, I’m gonna address cats as ‘her’ because ‘it’ tends to create distance by dehumanizing or Othering others, not just your cat).

1. You can judge a (hu)man by the way he treats the help, children, and animals.

How well do you treat service people? How do you treat your children? Or better yet, how do you treat other people in general? Think about that, and then apply it to your cat. You may be guilty of treating your cat like shit, despite good intentions. Ignorance is your enemy here. So, here are some tips on how to respect your cat:

2. Cats aren’t dogs. Stop expecting her to behave like one.

3. Cats aren’t humans. Stop projecting. Cats have cat needs.

4. Wash their feed and water bowls frequently. Just because your cat is willing to eat off the floor doesn’t mean they should tolerate a filthy dish. Doing so will keep your cat free of bacterial infections, gut problems, and disease. If the bowl has a pink or blue rime in it, WASH IT with SOAP. If it’s got a nice green or black colony stain, pitch the bowl if it’s plastic, WASH WITH SOAP if it’s glass or metal. Wash OFTEN.

Same goes for food! Don’t leave food rotting in the bowl. Pitch it when it gets horrid, clean the dish, serve fresh. Also, don’t starve your cat just because she doesn’t like the food you bought for her. Don’t punish your cat like that. Would you do that to a child or a friend? No? Then don’t do it to your cat.

5. If your cat is sitting on your lap or is being carried in your arms, do not suddenly drop or dump your cat onto the floor. I see this all the goddamn time and it drives me nuts. How would you like it if you were suddenly shoved off the couch? Or if someone picks you up and then just drops you without warning? Just because cats usually land on their feet doesn’t mean they should. Heavy landings can stress joints or cause joint and muscle injury, especially if your cat is heavy-set or elderly.

6. Pet your cat nicely. I always see people petting their cats like they would a dog, that is, with a heavy slap on the back of the head followed by a hard stroke along the spine. How would you like it if someone just slammed a hand onto your head and then tried to push you down to the floor? Yeah. Pet her nicely. Stop being rough with your cat. (The exception is playtime, coz then your cat is expecting it.) She’ll probably just keep avoiding you if you pet her like a maniac.

7. Stop punishing your cat after the fact. Unless she is rebuked the very second she does a Bad, your cat will not understand why you’re punishing her. Cats don’t make that connection. It makes you look inconsistent and unpredictable, and she will not trust you as easily. Example: My mother, who is not a cat person, tried to punish my cat for scratching her. This meant ignoring my cat for days. My cat did not know why she was being ignored, and just spent most of the time hiding. My mother was convinced that my cat was sulking because she felt guilty, and that ignoring her would be effective in getting my cat to understand what she had done wrong. I had to explain to my mother that cats don’t operate like that; cats are not like children. Also: stop projecting onto your cat. 

8. LISTEN to your cat. The only reason cats meow is to communicate with humans. Cats have evolved especially to sound like babies in order to get our attention.* Mothers will meow to kittens and kittens will mew in return, but when a cat is making noises at you, it wants your attention. Also, pay attention to the tone of meow she makes.She may be expressing displeasure (which will be followed up by a scratch or a bite!), fear, or she may be alerting you to something (like a fire, or if something in the current environment changes abruptly). If your cat gives you a warning noise, then abstain from whatever you’re doing. Do this, and your cat will make a better habit of warning you before she strikes. Cats that strike without talking have usually skipped the warning because they fully expect to be ignored. 

9. CLEAN THE GODDAMN LITTERBOX. If the smell is offensive to you, imagine what it’s like for your cat, who has a much more sensitive nose than you do. Not only that, but would you use a toilet full of mounds of crap that hasn’t been cleaned, ever? When your cat stops using her litterbox because it’s full, absolutely do not punish her for peeing on the carpet. This is YOUR fault. Clean the damn box.

Advanced Level: 

10. Imagine things from your cat’s perspective. You are a soft, small creature in a giant’s world. Everything is bigger than you: trees, cars, dogs, and especially humans. And most of the time, dumbass humans are not paying attention to anything. All you have are your teeny claws and a bacterial bite to defend yourself with. None of these things will save you if a human suddenly decides to grab you or if you get hit by a car. So, if your cat seems tense or easily startled, understand that she’s a small cat in a human’s world. 

That said, if you accidentally frighten your cat, you CAN go and find her and pet her gently until she’s not so scared anymore. Many people just shrug and leave their cat alone, and assume that she’ll just get over it. That’s not the case -- your cat CAN experience trauma even from domestic events (like turning on the vacuum cleaner or because the washer makes a loud noise), but her paranoia can be abated if you seek her out and reassure her that you’re not mad at her, and that the scary thing is gone now. When you do this, be gentle. Approach from an angle where she can see you, or make a little noise to let her know you’re nearby.

Also try to understand when your cat is suffering. Is she ill? Is she cold? Overheating? Is she sore, or in pain? Cats hide when they’re feeling under the weather, so if she’s suddenly not present or as playful, and if her tail is down, then take her to the vet asap. Don’t let things escalate. If it was your own kid who suddenly came down sick, wouldn’t you take it to see a doctor straight away? 

 Your cat is a thinking, feeling being just like you. Show her some respect. Be the person your cat deserves.

Super Advanced Level: 

Consider the life of your cat. All she’s ever known prior to meeting you was probably her own mother, or if she was rescued or separated too young, then she only knows that she gets passed around, and nobody talks to her. But when you finally come into the picture, either when she’s still a kitten or as a rescue much later on, YOU become her universe. Her entire day revolves around you: Getting up in the morning, breakfast, disappearing off to work for the day, coming home, dinner, then going to bed. Now, imagine: if every single one of your interactions with your cat is a positive one -- for example, petting and greeting and offering treats, or talking to her making eye contact, etc -- then that’s all your cat will know. And having your cat know only joy when she’s with you is something you want for her, right? If you’re always mean to her, or when you shove her away or ignore her, then she’ll think you’re weird and unpredictable and a little scary, and not very nice to be with at all. You’re all she has in life -- so please, make your cat’s life a happy one.

Epilogue:

If you want to develop a close bond with your cat, just spend time with her. Sit down with her, rub her belly (if she lets you, lol), pet her and talk to her, play with her, find out what she likes. Find out what her meow tones are, observe her body language, see what she looks like when she’s hungry or bored or playful or tetchy. Watch that tail, watch those ears. Feel bad about never making time for your cat? Don’t get another cat because you think she’s lonely. She wants to be with YOU, not some other cat. 

Does your cat talk to you a lot? Good, because it means you’re communicating. That’s what friends do. Don’t treat your cat like you would a stranger. YOU are her entire world. Don’t be a shitty world to your cat. 

Bonus: The Tail Code

Tail up -- happy

Tail down -- sad, in pain, scared, angry

Tail tucked -- insecure, nervous

Tail in a question mark -- playful, curious

Tail at medium, neither high or low -- meh, bored.

Tail puffed -- frightened, agitated, startled. Also accompanied by fur raising on end, arched back, ears back, hissing. May also walk sideways on her toes, looks super weird.

Tail down and switching from side to side, ‘whipping’ -- pissy. May strike or bite.

Tail up and wagging, ‘swishing’ -- very happy, content, focused.

Tail up and trembling -- super excited.

Tail wrapped around another cat, or your arm -- friendly, like an arm around the shoulder.

[rwbyremnants]

THIS CHAPTER: First time, handjob, premature ejaculation.

=Chapter 9

Bowling was a lot of fun for the whole family. Of course, that was only because the parents didn’t notice Ruby teasing Yang and trying to make her smell her bowling shoes, but that was only briefly annoying. The rest of the time was a lot of fun, competing against each other, scarfing down pizza and sodas from the snack stand and generally goofing around.

By the end of it, Yang was even starting to feel less weird around Summer. Her brain still twisted the knife by flashing the memories of her nude body at her once in awhile, but it was becoming less frequent and she could easily tolerate that much. Besides, remembering Ruby’s body helped a lot with that.

On the way home, they stopped for frozen yogurt and chatted and laughed. Everything was on the mend; their dad definitely didn’t look put out about Yang skipping fishing now that they had some quality father-daughter time in, and they were all talking as normal. Even the occasional guilty look in Summer’s eyes didn’t bring down the evening; after all, they hadn’t really done anything wrong. Just didn’t volunteer an embarrassing story that would have probably made poor Taiyang a little green around the gills. In time, they would forget all about it, other than an occasional wet dream Yang might have when her subconscious mind decided to be an asshole.

By the time they got back, Tai, Ruby and Summer were all pretty tired. After about an hour of TV, they one by one drifted off to bed, Summer the last.

“This has been… a day,” she offered to Yang with a pained smile.

“A pretty good one.” Yang made sure to grin, and without any awkwardness; she wanted her to know that it was already no big deal to her. She noticed her relax, even if only slightly. “See you tomorrow.”

The woman came over to sit on the edge of the couch where Yang was reclining. Irrationally, she felt tense and wanted to worry about what might happen, but she made herself breathe and remain calm.

“Listen… again, I’m very sorry for what hap-”

“Don’t. I got a free show, and you got a tan. That’s it. Nothing else has to be said; we’re cool.”

“Alright,” she breathed with a small smile. Her hand raised, as if she were going to pet Yang’s hair or a similar show of affection, then drew away again as she thought better of it. “Don’t stay up too late.”

“I won’t.”

Once she was alone, she flipped through channels for a while. There was nothing very interesting on, but she found some reruns of an old sitcom that she used to love, and killed some time watching that. Then she got a text message…

BLAKEYWAKEY : Hey hows it goin down there? n_n

Another grin split Yang’s face. She didn’t think her teammate would care enough to message! Rolling over onto her back, she sat up just enough to make it easier to flash her thumbs over the letters.

ME : P good hbu?

BLAKEYWAKEY : Not baaad just chillin w fam c: BLAKEYWAKEY : Is it awk w ur stepmom? Is she being a bitch or

ME : Oh… if only u knew lmaooo

So she told her. There were a lot of “WHAT”s and “R U SRS”es from Blake along the way, but she mostly just let the story unfold until it was over.

BLAKEYWAKEY : Did u see BUSH?!?!

ME : DUDE NO STOP

BLAKEYWAKEY : Omfg u saw ur stepmoms bush im kinkshaming

ME : Ughhhhhh I wanna die

BLAKEYWAKEY : Hey question BLAKEYWAKEY : I thought u didn’t like girls

ME : Well ME : I didnt really know but now I think im bi? ME : Just never had any real dates soooooo

BLAKEYWAKEY : Omg but BLAKEYWAKEY : I showed u mine BLAKEYWAKEY : Oh man I didn’t mean to like freak u out

ME : YOU DIDN’T IM FINE

BLAKEYWAKEY : HOW FINE U PERV

ME : Dude pls don’t ME : I feel weird enough abt shit here ME : We both know u like dick so don’t act like u weren’t perving

BLAKEYWAKEY : ...no comment BLAKEYWAKEY : OKAY FINE if it wasn’t on u I’d be all over it

ME : WOW

BLAKEYWAKEY : U KNOW WHAT I MEANNNN shhh BLAKEYWAKEY : Maybe I’ll let u fwb me up if I get antsy

ME : …bad Blake down kitty

BLAKEYWAKEY : WHY DO U ALWAYS CALL ME KITTY I’M SNSKHDLSLDS

ME : Anyway… yeah maybe I thought she was hot but shes my dads wife ME : It’s not right

BLAKEYWAKEY : Yeahhh BLAKEYWAKEY : Hey im sorry for making it awk BLAKEYWAKEY : Ur probably feeling really messed up abt this BLAKEYWAKEY : Im sorry I’ll shut up

ME : Not really but a little yeah ME : And then there’s… ME : Nvm

BLAKEYWAKEY : ???

Yang really did think about it, but there was no way she could bring herself to tell Blake about her illicit affair with her half-sister. Not over text. Maybe she’d confess to her when she got back for Fall classes.

ME : Anyway tell me about Maine lol do u eat lobster every day

BLAKEYWAKEY : God I wish BLAKEYWAKEY : And do u really think this subject is over?!? What a bad segue

ME : I SAW HER NAKED BIG DEAL

BLAKEYWAKEY : IT KIND OF IS?? For u anyway BLAKEYWAKEY : how big were her boobs

ME : …

By the time Yang was done texting and bingewatching, she felt tired enough to try to go to sleep. Or at least, to lay down and hope that it happened. Worse come to worst, her phone had Netflix.

She poked her head in to check on Ruby once she was all washed up and changed. She was asleep and snoring quietly; it was such a gentle noise that she couldn’t believe Ruby had once acted like it would bother Yang. Smiling, she tiptoed over and leaned down to kiss her forehead.

“Hm?”

“Shhhh. Goodnight.”

“Hey,” Ruby breathed, smiling up at her. “Um… stay here?”

“What?”

“Stay. Sleep here.” She nipped her sheets open for emphasis.

“Nah,” she whispered back with a grin. “It’s okay, I can survive until morning.”

But then Ruby pouted, and she knew she was lost. Rolling her eyes, she walked back to ease the door shut, then slid into the bed next to her sister.

“You’re really warm,” Yang whispered to her.

“Your legs are cold.” They both giggled. “But they’ll be warm, too, in a minute.”

“Whiny brat.”

Pulling Yang’s arms more tightly around her middle, Ruby whispered, “You wanted to.”

“How do you know?”

“Because you did it. And you didn’t even act that grumpy first.”

Dead to rights. Again. Grinning into Ruby’s neck, she said, “I feel so good next to you like this.”

“Oh…” Yang had thought that was it, until she heard a little sniffle half a minute later.

“Ruby?”

Swallowing hard, she clutched at Yang’s arms tighter. When nothing further transpired for a few seconds, and Yang was still waiting for an answer, tense now instead of relaxed, she spoke up… and it became clear why she was so quiet before.

“I love you so much. I… kinda forget it, until y-you say something like that… s-sorry, I don’t m-mean to get so… to get all sappy about…”

“Ruby… I love you, too.”

After a few seconds, Ruby rolled to face her, eyes dark from the low lighting in the room gazing up at her. They didn’t speak for a while; just looked at each other and knew things that no one else would ever know. Then they kissed, chaste at first, more robust after a minute or two. No words.

When Yang felt a pink little tongue poking its way into her mouth, she withdrew and whispered, “Ruby… what are you doing? It’s late…”

“I want this…”

“What?” Another lick along her bottom lip, making Yang shiver. “You have me here already.”

“But I want you to be with me. I… I want…”

So that’s what she meant. Gulping, Yang reached up to pet along Ruby’s back through her tank. “There’s no rush, though.”

“Yeah, but there is. We only have a couple more weeks! And you’ll be gone! So… so I want to start now, I want to do as much as we can!”

The urgency alone threatened to make Yang give in. However, she was made of tougher stuff. Reaching up and grasping her bicep, she managed to catch Ruby’s eyes.

“Why? It’s… I like what we’re already doing.”

“But I want to do everything with you.” Swallowing, she glanced away, then up at Yang again. “I want you to f-feel… feel how wet I am…”

At that little turn of phrase, Yang almost fell out of the bed. “You what?!”

“SHH!” Ruby warned, though neither of them were loud enough to be heard, even by someone sitting right outside the door. Then she followed up with, “Kissing you… it makes my body heat up, my brain go fuzzy. I kinda love it, even while it makes me worried… but none of that’s the point. The point is, I’m so close to you, and I want to be even closer!”

“Ruby…” That was certainly making her own situation no better. While just kissing, her body had only responded a little, but now that her half-sister had revealed her own situation, she couldn’t stop thinking about it long enough to make it go away. Quite the opposite.

A shaky little laugh passed out of Ruby when she felt it. “O-oh, there you are. A little late to the party!” But she didn’t spend much time on that. Again, her lips were mashing into Yang’s as they kissed, bodies sliding over each other a little in their eagerness to feel more, to experience.

After some time, when she felt her own shorts being forced downward, Yang whispered, “This isn’t okay.”

“I know,” Ruby breathed. “But it’s okay with us. ”

“I…” How could she argue with the truth?

Feeling Ruby’s hand directly around her was far different than feeling it through her shorts. If she hadn’t finished herself off so much the past days, she might have succumbed easily… but instead, she merely put up with the teasing, exploring hand, the fingers poking into her flesh slightly as they glided up and down along the throbbing mass.

“It’s so hard,” Ruby told her with an earnest tone. “You’re so hard. Is this for me?”

“U-uh-huh,” she managed before swallowing. “Yes.”

“I, um… I got us a little something. Yesterday. Call me a ‘plan ahead’ kinda girl.”

Reaching behind them into her table, she brought out a little pack of condoms. There weren’t very many, but it was an entire pack’s-worth more than Yang expected to see.

“Oh my god… really? You seriously thought we… but we’re related! This isn’t just messing around and kissing, that’s a whole other-”

“I know, okay? But… no more hiding from it. I love you, and you love me, and this is… kinda part of that. Just dumb not to at least be ready for if it happens.”

As Ruby opened the box, Yang tried to ignore how badly her body was trying to get her to take Ruby up on her offer and failed. Not even the cute and amusing sight of her struggling with the box was enough; she still wanted to be with her in that way. Still liked everything that Ruby was.

“There we go,” she breathed at last, holding up the shiny packet. Her eyebrows waggled, and Yang rolled her eyes, which only earned her a laugh.

“Like you know how to put one of those on.”

“I do! We did it to bananas in health class. Here, I’ll prove it to you.”

“What’s- whoa, you’re…”

Ruby had shimmied down to hover with her face just over Yang’s crotch, a face amongst a pool of blankets. She looked a bit distracted by how close she was to the object of her interest… but she managed to push the desire back for long enough to rip open the packet and pull out the little ring of latex.

“Mmm,” she breathed as she pushed a kiss into Yang’s head… and she felt her mind go blank. Ruby wasn’t just touching her tonight, it seemed. There was so much more in store! “So good…”

Rolling her eyes, she muttered, “You can’t be serious. One kiss on my dick is ‘so good’?”

“Yeah.” Bald honesty shone in her voice.

“O-oh? Really?” Another loving peck along her warm shaft, probably purely to prove herself. “You’re pretty… convincing…”

“I love this dick,” she confessed easily. “It kinda got us talking about us , weird as it is.” Then she began to roll the latex downward…

And all of a sudden, Yang realised she had a real problem. She wasn’t just ready for sex; she was ready to finish. Ruby was doing too good a job! Every movement intended to move the latex protection a little further along her member was one that made it ready to shoot. That early on, she was already biting her lip and writhing back and forth, hoping to resist.

“Ooh, someone’s eager.” Grasping the base, she pumped her hand a few times, causing Yang to gasp out. “Nice!”

“Ruby… y-you gotta stop!”

That seemed to catch her by surprise. Pumping her fist up and down furiously for a second, she smirked and whispered, “Nah. I wanna make sure you stay ready for me.”

“B-but if you- if- NNHHHH!!!”

The last part was somehow growled into the pillow at the last second, instead of the room at large. As much as she was convulsing and gasping out, she knew Ruby would probably figure out soon enough what was going on… but for the time being, she was still being stroked and loving every second.

Then the younger half-sister did start, glancing between the end of the balloon entrapping her sex and Yang’s face, stretched wide in release.

“Oh shit… did you- did we really just-”

“I’m so sorry, dude,” Yang half-wheezed, eyes closing in distant pleasure from the hand still wrapped around her. “Seriously… you were all about this, doing so much, and then, I… I suck! Obviously!”

Smiling gently, Ruby patted her thigh, releasing her spent length in the process. “I’m sorry! God, I really didn’t think you were that close to- I wasn’t trying- WOW, you came just from that?!”

Her face burned with embarrassment. This was even worse than the fact that they were crossing societal lines to be together; she couldn’t even seem to handle that “together” part without losing control way, way too early. She wanted to crawl into a hole and disappear.

“Oh… awww, Yang, it’s okay,” Ruby cooed when she finally realised how much this was affecting her. Her arms circled around her back. “Hey…”

“That was p-pathetic!” she snapped into the pillow. “God, after yesterday, I thought I could hold out longer!”

“Yang, I don’t care about that! I’m… it makes me happy that felt so good that you couldn’t wait.” Her smiling face pushed in closer to Yang’s, and she kissed both of her cheeks. “You did tell me to slow down and I… I should have listened. I’m really sorry. Um, I just didn’t want you to go soft while I was putting it on?”

Finally, she began to calm down, little by little. When she could talk again, she let out a long sigh and whispered, “Thanks, Ruby. I, um… I think you really wanted this to be… like, our first time? And… now it can’t be.”

“Y-yeah, I um, I’ve heard that… people with dicks can’t go again when they’re done.” To her credit, she did remember not to say “guys” that time. “But it’s cool! You finished, and I’m happy to help. Oh, and speaking of which…”

As Yang watched, fascinated and still embarrassed, Ruby pulled the condom off and threw it and the wrapper away, then wiped her hands on a tissue and tossed that before returning to the bed. In the meantime, Yang pulled her shorts back up; she didn’t want Ruby’s first real look at her anatomy being when it was freshly-milked and half-hard, coated in leftover lube and her own juices.

“Awww,” Ruby cooed as she returned to the bed. “I wanted to play with that.”

“Not tonight,” Yang said with a half-smile. “Maybe… I can do something for you?”

But when her hands fell to Ruby’s waist, the girl looked down with a self-conscious giggle. “N-nah. I m-mean, I, um… I don’t think I’m…” Then she cleared her throat. “I thought I was ready to go there with you, I guess, but like, just you doing it for me is different somehow. That’s probably really dumb.”

Wrapping her arms around Ruby’s back instead, she simply laid next to her for a long moment. Then, once they were a little more comfortable, she spoke.

“It’s not dumb. It’s… sweet, in a way. But I think… I think I’d be okay playing with you now. And I know, I was kinda weird about it at first, because of the sister thing. But by now I think we’re kind of past that, I guess. So… if you change your mind, I could try a hand, at least. O-or something.”

“Listen to us,” Ruby giggled quietly. “Both pretty nervous. I, um… I think it’s kind of more fun with you being my sister. No, wait!” she squeaked when Yang drew back in shock. “You know, because we’re kind of, like… destined to be together, because we’re related? I know, I’m crazy, but it’s weirdly romantic to me.”

Shaking her head, she pushed her face into her sister’s neck. “You think too much. But… maybe, yeah. And…” She’d been worrying about this for a long time. “And I kind of deserve this, for being such a jerk when you were little. Telling you that you were ‘dumb’ or whatever, and that I didn't like you. Like, what makes more karmic sense than for me to fall in love with you and have to eat my own words?”

“So you think of this as a punishment? Me jerking you off is a punishment?”

“What? Oh! Shit, no, that totally isn’t-” But Ruby’s laughter cut her off, and she grunted, “You butt…”

“Yeah, you like my butt.”

“All of you is on the list, and all of you is a butt,” she sighed as she snuggled against her even more closely. “Big, ridonk badonkadonk.”

[mysurveys]

Random Qs

Survey #3 on the Countdown to 2018!

Are you more likely to "suck it up" when something is difficult or to give up?

I don't give up easily by any means, but I do know when it's time to quit. I enjoy challenges because the sense of satisfaction and accomplishment is greater after conquering them. There's a time to just stop trying, though.

What was your very first day of your very first job like; what did you do and how long did it take you to get the hang of it and feel comfortable with working?

I've never had a paid job, just my nonprofit group. That was something I started and it didn't require me to adjust to it all that much.

Getting the hang of it was more like improving my skills through experience rather than learning a new skill set entirely. I can't really remember the first day of it, though.

If you have a dog, are they friendly to strangers or other dogs?

She's usually friendly with other animals and with most people.

Whether you like it or not, do you tend to get into drama with girls or do you just let that stuff roll right off your back and have nothing to do with it?

Avoiding ALL drama in life would be pretty difficult and I can get into it others when I'm too outspoken, opinionated and critical for them to handle. But all of that stuff doesn't really get under my skin since I'm an easygoing kind of person.

Casting judgments doesn't mean you're uptight. My problem was not having a filter and being overaggressive with certain people, but I've reined myself in.

I'm still going to make judgments and some will be out in the open, though. I'm not going to lie or behave as if I'm oppressed by conforming to social graces that I disagree with. I'm not after social rewards.

Do people ever comment on or joke about your driving?

I don't drive partly due to having DTD and also because of the hallucinations I used to have with mild Paranoid Schizophrenia. The latter has become completely controlled by medication to the point that it's irrelevant now.

What was something little that made you smile or cheer up today?

My outdoor cat named Lucius isn't very big being a cat and yet he has a big impact on my life. Some of the little things he does brighten my day.

Would you say that the people you hang out with most are kind of weird or unique, or do you think they’re just regular chill people?

They're chill people, but some of them have weird and unique quirks and even eccentricities the way I do. People's personalities aren't entirely unique because they can share so many similarities with others.

The only things about you that're 100% unique are your fingerprints. Even your DNA is similar to other's.

Have you ever had absinthe?

I haven't.

Have you ever been accused of trying to steal someone’s significant other and were you ever trying to?

People aren't mindless objects. You can't steal them, but I've never tried to come between a couple before. That's not something I would ever allow myself to do willingly.

Have you ever resented someone for something out of their control and has that ever happened to you?

I don't know if someone's resenting me for something I had no control over. You would have to ask the people who know me, but I know I've been resentful of people when they can't appear to control the effects of their mental illnesses at all when it really seems that they should know better.

You certainly should have some control over the really negative aspects of yourself when you know your diagnosis. And yet there are parts of mental illness that excuse people's behaviors. Some people don't appear to have any self-control even when they really should, though.

Was there anything you thought would never happen to you that did?

I'm open-minded to the possibilities in life even when they're improbable. That means I'm rarely surprised by things. I doubted I would let myself have sex before marriage and yet that happened, but that's the only major example I've got for this.

Do you tend to try avoiding drama or do you kind of like a life filled with drama?

I neither love nor hate it to be honest. It's just kind of there sometimes. I'm not always starting it with everyone in my life or anything.

However, some people just can't stand how upfront, opinionated, outspoken and critical I am. That’s especially true when they're not well-equipped for handling it like adults.

I'll get into it with oversensitive, overemotional people with childish qualities and with those who often have the inability to handle confrontation out of fear and immaturity.

So they'll leave a comment to bitch and moan at you and then run away. That's what children do. But a lot of Millennials are just big kids shitting bricks every time someone judges them openly.

We all do it and you have to if you want to practice morality. Some of us just choose to be open about it instead of lying by omission.

Do people often describe you as a sweetheart, or maybe there's another word people are always calling you?

I'm no one's sweetheart. I'm best described as an old soul with a young heart who can read people like cheap drugstore novellas.

What was the last thing to move you and are you easily moved or inspired?

I'm not easily moved by things yet I find inspiration just about everywhere these days. The last thing to move me was how Lucius tugged at my heartstrings with his inability to open up with anyone and enjoy his life.

That's why I crusaded for adopting him, but my father wanted him to be an outdoor pet only, much to my dismay. I compromised so that Lucius can come into my bedroom, though! He's a wonderful part of my life.

If you've ever seen your very favorite band, did you cry when you saw them and was it like a dream come true, or if you've never seen them then do you think you ever would?

I don't care for crowds and live music most of the time, so seeing my fave bands and artists live isn't something I'd be into.

If you write stories, have you ever come across a person in real life who looked weirdly similar to one of your characters, or someone who maybe acted just like them?

I tend to write fanfics although I like making OCs for them. I don't often see people who look similar to my charries, but I've come across people who share many of their major characteristics.

What's something a person you've just met or seen can do to make you instantly dislike them?

I don't consciously prejudge people based on first impressions because that's a terrible thing to do. I'm too open-minded for that shit and that's part of why I score high on the Openness factor on Big Five personality tests.

But no one can control their unconscious prejudgment of others. I just make sure that I don't consciously prejudge and I'm able to monitor my subconscious judgments to some degree as well. It's your unconscious mind that's inaccessible.

Is it hard for you to get along with people that have different opinions than you do, or can you ignore all of that stuff and be friends with just about anyone?

I'm not going to be tolerant of immoral people or idiots. Not happening!

But there are plenty of people I simply agree to disagree with. That being said, my closest friends will always be similar to me in their major beliefs as Christians and on the political spectrum since their moral compasses dictate their political beliefs.

When you get fast food, are you ever rude and impatient?

The only person I even know who gets that way is my father because his temperament is so poor and he's prone to being impatient about anything.

What's something you can do to calm yourself if you’re nervous, and is there anything you do to boost your confidence when you need it?

How I respond to nervousness, stress and anxiety all depend heavily upon what's going on and who's involved. The only thing that shakes my self-confidence is Social Anxiety and I'm getting progressively better through exposure therapy. That's the main thing to do for it when you're ready.

Do you have any of those Jac Vanek bracelets, or how about any friendship bracelets?

I JFGI and I like the fearless, brutal, beautiful, courage, just sayin' and wild child ones from his sassy and sarcastic collection at his website.

My bracelets are more ornate-looking in silver and gold tones, but I do have one BF bracelet. I actually got it from my maternal grandmother who gave Mom a set and she gave the other to me.

Have you ever said you were going to become a gypsy, or have you ever thought about it?

I've never really wanted to do that and I think that it's a lifestyle you're born into. Just being a traveler is different than being a real gypsy, so I don't use it as a synonym for being a free-spirited wanderer.

It's the term I'd use for travelers who most likely speak Romany and make a traditional living through itinerant trade and fortune-telling.

How do you let go of petty things that're bothering you; is it easy for you to let things like being insulted by a stranger go?

You can still respond to people without getting upset about what a stranger has to say. That's how I am because I'm not afraid of confrontation.

I'm pretty upfront and courageous. Petty things don't really weigh me down even if I get into it with someone. That's not my style.

Of all the reality competitions you’ve watched, who're some of your all-time favorite contestants and what shows were they from?

I don't usually have all-time faves for such, but I did love Alan Kay and Dave McIntyre from the first and second seasons of History's Alone which is an outdoor survival competition.

The third year winner wasn't as memorable for me and I was pulling for the other person in the top two who's also a winner in my book.

Do you like to read or hear spoilers about your favorite shows or new movies, or would you rather know nothing until you actually saw it?

Spoilers don't tend to bother me unless they're clinchers that you really, really don't want to know until you've gone through the content for yourself. 

Less crucial spoilers aren't a bother. They can make me more eager about getting into something, actually.

[adptmc]

One Year, 02

It’s odd that from mid-September through mid/late November felt like the longest part of my year. It was, essentially. My days started late and my nights went long. My perception of time and its passage were fairly skewed.  I was also madly in love. Or at least I thought I was. I’ll tell you what I didn’t know then that I know now.  S - was a casual friend from work. Someone I had seen around the office during our con and someone we all laughed with a lot. He is charismatic, very much so. He drew me in, intentionally, like a confused pet to a familiar voice. I am not going to try and explain or justify why I got involved in this relationship only a few weeks after J and I broke up. I don’t have any explanation for it. I was in a vulnerable place and he led me to believe he would comfort and support me through it. That he didn’t judge me.

I don’t remember exactly what day it was, but he called me and was seemingly drunk. He was angry. He rambled on about how he ‘fucked up’ by getting caught up with me and that I was crazy and everyone hated him for being the ‘cause’ of J and I breaking up. I was confused. He told me I couldn’t tell anyone because no one could know about us but that it didn’t matter because everyone already knew. I asked him who, he refused to tell me. He went on angrily saying we could never be together and our feelings were misplaced. He said he loved me, I reciprocated and he immediately got angry again and shut me out .  He deleted me, blocked me on fb, snapchat, etc. He blocked my number and changed his. A week or so later I was out drunk with some friends and he came up in my instagram feed - I liked one of his photos and he DM’d me, saying he’d forgotten to block me on Insta and then became a long, manipulative, abusive gas lighting conversation where he tried to convince me that he’d never kissed me, talked to me, told me he had feelings involved, he never loved me, etc. That I was a bat shit crazy psycho stalker girl and I needed help. He cropped screen shots from that conversation, edited them and then showed them to my friends to try and get them to come down hard on me. 

He then called me multiple times screaming at me, telling me I was a crazy psycho liar, a stalker, threatened me multiple times, and then ‘snapped’ right back out of it. Back to kind, loving, sweet, I want to be in a relationship with you just not right now I need time, I’m super attracted to you and you’re wonderful, all in less than a span of 12 hours. 

We got into a weird, psuedo-relationship, a sexual relationship, with all manner of lying, gas lighting, manipulative abuse where I was forced to hide how I felt about him. I was never allowed to approach the subject, only he was. I was never allowed to initiate intimacy, only he was. I wasn’t allowed to talk about it and every fight we had he accused me of telling everyone we knew every detail. It was out. right. abuse. He would visit me, take me on dates, call me, text me all day long, invite me over for companionship and sex, and then immediately shove me back out and lash out at me again.  The night before he broke up with me he did the exact same thing. The next morning I said we really needed to address what was going on ‘what are we’ before he insists he is too ‘broken’ to be in a relationship and that we were just friends, despite all of the intimate details I’ll spare you of from the night before. He wasn’t interested in a relationship. He couldn’t be committed to anyone.  All while he was lying right next to me texting an 18 y/o girl he’s now dating. Plain as day, right in front of me.  He had been talking to her already for weeks.  He continued his harassment, attempts to reach out and manipulate me further. I finally opened up to some friends about what had gone on and he went ballistic and took it upon himself to threaten me some more and insist that no one would believe me, I was just a crazy psycho and he hated me and wanted to kill himself for ‘what I had done to him and his reputation’  This behavior and these texts and phone calls continued even into the days and weeks immediately after my father’s sudden and unexpected death.  It took me another couple of weeks to find the courage to block him on every platform I could think of. I had spent hours writing him platitudes of texts and emails hoping for some kind of redemption or reciprocation. I couldn’t fathom how someone who had promised me love and the world had turned their back on me, a total 180 in so little time.  I had never experienced intense attraction or emotion like that in relation to love. I had never imagined I would fall for someone in such a way that I allowed him to manipulate and abuse and drive me literally crazy, sacrificed my mental and emotional health for him just to make him love me again. I was a fool for that, but it took me weeks to see it.  That was one of the most traumatic experiences of my life, and I am still reeling from it today. I am still highly sensitive and reactionary, I am still so subconsciously afraid because of him. and despite sharing some stories of the abuse, many friends and acquaintances still tolerate him, still laugh with him, still pretend like it never happened for the sake of ‘neutrality’ - you cannot be neutral in cases of abuse. I absolutely refuse to believe you can be, if you really believe the victim or claim to love and care for them.  I sacrificed so much of myself and my dignity for someone who did not even respect me in the slightest. I was ashamed. I was mortified. I had dug myself into the deepest hole imaginable, that I’d thought I’d be stuck in forever. I had been in abusive relationships before, even much more physically violent ones (but yes, he had violent tendencies and was physically intimidating and threatening and did not respect the word ‘no’ or safe words) but none had shaken me to the core like this had.  From it I had learned the most honest flaws and weaknesses, I learned just how far the rabbit hole goes. I had tumbled, never again to return to the light.  But again, I was wrong.  Till next time x