#i think ts has been my fav thing i ever wrote

[keyotos]

oh how the mighty have fallen

summary ⎯ gepard has forgotten how much he’s missed his childhood friend. it seems as nothing as changed between you two, except for the fact that you guys aren’t friends anymore: you are practically enemies.

tana’s words ⎯ having hella gepard enemies to lovers brainrot rn. reader is an ex-lawyer btw.

tags ⎯ childhood friends to enemies to lovers. possible pining. or rather gepard misses reader and wants you back. but he also is kinda against you bc you literally are going against the law. it’s complicated

THE LAST PLACE GEPARD expected to see you was the golden theater. you’ve been m.i.a. for two years; gepard thought he’d never see you in public again. ever since a rocky incident took place two years ago, nothing has ever been heard or seen about you.

gepard didn’t know how to approach you. the last time you two had spoken, you weren’t on the best terms. in fact, the last time you two have spoken to each other, it ended up becoming a screaming match.

it’s for the better if i leave, gepard thought. gepard was getting ready to part until you turned. you locked eyes with him for a second before whispering, “gepard.”

you guys stared at each other for a few minutes. you haven’t seen him in two years. you’ve heard news of him, but you haven’t seen him. you tried to avoid him after your falling out two years ago.

gepard walks closer to you, armor filling in the noise that gepard cannot create. he stands by your side, like a guard rather than a friend, and his posture is perfect.

the sight makes you sick.

you look him up and down. your eyebrows furrow, because he hasn’t changed. he is still the same. he is still following cocolia’s orders; still a rule-follower; still uptight.

“you’re still the same, aren’t you?” you sipped on your champagne glass. the drunker you are, the more easier this situation will be.

“i’m sorry?” gepard raised an eyebrow.

“you haven’t changed at all. you’re like⎯ the same as two years ago,” you chuckled.

“how would you know?” gepard shot back, “we haven’t spoken in two years.”

“oh please,” another sip, “i was your best friend. i know you, captain. don’t deny it.”

gepard crossed his arms over the balcony. you were right. you did know him. he wondered if you knew that he missed you sometimes. he wondered if you felt the guilt he felt for what had happened that night, two years ago.

“how have you been?” gepard attempted. it’s not every day you see your ex-best friend after two years.

you turned, gave him a look that read are you fucking serious, and replied, “fine. you?”

“fine,” he mimicked. so much for small talk.

“why are you here?” you spat, “don’t you have to play rock-paper-scissors with some guards or something? or kiss cocolia’s ass?”

your harshness took him back. he may not have changed throughout the years, but you definitely have. you’ve gotten harsher; when you address him, your voice is no longer uplifting, but cold.

“don’t bad-mouth madam guardian in public,” gepard tried his best to warn you, “you’ll be in huge trouble.”

“oh i’m so terrified,” you mocked, “so what? what’ll she do? force me into prison like she’s done to others? or do you think she’ll throw me to the blizzard?” you scoffed.

“yn⎯”

“please don’t ‘yn’ me,” you frowned. you chugged the rest of your drink; you can’t do this without being drunk. having to face gepard was already hard enough, but having to face him sober?

gepard went silent. he felt like he was floating around you; he wasn’t seeing you, he was seeing a ghost. a shell of your former self.

two years ago, he hadn’t realized the damage that cocolia had done to your life. now, he realizes that it affected you more than he had thought.

“your favorite play is playing today. that’s why i came,” gepard mumbled.

you turned towards him once more, now looking him in the eye. “why?”

“i don’t know,” gepard sighed. the way his shoulders sagged after he sighed made him look exhausted, and you found yourself feeling bad for gepard.

gepard knows the reason why he came. he came because it reminds him of you; the you before cocolia. the happier, livelier, version of you. it reminds him of his best friend.

you would be lying if you said you didn’t miss gepard. you missed him a lot. sometimes, he was the bane of your existence; sometimes he was the person you despised the most. but other times, he was your best friend; the person you grew up with, the person you developed feelings for.

that’s why it hurt so much when he chose cocolia over you this same night, two years ago.

you couldn’t help it. your instincts took over. you moved closer to gepard. “not going to turn me in tonight, captain?” you joked.

gepard laughed, feeling better now that you made a singular joke with him, “no. i’m not.” i’d never, he wanted to add.

“i have a new favorite play,” you added. you missed him so much.

“oh really?” gepard’s heart quickened as you leaned closer into him.

“mhm. it’s playing after this one,” you yawned. your head slightly tilted near gepard’s shoulder, and gepard wanted you to lean on his shoulder so badly.

“are you tired?” gepard asked, leaning down to observe how you look.

“a little. i’ll manage,” you laid your head down on the balcony rim.

“you can lay your head on my shoulder, if you’d like. i doubt the balcony is comfortable and supportive,” gepard stood high and mighty.

“you’re one to talk about being supportive,” you quipped. and then you realized that now was not the right place to start making jokes like those. you turned your head away from gepard. “thank you for the offer,” you murmured.

it was silent for the rest of the play.

when the next one was about to go on, you got out of your seat and left. gepard knew he had no right to follow you. he had no right to tell you to come back. but he did anyway.

you were storming out of the golden theater when you heard footsteps trail behind you. you immediately knew it was gepard. not because of context clues, but because you knew the sound of his walk.

“what is it you want, gepard?” you desperately cried. you couldn’t deal with this right now: you can’t see him again. “why must you come back? i thought we agreed that we would part ways two years ago.”

why does he come back? is it because he misses your company? your gossip-filled brunches? the way your hand would grab his when you were worried? the sparkle of your eyes? the way your smile could provide warmth for the entirety of belobog?

“i don’t want to part ways, yn,” gepard called back. “you are my enemy. i’m not supposed to be around you. i am supposed to legally arrest you. but i can’t⎯ won’t. i miss you, yn.”

you ran your hands through your hair, “you’re not allowed to miss me. you’re not allowed to even be seeing me,” you cried out again. “if this is some ploy to get me in prison, gepard, i swear to⎯”

“it’s not!” gepard grabbed your arms. his grip was desperate and clingy, as if he was trying to glue you into the floor. but it softened, like he knew you would leave. “please. i don’t want to leave you again.”

“our,” you paused. at the time, you two were in the middle of figuring out your feelings to each other. you didn’t really know what you guys were, “friendship ended the moment where you chose cocolia over me.”

gepard sighed, “please. please, yn, i’m sorry. i will atone myself to you forever if you allow me to. but i simply cannot let you leave again. i’ve missed you. that was the reason i came tonight: i missed you, so i went to remind myself of the only thing i have of you.”

“you anger me sometimes, you confuse me, you rack my brain constantly. but throughout all of that, i miss you, yn. you’ve been with me from the start. please,” gepard begged, “i don’t want to lose you for a second time.”

his hands are still wrapped around your arms. he’s close⎯ gepard is at least a few inches away from you. he’s breathing rampantly, like he’s exhausted. his eyes are searching your expression and he looks desperate for an answer.

you’ve missed him immeasurably. there was not one day where you haven’t thought about him at least once. you missed his touch; craved it on some nights.

but your relationship? your friendship? that will need rebuilding.

however, gepard seems honest. he genuinely wants you back in his life. you are his best friend. you know him. you know his personality, his fears, his life. you hate him but you also love him. and you know that he is willing to atone for you.

you release yourself from his grip to scramble for a piece of paper and a pen. once you find a sheet of paper from the empty ticket booth, you rip it in half and scribble down an address.

“i practice independent law now,” you handed gepard the paper, “still trying to help others, i guess.”

you look up at him, “i hope i do see you more often,” you reach for his cheek, guiding his face to look down at you, “and i hope you keep your promise.”

you look at gepard with hope in your eyes, hope that you never had two years ago. gepard tries hard to bite down the smile that is coming. seeing your hopeful expression is an achievement greater than all.

you caress his face one more time. you think about kissing him, but you would save that for another night. you take him in for the first time in two years: gepard is different. he’s more exhausted, more weary. he is not the same, as you previously thought.

but you aren’t either. and if you two are different than you were two years ago, maybe, just maybe, things will work out better this time.

[ts-akhmim]

Rites of Passage

TJ: Bodhi – I don’t know that much about you, but I’ve heard you are a crackhead, so I guess I’m ok having saved the experience of playing TS with you for a different time. It would have made the original tribes a lot more interesting to say the least, lol.

AMIR: I am so angerry we didn’t get to play together!!! I wanted to work with you back in Survivor Cutthroat and when I saw you were cast on this season i was excited to play with u again and was robbed of the opportunity AGAIN!  u were also the only person on this cast that i have played with previously so the familiarity was lovely, so anyways u were robbed even tho you got like a 35 in the first challenge luv u always

AUTUMN: I wish we had gotten to play together longer! I’m glad we’re in another game together because I think you’re a cool guy and I appreciate your humor, honesty, and just candor about everything. I know in the moment the vote felt very hurtful but it was purely about the challenge and wanting Thoth to be as strong as possible moving forward (little did we know what was coming lmaaaaoo)

TJ: Trace – Another person I never got to meet in this game, but everything I heard from the Brains that I did get to talk to was that you were a super nice guy and really respectable. Sorry this season didn’t work out for you; I think we all know we can just blame Thoth for being a cursed tribe!

AMIR: We never got to meet :(  may b in the afterlife

AUTUMN: I hope you’re well! Honestly your death felt like true Survivor because the target was someone else but once Devon and I found out that you had made an alliance with everyone except us, I flipped it and said you had to be the one to go. I think the game would’ve been completely different had you stayed because there’s no way you would’ve let me get this far and once I realized you wanted me on the bottom, I was like ok Trace is the real deal he knows I’m trouble hahaha. You’re a great guy though and I hope you understand it was just game

TJ: Isaac – The third person I have never met in this game (I feel bad, Autumn is going to be the only one of us three who can actually say anything about these first three). I know you brought an interesting dynamic to the tribe based on the tribals I had watched, so kudos to you for being able to make an impact on the tribe. Another person I think we can just blame Thoth and not really blame anything gameplay wise, lol.

AMIR: Bane of my existence but also taken way too soon from us smh, you didn't deserve to be on cursed ass thoth, rip in peace’s sweet bottom

AUTUMN: You’re so sweet and wholesome and I really miss our conversations. I was being dumb and naive when you told me Scott and Duncan were a duo because I was an alliance with them and Devon. So I very much wanted to believe we were rock solid but YOU KNEW!! You called it before anyone else and for that, I stan. That alliance is literally the reason you want home and I just didn’t want to turn on them at the time. But in hindsight you were right about a lot of things and I appreciate your kindness and maturity about it all even though you were lowkey robbed

TJ: Austin – I never thought that we would reconnect after a few years away from being on the same site, so it was a great surprise to realize that you and I had actually played a couple games together in the past. I wish we had more than 24 hours together to maybe see what a future in this game could have been like. You are just as genuine of a guy as I remember you being, so that was really nice for me to see.

AMIR: Hello king of dairy queen, we honestly never talked too too much but you always were really nice to me and everyone else on hathor, and even after you were voted out, you were kind and left so gracefully

AUTUMN: You were so fun to talk to and if it weren’t for Devon’s mist I would’ve saved you lmao. I almost wish that twist hadn’t happened because had we met at a normal swap, I think our good vibes could’ve turned into a great alliance and we got along super well. It was nice getting to know you in the time we had though and I hope we get a chance to really play together one day

TJ: Lovelis – I can’t apologize enough for having to vote you off both as early as I did and how I did so. I’ve played now two seasons of the Challenge with you, but I found that I built a better bond with you this season than those two seasons combined, and then it just snowballed into this giant series of unfortunate events the tribal we had to go to and there was nothing that I could do. I’m genuinely so sorry for not being able to tell you what was going on and hope there’s a small chance you may understand sometime down the line.

AMIR: I never got to meet you unfortunately but I always thought your name was pronounced Love-El-Leez and then someone said “Loveless” and i was shookums

AUTUMN: SIR WHERE DID YOU GO??? I love that you don’t give a single fuck though haha because mood and I love dramatic exits- do you boo

TJ: AJ – Other than a brief convo during the Osiris vote, you and I never really got to meet. From what I did see, you seem like a really nice person and one that I think got voted out way too early. Hopefully I can verify that myself in another game if there is one in our future, but I wish we had been able to meet and see what could have been!

AMIR: You are so funny and and one of my fav people from Hathor 1.0 when it was such a simple time, also your winter bells score was inhumane and you had a great presence to be around, i just had a hard time ever trusting u and ya hehe

AUTUMN: ROBBED KING!! We didn’t really get to meet but thank you for sticking up for Adam on Hathor and for being honest with him. Although it led to a crazy divide amongst the beauties that lasted the whole game lmao (cmon impact!), I think that takes character to step out on a limb for someone especially when it risks your game. Merge would’ve been so much more iconic with you since I’m rooting for everyone brown haha. I hope we get to talk more after the game!

TJ: Connor – You seem like such a great guy and I wish I had spent more time trying to know you on Hathor. One of the things that always scares me in these games is when I can’t get a read on someone. I never was able to get a solid read on who you were and what you were capable of, and for that, that made you the person I was most threatened by in that circumstance. 

AMIR: 

AUTUMN: SIS I MISS YOU!! That tribe was BLAND after you left lmaaaoo I couldn’t wait for merge. Even though we didn’t talk a ton, I feel like we really vibed towards the end and just talking about Survivor seasons all evening. I screenshot your rankings and I reference them all the time/ they’ve been a fun conversation starter at merge. But anyway you’re hilarious and messy and iconic and I’m glad we got to meet. Also, you’ll be glad to know I finished Cagayan, I am neither Tony trash nor a Spencer fan, and I’m watching Pearl Islands now

TJ: Dan – Seeing you on the cast and on my starting tribe was almost like a little sigh of relief. Knowing someone and trusting that they aren’t going to just randomly screw you over is the greatest feeling in that initial stage of this game, and it sucks that it wasn’t able to go too much further than that since we got through an easy tribal at Brawn and then we got swapped onto opposite tribes. You and Drew brought me into this crazy world that is TS, and I hope I can complete that initial season now with a win here.

AMIR: Oh my gosh has it been a long time, I really haven’t seen you around or spoken to you in about 3 years, so seeing you in this game brought back a lot of nostalgia and memories from being in this community during like 2016 looooool, but it honestly was really nice to reconnect with you and see where we’ve gone in life since leaving here, wishing you the best (‘:

AUTUMN: Girl what happened??? I mean ok yes a part of me was relieved that you wouldn’t be able to kill me haha but you were robbed and we really could’ve fucked shit up. Had a different Apis member been over then instead of you, whew we would’ve done damage together on Hathor. It’s all good though- I hope everything is well with you and that you’re taking that well deserved break. All these back to back orgs we’ve been doing is getting OLD haha

TJ:  Scott – When I saw the cast reveal, I was so excited to meet you. I really thought I would be a Brain and that we would be on the same tribe. We would have worked so well together, and I hope in some alternate universe you come back to ORGs and we find each other in another game to play. 

AMIR: Scott !! Oh wow I have thots when it comes to your vote out, I did know u were getting voted out and I’m sorry, but honestly, you were just too good!! Our whole tribe was loyal to you dead ass, and I felt like if you got to merge, you would run the game using the brains and the beauties. U were just too damn likable during the game and I hope U understand why I did it

AUTUMN: Wheeeww Scott. I’m still gagged by that tribal that was something else. It was hard to see you go out like that because you truly deserve the best and have such a kind, amazing spirit. To the point where I would’ve had a hard time ever voting you or even getting anyone else to do the same so. Yes you were robbed but please don’t internalize it cause you were playing an amazing game (even had the boys confronting me about all the tea you shared haha/ gave me some messes to clean up) so please please please play again because you will WIN

TJ:  Liam – Of all the names I wrote down this season, yours was by far the hardest. Emotionally, I had really grown close to you and I felt awful for the situation you were in. Everything I told you that whole round and before that was 100% genuine. I just wanted to see the fight you had that first Brawn vote when I wanted to save you over Lovelis. You are one of the kindest dudes I’ve ever met in these games, and I have so much respect for you, your priorities, and how you carry yourself.

AMIR:  We never really got to talk much at all, but the few times we have talked you were always very sweet, I hope you are doing well. Autumn: Ok I do actually love you I swear haha. You’re a very sweet, compassionate guy and I could tell you were going through a lot which I 1000% get. But once merge hit, I knew shit would hit the fan really quickly so I basically got everyone to target you because most people didn’t know you too well and all the other Apis boys went with it because they were terrified of being the sacrificial brawn (since 5 of y’all made merge). I hope things are going better for you and I hope not having to worry about this wild ass game helped in some way. You thought you and I were tired back at pre-merge- girrrrrlll that was nothing hahaha

TJ: Jordan – If you told me Day 1 that you would be the person I would strategize the most with and become the closest ally too, I would have laughed in your face! I thought there was no freaking way that our personalities would click. And then I got to know you, we bonded over Survivor, and then a genuine friendship formed in this game. We made a F2 pact during the swapped Hathor tribe and I would have stuck to that to the end of this game. You are a great player and fun influence for these games, and I hope I made you proud throughout this merge.

AMIR: Oooof! Okay we did not leave on the best terms, you, similarly to dan, bring me a lot of nostalgia and you remind me of what it was like being in this community years ago. I never really got a chance to meet you in a personal way and get to know you at all until this game and I loved that we were able to reflect on the past and look back together, but unfortunately, by the time we did finally get on the same page, it was a little to late for me strategically. We got to connect over c*rcle and going to Ryerson and you’re honestly a real cool guy. I’m sorry for doing you dirty and I was happy to hear that you felt better the day after everything happened. I still stand by my decision and do not want to come across as a suck up, because I felt like you were after me prior to that point, and while I did feel a person connection after one call, my head still said that betraying all my allies for your plan was not smart for me. I truly do wish u the best and really hope u give me a chance outside the game, because that call we had did truly matter to me i swear I’m not evil looool Autumn: There’s so much I could say here but I’m gonna go about it like this: hi, I’m Autumn Hill and everything I do in Survivor is purely based on of strategy. I’ve always wanted to play with you just because of all the things I’ve heard about you but I knew we were too cracked to ever really work together. So I said yes to that alliance to appease Duncan and to keep an eye on you/ figure out how to take you out from the inside. There’s been a running joke all game that I just woke up and decided to kill you lmao and I swear that isn’t true. Yes I had been taking notes on you the whole game but no I was not waiting to specifically kill you at Final 11. I literally just wanted you and/or TJ to be captain because neither of y’all had done shit the whole game and it was already Final 11. Did I KNOW y’all would wile out and you would dig your own grave? No but I was really hoping you would hahaha. So you openly targeting me made it easy for me and then you snapping on everyone before tribal sealed it. I hope you don’t still hate me but I wouldn’t be surprised if you do even though I don’t think it’s justified because it’s literally just game and you had no intention of going to the end with me anyway. And I’m sure you’ve been praying I walk into jury but that has given me so much motivation to do the opposite you have no idea

TJ:  Duncan – Regardless of how our relationship in the game ended up, you are still someone that I enjoyed getting to know and genuinely connected with you during the Hathor swap. You are such a smart and genuine soul, and that’s not something that’s always easy to find in these ORGs. If I screwed something up between us, I’m genuinely sorry about that and would love to talk it out afterwards.

AMIR: *wendy_williams_with_the_hat_over_her_head_gif*  you did not deserve what happened to you in this game, i hope you believe me when i say I was super super happy to see that you’ve been cast in this game, and assumed from the moment of cast reveal that we would be working closely together. We connect well, we had a lot of important conversations and both being gay poc and our experiences and I always felt that we would be great allies. Unfortunately in the game, the round where you were getting voted out, I actually wanted you to stay but all my closest allies did not and I felt like being a leader in that round was not what's best for my game. I was upset to lose you way earlier than I wanted to and I hope you know me not warning was never personal, and i really hope you’ll want to be friends afterwards b/c I definitely do Autumn: My bb :( I STILL LOVE YOU BUT YOU KNOW HOW I AM!!! I can’t be tamed lmao and I just felt really suffocated by our alliance and paranoid about us having been together the whole game. Devon lowkey came between us on Thoth and I felt like you were jealous that I was close to someone else so when you got Devon to vote me back on Thoth I was really shook. Idk it felt like a warning shot, that you and Scott would basically dangle me off a cliff for no reason so I knew what had to happen. Then the alliance with Jordan and TJ happened and you didn’t fuck with Ali and Adam and I was like oooop I need to cook something up. Then I really started aligning with other people at merge (Jakey, Amir, Augusto, etc.) and I was like ok I need to cover my tracks. And Idk there were just a lot of weird moments where you voted TJ captain first but wanted me to convince everyone else to do Adam, you protecting Jordan during the immunity challenge and cutting Augusto’s rope only for you to force Devon to cut Jordan’s rope, lying to Adam about targeting him- so I just couldn’t do it anymore. I knew I was trying to go deep in this game and I felt like we couldn’t go any further together so I put the vote on you and it became unanimous since a lot of people were hurt by all the lies you told. So whew that’s the tea but you always said if I ever killed you, I better win and here we are lol and I hope I continue to make you proud

TJ: Devon – Ah, Slithers! I was so excited to reconnect with you because there was so much unfinished business between us after Guyana. There was so much we could have done that game, and I was glad to at least get a small taste of that in this game. I wish we had met before merge so that we didn’t have to throw something together right at merge. Your elimination was a blessing in disguise for me, because it was that round or the round before that I started becoming weary of the fact you were telling things to others you said you had only told me, so maybe it was good? You’re a strategic genius and I truly think you’d win if you came back one more time.

AMIR: Oh my god Devon you were always a confusing one for me, I felt quite close to you for a lot of this entire game and for a good portion of it, I actually felt quite loyal to you. When I met you at one world, we instantly clicked as people and I was excited for you to get back into the game and we were tight from that point on. At merge, things started getting complicated and at some point, I truly did start to get intimidated by your social game and how calculated you were about every single decision. I definitely was not the driving force behind your vote off but I also did not do much to try and stop it, overall tho, you protected me a bunch of times in this game over and over and I’m not ignorant to that and I’m thankful for that time we had as allies and friends mr 95% top Autumn: Girl what the fuck hahaha. I have half the nerve to leave the message with that but you’re lucky I still love you. To this day I have no clue why you turned on me and I was always loyal to you. So many people talked shit about you but I continued to give you the benefit of the doubt and forgive you. And I genuinely wanted to go to the end with you, Amir, and Augusto (or you, me and Ali) and had you actually believed me, you would be sitting here instead of me. But then you tried it and got the whole tribe to lie to me and if that wasn’t bad enough, you were coming at me for believing you were the rat (even though you, Amir, and Augusto were intentionally covering Kendall’s tracks) and saying you had my back no matter what. So between that and realizing that you were intentionally trying to put me on the bottom of the tribe is why I put a hit on you. I was truly never coming for you until you gave me a reason. So yes I was in my bag about it then but it’s all good now and I’m now back to thinking you’re a sweet, funny guy who deserves nice things. I miss the good ole days on Thoth ugh when we just call and laugh and make fun of everyone but alas. ALSO THANK YOU FOR CUTTING THE WRONG ROPES!! It’s one of my favorite moments of the game and it makes my day every time I think about it lmao I really need all the laughs I can get these days. Unless you actually have been rooting for me this whole time and you cut your allies’ ropes intentionally??? I can’t wait to finally hear that story hahaha

TJ: Ali – I need to start by apologizing for not replying the last hour-ish before your elimination. You are such a high caliber player – potentially the highest of caliber – that I didn’t want to give you any more information to possibly spook you and change what you and Jakey had talked about. You were someone I knew from the getgo that I couldn’t let you get far, and yet you cease to amaze me in your ability to be so freaking likeable and get far in these games. I will never forget doing the name scramble with you and I truly wish every challenge could have been that.

AMIR: WHHEWW weeeee i have so much respect for you, you have no idea. Like okay I never had met you but I knew that you were a godly player due to bbpokemon, but I never judge based on placements, but playing in this game with you confirmed that. Tbh tbh we were never gonna work out as loyal allies because you scared the absolute shite out of me as a player and had a damn toybox of powers, but i am glad that this game gave me the opportunity to get to know you as a person and ive come to really really like you. You were a force in the game but also super nice and respectful to everyone the entire way through and i can only admire that, and after like literally years of just hearing about you i get why everyone loves u

Autumn: I CAN’T DO THIS. I cannot cry over you twice in this game I really cannot. I cannot articulate the guilt I felt watching you die when you didn’t have to. I go back to that moment where you gave your negator power to Adam in case you died and it crossed my mind to tell you to play the idol on yourself because I just had a weird feeling. And like- we were right we knew we wouldn’t be able to do this whole game together because Auli is too powerful. But I just thought we had more time together. You really are like a brother to me and when you died, Adam and I called and he did all the talking for a good 15 minutes because I was on the other end just crying. But! This means you’ve joined the elite cause the only other allies I’ve MOURNED are Ned and Eddie. I just love how you are literally the nicest person but constantly have everyone shaking in their boots. Like the way all these people had a hard-on trying to get you out like 3 rounds in a row is just so powerful ugh. King of living rent free in everyone’s minds! Idk it would’ve been too good to be true for us both to go to the end but you  are truly a legend and I’m grateful for literally any time I get with you and I REALLY wouldn’t be here without your idol sis so your spirit really did live on

TJ: Jakey – Day One I really thought that you and I would be at the end of this game together. And even throughout that entire merge, despite a few ups and downs we both had, I really saw us sitting here together. It sucks that we got blindsided together and I didn’t have that chance to save you, but I am so glad that we were able to connect the way we did. Our dynamic in having information from both sides of the house was perfect for both of us, even if it was your downfall. I was not kidding when I told you after Jordan left that I still had your back and that I wanted to get us to the end. 

AMIR: I am so glad I got to meet you in this game because you literally became one of my fav people ever in the span of a month, and you know I love you. You’re someone I plan on being tight with for a very long time and have come to care about you so much, and we ended up calling like every single day for hours. You not being in the game anymore always did feel weird afterwards since you were essentially my other closest ally in terms of how you knew just about everything about my game and were kind of like a sounding board for me. I didn’t fully trust you sometimes, and I often think back to a “what if” and if we both could be here rn if my ass decided to take that risk and fully commit to this alliance and 100% trust you, but when this game is over, our nightly late night calls are probably going to be the main thing I remember and I am so appreciative that I got the chance to get to know you and become as close we did ❤️

Autumn: LMAO now see when you do clownery… I have so much respect for you and you are truly brilliant but girl you do too much haha and you know I’m OLD. I can’t do the back and forth and watching someone play both sides and have this je ne sais quoi energy about fucking everyone’s games up, allies included. Fam if you had waited to kill Ali ONE MORE ROUND, this game would’ve been yours. You had Amir and TJ whipped, you would’ve had me, Adam, and Kendall powerless, and Augusto would’ve kept chilling. But no I had to avenge Ali so me and Adam got to work and came up with a bunch of lies and truths to get you out and the kids ate it UP. But anyway, you’re still my son, you will bounce back, and I’m rooting for you in everything you do.  You’re hilarious and perceptive and cracked and I told all the POC’s every round you were the only white boy I would actually vote for hahaha and I mean that

TJ: Adam – My biggest personal regret is not getting to talk to you more and at least get to know you more on a personal level. You always seemed so sweet and we talked about a decent bit, but I don’t think I ever put my best foot forward to build that connection since we were never on the same side. You are such a kind, sweet guy and I wish more guys were like you. 

AMIR: Hello hunty, I think out of everyone in this cast, you are the first person I had ever met and it goes way way way back...like 2014 back. Our relationship is this game was…. ICONIC and messy to say the least. I was always a huge fan of your blog back then, and never thought we’d both end up on the beauty tribe. I honestly saw so much potential for us being super close allies, and at some point, I considered you my closest ally during day 1-2. The issue was the creation of an alliance without you in it, and then that alliance targetting you and you getting word of it which just kinda set us on the wrong foot from the very beginning because you didn’t trust me and I was anxious about that. It was literally all just shitty circumstances because bible i literally wanted to work with you so bad. We eventually set things straight again, but due to alliance lines, previous mistrust, and the people we were both working with, we ended up being on opposite sides and never were able to work out on a strategic level despite the fact that we always meshed well on a personal level, it was unfortunate but also kind of an iconic rivalry/alliance thing that was going on

Autumn: MY BABY!!! When you died I was just numb and I miss you so much. That happening right after I finally won immunity was just cruel and my system short circuited. We had a million alliance chats and just like that the house was empty and it’s just been quiet all the rounds since. Tbh I was triggered cause I was ALONE alone in Crossroads so when you died I was just sitting at Final 5 with the idol like awww shit here we go again haha. You are one of the funniest, kindest, most loyal, and most authentic players I’ve ever met and your social game is TOP SHELF sir. Watching you lie and finesse and manipulate people round after round actually cleared my skin. In my mind, I always referred to you as the Mad Hatter because you always had tea and you always had something brewing on the stove haha. I miss our conversations so much and I really wouldn’t be here without all the trust you put in me and for being like “giiiirrrl you need to get on the blog RIGHT NOW.” You know I can make hoes mad all by myself haha but it was at its best when you were by my side

TJ: Augusto – I want to mirror what you said about me in your goodbye message. You are so pure, you are so likeable, you are such a king when it comes to the social game. I didn’t think our games would gel that much coming into this game, but once we got over the little hump that was the first couple rounds of merge, I really clicked with you and enjoyed meeting you this game. I wish we had followed the plan and you’d still be here over Amir, but ‘tis the game.

AMIR:  This is probably the hardest one to write because you have been my partner in crime and my closest ally since day 1 in this game, and I truly did want to go to the end with you and Kendall. You kept me sane for like the majority of the game and I 100% could not have made it here without you. I am not going to diminish the impact that you had on this game and how big of a factor you were in my survival. I have never lied or kissed ass when I said I believed you played one of the strongest games by far. As a person, I love you and you know I mean that and have enjoyed your friendship a lot over the past month, and really really hope we’ll be friends after this game. The game does not feel the same without u there and i miss your dumb gay memes that make me cackle, and im sorry for how things ended up, I truly felt like at that point, it was me going home or u, and i chose to pick me. I don’t want to dwell but I also don’t want to invalidate how badly I screwed you over and how you get to be mad for it. i cant wait 2 talk to u after the game  

Autumn:Lmaaaaooo listen. That whole thing was one of the most cracked things I’ve ever done in my entire org career and Iiiiii don’t wanna get into it here but I will so that miss Amir can’t take credit for it hahaha. Basically…. what had happened was… I was very much going to idol Amir out but he randomly came into my pm’s after TJ won immunity and begged that we work together and that I spare him if I had the idol even though he had just killed Adam. And it took a lot of convincing but I thought about how well positioned you were to go to the end with anyone so I said: yes Amir but I’m killing Augusto which means you’re going to tell the beauties you have the idol since everyone has to vote me. Meanwhile TJ was talking to me and being very straight up that it was between me and Amir/ it was based on who had the idol. So I threw Amir under the bus and said everyone was giving the game away to him and that TJ was no better for always talking shit but never doing anything about it. And he kept trying to corner me into saying I had the idol and that “everyone was still concerned” so I got tired of going back and forth and was just like lemme go address everyone in the tribe cause I’m not doing this all day when I know I’ll be at Final 4 no matter what. So that’s when I gave a monologue in the tribe chat about how everyone should be honest with me and that there’s no point in lying when I’m essentially a sitting duck. Then you and Kendall admitted to voting me, which allowed me to a) play the idol correctly and b) split you and Amir. Tbh I just felt like you had the best spot in the game because the whole round it like never crossed your mind that you could die and I was like oop hold my beer. Meanwhile you had talked shit about Amir’s game to me more than once so I started twisting the knife on him and when you weren’t talking to him as much, Amir really got paranoid and was like they’re gonna kill me soon I just know it I’m all in. So that’s the tea. But! You know it was strictly game because I adore you and I legit called you more than anyone in this cast haha. I just got spooked about you getting any deeper in the game. You have a great heart and I hope we can still be friends after this because you’re an amazing person and I’ll always be here for you

TJ: Kendall – You haven’t even been gone for 24 hours and I already miss your lunatic history facts! I never expected to meet someone in this game who I truly understood and care about in this game, and that’s exactly what I found starting very early in that merge with you. You are so freaking quirky, but so am I so I get it completely. I wish everyone in this game got to see how amazing you were and how you were completely robbed from being able to make the finals with me. I truly think I met a friend for years to come with you, and I’m so grateful for that. (Also ps, apparently we had a flirtmance going according to the other two… I wasn’t aware of this, lol).

AMIR: This is interesting because I kinda already messaged you yesterday right before the vote with everything I have to say, in the end, you have the right to feel how you feel and your reactions are 100% valid. I apologize for lying to you and blindsiding you, It was not an easy decision and I own it, and even writing this right now is quite difficult because I want to talk about the hilarious and amazing times we had together and make it a cute rop, but I know the wounds are still fresh and I know you said you are not happy with me rn and I would not want to act oblivious to your current emotions. Maybe if I make it to jury or FTC, you will be able to say everything you want to say to me and we can move on from there and pick up where we left off,

Autumn: Sis I don’t even know where to begin with you haha. Because we were never allies or even friends lmao but we always had mutual respect for each other the whole game and just tried to stay out of each other’s way. I do genuinely believe you get a bad wrap for no reason and people talked a lot of shit about you for no real reason. And I love that both the women in the game were despised but for different reasons haha. You were playing a good game tbh and even though I really considered sitting beside you at the end, it frustrated me that you (like Augusto) felt like you were guaranteed to be at the end and you were essentially the prettiest girl at the dance and meanwhile I had to fight for my life every single round since Final 6. So I was like ok if sis really wants to go to the end, then she’ll pull up and meet me at firemaking haha. Amir went back and forth about the whole thing and legitimately told me he was voting me earlier that day but I got in his head and I said you know damn well they will clip you at Final 3 no hesitation so unless you want this whole game to have been for nothing, you need to just send me to firemaking and if Kendall wins she wins and if I win I win. So, it was strictly strategic for me because there was no way for you, me, and Amir to all make final 3 and you and TJ were very transparent about voting me lol. But anyway! Thank you for your humor and patience and constant forgiveness throughout this game and your incredible knack for manipulating men. I salute you and I’m glad we got to meet

Amir: Tj tj tj oh wow oh wow, I literally feel like our relationship is like the disappointed dad (you) and me being the rebellious child who keeps promising to straighten myself out and then keeps up my fuckery. Anyway, it was a pleasure playing this game with you, you were kind to everyone, had a huge underdog hero arc, and you were probably the person who was onto my antics the most. Somehow after every vote, you’re like “I hate u but I get it so I still like u” and it was just a very wholesome hilarious relationship that I’ve had this whole game. You had me shaking during that final “autumn take me” riff raff and you deserve to be sitting in this spot just as much as I do

Autumn: Oh boy- not to be dramatic but killing you, my favorite adversary, wasn’t nearly as satisfying as I thought it would be. Listening to you talk last night made me realize how much heart you had put into the game and I felt really compelled to give you a chance to vouch for yourself at FTC just out of respect. But I know how allies get and I didn’t see a whole pocket of jurors voting for me over you when they had probably been rooting for you the whole game. So once my laptop died last night haha and I was sitting with my notes, it came down to a) leveling the playing field amongst the jurors, b) trying to picture what jury would really value, and c) how persuasive you are. If you could do aaaaaall that off the record to save your game, I knew you were gonna bring it at FTC. But it’s not the same without you. I have no one to tease, no one to call out, no one’s business to air, no one’s game to undermine lmao- it’s too quiet, everyone’s dead. The reason I love our relationship so much is because we think very similarly so our elaborate multi-round game of cat and mouse game gave a lot amusement and frustration but most importantly focus. We are literally the movie Catch Me If You Can and you’re were always watching me scam everyone and do the most and no one wants to listen to you so you take it upon yourself to chase me yourself round after round. And I was always watching you and egging you on and doing everything I could to throw you off my tracks haha. You’re my Tom Hanks and I’m your Leo and a lot of people made it easy on me but you never did and I have a lot of respect for that. You never miss a beat and you have fantastic instincts so after all this time, I can finally say I am a TJ fan, fedora and all

[survivormontenegro]

Prejury Rites of Passage

Ali - The undisputed Subway Queen. Somehow, other than maybe JJ, you have ended up as maybe the most talked about player this season, your legacy lives on. Your tribe PSAs about your feelings on the vote were legendary, and I genuinely really enjoyed talking to you. If you are still looking for closure, from my perspective, the reason you left the game was because while we had greater conversations, I’m not sure how much you had talked to the others, and you targeted who was someone who was already well-connected in Mitch, and who was also someone I didn’t want to see go. With that said, you remain a legend, the original robbed goddess of the season, and in Tumblr Survivor: Sandwich Royalty, I can’t wait to watch you snatch first place.

Benj - You were really nice but just didn’t talk much! Queen of subway, queen of stacking sandwiches, queen of telling us you scored over 50 but actually scored 0. We still talk about that iconic moment.

Caeleb - I’m sorry I never got to meet you. The way people talk about you is iconic, so I can only imagine that you are actually are. 

Ali - You will without question not remember this, but you played in my first ever season! You were inactive, and basically didn’t message anyone, but you wrote a confessional that I still remember about me being annoying and wanting me to shut my mouth. It seems you knew the truth of my annoying ways before the rest of the cast, so perhaps you are the wokest one of all.

Caeleb - I messaged you about corn. And then we never talked again, and that’s why I think I got your vote. But you seemed really fun, I just wish I got to know you more. 

Tom - Hi pal it’s me Tom uhm it was nice to meet someone that i would have never met in my real life as you are into drag so it was nice talking to you for the small portion you were in the game

Ali - Jared, you are the OG crackhead of the season, and I honestly miss you for it. You were such a king, and a pleasure to talk to, but I think from jump you were playing super hard, and spreading stuff back and forth which I think got a lot of early attention on you? So I think when info spread about the Budva idol being found, and about the Mitch vote, people found that frustrating and wanted you out, which played onto my own fears of you playing hard, so I got on board. With that said, I was genuinely very sorry on a personal level to see you go, as I know you had a lot more game in you, and I look forward to seeing you play another game, because you defo DEFO should.

Benj - You were one of my favs from the start and was hoping to go further with you but unfortunately you got a bit too messy! Hope u can do well in future games tho!

Caeleb - The only thing I know about you is that Mitch said, “that’s what you get for targeting me” at your tribal. At least I think it was. 

Ali - I LOVE YOU. I doubt you remember me also, but I remember talking to you during Tumblr Survivor: Solomon Islands, both your first season and one of the first seasons which I followed in this community. It was very full circle seeing you play this season, and I was super disappointed to see you go so early, but obviously OG Durmitor saw how iconic you were and didn’t want to compete!

Benj - WILLOW MY QUEEEEEEN. Literally the only person I was friends with before this season and it sucks that once again we never got to play with each other :(( After you left I knew I had to make it far for you I hope youre proud u were robbed!!

Caeleb - I am sad, I really liked Willow. She was undeniably sweet, and she really wanted to do better than her last time in Kuwait. I really wanted to help her out with that and when JJ told me to vote Willow and Willow wasn’t around to make a countermove I knew it was too late. BUT I miss Willow and her super sweet heart, and Benj and I talk about how we had to do well for her honor. 

Tom - Robbed honestly kinda sad that u left but unfortunately that’s where majority went 😢

Ali - Okay this season has had many upsetting moments. However, I believe maybe the most upsetting was you sending the picture of the blue wig you wanted to wear in a lip sync challenge to the OG Budva tribe chat. Seeing you wear it the following round, and be sent home right after, was so upsetting, that wig was truly CURSED. You were also kinda cracked apparently, but we were gonna be fellow bad bitches of the tribe which I loved (I may have also voted for you one round but… let's forget about all that NNNN)

Benj - You were iconic in the music vid challenge but we just didn’t have as good of a connection that I found with the new Durmitors on the tribe which is why I ended up siding with them ://

Caeleb - Noah was some guy. He has a vibrant personality and had an interesting mentality towards survivor. It seemed like he was willing to make big moves, and to my favor that didn’t end up working out for him. Regardless, his strategy was unique and his energy was intense and colorful. 

Ali - Okay… JJ, hnnngh let’s buckle in. First off, can I just say, apparently you showed your mum my intro, and she said I was a mess… so your mum gets me as a person. Otherwise… you were actually crazy, some highlights being when you wanted to call me when I was coming back from a night out with friends and with them in McDonalds at 5am, or when you wanted to call me 0.5 seconds after I left my prom. In general, while I found you super frustrating lowkey and didn’t particularly appreciate the pseudo-threats you made to my game, I know you genuinely mean well, and hearing stories about your activities in a car park aside, are a good soul really. Just… no more constant calls.

Caeleb - JJ was some kid. When he wanted to call every day in Durmitor I told my friends that I was going to be really upset if he beat me in this game, because I didn’t like that we were calling for hours on end every single day. However, he did include me in talks and was always kind to me, and it actually took me by surprise when I found out that everyone felt that same unease about him. I think that attests to his strength if he were to make it post-merge. Early on that creates a big target, but this could’ve come in as a strength long-term.

Tom - eek cracked legend, as much as you drove me up the wall with all your plans it was cool to reconnect since tengaged uhm say gday to your mum for me and just a tip for next time it’s a marathon not a sprint ❤️

Ali - You were the Siri to my Alexa. While I initially assumed you would potentially be first boot, you became… such a legend, and the way you would message me about votes, while terrifying was also iconic. I also heard you were recruited by Dennis, who is also a king, so if Dennis stans, we do too. Apparently you kind of disappeared/gave up, which is a shame, since I think Siri could’ve fought on and been amazing.

Benj - Challenge beast!! You always put in the best effort that I have seen in chals and sad u vanished at the end hope ur ok!

Caeleb - We had some really fun discussions about his gaming career and the different gaming communities he’s apart of. I honestly thought our connection was pretty friendly and enjoyable, I kinda wish we had kept up our communication after the Noah vote. 

Ali - Evan, you were a really sweet guy and on a personal level, I loved talking to you. I think your fate was somewhat sealed by you telling JJ he was going to go home the first swap round, in that it kinda eroded trust in you, and alienated you from the other six members of the tribe. With that said, I do want to apologise to you, for not being around during the second day of the challenge where we had to unscramble the names of the survivor players, and for not helping out enough; it was clear that challenge would determine your fate, and I wish I had done more.

Caeleb - This boy was an icon. I do think he was kinda robbed. Sure, he was paranoid, but TS is just a cluster-f of emotions so like who can blame him. He made crazy connections and always told people that they were his number one. Honestly, I believed him when we were on the same tribe. Either he was goofing me just as he was everyone else, or he actually did trust me. I hope it was the latter!

Tom - oh Evan you really uhm got unlucky with this vote off, I feel like you were so good in the game just unfortunately  loyalty kicked your ass :( it was lovely meeting you and hearing about you and your gf cute ass relationship 

Ali - Okay, as you said to me, I definitely, definitely have some explaining to do. I genuinely loved our personal conversations throughout this game, but I also have felt since round two of this game, that you were a threat of astronomical proportions and needed to go sooner rather than later. Your win in the lists immunity challenge solidified this, and I consistently considered you a major threat through both the tail end of pre-swap and during the swap. When the merge vote happened, and an opportunity opened up to both remove you and separate you and Jason as a duo, it was an opportunity I had to capitalise on. I genuinely am so sorry for how dirty you were done, and I also hate that you weren’t even on jury, but I hope you can at least take something out of how well you played, while you were in the game.

Benj - Omg Ian I think that you think I voted you/knew about your vote off when really I had no idea you were one of my favs from the start to talk to and it sucks you left so soon before we got to truly play together :((

Caeleb - I got to chat with him for like 3 days, but he seemed like such a sweetheart. We couldn’t talk game because we were both being told that we were on the opposite side of the votes, and it seemed smart to stick with our respective groups. Regardless, our chats were pleasant, fun, and kind, and I honestly could have seen myself working with him throughout the season and going far with him if things were just different. We were pitted against each other, and sadly that’s the way it is 

Tom - ahh bromigo honestly by far the most robbed of this season I’m so sad you couldn’t be apart of jury because you deserved it, I’m sure we’ll keep talking after this game and I just want to say thank you for being such an amazing ally and friend probably the person I enjoyed speaking too the most