#i think this is why i think ghirahim is a better villain than zant. that and Demise was mentioned from the start whereas ganondorf took the

[mememan93]

See the difference between Zant and Ghirahim is that Zant plays at being a threat, his seriousness and dangerousness is a facade. He's not truly a gritty adversary, he's a lunatic. Whereas Ghirahim is partly a lunatic, but plays that side of him up, saying shit like "fills my heart with rainbows" to distract from the "Make your ears bleed from the sound of your own screams", becoming more of a threat towards the moment of reckoning, whereas zant drops his threatening behavior at the moment of reckoning

[loruleheiress]

i love hilda... she has more nuance than ganondorf and yuga. in 3-D titles i’d say the nuanced villains were zant and ghirahim, or at least memorable enough that might be a better word. while people always cite ww ganondorf as being good writing, i don’t think its as good as it can be. there was only a peek into his motivations that’s thrown out the window in TP and BO//TW. plus, later after he monologues he beats up a freaking child. i don’t think what he says is meant to make him more sympathetic, but as a way to explain how the triforce drew out the greed in his heart. he wanted to covet both the lands and the power of the gods. dude just wanted more power for himself rather than his people. it’s kinda why nanbooru peaced out to try and stop him, gerudo cutting ties with him in FSA and other points of time where they still live in a desert despite how harsh ww ganon said it was (when it’s livable to live in a desert hweoh), and again in bot//w. (it makes me wish the dev team of ww did more research on desert living because... ppl do live in them just fine. it may be dry and hot but its still easy to live in. animals adapt to it, humans did too. it’s not a harsh wasteland like everyone believes it to be, it can be a beautiful place too. i mean, certain states in the us, anyone? to name a few examples, that’s not even covering our friends from the other side of the world) 

now... why din allowed for ganon to have the triforce of power before taking it away, is a mystery to me but it only reinforces my headcanon that most of the gods are as morally grey as the triforce. they seem merciful, but their actions suggest otherwise see windwaker where they drown an entire kingdom just to stop one guy HDFJAKVBFS.  

I DON’T WANNA PISS ANYONE OFF WITH THIS, By the way... i just think it’s inch resting how hilda wanted the triforce more for her people rather than wanting the power for herself or even the kingdom of hyrule. she could’ve had the desire to take the entire kingdom over, but she didn’t. she just manipulates link to draw out his triforce of courage. and was misled by an advisor. very desperate after failing time and time again and being pressed for time. thankfully after snapping out of the madness she does try to make up for it. all at the cost of destruction of her own world, which she resigned to before link and zelda shows her mercy and save lorule. that is so very cool of her because my god, she did love her kingdom and wanted the best for her people. she wanted to prevent lorule’s destruction by any means, and clear her family’s name because her ancestors did break the triforce if only to stop the bloodshed. it was a mistake on their part but a mistake she wanted to fix because she understood what they were trying to do. but she knew that the right thing to do at that moment was to not steal a power that didn’t belong to her or her world. that takes guts for her to come to that resolve. she did good at the cost of her world crumbling to nothing. but she redeems herself in the end. i’ve said it once, i’ll say it again: she’s more of an anti-villain who had well-intentions, however she was pushed into taking the triforce, therefore making her a tragic villain who then becomes redeemable. i don’t believe we see this with ganondorf because again, the writing for him isn’t the best and can be better. i’m a faithful hilda stannie, what can i say.

[vowill89]

Here comes a Legend of Zelda post!

Soooo, been thinking about what I should write on this blog outside of projects I’ve worked on that are out.  So I’ve decided to write my thoughts and opinions about certain subjects in the various things I like. Pray for me, for I am going to be posting my opinions on the internet.  The hate that follows to destroy me will be very real.

So to help set the stage for this little tirade of mine, I love The Legend of Zelda series.  Ocarina of Time was the first game I played and completed when I was a child.  Though I had my brother beat the Shadow Temple for me, that place was freaking scary.

And ever since then I’ve played as many Zelda games as I could, the only one I haven’t played is Breath of the Wild.  Why?  Can’t afford a Switch.  Why?  Because I’m not good at guilt tripping people into buying the audio books I’ve worked on, sue me.

Anyway, Ocarina of Time is the first game in the Zelda franchise to introduce us to this fellow:

Ganondorf, the human form of Ganon. An amazing villain who was not only physically strong but also an intelligent foe, using both Link and Zelda to further his goals.

Now I recently watched a Zelda let’s play where the players were disappointed with the secondary villain in it, who in my mind is a little better than people are willing to give him credit for.  And yet in the same breath they are blessing the “actions” of another villain who doesn’t do much of anything.  So I think it’s high time I went and offered my opinion. 

I think this guy:

Is a way better villain than this guy:

I can already hear the butthurt commenters revving up.  I can HEAR it.

Allow me to elaborate.

I trained as an actor, learned how to perform on stage, project to the back of the house, all that jazz.  One of the lessons I learned from my training is this;

Less is More.

Think of it like this, if your character is angry, are you going to be shaking your entire body to convey that anger, or are you just going to stand still and slowly clench your fist?

With that said, here we go:

What do these two guys do in their respective games, Twilight Princess and Skyward Sword?

Zant, once given a small fraction of Ganondorf’s power, corrupts his people into these horribly misshapen monsters

Usurps the twilight throne and curses it’s princess Midna from this

to this

Leads an invasion of the light realm, smothering much of Hyrule in twilight

Which happens after he leads an assault on Hyrule Castle and forces Princess Zelda into surrendering.  Also, Hyrule being covered in twilight?  It’s because he went to the Spirits of Light, y’know these guys

Who are responsible for maintaining the light of Hyrule and all that?  Yeah, Zant goes and breaks them apart Great Fairy style, scatters their light all over their respective lands, and even when they are whole, they still can’t hold a candle to him.  Just ask Lanayru.

So in comparison, what does Ghirahim do before Skyward Sword really take off?

Well, his desire is to see the resurrection of his master, Demise the Demon King.  And to do that he has to kidnap Zelda because she is the mcguffin that is needed for Demise’s complete return.  Before the game really takes off, by way of Link donning his iconic outfit, he summons a tornado and whisks Zelda away to the surface below, having his minions hold her hostage while he makes his way there.  Keep in mind, this guy can teleport

Don’t know why it would take him a while to get from point A to point B if he can just BAMF his way there.  Anyway, Zelda is kidnapped, Impa saves her, no surprise because the guys holding onto her are the same mooks you are going to destroy on an hourly basis in the game.  So then, Ghirahim then has the job of finding Zelda, kidnap her again, and sacrifice her.  He calls himself a Demon Lord, but we never see him do anything other than have screen time.

Okay, but how about during the game events?  How do these two differ when it comes to being an obstacle?

Well for Zant, after completing the Lakebed Temple, you are transported to Lanayru’s grotto with all of the mcguffin pieces in hand.  You turn around and Zant is RIGHT BEHIND YOU.  Lanayru pops up to help, but Zant forces the spirit back, covers the land in twilight again, curses Link into his wolf form, creeps on Midna after tossing her about, steals the mcguffin pieces you collected, sending you back to square one, and then, somehow, while holding Midna in his telekinetic grip, summons Lanayru to blast her with it’s light.  Lanayru somehow manages to teleport both Link and Midna out of Zant’s way, but Midna, a Twili who can’t, literally, take the light, is on death’s door.  Link is stuck in his wolf form and there isn’t much you can do.  The situation is dire, and Zant has hurt you in the worst possible way.

And then you both get better.  Play the game to find out how.

As you enter the boss room of the Arbiter’s Grounds, Zant pops up again and creates the boss of that dungeon, The Twilit Fossil - Stallord.  After a fun boss fight, you reach the top of the dungeon to find that the next mcguffin you needed is broken, courtesy of Zant.  It’s also here you find out that Ganondorf is behind Zant’s tear across Hyrule, because of course he is.

Let’s switch gears here and talk about what Ghirahim does during the game.

Now bear with me it has been a while since I last played Skyward Sword, same goes for Twilight Princess, so some details may be a little off at best. 

When you meet him in the first dungeon, he gives off this bravado of superiority while also wondering why another human has fallen to the surface.  After showing his sick Nightcrawler moveset, and showing how he has the smallest fuse when it comes to his temper, he BAMFs behind you and gets in your personal space.  Okay, I like that, a villain who is so confident in his own strength and the hero’s weakness that he can get as close as he can without any harm to him.  Alright, what else you got?

... uh... ‘kay.  Why does he do that?  How does showing us how long his tongue is convey anything about his personality?  I have never understood this moment and it still eludes me as to why this was added.  Less is More.

The first dungeon boss fight is actually against him, and it’s a pretty fun fight too.  There is a part in the fight where he can, and will if you let him, take your sword from you and sass you about it before throwing it back at you.  After enough hits he pulls out his sword and you have a proper duel.  When he does pull out his sword he actually takes a moment to subtly like his lips, a nice moment that shows how craven he is and what this fight means to him: something to feel euphoric over, he’s a sadist and this is what he does.  Way more better than that in your face tongue moment.  What does he do after you beat him though?

He leaves.  He just BAMFs out of there, deciding that he has better things to do, like look for Zelda, instead of, oh I don’t know, kill Link to ensure nothing comes from leaving him alive.

Strike one against Ghirahim.

The next time you see him is in the boss room of the second dungeon where he summons the dungeon boss.  Does he stick around to ensure that the boss kills Link?  Nope.  Does he kill Link so he stops being a nuisance?  Nope, he BAMFs out of there again looking for Zelda.  I think, I can’t remember, but I think he knows where Zelda needs to go, or at least can easily predict where she’ll go, so that should mean that he can then lay a trap for her and take her then, right?

Well...

After the third dungeon, he attacks Impa and Zelda just before they leave, he makes sure Link doesn’t interfere, or at least he should have.  He projects a wall of 2D diamonds to stop Link from jumping in right away, instead of just summoning some minions to distract Link, while he hacks away at Impa’s barrier.  The thing is the wall stopping Link is kinda like a fire, it’ll burn for a while but it isn’t going to last for long.  So the wall fades just as Ghirahim shatters Impa’s barrier, and Link comes in to save the day.  Impa and Zelda flee, Ghirahim is pissed off... and he leaves.  He BAMFs out of there instead of ending Link right there and then.  He saw Link survived his minions, the dungeons, and even their first encounter, why doesn’t he kill Link right there and then?  There is nothing stopping him from doing so. 

Sigh... you have one more boss fight with him, same strategy, he uses a second sword, has more health.  Yeah that’s pretty much it.  Though he does realize that there is still a way for him to reclaim Zelda.  Play the game to find out how he does this.

Now I’ll talk about the final encounters with these two.

When you find Zant in the Palace of Twilight, he’s sitting on the throne, not moving a muscle, showing no hint that he’s aware Link and Midna are walking toward him.  And then things get weird.

He removes his helmet and shows just how twisted he is... by twisting himself.  He has what can best be described as a psychotic tantrum.  He stomps the ground, he spins around the room faster than the heroes can follow, he bends over backwards without falling, all the while talking about how he did so much, worked so hard, only to be passed over when it came time to crown a new ruler.  Midna says that everyone knew he wanted only the power the throne gave him, they could all see it in his eyes.  I like the idea that Zant starts off as a nobody, parallel to how Link was at the beginning of the game.  Link was a goat herder who, while becoming a hero, didn’t go out of his way to become one.  He became a hero because he needed to become a hero, not because he wanted to be a hero.  Zant wanted to become king for selfish reasons, and was seduced by the power Ganondorf gave him.

The boss fight with Zant sort of serves as a boss rush.  He teleports you to the some of the rooms where you fought the bosses and some min bosses, where you have to use the strategies in those fights against him.  The music that plays during this fight are distorted versions of the fights you had with those bosses and mini bosses.  Afterward, he teleports you to outside Hyrule Castle Town, pulls out two scimitars and proceeds to attack you.  His attacks are erratic and fast, teleporting around the field to attack you from various angles.  After the fight, Midna takes back the fused shadows, hoping that would restore her form, only for Zant to say that the power of his god (Ganondorf) prevents that from happening, and if his god lives, Zant will be forever resurrected.  Midna then kills Zant.

And now for Ghirahim.

Ghirahim kidnaps Zelda, finally, and begins the ceremony to use her to resurrect his master.  He summons hordes of the toughest, meanest, hardest minions to attack you while he completes the ritual.  Except those monsters are the level one mooks you’ve been fighting since the beginning.  And they’re actually even weaker.  Link makes it to Ghirahim, who then sets the stage and reveals his true form, a sword spirit similar to Fi, your companion.  In his true form he cannot be harmed, so you have to force him to the edge of the platform your both on, knock him down a level, and then jump off and plant your sword into his chest.  Do this three times and you win.  But wait!  He reveals that the ceremony continued during the fight.  Oh no!  Demise returns, forces Ghirahim into his sword form, and that’s the last time we see Ghirahim.

Now there is one more thing I want to look at before closing this fan rant: the main villains, Ganondorf and Demise.  While both Zant and Ghirahim drive much of the plot of their games forward, both Ganondorf and Demise are the over arcing force that drives these two characters into action.

First Ganondorf.  After being tattled on by a couple of kids, he is then sentenced and executed by the sages at that time.  His execution?  Chained to a giant rock and have a sword made out of light impale him. 

That’s metal.

But it doesn’t stick because that’s when Ganondorf gets the Triforce of Power.  Yeah, turns out that when Zelda sent Link back in time, he took the Triforce of Courage with him, which then allowed Ganondorf to gain possession of the Triforce of Power.  Even when Link and Zelda win they still managed to screw things over for everyone.  Thanks, guys!  Ganondorf breaks free, kills one of the sages with a single punch, pulls out the sword from his chest (nevermind, that’s metal) and before he can return the favor to the rest of the sages, they give Ganondorf a one way ticket to the twilight realm, thus kickstarting everything that happened in the game.  THANKS, GUYS!!!

After meeting with Zelda and healing Midna, both she and Link leave the castle only to then see it engulfed in a barrier that blocks their way in.  This is Ganondorf’s work, showing that he has returned to the realm of light.

Even his boss fight is amazing.  Split into four parts starting with the fight against him possessing Zelda herself, then his form as Ganon, a horseback duel where you team up with Zelda to take him down, and finally a one on one duel between Link and Ganondorf where he uses the sword the sages impaled him with, but you can see that the blade, once a brilliant white light, is blighted and corrupted by his darkness.  The tension amps up during each fight, culminating in a fight where you can feel the fate of Hyrule resting on your shoulders.  The sky darkens, lighting flashing in the distance, the wind howls, and then finally, you plunge the Master Sword into his chest.

His death also needs to be mentioned.  As he stands with the sword in his still glowing stab wound the sages gave him, the Triforce of power leaves him, and an image of Zant appears, and Zant breaks his own neck, you can hear the crack of bone as he does this, and Ganondorf dies.  He doesn’t fall down, he doesn’t collapse, he simply lowers his head, his arms limp at his sides, and he dies.

Now how does Demise fare?  Well, we first see Demise as the Imprisoned, a giant, black scaled monster that has no real intelligence in it.  This is a good showcase of how powerful Demise is as, while sealed by the Goddess, he can still manifest if the seal becomes weak enough for him to do so.  However, he cannot manifest in his true form or access his full abilities while sealed, so he becomes a mindless monster that is single minded in it’s pursuit of the mcguffin. 

I honestly feel that these encounters with the Imprisoned could have been planned and designed better, but that’s a conversation for another time.

When Demise is fully restored, he forces Ghirahim into his sword form, who laughs while this happens (too little too late to impress me, dude) and faces Link... and then says that he’ll wait for Link to get ready so that they can have a one on one duel in another dimension.

Now I see where Ghirahim gets his procrastinating behavior from.  Granted Demise does curse both Link and Zelda to forever deal with his hatred incarnated when defeated, who then later turns into Ganondorf, but still at least put a little more effort into it.

Also, we don’t see how the land and it’s inhabitants suffer from Demise’s actions.  The surface seems pretty peaceful, Skyloft looks fine, no one seems truly bothered by Demise.  His actions have no lingering effect on the world, outside of forcing humanity into the sky and then being sealed, which then weakens when Link is on the surface, and Ghirahim is just sitting on his ass doing nothing truly productive, he doesn’t amass an army for his master, he doesn’t take the necessary steps to ensure everything goes swimmingly for his master’s return, Ghirahim does nothing and is not a threat.

When you first become an adult in Ocarina of Time, after Ganondorf took over Hyrule, we see that;

1.) Castle town is a ruin overrun with the undead

2.) Ingo took over Lon Lon Ranch and rules with and iron fist

3.) The gorons are offered to Volvagia as food

4.) Zora’s Domain is frozen over

5.) The Kokiri forest is overrun with monsters

6.) Lake Hylia is nearly dried up

7.) Hyrule Castle has been completely destroyed and replaced with Ganon’s Tower, which hovers over a pool of lava.

Needless to say, Hyrule suffers under Ganondorf’s rule in OoT, which is why he doesn’t need to do a whole lot in Twilight Princess, because we already know what Ganondorf is capable of if he gets his way.  But in Skyward Sword?  The only thing of note that Demise forced onto the world is that humanity was forced to live in the sky town Skyloft... and that’s it.  The only thing of note that Demise does is the curse but that’s it, there isn’t anything else.

There are a lot of good things about Skyward Sword, but I can still say it’s one of the more polarizing Zelda games out there.  The one drawback it has is it’s villains.  They either aren’t productive enough or they don’t do anything at all.  A villain can do many things for them to be considered good.  From their actions to their motivations to even their behavior.  Zant freaks you out because A.) you don’t see his face, you can’t tell how he feels or how he’s taking a situation because of that and B.) his behavior and actions are so subdued that when he is doing something it is with the minimum amount of movement and it still reaps a large reaction from everyone around him, to the spirits being subdued to this power to Link being trapped in his wolf form to Zelda surrendering.  And because he’s being backed by Ganondorf, who led Hyrule to ruin in a past game, we now know how high the stakes in this quest are and what the price of failure is. 

When you see Ghirahim what do you think?  His sadistic nature?  His unparalleled prowess?  How he causes destruction and ruin wherever he goes?  Or is it his tongue?  For me it’s his tongue, because the developers just force it right in your face with it.  They tried to make Ghirahim be a villain with personality but the way they went about it was just forced and not well thought out.  He’s a sadist, but he doesn’t go out of his way to torture Link during his quest.  He’s powerful, but he runs from nearly every encounter you have with him.  He’s a destructive demon lord, but he has nothing to show for it.  Ghirahim dresses like a harlequin and is a joke and Demise is even worse.  Demise is less than a one dimensional character and has nothing to prove his claim as a Demon King.  You fight him three times as the Imprisoned and once as the final boss and that’s it.  What power he may have doesn’t actually influence the world around you, what terror he may evoke is unseen, all he is there for is to create Ganondorf.

Sometimes when you create a villain, you’ll need to stop and take a moment to think about their creation.  How does what you’re adding on them help to make them a credible threat?  How do their actions and behavior help enforce this?  If you think they may have too much and therefore not enough going on, just remember

Less is More.

Though there needs to be something there for this to actually work.

[goron-king-darunia]

Tagged (by vague gesture of “if you wanna do it, TAG!”) by @biophilie like, 2 years ago, so I’m finally doing it. Rules: Choose any three fandoms and answer the questions, then tag 10 people you want to know better.

My Three Fandoms: Legend of Zelda, Tales of Symphonia DotNW, and One Piece since those 3 have taken up big chunks of my attention over the years. Would do Darkwood since it’s a current interest but since there are so few characters, it would make the meme here harder so... Darkwood will have to wait.

The first character you loved: LoZ: I was a slut for Link as a kid, TBF I liked most protagonists, but I liked Link a LOT. DotNW: I actually liked Ratatosk a lot at first because he was cool and mysterious and tough! My first impulse was really liking Richter’s design but the first character I loved/really liked based on gameplay and actual characterization was Ratatosk. One Piece: I really liked Red Haired Shanks and was sad when he didn’t really show up again for a LONG time.

The character you never expected to love so much: Loz: There’s a few so I’m gonna cheat a bit. In OoT and MM, Ruto and Skull Kid were just kind of characters that existed but I didn’t like much. Didn’t actively dislike them but didn’t really bother taking an interest in them. But I like them a lot more now, especially with how they’re characterized in “non-canon” material like the Manga and Hyrule Warriors. The only other character I can recall from the game series that I was surprised that I liked was Peatrice from Skyward Sword. At first it was just like “Oh, yeah, she’s just the girl who stores your items, whatever. She’s neat I guess.” But then she started changing. She got more cheerful when Link came around more and showed an interest in him and when she asked if he liked her I just couldn’t say no! And then she just became so obnoxiously bubbly and happy about it and I LOVED THAT SO MUCH. Unironically I ship Peatrice and SS Link because, like, Link and Zelda are great friends but they don’t interact much since Link has to try to save her and Zelda has goddess things to worry about. Peatrice is just always there and unlike Zelda who already has a good rapport with Link at the start of the game, you get to SEE Peatrice warming up to him and I am SO soft for that! SO SOFT! Actually, one more also from SS. Groose. He’s an obnoxious, selfish, gloating bastard man, but by the end of the game with all the changes he went through, he totally grew on me as a cool dude. Especially with how he and Impa got along.  DotNW: Slight cheat here too since the character didn’t debut in the game but... Colette. I honestly didn’t like her that much in Symphonia. I just kind of viewed her as an object that motivated Lloyd for a while and the impetus for everything happening in the game and it wasn’t until the end of Symphonia that I really started thinking of her as more than just a ditz that Lloyd happens to like. I’m not really sure when it happened but I started really appreciating her after DotNW, and not really because of anything she did. I guess I just eventually noticed a lot of her finer points and all the ways she contributed and how her kindness is actually super refreshing and hopeful and how soft that is considering what she’d gone through. See also my next point on Nami because hooo boy I was kind of a shitlord kid and needed to get through some things... One Piece: Nami. I HAAAATED her when I was young. Partially because of internalized sexism (probably shit I learned from sexist media, my dad, and just the lack of trust I had for any girl that wasn’t my friend because of massive bullying as a kid, but I digress.) and partially because one of the biggest parts of Nami’s arc early on was her utter betrayal of the crew. Like, we find out WHY later, and obviously I TOTALLY get where she was coming from now and all but as a kid that was just UNCALLED FOR. I also HEAVILY viewed her as the “no fun allowed” type that was actively impeding my new fave, Luffy, from having all the fun he could want because that shit costs money and the money is HERS. As a broke Millenial, I now 10000000% get where Nami is coming from and her financial responsibility is honestly hella impressive because she absolutely DOES NOT withhold the treasure from the rest of the crew, she fucking BUDGETS it. In general, I tended to dislike a lot of leading females for being catty or killjoys or a lot of other things when honestly, they were just being completely normal humans. Glad I grew out of that shit because while Nami still isn’t my fave, she’s fucking amazing.

The character you relate to the most: Loz: It’s changed over the years. I relate to Ruto a lot more now because yo, I would also just fuck off into the gut of my people’s patron Deity if my dad was being a pain and trying to marry me off (okay, so this is Manga exclusive, sue me) and 10/10 would give a precious family heirloom to a cute boy that rescued me. But more than that, IDK, she’s just... a lil’ spoiled but in a cute way, a lil’ tomboyish, but overall, for a Princess, she’s just kind of doing her thing, she’s responsible when it matters. But for OoT, y’all KNOW Darunia is my patronus because DAYUM. Chunky but strong (I’m a wuss but shut up), Grumpy butt but cares about his people, actually totes a fun dude when he’s not stressed about a food crisis, says “fuck you” directly to a fucking evil asshole despite the consequences, treats a fucking 11 year old kid like a full human being (I do not agree with leveraging a kid to fucking fight a dragon but... Link could handle it so...) names his own kid after Link because why the fuck not, befriends anyone that does him a favor and treats them like family. Dude’s just got chill old man vibes and I dig that shit. 10/10 relate to just being a fat dude that is grumpy but also wants to befriend everyone. HOWEVER, I think my top tier relatable character is Midna from Twilight Princess because that bitch is just me. Cursed to be a hot bitch trapped in a cute chunky body (I am working on myself. XD) 10/10 spoiled and bitchy as fuck, cheeky lil’ asshole who’s actually very sweet, think’s Link is dumb but also cute, cares about her world but ALSO cares about Link’s world, a lil’ selfish but also HELLA selfless because she cared more about Link and Zelda than her own life and cared more about her people than her own safety because she just fucking WENT TO FIX THAT SHIT when Zant started causing trouble, even though she didn’t have to. She’s everything I am or aspire to be. 10/10 one of the best Zelda characters. DotNW: Hard to say. I identify a lot with aspects of Richter, Aster, and Emil. I don’t have a lot of self confidence and am a bit of a shy bean, lil’ grumpy, but also a complete goober and an idealist, 10/10 would walk into hell for someone I love without thinking twice and would make deals with demons to try to save someone I care about because I am a dumbass. I love the DotNW boys because the DotNW boys are me. One Piece: Chopper. I just really fucking vibe with the whole “nobody likes me EXCEPT HOLY SHIT SOME PEOPLE SOMEHOW LIKE ME, WHAT THE FUCK DID I DO TO DESERVE THAT?” thing he has going on, as well as the whole glutton for praise but telling people to shut up when they praise me thing he has. I for real wanted to be a doctor when I was younger BECAUSE of Chopper. I’m just a weird little bean that doesn’t fit in anywhere very well while also being a slut for praise and wanting to take care of others and help them because other people have cared for me. Low key also vibe with Usopp because dude absolutely gels with kids, is a huge fucking wuss but deals with it anyway, will literally fight someone over petty shit and then come back and fight side by side with his bud’s again.

The character you’d slap: LoZ: Mmmmm. Hard to say. Like, obvs the villains but IDK who else I’d really want to slap? Does it count if I want to slap Anjuu/the Cucco Lady but, like... gentle and on the butt and in a sexy way? IDK, man. I’d feel bad but maybe Slap Mido? He looks like a kid so I’d feel REALLY bad for it, but aren’t Kokiri literally just kids forever? Asshole could be 100 years old, man... Either way he’s kinda a brat. 10/10 would slap early-game Groose from Skyward Sword also, but I’d feel bad about it because he ends up being a decen guy later. Also would slap Ghirahim for being both sexy and evil. DotNW: Alice for deciding that “never being weak again” means treating everyone else like garbage, even though I 1000% get where she’s coming from. Richter for being a fucking dumbass and not asking for help and deciding that demons were a good option and manipulating a child older dude with a magic core was a great idea even though I would do the exact same thing in his shoes. Ratatosk for being a murderous prick and starting the whole thing even though I absolutely understand where he’s coming from and I would also probably accidentally smite someone if I was a fucking spirit and in a shit mood because the only thing I really cared about was fucking ripped away from me. Honestly, mostly just me slapping people that remind me of me for doing exactly what I would do. Sensible me slapping actual me because actual me is a fucking dumbass emotional bitch with violent tendencies. One Piece: The fucking villains, obviously, Dr. Hililuck/Hiriluck for being a fucking bastard in the manga, holy shit was he an asshole! And also FUCKING SANJI. Jesus fuck, I am not over the pervy shit he does, what a creep.

Three favourite characters (in order of preference): LoZ: This is gonna be REAL hard because I love a lot of characters so... Midna, Link, and Darunia? It’s hard man. I love a lot of characters SO MUCH and it’s really hard to pick faves! DotNW: Richter, Emil, Aster. Emil and Aster share the same level of favoritism, but Richter is my number one. One Piece: Chopper, Zoro, Luffy. I used to like Luffy way more than I do now, but he’s still a fucking dork and I still like him tons.

A character you liked at first but don’t anymore: LoZ: I can’t really think of any, but I guess the character I waffle on a bit is Malon. Sometimes she’s like “Heck yeah! FAVE!” and sometimes I’m like “Eh, she exists...” IDK, I really like most of the characters. DotNW: I used to like Zelos a lot, but not anymore. Yeah this is kinda cheating since he ALSO didn’t debut in DotNW, but he’s in it so... TBF I like him in DotNW BETTER than in the first Symphonia, but not as much as I used to like him overall. One Piece: Fucking Sanji. I used to like him before the creepy factor set in. What really hit home for me was the Thriller Bark arc where he outright says he wanted the power of invisibility to creep on girls. Fucking nasty. The womanizing thing was just a quirk before that. I don’t think I’m ever gonna be over it. So gross and creepy now knowing he actively thought about creeping on girls using a special power. I know guys say this is a common thing and just how dudes are but no. That’s fucking sick. It’s one thing to say “yeah, I want to oggle women because tiddies are sexy” or whatever. It’s another thing to say “I WANT TO SPY ON WOMEN WITHOUT THEM KNOWING SO I CAN SEE TIDDY.” and it’s a third thing to say that IN A WORLD WHERE IT IS PHYSICALLY POSSIBLE TO BE INVISIBLE that you WOULD USE THAT POWER TO STARE AT WOMEN WITHOUT THEM KNOWING.

Three otps: LoZ: Link and basically everyone, but let’s narrow that. Link and Zelda is a classic, Link and Ruto is a guilty pleasure, Link and Peatrice is the underdog ship that I dig a lot. DotNW: Every combo of Richter, Emil, and Aster, enough said. One Piece: Luffy and food because he’s Ace, just let him fucking eat. Zoro and whoever he ends up liking. Tashigi maybe. Chopper and Milky.

Tagging: Anyone that wants to do it~

[evajellion]

Part 8, where Richie gets extremely lazy

… and proves he knows nothing about Star Fox besides Adventures, and whatever Smash established.

Since I’ve been on-and-off with my Star Fox kick, I’m really going to love ripping him apart with my knowledge on the Star Fox lore.

A/N: Hope you like this chapter forks. Oh, and Jak will have his original voice, not his PSASBR voice.

This matters… why? Do you want us to imagine him with his original voice, and not the PSASBR one? That should be up to the readers, shouldn’t it?

Also you act as if you have control over the “voices” in this fan-fic. It’s literature, Richie, you don’t.

Edit: WHILE I’M AT IT, holy shit, thank you for catching this

[1/14/17, 2:19:09 AM] Batan Q: ladies and utensils

Anyway, let’s start with Fox and Falco.

"Is anyone tracking us?" Fox's lover, Krystal, asked as Fox and Falco scanned for any sign of Star Wolf in the Great Fox.

"Nope. None that I can tell. There. Star Wolf is got to be here" Fox said pointing to the scanner. "I heard Wolf teamed up with one of Ganondorf's minions, according to Link. But…"

… wat

OOC Counter: 31

That was fast! Richie, why would Star Wolf be working with Ganondorf’s minions? Star Wolf would dump the likes of Zant, Ghirahim, and the two villains from the Oracle games within a heartbeat!

Like, even if they were paid a lot, they wouldn’t be too trusting of things related to Ganondorf.

"But, how about a brake for a change?" Falco scoffed, "You know, if Wolf is there, then they doubt they find any power there."

Memes aside, that sentence doesn’t make any sense? Wolf wouldn’t be interested in “power”, it’s such a vague statement too. Do they already know about Polygon Man?

Also, Star Fox generally tries to steer clear of Star Wolf. If they get into a dogfight, it’s a thing that kind happens. They really shouldn’t have to keep tabs on Star Wolf.

OOC Counter: 32

"I don't know, Falco" Krystal said "I did see many visions of people and creatures fighting over this power. And it seemed to be controlling some giant hands."

"Master and Crazy Hand? Someone controlling them again" Falco asked surprised.

"That is what concerned me" Fox said "If Wolf or any of the evil forces get their hands on that power, the whole Lylat System could be in peril. Falco, let's go. Get the Arwings prepared."

Wolf? Evil? No, he’s just a dickhead. He’s only evil in Star Fox 2, 64, and Zero… all of which are in separate continuities.

"So we're leaving towards an unknown world?" Falco said as he and Fox begins to climb into their Arwings "You do know we'll be fighting as well right?"

"Yeah I know, but we couldn't ignore this. We have to go down there and see for ourselves" Fox said and then turned to Krystal "Stay on course for Corneria, Krystal. If we can, we'll catch up to you later."

"Be careful you two" Krystal said as the two flew off towards the battlefield.

Hey now Fox, watch it, remember what you did last time you went “no Krystal, it’s too dangerous”? You kicked her off the team, that’s what.

And all the soap opera shit ensued.

"You know, Fox, we've encountered some real freaks on this little adventure of ours" Falco said to Fox as they walked onto the Rival Arena. But then he spotted something which makes him and Fox stop "Like those two for example: both have two heads!"

Those 'freaks' are actually Jak and Ratchet who has Daxter and Clank on their backs, whom stopped.

Honestly, I think Sly would have been a much better rival for Fox than the double duo. Mainly because:

Both had fathers that were killed by a major antagonist.

Both have love interests that are foxes, that they’ve had rocky moments with.

Both have really good allies on their team.

Both have had to team up with their former enemies (Panda King and Dimitri in Sly’s case, Star Wolf in Fox’s) 

Really, it only makes sense. Sadly, Sly was used with someone else.

"What was that?!" Jak said almost threatening.

"What did you say?!" Ratchet said, a bit offended.

"Oh!" Falco said as he realized "Those little guys, the tincan and the weasel creature, are both sidekicks."

"Falco..." Fox whispered.

"Did that... erm... birdman, just call me a sidekick?" Clank asked.

"And I'm sure he just called me WEASEL CREATURE!" Daxter shouted crossily.

"BIRDMAN?!" Falco snapped but Fox walked in front of him with his blaster out.

"Maybe it's time someone teaches you two some manners" Fox said, pointing his blaster at them.

Wow, couldn’t get any lazier than this, could you Richie?

I’m not even going to paste the other rival scene. Wanna know why? He ripped this from Jak & Daxter, and Ratchet & Clank’s rival scenes, word for fucking word.

I think Fox would rather start a conversation, keep Falco from drawing to conclusions, before Daxter and Falco get into a fight.

OOC Counter: 33

"Your girlfriend's right, Fox. The Hands are being controlled!" Falco said.

"I consider this a roleplaying game" Polygon Man said "Today you've be playing the part of a piñata."

"No, the role of the piñata is YOU! You're finished!" Fox said as they prepared to fight.

Fox’s line feels… so forced here. He’s capable of cracking wise lines when telling his enemies that his team is Star Fox, but this sounds… aggressive? I think he would be more calm than this.

OOC Counter: 34

"Fox! Falco! You're back!" Krystal said hugging Fox as he and Falco returns. "I've begun worrying about you two."

"Don't worry, Krystal" Fox said "we're back now. But you're right. The Hands were controlled but we took care of the one controlling them."

"Well, his minions put up a fight, he's just stay by the background and slams to the floor ready to be smacked down" Falco said.

"Well I'm glad you're OK" Krystal said "And we got reading on Star Wolf heading for Sauria."

Again, like I said at the start… wat.

"Dinosaur Planet?" Falco said surprised looking at the readout. "Why are they're there?"

Took the words outta my mouth Fox--

"Orders of Andross. Fox, we have to..." Krystal said but Fox put both hands on her shoulders.

No.

Richie, Andross is dead.

In Assault, Andrew Oikonny takes his place with a rebellion, and Star Wolf is no longer under Andross’s orders! They even kicked out both Oikonny, and Pigma. (which honestly, still kinda irks me, but that’s besides the point)

This really tells me he only played Adventures or something. And I like Adventures, despite the divisive opinions on it, but Richie should have done some damn research before setting foot into the breeding ground for all bad furry fan-fiction.

OOC Counter: 35 (concerning Star Wolf, that is)

Also, where the fuck are Slippy, Peppy, and ROB 64? Do they just not matter to you, Richie?

… Actually, you know what? It’s better Richie never touched them. Or the rest of Star Wolf, or Oikonny. I would hate to see him ruin them. Even though, I’m sure Command did much worse.

Maybe Richie doesn’t like Star Wolf because of Krystal leaving Fox for Panther in Command? Which wasn’t even Star Wolf’s fault, but Fox’s? I dunno, and honestly, I don’t care all that much.

--

Do the double team of duos fair any better?

… Not really. In fact, it just gets lazier.

Jak and Daxter were rebuilding Haven City when they received some surprising guests: Ratchet and Clank. Seeing Ratchet, Jak grabs him by the shirt.

"Alright furball, what are you're doing here?" Jak said (Mike Erwin's voice, not the voice they used in the game, urgh).

Oh, boohoo, Jak doesn’t have the voice from his PS2 games! Muh nostalgia!

Suck it up Richie. They couldn’t get every voice actor to reprise their roles. I think Jak’s voice in PSASBR is just fine, and think it’s dumb when people bitch about it.

Also, slapping OOC counter for Jak, he wouldn’t be this aggressive. He can be moody, but not to this extent.

OOC Counter: 36

"Calm down, we came to seek your help" Ratchet said as he got free from Jak's grip.

"And what'd you need our help for?" Daxter asked "Not gonna mock us again, are you?"

"No. Listen" Clank said "We received word that there may be a powerful source going over there somewhere. Maybe Gold Bolts or Eco, who knows."

"More Eco? Are you sure?" Daxter said.

"Either that or Gold Bolts. But this is powerful stuff, and we're not the only people looking for it. And they have partners."

"And the idea of teaming up with you is sick to my stomach" Ratchet said "we need your help. Help us track this energy down and we get to the bottom of this."

Ratchet, dude, what the hell? He was only this salty in the PS2 games, geez!

OOC Counter: 37

"Ha! And if you thought me and Jak are gonna help you, you're gonna... OUCH!" Daxter said but then smacked on the head by Jak.

"Daxter, this could be serious. It could mean that purple head's back" Jak said "Fine, but we'll do things my way."

"Fine. Whatever works for you" Ratchet said as the four board Ratchet's ship.

I should have made a counter for how many lines Richie repeats. “We’ll do things my way”, how many times has this been said?… I dare someone to keep track.

Rival scene is literally copypasted from Ratchet’s rival scene, I’ll save the trouble for you all.

OOC Counter: 38 (for Fox and Falco)

After defeating Fox and Falco, Clank and Daxter looked down on them.

"We're sorry, but you started it" Clank said.

"Yeah you dodo he... err... Jak, Ratchet, what's wrong?" Daxter asked as they saw Jak and Ratchet glaring at the distance.

Oh wow, chatter/banter after the rival battle, rather than just jumping to the Polygon Man battle? This is a surprise.

As for the ending… Copypasted, of fucking course, except for this part.

"Don't steal the spotlight like you always do, Daxter" Clank said "Anyway, we gotta go. There's a new signal picking up."

"You're going already?" Daxter asked "Couldn't you stay for lunch?"

"Nah, we'll be off." Ratchet said but left one message for Jak "You did well today. But the next time we'll meet... we'll settling things."

Both Jak and Ratchet gave each other rivalry grins and both glowing in blue auras.

"I'll be waiting" Jak grinned.

Pretty unique send off, but since the first part was literally copied from both their endings, I nearly skipped it. That’s how lazy Richie is-- I become tired of it.

Hoo boy… so, where do I begin? Let’s try to revise all of this!

Taking place after Assault’s events, the Star Fox team picks up an odd signal. A distressed one, coming from Master Hand. Krystal feels that someone with “mind patterns not of this world” is controlling Master Hand. Before they can leave… who better to also come in contact with, than Captain fucking Falcon? Who also picked up that distress signal after competing in a race. Fox and Captain Falcon agree to cooperate, as the team that’s part mercenary, and part bounty hunter.

Rather than Ratchet, Sly Cooper tries to pull a fast one on Jak to get his attention. Daxter remembers him, and doesn’t understand why he showed up, until Sly mentions that he’s been separated from his team, and ended up in Jak’s world-- suggesting that the events are taking place after Thieves in Time. In hopes of getting back to his team and Carmelita, he’s asking Jak and Daxter for their help. They’re unsure at first, until they notice some weird, chaotic stuff going on, indicating Polygon Man has come back. With no other choice, they team up.

In the rival scene, Daxter randomly walks up to Fox and Captain Falcon to start annoying them. Captain Falcon remains calm, but Fox eventually loses his cool when Daxter begins touching his weapons. The Reflector is activated, sending Daxter over to where Jak and Sly are. Jak asks what they heck they did, while Sly tells him to chill, and Fox tells them it was self-defense. Despite this, Daxter tries to pick a fight once he gets back up. Captain Falcon and Sly know where this is going, and pretty much give in to the fact that they’re going to fight.

Alternatively, Sly drops in on the two Smash Bros, and asks what they’re doing. In a good enough mood, Fox says they picked up a distress signal from someone they know. Captain Falcon though, picks up on the fact Sly is a thief of some kind, and Fox should be on his toes. Even though he tries to explain he only goes for other thieves worse than him, Sly learns out that he’s facing up against a bounty hunter, as opposed to just someone from the police. Jak asks what’s going on, and Sly requests to have “a little help”.

Captain Falcon prepares to depart after the adventure, asking if Fox would ever take up racing as a hobby. Fox says he would only do that “if he had seriously lost it”. Captain Falcon comments on how Fox reminds him of someone he knows, then takes his leave on his ship, which is faster than before due to Polygon Man’s power fueling it. Slippy comments on how weird all of that was, and they are contacted by Oikonny. It turns out, he wasn’t killed by the Aparoid moth, and his rebellion is coming back to get revenge. Fox comments on how much of a mistake that is, confusing Oikonny, as he is unaware that the Great Fox is also powered up. It ends with ROB 64 setting course to where Oikonny is located.

For the All-Star’s ending, Jak and Daxter ask what the heck even happened to Sly for him to end up in their world. Sly, almost ready to give up hope, leans back and prepares to tell them everything that happened throughout Thieves in Time. A Rift Gate however, is acting oddly, and Jak points it out. It seems to have a reaction to the power that once belonged to Polygon Man. Sly attempts to get close to it, and sees that a warp to his era opens up in the Rift Gate. Sly apologizes, saying he has to “leave it on a cliffhanger for now”, much to Daxter’s annoyance, as he wanted to hear the whole story. Jak wishes him good luck on finding his teammates, and their story closes.

There’s just one more after this, and it’ll be over! Hurrah!