#i think this is the most insane sentence ive written on this app

[shellxrls]

since its kinktober maybe i’ll finally fulfil my ultimate dad son tagteam fantasy by writing ward x reader x rafe

[aloera]

The ask prompt is too long to fit into an ask TT_TT but here's the doc for it docs(.)google(.)com/document/d/1yDI7iFRhOJ8ENv_IwZAo3rDSUqj80EiJROS10RzRbj4/edit

the lengths u are going for this,,, much appreciated you're very sweet!!!

prompts + answers under the cut!!

INTRODUCTION

Name: aloera

AO3 account: aloera

Fandoms you write for: bnha

How many stories have you written so far: 19

FANFICTION PROFILE

What's your favorite fandom to write for? hmm,,, used to do pjo and eah (ever after high) and eah was fun as fuck i will say!!! i think bnha is my fav mostly bc i made the most friends in this fandom :D

What's your favorite character/person to write for? bkg and kirishima!! cannot choose do not make me <3

Fic you'd want to improve? probably what we deserve? i rushed the beginning and the confession is a bit stilted imo

Hardest fic you've written? between lion and men -_- bc there is so much canon compliant stuff i've gotta write out before i get to the divergence and its HARD

Easiest fic you've written? come home to me!!! it happened so easily,,, no second guessing no writers block just vibes <33 was lovely i miss it

What would you say is the most "famous" fic you've ever written? also probably come home to me? its got the most interaction

first line of the first fic you've ever written and published. [not including my 2014 ffnet fics] "The bell rings, class starts, and Katsuki and Midoriya are inexplicably absent." from come home to me

Have you ever done a collab with another writer? yes!!!!! on two separate occasions and its so fucking fun i highly recommend trying it out its the best

Do you beta? if asked but honestly im a shit beta lmao

Do you like joining fic fests/exchanges? depends on what i have going on irl but in general yeah!!

FANFICTION PREFERENCES

Fluff or angst? definitely fluff

"OCs" or "Reader" inserts? reader inserts!! have been going ham on them recently

Blurbs or drabbles? blurbs!!

One thing you love about fanfiction i just. i really love slice of life romance?? and most media doesn't give you that bc its dedicated to plot and action and that's valid!! but fanfiction fills in the gap which is really nice

One thing you don't like about fanfiction most of the stuff i don't like is less about actual fanfiction and more about how people behave about it

What is/are your favorite fandom author/authors? IVE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS ONE!!! TURN IT UP!!!

bnha: hiuythn, rae_tnub, Moniix, Ata_Lanta, wrunic, chezka, PurplePersnickety, surveycorpsejean, mahadevi, arxaris, deviance, Oceanbreeze7, MikeWritesThings, bonnia, wonhaebunny, dinosuns

voltron: hiuythn, Oceanbreeze7, DeerstalkerDeathFrisbee, arahir, dinosuns,

and honorable mention to loveclouds im not even in the haikyuu fandom i just love their fics So Much

these are just the ones off the top of my head i have so many favourites idc if i'm only supposed 2 have one!! die mad about it!!!

What is your favorite trope? secret relationship + relationship reveal til the day i die babie <3 <3

Least favorite trope? hm,,, probably just like. angst lmao i cannot stand 90% of it

A fanfiction cliché that you can't help but love? coffeeshop aus,,,, so good

Do you have a type when it comes to pairings? the otp where its like. piece of shit + himbo = love. ex. krbk, catradora, jade/beck

Favorite setting/au? hm,,, truly i cannot pick one KGKSJNHKj but i really like college aus!! and modern aus!! and roommate aus!!

Explain the meaning of your favorite line of dialogue you've written as if someone hasn't read it in context. “He doesn’t know,” Katsuki says, softly. “My timer stopped and nothing happened. He’s not mine.”

the line is from what we deserve!! it's a soulmate au where your timer counts down to the moment that you meet your soulmate!! bakugou's timer ends at USJ when he and kirishima attack kurogiri at the same time (impulsive kings <33) but kirishima's timer doesn't end until kamino because that's when he accepts himself as bakugous soulmate!! unfortunately, when bakugous timer has reached 0, he turned to see that kirishima's was still ticking and therefore believes that kirishima isn't his soulmate.

this line just,, idk. it's really sad. bakugou is such an action-driven character? if something doesn't go his way he Makes it go his way. he's got this insanely volatile quirk and he's got impeccable control of it!! but his love for kirishima isn't something that he can change and he's not going to ruin kirishima's chance of finding his own soulmate because he loves him and wants him to be happy. i really wanted to focus on how resigned he is? and how unusual that is for a character like him.

Favorite trope/genre to write? again, secret relationship with relationship reveals <33 fluff in general is my wheelhouse!!!

A trope/genre you haven't written but think would be a fun challenge? idk if this counts?? have been working on some dead dove concepts!! its super different from what i normally write so its a cool challenge

The one trope/concept you'll never touch and why probably cheating/infidelity?? it just looks,,, super difficult to write well and i don't have enough of an interest in it to try it out

Which do you prefer to write: longer or shorter fics? shorter!! low attention span gang <3

Ideal length to read? 5-10k?

Ideal length to write? 4-8k!!

How long was the longest fic you've ever written? control fraek is around 28k i think?

Have you ever written an AU? yeah!! i've done restaurant au's, soulmate au's, pro hero aus, and fantasy aus (general, not the bnha fantasy ending)

What's your favorite AU trope? hm,, probably when two people in authority are in a secret relationship? ceo's/uni professors/etc etc

Have you ever written smut? yeah!! was. difficult tho

What's your comfort genre? (the one you fall on most in writing/reading) fluff,,, hurt/comfort,,, fix-it fics with happy endings <3

If you were to start writing in other fandoms, which would they be? maybe jjk?? the characters are really cool!!!! fr i might go back to my ever after high roots i love the characters and setting so Much its so fun!!! idec if no ones into it anymore!!!!!

Is there a trope you think you could be easily recognized by in your writing? i've had people say they saw the mention of buff hagakure and recognized it was me so. probably that skdjhnksjd

WRITING STYLE

How would you describe your style? i tend to use shorter sentences and pretty simple words i think? and i gravitate towards lighthearted concepts that allow for ensemble casts and humour!!

Describe your style in three words romcom but fanfic

Favorite words to use when writing? the word reverent!! fuckin love including it!!

Dialogue tags or no dialogue tags? (she said, he said, they said, etc) dialogue tags!!!

Favorite dialogue tag (other than said, if you use them) again idk if this counts but "they said softly" is unmatched

Long sentences vs short vs a mix short <33

What colors would you use to describe your writing? hm,,, depends on the fic i would say?? control fraek is dark green to me?? kinda like a forest at night yk?? scary but there's still life there. sugar cookies is yellow like early morning sunlight, when it rains is yellowy-orange like a caution sign. not gonna list all of them cause theres a lot its just. do u get it? the colours change based on the vibe of the fic.

What song or music genre would you use to describe your writing? think. i am constantly trying to emulate that moment at the end of wasteland baby when hozier goes "im in love/im in love with you."

What kind of metaphors do you rely on? religious metaphors my beloved <33 they're just so pretty!!! i also love comparing stuff to water for some reason?? like that ocean vuong quote thats like "what are you now?/water." it goes hard!!!

What's something you'd say is experimental in your writing at this time? definitely action!! i have,,, no idea how to write it so anything i do is really just me playing around and seeing what works and what doesn't

Do you prefer to write by hand or to type? i've tried both!! personally i prefer typing because it goes way faster but i will say that writing by hand lets me get words down when i'm going through writer's block

What is your preferred place to write (notebook, laptop, cellphone, etc.)? laptop!!

What app/apps do you use to write (word, notepad, etc.)? google docs skjdnkjh its fine on desktop but mobile is,,,,, disgusting

Do you keep a notebook or file/notes page in your phone/device for notes on your writing? ngl i just have everything organized in my drive?? one folder per fandom and then sub folders for ideas+hcs, unfinished wips, and finished fics. multichaps get sub sub folders so i can organize outlines and drafts

Do you listen to music to help you write? yeah!! playlists organized by fic vibe :D

Where do you usually go to write (bedroom, living room, etc.)? mostly in my bedroom??? but moving around to different stops helps too i think!!

How long does it usually take for you to write? again this depends on what i have going on irl, how attached i am to the idea, my mindset at the time, etc!! i am,, the least consistent person skjnhdkjh.

What's your favorite font to use when writing? times new roman my beloved

Other writing habits? sometimes i'll write in the dark?? bad for my eyes but for some reason it gets the words flowing

CONCEPTUALIZATION

How do you conceptualize your ideas? (See specific moments like they're a movie, writing specific lines in your head, don't know until you put the words on paper, etc.) i tend to get inspiration from movies, books, poems, or other fics!!! sometimes one line just makes me go oh,, i want to write something like that,,, and then it helps me create an idea that makes me feel the same way?? i did this with control fraek!!!! i wanted a scenario where bakugou was cold and calculating and i was like hm. to do that he’d have to be focusing on something important. and from there i was able to flesh out the rest of the idea.

Which comes first: the pairing or the plot? with krbk its always always the pairing,, i'll be sitting there like wow <33 i love them <33 what if one of them had amnesia <33 (which, yes, wip!!) otherwise it's usually the plot!! and i slot in characters that i feel make sense

Have you ever used a prompt? yeah!! used a prompt for wlw week 2020 and it was fun as hell

Do you write around the story around a specific scene you want to get to or do you start from a plot idea definitely the first!!!! i almost always write like,,, a super messy scene thats 90% dialogue, keep it in my head, and then write the entire fic around that one moment

Do you find that you include a projection of some part of yourself in the way you write a character? a lot of the time when i write love confessions or love in general i'll have one of the characters think or say that the other person makes their head quiet? and it's because that's what i feel whenever i'm in love?? a quiet mind. i project on characters yeah but i think most of the projection actually goes to the way that i write love

Do you research some of the things you write deeply, partially and kind of wing the rest, or play entirely by ear (in this case, go with whatever base knowledge of the subject you have)? most of the time if i do research it'll be about the setting (ex. the izakaya in to have and to hold) or if i'm having the characters interact with an object that they like. need to know how to use (me, in control fraek: google. hey google. does someone die if they get shot in the foot??? no???? awesome thank u <3)

Have you ever had an idea for a story and forgot about it? lmaoo yeah all the time i'll find like 500-2k words of concepts in my gdocs like i do. not remember this at all

Is there a trope you think you could be easily recognized by in your writing? probably krbk secret relationship lmao

Are there concepts you've tried that turned out better than expected? yeah!! i fully thought the action in control fraek would be awful but it turned out not bad??? which im happy with

Are there concepts you've tried that turned out worse than you expected? again, what we deserve, i personally think it would have worked out better if i'd paced it slower and drawn out the pining but i. do not feel like going back to fix it so its staying the way that it is. pining is so fucking hard to do AHHHH i get so tired with it!!! im like just date already!!!!

PROCESS

How do you come up with titles? in rare occasions (literally. all my multichaps for some reason) the title comes after writing like .5 words of the first chapter im like YES this is it!!!!! sometimes i write the whole thing and pick out one line that fits (what i did with come home to me) a lot of the time i just. steal from songs or poems that i like

What's your favorite emotion to cause on your readers? i like making people happy!!!! love when people comment saying they're cheered up

What's your favorite emotion to write? lovelovelovelovelovelove

Have you ever cried or felt any emotion while reading something you've written? never cried?? but sometimes i'll rereading my hurt/comfort fics 4. yk. comfort

Do you write in order or whatever comes to you? in order!! unless i have a scene that i Need to write and i'll quickly jot it down so that i don't forget

Usual way you procrastinate while writing? ...doing asks like this, making playlists, discord, watching netflix. what don't i do smh

Do you outline or free write? i am. so shit at outlines. i mostly free write and write lil notes for stuff that i wanna add later

Do you set word goals or scene goals (scenes you want to include)? yes!! like i said i'll write loose notes for scenes that i want to add later!! it gives me something to write towards :D

What do you consider when writing your scenes? what goes into making the atmosphere and mood you want? to set a scene i do two things? the first is like,, the five senses bc that always sets the scene really well and makes it feel Real. i'll visualize stuff in my head like its a movie and write out what i would want to tell the set designer?? if the lights are low, if the space is busy, if it's supposed to exude comfort or not.

for putting forward the character's mood one thing i've found that makes a difference is sentence length!! long sentences are good for making a character seem flustered and nervous or not really in control of their emotions? good for love confessions. short sentences are good for when the character is focused on something or short on time. good for fights!!

What's something you never considered to include in your writing that you can't leave out now? def buff hagakure,,,, once i thought of it i was like. if i don't include this at least once in every single fic how could i look at myself in the mirror!!!!!! how could i face anyone!!!!

How do you start a story? establishing a fact about the character or describing the setting! option a is one single thread of gold, option b is between lion and men

How do you end a story? either by tying it back to the beginning or doing like a funny kind of closing??? option a is sugar cookies, option b is a godless society

How do you get out of writer's block? change something!! move something!! i go from typing to handwriting, moving from my bedroom to my living room, switching wips to work on something else!! i do sprints as well?? give myself like fifteen minutes to write something and sometimes 200 words opens up the way for another 2k. sometimes i'll just delete like 500 words and start fresh

Do you edit? or do you toss your writing out there? i edit!!! i'll go over it myself then send it to one or two betas (bee my beloved <33)

How do you edit? do you use spellcheck, grammar checkers, etc? bee is my grammar checker bc he is So Good with grammar. i use grammarly as well for spellcheck stuff mostly?? sometimes my edit process is just like "am i tired of looking at this!! yes <3" and then i post it

PROGRESS

Do you usually like what you write? yeah!!! i post stuff that makes me happy and that i'm fine with rereading!!! i write stuff for self-indulgence reasons first and foremost and i think my writing reflects that sjhnksj

Have you ever written something you didn't like but posted anyways? nope!! even what we deserve i LIKED even if i see a lot of room 4 improvement!! if i don't like smth it's not getting posted

Do you find yourself rereading your writing often? yeah!! the reason i wrote so much krbk secret relationship is because i loved it but i'd read all that there was so i just,, wrote more,, ngl its kinda nice being in a place where i actually like my writing bc i can write stuff that i want to see and really enjoy it!!

Can you tell us anything about your current WIP? sure!! i'm currently working on when it rains which is a fic where bakugou gets hit by a crying quirk!! i'm gonna be using it to explore So Much of all might's character and his relationships with bakugou and aizawa (and i think some people from his past!!)

Can you give us a sneak peek on your current WIP? “You did something. What the hell did you do?” Kirishima sounds pissed off. It would amuse Katsuki if he wasn’t fighting just to stay standing.

“Nothing he didn’t ask for,” Shinsou replies.

“K’ri… shima,” Katsuki croaks out. “‘S fine. Not him.”

His chest collapses back into the familiar dry heaving after that but Kirishima shuts up. He doesn’t apologize to Shinsou.

Kirishima’s a good friend, stubborn and loyal. He stands by Katsuki’s side like an attack dog, blocking him from the view of anyone ogling at his tears.

The last line you've written Ochako knows more than she'd realized. She knows enough to keep her guard up.

It’s not enough.

Open a wip. what’s the first line?

Katsuki wakes up feeling like absolute fucking shit.

INSIGHT

What's your favorite thing about writing? touched on this before but it's mainly just being able to write the things that i want to see and actually enjoy them!!! actually reread them!!!! i thought "wouldn't it be cool if bkg and kirishima owned a restaurant together" and then i wrote it and i like it enough to reread it!!!! being able to create content for myself makes me. so happy

How do you keep yourself inspired? this is gonna sound narcissistic maybe but honestly i'm just really excited about my ideas and where i'm gonna take them and the idea of "i'm gonna get to That scene" keeps me going through the entire thing. also my friends!!!! i'll talk to them about fics and their reactions keep me hyped up enough to finish!!!!

What is your favorite thing to write? just,, slice of life romance,,, stuff thats silly and makes people laugh!!

What do you think your strengths are in writing? i'm good with dialogue!! i do lil voice acting sessions with myself to make sure everything sounds natural and like it's coming from that character skhjnskj

i'm comfortable with my portrayal of love as well??? i spend a lot of time thinking about what it is exactly that i'm trying to get across and i think it turns out well!!

What are things you wish you could practice more? on one hand i wanna get better at writing angst on the other hand i dislike writing angst. do you see my issue

One way you've improved your writing since you began? characterization!! i think i've gotten better at writing characters that are all Different and bring different things to the table!!! i used to project a lot more and it would compromise the characterization because the character was like 70% me and 30% them? not to say that projection is bad but if you do it too much it just,, doesn't read like the character and from a reader's standpoint the narrative can become less compelling

One aspect of writing you're still working on? writing action!!! i. literally hate writing it but i write for a fandom about superheroes so. Unfortunately i gotta learn.

A piece of writing advice you've learned while writing saw this on another tumblr post but they said sometimes if you're struggling with a scene, the problem is five lines back. i've found that to be true!!!! sometimes u gotta delete a chunk and start a little ways back!! i did this with too busy being yours because i was stuck for Weeks and i deleted like 25% of what i had but it helped me actually finish it :D

A bit of writing advice you can't stand when people shit on show don't tell for being overrated lmao bc when u read their writing you can Tell

Something you wish you knew when you first started writing? ,,,,honestly i kind of wish i could know some of the stuff that i used to when i first started writing?? technically i'm better now but creatively i was must better when i wasn't stressing about whether anyone would like what i was writing. so i guess i wish i knew that i should keep that confidence? i kinda wish that i wasn't as insecure about other people's writing styles because i never used to be!!

Something you've learned in life that you apply in writing there's no point in feeling inferior?? writing one genre isn't better than the other. being in one fandom isn't better than being in another. the kind of language you use or the length of your paragraphs- none of that stuff like. matters. what matters is that you're having fun and happy with what you're creating!!!! enjoy other peoples writing but don't let it make you feel worse about yours :D

[amoonlitmidnight]

decided to answer bc im bored

1.       If you could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?

troye.

2.       Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 23, give me line 17.

mine is going home. (will greyson will greyson)

3.       What do you think about most?

if c is okay.

4.      What does your latest text message from someone else say?

true.

5.       Do you sleep with or without clothes on?

with.

6.      What’s your strangest talent?

i can make good pigeon noises.

7.       Girls…. (finish the sentence); Boys…. (finish the sentence)

girls are wonderful yet complicated. boys that are good exist, but you have to sort through many awful ones to find them.

8.      Ever had a poem or song written about you?

not that I know of.

9.      When is the last time you played the air guitar?

on the bus to Bellingham lacrosse game.

10.   Do you have any strange phobias?

I am afraid of growing too old to keep memories.

11.    Ever stuck a foreign object up your nose?

blue berry, but who hasn’t?

12.    What’s your religion?

half-assed catholic I guess?

13.    If you are outside, what are you most likely doing?

playing lacrosse.

14.   Do you prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it?

behind.

15.    Simple but extremely complex. Favorite band?

the 1975 bc im basic.

16.   What was the last lie you told?

don’t worry about it, its fine.

17.    Do you believe in karma?

to an extent, yes.

18.   What does your URL mean?

thought of it randomly one night.

19.   What is your greatest weakness; your greatest strength?

weakness: relentless self-deprecation, to the point of believing that anybody complimenting me is out of pity.

strength: im funny.

20.  Who is your celebrity crush?

brendon urie or matty healy.

21.    Have you ever gone skinny dipping?

not yet.

22.   How do you vent your anger?

the vent app.

23.   Do you have a collection of anything?

important items/mementoes from the past year.

24.   Do you prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online?

video chatting.

25.   Are you happy with the person you’ve become?

somewhat, but there’s always room for improvement.

26.   What’s a sound you hate; sound you love?

hate: metal scraping/banging together, or other people blowing their nose.

love: laughter, rain

27.   What’s your biggest “what if”?

what if every choice ive made to get me to this point, didn’t happen?

28.  Do you believe in ghosts? How about aliens?

I believe that there are spirits of loved ones that look after us and guide us, but im not decisive about ghosts. aliens are 100% real, but maybe not in the way we expect.

29.   Stick your right arm out; what do you touch first? Do the same with your left arm.

right: bedside table/lamp.

left: book (will greyson will greyson)

30.  Smell the air. What do you smell?

stuffy.

31.    What’s the worst place you have ever been to?

7th grade camp.

32.   Choose East Coast or West Coast?

west coast.

33.   Most attractive singer of your opposite gender?

matty healy or troye sivan.

34.   To you, what is the meaning of life?

to do what makes you happy.

35.   Define Art.

any form of creation.

36.   Do you believe in luck?

yes.

37.   What’s the weather like right now?

sunny.

38.  What time is it?

2:01 pm.

39.   Do you drive? If so, have you ever crashed?

I do not.

40.  What was the last book you read?

note to self.

41.   Do you like the smell of gasoline?

kinda.

42.   Do you have any nicknames?

g, stew, gstew, stewart

43.   What was the last movie you saw?

lion.

44.  What’s the worst injury you’ve ever had?

concussion.

45.   Have you ever caught a butterfly?

nope

46.  Do you have any obsessions right now?

troye.

47.   What’s your sexual orientation?

see #1

48.  Ever had a rumor spread about you?

yes, courtesy of matt.

49.  Do you believe in magic?

not really.

50.  Do you tend to hold grudges against people who have done you wrong?

yes.

51.    What is your astrological sign?

pisces.

52.   Do you save money or spend it?

spend it.

53.   What’s the last thing you purchased?

eyeliner, highliter, and primer at sephora.

54.   Love or lust?

love.

55.   In a relationship?

sadly, no.

56.   How many relationships have you had?

maybe one?

57.   Can you touch your nose with your tongue?

yes.

58.   Where were you yesterday?

last lacrosse game of the season at ballard, then alki

 59.   Is there anything pink within 10 feet of you?

yes.

60.  Are you wearing socks right now?

no.

61.   What’s your favorite animal?

monkey.

62.   What is your secret weapon to get someone to like you?

be funny.

63.   Where is your best friend?

nonexistent.

64.  What is your heritage?

norwegian, irish, german i think

65.   What were you doing last night at 12 AM?

watching interstellar again.

66.  What do you think is Satan’s last name?

maybe he has one,  but he doesn’t need it. like beyonce.

67.   Are you the kind of friend you would want to have as a friend?

I’d like to think so.

68.  You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late one more time you get fired. What do you do?

let that dog die without a second thought.

69.  You are at the doctor’s office and she has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. a) Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? b) What do you do with your remaining days? c) Would you be afraid?

a) maybe one or two people in particular, c for sure. but not everyone, instead I tell them what I have always wanted them to know.

b) I tell people what I have never been courageous enough to say, and spend time with loved ones.

c) I would be more content than afraid

70.   You can only have one of these things; trust or love.

you cannot love someone if there is no trust.

  71.    What’s a song that always makes you happy when you hear it?

more than life by whitley.

72.   What are the last four digits in your cell phone number?

2935.

73.   In your opinion, what makes a great relationship?

determination and unconditional love.

74.   How can I win your heart?

show me you love me, or else I wont believe you, and be able to have conversations late at night about deep shit.

75.   Can insanity bring on more creativity?

of course.

76.   What is the single best decision you have made in your life so far?

attending hna and trying out for lacrosse.

77.   What size shoes do you wear?

9 I think?

78.   What would you want to be written on your tombstone?

do not go gentle into that good night.

79.   What is your favorite word?

titties.

80.  Give me the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word; heart.

anatomical.

81.   What is a saying you say a lot?

me when…

82.  What’s the last song you listened to?

tokyo narita freestyle.

83.  Basic question; what’s your favorite color/colors?

light blue, lavender, or faded pastel yellow.

84.  What is your current desktop picture?

was my north cascade summer team, now it’s a photo from the 1975 concert.

85.   If you could press a button and make anyone in the world instantaneously explode, who would it be?

trump bc im unoriginal.

86.  What would be a question you’d be afraid to tell the truth on?

my feelings for someone.

87.   One night you wake up because you heard a noise. You turn on the light to find that you are surrounded by MUMMIES. The mummies aren’t really doing anything, they’re just standing around your bed. What do you do?

call the cops, or just put in earbuds and listen to music really loud with my eyes closed to distract myself.

88.  You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice! What is that power?

reading minds or shapeshifting objects.

89.  You can re-live any point of time in your life. The time-span can only be a half-hour, though. What half-hour of your past would you like to experience again?

the penetration practice.

90.  You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?

odea vs lakeside game when I realized co wasn’t my friend anymore.

91.   You have the opportunity to sleep with the music-celebrity of your choice. Who would it be?

matty healy.

92.   You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go?

Amsterdam.

93.   Do you have any relatives in jail?

not that I know of.

94.  Have you ever thrown up in the car?

yes, drank some week old orange juice.

95.   Ever been on a plane?

yes.

96.  If the whole world were listening to you right now, what would you say? 

you do you, ill do me. we may not be doing the same things, but well both me happy.

[mrmichaelchadler]

Bright Wall/Dark Room July 2018: A Room with a View

We are pleased to offer an excerpt from the latest edition of the online magazine, Bright Wall/Dark Room. The theme for our July issue is "Heat," and in addition to Fran Hoepfner's piece below about "A Room with a View," they also have new essays on "Miami Blues," "The Lost City of Z," "Thelma & Louise," "Kiss Me Deadly," "Rebecca," "The Texas Chainsaw Massacre," "Fahrenheit 451," "Jezebel," "Rango," Oliver Stone, and a piece exploring how heat functions in the screen adaptations of Tennessee Williams' plays. 

You can read previous excerpts from the magazine by clicking here. To subscribe to Bright Wall/Dark Room, or purchase a copy of their current issue, click here. 

i.

Summer is restless and stupid and hot. I have written about this before (and before that) and I’ll write about it again. The season itself is bad, I think, and yet, year after year, I cannot help but set wildly high expectations for myself. I’ll go to the beach every weekend. I’ll run 10 miles. I’ll shave my head. I’ll have a passionate, short-lived affair with someone I’ll never see again. What do I expect? It’s always the same, and it’s always lackluster. I get sunburned, I get sick of running, I’m growing out my hair. An old girlfriend peels herself away from me—this is before I got my AC unit and we stuck to each other if we embraced for even a second—“We should really make a summer bucket list,” she suggests. I can’t even make that happen. Anyway: I’m really making the most of my July so far, can’t you tell?

This summer, I’ve already turned down minor league baseball games and park outings and even just going for a walk around the block, in favor of lying on my stomach and curating my FilmStruck watchlist. OK, fine, I’ll stop bragging. What I will say is that I added A Room With a View to my watchlist because I thought, “Is this The Age Of Innocence?” And you know those memes that are like, “EXPECTATIONS VS. REALITY”? One is me running 10 miles; one is me sleeping all hours of the day. One is The Age Of Innocence; one is A Room With a View. The answer, of course, is that it was not The Age Of Innocence. It was A Room With a View. Insert meme here.

ii.

So if A Room With a View is not The Age Of Innocence—and for what it’s worth, when you’re expecting a Scorsese and wind up with an Ivory, that might be one of the only expectation vs. reality situations in which you’re not settling—I will tell you what it is: A 1985 period drama directed by James Ivory, based on a novel of the same name by E. M. Forster. “Ivory?” you might ask, “as in Merchant and?” to which I would say, yes, of course. And maybe, if you are between the ages of 19-22, you might instead ask, “Ivory? As in the guy who wore a Timothée Chalamet dress shirt to the Oscars this year? The screenwriter of Call Me By Your Name?” To which I would say, yes, it’s the same guy. The script, in turn, was written by longtime Merchant/Ivory collaborator Ruth Prawer Jhabvala, who captures, in Helena Bonham Carter’s Lucy Honeychurch, the elegant moodiness and confusion that is often part of being a young woman. Lucy has come to Florence with her cousin and chaperone, Charlotte Bartlett (Maggie Smith), whose first line in the film notably summarizes my entire summer thus far: “This is not at all what we were led to expect.”

iii.

This summer hasn’t even had the decency to have consistently good weather. Rain one day, hot rain the next day; 90 degrees and sweltering the day after, only to be followed by a dip in temperature so baffling I find myself wearing a jacket to take out the trash. I can’t predict it. I can’t control it. So you see, another thing about curating my FilmStruck watchlist: it is perhaps the only thing I have in my life right now that gives me any remote sense of stability. I put what I want on there, and no one can say or do otherwise.

In the past month of my life, I have moved not once but twice, quit my job, endured a breakup, and watched a half-dozen friends move to the opposite side of the country. This is fine; I am fine. I mean, there are 28 films on my watchlist and I occasionally spiral, unsure of what to watch, shut off my laptop in a fit of indecision and stare at the ceiling until 3 in the morning, but again, I am fine. Today, rain; tomorrow, sun. The day after, who has any idea? I brazenly entered my late 20s earlier in the year with the confidence of, I don’t know, two women looking to enjoy a nice vacation to Florence and, say it with me now: “This is not at all what we were led to expect.”

iv.

Charlotte, and in turn Lucy, are not talking about my wayward late 20s, though; they are discussing their room in an Italian pensione (fake word) in Florence. It was meant to have a view, you see. (A room with a—you get it.) A view of the Arno, a river I know about mainly from the daily crossword. But they don’t have a view. Charlotte audibly complains about this at dinner that night, well within earshot of the pensione’s other inhabitants: Eleanor Lavish (Judi Dench), a bawdy female novelist (literally can you imagine); the kind, gossipy spinsters, the Misses Alans (Fabia Drake and Joan Henley); the amiable Reverend Mr. Beebe (Simon Callow—ICONIC!!!!!!!!!!!!!); and the Emersons, an oddball father (Denholm Elliott) and his brooding but hot as hell son, George (Julian Sands).

And here’s where the magic happens: the Emerson boys have a view, and they’re willing to give it up to Charlotte and Lucy––free of charge. What they wanted (which was not what they got) could be what they get, if only they accept a gracious favor. Charlotte, obviously, says no.

Though Charlotte’s reasons to refuse can easily be traced to a British rigidity, there’s an emotional self-punishment here that feels recognizable. When someone does a good thing because you’ve more or less asked for it, it feels correct to say no. To stay the course, keep carrying the burden, and so on and so forth. The face reddens, the jaw clenches. “Women like looking at a view,” Mr. Emerson generalizes, in a way that both offends and humors me, “Men don’t.” To accept feels wrong, it feels like stepping outside of oneself and bridging a gap. Charlotte does not want something owed to two men she has never met. Later, after the dinner, the Reverend Mr. Beebe and Lucy convince her she ought to accept. It’s what they all want, as indelicate as it is. A Miss Alan says: “But things that are indelicate can sometimes be beautiful.” Touché.

v.

Lucy and George make out in a field of barley. This is scandalous, insane, beautiful.

vi.

If there’s one thing that rarely lives up to expectations, it’s the comfort of returning home after a vacation. For Lucy, going home is a punishment. There is no relief in the distance between her and Charlotte, or her and George, for that matter. Not only is it summer in England, the heat pooling in the crevasses of their long-sleeved linen clothing, but at home, there is Cecil Vyse (Daniel Day-Lewis). 

Cecil is a nightmare. He’s the worst possible amalgamation of what every person who describes themselves as a nerd on dating apps is like in real life: loud, boastful, pretentious, chaste, rude, and stuffy. He doesn’t like being outside. He hoards Lucy like a possession to be trotted out. He loves to read aloud from a book, the Victorian era version of making someone watch an eight-minute long video. He has never had fun and he’s not interested in the idea of it whatsoever. At one point, he mentions the concept of a joke, and I know he’s never even heard one before.

Cecil is reality to a tee. Nothing you want but everything you deserve. I hate him. He’s my favorite character. In keeping with this month’s theme, it’s funny to think I thought A Room With a View would be a traditional period piece, when in actuality it’s a very dressed up jocks vs. nerds narrative. The more you know, etc.

Because summer is hell, and hell is always finding new ways of making itself worse, Cecil does the worst possible thing imaginable: he invites the Emerson father and son to stay in a home for lease in their village. Why the fuck does he do this? According to Cecil, as a prank (Author’s note: this is not a prank). On who? Uh, the landlord? Rich people should not be allowed to ever think they are funny. This is borderline life-ruining for Lucy, who was hoping she could use the time at home to get over her crush. No such luck! For now she is home for the summer with both a fiancé and a crush and a wayward younger brother, and everyone looking to her to do the right thing. Whatever the hell that’s supposed to be.

Vii.

My worst opinion on A Room With a View is that I wondered for many weeks after seeing it if Helena Bonham Carter was miscast. It’s strange to watch her at only 19, when she has occupied a certain witchy middle age for the entire time I’ve known her on screen. Lucy, to me, was so passive and formal and rigid. “Don’t you know Helena Bonham Carter is a total freak?” I wanted to ask. (Again: “This is not at all what we were led to expect.”) It wasn’t until I started my rewatch that I finally got it. There is a moment in which Lucy excuses herself after an odd conversation with Mr. Emerson, saying Charlotte will want her back. “Poor girl,” he notes. She takes offense. “Poor girl? I think of myself as a very fortunate girl. I’m thoroughly happy and having a splendid time,” she tells him. I’m thoroughly happy, she says, no trace of a smile on her face, and having a splendid time, she adds, every muscle frozen into the utmost perfect posture.

This was not, in my assumption, a passive and formal and rigid girl; this was a weirdo trapped in the social norms of turn of the century England. “Mother doesn’t like me playing Beethoven—she says I’m always peevish afterwards,” Lucy tells Mr. Beebe at one point. Has a more goth sentence ever been uttered? In a documentary produced 30 years after the film’s release, Bonham Carter herself says she imagines she got the part because she came in looking so disinterested, slumped over, and moody. Lucy Honeychurch is a young woman burdened by the rigorous expectations thrust upon her from every side. She ought to marry Cecil. She ought to stay at home. She ought not to travel alone or live in London or be by herself or anything that exerts any type of independent thought. No wonder she’s in a bad fucking mood all the time! Maybe that’s why the Emersons seem so appealing. They answer to no one. 

In an act of desperation, she lies. (When a description of a book or a movie tells you it is about repression in society, that is code for lying.) Even in the opening moments, the milliseconds before “This is not at all what we were led to expect,” Lucy opens and closes her mouth. She wants to say something. She wants to express her disappointment. But she shuts it before Charlotte says something. There isn’t supposed to be anything wrong. Everything is precisely as it’s meant to be, even if it’s a lie.

viii.

I did not expect there would be an extended scene of full frontal male nudity but what can you do!

On a warm summer’s afternoon, George, Mr. Beebe, and Lucy’s brother Freddy (Rupert Graves—a crush!) go for a naked swim in what the Honeychurch siblings refer to as their sacred pond. The scene is miraculous: playful and happy and free. It’s everything Lucy isn’t. Earlier in the film, she mentions to Cecil that she used to swim there until she was caught.

I don’t want to go so far as to say that it’s the act of stumbling upon these naked men running around with their flaccid dicks that breaks Lucy, jumpstarting what is essentially a nervous breakdown causing her to lie to everyone she knows including herself about what she wants to do with herself and her life and her engagement and whatever the fuck George wants, but…it certainly doesn’t help.

ix.

Summers end. Heat abides. “Is it even the longest day yet?” is asked quietly on an outing to the beach. No, but it comes quicker than you realize and then it’s cold before you know it. Maybe it’s the not knowing about the weather that’s the only constant we have right now (extremely right now). As the days get darker and colder and windier, Lucy goes to see Mr. Emerson and speaks, almost plainly, about how abominable George has behaved towards her.

“He only tried when he should not have tried,” Mr. Emerson says, sympathetically. George’s sin was acting in his self-interest, and what he believed (correctly) to be the self-interest of Lucy. Isn’t it stupid, doing what you want sometimes? In spite of everything else, including the whole world? Feels like the most summer action you could take. Mr. Emerson goes one step further, and he breaks the news to Lucy: he and George are leaving and heading back to London. And it is only when faced with something truly unexpected—a surprise, a change, an abrupt action for which she is the direct catalyst—that Lucy cries. It’s the storm at the end of a hot summer day. These are not delicate, poised tears streaming one by one down the side of her face. They are heavy, hurtful sobs. She can’t control it. She’s free.

Because none of it is fair. The summer is long and awful. Unfair. She can’t love who she wants to love. Unfair. She’s forced to love someone she can’t stand. Unfair. She has to wear, like, a long-sleeved dress in the summertime! UNFAIR! Summer ought to stand for a specific type of freedom—emotional, physical, let those bellies hang out, etc.—and yet it’s unnaturally burdensome. It’s repressive. It forces us back within ourselves, questioning and nervous and moody as all fuck. And so, to cry—to full-on heave, honestly, at this particular misery, both an over- and an underreaction—is quite possibly the most liberating thing Lucy can do. This is the sacred pond, renewing and refreshing and horrible, baptizing her in something new.

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