#i think they would try soso hard to understand you and hear you out

[twentyfivemiceinatrenchcoat]

i am so lost and insane for an angsty idea of navigating poly!stsg where you join their established rl!!!!! i love your poly fics so much and it's given me these bedtime daydreams!!!

the insecurities and doubt and fear and sadness you might feel from never having a bond strong enough between urself and them and the angst and tension it can create because u feel like ur never enough for satosugu oh gosh and the sadness they might feel if you leave or distance urself from them and idk how to verbalize my thoughts but i hope you feel the energy i am trying to show🥺🥺🥺

ANON!!!! I DO!!!!!!! I DO SEE THE VISION!!!!!!!!

wahhhhh this is a common daydream of mine too…….. stsg have such a unique bond and i don’t think you could really replicate it :((( but at the same time i think that for the relationship to work, they’d have to see you as an equal!!!! this is just a pet peeve of mine but i rlly Cannot Stand poly stsg fics where they see reader as being beneath them… first of all they would Never second of all!!! they should all be in love. and they should all respect each other more than anything. it’s just a matter of realizing that you’re special to them in your own way, and that it’s in no way lesser than what they feel for each other!!!! but obviously the road there might be kind of tough…..

and gosh, they would definitely be heartbroken if you distanced yourself from them!!! :((( they just don’t understand what they did wrong and you don’t know how to open up about it…. i think they’d eventually corner you and kinda force you to do so (cue lots of crying and their desperate attempts at soothing you) and after that it’d feel a lot easier. if you’re precious to them then i don’t think there’s anything they wouldn’t do to understand you properly!!! and love you properly. they’re sweethearts and i love them <3333

[paissahut]

Studies have been fairly easy for Atlas as of late. Everything being taught in his classes are elementary, such as formatting grimoires and outfitting it with proper inks, covers, and holsters. This is stuff he learned at the Arcanist’s guild many months back, but nonetheless he is busy sitting at his desk rehashing his knowledge with no less resolve than before. This cycle of studying has become a ritual to him to the point that he feels unfulfilled the nights he chooses to dedicate towards taking a break and decompressing. Ironically, he enjoys those days less than the ones he spends with his nose stuck in a book.

“Atlas…?” The voice that tentatively rose from Atlas’ linkpearl was not the one he was accustomed to hearing from the device in his ear. It was no less familiar however, and he immediately recognizes it as Yeyelu’s mother. He turns toward the sound as if she were in the room with him.

“Sosoyi! Is everything alright? It’s not like you to reach out to me on--”

“Shut up for a second, would you!”

Atlas is shocked by her interjection. It’s incredibly unlike her to lash out, hence a certain degree of severity is made clear to him and instantly he clams right up.

By the time Sosoyi has spoken up again, she’s in helpless, bumbling tears. “I can’t find Yeye.”

Atlas’ chair is launched backwards by the backs of his knees as he shoots to a stand. Sosoyi makes a choked sound as she can only guess what that ruckus she heard meant. Atlas is just as startled as she is. “So she’s not with you then,” She warbles defeatedly. “Atlas, I don’t know what to do! I can’t manage her anymore since you left the boarding house.”

The studious roe had already abandoned his desk and toppled chair and swung open his dormitory door in a rush. He swings his heavy winter coat over his shoulders as he exits the front entrance of the college well past curfew-- a bold and stupid move he hadn’t imagined he’d ever have to do, especially so soon after beginning his courses. He will have to report himself to his teacher the day after.

“Soso, don’t you worry. I’m on my way over and we’re going to find her.” Atlas keeps his tone calm and assured for her sake, but his hands tremble in fear of the worst.

»»-------------¤-------------««

The ferry ride from the Mists to the city felt like a dreadful crawl. Any speed below that of light would have felt far too slow. By the time he hits landfall it’s already nearing late evening.

“I’m here, Sosoyi. I’m going to sweep through Limsa Lominsa before I head to the boarding house.”

Soso’s voice, now a tired croak, responds. “Thank you Atlas. I’ll continue to search the orchard.”

Atlas decides to take the aethernet throughout the city to each of its most frequented spots first, then he will comb more thoroughly if his search yields no luck. He begins at the Fisherman’s guild and blinks into and out of existence about its other busiest hubs-- the Culinarian’s Guild, Marauder’s Guild, Arcanist’s Guild, Hawker’s Alley, Maelstrom Command-- until he forces himself to stop at the main aetheryte plaza. All the rapid-fire aethernet use has Atlas feeling sick to his stomach.

His gaze searches the surrounding area and finds no trace. The split second he discerns that Yeye is nowhere to be found, he takes a hard turn to his right for the Bulwark Hall. About halfway towards the archway inside he spies an unmistakable little shape sitting sullenly beneath the massive concrete pillar at the center.

Atlas breathlessly accesses his linkpearl. “Soso, I found her. She’s alright.”

Sosoyi’s voice is coming through, but her words are not reaching Atlas’ head. He hears the vague tittering of tearful relief and nothing more as he rushes forward. His sandals skid to a halt in front of Yeyelu, who lifts her head and lights up at what she finds.

“Atlie!”

Atlas for once is not mirroring her obvious delight in seeing him. He’s frowning, with lip and furrowed brow quivering at each end of his face. Yeye sees his expression and recoils; not because he’s angry with her and she fears the oncoming scolding, but because he’s trying his hardest to look furious while biting back tears (without success). She’d rather take the scolding than to see Atlie cry. “I was so worried…!” He drops to his knees and his heavily dressed arms swallow the little Lalafell up in a secure hug. She’s not quite sure how to respond at first so she wilts within the fluff of his coat like an unwatered flower.

“Please don’t do that again, Yeye. I beg of you.”

“But I wanted to see you…”

Atlas exhales forlornly through his nose and finally sets her down in front of himself. With the swift slice of a gesturing hand through the air he’s prepared to give her a stern talking to, but his attention is wrenched away by something else. “You have no coat! Yeyelu! How irresponsible can you be in one night!?” Atlas is flapping his arms, just about ready to take off, to fling his coat off his shoulders as quickly as possible. The little Lalafellan girl is bundled up and drowning in the garment meant for an adult a hundred times her size. She fusses softly at Atlas.

“I’m okay! Atlie, please…”

She sniffles and Atlas notices that among his incessant mothering she had begun to cry. Yeye wipes at her eyes with a tiny hand, the one that she kept his ring around like a bangle.

Atlas sighs with resignation and collects the weepy little bundle into his lap. “Are you going to tell me why you’ve been giving your mother such a hard time?”

“I dunno why…” She’s hidden her face away in the fluff of his coat in shame.

Atlas knows what’s going on here thankfully, even if Yeye does not. She’s only six after all. No matter how bright she may be, for now she’s lacking the sort of self awareness that comes only from age. He decides not to try and play guidance counselor too much; no need to overload her when she’s already overwhelmed with emotion. “Well, you know what I’m going to say next, and that’s ‘you need to stop that.’ Alright?” Atlas tenderly swipes the knuckle of his forefinger over her tiny cheek to clear it of tears.

“I just miss you a lot.”

“And I miss you just as much! But I need you to be good while I’m away at school, alright? Your mother is worried about you, and now I am too.” Atlas lifts his head and looks towards the aetheryte and the crowd bustling around it. “How come you were sitting here?” “I got lost and I couldn’t remember which way the gate to the Mist was. And then I didn’t want to go home cause I knew Mommy would be mad.”

Atlas can’t help but chuckle. But of course. She’s afraid of Sosoyi’s perfected Look of Disappointment. Even he is helpless against such a brutal, soul-tearing gaze. A punch to the throat would be more merciful.

“I can understand. But when you make a mistake Yeye, you need to be sure to take responsibility and then deal with the consequences with dignity.”

He suddenly remembers that he is out well past curfew and he will be practicing what he preaches within the next twelve hours or so. The Roe flinches inwardly as he attempts to think of what will be coming for himself.

“Okay.” “Okay! I’m proud of you, Yeyelu. But I need you to promise me you will never do this again. Heading out alone is dangerous, I dread to think of what could have happened to you on the road between the boarding house and the city.”

“I saw a beehi--” “Nnnnope, nope! Nope! Say no more!” Atlas springs to his feet with bundled Yeye in his arms. “I just said I don’t want to think about it!”

Yeyelu cackles and bats at Atlas. His overactive flinch is twice as hilarious.

“You’re a rascal. It’s about time we get you back to your mother, hm? Let’s go.”

»»-------------¤-------------««

The little Lalafell is fast asleep against Atlas by the time he delivers her to Sosoyi’s door. She’s beside herself that her little one is back home safely. “Bless you, Atlas. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

“Well, without me she wouldn’t have run off to begin with. She was trying to get to the college.” His brows furrow as he adjusts his glasses. “I found her in the Bulwark Hall and talked to her, she said she became lost and didn’t want to come home to face punishment.”

Soso’s shoulders sag and she sighs deeply. “Makes sense. Don’t blame yourself, please. I know you wouldn’t have let this happen if you had known.”

Atlas’s gaze flicks aside momentarily, but then he nods in firm agreement. “Alright. May I come in? I would like to tuck her in.” “Certainly. Please excuse the mess.” She steps away from the door as he ducks inside. The place is hardly a disaster-- the single bedroom is tidy save for a thin layer of dust and a few of Yeye’s toys scattered on the floor. The head of her bed rests against the same wall as her mother’s, and they’re so close together that Atlas has a hard time squeezing his way between them. Yeyelu is gently plucked from the coat with a single big gray hand and tucked under the covers. She stirs and curls herself up in a tight little ball like a squirrel.

Atlas lets go of a breath he had been holding while watching her and he clutches his chest with a heavy thump. His heart is ready to spill over. “I love her so much.”

Sosoyi smiles softly as she turns toward a kettle resting atop a little magitek burner. “I know you do. Would you like some tea before you head back off to the college, Atlas? It’s the least I can do.”

“I’m afraid I can’t linger. I ran off in violation of curfew and I don’t intend to take advantage of my time on the run, as it were.” Atlas smiles despite. “I’m going to ask about the rules of visitation in hopes that I could perhaps bring Yeye over while I study, but I’m not about to do so immediately after breaking the rules.”

“Oh, Twelve! What are you waiting for then! Get going!” Soso is “beating up” poor Atlas’s leg to fend him out of the door. He hops backwards in a flustered scurry and bonks the back of his head on the doorframe on his way out. He doesn’t stop until his back meets the wall at the other side of the hall. “Goodbye, Atlas. I’ll see you soon, alright? And thank you again.” She waves.

Atlas waves on back until she shuts the door, then rubs at his poor rattled skull. Ouch.

»»-------------¤-------------««

It’s four in the afternoon and Atlas is stuck cleaning shower stalls. This is his punishment for leaving past curfew the night before, which he reported as soon as he returned to the college. He kept his explanation to the professor intentionally vague, saying only that he had an urgent family emergency. He need not defend the actions he chose to take.

He dunks the filthy scrubbing brush into a bucket at his side and witnesses as a cloud of murk infests the soapy water. A horrified shudder travels through every ilm of his body. Professor Ward must have chosen this punishment with Atlas’s biggest weaknesses in mind; one of which being dirt. Mercifully, he was given a pair of rubber gloves that go all the way up to his elbows.

A little voice arrives in his ear soon after he returns to scrubbing. “Are you busy, Atlie?”

“Yes I am. I’m cleaning the bathrooms to make up for breaking curfew. And since this is a punishment I can’t allow myself to spend it talking on the linkpearl the whole time. Do you need something, Yeye?”

“No. I just missed you and wanted to say hi.”

Atlas smiles helplessly, even as he puts elbow grease into getting soap scum out of the tiling’s grout. “Hello, Peapod. I miss you too. I’m glad you reached out to me. Will you read me your new book when I finish with my responsibilities?”

“Yeah!” “Alright, good. In the meantime I want you to go pick up your toys and put them in your chest and make your bed. Will you do that for me?”

“Is this my punishment for leaving the house?” Atlas is surprised to hear that she doesn’t sound near as deflated as she usually would when being assigned chores.

“Yes it is. Do you remember what I told you about consequences?”

“Take re-ponce-si-blititty.”

“I’m proud of you. Now go on and do your cleaning up, and when I’m done with mine we can spend some time together.”

“Okay Atlie. Love you.” “I love you too Yeye.”

[mxpublicsinning]

Want You Back

Reader x Minhyuk

Genre : Fluff , kind of angst ? Nothing too serious lol

Word Count : 1.9k

Author : Admin C

In which you and & Minhyuk are both idols who break up but the spirit of a special Christmas song brings a Christmas miracle

A/N : It was hard to write a breakup scene because Minnie is so so so so soso sweet lsjflajsdflaj

“Ugh what was the point of me coming over if we’re only going to argue?!”

You and your boyfriend, Minhyuk, were standing in your dorm living room yelling at each other. Originally, the plan was for him to come over because the rest of your group members were out for the day. Seeing as you both were idols, you tried to spend time whenever you could. You two had decided to take advantage of the private time and had started off watching movies and making out a bit when he asked about your schedule. Normally, he was understanding about you being busy since he was an idol, but lately it had become an issue between you two. When you both had begun dating you knew being busy would be the biggest problem but you both agreed to work through it when it happened. But now that it was happening you didn’t know how to deal with it.

“I feel like you don’t want to spend time with me anymore,” he said, his voice dropping low.

“What? Of course I do! It’s why you’re here with me today!”

Minhyuk was normally Mr. Sunshine but whenever he got angry or frustrated the sun was no longer shining. You knew he was stressed with his company giving him promotions back to back plus constantly flying for overseas promotions. You glanced up at him with teary eyes and shook your head.

“Why are we fighting? We both promised that we would work things out if we got too busy.”

“I know we did. But maybe . . .”

He sighed, running a hand through his recently bleached locks.

“Maybe we should take a break . . . I think we need time to figure things out.”

Your heart stopped in your chest. Was he actually breaking up with you?

“Minhyuk . . . You don’t mean . . . “

He couldn’t even look you in the face when he responded.

“I don’t want this, Y/N, believe me, but this is the only solution for now.”

He turned away from you and walked to your door. He stood there and, without turning back to you, he said, “I’ll see you later.”

The second the door slammed shut you couldn’t help but to burst into tears. You two had been together for a little over a year and you had not seen this coming. You slumped down onto your couch and curled up into a ball, crying quietly to yourself as you waited for your group members to return.

With the end of the year came the end of the year award shows, something that your company put extra pressure onto your group about. You were practicing nonstop day and night to ensure that your performance would be perfect. Being tired helped distract you from the fact that you had broken up with Minhyuk, who you had yet to hear from. It stung to see your group members celebrating the holidays, as you two had gotten together around Christmas time. As you sat in the living room, slouching in the corner as they all sipped on hot cocoa, your group leader, Jisoo, came over. She gave you a sympathetic smile and sat down next to you.

“How are you feeling?”

You shrugged, leaning your head up to rest it on her shoulder.

“I’m okay. It just sucks.”

“I bet. Are you going to be okay performing tomorrow?”

You bit your lip. The company had asked that the group also prepare a cover of an English song and you had chosen the Christmas classic “All I Want for Christmas is You.” It also happened to be the song that Minhyuk had asked you out to, which stung even more. You shrugged again and looked up at her with a weak smile.

“I’ll be fine. I mean, I just have to get it over with.”

She studied your expression for a second before slowly nodding.

“Alright then. I guess we’ll have to see tomorrow.”

You were standing backstage at the Golden Disk Awards surrounded by your group members, each of them chatting quietly as you waited for your cue to go onto the stage. Jisoo was continuing to eye you suspiciously for any change in your behavior. You assured her you were fine but she didn’t seem to buy it. Just as you were about to go on stage, your eyes began wandering around at the people who were rushing by you. Someone whizzed past you and recognition flashed through your mind but you couldn’t quite place who it had been. Your eyes went back to the stage as you watched Red Velvet finish performing their song. Jisoo cleared her throat and began your group’s greeting. Straightening up, you quickly joined in and bowed to whoever had just walked by. As you straightened up your eyes went wide as you realized it was Monsta X. They had just performed and were heading back to their seats. You tried to ignore Minhyuk but you could feel his eyes staring at you. Shownu, being the kind leader that he is, wished you all luck before shooing the boys back to their seats. You immediately felt Jisoo’s hand on your shoulder.

“Are you sure you’re okay?”

You felt a fire burning in your stomach. You didn’t know from what, but you knew it would propel you to get through the stage.

“I’m fine. Let’s do this, yeah?”

She blinked at you and nodded, stepping aside so you could pass her as you went on stage. You all took your places for your recent comeback song and while the cameras prepared to record you let your eyes wander around the audience. You spotted Monsta X as they were sitting down. Minhyuk looked right at you but you refused to back down. The stage director began to countdown and you shut your eyes, sucking in a deep breath to focus. The cameras turned on and the music began to play. You fixed on a smile and began with your song. As the main vocal you knew you couldn’t mess up right now.

When your song finished you all spun around into formation for the Christmas song. You strode forward, your eyes determined as you stared straight at your ex boyfriend.

I don’t want a lot for Christmas

His eyes went wide as he realized what song was playing. Even from where you were standing you could see the color rush to his cheeks.

  There is just one thing I need

  I don’t care about the presents

  Underneath the Christmas tree

Jisoo stepped in next to take over the lines. You could see her smirking slightly as you stepped back into formation. As the song continued on your confidence came back and, by the end of it, the smile on your face was genuine. You all bow and wave to the audience before stepping backstage. Your manager immediately greets you and congratulates you for a job well done. She escorts you all back to a changing room to get rid of your stage costumes. Since the award show was almost over you decide to take your sweet time. As each group member files out, you assure them you’ll be out soon. Jisoo is the last one to leave and she flashes you a grin as she closes the door.

You sit in front of the vanity and begin blotting your face. Dancing around had made you pretty sweaty, and you were trying to go back out looking decent. A soft knock on the door interrupted your thoughts and you figured it was your manager coming to get you. You called out for her to enter and turn back to the vanity.

“You did a pretty awesome job out there.”

Your head immediately snaps towards the door. Minhyuk, not your manager, is leaning against the doorframe, one hand tucked into his slacks pocket. He pushes himself off and closes the door behind him. The air immediately changes between you two and you instinctively sink into your seat. “Wh-what are you doing here?”

“I came here to congratulate you. Your group did an amazing job.”

He stops until he’s standing right in front of you. You shrink a little bit more into your seat.

“You could have told my manager. She would have sent the message.”

He sighs, removing his hand from his pocket to rub the back of his neck.

“Listen . . . Y/N . . . I came here to apologize about . . . what happened at your dorm.”

You cross your arms tightly across your chest. “I’m listening.”

“I shouldn’t have been so harsh. I know that we both get so busy sometimes. I was being selfish. I’m really sorry.”

He leans down so he can look right into your eyes.

“I promise from now on to be more understanding about our schedules. And I promise from now on to be more patient with you.”

You couldn’t help the smile that was forming on your face. You sighed and rolled your eyes, feigning ignorance as you playfully looked away from him.

“Well . . . I guess I can forgive you for this.”

“Hey! I’ve been beating myself up about this!”

You laughed and opened up your arms for him. He smiled and immediately launched himself into them. He pressed a kiss to your cheek before snuggling into the crook of your neck.

“I missed this,” he sighed.

He gently pushed you out of your seat so he could sit instead and then pulled you onto his lap. You giggled and pressed a kiss to his lips. He leaned in forward and kissed you again. Your kisses went from being soft and chaste to rough and needy. Your fingers tangled in his soft hair while one of his hands stayed on your hip and the other on the back of your neck. He tugged on your hip to bring you even closer to him. Even though your lips were pressed against his you wanted to feel him even more. You bit on his bottom lip and tugged on it slightly, which made him moan into your mouth. A smirk tugged on your lips as you took advantage to slip your tongue into his mouth. You wanted to taste all of him, to never forget him and his smell and his everything. His hands moved from your hip to rise underneath your shirt, his fingers skimming along the skin of your sides. He pulled apart slightly to begin sucking on your neck. A low moan left your mouth just as someone knocked on the door.

“Minhyuk? Minhyuk are you here?”

Upon hearing his manager’s voice on the other side you immediately pulled away and jumped out of his lap. You hoarsely called out for him to enter and smoothed your shirt down. Minhyuk was still frozen in his seat, a noticeable flush on his face. The manager stepped in and stopped, his eyes narrowing as he glanced in between you two.

“I’m not even going to ask. Minhyuk, we need to get going. It was nice seeing you, Y/N. It’s good to see you two worked everything out.”

You nodded furiously and bowed, ears turning red from embarrassment. Minhyuk stood up and rushed past you, his manager raising an eyebrow at him. He turned to look at you and smiled before saying, “Call me whenever you want to stop by.”

You quietly thanked him before glancing over at the door to wave bye to your boyfriend. He gave you his warm sunshine smile before being pulled away by his manager. You felt like you had won the biggest award that night, the award of having the best boyfriend.

[skywalkersapprentice]

favourite swco memories

going to disney springs with grace @roguesquadronisgay and ultimately going to burger king bc we couldn’t find a place to eat and burger king had cheap/great nuggets

going to the hilton afterward and bonding with star wars fans i’d never met before

crying with a few thousand people by the star wars stage when they showed the carrie fisher tribute during the 40th panel

the carrie memorial gala on thursday night. just. the entire thing. but i especially enjoyed watching many people dressed as leia dance to cotton eyed joe, i feel like carrie fisher would have been proud.

dave filoni’s panel on thursday, where he managed to evade any and every topic thrown at him for an hour and we learned that kanan and hera originally had a bigger part in twin suns. also he said the term “space married” out loud and several people around me promptly died.

watching the last jedi panel from the star wars stage and Suffering with everyone else around me bc we were too far away to hear what was being said

the last jedi trailer, and the fact that even though they played it a million times this weekend, the fans all still cheered like they were seeing it for the first time

seeing pink @padawankorra​ again and spending three days with her

going on a hunt around the exhibit hall for ahsoka merchandise with pink. not joking you guys, i think we discovered every piece of ahsoka merch that existed at celebration. we also spent like 20 minutes just debating which pins to buy and it was great. (i got three ahsoka pins, a chirrut one, a baze one and a general leia one)

standing in line for the heroines panel with grace, pink and glory @theballerinajedi​ and literally shouting at one another about cartoons for 45 minutes bc we were so excited to just /be there/

the actual heroines panel. like. you guys don’t understand. i saw daisy ridley in person and i wasn’t expecting it and i still have not recovered. also forces of destiny is so cute and i love it.

getting up at five am to take a taxi down to the convention center to get a wristband for the Rebels panel and meeting the sweetest dad and his kids in line outside. i then spent four hours in a queue with my friends and met some new fans and it was so much fun.

tHE REBELS PANEL. the trailer. the episode. the cast. you guys, i love this show so much and it was such a good panel. the atmosphere got a little somber once they announced the show was ending but after they played the trailer a second time, dave filoni got a round of applause so loud and so long that he literally just had to wait it out bc the fans weren’t listening to his requests to be quiet. 

seeing ashley ekstein and getting her to sign my ahsoka novel at the ahsoka lives meetup. i actually felt really bad for her bc there were a few security issues at the meetup and it seemed like quite a few people weren’t there for ahsoka but just to say that they’d gotten to see the voice of ahsoka, but ashley was so so nice and i have nothing but good things to say about her.

meeting e.k. johnston and getting to tell her how much i loved her book. i also got her to sign it after the ahsoka lives meetup was over and now my life is made.

seeing loads of people who i hadn’t seen since the last celebration orlando!!! 

going for breakfast with grace, glory, pink and another friend amanda today and getting to spend easter with them. i love all of these people so much you guys. 

watching sabine’s arc in the rebels theater with pink and watching her fall in love with sabine

going to the celebration store/her universe both and taking pictures and trying on clothes with my friends (i spent way too much money there. worth it)

one of my favourite memories is getting to hug my friends. like, i’m a very very closed off person who hates people getting in my space but i guess??? when you have friends you really like hugs are actually good??? who knew. anyway i got/gave a lot of hugs this weekend.

not a very happy memory but i wanted to include it anyway. after i said goodbye to pink i was sort of crying/trying not to cry and grace and glory were like “right okay we’re not leaving you by yourself to cry on the show floor” and they stayed with me until the convention ended. and then we went for dinner together. it was soso hard to say goodbye to them as well but i know i’ll see them again, even if it does take a while.

so yes! that was my Celebration. there were a lot of lines and not enough sleep and there’s nowhere else in the world i would rather be. can’t wait to go again in 2019!!

[troublish-blog]

what are the top ten things you want to do before you die?

1. finish this ancient history assignment

wow idk fam!! i’ve never rlly thought about it before but i will now

ok this is in no particular order

live in a diff country for a bit - idk i think that would be really cool but i have no idea which one to pick (america is kinda scary so probably somewhere in europe (germany or switzerland!! if i learnt the language) and it’d be hard anyway to move and stuff but i’d still like to do it!! tbh i don’t think i’ll end up staying in australia forever but who knows?? if i did i’d probably move to melbourne or something

go overseas as a part of foreign aid - i have no idea how to do it but i really would like to some day and i know it would be heartbreaking but i also think it would be really rewarding and i like to help people and hearing about everything that happens in third world countries is really sad so i’d like to do as much as i can to help

break a world record - i have no idea what but it would be so so so cool,, at first i thought maybe a collection? but i’ve been trying to like be minimalistic lately and i don’t rlly want to collect just to beat someone else’s hard earned record yknow but i’m not really good at anything so i’ll really have to think abt it but yeah it’s a cool goal???

be in a movie - like even if it’s an extra or a super super minor character i think it would be really cool, like i’d just want to be in one for the experience n to see what it’s like yknow?? and cast members seem to have so much fun behind the scenes and stuff idk lmaoo i’m not rlly confident or good at acting but hey maybe one day!!

learn a language - i’d want to do either like an asian language like mandarin or vietnamese maybe because idk they’re really pretty?? i really like listening to them,, or a european language like italian/brazilian/spanish they’re SO NICE!! i have this brazilian song i listen to all the time and idk his voice is so beautiful the words are so beautiful but i can’t understand any of them so yeah it would b niceee (or sign languageeee)

get better - i k this one is kinda dumb but really i hate the place i am in life rn like it rlly isn’t great and yaaa everyone says it gonna get better but idk how it can lol so yeah !!! maybe one day i can not hate myself n i can be a better person!! defs trying and defs dont want to die like this so there u go :^)

go to a lot of places - like yellowstone national park??? machu picchu??? grand canyon??? that island with a lot of cats??? himilayas??? great wall??? sacred mountains of china??? galapagos islands??? colosseum??? stonehenge??? mount everest??? times square??? pompeii??? i’d like to go to so so so many places (i’ve already been to great barrier reef so that’s 1 off the list!!! so amazing but i wanna go again) yeah it would be sosososo coool

write something good - i used to write all the time when i was younger and i really thought i was gonna be a writer i’d stay up so late writing stuff i thought was gonna make me rich in like grade 5 but like lately due to health i havent been doing anything and i am also suffer from huge writers block (the last thing i wrote was a 70 page story and at 1 point i pumped out 10k words in 1 day i was so exhausted!!!!!) so yeah it’s been really hard to tap into my creativity n write something im actually happy with and i hope to do it one day again

see someone live - idk what band tho!! most realistic would probs be jungle giants or last dinosaurs since they’re close 2 where i live but i’d love to see the strokes or vampire weekend or cage the elephant or aaaaah idk??? ball park music?? or the black keys or hayley kiyoko but if i saw her id probs cry n i dont rlly wanna do that in public so…. yeah one day!! i mean i’m sure i will but i hate like busy crowds n waiting and stuff but i totally would

learn to dance!!! - i never ever will but idk it’s been a dream of mine for a few yrs (but the kinda dream that’s like dam it’d be so cool if i could do that but not anything i actually try to do) but i really really love watching people dance if u dance cool im basically in love with u already idk it sure would be something i’d like to do before i die but this was kinda grasping at straws bc i can’t really think of any other major things i’d like to do before i die

wow anon this was so soso hard but thanks for the q so muchhh even tho i thought about it for 4 hours and i have a final due tomorrow that is gonna need like another 5 hours of work :^) seriously tho thank youuuu

[xomaleriestar]

Collection of notes

17.02.2021 at 10:02

so what i wanted to say before initially

is that i read the letter

and was wondering if its still relevant

ok so my response letter its so in heat of the moment and gross but whatever. i wanna share before ur travels and not think about it

i think i have feelings for you too big time but im hella damaged and have big problems w trust so its hard to accept any thoughts of them. i literally cant stop thinking about u and it burns in my chest when i do

its recent, like 2 weeks. always thought im totally tripping out and were totally chill but like bro when i went to take that covid test the other day thats when i realised that it might be a fucking problem cuz i literally felt empty inside w out u and im soso scared sooooo scared of being ok with "feelings" and its really goddamn hard to talk about them as well for me but lets see what happens in the next month

slight overview of damage: the more i open up the more distant i get usually. i've always felt im not worthy of anything good in life and im rotten throughout and its my "destiny" to lean how to give myself away to """"god"""" and reach enlightenment through my own methods

i think all comes from my relationship with my mom which i need to fix before being capable of love cuz ive felt my whole life like i have no idea what it is as i think my mother does not know either. so its been my plan all along to try and learn to love my mother on this trip and forgive her (my whole life i ive been dealing with trauma from my dad so new level now spiritually)

it completely quiet in estonia so my mind is racing but whatever

our souls are connected forever and i feel a very strong connection to u and ur very good to me or just are good

18.02.2021 at 08:15

i love you so fucking much. everytime i look at you or think of you i feel blessed. writing these letters im not sure you even exist anymore. (having flashbacks of i love dick :D)

and i relate with everything you've said

i'm honestly very very very confused as well with these things so don't be scared to move at your own pace and trust yourself first..? there's nothing to prove and we both are free and i dont need you to give me anything you dont want to. everything

at the right place right time. i feel lucky?

on the topic of trust... you are the first person in my life i've connected with only based on my gut feeling. i overthink a lot, but with you i havent had the need to. in the past i would change a lot for a person, but with you i've only gone deeper within and it's gotten me to a point where i have you and for the first time i feel ready and i dont want to distance myself to avoid getting hurt and im totally okay with being completely honest with you. the feeling of trust came very naturally but it's still scary. usually i search for understanding and i always feel i never get it but with you its so different, i dont think about it. i've never actually realised before now that it's trust i've struggled with and it makes sense with every part of my life. trusting myself with my art, trusting others with myself. again, coming back to my upbringing-it defo makes sense cuz i've never trusted my mother

it's defo a strange point in our timeline but im glad we've talked about these things and opened up more

please have a safe flight, i cant wait u to be in nyc already and defo call me i miss u so

15.03.2021 at 01:00

i just remembered that i almost gave away my room away in july and cuz i was so depressed wanted to stay in estonia. found a new person but she literally cancelled like a week before i came back to uk and my init

2:42 am

literally i cant sleep and am spiralling so hard. yesterday i found this voice memo from my dads bday in the summer where my mom got super depressive/manic and is crying and im talking with her and i cant get the fucking sounds out of my head and honestly im shocked i even recorded it. my whole childhood was literally spent by her facing the window in our kitchen, not showing her face and crying and later locking herself up in the bathroom and i literally got the whole thing recorded and its so painful to listen

ugh i cant fall back asleep, spiralling so hard. yesterday i found this crazy voice memo from summer, dads bday where my mom got super manic and i had recorded it and found it yesterday. listened to the whole thing a couple times and now its stuck in my head like some random song. i'll play it to u one day, it's literally my 9-18yrs explained in that recording. my thoughts are rapidly shifting between that voice memo and you, i literally spent the whole day thinking about you.

i once dreamt that i needed to speak to my mother, grabbed her by her shoulder to turn around to see her face but she kept turning around and had no face, only hair. i never saw her face and this one time when i was stoned, i was trying to remember her face and couldnt. now realising that maybe it was because of these moments

19.03.2021 at 10:42

i love you so fucking much i love you i love you i love you so mich i love you i love you i love u love u i love you i love you i love you so much i love you so much im in love woth you i miss you im in love with you im in love with you l love you i love you im in love with you im in love with you i love you i love you im in love im in love love i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you so i love you so i love you so much i love you so much i love you i love you i think i really love you i love you so much its hard to breathe and i think i really love you and it feels great to really say it to you

20.03.2021 at 17:12

love u so fucking much coumba honestly i hope youll have an amazing day. im gonna go offline for a bit 

had a really strange dream, really mundane. took the metro home from some festival and was living in my grandmas apartment again and elevator was broken so had to take the stairs. but it was super slow and dramatic. on my way up (the apt is on 6th floor) i over heard my neighbour family fight and i left the door open to overhear what the topic was and they were yelling at their child? 

i crave physical touch

hey hope ur being productive!! goddamn, ive just been writing and reading the whole day and figuring out this creative block situation/ why am i so triggered by work. found the right stuff to read and feeling full of life again. hope u are too

hope you're not second guessing me for getting sad yesterday. im feeling fucking crazy and it might be cause im starting my period. i keep rereading your letter. 

26.03.2021 at 19:21

bless you

ur so nice to me

had a walk and it was really refreshing. feeling better but have so many anxieties that sometimes i just explode

i fucking love u too. sometimes its like ur my lifes worth of care i never 

sometimes i feel like my lifes worth of good is coming to my life through you

......ur so nice to me....honestly i love u too so much..... i think it might be bc of full moon but im just like a total wreck today :D thanks for hearing me out before. and yes i'm excited to see whats waiting for me in london!! 

in other news -.... called me rude and an egomaniac bc i told her i was depressed and feeling xtremely anxious blabla basically overview of what i told u today so will postpone thinking about countryside stuff. feeling like shit again lolzzzzzz bc of it.... we were supposed to go together with misha but misha cancelled right so im not really in a hurry which she knew and wished me a happy trip back to london. like whenever she doesnt get what she wants she goes off but i mean i do understand that im being an asshole as well so its like the perfect way to end this day

baah mh im just gonna rant here u dont even have to respond :D but i used to be really really selfless growing up and my parents always bring it up that i let my friends use me lol and ive been hella defensive abt it always bc i never knew how intense it was?. friends literally always came first and i kinda repressed my true self bc of embarrassment etc etc and two years ago it slowly started morphing into hurt and disappointment idk why i expected sth back (now i dont thats prolly why im super self centred and delusional as well i guess) so like after all this shit when im like yo having a hard time i get called a fucking egomaniac... i think im tired and honestly the fact that im getting along w evert so well makes me so happy but yeah since eliann is horrible at expressing emotions its harder 

31.03.2021 at 20:20

❣️ is for  🚬👄👗COOL🕶☕️🏙❣️

❣️ is for 🎀🎀🎀ORIGINAL 🎀🎀❣️

❣️ is for ⭐️Ur A Star ⭐️ ❣️

❣️ is for MUSIC 🎧🔊🎶❣️

❣️ is for 🦋🦋 BEAUTIFUL 🦋🦋❣️

❣️ is for 💫💐🧚‍♀️ANGELIC 🏵🖼🔮❣️

❣️❣️❣️❣️❣️❣️❣️❣️❣️❣️

02.04.2021 at 14:24

miiisssssssss uuuuuuu sooooo muuuccchhhh aaaannndddd caaannnnoooottttt wwwaaaaaiiiitttt toooo seeeeee uuuuuuu aaallllrrreeeaaaddddyyyyy iiimmmm sssoooop eeexxxccciiittteeeeddddd ffffoooorrrrr iiiittttt

11.04.2021 at 12:54

i really reaally love you

13.04.2021 at 21:53

have said this before but im drunk AGAIN and will say this AGAIN that i think ur amazing 

14.02.2021 at 01:46

im in love w u

[stopsubstanceabuse1-blog]

[OfficialDumps] - P2090-095 Todd Lammle Books Practise Questions Certification Material Sale Online Sites

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