#i think the ones in april were the most fun both drawing wise & idea wise

[lesbian-sunshim]

finished queueing the next batch of rare pairs, which will run until about mid-May and I have enough prepared to keep up a regular weekly posting fridays on patreon, & saturdays on tumblr & DA :> hopefully by then I'll have enough queued up again to not take a break but we'll see!

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #336

"get back, you’re never gonna leave him  /  get back, you’re always gonna please him”

What were your favorite things to draw when you were a lil kid? When I was a very little kid, idk. But once I got into meerkats... I drew them like crazy. Do you think there is something with or around you, like a spirit, angel, ghost or something else? How does this make you feel? No. Imagine you’re a stranger looking at yourself. What things would immediately catch your eye? Ugh, let's not. When did you feel the most confident in your life? Probably my senior year of high school. I was happy with Jason with plans for the future together, I was doing excellently in school... I thought I was really going to go somewhere. Do you think love is needed to have good sex? For some people, no. For me, loving one another is an absolute must. Do you think, or want to, die in the city you currently live in? Fuuuuuuuck no, I hate it here. What is the strangest thing you have ever encountered? Probably when I was otw home from my doctor appointment and we passed a random guy in drag walking on the side of the street... That guy is an icon. Favourite soft drink? It's really strawberry Sunkist, but I love it to a degree I don't even allow myself to drink it, because I will fucking destroy that shit so quick. So I tend to just say Mountain Dew Voltage is my fave. What do you like to put gravy on? I hate gravy, period. Have you ever gone canoeing/kayaking? No, but it sounds fun. What is one thing you know about your family history you’re proud of? Uhhhh idk. Who depends on you the most? My snake. Are you related to anyone famous or historical, if so who? Yes; William Clark and Queen Victoria or Queen Elizabeth, idr which. Would you ever donate a kidney to anyone, and who? Mom. She only has one kidney, so, y'know. She kinda needs at least one. I wouldn't even hesitate. What is the main quality you think makes a great parent? Unconditional love. What three things do you think of most of each day? My weight is #1. Every second of every day, it, as well as Jason, are somewhere towards the front of my mind. The final is financial and job-oriented stuff. Does/did your high school have pop machines? It did. Do you know anyone who’s won the lottery? No. Have you ever slept in a water bed? Yeah. How often do you use Flickr? I pretty much abandoned my account; nowadays I only occasional check my friend's profile who works at the Kalahari Meerkat Project because she uploads wonderful pictures of the 'kats as well as gives interesting info about them! Who is the last child that you took a photo with? Mom took a picture of me holding my youngest niece Emerson because it surprised everyone; I NEVER hold babies. She crawled over to me and reached up though, so of course I was going to pick her up. How often do you wear hats? Never. Would you ever get a nature tattoo? Sure! Idk what, but I'm rather sure I'll get at leaast one. Is anyone in your family sick at the moment? No. Where do your siblings work, if anywhere? My older sister is a mammographer, and my younger sis is a social worker. Where is your favorite place to buy groceries? Wal-Mart, I guess. Who do you generally talk to the most? My mom. Is anyone saved in your phone under a nickname? Mom is "Mama Bear," and then my siblings are "Little Sister" and "Big Sister." Whose birthday is coming up? My lil sister has her birthday in April. Have you ever ordered from an informercial? No. When, where, and why did a needle last pierce your skin? I needed to get blood drawn for some testing. It was drawn from my inner elbow, obviously at the doctor. Have you been to an escape room? Was it a success? I never have, but it'd be fun. I enjoy puzzles. How many followers do you have on Instagram? I don't feel like checking. What’s the most recent music video you watched? Thoughts? "Mutter" by Rammstein. I picked a screenshot from it to draw, so I rewatched it to select one. It's a beautiful video, but also strange, which Rammstein is great at. Have you ever recorded a cover of a song? No. What makeup products are your go-tos? If I wear makeup, the bare minimum is black eyeliner. Are you going to school this year? No. I gave college as many shots as I could handle both sanity-wise and with finances in mind. I do NOT want to even ATTEMPT to imagine the debt I have after going to three different colleges and dropping out each time. What is your favorite water activity? I enjoy just kinda swimming around aimlessly, relaxing. What are your favorite video games? Okay, I talk about SH2 and SotC enough on questions like this, so I'll mention some others I really enjoy as well: the Silent Hill franchise in general, Spyro games, The Last Guardian, both The Evil Withins, The Last of Us, some Resident Evil games (the 4th in particular), etc. etc. I just love video games. Do you like jello? I enjoy the flavor, but the texture makes me squirm. When was the last time you gave someone "the finger?" Probably while riding in the car with Mom when a dumb motherfucker swerved into our lane. Or something like that, idr the exact occasion. Have you ever held a snake? Yesssss, I want to hold all the snakes. ;_; Most unique place you’ve ever been to? Uh. I guess maybe the Whirligig Park/"Acid Park" nearby us? It's just this large expanse of unique architecture that are mostly, as you guessed it, extravagant whirligigs. You've got to see it if you come to the town. I have some pictures on my deviantART if you wanna see a few pieces. If you were a superhero, what color would your cape be? NO CAPES! Have you ever slept out on your porch all night? Oh fuck no. I'd feel way, way too unsafe. Do you like horror movies? Yeah! What’s your favorite Coke product? Just normal Coke. Watergun or water-balloon war? Watergun. I don't like being hit with stuff. Do you know anyone that’s afraid of elevators? I kind of am. Is there anything in your room that belongs to a boyfriend, or a friend of the opposite sex? I have three plushies from Jason, Tyler, and Girt. My Marilyn Manson poster is also from Juan. Who’s your favorite Beatle? I don't know; I was never a big fan, so I don't know any of them as people well at all. Have you ever texted an ex whilst drunk? How’d that go? I've never been drunk, but no, I've never texted an ex because I was drinking. Do you have to stand on your tip-toes to kiss your boyfriend? I don't have one. The only instance where I had to do that was with Girt. Tall motherfucker. Have you ever been tackle-hugged? Yes. Those are the best. Have you ever rejected someone’s kiss before? Girt once tried to make out with me and I noped the fuck outta that situation. It was so fucking awkward. Is your mood or the overall tone of your day often affected by the dreams you had the night before? My nightmares definitely can. Do you think that there are any positive aspects or outcomes of suffering from a mental illness? If you have a mental illness, do you think it has changed you for the better in any way? I definitely believe my mental illnesses forced me to mature faster and also instilled a great sense of empathy in me. And don't forget emotional endurance. What is your opinion on celebrity culture and celebrity worship? Have you ever been guilty of putting a celebrity on a pedestal? Do you think it’s somehow more acceptable/understandable to obsess over certain types of celebrities (musicians over YouTubers, say) than others? At what point do you think an obsession like that crosses the line? It's dangerous and can be very blinding. An outsider could say I put Mark on a pedestal, but I've always been very aware that he's not perfect and really just another human, I just happen to love him a lot for the human he is, haha. As time's passed, my vision of him has become healthier though (not to say it ever reached the "unhealthy" threshold); it's gotten easier for me to judge him and stuff like that. I think an obsession crosses the line when you put on rose-tinted glasses to look upon someone and entirely ignore their flaws, or if you try to invade their personal lives, ex. being one of those creeps that loiter outside their houses and stuff. If you were to pursue a career in photography and had the opportunity and means to photograph whatever you wanted, what would most like to photograph? Ah, livin' the dream. If I had to choice and would be paid well regardless of focus, I would absolutely travel and photograph the local nature/wildlife. Is there a certain type of clothing (outerwear, activewear, loungewear, etc.) that you enjoy shopping for more than others? Shirts, 100%. Are you ever afraid to post your ideas, artwork, photography, etc. online for fear that they will get stolen or not credited? When it comes to OCs, yes, given that things have been stolen from me before. Photography doesn't worry me much because I don't think I'm good enough for someone to possibly want to steal it (and besides, I use a watermark), and I do the same for drawings. It's the unique characters I make I worry about being stolen if I share them. When is the last time you did something sexual? A few years back. Who is the last person you showered with, if anyone? I haven't showered with someone since I was a little kid and my younger sister and I would to conserve water. What do you think when you see roadkill on the side of the road? It really makes me genuinely sad, and I always wonder if it could have been avoided if the driver was more alert, slower, and thinking about more than the damage it could cause to their car... I enjoy photographing roadkill, brutal as it may be, out of respect for them and the desire to make their individual stories known and just kind of like, raise awareness of it. Too many people are just annoyed by hitting an animal versus more concerned. "Stupid deer," stuff like that. I sometimes worry that doing so can be interpreted as disrespect, to photograph and publish pictures of their corpses online, but I sure hope not. It's the least of my intentions. I just want people to see and care. Have you ever had an ex that just didn’t understand that it was over? Biiiitch I was that ex, 120%. But besides my situation with Jason, this was how Tyler was. I had to tell him about five thousand times to stop texting me. Are your fingernails currently short or long? They're always pretty short. Would you rather have big or small dogs? I like medium-sized dogs most. I'd have to pick large dogs between the two, though. What is your favorite sports drink? I'm not a fan of sports drinks. What was the last compliment you gave a guy? Yesterday, a guy in PHP shared two poems he wrote while hospitalized, and they were wonderful, so full of passion and emotion. I sure as hell told him they were amazing. He's going for his Master's for poetry, so he knows what he's doing for real. Does your jaw ever crack, pop, or lock? It's popped on very, very few occasions. Have you ever thought of how you would give your kids “the talk”? I don't want kids, so no, I've never thought of this. I certainly wouldn't wait for sex ed in school, though. I feel like it's a bit late. I feel children need to know what it's about at a younger age with how disgusting some people are... I want them to be informed on what consent and molestation are so they know to let Mama know so I can punch someone's face into a whole new galaxy if they're ever violated. Do you ever feel like you’re missing out on something? Oh, always. Do you ever write/draw on windows that are fogged up? I did as a kid, sure. Not so much now. If you were married, and your spouse’s parents became ill, would you let them move into your home? If they were truly sick enough to need assistance but not actual hospitalization, yes. I'd want my spouse to do the same for me. Have you screamed in a pillow before? Yyyyep. What do you like more, acoustic or electric? Electric. Did you actually have a cookie jar? We have a Santa one, though I don't even know if we ever used it versus just having it as a decoration. What’s worse, having someone mad or disappointed in you? Disappointed. What do you bite on more, your tongue, lip, or nails? Bottom lip. Do you think that knowing when and how you’re going to die would ruin your life? "Ruin" it seems a bit extreme, but I definitely wouldn't like it. Do you have a favorite bromance? From TV or a movie. Not really, if we're only talking those two options. Do you find flea markets and thrift stores enjoyable? Yeah, you really can find the coolest shit for great prices. What color is your wallet? Mostly red and white; it's a Harley Quinn design. Have you ever been somebody's photography subject? No. Nicki Minaj fan? I believe she's a very talented rapper, but I don't enjoy her actual music. I just don't like rap. Have you ever seen the Niagara Falls? No, I wish tho.

[the-nysh]

At what point in the story you started liking Garou as a character? What was his first impression on you and how did it changed later as the story progressed?

Oooh! What a GREAT question, I’m so glad you asked! ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ (Cause yes, my perceptions of him certainly did change over time! And that’s one of the fun things I love to see happen with other opm fans too.) So let’s see…*pulls up a chair and shovel to dig thru nearly 5yrs of archives* where to begin~

It was definitely a gradual process (so buckle in, this is gonna be a looong chronological trip thru memory lane. About 3500~ words!)

First impressions

Early on (and cause I’m skeptical to most new characters who I don’t ‘know’ yet), I remember feeling kinda like ‘huh? Who the heck is this guy? This wannabe Hiruma-lookalike (recognizing some of Murata’s recycled Eyeshield 21 char design elements for him) with some silly double Vegeta hair? The hell does he think he’s doing??’ Beyond being kinda incredulous about him, I honestly didn’t really give him much passing thought or attention either, and definitely not anything on a deeper level yet. He was just kinda there (I suppose?), but also out there forcefully (cockily and somewhat annoyingly?) inserting himself as the ‘villain’ into the story at times (which wasn’t really my thing), seemingly WAY in over his head with reckless antics and overambitious about what he was claiming to be and challenging himself to do (which I thought seemed both ridiculous and ironic to set up like that when characters like Saitama exist to directly check/refute his aims).

So at the time I wasn’t fully ‘on board’ or invested much in his story/concept yet cause I hadn’t really seen him…define himself (beyond those first impressions) into his own fleshed-out character. Because he still kept reminding me too much of other characters (I even heard him with Hiruma’s voice) rather than breaking out on his own. Murata’s early art also had yet to really evolve and settle him into his own distinguishable ‘face’ for that matter too (he would though later, when he’d draw ���Garou’ recognizable as himself and not like…‘Hiruma’s shadow’ anymore). So with all that coming in, it’s hard to ‘see’ or genuinely ‘like’ a char at first when they haven’t done much yet to distinguish themselves from others and grow into their own. (Oho, how time will tell~)

This impression of Garou hadn’t really changed much and continued all thru the Metal Bat fight, by the way. (I actually caught up to the manga around the time Murata introduced MB with the centipedes and was about to start his fight with Garou. Events which weren’t on my highest priority to see either, cause I still mostly preferred seeing Saitama + Genos interact instead.) But on a surface level, I at least knew Garou was fun/impressive to watch and his excitable/feral energy was infectious and entertaining (Murata really knew how to hype him up too), but other than that, I’d yet to really ‘like’ him on his own (enough to talk/blog about) still.

I first eased into reblogging stuff with him back in Oct 2016, which included the first reblog of his back muscles (lol) appreciating how Murata drew him facing Watchdog Man so ksjggh that part of the story (when Murata was teasing their fight) was also when Garou starting having a presence on my blog. :O

First turning point

However, I distinctly remember the first ‘aha I see now’ point in understanding him better was when I did a second reread of the webcomic. (I don’t exactly remember when that was, but probably sometime during the tournament arc when the pace was kinda dragging, so I prob reread the wc around then for fun.) It was around early-April 2017 when I later admitted that (in the tags):

I’ve come to really like Garou, a second read of the webcomic made me fond of him, of his background and ideas he wished to set out and change, his heart was in it and he had his set of morals, but he was young and brashly took the wrong path, I really want to see him return someday now that he's learned better

Cause following the big webcomic reveal at the end of his arc (when Saitama calls him out), going back thru his entire story again you could totally spot all the consistent hints and signs (from both his backstory and actions) ONE sprinkled the entire time, making everything revealed about him true, and not suddenly sprung up outta nowhere. It was finally like ‘aaah, I understand what’s up with him and can sympathize where he’s coming from. Yes that makes sense. :O’ However, this clarity/acknowledgment had yet to shift from simply ‘seeing’ or understanding a thing as knowledge, to actually feeling it (connecting on a deeper/personal level) later. That’ll remain a big distinction.

May 2017, I first started writing some early meta break downs about him, starting with his end-arc parallels in Suiryu’s despair moment and from this, there was acknowledgement how all ONE’s manga additions (up til then this was still all tournament arc stuff) were only building further context towards what’s to come much later on in the webcomic.

June 2017, I started posting stream coverage about him (vs Watchdog Man stuff when he intercepts King and Saitama.) Around this time I also admit this kinda stuff in tags ‘goodness how I love that this nerd has a soft spot for that kid (truthfully he's not monstrous at all)’ for appreciating the manga’s wholesome extra Tareo moments.

Second big turning point

Around Sept-Oct 2017 was when post content/stream coverage kinda started exploding during the whole vs A/B heroes + shed fight. This whole sequence, following the tournament arc, was the first big long-awaited return back to the wc’s script (with style!), but with significant expansions (esp to his character) never seen before. In particular, the bullet shielding moment was changed/revised from him simply standing there in the wc, to Garou protecting Tareo in the shed.

Truly awesome and moving because dang, he selflessly put his life on the line for that ‘Garou the determinator fending off the impossible while protecting a kid ;o;’ Firmly standing up to (injustices) and revealing his solid moral core, like wow, what a guy. <3

Murata’s stream output picked up significantly back then too (compared to his slower pace drawing the previous arcs), so I also admitted: ‘gosh been cheering for Murata's hard work just like Garou's in-chapter determination!’

But also cause this whole fight was like the first actual, legit demonstration (shown, not told) of Garou’s prodigious fighting skills, intelligence, tenacity, resourcefulness, perseverance, etc. Like this is what he’s actually capable of when pushed to the brink; testing the actual quality of his character (showing his true colors) and allowing those merits to shine while under unfavorable, difficult, and desperate conditions. And all impressively done in a way to make the audience both believe it and root for him (presented from his side much like a protagonist? Wild! 8D) It was extremely thrilling and badass (truly that whole shed part was brilliant, narratively and spectacle-wise. As I’ve repeatedly gone back to write about many times and again. :’D) My impressions of Garou around this time:

yoooo boi see I really like Garou, the wild prodigy determinator with a misguided goal, going all out and demonstrating his talent and prowess (even tho he gets in over his head), PROTECTING CHILDREN WHEN HE PRETENDS HE DOESN'T CARE, omfg what a softie (as Saitama would say) :'D, yaaa see he was never a 'real' monster at all, Saitama can see straight through him, and what he REALLY wants to achieve

Dec 2017, first started getting some sporadic Garou anons after the whole epic manga spectacle vs Genos + Bang + EC fight with everyone.

Jan 2018, back when Garou was captured in the MA base and then left to his own devices above ground…things started getting really interesting. Including noticing ONE’s more careful (or perhaps more transparent?) approach to writing Garou’s manga portrayal this time around. Different and more nuanced from the wc for instance, so there were many fascinating contradictions and complexities to uncover (break down meta-wise) about his convictions, beliefs, thoughts, feelings, and how he applied those thru his actions and behavior (revealing decisive acts of character). This was when @gofancyninjaworld also started joining in to discuss and explore Garou’s ongoing dilemma with his goals and mindset. “His heart is in the right place, but his means are not, because at his core, he’s not a monster.” I admitted ‘Garou’s one of the most well-written characters in the story, I feel.’ And I was really looking forward to all the significant changes ONE was doing to make his manga story all the more defined and cohesive than it already was in the wc. That made things extra engaging (when there’s a desire to look deeper into things for fun and excitement for more).

Third turning point

Feb 2018 Oooh man. It was around here, (when Garou saves Tareo from the bullies and confronts RR and Bug God) that I was really starting to feel that shift happening (the impression of him turning into something more), so I had to comment on his ongoing characterization presented thus far (budding into a well-rounded, 3 dimensional character) and how ONE was (re)writing him in a more personal, sympathetic light that made him so easy to root for and genuinely likeable. I was fully AWARE of this happening and what both Murata and ONE were doing to increase his appeal. Admitting the more they revealed of him the more I was falling deeper for him, and fully welcoming it by narrative design. (Like alright let’s goooo! 8’D) Cause it was obvious how much differently and expansive he was getting portrayed vs the wc (with much less moral ambiguity). I said:

“Garou’s not simply a rogue, prodigious teen going on a spiteful rampage with an overconfident, slasher smile. Consistently, he’s been shown what really makes him tic: what gets him serious, passionate, sincere, and desperate – things that force his hand to either fight or defend against, with standards and ideals that he’d put his life on the line for. All of it is great: a variety of expressive emotions and definitive acts of character that all build towards the whole. Which we’re then left to ponder exactly what that is. Is he truly a villain or a hero? Is he really a troublemaking bad guy or actually a misguided ‘nice guy’? The answer isn’t so black and white; it’s more like a mix of ALL of the above. And I LIKE that. As ONE has presented him, Garou is Garou, and not really someone to align or classify as simply one or the other. He’s in that kind of delicious gray zone where he’s getting put to the brink to show his true colors. And it’s so GOOD and refreshing to see.”

That plus the manga showing his deeper bond with Tareo, his gruffly protective qualities (ok but that’s kinda hot?) and a more sincere showing of his morals (which he refused to budge on no matter what anyone else ordered him to do), brought on all the feels. :’)

Stream coverage + ch commentary devolved to like unintelligible screaming, with some ‘man he’s so fucking cool,’ or ‘damn protective Garou’s SOO good,’ or ‘I swear the more Murata draws of him the more I fall for him like wtf,’ or even the flat out ‘GODDAMMIT MURATA ;A;’ types of suffering reactions, ahaha.

At this point I was all ‘bring on the Garou appreciation; he deserves it; I have a mighty NEED’ but was kinda annoyed/frustrated with the fandom cause there was hardly any recent fan content of him (relevant to his current plot progression, it was all suspiciously dry or old ship-related content I wasn’t interested in cause the plot had moved on, so I was like omg where is everybody, hello?!) It was already a dry spell in between seasons so overall fan content was slow anyway, but it seemed like there were so few actual fans of him (to my confusion?!) So I started making my own content (beyond just the stream coverage and ch reactions/commentary + meta) with the expression posts appreciation.

March 2018. U-uhoh, things (and posting frequency especially) were starting to escalate. His reaction to literally getting backstabbed by the monsters and losing Tareo (his quiet but seething controlled feral rage) definitely had me feeling™ things.

Final nail in the coffin

April 2018 Oshit;; Garou forcefully storming and bulldozing his way thru the MA base, his awesome BIG DAMN HEROES moment rescuing Tareo from Royal Ripper, to his hilarious absolute tsundere™ moment denying it (before running into Rover and immediately protecting the kid again) pretty much destroyed me. This was also like the first time I’d seen ONE make a character go full tsundere mode and pull it off in a genuine comedic way (with the classic ‘it’s not like I came here to save you or anything baka’ line and all) so pfft, that was so much endearing icing on the cake. :’D

At this point someone even asked me who’s my favorite opm character, to which I was all, ‘Garou’s current manga content has been on fire so he’s been quickly skyrocketing into my favs (if he wasn’t there already)!’

But then Murata soon dropped THIS ‘protect the child’ page all with perfect timing, and I was…fucking doomed.

'sugoi ojisan' was pretty much the moment of instant death for me ;A; my constant reaction to the streams has been that gaijin 4koma meme with laser heart eyes for emphasis, and I'm pretty much losing my ability to articulate much beyond screaming at this rate

Garou’s behavior could then be summarized as ‘a very stubborn and in denial asshole tsundere little shit nerd. <3’ But there was classic ONE heartwarming irony in there too, cause Garou hadn’t fully ‘lost’ his battles either…during those critical times where he actually assumed the role of the ‘hero’ for Tareo instead. (Oho~)  

basically Garou is a great character, the more you look into how ONE has built him the more meta af it gets

May 2018 (the long-awaited debut of the wc ‘scarf’ vs Rover towards Garou vs Orochi’s epic wtfshitstorm) lolwhoops~ I finally made the inevitable back muscles compilation while also writing longer, more in depth meta posts about him.

Murata delivered some of the best stream content we’ve seen of him. (Completely on FIRE, both literally and figuratively. And looking back, this was probably some of the most fun Murata’s stream sessions ever got. :’D Was awesome to be a fan tuning in during this time.)

even Murata was doodling chibis of himself freaking out in the margins XD

Delivering content from the pose of peak badassery…to dropping stream doodles of peak heartwarming/cuteness (Garou & Tareo in suits) on the fans for good measure.

bam Murata’s out to kill us with his art ...Murata can you like -maybe- chill? ABSOLUTELY NOT

Basically Murata knew exactly what he was doing, always delivering and servicing the fans (drawing the coke bottle was a fan suggestion too) yet also remaining a huge tease~

Towards S2 and beyond

June 2018, following the Orochi fight, Garou was put on a bus and absent from the manga for a while, so I went back revisiting older content again (rereading the manga for fun) and realizing/noticing/wondering stuff I hadn’t really caught about him before like…oh no why is he cute?? Was he always this way or had my eyes finally opened after everything??? (Cause aside from him being a little shit or a cool badass, he was also a complete dork and a nerd, and an oblivious dummy, and just…that was so…wtf endearing, a full package of fun to enjoy.)

But we soon got clips of Midorikawa’s voice reveal (from the opm drama cd) and all hell broke loose among the resident Garou fans. 8’D Especially cause his voice was ‘dark/smooth/mature/sexy’ as opposed to a higher-pitched, unhinged teen voice many had expected (remember that old Hiruma voice I first thought for him? So interestingly many fanboys were disappointed with this deeper voice casting). But also cause Midorikawa said “I’ll do my best to make Garou even more charming than before,” so we were excited to see Garou’s popularity spike even more cause of s2.

Aug 2018, the s2 key visual revealed with Garou prominently featured up and center and I WAS NOT PREPARED!!! I remember having like a full hyper-incoherent breakdown because of this so…yeaaaaah. 8’D I was all rationalizing,

If anything it’s all Murata and ONE’s fault that (the hype and appreciation for him) feeling’s grown even stronger. He was already a thoroughly fun walking meta source, but the manga made his softer/compassionate moments much more obvious (than in the wc). Just watch as this badass dorky nerd becomes even more hugely popular than he already is!

April 2019 was his anime debut…coincided with his post-arc WEBCOMIC DEBUT AFTER 5 FUCKING YEARS (before he even returned in the manga even) IMPECCABLE timing from ONE, holy shit people lost their minds. Including Murata, who had to draw him too! With all that and the anime airing (adding even more wholesome cute Tareo interactions not seen in the manga), fandom participation (+anons) really started to kick off.

I remember seeing the influx of new fans and how so many (who didn’t ‘know’ him yet either) would unironically label him as genuinely ‘evil’ or a ‘heinous villain’ at face value, which….uhhhhhh were the kinda takes that were hard to take seriously, but I appreciated how ONE’s writing allowed the readers to see and think for themselves as the narrative revealed more (rather than believing everything the characters said or claimed), so it’d only be a matter of time until they ‘saw’ the truth about him too. :’)

May-July 2019 the anime continued airing with fandom activity popping, until August when he finally reappeared and ‘awoke’ in the manga! ;A; After like an entire full year of him mia too. This was also the time frame when all the thirsty (and interestingly meta-hungry) Garou anons started (finding me???) regularly chiming in with fun participation. I was grateful though, cause they prompted certain takes I couldn’t have come up with on my own, and allowed me to think, examine, and explain things much more closely and thoroughly than I had ever posted before. (Yaaay~) Such as looking into just what IS it about him?!

“Garou wouldn’t be as compelling, engaging, and appealing as a character without (all) those other interesting layers and nuances to talk about too! :D It’s even better that way! Cause Murata can draw everyone looking drop-dead gorgeous and conventionally attractive, so just having a pretty face and impressive muscles isn’t enough to make him stand out in a special way from the rest of the cast. Already all those things (about him) are certainly impressive, so just what is it about him in particular? (That makes him unique.) The fact Garou has all that AND those other compassionate & interesting qualities to him just makes it the icing on the cake for a complete, well-rounded package. The fact we can know him, for all his feelings and attitude why he behaves and acts the way he does, such as when he’s contradictory, troubled and tsundere-like sometimes, to hardcore and badass other times, to softer and empathetic to fiercely righteous, protective and determined other times, and all portrayed in the way he’s capable of the range (and makes us feel) the entire spectrum of emotion too. …Like whoa (I could keep going but I’d be preaching to the choir at that point aha), all that only enhances what’s already there. In this way, I feel the Garou we’ve come to know by now is much more endearing and appealing than the one we were introduced to at the start. Because as he appeared then, he may have seemed like just another wannabe thug-of-the-week we might not have given much passing thought & attention to. But now…uhoh, you could arguably say he’s grown to the point he’s almost taken over the rest of the manga (within good reason!) by challenging our perception of who’s even the active protagonist. :O Who keeps us engaged and tuned in to see more. Buaha, just what the hell happened?! Now that’s quite the impressive feat from both ONE and Murata to create a character with a lasting impact like that!”

…So that’s what happened. :’D In my opinion, I feel Garou’s best moments where we (or really, I) got to know him better (shed scene, Elder Centipede aftermath, dine n dash, rescuing Tareo, all up towards his fights vs Rover & Orochi) mostly only happen until after s2 so… Since those were some of my absolute fav manga moments (which only enhanced my perceptions of him), those’ll be the moments I’m really looking forward to see animated in s3. But most of all, I’m hoping to witness some of that same ‘aha!’ gradual realization process happen to newer fans who come to appreciate him too. :’3

[tangyyyy]

Lucille and Eliott met when they were both very young, here is a piece of their love story. They truly loved each other, maybe in a wrong way, but love isn’t always an easy thing to live and to do. From 2014 to 2019. From Lucille to Lucas, with a lot of Eliott in the middle. 

Overdose Friday, April 22, 2016, 23:40

The winter had been long and rainy that year but in spring 2016, the sun made its comeback in the Parisian sky. The terraces were full again, the city asleep caught its breath. Lucille, like the city, enjoyed the good weather. Multiplying the outings to the park and in clubs with her friends, the girl was light hearted. In high school, her grades, in this last trimester, were great, at home, relations with her mother were better. Eliott was doing well, very well. The sad boy of this winter had given way to a bright and adventurous teenager. He had decided alone to enrol in drawing lessons and was planning several trips during the summer, he had also found a small job in a bookstore not to depend too much of his parents. In high school, he attracted girls and boys by his good mood and his ideas always appreciated. Lucille, discreet as usual, felt immense pride in walking hand-in-hand with him. It had been more than a year and a half now that Eliott and she were dating. An eternity at this age! Their friends, or even their vague acquaintances, never imagined one without the other. When Eliott captivated their group of friends by his overwhelming speeches, Lucille was always there, in his shadow, trying somehow to reason his sometimes crazy ideas. When she built any projects, Eliott was always at her side, offering his unfailing support. He needed her as she needed him.

This Friday night, Charlotte had organised a party at her house, her parents having been away for the weekend. In the small lounge, about twenty teenagers danced to the rhythm of electronic music, stunning glasses of Soho and Passoa on the floor, laughing and shouting. On the couch, Charlotte was in great discussion with Lucille, the two girls screaming each other in their ears to hear about what they had to say. "Your glass is empty! Come on, you have to taste my new cocktail! -No no it's okay!" Lucille had fun and had a great time but she only dreamed of one thing:  A good and long night of deep sleep. The week had been long and she knew that the next day she would have to get up early to help her father moving with his new girlfriend. "You're not funny Lucille! Try to fully enjoy for once!” Charlotte shouted. The girl had already drunk a lot and didn't seem to be stopping. "But I'm enjoying! -Seriously girl, you look like my grandma!" For any answer, Lucille pulled her tongue towards her friend. She didn't feel offended, knowing very well that, yes, she was probably the most reasonable one of their group of friends. Why such a thing as wanting to go to bed early was a shame? "I'll go home now! Have fun and don't be too wise Dollface!” Lucille said as she got up from the couch. "Count on me!” Charlotte shouted, cheerful, winking at her. Before leaving, Lucille made her way to the kitchen. There, a small group of boys were talking frantically. Two of them were sitting on chairs, one was sitting on the table next to different food leftovers, two others were standing, and among them Eliott was sitting on one of the worktops. The teenagers didn't notice the discreet arrival of Lucille in the kitchen, the latter took the opportunity to watch Eliott. As the months went by, he was getting more and more handsome every day. He was now the tallest of his friends, he had a particular way of moving, almost dancing. Lately, he had the good idea to have his hair cut off, which was highlighting his beautiful eyes. Lucille was amazed to have the chance to stand by his side, she who seemed so common in comparison. Turning his face to her, Eliott waved a bright smile as he saw the girl. With an assured gesture, he invited her to join him. He spread his legs and Lucille walked close to him. He smelt alcohol and weed he had probably been smoking. The girl didn't like cannabis so much, not enjoying losing control of her thoughts. Eliott smoked a lot lately. After all, it was their age. Lucille put her hands on Eliott's thin waist.

"I'll leave. -Already??” He wondered looking sincerely disappointed. "Yeah, I'm tired.” She answered in a small voice. Eliott took her face in his hands and frowned. "Are you okay? -Well yeah! I'm just tired and I have to get up early tomorrow.” The young boy always looked skeptical and seemed to be searching for the slightest doubt in Lucille's big round eyes. "I'm fine, I swear!” She insisted, smiling, feeling so soft because of Eliott's concern towards her. To reassure him completely, still smiling, she kissed him on the cheek. "Good. I'm happy then!” He exclaimed as he put his lips in her thick hair. "It's true, you look very happy, it's nice to see..." Lucille said in a low voice to be heard by Eliott only. "Yep... Everything's good right now, that's fucking crazy! You know what?” He kissed Lucille, caressing her lips with his tongue. "I think I'm overdosing on happiness!" The girl burst into a loud laugh and buried her face in Eliott's neck. Yes, he was happy. And she was certainly not going to complain about it after the harsh weeks of this winter. If he was happy, she was happy.

[heartshredded]

🥝 🥝 🥝 🥝 🥝

for every 🥝 i get, i’ll recommend a blog i love // @duskgathers

@madamhatter:

wow!! soar.. i didn’t even know we met years back, i guess coincidences do exists? from what i remember back then, you were one of the first people i ever interacted with in the group and god damn did i have a lot of fun with you and sophie! i can tell your writing has improved and your sophie is as great as ever, a lot of thought put into her character as well as still sticking to the canon of the book or ghibil movie. as for your writing style, there is a lot of little detail that paints out the picture of the scene so vividly in my head, its like magic whenever i read your stuff. 

i’m really happy that we just had a chance to meet again? i never thought i would ever write eto again, like honestly, she’s such an iffy character that many would definitely stray away from. yet somehow we managed to make like.. one of the most interesting pairings i’ve ever seen, literal predator and prey. both are smart and use their wits wisely, and its such a slow burn twisted kind of love. also god i love to read your stuff, whether its a headcanon or our thread or with someone else, like literally. i love talking to you so much, i hope real life treats you well. 

@loreliei:

yen! you’re one of the first people i ever followed on this blog if memory serves, and gosh dammit you’re a sweetheart. as far as i know, you’re nice to basically everyone and you deserve all the love you can get. you’re a really gracious and considerate person, i love the wit you put into seo, i always stop by to read or see what you post whenever you’re on the dash.

 your writing style is very engaging and full of personality, each character has a quirk and even if you didn’t include icons, tags nor mentioned their name, i could roughly guess who you’re talking about. its unique and distinct basically! plus i remember that meme you reblogged and you went the extra mile to add in plots ideas for seo and the other person’s muse, a lot of people don’t often do that and i think that it really helps to establish potential friendships easier. 

also.. kenma and seo? love them. they’re good friends, its wholesome and adorable. 

@rollingsnowsmasher:

ok honestly you’ve always been the one loving me so let me give it a try this time, for reals. i think i first saw you from seeing guixi reblog your promo and i can’t remember if you followed me first or the other way but i’m really glad i did follow you. you’re a sunshine to a lot of people, i know many love you and there’s many good reasons for that. you’re a very supportive person, i often see you reblogging other people’s promo or posts with positivity in it and it really does shine. i do love seeing you on dash, i know i’m guilty of not reblogging your stuff everytime but really, really, you deserve so much and i know many would agree with me. 

as for your writing, i just need to say its colorful and i will not lie, i still reread the gyro drabble you wrote like months back. your words come together to draw out a picture of whatever is going on and you describe it really well, like i finish reading a paragraph and everything comes to life in my imagination. i think as a writer that is a really amazing thing to be able to do, and i can’t stop smiling like an idiot honestly. 

as for itsuki, often i have trouble differentiating muses that are like children since they often are just bland with the same formula, but i can remember itsuki well. i still remember that riceball sharing with johnny, and she’s a sunshine like you are. another thing i like about how you write her is that.. she has different sides, its not always sunshine and rainbows, itsuki has issues of her own and it shows. though i don’t know sengoku basara at all, if i’m right she’s a minor character who didn’t have much screentime or story in canon, so you make her really fleshed out and three dimensional.

 basically, yes, love your writing, you’re a sweetheart and whatever blog you’re on, i love you. thank you for always being such a nice person to everyone, that’s a really rare thing nowadays and i hope life treats you well. whenever you’re down, i hope you feel better, you deserve a lot. 

@uncharnel / @20sep1847

no lie, i was a really big fan of your writing like even before i followed you, but originally you came off as really intimidating to me so i just quietly followed you and read it from my dash. i don’t know what writing juice you drink to write so much, every little detail shows a trait of the character you write and even their thoughts. the way you write really makes me feel like they could be real people, its believable and they have their own problems / issues.

i also really appreciate the fact that you picked up so many side characters from part 7, like as far as i know i’ve mostly only seen blogs for the ‘main’ cast (johnny, gyro, diego, hot pants, lucy,  valentines) at best and not any of the rest. you give them love, flesh them out and wow.. characters i never paid much attention to in the manga, i have a bigger appreciation for them whenever i reread the manga thanks to you.

as for mun, you’re a nerd and i realised i shouldn’t have been scared of you back then. april fools on your valentine blog was very fun to just see and read, like i don’t even know how that hair works but it got a good chuckle out of me that day. i also didn’t know what jeopardy was till you talked about it in the tags so thank you for introducing me to the best elevator music ever. love writing with you, reading your stuff and i hope life treats you well joh!! 

@haecceiity / @biizzarroo (i keep forgetting its a double ii so i spent a minute wondering why i couldn’t tag you)

hello, nerd, i bet you thought you’ve seen the last of me insert that drama queen gif, thanks for dealing with me. anyway i think i first saw writing with val or something, i didn’t have any VA muses back then but i was a potato who still liked reading your stuff anyway. took me about a day before i actually dared to follow you back, but gosh damn i don’t ever regret that decision. you put a shit ton of effort and thought into all your muses, from holy to trish to form to all the muses on your multi, and it really shows in your writing.

your writing style is like blessed, you don’t drag on a point too long in your paragraphs but you add in certain words or phrases where the character’s personality quirks shine. its never tiring to read honestly, the little details here and there are what makes them so unique from just what was from canon. i think you do a great job on all of them, like literally every single one of them, and i don’t take no for an answer so you gotta take this kiwi of love from me.

as for personally, you’re fun to plot with or just talk to in general, and i can appreciate someone who just has a lot of memes from over the years. this is getting kind of long winded so basically, i’m glad i met you and whether we get to write together in the future or not, really hope you continue just doing your thing. also hopefully life treats you better.

[nostalgicatsea]

This is my second go at filling out the year-end writing meme that @sineala​ and muccamukk did on Dreamwidth because my computer freaked out and shut down on me without warning while I was writing and my entire post was lost. I was almost done with it so you can imagine how upset I was.

So here’s my reflection on my writing in 2018! This is going to be long. You can read it in full here on Dreamwidth as well.

All of these stories are Steve/Tony unless stated otherwise.

April

Leaving Promises Against Your Skin (MCU) - Post-Civil War soulmate AU, 18,611 words

May

The Great Silence of Loss (MCU) - Post-Infinity War fic about grief and hope vs. despair, 1,075 words

Little Moments in Between: A Brief Interlude (MCU) - Tony thinks about his relationship with Steve while they wait for a train, 844 words

June

Signals Between Two Satellites (MCU) - Post-Infinity War angst and hurt/comfort fic about Steve and Tony seeing each other for the first time after the snap, 2,290 words

August

Hidden Declaration (Generation Kill, Brad/Ray) - Ray tries to convince Brad to get matching tattoos with him, 728 words

You and Nothing Else (MCU) - Steve doesn’t like seeing Tony stressed out and unhappy over their wedding plans, 785 words

Every Last One of My Demons (MCU) - Post-Infinity War emotional hurt/comfort fic about Steve and Tony talking after having nightmares, 1,705 words

Rushing Headlong in the Wrong (Right) Direction (Avengers Academy) - Steve bids on Tony in their school’s charity auction, wrongly assuming that he’s auctioning off a date, 2,727 words

December

A Long, Final Rest Among the Stars (MCU) - Endgame trailer fic about Tony reflecting on how he’s come full circle from Afghanistan in a way, 2,732 words

Last year I wrote and posted:

Nine stories and 33,333 words, including the 1,836 words I wrote on New Year’s Eve for a Cap-Iron Man comm gift fic but didn’t submit because I wasn’t happy with it.

Overall thoughts:

Last year was a productive writing year for me! My 2018 New Year’s resolution was “to build on my progress and write even longer pieces and more works that I’m proud of.” Suffice to say, that happened. In the past two years, I went from writing one or two fics a year that were at most 1-2.5k to writing my longest fic at the time I wrote that New Year’s post (Multitude of One (4,277 words)) to the number of words and fics above.

Looking back, did you write more fic than you thought you would last year, less, or about what you'd predicted?

I didn’t have a specific goal, but nine fics is more than half my fic count on AO3 and the other eight were posted over the course of four years so yeah, WAY more than I thought I’d write. I don’t know how that happened especially as I get stuck while writing all the time.

What pairing/genre/fandom did you write that you would never have predicted in January?

Brad/Ray and Gen Kill. I never thought I’d write a GK story because just the thought of doing so is intimidating. Ray Person is intimidating. I love him, but he’s so easy to get wrong and I’ve seen people get him totally wrong or get close but still fall short. I didn’t even want to bother trying until @luxover​ gave me a Brad/Ray prompt and I wrote Hidden Declaration. Just to make things both harder and easier, lux is a good friend so I hoped she would be gentle even if she hated it lol, but I wanted to make her happy because she’s my friend. She’s also the only person I know who writes Ray perfectly so, you know, no pressure. But I wrote a thing! In a fandom I didn’t ever expect to write in!

This year's theme and the story that demonstrates it most:

A toss up between “angst with catharsis/grief and healing” and “post-Infinity War.” Or maybe “I never thought I’d write this.” It’s funny because after Infinity War came out, Alanna (aslightstep​) and I talked about how it didn’t fill us with the desire to write any fics based on it, and three of my fics from last year are post-IW ones (four if you include the one based on the Endgame trailer).

Leaving Promises Against Your Skin hits all three things.

What's your own favorite story of the year?

Not the most popular, but the one that makes you happiest?I’m not sure it makes me the happiest, but it’s definitely the fic I’m proudest of and it so happens to be my longest and most popular one: Leaving Promises Against Your Skin again. LPAYS was the sequel to Multitude of One which, until I posted LPAYS, was my longest fic. I knew it would blow MoO out of the water, word count-wise. That was one of the reasons I was too afraid to write it because I didn’t know how to write long fics nor do I know how I wrote this one now that so much time has passed since I finished it. I’m proud of it not because it’s perfect and I love everything about it (a few things bother me about it actually) but because writing it was agonizing. I wanted to give up so many times.

The only reason I kept going was that I didn’t have that much of an option to do so as it was a STH fill. I’m proud of sticking with it. Once everything snapped into place, the words kept flowing…and flowing and within days, I wrote several thousand words more than I had expected the fic to be. This is how I felt once I was done. For the first time ever in all my years of writing, I got choked up over my own writing lol. I understand how great it feels to finish a long fic, write the scenes you had in mind for so long, and get to the ending that you envisioned from the start (I had the ending of LPAYS in mind while writing MoO even though I kept mum about it when people asked me what happened after the ending of MoO). I got so happy that I made my first photoset! That’s another unexpected thing that happened last year.

Did you take any writing risks this year? What did you learn from them?

A lot!

- I mostly write angst and never thought I would ever write unadulterated fluff with zero angst and I did so twice in 2018 with my first Avengers Academy fic, which also has a dash of humor (“humor”? I’m not really funny), and this wedding preparation fic, which also is an established relationship fic about marriage. I never thought I’d write those things either especially because wedding fics tend to bore the hell out of me and I never seek them out.

- Both of those fics were prompt fills (I filled four in total). I never take prompts because I get stuck and stressed out that I have writer’s block, but it worked out fine which I’m happy about as the prompts for the two fics were out of my comfort zone. I had no idea what to write for the cheese one, but I was determined to fill it. I can’t recognize myself. Fluff? Humor? No angst? Established relationship? Wedding preparations? Prompt fills? ME? What?!

- Long fics! I wrote my first one because eh, 4k doesn’t count as long even though it was long for me at the time.

- MCU Tony POV. MCU Tony scares me from a writing standpoint, so I avoided writing from his POV until LPAYS and now I have two fics with his POV.

I learned that what may seem or be impossible to do doesn’t stay that way and that trying to get out of my comfort zone can be incredibly rewarding. It’s worth a shot even if I fail because I gain more experience, and it makes me feel hopeful about growing as a writer. It’s hard to think that you’ll ever improve or be able to write things you can’t write when you’re frustrated or not feeling great about your writing.

My best story of this year:

I don’t remember what I put the first time around.

My most popular story of this year:

Leaving Promises Against Your Skin

had the most bookmarks, comments, hits, and kudos. Not surprising because it’s a sequel to my most popular fic and it’s a soulmate AU which tends to draw people in.

Story of mine most under-appreciated by the universe, in my opinion:

Hidden Declaration has the fewest bookmarks, comments, hits, and kudos without contest, but considering the size and lack of activity in the fandom (which is why I don’t care that no one has read it, but I generally don’t obsess over those markers anyway especially if it’s a gift like this one was), I can’t exactly say it’s underappreciated by the universe.

You and Nothing Else had the lowest comments to hits ratio, but it performed well on Tumblr where I originally posted it, so I have to pick Every Last One of My Demons which had the lowest kudos to hits and bookmarks to hits ratios of ALL my fics from 2018 and went a bit under the radar on Tumblr too. I thought it would do better because hurt/comfort! Post-Infinity War! Oh well.

My least favorite story this year:

Rushing Headlong in the Wrong (Right) Direction. I’m not good with humor, and the words kept coming but kind of in a “oh no, I can’t stop word vomiting” way. But hey, I never write dialogue-heavy fic so there’s that. And it’s a silly and fun fic for a silly and fun prompt (“cheese wheel”...I almost ended up ignoring the prompt because cheese wheel?) and universe. RIP soon, AvAc. You’ll live on in our hearts and in fandom.

Most fun story to write:

Hidden Declaration! Ray was super fun, which is a big surprise as I said he’s scary to write. There are one or two lines in the story hat I want to tweak because I think they toe the line in being “too much” (as I said, he’s very easy to get wrong, and many people go overboard with him), but he’s really fun to write and I love him!

Story with the sweetest moment:

You and Nothing Else. The part where Steve tells Tony he doesn’t care about what their wedding is like and Tony not only gets what he means, but he meets him halfway because what he ultimately decides on reminds him of Steve.

Story with the single sexiest moment:

Haha I don’t have any sexy moments. The closest would be Hidden Declaration, where Brad imagines Ray beneath him with a tattoo that matches his (he totally learns how to tattoo so that he can ink Ray himself).

Most "Holy crap, that's wrong, even for you" story:

None. I didn’t do anything that’s more horrible than what I usually do.

Most overdue:

LPAYS. It took a year for me to post although I only seriously thought of writing it and began writing it months after I posted MoO.

Most eye roll-worthy title:

A tie between Rushing Headlong in the Wrong (Right) Direction which is awful, but I got stuck on a title for that one, and Little Moments in Between: A Brief Interlude, which is so pretentious (that colon!) and long for such a short fic about nothing. I couldn’t decide between the two phrases separated by the colon, so I used both.

Story that shifted my own perceptions of the characters:

LPAYS. It’s written in Tony’s POV, but it helped me explore Steve a bit and feel better about him. A lot of people, including me, were upset with Steve after CA:CW and hated his letter because it made little sense (I still think this way). I also kept thinking about the line “I can see now I was really sparing myself” and tried to figure out what he meant by that. For once, Steve was selfish and it led to disastrous consequences, but his selfishness came from losing so much in his life and not wanting to lose more and...I really do think he didn’t want to lose Tony and was afraid he’d lose him and that Bucky would fall out of his grasp again. He was a coward, but because he cared too much, not because he didn’t care at all.

Hardest story to write:

LPAYS again! I knew what would happen after the ending of MoO and had the ending of LPAYS in mind too while writing the ending of MoO, but I kept mum about it even though people wanted to know and asked me about it. I couldn’t figure out what scenes to write other than one BARF scene and the ending which I desperately wanted to get to. I couldn’t figure out how to deal with the idea of forgiveness, how Tony could ever heal, and how Steve could earn back Tony’s trust again. It was so, so hard and I was miserable until things clicked and then 8k became 10k...which became 12k. I thought I’d stop there, but then it became 18k. I couldn’t stop which felt so liberating, fun, and rewarding because it had been so difficult to write until that point.Thank you to everyone who listened to me, brainstormed with me, and held my hand through the process as I whined and suffered.<3 I couldn't have written it without you.

Biggest Disappointment:

I couldn’t write a comm gift fic that I was happy with in time, and I wanted this year to be the year that I finally wrote one. Hopefully I’ll be able to participate in another writing-related Cap-Iron Man event this year! Oh, and I didn't write that other soulmate fic that's been on my mind for years.

Biggest Surprise:

Everything under the “writing risks” part. Um...that LPAYS did so well. There’s a risk with long sequels; the longer a oneshot fic is, the less likely it is to get as much feedback as say, something that’s in the 5-7K range (I forgot the exact range, but someone put up stats about this), and if it’s a sequel? People back out because they think they won’t know what’s going on unless they read the first story. I was that “Troy from Community enters a room on fire with a pizza box, smiling and then alarmed” gif when MoO did incredibly well, and I sort of feel like that with LPAYS, even if MoO has double the bookmarks, comments, kudos, and hits.

Most Unintentionally Telling Story:

I don’t know.

Favorite opening line:

I’m not extremely fond of any particular opening line from last year. This is easier with opening paragraphs. If I had to pick, though, it’s “They were like bedtime stories, his nightmares” from Every Last One of My Demons.

Favorite closing line:

The one from LPAYS and the last four paragraphs of that are my favorite closing lines ever, but they’re spoilery so I’ll pick something different. My favorites have to be from Every Last One of My Demons, Signals Between Two Satellites, and A Long, Final Rest Among the Stars. I’ll pick two.

Favorite in terms of meaning: Hope, he thought as Tony turned to look at him, exhausted and afraid and beautiful from Signals.

Tony is the embodiment of hope for Steve!!!! I honestly think that Tony embodies that for the Avengers and especially Steve in so many ways, even in the MCU; it’s not as apparent as the other universes, but if you think about what Tony did for Steve in all their movies together and in Infinity War, which they aren’t in any scenes together, it makes sense.

Favorite in terms of writing/prettiness/mood: “Tony,” he heard the voice whisper again, and it was all their voices all at once, calling him to them from here and beyond, all with him as he drifted off, into the boundless darkness, into the stars and the lights he had loved and then feared and loved again from A Long, Final Rest.

In conclusion:

I’m proud of myself.

Fic-writing goals for 2019:

I’m not going to try to top what I did in 2018. I don’t think that’ll be possible. What I hope to do in 2019, other than write my MTH fill for @sabrecmc​, of course, is to finish the two fics that have been on my mind for years: the reconciliation/reunion fic and the one that everyone must have heard me complain about by now as I’ve been whining about it on and off for about 4.5 years. Yes, that one. That soulbond fic. The one that I tried to abandon, but even if I put it aside for a long time, I can never actually let go of. It haunts me. I WANT TO BE FREE. I WANT TO BE FREE. If you’re curious, the two fics are the second and third fic on this post. I have some other stories I want to write, but those two are my only priorities. PLEASE, I WANT TO WRITE AND POST THEM EVEN IF I DON’T KNOW HOW.

Anyway, happy 2019. One more year until 2020! What a scary thought. I wish you all a prosperous, joyous, creative, and prolific year.

[miamaska]

A Patreon Postmortem

Here is a breakdown of everything involved with creating Patreon content, time management, what went right and wrong, etc, etc. This may be interesting for indie creators, but for everyone else it’d probably be boring. (Read more is quite long with some images so maybe don’t load it on your dashboard. There is a summary at the end.)

The Numbers

This is a full breakdown of when I worked on something comic- or Patreon-related from Oct 2016 to Sep 2017. Minutes, pledges, and my estimated hourly earning.

Note: this doesn’t include title pages or concept art, the first bonus comic and wallpapers are estimated for lack of recording, and the main comic minutes are pulled from the month’s published pages. Pages are completed in bulk weeks in advance (see the latest posts here for details), but I figured it averaged out. There were a few times I survived on a buffer while managing my health.

The inclusion of commissions towards the Patreon creator goals was my first mistake as they take up time unique of everything else! Here are my hourly rates for Patreon commissions (estimated processing fees subtracted):

Pretty in line with what I charge for personal commissions. There was a unique commission order I allowed in the final month that accounts for the bump in pledges.

Here’s my averages across the year with the commission money subtracted from the total monthly income (averages may be off by a few cents due to rounding (not like that really helps but)). This includes the main webcomics and Patreon bonus content minutes together.

For fun, here’re estimates of what it would be if it were only Patreon content being calculated (no main comics’ numbers being included), with and without commission pledges included.

I won’t post my professional timesheets, but with their inclusion I managed at least over minimum wage! However, I was regularly working 40-45 hours a week, which sounds average at face value, but keep in mind I only record minutes I’m physically drawing. I don’t include comic scripting, emailing clients, googling references, compiling and double checking work instructions, posting updates on social media, and so on. I also didn’t include personal projects like fan art, friend art, or practice (which usually took the form of miscellaneous concept art).

Here’s a page of what my physical weekly planner looks like. Some details redacted, but those circled bits are minutes I worked that day. This right here is the nightmare scenario. 

(An aside: at one point, I did get a ganglion cyst on my drawing hand, but I had it drained, and was back to work within the week. I aggressively rationed the time I worked to avoid this happening again. This lead to me having very little truly free time-- breaks were scattered in five to thirty minute doses throughout the day, taken up by emailing, chores, eating, cooking, caring for my pets, or stretches. I would often “work” from eight in the morning to eleven at night. Most of my life was min-maxed as a result.)

What went wrong

I knew something was wrong by February. I hoped with the first Patreon side comic arc wrapping up in March, new people would be interested to see a completed storyline or even vote on the next one. My thought was if people had agency in choosing the storyline that came next, they may feel more invested in the outcome. 

But by June, I knew it wouldn’t end well. There hadn’t been much engagement in the extra content or response when I tried promotion on the main websites or social media. I figured I would at least finish the second comic arc both for those who voted/paid for it, and my own sense of closure. 

Now for specifics where I think went wrong. Starting with commissions, as that was one of the issues I hadn’t foreseen. Counting them towards the creator goal was a problem, but it isn’t one I could quite fix easily. It’s not very fair to raise the goal by fifty dollars whenever I get one of the top tiers filled! It also seemed redundant to raise the tier cost to compensate. 

The next issue is similarly related: I didn’t calculate the difference of hours of creating the extra content into creator goals. My first goal of $300 was a barebone minimum needed to cover for monthly main comics output (1 weekly update for both comics, estimated around 36 hours monthly), with nothing estimated for extra content. If you look at the last three months where I was on that schedule, I was pretty close, with averages of 36.4 hours monthly for each comic updating once weekly. It was a beginner’s mistake, but I believe a symptom of a greater issue.

And that is, I’m quite bad at self-promotion! I do run ads, but I don’t network with other creators or manage booths at cons, and I’m not fond of using social media. Maybe since I don’t have the time, maybe because I fear I’ll be revealed as a fraud if I talk with other artists too long. It may also be because I have a tendency to withdraw when I make something too personal. Which (perhaps unwisely) a lot of my storylines have been, as most elements are adapted from my life in distant, fantastical settings. 

Partially tied into that point is an assumption I had lurking supporters. I had noticed a small trend of people speaking up when I had needed to go on hiatus or inquired about physical copies of the comic. People I had never seen interact with me before would come out of the woodwork to voice their support, and I bet on there being more. Not so in my case! Or perhaps more accurately, those who wish for a physical copy of the main comics are not necessarily those that would pay for self-indulgent side stories or wallpapers on a monthly basis.

The final point is one compounded of all the others. As a result of the low income, I still needed to keep doing commercial work. I had little time to stop and focus on improvement, or to let ideas properly marinate in my mind before drawing them out. I feel a lot of my work was rushed and poorly made, across all output. From main comics, to bonus comics, to client work, to fan art. I should have done better.

What went right

I now have a lot more practice at the mechanics of comic making. From trimming the fat, to thinking of story arcs in a shorter term, to managing better visual flow. Dialogue placement and character density management is becoming more clear to me. Perhaps now that I will have more time to think on improving, I will actually get better at this. Here is a study of the visual flows of the 1st bonus comic issue (late 2014), compared with the 7th issue (April 2017), and the 12th issue (September 2017). To me, there is a marked difference in simplicity of flow and ease of reading.

Besides that, I have something I can use for making prints! Both these arcs will be good test runs for making physical books out of on a small scale. While making the main comics into printed books will be a daunting task (given their length and... incompleteness), these are short and self-contained. 

I’ve also learned a few methods for breaking art blocks, specifically when it comes to sketching methods, as that’s what trips me up most. I can easily go through the motions when it comes to inking and rendering, but sketching was the hardest block to crack when stuck. Necessity is the mother of invention, and all.

Lastly, I’ve fed my soul. Passion projects being what they are, I’ve cleared at least two storylines from cluttering my mind’s catalogue. I’m not going to dwell on them or attempt to recreate them (beyond some polishing needed for print). There’s something purifying about getting these done, same with all comics I make. Maybe it’s not the most financially wise way of spending my time, but I admit I am compelled to create.

Summary

So if you’re an indie creator and you’ve read this far or have jumped ahead, here’s some do’s and don’ts you may want to take into account:

Don’t begin by offering new, extra content. Stick with stuff you’re already making anyway. Maybe WIPs, concept art you haven’t published, access to streams? Save extra content for big creator goals when you’re actually making a profit and can spare the time/effort.

Do network? Use social media. Put yourself out there. (don’t know how this one works still lol)

Don’t lowball your creator goals, especially if you’re offering a commission-like tier! Commissions should pay for themselves, but they still take up their own time!

Do keep track of how you spend your time. Doesn’t need to be exact, but enough to know if you’re actually breaking even.

All said, I’m not totally sure what I will do now. I gambled a huge amount of time on this experiment, but risking it all doesn’t guarantee success. It may be better in the end I keep this as a passion project, and not poison my mind of the comics by entangling them with income and efficiency so much.

Financially, I had a pretty meager year as I couldn’t take large contracts or work on game development projects under this schedule, which combined with a couple of health issues has made things pretty tight. The nature of freelance doesn’t guarantee much in the way of income, generally speaking. For the most part, I am young and fairly healthy, but this level of effort is probably not sustainable on a purely physical level for much longer. As I don’t foresee any convenient windfalls to keep this kind of lifestyle going, I believe I am overdue in thinking of this endeavor as a hobby after all. At least I can say I tried.

As I said when starting the Patreon, I will almost certainly continue creating these stories in some fashion or another, even if I cannot monetize them. Something in me is compelled to keep creating, and while it may be the alluring decline of a sunk cost fallacy, just the same it could be the relief of catharsis. To be honest, I haven’t had a conventional job since high school and don’t know what I can guarantee in the way of output for the future. But know I won’t be stopping on my own accord.

I am not sure I’ll ever be at peace, but each page has healed me a little more. In the end I think that’s about as good as I can hope.

[teambetterends]

1,2,14,15,24-31, 33, 41, 43, 44-48 for the lesbian ask game! (if you want to do all those!)

aaa i would love to thank you sm i love you

1. femme or butch

uhhhhh i would probably be butch but like. sometimes i like wearing skirts and stuff like recently! and i’ve been like. having Thoughts about my connections to these like identities so i don’t really know 

2. do you have a “type”? if so, describe it

so uhh i had this conversation with myself just recently yeah so i do and it’s mostly like. reserved and more mature people than me? not older, no, absolutely not, but like? i don’t really like people who are like me, just like the same stuff that i do and are generally more responsible and understanding and Know things more than i do because i’m very unsure and emotionally clumsy and typically like. yeah

also i technically got roasted by my ex gf when she totally read me as having a thing for redheads that i didn’t realize before and it ruined my life because it’s true. 

i also love love love brown eyes they’re lovely and the best thing the universe created in humans. anyone who disagrees can meet me in the parking lot we’re gonna have a fist fight.

14. if single what are you looking for in a potential girlfriend/wife?

uhhh like tall and soft physically and emotionally and cuddly and understanding of my boundaries. uhm like reserved and nice and likes video games and is willing to put up with my inability to hold conversations but is patient with me anyway. likes cats, ideally. warm and loves cuddles and lets me go at my own pace w/ smooches and stuff pls be gentle

15. describe your dream wedding

having one

24. if a woman wanted to woo you, what would a surefire way to accomplish that?

i have no idea what i’m talking about but i guess be really easy to talk to and funny. like i feel totally comfortable talking to you and being around you. let me talk about stuff i like and understand i have a hard time talking, be comfortable in silences. like video games, otherwise. 

25. be postive! what do you like most about being a lesbian?

i love loving girls they’re so soft and amazing and i’d hate to be straight because i’d never be able to appreciate girls in all of their qualities and love them because they’re sunshine and lovely and nice. i like having connections with other lesbians in like total solidarity because you just Get each other, you can have night long conversations about how much you love girls and being lesbians and it’s so like freeing. it’s great so tldr

26. are you more of a cat person or a dog person?

cats. cats caaaaaaats. cats. but i like both cats and dogs, dogs are great, good boys, i just really love cats.

27. turn ons?

uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

but like. i dunno. i like soft girls with Big Weapons and bigger biceps that they could lift me and give great cuddles with. like not zarya, i’m not super into her sorry, but like daisy ridley? hell yeah damn right. tol but not like a foot taller than me, sof, being easy to talk to. and, don’t overshare don’t overshare don’t overshare neck biting

28. turn offs?

being pretentious. talking too much but in a certain way where it’s kind of overbearing, i dunno. being disrespectful. 

29. do you usually ask other women out or do you wait for them to ask you?

i usually ask because if i don’t it won’t ever happen lmao

30. what is your dream career?

being a mermaid. one time i wanted to be an astrophysicist but realized i can’t do math. probably like a psychologist or designing video games.

31. talk about your interests or hobbies!

oh shit where do i start i have too many hyperfixations uhhh so i really like overwatch i’ve played it for like 603 hours at this point i think? kill me but i love it i get to feel important and efficient like i’m actually doing things. uhm. i love dishonored i love it so much it’s so gorgeous everything looks like a painting and i love the game mechanics of magic and eldritch powers and the whole environment and world building it’s fantastic if it were a human embodiment i’d marry it

i also like drawing, it’s fun. i’m not terribly good at it (yet) but i’m way better than i used to be so. yay. i used to write alot more often before, but i write occasionally now. it’s hard to do with uni schoolwork and playing video games when i’m avoiding schoolwork, but yeah. 

i also love music i’m pretty much always listening to music apparently i had 90,000 minutes of listening time on spotify last year? di you know that’s 1500 hours or 62.5 days? i have spotify linked on my about so you could like see everything i listen to so i won’t get lengthy about it but i love fall out boy they just came out with an album so i’m listening to it right now! it’s great

33. do you love easily or does it take time for you to warm up to someone?

i love super easily. i trust super easily and tend to care about people way too much so if i like someone i’m typically like gone immediately. hopeless. 

41. early-riser or night owl?

night owl, easily. it’s 2:00am right now. i was up until like 3:00am last night. i’m terrible someone get me on a regular sleeping schedule

43. can you drive?

i’m ryan i’m almost 19 and i never fucking learned how to drive

44. who was your first lesbian crush?

drew barrymore, i would say pretty reliably i guess? i watched charlie’s angels like a fiend from the time i was four to uhh, how old am i. she gave off kinda butch vibes (her name was. dylan.) so it makes kind of the most sense. i’m still lost with her, she’s like forty or whatever and older than my mom so i probably wouldn’t marry her but like. yeah

45. what age did you know you were a lesbian?

about march or april last year so like. 18. i was bi for a really long time, right up until i identified as a lesbian. i was dealing with a lot of feelings, and being trans for almost two yearsish at the time so. yeah

46. at what age did you come out (if you have)?

ok so i had really emotionally abusive parents, right, so i… never really got to come out. they outed me a lot of times without my consent, going through my things and yelling at me. so i never got to come out to them, at least. my bf actually figured out i was trans, so i told him. now everyone i Actually know for more than like five minutes knows i’m gay, so. it’s generally pretty known. that’s nice.

47. are you crushing on anyone at the moment?

uh. not really but also kind of. i have a bunch of small crushes but no really big major ones. 

celebrity wise i really like daisy ridley, and chloe bennet, and i’ve always crushed on meg turney my forever girl, vanessa morgan, and lyrica okano. 

48. talk about how your day went

ok. i only have one class today so i slept awhile, woke up at like 11am, got up pretty immediately surprisingly. took a shower right off the bat. sat around until class at 2, went to the library and saw my friend who works there with me he’s great, always happy to see me and cheers me up we’re buddies. did some stuff there, got some food. then later i got something to eat with roommate and went to the gym, got really upset seeing someone beforehand and ended up not being able to handle working out too long. went home and cried, watched videos to cheer up and not do anything rash, and fell asleep. now i’m sitting around and doing stuff waiting to get tired and sleep. which should probably be in a couple hours since i have class in the morning!

[espytalks]

a bunch of unorganized info about kaylee and her friends

(okay, i found the info i wrote. i haven't looked at it since i wrote it, which was months ago, so idk what’s all in here. it should be accurate though. i have to do stuff so i’ll double check this info later))

kaylee hid her blank flank until she got her mark.

she was very self conscious about her lack of cutie mark, and is uncomfortable without at least her saddlebags on in public.

she keeps her sketchbook and several pencils and sharpeners in that sketchbook

she does traditional art mostly for fun.

she freelances digital work.

she grew up in canterlot

her best friend is jasper, who she doesn’t realise has a crush on her. he hides it though because he doesn’t want thier friendship to change

jasper works at an animal shelter. Kaylee has done some art for the company because jasper talks very highly about her.

jasper suffers from an unkown sickness that he hides from everyone. he’s fine most days, but it gets bad very suddenly one day.

jasper never saw kaylee get her cutie mark. her family moved before she got it, and she got it on the train ride there.

Jasper came up with kaylee’s nickname, but often calls her Des.

kaylee is a huge animation fan, and dabbles in anime and a certain webcomic that may or may not be homestuc.

she owns plusies and/or figures from many of her interests.

Kaylee likes her cutie mark.

only one pony in ponyville know’s kaylee’s real name, and he doesn’t know that it is. He thinks it’s her roleplay name.

Kaylee is very defensive about her mark and her name. she won’t say when she got her mark, and she won’t answer if anyone points out her name isn’t a traditional pony one.

new town, new her.

she doesn’t make enough money from her art to live by herself, and she doesn’t want to.

she used to spend her free time with jasper. she spends most of her free time alone in ponyville. 

she has a friend she met on her first day in ponyville named hidden.

they met at a party pinkie pie threw to celebrate rainbow dash’s sonic rainboom

hidden was only there because she was invited, and stood in a corner most of the time

hidden reminds kaylee about herself, and kaylee’s very understanding of her

hidden has a secret crush on kaylee.

kaylee doesn’t think she looks pretty. ditto with hidden.

they both think the other is pretty tho

kaylee is on the ace/aro specrum

Hidden doesn’t know what her cutie mark represents. 

she got it on a day where she was giving some sort if presentation. she was dressed up and didn’t find out until she got home.

her best guess is that it means she’s good at being scared.

she actually got it by reassuring another pony going before her who was also scared. 

kaylee’s magic is very unstable due to an accident from overuse.

she’s not allowed to use advanced magic because of it.

she sometimes does it anyways.

Kaylee’s natural hair color is black. she dyes it with magic.

an au kaylee where that accident didn’t happen could potentially put her along with twilight magic-wise, and her cutie mark would be different.

unless this changes, she is canonically friends with cover story, and roleplays as a superhero with him. she sometimes drags hidden with her.

she’s totes be down to learn how to play dungeons and dragons

on an unrelated note, I would totes be down to learn how to play dungeons and dragons if i had enough friends.

kaylee listens to audiobooks while drawing.

she loves electro swing music and dubstep, among many other genres.

hidden likes instramental covers and owl city

Jasper likes country and 80′s music.

basically, my idea for kaylee’s story is learning to accept and move on from loss. 

i have a potential idea that jasper’s ghost looks over her.

oh yeah did i mention jasper died?

he kissed her though before he did. she didn’t know he loved her until then.

she feels very guilty about that. like wow it’s painful for her to think about

her alarm clock reminds her of ambulance sirens.

the blog starts sometime soon after she first moved to ponyville. his funeral was the day before she moved.

the blog takes place in season 1, sometime after sonic rainboom

i havent decided what her poison joke would be, but i have an idea of what discored kaylee would be like. 

kaylee visits jasper’s grave and his family whenever she takes a trip to canterlot, which is usualy for art related things.

Their families were very close. she writes to them often, and includes pictures and drawings.

jasper would be so proud of how far she’s come.

unless it changes, she’s friends with lotus from another blog that i did art for. she did art and designs for him a few times.

she buys a bouquet from the same small business every time, and the owner knows her by name.

i have a potential idea for a love interest for kaylee involving an oc named orange sunrise, but i may or may not scrap it. if i do, he’s just a guy that see’s her often in the plaza  while he sells apples. he think’s she’s pretty though.

she know’s pinkie pie, and of course pinkie knows her. pinkie know’s everyone. kaylee is kinda indifferent. Hidden doesn’t like her much because pinkie’s loud and hidden is very shy.

kaylee’s birthday is october 8th. she’s 17 at the start of the blog.

hidden’s birthday is in april. i forgot which day.

i havent decided for jasper.

kaylee has a mom, dad and brother, and they all live together

hidden and jasper are both only childs

jasper lived by himself, but was close with us parents

hidden lives with her parents. she’s unemployed.

i may have hidden work at honeydrop’s to boost her confidence in the future. she’s a frequent customer.

[lindyhunt]

Billie Eilish is Wise Beyond Her Sixteen Years

I was more nervous calling up Billie Eilish than I am for most interviews. Sure, she’s only 16-years-old—but that makes her terrifying talent and cool-girl persona all the more intimidating. When I was a teenager, I didn’t have an aesthetically pleasing Instagram account with 1.1 million followers, and I definitely didn’t have a debut single with over 44 million streams.

It turns out, the pop prodigy prides herself on being a little bit scary. “People are terrified of me, and I want them to be,” she said in an interview with W Magazine last year. Having read this statement in my rigorous pre-interview research—and having witnessed Eilish’s fearless performance in front of a sold out crowd at Toronto’s Mod Theatre—I was just as frightened as Eilish wanted me to be. This girl knows exactly who she is, and she isn’t apologizing for it. She’s cooler than me, more talented than me and, as it turns out, she’s a lot wiser than me too.

What does it mean to be an artist? How do you connect with fans? Is being nice pretty? Billie Eilish shares all her tokens of wisdom. And, as a bonus, she offers anecdotes on her relationship with Khalid—the Grammy-nominated R&B singer whom she recently collaborated with on “Lovely“—and her aptly named Instagram handle, @wherearetheavocados.

On being really (really) cool.

“I’m not going to say I’m cool, because I don’t really feel that. I just don’t care at all, and I guess that’s what people think is cool.”

On her fans.

“I don’t even call them fans. I don’t like that. They’re literally just a part of my life; they’re a part of my family. I don’t think of them as on a lower level than me. I don’t think I’m anything but equal to all of them. So yeah, they’re basically all of my siblings.”

On performing.

“What I always say about my shows is, I don’t want people to leave saying, ‘I watched someone do a fun show.’ I want it to be an experience that both of us shared. I want people to say: ‘I went and saw Billie and we had a good time.’ I don’t want it to be a play or something performative, I want everyone to be involved.”

bouncin like sum kangaroos

A post shared by billie eilish (@wherearetheavocados) on Feb 14, 2018 at 4:14pm PST

On her hometown, Los Angeles.

“I don’t really like playing in LA; people here think they’re so cool. Everyone you know and everyone you’ve ever met in your entire life shows up. And in L.A. everyone is a bit insane, everyone thinks they’re better than everyone else.”

On being an artist.

“Being an artist doesn’t just mean you have a song. That doesn’t make you an artist. The word artist means so many different things, and I feel like to be a real one, you really have to do it all. The people that I think of as artists—Tyler the Creator, Childish Gambino, Kanye West—are doing the most.”

lovely out now @thegr8khalid

A post shared by billie eilish (@wherearetheavocados) on Apr 19, 2018 at 10:55am PDT

On being besties with Khalid.

“My friend played ‘Location’ for me back in 2016, before it was big. I looked him up and I couldn’t find a single thing about him. I literally looked up the name Khalid on iTunes and there was nothing there: no songs, no artist page, just nothing. So I found ‘Location’ on Soundcloud, and then realized that he followed me on Twitter. He DM’d me or I DM’d him, and then he gave me his number. We just became friends. Neither of us were chasing any kind of clout, or whatever you want to call it. I respected him for his art, and he respected me. And then he became the huge star that I always thought he was.”

On “Lovely.”

“We wrote it last April. We didn’t really go into it like: ‘We’re going to write a song and put it out.’ [Khalid] just came over and we hung out, and we ended up writing a song. It wasn’t anything more or less than that.”

who dat

A post shared by billie eilish (@wherearetheavocados) on Apr 16, 2018 at 11:18am PDT

On smiling.

“In real life, I’m a really smiley person. I smile when I talk and I laugh. It’s weird because a lot of my friends know me as a very smiley human. So yeah, I don’t smile in photos and I want people to be afraid of me. But in reality, when you see me, I’m just going to cuddle you up.”

On being nice.

“It’s so much prettier to be nice. Being mean or being unfriendly—it’s so unattractive. You can still look cool and be a nice person.”

On starting a fashion brand.

“It’s one of the main things I want to do. I write down and draw out all of my ideas and designs for clothes. Right now, it’s just me creating stuff on photoshop. All the merch that I had on this whole tour, it’s all my design. Well, they’re my designs but toned down a bit, to make them cheaper to make.”

moon bounce

A post shared by billie eilish (@wherearetheavocados) on Aug 8, 2017 at 7:10pm PDT

On her Instagram handle, @wherearetheavocados.

“About five ago I was at home alone making a grilled cheese. Grilled cheese are fucking good dude, and they’re good with avocados because avocados are good with everything. I looked in the fridge for some avocados, I couldn’t find any. I looked under my bed, I looked wherever avocados could be hidden. And I found none! So I stood in front of my fridge and I yelled at the top of my lungs, ‘WHERE ARE THE AVOCADOS?!’

And then a couple days later I made it my username. Now it’s a thing, people bring me avocados to shows and fan pages are always like, ‘here are the avocados.'”