#i think she went to rehab for a while just before jason got picked up my bruce

[pyladescares]

"Let him be soft, and let him be mine."

ver with text vv

[briamichellewrites]

51

Jason was thrown into therapy by Muto. He and his mother wanted to know what was going on inside his head. If it was mental illness, they would learn how to help him. He was initially hesitant about talking to a stranger. Muto gave him an ultimatum. If he wanted to continue living with him and his mother, he would have to accept help. His financial situation was tight and he couldn’t afford to live by himself. He would have to pay legal fees with the divorce.

Bria already filed. The court was requesting he respond to the request. When he was served papers, they went through them together. He was not contesting anything. Did he want alimony or spousal support? No. He didn’t want any money from her. Once they filled out the paperwork, he sent it back with a check. Mike got in contact with him to see how he was doing.

He was having regrets. Mike reminded him that he made his bed. Now, he had to deal with the consequences. He would never be truly happy or satisfied if he continually made the wrong decisions. What about Bria? She would pick herself up and continue her life. It might be with Brad, or it might be with someone else. Whoever she chose, he would treat her like the woman she was. He would have to watch her be happy. His tone was stern, as he scolded his little brother.

“What about you and Dave?”

“Dave pushed me into working on myself and my sobriety. He told me that I needed to learn how to love myself first. The reason why I’m being so hard on you is because I know that my little brother is in there somewhere and hopefully, he’s still listening to me.”

When he returned home, Bria was asleep on the couch. Micha and Henry were keeping watch over her. He found it odd since it was one o’clock in the afternoon and she wasn’t known for taking naps. The only time he ever saw her nap was when she returned home from the hospital. Brad came out and over to him. He wanted to talk to him, so they went into the studio. Alarms were going off in his head. Why else would he pull him aside to talk privately?

“I’m sorry for scaring you. I brought you in here, so we don’t wake Bria up.”

“Is she okay?”

“Relatively speaking? Yes. She didn’t sleep well the night before. What did your brother say?”

“He’s having a pity party for himself. Our father has him going to therapy sessions. I’m not putting up with it. He made his bed and now, he has to sleep in it.”

“Is this normal behaviour for him?”

“No, not at all. He’s usually very levelheaded. His problem is flip-flopping. He has ideas in his head that he thinks he wants and he acts on them impulsively. Like getting married to Bria. That came from a very short sexual relationship they had. He all of a sudden decided he wanted to marry her. Then, he decided he wanted an open marriage. We want him to be truly happy.”

Did he have problems with addiction? He thought they mentioned something like that. Yes, he had a drug and alcohol problem. He started using drugs in high school. In college, he started drinking while discovering his sexuality. He went into rehab for his drinking. They had no idea he was using drugs until he broke down in tears. He confessed to Dave that he was a drug addict and needed help.

He brought Bria into his drug use. She had been sober for three years before she went back to using drugs. They never wanted them to get married because they were not ready. They fought against them. He had a feeling that she went along with what he wanted. Brad knew about her addiction because she was open about it. She wanted him to keep her accountable. He had a drug and alcohol problem when he was first starting in Hollywood. It wasn’t anything serious. He was just smoking too much weed.

His ex-wife got him help. When he saw what she and Jason were going through, he felt compassion for them. It was probably misguided, but he knew what it was like to go through a divorce. When he met Bria, he was going through a separation. He saw something special with her. Mike agreed. He had the honour of watching her grow up. She was a one-of-a-kind woman.

They heard knocking on the door. She apologised for interrupting.

“It’s not a problem. We’re just hanging out in here because we didn’t want to wake you up. How are you doing”, Brad asked.

“I’m decaffeinated. Other than that, a lot better.”

“What happened? You couldn’t sleep last night”, Mike asked.

“Yeah. It was just one of those nights where my brain couldn’t shut off. Dave told me where he was going, but I totally forgot.”

“That’s okay. I’ll see where he is. Are you hungry?”

She was, so they had her get dressed to get something to eat. As she did that, he texted Dave to see where he was. He reminded him he was at the gym with Chester.

Yeah, you told me that earlier. I forgot. Brad and I are taking Bria out for dinner because she hasn’t eaten yet. Do you want me to bring you back something? I don’t know where we’re going yet, but I bet I can find something you’ll like. – Mike

Yeah, I’ll eat whatever you bring home for lunch tomorrow. I’ll figure something out for tonight. Maybe I’ll get takeout. I’ll let you know what I decide. – Dave

The restaurant was fairly busy. They got a table inside. Brad loved the restaurant because of their no pictures policy. It was a wonderful break from the paparazzi. They ordered their drinks before looking at the menu. Brad happened to notice how beautiful she looked in the lights. How did he end up falling in love with a woman like her? She was one of the rare women who didn’t care about his fame. He could be vulnerable with her and she wouldn’t judge him.

He didn’t feel pushed off to the side with her. There were endless reasons why he was in love with her. He was going to introduce her to his family. He knew his parents were going to judge her for her young age and for being divorced. What they thought didn’t matter to him because he would stand up for her. They wouldn’t see what he saw.

Would they get married? Maybe. He wouldn’t rule it out. It just had to be the right time. At the moment, he was happy with where their relationship was. Maybe they could plan a vacation for just the two of them. His thoughts got away from him, as he responded to her tapping his arm. The waitress was waiting to take his food order. He laughed embarrassed before telling her what he wanted. Mike remembered when she had done that to him. It was a way of redirecting attention without being obvious.

“My mother used to do that with my father. He had a one-track mind sometimes and he would be so hyper-focused. She had to tap his arm to get his attention whenever they were with a group of people”, she said.

“It’s great because it’s subtle and doesn’t embarrass anyone”, Mike said.

“Did your father have ADHD”, Brad asked.

“He had late onset bipolar disorder. I believe he was screened for ADHD, but he was found not to have it. If I’m remembering correctly. His bipolar diagnosis was why I was evaluated for it. It took a few years before I was diagnosed.”

Ever since they died, she had a hard time talking about them. It was too painful for her. That was why she mentioned her father. Brad would have loved him. They would have had fun hanging out together. Maybe he would hire him for one of his movies. He believed he and Christina were watching their daughter from heaven. They had to be so proud of her because he was. He was proud of the woman she was becoming.

@zoeykaytesmom @feelingsofaithless @alina-dixon

[leglesstv]

THE DARK DAYS BACK– 2021

 I have been struggling with how to start this piece. I guess I should tell you a little about myself.

What I do for a living is not who I am, yeah, I get to blow shit up and its super fun but it’s not what defines me.

I have been a water baby all my life from growing up on the beach to commercial diver.

The ocean or the ocean’s rhythm ebbs and flows within me.

Surfing has been the biggest part of my life for longer than I care to remember. For sure I have been out the water for extended periods before while working on projects overseas. Always with the knowledge that I will be getting wet again, sometime soon. I have never before been concerned that surfing will not be an option. I have always just figured I would surf till the day I die.

 October 2019 we were still basking in the glory of a once in a lifetime trip to the Ments. 10 Kneelos on a boat sailing around the Mentawai’s. Absolutely what dreams are made of. Red, Giggs, Lester, Larry, Craig, Steve, Johan, Andrew and myself. Jason the skipper of Switchfoot made it 10 chargers in total.

We had also had a run of solid swell at the local, which for me was all time as my new Kneeon that Nick had shaped for me had arrived. Nick and I had chatted over the phone, had a few video calls and bam!! this magic carpet arrives. Oh my sack, I have never been happier with a stick. My surfing went up in leaps and bounds. Never been happier in my life.

 Around this time, I started to get pains in my left hip which radiated down the leg. Initially it wasn’t too bad but it got progressively worse. It got to a stage where I literally couldn’t walk anymore. Thinking it’s got to be the hip, off I went to the hip specialist. Had some photos taken of the hip, back to the clever guy’s office and this is where things started to go south.

Mate, as hips go, yours look beautiful but I recommend you go see a neurosurgeon.

Your spine doesn’t look good at all.

You can imagine, I’m thinking “what the fuck, are you sure you’re looking at the right X-rays.”

So, at least by this time I was on crutches to help me get around and waddled off to see Dave. Dave is a neurosurgeon that had done some work on my spine before.

Same sort of story, pain in my shoulder, radiating down my right arm.

True as nuts, I had gone to the shoulder clever guy who had told me exactly what the hip guy had just told me. Anyway, a long story short, Dave did a decompression on the C7 and T1 vertebrae.

I was booked on a boat trip to the Maldives with my good mate Guy. He is a stand up but I love him anyway. I manage to get on the plane without really having tested the neck or having had time for rehab of any sorts. Probably not my brightest move. We had solid swell the whole trip, but truth be told, I was in constant pain.

Once back in SA, I was off to see Dave again. X-rays and CT scans followed, and Dave said unfortunately we going to have to fuse the C7 and T1 but we will go in through the front this time.

Absolutely no problems whatsoever and I was back in the water 3 months later.

Dave, howzit I’m back. More scans and X-rays (starting to know everyone by their first names by now) followed. Yip, pretty much the same story, crumbling, degeneration of the spine.

I was booked in for a decompression on the L4 and L5. The procedure was pretty standard and uneventful. Unfortunately, just as with the neck, the decompression was not successful. A week later, I was booked in for a multistage fusion, L4, L5 and S1.

So, they going to open me up again along the same incision line, not feeling great about that but hey, there are worse things in life. Waking up from this op was a rude awakening. Fuck me this shit hurts. Trying to move was pretty tender for sure. Anyhow the drugs did their thing and a few days later I was able to get out of bed and lose the dreaded catheter. Walking was fair interesting to say the least, I had to laugh at myself as I looked like a mummy.

Little shuffles with my hands out front but hey, I was mobile. The day they let me out rolled around. Crap balls I felt like shit and was fair tender. It felt like someone was taking a mallet to my head.

I remember battling to get into the wheelchair to get me to the car. The nausea was just incredible, I thought I was going to throw up all over the place. Between the porter and Jo (my wife) they managed to get me into the car.

The ride home is not too far but I was deteriorating at a rapid rate of knots. Got home, Jo managed to get me onto her “throne” where I just passed out.

Through the rest of the day and night I remember fleeting moments of being awake. Couldn’t move, didn’t know what was going on. Basically, a vegetable on the couch.

The next morning Jo realized that this wasn’t good. Somehow or other she managed to bundle me into the car. I have a memory of the gardener holding the car door open with a look of concern on his face. The next thing I was on a gurney at the hospital with Debbie staring at me. Debbie is Jo’s business partner and one of my best friends.

Tests and more tests.

Somehow or other I had picked up Bacterial Meningitis.

Jo had literally just saved my life. A few hours later and it wouldn’t have turned out well.

Some serious antibiotics and medication I can’t even pronounce later, my infection levels started coming down, but the headaches wouldn’t go away. Back into the noisy tube for some more scans. Was good to see all the guys and gals in radiology again.

Crap balls I had a rupture in the thecal sac. Basically, it’s a sac that runs up your spine and over the brain. The sac contains cerebrospinal fluid. When leaking the sac “collapses” on the brain causing insane headaches, headaches that are just next level. Think migraine on steroids.

Back into theatre to patch up the leak.

Once again, they opened me up on the same incision. Success at last, once again freedom day arrived and was bundled into the wheelchair again and back into the car.

Was great to be home with the animals for sure. Jo had made a bed for me in the lounge as walking at this point just really wasn’t an option. To say I was tender would be a bit of an understatement.

A day later, I got this incredible pain down my left leg. Kinda like being hit with a cattle prodder. I remember screaming as the first one hit. Absolute agony, pain like I had never felt. It would last for about 30 seconds but in that time, I couldn’t move a finger for fear of escalating the pain. I just screamed and screamed. Over the next two days, it got worse and more frequent.

This was an incredible low point. I remember crying like a baby. I was emotionally drained by this time. I remember thinking I just want to be normal again. Remember, I can hardly walk, can’t even get down on the toilet to take a dump. I hadn’t had a shit for as long as I can remember.

My wife was washing me and dressing me. It was taking its toll.

This carried on for two days until it got to a point where I just couldn’t move.

An ambulance and crew had to come and peel me off the couch eventually. They dosed me up, got a stretcher underneath me and carried me out to the ambulance.

Jesus, what the fuck!! But hey, could be worse…right?

Back to my favorite people with the noisy machine. Hi everyone, true as nuts I’m back. Another scan revealed that the crushed bone material that they place between your vertebrae was leaking out and catching the nerve going down my leg.

Another twirl in theatre to clean up the debris, by this time the clock on the wall and I were good friends. I used to watch the seconds tick by as the anesthetic started kicking in. I woke up from here being wheeled into high care. Now I have to tell you this was by far my worst experience.

The following morning two nurses came to wash me. I was in absolute agony and they kept moving me and turning me. I was screaming in absolute agony, but they wouldn’t stop and no-one came to help me. To this day I can’t understand it.

Couldn’t wait to get out of there and back on to a ward. Or so I thought…

From there they wheeled me into an isolation ward. Apparently, I had picked up the dreaded hospital Super bug. My infection count was in the 400’s (8 being normal) and to make matters worse, the headaches were back. I had sprung another fucking leak in my Thecal sack. FUCK!!!

Back to my old friend on the wall with the ticking second hand. Again, opening me up on the same line. This time I wasn’t friends with the clock on the wall.

Dave patched me up as best they could.

What the actual…

My new home turned out to be a glass box in the ICU. In isolation in intensive care. Jesus, this isn’t good.

Nurse and doctors were putting gear on to come into the glass box. “What’s going on???”

Machines were everywhere beeping and hissing. “Fuck me, this isn’t good.”

Waking up at 4am with people sticking needles into you to draw blood loses its shine after a while. I think all I ate for the two weeks was watermelon in the morning that Debbie used to bring me with a cup of coffee. When I say bring, I really mean bribe the porter.

 Now you must remember I have basically been bedridden for 6 weeks and not had an appetite at all.

I could see the concern on peoples face when they came to visit, as much as they tried to hide it, it was there.

Nights were the worst and the tears used to flow. So as not to let the pressure in the Thecal sac become too great, they drained it every few hours. This as I’ve said to you before brings on insane headaches.

Morphine and I were no longer friends. It made me incredibly sad and depressed.

I came off the morphine by choice and gritted the teeth. Absolutely worth the pain.

 Lester and Marco organized a live feed for me for the warmup session before the SA Kneeboarding Champs. What legends.

Once again, I cried like a baby, but these were tears of joy. It was so good to watch my mates surfing and everyone saying “hi” on the feed made me feel like a million bucks. The brotherhood is strong here in Cape Town. Love these boys.

 At this point I was literally skin and bone, but my infection levels were coming down and I had managed to get out of bed and make the few steps to the toilet. The sun was definitely coming up for me. For the first time in a long time, I thought I was going to make it.

Fuck, the thought of dying in that glass box haunted me every night there.

Freedom day was like no other. Getting out of there into the sunshine and colors and breeze was a sensory overload, but hey, I was out and feeling good…ish.

 My mates, Debbie and Sian had kept me going. Sian is my office manager and best friend.

She tried to feed me all the way through to no avail, true as nuts she used to arrive with bags of food.

 God it was good to be home.

Reality starts to kick in pretty quickly. Fuck me am I ever going to be able to surf again, am I ever going to be able to sit on the toilet again (it’s the little things hahaha…)

Time to reset the mind from “fuck me, I don’t want to die in here to I need to get in the water again”.

 Enter the amazing Lara, the physio that is a gift from the angels. I remember that late December day shuffling and shaking my way into her office. By this time, all my muscles had wasted away and just holding my frame up was as much as I could muster. I could do about 2 minutes before all my muscles started shaking from fatigue and I was still shuffling like a mummy.

The question Lara asked me off the bat was “what do you want to get out of this.”

“Just get me back in the water please,” was my response.

At this point it was a fantasy I had to believe in, physically I was a mess, but I think mentally I was scarred and the mental trauma was real. But fuck it, if I could survive that, I can achieve anything. The will to get back in the water was incredible and became all consuming.

 Walking around the house became my exercise routine initially and braai tongs my best friend (in case I dropped stuff as bending was not an option). I had to hold on to everything at first as I walked along, eventually I could skip the kitchen counter on the way to the TV room and skip the chairs on the way to my room, and so it went on until I could just about walk the whole house without holding or resting.

 Lara had given me gentle low impact stuff to do, just to tone the muscles and stretches to get some life back in the buggers. Everything hurt. This was a continuous process that I did all day every day for a few weeks. I was starting to feel more stable on my feet which did wonders for my mental wellbeing. Progress was gradual but I started noticing results which made me feel like a million dollars.

 Getting behind the wheel again was a massive boost for me. My buddy Kante who is a running coach, walked with me from my local to St James, what a joy being next to the ocean again, mind surfing every bump that came through. I steadily built this up over time. Eventually I could make it to Muizenberg and back (5 kms). Everything ached at this point and the thought of shortening every walk was ever present. 4am wake ups every day can be a challenge and for sure there were mornings I couldn’t bear the thought of getting up. Sore back, sore hips, it’s dark and it’s cold, fuck this shit. On the odd occasion that I didn’t manage to get going, that feeling of worthlessness would set in. What the fuck is wrong with you, don’t you want to get back in the water? That’s not a cool feeling. I have probably missed 3 days in the six months I have been rehabbing. A 45-minute 5km walk followed by an hour of rehab back at home. I can’t begin to count the many lonely hours I have spent in the dark, walking and processing thoughts and priorities.

 My weekly visits to Lara are always a highlight. My flexibility is measured as well as my strength. Some weeks just like some days are better than others. Lately there are a few moments of some days that I am totally pain free. These can quickly be followed by days and moments of crappy pain, but I will take the good ones for sure. Setbacks some and it’s natural to be bummed by them. Thinking “end goal” always helps. Watching Billy Kemper’s story after that crazy injury in Morocco has inspired me tremendously and there is a kinship that forms in adversity.

To keep the spirits up, I have ordered me a new board from Nick (Kneeon) which should arrive any day.

Jedd has also shaped me a 5’4 twinny that looks more like something that should be flying in space rather than the water. Can’t wait to get these beauties wet.

 The daily grind continues relentlessly and it’s not always easy to appreciate the reasons for the dark hours one spends with oneself on the rehab trail. I want the prize now. Sheesh, it’s a constant battle upstairs. Here’s the weird thing, the closer I get to the end of April (paddle out day…hopefully), the more fearful I become. Will I be able to, and can I still?

All this and more just keeps swimming in the head and there’s the self-doubt.

Fuck it’s terrifying.

I have gone over it a million times in my head, do I just paddle out at a gentle beach break and see how it goes. Na, that scares me more. Soft waves are hard work and the amount of torque on the spine terrifies me. What if the nuts and bolts pop out?

There is no way in hell I am going back to that building with the big red cross on it. This drives me harder for sure back on the road, back to the floor and core exercises.

Lara assures me the hyperextension of the back I have obtained through this time will definitely be fine for paddling.

The torque and pressure on the lower back coming off the bottom and turning off the top, is what scares the crap out of me. The reef and I are intimate, god knows I have bounced and scraped along her so many times. I have certainly paid my dues.  

Wiping out doesn’t scare me, it’s that word again “TORQUE”.

Perhaps I will just go straight on the first few. That in itself presents a bit of a problem at the local, but that’s where my head is.

I know you will all understand this, “what if a section just presents itself, just asking to be slapped”.

It is so ingrained in each and every one of us, that muscle memory just takes over. Going to have to be ever vigilant.

I have swum out to the peak just to be out there with the guys. The first time was not great. It took me so long just to get to the water. Jumping off the railway line so not an option. Doing the walk around and trying to get over the rocks was tricky to say the least.

Feeling the water over my feet was an absolute delight, but crap balls, had the water got colder since the last time? As soon as I laid in the water, it dawned on me that this is going to be quite the journey.

I couldn’t swim on my stomach as the pain was intense, but fuck it, I was going out. I swam on my side and back. Eventually I made it, the guys cheered and whooped, I felt like I had just won the lottery.

It was so good to be part of the conversation out there again, it was so good to hear how stoked the guys were for me, life was good.

I fed off this like I had been starved of life for ages.

 Today being the Saturday before the Wednesday that I go back to Dave (the surgeon), brings turmoil to my emotions.

I’m not sure what I am scared of more, being told you aren’t ready or yeah, go get in the water. I am so scared of not surfing to my full potential again. Every day closer brings more panic. I just want it to be over now.

 Wednesday morning dawned (but not really), up at 4am and back on the road. Usually, I am thinking about the workday ahead but this morning not so much.

My head is swimming with what ifs. What if there is still something wrong, what if I can’t anymore, what if, what if…

On the drive to see Dave, the surgeon, my heart is beating at a million beats/minute.

It’s good to see Dave again in a weird type of way, he really is a very cool guy.

Anyhow, he sends me off for some more pictures of the spine. Gotta say I was staring at the radiologist for some clues, but nothing.

The stress is killing me, and I feel like my heart is going to jump out of my chest.

So, back up to Dave with the thumping heart, I can hear it in my ears.

It all looks brilliant mate. What… I could not believe what I was hearing. He took me through the X-rays explaining what he was looking for and everything was just right.

There’s no use putting off the inevitable he says to me, go get in the water…but don’t be stupid. I wanted to scream it to the world!

Obviously, the doubts started kicking in hard right about now, but hey, I had gotten the green light.

Thursday morning I was off to Lara for physio. I couldn’t wait to tell her the good news. The muscles on the left side of my back had been in spasm for two weeks now, so as thrilled as she was, there was the don’t be stupid again.

I had coached myself in my mind for months now, high tide, small waves and just go straight…right.

 Friday morning and the reports started coming in. There’s a bit of a wave at the local.

“It’s go time.” With my heart in my mouth, I started packing the car.

Sweet Lord, it had been a while, I had to keep double checking I had everything packed.

I don’t think I noticed any other cars on the way, I was mind surfing all the way through to the local.

I got there a few hours before the high just to get my head straight and check the lineup.

There were some chunky 4 footers coming through, but I wanted some more water on the rock. I watched my mate Dave paddle out and get some screamers.

Steve finally arrived, “I thought you would be in your suit already” he says.

This is it, heart in the throat again, off we went.

Sheesh it was so good to feel the waves crashing over my feet and legs again.

Jumped on my board and started paddling.

Woooohoooo absolutely no pain. Got out to the takeoff zone and everyone was cheering and welcoming me back. How humbling.

Mickey Duffus, a local big wave legend was out. Everybody back off he bellowed, this man hasn’t surfed for 6 months.

For some reason, this made me relax and just enjoy the moment.

Something started standing up out the back, Steve was sitting in the channel waiting for me to have my first ride.

“You going Mick?” I heard someone ask.

Yip I heard coming out my mouth, I spun and went.

Muscle memory and familiarity with the wave kicked in. I made the drop…Fuck I couldn’t believe it came around the section and just flopped off my board.

Steve and Dave had the biggest smile on their faces. The emotion of the occasion just swept over me like a wave, and the tears started flowing. All I kept thinking about was lying in ICU thinking fuck, I don’t want to die in here to taking off on the first wave.

Well, for the rest of the session, I absolutely sent it, trying to take off as deep as possible on the gnarliest set waves. All the coaching I had done in my head for the last few months went straight out the window.

In for a penny, in for a pound.

 Damn, I felt so alive, without a doubt, the happiest man on the planet. When I got back to the car park, all of the Kneelo crew were in the car park and boy were they happy for me.

Sean Thompson was there too, shooting my waves and recording the moment.

How blessed am I. Nothing was getting the smile off my face.

 When I lay in bed that night, I kept thinking of the months of rehab and hard work I had gone through. The many lonely dark hours of the mornings, but I had done it.

 The next morning, we were on it at first light with the Westside boys coming through as well. The Kneelo brotherhood in Cape Town is tight. I am so humbled by all the good wishes and thoughts from everyone.

Just want to mention Lester, who kept me sane in the last two months. We chatted every day for the last while, sometimes a few times in a day. He kept me motivated and hungry and for this I will be forever grateful.

There are so many people to thank for getting me through this period. I think you know who you are, and I will get to everyone individually.

It’s good to get wet again.

I started writing this piece to help anyone in similar circumstances.

Stick with your plan and give it everything no matter how hopeless your situation may seem.

At the end of the day this was such a therapeutic exercise for me. Something I didn’t expect.

The trauma was and is real and this has certainly helped me face it and deal with it.

If this helps even one person get over and through a rough period of hopelessness, its job done.

Mickey Kirsten

Legless Contributor

SA Kneelos

[zombiesbecrazy]

Pity Free Confessions

Summary: Sometimes you play video games with your best friend. Sometimes you blurt out about your unrequited love problems. Sometimes you do both.

Written for DickBabs Week - Day 2 Prompt - Best Friends

Note: OMG, I completely forgot that it was DickBabs Week! I totally don't have time to write anything, yet, here we are. Day 2 Prompt - Best Friends.This stands alone but if you've read any of my other DickBabs fics, this comes six months after Chapter 2 of Five Times with Feeling and directly before Strike, Hit, Throw. Unedited and rushed, but I needed to participate and spread the DickBabs love :)

AO3

“I find myself in a bit of a conundrum.”

“Which is?”

“I’m in love with my best friend.”

To Wally’s credit, he didn’t even look away from the screen and continued to mash the buttons on the controller. Hell, he didn’t even blink. They were alone in the Tower today, between missions and everyone else busy in their own cities with their own mentors, leaving the two of them to waste the day away playing video games and eating junk food.

It felt good to relax and ignore a lot of his problems for a while, but there was something that Dick had been unable to ignore for months and if he didn’t say something soon he was going to explode, which is why he had suddenly just blurted it out to Wally.

“Don’t take this the wrong way, because you’re great, but you’re not really my type. I appreciate your interest though.” Wally’s character jumped into a hoard of thugs on top of a building and he was focusing on trying to take them all down in the time limit.

“Gee, thanks. Not you.”

His hands gripped the controller tighter and started moving his arms like he could make his character fight better with sheer will and enthusiasm. “Donna’s like your sister. That would be weird. Don’t be in love with her either.”  

Coughing, Dick choked on the root beer that he was drinking and it almost came out his nose. Damn, that hurt. “Shut up.” Dick punched Wally’s shoulder, making his character fall from a rooftop, die and respawn at the beginning of the mission. That made Wally finally turn and glare at him. “I’m meant Barbara, you butthead.”

“Thought as much, but you should have used her name. You have too many best friends.” Wally hit pause on the game and looked at him. “You should tell her.”

“She’s got other things on her mind.” Dick flopped back on the couch dramatically, sinking into the cushions. What he wouldn’t give for it to come to life and swallow him whole rather than deal with his emotional turmoil. Stupid brain. Stupid heart. Neither of them seemed to be able to just turn off for a while. “More important things than dealing with my unrequited love.”

“How do you know it’s unrequited?” asked Wally, kicking his legs up onto the coffee table in front of them that was littered with their snacks. “She’d be lucky to be in love with you. Anyone would be.”

“I thought I wasn’t your type?”

“Just because the two of us aren’t meant to be it doesn’t mean you aren’t a catch.” Wally looked Dick over and sighed. He pulled the blanket off from behind the couch and put it on top of Dick’s melted form on the couch. Dick must have looked pathetic if Wally was trying to mother hen him like that. “Tell her.”

“It’s not the right time.” A lot had happened in their lives in the past six months. Barbara had been shot. Jason had been killed. Bruce was continuously furious all of the time. No one needed to see him moping around after a girl like a little lost puppy; especially not the girl herself. She was getting her life back together and shouldn’t have to deal with his mini crisis. Why hadn’t he figured this out at a better time? Or why couldn’t he at least still be in denial about it? It would be easier that way. Ahh, blissful denial.

“It’s always the right time to hear that someone loves you. It’s like a big word hug.”

“It’s scary,” groaned Dick back and he pulled the blanket up over his head. He knew he was pouting and whining and acting like a little kid not wanting to eat his vegetables, but that didn’t matter in front of Wally. The good thing about having a best friend was that you could tell them anything.

The worst part was that they would call you on your bullshit even if you didn’t want to hear it. Especially then.

“Ladies and gentleman, may I present Nightwing, hero and defender of Gotham and Bludhaven. His kryptonite is emotions. Don’t worry though, it was passed down to him from his Bat-father.” He could hear Wally’s voice dripping with sarcasm but didn’t budge from under the blanket. When he didn’t get a reaction, he heard Wally sigh. “You are such a drama queen.” He pulled the blanket back down off of Dick’s face. “Love is a great feeling. It doesn’t have to be scary.”

“Okay fine. Verbalizing it is scary.”

“You just told me that you love her and the world didn’t end.”

“And I was terrified to do that. Telling her is a thousand times worse.” But he had to admit that he felt a little bit better now that he wasn’t the only one in on the secret. “What if she doesn’t feel the same way?”

“Does it matter?”

“I guess not.” It didn’t. Not really. It wouldn’t change anything about the way he felt anyway. “I just don’t want things to change between us and to get all weird. I don’t want to tell her that I love her, hear that she doesn’t feel the same way and then have to see the… the… pity in her eyes when she looks at me.” He sat up but kept the blanket wrapped tight around his shoulders. “Look at Dick, with his silly little crush. He’s a delicate little flower who needs to be tiptoed around and be given gentle hugs and spoken to like he might shatter at any moment.”

“You like hugs.”

“Not pity hugs.”

“She won’t give you a pity hug.”

“You don’t know that.”

“Dude. She just went through something huge. She’s still going through something huge. She understands better than anyone about not wanting anyone’s pity.”

“Maybe.”

“Not maybe. I’m right.” Wally started to stare very intently at his hands that were fidgeting in his lap. “Did I tell you I went to visit her in the hospital?”

“What? No. Neither of you said anything.” Wally just nodded and he turned a little pink. Dick poked him and he gave a little yelp. “What happened?” prodded Dick.

“She yelled at me for visiting her out of pity.” Dick winced in sympathy. He had been at the receiving end of more than one of Barbara’s anger explosions before and it was never pretty, usually because she was right to be dishing it out. “I deserved it. She wasn’t completely wrong. I didn’t realise it until later, but it was at least a little out of pity,” said Wally before he turned to sheepishly look back at Dick. “She and I are friends, but we aren’t that close. She pointed out that me visiting her in the hospital when I would never have seen her otherwise was more about making myself feel better and she didn’t want that.” Dick understood. She had been upset that he visited her in the hospital the first time when she had explicitly told him not to and she was one of his best friends. He could imagine how angry she’d be about Wally. “So no. She’s not going to give you a pity hug. Even if she doesn’t feel the same way about you, she still cares about you a lot.”

“Have you talked to her since?”

“We’re cool. We’ve texted, which is what I should have done in the first place. We’re texting level friends, not visit in the hospital after you’ve been paralyzed level friends. I’ve been sending her videos of people doing extreme wheelchairing in skate parks. She says she likes them.”

Dick smiled, because while he hadn’t heard about Wally’s visit, she had been sharing the videos with him too; he just hadn’t know the origins. “When did you get so wise?”

“I’ve always been wise, but no one ever listens. It’s a curse.” Wally unpaused the game and started the mission again. “But in this case, I had a feisty red head yell at me.”

“Story of my life. Too many best friends and too many red heads, and all of them yell at me.”

“You should make a Venn Diagram of where those all intersect. It would be an interesting thing to study.”

Dick watched as Wally’s onscreen hero ran through a dark all to pick up a weapon before heading back to the rooftop where he was about to be killed again. He didn’t have enough XP for it to go any other way, but Wally was stubborn. Wally cleared his throat, eyes glued to the screen. “So… Babs,” he began again, not dropping the conversation.

“Babs,” sighed Dick.

“Like, full on love. Not just a crush. Not just ‘hey that girl is swell’. Full on love with a capital L and heart eyes.”

Dick couldn’t hold back a grin even just thinking about how he felt about her. He was so deep down the rabbit hole. “Yep.”

“I repeat, you should talk to her.”

“We’re meeting up tomorrow for some sparring. She’s been doing weapons training now that she’s out of rehab and I want to see how it’s coming along.” She had been talking about her training with Richard Dragon and that she was learning escrima at a higher level, and yes, he did want to see her new skills, but…

“Or you just want to see her.”

Damn, Wally could read him like a book. “Yeah.”

“Because you want to kiss her.” Wally made kissy face noises at him and Dick hit him again, once again making Wally fall off the building again and die. “That was your fault. I had them that time.”

“No, you didn’t. And don’t be crude.”

Wally tossed the controller onto the table and grabbed a bag of chips, tossing one into his mouth and crunching it loudly, purely because he knew the sound of it irritated Dick. “I think it’s sweet that you are still innocent enough that you think I’m crude for mentioning kissing.”

“It’s not that… it’s…” Dick shook his head, embarrassed to be talking about this with anyone. Everyone had emotions. Why was it so weird to talk about them? “I don’t just want to kiss her.”

Wally snorted. “Who’s being crude now?”

“You are officially my least favourite of my best friends,” said Dick, rolling his eyes. “I just want… everything for her. I want her to be happy. I want to be the one to help make her happy. Somehow. In any way possible”

“You are a hopeless romantic to the core.”  Wally sat back on the couch and dropped his arm around Dick’s blanket covered shoulders. “You know my opinion. Just tell her. No risk, no reward.”

“No risk, no heart breakage,” countered Dick.

“Minimal complete heart breakage potential. At absolute worst, she’ll let you down gently and you’ll still be friends. Yeah, you’ll be a down for a while, but that is when we solve your problems with ice cream.”

The worse that Wally suggested sounded terrible and he wanted to avoid it all costs even though he knew that in the grand scheme of issues ‘one of my best friends doesn’t love me as much as I love her’ is pretty minor. Still wanted to avoid it like the plague though. “And best case scenario?”

“That she is hopelessly in love with you too? We celebrate with ice cream. Either way, there will be ice cream. The difference is that celebration ice cream has better topping options.”

“I’ll think about it,” said Dick, chuckling. “Thanks, Wally. I take it back. You aren’t my least favourite best friend. Definitely top three. And not just because you are promising me ice cream.”

“On the podium. I’ll take it.”

Wally was right though. Dick was a vigilante. A hero. He had faced far worse things than being in love every day and had come out unscathed. Well, maybe a little scathed, but still intact. He could do this. He could finally tell Barbara the truth. He was brave enough to face that answer head on.

Maybe it was finally time to take that leap.

[avengerdragoness]

For The Better Pt. 3 [Jason Todd x Reader]

A/n: Finally the final part. Sorry this took so long. Hope you guys like it!

Warning: talk of pregnancy

Part 1 - Part 2

_____

Jason was pacing the waiting room, hoping the doctor would come out soon. Tell him that you were okay, that you’d make a full recovery and at the end of your rehab things would be normal again. That’s all he wanted. He wanted you and your life together. You shouldn’t have been out after sundown. Why hadn’t you called him? He’d have came to pick you and Eli up in a heartbeat.

Eli watched Jason pacing, an overwhelming feeling of guilt weighing on his heart. He was the reason you were fighting for your life; why you’re on an operating table. He rubbed his face and glanced up at Jason. He’d never seen him so tense. He stared at his large frame and the blood on his jacket. The Red Hood jacket. He was staring at the Red Hood, one of Gotham’s most infamous vigilantes. But also the man who took him in and gave him a home. How could he do this to Jason? To you?

“Mr. Todd?” A doctor in dark blue scrubs came out. Jason immediately went over to him, Eli meeting his side. “How’s [F/n]? Is she okay?” His tone was full of worry and ran at a quick pace.

The doctor nodded. “She is stable, luckily. We had to repair some parts of her bowel and pelvis, but she is stable.”

“Can I see her?” Jason asked, almost pleadingly. He had to see you. See you breathing, hear your heart beating.

The doctor nodded. “I can take you and your son to see her shortly. She’s still in the OR at the moment.”

“I-I’m not his…” Eli tried to correct the doctor but Jason stopped him by putting a hand on his shoulder. Eli looked up at Jason before nodding.

After a few more moments, the doctor took Jason and Eli to your room. You were still under anesthesia with tubes and wires hooked up to you. Jason almost felt sick at the state you were in. How could he let this happen?

He strode over and took your hand, kissing the back of it. He felt tears creep at the corners of his eyes, unsure if they were from relief or stress or fear. However he pushed them back. Eli came up next to him, he had tears streaming down his cheeks. “I’m sorry Jason. This is my fault.”

Jason shook his head and stood to put a hand on his shoulder. “No it’s not, don’t ever say that. She was protecting you. Just like I would, just like any of us would.”

Eli nodded reluctantly.

“Mr. Todd, there’s one more thing I think we should discuss in the hallway.” The doctor said. Jason took a deep breath and patted Eli’s shoulder before following the doctor. He sighed before turning to Jason. “I’m afraid the way the bullet ricocheted caused too much damage to [F/n]’s ovaries and uterus that we couldn’t repair in surgery.”

Jason’s throat tightened. “What are you saying?”

“I’m sorry Mr. Todd but I’m afraid that with the damage it will be close to impossible for [F/n] to ever conceive a child.” The doctor replied solemnly. “I… I thought you may be the one to want to tell her when she wakes up.”

Jason was noticeably shocked by the diagnosis. You could never have a child of your own? Never? He mustered the strength to nod and thank the doctor for everything they had done, for saving you, before heading back in the room.

Eli could tell Jason was upset but didn’t push him to know what the doctor said. Jason simply sat beside you and stroked your hand. Holding back tears.

The next morning you slowly woke up to the sounds of beeping and humming of machines. Smelling the sterile smell of a hospital, your eyes slowly peeled open. Bandages were wrapped around your body and, despite the pain killers, you felt the sharp pain in your abdomen.

A weight could be felt on your hand as you looked over. Finding Jason sitting there. His fingers were laced with yours as his head rested on the sliver of bed you didn’t take up.

Slowly you let go of his hand and threaded your fingers in his hair. “Jace? Baby wake up.” Your voice was quiet and hoarse, but enough to stir him awake. His eyes were bleary but soon focused when he realized you were the one to wake him.

“[F/n], babe, how do you feel?” He took your hand again and gave it a gentle squeeze.

You smiled, “I’m… okay. It hurts a little bit, but whatever meds are in me are helping.” You gently stroked your thumb over her knuckles. “How are you?”

He shook his head. “You’re the one who got shot and you’re worried about me?”

“I’m always worried about you, especially when I can tell you’ve been crying.” Your hand let go of his in order to gently stroke the puffy, red, dark circles under his eyes.

“I… I have something I need to tell you baby” He took a deep breath. Taking his hand again you gave it a reassuring squeeze. “What is it?”

“I… The doctor told me that the bullet ricocheted a lot and it caused a lot of damage to your uterus. Doll, the doctor said that they fixed what they could but you can’t get pregnant anymore.” He tried to keep his voice steady and calm but he could see how that news came crashing like a ton of bricks on you.

“What?” You whispered.

“I’m so sorry baby” He shook his head. “I should’ve gotten there sooner.”

Tears pricked at your eyes and you shook your head. “It-It’s n-not your fau-ult” Jason was quick to wrap his arms around you and hold you. Letting you sob into his shoulder and your tears soaking his shirt.

Eli was outside the door. He heard everything. You couldn’t get pregnant anymore because of a bullet that was meant for him. He’s the reason you can no longer have children.

It took time for the shock of the news to wear off, however a dark cloud seemed to lull over you the rest of your time at the hospital.

The day you were discharged was the best thing in the world. The sun and fresh air seemed to do wonders for you physically and mentally. For a while you were stuck in a wheelchair because of the pain it took to walk. But with time and therapy you slowly got back on  your feet.

Slowly the pain that came with having the inability to have children began to fade. It was something you’d have to learn to live with and accept. It was easier said than done, but progress was easily being made. All due to the support Jason, Eli, and Jason’s family provided.

However, as time progressed, Eli got slowly and slowly more distant.

Guilt was consuming him and soon the pain of your inability to conceive was weighing more on him than you. Both you and Jason noticed, and it led to a chat you’d been needing to have for a long time. Since you met the boy.

“Eli?” You knocked on his door. Jason was by your side, a hand around your waist to be sure you were steady. Despite your therapist clearing you, he couldn’t help but always want to support you in some way.

Eli opened his door and was a bit shocked to find you both there. “Can we talk about something please?” You asked gently. Eli nodded and stepped aside. He sat on his bed and you sat beside him as Jason stood.

“We’ve noticed you’ve been distant kid. What’s goin on?” Jason asked as he put a hand on his shoulder. Eli forced a smile, “What are you talking about?”

You shook your head. “Eli we need you to talk to us.”

He sighed, knowing he wouldn’t be able to fool you. “I… Everything is my fault. I was the reason you got shot and that means I’m the reason you can’t have kids.”

“Eli, just because I can’t conceive doesn’t mean I can’t have kids.” You put a hand over his.

“But kids of your own.” He took his hand away. “Your blood, your DNA.”

Jason shook his head and kneeled down, “Kid, family isn’t about blood or DNA. Look at mine. Yes, we have our issues and our quarrels. But with time and patience and trust, anyone can be family.”

He looked up at Jason. “Really?”

Jason smiled and nodded. “Of course, and we’re gonna prove that to you.” He squeezed his shoulder.

“What?” Eli looked between you both.

You smiled and nodded. “Eli, Jason and I signed adoption papers this morning. Officially, you’re our son.”

“I-I’m your..?” He trailed off as you grinned and nodded. Tears sprung to his eyes as his arms were thrown around you. “Thank you! Thank you so much!” He cried into your shoulder. You rubbed his back and swiped away his tears before he turned around and hugged Jason tight. Smiling, Jason patted his back and returned it.

Standing you put a hand on his back and wrapped an arm around Jason. “My boys” you smiled.

Eli grinned and he wrapped his arms around the both of you. Exchanging a smile with Jason you rubbed his back. “We love you kid.”

~~~~~

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[elementalwriter67]

The Greatest Show Part Eight

Pairings: (eventual) Jason x reader

Word Count: 3311

Summary: (Y/N) is back with her parents now and they’ve got some interesting news to share with her that’s less than perfect for her.

~The next day~

A groan escaped (Y/N) as she pushed herself up off the floor where she had cried herself to sleep last night. A shiver ran through her and she sat back against the door rubbing her arms as she looked around her room, a room that she had seriously been praying that she would never have to see again. She sat there for a minute, before standing up and making her way towards the dresser. She grabbed the least amount of flashy clothes that she could and changed out of her circus outfit, she folded her costume and carefully hid it someplace her parents wouldn’t find it should they suddenly decide to search her room.

Once it was away she walked over to her bed and plopped down, she had no real desire to go out there right now and face her parents. If they were even home. Curling up she hugged her knees to her chest resting her chin on top of her knees. There was a clenching inside of her chest and it felt like there was a knife twisting in her gut that caused her to whimper and her arms tighten around her knees. Tears welled in her eyes as she thought about last night once again, she never should have come home she should have fought to stay. She should have stayed hidden. She should have done a thousand different things anything but come home to her parents.  Her shoulders shook and she buried her face in her knees, that should be a happy thought. Jason loved her, he actually loved her, her of all the people he could choose from he loved her but she wasn’t happy, how could she be happy? She had thrown away her one chance at being happy. Her one chance at living the life she wanted to live and she was torn between regret of what she did and the satisfaction of knowing that they weren’t all in prison right now because of her.

“(Y/N). Come to the living room your father and I need to talk to you.” Her mother’s voice caused her to jump and her head whipped around to look at her door. She could hear her mother walking away from her door before she could answer and (Y/N) bit her bottom lip. Slowly she released it and took in a shaky breath stealing her nerves for whatever was to come, reaching up she wiped away her tears and stood up from her bed. Her hands shook at her sides and she clenched them and then headed towards the living room.

“Are you all done with throwing your little tantrum? And being rebellious?” Her mother asked as soon as she walked into the living room.

“Yes, mother.” (Y/N) didn’t have any fight left in her, it was easier at this point to just say yes with her parents.

“Good. Now I and your father spent a lot of time talking about this and we think it would be best for you to go back to school as soon as possible. You’ve missed enough school as it is and it’ll take you a while to catch up with your other classmates so you’ll be going back today.” Her mother informed (Y/N). At her sides her hands clenched and mentally she rolled her eyes, they hadn’t spent a long time talking about it they probably already had this planned out before she got home.

“Of course mother. Is there anything else?” (Y/N) asked. Dread settled like a rock in her stomach, the very last thing that she wanted to do was go back to school and face all of those people who she was sure had already figured out where she had been for the past couple of months.

“No, for now, that’s it but I expect you to be on your best behavior now go get dressed you’re leaving in ten minutes and please do make yourself presentable just once in your life.” Her father said and internally she cringed, externally she nodded her head.

“Yes, father.” She turned and left the living room. She made quick work of getting dressed and despite what her father wanted she did the bare minimum to make herself look presentable, getting all dressed up wouldn’t be the same if she wasn’t putting on her costume. She at least cleaned up her face enough that no one would notice the tear stains and brushed her hair. Ten minutes later she was in the car and being driven to school.

(Y/N) stood outside the school looking up at the large building, her uniform skirt seemed to short all of a sudden and she reached down pulling at her skirt. Huffing in frustration she reached up and grabbed her backpack straps, going up on the tightrope was less nerve-wracking than this shit, she needed to get a hold of herself. If she showed these people any weakness they would eat her alive and destroy what little whatever she had left. Squaring her shoulder she took a deep breath and strode inside with all the confidence in the world that she did not possess. As soon as the doors open it was like all eyes landed on her and she felt herself falter just slightly but she kept her head held high and headed for the office where she was sure that all of her missed work would be sitting.

“I’m here to pick up the work I missed.” (Y/N) told the lady at the front desk when she looked up at her. The woman peered at her over her glasses taking her in before turning away from her and reaching into a drawer.

“We’re glad that you were returned safely to your parents Miss (Y/L/N) I’m sure it must have been hard for you after so many months away. Here is the homework, assignments, and such that you’ve missed.” The woman said as she dropped a large stack of papers on the counter in front of her. (Y/N) looked at the stack of papers and sighed before looking up at the woman and giving her a polite smile as she took the papers.

“Thank you, I’m glad to be back with my parents as well.” The happiness in her voice was forced but it the woman noticed she didn’t say anything as she turned back to her work. Turning around (Y/N) hugged the stack of papers to her chest and let out a long breath as she made her way to the door and back into the mercy of the students.

(Y/N) kept her head up as she walked to her first class, she was trying to appear as small as possible but it wasn’t working. She could still feel the weight of all their eyes on her and she could hear the whispers that were starting to spread through the school. Relief flooded her as she walked into her first-period class when she saw that there was no one else in the room, and she quickly went and took her seat. Sighing she reached up and gripped handfuls of her hair sighing in frustration and looking up at the ceiling, today was going to be a rough fucking day.

Dropping her hands to her desk she looked at the stack of papers there and sighed again before moving and grabbing a pen from her bag. She may as well do some of her school work to keep herself busy and act as a barrier against the other students, or at least she hoped so. (Y/N) was a couple sheets of paper into the history portion of her work when the bell rang and she didn’t bother to look up when she heard people walking into the room. All conversations that the students had started before suddenly stopped when they saw her and a couple of them did double take before whispers broke out through the students as they all took their seats.

“Oh my god is that really her?” One girl behind her whispered and (Y/N) rolled her eyes.

“I think it is.” Another person whispered.

“You know she didn’t really get kidnapped, that’s just what her parents said.” Someone else added and (Y/N)’s shoulders slumped. Great so they knew the truth.

“What? No way what happened to her?” Another person asked.

“From what I’ve heard she ran away with her boyfriend because she’s pregnant.” That made her pause for a second and she almost looked up.

“She doesn’t look pregnant.”

“You idiot she didn’t run away with her boyfriend she went to rehab.”

“No, she was really kidnapped oh I feel so bad for her that must have been so bad for her.”

“Hey does anyone else smell peanuts?”

“Good morning class!” The teacher shouted suddenly and it took a couple of minutes of silent death staring for the class to fall silent and for all of them to look up at her. (Y/N) didn’t bother paying attention to what the teacher said, it was something she already knew anyway and instead she chose to focus on her work.

~After school at the apartment~

(Y/N) all put kicked the door to the apartment down after she had unlocked, her eye was twitching slightly and if anyone challenged her to a fight at the moment she would take it and she was pretty confident that she would win. All day. All day she had had to listen to people whisper about her behind her back, and the people who came up to her about it had laid on the fake sympathy so much that it felt like she was being talked to by a Barbie doll. Needless to say though that neither of her parents had to worry about anyone figuring out that she had been with the circus currently rehab was the popular explanation as to where she had really been.

“ARGH!” (Y/N) shouted as she slammed the door closed and threw her bag down beside the door, it made a satisfying thump when it hit the ground.

“(Y/N) is that you?” Her mother asked from the kitchen and (Y/N) tensed up her eyes widening. Her mother wasn’t supposed to be home, why was her mother home? She was never home when (Y/N) got out of school before.

“Mother?” (Y/N) asked walking into the kitchen to see her mother actually sitting there on her laptop with a bunch of paper spread out in front of her. (Y/N) scanned the papers but most of it was business stuff, a few names she recognized but most of it just seemed like work to her.

“Ah good, it is you. Did you get the work you missed?” Her mother asked and she nodded her head, stopped when her mother wasn’t looking and answered.

“Yes mother, what are you doing home?” (Y/N) asked and her mother looked up at her giving her an expression that said it was painfully obvious as to what she was doing.

“I’m planning your welcome home party of course.” She answered. (Y/N)’s eyes widened and she froze staring at her mother who had returned to her work.

“My what?!” (Y/N) shouted after a couple of minutes of silence and her mother sighed looking up at her again as she sat back in her chair.

“Your welcome home party, what part of that didn’t you understand?” She asked in exasperation.

“Try all of it, why are you throwing me a welcome home party? I don’t want a party.” (Y/N) stated and her mother's face turned from annoyed to pointed as she sat up straighter in her chair.

“Just because you were away doesn’t mean that I and your father stopped planning your future, this party will be to reintroduce you into proper society and to make sure that all of our competitors and everyone else knows that our daughter has returned. And yes you will be attending the party, we have a...special thing planned for the party.” Her mother said and a sense of unease washed over her.

“What special thing?” (Y/N) asked and her mother smiled. Actually smiled and (Y/N) shifted nervously.

“Oh, you’ll see. The party will be happening this week on Friday I expect you to be on your best behavior before and after the party.” Her mother.

“Of course mother.” (Y/N) bit out turning around and walking out of the kitchen before her mother could say anything else. Sighing she dragged her hand down her face and her shoulders sagged, guess the saying you don’t know what you have until you’ve lost it is pretty fucking true.

~Jason’s P.O.V~

“I hate this,” Jason growled, he had been growling and grumbling all day while glaring at the main entrance whenever he happened to be in sight of it. Of course, he wasn’t the only one who was upset, everyone else was pissed off about what happened last night and how Jason was the only one to try and stop her from leaving.

“And we don’t? You weren’t the only one who cared about her.” Dick’s tone was slightly annoyed tone and he glared slightly at Jason and Jason turned to look at him.

“I cared enough to go after her when she tried to leave.” He shot back and Dick glared at him.

“And we all know how that turned out. She wanted to leave Jason.” Damian said and Jason looked at him like he was crazy.

“No, she didn’t Damian! She didn’t really want to leave, she left so we didn’t end up getting arrested.” Jason did his best not to growl at the kid and Damian raised his eyebrow at him.

“Did she really?” Damian asked and Dick nodded.

“Yes she did, she told him that when they talked before she left,” Dick answered and Jason looked at him in surprise. He hadn’t honestly thought that Dick had heard them last night guess he was wrong.

“Well that’s ridiculous we can handle the police she should have stayed hidden,” Damian said and Jason threw his hands up in the air.

“That’s what I’ve been fucking saying! Or at the very least we should have reported her parents for neglect!” Jason shouted in exasperation. He’d hardly gotten any sleep last night, he’d been too busy going over what had happened coming up with a million other things that they all could have done, that he could have done to stop her from leaving. A million different things that he could have said to the cops or to (Y/N) to make her stay. He could have begged more, he could have reported her parents, he could have fought her parents, he could have done something! Anything! But what he did. He also thought about the fact that (Y/N) loved him, she actually fucking loved him and he’d been too afraid to tell her earlier that now that he had she was gone and so was his chance at being with her.

“I admire her doing that to protect us but we could have handled the cops. If they hadn’t found her then we would have been set free not even her parents have that kind of money to keep us in jail.” Dick said and Jason’s face filled with exasperation.

“That’s what I told her but she did it anyway. Fuck what are we going to do?” Jason asked as he fell back running his fingers through his hair and leaning against the seat behind him. There was a moment of silence both Dick and Damian thinking about what they could do.

As Jason leaned back against the seat his eyes drifted up to the tightrope and his shoulders sagged. No one had had the heart to go up there and take it down, they still didn’t because a part of them was hoping that (Y/N) would somehow come back to them. False hope is the killer of all men after all. Now Jason was sure that Bruce was busy trying to think of a thing to do because none of them really wanted to take it down they wanted to leave it up there as a sort of remembrance but they needed to take it down for the other acts. Sighing he dragged his hand down his face and looked away from the tightrope, god he really had the worst luck, didn’t he? He joins the circus when he’s young has fun for a while and then gets booted down to ticket duty. He meets the most amazing girl with the worst life convinces her to come with them and he gets to go back up there but then she’s forced to leave with her parents and now everything feels like it’s lost.

“Well, we could always go get her.” Roy offered up from where he was sitting a few seats ahead of Jason. Jason pushed himself up to look at Roy who was looking at the three of them nervously.

“That...That’s actually not that bad of an idea. There’s just one problem with that we don’t have a fucking car!” Jason shouted at him and Roy threw his hands up in the air leaning back away from him in an overdramatic manner.

“I don’t see any of you coming up with an idea!” Roy shouted back glaring at Jason who shrugged.

“An idea of what?” Bruce asked as he walked up to them and they all froze turning to look at him.

“Well?” Bruce pushed when none of them answered and they looked at each other.

“We’re thinking of a way to get (Y/N) back,” Dick answered finally and Bruce immediately sighed shaking his head.

“Jason I understand that you love her but she made her choice, which means that you are not to go after her. We have to respect the decision she made.” Bruce said and Jason was on his feet lightening fast and glaring at Bruce.

“Bullshit we have to respect her choice! She didn’t even want to make it! We have to go get her back!” Jason shouted and Bruce gave him a stern look.

“Whether she wanted to make the decision or not she still made it so we should respect the decision that was made besides I can’t have any of you leaving we have shows to do Jason, I can’t spare any of them or you. I’ve decided that you’re going to keep doing the tightrope since (Y/N) is gone.” Bruce said and that last bit caused Jason to pause as he stared at Bruce who was looking at him waiting to see if he would argue with him. Jason didn’t fight with him surprisingly though and instead he sat back down with a sigh and ran his fingers through his hair, damn it did he want to fight with Bruce on this but he knew that this was going to be one of the times were Bruce was going to be stubborn and he just didn’t have the energy to fight him right now. Well actually he had the energy to fight Bruce on this but he didn’t want to fight him, instead he was going to come up with a plan it would just be easier to go behind Bruce’s back than to do it in front of his face where he could interrupt whatever plan Jason came up.

“I guess I better go practice then.” Jason’s voice was full of venom as he stood from his seat again and made his way down, making sure to ram his shoulder into Bruce’s as he walked past him.

[dc-marvel-life]

Ups and Downs but Mostly Downs

Request: If batsis (bruce blood daughter) had depression and self harm -anon Same request from @robinlover11620

A/N: I have been getting a lot of requests for batsis with depression and self harm so I decide to do it today. DO NOT hurt yourself in any way shape or form. If you are going through something talk to someone you can trust because someone out there cares about you. Sorry if it is bad. I would like feedback.

Warning: This has a lot of angst in this. Curse word. Mentioned of abuse and rape. You might cry I got really sad after writing this myself.

Y/M/F/N - your mother’s first name Y/M/L/N - your mother’s last name

Word Count: 2345

Everybody has their up and downs in life. For some people it can happen when they are teenagers when they are being bully for their looks, but then glow up later in life. It can also happen in adulthood when they can’t pay for their mortgage and then later become homeless, but then they win the lottery and get there life back together. But this never happen to you, your life never the had ups, it was always downs.

It first started when you were born in a hospital just outside of Gotham. You were a perfectly healthy baby girl. But that is not how it happen, you were born in the street of Gotham, and you were not a perfectly healthily girl. You were born three months too early, and left there to die by your drug addict mother. She was high when she had you, but she knew that she did not what to keep you. She didn’t have time to rinse you and she just didn’t want to. At the last minute she realize that if somebody found you, and ran you through the system. She was in the system because of crimes she committed when she was younger, and she did not what you trace back to her, so she did the only thing she can think of, marking you. She had a generally idea who the father was, Bruce Wayne. Did I mention she was high? Well she was. She pull out her knife and began to carve into you, while you were screaming your head off because of the pain. When she was done carving into your right shoulder it read “Waye” she forgot the N. After it she drop the knife and left.

Then right after that, a kind person found you and took you to the hospital, and adopted you later. Oh if only that was true. A bunch of thugs found you and thought they can make a quick buck by selling you to somebody, and they did. But you did go to a hospital, sort of, you were sold to people that sold babies to rich families who could not have babies. They have a setup where you stayed until you got bought. The only problem was that you were never bought. No one wanted a baby that was premature and still needed a ventilator. After 3 months they throw you out and leave you on the foster care doorstep.

After a few months, a man came and adopted you and you got to live in a mansion with a butler and brothers and sisters that loved you. Well that is what you dream of right after you got your daily beating and raped by the man of the house. You were 8 when it started to happen. When you were found you didn’t have a name. All you had next to you was some trash and the knife that belong to your mother. The people at the foster care center made up the name Y/N for you, and since you hand the words “Waye” on your shoulder that became your name, Y/N Waye. You bounce around foster care from foster care, and it also happen to you every time. You will get beat, raped or both. After awhile you got tired of it and ran away. You lived on the street, and you got by. You would steal from stores or people’s houses. You ran with this crew on kids that was leaded by a teen name Jason Todd, he was fifteen years old. He was seven years older than you. He was nice to you and took care of you, he was like a brother to you. He knew about your past and you knew about his. He was your only friend that you had.

One night he wanted to get some extra money, so he went off stealing tires off of cars. You wanted to go with him, but he said no because it was too dangerous for you, so he told you to go wait in our secret hiding spot. You did exactly what he said to do, you waited in that spot for three whole days. He never came back to get you. You thought that he didn’t want you anymore and left you just like your mother did. You were so mad you started to go on a rampage. You went into an alleyway that was outside of your hideout and started to punch and kick the brick wall until your hands were bleeding. After a while, you decided to grab the lead pipe next to you, and start swinging. Then you hit a mirror that was laying there. It broke into pieces, and you just looked down at the pieces and picked one up. Then you rolled up your sleeve, you looked down and see the cigarette burns that one of your foster moms gave. You went above it and started to cut. That was the first night you cut yourself.

A few years later you were thirteen you are finally a teenager, and one day a group of four boys found you in a alleyway because you were being mugged. After that they took you in and became apart of the family. That is what you saw on a tv show once when you broke into someone’s house because you were hungry. You were not like the normal thirteen year old girl. You were a short, underweighted girl who has to cut herself to feel something. You have been feeling a bit off lately. Even though your stomach is growling you can’t come to eat, you were sad all the time, and just loss interest in living. You are just the short skinny girl that has to cover her body with long baggy clothes because of the self harm and beatings you got in the system, that was left by your mother and best friend/brother.

You had started to get the same thought that every orphan kid thought of. Why did they leave me? All you had to remember of your parents was a knife with your mother’s name on it and a scar on your arm that said “Waye.” After a few days looking on the computer at the library, you found a website that would tell you where you can found your lost parents. First you typed in Waye, and nothing came up. Then you looked at the knife that had your mother’s name on it, Y/M/F/N Y/M/L/N. You typed the name into the computer, and came up with all of her information about her. There was a picture of her, and you look just like her. You look farther into the website and you found her address, she lived in downtown. It was only a bus ride away. After sitting at the library computer section for thirty minutes, you decided to go and see her. You hopped on the bus that went downtown. It was about a ten minutes bus ride until you reach the stop. You got out and walk to the address that you had written down. After a twenty minute walk, you ended up in a nice neighborhood with townhouses. You had it all planed out on the bus ride and the walk on to the house on what you are going to say to her, but once you reach the door you froze. You were lost for words. She was a middle-class woman with a nice house, why didn’t she want you? You were just about to knock on the door, the door flew open. “Oh hello. My I help you young lady.” The man said to you. “Oh I am here to see Y/M/F/N Y/M/L/N.” you said in a quiet voice. “Ok. Honey there is someone at the door to see you!” The man yell into the house. “Ok. I am coming.” A woman with the sweetest voice answer. “Ross and you go and check on Rose before she breaks something” she said to the man who is Ross, he just nodded and walk off. “Hello. Do I know you?” She said to you. You froze again, you couldn’t move or talk at all. “Are you ok sweetie?” She said touching your shoulder. When she touch your shoulder you felt loved and safe. “I am your daughter.” You said in a low voice. She took her hand away quickly and grab your upper arm, and took you to her garage. “What are you doing here?!” She yell at you once you enter the garage. “What do you mean ‘what are you doing here’? You are my mother and I just wanted to know you and why you left me to die.” You said with a crack in your voice. “I don’t have another daughter. My daughter is sitting in the living room right now playing with my loving husband.” She said getting angry. “But I have proof look.” You said while pulling out the knife and moving your shirt out of the way to see your shoulder. “See look this is yours, and look you wrote this on me for some reason.” I said while pointing. “The reason why I wrote that on your arm was so that you would not find me!” She said getting even more mad. “But why I was just a kid.” You said while your eyes started to water. “Are you kidding me?! I was twenty two years old! I did not have time to raise a kid! I was too busy partying, doing drugs, and fucking anything that had legs!” She was yelling at this point. “Well since you’re better now, can you take care of me.” You said with a pleading voice. “Are you serious?! You are literally the reminder of what I was, and that was trash. I went to rehab, and I have been clean ever since. I do not need that near my daughter or my husband. You need to leave right now.” She said with a serious tone. “But I -” you were cut short when she decided to slap you across the face. It didn’t really hurt you. You were use to it by now. You ran out of the garage and didn’t look back.

You were crying your eyes out. You just wanted it to be over already. You ran into this warehouse that look abandon. You found a rock on the ground and throw it at the window. You got a piece of glass and started to cut yourself, really deep. It was the deepest you have every cut yourself, and it was also the fastest you ever blacked out. Once you woke up, you were tied to a chair. You looked around the room to see who did this to you. All you saw was a man with green hair and white skin, he kinda looked like a clown. “Who are you, where am I, and why am I here?” You said quietly, you were still lightheaded from the blood loss. “Well well well, look who is finally awake. Well my name is the Joker, we are at my warehouse that you broke into, and I am kinda using you as bait for the Batman.” He said with a grin on his face. “What do you mean your warehouse this place is abandon and what kind of name is Joker?” You said with a questioning face. “What do you mean this is my home away from home, and kid there are worse names out there like ‘penguin’ and ‘condiment man’.” He said mocking the names. “Well at least you have a home I live on the streets with no one.” You said with a sad face. “Hey. Stop making that face and put a smile on that frown.” He said while touching your face. You tried to move your face, but he grabbed it again. “Don’t move or I will cut you more than you already have on you.” He said putting a knife to your face.

“Put the knife knife down Joker. You don’t need to hurt her.” A man with a weird deep voice said. “Batsy you came, and since you ask nicely I will put the knife down.” He said right before he stabbed the knife in you right thigh. “AWWW!” That was the only thing you could say. Batman came closer but the Joker said no. “Remember we had a deal. You give me the money and I will not hurt the girl, but I do not SEE the MONEY!” He said while holding my chin with a death grip. “Here is your money right here Joker.” Batman said while walking over and grabbing a bag behind a box. “Here take it.” Batman said. “See. Now was these hard.” The Joker said while opening the bag. Once the Joker open it a gas came out of it, and the Joker felt right to sleep.

Batman came over to untie you and get you up, but once you tried to walk you fell down. Batman caught you, but you could not feel your legs. You didn’t know if it was the stab wound or the about of blood you lost while you were cutting yourself. “I need to take you somewhere where we can patch those cuts up. Now the hospital is too far, but I know a place. Is it ok if I take you there?” Batman said to you. All you did was nod, but then everything went black.

You started to wake up, but your eyelids were so heavy you could not open them, but you could hear voices. “Are you 100% sure.” A man who sounded like he was in his 30s or 40s said. “Yes I am sir. The blood test came back positive, that is your daughter laying on that table.” A older man with a British accent said.

“Who is my father” you said while trying to get up.

So should I do a part 2?

[a-smilethat-explodes]

Chapter 19- Walking out

I looked up to see two officers walking towards me. "Erik Masterson?" one asked.

"Yes." I answered, knowing what was coming next.

"We need to ask you some questions about your mother," the other replied.

"Okay." I agreed quietly. Isabella and I both stood. I glanced at Ana, who was looking at me with wide, scared eyes, and then followed the cops down the hall.

"Why don't we get some coffee and then we can talk?" one officer asked.

"Sure." I agreed with a shrug. Five minutes later, we were sitting in the cafeteria, coffee in front of us. I stirred my sugar and crème into my coffee and then kept on stirring, slower, to keep my hands occupied.

The first officer, a middle aged man with balding dark brown hair, and calm brown eyes spoke first. "Well, Erik, obviously you're aware that your mother was drinking this evening."

"Yes sir." I replied lowly before taking a long sip of coffee. I felt my cell phone go off on vibrate in my pants pocket and pulled it out under the table. Christine… I pushed ignore and put my phone back in my pocket.

"Has your mother drank like this before?" the other cop, a tall man with blond hair and blue eyes, inquired.

"I'm not really sure." I replied as my phone went off in my pocket again so I pulled it out… new voicemail. I'd deal with her later. I pressed on with my story. "She only told me recently that she was an alcoholic… she had a bunch of bottles of vodka in her closet. My sister was an alcoholic last year before she went to rehab so I guess my mom preferred to keep her drinking a secret."

"So alcoholism runs in your family?" the first cop asked me.

"I guess so." I shrugged. "I don't really know, I don't drink."

"Probably a wise decision," the officer mused, most likely more to himself. "Did you know your mother was drinking this evening?"

"I actually had no idea she was in town, the last I had heard, she was in Oregon." I replied honestly with a deep sigh, shaking my head.

"Where have you been living while she's gone?" he asked me, jotting down an occasional note.

"I live in an apartment with my friends." I answered. "And Anastasia lives with her best friend Isabella Walters."

"I see," he made another note. I wanted to know what he was writing but knew better then to try to see. "Have you ever approached your mother with the idea of rehabilitation?" he asked me next.

"She abruptly took off a few weeks but she was out within a few days… said she was better." I replied bitterly. "I wasn't about to argue with her, she's a grown woman, but I had different opinions."

"How would you know whether or not she was better?" the officer inquired curiously.

"My sister went to rehab." I announced flatly. "It took her six weeks to get clean. There was no way that the few days my mom was in there made me change her mind set and get sober."

"Do you think your mother needs rehab?" the other officer asked.

I stared down into my coffee cup and stirred it for a moment. "Yeah." I finally replied, voice barely audible.

"So do we," the officer announced as he stood. His partner and I joined him. "And you've given us further reason to force her to go. Thank you for your time."

At first I was surprised that it was over so quickly but why dwell on the ending of something I didn't even want to talk about in the first place? "Yeah sure." I mumbled.

I went back to my mother's room and peeked in through the window in the door. She appeared to be dozing.

I watched her for a moment through the window, imagining the headache I was going to feel when she and Ana went back at it. And suddenly, I was tired. I was tired of everything, all of her shit, and I was over it. I had been the good son, the nice guy, way too long.

"Where is she?" I heard a voice boom. I turned around to see a tall, slightly overweight man shouting at the nurse.

"Sir, please try not to shout!" the nurse shot back forcefully. "She's fine; we'll take you to her room right now!"

"You're damn right you will!" the man shouted back. The nurse got up and stalked down the hall, stopping in front of me. "Ellen's in here," she jerked her thumb at the door and then stalked back to her desk.

"Who are you?" the guy asked me shortly.

"Erik Masterson." I replied, eyeing him. "Who are you?"

"Jason Miles," he replied. Jason… her boyfriend. "How do you know Ellen?" he asked me.

Unbelievable… so much for moving back home and missing her family. He didn't even know who I was. Well maybe… "I'm Erik." I replied. He stared at me blankly. Nope… nothing at all about us. "I'm Erik, Ellen's son."

Jason stared at me for a long moment before exclaiming, "Son?"

"Yeah." I nodded flatly. "And that girl over there-" I jerked my chin in Ana's direction. "That's her daughter and my sister Anastasia."

"Ellen never mentioned she had kids," he told me, looking less then pleased as he stared into the room at Mom.

"I bet there's a lot she didn't mention." I muttered under my breath.

I could tell by his expression that he'd heard me. "Well aren't you a little smart ass," he growled at me.

"Thankfully yes. That makes me smart enough to know that Ellen Chase has two kids, has been married before, and is an alcoholic." I replied flatly.

I could tell all of that was news to him. "Ellen told me that she had the drinking under control," he told me gruffly.

"Did she tell you about her failed rehab visit?" I asked him. "About how she practically disowned Anastasia and took off for Oregon? That she got in Anastasia's face for drinking and yet she had 13 bottles of vodka herself in the closet in our old house?"

Jason glanced into the room, disgust written all over his face, then muttered, "I'm out of here," before taking off down the hall without looking back once. Definitely a nice guy, too bad we wouldn't be seeing more of him. Hopefully.

I looked at Ana, who was sitting in the chair being consoled by both Andrew and Isabella now, and then walked over to the trio. "Hey." Andrew said at the sight of me approaching.

Ana looked up at me. "Hey," she said thickly, quickly wiping away a few of her tears.

"Hey." I replied quietly, sticking my hands in my pockets. I fixed my eyes on Ana only and asked her, "Did you talk to the police?" she nodded slowly. Then I said the most uncharacteristic thing I've probably ever said to her in my life: "Then let's get out of here."

She paused, staring up at me, stunned. I told you, that was very uncharacteristic of me. I've always been Mr. Steadfast, Mr. Keep the Family Together. But now even I was bailing. "But… Mom, she…" she stuttered.

I raised an eyebrow, oddly sarcastic at the most unexpected moment. "You want to go back in there and fight with her again?"

"No but-" she began, staring at me.

"I'm tired of putting up with her shit." I announced flatly. "I can't imagine you feel that way any less then I do." I looked down at the floor with a sigh and then looked back up at Ana, set in my decision. "I'm out of here." I told her simply.

"What?" she demanded, jumping up. Her world was undoubtedly off kilter now that her dependable older brother wasn't staying.

"I'm out." I shook my head, pulling out my car keys.

"Erik-" she began.

And just like that, I walked out of the hospital.

I was tired of my mother's shit… if she wanted to clean up her act, so be it, but I was going to go in there, and let her rip me apart. If she felt remorse, she would've said something about it when I had been in there instead of fighting Ana tooth and nail for who was right in the situation.

I pulled out my cell phone and called Christine. "Hey," she picked up, sounding a little concerned.

"Hey." I replied. "Can I see you right now?"

"Yeah sure," she replied, surprised.

"I'll be over in 10 minutes or so." I replied as I got to my car.

"Okay," she replied, sounding a little baffled. "Bye."

"Bye." I hung up the phone and started my car.

I pulled into her driveway a few minutes later. She was out the door the moment I stopped the car… she must've been watching for me. I didn't turn off the engine, only watched her silently as she walked over to the car. I unlocked the door and she got into the passenger side. "Hey," she said, looking at me anxiously.

"Hey." I replied, looking back at her. I'm sure I looked tired, I felt tired. The dome lights faded to darkness, leaving us quiet except for the motor still running. "Do you mind if we just drive around?" I asked.

"Are you okay to drive?" she asked me.

I looked at her and then smiled wearily. "Yeah." I said quietly and then backed out of the driveway.

"What happened?" she demanded, anxiety in her voice. "What's wrong?"

"I don't want to talk about it while I drive." I answered. "I'm okay… it's just family crap."

"Okay," she sounded a little reassured but still worried, nonetheless.

"Do you mind if we go to the beach?" I asked her.

"That's fine," she replied. At a stoplight, I glanced at her and tried to smile reassuringly. "You're scaring me," she said quietly, eyes filled with worry.

"I'm okay." I took her hand. "I promise. It's just been a long night."

"Okay," she agreed. I didn't let go of her hand and she didn't pull away.

I turned off my headlights at the beach. We were plunged into instant darkness… it was cold, there were no houses around, and there was no moon. "Let's sit in the back." I told her quietly. We got out and then got into the backseat of my car. She was shivering a little just from the quick blast of wind we had experienced… she wore only a t-shirt and sweats. I pulled her into my lap and she didn't pull away.

My eyes were adjusting to the dark so I could see her face in the dim light. I ran my hand along her jaw line and she shivered… this time I knew it wasn't from the cold. I finally pulled my hand away and announced unceremoniously, "My mom was in a car accident tonight. She hit a tree and landed up in the hospital. I got the call when I was at work."

"What?" she gasped. "Erik!" she clapped her hand over her mouth in horror.

"She was drinking." I added grimly. "She drinks, she's an alcoholic. I was at the hospital when you called… I was talking to cops about her drinking. That's why I couldn't pick up."

She released her mouth and then whispered, "Erik," again, looking at me with eyes full of pity.

"Sucks, doesn't it?" I smiled back grimly.

"I'm so sorry," she whispered, running the back of her hand down my cheek lightly.

I shrugged shortly. She leaned in and buried her face in my neck, stroking the short hair at the base of my neck. I rested my head on top of hers and held her in my arms. It felt good, to hold on to something, after the mess of the evening. Her lips brushed across my neck lightly as she shifted and then pulled me closer to her. I ran my hand up her slender back and into her hair, tipped my head back, and held her close in my arms.

I felt her breathing slowly become deeper and deeper. I knew that she was falling asleep, that I should take her back to her house, but I was so tired… and she felt good in my arms… and my eyes wouldn't open…

Someone was knocking. I slowly opened my eyes. Another knock… a few more. I looked up from the corner I had crashed into sometime during the night and found a police officer standing at the window of my car, bathed in the early morning light.

I jolted up slightly and rolled down the window. "You kids can't be sleeping out here," the officer told me sternly. "This is a private beach."

What? Oh shit! "I'm sorry, Officer." I blurted out, still 80 asleep.

"Why don't you two go ahead and head home," he advised as Christine stirred from lying on my chest. "Next time I'll write you up."

"Yes sir." I replied quickly. Christine lifted her head and looked around blearily. "Christine, it's morning."

She stared at me blankly for a moment and then jumped. "Oh shit!" she exclaimed, almost kneeing me in the goods.

"Careful!" I advised her sharply.

"Shit!" she exclaimed again, sliding off my lap into the seat next to me. "My father is going to kill me! We have to go, right now!"

Oh great. The man obviously already hated me and now I was bringing his daughter home at dawn. I got out of the backseat of the car, opened the driver's door, and sat down. Christine had bypassed the door and had just jumped over the seats. She looked very worried.

We drove back to her house in grim silence.

[tortuga-aak]

How the screenwriter of 'American Sniper' convinced Steven Spielberg he was ready to direct

Alberto Rodriguez/Getty

Jason Hall, director of the upcoming movie "Thank You for Your Service," first got into the business as an actor in the late 1990s.

After a stint in rehab and his own personal "welcome to Hollywood" moment, he turned to screenwriting.

Hall convinced Steven Spielberg to give him a chance at directing after earning an Oscar nomination for writing "American Sniper."

  The way things were playing out for Jason Hall at the start of his career, the combination of hard luck and personal demons could have led to him being just another rising star who faded out too quickly.

Coming out to Hollywood as an actor in the 1990s after studying film at USC, Hall had the tools to make it. He had chiseled looks and studied acting with some of the best teachers after going through a two-year Meisner acting course. That quickly landed him work on a few TV shows, including a recurring role as Devon MacLeish on “Buffy the Vampire Slayer.”

He had also caught the eye of James Toback. The Oscar-nominated screenwriter behind “Bugsy” and director of movies like “Fingers” and “The Pick-up Artist” was trying to get “Harvard Man” off the ground, a movie about a Harvard basketball player who throws a game for the mob and then tries to fend off both them and the FBI while on a bad LSD trip.

The time James Toback was going to make him a movie star

A female friend of Hall’s had met Toback at an airport and the director wanted to audition her for the movie, Hall recalled. He said his friend thought Toback was “a little bit strange” but she took the script and, after realizing she wasn’t right for the movie, passed on it, instead telling Toback to consider Hall for the male lead. (Toback has recently been accused by over 30 women of sexual harassment.)

“I had been to prep school and I had done some of the experimentation that the character in the movie had and he was like, ‘You're the guy! I've sat down with everybody in Hollywood and you’re the guy,’” Hall told Business Insider over the phone earlier this month (before the Toback sexual harassment story broke). 

But nothing in Hollywood goes according to plan, and “Harvard Man” was Hall’s first lesson in that.

As Toback tried to get financing, Hall said the two would often work together on scenes from the script but also do a lot of things that had nothing to do with the movie. One time, Hall picked up Toback from a Los Angeles airport and drove him to a Beverly Hills bank, where Toback withdrew cash so he could then race off to Las Vegas to gamble.

“It was a strange relationship,” Hall said, looking back.

But what came out of it was the first important decision of Hall’s career: He went to rehab for substance abuse and got himself clean. When he got out, Toback was ready to make “Harvard Man,” but not with Hall.

“I came back and he said, ‘You changed!’” Hall recalled. “And I’m like, ‘I stopped doing all that nonsense so I can do the work,’ and he said, ‘Yeah, but now you’re not the guy. I don’t see it anymore.’” (Business Insider contacted Toback for comment but did not get a response.) “Entourage” star Adrian Grenier eventually landed the lead role in the movie, which was released in 2001.

That led to the second most important decision of Hall’s career: writing his first screenplay.

From struggling actor to Oscar-nominated screenwriter

“I was like, am I going to be James Toback’s guy on acid or am I going to live a clean life and try to pursue a career in the arts and not die by the time I’m 35,” Hall said. “So I started writing scripts for myself.”

He thought the plan was foolproof. Feeling he could come up with better material than the scripts he was auditioning for, he decided to write himself into his own scripts and make the deals for them contingent on him acting in them (a la what Sylvester Stallone did with “Rocky” or Matt Damon and Ben Affleck with “Good Will Hunting”).

But it didn’t go according to plan. Hall found interest for the scripts but no one wanted him to act in them. He finally relinquished his dreams of being a movie star and decided to move forward as a screenwriter. The first script he sold was the 2009 movie “Spread,” starring Ashton Kutcher. He also got a writing credit on the 2013 Liam Hemsworth thriller, “Paranoia.”

Then he hit pay dirt around 2011 when he got his hands on the yet unpublished memoir of the deadliest marksman in US military history, Chris Kyle. Hall spent time with Kyle and his friends, earned their trust, wrote the screenplay, and got Bradley Cooper involved, but nothing happened until two months after Kyle’s murder at the hands of a former Marine suffering from PTSD in February 2013. Steven Spielberg read the script for “American Sniper” and bought it for his company, DreamWorks, with an eye to direct it.

Keith Bernstein/Warner Bros.Clint Eastwood would end up directing, and with Cooper starring as Kyle, “American Sniper” went go on to become one of the surprise hits of 2014, earning over $350 million domestically of its $547.4 million worldwide total (the movie was made for $58.8 million) and getting six Oscar nominations, including one for Hall. The film would end up winning an Oscar for best sound editing.

But that wasn’t the last gift Spielberg gave Hall. While writing drafts of the “American Sniper” script for Spielberg, the legendary director said he had something else he thought Hall would be good to work on.

“I think we were working for two months on ‘American Sniper’ and he came in and dropped a book on the table,” Hall said. “He said he wanted to do more for the veterans.”

Convincing Spielberg he can direct — and almost getting kicked off a plane in the process

The book was “Thank You for Your Service,” written by journalist David Finkel, and it examined the recent string of soldiers coming home and struggling to adjust to civilian life.

“Spielberg and I both loved that aspect of the story, what the coming home was like,” Hall said. “And Spielberg posed the question after reading the book, ‘You don't think this and ‘American Sniper’ are too similar?’ I said there are similar aspects but only in as much as one is the story of Achilles and other is the story of Odysseus. ‘Thank You for Your Service’ can be the homecoming.”

Like “American Sniper,” Hall could tell that, with Spielberg’s work load, he probably wouldn’t get around to directing “Thank You for Your Service,” so while writing the script he threw his hat in the ring.

Following a pitch call — which Hall said occurred while he was in the middle of boarding an airplane and the flight attendants were close to kicking him off because he wouldn’t hang up the phone — Hall scored a formal meeting with Spielberg to interview for the directing job. His persistence paid off, and he got the gig in June of 2015.

“Thank You for Your Service” follows a group of soldiers (among them Miles Teller) returning from Iraq who struggle to integrate back into civilian life with their families. Dealing with both physical and mental wounds, the men's search for normalcy often brings them back to each other to find strength to continue on.

“I felt like this was a way to bring all these guys all the way home,” Hall said of the cloak of PTSD that hangs over the movie. It's a struggle he said he’d seen with countless veterans, including Kyle, whom he felt had turned a corner when they spoke over the phone for what turned out to be the final time two days before his murder.

“I felt the guy was making it home,” Hall said of Kyle. “I heard him laugh and be at ease in a way that I hadn’t before.”

DreamWorks“There’s a whole other battle to fight once a solider comes to the decision to seek help,” Hall continued. “I definitely relate to that, realizing I needed help and being in a place of struggling but knowing I needed help.”

But Hall says he knows his struggle with substance abuse pales in comparison to what most veterans deal with, simply because of the overworked and chaotic US Department of Veterans Affairs they have to deal with to get help. The frustrations veterans have with the VA is something that Hall prominently puts in his movie after numerous visits he took to the VA in Los Angeles before shooting.

“It’s a circus down there,” he said. “They are out there all day to get help and the place sometimes just cut it off and say, ‘We’re done, come back tomorrow.’ It’s hard enough for these guys to admit some kind of vulnerability, so when they are able to take that courageous step to ask for help the help should be there for them.”

Hall has found his niche in Hollywood by telling stories about American heroes coping with life beyond the battlefield. And if it’s up to him, his most epic look at the topic will come next.

He’s got a script in the drawer titled “The Virginian” he’s trying to get into production about a conflicted young George Washington who tries to conquer a French fort. Getting the project off the ground won’t come easy, but if it’s one thing Hall knows, it never is.

“Thank You for Your Service” opens in theaters on Friday.

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27

Whilst Bria and Jason were shopping at Saks, Mike and Chester were attending an intervention. They both worked through their hangovers and were able to think clearly. Muto asked why he was drinking. Depression. It started when he and Bria broke up. He then started self-medicating with men and alcohol. Namely, Dave and Chester. Along with different men he met at gay bars. He thought he was experimenting but he felt lonely when he was by himself.

He used alcohol to fill that loneliness. Tears were going down his face. For the first time, his parents and the band were learning about his struggles. The more he hated himself, the more he self-medicated. He thought it was because he was struggling with his sexuality. But underneath, it was his depression. He pushed Dave away and he hated himself for that.

He still didn’t know if he was gay, though he determined it didn’t matter anymore. No, it didn’t. It never mattered. Muto wanted him to take a break and go to rehab. Bradford agreed. His drinking would affect the band. He wiped his tears before agreeing to go. It worked for Bria and Jason. Why shouldn’t it work for him? Donna asked him if he knew about his drinking. Yes, he told him. They apologised for not telling him. At the time, they thought they were doing the right thing.

He understood and didn’t blame them. After getting up, he received a hug from Dave. He told him to work on himself.

“I am so sorry.”

“Get sober. That’s your apology. I’ll come visit you. We love you.”

“I love you too.”

Chester? He was also advised to go to rehab for himself and his son. As much as he didn’t want to, he felt he didn’t have any other choice. It was either that or getting kicked out of the band. He had worked too damn hard to go back to Arizona. Bradford thanked him. He and Dave would bring him home, so he could pack. The three of them got up.

They would meet up with Joe and Rob after both Mike and Chester were in rehab. Rob invited him to come over and hang out. Yeah, he could do that. Didn’t he get a cat? Yes, he did. His name was Mowgli. He thought he would enjoy playing with him.

Mowgli was at the door to greet them when they got home. He meowed at them for attention. After closing the door, they crouched down and petted him. Joe laughed. He looked like a little leopard. They followed him over to his toys because he wanted to play. Joe sat down on the floor. He threw a ball to him. Mowgli got on his hind legs and pounced on it.

He then batted it around with his paws. Rob put his stuff down before joining him on the floor. Mowgli was a great distraction from stress. No matter what he was going through, he was there demanding attention. Sometimes he curled up next to him whilst he read a book. He could hear him purring. It was the best sound in the world. He wasn’t just a cat, but a child. Getting him was one of the best decisions he ever made.

Bria and Jason were having fun trying on clothes. They started in the men’s department before going over to the women’s. The employees who recognised her as a regular customer knew she would spend thousands of dollars. They hadn’t seen her in a while. She introduced Jason as her friend. It was nice to meet him. He thanked them.

She picked out some clothes to try on. He waited outside. His parents called him, so he called them back. Donna gave him an update on the intervention. It had gone a lot better than they anticipated. Mike didn’t fight them about going to rehab. He was happy to hear that. Where was he and Bria? They were in the women’s department at Saks in Beverley Hills. He invited them to join them. Yes, they were on their way.

When she came out, he gave his honest opinions. Some looked great on her. Some did not. He let her know his parents were going to meet them there. Awesome. She couldn’t wait to see them! He laughed, as she went back in to change.

Muto and Donna found him outside the dressing room. He said hello to them. Where was Bria? She was getting dressed. Did he try on anything? He tried on a few things. They were too expensive and he didn’t want her to buy it for him. It was mostly just for fun. When she came out, she said hello to them. She then handed what she wasn’t getting back to the attendant. Thank you.

She showed them what she was getting. One was a new dress made by one of her favourite designers, Kate Spade. The other was a pyjama set. It was super comfortable! She draped them over her arm. The store was huge with different departments for men’s, women’s, children and home. Donna wanted to see what they had for home. Bria showed them where it was. Muto asked if she was an expert. Yes, she was. They laughed.

Meow. Mowgli sniffed the legs of the new humans. They looked down and said hello to him, whilst making sure they didn’t step on his paws. He jumped on the sofa. Bradford asked if he could be on there. Oh, yeah. It was fine. He was allowed almost anywhere. The only place he wasn’t allowed was the bathroom. Why? Because he had an odd fascination with the toilet.

They laughed. He closed the bathroom door whenever he wasn’t using it. Mowgli made himself comfortable next to Dave, who said hello to him. He tilted his head to him, so he could scratch it. As they talked about Chester and Mike, he petted him. They had twenty-four hours to go through their emotions and think about how they felt about the situation. They all realised how deeply Mike was hurting.

Drinking was his way of asking for help. It was the same as going to gay clubs. Dave forgave him because he wanted him to get help. Chester? They didn’t know because he didn’t tell them why he was drinking. They hoped he would come out and explain why. Bradford was not going to kick them out just because they were alcoholics. They had to do something horrific for him to cut contact with them. They agreed. However, they couldn’t see them doing that. Meow. Joe asked Mowgli if he agreed. He answered by hopping down to the floor and going to use his litter box.

“What does that mean?”

“It means he has to use the bathroom”, Rob said.

“Well, yeah. I meant in terms of what Brad just said?”

“I have no idea. I’m not a cat.”

They laughed. Since it was dinner time, they talked about it they should get food delivered. Chinese was the only thing they could think of that had vegan and non-vegan options. Rob got his laptop. Dave and Bradford helped him decide what to get that would satisfy everyone. He got his debit card and entered his numbers. After doing that, all they had to do was wait.

@zoeykaytesmom @feelingsofaithless @alina-dixon

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Your Friday Morning Roundup

Ron Hextall pretty much described the Flyers game for us:

Current mood: http://pic.twitter.com/ulXb8SpeAS

— Chris Jastrzembski (@CFJastrzembski) October 27, 2017

The Flyers lost to the Ottawa Senators 5-4. It started off pretty bad. 91 seconds in, Ottawa scored on the power play. That was one of three goals they would score in the first 13:28 of the game.

Philly’s scoring came in short spurts in the second and third period. Jake Voracek got his first tally of the season, while Travis Konecny got his second of the season in the middle period. Ivan Provorov and Sean Couturier both scored late in the third.

Michal Neuvirth did not look good at all. He stopped 23 of 28 shots faced, and despite a good start in his first few games, Neuvirth came crashing down to Earth.

The game could have gone a different way had some calls went in favor of the Flyers. Early in the third, Brandon Manning’s goal was reversed due to Jordan Weal interfering with Sens goaltender Craig Anderson:

Refs checking if Weal interfered with Anderson on Manning's goal. http://pic.twitter.com/m85ypDajky

— Chris Jastrzembski (@CFJastrzembski) October 27, 2017

And as the Flyers decided to wake up and try and get at least a point late in the third, this was not called a goal because the refs deemed the play to be over. Somehow:

The play was deemed dead. http://pic.twitter.com/IygVKGF6nO

— Chris Jastrzembski (@CFJastrzembski) October 27, 2017

So of course, this game was a game the Flyers deserved to lose, but should have won, yet didn’t because of the refs. This team is strange. The extraordinary Anthony SanFilippo will have his takeaways from this game later this morning.

They stay in Canada for a couple more days as they take on Auston Matthews and the Toronto Maple Leafs Saturday night.

The Roundup:

The Eagles continue to get ready for Sunday’s game against the 49ers. Lane Johnson will stay at right tackle, while Halapoulivaati Vaitai replaces Jason Peters at left tackle.

Mike Quick believed in Nelson Agholor for a long time, including when he struggled. Now, Agholor’s proving doubters wrong:

It took a while, but it appears the light has finally gone on for Agholor in this, his third NFL season. Through seven games, the 2015 first-round pick is tied with tight end Zach Ertz for the team lead in touchdown catches (5) and third-down receptions (11), is first in yards per catch (15.3) among the starters, second in receiving yards (366) and third in receptions (24).

Quick cited several reasons for Agholor’s not-so-sudden success, including his move to the slot, the additions of Alshon Jeffery and Torrey Smith and the hiring of a new wide receivers coach, Mike Groh.

But more than anything else, he thinks Nelson Agholor finally just got comfortable with being Nelson Agholor.

“I think just having success [helped],’’ Quick said. “Nelson has spent some time just dealing with Nelson, trying to figure out Nelson, and I think it’s helped him a lot.

With the team dominating in two areas of the game, the Eagles have what it takes to go all the way.

Kevin Kinkead thinks the Eagles can get more out of running back LeGarrette Blount.

Carson Wentz found a way to use one of his old college plays with the Eagles:

Following the spectacular third-quarter touchdown pass to running back Corey Clement against the Washington Redskins — in which Wentz ducked past an initial wave of defenders and tossed a perfect ball to the corner of the end zone while getting hit from both sides — Monday Night Football commentator Jon Gruden focused on the roots of the play while everyone else in the nation was buzzing over the fruit.

“Carson Wentz is unbelievable,” Gruden said. “That’s the same play that they featured at North Dakota State. He went to [coach] Doug Pederson. He said, ‘I want to put this play in our offense.’ They threw it for a touchdown against the Giants, and now they throw it for a touchdown against the Redskins.”

Offensive coordinator Frank Reich confirmed that Wentz championed to have that play from his Bison days added to the Eagles’ playbook.

“That’s accurate. Sometimes plays have a good mojo for you — you’ve had a lot of success, you’ve got a lot of confidence in them,” Reich said. “I think what happens when you run a play over and over again, you see it against all kinds of different coverages, you see it against different coverage techniques and leverage that defenders play, and really good quarterbacks learn how to beat any coverage when they have one play that they really like, and you feel like you can’t stop the play.”

On the 49ers side, the team has switched Eric Reid from safety to linebacker. Some think he’ll be really good.

With Stranger Things 2 coming out on Netflix, Matt Mullin of PhillyVoice.com compares Eagles players to Stranger Things characters.

—

Small Sixers news on the day, as Furkan Korkmaz practiced with the Delaware 87ers before being called back up.

If you want to remember Wednesday night’s heart crushing defeat to the Houston Rockets, Kinkead and Kyle have you covered. But don’t worry, there’s some good things from that game!

Kinkead also takes a closer look at the team’s pick and roll struggles, along with selling the contact for some calls.

So who’s better at 2K?

Markelle is at 2k

— Joel Embiid (@JoelEmbiid) October 26, 2017

Jojo is at 2k

— Markelle Fultz (@MarkelleF) October 26, 2017

I’m nice

— Joel Embiid (@JoelEmbiid) October 26, 2017

And who lives in Voorhees?

Finally, whoever made this cake and decided to use the “LOVE” sculpture instead of the Sixers logo should never be allowed to make wedding cakes again:

Philly sports-themed wedding cake! http://pic.twitter.com/DYgiCmLXq0

— Paul Lukas (@UniWatch) October 26, 2017

—

The Phillies are reportedly down to at least two solid candidates, according to NBC Sports Philly’s Jim Salisbury:

Team officials began the final round of interviews on Thursday. In-house candidate Dusty Wathan and outsider Gabe Kapler have emerged as finalists while former Boston Red Sox manager John Farrell is getting a late look, according to sources.

Major League Baseball frowns on clubs making significant announcements during the World Series, but there is a scheduled off-day in the event on Monday so an announcement could come on that day if club officials wrap up their search. Otherwise, an announcement would have to wait until later in the week.

By the way, Joe Girardi announced he wouldn’t return to the Yankees next season. Bob thinks the Phillies should go after him.

I had differing thoughts:

I'd rather have Wathan than Girardi. https://t.co/pvmMPnVb7X

— Chris Jastrzembski (@CFJastrzembski) October 26, 2017

Also, please consider helping Salisbury’s family:

You may have heard by now that Jim’s daughter, Mary, suffered a severe stroke in her spine that left her with a significant spinal cord injury and widespread paralysis.

Mary had recently graduated from Temple University with Honors as she earned a degree in communications. The summer after college graduation should be one of the best summers of a person’s life. New degree, new job, real money, and opportunity to go out and have fun in the city. The summer after graduation should not be spent in the hospital and at rehab facilities. It’s a terrible story, but it’s also one that can have a happy ending with some help.

Freddy Galvis is a Gold Glove finalist.

—

In other sports news, the Ravens shut out the Dolphins. Hopefully you didn’t watch. But if you did, Kiko Alonso tried to kill Joe Flacco:

Kiko Alonso knocked Joe Flacco out of the game with this hard hit to the head. http://pic.twitter.com/ChMmOA0Owi

— Brad Galli (@BradGalli) October 27, 2017

Alonso, who doesn’t say a ton when he speaks, defended the hit:

.@MiamiDolphins LB Kiko Alonso defends his hit on Joe Flacco tonight in #MIAvsBAL. http://pic.twitter.com/Lk2ArnkTAa

— NFL Total Access (@NFLTotalAccess) October 27, 2017

Blake Griffin for the win:

5 seconds to go, down 2 … Blake Griffin, FOR THREE?!?! http://pic.twitter.com/2i4yonzvGz

— ESPN (@espn) October 27, 2017

Giannis tried to kill Aron Baynes:

Giannis attempting this slam on Baynes is so audacious http://pic.twitter.com/mRxml7jtJv

— CJ Fogler (@cjzero) October 27, 2017

DeMarcus Cousins was the third player in NBA history to record at least 40 points, 20 rebounds, and five assists in a game. He did that last night against Sacramento, his former team

Philip isn’t a fan of the Zeke Elliott suspension saga.

Jim Tomsula is back:

From the man that brought you: "Everybody' gonna eat!!"

Here is: "Everybody play butt-ass naked!"

Jim Tomsula – Legend@PardonMyTake http://pic.twitter.com/eEvZIS9AN8

— Dov Kleiman (@NFL_DovKleiman) October 26, 2017

—

In the news, Philadelphia Police have confirmed that South Philly gunfire from early this morning is connected to the murders of two high school students earlier in the week.

Most of the JFK Assassination files were released, but some were still withheld for at least six months.

iPhone X pre-orders began this morning. They’re already sold out.

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