#i think people here have just decided to ignore the freaks entirely esp with c! analysis which is good

[faebriel]

i am committing to cloakduo as the brand now btw that’s the name

[sumergosuigeneris]

April 17, 2018

In today’s saga of bitchiness:

1. White people I’m trying to keep contact with are getting on my nerves. Looking for a damn way to excuse the starbucks philly thing. Like, you are TRYING to find a way for it to be not the managers fault!!!

2. So, I was supposed to pull an all-nighter, but it didn’t happen. Getting crap done without my car is hard. I was so tired! So the exam today was awkward, b/c everything was on the tip of my tongue (so to speak) but nothing was quite right. Grateful for partial credit. As long as I got a 50 or above, a B+ is still doable in the course. Arguably more exciting, I was able to get enough done to know I *can* do A work. I just have to DO the work. Also, a good reminder that mathematicians are ‘lazy.’

3. But I’m afraid the dick is gonna count it against me b/c I’m ‘trending down’ even if a B+ is good enough.We’ll see.

4. I did have a revelation last night. I think I want to finish the master’s and determine from that point the trajectory of phd. Or not. Not sure that decision ‘makes a difference’ but it feels good. At least I can stop back and forth and agonizing for a minute.

5. Had an interesting conversation at the grocery store last night. Accidentally got into a convo with a lady who’s a black special ed teacher in the public school system. Learned some shit. Man. Got.to.give.it.up. to the teachers. To the ones who stay regardless of the crazy. And if you don’t work in a public school system, the crazy is crazier than you can imagine.

6. Weird work vibes today. Knocked an the door of a meeting to make sure boss joined another remote meeting, and the other person was like ‘is that all you wanted? Are you sure?’ like in a creepy way. And when I said why I knocked, said ‘they’d never miss that meeting’ all sarcastic. Weird vibe. Not that it’s any of my business, but I kinda wonder if they ‘got a thing going on.’ I mean, I’ve wondered off and on for a while. But then I get mad at myself. Because why can’t people who fall into the same sexuality category just be friends?!?! They can! So I need to shut the fuck up. Still, it’s weird from time to time.

7. Still trying to figure out if I’m supposed to be boycotting starbucks or not.

8. I noticed a while ago that someone maybe is kind of cutting me off. Not sure why. Nothing had really changed in our relationship (there wasn’t much of one). Not sure if they decided to cut off b/c of that, or b/c it bothers them that I got out of the quagmire I was in. Interesting when someone doesn’t want to stick by you when you’re down, but also doesn’t want you when you’re up, or doesn’t want you to be up. Also, not entirely sure how much I care, or why. I mean, it’s obvious I care, or I wouldn’t be writing about it. But sometimes, sometimes I’m very observant like all of life, including myself is an experiment. So I’m not always sure the 5W’s of my feelings.

9. Still haven’t heard from my ‘bff’. Probed myself a bit to see if I’d be okay if she cut me off for being mad at her. So far, I’m okay. I see no reason to contact her atm. But I also wonder if I’m not worried b/c she’s in the middle of a semester. We’ll see how freaked I am if I don’t hear after the 27th or 29th. lol my ability to be crushed or not, the unpredictability of when I’ll fall apart is a painful joke.

10. The other day I finished that episode of supergirl. I decided that I kind of didn’t like it. Because here’s the thing. If you lined the atmosphere with lead, couldn’t you send Mon-el into outer space and develop a filter mask for him to come back?Did he really *have* to leave earth? Forever? I’m glad M’gann is back, and she and J’onn are officially, finally together. Hope she sticks around. Hope Cat sticks around. Frustrating that I know Maggie and Alex aren’t gonna make it. Feeling bad for Lena about the whole ‘mommy issue’ thing. But again, why did the lead destroy the Daxamites’ bodies? Also, isn’t that kind of genocide? Really hope Cat sticks around. Pros and cons on the James storyline.

11. I’ve neglected my linkedin forever. But I see that this girl is trying to connect with me. Why am I emotionally like ‘hell no?’ Because she’s in the multicultural sorority I tried to join. I would have joined but I ended up graduating instead. Everybody said we’d kit, but they didn’t. So if you can’t be my friend without being forced to b/c of a sorority, why should I stay in contact with you? Esp since I have no idea about you in a professional situation.

12. I actually made a comment yesterday about the fact that I, the lowly peon, was the last official rep for that guy. I was ignored. Okay then.

I feel like there was more bitchiness on my list, but I can’t remember so....