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dontasktheradiodemon · 3 years

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Secret Night Picnic

What's more romantic than having a midnight picnic, slow dancing together, and making love beneath the stars... on top of the concrete slab covering the grave where you buried your shitty ex “alive”?

tl;dr Alastor and Telly @usedhearts being sweet & romantic, but like, still like villains.

(last 1/3 of the thread is nsfw; I’m keeping it all together in one chat log anyway bc it’s part of the natural flow of the date night as opposed to a sudden shift in the topic.)

Sir Pentious

A dark night on the outskirts of Pentagram City usually precluded violence of some kind. Two dangerous sinners walking along usually spelt trouble. Not tonight though.

Tonight, they were going for a picnic. Telly held the basket on his arm, a blanket folded over it as well, a typical red and white picnic affair. The sight of the picnic isn't what one would generally classify as 'romantic', but it had other significance.

"Here we are," he said, when they reached another section of undisturbed concrete. It looked just like all the other concrete around, but it held a secret. That of someone buried underneath. Telly spread the blanket and settled on it, setting the basket down.

"George is here, underneath this slab." He reached to pat the exact spot.

Alastor

To Alastor’s eyes, the scene was incredibly romantic! A clear, moonlit night... a meal together out in the open rather than hidden in a grounded airship or a discreet corner booth... celebrating their love atop the grave of somebody who’d been unworthy of it...

Why, they even had a nice, level surface to have their picnic on, what could be better. “He makes for a fine table!” Alastor plopped himself down cheerily. “Tell me about this spot here! These aren’t *all* lovers who wronged you, are they?”

Sir Pentious

Telly laughed, shaking his head. "No, no, of course not. George is the only one buried here. The rest is to make sure that the only person who knows which one he's under is me-- Well, now, us."

He smiled, reaching to take Alastor's hand and give it a squeeze.

Alastor

Alastor squeezed back. “Really? Am I the only one?”

Sir Pentious

"Yes, you are. Not even any of the Eggs have ever been here. Not Hel either. You're the only one." He leaned over to kiss Alastor softly.

"Now, what did you pack for our picnic?"

Alastor

“Number 9 is going to hardboil himself with jealousy.” Alastor beamed.

“Nothing too exotic, just some picnic staples!” He rummaged through the basket. “Chicken paninis, macaroni salad, turkey sandwiches, cucumber-dill salad, broccoli slaw, salmon deviled eggs, hand pies for dessert... Oh, and these prosciutto pinwheels, don’t they look fancy! Give me a second to reheat the sandwiches, it melts the Brie and really brings out the flavor of the figs—“ This man heard “picnic” and packed enough to feed five people.

Sir Pentious

Telly blinked at the list and looked at the basket. How had he fit all that in there-- Actually that was a silly question, this was _Alastor_ after all.

"Sounds delicious, love." He chuckled. "But I don't think we two are going to be able to eat _all_ of that. We'll probably have leftovers."

Alastor

He paused, considered that, and looked over the sheer amount of food he was laying out on the blanket. Huh. “... Then we’ll be enjoying this picnic for the next few days, won’t we!”

Sir Pentious

"Yes, I think we will." He chuckled and leaned over to kiss Alastor's cheek.

"Now, what does the expert chef think his lovely taster should try first?" Telly winked.

Alastor

“The pinwheels! I’m especially proud of how they look.” He reached into the basket and pulled out... an entire tea kettle... He definitely used magic to fit everything in the basket. “I got the supplies for a watermelon lemonade before I realized we’d be out here at night when it’s cooler, and who wants lemonade at *night*—so instead I pilfered some mint tea I found in your stash, I thought it might be refreshing with some watermelon chunks in it!”

Sir Pentious

"Oh that sounds lovely. A nice warm minty melony tea." He chuckled, before reaching for one of the pinwheels. Telly took a bite and hummed in appreciation.

"Mm, delicious as always, my hart." He reached his free hand over to stroke his cheek with his knuckles.

Alastor

He automatically smiled wider at the touch. “I thought coming out here at night would mean it’s a little less hot, but here you are, trying to make me melt anyway.” He set the kettle on the concrete beside their blanket, pointed a finger at it and told it, “You figure out how to boil and I’ll check back on you in a couple of minutes,” and leaned against Telly. “So! What’s our agenda tonight?” He popped a deviled egg in his mouth. “Just dinner? Telling ghost stories in the dark? Simulating an earthquake for our underground friend?”

Sir Pentious

Telly wrapped an arm around Alastor's waist, holding him close against his side as he purred.

"I was thinking just dinning, maybe daintily feeding each other, like in the movies--" He stopped and his face scrunched a moment. "Wait, what do you mean, simulating an earthquake?"

Alastor

“You know—rattle the landscape a little, maybe accidentally crush his can down there—I was joking though, I don’t think I could actually do that without cracking all the concrete slabs out here. And Hentai doesn’t like to be called after five. Hah! Kidding—he doesn’t have a human concept of time.” He beamed up at Telly. “But I’m liking this dainty-feeding idea! I can cut up the paninis and sandwiches, they’d be perfect.”

Sir Pentious

"Oh! Oh, alright," He said, laughing. No, he doesn't look a little embarrassed or disappointed, not at all. Telly kissed his temple.

"Sounds good! Very good and romantic." He playfully nudged Alastor.

Alastor

“It sounds like something in an old Hollywood romance, doesn’t it. And decadently so. I don’t think there was anything in the Hays Code against feeding each other finger food, but it feels like there ought to have been!” He pulled over the sandwiches and started slicing them up—and glanced at Telly as he did. He was sure he’d glimpsed a hint of disappointment, hadn’t he?

“If you *want* me to shake up the area, I could,” he said. “I only said it as a joke because I figured you wouldn’t want all your slabs damaged! But if you don’t mind, I can certainly make it happen.” Look at him, so earnest. A very caring boyfriend who is very wrong about what Telly wants.

Sir Pentious

"I'm glad that I died before all that Hays Code nonsense, it sounds like a load of hogwash to me." He took another bite of the prosciutto, shrugging a bit.

At the reply, he blinked and quickly swallowed so he wouldn't choke as he laughed. "Oh, no, no darling, that's-- that's not it." He looked away and rubbed the back of his neck. "I was...thinking you meant something else."

Alastor

“Oh, it certainly was nonsense! I died just before they planned to start *really* enforcing it, luckily—at least luckily as far as my moviegoing experience is concerned. Mimzy tells me she hasn’t met an actor who’s died since ‘34 who hasn’t detested the Code.”

A blank blink. “Something else like what—an earthquake weapon? That’s *your* specialty, *mon roi.*” Give him a few seconds. “... *Oh!*”

Sir Pentious

Telly smirked at that-- seemed like Alastor finally got it. He leaned over to kiss his cheek. "Adorable."

He cleared his throat. "Anyway, I remember seeing around the Youknowwho-blr, a picture that specifically violated as many of the Hays Code policies as possible-- and it was some picture!"

Alastor

Adorable, huh. He’d take the hit to his dignity in exchange for the affection.

“Hah! What was the picture of—the 7 p.m. line at Hellbucks?” He offered a bite of heated-up panini to Telly. “Show me that picture if you see it again.”

Sir Pentious

"I'll be sure to save it if I see it again. It was something like a woman in next to nothing pointing a gun as a man laying on the ground." Telly leaned in, mouth open and very gently took the bite of panini. He chewed and smiled, picking up one to offer back to Alastor.

Alastor

Oh... hand-feeding really was romantic. For a couple of seconds all Alastor could focus on was the teeth grazing so close to his fingers. He nipped affectionately at the tips of Telly's as he accepted his own bite. "We should keep midnight picnics on our list of date nights to repeat in the future."

Sir Pentious

It was indeed quite romantic, and Telly purred at the nip. "Mm, yes, I definitely agree with that."

He chuckled, picking up another bit of sandwich to feed to Alastor. "So, if the Hays Code wasn't being enforced when you died, what sort of regulations were there?"

Alastor

Regulations? Oh, right, they'd been talking about movies. "Local ones, mainly!" He snapped up his bite and offered another to Telly. "By the end of the twenties, most states had censhorship boards to review films. That's one of the things that caused the Hays Code, see—Hollywood figured out that in a few years they'd have to be making fifty different versions of the same film to meet each state's guidelines, so they made their own guidelines first. But the state boards had more holes than Swiss cheese, plenty of good stuff made it through."

Sir Pentious

Telly leaned down to take the bite, letting his tongue flick out over Alastor's fingers as he did.

"Mm, that makes sense. But I've seen some of the things said in the Hays Code and they're just ridiculous, honestly."

Alastor

Alastor rolled his eyes. "Isn't that the truth." He flopped down to use Telly's tail as a pillow, and from there kept feeding him sandwich bites and eggs and pinwheels while they talked. "I don't think I agreed with any of their rules! Maybe 'don't show actual footage of a man dying,' I think that was one—not because I'd have *minded* the sight, but out of respect to the dead, you know. But maybe if some fellows on death row signed off permission for people to watch them die. I think I'd have done that."

Sir Pentious

"I always found the one such as 'law cannot be defeated' or 'cannot show a weapon being pointed' as the most ridiculous. The actual footage of death makes sense, though--" He took every bite that Alastor gave him, humming and chewing. He made sure to return each one, carefully lowering them into his partner-in-crime's sharp jaws.

Alastor

He peppered Telly's fingertips with nibbles, quick licks, and kisses in return for each bite. "Can't show a—I forgot about that one! How in the world did they make war movies after the Code started getting enforced? Did they point sticks at each other and yell 'bang'?" He shook his head in disbelief. "I was almost in a war movie down here—and they used live ammunition! That's the way to do it!"

Sir Pentious

"No idea! I think they just ignored that one, as they ended up doing with most, I believe. People found ways around them, as they do, and we're all better for it." He laughed, running the fingers of his free hand through Alastor's hair. He fed him another bite as he leaned down to kiss his forehead.

"A war movie? I suppose it was one for the Great War? That's the one you were in, yes?"

Alastor

He tilted his head to accept the kiss. "Yessir! This was back in the thirties, before there were posters of me everywhere and sometimes I could still have conversations. I thought I'd take a shot at the silver screen! They were looking for demons who could speak French and pass as human without much makeup."

Sir Pentious

"You know, I've always wondered about those poster-- who makes them? Who puts them up? Why are they so sloppily put together?" His face scrunched into a squint and the end of his tail started to wrap around one of Alastor's legs, somewhat protectively.

"I wonder because they are EVERYWHERE on the Pentagram. In the city, and on the outskirts, you can't walk a block without seeing one! Who is it that's _so_ very dedicated to warning people about you?'

Alastor

"I'd have *one* suspect if they didn't start popping up before he did. But he certainly encourages it. I've seen public service announcements." He tugged his feet up closer, giving Telly more room to wrap around him. "They're not there to warn people about me—they're there to ensure *I* know the people have been warned about me. What's the best way to get a pathological chatterbox to move past your café, if not to plaster the window with posters telling him he won't get a good conversation inside?" He smiled bitterly. "Of course, contrary scoundrel I am, I'd just walk right in if the sign said 'Radio Demon, go away!' So what do the signs say instead? 'Watch out!'"

Sir Pentious

"Mm, yes, he does, doesn't he?" His face scrunched again as he idly scratched Alastor's scalp, his claws gentle around the base of his ears and antlers.

"I wonder if it started out as someone genuinely trying to warn people about you because of your dangerous reputation, and then it just became a way to sort of ward you off-- or if it was always intended to ward you off? But if that was the case, then how did they _know_ that would ward you away and _not_ simply backfire like trying to bar you from places would? It's either purposefully genius tactic or accidentally."

Telly stroked his chin with his free hand, before picking up another deviled egg to feed Alastor.

Alastor

"It was probably genuine originally! Somebody thinking they were looking out for their neighbors, maybe. And I'd bet the intent to warn is still there, at least in part—how are they going to keep new arrivals from talking to me but by informing them? But the overarching motive isn't a charitable effort to protect others from me, but a selfish effort to protect *themselves* from me." A sigh.

He almost missed the egg; he'd shut his eyes to revel in the scratching on his scalp. "There's a lot more than there used to be. Most of them are photocopies if the same poster. If I ever get my hands on that artist..."

Sir Pentious

"Mm, yes, photocopies seem to be the only way to make as many as there are. Can you imagine back in our day, how many hours it would've taken to make that many by hand? I can't even fathom it." He hummed, his tail now fully coiled around Alastor's legs.

"I do wonder about that art, though-- why _are_ you wearing a circus tent?" Telly chuckled.

Alastor

"Ha! Someone would have made a woodcut or something, I'm sure. How do illustrations get printed in books—whatever it is they do."

He shifted a bit, getting cozy in the coil; then stuck a fork in the slaw and held it up to Telly's face, smiling sweetly with his entirely un-romantic offering. He was probably going to get as much slaw on his face as Telly got in his mouth, wasn't he? "My self-introduction to Hell started in a circus—that's where I crashed down. I wasn't sure if I'd get my clothes to grow with me, so I took the tent along in case. I ended up wearing it like a cape."

Sir Pentious

The bite was halfway in his mouth when Alastor's last sentence hit, and the urge to laugh punched him in the gut. The effect, of course, was that none of the slaw ended up in Telly's mouth, and _all_ of it ended up _all over_ Alastor.

Which just made Telly laugh even more.

"Oh! Oh no, love, I'm sorry-- you can't just hit me with the image of you wearing a circus tent like a cape whilst also trying to feed me! Oh, what a mess!!" He wheezed, half folding over Alastor's head in his fit.

Alastor

He looked up at Telly laughing with eyebrows raised and a patient smile, and then just as patiently wiped the slaw off his face and ate it himself. "You're forgiven." He raised his head and started picking bits off of his lapels.

Sir Pentious

"Oh, dear, here let me help." He picked up a napkin and began to gently wipe off Alastor's face, and the spots on his outfit where the slaw landed. The entire time, he continued to try his best to stop laughing.

Once Alastor was clean(ish), Telly wrapped his arms around him and kissed his cheek. "I love you, my very patient and forgiving partner-in-crime."

Alastor

He laced his hands over his stomach and kept on patiently smiling as he was cleaned. "I knew I was tempting fate, anyway." He returned the kiss. "But I'll have you know I looked good in that tent."

Sir Pentious

"You must've, considering that that's the image the poster-maker chose to immortalize." Telly picked up a fork, getting a nice forkful of the slaw, holding his hand under it to offer to Alastor, a peace offering after the botched feeding.

"I simply thought the idea of you wearing it as a cape after was very funny, but considering all you were doing, it must've been a fearsome sight."

Alastor

His smile wilted a little. "I suppose it must have." He ate the slaw. "You know, it tastes better straight from the fork."

Sir Pentious

Oh, no, that was the opposite of what he'd wanted to do. "I bet it does." He moved closer again, removing Hattie to set him aside. He wrapped his arm around Alastor's waist and laid his cheek on his shoulder.

"You regret it? The rampage? I know you told me before how much you dislike how everyone fears you now, but do you think you would've done things differently, had you known what would happen?"

Alastor

Alastor sat up to wrap his arms around Telly in return. “I would have done it completely differently,” he said. “Waited a week or two, did my research, chose my targets more carefully. I would have only hit overlords—and unpopular ones, at that. No punching down. Minimal civilian casualties, and no mentioning them on air. Less screams, more jokes. I would have framed it as something I was doing *for* Hell rather than *to* Hell.” He sighed deeply. “If only.”

Sir Pentious

Telly nodded, tilting his head to press a kiss to Alastor's jaw. "Sounds like you've thought about that a lot."

He sighed and closed his eyes, giving Alastor a squeeze. "I've thought a lot about if I would've done things differently, too. I wouldn't have relied on Leclerq's help as much. I would've made sure not to bite off more than I could chew, be more cautious. I never, _never_ would have even spoken to V--...to you know who.

"But I can't go back and change things. And who knows what differences there would be if I had? I might never have met you." He lifted his head and smiled, kissing Alastor's cheek. "And I am very, _very_ glad that I did."

Alastor

A nod. He *had* thought about it, countless times.

He listened quietly at Telly listed off his own regrets. He wasn’t surprised his alternate was at the top of the list. Alastor was sure he was at the top of Telly’s alternate’s list.

His weak smile perked up a bit. “I’m glad I made it to this place with you—I just wish to God I hadn’t burned so many bridges on my way here.”

Sir Pentious

"Yes, that is regrettable. But there's nothing to be done about it now. What's done is done, the past is the past. We're here now, though, together. And that's what matters."

He smiled wider, taking Alastor's face into his hand as he kissed his lips. "I'm still hungry, let's try that pasta salad."

Alastor

“Past is the past,” he agreed with a sigh. But his smile was looking more natural. “And the future is the future, and *my,* is it looking bright. The present isn’t too shabby either.”

He forked up a bit of the salad to present to Telly. “In all of humanity’s culinary history, I can’t think of any food more passionate or alluring than this: cold macaroni salad. This, my darling, is peak romance!”

Sir Pentious

Telly chuckled, this time before taking the bite, no more laughing food all over his boyfriend. He chewed and hummed, nodding.

"I must agree with you, darling, but only because _you_ made it, and with love, obviously." He winked.

Alastor

“Stirred it right into the dressing with the mayonnaise and mustard,” he said cheerfully. And does he realize that this, too, could be interpreted the wrong way? No. No he does not.

Sir Pentious

"Mm, yes, I can tell." He leaned in for another little kiss. He was just going to let that one slide. Not every innuendo Alastor accidentally made did he need to point out.

"Weren't we going to have tea with this too?"

Alastor

And that, right there, is true love.

His eyes flew wide open. “The *tea!*” He’d completely forgotten. He reached over to grab it up. “You! You’d better have stopped boiling by now!”

It had, but he was afraid it was going to be far too strong. He fished a cup out of the picnic basket, poured a tiny bit out, and grimaced. “*Oh,* goodness. At least we have the watermelon to water it down.”

Sir Pentious

"It'll be fine, darling, you know I like my tea strong." He smiled and nudged him gently.

"But the watermelon, yes! I want some of that. Did it come from the living world?"

Alastor

“Is there an upper limit to that?” He passed over the cup.

“It came from the bougie part of town, who knows where it was before that! I didn’t check whether it was imported or local.” It would have been fitting if he’d pulled an entire watermelon out of the basket, given everything else he’d crammed in; but no, just a Tupperware stuffed with ice cube-sized chunks, marinading in their own juice.

Sir Pentious

Telly took a sip and flicked his tongue a bit. "Hmm, it _is_ a bit oversteeped, but not badly enough to warrant making a new pot! The watermelon will surely salvage it."

He grinned and leaned in to flick his tongue at the watermelon-- though, of course, he couldn't smell it with the lid on.

Alastor

Alastor popped the lid off. Behold: the watermelon. Smells like watermelon. “Serve yourself however much you want.”

Sir Pentious

Telly plucked a cube from the tupperware....and just ate it. He made an appreciative noise before grabbing another to put in his cup. And a third that also went into the cup.

"Mm, it tastes very good." He took a sip of the tea and his purr started up. "And it goes wonderfully with the tea, definitely saves it."

Alastor

“Good! Glad to hear it.” He poured himself another cup, tossed in a couple cubes, and winced. “You know, I’m actually not fond of the flavor of watermelon, either?” A sardonic smile. “But the tastes compliment each other, I can admit that.”

Sir Pentious

Telly giggled, and then took another sip.

"Look at you, grin and bearing your way through tea and watermelon just for me." He leaned over to kiss his cheek.

Alastor

“I *did* think you might enjoy it!” He turned to meet Telly’s kiss. “... Although I think it tastes better in your mouth than in mine.”

Sir Pentious

"Oh, do you?" Telly took another sip, a devious glint in his eyes. He set aside his cup and took Alastor's face in his hand, leaning in to kiss him, tongue flicking against his teeth to be let in.

Alastor

Telly barely needed to ask, this was exactly what Alastor was hoping for. He leaned into the kiss.

Sir Pentious

He smiled briefly into the kiss, and then gently pushed Alastor's shoulder back, guiding him down. It was time for making out, the snake had decided.

Alastor

The movement passed unanimously. He'd been waiting to get to this part since they'd started teasing each other's fingertips. Something new to get his teeth on.

Aaand cue the sappy background music, courtesy of your local Radio Demon.

Sir Pentious

He probably should've been expecting the music, but he didn't. Telly laughed softly against Alastor's lips, kissing him deeper as it played. He unbuttoned Alastor's collar to kiss down onto his neck, scraping his teeth there.

Alastor

Alastor blinked in surprise. Really, unbuttoning his shirt? He hadn't expected that. But then who was around to see? They were probably less likely to be caught here than they were on the airship—no Eggs to barge in.

He tilted his head back to give Telly more room, gazing up at the stars. "... Do you know what I think would be lovely?"

Sir Pentious

"Mm, what's that, darling?" He asked, pressing soft kisses to his neck. He gave a teasing nip and then pulled back to smile at him.

Alastor

Alastor gave Telly a mischievous smirk, then bounded to his feet and pulled Telly up with him—with a little magical assistance. The moon and stars still gave off their usual reddish glow, but the ground seemed illuminated by a sourceless neon light. Surprise! Time to dance!

"*Midnight with the stars and you...*" He twirled Telly across the suddenly supernaturally slick concrete slab, then dipped him dramatically. "*... Midnight and a rendezvous.*" Smooch.

Sir Pentious

It all happened so quickly-- one moment, he was laying on top of Alastor, and the next they were both up and twirling. His hood flared from surprise, but he laughed, moving in time. It was so much easier to dance when there was no friction.

He hummed along to the song as they danced, Telly stealing kisses at every opportunity. What a feeling-- giddy and light and floating, twirling around like he always wanted to at a ball. It was so effortless!

When the song ended, he smiled wide, his hood flared fully with his excitement. "Oh, another one! More, I want to dance more!"

Alastor

That's the power of Radio Demon magic, baby. And oh, ever since the Mardi Gras ball, he's been dying to dance with Telly properly. To help him glide gracefully across the ground, aided by invisible shadows and strange physics just enough to let Telly move freely in spite of his long tail.

Telly wasn't the first snake Alastor had helped dance like this—but try not to think about that. That ballroom had been a long time ago, and here with a picnic under the stars... Completely different.

All the same, he couldn't help but to say, "Why, I'd be happy to! I haven't happened to mention that I'm an expert at helping snakes dance, have I?" He hooked a finger in Telly's bow tie to pull him closer, then oh-so-casually untied it and unbuttoned the top of his shirt. If Telly could undo Alastor a little bit, then Alastor could return the favor. "Granted, I haven't gotten in a lot of practice, but I bet I could show you a trick or two." Snippets from a half dozen songs played as he tried to select the best tune for their next dance.

Sir Pentious

Alastor wasn't the only one remembering the Madri Gras ball. Telly's mind also wandered back to that night, and how they'd held each other and just swayed. That had been splendid, but this....this was perfect. Twirling with him under the moonlight, on the grave of his ex-lover. How much more romantic could it get?

Apparently, at least fractionally, as his breath hitched when Alastor tugged him close by the bowtie. Oh, oh, that was hot. His hood stayed flared, and he purred.

"You may have mentioned that before, if I recall." He chuckled, letting his hands rest on Alastor's waist. "I do have a song request, Mr. Radio Demon, if you don't mind." He winked.

Alastor

"Oh do you! You know, this station doesn't play just anybody's requests—but yours, we're always happy to put on air." Maybe... another couple of buttons. Get that deep-cleavage Fabio look going on. "By all means. What'll it be?"

Sir Pentious

"I was thinking 'I Could Have Danced All Night'." He smirked and flicked his tongue at Alastor. Was he going to completely undress him? Well, Telly didn't mind, not at all.

Alastor

Not quite—although Mr. Hays might have something to say about Telly's wardrobe. "With pleasure! And how fitting. *I could have daaanced all night, and still have begged for more...*"

He pulled Telly close as they started to dance again; but a few measures later, when he pulled out from Telly at arm's length to attempt to twirl him (and probably trip them both), his eyes were instead caught by an unexpected light: lines peeking out from the unbuttoned shirt on Telly's chest, glowing white under the sourceless black light. "Oh, hello! What's this?"

Sir Pentious

Telly laughed as they started to dance again, and sang along in bursts when he thought to. He was entranced enough that when Alastor stopped, he blinked and had to take a moment to refocus.

"What's what?" He asked, brow furrowing. He tried to look down and see what Alastor had spotted but couldn't quiet do it.

Alastor

Alastor unbuttoned Telly's jacket and slid it and his shirt over his shoulders, not enough to completely strip him but enough to see more of the lines. Sigils? "I hope these are supposed to be there?" (Don't mind him while his mind frantically runs through all the heavy-hitters he knows that use magic symbols on people's skin to target or control them.)

Sir Pentious

It was when Alastor pushed his clothes apart that Telly was finally able to get a good look. He gasped and his hood flared-- though he was smiling, very widely in fact.

"OH! OH! MY TATTOOS! I THOUGHT I'D LOST THEM!! LOOK AT THAT!!"

Alastor

"Your *tattoos*? When did *that* happen!" He wasn't going to completely undress Telly right out in the open to try to get a better look, but he stepped back to see them more fully.

Sir Pentious

If Alastor wasn't going to undress him, then Telly would. He just tossed off his coat and shirt, revealing the tattoos in full.

A pair of snakes wound their ways up either arm, ending with open fanged mouths on his pecks– now on either side of his chest eye. And then another pair wound up from his hips, around his back and up to his chest again, framing the eye from the bottom. And the final one, an ouroboros around his neck, biting it’s tail like it was a necklace.

"They happened back when I was alive! I thought I'd lost them when I died!"

Alastor

Oh, well, if *Telly* was going to finish undressing *himself,* Alastor wasn't about to protest at all. Especially if it meant he got to see that Telly was covered in art. Secret hidden art! Art that only Alastor's magic could reveal!

He circled Telly slowly, one hand trailing along one of the snakes wrapped around his back, tracing its path. "Look at *that.*" His voice was hushed. "Beautiful."

Sir Pentious

Telly shivered at the touch, his tongue flicking out, and he smiled. He glanced down at the slab they were on and his smile turned to a devilish smirk.

"You know, George _hated_ my tattoos. I got the this one first–” He touched his neck. “And he despised it. Said it looked ridiculous. He even tried to stop me from getting more, but I did it anyway. Got the ones on my arms next, and then the ones around my torso were the last.”

Alastor

"George has no taste!" Alastor tapped a foot loudly on the slab—you hear him? He bent forward to kiss the ouroboros's face. "What kind of a buffoon gets the greatest mind in England in his bed, and then is only interested in his body instead of his mind—and then on top of that, doesn't even fully appreciate his body?" He kissed each of the other snake faces in turn. "... What were they surrounding before you had an eye there?"

Sir Pentious

“Oh, nothing. I had plans for another, but well, it fell through after I ran to Dover. No tattooists in Dover in 1870.” He chuckled and shrugged.

"But I agree, he has no taste, because _I_ think they look quite dashing, don't you?" Telly stood up taller, his hood folded and sleek. He turned his head to the side and posed with his hand folded under his chin.

Alastor

"Incredibly dashing! Dashing and a bit dastardly! You look like you ought to be sword fighting Douglas Fairbanks on a pirate ship." Maybe with a tricorn hat on to complete the look. Any other clothes optional. "What was the last tattoo going to be?"

Sir Pentious

He chuckled, looking down at his chest again, a small purr starting to rumble inside.

"Would you believe an eye?" Telly smirked, looking back over at Alastor. "I thought it would look neat! And I was right."

Alastor

Alastor laughed. "You know, I find things tend to work out like that down here!" He slid his arms around Telly's waist, tugging him close again.

Sir Pentious

The purr kicked up a notch as he smiled down at Alastor. He leaned in for a kiss, his hands resting on his shoulders.

"Hm, I think we were dancing before we got distracted, weren't we?"

Alastor

"I think we were! We'll finish 'I Could Have Danced All Night' properly in a bit, but..." This time, he pulled Telly into a waltz.

Sir Pentious

Oh, yes! A waltz! He knows this one. Telly smiled wider as they danced. It was so much easier to move with whatever magic Alastor had done, he loved it. "Hah! This is very fun...I'd forgotten just how much!"

Alastor

Alastor had thought he might know this one. "Somebody ought to have helped you do this a century ago. You shouldn't have had to wait for me to get to dance again." And around they went, circling their picnic blanket. "So what dances *do* you know?"

Sir Pentious

Twirl, twirl, spin, around they went. This actually seemed easier now, without legs to fumble over. That made him chuckle.

"This, the waltz….and the two-step….that’s about all. I've wanted to learn more, though, I just never had a partner.”

Alastor

"Oh, we're going to have fun! What do you *want* to learn?" Another turn... and then Alastor abruptly switched their hand positions, think fast Telly, you're leading now.

Sir Pentious

Oh, oh shit, he’s leading– well, at least he no longer had feet to step on Alastor’s! He stumbled through the first motions before getting a handle on things, remembering how the lead was supposed to move.

“I suppose anything with complicated footwork is out, but perhaps tango? That seems do-able. Or swing?”

Alastor

He stumbled as well on one of the first turns, he'd forgotten that the follow had to make bigger turns. "Ooh, tango! I doubt we'll ever get you tap dancing, but for most dances with fancy footwork I'm sure we can come up with a modification that lets you keep up." He paused thoughtfully. "I take back what I said about tap dancing. Now I want to strap castanets to your tail and see what we can come up with."

Sir Pentious

“Oh, well, won’t that be a sight. I was thinking more a single shoe just on the tip of my tail.” He winked and chuckled, pressing a bit closer.

"Just imagine, you doing a routine and me, adding in a single 'tap-tap' here or there with my tail." He snorted and giggled.

Alastor

"HA! If you can pull it off, I want to see!" He laughed. "Have you ever seen *Young Frankenstein*"—the music abruptly shifted to "Puttin' On the Ritz"—"that bit where Frankenstein is doing an elaborate tap-dance routine on stage, and every once in a while he points at the monster and he stomps a couple of times—except you can just... slap your tail on the stage."

Sir Pentious

"Oh! Yes, I have seen that-- HAHA! That part is very good. Yes, exactly like that." He'd snort and giggle a few more times, almost messing up the steps-- he'd forgotten he was leading, whoops.

“I’d need a very, very good teacher to do it, though-- that level of skill necessary to slap my tail onto a stage is something that can only be taught by a master!"

Alastor

The fact that he was trying to waltz to "Puttin' on the Ritz" probably didn't help. It was like trying to draw a triangle whose corners matched up perfectly with a trapezoid's. "A *master*, now! Oh, *well!* I can't help you there." He shrugged. "I'm only a so-so tap dancer. But! If you don't mind being a so-so tap dancer too, it would be my honor to teach you!" He put on his most winning smile. Mediocrity has never looked so appealing.

Sir Pentious

“I’d only be tapping with one shoe, I think so-so will cut it!” He chuckled, leaning down to kiss him-- and again, almost falling over.

"Darling, I think we need a change of song, Puttin' on the Ritz is nice, but it's messing with my rhythm."

Alastor

"You're right, you're right! I'm sorry." He switched back to the original waltz. "Don't you worry—we'll get anyone who sees you saying, 'Hey, that snake's not half bad!' No one will be able to say you've got two left feet!" Oh, he was on a roll. "But maybe the tango first."

Sir Pentious

“Yes I think I’d like the tango first before we delve into the comical!” When the song switched back, he started moving more fluidly again, humming along to the tune. The hand at Alastor's waist moved in, starting to slyly undo the buttons on his coat.

Alastor

He prepared to move his hands when Telly's slipped off his waist, were they switching leads again—? Oh, no. Telly was pulling a different sly little trick. All right, that was fair; compared to Telly, Alastor was a little overdressed. He kept on dancing as if he was completely oblivious to the fingers tugging at his buttons. (A couple trapped shreds of coleslaw fell out of his coat. Farewell.) "Of course! No need for us to do everything at once! We're going to have plenty of time to figure all this out, aren't we?"

Sir Pentious

“Yes, plenty. As much time as we want.” He smiled and leaned in to flick his tongue against Alastor's cheek-- and as a distraction from the hand now sliding inside of Alastor's coat to undo his shirt buttons.

Alastor

Alastor tilted his head in closer to catch the tickling touch to his cheek while obligingly keeping his body far enough out to give Telly's hand room to manipulate the buttons. "For the record, I don't think I have any hidden tattoos under my clothing. If I *do*, they're a surprise to *me*! But it doesn't hurt to check, does it?"

Sir Pentious

"No, doesn't hurt to check," He said, purring. Their waltz had devolved into a slow, lazy twirl as Telly's hand got the buttons unbuttoned, and the shirts untucked. It then slid underneath to scratch and grip at Alastor's side.

"Mm, think I want that earthquake now." He turned his head to capture Alastor's lips.

Alastor

"O-*ho*!" Alastor stopped dancing completely as they kissed, only swaying slightly on his feet to the rhythm of the music. "Really! Out here under the open sky, completely exposed? You never know who might pass by with a seismometer! How *exciting.*"

Sir Pentious

"Scandalous, isn't it? I do love a bit of scandal." He grinned, his kissing trailing down Alastor's neck as he had earlier.

"Touch me," He whispered against his skin, getting his other hand under Alastor's shirt too. Both hands now gripped his waist, digging the tips of his claws in enough to prick the skin.

Alastor

"Oh, it would be a wonderful scandal! We'd be the most exciting thing to hit the tabloids in years," Alastor murmured. "What are they publishing these days? 'Guess which power couple can't decide whether or not they're still together for the hundredth issue in a row.' 'Top five Goetias our readers think might have an angel kink.' Yawn."

He obeyed the command immediately, hands trailing from Telly's shoulders down his back and along his sides, slowing to linger at his gills, rubbing in small circles as he spoke. "I like ours much better. 'The Radio Demon and Sir Pentious caught rocking each other's worlds! Earth-shaking affair between orchestrator of worst solo act of carnage in Hell's history and throne-seeking supervillain extraordinaire! Magnitude 9 quakes registered in their wake as they leave Pentagram City devastated. Hell on edge as the aftershocks are felt in the furthest rings.'"

Sir Pentious

The attention to his gills had him gasping soft noises against Alastor's throat. He pressed the tips of his fangs there, letting his breath fan against Alastor's skin.

His claws dug a little deeper, and he groaned softly. "Mm, can't wait until we can reveal ourselves. Once I have enough territory and influence that blockhead or any of the other overlords can't find a way to slap me back down, they're going to be in for a reckoning."

A whimper left him, his teeth scraping against Alastor's neck, as he felt his sheath begin to part; it looked like the dicks were arriving on cue.

Alastor

"I can't wait, either." He nuzzled his nose against Telly's face, head tipped down so that Telly's hood hid his mouth as he murmured, "Someday, all of Hell is going to find out we're together—and their reaction is going to be terror. They'll know that with our forces combined, all of Hell will be *helpless* before us."

One hand crept around to the small of Telly's back, claws prickling lightly across his skin. It pulled Telly closer, pressing their hips together. "Part of me even wants them to see this. I want them to know I'm utterly obsessed with you—every inch of you, in every way."

Sir Pentious

His breath caught and sped at Alastor's words, the pricking of his claws sending shivers down his spine. His own claws slid around to Alastor's back, and dug in there.

"I want them to know that we would do anything for one another-- that anyone who tried to get to one of us through the other, it would be a futile effort, as either of us could destroy them utterly. I want them all to know that you're mine and I'm yours, and that soon, Hell will be oursssss...."

Telly's mouth opened wide and he bit deep into Alastor's neck, groaning against him.

Alastor

His breath hitched at the bite and he shut his eyes as the pain/pleasure washed over him. "I wish I could show off your bites."

He rocked back on his heels, reveling in how it made the claws in his back dig in a little harder, just long enough to undo his pants. He slid them down to mid-thigh, giving Telly somewhere more comfortable to press his dicks than against Alastor's belt. "You're the virtuoso of invention and I'm the maestro of magic. Between the two of us, we have every other sinner beat on every front. We'll be unstoppable."

Sir Pentious

"I wish you could too. I want everyone to know that you're _mine_." He growled the last word, tongue flicking to lick at the wound. Telly kissed down, moving his hand briefly to push Alastor's coat and shirt aside. The undershirt was still there, but he didn't mind biting right through _that_-- and so he did.

He ground his hips forward, rubbing them against Alastor with a whine. "I wonder....can you stay standing while I _fuck_ your thighs, my hart?"

Alastor

*Mine.* He loved the sound of that. He let go just long enough to shrug off his shirt and coat, then pulled Telly close again.

Could he? That was a good question. From the waist down, Sir Pentious was essentially a sausage the size of two people made of pure muscle, and they didn’t have any walls to brace against. “We can give it a shot. I might need your help to brace me.”

Sir Pentious

"We'll give it the old college try, and if not, well..." He glanced over at the blanket, still spread with food and the basket. "We _do_ have a blanket. But let's try."

Telly grinned, and reached down to press his dicks together. He positioned them right between Alastor's thighs, and purred. "Alright, here goes nothing."

Arms wrapped around Alastor, he started to thrust, slowly, his tail sliding around to coil around the bottoms of Alastor's legs to help keep him steady.

Alastor

“Making love on a picnic blanket *is* a classic. We’ll call that Plan B.” He stood as straight as he could to let Telly get in position, wrapped his arms around his shoulders, and held on.

Alastor was definitely going to be feeling this in his thighs and abs tomorrow—the tail at least kept his feet from sliding back, but it was an effort not to buckle backwards at the waist with each thrust. And Telly hadn’t really gotten going yet. It wasn’t long before Alastor had to take Telly’s hands and place them on his own ass to hold him in place. Usually he wasn’t fond of being held there too long, but it would do a better job of saving Alastor from having to tense up for every thrust than anything else.

Sir Pentious

Oh, and that was something new-- he'd never been allowed to touch the ass before, let alone hold on. His claws flexed and dug in as he groaned, his hips rocking faster.

"Alastor," he whined, breathlessly against his shoulder, leaving a kiss there before biting through the undershirt once more. Telly panted softly, his tongue flicking out repeatedly to taste and smell his blood.

Alastor

He automatically played an alarmed bicycle horn sound effect when Telly squeezed his ass. Sorry.

Now that he didn’t have to focus on keeping himself upright, he could focus on the actual physical experience... which was unfortunate, as it turned out, because he quickly discovered he wasn’t enjoying the physical experience at all. The height difference made it inevitable that some of Telly’s thrusts bucked close enough to Alastor’s groin to send uncomfortable bolts of stimulation through his system; with his pants down and his coat off, his boxer-clad butt was exposed to all of Hell; and there was nothing he could do to contribute or to entertain himself but hold tight and try to focus on the sounds Telly was making. He couldn’t even catch Telly’s mouth for a proper kiss. Subtly shapeshifting away the bulge in his boxers helped with reducing the odd accidental rubs, but it didn’t fix the whole experience.

Okay. He was striking out this position. It had even snapped him out of his lovey-dovey mood. He’d let Telly enjoy it a bit longer, but then he was calling that they switch leads again.

In the meantime, he’d try to coax a little more something for himself out of Telly. “Tell me what you’re feeling,” he murmured, a warm buzzy distortion underlining his words. “I want to hear what this is doing to you.”

Sir Pentious

The horn caused him to startle, hood flaring out as his head snapped up, a louder than average hiss escaping him. Telly blinked and then whined softly, flattening his hood to tuck his face back against Alastor's neck.

And then he felt something oddly _shift_ down below and, while that didn't cause a flare, he did pull his head back again, blinking.

"What--what was that?" He murmured, his hips stilling. He huffed for breath a bit, pulling back enough to be able to see Alastor's face. The words, though, the words made him pause.

"Feeling a bit odd, honestly." He shifted his hands up from Alastor's ass back to his back instead, and pulled his dicks from between his legs, letting them rest between the two of them instead. "Are you....alright?"

Alastor

Ah. He'd killed the mood. Damn. Telly had been enjoying himself so much a moment ago. Alastor had a whole strategy—he'd get to hear in detail all the things Telly was enjoying, and that would give him enough to enjoy himself a bit, and in a couple minutes he could pull out his best stolen-from-a-romantic-movie sultry voice and go *why don't you let me try something a little different* and then they could switch to a more comfortable position...

Well, so much for that. He'd spoiled it. He offered Telly an apologetic smile. "It's not doing it for me. I was going to give you a minute or two and then ask to switch it up."

Sir Pentious

"Alastor..." He lowered himself, cupping Alastor's cheek, his thumb stroking over it. "If you're not enjoying something then I want you to tell me, all right? Right away. I don't want to continue doing something that we don't both like. So next time, just stop me and tell me, and then we can just switch to something else, okay?" He leaned in and kissed him softly.

"I love you, and I want when we're together to always be good for both of us, not just _me_." He straightened and tugged Alastor's pants back up, just enough to be able to allow him to move more easily. He put his hand on Alastor's waist and then took up the classic dancing pose again.

"L is for the way you look at me..." He began to sing softly, swaying a little.

Alastor

Not only had the mood been killed, it was getting field dressed before their very eyes. Damn everything. He leaned into the swaying and pulled up backing music for Telly’s singing, but he was going to sulk about it.

... He’d say something in a minute. He didn’t want to interrupt the singing.

Sir Pentious

He could tell Alastor was still upset-- there was actually quite a marked difference, and that mark was the fact he didn't sing along.

So, Telly pulled back just enough to tilt Alastor's chin up with a finger, getting him to look into Telly's eyes as he sang the next lines.

"O is for the only one I see. V is very, very extraordinary. E is even more than anyone that they adore. Love is all that I can give to you. Love is more than just a game for two. Two in love can make it, take my heart but please don't break it. Love was made for me and you."

Alastor

It actually wasn’t that deep, he just wanted to listen to his partner-in-crime singing a love song to him.

All the same, despite himself, the direct eye contact did buoy his mood a little. When Telly finished singing, Alastor pecked his lips and said, “I *was* going to switch to something else. After giving you a minute or two. I don’t want to slam on the breaks the *very second* I’m not utterly euphoric, especially if letting things run a few more seconds will let us segue more smoothly.”

Sir Pentious

Telly thought about it for a moment, and then nodded.

"I understand, but I know that I'd enjoy anything we do tenfold if I know that you're enjoying it, too." He leaned in to kiss him softly.

"Alright, standing didn't work, what were you _going_ to suggest we segue to?"

Alastor

Kiss. “I know.” That was the ideal, wasn’t it; but sometimes Alastor was just okay, and he was okay with that.

“I was going to suggest you lie down on that blanket and I sit on top, see how that goes.” He’d been planning to put it much more alluringly, but that wasn’t really the mood at the moment, was it? The picnic spread picked itself up and neatly floated back into the basket and the blanket flapped once to kick off any crumbs.

Sir Pentious

"Oh, that sounds interesting. And fun," Telly said, smiling wider. He twirled his way back over to the blanket, not letting Alastor go for a moment. At least until reaching said blanket.

He chuckled and laid down, purring as he stared up at Alastor. "I'm ready for you, my hart."

Alastor

“I thought you might think so!” He could salvage this yet.

He shimmied out of his pants, sat straddling Telly’s tail, bent forward to give him a quick kiss, then straightened up to figure out how this would work. “Let’s see here...” He’d straddled Telly’s tail plenty of times, but that was typically kneeling. To get his thighs around Telly’s dicks, he had to pull his knees together and splay his calves out to either side. It was, he thought, like trying to ride home in an automobile from the grocery store with several stuffed bags of groceries in the footwell between his feet and a couple of soda bottles being carefully held upright between his thighs.

So a little goofy, from his perspective; but not downright unpleasant. “How’s this?”

Sir Pentious

A purr rumbled through him as he watched Alastor get into position-- from down there, it also looked a little goofy, but it looked a whole lot more incredibly hot. Alastor, on top of him, riding him-- that was a sight he'd never thought he'd see.

"It's good, though, how's your balance? You're not going to fall off?" He smirked a little, then gave his tail an experimental roll, to see how well Alastor handled it.

Alastor

He had to roll his hips along with Telly to keep his balance, his thighs shifting around Telly's dicks in the process. "Have you ever tried riding a mechanical bull?" Probably not, unless they'd let him ride side-saddle. "Like the first few seconds while the thing's still warming up." He rubbed the tip of one of Telly's dicks, "So, all good, as long as I don't forget myself and try to use these as a handhold!" He's joking probably.

Sir Pentious

Telly purred louder, and rolled his tail again, grinning up at Alastor. "It's all about the rhythm, then. As long as we're in sync, we'll be fine. Just like dancing."

He was proud of that analogy, and the smug smile on his face showed it. He started moving again, shifting like a wave coming from the tip of his tail to his hips. A soft groan left him as he felt Alastor's thighs rubbing his cocks. "Mm, that's nice...."

Alastor

Just like dancing! Alastor's grin widened. "Well, look at that! We already found a new dance that doesn't involve any fancy footwork."

He always loved watching and feeling how the length of Telly's tail rolled when he thrusted; riding atop it was yet another fascinating way to experience it. He had to join in the movement himself to keep stable, feeling it in his spine and hips.

Sir Pentious

"The dance of the beast with two backs." Telly snickered as he started to roll a little faster, trying his best to keep the motions even and smooth. His breathing picked up as his speed did, the feeling of his dicks sliding between Alastor's thighs sending sparks all through him.

"This....this is a good position, I think I like this one a lot," He muttered, his hands reaching to grab the outside of Alastor's thighs, letting the tips of his claws dig in.

Alastor

"HAH! I think this dance is a winner!" He was definitely going to be building up some rarely-used muscles until he got used to it, but so far it was the most comfortable position they'd tried that let Telly get between Alastor's thighs.

He placed his hands over Telly's, claws grazing the backs of his hands. "And it lets me see you, too." In the future they could do more with that—explore Telly's torso, maybe make out while they did this—but for now, Alastor was content just to see how Telly looked under the starlight.

Sir Pentious

With Alastor's hands over his, it felt so very intimate-- somehow even more than the fact his dicks were currently squeezed between Alastor's thighs. His breath caught a bit, and his body rolled faster. He stared up at Alastor, eyes half lidded, smiling softly.

"I _do_ like seeing you....feeling you...I love you, Alastor." He groaned softly.

Alastor

Alastor's smile was just downright goofy now. An utterly dorky grin. This wasn't the face of a man rubbing off two dicks, it was the face of a man who'd just had a baby fawn dumped in his lap at the petting zoo. "For Hell's greatest supervillain, you can be a real sweetheart sometimes, do you know that?" He laced his fingers with Telly's and squeezed his thighs a little tighter as they picked up the pace.

Sir Pentious

Telly smiled back at him, not as goofily, but very earnest. His speed picked up again, and he moaned.

"I'm only a sweetheart to those that I love. To the rest, I am as dastardly as they come." He gave his best dastardly expression-- a pretty good one, honestly, it looked like he practiced that-- before it devolved back into a wide smile. He squeezed Alastor's hands in his and groaned.

"Lord, this feels good...."

Alastor

Oh, he *loved* that face. Evidence of practice and all. As much as Alastor’s day-to-day persona was a performance, Sir Pentious was just as much of a showman when it came to his villainous work—and it *showed,* and Alastor *adored* him for it.

“I want you to focus on that,” Alastor said, suddenly intense, leaning forward. “Focus on how good it feels, and know that it’s *for you* and it’s *intentional.* Your pleasure isn’t the byproduct of somebody else getting off. I wouldn’t be doing this for myself, and I wouldn’t do it for anyone else—just you.” He lifted one of Telly’s hands to kiss it. “Somewhere underneath us is a selfish bastard who looked at everything you are, everything you have to offer, everything you’ve made of your life and your work and your body, and couldn’t see anything but a pre-heated masturbation aid—*and he’s down there,* and you’re up here with somebody whose only motive for touching you is to make you as happy as you can be. And that’s how it’s going to be from now on.”

(Has he been lowkey writing this speech in the back of his head since he unbuckled his belt? Maybe. But it was all true.)

Sir Pentious

The words made Telly's eyes begin to swim, his throat closing fractionally as the emotion washed over him. Alastor did this for him. Only for him. Hearing that straight from his mouth seemed to intensify everything, and his pace kicked up again-- if Alastor thought he was riding a mechanical bull before, that had nothing on what Telly's body was doing now.

He threw his head back and moaned, hands clutching Alastor's tight. He panted hard, tongue flicking out and staying there. "Talk to me, Alastor! More, I'm close!"

Alastor

He had to tense up to keep his balance as Telly’s movements intensified, which by lucky chance also meant tightening his squeeze around Telly’s dicks. That went over as well as Alastor had hoped.

“More! Is this what it’s like to be called back on stage for an encore?” He kissed Telly’s hand again. “I’ve dreamed all my life of hearing hundreds of strangers cheering and applauding me—but I can’t imagine it would sound half as wonderful as *you* begging for more of me. I’d sing you every song I know and talk non-stop from now til Judgment Day—and all I want is to hear you in return. I want all those sounds you make when you feel so good you can’t help yourself.”

Sir Pentious

Telly almost bit his lip, almost muffled himself-- but Alastor's words forced his jaw back open, letting the groans and gasps echo. His panting sped ever faster, as did his undulating-- and then his back arched high, his voice soaring with Alastor's name as he came.

Slowly, his body relaxed from the rigid pose, sinking down onto the blanket, a soft and reedy whine leaving him.

"Oh, Alastor..." He muttered, staring up at him with half-lidded eyes.

Alastor

He held his breath as Telly came; and then when the sound of his own name finally faded from his ears, he let out a long, shuddering sigh. “Ohh, if that’s not the most beautiful sound in the world.”

He wiped up some cum that splattered on his thigh and licked it off his thumb. “So, what do you think—do I have a future as a romance novelist?” He winked.

Sir Pentious

"If you intend on catering only to snakes of great genius and ego, then yes, I think so." Telly took a deep breath and gently pulled Alastor's thighs apart, to allow his dicks to slide back into his sheath.

His brow arched when Alastor tasted his cum. "How's that taste?" He asked, a small smirk forming on his lips.

Alastor

“That happens to be my target audience!”

He relaxed his legs and leaned forward to lie on top of Telly, his tail contentedly swishing back and forth. “About how I expected. Why, want to find out?” He stuck out the tip of his tongue invitingly.

Sir Pentious

Telly chuckled, a finger curling a piece of Alastor's hair. "Teassse," He hissed softly, before leaning in to kiss him. His tongue flicked into Alastor's mouth, and he made a soft noise.

Alastor

He scooted farther forward, pressing into the kiss. (There probably wasn’t much flavor left, but if any was, it did, in fact, taste about how one would expect.)

Sir Pentious

A tinge of taste, and that's all he really needed. But his real prize is swishing behind Alastor-- a little touch to his tail, that's all. Telly just wanted to feel it.

Alastor

His tail twitched in surprise—oh, it was just Telly. After pausing in his kissing for just half a second to consider, Alastor flagged his tail up high, tip curling toward his spine. Go ahead, touch away.

Sir Pentious

Good, he's glad he's allowed-- it looked soft. His fingers played through the fur, making sure to stay gentle. He was right, it _was_ soft.

"Your tail is very cute," he murmured against Alastor's lips.

Alastor

“*Your* tail is cute,” Alastor retorted automatically; then, after a couple more seconds of kissing, as if he hadn’t said anything, asked, “Is it?”

Sir Pentious

"I think it is. I like to see it swishing. Does that mean you're happy?" A purr rumbled through him.

Alastor

“Relaxed, usually. Either that or there’s a song stuck in my head. I’ve got a built in metronome!”

Sir Pentious

"Good, I'm glad I can make you relaxed. Or get a song to stick in your head." He chuckled and kissed Alastor again. His began to pet Alastor's tail, from base to tip, slow, languid strokes.

Alastor

He flinched slightly when Telly brushed the very base of his tail—he was extra sensitive there, in an unpleasant way that made him want to clench up. “Not quite all the way to the base, please.”

Sir Pentious

Telly's hand froze the moment Alastor flinched, and he nodded, resuming his petting with shorter strokes. He purred more, his other hand reaching to massage the base of one of Alastor's ears-- he knew he liked that, at least.

Alastor

Alastor immediately relaxed again. And that was why Telly got tail-touching privileges: because he stopped the instant Alastor was uncomfortable.

Alastor kissed Telly's cheek. "Well—they're going to be feeling that earthquake for miles around, don't you think?"

Sir Pentious

Telly chuckled, returning the cheek kiss with one of his own.

"Yes, I do! Bet George felt it, too. Half tempted to move the slab and dig him up to ask." He snickered.

Alastor

“Show him what he’s been missing out on!” Alastor laughed, propping himself up on an elbow. “Oh, he probably wouldn’t appreciate it. If he can’t even appreciate *this*...” He traced one of the glowing tattoos crossing Telly’s chest.

Sir Pentious

A purr rumbled through Telly at the touch, his tongue flicking. "That's very true, my hart. He didn't appreciate me at all, but you do."

And he leaned in to kiss Alastor yet again, giving his lip a little nip.

Alastor

Alastor returned the nip, humming into it as he started up his background music again—this time he’d finish playing “I Could Have Danced All Night” properly.

Sir Pentious

Telly hummed along with the song as he continued to pet Alastor's tail. What a lovely night this turned out to be.

Alastor

It certainly did. He dropped his head onto Telly's shoulder and quietly sang along with the rest of the song. "*I could have spread my wings and done a thousand things I've never done before...*"

Sir Pentious

Now it was Telly's turn to be quiet and listen to Alastor sing. He did keep humming, though, the sound thrumming through his chest.

Alastor

Alastor can feel Telly’s humming in his ribs. It’s the most relaxing sound he can imagine. For a moment or two after the song’s over, he just relaxes and listens to it.

“As lovely as it would be to sleep out here, under the stars... I suppose we’d better head back, hadn’t we?” He smirked. “Unless you really would like to dance all night?”

Sir Pentious

Telly chuckled, his arms wrapping around Alastor to keep him in place as he slowly sat up. He kissed the tip of his nose and flicked his tongue against his lips.

"I wouldn't mind more dancing, but I think that's best done back on the airship. It's getting late and I don't think I want to sleep on concrete."

Alastor

He straightened up with Telly, still seated in his lap. “Oh, right, you’re on the concrete! I’ve got such a lovely pillow, I almost forgot.” And just as importantly, they shouldn’t risk getting caught by anyone in their sleep. “Let’s go put up our leftovers and then I’ll dance with you as long as you want.”

Sir Pentious

"Sounds like a lovely idea." Telly leaned in to kiss him again, purring all the while.

Alastor

One more kiss for the road, then.

In a few minutes, with blankets, clothing, and basket collected, the only sign they’d ever been there was a slightly burned circle on the concrete slab where the tea kettle had sat.

#usedhearts #chat log

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prongsmydeer · 4 years

Text

Ayesha Liveblogs Tiger King

“I think it would be fair to say that Carole is the Mother Teresa of cats” now there’s a sentence I never thought I’d hear

“I’d never been a person who had friends” statements like this always perplex me because surely there had to be ONE other person in however long you quantify childhood that you identified with. Like not one whole ass person? You’re not the only person who loves cats Carole

The juxtaposition between Carole Baskin’s “Animal Print for Animal Rights” and Joe Exotic’s “Tiger King underwear is our bestseller” is poetic cinema

Okay this isn’t a reflection of my opinions on this man but I Saw a Tiger is a good country ballad there I said it

“When I first met Joe, I was like a month out of high school” well that’s not good

[Joe Exotic voice] Some people have tigers to cope

Doc Antle has only been on screen for 30 seconds and already he has made himself memorable by directing the film crew

Is Bhagavan Antle Indian in some way or did he just have a really intense Eat Pray Love journey with his guru

Also is he really a doctor orrrrrrrrr

“I am out there in the forefront so known of being this guy that is in love with big cats and has them love him back” please don’t tell me this guy does anything weird to his animals

“People only care about saving what affects them”

“You can’t put a price on holding a baby tiger” but you did and apparently it’s $625

The fact that multiple tigers have had albinism is probably a sign of major inbreeding practices at these zoos

You know, even if I ate meat*, there is no way I would be able to handle any kind of early prep stage of it bc seeing these cow carcasses is A Lot

*If u r reading this I don’t care if u eat meat leave me alone

“Animals just wasn’t enough, okay? So then I started adding magic” well that took an unexpected turn

I don’t know if it’s for real fair to criticize every person who has brought a big cat out in a public venue/talk show because I know at least like Dave Sal/moni is always going “THESE ANIMALS MAKE TERRIBLE PETS”

As a sidenote from what I understand this Saff person keeps being deadnamed/misgendered throughout this documentary and I do not appreciate it

“I grew up a professional cowboy in a family of professional cowboys” every sentence on this show is a journey

WHO is letting their ONE-YEAR-OLD lay on top of a tiger cub I know you’re at a zoo but BRUH

“It’s going to be a small Waco” to say this ON THE NEWS

This 2 minute stretch of episode is all the PSA anyone ever needs to never own a gun

Well I think we can all agree that PETA is a fucking mess

God this is like battle of the people who are terrible at doing anything good for animals

“What do you carry that gun for?” “People” AHHHHHHHHHHH?!?!!!!?!?

“I sleep with an AK-47 under my mattress, loaded, ready to roll” WILL SOMEONE HELP THE U.S. OF A

I was warned about this show and yet I was still not prepared for the level of UNHINGED it would be

How in the FUCK does a place like this not have an on-site medic

“Why don’t you come back on another day” he said, after telling the public an employee had his arm taken off

“I am never gonna financially recover from this” SURE JOE THIS IS ABOUT YOU

To go back to work a WEEK after getting your arm amputated... BRUH

“Any law that you think’s unfair or unjustice, it is your obligation, it is your responsibility to stand up against that bullshit law” well Thomas Jefferson was a slaveowner so clearly the injustice thing was relative for him

Traditionally don’t drug addictions fuel people choosing extreme paths with their life rather than the other way around?

JKHGKJHGKJH this whole exchange:

Interviewer: What kind of doctor is he?

Maria: Mystical science.

Interviewer: Mystical science?

Maria, nodding: Yeah.

“How many wives does Doc Antle have?” I didn’t expect this but somehow it tracks

I’m gonna bet none of these people with subcontinental names have a single bit of South Asian heritage like okay “Moksha” and “Rajnee” did Bhagavan name you

On a more serious note: It’s really fucked up that these men keep meeting literal teenagers, making them their employees, and then also get into relationships with them. I cannot emphasize this strongly enough THIS IS NOT GOOD OR HEALTHY

It’s pretty weird that Doc Antle keeps emphasizing so frequently that one of his partners is Italian

“I’m gonna go be a yoga animal trainer” ah, white people bullshit

“Goodbye. Don’t fall in love with your boss.” Good advice, Dad

I was not expecting all this subcontinental imagery to get under my skin this badly but what’s your problem dude can’t u be normal for like a second

“You’re this garbage person, but if you listen to me, I’ll make you great” again this tracks but gross

Again, on a more serious note: if a partner ever talks to you this way please call a domestic abuse hotline

Not that India is at all in a good place right now but I personally ban Doc Antle from ever entering India. Banned. Forever. I will not be accepting constructive criticism at this time

“I didn’t really know any better” is a really good way of summarizing what all of these younger partners have been through

Wow Carole is really explaining this abuse issue succinctly

Antle’s indignation at being implied to be a cult leader despite the fact he is most definitely a cult leader

Joe’s story in his documentary is constantly “is this going to be a humanizing moment PSYCH it’s still terrible”

HOW IS THIS LEGAL PAY YOUR WORKERS A LIVING WAGE

Why is this husband-killing thing JUST A FOOTNOTE AT THE END OF THIS EPISODE OH MY GOD

We have deviated so far from the tiger thing oh my god

Why is the only man in this documentary who is faithful to his spouse the man that smuggled drugs inside of snakes

Every time I learn a new thing about a person in this documentary I have to reorient myself

This whole episode has been about this murder and I’m concerned that its title, “The Secret,” hasn’t even been revealed yet

GOD I take back what I said about I Saw Tiger, the concept of this song/music video for Here Kitty Kitty is so disturbing that this man deserves no credit whatsoever as a musician

CAROLE WHY ARE YOU GIGGLING ABOUT THE MEAT GRINDER IT’S NOT FUNNY

Well I don’t have much to say about this episode other than yikes

I guess if you’re really out to spite someone stealing their brand and posting exactly the opposite of everything they stand for is an effective if weird and petty way to do it

Do you think the whole throne footage moment was a “Frankenstein realizing what he has wrought” kind of thing for Kirkham

This is really like watching a sports game of two teams you can’t stand except the sport is murder and other miscellaneous crime

If we’re all being real with ourselves the documentary filmmakers themselves MUST have had some issues going on to be able to walk into this situation and not do anything about it

This series really seems to present a compelling case for why every major figure in this documentary has potentially committed at least one terrible crime

Ah there’s the judgment from the woman in Florida I guess it’s two crimes with one stone

God these poor animals they do not deserve anything happening to them

While obviously people are enticed by the prospect of someone they’re into having an animal JUST GET AN ALREADY DOMESTICATED ANIMAL LIKE DOMESTICATED CATS AND DOGS EXIST OH MY GOD DO NOT USE EXOTIC PETS AS DATE BAIT

It has been so long since we heard about Travis ngl I already forgot about him

Why is every single person in this show SO OFF THE WALLS I mean I know why but also WHY

This documentary is also a treatise in the flaws of the U.S. prison system and how it sets up people up to fail or re-offend upon release

Take a shot every time a middle-aged man in this show mentions that he casually bought himself a big cat as a teen

“Joe was the entertainment director.... by title” I don’t think this was meant to be a burn but what a burn

I am almost certain I WATCHED that Last Week Tonight episode during that election and if u told me that 4-5 years later I would be rewatching that clip in a documentary about this man’s journey to being convicted for murder then I cannot say I wouldn’t be surprised but I would probably believe it

Also I have to wonder what John Oliver thinks about being part of this

[“Beyonce?” voice] Shaun Majumder?

Sidenote: Until this exact moment I thought of Shaun Majumder as Ben Mulroney even though Brian Mulroney is white as hell I guess I have faceblindness but only for Canadian talkshow personalities

I have been aware of this before now but the fact you can buy a GUN at a Walmart what in the FUCK is U.S.A. doing

Man does this campaign manager really want to take ownership of anything Joe Exotic has ever done

Ngl I was wondering why someone who had at one point clearly had a lot of money seemed to have such poor dental care access but meth certainly does explain it

I mean people can be attracted to both men and women (hello) but since Joe was fuelling their drug addictions since they were teenagers attraction is at best a null factor and at worst an added layer of terrible to this whole mess

It’s hard to even respond to this in a meaningful way because this is so fucked up. Don’t own guns.

“That was a big fucking mistake,” he said, right after someone explained that he was driving large groups of people in an enclosed space in a busy city with wild animals that could maim or kill them

Padlock penls piercing really does not seem like a first date bombshell

“We went to dinner and he never went home” well if that doesn’t set you with a sense of foreboding

TWO MONTHS AFTER WHAT IN THE HELL OH MY GOD also I hope Dillon is okay

“It wasn’t about the animals anymore” you THINK

“It was sort of funny when they started but it’s gotten really dark” how meta

Of all the reasons Joe could’ve abandoned his zoo, I really didn’t think embezzlement would be what pushed him

“He won’t tell anyone where he’s at, not even me,” said Dial, with no acknowledgement of the fact that Joe is also theoretically still married and would maybe tell his husband???

Oh Dillon spotted??? Yikes get out dude

Take a shot every time a white person who really doesn’t understand where the word “karma” comes from starts talking about karma as if it is the Law of Revenge

The fact this man brings a film crew out with him while he’s on the run evading a federal investigation..... incomprehensible

“Joe just wanted to put it in somebody’s name and continue to be the tiger queen, I mean king,” really REALLY of all the reasons to object to Joe you’re going to choose homophobia wow

Is this about an attempt to have someone murdered or does something happen to Baskin it is very unclear

This documentary has an interesting format of switching focus from crime to crime to crime

“I’ve never been as proud of being married to anyone as I am being married to you” It’s weird to compliment your husband by comparing him to all your other husbands

How is the lesson for Jeff Lowe in this “let’s build another zoo” surely at that point it’s better to just cut your losses

[Garretson voice]: You should pay me for being a bro, dude

“I’m a libertarian, so technically, fuck the Feds,” I’ve never heard an intonation that better suits a conservative millennial

I mean I don’t think it was advisable but honestly why are people surprised Joe took the stand isn’t delusions of grandeur kind of his thing

Sometimes it’s just that they’ve added in other moments to break up the awful immoral crimes with just run of the mill douchebaggery like the nanny/gym thing huh

I guess the silver lining in this is that potentially these big cat zoos will shut down but like where do these animals who have been raised in captivity go??? I don’t trust anyone in this documentary to not exploit them in some way ugh

“Not a single animal benefited from this war,” correct, Saff

“I was wrapped up in having a zoo,” not really an excuse but ok

#tw: literally everything #ayesha says things #ayesha liveblogs tiger king #long post #u ever quarantine so hard u watch an entire docuseries in a night #no but seriously it would be hard to warn for everything but proceed with caution #liveblogging

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