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remsmoonlight · 3 years

Text

— title : point of view

— word count : 3k words

— pairing : daryl dixon x reader

— summary : tomorrow is something that is never promised, less so when the dead walk the Earth. being trapped for the night when a storm pours down upon you and daryl while trapped in a decrepit house by a few walkers are you sick and tired of hiding what you feel.

— warnings : some swearing, talk of potential death ( of the reader ) , a wee bit of angst that turned into more at the end :)

note: omg another daryl oneshot i gotta chill ajksajksk, but i had like seven main bullet points i made to follow when writing this and i followed like...... two, three at the most, anyways.... enjoy? this is brought to u by ariana’s discography lmao oops it does be cute at some point tho ... also felt a bit hsm with that one line at the end ahaha but fr lemme stop talking now

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* requests are open ! *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

Dark and gloomy clouds swirl over your head, blending into an extremely large and angry looking ready to descend from above. You wonder to yourself just how long you have left before the loud cracks that crumble through the air to accompany the forceful winds and pouring drops of rain are finally released. Halfway through the trip back from the town that lays after miles from the prison the car used decided it preferred to lay quietly in the middle of the road, shortly after the sickly sputters from the engine you heard Daryl mutter a few curse words. You were unable to hold in your amusement, despite the fact that a lack of transport obviously leaves you in a vulnerable position, it felt like it was your luck for that to happen to you.

It’s why you stay behind following the hunter in silence.

Studying him with focused eyes you can’t help but wonder how he never realises when you’re unable to tear your gaze away from him. In the beginning when you began to develop a certain affection for him you had been glad, for it to be too embarrassing for the thoughts you had about him in your head. In spite of this, when you realised that it was much more than a crush did you wish for him to mind read, because you have no idea just how to approach him about such a sensitive topic and while he can be tender about feelings, it’s also his downfall.

“ it’ll be gettin’ dark soon, there should be some houses down there to spend the night in. “

You stop in your tracks with a curious look that bled so suddenly into your features you had no time to stop it.

“ you don’t want to carry on? I mean, we’re not far from home? “ you question him with a hint of fear coddling your words.

“ we’d be trippin’ over our feet. Let’s back it back in one piece, yeh? “

Nodding, you regain your pace. It’s been a few months since you’d been hopping from one house to the other during that harsh winter, the bare thought of having to stay in yet another frail structure sent a chilly hand drawing its claws deeply up your spine. If you never had your group, you don’t think you would have made a winter like that, barely protected from the elements and the walkers that wished to plunge their teeth cavernously into your flesh.

“ as long as we leave as soon as the sun comes up. Please. “ you plead, your words filter off into a gentle volume from your position.

Leaves crumble and buckle underneath the weight, the sound of crickets dominate your surroundings as the two of you walk in silence. You itch to start a conversation, but the fear of distracting the man and annoying withhold the words that wish to fall from your lips, even then you don’t know how to begin. What would you say? There’s not much to talk about in a world where the dead have risen, where they wish to drag the world into decomposition.

Your wandering mind is pulled from its very own depths from a noise coming from Daryl, he’d turned to catch your attention. You both set to work attempting to enter any of the abandoned houses, hoping one had been left unlocked at some point.

Of course, luck is scarce. Despite there not being a soul who occupies them, they’re still somehow locked. Mournfully, you wonder if the owners of these homes had thought the governments and armies would eventually lock everything under their control, to the point that there would be a house for them to come back to? Your heart thuds painfully in your chest to think about what happened to them, and if they’re even still surviving.

A large thud draws you back to the present, the wooden door splinters at the force Daryl puts into a large kick to its frame.

“ well, there goes the lock. “ you mutter humourously, lifting the heavy bag higher up onto your shoulders as you walk in the open door.

“ we’ll put the couch there, stop any unfriendly types that come our way. “

“ I don’t know if there’s anyone left anymore. “ you reply, dropping the bag to the floor and moving towards the couch.

Situated on the other side of it, you grip the plush handle and lift with a struggle. It’s a strain to get it through the doorway to turn it around the corner, but eventually it happens. Daryl is joined by your presence by his side, you both push ⏤ this time it’s an easier feat with two of you on one side to dedicate your strength and weight to advance it.

As soon as you finish, a heavy crackle cuts through the air.

“ we got here just in time, huh? “

“ just about. “ he answers you, sparing a glance before moving through the lower floor ⏤ searching for anything that can be taken back to the prison.

Thunderstorms had never been your favourite thing growing up. Of course, rain was something that calmed you from the anxieties life brought, but the thunder and lightning is what you loathed. Never knowing when you were about to receive a fright from the loud rumbles and flashing lights ruined the whole experience for you.

The rustling Daryl makes is the only thing that brings you comfort in this moment, keeping you grounded and away from your thoughts. It doesn’t escape your notice that these houses feel no more than graveyards with the memories that have no use to live, instead haunting the structures with what could have been had chaos and death not taken over. You climb the stairs, hugging your sides as you refuse to touch the handrail leading up stairs.

There is a middle room with access granted without having to push open the door to gain entry. Your eyes scan the room’s interior, even with the dust and grime that bespeckle its surfaces, you can still see its beauty. Now, who does that remind you of? Your mind cheekly thinks before you banish it into the shadows of your brain, where you know it will force itself out with an immense stubbornness.

Despite the thunder booming in the distance frequently, you can’t help but admire the beauty of rain drops falling to the ground with a dainty grace only it holds. The sky continues to grow dimmer, only seeing the rain on your level and lower, no street lights flood the street to aid you in being able to see torrent from above. Jumping at another roar of sound from the storm, your heart begins to pick up its pace, so much you don’t realise Daryl joining you in the room.

“ scared? “

Turning around with such speed that leaves you surprised whiplash did not greet you, Daryl is left smirking at your reaction.

“ yeah, I hate these things. “ you respond, a bitterness coating each word heavily as you speak.

“ more than walkers? “ he questions you, as he shifts his weight from one foot to the other.

“ well, I suppose not that much .. “ another clap of thunder interrupts you, the rain beating harder and harder on the windows of the bedroom. “ can we talk about anything? This shit really grates on my nerves. “

“ what y’wanna talk about? “

Your mind stalls, with the previous thoughts that had been swirling in a state of disorder your draw a blank. A continuous thump downstairs interrupts your shrug, speeding down the stairs you realise a few walkers are trying to enter the property, of course their lack of intelligence fails to realise they’re throwing themselves into the walls and not the blocked doors.

“ shall we take them out? “ moving closer to the lengthy curtained window next to the door to get a better look, you can see three walkers hauling themselves mindlessly against the structure.

“ nah, the storm’ll get ‘em soon enough. “ he shakes his head softly, your mind taking note of the lack of proximity between your bodies as he repeats your action. “ no need to risk ourselves. “

“ wouldn’t be the first time you’ve risked your life. “

“ s’nothin. “ he contradicts gruffly, wiping a finger across his nose at your words. He truly doesn’t view it as that, refusing to think of it as risking his life. To Daryl, it doesn’t feel like risking everything to help the people around him, it’s not something he can find the words to explain but all he knows if there’s a chance, he would do it again and again.

“ Daryl Dixon, so humble. “ you speak warmly with a gentle smile threading itself into your features. “ you need to give yourself more credit. “

“ stop. “

“ you’re as brave as anyone in the group. I’d say braver than Rick. “ you joke, setting yourself from the entryway to the sitting room. “ although, if I had to choose you and Carol .. I’m sorry, but Carol every time! “

“ damn woman frightens me. “

Laughter light in weight dances airily between you with an elegance in its movement. For even a fraction of a second you forget that there are walkers that are itching to break through into the property, that there’s an angry storm that threatens to demolish whatever stands in its path, because right now it’s only you both here and now in this one room.

“ she’s come a long way. “ you agree, pulling a lone chocolate bar from your bag. Your favourite and you’re thanking the universe that it hasn’t spoiled yet. Turns out all these preservatives and chemicals have some use after all you note to yourself as half is offered to the man standing across from you.

“ so have ‘yuh. “ he acknowledges, taking the broken half of the candy from you.

“ I think we all have to be honest. I don’t think any one of us are the people we used to be. “

“ now who’s humble? “ Daryl asks, his tone light in relaxed merriment. He’d long since taken note of the transformation you’d gone through, he’s never seen you so strong as a person before.

“ don’t you turn this round on me, Dixon. “

The two of you fall silent, you direct your gaze to the window and the raindrops that litter the window pane’s surface. The harsh noises thundered no more, leaving a calm pitter of precipitation to fall with no interruption. From your position on the second couch, you wrap around a thin decorational blanket around your arms, leaning your cheek against the palm of your hand.

Pretending the world hasn’t gone to hell, that it’s just a normal evening where you’re admiring the scene before you. Skies that weep heavily is what the Georgian greenery has been calling out for, especially since the warmer temperatures have returned in full force. Switching your line of sight to Daryl, you feel a mellowness in the pit of your stomach as you watch him fondly. You can’t be sure if it’s the lack of distractions or eyes from your group, but you feel a miniscule spark of confidence within your confines.

“ come sit down, you can relax for a bit. “ you call, trying to convince him lightly. Your hand moves to pat the seat next to you.

“ can’t relax in this world. “ despite the disagreement in his words he does move towards your position on the plush seat.

“ it doesn’t mean we can’t make it. Otherwise we’d be burnt out, I’d hate to see that happen to you. “ You divulge as you reply to him, little inklings of hope in your tone.

“ y’don’t gotta worry ‘bout me. “

“ but I do, Daryl. “ you groan as a dull glumness contorts your features into something new. “ I mean, the lengths you go to .. you scare me to death. “

“ don’t be dumb. “ Daryl warns lowly as he shakes his head, few have shared their vulnerability with him. Perhaps only Carol, his mind can’t wrap itself around the fact that people genuinely care for him. Growing up, he’d been taught of it as a weakness. Something that should not exist, no one cared when he went missing for a short while as a child, and now having people who show him the opposite? It leaves a strange feeling to settle within his heart.

“ please, I need to tell you. I mean, I might not even be here tomorrow. “

“ nah, don’t say that. Y’will. “ he argues, he doesn’t even want to entertain the notion of not seeing you even for a day ⏤ let alone forever.

Truthfully, you’d not been particularly close. He understands it now, he pushed everyone away wherever he had the chance to. But after the downfall of the farm? You wouldn’t let up in trying to forge bonds that could rival even the strongest of metals. You had no idea, but he’d overheard you talking to Beth one day. When you said you didn’t want to be afraid of living, to have something worth dying for. That struck him deep.

“ neither you or I can guarantee that. Now, call me selfish but I can’t die with what ifs in my brain. “ you explain, you know it’s probably selfish to announce any kind of fondness for a person nowadays, because you can be ripped from their existence without any kind of announcement. But if you were to depart from the realm of the living, you’d want to have affectionate memories to experience and for them to look back on.

“ what y’sayin? “

Your eyes well up in frustration, whether it’s over the way you find the words are hiding beneath your tongue like cowards under the cloak of night or over the fact that you have begun this topic of conversation, backing yourself into a corner. There’s so much you want to say but how you should is not coming easy. Eloquence in your words is something you find yourself yearning for with all of your being should it bring you a happy ending to this discussion.

This isn’t a fairytale, there’s no happy or bad endings in real life you sorely think. There’s just reality, and the conclusions for that are neither black or white.

Fingertips grip the roots of your hair for a fleeting moment before letting go as if you’d never clutched them in exasperation at all.

Shutting your eyes so hard they hurt, you muster up the courage to speak the truth you’ve locked away in your heart, allowing it the light it has been deprived of for so long.

“ Daryl, I ⏤ “ your voice shuts off with a painful sound, sighing as if to psych yourself up. “ I feel more for you than I probably should. “

When Daryl says nothing, you open your eyes. Your entire being preparing yourself for the worse answer, this moment may hurt now but the pain will lessen. At least your soul feels lighter with the hidden information no longer chained to it as a burden, no longer will it have to be weighed down by its mass.

“ I know it’s probably not what you want to hear, but I couldn’t keep it in any longer. “

“ who said I didn’t wanna hear? “

“ ⏤ what ? “ you question, your brows falling lower as you squint in disbelief. You wonder if your brain is forming a false memory to protect itself later on.

“ y’don’t nothin’ to do with me though. “ he hesitates, the automatic response to push away anything good that comes his way to the furthest reaches. “ nothin’ but trouble. “

A sorrowful smile full of grief clouds your features, your unshed tears threaten to fall. If only he could see himself from your point of view, he doesn’t see just how admirable of a human being he is. Yes, he has his flaws but who doesn’t? In all of humanity, you don’t think there has ever been a perfect person, but it’s how they approach their downsides that shows the peak of their humanity, that they don’t let the darkness fester in their heart, to poison their soul into becoming a shell of a kind hearted person. That shows the strength of their character.

Daryl? You feel honoured to have been a first hand witness to see him turn from a hot ball of anger to a softer, kinder soul.

“ Daryl, you really don’t see what I do.” you forsake everything, leaning forwards and laying your hands across his. Taking in the immense warmth from them. “ That? It hurts me, because you’re rather amazing. “

Saying nothing, Daryl looks down at your intertwined hands. He wants the chance that’s being offered, though the fear of being the one who poisons everything he lays his touch upon settles heavily on his shoulder. No one has come out unscarred when dealing with a member of the Dixon family, his family tree being nothing more than toxic, with weeds that wrap around the limbs of the poor fool who got involved with them, as they drag them to their lowly depths. He doesn’t know how to let go of the past and for this he continues to pay, with the high price being his happiness in the present world. No response leaves his lips, for the first time in a long time he doesn’t know what to say, while knowing what he wants to say. It’s not until he feels arms wrapped around the top of his shoulders is he brought back down to Earth, a shudder of a breath is released from him as he realises what is going on. The action is reciprocated in earnest, you’re full of gratitude that he’s accepting your comfort ⏤ knowing it could have been a gamble of a decision, a fifty fifty chance of him reacting negatively or positively. You, too, draw comfort from the position you both find yourself, clutching the other. Hope dawns on your heart, knowing Daryl is not a particularly affectionate man. This means a lot, for it’s a leap for you both.

“ thank you. “ he whispers in the night. You know that this is the start of something new.

#daryl dixon imagine #daryl dixon x reader #daryl x reader #daryl dixon oneshot #daryl imagine #twd imagine #the walking dead imagine #twd oneshot #daryl oneshot

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zackcollins · 4 years

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i do (cherish you) || nolan patrick

masterlist

Author’s Note: Surprise, bitches! I’m back with another Player/Reader fic! It’s been a hot minute since I’ve had the inspiration to write one, so I’m really happy that I’ve finally been able to write one. Sorry for being gone for so long in terms of my writing. I still have one request that I need to get to, and, to the person that sent it, I’ll start working on that soon, I promise!! I’m just trying to find the right way to go about writing it. I have all the time in the world to think about it now because my province went back into complete lockdown as of this morning. So, uh... yeah. Expect another fic within maybe a week. GIF credit to intermissionpenguins!!

Warnings: I don’t even know if this is considered warnable but: the reader uses an insulin pump. So... yeah. I’ll just tell you about that just to be safe. There’s also a few brief mentions of alcohol. So, if you need to avoid that, feel free to just skip over the mention of it because it isn’t important at all, if I’m honest.

Word Count: 1.5k+

Title: I Do (Cherish You): Mark Wills

Additional: The reader is masculine this time!! He is described as having a beard and being a hockey player on the Flyers, so I hope that’s okay with you guys!! I made the reader masculine this time because someone sent me an ask this morning and told me they appreciated that I wrote masculine imagines and asked me if I would consider writing more. So, uh. Whoever you are, this is technically for you. I hope you and everyone else enjoy!

Stretching your arms above your head, you grunted when you felt your shoulder joints pop back into place. Nolan looked over from where he was sitting, smirking around his beer bottle as he took a drink.

"Woulda figured you'd be more accustomed to sitting in the same spot for a while," Nolan said, taking the opportunity to dig at the fact that you were a fourth-line player on the team.

You flipped Nolan off before drinking the last of your beer. You rubbed some sweat and condensation off your beard before you untucked your shirt and brought your hands down to your stomach.

"Fuck off, man," you mumbled half-heartedly, more focused on punching the correct numbers into your insulin pump.

"You kn--"

Nolan started speaking but anything he wanted to say was cut off by a succession of beeps coming from your stomach. Nolan quickly polished off his beer before standing from his chair and grabbing your empty beer bottle.

"Guess that means we need to go back." Nolan motioned his head down the dock in the direction of his cottage. "The refills are inside."

You frowned, standing from your chair and tucking your shirt back into your shorts in the process.

"We don't have to. I can just run inside, put one of them in, and come right back out."

Grabbing his phone, Nolan looked at the screen. He hummed before looking back at you as he slid the phone into his back pocket.

"True. But I'm hungry and it's close enough to dinner time."

Sighing, you scratched at your beard with one of your hands before holding them both up in surrender.

"Alright, alright. We can go to have dinner. I think there's still some fish left from what we caught yesterday."

Humming in appreciation, Nolan started making his way down the dock. You rolled your eyes, smirking and shaking your head before you followed after him.

About halfway up the walkway to the cottage, you saw that Nolan had stopped and was holding his hands up defensively. You approached carefully, placing a hand on Nolan's shoulder. Nolan jumped what you could've sworn was thirty-five feet out of his skin before he glared at you.

"Careful," Nolan hissed, slightly motioning his head in the direction of the cottage's outdoor garbage bin.

When you followed the motion, you froze and felt panic blooming throughout your body. A bear was rummaging around in the garbage. A rather substantially sized bear.

"Why is Chara in our garbage," you mumbled, grabbing Nolan's hand for comfort.

Nolan made no comment on the fact that you had grabbed onto his hand but he did glare at you, cracking a small smile.

"Now isn't the time for jokes, idiot." However, he bumped shoulders with you to show that he appreciated it. "And, to answer your question, they're probably hungry."

You swallowed around a thick lump that had formed in your throat and, against your better judgement, dropped your head against Nolan’s shoulder. Nolan sighed and placed a soft kiss on the top of your head. You swallowed around another thick lump, this one having nothing to do with the bear, as you breathed heavily out of your nose.

“That’s all well and good,” you said, pausing to swallow again, “they deserve to eat and all that. But I need more insulin if you want me to be functional.”

"Do you want me to…?" Nolan trailed off but you understood what he was trying to say.

You looked up at Nolan, furrowing your eyebrows and face twisting into a scowl.

"I'd rather you didn't," you said, plainly. "If you get mauled, what am I gonna do if I need help later?"

Nolan huffed, knocking shoulders with you again.

"I'm your best friend, (Y/N). Not your caregiver. While I would still gladly help if you asked because I care about you, you don't give yourself enough credit."

You felt yourself short-circuit because Nolan had just said he cared about you. The rational part of your brain knew that he meant it in a friendly way. But the part of your brain that was winning this argument, the part you were listening to, was telling you that he meant it in a romantic way, the way you had wanted for what felt like an eternity.

"If your on-ice antics say anything, you know how to take care of yourself just fine."

Nolan continuing to speak drew you out of your fantasyland, forcing you to formulate an articulate sentence that didn’t involve you spilling your feelings for your best friend to said best friend.

"Defending my honour and staying alive are two very different things, sweetheart," you said.

As soon as the words were out of your mouth, you realized what you had said. Your entire face felt hot, your beard suddenly feeling itchy from the newfound heat, and you felt embarrassed beyond belief. Not wanting to look at Nolan, you dropped your head against his chest to hide from his gaze.

"Yes, true. But you've managed to stay alive this long, haven't you?"

There was a long pause, the only noise coming from the bear that was still rummaging around in the garbage. You were worried that Nolan would think that you were starting to get sleepy from lack of insulin (which was actually true if he were to ask), so you mumbled softly against his chest, hoping he would hear you.

“Yeah…” Your voice sounding somewhat defeated. “I love you, sweetheart. Thank you for caring about me.”

Nolan lifted your head up and pressed a kiss to your forehead. Relief washed over you as you smiled, feeling tears in your eyes. After carefully placing the beer bottles on the ground, Nolan wrapped you in a hug. You sighed and got comfortable in Nolan’s embrace, figuring you’d be there for a while.

You weren’t sure how long had passed when Nolan started carding his fingers through your hair and then your beard, pressing a soft kiss to your forehead before pulling you back from his embrace. You blinked owlishly at Nolan, feeling somewhat bleary from the lack of insulin. Nolan squeezed your cheeks, tapping them a couple of times. You grunted, swatting at his shoulder with a playful smile on your face.

“Just wanted to make sure you were still with me,” Nolan said. You thought you detected some uncharacteristic concern in his voice but you were too out of it to process if that was true or not.

Nolan motioned his head toward the garbage bin. Your eyes slowly drifted over there, lighting up when you saw that the bear was gone..

“Yay! Chara is gone,” you said, voice somewhat quieter than normal.

You yawned harshly, feeling your head start to swim. Looking up at Nolan, you patted him on the cheek.

"Let’s get inside before I pass out.”

Nodding, Nolan held your hand as you walked into the cottage. He sat you onto the couch and rushed into your bedroom to grab you a refill for your insulin pump. When he returned, he handed you the refill and sat down beside you.

It took a few tries to figure out because your hands were clumsy from being so tired but you managed to place the refill into the pump without any help from Nolan. Nolan ruffled your hair, placing a soft kiss on your cheek as you punched in the correct numbers to get the rest of the insulin you needed from earlier. It took a few minutes but you started to feel better, feel more awake. You flexed your hands, pleased that they didn’t feel like gelatin anymore. You blinked a few times, getting your eyes readjusted to being at full strength.

When you looked at Nolan, he looked up at you with a nervous smile. Instead of speaking, he moved closer to you and grabbed your hand, interlacing your fingers and placing your hands on his knee. You glanced down at his knee and then up at him, seeing the tentative look in his eye. You nodded because you were fairly certain you knew what he wanted. Your theory was proven right when Nolan leaned forward and connected your lips, cupping your jaw with his free hand. Smiling into the kiss, you brought your free hand up and grabbed the collar of Nolan’s shirt, tugging him in closer. Nolan grunted, mouth falling open as he continued to kiss you. You took that opportunity to experimentally slide your tongue into Nolan’s mouth. Nolan groaned, pulling back from the kiss. You swallowed thickly when you saw the beard burn your kiss had left behind.

Nolan twisted on the couch, dropping his head against your shoulder. You slung your arm around his back, pulling him in as close as you could. Nolan hummed, bringing his arm around your shoulders.

“About what you said earlier…” Nolan looked up at you, eyes unreadable.

“Look, I…” You squeezed your eyes shut, hoping that the couch would swallow you whole. “I was starting to go loopy from lack of insulin. It doesn’t mean anything. It never does when I get like that.”

Nolan looked up at you with a sideways glance, furrowing his eyebrows.

“You and I both know that that’s bullshit. You say some of the most truthful shit on the rare chance that you get like that.”

Slouching your shoulders, you sighed.

“Yeah, yeah. I know. Worth a shot, I guess.”

“There’s no need to get down on yourself or feel bad,” Nolan said, looking at you softly. “I love you too, sweetheart.”

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willowistic22 · 4 years

Text

Red (Redfinch)

Despite their breakup, Albert still wanted to go see Finch perform in one of his concerts when Race asked him if he wanted to come. This is the perfect chance for them to talk things out again but words aren’t cooperating for either of them. With that, Finch decides to triy a different form of communication.

Words : 5233

Part : -

Warnings : Alcohol, cursing, cigarettes, angst in general

A/N : Woah that’s a crazy word count uhh,,,, hi i’m back with another fic. Another redfinch and for that we stan lol (well idk maybe yall are annoyed by all these redfinch fics but yknow what? i’m thriving off of it) But fr I’ll eventually get into writing other ships but for now have one more redfinch combined with another tswift songs (as you do) this time with Red. Wow we are so surprised who would have thought of redfinch being associated with the song red no we aren’t surprise :D This one specifically exists in my bandsies au. you don’t need to read that first to understand this (i think?) but it wouldn’t hurt if you checked that out as well:) Tbh i can’t decide whether i love it or hate it but at least i like it enough to post it. N ee wayysss enjoy!!

His brain is screaming about how much Albert shouldn’t be doing this. Comprising a list of cons that goes on forever. And although he thinks all of the cons his brain had written is logical, that one pro his heart wrote beside the long list was all it took for Al to say yes. All the cons will be worth suffering through if he finally gets to see Finch again. And maybe it’s for the better since he’s not doing well by distancing himself from the boy.

Unfortunately, the world isn’t black and white. Meaning that even if he did choose to follow what his heart wants, all the horrible feelings will still be there. And with every step he takes, inching closer to the entrance of the building, he’s getting even more terrified by the second. Thankfully, the line for the entrance is going pretty slow which gives time for Albert to calm down.

But it’s not helping. The line is crowded and full of fans, talking excitedly about the band’s awaiting concert inside. For some odd reason, he can only hear the conversations between fans that contain one specific name. He doesn’t hear anyone mentioning Romeo, Elmer, or Jojo’s name. Not even Crutchie, who he’s been told to be the fans’ favorite. Just the name Finch, being repeated all around him. With adoration and excitement lacing the name. The line is delaying the inevitable and the people around him makes him a bit overwhelmed.

“We can still turn around if you want. I’m sure they’ll find a way to give us a refund”

If he’s actually being honest, it was his best friend that got him to come. Race returned to their shared apartment a few weeks ago and rushed to ask Albert if he wanted to go see their friends performing tonight. Race knows about Al and Finch’s break up but it’s worth asking him first. And to his surprise, he said yes.

“No, it’s fine” Albert replied, “I’m fine”

“You’re picking your pimples right now”

“So?”

“It’s one of your nervous habits”

That piece of information really caught Al off guard. He didn’t think a tiny random fact about himself would actually corner him the way Race is doing now. Eyeing Albert through his glasses and raising his eyebrows despite his forehead being mostly covered by his beanie.

“Well… I-” Albert tried to come up with bullshit as fast as he could, “I like to do it on purpose too, alright?! My fingers just... get a little itchy!”

He slowly puts his hands down from previously reaching up to pick his face. And the line is still going slow, one step at a time. It’s not doing any favors for Al.

“Dude, it’s alright if you’re not ready to see him” Race continued, “It takes time, I get it”

“Race, I’ll be fine! How many more times do I have to tell you?” Albert argued, which finally made Race back down. And to make sure it’s no longer gonna be brought up, Al changes the subject, “By the way, where’s Specs and Mike? You said they’re watching too”

“They’re already backstage with the others for... obvious reasons” Race answered casually, catching on to Albert's intentions to change the subject. “So is Kath, by the way. We’ll meet her in there though”

To that, Albert simply nods. His jittery movements turn into rocking his body on the ball of his feet while digging his lips with his teeth. Race tries to pretend he doesn’t notice, but he does. Albert knows he does. Although he’s glad he’s not bringing it up because it might make it worse.

He’d be lucky to know that he’s not the only one panicking over this. In the dressing room, an aggravated Finch throws his phone to the cushion of the couch after sending the last text to his friend Race. It sounds unlawful for Race to be ‘secretly updating’ Finch on how Albert is actually doing because it’s obviously something Albert doesn’t want to directly tell his ex.

Finch groans, placing his elbow on his armchair to support his head. The room is spinning in his view and he wishes it all to stop. Taking deep and long breaths to stabilize his shaky limbs. A little prayer starts playing in his heart, it follows the tempo of his fast heartbeat.

“He’s here, isn’t he?”

Finch opens his eyes and looks up to meet his bandmate sitting on the couch across from him. He hadn’t even been talking for a good hour because he’s too fixated with the first text Race sent him when he and Al first started making their way to the concert.

“Yeah, he’s in line” Finch replied, looking up to the blond boy who’s holding his bass.

“How are they not being mobbed?” Another voice rang. This time it’s not coming from one of Finch’s bandmates. It’s coming from Race and Albert’s bandmate, sitting next to the shortest member of Finch’s band on the couch.

Specs only ask that because their two bands have a long connecting history and their fanbase tends to be sort of the same in a way. With Specs dating Romeo and Mike dating Jojo, Race and Albert are bound to be recognized and mobbed by at least a few fans. Especially seeing that Albert is Finch’s former lover, although the fans know that as a rumor since the two never publicly addressed it.

“I’m assuming they’re wearing a lot of shit to cover their faces” Another answered, the other VIP of the show alongside Specs, Mike. He’s twirling his drink in his hand while the other keeps Jojo cuddled close to him, “I mean, Al’s head is really fucking bright!”

With the mention of that specific name, Finch sulks back in his armchair with a groan. He covers his face with his hands, hoping it’d make the world just stop for one second. He could hear a loud clean slap echoing the room, followed by overlaps of whispered scolding. If he had to guess, it was Mike who was the one getting slapped and scolded.

“This is a disaster…” Finch exclaimed to himself, still not lifting his face up.

“It doesn’t have to be unless you make it like that” this time a feminine voice spoke up. A voice he recognized to belong to Kath.

Finch hears footsteps approaching him. He feels the motion of someone softly kneeling down in front of him. His hands were gently pried open and he was met with Kath’s friendly smile.

“It takes time, but you gotta trust the process”

It’s not necessarily the words he needed to hear right now, but it still warms his heart to hear his friend still being there for him despite the sticky situation he has gotten them into.

Everything would’ve been just fine if Finch hadn’t been so pushy and upset over Albert’s decision. He was the one that decided to put his music career on hold to go get that engineering degree, which frankly seems pretty useless. Finch was so dirty for pulling the ‘you’re being selfish’ card at him when it’s not even his band at all. Race, Specs, Mike, Ike, and even their manager Denton were very supportive about his decision to get that degree. Heck, all their friends were! But not Finch. His boyfriend at the time. He argued like he secretly knew how the others felt about Al leaving when really there aren’t any secret feelings for him to know. All his arguments came from his own feelings.

However, he knows Albert’s ‘own decision’ was secretly coated by his father’s persuasive words. The whole ‘just in case the music career doesn’t work out’ argument was basically the copy and pasted words from his father. They both know it. Despite the arguments, it still seemed that Al was determined to fully focus on college anyways. Instead of following his fellow musician friends’ college path by getting a degree in the non-lecture-hall way, he followed his father’s words and actually attended his college classes in a proper campus.

In the moment, Finch was just too focused on Albert leaving. Maybe he was the one being selfish. He had only realize now that most of his arguments were because he didn’t want Albert to go. It’s too late now, since the last time they saw each other was when Al slammed the door of their apartment one last time with all his stuff and a plane ticket to Seattle. At that point, Finch was finally tired of all the arguing and told him that if this was his plan then he’s on his own.

The tears that came after were filled with sorrow and regret. Sorrowful because he missed him. Regretful because he only realized then that there was no valid reason for Finch to lash out in the first place other than for his own needs. The feeling is still present to this moment. And it’s currently the strongest right before a show because he knows he’s gonna be in the crowd.

“Look, we’ll let ya drown out your feelings with some booze later” Crutchie finally said, “But right now we got a show”

The band was all getting up from where they were seated, bringing whatever they needed to the stage. Crutchie gets some help from Jojo to bring his Bass till he properly sits on the stool on stage. But Finch stays perfectly still, holding Kath’s hand as if his life depends on it.

“I know I should talk to ‘im, Kath” Finch finally said, slowly joining the others in standing up. Kathrine follows along, eyes still fixed to her friend, “But… I can’t. I wouldn’t know what to say to him”

“Then don’t talk” Mike suddenly inserts himself in their little conversation. He gets up and approaches the two, “Sing him the new single”

“You’re fucking insane, Mike!” Katherine instantly snapped.

“Alright, your mouth will be legally sealed shut till the end of the concert” Specs joins them only to drag Mike away. There were some protests from the boy, but it was totally shut down by everyone else in the room.

“No, wait. He’s got a point” Finch suddenly exclaimed, which quickly got the whole room to freeze in time.

He looks at his bandmates, all standing by the doorway ready to kill the concert. A half confident smile appears on his face and he says, “Let’s sing that single”

The concert is held in a bar like-venue with multiple floors, slowly being filled to the brim by excited fans. Their excitement bounces off the walls of the venue, creating an ecstatic kind of environment despite the tight space. The concert is going to start any minute now and while the fans surrounding him are shaking in excitement, Albert is shaking in a nervous fit.

“Still okay there, Al?”

Albert looked to his side, seeing his good friend Kathrine looking up to meet his eyes with concern. She had just joined the boys in the midst of the crowd after hanging out behind the stage with the band.

“What? Yeah, I’m okay” He replied, “What makes you think I’m not?”

“You’re squeezing my hand a little too tight”

Al had only realized he’s been holding Kath’s hand just now. His brain was too focused on his fears about meeting Finch again to the point that he hasn’t been paying attention to his surroundings. He gets bashful all of a sudden, cheeks going a bit warm, harshly pulling away from her grasp.

“It’s okay, you can hold my hand if you want,” Katherine said gently.

“Kath, I’m fine!” Albert said, “Why won’t you and Race believe me?”

“Because we know it’s utter bullshit”

The pair looked back towards the crowd behind them where the familiar voice originated from. There, Race struggles through a sea of people with two drinks in hand. Oddly enough, he still seems to stand the heat despite still wearing his face disguise. A white cotton mask, black-framed glasses, and a grey beanie mostly providing cover for his blond curls. While Al, seeing that the venue is pretty dark and speculations has led him to believe that the fans would be focused on the concert rather than the people attending it, had already put away his mask. However, his fears still made him wear his snapback and grey-framed glasses just in case.

Albert takes his rightful drink, and with a free hand, Race takes off his own mask and stuffs it in his pockets. He complains about the stuffiness from wearing the mask all while doing so, which made Kath laugh. It appears the Albert-scolding has been forgotten for the time being, as Kath and Race starts engaging in their own conversation, which Al doesn’t mind because he’d much like to down his beer quickly.

And then the concert finally starts.

An exciting intro starts playing as the band enters the stage. The wild crowd welcoming the band is deafening to Albert’s ear. Time freezes and everything in between fades away. All he sees is Finch, up on stage wearing a smile brighter than the lighting of the venue itself. He’s using his old dark green guitar. The same one he uses when he’s writing songs in bed or when he just feels like strumming the strings. Albert remembers the memoirs of all the guitar string scars he had earned throughout the years of knowing him. Some of them were even caused by Albert himself.

Lucky that Finch hasn’t noticed Albert has been staring at him the whole time. He hasn’t taken his eyes off of the boy since the start of the first song, shimmering under the spotlight with amazing vocals. Laughing about at his fellow bandmates’ antics on stage. Oh, that laugh. It gives him butterflies in his stomach like it was the first time hearing it.

He can feel two pairs of familiar eyes on him. But he’s too far gone to care. Albert really did make a big mistake for letting Finch go that easy. Because at the end of his previous college days, he still loves him and misses him dearly. His little Finchy. It doesn’t matter to Al anymore if Race and Katherine are eyeing him with sorrow or the whole world were to look at him weirdly for fixating his own eyes towards the beautiful boy on stage. He was his beautiful boy. Good lord, does he long to see the days when he got to call Finch his.

“Holy shit, I fucked up” Albert muttered under his breath, only Kath and Race could hear it, “I should’ve never had left”

His friends were definitely not expecting Albert to verbally exclaim his regret. They already knew from the start despite the redhead’s previous denials. But hearing him say it just makes it all more real. Even Albert himself was hit by a truck of reality just by loudly announcing it.

“Well, now you know” Katherine started, gentle voice on the same volume as his own despite the volume of their current surroundings being incredibly loud, “Go tell him that after the show”

“I can’t. I shouldn’t” Albert replied, fully turning away from the stage to properly look at his friends. A glint of sorrow and desperation flashes before his face, “I might make things worse!”

“Well, you’ll never know till you try” Race said, sounding a little hesitant at the start. He offered a warm smile at his friend and a hand on his shoulder, since there isn’t much he could do in the moment.

With a heavy sigh, Albert turns back towards the stage only to witness the biggest surprise of his life. Finch looked back. Straight into Albert’s eyes, it pierced right through to get his heart thumping loudly in his ears. He just realized the song the band was previously playing had ended and they were waiting for the fans to quiet down. While Romeo playfully over-dramatize his thank you’s to the crowd and gets scolded by Elmer and Crutchie, Finch was continuously staring at Albert. The hands that were previously used to play with his guitar hang idly because his center of attention wasn’t at his instrument right now.

It might just be some form of hallucination Al retained from the high, but Finch seemed to be smiling at him a little. Just a little curve at the end of his lips while he’s still staring back.

Albert doesn’t know how to interpret this other than to just stare back. Deep down, his heart is flipping in all kinds of ways and his thought process is no longer comprehensible. He’s trying to read the other boy’s emotions but it’s too neutral to tell. Other than the fact that he’s smiling a little at him but that still doesn’t give him a proper answer.

Eventually Finch becomes the first one to look away, seeing that the audience had settled down for the band. Albert’s eyes were still glued to Finch, retaining his focus back to the concert. He opens his mouth for a moment to say something into his microphone, although he unexpectedly stopped. The flow of words seemed to cut short. He saved himself by pulling himself away from the microphone up front and towards the rest of his bandmates. Judging from the body language, they seem to be whispering.

“What’s happening?” Albert whispered, more to himself rather than to his friends.

“I’m not sure…” Race replied, taking a step closer to where Al is standing.

The band kept the discussion short and quickly got back to their places. Finch seems to hesitate the second time he opens his mouth to speak. But this time, he gets the words out.

“Uhh… sorry ‘bout that. I uhh… I just got the urge to go a bit out of our fixed setlist and uhh… hope you guys don’t mind” Finch explained with a little giggle at the end. The crowd couldn’t care less and cheered on. Finch smile widens at the agreement, “We thought we’d give ya an early access to our newest single that hasn’t been released yet”

A euphoric feeling passed through the crowd as the cheering got louder. It baffled Finch so much that he laughed into his mic.

“Oh my god, they’re actually doing it” Katherine commented under her breath.

But Al’s ears were sharp enough to catch it. He snaps his head around to face the girl behind him, “Do what?”

Katherine was rendered speechless to that question, despite obviously knowing what’s going on. Albert turns to Race but he has no idea. He finally turns back to the stage where Finch’s gaze was already waiting to be returned by Al himself.

Without breaking the gaze, Finch speaks into the mic with a little smile, “It’s called ‘Red’”

It was Albert’s turn to be speechless. He had no knowledge of a new single since he’s mostly been staying away from his ex’s social media for the sole purpose of moving on, which he had failed miserably. And none of his friends had told him anything about a single that’s title was a secret language only Finch and Albert share, littered with all sorts of vintage romance.

“Holy shit…” Race exclaimed, “...I had no idea they were gonna play this song”

The opening of the song starts with Jojo lightly plucking a few strings of his acoustic guitar. The crowd goes wild once again, energy bouncing off one wall to the other.

“Loving him is like driving a new Maserati down a dead end street

Faster than the wind, passionate as sin, ending so suddenly”

Crutchie sang the first line smoothly. At this point the other’s had joined in with their instrument. Finch fully ignoring the crowd and focused on looking at Al. Those blue eyes are trying to send a message to Albert and it’s being coded with the song they’re currently playing.

The song had carried on till it reached the chorus. All the instruments peaked at that moment and collaborated with each other to create a very euphoric sound. The crowd jumps along to the beat of the song along with a loud cheering, obviously enjoying the tune they have yet to listen to. Some were holding up cameras to capture this moment, most likely to later share it with the fans that didn’t get the chance to witness it live.

At this point, Finch had turned his face away from Al. There was a troubling look in his expression but it was quickly covered by closing his eyes as if he’s trying to concentrate on singing the chorus with the others. But Al is no fool. He knows that look on Finch’s face is when he’s trying to avoid something, and that something is him.

“Losing him was blue, like I'd never known

Missing him was dark gray, all alone

Forgetting him was like trying to know

Somebody you never met

But loving him was red”

The words moved something in Al. It was written in a way Albert recognized it to be Finch’s writing style. Every single part of the song. From the melody, the chord progression, even the lyrics. Especially the lyrics.

“Fighting with him was like trying to solve a crossword

And realizing there's no right answer

Regretting him was like wishing you never found out

That love could be that strong”

As Finch harmonized that line with Jojo, he stole a little sad side glance at Albert. The song returns to the chorus once again, Finch gets dragged with the beat and lightly moves his body along.

Albert gets captivated along with the music. He can feel the corner of his lips slightly rising up, which is pretty ironic seeing that Finch is singing a breakup song about them. Maybe because he’s relieved to hear Finch sing about how he’s not fully over him. Or maybe it’s because he gets to see Finch embracing the break up, which could potentially mean that he’s okay with it. But whatever it is, he’s happy seeing Finch like this. Or just seeing him in general.

“Remembering him comes in flashbacks and echoes

Tell myself it's time now gotta let go

But moving on from him is impossible

When I still see it all in my head”

The chord progression’s pattern slightly changed. Finch sings his line into the microphone, closing his eyes as if to soak up all the intoxicating energy he gets from the crowd. Of people flailing their hands into the sky and a loud chorus of undecipherable shouting. But at the last line, he steals a proper glance back at Albert.

“In burning red”

The lyrics really says it all. There’s no more hidden message that Albert needs to decipher, as it's being presented right in front of him.

Finch takes over the next part of the song, shredding his guitar which makes the crowd go wild. At the moment, it looks like he’s feeling himself. Moving along with the motion of his fingers that creates each note.

“Oh, losing him was blue, like I'd never known

Missing him was dark gray, all alone

Forgetting him was like trying to know

Somebody you never met

'Cause loving him was red”

The song is supposed to be a punch to Albert’s guts, and yet he finds himself laughing at it. He catches a glimpse of Finch’s eyes, sneaking its way to look back at Albert every so often. And this time, he wears a smile while jumping along to the song. And it made Al smile back.

“His love was like driving a new Maserati down a dead end street”

As the song ended, the fans went wild. The look on Finch’s face seems satisfied at the success of the single they have yet been released to the world, shining at the sight of a hype crowd. He steals one last glance at Albert with a little smile on his face. Albert would dare to say he’s being a bit shy. To that, Albert smiles back with a disbelief laugh escaping his lips before Finch pulls his gaze away from the other boy.

After playing a few more songs, the concert ended. There was only one thing in Albert’s mind, which was talking to Finch. Race and Albert quickly put their disguise back on before the crowd had realized who they were as they exited the venue. The three stay behind as the venue gets emptied, Race and Katherine making quick work with their fingers on their phones to contact their friends backstage.

Jojo was the first to respond to either of them. He said that Finch is smoking behind the venue alone. One could only assume that he’s not in his best state after spontaneously choosing to sing that single. But Jojo assured them that he’s still good to talk to. Crutchie then responded, saying that Specs and Mike can pick them up to get them into the backstage.

It didn’t take them long, but Albert wasn’t keen on seeing the others right now. After being pointed towards the back door, Albert was already off. Adrenaline coursing through his veins as he makes quick steps towards it.

He gently opens the door, to avoid surprising the boy in case he was nearby. Albert steps out to a parking lot, open-spaced with another parking lot above it as its roof. At a first glance it was completely empty, only a few lights turned on to keep the area lit. His eyes gandered even further and spotted the boy he was looking for, back facing Al and his body leaning on metal bars as he enjoyed the nightlife of the city.

Albert took a deep breath to calm his adrenaline, slowing down his walking pace. The area is eerily quiet. Only a few things that can be heard: his footsteps, his thumping heart, and the sounds coming from the streets three stories below them. With every step closer, he slowly unraveled his makeshift disguise. Shoving his mask and glasses in the pockets of his jeans but left the snapback on.

“‘Loving him was red’” Albert said to catch Finch’s attention, “Did you mean it to be that obvious?”

Finch didn’t fully turn his head around, only halfway so Al can see the little grin of amusement forming on his face. A little chuckle escaped his lips, causing his chest to pulse along before he continued, “Not really. But it has a nice ring to it”

Albert takes a few steps closer towards the metal bars, leaning his body on it like what Finch is doing. Now he can clearly see the half burnt cigarette on Finch’s hand. Al tries to make eye contact with him, but Finch is purposely turning his head the other way and giving Albert his head full of blond curls.

“You came back” Finch suddenly said, voice hushed and low.

“Of course I came back” Albert replied, “You didn’t think I’d fully leave like that, did’ja?”

“Well, no. It’s just that you seemed so hellbent on going to college”

Albert slowly nods at that, moving his gaze towards the streets below like the other boy. They sit in the silence for a few minutes. Hearing different vehicles pass by the street below them and honking from the distance.

“Finch, I’m so sorry I left ya like that” Albert suddenly started, fully turning his face towards him. He couldn’t find a way to word it and so he resorted to just telling him the truth. Finch stays quiet to let him continue, “I was an idiot to let ya go that easily and all because I was selfish”

“You weren’t actually being selfish” Finch said, smiling a little at his words, “You did it because you wanted to. And it wasn’t hurting anyone anyways”

“It did. It hurt you”

Finch turns his head towards Albert. Now their eyes are looking into each other closer than before. The closest they’ve ever been since their breakup. A mixture of unsaid emotions made the gaze feel so intimate and it terrifies Al a bit.

“I hurt myself trying to get you to stay” Finch said softly. His next words got stuck in his throat. He gives his brain a few seconds to focus with a sigh out of his mouth and dragging his gaze away from Al, “I knew you never wanted to get that engineering degree in the first place which is another reason I didn’t want you to go. But at the end of the day, it was your decision to make and not mine. I lashed out on you and said you were selfish but… I was the one that was being selfish”

Finch turns his eyes back towards Al, his face looks more sorrowful than before, “I’m sorry”

A small smile formed on Al’s face, tilting his head to the side by a few inches, “It ain’t your fault for knowing me more than I know myself”

They leave the conversation at that for the time being. Letting the streets below fill the void of their silence. Both boys focusing their gaze towards the view they got from this height they’re on again. Finch and Albert left speechless at each other’s words.

Albert’s hands unconsciously reach up to his forehead, itching to pick a pimple like earlier. His next words almost got stuck in his throat but he was able to pull through just enough to get to his point, “Well, at the end of the day we uhh… we both fucked up. Fucked our relationship, that’s for sure-”

“Stop picking on your pimples, Al” Finch casually said. The surprise look on Al’s face got Finch to side eye him with a giggle.

Al pulled his fingers away, stuttering in his movements but still continued on his words with more confidence, “What I’m trying to say is… I want to try again as long as you’re willing to”

There was a good few seconds of silence that Finch used to just stare at him. Albert could only wonder what he’s thinking about inside that head, “So we just… what? Forget the breakup ever happened? Move back in together? You know I can’t just do that, right?”

“That’s not what I mean. We don’t need to rush things. I know you can’t do that” Albert said, “Just… let me start by making it up to you? Whatever you want. Just name it”

Finch didn’t respond instantly, letting the silence between them linger for a few more minutes. But it’s deeply agonizing to Albert’s ears. A blank space of two eyes locked in a gaze, and one is obviously dying to get out of it.

“Please, say something” Albert begged. Hands suddenly reaching back up to his face to pick on his pimples again.

With a free hand, Finch reaches towards Al’s hand on his face. He pulls it down to the bars, holding it in place to make sure it doesn’t repeat its mistakes again. The grip was firm, but warm and calming to Albert’s soul. It made him go blank for a good few seconds from being so touch deprived of Finch’s soft hands. He retains his sense of reality when their eyes finally meet again.

With a little smile forming on Finch’s face, he finally answers, “I’d like that very much”

#random writing #newsies #redfinch #redfinch newsies #albert dasilva #albert newsies #finch cortez #finch newsies #tw cursing #tw alcohol #tw cigarettes #tw angst #validate me pls and thanku:)#unless you don't ship redfinch #which is understandable

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tutubola-moved-on · 3 years

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Hi I like music and I kind of go wayyy too deep into the TPN soundtrack and I think it's about time I start throwing my thoughts out there before they spiral too much

Disclaimer!!! This is not a complete analysis at all, just a few thoughts on each of the songs. I'll probably revisit some of them in future parts if I ever do those aha anyways enjoy

(Part 1/?): 63194, Emma's Sorrow, Emma's Determination, 22194, Norman's Lament, The Promise Between Humans and Demons, Jailbreak and Isabella's Lullaby.

(manga spoilers)

I've done a lil smth smth on Main Theme 2 already and its my favourite song like ever aha this is a cry for help

here you go people

but now anyways fr

63194 (Season 1)

Wouldn't have started with this one cuz I'm still figuring it out but it was the first one that came up when I pressed shuffle

Let's just go straight to the point so we can move on. The first time we hear 63194 is in episode 2, when Norman is talking to Ray about their plan in the forest (or, as I like to call it, "boat scene"). It reaches its climax when Norman starts talking about how he'll use himself to ensure the escape plan will work.

And then it's only used again in episode 8, if I'm not mistaken, after Isabella tells them about Norman's shipment, thus foreshadowing him refusing to escape and using his "death" as a tool to help the others escape.

But alsooo the song is Emma's theme, so there's definitely some sort of meaning other than foreshadowing Norman's shipment. That's for later though cuz I'll have to think more. The beginning does sound a lot like Strauss' Metamorphosen, a piece symbolising how German culture was destroyed during WW2. Not sure what to do with that info for now.

If you'd like a little extra stuff, I also tried connecting the pieces to the Doctrine of Affections, a... thing some Baroque composers wrote that connected music keys to feelings. (I found many sources but I used this one).

63194 is in C Minor, which is described as "innocently sad" (although another source said "sweet but sad") and "lovesick." I think innocence really describes Emma, Ray, and Norman in general, as kids who never did anything wrong but were thrown into the wrong world. Innocently sad would be their conversations in boat scene. They're talking about life or death, it's not something kids should have to deal with.

But again, it's hopeful. Norman wants to create a boat made out of mud---he wants to save everyone---and he really believes it'll work. So although sad, it's also sweet. It's a light at the end of the tunnel, and also just an act of kindness. As for "lovesick," that would just describe Ray and Emma's inevitable longing for Norman after he was gone. Which brings us to...

Emma's Sorrow (エマの悲しみ) (Season 1)

The two times I remember Emma's Sorrow played was 1) When they first talked to Don and Gilda about the house and 2) During the infirmary flashback scene.

The Doctrine of Affections describes E Minor as "grief and longing." In the infirmary flashback scene that obviously not only shows how Norman longs for that time when they didn't know anything and everything was light and happy but also, once again, foreshadows Emma eventually having to grieve him.

Especially because they don't play the staccato part (short quick notes) that's in the original version. Instead, the strings are always present. In staccato, the music gets pretty,,, lowkey? because the instruments can't exactly "show off," whereas the legato (long/connected notes) really shows the true importance and impact each individual instrument has on the song. Considering how the strings (specifically the violins) in the soundtrack could symbolise Norman, it's showing how Norman is not just another guy who's in their group and planning the escape, but an actual friend they'll lose and who'll leave a significant emptiness behind. Not only brain power wise, but just.. you know he's a human being and it's gonna hurt either way.

Not only that, but the harmonies itself in Emma's Sorrow once the strings really do come in are really incomplete. Like, the piano part seems to be all over the place, but it comes together because of the strings. Norman was the one who brought Emma and Ray together, in a way, and isn't Emma and Ray clashing exactly what Shirai wanted when he sent Norman away? Yea...

And Emma's Sorrow is, of course, parallel to:

Emma's Determination (エマの決定) (Season 1)

Yea no I'm still gathering thoughts on that one. The ascending bass contrasting the descending bass in Emma's Sorrow is pretty cool, though. It plays when Don is going off about how he wants to be strong after punching Ray and Norman and it's in F# Minor, so "passionate resentment." Connect both and Don really is ready to change the world. He got slapped with this very very bad reality and naturally he's angry and he's sad and he wants to do anything in his power to save people.

But back to Norman.

(hi future me here. oh my god why am i only talking about norman this was not the route this was originally going to take im so sorry i swear there's more to this post than just norman brain rot 22194 is the last norman one)

22194 (Season 1) and Norman's Lament (ノーマンの嘆き) (Season 2)

22194 is in B Minor, so "patience" and "walking towards fate." That's pretty self explanatory considering how he, and I quote, "chose death." Yea. G Minor would be "uneasiness of the future," and once again, pretty self explanatory (The whole Lambda seizures thing and I'm The Only One Who Can Save The Humans Syndrome. Normy worries too much :/)

Comparing both is pretty fun, too. It's the same melody but in different keys and instruments and thus just give off different feelings. While 22194 is full of instruments and harmonies and is clearly structured, Norman's Lament is just. Empty. It's like it's trying to stay true to 22194, so the Norman from before, but at the end of every musical sentence it just drifts off. You can see parts of 22194 in there, but it's not the same. At all.

There's also no harmony. He wants to do everything himself, and discards all his bonds and friends for that. So sad. Stop him.

All that while 22194 is rich and beautiful and oh my god i love that song so much and it's just showing how Norman was a lot more lively and layered and human when he allowed people to come into his life (the harmonies) and listened to those people instead of just locking himself up and doing everything himself.

So in conclusion cuz I ramble a lot, 22194 is about GF Norman, who hadn't gone through all those things that turned him "evil," who trusted his friends and believed everything had a good, ethic solution. Norman's Lament is about Lambda/post-Lambda Norman, who had gone through a whole lot, and was now in a downwards spiral and had left everything behind to become God or whatever, but was also in denial that he had changed in the first place.

does this make sense no idea i'm typing this while sleep deprived and high on bread and i failed english this quarter

but that aside

The Promise Between Humans and Demons (人間と鬼の約束)(Season 2)

I love this song!!!!!! So much!!!!!!!!! I love the percussion, it's used so well. And I love the way the song builds up and adds more and more instruments until it eventually reaches a climax, like the growing tension between the humans and the demons during the war that snowballed and snowballed and eventually caused both sides to resort to the Promise.

And when the song comes down you can hear a very short "first draft" ish version of Isabella's Lullaby.

It's as if yes, all this mess went down and the demons and humans made this huge promise that completely changed the world and affected an entire society but then far far away from the Seven Walls and the Promise and oblivious of the Ratri Clan and the demons were these two tiny tiny children just singing a song and living happily. And those children---and that song---were the foundation for the entire revolution that ended with the Promise. Wow.

And it's in D Major, D Major is "Triumphant." The song itself sounds triumphant, and yes the Promise was gross but it was a nice little hello kitty band aid over the mess that was the world before it.

What was truly triumphant, though, was the kids' escape, which happened to the same melodic theme, albeit in a different key. Which leads me to...

Prison Break (脱獄) (Season 1)

Oh my God. I love this song.

It symbolises the kids breaking ties with Isabella and how many obstacles were in the way (not only was she their mom; their only mom who had cared for them for their entire lives, but she was also their enemy and did everything she could to prevent them from escaping). The second the brass comes in with the theme (around 0:53) it sounds like it's struggling to play it fully. In this case, Isabella, once the singing parts, would have lost her voice after being outwitted by the children (keep in mind the song starts playing after they've already reached the wall). After all, the song starts with a voice that seems to get more and more desperate before it's overrun by instruments, thus losing its power.

So she's trying to control them and get them back, but they won't let her. They're going to break free. So you have the melodic theme playing with significant breaks, until eventually it all goes silent. Why? Because they escaped. Isabella completely lost contact with them, they're free. And then you get the same melodic theme in The Promise Between Humans and Demons.

But the theme isn't played full. It's not played to the extent that they play it in TPBDAH, instead there's a lot of just "blank space" with no melody above it: that's where the children will write their melody---their story; a story independent from the Promise that shaped their lives thus far.

AGH.

I need a break but I'll be back

Isabella's Lullaby (イサベラの唄)

OK OK Continuing on Isabella I love how Sarah Alainn sings like she's crying. I really recommend this if you want to go deep on Isabella's Lullaby, they pretty much said everything I had to say. I don't go on youtube like ever and that might as well be one of my favourite videos LOL anyways

I also really recommend listening to the no vocal/piano solo version, the harmonies are so beautiful. And the more you listen to it the more you hear, there's always something new. The violins especially oh I love the way Takahiro Obata uses violins. Honourable mention to Nat King Ballade (ナットキングバラード) and Each Thought (それぞれの想い) (idk if thats the english name for it,,,, i've seen it as "Their Own Thoughts" too)

WELL THEN. What a ride. I'll go to sleep now. If anything is incoherent or u just wanna talk then send me askies or a dm smth idk aha i like music but i hate grammar :P

#adding this to the queue cuz posting it rn would be so weird #tpn manga spoilers #thoughts #long post #tpn music #63194 #emma's sorrow #emma's determination #isabella's lullaby #prison break #tpbhad #norman's lament

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tellywoodtrash · 3 years

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immj2 03.04.21 lb

aryan is literalllllllly the fuckin dumbest. zero peripheral vision or gut feels.

lmaoooooooooooo yeah right, i’d like to see you shoot at vansh bhai, aryan. i really wanna see this lololololol.

lo aa bhi gaya vansh. (fuck he looks good in this shirt!!!!!! damn my stupid hormones making me horny for the absolute baaaaaaaaare minimum.)

ANGREEEEEEEEEEEE ZINDA HAIIIIIIIIII BHAGWAAN KA LAAKH LAAKH SHUKAR, MAIN MAHA MRITYUNJAYA JAAP KARWAUNGIIIII ISKE NAAM PAR

vansh [seeing an obviously shot angre]: angre, kya hua???

samosa khaate waqt ketchup kandhe pe gira diya........... DIKH NAHI RAHA HAI KI GOLI LAGI HAI TERE CHUTIYE BHAI KI WAJAAH SE?!?!!?! ANGRE DESERVES SO MUCH MORE THAN A FUCKING RAISE, MY GOD.

plan ke hisaaaaaaaaaab se. god i hate all the men in this show so much. angre honestly, why are you suchhhhhh a chaaatu for vansh’s ootpataaang plans?!?!

anyway long story short, vansh saw aryan spying, went and replaced all of aryan’s bullets with blanks, and sent the sms about riddhima being alive. LMAO DOES THAT MEAN HE ALSO CONNED A COOL 2 CR. OUTTA ARYAN?!?!!?! ASDKSADJLASKDJLKASDJKAS GOOD JOB, VANSHHHHHHHH.

angre like why i had to die for this tho???? oh angre, you sweet summer child. do you know NOTHING about your bhaiyya/bhaabi’s amaaaaaaazing relationship????? you think he’d give up a chance to emotionally manipulate her like this????

how’d the dumbass finalllllllllllllllly figure this is real riddhima tho??? also he has fully made his peace with treating his PREGNANT WIFE this way huh????

ishani/siya having a girly convo about siya’s “date”. ishani’s like “was it sizzling, burning, sensational?”

uhhhhhhhhh siya, if you’re feeling all these things, you should go see a gynaec. sounds like an STI to me.

this is a very creepy convo ishani is leading, about how far siya got with vyom. who wants such specific sexual details from their sister????????

asalkdjlaskjdlaskjdlaskljk ishani is like “men are like goats [....] they’re dumb. and women are powerful.” can’t say i disagree.

anyway this convo is really dumb and cringey and i can’t take it anymore. inke bhaiyya ka chutiyaapa dikhao, instead of this nonsense.

angre is over the moon ki this is riddhima bhaabi itself, unaware that boss is fuming ki uska chutiya kat raha hai.

6 ghante 6 ghante 6 ghante blah blah blah FUCKING OUT WITH IT ALREADY

the only time i like vansh as a person is when he’s smirky over buddhu banaao-ing aryan.

idhar aryan ne aake chugli kar di sabke saamne.

yeh anupriya ka kya hi chakkar hai, idgi. is she fr on vansh’s side now??????

riddhima khud entry maaar rahi, to prove aryan right.

everyone except siya’s reactions are like ugh, this bitch again 😒😒😒

LMAO VANSH/ANGREEEEE LOST RIDDHIMA AND SHE REACHED HOME BY THEN

ouff 10 min of dadi’s mafia queen reactions nonsense now.

lo vansh bhi aa gaya.

ASALKJDLASJDLSKAJDLKSAJDLKSAJDLKSALDKJLAS DADI STANDING ON THE STAIRS PULLING THAT KHAANDANI RIFLE ON HIM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I AM LEGIT LOSING IT LMAO.

ALSO ISHAANI IS STANDING BEHIND DADI, FULLY FOR IT. BAGAAAWATTTT KII PYAARI BEHENAA NE!

riddhima trying to interfere to save vansh (why???), and dadi’s like STFU B.

lol vansh playing stone cold stupid, like butter wouldn’t melt in his mouth.

he’s spinning yarn after yarn ki “YEH riddhima hai, WOH jisko maara woh humshakal thi. MERA PYAAAAAAAR WOULD NEVER GIVE ANY OF US DHOKAAAAAAAAAAAA.” pftttttttt.

vansh breaking it down for the truuuuuuuuuuuuuly stupid, ki he shot a girl who had riddhima’s face, she was dead, aryan confirmed it. now there’s a riddhima standing in front of all of them. thus............???????

bechaara aryan. bachpan mein thode aur badaam khaata toh shaayad itna bewakoof nahi hota.

lollipop girl is nodding appreciatively at all this drama; she’s honestly the most relatable character here. if i was a houseguest here, main bhi roz roz mazze looot rahi hoti in chutiyon ka.

le aryan ne phir bandook taan di riddhima par, to get her to uglofy the truth. ab toh isko pakka maar padne waali hai. remains to be seen by whom. hoping it’s vansh as per usual, but i shall take dadi also.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA RIDDHIMA’S LIKE ARYAN HAD KIDNAPPED ME. OMFG LOLLIPOP LADKI’S EXPRESSION AT THAT. SHE LOOKS LIKE SHE WANTS TO BE ADOPTED BY VANSH/RIDDHIMA’S DEVIOUS ASSES.

anyway riddhima flipped the whole damn game and is like dadi, aryan wanted to make you distrust vansh and that’s why he did all this and lmaoooooooo even vansh is a little stunned for a second or two and then jumps in and starts haan mein haan milaao-ing with wifey’s story.

ARYAN LIKE HEIN HEIN HEIN HO KYA RAHA HAI YEH SAB?!!?!?!? HAAAYE BECHAARA. SO SO STUPID HE IS.

riddhima rubbing it in reallllllllll good in front of dadi ki aryan tried to killllllllll meeeeeeeee!!!!! and now aryan’s like bitch imma kill you both istg and got the gun on them.

LOLLIPOP LADKI’S AMAZING FACES LIKE GO ONNNNNNNNN, DOOOOOO ITTTTTTT, I’D LIKE TO SEE YOU DO IT, SIR. LMAO MAN I LOVE HER.

ASLKADJLAKSJDLASKJDLKSAJLDKJSLAKDJLAS DADI’S GOT HER GUN SET ON ARYAN NOW!!!!!!!!!!! honestly, this whole family is just so fucking dysfunctional, there needs to be a wholeass team of mental health specialists monitoring them and writing case reports about them at all times.

vansh trying to talk aryan down and got shot in the arm for it. pehli baar aryan ne zindagi mein kuch sahi kiya hai.

LOLLIPOP GIRL IS HORNY AT THAT ALSO. MAN SHE’S SUCH A WHORE FOR DRAMAAAAAAAAA AND I FULLY RELATE TO IT.

oh goddamnit. he didn’t get shot. coz aryan sucks at aiming, just like he does at everything else.

ASLKJFDSLKJFLSDKJFLDSKJFLKDSJ VANSH STALKED UP TO HIM AND WAS LIKE “TUMHARA NISHAANA HAMESHA SE HI KHARAAB THA” AND GAVE HIM ONE SOLID SOCK TO THE JAW FOR THAT HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

someone make rrahul trim his damn beard, that thing is like a foot off his face. there must be whole ass beehives and civilizations inhabiting it.

aryan passing by dadi and is like you’re making a big mistake believing vansh/riddhima and their lying asses. and what did he get for that? one jhaapad from dadi also. lol. just not his dayyyyyyyyyyy, man.

LOLLIPOP GIRL’S SMIRKING AND HAS HER ARMS CROSSED AND I LEGIT ONLY CARE FOR HER REACTION SHOTS IN THIS SHOW NOW, LITERALLY NO ONE ELSE.

oh shit dadi is throwing aryan out the house. does he have anyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy skills to fend for himself outside this place? he’s gonna die in like 15 minutes.

dadi warning vansh ki if aryan’s baat sahi nikli, she gonna murder his and riddhima’s asses too. hey vansh??? now would be a good time to take your 5000 cr. and fuck off outta this crazy house rn.

riddhima can’t stop reliving angre’s death.

vansh’s here and just sooooooooooo cool about it. shouldn’t that tip her off?!?!?!?!

she’s like BITCH WHY ARE YOU SUCH A PSYCHOPATH, YOUR BEST FRIEND IS DEAD AND YOU’RE LIKE MEH????? HE DIED FOR YOU.

ohohohohohohoho ofc, he’s like he didn’t die for ME, he died for YOU. you and your dhoka are why he’s dead. today angre’s dead, tomorrow it’ll be me. waaaaaaaaaaah bhai. amazingggggggggg manipulation only. you should write papers and give TED talks about it, that’s how much of an expert you are at this.

do not tellllllllllllllllllllllllllll me she falls for this shit. pls god do not.

MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HER BRAIN FINALLY WORKED!!!!!!!!!!! SHE’S LIKE IF ARYAN’S SUCHHHHHHHHHHH A POOR SHOT THAT HE COULDN’T HIT YOU WHEN YOU WERE LIKE 5 FEET AWAY FROM HIM, HOW TF DID HE GET ANGRE RIGHT IN THE FUCKING HEART FROM SO FAR AWAY?????????? YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS SIS, THIS THE KINDA SHIT I’VE BEEN WANTING TO SEE FROM YOU FOR AGES NOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW.

lol vansh is really pushing on the 6 ghante thing and she’s like ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, i get it now.

toh ofc he has to resort to sexy fuckery and pulls her under the shower to seduce it outta her.

riddhima don’t think with her pussy no more. she’s like you want the truth????/ i gotta confirm some shit first. took the gun (which he’d taken from aryan earlier) and left.

yup she went outside and found a blood ka packet. lolllllllllllllllllll vansh ki khairrrrrrrrrrrr nahi ab.

sopping wet saiyyaan is like what youuuuuuuu doing??? and she pulled the gun on him. bwahahahahaha. sis not so much of an idiot anymore.

LMAO SHE SHOT AT HIMMMMMM AND HE CAN’T BELIEVE IT. I LOVE ITTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT.

she’s like bitch you and your lies and your dhokasssssssssss.

oh dang she fully called out his game, from sending aryan to manipulating her into being guilty for angre’s death. MANNNNNNNN, WHY DIDN’T WE HAVE THIS RIDDHIMA FROM THE FUCKING START????????????

oh now he’s gaslighting her about the dhoka. he’s got some nerve. i swear to god he’s asking to be shot for reals.

she’s like you know what, i woulda told you, but now, after all this fuckery, imma take it to the grave. bwahahahahahhahaha, i love it. exactly what my petty ass would do.

challenge challenge challenge and tashan waala walk-off. lol, what’s the point, tum dono ko jaana toh ek hi kamre mein hai.

ishani’s freaking the fuck out at angre’s haalat. oh damn. she really does love him!!!!

angre’s all mehhh, it’s part of the job, and OMG YES ISHANI IS LOSING HER SHIT AT VANSH BHAI’S CONSTANT CONTROL OF THEIR LIVES!!!!! FINALLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

“tum pehle mere husband ho, phir unke bodyguard!!!!!!!! HE HAS TO UNDERSTAND HIS LIMITS!!!!!!” OMGGG YESSSSSSSSSSS QUEEEEEEEENNNNNN BURN IT ALL TO THE GROUND. LEAVE THIS HOUSE WITH YOUR BOY AND NEVER LOOK BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

idhar riddhima and vansh seem to have made up???? she’s waking him up cheekily, and he’s all “good morning to youuuuu too, my love. 😏😏😏” they fucked in the night, for sho.

he’s like is this love or repentence for yest? and she’s like bitch tf i got to repent for????

lmao the way she’s staring at him as he drinks his coffee makes me think she’s poisoned it. or spat in it, at the very least.

standard pulling and falling and sexy stuff. lol these two are so dysfunctional. constantly trying to sex the other into submission. at least it’s more equal now, than just him making all the moves.

yeah, she’s doing all this shit to protect him from some shit FOR SURE. ugh yaaaaar. oh well, at least she got some chracter development outta it.

lol he got mad at her for not melting at his do takke ka seduction. son, you thought a bloody forehead kiss was enough? we’re not saying SHIT for less than 3 orgasms.

riddhima cooolyyyy regarding jeeta-jaata chalta-phirta angre, who thankfully has some sharam for his actions.

she’s like don’t worry, i’m not mad at you, i know vansh put you up to it; and he’s like yeah you know i have zero self respect when it comes to vansh bhai. he says jump, i ask how high.

and she’s like you’re your own person dude. and i hope you’ll one day realize that and do what you think is right, not just what vansh tells you to. DUDE I CANNOT BELIEVE THEY DIDN’T GIVE US THIS RIDDHIMA TILL NOW.

asdkljlaskjdlaskjdlaskjdlaksjdlkasj vansh speaking chinese was really not necessary but....... lol ok.

wtf even is this black box, dude?????? like.............. you know what, idec anymore. nothing in this show is worth wasting brain cells over.

snort, vansh assures his shady business friends that the black box is in safe hands, and instantly riddhima comes and picks it up from the table.

some sultry talk about love and war as they keep taking the box from each other. lol man you’re both so fucking lame.

anyway he put it in the safe and is being patronizing to her, and she’s like be careful at how you play this........ “kahin meri dukhti ragg pe haath na lag jaaye....” OH DAMN. DUDE. I THINK SHE’S LOST THE BABY OR SOMETHING. IT HAS TO BE SOMETHING THAT’S HURT HER MASSIVELY TO BRING ABOUT SUCH A DRASTIC CHANGE (OTHER THAN THE SHOW MOVING FROM TV TO ONLINE)

asldkjsaldjlskadjlksadjlksajd she’s threatening to tell dadi that he played this whole farce in front of her and he’s like U WOT MATEEEE

anyway both of them smilingly fucking each other up about 6 ghante ka raaz and how the other one will lose. man, y’all need SO MUCH THERAPY.

riddhima’s here talking to stupid shunya fucker; and he’s just laughing and talking about his stupid saxophone.

he’s all only the two of us know about this deal we have, no one else in the worldddddddddd knows......

and she’s like actually................................. there’s a third person.

cut to: MY DIL JAAN JIGAR KA TUDKA KABIR, STILL IN CHAINS, SCREAMING RIDDHIMA’S NAME, AND GROWLING ABOUT HOW VANSH WILL KILL HER WHEN HE FINDS OUT HER SECRET.

ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh boy. why did she have to tell vyom that kabir knows? now vyom’s gonna try and kill kabir for sure and i want the reverse to happen!!!!!!!! please god gimme some #kava love where vansh saves kabir from vyom to make up for that one time kabir saved his life from chang!!!!!! i just want my two boys together!!!!!!!!!

precap: same old chutiyapa. vansh got her fingerprints off a glass to open her phone; she tries to steal the black box from his secret room and he catches her. abbe yaaaaaaaaaaaaar.

#ishq mein marjawan 2 #immj2 #immj2 lbs #episode liveblogs

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leotssukinaga · 4 years

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Paper Hearts

Shirabu Kenjirou x Reader

Anon requested: 🔢 number 50 for one of your faves? Prompt #50: Paper hearts. Word Count: 1593 A/N: I’ve been deliberating on who to write this for for a week and this morning while writing my Shirabu hcs inspiration finally struck. Writing this fr brought me out of a bpd spiral, too. His power. Thank you for the request, nonnie! I hope you enjoy it! (theres a good chance Semi is ooc I did absolutely no research on him. pulled his characterisation outta my ass n said ‘thats good enough!’ *shrug*.)

Another paper heart flutters to the floor. You don't notice this one. Kenjirou does, though. He notices everything about you, including the fact that for the last week you've been struggling to pay attention in class, too busy staring at the tiny, heart-shaped scraps of coloured paper. He wonders who's giving them to you. He wishes it had been him. Some of them have notes scribbled on them, some are blank. You seem particularly fond of certain ones, he notices as they get more crumpled over the course of the week. There's at least 15 different ones, he's counted. He's been struggling to pay attention in class too. It's not the hearts that distract him. It's you. It's the wistful smile on your face as you stare at them, the way you rub your thumb over the words. He hates that you're thinking of someone else like that, rather than him. On the way out of the classroom, he picks up the one you didn't notice. Reading it turns out to be a mistake. He doesn't know why he keeps it.

Another week passes, and more hearts appear in front of you. He's sick of seeing them, sick of knowing your affections belong to someone else. Do you even know his name? Probably not and that just pisses him off even more. He's having to force himself to focus on things now, because all he thinks about is you and those stupid hearts. It probably doesn't help that the one he picked up is still on his desk. Why does he still have it? Why did he pick it up at all?

On the third week, he walks into class to see a paper heart on his desk. He'd have assumed you dropped it, but it's very deliberately placed. He reads it as he sits down. All it says is "Hi." but it makes his heart flutter. It shouldn't. There no proof you even gave it to him. Plenty of people give out paper hearts. There's another the next day, but this one is blank. Did the sender simply get too shy to write a note? He slips it in the front of his notebook nonetheless, and he finds his gaze on the back of your head more than usual that day.

It continues like this for a while; he'll come into class every day to a new heart. Some days he has more than one, some days he'd come back from lunch to another. All are blank except for the first, and you've still never glanced his way. By now, he's all but convinced they aren't from you. He keeps them, anyway. "Hey, what's up with you?" "Pardon?" He stares at Semi expectantly. "You're off your game recently." "It doesn’t matter." "We all know you're an overachiever, but you've been shit at volleyball these past few weeks and you don't seem to care. Which means somethings up, and I care about my teammates. So what's your problem?" "Its nothing." He turns to stalk away, scowling as usual, but Semi grabs the back of his shirt. "What's their name?" "What? It's not-! I don't want to talk about it, please let go." "I'm not letting go until you spill." "I hate that you assumed I was hung up over someone." "Was I right?" ".... Damn." "I've seen my fair share of love-struck idiots, Shirabu. Tell me what's wrong." "I don't know. It's confusing. I- I don't like the way they make me feel." "Like your heart wants you to run a marathon but you've got legs made of lead and your lungs are filling with water?" "That's- that's exactly it, yeah." "You've got it bad. Did you tell them?" Kenjirou scoffs. "Please, I doubt they even know my name. But that's not even the issue. They've been getting these little heart-shaped pieces of paper recently- which is really fucking distracting-" "Language." "Sorry. It's so distracting watching them fiddle with them in class when I'm right there and they've never even looked at me. And if that wasn't enough, 2 weeks ago I started getting them. And I know it's just a coincidence but-" "What if it's not?" Semi interrupts. "I'm sorry?" "Hear me out. What if they haven't been receiving them, but they've been making them for you all this time and only just worked up the courage to give them to you?" "I don't- that's probably not it." "Do the hearts say anything?" "The first one said 'hi' but none of the others have." "Did you check both sides?" “Oh."....No." "Aw, come on Shirabu, I thought you were smart." "I am! Just- I don't know how these things work!" Semi lets out a laugh at his kouhai's incredulous expression. "Go check both sides. If they're really blank, we'll find a solution. If they're not- talk to them." "Thanks, Semi." The setter nods, finally letting go of his shirt, and walks away. Had he really not thought to check both sides? God, it was like you'd taken his brain as well as his heart.

When he arrives at his dorm that evening, he pulls the small box he'd been putting the hearts in from the drawer in his desk, and begins to search them. Semi had been right, of course. He doesn't even notice he's holding his breath as he reads them. He'd stored them in the order you'd given them to him, and he starts with the second one. It's pastel blue, and you must have used a scalpel rather than scissors, because the edges are perfect. Either that, or everything you do is perfect no matter the odds. That wouldn't surprise him. "You're cute." "I mean, you probably know that but" "Sorry I ran out of room on that one" "that one too... my point is that you're cute!" "Its distracting, actually." "But- I really admire your work ethic." "And your concentration." "I don't have the best attention span." "I don't think you're reading these." "You're not, are you?" "Ouch. I'm gonna keep writing them anyway." "If you're not reading these I can tell the truth." "We've spoken twice." "I can recall every word you've ever said to me." "You're a little grumpy and mean sometimes." "But that's endearing and I hate you for it." "You probably don't even know my name." "But I know yours. Wanna know mine?" "It's L/N Y/N." "I'm L/N Y/N and I think I'm in love with you." "How stupid is that? Being in love with a boy you've met twice?" "I'm crazy, right?" "I'm so glad you don't read these." "If you ever do read them, though..." "Could you tell me how you feel about me?" "Even if you hate me. I wanna know." The last one, the one he'd received today, has a simple question written on it, completely irrelevant to all of the others. "You play volleyball, right?" He decides that’s a good jumping-off point.The next day, he gets to class 10 minutes early, and waits. He practically jumps out of his seat when you walk in, all the other people in the room completely put out of his mind. "L/N!" "Sh-Shirabu?" "Hi... I uh- I just...I wanted to tell you that I do. Uh- play volleyball, I mean." "You read them?" He's not sure whether it’s anxiety or glee that’s more prevalent in your expression, but both are certainly playing a part. "Yeah! I wasn't not reading them on purpose, I uh... I didn't think to turn them over." A giggle escapes you, sweet and melodic and he could kissed you right now, but he doesn’t. Your expression switches from amusement to concern in a heartbeat. "I said... A lot of personal things in them. I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable." "No! You could ne- Actually, a lot of what you said is... I've been thinking the same things." "You have?" "Yeah. D'you think maybe we could... you know..." "Date?" "Yeah, that." "You're not the best with people, are you?" "Not really." "That's okay, neither am I." A soft kiss pressed against his cheek almost has him falling apart at the seams. He is so comically in love with you. "I'd love to date you, Shirabu." "Call me Kenjirou." "As long as you call me Y/N." "Of course. Could you- Can i ask something of you?" "Name it, Kenjirou." God, that sounds so beautiful from your mouth. It’s as if you've breathed new life into the name he'd thought nothing of for years; as if you've revived it into something perfect. "Don't stop writing me notes?" Somehow, your smile is brighter than anything he's ever seen, dimming the light streaming through the window and throwing everything but you into shadow. He doesn't mind, you're all he wanted to look at anyway. "As long as you read them this time." When the two of you are distracted in class that day, it's not some colourful scraps of paper that steal your concentration. It’s the glances you give each other and the soft smiles sent back and forth.

Years down the line, he'll pull a nondescript box out of a cupboard and open it to hundred of small paper hearts. He’ll laugh at the sudden nostalgia and call you into the room, and the two of you will put aside your plans for the night to read them together, reminiscing on your high school years, more in love with every second that passes. For now, though, he's just happy to bask in the warmth of your smile. And you're just happy being his.

#my writing #haikyuu #haikyuu!!#haikyuu x reader #haikyuu!! x reader #haikyuu imagines #hqappreciation #shirabu #shirabu kenjirou #shirabu x reader #shirabu kenjirou x reader

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22introuble · 3 years

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Now where were we?

It's 8:22pm and I just got off work. Today was a lil weird? As you recall a couple posts ago I was talking about pretty privilege and how it's very real at work. OK so there are some things that happened this weekend that I won't write on here bc my actual journal already knows but just know that the events made me uncomfy. Anyways I will tell u that last night one of my co-workers dmd on ig and ugh this is on me but also it's not bc I wasn't the one who started it. Ok, so this fella tried to start a convo and once again my stupid little pea brain thought nothing of it bc at work we're friends so I thought he was just tryna be nice yk. I'm so dumb fr bc ugh I'll write about this specific topic another time but point being I did not want him to feel bad? embarrassed? Idk I just didn't want to make him feel bad so dumbass me replied calling him "bestie" so like he knows he's friend-zoned you know cause idk how to make it anymore obvi without bluntly telling him even tho I would eventually have to tell him "hey we're just friends" but I was trying to avoid that awkwardness. I had to tell him bc he sent me this weird ass message and it honestly made me so uncomfy like ugh I hate feeling like that. As soon as I saw the message I told him like "ayo don't send stuff like that bc I only see you as a friend" and then he said some but I just stopped replying and we were working at the same time today but honestly I thought nothing of it bc like I shut it down so to me I was like ok that's done let's move on. Until today tho, I clocked into work and a little after one of the older guys told me that the fella who sent me the message wanted to talk to me because he ain't want problems and I was like "nooo que hize ahora" At this point I didn't think he wanted to talk to me bc of that legit thought it was about anything else like "damn they mad cause I dropped the salsa" sksksk. Anycow he pulled me back and I was like ughh no pls let's not make this a bigger deal than what it is. He was really nice tho and gave me this complicated ass explanation, that his cousin sent the message (cousin is dishwasher who I am also friendly with mf 17) and they got mad at each other to the point of throwing hands and I was like "oh sis pls nothing is ever that serious" and then he was apologizing and I just kept telling him that it did make me uncomfy and now that I know he did not mean it and it was a "joke" it was all good even tho it was never bad. After that, I went back to work and acted normally bc tbh I ain't care like wtf. I could tell they were not ok tho bc when he was apologizing mf nearly cried and I was just laughing bc I did not know how to cope like tf am I supposed to do and why do I always make ppl cry skskks. Besides that the day went well I am so sleepy rn tho bc I didn't sleep at all last night bc of... but yeah here I am eating blueberries and strawberry licorice. I want to write more but about other things, for this post, this is all the tea lmao. ttyl stimk <3

#coyotes

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mother-snake · 4 years

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I FOUND FREE TIME!! Sorry if this one is a bit rushed Jessie!!

Italics are memories

-----

The first thing a yellow side notices is that his head feels like its being split open. The second thing is that he's laying on a very soft couch. And the third? The third is that he doesn't remember anything.

He makes a slight noise of discontent before opening his eyes, only to have five people swarm him. Talking to him very fast and keep trying to touch him. He tries to curl up only to be unable to move.

One by one the colourful people back away only a dark blue person stayed by him. His lips keep moving but it all sounds like its underwater. Only to clear.

"-us, Janus! Can you hear us?"

His voice is raspy but he manages to respond, "Who's Janus?"

The people seemed to not like that answer, he didn't know why but making someone upset makes him feel like he's in danger, the indigo side didn't react that much.

"You are Janus, that is your name. Do you remember us?"

Janus shook his head.

"Well, I am Logan, Thomas's logic. The red side is Roman, one half of creativity. Green is Remus, the second half of creativity. The purple one is Virgil, he represents anxiety. And the light blue side is Patton. Thomas's morality.

Janus seemed to be taking the information in. Thinking about that one name he said... What was it? Timothy? Tobias? Travis?

"Do you remember Thomas?"

Janus had to stop and think. Thomas... Thomas was their centre. I'm one of his sides. Janus nodded

Logan handed Janus a glass of water, helping him take careful sips. The water felt like heaven, it was cool and soothing. But the heaven was gone soon enough.

"Do you remember your function?"

He squeezed his eyes shut trying to remember. "Deception?.....Or was it self preservation? I- I can't remember."

Logan had a small smile on his lips. "You are correct, your title is Deceit and your function is Self Preservation."

"Deceit... Isn't lying bad? Am I bad? Why does my head hurt?" Janus didn't notice the looks of pain on the others faces because they put those thoughts there.

Logan's smile disappeared. "No, you are not a bad side. You work for the good of Thomas. Why would you think that?"

"Because they told me so."

"Who?"

"..... I don't remember... They wore a lot of black."

"Do you mean the Dark Sides?"

A sharp gasp came from the yellow side. Blood, there is so much blood. Its my blood. Screaming. No, not screaming. Yelling. I'm running, the hallway is dark, the rug keeps triping me, my door lock is broken, I'm hiding... I can feel my breath.... The door to my room is open. Orange. I scream.

Janus is still screaming, he's trying to run but something is holding him down, he can feel someones breath. "Let me go! Please I'll do what you want!" he feels a slight sting in his arm before his eyes get blurry. The voices in the background get farther away as he feels himself involuntarily relax and fall back asleep.

Logan pulls the needle away as Roman, Remus and Virgil all let go of the sleeping side. Worry is blinding them as all of them walk into the kitchen to talk.

"The NopeRope doesn't remember anything. What do we do here?" Roman kept messing with his sash.

"His memory seems to come back with certain prompts or questions. However it seems to have a bad reaction-"

"A bad reaction? A BAD REACTION?? Logan, he was screaming for help while repeating the word no! That is more then JUST a bad reaction!!

Logan sighed, "Virgil, I know that you're worried about him but he does need to get his memory back."

"Does he?"

Everyone was now staring at Patton.

"I mean well, if he doesn't remember what the others put him through and what we put him through maybe he would be happier? He just looks to peaceful while he's asleep that I've never seen him have before."

"He will most likely remember anyway when he sees the scars, we can not hide this from him forever."

The kitchen was now an awkward silence. Until Remus broke it.

"How long till he wakes up, nerd?"

"Should be around 3 hou-"

"He'll be awake in five"

"What? Why five?"

"He's smaller then normal, plus he's not a full grown side yet, so-"

"What?" Patton didin't seem happy knowing that info.

Remus shugged, "he popped up in the gray when Thomas was ten, followed virgil around like a lost puppy next to a railroad. He just grew fangs a few months ago! I don't think they have venom though, bit of a shame. Everything is better with venom.-"

"Remus, getting off track here. Janus is the youngest?"

Remus nodded enthusiastically. "Yep" poping the P, "he was a cute little baby snake! Loved strawberries! The other three didn't like him very much though."

Patton was pressing his palms to his eye sockets. "they burned, beat and tried to kill a child?"

Remus nodded and looked to the ground.

The sides split up to go a few things before Janus woke up again.

When Janus opened his eyes all he could smell was strawberries. A song played in the background. He felt stronger and managed to sit up. He looked on the TV to see a frog singing the loveliest lies of them all.

"Vee! Vee!" Boucing up and down. "Can we watch Over The Garden Wall?" Virgil looked over at the shorter side. "You just watched it yesterday, short stack" even though the yellow side was 15 he still bounced and gave Virgil the puppy dog eyes. Virgil sighed, "Fine. Bring up the episode." trying and failing to sound annoyed. The smaller side smiled even wider.

"Vee?" Janus mumbled under his breathe the name. The side in the memory looked similar to...What was his name? VIRGIL! That was it! Was Vee Virgil? The snake zoned out in his thoughts and the song from the frog. Only to be brought out of it when a light blue side stood in front if him.

"Patton? That was your name right?"

"Yep! You got it in one mr scales!" Patton seemed nice, wait. Scales?

Get out of here you slimy boi! reptilian rapscallion! Snake! Evil! Villian! You are no good for Thomas! Just leave! Leave! LEAVE! LEAVE!

Janus lifted his hand and touched the left side of his face. Smooth scales greeted his hand and old burnt skin next to his eye. Tears started to leak for a reason he couldn't pin point. Continuously touching the scales, stoking over the sharp bottom of scales. Sooner then he thought someone was sitting next to him.

Patton sat next to him and was counting numbers.

1 2 3 4. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8

Janus didn't know what the numbers where but he followed along anyway.

Soon he could smell the strawberries again. He likes strawberries right? Janus thinks he likes strawberries. When he looks up, Patton gives him a hug. Wincing when his arms touch something on his back.

More and more time passes. With each memory things get clearer. Janus still doesn't know why he can't remember anything. Until another memory happens.

"WILL YOU PLEASE JUST SHUT UP?" " No! Roman I want to apologize! I'm sorry I compared you to your brother! I'm sorry I manipulated you at the courtroom! I'm sorry I sent Remus to deal with my problems! You don't have to forgive me but ay least listen to me!" Roman growls "FUCK OFF!!" And suddenly, he is back at the dark household.

He needs to get out before the others find him. Who knows what they would do to h- "Ohhh Deceit! So lovely for you to stop by~" Too late.

He runs to his room, tripping on the carpet. The lock is broken. He hides in the closet. Wrath finds him. He's dragged to the dark side commons and chained to a wall for days to become the personal punching bad. Apathy set him on fire, Wrath beat him up and Depression.... Depression did something to his head. He was thrown into the gray after depression had his fun. Then he blacked out

Janus doesn't want to leave his room. He's being punished for wanting to apologize. That seems like bullshit to him.

Weeks pass. People keep knocking on his door, they say that they're worried. What a bunch of liars.

After a month, the sides make Thomas take them inside if the bedroom. After a bit of convincing, Janus tells them everything.

And much to his surprise. They are livid.

------

Beep boop. Thingy done! I hope this thing made sense! Brain is broken atm. This one was inspired by Once Upon a December from Anastasia.

This turned out a lot more fluffy then I originally thought.... Hope ya like it! I need to go write a poem now ❤💛❤

protcetive sides alert! yeah! may i say that this is some quality content? im running out of things to say wihout repeating myself but they are all just so amazing and normaly leave me with energy to write stuff. (sorry im responding to these now, i was asleep when i got them last night and consumed by school fr the past few hours...)

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thisisthehardestthing · 4 years

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wait r u fr? tumblr ate the ask? pls i’m so fuckin mad i literally typed paragraphs about how much i loved it so here we go i’m gonna try to be more coherent this time:

this mafia fic is my favorite haikyuu fic i’ve ever read and one of my fave fics in general. like the amount of hard work and research u put into it is so clear and it shows in the amazing quality of the fic. ur pacing, the flow of ur words, ur characterizations of tanaka and val, the way u pull off that last scene. everything is so well done and all of those things are super hard to pull off on their own so props to u for being able to do all of those. like wow i really am in awe of ur talent and i’m so thankful for ur hard work and the fact that u posted this like u rlly took me thru an emotional ride and gave me such a good piece of writing to enjoy and i love that.

okay so: details. i love the way u include the little things in the fic. stuff like the name of the designers and the names of organizations and stuff in the fic helps me picture the scenes so much and it just really adds to the extravagant feel of the fic.

with symbolism, i could literally write paragraphs about how well u included symbols in this fic. like i deadass gasped when the viper necklace was crushed in the final scene at the end right before tanaka did it. the parallels!!!! god ur so good at writing and obviously ur brain is huge to have thought of that and seamlessly included it into the fic.

okay so idk what the proper term for this is but like, the way that action happens in the fic is so well done and not predictable but still in line with what you’ve revealed to us about the characters. like ofc tanaka would pull the necklace out of his pocket at just that moment as a way to reveal to daichi what he felt. it’s just so perfect and so true to the person he is in the fic. about his characterization, god i love it so much. all of the pain and yearning and sheer want in his person were clearly conveyed thru his perspectives and his actions. like that boy just wants to be loved and that’s why it made such good narrative sense to have daichi ask him who he loves more in the scene right before the ending. like i saw the tag for death and expected a million things but u somehow managed to surprise me and yet still stay true to the world and characters u created and ugh, it’s all so perfect.

speaking of, the pacing of this fic is so good. like u manage to take us thru a whirlwind time period that doesn’t feel fast or drawn out or anything other than perfect. u have such a good awareness of pacing that it makes me so jealous and yet so pleased as a reader. like nothing about their love confessions or trysts felt rushed or forced. it felt so natural and true to the people they were and the world that they live in.

also i said before in the other ask how i love the way u utilize sex scenes in the fic. u sprinkle them in at just the right moment and they manage to be hot but they also reveal so much about the characters involved. like i’m specifically thinking of the scene in tanaka’s home where she asks why he won’t touch her and he says that she didn’t give him permission. like the love and devotion in that way of thinking felt so true and yet in the end he still did it and ugh that breaks my heart in the best way bc i know my pain as a reader is nothing next to his pain as a character. i would actually love to pick ur brain about how u decided on the ending. did it come to u in the moment or did u set out writing the fic knowing it would end up like that? so many questions rlly bc u created a world and a cast of characters that are so interesting like i would literally read books about them. (esp val. i loved how headstrong and proud she was but also how weak and emotional she could be. her ending made me sad but u kno, it made sense) and i’m especially curious to find out how tanaka copes after. like i can’t imagine that daichi would just accept his loyalty again but u do manage to surprise me in the best way so who knows. but i also mourn for him which is a little odd for me bc after finding out that he knew about daichi’s affair i felt betrayed and it hurt for some reason which is so interesting bc i trusted him and felt like i knew him, but u still managed to keep parts of him hidden, which is so cool.

oh and despite the tragic ending, u fed us so good with scenes of the two everywhere. like i love how we got to see tanaka and val in their own homes and at parties and we truly got to see how they act when they’re alone and when they’re comfortable and when they’re playing the part of loyal bodyguard or loyal wife. ugh it’s all so good and tbh i only finished it like maybe half an hour again but i already want to read it again bc it was so fucking good and the way u write emotions like yearning and heartbreak is so good like ugh. everything about the way u wrote this fic was so amazing and fuck tumblr for eating my ask but i hope i at least manage to repeat the majority of what was in the og ask lol.

hello anon <3

It is the weekend so I finally have enough brain power to reply.

I wanted to be selfish and keep this in my inbox forever, because this might be the kindest, most appreciative thing everyone has ever said to me about my writing. Toska is a piece of my heart and my soul in written word, and to have received something like this? It’s... indescribable. You have picked up on so many of the small details, symbols, and more that I littered throughout the fic, and you’ve called out the things that I was excited about people reading and reacting to.

Fic Spoilers below the cut.

everything is so well done and all of those things are super hard to pull off on their own so props to u for being able to do all of those.

Thank you so much. I constantly worried that it was too long, too boring, that there wasn’t enough smut in there to be sexy, or that the plot ultimately didn’t make sense. This means everything to me. Pacing is one of the most important things in a fic to me, because I am the kind of person that easily loses interest when I read.

details. i love the way u include the little things in the fic.

ahhhhhhhhh!!!! I’m glad this helped you to picture everything! I actually used real life dresses, shoes, locations (google Villa La Vigie, it is STUNNING). I was a fashion student, and I now work in the fashion industry so small details to convery luxury is extremely important to me. I love that it made all the difference to you.

i could literally write paragraphs about how well u included symbols in this fic.

fuck, wow. this. This is what I was truly hoping for. I love figuring out foreshadowing in movies, in books, in tv series. I try to write things that foreshadowing what going to happen in the end throughout of every one of my fics, but this is the first time someone called it out, and I am truly grateful for it. The viper necklace thing is a moment I was very proud of. and when Tanaka tells Val to stop talking about Daichi when they’re alone on the bed together: that’s the first instance where we see his guilt that he knows. Also, when Tanaka says “why dont i finish what I started,” is another thing I linked to the ending.

the way that action happens in the fic is so well done and not predictable but still in line with what you’ve revealed to us about the characters.

kasjsdfhksjdfsd I always thought people could see right through me and how I was going to end it!!!!!!! This means so much thank you! I kept thinking, “fuck people know he’s going to kill her, this is so predictable, all these extra scenes are so boring, is it even worth it?” so AH thank you!

thank you again for the pacing comment <3

i love the way u utilize sex scenes in the fic. u sprinkle them in at just the right moment

hehehehehehe this makes me very happy. tbh, I wasn’t expecting there to be SO MUCH PLOT when I wrote this fic. I had mapped everything out and planned for it to be about... 5k? words? It ended up being 21k all together lmao. I actually thought there wasn’t enough smuttiness in the entire thing, so thanks for letting me now that it was just the right amount. I was worried because the only time I actually describe them fucking with Tanaka’s dick inside her, is that measley one paragraph at the Monte Carlo Casino. When I realised that, I was in utter shock. I was texting @mindninjax in the discord server like “FUCK. I can’t believe I haven’t actually written sex sex.” Then I went into thinking how disappointed people were going to be and phew, it was a whirlwind of a night.

i would actually love to pick ur brain about how u decided on the ending. did it come to u in the moment or did u set out writing the fic knowing it would end up like that? so many questions rlly

ask away, send in questions. I built this world beyond what I’ve written. I have character layouts and plans for every person I introduced, and have ideas for fics on all of them.

To answer your question, I knew exactly how I wanted it to end before I began writing. That end scene is what I thought of first. Exactly like that, with it being cut off mid-sentence to represent her being shot. That sort of “boom” or feeling of shock where you just stare at the screen is the exact reaction I wanted to get when I finished writing, so I hope that is what happened.

So just, thank you so much anon. For everything, for taking the time to write out this ask a second time after Tumblr ate the first one. It has kept me going since the day you sent it. I really appreciate you, and please, chat to me anytime x

Thank you.

Spasiba x

#spasiba #claudia rambles #toska asks #fic spoilers #spoiler #i love you so much #thank you

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a-walk-in-silence · 4 years

Text

Wired On Coffee

Pairing: Steve Rogers x fem!reader

Word Count: 5.5k

Summary: The time heist was successful, but losses were made. It's time to assemble the gauntlet and end this thing for good. But is this really the end?

Warnings: Endgame, character death, mourning, cursing, mentions of experimentation, survivor's guilt, HYDRA, backhanded comments, lewd comments/situations (still v PG-13 in this sense, not so much the language), violence, Everybody Will Live AU (*insert the Doctor Who gif here*)

A/N: WELCOME TO THE SEQUEL OF THE SEQUEL OF- this is old. Okay fr tho we're almost done! One more part! Holy crap! This is a rough chapter but hopefully everyone loves it cuz things should get a LITTLE BIT easier in the last one? I hope?

Past Part | Masterlist

Your feet planted firmly on the platform as you grabbed onto Steve's arm to try and balance yourself. Your mind was whirling, so much had happened. But little did you know that it would be getting worse.

Across from you, Clint collapsed to his knees, dropping the stone onto the platform. Even though he had only been gone for maybe half a day, he looked exhausted. A quick look around told you why. There was an empty space in the circle. "Clint?" you cautiously asked, taking a step towards him.

He looked up at you, pain etched across his face. "A soul for a soul," he said, eyes filled with a sudden anger. "That was the price for the stone. The life of someone you love. And we fought to keep the other alive. I guess she won."

You kneeled down next to him, gently reaching out to grab his hand. "I'm sorry. We shouldn't have sent you two there. I-"

He flinched, tearing his hand away from you. "Who do you suppose we should have sent? You and Tony? Rhodey and Tony? Bruce and Nat? Whose life are we dealing with? It doesn't matter." His eyes were cold as he glared at you.

"Clint, I didn't mean to-" you started, but he once again cut you off.

"No, you didn't mean to hurt anyone. But you weren't there." You looked down at your hands, unable to meet his angry eyes. "You didn't see her lifeless body at the bottom of the cliff."

"Barton, that's enough," Steve said, grabbing your arm and pulling you away. "You're hurting. This is a blow to everyone."

Steve held you as Clint left. Once gone, there was an air of silence that filled everyone. It almost didn't feel real. She had just been smiling at everyone, saying she would see us in a minute. Well, it was a minute later. And she wasn't here.

It was an hour later and everyone, save Nebula and Rocket, were gathered outside on the dock. Everyone was quietly in their own thoughts, trying to come to terms with the fact that Nat was dead. Steve was quiet, more so than usual. You had seen him at Peggy's funeral, and how broken he looked. You probably didn't look much better. But this was different. He only had Peggy for a few years. But Nat was one of his closest friends, up there with human Bucky and Sam. And he'd lost them all.

You rested your head on his shoulder, glancing over at Tony as he stared out across the river. He looked sad, but you knew his mind was already running through all the steps that needed to be done. You knew he would crash eventually and just break down, but he would be strong.

"Did she have any family?" Tony finally asked, breaking the silence. "Anyone that we need to tell about… this?"

Steve shifted, causing you to sit up. "Yeah. Us. We were her family." You watched as he blinked away the tears in his eyes before turning back to look out across the lake. "We can't even have a proper funeral for her."

A loud grunt made you look over at Bruce as he flung one of the benches into the lake. You flinched away from him, curling into Steve's side. Bruce finally sighed, sitting down on the dock. "She can't be gone."

"Well she is," snapped Clint. He wiped away his tears before looking at everyone. "She's gone. And she wouldn't want us to sit around and cry over her. She died so we could get the stone and bring everyone back. So we might as well honor her memory and bring everyone back."

Clint left, and everyone stayed on the dock, just for a little while longer. It was hard to move on when it was so sudden. How could anyone move on? Even if she wasn't directly your friend, or your family, it still hurt because you knew her, and Steve and Tony knew her. They were hurting. And so were you.

After another 30 or so minutes, everyone slowly found their way into the compound once more. You followed Tony into the lab, where all of the stones were laid out on a table. You knew the next step was making a glove to channel the power of the stones. So you and Tony got to work right away, being the only two that were able to even think at the moment. Progress had to be made. People needed to be brought back.

A couple of hours later, while the prototype was being tested with two of the stones to see if it could withstand holding them, Scott and Bruce joined you, trying to help as best as they could. Since you happened to have the steadiest hands, you were the one who was running the controls and moving the stones into place. Meanwhile, Bruce took over in helping Tony with the design. And Scott? Well, he was the coffee runner who also occasionally managed to bring up a good idea.

Things were moving along well for a good hour or so. You were moving the space stone into place on the glove when Steve walked in. "Can I take Y/N? We need to talk."

You sighed to yourself, guessing that this wasn't going to be a conversation about Nat and how he was hurting right now. "I'm busy, Steve," you said, eyes never leaving the task at hand as you slowly moved it closer into place.

"Y/N, we need to talk," Steve said again, causing you to almost drop the stone. Out of the corner of your eye, you saw Tony and Scott physically flinch, eyes now focused on what you were doing. "So can we please talk?"

Your lips pressed together into a fine line, annoyance etching across your face. Your hands were now shaking more. "I said I'm busy."

"Y/N-"

"Steve!" You dropped the stone, causing everyone in the room but you to jump for cover. But nothing happened, and you knew this. "What is so important? What part of today do you want to discuss? Could it be about seeing my mom? The fact that I created some kind of portal and was glowing blue? Or the fact that I'm some kind of fucking experiment? Or what about the fact that because of their fucking experiments, I'm the reason my mom's dead? Maybe you want to talk about the fact that I talked to my aunt and uncle for the first time in years and they didn't even know me? Which one do you want to talk about?"

Everyone was staring at you in varying degrees of confusion and shock. Tony, who had managed to miss that whole cluster fuck with your mother, looked the most shocked at your outburst. Clearly it was all new information to him. And Scott and Bruce were just confused.

Steve leaned against the doorway, and he almost looked hurt by your outburst. But too much had happened in the past 24 hours, and you couldn't really take anything more. You'd hit your limit for the day. Death. Revelations. Heartache. Extreme highs. You'd had enough.

No one talked so you sighed, turning back to your work and picking the stone back up with the tongs. "Unless you're here to screw my brains out and make me forget everything, I don't want to talk about everything. It's been too much, okay? Everything. The kiss. My mom. Peggy and Daniel. Nat. I just can't handle this right now." You put the stone into place on the glove before glancing over at Tony. "What stone is next?"

"Reality," he said. In his eyes, you saw the concern in his eyes as he watched you. Nonetheless, he got the next stone ready for you, shooting a glance at Scott. "Go get two coffees, Tic Tac." Next, he looked over to Steve. "Go. She's agitated right now and we can't have her dropping anything again."

Steve sighed behind you, followed by the sound of two receding footsteps. Everything was quiet once more as you went back to work, placing the stones in their proper place. Tomy didn't force you to talk, even though you were sure he had about a billion questions. The air was stiff and tense with unasked questions that had very obvious answers. So when Tony left the room, you knew who he went looking for. You didn't stop him, but you knew his curiosity was getting the best of him.

He was gone for a total of 20 minutes, but he managed to return before you put this last stone in place. The glove was finished. The end of this entire fiasco was coming up fast. And you weren't any better for it.

Once done, Tony clapped you on the shoulder, giving it a gentle squeeze. "I know you don't wanna talk about it, but you need to." You shot him a small glare. He put his hands up in defense. "Hey, you're talking to the king of unresolved issues. Not talking about stuff leads to anger and lashing out at people you love. Even when they are unbearably annoying."

Sighing, you set down the tongs you had been holding before standing up. "Fine. While you guys undo the snap, I'll talk to Steve." Before anyone could argue, you went and found Steve, leaving the lab where they would be performing the snap in search of Steve.

Your search didn't take long, as you found him sitting in the large open kitchen, staring into his cup of coffee. You didn't wait for him to notice you before you spoke up. "What did you want to talk about, Steve?" You tried to keep your emotions under check, to not yell, but you could still hear the slightest hint of annoyance in your voice.

He glanced up at you for a moment before looking back at his coffee. "Look," he started before pausing. He was silent for a few seconds, trying to gather his thoughts. "I… when we went to the past… with your mom and all of that stuff. We both found out things about you and your family that we didn't know before. You learned about a part of yourself that was hidden really far down. So I went looking through all of the leaked S.H.I.E.L.D. files to try and find some reports for you." He leaned down to his side and pulled out his laptop from the bag settled by his side. He turned it on and opened up a few documents before turning the computer in your direction. "I don't want to force you to talk. I know you, and that you need time to process things before you can just talk about everything. But I figured having all of the information would help you process and fill in the blanks."

You walked over to the table, sitting down in front of the laptop. On the screen was a document detailing your mother's stay at S.H.I.E.L.D. headquarters. You skimmed over a majority of it, not necessarily understanding a lot of the jargon. "What… what is this?"

"It's your moms full record. Apparently the doctor in charge was someone who was outed as Hydra shortly after you were born. His experiments influenced the trials that lead to the Maximoff twins having powers. Basically the folder shows that they had been lying to… well, to your mom the entire time, just so she wouldn't question any of the medicine they were giving to her. Daniel and Peggy had no clue what was happening, so there's no need to be spiteful towards them. Not that you are, but… just in case you had that doubt." When you glanced up at Steve, you saw that he was staring at his coffee, unable to look up.

"I'm sorry for snapping," you finally said after a few minutes of silence had passed. "You're hurting and I should have just sucked it up and talked. I put myself first, and that was wrong." You reached, grabbing his hand and giving it a tight squeeze. "It's okay, you can call me an ass. No snarky comments. I'll bite my tongue and you can be a jerk to me because I definitely deserve it."

He shook his head, the barest hint of a smile on his lips. "No, I don't think I will." He squeezed your hand in return. "I know you're a major pain but I do love you. Even when you make it difficult." You laughed, which finally made him look up at you. "Though I make it just as difficult, I'm sure."

You smiled, scooting closer to him. "I love you, too, pain in my ass." Leaning across the table, you pecked him gently on the lips. "I'm also sorry that I embarrassed you in front of the Science Bros with the sex comments."

"I almost took you up on the offer, you know," he teased, fingertips brushing slowly against your arm. You laughed before kissing him again. He tugged at your hand, pulling you around the table until you were sitting on his lap. When you finally separated, his hands found their way to your hips. "I could still take you up on that offer."

"Something life changing is happening on the other side of the compound and you want to have sex? Really?" You playfully pushed against his shoulder before lightly pecking his lips. "What would Peggy think?"

He groaned, forehead resting against your shoulder. "If you mention her one more time I swear-"

You interrupted his rambling by twirling your fingers in his hair, gently tugging his face from your shoulder so you could kiss him. A laugh rumbled in his chest.

A loud crash made you jump back, looking around. "What the hell was that?" you asked, looking around.

His face nuzzled into your neck, leaving light kisses across the expanse of skin. "Probably the snap," he mumbled. "It was that explosive when it was Thanos."

Your eyes fluttered shut, enjoying the soft kisses, but something just wasn't settling right. "Mm Steve, stop, stop. I don't think that was the snap. They were in a room with metal paneling to protect the glass. I think something is wrong."

His hands finally let go of your waist, so you got up. You headed towards the sound to find a giant gaping hole in the ceiling over the quantum platform. And above that was a giant ass space ship.

"Steve-" you started but you heard him running behind you. He was already off, running for the room where everyone else was located. But you heard some kind of metal grinding against metal coming from above. "Steve wait!"

But it was too late. The ship fired at the compound, blowing it sky high and sending you flying in the air. You had a split second to get the nano tech to make your suit and keep you from, ya know, dying from fall damage or something. You closed your eyes as the nanos enveloped your body, and when you heard F.R.I.D.A.Y. greet you, you opened them and activated the boosters, sending you flying sideways parallel to the ground. The impact knocked the air out of your body, and you were definitely hurting.

"Steve? Tony?" you called through the intercom. "Is anyone listening?"

You looked towards the compound, feeling your heart shatter.

"I have eyes on the glove," came the strangled voice of Clint. "I'm in the sewers somewhere. I'll try and find my way topside with the glove."

"And we're trapped," Bruce added. "I've got Rhodey and Rocket. Water levels are rising."

You surveyed the terrain and spotted Tony walking towards someone. "Tony, is that Steve?"

"Yeah… come on, buddy, you gotta get up." You watched as he helped Steve get to his feet and decided to fly over to join them. "You lose this again and I'm giving it to Morgan, got it?"

When you landed, you grabbed the shield from Tony. "Now come on, I would obviously get first dibs on bobsledding on this thing. Afterall, who's gonna teach Morgan how to do it?"

Steve snatched the shield, raising an eyebrow at you. "That's assuming I'm losing it again, L/N."

"Given your track record, it's more likely than you think, Cap." He rolled his eyes as you bumped against his hip playfully before looking around. "Okay, so that's a giant ship."

"And that's a Thanos," Tony said, motioning towards the Mad Titan. He was just sitting there. Not fighting. Not commanding an army. Just… sitting there.

"So that is," Steve said before looking at you. "Tony and I have this. Plus, I see Thor. You should go and work on recovery, see who needs help."

You wanted to argue, say you could fight, but you saw the pain in his eyes. Also, Bruce was definitely panicking in the back of your mind. You nodded in response, using the heat sensor in your suit to locate where exactly Bruce and the others were. Once spotted, you were flying away, going after them. You worked on moving as much rubble as possible, vaguely aware of the fights going on around you. You could hear Clint talking through the intercom before gasping, and you looked around. "Barton, what's happening?"

There were so many voices in your head with this intercom bullshit and you really just needed to get to Bruce. But then you heard thunder. You turned around just in time to see Steve holding Mjölnir.

Woah.

You really should be focusing but, if you were being completely honest… "That's hot."

"Y/N, focus," Steve said before going back into battle. You watched him for another couple seconds before blinking and remembering that shit that was happening around you. Right! You had to get to Bruce.

You continued to work on moving the rubble when a voice filled your head. "Y/N, Tony's currently knocked out and my messages aren't getting to him. Should I initiate Project Old Man Alarm?"

You smiled to yourself at F.R.I.D.A.Y.'s message. You had managed to rename a few of Tony's protocol names a couple days ago and you were glad he didn't notice. "Of course, we can't let him sleep through the battle, now can we? What about everyone else? Can you scan the battlefield and tell me what's happening?"

"Of course," she responded. "Thor is currently down, but his vitals appear to be fine. Captain Rogers is currently fighting Thanos, though there appears to be a wound in his leg from getting stabbed."

"He was what?"

You were certain she said something in response, but a voice was suddenly talking over the intercom. It was a voice that you hadn't heard in five years, and it almost brought a tear to your eye.

"Cap? On your left."

All around you, bright yellow portals appeared and thousands of people walked through, joining you on the battlefield. Nearby to your current location, a portal opened and out came the people who had disappeared on Titan. You couldn't even comprehend everything that was happening. And when the ground opened up under your feet and gave birth to a Giant-Man holding Bruce, Rocket, and Rhodey, well you almost lost it. Giant-Man was truly a sight to see. A part of you was relieved that they had been competent enough to get shit done because you clearly hadn't been that helpful.

But you were so happy to see everyone here, breathing. The second snap had worked. And now? You had one hell of a fighting chance.

"Avengers!" came the shout from Steve. You turned to look at him, watching as he summoned Mjölnir. "Assemble."

"You know, that's still really hot," you commented without even realizing that everyone definitely heard that. Luckily you had the guise of everyone going into battle to cover it, but some people definitely heard it.

A scoff came over the intercom, and you smiled when you recognized Tony's voice. "Jesus, Y/N, really?"

You shrugged before going off to fight. "Where am I needed, Cap? Aerial support? Ground team?"

"I need you on the glove. Keep an eye on it's location and make sure it stays as far from Thanos as possible," he responded.

"But we need to get them back to their proper times," Bruce responded in the voice chat. "We'll destroy those other timelines if we don't."

"No can do," said the voice of Tony, and you spotted him on the battle field alongside Pepper in the Rescue suit that the two of you crafted. "Thanos destroyed our quantum tunnel in the blast."

The line was silent for a second as you flew overhead, spotting the glove being carried by Clint away from some of Thanos' mutant henchmen. You quickly swooped down, using the blasters to take out a few of them in one go. You hadn't yet been able to formulate a plan when someone else joined in. "Hang on! That wasn't our only time machine." A moment later, you heard the sound of a car alarm that was set to the sound of La Cucharacha. You flew back into the air, trying to spot where it came from.

"Does anyone have eyes on an ugly brown van?" Steve asked. You looked over the battlefield, but you really couldn't see it without letting the glove out of your sight. Luckily, someone else managed to spot and they responded.

After a short conversation in which Scott said he would need 10 minutes to get the machine working, you flew down to Clint as he was overrun by Overriders. You blasted them away before turning to the voice of the Black Panther as he called out to Clint.

"Give me the gauntlet, Clint!"

You blasted away a few more of the Overriders before taking off into the air and keeping track of T'Challa as he made his way through the crowd, heading for the van. Thanos was going after him. You were about to dive down when Wanda herself decided to take him on. You sighed in relief until you saw Squidward levitating the glove away. You instantly dived down, snatching the glove and giving Squidward a good blast in the face as you went. "That's for calling me a pet, asshole!" You then saw Peter, open, and looking a little lost. "Hey Spiderling! Catch!" When he looked over at you, you tossed the glove to him, and he used his webshooter to grab it before running off. Once again, you took off after him, blasting Overriders and Chitauri as they came. But he still got overrun, even with your help. And that's when he activated Instant Kill Mode.

"Jesus, Tony, why the hell does a 16 year old have an Instant Kill Mode?" you questioned as you landed. You blasted away the more of the enemy.

"You have one, too, ya know. Might help with the problem," was all Tony said before going back to the fight.

You were considering activating when Peter yelled about being overrun. "Steve!" you shouted over com.

Before you could explain the situation, he spoke up. "Heard it doll. Heads up, Queens!" You looked over your shoulder and managed to narrowly avoid getting clobbered in the head by the flying hammer. Peter managed to latch onto it as it was flying before falling off a second later. You instantly took off, catching him before he hit the ground.

"Gotta watch those butterfingers, Spiderling. You're gonna get hurt." As if some kind of dramatic irony, you then dropped him onto the back of the flying Pegasus that was manned by some badass warrior chick. Probably a friend of Thor. And if you weren't taken, and she offered, you definitely wouldn't turn her down.

You instantly shook away the thought before watching the battlefield raging on below you. Everyone was raging on. Tony and Pepper were fighting side by side, Peter was falling out of the sky holding the glove, and Steve was kicking major ass.

Wait! Peter!

You dived straight down, trying to catch him before he fell and got really hurt. You knew the suit would probably save him from most injuries, but he definitely didn't need to get hurt. But at this rate he would beat you to the ground. "Come on, come on…"

And then you flew through a portal, popping up through the ground right below Peter and catching him. His downward momentum definitely forced the two of you into the ground, but at least injuries were minimized.

"Holy shit, since when could she do that?" Pepper asked. You looked up to see her flying around, shooting at Chitauri as she went while also avoiding falling missiles. You were going to answer her until you became very distracted by the missiles suddenly pointing into the sky.

"F.R.I.D.A.Y., what's happening?" Tony asked, and you heard her response loud and clear in your head.

"Something just entered the upper atmosphere."

You watched in amazement as a glowing burst of energy rammed into the ship. The explosion was beautiful, and the falling pieces of ship gave you one less problem on the battlefield. Plus, you had a new ally.

Carol landed right by you and Peter as you were going over his injuries. His side was still in pain, but you managed to prevent any broken bones. You glanced up and smiled at her.

"H-Hi, I'm Peter Parker," Peter said, holding on tightly to the gauntlet. You shook your head, laughing at how ridiculous it was that he introduced himself to everyone on the battlefield. But it was endearing… you guessed.

"Hey Peter Parker. You got something for me?" He nodded and handed her the glove. He made some comment about how it was impossible to get through. But then everyone was there, surrounding Carol. You joined them in feigning off the oncoming attacks. You had even managed to hold back Thanos himself. But then he threw his sword, and it knocked out the van's quantum portal before Carol could get inside. You were about to run after it until Thanos flung you like a ragdoll. Your head slammed into a rock and you gasped in shock.

"Your head has suffered major injury," said F.R.I.D.A.Y. in your head. "Should I inform Tony that you are in need of medical attention?"

You groaned, sitting up. "Don't you dare. I'm not out yet." Getting to your feet, you watched the scene unfolding before you. Thanos had the glove, and Tony tackled him.

"There was a spike in energy in Tony's suit. Power levels are beyond the max."

Shit. Shit! He had the stones.

You didn't hesitate in flinging yourself in his direction, boosters kicking in as you gained distance on him. Before he could snap, you flipped over his head, grabbing his hand in your own. A warm energy hummed through your body as the stones transferred to your suit.

You landed on your knees. Tony looked horrified as your helmet lowered. You gave him a smile and snapped your fingers, willing away Thanos and his army.

You were suddenly standing in some kind of weird, orange dimension. You were confused as you looked around. You weren't sure what to expect, but when you saw Nat sitting there with Bucky on her lap, you almost broke down.

"Great cat you have here. I was almost convinced I would be seeing Tony or Steve here. Ya know, since they're a bunch of idiots. But instead it's you." She scratched Bucky's head, casting you a casual look. "Things work out with Steve?"

You walked over to her, sitting next to her under the pagoda. "You could have seen for yourself, you know. He misses you. Everyone does."

She smiled, looking back down at Bucky. "It's really lonely here in the stone. They gave me this one because you were the one to snap. He'll leave when you do in a couple minutes. But it's cold in here. I did get to see Bruce, though. That was nice."

"So this is inside the soul stone?" you asked, glancing around. The orange color definitely added up. So did the cold feeling.

"Yes, and you're part space stone. The other stones were calling to you." She moved Bucky from her lap and stood up, facing you. "The space stone protected your otherwise fleshy organs. You'll probably have some minor burns and nerve damage, but you'll otherwise be okay. Well, until the boys yell your ear off." You both laughed. "Take care of them all for me, okay? You have some big shoes to fill, but I know you can keep them all in check. After all, you succeeded where I didn't. You somehow managed to make Tony and Steve get along for more than five seconds."

She looked up at the orange sky, a sad look on her face. She knew her fate was to be stuck in the stone. But why couldn't you free her? Maybe… maybe your powers could help you…

"Nat," you started, but everything started to turn bright around you. "Wait, what-"

"It's time for you to go," she said, smiling sadly at you. "Goodbye, Y/N."

"No wait!" But it was too late, she was gone.

Your body was flung backward from the energy blast, sending you flying. You were prepared to hit stone, so when you landed on somebody, it was a surprise.

"Get… the stones… off." Your voice was strained, hand burning from the snap. There was too much energy coursing through you. Your hand scratched at the nano suit, trying to smash off enough of the suit to create a glove that could be removed. You were gasping through the pain coursing through your body.

"Where in the hell is she?" said the voice of Tony as you pounded against the nano suit. "Where is Y/N?"

"She's with me," Steve said, stilling your hand from pounding into the suit. "Tony how do we remove the stones from her hand?"

You heard Tony land next to you as he looked at you with anger. "First we get those off of you, and then I'm going to chew your ass out for that. You could have died!"

You grimaced, watching as Tony used the blaster to cut the nano suit away from your hand. Once free, you pulled your hand free, gasping in relief. "Shut up you… self-sacrificing… asshole… You… would have died, Tony. I can't lose you, too. Morgan would never forgive you."

They were silent as the other Avengers and Guardians formed around you. Pepper looked both relieved and pissed off at both of you, but especially Tony for trying that shit first. And you could feel the silent anger that Steve was trying to hide for your safety. You were certain he would absolutely yell at you about it later, after you had time to recover. And you probably deserved it. It was so fucking stupid. But could you really lose Tony? Your brother?

No, your heart wouldn't have been able to handle it. So yeah, you acted without thinking and didn't even say anything. It was stupid and dumb and maybe you would have had some kind of excuse if you had had another second of thought, but you couldn't afford that second. He would have died. At least your body could handle it.

So they could stay mad. And they could yell. But you did the right thing. Plus, you had a plan.

"Steve, I need the gauntlet," you said, reaching for it.

"What? No!"

"Absolutely not!"

Tony and Steve both shouted at you at the same time. You flinched from the loud sound but nonetheless persisted. "I need to see the soul stone. I can bring back Nat."

A quiet voice spoke out from the crowd. "Let her see the stone." Everyone turned to see Clint. He looked like he had gotten one hell of a beating, but he was still standing tall. "If she can bring back Nat, I say we let her."

And so the stone was placed in your hands. You concentrated on what you had seen in your mind. The orange pagoda with Nat sitting underneath it, her red hair in a braid. You thought of her sad smile and hopeless stares as she waited for the next person to try and use the stone.

Then the doorway appeared.

You stepped through, looking around in curiosity. "Nat?"

She looked up from where she was sitting by the water's edge, a confused look in her face. "Y/N, what are you doing here?"

"You really think I would just leave you here?" You shook your head, a smile on your face. You reached a hand out to her. "Come on. I know some people who would want to see you again."

The two of you left in through the open doorway, stepping back into the battlegrounds. Nat looked around in shock, seeing Earth again as if it were the first time. There were shocked murmurs that went around as everyone saw Nat, alive, and standing before them. Clint dropped his bow and went up to her, hugging her as if there were no tomorrow.

You stumbled away from them and that's when you ate shit, passing out before you even hit the ground.

----

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