#i think ive been thinking abt this combo since like... 2018

[maigetheplatypus57]

*rattles the bars of my enclosure* st bernard by lincoln + prussia animatic. does anyone hear me

[vhvrs]

6, 15, 16 for the fandom ask (for any fandom you are currently in or want to talk about) :3

ty ty ty :3c

answering these under the cut since the images r kindve long...

6) Show us a bit of a WIP!

most of my art wips i think ive shared or are incomprehensible messes but ig this counts - currently doing wip brainstorming for potential merch lineup (charms in this case) for a VERY potential con n hopefully online sales bc id love to get back into that... i have others but these r the only ones ill share mainly bc i can use this as an opportunity to gauge the actual interest lmao

since this is an art AND fic ask game heres wips of the only fic im kinda working on (miami rick/reader)

15) Have you noticed your style change over time?

definitely! in two different ways i suppose:

when i first draw things i tend to get trapped in more... realism n an inability to stylize n its a process i repeat every new fandom i go into until i get comfortable enough to draw the stylized versions?? idk if this is noticeable to others, but its very noticeable to me haha

on a similiar note i think over time ive just grown more comfortable leaning into stylized or cartoonish art - this was originally an active process when i was like. fresh adult bc i didnt like my art at the time but i think abt ten yrs later ive hit a point where im able to draw more than the same face over n over. or i hope so lol. i have shapes i repeat a lot but ive been able to draw a lot of things n make them work in my style in ways i just couldnt b4.

i believe all art styles have a lineart + color combo that fits it n i think ive found mine! but ive also learned to be comfortable in being inconsistent n wildly different :3

ig tldr old art drop. i feelive gotten to a point w my art i can get close to what im seeing in my head lol

2016 -> 2022

2016 -> 2023

2018 -> 2023

fic wise i think ive gotten more floral to overdescriptive lately due to older feedback from also a decade ago abt it being hard to decipher what was going on sometimes. ill reread old fics n be impressed by my ability to cut to the chase lmao. i need to find a better middle ground...

16) Do people irl know you participate in fandom?

yep! i both have a what ud call special interest in fandom culture & then pretty much uh do not do anything else so it makes my only hobby fandom -> ppl know. i dont really talk or hang out w ppl irl but like i was raised by and around nerds so i dont try to hide it haha. i have infodumped fandom bs at former coworkers too... its a curse. fandom is too much of my life for ppl irl to be able to NOT know

[flyingcookierambles]

hhh

got afab’d at the eye doctor today arrgh

i wouldve corrected him but like. i doubt that ill go there again since it was like a super quick kinda-non emergency thing and i have a regular eye doctor i go to. also my mom was in the room and like. i didnt wanna bring it up with her there and all but like. uugh.

he just like immediately picked female on the gender option even tho there was an other option and everything wtf?????????????

hmmm also i had to go to the doctors for a quick check up/physical thing since im/my mom is going to make me get my drivers license and you have to have a doctors note and all and i went to my moms doctor or the first time since i aged out of my pediatrician. and like? they had me and my mom in the same room which was kinda weird???? like for the whole patient confidentiality thing (which wouldve been useless since like my mom knows more abt my medical history than me) and like also the whole. pandemic thing??? like?? it was me, my mom, and the nurse practitioner crammed into a tiny basic exam room?? maybe bc my mom has been going to this doctors’ office for a long time and also since we’re family, they must’ve figured taht we both dont have covid and couldnt spread it to each otehr like other random patients who are strangers to each other but still. it was. annoying.

the nurse asked me some questions about like my medical history. and all and i couldnt answer some of it bc i dont remember exact dates/times and stuff. but also she asked if i had been diagnosed with depression or anything and like if my mom wasnt in the room, i wanted to say that my mom wont let me see a therapist and/or be diagnosed. 

so like when i turned 18 i had a final check up at my former pediatrician before they kicked me out of the system lol. i am p sure that it was for shots and stuff that i needed for college???

anyways despite being 18, they had my mom in the room with me the whole time. and then they gave me a worksheet that was a basic “do you have depression” test. and the doctor left, but my mom was allowed to stay??? 

and like. since i was starting college and stuff at the time, and also was/am causing my lower middle class family great financial hardship in the form of college tuition and student loans with predatory interest rates and increasing the chances of losing our house bc, with the combo of my dad dying and the recession of the early 2000′s and general declining quality ever since earlier mentioned death, our family business sucks and we barely make any money. also my mom keeps complaining about this to me and it constantly hangs over my head and i feel guilty about being a dumbass who cant get a job and repay the stupid loans (how tf is interest rates on student loans legal??? fuck capitalism????) (uuughghgh i feel like my mom should get herself a therapist or smth instead of constantly complaining to her eldest agab child uuuhghghghgh. id make one of those eldest d*ughter jokes but im not a g*rl so eldest child lol)

anyways yeah so like 4 years ago when i was starting college and also today to a degree i felt like a massive piece of shit and had social anxiety and also probably depression that is only kept at bay by constantly distracting myself with anime and video game. and like. maybe??? i couldve benefited from talking to a therapist or counselor or getting medication????? instead of?? like?? whatever my obsession with anime and video games is???

buuuuuuut since the pediatrician let my mom stay in the room for some reason, my mom, a boomer who knows nothing of mental health and is kinda insensitive about it so its super cringe to talk to her abt stuff, was like “you’re not depressed. youre a middle class kid who’s never like starved or whatever. just answer 1 on everything.” (the scale of depression was like 1 - not feeling depressed much to 5 - i feel like this everyday.)

so yeah????? 

wow sorry doctor i cant answer half your questions about my medical history bc im either adopted and dont know my own genetics or my mom wont let me get tested for mental illness?????????????

once at 2018 or 19 tekko, i wanted to go into the dnd room and like i got so socially anxious i had a crying breakdown in the freaking hallway and had to like. sit down alone and try to look normal by playing my 3ds on the floor. like i hovered outside the door to the dnd room for a whole hour just like staring in and wanting to go in really badly but i couldnt???? i just???? cried????? in public????????? had a breakdown or something at an anime convention??????????????? i like dont even know what the heck happened 2 years ago or if that’s what it would be called but like????????? im pretty sure that mentally healthy people with no social anxiety problems dont stand outside a room for half an hour and then start crying bc you cant bring yourself to go into the room even tho the door is like wide open?????????? thankfully i finally just like went in and joined a the last game session of the day, but it was still like surreal to me?????? i just??? extremely loathed myself for like an hour for crying and not being able to walk thru a doorway it was so weird i felt like absolute garbage and im p sure that normal ppl dont go thru that??????

since i only make like. $11 an hour at a retail job im not really sure if i can even afford a therapist, and then theres also transportation and also the whole pandemic thing. but ive been thinking about like 7cups or something. there was also this other website that showed you therapists that were uniquely qualified for treating poc/queer/neurodivergent/etc., ppl in your area and there was surprisingly a few in the pittsburgh area that i could probs get to by bus, so maybe ill save money and go like. next year or something. or like. whenever the pandemic is over.