#i think ive been burnt out for awhile

[hotpockets-pdf]

Id like to talk about the dunmeshi anime;

Ive been watching anime for over half my lifetime, which admittedly isn't very long, but id like to think Ive watched enough to know what Im talking about.

Ive been a strict sub-only watcher for new animes since around 2018-2019. Because the dubs were just 𝙗𝙖𝙙. nearly unwatchable for me. I couldn't handle any of the popular animes. MHA, Demon Slayer, AoT, etc.

And the reason is not that the voice actors are bad, they are incredible, it's that these American/ English men just do not sound like teenagers. And I feel that this is only a more recent development? I don't have this problem with any anime from before the early 2010s. Maybe a few here and there but not nearly as many as nowadays.

Thats why I was so impressed with dunmeshi. Not only do you have new, fresher voices, they sound NATURAL. Damien Haas, who I've watched on Smosh for years, fucking KILLED IT. Not to mention Emily Rudd as Marcille, i was so surprised when I found out it was her voice I was hearing!

And all because it's a story about ADULTS. not a ragtag group of 14-16 year old kids like so many shows are now.

This is the first anime I've watched in awhile. I usually just rewatch my favorites... I've been burnt out on watching new stuff for years. But I had heard so many good things about dunmeshi, plus I wanted to see Damien's acting chops outside of Smosh. I'm so glad I picked it up. It really gave me a glimpse of possibility for the next wave of voices. It's so nice to be able to put a show on in the background without having to read lmfaooo.

Beyond that, however, I can't think of another anime that is about adults, but full of so much whimsy. Part of the problem for me is that I cant find any fun anime that isn't centered around romance or slice of life. Or it just isnt nearly as well written. I think Fairytail is a great example of an anime that's super fun... but not the best in terms of plot and writing. It's very good, just a little too long and juvenile after 150+ episodes.

I want to watch more of these shows, that don't take themselves too seriously, but craft a beautiful and heartwarming story that leaves you happier than when you started. (and maybe with more appreciation for food).

Anyway, in conclusion, I'm so happy I decided to watch dunmeshi. I hope that more of these type of projects will appear, or that I'll find more of them from the past. In the meantime, I'll be avoiding dubbed shounen like the plague. I'm so impressed, (and proud, I love seeing people succeed at their craft), with the dub cast of dunmeshi. Everyone on that team is incredible, and I hope they get many more roles and projects.

If you read all of this, thank you for listening to my rant! if you have any recommendations or thoughts, Id love to hear them :)

[blushsturns]

*trigger warning: mental health, depression, anxiety, dark thoughts*

so as i lay here at night before i try to go to sleep, my heart is heavy. i haven’t been okay for quite some time. i try to mask it very well, but a lot of the times you can sense it within me, or read it all over my face.

i’m not okay. i don’t know what to do about it anymore. it’s not like i don’t have a therapist, i do, and for awhile it was working wonders. but now? things in my life have gotten harder, more intense, stressful, impossible to figure out. everything is catching up to me and i feel like im drowning. i can’t swim and i cant breathe and im going further and further into the deep end.

now i know that i should be grateful for the things i have, and i am. but is it so wrong of me to wish life was better? to wish i was better? i want to be. i know this isn’t like me. it’s gotten to the point where some days i don’t wanna eat, or drink or even move out of bed. some days i think to myself: would everyone just be okay without me? would it be better for them if i just disappeared and never returned? would that make it better? what if i just vanished off the face of the earth with no return?

the reason i’m saying all of this is because this platform is a place where i feel like i can vent without anyone judging me, even if no one is reading this right now. i don’t have many people to talk to, to turn to. im thankful for the ones i do have, but i feel like ive been so miserable lately and not great company to be around and that hurts me to my core. i try so hard to be a nice person, a great person to be around, but my mental state makes me think that i don’t deserve anything, and that i’m no good.

i just want to be okay again. i want to make everyone around me smile and laugh and feel good. i want to breathe again, but right now i feel like i cant’t. so much is happening and i don’t know what to do anymore.

i just want to be okay. i wish i knew what to do because i feel lost, and im not sure how to find my way out.

if you’re still reading this, thank you, and i love you. thank you for any love you’ve given me on all of my works. writing is my outlet, but i feel like i’ve burnt myself out.

please remember that you are loved, cared for, needed, and appreciated. and you’re not alone.

thank you. i love you.

-nessa

[sailermoon]

was looking for my old teaching philosophy because i think it would be good to include some of it in this cover letter and like. ive been feeling really disillusioned with the career for awhile now given the current state of things combined with being burnt out from my student teaching year but man if my little essay didnt make me go now hold on a second 🥺 i think i remember why i want to do this now..

[mikalame]

Hello, Can I make a request Tom x reader who is a sleepwalker? I often walking in my sleep and my family always laughs about it in the morning while telling me what I did last night lol

Sleep tight

"mmhhh...___" tom groans waking up from his sleep patting the side of the bed you usually occupy. Tom sits up fully when he feels the area cold meaning you havent been in bed for awhile.

Tom walks down stairs and sees the others crowed where there kitchen is, bill holding his camera taking a video of something, georg holding his hand over his mouth trying not to laugh, and gustav rolling on the floor trying to breath in gulps of air as he laughs his ass off.

"Oi, whats going o-" Tom gets shushed as bill slaps a hand over toms mouth pointing at the kitchen, leaning over gustav to see you...

... pretending to cook while asleep, tom is utterly confused he thought you were asleep until you reached over to 'grab ingredients' and he saw your eyes closed.

With the quietness from the others minus the clank of the kitchen utensils and the gasping from georg and gustav he can focus on some of the stuff your blabbering on about.

"Remmy don't pull my hair....." "Theres no rat" "what did you throw in there cheese"

as he listens closely he starts to put the sentences and the place where you are and realise that you think you're in the movie that you guys were watching a couple hours ago.. Ratatouille.

Tom holds back a giggle thinking of all the other times he and the band members have caught you doing something weird in your sleep, whether it be you singing, mumbling off words or doing some weird runs around the room.

The band loved telling you what you were doing that night, they cant stop laughing and each time they get to apart of the video they forgot about and then they start laughing again.

You roll your eyes not finding the humour about they jokes they make but it makes you giggle when you see you 'picking Remmy off the ground' placing him under your 'chef hat'.

Sorry this is kinda short, ive been kinda burnt out lately when it comes to writing but ill try and keep up with req!

taglist: @oppopotamus@violentnewmarley@saumspam@adissonsss

[woozten-x]

#. 𝐈𝐧𝐬𝐨𝐦𝐧𝐢𝐚 || 𝐉𝐚𝐞𝐦𝐢𝐧

[ ; M.List including other Neos! ]

─ Synopsis: Insomniac nights are a pain...But, Na Jaemin will be the end of it all.

─ CONTENT WARNING: Indirect mention of suicide, DEPRESSION!

─ Pairing: Na Jaemin x Gender-Neutral Reader

─ Genre: Angst w. Comfort, Fluff/Wholesome

─ Concepts: reader has insomnia and depression, indirect statement towards suicide(?), basically reader getting comforted by reader because everyone needs a Jaemin in their lives, crappy writing pls don't mind that LOL

─ Count of Words: 1.2k

─ Inspiration of the work: What Was I Made For? - Billie Ellish

A/N: hi again LMAOODHSD yeah its been awhile. uhh... well... ive been burnt out for awhile because for some reason sitting and writing was a really difficult task to do lately. i am working on other projects! but, finishing them is a different story. this isn't how i wanted to come back... but, things been rough so i've been in the gutter and just wrote this on a whim since writing is just my source of comfort.

this is incredibly self indulgent. its a little too real? idk. the emotions are there but its not exactly clarified further? i decided to post so i can just put something up before doing changes to my acc + have some comfort for people who dealt with similar issues (stay strong<3). i am not sure what else to really say HAHAHDGS but, i will be writing and putting some things up again!!

ty for anyone who followed and continued supporting my works. i really appreciate it<3 i hope you guys have a great day/night :)

Another sleepless night.

At this point, it should be part of your routine, but it has gotten to the point where you are staring at your ceiling in the dark. Endless thoughts struck your mind like thunder, each droplet of your breath seems repetitive; you are still breathing yet somehow everything feels so empty. You are not sure why you feel this way or maybe you do, it is simply one of those feelings you feel at times.

Because of these same feelings, you are left wide awake with your body begging to sleep but your mind is continuing to howl within the night; yet there is no moon. Somehow, everything feels so dark. During these late hours where everyone is sleeping, nightfall seems endless for you - finding no peace within, especially amongst your inner turmoil.

You glance at your bedside, reaching out to take your phone and check the time. The white, bold number glows back at you - ‘2:00 a.m.’ reflecting back at you and momentarily blinding you with its powerful light. You let out a heavy sigh, placing down your phone on the nightstand with eyes stinging slightly from exhaustion and possibly the bright light of your phone. Rising from your bed, you quietly open the door.

Your footstep croaks upon the wooden floor of your apartment, walking to the kitchen that was only down the hallway; thinking maybe you could find something to munch on. Knowingly, you would only go to the kitchen without much reason or an appetite. It was a distraction, one that could help you out of your thoughts; even for a brief moment.

Quietly you stalk towards the kitchen, the tile floor cold against your skin, you pay no mind however. Your hand extends towards the fridge, opening it and letting the light be the only thing illuminating back at you. Eyes scan the items inside the fridge, finding nothing appetizing nor did you bother to move to grab something; instead you stand in front of the fridge, the coldness escaping wraps around you.

It wasn’t comfortable. No, it was far from comfortable…Yet it was somehow comforting to feel it.

“Y/N?”

Blinking away the daze cursing you in place, you glanced over your shoulder to see Na Jaemin; your roommate and a friend since highschool. The two of you have quite a history, in fact he is one of your best friends, one who experienced the highs and lows with you. He seems confused upon seeing you at this hour, concern evident in his gaze but he conceals it with his usual smile of his.

One that seems to hold no worries.

“Can’t sleep?” He asks, walking over to you and you look away once hearing the beeping from the refrigerator. It was alerting the both of you about how the door was open a bit too long. You close it and Jaemin grunts when he bumps into the corner of the counter within the kitchen, “What are you doing in the dark? You got night vision?” He grumbles, a hint of pain in his teasing.

You chuckle, walking towards the light switch of the kitchen and pressing the button - “Maybe I do~ Maybe I am a vampire.”

“Is that why you are always sleeping during the day?” Jaemin jokes along, the same smile playing on his lips. The light of the kitchen glowing in a faint yellow, your eyes easily landing on Jaemin; although he carries a smile, it did not reach his eyes. “Are you okay?” He asks, inquiring about your well-being once more; he seems to care so much.

But, for what reason? Your mind instantly thinks that when just seeing it. Feeling it.

You shrug, “No idea. Just have…A lot of thoughts.” You admittedly say, not exactly direct with what you were feeling. No words could describe it; was it exhaustion? Sadness? No, for some reason, it was more complicated than that.

Jaemin eyes at you, tilting his head - “What kind of thoughts?”

“When will the world end?” You joke with a small, half-hearted laugh. Jaemin rolls his eyes, your playfulness seizing an opportunity; but, it wasn’t exactly worth it. No joy overwrites the concern on Jaemin’s handsome face.

“Do you want the world to end?” He asks, leaning himself against the edge of the counter. You stood near the fridge, feeling your shoulders shrug at his question; it was a joke, nothing more. However, Jaemin had caught on the deeper undertone of it.

You sigh, “Honestly, I don’t know. It’s not like Doom would appear at my service.”

“Yes, dating some type of godly being is out of the question.” Jaemin chuckles, nodding at your words. You feel your lips tug up into a small smile at the same banter, your eyes falling away from his; your eyes scanning the tile floor, each line of the floor somehow more interesting than the person facing you.

“I wouldn’t want it to end.” He said, shrugging his shoulders and you scoff at his words. You part your lips to speak, but he continues - “But, if it ever ended, I would want to spend the very last moment with you.”

You chuckle, not exactly surprised to hear that from him. He’s always been vocal about his loyalty towards you and even his fondness; but, somehow it has your eyes watering just a little. It was such a small thing, one thing that seemed like a Na Jaemin thing to say yet it held so much impact. You look up, blinking away the tears with a laugh leaving you - “You are so cheesy.”

Jaemin shrugs, “I prefer speaking the truth.” He softly said, noticing the vulnerability surrounding you. Even when you hide it, he is always going to notice. He lifts himself off the counter, walking towards you. Strong arms surround you, tugging you close against a warmth; one that seems familiar, but one you seemed to have forgotten.

You rest your head against his chest, hearing the faint heartbeat of Jaemin. He places a hand on the back of your head, cradling you in his secure grasp - “It’s alright now.”

Burying your face in his chest, tears streaming down your face; the same tears that never came for these past nights. No matter how hard you tried, they wouldn’t fall. Finally, the warmth streams down your cheeks, letting all the heaviness drown you; you hold onto Jaemin, fingers loosely grasping onto his sweater, as he lets out a low assuring hum.

Even when you know he would never understand, he is going to stand in front of you with open arms. He always will.

“I won’t leave you alone for the night, okay?” He murmurs near your ear, his breath warm against your skin.

You nod, your grasp tightening on his sweater. By the end of the night, you won’t be able to let him go…

Even with these past nights of anxiety and overthinking, you are finally falling asleep in peace.

[ediepea]

ehehe.. hi hi HI!

what are you up to today?!

personally if you want to know what I'M doing today... uuum hmmm lemme think...

well I had two burgers and they were very yummy and had tomato and onion and pickle and lettuce and cheese and meat and ketchup and mustard so that was niceys

other than that I've been listening to green day albums over and over all day AND I've been drawing some fanart too because I think billie and tre and mike are kawaii. I'd share but ummm I'm shy... so maybe another time I will post them?

well anyway... jsut thought I'd send you an ask because I should initiate conversations more... *giggles and prances*

EEP! Hey sillay!!! hiaaiaiaaiiiii! goddd ur burgers sound so good and yummy and awesome oh man im hungry ive been snacking on otter pops ALL DAY! not very filling.. murmurs.. ANYWAYsss.. im honestly like the curious cat thinking and wondering wonderfully right meow thinking about the art you stored in ya heart.. if you do feel like posting it anytime soon id be happy to squeal and fangirl! also THANKS SO MUCH! for starting the convo with me ive been super duper busy lately because school is ending and i have one hundred BILLIONS of thangs to do because my teachers want to see me. burnt. the fuck!! out!!!! i felt bad not talking to you for awhile or playing roblox for awhile because i missed spending time with you.. shys away.. i just think your super awesome and such a sweety pea i didn’t really think much about anything else besides playing and having fun with you during the times ive been busy…! THANKS 4 THE ASK!

[wolvertooth]

im just lookin thru my archive rn cuz ive been posting fairly actively since like. july. debating if i need to do another #mentalhealthbreak or nah….

its not that ive run outta post ideas or anything(cuz my brain never shuts tf up), its just been kinda hard lately to keep up with the community aspect i think. i dunno. maybe im getting a bit burnt out again too

this is kinda the longest ive ever held a fixation consistantly, but the fear of slipping back into the Nothing Era where i got nothing to keep my brain occupied has me hanging on ig. i feel like im not done yet either like waiiiitttttt ive still got piles of wipssssssss i gotta make gay people realllllllll sigh

im only human im a messed up human blablah it makes good practice for adderall at least(not that its really been working) i just dont wanna be in a state where it feels like a chore yknow? like im not an influencer im a gay lil tumblr.com blog ffs

another dramatic emotion filled sigh………im gonna be staying out in the middle of the canadian sticks(farmland n woods n a couple beaches nearby) this winter for awhile, so maybe i’ll be able to figure out how to get some good chill time. or go more insane. (likely get more insane)

[paperstarwriters]

ive come kneeling at your doorstep to beg for that essay on murio and luciels parallels you mentioned 👀💦👉👈

i love loathing lucio so much so it would deal my lil hater ass so much psychic damage and i cannot wait to get rekt

(onlyifyouwanttothoofcoursetakeyourtime)(just making sure youre aware id print that shit n frame it above my bed were it to come to existence)

Hello @tetsuooooooooooo! I know you said I can take my time, ok I'm still really really sorry this took awhile, I've been kinda burnt out from classes lately, and writing a bunch of essays for that lol, but I've managed to make a somewhat coherent argument for my case here lol.

Now, to preface this:

I only really like Lucio as a character to thematically dissect and kick around occasionally for giggles. I am a far, far cry from a Lucio stan, I just find him interesting—like a bug. Honestly I don't think I'm gonna convince you he's in any way a good guy I just might make you loathe him more 😅

I haven't played Lucio's route. I'm too busy and I get too annoyed with some of his antics + the options of reactions that MC is allowed to make. I've only played the side stories and a lot of my understanding of his character is built from Muriel's route (and I know he's much more different in his own route than he is in the others') as well as hearsay from other people talking about Lucio

I know I said that I'd include Aurora's songs in my original statement but that got wayyyyyyy too messy so I'm just opting to exclude them lol. (not to mention youtube is doing a very irritatingly strange thing of deleting and then reuploading Aurora's songs??? so I don't wanna deal with the messy files :/)

With that out of the way here is my essay :)

Wordcount: 2,908

──────── ✎ ────────

Muriel and Lucio are both very, very caught up in how they are seen by others. While it's clearer when it comes to Lucio, it is also made clear in Muriel by the fact that Social anxiety is often caused by stress over how a person is perceived and their mental belief that they are helpless to change that perception. This causes of their self perception are also quite similar, due to their similar histories, but in the same way that there are some notable opposites between them with their struggle for their identity there is also some notable differences in their histories that arguably causes the slight difference in their struggle for their self image.

To begin with their history, Muriel and Lucio are noted to both come from the South. They come from two opposing tribes, and are both eventually chased out of their home and community by 1) a cruel person who arguably causes their struggle of identity and 2) the plague. Of course, the major difference here is that Lucio actively made decisions that would lead to him being chased out of his tribe, he was arguably aware that if it failed he'd have to leave, he just hadn't considered that it would actually fail.

Muriel on the other hand is chased out of his home at a much younger age, and he has no choice in his eviction from his home or his family. There is no action that Muriel could have done that would have allowed him to stay where he was, unlike Lucio who had a clear option that would have allowed him to stay.

Or at least would have allowed him to stay until he grew tired of his mother's attitude towards him.

I don't believe that Morga's cruel and dismissive attitude towards Lucio started when he tried to kill her, rather, I believe that she has been doing that for a long, long time. She often states that she had been "too soft" on Lucio, but I think her "softness" is the same kind we see in Muriel's route. She berates him, she threatens him, she tells him how awful and unskilled he is to everyone else and makes a show of his failures, but when she is completely and fully enraged and is about to hit Lucio, she hesitates.

Is that softness? To her perhaps. To the tribe, perhaps. But not to me, and not to Lucio.

So, despite all of the harsh words thrown his way, he decides to take action to prove her wrong. I'm willing to bet that a lot of Morga's criticisms were about how strong he was and how he was in fact not actually as strong as he could have been, not as strong as he should have been. That's why when he takes action to prove Morga wrong, he immediately snaps to killing her. There is, after all, no better way than showing your power than killing your opponent (we see this belief in Morga when she spars against Muriel and he beats her.) Of course, in hand-to-hand combat, and on fair terms, Lucio can't actually defeat his mother, so he takes to more under-handed methods in order to beat her.

When this fails, it is the first major wound on his self-image. He cannot defeat his mother. He is not strong enough to defeat his mother despite cheating.

So, he runs away.

Besides marking a wound on his self-image, this also marks Lucio's connection to others. Having been exiled from his tribe, he is disconnected from the friends who may have actually supported him somewhat, he is robbed of his connections and separated from anyone who may have actually loved and cared for him (platonically and/or romantically)

Similarly, Muriel's separation from his own family, and his eventual abandonment into the streets of Vesuvia separates him from any stable sense of love and affection as well. Because he was separated from loving parents as a child and was likely surrounded by a number of children who were abandoned because they were unwanted, or because their parents were unable to care for them, Muriel has no other answer than what the other kids give him it is the only answer he has. Further more I believe that Muriel was probably abandoned by that merchant because they were unable to keep feeding him, which he also attaches onto his real parents as to why he was abandoned in the first place.

And so Muriel believes himself to be unloved and unlovable after being separated from family, or any semblance of a family.

Returning to Lucio, he moves on from his tribe and eventually joins a military group(? I think? Idk. I'm sure there was a specific name for it but I can't remember sorry) Once again, this is an act of trying to prove to his mother and to his community that they were wrong, and when compared to the ordinary person outside of their tribe, he's actually a really good and capable fighter. Of course, however, this is inevitably cut short as he looses his arm, and is once again confronted with the fact that he is unskilled as a warrior and so he retreats from his perceived deficiency and takes a different route to getting the love and admiration he wants—politics.

Of course, as we see in Muriel and Asra's childhood tale, this inevitably puts him into direct conflict as, in order to climb the social ladder he offers to "clean up" the streets. While it's largely left up to interpretation as to whether or not the Threat of Asra's safety came first or Muriel's position as a gladiator came first, I can't help but believe that Muriel's position as a gladiator came first, as otherwise, he might've gone out and tried to check on Asra's safety. (though this is mostly a headcannon) I believe that Lucio offered Muriel a chance to have some say in who gets "cleaned up" from the streets, and for Muriel to be able to get rid of the "actually bad criminals". Regardless of whether or not this is true, the arena gives Muriel his first taste of admiration, as people cheer for and adore him, but it also tears that sense of admiration away as he eventually has to come to terms with what he is doing. Whether that sense of dread and awareness was always there or it occurred somewhere in the middle is also unknown but the outcome is the same regardless. Being known and being admired becomes tied to hurting and harming people—because it is the only trait he sees that other people admire, he sees it as his only lovable trait.

And so Lucio and Muriel begin to reflect each other—and I don't mean reflect as in they show the same image, I mean reflect as in we see a similar image, but the image is reversed (*wink wink nudge nudge*). Here Muriel sees himself as only capable of being loved for his ability to commit violence, and Lucio sees himself as being incapable of being loved because he cannot complete the amount of violence he needs to commit.

Now, I feel the need to emphasize here, despite having many people around him who Lucio may truly believe love and admire him, the people around him very likely don't actually care for him very much because they either do not know him well, or they see him as little more than a pawn in a plan, or at least someone who gives them benefits. And even if there are a number of people with genuine admiration for Lucio, it still wouldn't be enough. Admiration is never enough when you lack genuine emotional connections with others, and Lucio, clearly does.

Again, this parallels Muriel who also struggles with a lack of genuine emotional connections to others. Although he has Asra with him, it's clear that, Asra's tendency to be fickle with connections has extended to him as well, especially when Asra spends more time with MC than him, leaving Muriel feeling abandoned and alone. Considering that Asra is the only person we ever really see Muriel connect or talk to, it's no stretch to say that Asra is one of Muriel's only friends, if not their only friend period, and so with Asra disappearing on him as often as they do, Muriel is left feeling that he actually has no connections at all.

Of course once again reflecting each other, where Muriel clearly sees he lacks connections and pretends he does not, Lucio, makes unsteady transactional rather than emotional relationships and pretends that that is enough.

It is of course, not enough, because if it were, he wouldn't have treated Muriel like that, he likely wouldn't have plucked Muriel out at all. Although this is largely speculation, I believe that Lucio treated Muriel the way he did because he feels as if Muriel is the very child Morga would have wanted. He is big and strong, and although not technically skilled if Muriel were raised by Morga like Lucio was, he might've been. This is why his first reaction to seeing Muriel and Morga working together is that Muriel is Morga's replacement son. It's because that's how Lucio had been treating him. Muriel is Lucio's little avatar to live out the glory of being a fantastically skilled fighter who can beat up all of his opponents. This is also, why I believe that Lucio purposefully trained Muriel to be less skilled in fighting than he was. In Muriel's route, Lucio comments that he's always been able to beat Muriel, and while I do in fact believe that Lucio is actually a skilled fighter, despite how he is often presented and despite my arguments above—he's most often a skilled fighter in the technical sense. He knows all the movements, he knows all the strategies, he knows all the underhanded tricks. By not fighting Muriel too often, and refusing to teach him these tricks however much it may be able to help Muriel out in the arena, it allows Lucio to be able to defeat him whenever he wants to. It allows Lucio to make it seem to himself that he is better than the person his mother would have wanted as a son, which I believe to be both horrible but also sad, for both Lucio and Muriel.

With Lucio, it shows how desperate and inferior he feels with his fighting skills, constantly trying to compensate for it something we can also see that in the portrait of himself he has in his room.

For Muriel, it keeps him scared, and keeps him pinned in place despite having realized the consequences of his fighting. Something which only furthers his self-hatred when he realizes he actually could have easily left.

So yes, Muriel and Lucio are both very self conscious people, and while for Muriel his self consciousness stems from people seeing him as a monster, and him believing that he is one although he does not want to be one, Lucio is self-conscious in the fact that he is not seen as the brutal fighting warrior he was supposed to be.

These reflected aspects of each other, alongside of their self consciousness is the very thing they struggle through in their routes, the very thing that MC helps them to get through.

Lucio believes that through various paintings of himself that rearranges his past (paintings of himself as a triumphant fighter, while his mother is demure and elegant), various unfair/practically staged fights, and celebrations of himself on top of it all, he would be able to convince people that he is awesome and amazing and that he deserves to be loved. In doing all of this however, Lucio runs away from confronting the beliefs at his core and wondering if perhaps, what he understood as traits that make a person great may be incorrect—that his mother had not just been incorrect on the fact that he was a failure, but on the fact of what makes a person successful or powerful. By constantly covering up what he sees as deficits, Lucio skims over his own internal struggles entirely which makes him look foolish and annoying as he ignores what's so clearly there for others.

Meanwhile, for Muriel, he is aware of his deficits, and is unable to properly hide them without disappearing completely himself, he tries to figure out and fix all of his problems through introspection and isolation, but it is not something he can do on his own. Muriel of course, can't accept the fact that he may need help. He can't accept the fact that despite what he believes of himself, other people may actually care for him the same way he cares for them, and will actually offer help. And so, as he runs away from people and community, from friends, and possible friends alike, Muriel runs away from his own problems as well, even if he tortures himself with confronting them (I can't remember if he actually does this or if this is a fanfic trope 😅) Essentially, by constantly trying to deal with his struggles on his own, he neglects his connections to others who may help him, or at least offer support.

And then MC comes along, and because they both desperately needed that deep connection to someone else, regardless of whether it is something platonic or romantic. MC is able to leverage their relationship in order to further propel Muriel and Lucio's development into acknowledging the thing they refuse to acknowledge, and finally balance out their coping mechanisms, which, on their own isn't actually unhealthy (Lucio's really good at connecting with others; Muriel knows how to confront his inner turmoil) using that single method as their crutch for their traumas only ever hurts them more.

As Muriel progresses through his route, he grows more connected with his community and people. One meaningful moment that I don't think they give enough screen time in the game is the moment that Muriel is forced to confront people recognizing and seeing him again. He's forced to confront everyone's perception of him, their memory of him and he retreats into the mirror maze where he stares at all these reflections of himself, all reversed images of himself, but he believes them all to accurately represent himself—as if his superficial physical image is what represents himself mentally and emotionally. And then MC (and Morga 🙄) come through to him and pull him out of that panic attack (or interrupt and yank him away from properly addressing the problem in Morga's case 😤) And that's the first step to being loved. As they say, in order to let yourself be loved you have to let yourself be known, and in that first step, choosing to step forward and prioritize the lives of others over his own self image, Muriel begins to be admired by others. Genuinely admired, for traits that he likes in himself rather than traits that he hates.

Similarly for Lucio, (although I haven't played his route so this is largely based on hearsay) he's faced with problems that he Has to face on his own (or at least somewhat on his own) the main one being that he has to confront the consequences of his own actions, he has to acknowledge to himself that he isn't perfect and that he can't be perfect. It's why at the end of his route on the upright ending, he leaves Vesuvia, to take on a life of (semi)solitude to further take some time to improve his ability at introspection, while in the Reversed ending he's still talking with people, still trying to manipulate their perceptions of him (and the MC), and still trying to be a "good boy" (ie. perfect) for the MC.

Now, it may be argued that Julian can/should be included in this struggle of how others perceive him but I raise you this; that guy is the most dramatic ass dude in town and his biggest dramatic act was telling everyone about how horrible he is. He clearly has no issues with how other people see him, but he has problems with how he sees himself, which again, reflects Muriel a bit, but I'm sure most people are familiar with their (more blatant) similarities by now lol

So yea.

Muriel and Lucio are reflections of each other. At their core, they both struggle with the same problem of caring way too much about how they're seen by others, but they cope with (and thus worsen) the problem in opposite ways, so when they take steps to heal themself, they also go in opposite directions, with Lucio needing to take some time to himself to get into his own head, while Muriel needs some time away from himself to get out of his own head.

Essentially they're heading in opposite directions to reach the same conclusion: other people's opinions don't matter as much as your own opinion of yourself and the opinions of the people close to you.

Interesting parallels, no?

Of course, I believe this could've been better illustrated if Nyx Hydra didn't rush the last three routes, but alas, this is what fan fiction and fan-analysis is for lol

Anyways I don't tend to poke around the Lucio side of the fandom too much to begin with so if this has all been said and argued before forgive me for the repetition, and If I've gotten some points wrong, please feel free to correct me! I've mentioned before I haven't really played through Lucio's route so some things may be wrong.

[fictionfixations]

i think i have a problem

okay listen: this was made before i encountered riddle in game (as in i had the game downloaded but hadnt actually started playing it until awhile later lmfao)

so. its less about riddle in general and more like. a melting pot of vibes. like i have traumacore, those hyper songs i dont know the name of, mishmash of the 'burnt out gifted kid' ones, romance, sad depression, and also like artists that i think fit well with the vibe. like for example, tuyu songs. all of em (or the ones i listen to i mean lmfao)

so i mightve gone overboard

lmfao (some of them are repeats of the same song. others are like. those song playlists that people combine into one video)

also. you can see like 'rain', 'off with your head' (i think), and dead girl walking and cyrille's doll, which is because 1. i finished watching like hoyofair around that time

2. i started the playlist because i stumbled into rain the song. and then thought of any other song that might fit and there.

it was all on impulse lmfao

if you wanna go through it:

also you can see what fandoms ive been in lmFAo

and then look at the playlist thats just for everything ABOUT [character] specifically:

its literally just

genshin cutscene songs with furina (as in sinner's finale, theme, la vaguelette)

fan songs (consisting of Daughter of the Seas I think. and. WU-HAHAHAHA??? which includes both english version and like the chinese version)

PLAYLISTS. there's like two furina playlists. and one neuvilette (i can never tell if i spell his name right) because where else do i put it lmfao

so big difference

[n7punk]

btw, writing update since it's been... awhile, since i posted something. im working on three fanfics concurrently. im trying to be, like... chiller about it, so i don't get burnt out since i could feel myself feathering against it. im drifting between the three as they call to me and usually writing a few hundred words a day. im still developing the plot for two of them, too, so it's kind of slow going. i would say it's probably going to be a week from now before i would even think about posting something, or for all i know it's going to be another two weeks lol.

ive removed the unhinged era from my blog title because i want to preserve the Sanctity™️ of it now im cooling off (even if one of these fics is... insane). all these AUs are planned to be on the shorter side (more like Hurricane Adora) but because of the way im meandering between them i havent made significant enough progress to start posting on any of them lol. i have one (MMaM) that i got three chapters into and then hit a roadblock, which is the furthest ive gotten in any of them so far

[girlboybug]

California Gurls

"warm, wet n’ wild, there must be something in the water."

or the one where joel hasn't been to california in god knows how long, but, one thing's for certain. he loves, california girls.

what’s playing 🎧 : california gurls by katy perry

pairing : joel miller x cali!girl reader

word count : 2k

CONTENT WARNINGS : SMUTTY HEADCANON LIST, age gap, public sex, light themes of exhibitionism, heavy petting, bikini fetish, is that a thing? it is now. unprotected sex, breeding kink, creampies, oral f!receiving, blowjobs, doggy style, riding, multiple orgasms, dacryphilia, switch coded joel and reader, joel still leans towards top/dom, edging, forced orgasms, drunk/high sex

TRIGGER WARNINGS : umm i honestly can't think of any besides sex under the influence of both alcohol and weed but neither joel and reader are sober so its all around consensual as always :) if i missed anything plz lmk!

a/n : hi baes, im sorry that ive been slacking on uploading, ive been a bit burnt out, and i recently just got a job! so i fear my uploading may become more scarce but i will try my best to not let it get too bad.

ive had this au in mind for awhile n thought a headcanon list would b perfect hehe and i might make it a full fic in the future. i have a very special fic im almost done with and then a few more requests, thank u to those patient ppl who requested it, i promise i havent forgotten abt u!!! anyways sorry this is so long kjjdsjhdjsj plz enjoy and if there is anyway i can make my writing more inclusive pleaaase let me know!

joel didn't even want to be in california, but it was on the way to where him and ellie needed to go, and it was supposed to be just them two passing through, nothing less, nothing more.

but then, and of course there's always a but, on the journey both joel and ellie stumble upon a beach.

a beach with you.

culture shock for joel, like immediately. it's almost like the virus never spread to california, specifically their beaches. girls girls girls, all clad in the skimpiest bikinis and swimwear he's seen in years - or ever actually.

ellie convinces him to stay, just for a little while, and of course, he obliges, begrudgingly. the begrudging feeling and furrow in his brows slowly melts away when he's left to unwind in the warm sand, wandering eyes traveling across the beach's very underdressed inhabitants.

he lets ellie play in the water, he's more than content enjoying the view surrounding him in the sand.

you’re quick to notice the newcomers, instantly excited upon meeting new people

you make it real difficult for joel to maintain eye contact while he talks to you, he feels like he needs to physically hold his eyes in place so they don't drift down to the way your tits spill out your bikini top

he can smell the salty water, the semi sweet and unforgettable scent of sunscreen and a hint of coconut on you, and it's honestly mind numbing

and when ellie begs to stay in california for a bit longer than they planned, he surprises both himself and ellie when he jumps to say yes.

NSFW UNDER THE CUT

ੈ✩‧₊˚

you make joel never wanna leave california. when it's dark out, with the beach left empty and void of half naked and sunburnt people, it becomes a space for just you and joel.

he loves fucking you right on the sand, loves setting up your bright pink beach towel across the sandy floors just to push your face down onto it, smushing your cheek until your pretty lips pucker and sob his name when he bullies the fat head of his cock into your fluttering hole.

it was so easy getting joel to crack and fuck you, it didn't take much convincing, if anything, it took more convincing on his part to not bend you over upon immediate introductions. but when he finally lets himself have you, it's all he ever wants to do

it was a massive shock that he could keep up with your stamina, he's like what, 56? and you're a 20 something year old full of life and energy and yet he was giving you a run for your money, almost making you tap out when he forces a third orgasm of the night out of you

he loves to drag his tongue across your skin, loves to sink his teeth into the junction of your neck and shoulder when he fucks you from the back, he loves tasting the remnants of the ocean that lingers on your skin

loves to sneak off with you behind the lifeguard tower, and he loves hearing you plead with him to give you some attention.

he loves to make you beg for it. he loves pushing those tiny bikini bottoms that cover not enough, just to lap and lap and lap, at your soaked cunt.

loves to eat it til you cry, he doesn't stop until you have to push him off. he loves it when he gets to flip you on your tummy, he pulls your hips up and buries his face in your pussy, licking you up until your legs shake and can barely keep you upright, but it's okay, he's always there to keep you in place.

you enjoy feeding his ego when you tell him he's the best you've ever had, which isn't a lie

but the way he forces your knees near your ears when you whine about how his cock is the best, and the way he plunges in so deep you can feel him kiss your cervix, makes you feel like you'd say anything else he wanted to hear to get him to keep fucking you like that

sometimes he just can't keep his hands off you, so he'll pull you away to the secluded part of the beach, and make you ride him

oh you love riding him. you like feeling the slight shift in dominance that occurs when you get on top. you love pushing his chest down, letting his back connect to the sand, tons of little grains getting lost in his hair when you keep him down like that, fucking him the way you like, using his fat cock like your personal toy. 

you don’t care about how sensitive he is, you make him take your tight cunt, he's the one that wanted this, so it's only fair he finishes what he started after all.

it's your turn to only get more turned on when you see his pretty brown eyes line with tears when you're fucking him through his second orgasm back to back.

you're insatiable when you're like this, drunk on his cock, and drunk on the power trip of being in control. you’re unable to stop your hips from rocking down onto his, guiding his fingers to your needy clit.

you lower yourself down to his chest, kissing his freckled shoulders, teeth grazing over his collarbones when he's whimpering in your hair, feeling too much everywhere but he doesn't tell you to stop, he takes everything you give him

loves pulling you into his chest when you've ticked him off, he keeps your back to his front, he spreads your legs and keeps them open with his ankle hooking around your's.

his strong bicep, that you love, keeps you in a loose chokehold, his free hand teasing your soaked cunt, bringing you to the edge of release just to rip it away from you. he loves kissing your sunkissed skin, feeling the warmth from being in the sun all day while he whispers for you to, shut the fuck up and behave.

his fingers circle around your clit, switching between that and burying his thick digits in your aching hole, scoffing when you sigh and whimper in relief when he pushes his middle finger in

doesn't let you finish despite your pleas and cries

he's so mean when he's mad at you. :(

he takes your bikini bottoms, pocketing them away and tossing you his flannel if you're gonna complain that much about being bare even though you're practically naked 99% of the time.

you immediately go home, throw his flannel over a pillow and hump it, trying your best to focus on the scent that wafts from his flannel, and lingers on your skin, pretending the friction you felt was from his fingers

you love getting back at joel, like when you're sitting at the tiki bar, and he's trying his best to converse with your friends

you'll snake yourself in his arms, hopping onto his lap while he sits in the barstool, accidentally letting your wet bikini bottoms soak his drying swim trunks

you also unintentionally squirm around in his lap, 'not realizing' you're grinding your ass right on his hardening cock, looking up at him in faux concern when he starts stuttering and stammering mid-convo

he grips your hips, his fingers digging into your warm skin, silently warning you

you don't heed his warnings, naturally, and instead hop off his lap, announcing to the group that you've decided to go for another session in the water, leaving him to awkwardly swivel his barstool away as to not flash his aching erection beneath his swim trunks to all your friends.

of course joel always gets the last word, he's pulling you away from the water, tugging you along with him by the rocks near the shore the furthest from everyone

little girl is gonna learn today, he mutters to himself, and you have to hide your squeals of excitement, knowing he's gonna fuck you stupid

and that he does, he makes you work for your orgasm, and that’s only if he feels nice enough in the moment 

he has you on your knees in front of him while he leans his back against the sturdy surface of a large rock, his hand resting behind your head while he grunts for you to take every inch of him down your throat 

s’what girls like you are good for, i’nt that right baby? 

your cunt flutters at his words, he always makes you tingly from just speaking 

when he’s about to cum he can never decide which is better, seeing your pretty face covered in his seed or watching you swallow it down without a single flinch 

before you, joel hadn’t done anything like this in like, 20+ years, so when you think you’re done, you’re not. 

his cock stays hard sometimes, and he’s more than willing to use you over and over until he’s satisfied, not that you complain, you’re always so pliable and compliant for him. 

he sits you up, pulls you into his lap and makes you put it in, loves watching his fat cock disappear into your greedy cunt, sucking him in and wrapping around him like a tight glove. 

holds your hips down and keeps you in place while he fucks up in to you, tugs your bikini top down and sucks on your chest, tongue messily dragging all along your salty skin, teasing your sensitive nipples with his teeth 

sometimes he’ll play nice, he’ll rub your sweet little clit, cooing and kissing at your neck and cheek when you collapse in his chest, rutting on his cock while he fucks you through your all consuming orgasm. 

buries his face in your neck to breathe in your scent when he’s close, whispers to you if you’ll let him cum inside, and you always say yes 

grunts a few utterances of your name when he cums in you, he slowly fucks his cum inside you, the wet sound from your grinding bodies turns him on more than he can even describe, addicted to how it feels and how it sounds 

loves to slowly pull out, and watch his cum leak from your hole, loves knowing he’s the first and only one, who gets to do that to you. 

and when he’s at your small place, with ellie being at a girl her age’s place for the night, he unwinds in your bed with you, passing a blunt back and forth

you give him sips from whatever fruity alcoholic drink you’ve concocted that night, giggling mid kiss when you taste the mixture of a mango pineapple drink and weed on his tongue 

and he always gets the munchies on nights like this, but not for food

loves devouring your pussy when he’s high, he’ll make his way on top of you, eyes ablaze, mouth parted with low breaths, eyeing you down like you’re his prey 

you try to tease him by closing your legs, but that’s fine, he can work with that

he grabs your ankles, taking them in one big hand, pulling you down towards him before he lifts your legs up by your ankles, smirking to himself when he pushes your panties to the side and dives in tongue first 

he can eat you out for hours, he’s just so hungry, and he can’t get enough of you

and when you’re shaking, trembling, struggling to breathe, he loves watching the violent jerk your body makes when he pushes his cock inside your messy and soaked hole, loves holding you down while you shake beneath him from your burning orgasms you just had back to back 

fucks you nice and slow, wants you to feel every single inch, and every single vein inside of you, wants you to know who’s fucking you this good

and when he can’t hold off on leaving california any longer, he tries to convince you to come with him. and in the time that the pair has stayed in california, ellie has grown to like you, and naturally joins him in his pleas, begging you to come along with them. 

and as much as you want to go along with them, you can't get yourself to leave. california’s your home, and it could be their’s too, you try to tell them, but you both know where the other belongs. 

when he leaves, he kisses you hard enough that you pray it bruises into your lips for the rest of your life. 

you make him promise to try and come by at least every summer, and with a wide smile, he says he can do that. 

[esdeaths]

.

[flawlessruby]

its been awhile since ive visited tungle rip

ive been mostly ok, took a trip to see the boi in Canada back in March and came back home massively sick with something idk but im feeling better now. been thinking about getting back into writing/doodling tho. im getting hella burnt out at work from pulling so much overtime and I need to go back to some creative hobby hecc

[spamtonindangeroussituations]

couple of notes:

-a lot of submissions arent letting me queue them, because tumblr is functional. as a fix if yours isnt being processed im going to save the image and queue them manually since that seems to work. as a result though the submission source wont show up in the post. im kinda annoyed by that bc i really care about credit so im thinking of putting the credit in the post(like the image and then at the bottom something like credit: @_____) id love to hear feedback on that though.

-remember to include source in submissions. i dont know all medias and if its something i dont recognize ill reverse image search but it really helps out if you include the source either in the submission or in the tags.

-if youve noticed ive been doing a lot of submissions instead of requests theres multiple reasons. submissions are easier to process at most it takes finding a source and adding tags whereas requests require editing. ive also been getting a lot of submissions and my current queue system prioritizes submissions, though i might be changing the system soon. and finally ive been feeling a bit burnt-out with the blog and that makes it harder to fill out requests. not guilt-tripping this blog does rely on requests and if theres any i feel like are too much i will delete them, but if you havent seen a request those are likely reasons why. ill try to work on some more requests coming forward.

-with the last part about burn-out, ive decided im gonna need mods. i plan on making a formal mod application post soon but know that some of the requirements are going to include the ability to edit(whether on the computer or on the phone, thats where i edit) along with your opinions on certain topics(i try to stay neutral on discourse here but theres some types of people i dont really want to interact with). look forward to a more official mod application post coming forward

-last note but we reached 1.5k followers awhile back and i really appreciate that.

[coccyodynia]

things:

i went home the other weekend and didn’t steal any pills, as much as i thought about it, so thats kind of cool i guess

i got a very fun and cool tattoo yesterday, its a woman swinging an axe with that line i wrote a few years ago - “i swing and i dont miss”

i am seeing a The Plot In You tonight with justin

we’re planning on hanging out before the show too but the weather is gonna be shitty so who knows, he’ll probably flake out at this point

we’re also planning on going to chicago in a month but im concerned i wont be able to afford it idk. i just stashed away $250 for it but i wouldn’t be surprised if i had to dip into that before then

we’re on okay terms right now. its been a huge rollercoaster as usual but he still wants to keep me around in some type of way i guess bc he’ll respond or say shit like ‘i’m always here for you’

ive been dissociating a lot still but im practicing the skills to get a handle on it

ive officially stopped caring about anything at my job, i just dont give a fuck at all anymore

if i start caring again it will probably kill me, at least considering the rate we were going before 

i had a friend OD twice in the last week or so and im literally just bracing myself to lose another person to fent

its been almost a year without michael now and im still really heartbroken about

i can tell ive started letting my apartment/kitchen get bad again and it’s upsetting me but i feel paralyzed about it

one of my best friends is having a really tough time too and we keep messaging each other little check-ins even though neither of us have the capacity to really support or help the other person in any meaningful way

ive just been way too tapped out lately, and it has been affecting my health for quite awhile

my weight seems to be stable now or at least kinda, i lost 50 lbs and last week for the first time in awhile it didn’t go down when i got on the scale

my parents and grandma all made comments about how they can tell ive lost a lot of weight since i saw them last (6 weeks or so ago?)

my mom has been telling me “youre not eating enough calories” which i think gave me whiplash considering up until now my entire life shes been insistent that i eat too much

my financial situation is really about to get fucked up since im not teaching this summer, so i will lose that income for a few months ($800/month)

im pretty nervous they wont ask me back to teach in the fall bc the head of the department doesnt really like me

i got great evaluations from my students tho! at the end of the semester, two of my students asked if i would be comfortable with giving them a hug and i got emotional

i helped one of my students get into their first gallery show in NY and im just so fucking proud and excited for them

another student had made me a little embroidered camera patch for my bag 

im still very much thinking about applying to graduate/phd programs in the fall

there’s about 5 programs im interested in, but none of them are local so i’d have to move pretty far if i were accepted

im going to re-apply to university of denver for the MA emergent digital practices program

i applied to there in 2021 and was accepted but i wasn’t offered enough financial aid since i applied after the priority deadline so i’ll try it this fall and see what happens

im still dreaming about going to Brown for their digital writing/cross-disciplinary writing and art MFA but it's such a pipe dream

i also found a fascinating phd program at duke but they're not accepting applications this year?

i want to write and photograph more but by the end of the day i am so incredibly burnt out that it seems more like a chore than an outlet

i really wish there was a way for me to just quit my job and take some time off before going into another job

anyway therapy is back to once a week and sometimes 2x a week just depending on how well i handle things

my mom is still being the worst person ive ever met and im really trying to disconnect from her/the family as much as i can

she just spent $500 on a plane ticket so she can go spend a week with the guy she was engaged to in college

she sucks so much and i hate her 

anyway that’s all

[details-later]

Racer! Bo Sinclair x Reader

Hey y’all so while having a small conversation through asks about Bo and the playlist i made about him this idea came to mind sooo HERE YOU GO!!!

A/N: I keep forgetting how AWFUL i am at writing endings so yeah,,,,,, ALSO IGNORE THAT THIS IS LIKE MONTHS LATE AT THIS POINT IVE BEEN V BUSY <also please send in more requests if you want i need that ✨inspiration✨ but ofc its up to yall if you do it>

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Bright lights shined down at the race track. The thick smell of Gasoline and Cigarettes floated around. The speakers boomed with music to keep people entertained before the race. The ground almost vibrating to the beat of Thunderstruck by AC/DC. Bustling groups of mechanics for each racer rushing around to quickly patch up anything that may have happened in the time between last race and now.

Laying on the hood of his car a cigarette lazily hanging out his mouth. Bo Sinclair stood his presence instilling a tense layer across all the other Racers. Only recently having recovered from a pretty bad case of whiplash from a crash a couple races back, he stood tall commanding respect from everyone around him. When he got hurt most people in the community thought he would leave for good, yet here he was.

Bo stared off into the distance, a determined look stayed plastered to his face. Not noticing the person walking up towards him, Bo slightly flinched when a hand fell on his upper arm. The thick muscle only twitched to show it registered in his head someone touched him. Turning his head towards the offending hand thinking it was just some mechanic needing him to move.

Locking eyes with you he visibly released the tension in his shoulders. “Hey Baby what do you need?” He questioned, obviously too focused on wanting to win this race and to show hes still top dog. “I ‘on’t need anything just wanted to make sure you’re ok.” You said softly, trying to show that you are just concerned.

“Yeah ‘m fine just focused on the race.” Bo spoke while turning towards you. The look in his eyes lit a fire in yours. You knew how Bo felt when he lost. He could burn down a city with one look just by the fire in his eyes. In that moment the announcer rang through the speakers.

“Racers head to the track!” the booming voice signaled it was time to get ready. The race should be simple only 90 laps with a break after 20 and 40 laps. Bo stood up from his leaning position and leaned down to kiss you. “Love ya’ baby. I’ll see you after I win this.” His face contorted into a smirk and he winked at you. “Love you too! Good Luck!” You said with a happiness filling your heart.

Moving towards the sidelines you waited for the race to start. Anxiety and Nerves rose in your chest, fear that maybe just maybe Bo gets in another wreck. The possibility of him getting hurt again scared you, but you knew that him getting hurt was the least of your worries. The biggest concern is Bo winning this race, god knows what he would do if he lost.

The sound of a gun being shot snapped you out of your thoughts. Sounds of cars zipping past you and the smell of burnt rubber brought your gaze to Bo’s car, a slick black car with grey detailing. The sounds of the fans drowned out the loud music playing, the hype of Bo leading the pack of cars excited everyone.

In Bo’s car he just focuses on going as fast as he can. Not trying to think about anything else but the sweet taste of victory. The high that he feels when we wins will be unimaginable compared to previous wins. Just wining was amazing, but wining after everyone thought you would retire after one injury? That will be indescribable.

He just let himself slip into being one with the car. He didn’t pay attention to the others that he had already left in the dust, Instead choosing to lock his brain to the feeling of the car purr with the power it held. He had passed by you many times. Every time it blew your hair all over to the point you just put on Bo’s cap to keep everything as in place as possible.

After the first 20 laps he finally paused. Greedily taking in air the adrenaline pulsed in his veins. His cheeks flushed as blood rushed around in his ears. He looked over and made eye-contact with you. That Cocky smile of his blooming across his lips yet again.

Your heart pounded with the flustered feeing you felt. Even though you’ve been together for awhile his smiles still made you weak in the knees. He got out of the car for his first break, the maintenance crew rushing over the double check the car and to change out anything that needed to get switched. Walking over to you Bo leaned down a kissed your cheek. He closed his eyes for a moment and basked in the sunlight waiting for the small break to be over.

“Lookin’ pretty good out there hon.” You said with a smile plastered on your face. “You’re smoking the others, they can barely keep up.” Continuing with a small chuckle. “Yeah, Sweetheart? Well lets hope it stays that way.” Bo said, his smirk fading to a sincere small grin. At that moment of just staring at each other in complete love and adoration the Speakers crackled.

“Racers please start heading back into your cars.” The speakers boomed with the sound of the announcers energetic voice. Bo looked back over at you and leaned in again smearing a kiss across your forehead. Soon he was back in his car his mindset swiftly shifting from relaxed to focus again.

Soon enough the rest of the race zipped by. Bo continued his demolition of the other racers. His focused and determined mindset pushing him passed the finish line and get the first place he deserved. When he was announced as the winner he quickly turned and dipped you into a harsh yet loving kiss.

Pulling you back up, you smiled at him. “I knew you’d win baby. Ain’t none of them other racers as good as you.”