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waitingformyfavoritesongs · 2 years ago

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20 March 2023 3:28 pmpdt Monday

In this world do bad boys get to have more fun than the bad girls? 3:29 pmpdt &young women are punished for things the incubus made us do? But guys have an excuse Bcz it’s natural so we should forgive? Bcz we are held hostage Bcz all guys are naturally heinous? 3:32 pmpdt makes sense I guess. 3:32 pmpdt

so incubus rolled back roe vs wade, prop 8 will most probably face more legal battles Bcz the world will never be different. It will give the younger generations some things to do. A futile attempt to make the world a better place. Bcz if there are always people who want to prejudge someone or they’re completely heinous in secret then it seems like why pass laws when people are not genuinely going to uphold the law like government & police? 3:39 pmpdt

3:43 pmpdt my youngest sister once said infront of me that I’m “well read.” What does that mean? I have not looked it up & I did not ask for explanation. I had difficulty reading text books usually. I don’t recall finishing any assigned text reading without running out of time for something, in high school I had to keep working before classes, during breaks & lunch time. A lot of times I didn’t finish. 3:48 pmpdt I read whatever fiction books we had. When it’s free reading choice stuff you’re not really given much testing for comprehension. 3:50 pmpdt English teachers focus on grammar. My hotel neighbor is noisy. 3:52 pmpdt incubus/miñion is still burning my bag with acid. I think I did all the 4 guys too many favors for very little in return, except for the first one. I think I did them favors having access to my vag without marriage vows/oaths. Men usually feel more pleasure than women do during s*x. I was basically numb when Scott inserted himself without condom. But he seemed extremely pleased doing a happy touch down dance. I think he’s extremely ungrateful & heinous. 3:56 pmpdt

3:57 pmpdt pain vag. My Myers brigs first test results told me I’m an introvert. & librarian came up as a suggested career choice. Eventually this seemed like the best option. I thought I enjoyed helping people find books in the campus book store as a temporary employee & I would be surrounded by many reading options to satisfy my curiosity & play catch up on all the reading assignments I failed to finish for school. 4:01 pmpdt I even applied twice to be a library page at the public library near my community college. But it seemed I was doomed to never reach the goal of becoming a librarian Bcz there was no bachelor degree at the time for library information science. Only masters. So I thought ok I will do art major. Bcz it didn’t matter the bachelor major to go into the masters program. One summer, I was looking for a temporary job & I applied. But they were looking for someone permanent. I passed the test & I think they liked me that time. There was a really nice Filipino? Lady there named Lenni B. Who seemed to like me. I tried again after I graduated/walked the ceremony (but didn’t get my diploma Bcz UCB held it hostage Bcz I was stupid & applied for a Paris language program I didn’t need to graduate & I didn’t have enough money to pay it all at once.) 4:08 pmpdt she seemed to still like me but her boss didn’t. It was ironic. I could have had the job if I was going to stay home than go to UCB, & then when I was done I couldn’t have it. I was tired of going to college after the last semester of having a lot of difficulty with my eczema & infections that I took a lot of antibiotics for, & not making it to class on time a lot of the times. 4:13 pmpdt

4:16 pmpdt I want to show people how heinous incubus is Bcz he wants to hide the truth. 4:17 pmpdt

4:23 pmpdt I want to show how damaged my vag is that the incubus did to me. This shows, w/ the roll back of roe vs wade & the continued fight for prop 8, that the incubus has no intentions to make the world a better place Bcz he himself is evil wicked heinous. Maybe all people are evil. & to eradicate evil means to eradicate the human race & capitalism. 4:27 pmpdt maybe it really is not possible at all. & incubus mislead me completely last year. 4:28 pmpdt

4:28 pmpdt since the day of king Herod they killed babies. Today miscarriage happens. 4:29 pmpdt there was a baby born to my sister’s in-laws. The baby first looked like the dad & then when she was a toddler she looked like the mom. People’s faces change. 4:31 pmpdt weird. During the days of Herod maybe they knew already about which genes make a heinous person but they choose to keep them. Same sh*t over & over. 4:33 pmpdt

4:43 pmpdt why is benni blanco trying to kill himself with blowfish 🐡?????? 4:44 pmpdt spit it out blanco!

4:46 pmpdt maybe it is futile to live in this world. 4:47 pmpdt incubus & his family thinks it’s ok to mess with my mind & emotions. They think it is okay Bcz they’re all heinous. Why bother to teach me a lesson? It seems like it isn’t to teach me anything Bcz they destroyed part of my brain so how can I learn if I’m missing part of it? I guess I’m actually being made into an example then. A warning, that some people are allowed to be bad very bad & be rewarded handsomely. Like to steal something from someone else & then torture them to death if they ever try to reveal the truth. Bcz they cannot live otherwise if people knew who they really are Bcz they would really lose it all in court with a proper investigation. 4:51 pmpdt

4:52 pmpdt in a real utopia woman will never be raped, & punished for revealing it, even if she didn’t call it rape. In a real utopia woman would never be raped. In a real utopia there would be no human s*x trafficking & be drugged to be a prostitute. 4:54 pmpdt that’s what was in the movie taken with Liam neeson. 4:56 pmpdt In a real utopia woman would never be kidnapped & forced into prostitution. 4:57 pmpdt am I barking up the wrong tree? Do these women need saving? There was something I was going to write... 4:58 pmpdt incubus utopia there will always be human s*x trafficking. I know this Bcz he’s destroying me. Destroying my vag & brain & body. 4:59 pmpdt

6:22 pmpdt there were a few times I probably said “love” to Q & Ep Bcz they said it first & my mom was probably around and told me to say it back. A lot like when parents tell their young children to say “love you” to a grandparent. I don’t think I made a habit of it. I hope I didn’t. Why I cannot remember. At least I told Q to make lots of friends so that when I did leave her she would not be friendless. I think that Ep would have been more qualified to be Q’s best friend Bcz I think they hung out more & a lot of times without me. There was a Christmas once Q spent at Ep’s house & I was not invited even though I was home. 6:28 pmpdt me & Ep were not close but when Q started shutting her out to spend (acid throat pain 6:29 pmpdt) more time w/ RG, she asked me out to dinner with one more person k.o. 6:31 pmpdt she asked me out to eat it seemed to ask about Q what she should do, that she felt unwelcomed? She was starting to feel like a third wheel 6:32 pmpdt I told her maybe it’s time to hang out with different friends. The way she described the situation sounded sad for her like Q abandoned her & she was like a puppy (vag pain 6:34 pmpdt right rib front pain) shut out in the cold by her owners. She said it with different words though saying she felt alone, it seemed like a ntentional neglect of the friendship. 6:36 pmpdt after that (acid pain 6:36 anus area vag) she hung out with different people. I only remember hanging out with her one other time probably before this happened but I don’t remember. & it looked like she got a boyfriend at one point but he looked as if he was flirting with a blonde haired woman in the pictures. 6:38 pmpdt 😥6:39 pmpdt I don’t think I use the word love frequently. It’s not something I take lightly. 6:40 pmpdt I don’t appreciate incubus messing with my feelings. Bcz after he said that & b4 he said that I did wish for something romantic to come true. If in reality I adored him, then sure it sounds like a fantastic reality. But it looks now like that’s not going to happen. 6:42 pmpdt I can’t believe he would go this far to destroy me & drag it on this long if it were true. 6:43 pmpdt 6:44 pmpdt

6:45 pmpdt murdaugh looks like he is treated better by god than me. He gets to keep his bones. He is so tall. 6:47 pmpdt in France I think the legal age to drink is 16 years old. 6:48 pmpdt

6:59 pmpdt 7 pmpdt I told Q that Ep came to me after I think probably after she told me that RG & her broke up? & her response Was like oh no! She should have told me! 7:02 pmpdt feels a little like Q was a really good actor. 7:03 pmpdt

7:04 pmpdt it’s okay if her feelings changed & she started feeling like she was closer to someone else. But if she was, Idk, stealing art ideas & getting credits for it that I should have, that’s different. & discouraging me from reconnecting with old friends Bcz she was planning to get rid of me, that’s different. I suspect some things Bcz around 2014 apple had some stuff in their products graphics that were the same colors as my pictures & also the fighting? Fish looked similar to my goldfish picture that she highly likely saw Bcz it was in a website that we both uploaded pictures to & she commented on. 7:10 pmpdt (acid throat pain)

7:11 pmpdt I think it’s too much of a coincidence. Q likes photography & photoshop & worked for apple for years. 7:12 pmpdt

8:57 pmpdt incubus miñion? I think is trying to tell me without using his own voice that he wants me to talk again what I already wrote about several posts ago. I think he wants me to retract what I wrote. I think I wrote that my thoughts were mysteriously switching back & forth until I touched the kid with the tricycle who was also on a tricycle. Incubus miñion? Keeps on acidically eating my v*agina. 😖😭 I thought about stopping but I kept on going after pausing in every other alternate if thought. The other thought which kept me going was that I needed to stretch my legs, but the bad part was I felt that I wanted to hit that kid. I think deep down the real me didn’t want that. I made contact with him what felt & seemed like in slow motion. I’m not even sure what made him cry & dismount the tricycle & be in the floor. It doesn’t make sense to me unless it was his funny bone. The bone that feels like even the smallest hit it would feel painful. But I don’t think it was his funny bone. He was a brown skinned boy. I never met him before. I was friends with brown skinned people. I didn’t see him do anything than pedal that tricycle. There was no reason to motivate me to hit him. Usually when I feel angry to do something it’s always? When someone hurts me in some way. 9:10 pmpdt

9:13 pmpdt it doesn’t make sense for me to have felt that way when I did. After I did it & ran away I felt a lot of shame & I think I remember feeling bad about it & scared to go back to that place. I accidentally drove to the place, infront of it. Even though I was avoiding it!! And then this thought? Or head voice in my mind said in that moment “he’s going to be ok.” & then I drove away. Incubus said through autocorrect something like: true self? I think he’s trying to make me think that’s the real me who would have feelings like that to want to hit a boy about probably 8 years old? On a tricycle with a tricycle. He wants me to think I’m that bad. 9:20 pmpdt throat acid pain. I don’t usually sit at home thinking I want to hit a kid with a tricycle. I didn’t make any plans ahead of time to be there and ride a tricycle. It was a spontaneous decision. & a lot of people were around to witness it. One even strangely yelled at me to “run!” 9:22 pmpdt maybe he knows something I don’t???? 9:23 pmpdt I even stay at home a lot thinking about staying out of more future troubles. Z <— did the incubus miñion make me typed “Z”?????? Incubus! What are you trying to do to me? That’s not funny. Nothing you do is funny. 9:26 pmpdt heinous creep.

11 pmpdt the stretching part which was to pedal, comes from around the time my mom’s friend’s husband was trying to teach me to ride a bicycle with out training wheels. He said that people are meant to stretch their legs when they pedal. He maybe said it was going exercise. 11:03 pmpdt

11:24 pmpdt *good exercise not going exercise.

11:59 pmpdt I should clarify that me & Q & Ep hung out together a lot. But while we did that I was more comfortable with Q than Ep. I tried to like Ep but my feelings wouldn’t let me at the time. It he one time I remembered hanging out with only Ep I think I really enjoyed it. Maybe I m not sure why. Maybe Bcz she’s not perfect? Like she did have the tendency to use the word bitch. & she called me it 2xs at least. But maybe Idk more relaxed that one time? Maybe Bcz I wasn’t trying too hard to be perfectly nice & adoring to her before that? Like one time she was walking next to me & then I left her side to walk next to Q. & there was a time she didn’t invite me to a dinner Q was invited to. Maybe Ep was more real than Q? Idk. Mayb I didn’t feel pressured/or to expect myself to be perfect around her? I think I did try to be nice to her but maybe I didn’t feel.. idk. I bought her a smoothie at the mall to repay her for the day & picking me up. And then that was it. It was a very short friendship. One day that I felt like maybe I liked her. & I think she got enough hints from my body language that I wasn’t there yet. 12:10 am pdt she called me a bitch when I pointed up towards the ceiling in the parking garage - I m not sure if it was a misunderstanding created by the previous stuff Bcz I maybe wasn’t trying to be a bitch in the parking garage but it came off that way. & the other time I had wanted to go to Applebee’s Bcz I saw a commercial but Q said she didn’t want to go there Bcz if her ex boyfriend usually went there & Q seemed sad about it. This ex boyfriend of Q’s, my little cousin said he was ugly when she saw his picture with her that me or my sister took at the park. I never saw Q kiss him, but I did see Q jump in his back to make him carry her. He usually picked her up Bcz Q didn’t get her drivers license I think until after they broke up? & Q told me after they broke up that he usually talked about a Kayla. Which I think he started dating soon after they broke up. I don’t know when he & Q started dating but he seemed to suddenly make an appearance after I started dating my first boyfriend. There was a time she hung out with us & she seemed maybe single at the time? I dont recall her saying she had (left eye pain 12:19 am pdt) a boyfriend (vag acid? Pain tummy upset diarrhea?? 12:20 am pdt 🌫<- what’s that?🐒💨) at that time. 12:21 am pdt her boyfriend was Asian. 12:22 am pdt

1:42 am pdt I told my aunt we had to move her tall filing cabinet 🗄 vag acid pain! 1:43 am pdt Bcz it’s not feng shui. All she said was I trust in god & she had put the Virgin Mary modern painting 🖼 on top of it. Yeah she trusts Bcz it was more likely to fall on my mom in her sleep 🛌 than her. Heinous backstabbing b*tch. Her excuse for anything? To do what god says so she gets into heaven. 1:46 am pdt same god as all the medical 🏥 professionals Bcz she was a pharmacist 👩‍⚕️. & police 👮‍♂️ who omit searching sheds in the backyard of a s*xoffender. I told her that directly & her response was I trust god. Her mattress was stacked higher than my mom’s bed 🛌. 1:48 pmpdt

2:04 am pdt when she first got it I think I remember telling it asking her if she was going to bolt it to wall. I maybe even suggested her returning it & getting a shorter one? Now I don’t remember. 2:06 am pdt nausea tummy ache 😖😖😭😭2:07 am pdt 🥵 sharp pain!

3:26 am pdt incubus only virtue signals and the politicians/judges does what he says such as rolling back roe versus wade. He never meant what you think 💭 he meant or what you hope he meant. Adam Noah Levine posts men should not make laws about women’s bodies but those who are listening 👂 to his commands took that to mean no abortion rights. Bcz roe vs wade was made into law to give women rights. I don’t know 🤷🏻‍��️ roe or wade, but if they’re both men... idk 🤷🏻‍♀️ I guess I will have to look it up 🆙 & who the judge was. 3:32 am pdt maybe 🤔 I’m jumping to conclusions. 3:32 am pdt

3:33 am pdt he posted may 4th, 2022. Stuff started happening end of 2021? If incubus is god, and for a weird reason they decided to do that out of the blue? 3:35 am pdt who do you think made it happen? Incubus is trying to save his own face. 3:35 am pdt he’s not women’s friend at all. Not a friendly unicorn 🦄. 3:36 am pdt

3:37 am pdt I think 💭 you’re all gas ⛽️ lighting yourselves into thinking 💭 he’s an angel 😇. 3:38 am pdt

4:07 am pdt incubus, you shouldn’t hold against me what happened between me & Scott after he bit me. I wasn’t thinking straight. 4:07 am pdt

4:09 am pdt I already told my sister that I thought 💭 I fell in love with josh. & I tried to tell Scott that I didn’t feel that way about him. How did I get so distracted to not put the pieces together in that moment? How did I forget easily? I think 🤔 my own inner dialogue distracted me? I think 🤔 I was so into trying to figure out what I wanted that I didn’t fully realize it? And or I easily forgot? It would make sense if Scott relied on the incubus to manipulate my memory/mind. That Scott followed a script given to him by the incubus. If Scott knew he could manipulate my memory, he probably relied on incubus to erase or alter specific memory to bend it into his favor. With out being something sincere about the more gentlemanly stuff like asking me about the condom, & if we had that experience in the car 🚗 with almost having s*x b4 that like I think/figure was the chronology Bcz of other memory I had, then he could pretend that I didn’t say/ask him if he is ready for little Scotty feet 🦶 [babies] 4:21 am pdt so he can make the excuse that I was a whore he fell for, Bcz he didn’t answer me. Which would have drawn a hard line on the ground of what was not allowed 🚫 which would have made taking off my clothing off limits. I wasn’t ready. I did not have a high paying 💰 job. He didn’t either to my knowledge. He was only selling bonsai trees 🌳 at someone’s business, not his own & living at his parents house 🏠 like a kid, doing whatever he wanted. He mentioned no educational goals plans etc. he liked the history channel. All I knew. But he seemed smart at one time saying something that I didn’t realize. 4:27 am pdt he smoked cigarettes 🚬 & weed. & he said stuff that made it sound like he drank alcohol 🍷 all the time with his friends. Said stuff like jack Daniel’s is a baller drink. Whatever that means. 4:29 am pdt

9:16 am pdt incubus is still eating 🍽 away my vag with acid 😞😖😭😰acid throat pain. Left hip joint pain 9:18 am pdt clock ⏰ skipped a minute. “Brendan” said he wanted to eat me out. Melissa Cuen wrote that I was a cyber slut? In a notebook under a picture of my back in high school 🏫 but I don’t think she knew who Bcz we were not close. 9:21 am pdt “Brendan” said his birthday 🥳 is June 16. 9:22 am pdt

9:25 am pdt on prom night I forget which year, might have been 2002 or 2003 at the double tree 🌳 hotel �� she arrived talking I think 🤔 in a New York accent. Which is not her real accent. I wasn’t paying 100% attention but for some reason I catch her saying ADAM in a very enthusiastic 🤩 & bubbly way and my attention? strangely drops. I think 🤔 I maybe wanted to pay attention but I don’t hear 👂 what she said after ADAM. I think 🤔 the incubus was controlling me so I stopped paying attention to her. It’s strange. Idk 🤷🏻‍♀️ how to explain it otherwise. 9:31 am pdt

11:13 am pdt incubus looks like he is in Las Vegas now? I did not expect things to stretch out for this long. Suddenly I am worried about Courtney wood ? Woods? Who I think 🤔 Scott dated after me who was I think 🤔 not yet graduated from high school 🏫 when they started dating. Some people will probably say it’s none of my business & it’s okay he started dating a high school 🏫 student back in 2010. & that they were probably f^cking Bcz she called him mr. big on his Facebook wall. They probably broke up 🆙 not long after that. Pain accidentally scratched a pimple 11:18 am pdt. I got a pimple there even though I shampooed everyday the last 3-4 days. Incubus causes pimples. 11:20 acid vag pain😰 heinous b*tch. I guess there is something wrong with Scott genetically Bcz he goes for high school 🏫 girls in 2010 & the incubus does not want it broadcasted Bcz there’s something genetically wrong 😑 with the incubus and all his miñions. That they all want younger girls to f*ck which is why they’re okay with stuff happening to Jon Benet Ramsey Elizabeth smart? Jaycee dugard and more. Heinous creeps. 11:23 pmpdt

11:30 am pdt I don’t know 🤷🏻‍♀️ I think 🤔 if you’re serious about finding someone right for you you care enough to hold it if you don’t have addiction problems. & you stay away from temptations. He was smart. But he didn’t advance in school 🏫 it seemed Bcz in 2010 he brought up finally that he wanted to transfer to UCB. After I already went. He basically stayed employed in a pizza 🍕 place who employed high school 🏫 students. He put himself in a place of temptation. 11:33 am pdt if a guy is serious 🧐 about marriage I would think 🤔 that he would try not to eff it up with premature s*x especially when you’re 25 years old and probably dating someone 7 years younger. But if you get to f*ckg b4 marriage with someone as young as 17/18 years old and you only met a few months ago I don’t think he’s being honest with anyone about his intentions after saying it wasn’t his fault he fell for a whore when he never had intentions of even liking me, & he asked to kiss me after only a few times of hanging out one on one. Hanging out with Scott one on one is bad for anyone’s health Bcz he’s best friends with incubus like Nick carter & Justin Timberlake. 11:41 am pdt

11:45 am pdt after I think 🤔 the first time making out w/ Scott, the next time we hung out, Jorge was driving us home 🏠. I think I remember I didn’t want to continue making out. I needed to slow it down. I think I remember I wanted to be dropped off home 🏠 first, b4 Scott? I didn’t want to be alone with him Bcz I thought 💭 it would happen again. But some how I went back to hanging out with him alone & became addicted Bcz it was the first time (vag pain 11:50 left shin pain) The kisses 💋 were good. I am not sure anymore, maybe 🤔 I felt some thing throat acid? Pain when I sneezed 🤧 11:52 am pdt. It’s difficult to remember and I’ve only kissed 4 people when I became an adult. I randomly did one time kisses 💋 when I was a little & preteen? But no make out sessions until I was 19 years old. Pain head 11:55 am pdt. Did I feel something more w/ Scott when we kissed 💋 ? 11:57 am pdt

12:05 pmpdt there were only 3 men that I vag acid pain 12:05 12:06 pmpdt I thought 💭 I fell in love with 😍. But I was in and out with the first one but he rejected 🙅‍♂️ me first several? Times b4 I rejected 🙅‍♀️ him. I didn’t understand why I felt what I felt when I felt it. But I figured later that he probably said things that probably killed the feelings. Like finally telling me he had been traveling to Texas to see his ex girlfriend in different words; only being good enough to finally consider for marriage Bcz I was transferring to UCB which was #1 public university at the time according to a student 👨‍🎓 who called me to congratulate me for being accepted probably to help the university 12:13 pmpdt. It seemed to not matter that I was feeling I thought 💭 feelings of being in love 😻 12:14 pmpdt

12:20 pmpdt incubus is a fraud. He only seeks to control & mislead those he abuses. He masks 🎭 his true heinousness with false promises. He is dirty and probably the dirtiest man alive. 12:22 pmpdt there is something seriously wrong with his head. It’s not death ☠️ he says when comments about dugard. That’s his opinion. A man. Who does not have a vagina. 12:23 pmpdt serious lack of empathy/sympathy for females’ pain. 12:24 pmpdt

12:25 pmpdt he is a F R A U D.

12:27 pmpdt he really should quit dating & quit marriage.

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nanaten · 1 year ago

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Bonuses (also writing this down incase I decide to explore any of these ideas :D)

Librarian x Teacher AU:

Ninten (who is say, 20-21, and not actually a teacher, but a teachers aide) is initially very disinterested in the idea at taking the students to the library, thinking to himself “This isn’t going to help them learn at all— They need practical teaching, not learning about history…” but he quickly becomes eager after visiting the first time. He asks the school if he can take the students again and again, because he feels like he needs an excuse to go there.

When he goes there the first time, he tries talking to Claus (who is just a little younger, 19-20), and he initially messes up extremely bad. He never means anything bad but he’s not used to speaking to guys he’s interested in, accidently calling Claus “stuffy-looking,” because he’s dressed quite fancy, to keep up with the aesthetic of the old library. He also tells Claus, “you’re quite young looking to be owning such a big, old library,” and Claus responds with “It’s not mine, believe it or not. It’s my dad’s. Quit the farm life to own a library with Mom.”

Ninten responds with, “Why’re you the front man of your dad’s library? He in the back or something…?” And Claus quaintly responds with “He’s in the hospital.”

“Oh- Oh, shit, I’m sorry.” Ninten apologises, shrivelling into himself, feeling bad. Claus chuckles and says “Don’t worry about it. He’s just old, it’s a part of life.”

Despite Ninten’s slight verbal blunders, it still manages to go… decently well.

Eventually, Ninten manages to start visiting regularly without the students. They get closer, and surprisingly— Really surprisingly, Claus asks him on a date first. And the rest is history!

Actor x Cameraman AU:

Claus (who is, 22 lets say) is a very experienced cameraman, known in the industry for his insanely beautiful cinematography and work ethic. He’s put to work on a new film called “Mother,” (which is basically this universes version of the game, altered slightly to be more like… a back to the future style film, the characters are older and the vibes are kinda lame, but still good) starring a famous 23-year-old Japanese-american actor named Ninten. He’s caught off-guard by the actor, for the man who’s seemingly so elegant and mature on the screen is quite loud and bumbling on set. He’s making jokes constantly, his voice is way too loud, and his work ethic is a near complete opposite to Claus— he still does all the work, and he’s mighty good at it, but it feels like he’s not taking anything seriously, and it pisses Claus off!

A week or so into shooting the film, the director speaks to Claus. “You’re usually so focused. What’s gotten into you?” The director asks, and Claus is confused by this. The director groans and decides to show rather than tell, showing Claus his camerawork for the film so far— shots are off-centred and the camera is generally always focused on the young male lead. The director lets Claus watch his bad recordings, and follows it up with saying “Keep your feelings off set, okay? Don’t let me down.” Claus blushes like crazy, because he didn’t even realize he was doing that! What the hell is going on?

The whole idea is a slow burn of sorts, and Ninten would also have alot of interest in Claus, wanting to get to know the young cameraman. His excuse? “Everyone else working behind the scenes is so old. Might as well try to make friends with the one other guy my age. Y’know the guy who plays Lloyd is thirty! Thirty!”

I can’t think of any ideas for the third one. I think it’s quite self explanatory :’)

There needs to be more fluffy lame Clausten AU’s… I always kind of write with the context of the games in my head, but I also just wanna write them being like… normal people. Claus is a librarian and Ninten is a baseball teacher and they meet when Ninten takes his class to the library to learn about the history of baseball, and then Ninten keeps going to the library to see this mysterious and pretty librarian. Ninten is an actor famous for the movie “Mother” (which would just be the game,) and Claus is a camera man who’s caught keeping the camera on Ninten instead of recording as instructed by the director. Claus is a mechanic and Ninten is just a regular guy whose car keeps messing up, but Claus can never find anything wrong with it (but Ninten always insists something is wrong— Maybe to spend more time with the mechanic, or maybe it’s just to watch him work. Who knows?)

#clausten #nanathinks

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labarch · 4 years ago

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Attempt at a Witch Hat Atelier timeline

We are still missing a lot of backstory for our main cast, but I thought I’d try and write a timeline based on what we know so far, and explore where their storylines might intersect.

I am pulling these numbers out of my hat for convenience sake, but here are some approximate ages for the characters: at the start of the manga, let’s say Coco, Tetia and Agott are all 12, Riche is 11, and Qifrey and Olruggio are 28.

20-23 years ago: Olruggio leaves his birth town Godley and moves to the Great Hall, maybe as young as 5 years old.

While many witches are born in the Great Hall, Olruggio comes from a town called Godley in the North. Yet he doesn’t remember Utowin, who came from the same place. We know that young witches usually start their training between the age of 7 and 10, but since witch society is awfully elitist, Olruggio would have been sent there as soon as his talent for magic became apparent.

Being ripped from his home at an extremely young age could explain his fear of being unwanted and left behind: he overworks himself as a way to feel useful and validated, is defensive about his own feelings, and he gets agitated and sometimes aggressive whenever Qifrey hides things from him.

20 years ago: arrival of Qifrey at the Great Hall at age 8. Olruggio befriends him soon afterwards. The both of them start sneaking out at night to chase Brimhats.

8 year old Qifrey was one fierce little thing, you have to give him that. His abuse at the hands of the Brimhats was brutal enough to break a grown man, but he picks himself up and goes right after them like “Alright jerks, you’ve got some explaining to do and I want my eyeball back!”.

Also it cracks me up that Olruggio was carrying this massive book in their flashback. Gotta love that his reaction to Qifrey’s “Let’s go chase some terrorists!” was “Sure, let me just pack my homework =>”.

Finally, there might be a slightly more selfish motivation for Olruggio’s fast friendship and devotion to Qifrey. Olruggio’s self-esteem lies in his ability to help people, so he would naturally be drawn to someone helpless. It’s unclear how much of Qifrey’s memory was missing: apparently he didn’t know about birthdays. How many other basic concepts was he missing? Did he know how to read? Between that, his lack of knowledge about magic and his injury, he was probably completely dependent on Olruggio at the beginning. Given Olruggio’s wish that they go back to “the good old times” when they were always together, I am wondering whether some hidden part of him misses being essential to someone. It’s well-intentioned, but not entirely healthy, especially if he is using Qifrey as a coping mechanism for his own insecurities.

14 years ago: Olruggio and Qifrey make a pledge of (betrothal) friendship, exchange tassels and attempt the Librarian test at age 14. It is their last adventure together, but Qifrey will continue his investigations on his own, to Olruggio’s disappointment and betrayal. Qifrey starts wearing his half-tinted glasses.

In the pledge flashback, they are wearing their old tassels, but they have swapped them by the time they undertake the third test. Also, when he remembers that pledge, Olruggio says that Qifrey’s investigation “should have ended at the Tower of Books”. The tower is the last likely place where Qifrey could have found answers about his past and a non-forbidden way of getting his eye back. Olruggio probably made him promise that he would stop his search afterwards.

Beldaruit says that he thought Qifrey had given up on his search after the third test, but Olruggio tells a slightly different story. Apparently he thought Qifrey “finally stopped causing trouble” after taking in apprentices, which means he was still behaving suspiciously right up until he became a teacher. Alaira also comments on Qifrey’s interest in the Brimhats in the first volume, so clearly his investigations were common knowledge among his friends, even as an adult.

Olruggio’s anger whenever the Brimhats are mentioned would then be caused not just by his own fear of forbidden magic, but by the reminder that Qifrey broke his promise to him, and refused to leave his past behind. Naturally, Olruggio doesn’t know about Qifrey’s change in circumstances: he is no longer looking to retrieve what he lost, but trying to stop an impending threat.

Qifrey’s discoveries in the Tower of Books also seem to have renewed his disgust towards his own scar: he starts wearing glasses shortly afterwards, even though his eyesight hasn’t yet started deteriorating.

14-5 years ago: in that interval, Coco’s father dies of illness. Olruggio becomes more and more famous for his magical items, and is given the title “Shining Torch” / “Master of Lights”. His glowstone paths become widely popular, and are installed around the castle near Coco’s mom. Both Qifrey and Olruggio pass the fourth test and complete their training.

At this stage, I really doubt that Qifrey intended to become a teacher. Whatever information he found at the Tower of Books convinced him he had to stop the Brimhats’ plan. He was probably planning to complete his training and then go straight on to his quest, not really expecting to return alive.

There are also hints that this was a strained period for Qifrey and Olruggio: Olruggio mentions that he would like them to confide in each other “just like old times”, which implies that they grew more distant after the Librarian test. I’m suspecting that Qifrey was trying to slowly remove himself from Olruggio’s life, hoping Olruggio would be so famous and beloved by the time they graduated that he would forget about Qifrey and barely notice his disappearance. Qifrey’s self-esteem isn’t the best y’all.

5 years ago: Coco receives the magic picture book from Iguin at age 7 at the Silver Night Festival. The Brimhats stop showing signs of activity. Qifrey takes on his first apprentice (probably Tetia, age 7). He interrupts his investigation of the Brimhats and creates the atelier. Olruggio becomes his Watchful Eye.

We don’t know exactly how old Coco was when she got her book, but her tiny chubby face makes me think she was 6-7. Alaira also tells us in the first volume that the incident with Coco’s mother is the first sign of Brimhat activity in five years. I am thinking that after Iguin gave away the book, he instructed the other Brimhats to keep a low profile until his scheme could hatch.

I also wonder whether Coco getting her book might coincide with Qifrey becoming a teacher and creating his atelier. Given that Qifrey is probably tied to Iguin’s schemes, how coincidental is it that Qifrey wandered into Coco’s village and set her fate in motion? Perhaps Iguin contrived for them to live in the same area so that they would meet eventually. Either he somehow influenced Qifrey’s choice of location for his atelier, or he selected Coco as his “child of hope” because of her relative proximity as well as her love for magic.

7 years old is when we could expect Tetia to have passed the first test. For now we know little about her backstory, but we can guess a few things: she is enthusiastic and ambitious, but gets easily side-tracked by pet projects and struggles to stick to the curriculum. She craves positive feedback and is worried her spells and interests will be condemned as frivolous. It makes me think that she passed her first test early, but was then mistreated by her first teachers for being too childish.

We’ve seen that Qifrey has a compulsive tendency to adopt children in distress. It would fit his character if he became a teacher on impulse. Maybe he had to pass the fifth test in a rush to be allowed to keep Tetia by his side. This also brought Olruggio back into his life, as he was the only one willing to follow him away from the atelier as Watchful Eye.

The complicity between Tetia and Qifrey, and Tetia taking on the role of a big sister for both Riche and Coco, also make me think she was Qifrey’s first apprentice. Tetia is often shown teasing Qifrey, quoting both Qifrey and Olruggio, and imitating Qifrey’s teaching style: I can totally see them as a little family of three at some point in the past.

4 years ago: Riche starts training under her brother’s master, a creepy asshole, at age 7.

We actually have a clear timestamp for that one in chapter 25, woohoo! Riche’s old teacher can eat a brick.

3-2 years ago: Qifrey and Olruggio learn about Riche’s mistreatment in her old atelier and promptly adopt her. Beldaruit takes on Ririfin as an apprentice. Qifrey’s eyesight starts deteriorating. He adds the light protection glyph to his glasses.

Before that time, Qifrey might have intended to put his quest on hold until after Tetia’s graduation, but now his impending blindness puts him on a time limit. He can’t do a lot about it however, since the Brimhats have been keeping a low profile for years and are not leaving him any clue.

It’s unclear how long Riche stayed at her old atelier, and whether she joined Qifrey before or after Agott. I’m hoping she made it out as soon as possible.

2 years ago: Agott passes the first test at age 10. She gets accused of stealing someone else’s spell, is rejected from her prestigious family’s apprenticeship, and joins Qifrey’s atelier.

Agott has been treated harshly by her family for not being enough of a genius. She mentions passing the first test at 10, the upper end of the normal age range. She was probably given a hard time for starting her apprenticeship so “late”, which explains why she is now adamant about passing the other tests as quickly as possible.

I wonder whether she felt ambivalent about joining Qifrey’s atelier at first. On the one hand, Qifrey was taught by the Sage of Education himself and is clearly very powerful. On the other hand, he has only a couple students and lives in a weird little school in the middle of nowhere, a big fall from grace compared to her prestigious upbringing. I wonder whether Qifrey went to find her after he heard she was the object of nasty rumours (he knows a thing or two about those), and Agott didn’t feel like she had other options.

0 year ago: Coco and Qifrey meet. Iguin goes “F***ing finally, I thought I’d have to watch that humdrum one-eyed twink bake potatoes for another five years. It’s dragon-slaying time now baby!!!”

#witch hat atelier #witch hat meta #qifrey #olruggio #tbna #coco #riche #agott #everyone has a horrible time at the Great Hall: a wha timeline #Olruggio the wonder child arriving at the Great Hall at age 5 wrapped in an anxiety blanket and clinging to a plush toy #protect him #no mention of treefrey this time what are the odds

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chaotic-timelord · 2 years ago

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Tss hcs

Dorian has nightmares about people he killed, and usually can’t help but think about The Night [TM]

Kat gets super excited when she and Zachary meet again, and Zachary introduces Dorian to her, but, because of Zachary’s past relationships, she’ll make sure to be a moment alone with Dorian and threaten to literally kill him of he hurts Zachary [Dorian’ll probably be a bit surprised, since Kat looks harmless, but then promise he won’t]

after Dorian tells him everything that happened to him while they were under the ‘library’, Zachary starts viewing owls in a different [positive] way and might also ‘adopt’ one

Zachary’ll keep on studying video-games, and then become a writer, a librarian or a librarian who’s a writer in his free time

I feel like Dorian’d return to school [assuming that he dropped out when his sister died or when he got into the club, or had finished school already when he first got to know about The Starless Sea], study either philosophy, literature or poetry if he doesn’t didn’t already, and might become a high-school / university teacher [gives me teacher vibes for some reason]

Zachary’s a cat person and Dorian a dog one

Kat has / wants to have a parrot

Kat’ll notice the key and sword marks Zachary and Dorian have on their chests, but won’t ask anything about it

Ellie’ll rescue Simon when the Sea reaches the rocks he’s sitting on, and maybe they won’t recognise each other at first, but them one of them’ll notice something about the other one and Ellie [who didn’t live in the same time period as Zachary and Dorian, but’ll still learn quickly how things work there] will help Simon adapt to living on Earth in the ‘present’, and she’ll of course also have to stand him cursing against modern clothes that don’t have as many buttons as his [lol]

Dorian’ll actually be a bit surprised [but hide it] by Love Rawlins knowing Zachary’d come back with his new boyfriend, and he doesn’t really believe fortipune tellers and so on but still respects them and get along with Zachary’s mother

they won’t tell anyone what happened in the ‘library’, since most people’d think they’re lying anyway, but i think they’ll actually go there again when they’re stressed [after somehow managing to get the honey out]. The Keeper’d go there to take his diares, and Zachary to bring all the books in a good condition out and read them [by the amount of books in there, he’ll rarely go to the library in the city he lives in]

Dorian’ll try to hide his past to Zachary at first, but Zachary’ll probably want to know how he tried to kill Mirabel [they already talked about Dorian believing that what the club did was right, so he can easily suppose why he did it] and what happened afterwards, and, Dorian, if my hc about him having nightmares and lots of flashbacks about it [like the one outside the bar, when he literally started shivering and it wasn’t because of the cold] is right, will eventually almost have a breakdown because of it and quickly tell about it all to Zachary [am i the only one who can easily imagine him sobbing while laying on the floor and shivering, basically in his own traumatising world, while Zachary’s really worried and’s sitting next to him trying to get him back to reality??]

Rhyme’ll return to school and finish whatever she was studying, i think it might be music basing on her name and vibes, or she might become a librarian in a normal library, and for some reason i’m kind of shipping her with Kat

both Zachary and the Keeper’ll adopt cats, the Keeper’ll take the one Zachary saw when he first got in the Heart, and Zachary the one that was next to him near the end, on the beach

Ellie and Simon’ll check if his cottage still exists or if it’s the one Ellie saw the ruins of, and they’ll rebuild it, make it a bit more modern and live there. I also hc Ellie as an animal-cottagecore lover, so the house’d be full of plants and little animals’ll probably feel safe enough to go next to it, since Ellie’d pet them and often think about the time she ‘was a bunny’

Simon’s allergic to cats, dogs and peanuts. Idk why, he just gives me those vibes

Zachary’s favourite food’s sushi, and he always dresses in a cozy-nerdy way

Dorian’s still a bit nervous about what alive members of the club could do, so he keeps on looking around to make sure no one’s following him or Zachary and still dresses in his formal way, again to avoid being really noticed, but Zachary’ll eventually get him to calm down a bit

Dorian doesn’t celebrate any holidays and is both non-spiritual and non-religious [totally not self-projecting /sarc]

Most of these probably make no sense, but- I was bored and my mind was very excited about that book once again

#tss #the starless sea #tss hcs #headcanons

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tomtenadia · 3 years ago

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My Thursday crush

Rowaelin month - Day 4 - Library or librarians

It was a nice spring day in Orynth and Rowan was slowly walking to work. Headphones on and a book in his hands. He had developed the skill of reading and walking to the point of perfection.

His friends made fun of him but he always replied that if it was socially acceptable for people to walk with their faces in their phones and not paying attention, then a book was surely better. And he never bumped into anyone.

He stopped at the coffee shop around the corner from his job and got his usual order, placed the thermos in the backpack and walked the last stretch.

The library was still closed and it was his job to open it. He had volunteered for the morning shifts since he was a morning person and was happy to open up.

Once he was inside he went through the motions of opening up for day and getting the library ready. Rowan switched on the public computers and then did a walkthrough to make sure everything was looking good. He found a few books abandoned in places where they did not belong and groaned. He loved his job, he loved books.

He had a degree in library studies and once graduated he applied and got a job at Orynth main public library. The place was huge and he had grown up visit the building a lot. He had started using it thanks to his mum who had passed her love for books to him. That love never left him and growing up he realised he wanted a job where he could spend his day with books. But people? People annoyed him. The way they would just abandon books after using them, or the way they sometimes they would not respect the peace of a library. He was not a people person.

He grunted again and placed the books back where they belonged. Then he growled savagely when he noticed one abandoned on a chair, upside down, spine broken and a dog ear on one page as bookmark. Some people deserved to have their library card cut to pieces.

At 9am on the dot he opened up and welcomed his morning regulars “Good morning mrs MacLeod.”

“Oh, good morning, Rowan darling. Is my book here?”

He smiled at the woman and went to the shelf where they kept the returns that had been booked by someone else and grabbed her book.

“Yes,” he passed it to her “it was returned yesterday and we set it aside for you.”

The woman gave him a huge smile and he finished the loan procedure “I hope you will like it. It’s a nice story.”

“I am sure I will, darling. You always recommend me good books.”

He helped her to the door and went back to work, preparing the loan requests they had got online. A wide smile spread on his face at the name he saw on the list. He was not a fan of people but there was one person whose presence he had started to enjoy deeply. She was another regular and a bookworm like him. She had told him that she had to get some of her books from the library to avoid going broke on payday. He had laughed at the joke because it was the same for him.

She was a teacher and on Thursdays she was off and would always visit the library to return a book and get a new one. They would talk about what they were reading and he discovered they had the same tastes and he had been reading a lot of her recommendations. She was just obsessed with books as he was. Rowan had started to admit to himself that he was crushing on her. She had stolen his heart when one day she came to the desk and complained, outraged, that the book she wanted to borrow had a coffee stain on a page. They had raged for ten minutes together at the animals and his heart skipped a beat. It did help as well that the woman was stunning. Her hair was a deep gorgeous blonde and she had the most incredible blue eyes with an unusual ring of gold. Yes, he was definitely a fool in love and Thursdays were his favourite day of the week. Since she started visiting he had never had another Thursday off.

***

Aelin had a bad morning already. She had gone to the gym and found it closed for some obscure reason. Then an idiot on his phone bumped into her and made her spill her coffee. She had shouted a large list of expletives at the savage and left. It was Thursday and she could not let anything ruin her favourite day of the week. She was on her way to the library to collect the book she had reserved. But if she was to be honest to herself, she was looking forward to see Rowan. The librarian had become one of his favourite people, although they only meet once a week, her time spent with him talking about books was always precious.

It did help that the man was hot. As in so unbelievably handsome that he was so out of her league. In the months they had interacted she had developed a crush on him and not just for his unique features. He had short silver hair and the deepest pine green eyes and the days he rolled his sleeves up to his elbows she had spotted a wonderful tattoo in the old language. He had an incredible nice build and tanned skin. He was hotness incarnated. A heart attack on two legs.

Knowing her luck with men, he was happily married, although on a closer inspection she had not spotted a wedding ring. Well, probably a super hot fiancee. She definitely stood no chance with him.

But she had liked him as well because he was smart and loved books just as fiercely she did. He was always ready to suggest some new titles and all his recommendations had been spot on. She had enjoyed every single book. A part of her wished she’d have the courage to ask him out and talk about books perhaps in front of a coffee. Aelin was actually curious to discover what else he liked.

Twenty minutes later she finally reached the public library. She loved that building and her parents had nudged her towards becoming a bookworm. They would read to her and once she was able to read alone, they would gladly buy all the books she wanted. Her childhood home also had a proper library and she would spend hours in there travelling with her imagination.

She stared at the building and finally walked in. She climbed the marble stairs and reached the adult lending library section. On the lower floor they had an area all dedicated to kids.

She opened the glass doors and her eyes went straight to the desk scanning the area for a head of silver hair. Sadness hit her when she did not see him around. It really was going to be the day from hell. She walked to the fiction section and as she turned the corner around a stack of shelves she crashed into someone. What was with her and crashing into people today?

She was about to apologise when she looked up and noticed who she had bumped into. It was Rowan. Gods, even his name was perfect. That day he was wearing a blue shirt, the sleeves rolled up to the elbows, jeans and a pair of rimless glasses. She had so many improper thoughts.

“Aelin, sorry I didn’t see you…” his voice thick with his accent from Wendlyn.

“Hi,” she managed, trying to bring her feelings under control “I thought you were off. I came in and you were not around.” Oh she sounded like a lovestruck teenager.

“I was placing some books back on the shelves.” He indicated the pile in his arms.

Aelin spotted one of the titles “that is a great story. I read it about five times already.” Pointing to a specific title.

Rowan had a look at the book and read the blurb “I’ll set it aside.”

“You look good with glasses.” She blurted out and then blushed. She was flirting like a moron.

He gave her a smile that reached his eyes and her heart skipped a beat. Gods, the things she’d do to him…

“I have the book you reserved, by the way,” and he started walking back to the counter and she followed.

Aelin gave him her card and he processed the loan for her “you know the drill, right?”

“I am going home and spill coffee all over it.” Had it been someone else she knew he would have been horrified but that had become their inside joke. He knew she would never do anything of the sort.

***

Rowan processed her loan and took that moment to think about a good way to ask her out for coffee although he was afraid he was going to get a crushing rejection. She was probably taken already. A woman like her was definitely not single. Plus, she was definitely out of his league. He was about to ask her but froze and decided to leave it.

“I’ll just go and have a look around.” She told him, and he knew she was trying to put some distance between them. How could he even hope she would fall for him? He was the most boring man on earth. That was what Lyria had said when she dumped him. He sighed heavily and went back to his job but his gaze followed Aelin through the bookshelves. In his head he had different conversations he wanted to try. He usually was quite good and in the past he had picked up his share of women in pubs. But with Aelin it was different. He did not want to pass as a pig. All he wanted to tell her was that he found her attractive and fascinating and take her out for a coffee. Then he had an idea.

He walked to a shelf and picked a book that he knew she’d love. He was planning on recommending it to her another time but that was now his tool for his plan.

He scribbled down a note on a post it and placed it in the book, then walked to her “I was meaning to recommend you this one. Loads of angst but it’s a great story, and the female main character is just as badass as you like it. I already checked it out for you.”

The smile she gave him left him breathless “Thank you, Rowan. That’s why you are my favourite librarian.”

Eventually she had to leave and he wished it was Thursday already.

***

It was later in the afternoon when she got home after all her errands. She took her two books from her messenger bag and flipped through the one Rowan had given her until she spotted something bright green through the pages. She reached the post it note and read it.

I think you are perfect and a very fascinating woman. I will eagerly wait for next Thursday. Hopefully you will let me take you out for a coffee. Rowan.

She squealed in delight and texted Lysandra straight away to tell her about the message Rowan had left her. Rowan, the hottest librarian in the whole of Orynth wanted to go out for coffee with her. She could not believe it was happening, and she had to wait until next Thursday. She was off on Saturday but she had no idea if Rowan worked. She could try, she was so impatient to see him again that waiting was not an option.

***

Rowan got home later that night, got changed and crashed on the sofa and noticed the book abandoned there. It was one of the many Aelin had recommended to him. It was a great story, she definitely had great taste. He grabbed the book and thought about Aelin and the message he had left her. He had been so stupid. It was not high school, they were both adults and leaving messages like a lovestruck teenager was beyond pathetic. He should have talked to her like human beings did. He ran a hand through his hair and leaned back against the sofa. He had probably blown every chance with her. Who would ever go out with a guy who couldn’t even ask a girl out?

The following Thursday

Rowan had opened the library as usual but on that day a sense of unease was making him nervous. He still could not think about the stupid move about putting a message in a book for Aelin. He was positive she was going to ignore him the next time, or stop visiting altogether.

The morning had been busy with new applicants, his usual customers and an avalanche of requests to set books aside. Panic caught him when he saw one from Aelin. Which meant she was coming in and he was not ready. What could he say to her? Sorry I am bad at talking to people so I write secret messages like a teenager? He was embarrassed and he was not ready when he spotted her golden mane of hair appear at the main entrance. He tried to hide but she had spotted him and was now walking towards him with a huge grin. His heart started racing. Was just an impression or she was more gorgeous than usual?

Rowan saw her come to the desk and diligently wait for her turn while he finished serving the three people in front of her.

“Hi stranger,” she said to him once it was her turn.

Rowan felt a savage blush rise on his face “Hi you. I assume you are here for your book.”

Aelin nodded and passed him her library card “and for a coffee date.”

Rowan froze halfway to the computer. He cleared his voice “so you saw my message.”

“And I loved the idea. It reminded me of one of the books I read recently where one of the guard is in love with the princess, they are both bookworms and leave each other messages in books because they need to keep their relationship a secret.”

Rowan smiled “You got me. I took the idea from that book.”

The smile she gave him had the power to almost knock the breath out of his lungs.

“I don’t have school on Saturday. Fancy going out for a coffee?”

Rowan nodded “do you know the coffee shop around the corner from here?”

Aelin nodded in assent “I love that place.”

“I am off this Saturday, so if you want we can go then. It would be lovely to know more about my favourite customer.”

She took a step closer to him, only the counter separating them “favourite customer, eh?”

“Well, the one who gets outraged at people mistreating books. The one who understands my pain.”

Aelin cackled and her hand brushed his when she grabbed the card he was returning to her.

“I have only one condition.” He added softly.

“Hm?”

“You let me pay. You can scoff as many pastries as you want. It’s my treat.”

She leaned forward and kissed him on the cheek “it’s a date.”

When she pulled back she noticed his beautiful green eyes set on her. Maybe she had been too forward?

He grabbed a piece of paper and scribbled something down “my number.”

Aelin grabbed the piece of paper happily and winked at him “Now I have to go. I have loads to do.”

Rowan was sad at the idea “Of course. I will see you Saturday, then?”

“Saturday.” Her heart raced and then walked out of the library thinking that she could not wait two more days before seeing him again.

Rowan followed her with his gaze, happy that she had appreciated and understood the message idea. His hand touched the spot on the cheek that she had kissed and he was positive he was grinning like a lunatic.

They had a coffee date. He could not believe his luck.

But most of all he could not wait for Saturday.

He went to the stacks, looked for a specific book and checked it out under his name, then scribbled a message on a post it and placed it in the book and set it aside.

Ready for Aelin.

She was his Thursday crush.

#rowan whitethorn #rowaelinmonth #rowan x aelin #rowaelin fanfic #rowaelin fanfiction #day 4 #fluff #aelin galathynius

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unfinishedslurs · 1 year ago

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FUCK IT POSTING MY NOTES FOR THIS FIC

Bill as Luther

Writes books with bad endings that are really just poorly fabricated versions of themselves

Not so much “how dare you spill all the family secrets” (antagonistic) as “how dare you kill me in this book” (affectionate)

Mayyybe he writes about his childhood, but. Idk

He could write about their childhood but it’s like. Them against their father/the world instead of them against each other

He could have still lost Georgie, but instead of a little brother he’s his son??? Or maybe he’s got Allison’s storyline and lost custody in the divorce. Hmmmmm I don’t like the idea of it fitting in with his powers though because he’s got super strength and Bill would never. Hmmm. Fuck

I’m an idiot it could not be more obvious that Georgie dies and then Bill and Audra divorce because that happens to a lot of couples. Sorry Georgie :/

Mike as Diego

Instead of policeman/vigilante he becomes a HISTORIAN vigilante. Or he teaches at a school. I think teaching would be good for Mike. Actually yeah I’m gonna make him a teacher

Well no because he stays in the house

He could be staying in the house but still teaching at the nearby high school that's a possibility

Come up with a reason for Mike to stay in the house????????

Or I guess he doesn’t actually have to stay in the house

Actually he could still be The One Who Stayed In Derry

OH THEY COULD STILL BE IN DERRY AKA THE MOST CRIME RIDDEN CITY IN THE USA

GREAT

GLAD WE SOLVED THIS

Ok Mike stayed because Someone Has To Stay And Help

Or maybe it’s the same city as in TUA and he stays in the house continuing to be a superhero

Does he still go to the moon???

Librarian by day, vigilante by night

Someone get this man some sleep

Ben as Allison

Instead of the “I’ve lost custody of my daughter and I miss her and I’m trying to be a better person for her” storyline Ben can have his alcoholism from the book

He’s an architect

He’s used his powers to design a building that looks like a penis I will not be taking criticism

Built the attic fort for all the losers instead of Allison building the fort for Luther

Or did Luther build it for Allison??????

Either way Ben built the fort and also always loved architecture

He’s the Momma’s boy

Richie as Klaus

uwu fandom gayboys

No I swear I have reasoning past this

1) comedic relief 2) I’m equating the deadlights to time travel and he and Bev are the ones who go through them in just like Klaus and Five are the ones who have time traveled in season one 3) Klaus’s fashion sense vs Richie’s fucking shirts

Still a comedian???? I don’t want to take away from Klaus’s homelessness because it’s such a big part of his storyline but like,,,,I like the idea of Richie still being a comedian in LA and still having the fear of coming out of the closet because of It but then again maybe he’s just fucking out and proud I like that more. Will think about it

Yeah I like the idea of him being out better, since there’s no forgetting

Goes back in time to Vietnam and meets either Connor Bowers or Steve The Manager. No incest in my story sorry reddie

Incorporate his suicidal tendencies from the book and then he and Stan have a whole language of horrible fucked up jokes good for them

Richie dies and meets Maturin the benevolent turtle god who sends him back <3

Has a drug addiction still bc like. A lot of celebrities do anyways and also I’m pretty sure it’s canon somewhere that Richie did coke in his 20’s. He’ll get over it eventually <3

Bev as Five

BEV AS FIVE BEV GOING FORWARD IN TIME AS 13 TO SEE HER FAMILY DEAD THE PARALLELS THERE I LITERALLY REFUSE TO HAVE IT BE ANYONE ELSE EVEN WHEN THEIR PERSONALITIES CLASH

Delores is Kay I love her with all my heart

Bev gives Richie the $20

Bev compliments Richie’s horrible clothing choices and Richie says “that’s right, you wanted to be a fashion designer”

The deadlights = the commission

She’s a lot nicer than Five but like. Still willing to kill people to stop the apocalypse

The cycle of abuse Bev falls into vs Five’s addiction to the apocalypse???? How to frame it hmmmm

Stan as Ben

Commits suicide at age 17 sorry bro

Like I said he and Richie have a whole thing of jokes and shit that are in very bad taste but alas,,,they’ve both died they get to make whatever jokes they want about it

Eddie as Vanya

Oooh I love this

Eddie not only thinking himself powerless but sick. He gets Vanya’s trauma and Klaus’s drug addiction but it’s like,,,,prescribed shit. Actually both Vanya and Klaus have a pill addiction.

Myra as Harold not only emptying out his pills but filling them back up with placebos to make him dependent on her and the powers are an unexpected side effect

Eddie not feeling abandoned or left out by his siblings (well yes a little bit but not the way Vanya is) but instead smothered by their overprotection of him which is the main reason he’s angry when he gets left out of family discussions and shit. He thinks they think he’s weak because he’s sick and doesn’t have powers and his siblings don’t exactly think it in the way he thinks they do but they’re still very much Must Protect Our Sick Powerless Baby Brother

So he tries avoiding the feeling and when Ben meets Myra and he’s like “uh Eddie,,,,she’s got Bad Vibes” and he’s like actually Myra is my friend and she doesn’t treat me like I’m helpless

When his powers blow up he still destroys the mansion just like Neibolt is destroyed when It dies

Minor Characters

Pennywise (Robert Gray) as Reginald

Like who else could it be

Is named Robert Gray but has his name in the comics and action figures and shit be Pennywise

The Losers still call him “It” because the funniest thing to do when you hate your dad is just not call him anything

Sonia as Pogo

I have thought about this and yes it’s the only possible explanation

Sonia as the one who keeps supplying Eddie with pills. Sonia as the one who enables It’s abuse. Sonia who spends the most time with Eddie. Sonia who calls Pennywise a great man at the funeral and everyone’s like actually fuck you

Eddie’s the closest with her, because Of Course

Eddie still kills her ofc

Myra as Harold

Her job is at a pharmacy

Or maybe as a nurse?

Replaces Eddie’s pills with placebos to make him dependent on her

What’s her motivation? Idk yet

[blank] as Hazel

Bowers as Cha-Cha

I mean really who else could it be

Maggie Tozier as Grace

In the book she’s like the perfect 50’s housewife she’s really the best candidate

Very sweet. Curly black hair, blue eyes, wide smile.

[blank] as Agnes

I swear I had the perfect fucking idea for the Hazel/Agnes storyline last night. Motherfuck

Tom as the Handler

FUCK THE HANDLER AND FUCK TOM’S NASTY ASS

Story Details

Ok so they actually get along ok they just like. Don't talk??? I guess????? Or maybe they kept in touch minimally I literally cannot bear a world where the losers remember each other and aren’t in touch

But like. They’ve still got a lot of trauma and they’re still!!! Fucked!!! Up!!!!!

They’re in Derry because it’s the most crime ridden city in the state, Gotham style

Pussywide dies and they’re all like “damn that’s fucked up. I guess it’s time to see my siblings and laugh over his grave”

No one likes their dad. Especially not Mike

The whole thing with the courtyard except when Bill dumps out the ashes and it’s awkward Richie’s just like. Did anyone else ever expect to find out he was an evil alien and everyone’s like beep beep Richie but half of them are laughing and the other half are trying not to. Or maybe there’s just more awkward silence and then Bill says “yeah”

Sonia: your father was a complicated man- Everyone: he was an asshole, Sonia

They all have the last name Gray because Pennywise was Robert Gray

Richie said he saw Stan once when he was fucked up and his family was like “I’m sure you do, Richie” but didn’t believe him and then when he kept insisting on it Bill snapped “Beep beep” and the way he said it made Richie go quiet and he doesn’t try to convince them anymore

Ends at season 1 because they’re more competent than the Hargreeves

Umbrella Academy Losers

Bill takes a deep breath, twists the cap off the urn, and dumps the ashes out. They fall into an inelegant heap. It would have hated that.

“M-might have been b-b-better with some wind,” he mutters. Everyone stays silent.

Finally, Richie breaks the silence. “Did anyone else ever expect him to turn into some weird alien…clown…spider…thing?”

No one replies, until Bill toes the ashes. “Yeah.”

“Well,” Richie says, lighting a cigarette, “good to know I’m not completely crazy.”

“I don't think that Bill being on your side points to your favor,” Eddie replies.

Bill frowns down at the small pile by his feet. “I used t-t-to th-think he was i-i-immortal. I g-guess I s-st-still thought th-that.”

“He was always good at making us think he was the biggest threat we’d ever face,” Mike says.

“He was wrong,” Bev replies, and glances at the ashes one last time before light flashes and she’s gone.

Richie’s sitting upside down on the couch, much to Eddie’s chagrin. Sucks for him, but there’s plenty of couches to choose from. He didn’t have to sit next to him. He pulls a joint out of his pocket and lights it. Hopefully having lungs upwards for a change doesn’t make him choke.

Bill sighs. “Richie.”

“Sorry, Big Bill, but if you think I’m going to be sober enough to chance seeing It’s ghost, you’re out of your goddamn mind.”

They all wince in sympathy.

“Yeah, okay,” Eddie says, “but can you at least not smoke with the asthmatic in the room?”

Richie squints, trying to make sense of Eddie’s upside-down face. “Do you have asthma? I don’t remember you having asthma.”

“Were you there for most of our childhood?”

“Physically or mentally?” He asks, but gets up and moves to the bar. Close enough to hear, far enough to not aggravate Eddie’s lungs. Bev and Ben follow him.

“Got a smoke?” Bev asks, leaning against the bar, and Ben falters, accidentally turning his two fingers of whiskey into three.

“You—you’re thirteen,” he says, at the same time Richie asks, “Aren’t you an infant now?”

“I’m forty years old,” she says, fixing them with the second most deadpan stare he’s ever seen. “I’m in the body of my thirteen year old self, which is enough torture. Besides, these lungs are already ruined. Give me a damn cigarette.”

Can’t argue with that. He gives her a damn cigarette.

Ben sighs and adds another finger.

“Richie,” Bill calls, because he has some kind of Big Brother instinct that Richie secretly thinks of as his second power, “you better not be giving drugs to the baby.”

“Fuck you, Bill,” Bev snorts, and Richie follows up with, “Yeah, fuck you! The ‘baby’ gave me cigarettes first.”

“Why’d you stay, Mikey?” Bill asks. “You hated it here more than any of us.”

“Actually I think that was Richie.”

“Hell yeah it was!” Richie calls.

#it fanfic #suicide mention #the notes are in the same doc as the parts of the fic I had written I couldn’t resist posting them #plus it gives a more complete look at my thought process 🥳🥳

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potterandpreferences · 4 years ago

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The Way To A Man's Heart

Pairing: Ron Weasley x Reader

Setting: Half-Blood Prince; For the purposes of this one-shot, Ron dated Lavender in OotP

When you and Ron had started dating, a lot of people were convinced it would not last. Apparently, the school cohort was under the impression that he and Hermione were going to be the Hogwarts power couple. You could kind of see where they were coming from; there had been a lot of petty jealousy on both sides and there had been a sense that it was playground pigtail pulling. And yet, you couldn't help but think that those people were also selectively blind to how toxic that sort of relationship could be. Honestly if it wasn't for Harry, you didn't believe Ron and Hermione would still be friends six years down the line.

As it was, you had come to be somewhat of a secret friend to Ron Weasley. When he was at odds with his two best mates, he could find some solace in your company. Whether it was playing exploding snap, hanging out on the quidditch pitch (even if your feet stayed firmly on the ground some of the time), or - despite what others would believe - doing homework together in the library.

As a consequence of spending so much time with him one to one, it didn't take long to learn some of Ron's tells. When he was really, truly upset, he went off his food. When he was irritated, he preferred something like a pumpkin pasty or a sandwich, something he could tear into. When he was happy, he'd try some of everything, content with a little of lots until he went in for seconds. When he was feeling a bit down or worried, his preference of choice was a hearty stew followed by a warm apple pie with ice cream, something that reminded him of home.

This particular day it was sunny and one of the warmest thus far. Spring was slowly transitioning into summer, and with it exam season was upon the students of Hogwarts. Sixth year didn't count in the same way that seventh year would, but your continued presence in all your chosen subjects depended on passing all of their exams. And so, along with the sunshine, fifth years and up were also being subjected to the heat fueled by their ever increasing panic, which made sitting outside with a nice cool breeze all the more tempting.

You had been attempting to study in the library, but the librarian had all the windows firmly shut and it got a bit too stuffy for your liking. You checked out the books you required for your first exam, and ambled down the corridors in search of an empty courtyard. It was as you were descending the stairs to the first floor that you noticed a certain redhead stomping towards the doors that led outside, with the proverbial storm cloud raging above his head.

Concerned, you followed. He didn't slow his pace or give any indication that he knew he was being followed, something which raised even more alarm bells. Ron, as a by-product of living with the twins, was usually very aware of someone being on his tail. Ron's long legs carried him to the shore of the Black Lake. He followed the edge around to a little outcrop coated in pebbles and stones. These he grabbed at roughly, before launching them out towards the water with a growl.

"Ron? Are you okay? What's happened?" You approached cautiously, making plenty of noise as you walked closer so that your voice didn't startle Ron into accidentally throwing any remaining stones at you.

"Hermione bloody Granger is what happened!" He yelled.

You made a soft sound of understanding at his near shout. "Want to tell me what she did this time?"

Ron sighed, tossing the last stone into the water as he stared at the horizon for a long moment. Then, he sat down on the roots of a nearby tree and started to explain.

"I was revising for transfiguration. Had one of my old essays out for vanishing vertebrates, you know? Figured looking at where I went wrong on something that's bound to come up on the exam would be a good idea."

"I take it Hermione had different views on the matter?" It really had become something of a thing that your entire year and to an extent the years below knew. Never, ever do anything to get Granger started on how you should be studying, and Ron's mirthless chuckle did nothing to change your previous notion.

"She freaked the hell out. Started having a go at me for having got a P on an essay in the first place, told me it was useless trying to learn from rubbish like that, and then told me if I'd followed her revision schedule I'd have already covered the topic and at this point should be onto the practical wand work," Ron spat venemously.

"You know she's wrong, don't you?" It wasn't uncommon for Hermione to tell Ron that he was doing something wrong, and you knew that being told something repeatedly would make the thought that much harder to shake. How many more times would Ron be able to take unproductive, callous criticism from a snobby know-it-all before the thoughts became a fundamental part of his psyche?

"I know but... she just makes me feel like an idiot! I don't get the theory behind magic at a drop of a hat like she does! Hell, most of us don't. But you make one little mistake in your homework and she gets so bloody condescending," Ron sighed. Many thought he was lazy when he tried to get Hermione to do his homework. In truth, it was so he knew what she was expecting in the essay to avoid a rant - her, not the teacher!

"It sounds like it's gotten worse than normal. Actually it sounds like how she behaved when you dated Lavender last year," you commented. To be fair, dating was a very loose term for what Ron and Lavender got up to. It was too public to be just friends with benefits, but there weren't really any romantic feelings. The PDA was a bit much at times, but it was rarely ever Ron that initiated those instances.

"Ugh, don't remind me. I still have the scars from them birds! Mental, she is," he exclaimed. And yet, as you looked closely, you can't help but notice the tips of his ears were getting very red.

"Wait a minute - you're not dating Lavender again are you?!" His eyes widen in shock and he shakes his head, waving his hands in adamant protest.

"Merlin, no! I don't even - " He pulled a face of disgust. "I mean, I dunno, can't believe I dated her in the first place I suppose. Seems like a lifetime ago."

He was lying (you could tell from the way he fumbled for an explanation), but that was okay. You knew the sentiment was true even if he was sidestepping what he was honestly thinking about. You were curious, but you weren't going to push it. This wasn't the time for an interrogation by any means. Thus, you decided to change the topic entirely.

"Do you still feel up to studying some transfiguration? I have some books from the library and all my notes. I even have some cauldron cakes." When he refused both the studying and the food, you smiled sadly at him. "Okay. Well how about we go down to the quidditch pitch?"

And that was exactly what the pair of you did. You didn't feel like flying, so you sat in the stands and watched as Ron flew for a couple hours. He zoomed around the pitch in patterns you recognised from quidditch practice drills, before enchanting the practice quaffle so that he could work on his keeper skills. You called Dobby when you were sure Ron wasn't looking, and when Ron eventually joined you in stands, it was to find a delicious bowl filled with a generous helping or rhubarb and apple crumble waiting for him.

"I thought you might have worked up a bit of an appetite. Some of those drills looked tough," you admitted when he stared silently in surprise, mouth gaping.

"It's like you read my mind!" was all Ron managed to say before he was practically inhaling the food, shovel sized spoonfuls disappearing with complete gratitude no matter how swift.

"I just know you, Ron," you laughed. It should gross you out how much he ate so quickly, but his only fault at foodtime was talking with his mouth full. None ever spilled on his clothes, and his chin was remarkably clean.

When the pudding was half gone, Ron slowed down enough to process what you had said. "How d'you mean, you know me?"

"Well, when you're really upset, you don't want to eat, but flying makes you happy. When you've had a fight with Hermione, you usually tend to prefer something filling and pies and crumbles are your go to when you're feeling a bit down still."

He stared at you like he'd never seen you before. No one else had ever noticed - or at least mentioned - knowing what he liked to eat and when. Oh sure, lots of people had commented on his appetite and knew him not having much of one was a sign something was wrong, but the nuances? What food went with what situation? That was all you.

And, he realised as he ate in companionable silence next to you, this wasn't the first time you knew what he wanted to eat after having a falling out with his friends or stressed out about exams. The cauldron cakes you had in your bag, he liked to eat them when he was feeling nervous about school work. He rarely saw you eat them though so... did you keep some in your bag just for him? And there were all those other times too, when you just seemed to know when he was actually hungry and when he was just bored.

There was a plethora of things unique about his relationship with you that he adored, and he had sort of had thoughts that weren't strictly platonic about you, but this little insight into how much you knew about the things that went unsaid was what made what he was about to do next feel so incredibly right.

"Er, Y/N, I was wondering... would you like to go on a date some time?"

#ron weasly x reader #harry potter imagine #harry potter oneshot #ron weasley #ron weasley x you

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girls-are-very-pretty · 4 years ago

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Okay so I don’t know if anyone remembers the NPR “I believe” series, muhammad ali did one I know and like holocaust survivors and little kids etc. One of my teachers had me write one last semester, and I kinda feel like, sure I could just let it be one of those “between me and you” type essays that I never show anyone, but I also think that it’s something that maybe a lot of people need to hear. That maybe, some tentative girls are coming onto my blog trying to figure out how they feel, figure out if they’re doing something wrong, if they are okay. And that’s exactly where I was a couple of years ago, so I think I’ma share this story hoping it helps someone, or makes them feel better and comforts them. Because if I can go from closeted conservative christian raised small town bby gay to raging lesbian that I am now, it means it’s possible and things aren’t always going to stay the same.

so yeah....

I Believe in The Power of the Spoken Word

I believe words have power. That the words we speak can affect us, they’re a part of us and can help us know ourselves better. Emotions are hard to comprehend and our brains can overthink simple things at the drop of the hat. Sometimes I wondered if my feelings were real, or if I had simply been conditioned to think they were. Saying what I thought I felt out loud became a daily lie detector test.

A few years ago, my community librarian had a shelf of advanced-readers-copy books that people could take if they were interested. Of course, I took one. I grabbed the book Rebel of the Sands by Alwyn Hamilton. In the book there were creatures called Djinn: children of humans and Djinni, blessed with a variety of powers but also restricted to speak only truths. The main character was a Djinn working for a rebellion with a few other Djinn. Whenever their friends went on particularly dangerous missions, they would say things like “Ahmed is alive” or “Jin is alive”, or other similar phrases using the names of their friends. Because they couldn’t tell a lie they knew that if they couldn’t say the phrase then that person was dead. It was their way of checking in with each other in an age where people weren’t a quick text away.

This concept stuck with me and eventually I started using it to cope. I used to have trouble making decisions, so I started to say them out loud: “I could go to the beach or I could stay home”, or “I could have pizza for dinner or pot sticker dumplings”. If one of the options made me feel sick or uncomfortable then I knew that wasn’t what I wanted to do. That sick to my stomach feeling was the equivalent of the Djinn not being able to speak. Before this I could never trust myself, constantly doubting whether I was doing something because someone told me to and it would make them happy or if it was something I actually wanted to do. My mom said that I was going to grow up, become a biomedical engineer and solve cancer, and I felt sick whenever I repeated it out loud to myself. That wasn’t the life I truly wanted.

Four years ago, I started wrestling with myself. I grew up in a Christian household, I was sheltered most of my life; and then I started high school and I got a crush on the girl who sat next to me in world history. Everyone around me always said that LGBTQ+ people were just people who were hurting a lot and given my history at the time I wasn’t sure if I was really into this girl or if I had been traumatized and it was manifesting in this crush. I was scared, I didn’t know the words for what I was feeling and I kind of decided to just let it pass thinking it was a momentary thing. I couldn’t talk with anyone about it because I didn’t want to be told I was broken.

I later went to the movies with the girl and my freshman high school student brain called it a date, and she came to my birthday party. At 2 AM, in a fit of exhaustion-induced bravery, I used truth or dare to ask if she was interested in girls. She told me she was Demi, which in turn told me that I needed to learn a whole new language because I had no clue what that meant. We grew apart but the fact that I was interested in girls continued to gnaw at me.

Last year I started a Tumblr account. Whenever I had a thought or an emotion regarding liking girls, I would post it on my blog, and if I didn’t feel sick to my stomach then it meant that I truly felt that way, not that I was convincing myself of these emotions due to emotional trauma. I began to come to terms with the fact that I was a person. I had feelings for girls. I was gay. And it was OK. I started using it on scenarios, posting things like “When I grow up, I want to pick up my girlfriend from her work with a cup of coffee, hug her, and walk home holding her hand”. The first thing this did was help me solidify that I really was Women Loving Women (wlw). I knew I wouldn't have the future with the husband I had been promised and coerced into. It was what I wanted it to be. Instead of sick, I felt happy. I felt like I had hope. And that was the second thing: I felt like I had a future.

Now, whenever I’m unsteady and confused I remember that I can always remind myself that I want something because I want it, not because someone else told me to. That is the power that the spoken word gave to me.

#long post #wlw #wlw post #wlw feelings #bby gay #hurt/comfort #?#essay #I believe #npr I believe #wlw blog

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furashuban · 3 years ago

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As High As The Moon Above

The first work so far of a Hilda AU I’ve written centered around Kaisa and Johanna but as childhood friends (which I’ve titled the Spellbound AU)! Hope ya’ll enjoy!

Pairing: Sketchbook Ship (Kaisanna)

Words: 5.5k

AO3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/33556615/chapters/83380660

Summary: Kaisa must practice casting a new spell before her next training session with her teacher, Tildy. In response, her best friend Johanna, unbeknownst that Kaisa is training to become a witch, offers to take her along on a camping trip outside the wall of Trolberg to help her concentrate.

A cart of books strolled and squeaked through the halls of the Trolberg library. The keeper of the books went about their business reshelving heaps upon heaps of returned literature, glimpsing every aisle they passed with most having little to no visitors browsing the shelves. They eventually spot a girl in a black cardigan and purple dress, complimented by her short black hair, muttering as she struggled to return a single book into a column two spaces above her head. The librarian lets go of the cart to approach the tiptoeing visitor.

“I can help with that, Kaisa,” they offered warmly. “Please, allow me.”

“No, that’s okay.” The girl spoke in a heavy Nordic accent. “Almost got it…” She grunted again before successfully sliding her book through the shelf. “There.”

The librarian noticed a stack of other books carried around Kaisa’s arm as she walked away to the next aisle. Thinking that she would turn down her assistance if she offered again, the librarian simply grinned and nodded, returning to her cart to reshelve on their own.

Kaisa was now at the second floor with her books. One might think she was merely volunteering to aid in the librarian’s duties, but in truth, she spent half the day at the library to read as many books as she possibly could. Some were finished cover-to-cover, others she only read half way through, but promised to come back for until she was absorbed enough to borrow and reread them home; only in the library could she bring herself to finish a book in its entirety.

She made it to the end of the second floor’s hall where a bookshelf had a column within reach, as well as space between other books, which luckily for Kaisa was meant for all the books on her pile alone, and slid every book into it at once before heaving a sigh of relief.

Onto the next stack she could gather, thinking to herself. But out of nowhere, a feeling of suspicion coincided with her imagination and stood frozen before the bookshelf. Kaisa began pulling out books slightly and placing them back a second after. She hummed, now peering behind the gap between the walls and bookcase and ran her hand through the edges, all the while someone new was walking towards her direction.

“…Oh, there you are!” another person’s voice spoke jubilantly behind her. “Almost thought you left already, been looking everywhere for you.”

Kaisa turned around; the voice was all too familiar. In front of her was a girl the same age as she was, brown hair that tied into a ponytail and wearing a Sparrow Scout uniform. She smiled as she stood, bringing excitement to Kaisa’s heart.

“You’re back from your badge work!” her whole face lit up.

“Yep! Just earned my Geology Badge today, so that’s one more to my sash and for the ceremony.” The Sparrow Scout explained proudly.

“Stolt över dig, Johanna.” Kaisa applauded. “And the badge ceremony is soon, right?”

“Well, it’s only a month from now.” Johanna pointed out. “Actually, I was hoping you would be able to come and attend, if you won’t be busy, of course.”

Kaisa reached for the brunette’s hand and held it up with both her palms. “I would not miss it for anything.” She guaranteed excitedly, making her best friend blush and glance away overjoyed.

“…So, um, what have you been up to?” Johanna asked. “…apart from reading that is.”

“I was looking for secret doors in the library.” Kaisa explained, turning back to the bookshelf. “There must be whole other rooms with more books hidden in the shelves somehow.”

Johanna walked closer to the colossal shelf of literature and helped inspect with Kaisa. “Have you tried pulling every book like it was a lever?” she suggested, also wanting to be inquisitive of rooms behind the library walls.

“Almost all of them, yes.” Kaisa nodded. “Do you think this might be the wrong shelf?”

“Personally, the library is already kinda big on its own. It’ll take ages to find where the right one is.” Johanna admitted. “But hey, if we don’t find them, you can always add them when you become the future librarian.”

“You know…” Kaisa turned back to Johanna. “That’s exactly what I’ll do…!”

Johanna had known Kaisa’s dreams of being the keeper of books for as long as she could remember. She enjoyed visiting the Trolberg library just as much as anyone else, but she never met anybody who treated it like it was their own home the same way Kaisa did. One could write a fairytale of a girl who lived here, she thought at one point, and wanted to be the protagonist adventurer who would come to befriend her. That idea came back to her briefly as she faced an enthusiastic Kaisa, and for that reason, she giggled quietly; the fairytale might actually be true.

Before the two girls could continue their conversation, a figure stood over and caught their attention. They looked up on a woman suiting a long, sophisticated gray dress and a decorative hat reminiscent to what witch’s wear.

“Oh, hello Arch Sorcer…I MEAN Tildy…” Kaisa stammered. “What brings you here…?”

The woman smiled warmly at the girl to reassure her tension. “Nothing much, my dear.” She spoke in a gentle tone. “Just came looking for a book to bring home and all.”

She peeped over the closest bookshelf and quickly skimmed through it before pulling out a novel that read The Skeleton Whisperer on the cover. “Ah yes, this will do.” she said. “I suppose you’re here continuing extra work on your training.”

“Yes, ma’am.” Kaisa gave a half smile. “I just finished, but I can continue if you insist that I do…”

“No need to stress.” Tildy assured. “I know you’ve worked quite hard today. Catch your breath and continue your studies tomorrow.” She turned her attention to Johanna. “You and your friend deserve the time to respite.”

The sorceress-in-secret kneeled down to Kaisa and whispered on her ear. “Also, I couldn’t help but overhear your suggestions on secret rooms,” she continued. “I think it’s a great idea. We’ll talk about it with the Committee next time we head down the tower.”

And with her borrowed book, the mysterious woman walked onwards. “Adieu, children.” She said before making her way downstairs with her borrowed book.

“See you soon madame Pilqu…Tildy, I mean.” Kaisa also bid farewell.

“I thought you were just here waiting before we could hang out.” Johanna expressed.

“I was.” retorted Kaisa. “But I tried catching up with some studies, too, for when I meet with Tildy again.”

“Who was she anyway?” asked Johanna. “She seemed very…enigmatic, sort of, but sweet.”

“She’s my teacher.” Kaisa answered. “I took up her apprenticeship long ago, but I’m not allowed to talk about it too much...”

Johanna could fathom; never once had Kaisa talked about any apprenticeship before. She now looked distressed once she saw her teacher was here, stroking down her locks to the point her bangs nearly covered her eyes. The Sparrow Scout could feel her frown forming by seeing Kaisa’s own, now wishing to know much about this part of her friend’s life she had not known previously.

“Do you not get along with her, Kaisa?” asked Johanna.

“Oh, she’s actually really nice to me, kind of like my farmor.” she replied. “It’s just that…Well, I don’t know…” she paused, squirming from hesitation. She said it herself, she was not allowed to talk about her sessions with Tildy, whether it was what she was being taught or what she was even learning to become. But she knew Johanna will be left with loads of questions if she did not reveal much about her apprenticeship starting now.

Kaisa sighed, maybe she did not have to reveal a lot of the truth to Johanna if she really wanted to explain her vexation. “So, look, there’s this sort of… “routine” we’ll call it, that Tildy is letting me practice until next week.” she continued. “As usual, I need to prepare by studying a lot first, but it’s hard to actually practice where I live. There’s not enough privacy to do the routine with my mum around, and if I don’t get it right when I meet Tildy, well, I’m afraid I’ll disappoint her…”

Almost instantly, Johanna brainstormed the perfect solution to Kaisa’s ordeal. “Wait a sec, Kaisa, I know exactly how you can practice.” she beamed. “But the catch is, I might have to accompany you the whole time.”

“What do you mean?” Kaisa asked.

“I’ll be going camping this weekend!” clarified Johanna. “My parents allowed me to go so I can prepare for my camping badge, but what they don’t know is that I plan to settle outside the walls.” she extended her hand and swung it across. “I’m going as far away from the city as I can, remote into the wilderness, and maybe just close enough to my grandad’s old house if I’m lucky. And to top it off, you can come with me!”

Kaisa’s face went white. “So you’re saying I should I join you…in going outside the walls?”

“Yep, exactly!” Johanna expressed. “Think about it, there will still be time to prepare and see your teacher after you’re done practicing in the trip, and no one else can find you practicing in the wilderness. Besides, it’ll be fun with just you and me in the outdoors!”

“Oh, I don’t know, Johanna…” Kaisa faltered. “I could…But it sounds a bit risky. And you would still be around when I start practicing, so that’s still a problem for me.”

“Well, it’s no worries then,” the brunette reassured. “It was just worth the suggestion, but I understand.”

A bit of quietness befell for the two girls. Kaisa glanced away and envisioned Johanna’s planned escapade outside the walls. Maybe letting her leave while being the only person to know about it was not such a good idea. Anything could happen in the wilderness, and Kaisa shuddered to think what harm would come to Johanna when she could have personally protected her the same way she would if they camped together.

Kaisa returned to glancing at Johanna. “Promise me you will not tell anyone about my training…?” she said.

Johanna gasped and smiled all at once. “Don’t worry, you can trust me.” she swore.

Kaisa grabbed hold of Johanna’s shoulders. “Johanna, no one can ever know about what I practice.” she continued with visible anxiety in her complexion. “I will get in trouble, and it will be worse for you, and something bad will happen to both of us somehow.” her voice became twice as strained and her grip slowly tightened. “Jag kan inte förlåta mig själv…!”

“Kaisa, listen, it’s going to be okay…” Johanna’s tone was light and calm, guiding Kaisa’s hands to let go. “Look, I may not understand everything about your apprenticeship or your routine, but your teacher said no need to stress. Well, I’m saying it too.” She elevated her posture. “I promise as your best friend to not only help you, but to also never tell a single soul of our adventure, nor what I’ll see regarding your training during it.” She finalized with a Sparrow Scout’s salute.

Kaisa grinned, feeling relief course through her mind. “Thank you.” She spoke softly. “I’ll stop worrying now.”

“Alright, let’s go then,” Johanna chuckled. “The park’s waiting for us. We’ll talk more about our trip there.”

Every day went by slowly for Kaisa, but the weekend finally came for her and Johanna to head out into the wilderness. However, even the hours of the day went by just as slowly when she waited for the Sparrow Scout to come by her house. She was in her room filling her pack with her own essential needs that were instructed for her to bring in a camping trip. The only thing not packed in her luggage was her wand with an amethyst pommel, which she kept hidden under her cardigan.

Whether it was going to be in the camping trip or when they were older, Kaisa knew that Johanna was going to discover she was a witch this whole time. The vague routine she said she hoped to practice was in fact a spell which of course involved her wand, an incantation and some magic. She trembled at the fact that there was no point of return in continuing to hide the truth from Johanna after the library visit. It was not just that there were punishments and compromises to a witch’s identity being revealed, but would her best friend still even want to be friends with someone who is capable of influencing the paranormal like her? Even if she had doubts of her own strength, would just being a witch-in-training be enough to scare her and split their friendship apart?

It made Kaisa’s head spin and groan every time. If there was one thing she hoped to do as a witch, it was the power to predict other people’s choices and wishes, that way she would never have to endure the pain of overthinking about the company in her present or future ever again.

Behind her, a knock on the window thudded twice. Kaisa quickly turned to see Johanna on the other side, no longer in her uniform but rather in a red and blue flannel above her overalls while her long, swaying hair spilled down her shoulders, waving her hand with the brightest smile on her face.

“Ready for our camping trip, Kaisa?” she asked, her voice softened from the glass pane.

Kaisa rushed to open the window. “Am I supposed to jump out through here?” she asked back, realizing Johanna did not stop by the front door.

“Mhm.” The brunette nodded. “We’ll be much faster exiting the walls with this route.”

“My mum’s not even home,” Kaisa pointed out. “It wouldn’t matter as much.”

“Does she also know you’re heading out today?” Johanna diverted.

“Yes, of course she does.” Kaisa answered.

The brunette gestured to leave. “No time to waste, then.”

Kaisa chuckled and shook her head in amusement. While hurrying to take her pack, Johanna made room for her to climb out and reclose the window, then rushing as fast as they could into the city’s portion of the forestland to avoid attention.

One of the exits out of the walls was just nearby, and the pair made it with nothing stopping their way. No traffic of vehicles driving into the city, no guards surveilling the entrance, just a mere traffic stop standing dormant on the gate to halt anyone from entering and exiting. Quickly, the two girls ran like the wind, hoping they were not spotted by Bellkeepers and citizens in general, finally ending up in the outside world to trek on their own.

“We still have a long way to go,” Johanna said. “The perfect camping ground should be yonder…”

Johanna continued walking a few paces, but Kaisa stopped to look back at the gate to Trolberg still nearby. She could feel her eyes welling up and her heart pounding out her chest as every second of her fear grew. Not often was she outside, but the wilderness was a whole new scenario that she wished she prepared more for. She did not want to leave for Johanna’s safety, but it was so easy for her to feel afraid in these surroundings. The Sparrow Scout herself looked back and noticed Kaisa frozen in uncertainty.

“Hey, we’ll to be okay,” Johanna hurried to comfort her best friend. “I promise I’ll protect you. I won’t let anything hurt us in this trip.”

Kaisa whimpered and stared back at Johanna. The anxiety etched on her face was contagious to the brunette and stung her heart, but she forced a smile and sneakily grabbed Kaisa’s hand.

“I’ll hold onto you the entire time we’re out here, that way we’ll both feel safe,” she entangled her fingers with Kaisa’s.

Something sparkled in Kaisa’s eyes when she saw her hand grasping her best friend’s. She did not say a word, but a warm smile finally carved on her face and was enough for Johanna to know that she will be okay. The two pressed on, Johanna remained ahead while Kaisa was behind her, their hands still holding and keeping them close together.

They hiked a chartless trail among the forestlands where the leaves changing color from summer to fall was ever so present, and the sunshine beamed infinite rays of its light through the trees trying to cover it. Kaisa was lost in thought, appreciating the view of the forest; she turned her head in all directions and felt a wave of reassurance with every view, made even more so with Johanna taking the lead as she hummed a tune. Seeing she was still holding Kaisa’s hand, the witch-in-secret recalled what Johanna had said earlier about protecting each other, something she could not stop thinking at all, but wanted to address as casually as she could.

“Hey, Johanna…” Kaisa called.

“Yes, Kaisa?”

“Do you ever think humans could become familiars?”

“You mean like the ones witches have?” Johanna asked back. “Well, I’m not sure… It would be pretty neat if they could, though.”

“I agree,” Kaisa said. “It wouldn’t be common, but talking with a human familiar would sure feel like less work.”

“Yep,” Johanna retorted. “Wait just a minute…” her tone grew wary.

Kaisa gulped, feeling nervous of what Johanna intended to say. “Y-Yeah…?”

“Imagine if one us became a witch’s familiar!” Johanna’s eyes lit up.

The corner of Kaisa’s mouth quirked up and giggled, mostly out of relief. “You’d actually want to become one?”

“Sure, why not?!” Johanna replied. “Think of all the cool spells you get to help a witch out on. If I was a familiar, I would never ever leave their side, constantly aiding them…kind of like I am with you!”

The girl behind her blushed. “That’s good to know…” she whispered, hoping Johanna would not turn to see the glee on her reddened complexion.

Miles and miles of trees and rivers were wandered through by the duo until they grew eventually tired. When both the sun and sky glowed a warm tinge of orange, the time came to build their camp, far away from the nearest residence of Trolberg.

“Right, this should be good, I think,” said Johanna, letting go of her pack and rummaging through the compartment holding her tent. “Can you help build the tent with me, Kaisa?”

“Can do.” Kaisa nodded.

The land which Johanna and Kaisa settled in was a flat and grassy plane surrounded by the corners of the forest in a crescent shape. Beyond the breach of the crescent was more verdant terrain which stretched onto the large gray mountains ahead. It was the perfect camping ground to pick for those beginning to camp out on their own, and both Johanna and Kaisa wasted no time hoisting their tent cloth and holding it together with ropes, stakes and rods.

Having practiced building a tent back home and during Sparrow Scout activities, along with having Kaisa’s assistance, Johanna finished constructing the tent for the two before the sun was even down.

“Don’t worry, it will be more comfortable on the inside than it looks on the outside.” Johanna spoke, wiping away a drop sweat on her head.

“I think it looks comfy already.” Kaisa said. “Well done!”

“Couldn’t have done it without your help, though.” She pulled Kaisa closer to her, making her chuckle.

Their belongings and sleeping bags were settled in their tent, and a bonfire was built by Johanna with foliage and twigs to give them warmth. It was as though her retreat needed for her camping badge had already happened if one could realize the adeptness of which she put together the camp, but her days as a Sparrow Scout had in fact prepared her for fun, spontaneous trips in the wilderness.

Until the sky totally darkened, the two kept themselves busy with conversations of the week they had after seeing each other in the library, which new books they have read, and enjoyed cups of hot cocoa from a tin canister Johanna packed along. With all the goings-on being enjoyed since they left Trolberg, Kaisa almost forgot that she intended to continue her witch training while she was camping with the brunette. The scene in the tent surrounded by the orange light of the lantern, filling the air with laughter and merriment, was all Kaisa and Johanna could ever hope to cherish together, but it was best that the witch-in-secret began her training as soon as she could.

“Okay, Johanna, I should probably start now.” Kaisa said, rising from her spot in the tent.

“Alright, good luck!” Johanna cheered. “If anything bad happens, shout as loud as you can to call me.”

Kaisa stepped out of the tent. Immediately, another wave of fear coursed through her mind and made her quiver in place by the tent’s entrance. She was overthinking once more; what if a Troll was out and near to the camp? What if there was a Barghest on the run? Every monster from every folklore that she had ever read could be out to harm her and Johanna in this hour. She withdrew her wand from her cardigan and clenched it tightly with both hands. Kaisa reminded herself that even if danger was nearby, she would be first to protect Johanna like she hoped she would, and Johanna will do the same if she herself was threatened.

She took small steps away from the tent, far enough that Johanna would not notice any magic ensuing. A full moon was rising, and Kaisa looked up. It captivated her, and her ability to use magic should be as strong as ever, she thought.

Taking a deep breath, it was time for the levitation spell.

“Bara fokusera…” she spoke to herself softly. “Gå så högt som månen ovan….”

Soon, she closed her eyes and opened her palm, holding it upwards by her chest. The tip of her wand glowed a purple spec of light and atop her palm, then twirled it in circles over and over. She whispered an incantation that Tildy taught her, being just one sentence of incomprehensible words to non-witches, and repeated it again until the whole spell was set in motion. As the wand circled more and more, sparkles exuded out from nowhere until a purple aura sheathed the outlines of her physique.

“As high as the moon above…” she whispered.

Suddenly, Johanna exited the tent to sit by the campfire. Kaisa was out of sight, but the brunette did not plan on finding her no matter how much she wanted to see this “routine” she was practicing. The concentration and privacy which her best friend said she lacked was all that mattered to Johanna. She spread her hands around the warmth of the blaze, but even before she could fully respite, she heard the leaves rustle in the forestland ahead. The brunette looked up and squinted at nothing but silhouettes and darkness.

Leaning in a bit forward, she finally realized what was apparently coming forward. It was a large, bulky figure; its eye glowing in a nearly strong luminosity of white. Johanna’s heart was racing, there was no way it could be what she thought it was. But as the figure revealed more of itself among the forestland, it was indeed the worst possible thing for the camping trip: a large Troll rummaging through the wilderness.

Johanna yelped, but quickly covered her mouth to avoid getting the Troll’s attention. She got up from her seat by the fire and hurried to find Kaisa’s training spot, panickily whispering her name. To her relief, she found her just standing still behind the tent, but immediately froze out of a whole different feeling of concern.

Kaisa’s eyes remained shut and muttered to herself while a big spark of light glimmered above her hand, holding and swirling her wand evenly. She seemed to be in her own world now, completely detached from the surroundings around her. Johanna failed to approach or even say a word to the witch as she realized how apprehensive she felt towards what was happening. When she thought she had enough to be confused about, she looked over her limbs to realize that a purple aura glowed around her body. Her feet began to rise up slightly from the ground and glanced ahead to see that Kaisa, despite maintaining the same posture, was also levitating; terror now overtook Johanna’s face.

Then, Kaisa stopped her wand from spinning, and her open hand stretched high into the sky. The two girls continued lifting up ever so slowly from the ground, their feet could reach the tip of their tent, and soon they were as high as the top of a tree. Johanna flailed her arms and legs sporadically when it seemed like they soared upward enough, still too afraid to ask Kaisa what was going on.

The witch opened one eye to see how far up she was, then the other to realize Johanna in front of her. Her pupils shrank in a state of fright and her jaw went slack. Out of all the mistakes she had expected to make, picking up Johanna with her own spell was the last yet most severe one she could ever think to fall through.

“Oh no, oh no no no no…!” Kaisa whimpered. “I…I did not mean to…!”

Johanna shushed and pointed downwards to their campsite. As Kaisa gawked down, her pulse stopped to the sight of a Troll peeking into their tent. It drew back to find out no one was inside, then turned to the fire and stared at it for a while. It finally took a seat, emitting a large thud on the ground like a single-second quake upon resting.

Kaisa looked back at her best friend in fear, letting her eyes ask what on earth they should do now. Johanna fathomed, nodding to reassure that they were probably safer up in the sky, and gestured both her hands lightly to signify holding them in place with whatever Kaisa was making them float with.

The witch fought to keep it together. Her breath was instable and the palm holding her wand began to sweat. If she could focus long enough and ward off the wish to descend back on the ground, all the while halting to recite her incantation which helped her concentrate, she could try having her and Johanna stay hovering in the air for as long as she wanted.

Kaisa’s expression hardened and pointed her wand towards Johanna. She swung her arm backwards in a single quick motion, causing Johanna to gasp as she floated over to the witch. Kaisa gave the brunette a tight embrace, one so warm and protective that it felt inescapable to be let go from.

“Please, don’t be mad.” Kaisa could only bring herself to plead. “I did not focus that well. I could have done even worse to us had I---”

The tension felt within Johanna was lost to Kaisa’s voice and embrace, and her eyes closed, hugging her best friend back. “It’s okay, Kaisa.” she interrupted. “Just that…this…is a lot to take in…” the conversations about witch familiars and training with privacy all made sense now.

“’I’m sorry…” Kaisa nestled her face onto Johanna’s shoulder. She looked back down at the campsite and saw the Troll keeping warm with their fire, motionless like the rock that it was. “We are going to be up here all night…”

Johanna let go from their embrace so she could face Kaisa, still holding onto her shoulders. “Do you think there is a way we could get the troll to move out?” she asked.

“I’m not sure if I am able to…” Kaisa admitted. “Not unless we let it know where we are.”

Johanna looked back down; the Troll did nothing, only seemingly entranced by the fire as it gazed on it. She thought about how she wanted to warm herself earlier, and her eyes dilated upon realizing what the Troll only seemed to want as well.

“If it’s not the troll we can do something about directly, we’re just going to have to take out the fire.” Johanna said.

Kaisa caught up with the plan. “I got it.” she nodded. “Leave it to me then.”

With her wand still at hand, she pointed the tip towards the campfire and concentrated on hitting anything but the Troll or their tent accidentally. The easiest thing she could bring herself to do with magic was release a streak of energy from her wand, and she hoped that blasting the campfire with her specific sort of ammunition could take out the fire and bid the Troll farewell.

Deep breath…Eyes locked…The light on the tip of Kaisa’s wand glowed purple once more until it grew as bright as a star, then it hurled down from the wand in high speed. Barely a second later, the energy from Kaisa’s magic crashed into the campfire, exploding into a gradient of purple, white and orange, and nothing but a gleaming mist blanketed a portion of the camp. The Troll got up in shock, fists tightly clenched and glaring in all directions to search for what threatened it; Johanna and Kaisa watched from above in hopes it would not look up.

When the mist quickly dispersed, the Troll looked down on the rubble of wood which used to be the campfire keeping it warm. It hummed a deep, disappointed tone, and stomped the ground so stridently that the two girls in the air could almost feel the tremor. No one appeared to be around it for miles, hence the Troll finally made its way back to the forestlands to search for another source of warmth in the wilderness.

“Yes, it worked…!” Johanna expressed.

The witch breathed a sigh of relief. “Do you think it will come back?” she asked.

“Let’s hope it doesn’t.” Johanna answered. “We’ll leave the campfire be, we still got the tent to keep us warm.”

With all the exhilaration fully coursing through Kaisa’s mind, the purple aura around her and Johanna faded away. They only had a second to see the spell had worn off before being weighed down by gravity, screaming and falling from the height of a two-story building before Kaisa raised her wand to reactivate the levitation spell. The two of them gnashed their teeth and their eyes shut tightly, just before peeking around to see they were hovering only an inch above the ground.

Kaisa allowed the spell to cast off, and the glow of her wand and from their physiques dissipated for the last time tonight. She and Johanna dipped onto the floor with their backs flatly lied down, groaning when they picked themselves back up.

Johanna felt unsure if anything she had just experienced after leaving her tent was even real. She stared at Kaisa hiding her wand away, then at all the leftover mist and sparkles on what used to be their campfire.

“Kaisa…this whole time…you were a…” Johanna’s eyes lit up.

Kaisa sighed. “Surprise.” she giggled tiredly. “I’m sorry I kept this secret from you, Johanna. I really could not say anything.”

Kaisa’s breathing was concise and hasty. All of a sudden, she collapsed on her knees and held the ground to keep her up. To Johanna’s shock, she hurried to carry her back up and wrap her hand over her shoulder. The energy used up to perform the levitation spell took a toll on the witch-in-training. It was unlike anything she had ever accomplished before.

As soon as they entered their tent, Johanna laid Kaisa down on her sleeping bag and pillow. The Sparrow Scout grabbed a canister of fresh water and filled the cap almost to the brim, bringing it over to the witch and allowed her to drink as much as she needed.

“Thank you.” Kaisa whispered, closing her eyes and lying back down.

Johanna kept staring upon Kaisa in a near unconscious state, hoping she could still listen to her before she inevitably fell asleep. “Look, Kaisa…” she spoke. “…I know your spell did not work the way you wanted when I showed up, but you did save us from the Troll in the end. I really should be thanking you…”

A corner of Kaisa’s mouth lifted. However, the soft grin on her face was short-lived, “But now I will never get the spell right on time…” she lamented, feeling the exhaustion overtaking her slowly.

Johanna had so many questions she was dying to have answered, if only she could ask them now. In any case, witch or no witch, Kaisa was still the same best friend Johanna had since forever, and while she knew she could never make her magic and identity known to others, she could not wait to be there for Kaisa the next time she trained to become a witch.

“We don’t have to leave after tomorrow,” Johanna said softly. “We can stay out here for as long as we need until you perfect your spell, and I won’t ever leave your side.”

#hilda the series #hilda netflix #sketchbook ship #fanfiction #my works #hilda librarian #johanna hilda #kaisa hilda #tildy hilda #kaisanna #spellbound au

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xbaepsae · 4 years ago

Text

it’s complicated (m)

“You are long past the point of no return. The rational part of you is screaming that this is a terrible idea, that this is bound to ruin your friendship with Tae. But you can’t find it in yourself to really care. You want him, so badly you are about to burst.”

[taehyung x reader]

genre: friends with benefits!au, eventual friends to lovers!au, a lot of angst, smut

word count: 14.4k

rating: mature

warnings: loss of virginity, toxic relationship, confused/frustrated characters, unprotected sex (10/10 don’t recommend), oral, creampie, language, mentions of alcohol

a/n: this is a reupload! i honestly wasn’t going to post this fic again, because i have so many other new ideas i want to write about, but i reread this the other day and it’s actually so good?? lol. i wrote it so long ago, but wowowow i still felt the angst in my soul. also, fyi, like all of my reuploads, i’ve changed a few things (not the overall plot tho). xoxo

It all began in tenth grade English class.

At first, Kim Taehyung seems any other kid in your class—perhaps, a little loud at times but still just a boy. But that was just until you were partnered with him on a project. Least to say, you two became fast friends once you realized how funny the guy was. He could bring a smile to your face no matter the circumstances.

This friendship between you two blossomed quickly; but soon, there’s a slight shift in the air around you both.

“Y/n,” Taehyung says your name, sprawled on your bed with you.

It’s summertime, which means days seem to drag on and on. This also means that you two have nothing better to do, choosing to lazily lounge around each other’s houses. Your parents are never home anyway since they worked, so having Tae’s company is always greatly appreciated.

But despite the lackluster summer, school starts in a few weeks and the thought is bittersweet. You are happy to be occupied again, but also sad since going back to school means you no longer get to spend so much time with Taehyung. Although you both became close at school, that doesn’t mean you’ll always get to be around each other there.

“What?” you ask, turning to look at him.

“So, this might sound a little weird…but…” he trails off. “Fuck. I can’t; it’s too weird.”

You turn so you’re lying on your side, “What is it, Tae? We’re friends, right? You can tell me anything.”

Taehyung glances at you, clearly struggling with himself.

“I-I…can I kiss you?” he asks the question so fast you think maybe you just imagined it. But when you notice that his face is beat red, you realize that you did hear him right. This causes you to flush as well, a weird sensation beginning to bubble through your body.

“Where is this coming from?” you manage to ask him.

“I don’t know,” Tae admits with a shrug.

You find yourself shifting awkwardly on the bed as silence starts to fill the room. What are you supposed to say? Taehyung is your friend; you enjoy being around him and he makes you smile. But he wants to kiss you…what is that even supposed to mean?

“You know what?” he suddenly breaks the ice. “Forget I even said—”

“Okay,” you cut him off fast, not even fully registering what you say.

Taehyung snaps his head to you, mouth dropping, “What?”

“I said okay—you, I mean, we can kiss.”

You say all of this relatively calm, despite the fact that you feel like your whole body is on fire. Tae stares into your eyes, seemingly searching for something. “Are you serious?”

“Yeah,” you gulp nervously. “I mean, this is just for fun, right?”

Something passes over Taehyung’s eyes, but you don’t catch it fast enough. The emotion fades away and you can only assume it didn’t mean anything.

“Yeah…fun,” he says, licking his bottom lip.

Unintentionally, your eyes travel down to his plump lips and you can’t seem to look away. Has he always had such nice lips? You find yourself asking all these questions that you don’t even notice how close Tae has gotten to you, merely inches away. His breath gently fans across your face and the reality of the situation hits you. This is going to be your first kiss…ever. And to say you are freaking out would be an understatement. It’s not that you so much oppose the idea of kissing, you just haven’t met the right guy.

Looking into the eyes of your friend, you feel warmth flood your cheeks. “Tae…”

He blinks, “Yes?”

“Have you ever kissed someone?” The question rolls off your tongue.

Instead of answering your question, Tae does something else you don’t expect. Of course, you know it was going to happen eventually, but the action simultaneously takes your breath away and surprises you.

He kisses you.

Your eyes close on their own accord, reveling at how soft his lips are as they cover yours. A part of you almost can’t believe that you’re kissing him—Kim Taehyung; your friend, the boy you do everything with. What’s most unbelievable is that you actually like kissing him.

As the kiss becomes deeper, you feel yourself being pushed against the bed; Tae’s body covering half your own. You open your mouth a little wider, letting his tongue press against your own. His hands are now on each side of your body, slightly tangled in your hair. After a while you pull away, gasping for air.

“Oh my god,” you mutter breathlessly, blowing some air out of your mouth.

Taehyung is still above you.; and when you look into his eyes, you almost jerk away. “Y/n…”

“Hmm?” you ask, shy all of the sudden.

And then it hits you—he probably thinks your unexperienced ass is a bad kisser. This thought makes you feel like a total fool. It’s just flat out embarrassing because you surprisingly liked kissing him and he thought you—

“Can I kiss you again?”

You almost fall off your bed. “What?”

He lowers his head until his hair brushes your face, “I’d like to kiss you again…”

At his words, you can feel your whole body flush from a mixture of relief, excitement, and embarrassment.

“So…I’m not a bad kisser?” you find yourself asking.

Tae snaps his gaze to you, “What would you think that?”

“I-I,” you feel your ears getting hot, “I don’t know. I just thought that since…you know…I’ve never kissed someone, I probably sucked.”

Before you can explain yourself some more, he captures your lips again—effectively silencing you. This kiss is a lot quicker than the first one, but it leaves you just as dizzy and at a loss for words.

“You’re great,” he says, a cheeky smile gracing his face. You can’t help but return the smile since his is just so contagious.

The rest of this day is spent with more so-called just-for-fun kisses. The highly rational part of you claims that this is all normal—that making out with your friend is completely fine; but the emotional part of you knows that everything will never be the same—that making out with your friend is sure to have its consequences.

***

When school starts again, you almost forget about Taehyung’s kisses.

The keyword is: almost.

In your busy school schedule, you manage to somehow snag a free period. It’s a godsend, especially since you needed a study hall period to balance all the homework you had. Since it was a free period, you can spend the hour anywhere in the school. And you end up choosing one of the back corners of the library where the reference books are.

No one ever comes to this part of the library anyway, except for the librarian but that was rare. So, it’s nice and quiet. You spend the first few days of study hall doing what study hall is supposed to be used for—studying and completing homework. But as the end of the first week rolls around, you discover that study hall might not be so quiet anymore.

This particular day of study hall starts off normal. You arrive at the library, which is pretty much empty except for a few scattered students here and there, and make your way to the corner you’ve pretty much claimed as your own. When you reach that part of the library, you set your things down and pull out your homework. Just as you start the fifth problem on your calculus worksheet, someone suddenly covers your eyes.

You let out a scream, but it’s muted by a hand. You begin to furiously kick and you turn around, prepared to fight. And just as you bring your hands up, your eyes regain their sight and you see who is responsible for the unexpected attack.

“Taehyung!” you scream, and he covers your mouth again.

“Be quiet, y/n!” he reprimands. “Don’t you know this is a library?”

With his hand still over half your face, you roll your eyes. When he finally removes his hand, you roughly shove the boy. “What the fuck, Tae?!”

“What?” he asks rather innocently.

“What?” you mock. “Why did you have to do that? Can’t you see I’m busy?”

He just shrugs and takes a seat beside you, “I just wanted to surprise you, that’s all.”

You return your attention back to your worksheet, ignoring him. You manage do a few more problems before Tae speaks again. “Aren’t you going to ask me why I’m here?”

You don’t even look up. “I honestly don’t care.”

“I mean, are you not the least bit curious as to why I’m not in class right now?”

“No, I don’t care why you’re not—” you snap your head up. Holy shit. “Why aren’t you in chemistry?”

The moment you two received your schedules, you compared classes. Unfortunately, you both wouldn’t share any classes together until after winter break. And while you had your free period, Taehyung was supposed to be in chemistry…so, why is he here in the library?

When he doesn’t respond, you freak out a bit, “Oh my god, Tae! Why are you skipping class? Your teacher is going to be so—”

Taehyung interrupts you by suddenly placing a chaste kiss in your lips. You’re struck speechless for a moment, completely caught off guard.

“I switched my class,” he says with a smile.

“Why did you do that?”

“So I could do this for a whole hour,” he says, then places another kiss on your lips.

You laugh at his words, “You know we can’t actually do that, right? I really need this study hall to do homework.”

He absentmindedly waves his hand, “Yeah, yeah—you can do that too, I guess.”

“Are you serious though? You really changed your class just to come here and make out with me?” As you ask your questions, you are just teasing him. But at the same time, a smidge of you feels a bit dejected if all he wants to do is kiss you.

Not that you didn’t like kissing Taehyung, because all the kissing you two had been doing is great, but it made your relationship seem superficial if that was the only reason.

“Of course not,” he assures you. “I also really just want to spend time with you too. To go from spending every day together to practically not seeing each other is weird.”

“Agreed,” you smile. “How did you find me anyway?”

It was a logical question. Although Tae did know before that you had study hall, you never told him where exactly you spent your days.

“I just followed you from your last class,” he says like it’s nothing, but your eyes widen.

Another what the fuck leaves your mouth as you stare at your friend, “You’ve been in here the whole time?”

“I mean, I had to find where you were somehow,” he tells you. “By the way, you walk so damn fast.”

You roll your eyes at the boy, not understanding him at all. Even though he had unconventional ways of doing things, in the end, he still made you smile. For the rest of the hour, you somehow find the time to finish your math worksheet in-between the kisses that Taehyung keeps giving you. When the bell rings, signaling the end of the hour, you begin to back up your things.

“Where you headed to now?”

You look at Tae and tell him where, even though he knows the answer already, “English. You?”

Health. “Health.”

“Well, I hope you enjoy that…”

“The teacher isn’t that bad,” he smiles as you give him a look.

“He’s terrible,” you say. “End of discussion.”

Taehyung picks up his bag, smile still ever present, “Just because you didn’t make an A—”

“End of discussion.”

You sling you backpack around your back and begin to walk away. But before you can even get far, something pulls you back. You land right onto Taehyung’s chest; being this close to him, you can feel the slight muscle definition under his flimsy uniform and warmth pools in your chest.

“What?” you ask, turning around.

“Have a good rest of your day,” he says. “See you here tomorrow?”

Nodding, you open your mouth to respond, only to be interrupted by Tae’s kiss that he gives before dashing away. He leaves you alone scattered brain and at a loss for words.

“…See you,” you say once your brain can finally function again. “Tomorrow.”

***

Afternoons spent in the library become something you look forward to everyday.

Even though it’s only an hour, it’s an hour you cherish with Taehyung. Some days, all you do is homework—completely ignoring the poor boy who simply wanted your attention; and other days, you two talk and talk and talk about anything and everything. There is never a dull, quiet moment between you two. There is always something to be shared; to be told.

Because of this, your admiration for the boy grows more and more each day.

You are captivated by the stories he tells you in that vacant part of the library. From the way his animated eyes light up to the wide curve of his boxy grin, an hour never feels long enough. As he tells you his stories, all you can do is stare and smile. You’ve only known Taehyung for a few months, but it feels like you two have been friends forever.

…Friends who kiss, a little voice in your head always likes to remind you.

Kissing. You two are doing that quite a lot now. Every chance he has, he plants his lips on to yours. The action makes you swoon and confused all at the same time. You just don’t get it. It’s not that you don’t enjoy all the kissing, but it’s confusing. Does Taehyung like you? Or does he not? And it’s that you want to be with him, as his girlfriend…though perhaps a small part of you does, but you want him to be clear about his relationship with you.

And that clarification never comes.

Tae continues with the kisses, and you just learn to accept the fact that maybe your friend just likes to kiss you. It get to the point where you no longer even question or become surprised when the action appears out of nowhere.

But little do you know that this is just the beginning of something tragic.

***

In the blink of an eye, the fall semester ends.

You and Taehyung rejoice as you both finish it rather decently; getting good marks in all of your classes. Celebrations are in the making, but a spontaneous trip from your parents brings all plans to a halt.

“You’re going where?” Taehyung asks you, eyes wide and mouth parted.

“To spend the holidays with my aunt who lives in the States,” you repeat, not able to look him in the eyes.

You two have been laying in his bed playing video games, until you dropped the bomb on him. And it’s not like you’ve known about the trip for a while, you just found out from your parents yesterday. Honestly, you hadn’t planned to do much during break. If anything, you just wanted to spend time with Tae and catch up on sleep. But then your parents surprised you, and you couldn’t say no.

“B-But…that’s an entire ocean away.”

You look at the boy who has easily become your best friend, “I know—and it’s not like I really want to go, but I haven’t seen my aunt in a while. Plus, my parents already bought me the ticket and—”

“It’s okay,” he cuts your explanation off, a strained smile encasing his face. “You enjoy visiting your aunt.”

“Tae…” you know he’s probably really mad.

He only shakes his head “No, really, it’s not like we didn’t already makes plans to hang out or anything.”

“Taehyung,” now you find yourself getting mad. “Stop.”

“I’m just bummed, y/n. What am I supposed to do during break now?”

You shrug, “I don’t know. Go to a party, get drunk, and maybe kiss a few girls.”

As you say the last part, your heart starts hammering in your chest. You don’t even know why you said it at all since you can’t even begin to imagine it happening. Just the thought of another girl kissing Tae makes you green with jealously. But you know you don’t even have the right to feel such things; you aren’t his keeper.

You wait for him to respond, but he doesn’t say anything.

“I was joking,” you attempt to laugh, but it sounds forced. “But really—have fun. You don’t need me for that.”

And that’s when he gives you a look that nearly paralyzes you. His gaze is filled with so many emotions you can’t decipher, and it travels down to your core. He stares at you for so long you feel your blood pressure start to spike.

“I guess,” he says in a lower voice. You don’t know what else to say, so silence begins pooling in his room. It becomes too much to handle so you get off the bed.

“I should go,” you say, awkwardly getting your things. “I still have to pack.”

“Are you leaving tomorrow?” Taehyung doesn’t even look at you; instead, he stares at the ceiling.

You’re about to nod, but then catch yourself. “Yeah, I am.”

“When do you get back?”

Hesitation gnaws at your lips, “The day before school starts again.”

You search your friends face for a sign—any sign—but he’s completely passive. A sigh leaves you lips as you back out of his room. When you reach the door, you stop and brace yourself against it.

“I’m sorry,” you apologize for reasons you don’t even really understand. But Tae is still in the same position and doesn’t even glance your way. You sigh again before muttering a soft goodbye and leaving.

The entire time you’re away, you don’t get a single message or phone call from him.

It wouldn’t have affected you so much if you knew why. Obviously, Taehyung is mad at you, but you didn’t know the reason. And the boy has never been angry at you before; so you don’t know how to deal or how to make it better.

Even though you don’t know why he hasn’t tried to contact you, it doesn’t stop you. When you landed in the States, you texted him. On Christmas Eve, you called three times. On Christmas day, you called and left a ridiculously long voicemail—along with a few extra texts as well. Despite these efforts, you get nothing; you don’t even know if he’s reading these texts because he doesn’t have his read receipts on.

So, a few days before New Year’s, you decide to go home early. You don’t want to end the year on a bad note with Tae, and you also don’t want to start the year off not speaking. Somehow, you manage to get back the afternoon of New Year’s Eve. And the second you get home, you go to his house.

Knocking on the front door like a maniac, you pray that he hadn’t taken your advice and decided just to lounge around his house over break. Your heart is beating erratically as his mom answers the door.

“Oh, hi y/n,” she greets you with a warm smile. “How was your trip?”

“Hey, Mrs. Kim; it was good. Is Taehyung home?” you cut right to the chase.

But disappointment begins to fill you when her smile falters, “I’m sorry, y/n; he’s actually hasn’t been home all day.”

You nearly fall to the ground at her words. “What? Do you know where he is?”

“I’ve tried calling him, but he hasn’t answered. I guess he didn’t know you were coming home?”

“Yeah, I wasn’t supposed to be home for another few days,” you admit, and his mother nods. “I-I just couldn’t…I mean…I just…I missed him.” Saying the words out loud brings a weight off your shoulders, but also makes your chest ache.

“He’s missed you too,” she says, smiling again. “He’s been sulking around the house this entire month—I think today’s the first day he’s been out.” They do say that mothers know best, so knowing that Taehyung missed you makes your heart soar high.

“Do you have any idea where he might be?” desperation laces your words.

Mrs. Kim shakes her head, “He has old friends, but I don’t think he’s talked to them since meeting you.”

Why is this so difficult? You continue your conversation with his mom to think about the boy’s whereabouts, but soon realize how late it’s gotten. You figure that you should probably just go home. So, feeling a bit defeated, you wish his mom a Happy New Year and walk back to your house.

On the way there, you run through various places he might be. You try to think back to before you left—to the plans you two made together. Did he mention anything in particular that he wanted to do? You replay old conversations and then it suddenly hits you like a freight truck. Quickly, you whip out your phone and call Yoon, one of your childhood friends.

After three rings, she picks up, “Hello? Y/n…?”

“Hey…” you trail off.

On the other end, you can hear a heavy bass thumping, “Well, I haven’t heard from you in a while.”

You tell her that you can’t hear anything she’s saying, so she moves somewhere quieter and repeats her words. You can’t help but roll your eyes at her petty tone. “Like you even have time for me. You and your boyfriend are always—”

“So, what’s up?” she cuts you off and you laugh a bit.

“Where are you?”

“At a party at Jay’s house, why?”

Bingo. “Thanks, that’s all I needed to know.”

“Woah,” you hear her say, “is little miss goody-two-shoes going to make an appearance?”

“We’ll see,” you tell her.

After hanging up, you run the rest of the way home. The party Yoon was at was hosted by the one and only Jay. He’s a senior at your school and notorious for his parties. They are the best, but exclusive to upper-classmen—juniors and seniors only. Everyone couldn’t wait until they were promoted to those grades.

The one thing you remember Tae saying was that he wanted to attend one this year—that’s where he has to be tonight.

***

As you walk up the steps to Jay’s elaborate mansion, it was beyond huge, you feel your nerves twist up in a bundle. You figured that since this is a party, albeit a New Year’s Eve party, you should probably look somewhat nice—just so you kind of blend in. You opt for a black dress that hugs whatever curves you do have and your basic strappy heels. Hopefully no one’s going to question you.

When you reach the door, you’re surprised to find that it opens easily. Walking in, you’re blown away by the sheer amount of people. You thought that since the house is so big, there would be room inside. Wrong. People are packed wall-to-wall.

As soon as the door shuts behind you, you see Yoon standing not too far from you. Relief fills you at the sight of a familiar face. You call out her name and she, thankfully, hears, turning around to your direction.

“Y/n!” she exclaims, running up to you. “You look sexy!”

You feel a blush creep onto your face, “Thanks?”

“Who you dressing up for?”

“I’m just trying to blend in,” you say, brushing a few strands of hair away from your face. “But can you help me find someone?”

“So, there is someone,” she wiggles her brows. “Who?”

“Taehyung,” you say his name all too fast.

“As in Kim Taehyung?” Yoon raises a brow. “Is he that guy you’ve been hanging out with?”

“What other Taehyung is there? Have you seen him? I think he’s supposed to be here. God I hope—”

Yoon places a hand over your mouth, “Clam down, tiger. I’ll ask one of Jay’s friends—they know everybody.”

You watch as she walks away from you and to a guy a few feet away. She whispers something in his ear and he nods, whispering something back. Yoon seems pleased with the answer and comes back to you.

“So?” you ask impatiently.

“They say he’s here,” you immediately brighten up, feeling like a genius for guessing his location right, “but they don’t know where exactly he is.”

Your eyes automatically begin searching the room, “That’s okay; I’ll find him. Thanks again Yoon.”

Before Yoon can say anything else, you’re lost in the crowd of sweaty people. As you walk through the crowd, your eyes desperately search for his. This is going to be impossible—there are so many people here. You walk through the numerous living areas and even the kitchen, but there’s no sign of Tae anywhere.

After a while, you check the time and see that it was an hour until midnight; an hour till the start of the New Year. And you’re on the verge of going back home. The feeling of jet lag is starting to weigh you down as the adrenaline begins to drain away. The flight back home was long, and you couldn’t really sleep due to the anticipation of everything that awaited you here.

You are now walking down some hallway, the music of the party booming behind you. The sense of direction’s completely loss to you—you have no idea where you were. But just as you’re about to reach the end of the hall, someone comes up behind you.

They grab ahold of your body and drag you into an open room. You scream, kicking your attacker. You try to fight the person, but they’re no match for your puny self. On the verge of tears, you’re about the give up when the person finally speaks, “Y/n…”

You freeze. You would know that voice anywhere. “Tae?”

The attacker lets you go and you slowly turn around, shocked to see the face of your friend. But the shock soon fades into something strange when you take in his appearance—the boy actually looks nice. His hair is disheveled in that messy, but put together, way and his clothes sexily cling against him. You feel your mouth drop open, but you pick it up just as quickly as it falls.

Suddenly, you push him, and he stumbles, “What the hell?”

“Why do you always feel the need to sneak up on me? Asshole,” you cross your arms.

He cracks a smile, “You’re just fun to mess with.”

“It’s not fun for me, you jerk. I was seriously freaked out.”

Taehyung softens at your words, “I’m sorry; I just wanted to surprise you.”

And that’s when you remember why you’re even here at all. You suddenly feel awkward, not knowing where to look.

“Why…why didn’t you return any of my calls?” you ask him, staring at the floor. “I mean, I know you’re mad. But you couldn’t text me back?”

You sneak a look at him, and find that he’s staring intently at you.

“And like, I don’t even know why you’re mad at me. What did I do wrong? Was it because I went away? Or was it something I did? I just—”

Tae cuts you off with a kiss that causes you to nearly trip on your own feet. The kiss is intense and you feel him back you against the wall, encasing your body with his. You haven’t kissed him in nearly a month; you’ve forgotten how it feels like, how alive he makes you feel.

His hands begin traveling up your body, each touch igniting a fire inside of you. He stops when he reaches your face, his long fingers roughly cupping your cheeks. You bring your own hands to tangle in his hair and gently tug him closer to you. His starts to rub little circles on your cheeks, while simultaneously prodding your mouth further open. You oblige and feel his tongue massaging yours.

Suddenly, you let out a moan as Tae presses his body right onto yours. Despite the layers of clothing between the two of you, you can still feel the body heat coming off of him. At your moan, he freezes for a moment before kissing you back with much more force. He pulls the two of you away from the wall and you both fall onto a bed.

The dress you’re wearing begins to ride up, but you don’t care at all; you just want to be closer to him, needing to be closer to him. You pull away from his lips to breathe and he takes that opportunity to latch his lips onto your jaw, slowly moving down your neck. Another moan leaves your lips and you try to think, but your mind is complete mush right now.

All you can do is lay there as Tae begins to suck on your neck. Although you two had kissed multiple times before, things have never gone this far.

“Tae…” you say a bit breathlessly, his finger now pushing the straps of your dress down. He mutters something incoherent, mouth on the swells of your breast. “What are we doing?”

He stops, raising his head, “I’m worshiping your body, what else?”

You redden as his comment.

“Do you want me to stop?” he asks, a brow raised. When you simply shake your head, his lips travel back to your chest.

Without even realizing it, you start to move your hips against his. A pleasurable pressure starts building up and you whimper at the feeling. Taehyung stop his assault on your skin, eyes now looking into yours. As he stares at you, his fingers play with the zipper on the side of your dress.

“This dress is awfully pretty on you,” he licks his lips. “But I think it’ll look prettier on the floor, don’t you think?”

And faster than you can even comprehend his words, the dress is unzipped from your body and you’re left half-naked in your underwear. Impulse kicks in and you try to cover your body at the sudden lack of coverage. But Tae takes your arms, pinning them above your head.

“So beautiful,” he muses, eyes darkening.

You writhe underneath him, not liking the fact that you’re nearly naked while he’s still completely clothed. When you tell him this fact, he releases your arms and begins to unbutton his shirt. You can’t help but stare at his golden skin and his broad shoulders. He reaches for the waistband of his pants, unbuttons it, and then tugs the fabric down his legs.

Tae smirks at your obvious staring and leans down to kiss you again. The rest of your clothing, or whatever was left, comes off and you’re both left completely exposed to each other. Now without all the clothes between you two, you can feel every ridge of his body and desire threatens to burst out of your body.

“Do you want me to stop?” he asks you again, resting his forehead against yours.

You shake your head, “No.”

“Are you sure?” his eyes search your face. “Because if we start, I-I don’t think I’ll be able to stop.”

Grabbing his face between your hands, you kiss him, “I’m sure.”

You are long past the point of no return. The rational part of you is screaming that this is a terrible idea, that this is bound to ruin your friendship with Tae. But you can’t find it in yourself to really care. You want him, so badly you are about to burst.

Even though you assure Tae that you want this, he still hesitates above you. As he rolls a condom on, you lightly kiss his jaw and tell him that you’re okay. But although you say this, you feel your body tense as he nears your entrance. This is your first time after all, and you realize Taehyung is becoming a lot of your firsts. When he finally enters you, you scrunch up your face from the initial discomfort. “Ow.”

“Shit,” you hear Tae mutter, stopping halfway.

“It’s okay,” you bite your bottom lip. “Keep going.”

He pushes the rest of the way, “You’re so fucking tight.”

You still feel a sense of discomfort, especially since Tae’s large size fills you up to the brim. Despite this, you tell him to keep moving in hopes that maybe the awkwardness will fade into something better. And a few thrusts in, it does feel better—a lot better.

Tae’s pace is still rather slow, but the pleasure starts to build up and he drops his head into the crook of your shoulder. You moan for him to go faster but he doesn’t, probably due to the fear of hurting you.

So you tighten your legs around him, “Tae—harder, faster.”

Something in him snaps and his thrust become shorter, but quicker. The force causes your eyes to roll back and you cry out at how good it feels, “Fuck.”

He groans your name, one hand roughly digging into your hips. It all feels so good, and you’re surprised by how vocal you are—a moan always seems to be leaving your mouth. But you don’t care at all if anyone hears. You continue to moan as you feel your peak building. Sweat rolls down both of your backs, and you can feel Tae’s thrusts getting sloppy.

“Ohmygod,” you say in a single breath. “I’m gonna—”

And just as you’re about to say the words, waves of ecstasy crash down on you. You cry out Taehyung’s name, the feeling completely indescribable. He continues to ride out your high before reaching his own. After he releases, he falls on top of you and presses a gentle kiss on your neck. You both don’t say anything for a few moments, still trying to catch your breaths.

“Are you okay?” Tae is the first to speak. He mumbles this question into your neck.

You nod your head, “Yeah…are you?”

“I’m…good. Better than good, actually,” he raises his head, smiling. “You’re beautiful, y/n.”

You blush at his words, not knowing how to respond.

“But, you are quite loud though,” he says. “I’m sure the entire house heard us.”

He laughs and you push him away, forgetting that he’s still inside of you. You both moan from the loss of contact, feeling sort of empty now. Once he’s away from you, you remember just how naked you are and rush to pull the blankets over your body. But you wince a few times due to the soreness you feel.

“What are you doing?”

“Covering myself,” you say once the sheets are pulled all the way up to your chin.

“I just saw you completely naked though,” Tae laughs.

You raise a brow, “And?”

“And?” he repeats. “And you shouldn’t have to cover yourself.”

“Let me live, Tae.”

“Why’d you come back early?” his sudden question throws you off a bit.

You look at him, seeing genuine curiosity in his eyes, “I just wanted to see you.”

“Really?” he looks shocked.

“Yeah,” you feel embarrassed now. “I just…didn’t want to end the year on the bad note or start the year off with you hating me.”

His gaze softens, “I don’t hate you. I was just frustrated. You’re my best friend, and you leaving felt like you were betraying me.”

“Stupid,” you say.

“Okay, so maybe I was,” he rolls his eyes. “But speaking of the New Year…”

He searches for something amongst the clothing items scattered on the floor. You have to force yourself not to look at him as he bends down to put his clothes back on. As he looks for whatever he’s looking for, you search for your own clothes and do the same. Once he jumps back on the bed, his phone is in his hand. He presses the home button and smiles.

“It’s 11:59; make a wish!” he says and you quickly shut your eyes. But before you can even fully think of something, he crashes you into a hug, planting a chaste kiss on your forehead. “Happy New Year, y/n!”

You smile, “Happy New Year, Kim Taehyung.”

“Thanks for being the best. Forgive for being an ass and not calling back,” he says, still hugging you tightly. “Friends still?”

“The best of friends,” you’re still smiling, but it’s forced. You feel your face tremble, your hands shaking a bit as you cling onto him. A sudden, lone tears falls down your face.

Best friends. Just friends.

As you utter the words in your head, your heart sinks deeper and deeper.

***

As the years roll by, you’ve come to terms that the relationship you have with Tae has morphed into a friends with benefits ordeal. It’s that kind of situation because no one knows what you two are doing—no one but you and Tae. Everyone continued to believe that you both were just best friends, but behind closed doors you two were fucking. A lot.

At first, you were hesitant to accept that this was to be your reality. You didn’t want to be a friend that he fucked; you wanted to be more or nothing at all. But you couldn’t lose the boy; he was a part of your life and you needed him. And it just so happened to be via this relationship.

But that’s not the only thing.

Since you two weren’t exclusive, and no one knew, it meant you technically could date other people—which you guys did. Initially, you were green with envy. You didn’t like the idea that he was being intimate with other girls who weren’t you. But you realize it was foolish to think that since you were doing the same thing.

During senior year, you dated someone just because you felt obligated to. Also, Tae was in a relationship as well so you needed the distraction. You were intimate with the guy, but he wasn’t Tae. And you hated yourself for thinking that.

You also hated yourself even more for always caving into Kim Taehyung. No matter the situation, you could never say no to him. You ended up having to break up with that particular boyfriend of yours since you cheated on him one too many times.

When it was time to go to college, it was the only logical choice for you both to attend the same school. You needed Taehyung just as much as you needed air to breath. The application period was nerve-wracking because you were scared that you two wouldn’t get into the same schools. But by some miracle, you did.

College was honestly a blur. Because of your friendship with Tae, it was hard to stay in relationships with other guys. You tried to date other people but it never felt the same. No one else knew your body as well as Tae. He knew exactly what you liked, and exactly how to do it.

It was frustrating.

There were many times you wanted it to end, but Taehyung would just show up right back at your door and your selfish self let him right back in. It was a never-ending cycle. And in all honesty, it was a toxic relationship. No one should be so caught up with someone they weren’t dating, and yet here you two were—a terrible exception.

You were always terrified that people would find out about you and Tae’s secret, especially your parents. What would they even say? As much as they loved Tae, you were sure that they would be disappointed. They would be probably be most unhappy about the fact that you ruined so many potentially great relationships over a boy who didn’t even love you.

At least, not in the way you deserved to be loved.

“Do you love me?” you randomly asked one day.

Perhaps it was the sexual high that messed with your brain, but you’re not sure why you decided to ask him the big question. Tae was still breathing hard beside you, recovering from the sex you two just had.

“Of course,” he breathed out, “you’re my best friend.”

You heart sank a little, “So, like, that friend-love then?”

“Why are you even asking?” he turned to the side, facing you.

“I don’t know,” you shrugged. “Just curious, I guess.”

But you did know. Despite it all being no-strings-attached, you started to feel a little too attached.

You weren’t sure when it occurred, but you suddenly started noticing the little things. Even though you had known Tae for years, you never realized how fond you were of everything he did. Of all the people in the world, you didn’t understand why it had to be him. He didn’t love you beyond a friend, and he probably would never feel anything more for you. So, why did you continue to let him fuck your brains out? You didn’t have an answer to that.

After college, you tried to stop seeing Tae all together, but the boy was so damn persistent. He just didn’t know how to leave your life. It was like he was torturing you; dangling you on a minuscule rope that hovered above an ocean. But despite the torture, every time you saw him, your heart grew more and more for him. It was a strange feeling honestly; being so incredibly fond of someone, but also wanting to be far away from them.

Every night, you wondered why life turned out to be this way for you—stuck in an unrequited, friends with benefits relationship. As you thought these things, you couldn’t help but realize how fucked up it all was.

A part of you wished that you had never decided to come home early that New Year’s Eve so long ago. If you hadn’t come home, you wouldn’t have called Yoon. If you hadn’t called her, you wouldn’t have gone to Jay’s stupid house party. If you hadn’t gone to that damn house party, you wouldn’t have let Tae fuck you for the first time. If that night would’ve never happened, you wouldn’t be here questioning everything.

But would that have really changed anything?

***

You down another shot glass.

A friend from work invited you out to her birthday party, and you figured it would be an intimate affair since she was rather quiet. She also told you to bring a plus-one, so you dragged Taehyung out too because you figured you needed someone to talk to. Instead of a small party, you found yourself in a club filled with many people. And you are now alone, your plus-one nowhere to be found.

The moment you two entered the club, Tae wandered from your side. Out of the two of you, he has always been the more social one; making friends everywhere he went. You managed to find the friend who invited you, but you didn’t get to talk long—like you had predicted earlier—and simply ended up at the bar.

“Did you want another one?”

You look at the bartender, eyes slightly narrowed, “What do you think?”

“I was just asking,” he says, wiping the inside of a glass. “I mean, you’ve had a few.”

You take the briefest moment to do a once over of the bartender, and you smile a little to yourself—he’s kind of cute. Even though you swear you only stare at him for a second, he catches you and pink tinges your cheeks.

“I wasn’t looking at you, I swear,” you say, looking anywhere but at him.

He just laughs, “It’s okay; it’s not every day a pretty girl stares at me with drool forming at the corner of her mouth.”

You widen your eyes, “I was not drooling!”

“Kidding,” he smiles, and you feel your heart warm just a bit. “What’s your name? I’ve never seen you here before.”

“Y/n, and I’m only here for a birthday…though it’s quite obvious I’m not really participating. What’s your name?”

“Hoseok,” he says, and you repeat it in your head a million times.

A smile forms on your lips, “Nice to meet you.”

As am easy conversation forms between you and Hoseok, you can’t help but laugh at everything he says. It feels nice to laugh, especially since it feels like you haven’t done so in a long time. In this moment, you feel kind of glad you decided to come out tonight.

“So, about that drink,” Hoseok asks, face close to yours.

“I’d love another—”

Before you can finish your sentence, you feel a sudden presence behind you.

“I believe she’s fine.”

You turn around, eyes meeting Tae’s. “What are you doing?”

Instead of saying anything, he just grabs your wrist and pulls you off your stool.

“Tae!”

With his free hand, he reaches inside his pocket and pulls out a few bills. He throws them on the counter, telling the Hoseok to keep the change. You struggle against his hold, not understanding why he’s doing this—you really wanted another drink and you wanted to talk to the cute bartender some more. And the last thing you wanted was to deal with Kim Taehyung.

He drags you both through the club, past masses of people. You’re not able to break free until he slips the two of you outside. As the door shuts behind you, a chill from the night hits you and you curse yourself for not bringing a jacket.

But even though you’re cold, a flash of anger heats you up momentarily, “What the hell, Taehyung?”

Rarely do you ever call him Taehyung to his face. At the sound of his full name being used, his mouth tightens and he looks at you. “I should be asking you that.”

“Oh my god,” you roll your eyes. “You’re being ridiculous.”

“Why were you flirting with the bartender?” he asks, eyes narrowing.

You cross your arms over your chest, “The bartender has a name, and it’s Hoseok.”

“So you guys are on a first name basis?”

“He asked for my name, and I was not flirting with him,” you say. “We were just talking.”

“Hmm…I guess we have different versions of talking then; I don’t recall talking including his face being two inches away from yours,” Tae practically yells, and you can’t believe this is actually happening.

“Like you’re one to talk! I saw you walk away from me when we got here to go talk to girls, you hypocrite.”

He scoffs, “I was not talking to girls.”

Just recently, there’s something off in your friendship; a loose screw. For some reason, you two are fighting a lot more; finding the dumbest things to pick out and argue about. Also, Tae has picked up a habit of being overprotective. It makes no sense why he suddenly feels the need to act in such a way.

“Seriously, you need to chill out,” you tell him, not understanding why he’s being so unreasonable.

“You should take your own advice.”

“Maybe I will,” you sigh, turning around and walking away from him.

You only make it a few steps before an arm pulls you back, “Where are you going?”

“Didn’t you say for me to take my own advice? Well, I am; which means I’m leaving,” you say before pushing him away and walking again.

“Y/n,” he says your name, but you don’t care to stop. “Y/n.”

You throw up a middle finger, still walking down the street.

“Fuck. Stop it, you idiot. Let me just drive you home.”

“No,” is your immediate response, but you doubt that he can hear you. All you really want to do right now is take off all the damn makeup you are wearing and sleep.

“Y/n,” Tae repeats, “I’m sorry. Please stop. You’re angry at me, I know, but let me just drive you. I’d hate for you to walk home. It’s dangerous and I don’t want you to get hurt.”

Stopping halfway down the street, you look over your shoulder. Even under the dim lighting of the streetlights, you can see the sincerity in his eyes. You walk back to him, nod, and then walk to his car. The whole ride to your apartment, you two don’t speak. Instead, soft music from the radio fills the silence. Aside from not talking to him, you also angle your body away from him; you choose to look out the window, watching the night come alive.

When he stops in front of your building, you quickly unbuckle yourself and get out of the car. You practically run to your door, not wanting to let Tae say a single thing to you. And, thankfully, he doesn’t. As you lock your front door behind you, you look out through the little peephole and see that he hasn’t left yet. Shockingly, it takes him a few minutes to leave; when he does finally drive off, you sink to your knees.

***

The next evening, someone knocks at your door.

At first, you’re hesitant to open the door since you didn’t plan on anyone coming over. When you check to see who it is, your eyes widen. Unlocking the door, you shift awkwardly on your feet, “Tae? What are you doing?”

In front of you, he stands with a bag of takeout, your favorite, and a bottle of wine.

“I brought food,” he says, pushing past you to walk inside. He leaves you standing at the door confused.

“Why?” you follow him into your small kitchen, crossing your arms over your chest.

Tae looks at you and raises a brow, “I can’t come over and bring food?”

You don’t respond because he knows why you’re questioning him. You are still mad at him for what happened last night at the club. He had no right to act the way he did.

“I’m hurt,” he feigns sadness, clutching his chest. “I thought we were best friends?”

“We are,” you say, and he smiles. “But you were an asshole yesterday.”

The smile on his face falls, “I know, and that’s why I brought your favorite takeout.”

“You’re trying to apologize through takeout?”

“Is it working?”

You roll your eyes; you can never win. Although you want to be mad at him, you know that you can never be. “Maybe.”

A smile graces his face again, the corners of his eyes crinkling. “Great; that’s better than no.”

He grabs your hand and walks you both into the living room. Taking the boxes out of the paper bag, he hands you your favorite dish and digs into his own. As you two settle on the couch, with the TV play some random movie, you can’t help but stare at him.

After you slipped into bed last night, you stayed up and thought a lot about your relationship with Taehyung. You spent many nights thinking about him, but last night you finally decided on something: you are going to end the friends with benefits relationship with him. This decision came to you because you realized that you both aren’t happy.

You loved Tae beyond the lines of a best friend.

There; you finally admitted it.

As much as you wanted to make him happy, to him you are just the best friend. Nothing more, nothing less. Maybe that’s why you enjoyed Hoseok’s company so much last night—he actually gave you the attention you so desperately wanted from Tae. After all these years, you figured it’s time that he receives the happiness he deserves. You deserve happiness too, even if it means letting him go.

“What?” he suddenly asks, not looking away from the TV screen.

“Nothing,” you say, shoving some food in your mouth. Despite thinking these thoughts, you aren’t sure how to break the news to him.

After the random takeout night, everything returns to how it always used to be—the same cycle of a toxic, friends with benefits relationship. Each time you climbed into Taehyung’s bed or he yours, you swore it would be the last time. Hell, you even slipped it out once that it was going to be the last time, but he just laughed and carried on.

A few weeks go by, and you find yourself at Tae’s house once again. He invited you over to watch a movie, but you two are doing everything but that.

He’s pressed against you, peppering kisses along your jaw and down your neck. After so many years of being intimate together, Tae knows your body like the back of his hand. You moan as he slides a hand underneath your shirt to touch one of your sensitive breasts. His other hand begins to travel to the button of your jeans. Your body screams in anticipation, but he suddenly stops.

“Bed. Now,” he says, and then picks you up.

Tae carries you across his apartment to his bedroom, and sets you at the foot of his bed. You take a second to glance around the room you’ve come to memorize so well.

“This is the last time, okay?” your words are sincere tonight; after this, it’s officially over.

But Taehyung doesn’t even glance at your face as he discards your shirt on the floor. The next thing to come off are your jeans, and you’re left in only your underwear. This scene is all too familiar.

“Why am I always the first to get naked?” you ask.

He smirks, taking his shirt and pants off. “Better?”

“Much,” you say with a pang in your heart as you stare at the beautiful human being in front of you. In this moment, you see just how grown up Taehyung has gotten. He isn’t the lanky boy you met all those years ago anymore. Now, as your eyes travel over the golden skin that stretches over his toned body, he’s a man.

Tae proceeds to rip your underwear off and you slide his boxers off. He immediately pushes you back on the bed, hands spreading your legs apart. His lips attach to your inner thighs, leaving teasing kisses everywhere. You moan, begging him for more. So, he brings a finger to your entrance, smirking again.

“So wet already,” he muses just before replacing his finger with his mouth.

As he begins to lick you, you weave your fingers into his hair. “Yes, Tae. Oh my god.”

He looks up at you from where he’s positioned between your legs, and you nearly orgasm on the spot. The smolder in his gaze lights up your entire body. As he continues to use tongue, which you’re sure is magical, his eyes never move away from yours and you swear that you’ve never seen anything sexier in your life.

He applies more pressure and you pull his hair tighter, feeling yourself getting close. You moan and arch your back, hands fisting the sheets around you. Just as you’re about to see the stars, Tae suddenly pulls his mouth away. Immediately you whimper, not liking the loss of touch. You start to complain, but don’t get very far before he suddenly shoves two fingers inside of you. The fullness causes you to reach your peak, and you cry out his name.

“That’s it, you dirty girl,” he still pumps his fingers inside of you, helping you ride out your high. “So sexy.”

It all just feels so good, and you nearly question your decision. You lift your head up once you’ve recovered and manage a small smile, “My turn.”

Taehyung’s eyes widen for a moment and you take the chance to pull him onto the bed, flipping positions so you’re on top. One of your hands reaches for his cock, moaning a bit when you realize how hard he is already. You stoke his member a few times before bending down to take him into your mouth. In all honesty, you are never one to really give blowjobs. It’s not that you hate giving them, it just never fits the flow; Tae almost always goes down on you and then fucks you—he never really gives you many chances to return the favor.

But from the expression on his face, you know he absolutely loves it.

“Shit,” he groans as you take him deeper into your mouth.

His cock hits the back of your throat and you gag a bit, feeling tears forming in your eyes. Even though giving blowjobs is rather uncomfortable sometimes, it’s worth seeing the reaction from Tae. His breaths are getting heavier; he’s getting close. This fact prompts you to suck harder, paying more attention to his sensitive head.

“Y/n—fucking shit—stop.”

Your eyes meet his from underneath your lashes. Letting go of his cock with a pop sound, you ask, “Is there something wrong?”

Tae has never stopped you from finishing a blowjob before.

He runs a hand over his face, “It feels so fucking good.”

“Why’d you want me to stop then?”

He leans up and captures your lips in a kiss. You kiss him back hard, pushing everything into the kiss. He breaks away first, resting his forehead against yours. “I want to cum inside you.”

And before you can comprehend his words, he flips you over onto your stomach and lifts your ass up. Without much warning, he slams inside you. This is done without much effort because you’re still wet from earlier. You both moan at the feeling of being connected like this; he has always filled you up so well.

Tae grips onto your hips as he moves fast, thrusting into you relentlessly. All you can do is sink your head into the bedsheets and take the pleasure. You’ve always loved this position since Tae goes so much deeper, hitting all the right spots. The same pleasure from earlier starts to build up inside of you again, and you tell him to go harder. And he does, leaning over you so he doesn’t move out much and ends up going even deeper than before.

You moan into the sheets, the pleasure becoming almost unbearable. Tae begins to suck onto the skin of your shoulders, no doubt leaving hickeys. This act just adds to the pleasure and you feel like you’re about to burst. Suddenly, Taehyung flips you over onto your back and crashes his lips on you.

As he kisses you, his hips move faster and you feel so so close.

“Cum for me, baby,” Tae whispers into your ears, fingers finding your sensitive clit, and that does the trick.

Your orgasm hits you like a freight truck, tightening your walls around Tae. Within seconds, he reaches his climax too, releasing himself into you. After this, he falls on top of you. But unlike other times, he doesn’t stay in the position long and rolls over. His chest rapidly rises up and down, sweating covering his entire body. You try to catch your own breath, feeling your heart beating erratically.

He turns his head to look at you and smiles, “Fucking perfect as always, y/n.”

Placing a quick kiss on your forehead, he gets up to grab a rag to clean the both of you. Once you clean the creampie off of you, he hands you a t-shirt and pulls his own boxers on. He whispers goodnight and falls asleep immediately. You take in his sleeping form—long eye lashes, soft lips; he looks like an angel. You can’t help but bring a hand to his face, trailing your fingers along his skin.

After a few moments, you roll over; feeling the weight of the world on your shoulders. You shut your eyes tightly, tears flowing down your face. A silent sob racks its way through your body because this was the last time. You were serious when you said those words to him before. Being in this toxic relationship isn’t an option anymore—you can’t deal with being the girl he simply used for sex.

You craved intimacy beyond that.

You wanted something deep, all consuming. Was that so bad?

While Tae slept peacefully beside you, you couldn’t relax at all. The thought of you leaving him haunted you. Before anything, he’s your best friend; you don’t want to lose him. At the same time, though, you know that you can’t keep him in your life. You want so much more, and he can’t give you that. So in your mind, it’s better just to break yourself away entirely.

Before the sun rises, you quietly get out of Taehyung’s bed and grab your clothes. You decide to keep his shirt, wanting to be selfish one last time. When you have all your things, you finally look at his sleeping form. Your heart hangs heavy in your chest; it hurt like hell now, but you would be grateful later…right?

Slipping out of his apartment, you drive home feeling like a total mess. Once you make it to your place, you immediately crawl into bed and cry yourself to sleep.

***

It’s one of those nights again.

The world is asleep, yet you are still wide awake—heart aching, mind running a thousand miles an hour. No matter what you try, sleep does not come. It’s like life is torturing you.

Since you left Taehyung’s house that one morning, you haven’t been able to sleep well. Every time you thought you finally were going to drift into dreamland for the night, his face would creep right into your mind. His expressive eyes, the gentle slope of his nose, the curve of his boxy grin—it was all ingrained in your mind. And you hated it. You also hated how you could still feel his burning touch on your skin; the way his large hands caressed your body.

Not only couldn’t you sleep well, but Tae calls you every day. He blows up your phone, leaving a voicemail every single time.

Y/n, pick up the phone.

Call me back soon, okay?

Is everything okay? Are you okay??

What did I do wrong? Call me back.

I know you’re listening to these messages since your voice mailbox isn’t full…call me soon.

…please pick up, y/n. Please.

As you listen to each message, your heart breaks a little more. You’re at a point now that you feel like you don’t even have a heart since you just feel so broken. The longingness in your chest is about to burst, but you aren’t going to give in. You aren’t going to pick up the phone and give him the satisfaction of knowing that you desperately cannot live without him.

You can be strong for once. You can exist without Kim Taehyung.

Even though you don’t pick up or return any of his calls, that doesn’t stop him. It has already been almost a month since you last saw him, but he continues to call and call and call. He’s relentless and a part of you feels absolutely terrible.

In the second month, the calls are less frequent but still very present in your life. Tae still calls practically every day, leaving you those damn voicemails that break your soul. And as much as it hurts, you still listen to every voicemail. You don’t know why though because you still feel as shitty as ever.

By the third month, Tae only calls once, maybe twice, a week. You still give him props for being so driven. If it had been you in his position, you would’ve give up a long time ago. He leaves the occasional voicemail too, but you know better to not listen anymore.

Miraculously, you’ve managed to avoid seeing him all this time. You don’t really know how though, since you both live in the same city. But he hasn’t come to see you yet, which is surprising. This behavior was very un-Tae-like, but you’re thankful; if he was to show up at your door, you don’t know what you would do.

Without Taehyung present in your life, you didn’t know what to do with yourself at first. A person who was so essential to your being wasn’t there anymore. But after the days, weeks, and eventual months went by, you learn to just deal. Your co-workers were concerned at first—they didn’t know why you had suddenly changed. They questioned you a lot that first month and attempted to change your mood; it, however, died quickly when they realized you weren’t going to change.

But have you changed a lot?

You aren’t too sure.

The days continue to pass you by, and life is starting to get rather dull. It’s the same routine of waking up, going to work, and then coming home. Although it’s boring and less than interesting, you stick to it because it’s the right thing. And before you know it, six whole months go by and it’s almost the end of the year.

Life’s still boring, but you think about Taehyung a lot less now. He stopped calling after the fourth month and no longer consumed your every thought. You can breathe a little bit better now, but there are still some nights you laid awake wondering how he was doing. Knowing him, he’s probably doing great; Tae’s always able to adapt easily to situations.

With the end of the year approaching, you find yourself not to terribly excited about the holidays; after all, you’re going to spend them alone. Or so you thought.

“Hello?” It wasn’t Tae on the phone, but someone else who you haven’t spoken to in years.

“Hey, y/n.”

“Umm…hi?”

“You said your greetings already,” the person on the other line says, humor laced in their voice.

“Whatever,” you roll your eyes, “what do you want?”

They mock gasp, “Is that really the way to speak to someone you haven’t spoken to since high school?”

“I don’t know, Yoon; maybe because we haven’t talked since high school?”

“Goodness, no need to sound so sarcastic,” she says. “I was just saying.”

You have no idea why she’s suddenly calling after all these years. After high school, you haven’t kept up with anyone you used to talk to—besides Tae, of course. You’re surprised she still has your number.

“Like I said before, what do you want?” you ask, confused.

“Can’t I just randomly call you?”

“No,” is your immediate response.

“Look, y/n, I know we haven’t talked since high school, but we used to be really good friends,” Yoon says, “so I just wanted to call and invite you to a New Year’s Eve party I’m hosting at my boyfriend’s place.”

“A New Year’s Eve party?” This feels all too familiar.

“Yeah—it’ll be fun, so please come!”

You scrunch your brows, “Is it your same boyfriend from high school?”

“Oh god no,” she laughs. “I’m dating Jay now.”

In that moment, your mouth drops, “What?! As in, Jay from high school? As in, the Jay who hosted the best parties?”

“Yes, that Jay. We’ve been dating for a few years now,” Yoon explains.

“That’s so crazy,” you say. “Who would’ve guessed; but I’m glad you ended things with that boyfriend of yours from high school—he was a douchebag.”

Yoon laughs again, “You don’t even have to tell me; I don’t know what I saw in him.”

“Seriously,” you smile. “Especially that one time—”

“—he got so drunk the night before graduation, he received his diploma hungover and confessed he had a thing for a teacher,” she finishes for you and you both laugh so hard. You can’t remember the last time you laughed so much.

“Oh my god, that was ridiculous,” you say, recalling the memory.

“It’s really funny now, but I still cringe thinking about it sometimes.”

If you were her, you would cringe too, “Jay is totally a step up from that mess.”

“So you’ll come to the party?” she asks.

You shrug even though she can’t see you, “I guess so.”

“Great,” you can feel her smile.

“I mean, it’s not like I have anything better to do,” you tell her, and it was the truth—you really don’t have anything else planned. There’s no way in hell you’re going home to your parents for the holidays; without a doubt they’d ask about Taehyung and you aren’t exactly ready to tell them yet. Also, you’d probably run into his mom and that would be bad.

“I promise you won’t regret it.”

***

On Christmas day, you call your parents. They bombard you with the typical you should call more and come visit. You manage to avoid questions that are too personal and promise that you’ll visit…soon.

As you call the other important people in your life, including Yoon, your hands itch to call Tae. It was your first Christmas, since that trip to visit your aunt all those years ago, without him and it honestly feels weird. When you woke up this morning, your mind immediately flashed back to Christmases past where you always woke up beside him. The yearning you haven’t felt in a while starts to return, but you don’t press his number that you’ve never bothered to delete.

The days following Christmas are a blur as you wait for the 31st to arrive. Admittingly, you’re actually kind of excited for the party; it’s going to be your first social outing in a while. Yoon called and told you it was going to a dressy event, meaning nicer clothes, so you spent hours trying to find the perfect outfit. You don’t even know why you were freaking out about clothes, but you wanted to look nice.

You end up finding a burgundy dress with an exposed back that makes you feel really good, and you feel happy for the first time in forever.

When New Year’s Eve finally rolls around, you slip into your slightly scandalous dress ready to take on the world. Yoon sends you the address of the place and you drive for about thirty minutes before arriving at a mansion.

Of course, you think to yourself as you pull into the circle driveway. This dude would live in a mansion even as an adult.

At the steps of the mansion, a man stands there and you look at him puzzled. “Yes?”

“Hello, miss, we can take your car and park it for you,” he says and you realize this must be a really fancy event.

“Oh, okay,” you say and get out of the car.

“Just let Mr. Jay or one of our staff know when you’re ready to leave,” he tells you before zooming away in your car.

You turn around a few times in the driveway, not knowing what to make of the situation, before making your way up the steps of the lavish house. When you reach the door, you don’t even have to reach for the handle—it opens before you can.

“Y/n?” someone calls your name.

You smile, “Yoon.”

Your old childhood friend stands in front of you in a gold fitted dress, looking even better now than she did in high school.

“Oh my god—you’re so hot now what the fuck,” she practically screeches before tackling you in a hug. You can’t help but laugh at her action, before hugging her back. “How is this even possible?”

You pull away, “Look who’s talking.”

She rolls her eyes, “Compared to you, I’m a potato.”

“I mean, you managed to snag Jay so I highly doubt that,” you say to her, an eyebrow raised. “By the way, this place is huge.”

“Oh, I know. I told Jay it was too big but he said it was perfect,” Yoon shrugs.

You look around, taking in the elaborate décor and high ceilings. It was all beautiful, but a little too much room for your personal taste. “I mean, I guess it makes a good place to host parties?”

“That’s the plan now.”

As you continue to take in all the glorious details, you realize something, “Where is everyone?”

You look at Yoon, wondering if you were somehow early but that couldn’t be because you were on time…or at least, you thought you were. But your friend looks at your confused expression and smiles.

“It’s a big place, remember? The party is on the other side of the mansion,” she explains and in that moment, you can hear music emitting from somewhere far.

Yoon grabs your arms and you two make your way across the mansion. The deeper Yoon pulls you into the house, the louder the music gets. As the bass starts to shake the floor, you start seeing more people. Actually, you start seeing a lot of people.

“Oh shit,” you say to yourself, surprised by the sheer amount of bodies.

“I know,” your friend yells in front of you and you’re surprised that she heard you. “This is technically my party, but it seems like Jay ended up inviting the whole city.”

Although there are many people present, it’s not like a party you would’ve attended back in high school. No one is dancing provocatively or getting wasted—everyone is just doing their own thing. Yoon walks you into a room with high ceilings, a glittering chandelier right in the center. The extravagant sight parts your mouth in awe; exactly how rich is Jay?

“Well, this is the party,” Yoon says after you close your mouth again. “Before you leave, come find me okay?”

You nod a couples times before you register her words, “Wait, what?”

“I have to go find Jay,” she shrugs.

“And you’re just going to leave me?”

Yoon smiles, “You’ll be fine.”

“What was the point of inviting me if you’re not going to bother to entertain me?” you might’ve appeared rather sarcastic, but you’re internally freaking out. You don’t want Yoon to leave you; what are you supposed to do? This party’s not your forte and you don’t know anybody else but her.

“I’m sure you will find someone else to entertain you,” she says, already walking away from you. What was that supposed to mean?

And with that, your only friend at the party abandons you. Suddenly, you find yourself feeling out of place in the sea of people. You quickly walk away from the center of the room and don’t stop until you find a bar. You pour yourself a drink, half-leaning against the wall. As you glance around the room, you feel slightly envious of everyone. They all seem like they’re having a great time…and you’re not feeling that same excitement anymore. You are so immersed in your thoughts, you don’t even notice the figure behind you. And you definitely do not expect to feel a hand on you.

Out of instinct, you jab your arm into them; but they stop you, grabbing a hold of your hand. You turn around, ready to give them a piece of mind. But when you realize who is behind you, the world seems to stop.

“Wha—” your mouth falls open, not able to form proper words. “T-Tae?”

The last person you expected to see is inches away from you, and you can’t even think.

Your mind is completely blank, devoid of any thoughts as you search his features. Not much has changed about him—same curved lips, nose perfectly sculpted by God himself. If anything, he just looks tired. Tears threaten to spill when your eyes finally meet his; in his gaze, you see all the emotions you’ve felt these past six months. Confusion, pain, anger, numbness—you see it all and it kills you inside.

In your rationality, you thought he would be okay; you thought that he didn’t need you. Now, you see that he’s hurt, and you’re the cause of it all. Fear spikes your system. You need to get away from him before you cause any more damage. But as you try to back away, you realize that his grip on you is tight.

Without saying a word, he forcefully pulls you forward and drags you through the crowd of people. Thankfully, no one really pays you two attention as Tae maneuvers the both of you away from the center of the party. You have no idea where he’s taking you, but you don’t try to resist because there would be no point. Tae turns into a hallway and opens a random door, shoving you inside. He locks the door behind him, and finally turns to face you. You can’t even look at him, feeling shameful that you’re actually in his presence again.

Silence fills the room before he talks, “Why?”

You stare at the floor, not knowing what to say.

“Why?” he suddenly grabs both of your shoulders, shaking you. “Why did you leave me?”

You let him shake you, feeling deserving of the action; you deserved all the bad in the world for what you did.

“Did you not know how much of a mess I was, huh? I thought you were just mad at me; ignoring me for a couple days. But when you never called back, I didn’t know to do. Fuck,” he lets you go to rake a hand through his hair. “I was so angry. How could you do that to me? You ruined me, y/n. Why are you so heartless?”

By now, tears are pouring down your face; but you’re angry too. He was angry with you? He was a mess? “You think you’re the only one who was hurting?”

“Well, I wasn’t the one who completely cut you from my life.”

More tears spill from your eyes. He doesn’t get it. “You’re an asshole, Kim Taehyung.”

While he was angry that you didn’t return any of his damn phone calls in six months, you were disappointed that after all these years he still couldn’t see your true feelings. You might’ve not seem him in a while, but the same feelings from six months ago were starting to creep back and you didn’t like it. You have almost forgotten how much your soul longed for him.

“I’m an asshole?” he asks incredulously.

You don’t say anything; instead, you turn back around and start to walk towards the door. Before you can get far though, Tae pulls you back.

“Where do you think you’re going?”

“Away from you.”

“I haven’t seen you in six months and you want to leave already? Is that what you do best? Run away?” he asks.

His words are like a dagger to your heart. “Don’t ever talk to me again.”

“Why are you doing this, y/n? What the hell did I do?” he’s yelling at this point and the tears rush endlessly down your face. And before you can even help it, the words tumble right out of your mouth.

“You made me fall in love with you.”

The rooms falls silent and in that moment, you swear that you can hear Taehyung’s own heart beating. You can’t even look at him, feeling too embarrassed at your sudden confession. It’s the first time you’ve ever said the truth out loud; and even though you feel strangely liberated, a lingering feeling of rejection still harbors over you.

When the silence continues to swallow you up, you slowly start to regret ever saying anything.

“You know what? Forget I ever said anything,” you quickly say in attempts to clear the air. “I don’t even know why—”

“You’re in love with me?”

His words cause you to raise your head up and meet his eyes. There’s an emotion swirling in them that you can’t decipher. Since there’s no turning back now, you nod your head once and silent wait for his response. A few seconds pass before a smile morphs onto his face. The smile surprises you because you don’t get the gesture; why was he smiling?

“You’re in love with me?” he repeats his question, and you scrunch your brows as you nod your head again. “No, no—say it out loud.”

You blink a couple times, “Umm…I love you?”

“C’mon, say it more reassuringly.”

“I love you, Kim Taehyung,” you say with honesty because you do love him, you really do. The smile that graced his face a few seconds earlier is now a goofy grin that stretches from ear to ear. It’s a smile that scares you a bit because you still don’t understand the reason behind it.

“You,” he points in your direction before gesturing to himself, “love me.”

By this point, a string of laughter leaves you since he keeps repeating the same three words. “Yes I love you; why is that so unbelievable?”

“It’s not unbelievable,” he smirks and it is all so very Kim Taehyung. “But why did it take you so long to tell me? I mean, we’ve been friends forever.”

You slump against the wall, “And that is precisely the reason why. I-I didn’t want to ruin what we had already. You’re my best friend Tae, and I didn’t want to lose that. It also didn’t help that we were having sex together; I think that just made me fall harder, honestly.”

“I thought you wanted to keep it all no-strings-attached?”

“I did,” you sigh, “but it just all got so complicated.”

“Well, if it helps,” Tae starts, placing a hand along your cheek, “I’m in love with you too.”

He says it all so nonchalant that you barely catch the in love part. “You what?”

Tae looks down at you, now cupping both your cheeks, “I love you, y/n.”

“Are you just saying that because I confessed?” You’re in denial that Tae could be in love with you too because how can that even be? You were positive that he never saw you as more than a friend.

“Of course not; I think I’ve been in love with you since high school,” he admits, cheeks tinging a shade of red. “You were the cute girl in English class that all the boys liked, and I was just lucky to have gotten paired up with you on that project. When we became friends, it felt like a dream—I felt like I won the lottery. And because we were friends, I decided to suppress my feelings because you were important to me. But that winter break back in eleventh grade ruined me though. I have never regretted and cherished a night so much in my life.

“I figured I could live with simply being a friend who you fucked because I thought it was what you wanted. Now, however, I can see that we’ve been on the same boat all this time.”

When you hear his confession, you feel like so much heartbreak could’ve been prevented. “Why didn’t you tell me sooner?”

He shrugs, “The fear of rejection, I guess. Being friends with benefits was comfortable and I was fine with it, until you completely walked out of my life.”

“I’m sorry,” you tell him. “I thought that was best. I thought you could live without me.”

“I could never live without you,” Tae’s eyes widen. “I was a mess without you these last six months. I wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for Jay and Yoon.”

That’s when everything clicked, “You know Jay and Yoon?”

Tae smiles sheepishly, “Jay was a guy I used to hang with before I met you—our parents are friends. We haven’t talked in years and probably wouldn’t have if I hadn’t decided to go home to visit my parents.”

“You did what?” this news shocks you. “They didn’t…they didn’t ask about me, did they?”

“Don’t worry, I just lied and said you were busy,” he says and you can breathe again. “But anyway, when I went home Jay happened to be in town too and when we went out for drinks, everything just spilled out of me. He then told me that his girlfriend used to be one of your close friends and I begged her to get in touch with you. And, since you’re here…I guess she did.”

Wow. This is all so unexpected. “So, you all basically devised this party just so you could see me?”

Tae just nods and you roll your eyes before shoving him away from you. Taehyung looks at you like you’re crazy. “What the hell, y/n?”

“Why can’t you ever just grab my attention like a normal person?” you ask him, and a smile returns on his face. “Why do you always sneak up on me?”

“You’ve always be fun to mess with.”

As Tae smiles at you, you decide to be spontaneous. You take that chance to fling yourself into his arms, wrapping your own around him. Tae reciprocates the hug and lets his head fall into the crook of your shoulder. “I really am sorry and I really, really do love you.”

Even though you can’t see his face, you can feel him smiling into your shoulder. “I know and I love you more.”

“I don’t think that’s possible,” you tell him, smiling.

He raises his head, “I’ve loved you longer, idiot.”

“So? Time doesn’t determine the strength of someone’s love.”

“Yes, it does, because I loved you first.”

“No, it doesn’t because I loved you so much I was willing to let you be happy.”

“I love you more,” he says.

“No, I do.”

“I do.”

“Tae, I love you more—” before you can continue to express how much more you love him, he shuts you up with a kiss. You haven’t kissed him in so long, you can feel your head spinning. As his lips move against yours, you feel desires that you thought died start to come alive again. You mold yourself closer to him, needing to feel him against you.

You pull away from him and he moves down your neck, “Since you claim you love me more, you should show me just how much…”

He raises his lips of your skin immediately, “Oh yeah?”

Smiling, you nod and laugh when he picks you up. He walks you two to the bed in the room and throws you on it before climbing on top as well.

“I feel kind of bad for always using people’s bedrooms,” you say as he starts to unzip your dress.

“I guess it’s just our thing,” Taehyung smiles at you before leaning in for another kiss.

Our thing. You repeat the word in your head, and you swear you’ve never been happier.

#armiesnet #btsbookclub #bangtan bookclub #bts fic #bts smut #taehyung fic #taehyung smut #bts #bangtan #v #smut #angst #kpop fic #it's complicated #xbaepsae

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vantaenims · 4 years ago

Text

paper bandits | jimin

pairing: jimin x reader

genre: high school au | fluff, humor, angst

word count: 12.9k

warning/s: stealing and lots of ogling Jimin moments lmao.

summary: It’s pretty irresponsible for a student librarian to abandon her tasks in exchange for hiding behind a bookshelf at the back of the library, doing something impermissible with the class president you’re starting to crush really hard but oh well.

masterlist

The flag ceremony has been taking too long for your liking since the principal of the school managed to squeeze in her infamous ‘short speech’ that’s not even short to begin with as it has already been fifteen minutes when the speech started and she’s probably unaware that she has already taken ten minutes of everyone’s homeroom period.

Also, it isn’t very ideal to stand for an extended time and endure the cold spring air, specially in the early morning. Your school uniform isn’t enough to protect you away from the cold. Sure, you’re fully clothed with your long sleeve shirt, black vest, and navy blue blazer yet your lower body is freezing and suffering with only a skirt to cover your legs hence the reason why you’re brushing your shin against the back of your leg for some warmth.

You were relieved to hear that the principal started to conclude her speech, thinking you could finally do your unfinished Calculus homework for homeroom only to crush you down when she called the Student Council President, Kim Namjoon, for an announcement regarding his school project advocacy he implemented at the beginning of the school year - Project Paper Drive.

It’s main purpose is to encourage students to recycle paper materials such as newspapers, carton boxes, and other paper recyclables you can name. Essentially, the class with the highest contribution of recyclables by the end of the school year will be granted a pool party by the school’s very own swimming pool area plus a free food catering that will only be exclusive for the winning class.

It’s also the reason why the competition has become fiercer between classes, specially those who are leading in the ranks. Ever since the project started, your class and Namjoon’s have always been battling to take the first place to which Namjoon’s class claimed the top spot during the first quarter only for your class to take their place by the second quarter, leaving you on a tie as of the moment.

“Good Morning! I am here to announce the top five classes this third quarter for Project Paper Drive” Namjoon announced to the microphone as he looked down on the paper he’s holding.

“Do you think we’re at number 1 this time?” Sora - your friend - asked you as she looked back at you with a quite anxious look that mirrors your exact same face right now as you eagerly wait to hear the results.

“I hope so”

“The top two this time is…” you closed your eyes as you crossed your fingers, hoping that it’ll be Namjoon’s class but you were distracted upon the loud screams by your right when Namjoon spoke up, “Class 3-2! Congratulations Class 4-1 for taking the first place this third quarter!”

You bitterly looked over at Class 4-1 which happens to be Namjoon’s class. A scowl on your face is evident when you see them excitedly cheer each other, knowing how they now have the advantage of winning the project but that’s not what particularly is ticking you off.

“Isn’t it unfair to let Namjoon’s class participate in this project?” you snickered to Sora.

“I bet he told them the project before the school started so they could have a head start.”

You were about to complain more when Namjoon announced that they'd discovered the school’s archived newspapers in the recyclables but they were unable to trace to which class it came from since all of the recyclables are combined all together and ready for sorting when they have found out.

Namjoon then warned that the class will be eliminated from the project once they found out which class is responsible for stealing one of the school’s property.

“Everyone sure is competitive to go through those lengths” Sora said as she chuckled but you disregard her statement as you ask about one thing you’re more interested in.

“What happens though if we win next quarter? I mean-” you weren’t able to finish your sentence when your class adviser, Ms. Sung, shushed you as she ordered you to stand straight and put your arms on both of your sides, not even noticing that Namjoon’s done with his announcement, leaving everyone to go back to their own classrooms in an orderly manner.

As you got back to your room, the once quiet and disciplined class in the school grounds turned into a bit of a chaotic scene now that you only have twenty minutes left for your homeroom period, making everyone in a rush as some get in and out of the room to get their things in their locker while the others are chatting loudly or how the others are doing their unfinished homeworks like what you are doing right now.

You fell asleep last night when you were working on your Calculus homework and you sure do regret it now as it’s the next subject after homeroom and you still have four questions yet to be answered or maybe you could blame it on the school principal’s ‘short speech’.

“Are you done with your Calculus homework?” you urgently asked Sora who just plopped her books down on her table next to yours, reminding yourself to get your things once you're done with this.

“Here” Sora handed you her homework, thanking her as you wrote down the answers as fast as possible and once you were done, you stood up as you hurriedly made your way towards the door to go to your locker but Ms. Sung called you before you could make it outside the room.

“Y’N, can you call the class president while you’re outside?” you nodded as you got out of the classroom and you were instantly greeted with an empty hallway, considering everyone went through their lockers earlier except for you but you’re clueless where the class president is because you’re pretty much the only person in the hallway that is until you turned around the corner.

You first saw Jimin chatting up with his friends, Taehyung and Minjae, in a serious conversation as they seemed to not even notice your presence when you passed by. Not wanting to disturb their conversation just yet, you opted to head first towards your locker, looking over your schedule that’s pasted inside the door to get the text books you needed for today.

You looked back to see that they’re still completely unaware of your presence until you closed the door of your locker a bit too loudly when you hit it with your shoulder, cutting their conversation short as they glanced up towards the source of the noise.

“Jimin, Ms. Sung is looking for you” you said, walking to them closer with a bit of an embarrassed look for unexpectedly causing too much of a noise.

Jimin looked at his wristwatch, eyes widening once he took notice of the time, “Hey, let’s get back to the room.”

You continue to walk on your own after having said that but then Taehyung appeared right by your side with a big grin, “Y/N, are you done with Calculus?”

“Yeah, it’s on my table” you smiled, rolling your eyes in the process albeit playfully.

Taehyung is the one you’re closest with out of them three, simply because he’s the one sitting behind you. Truth be told, you were annoyed with him at first because of how he would constantly kick your chair during a quiz to ask you for answers but you eventually warmed up to him when he helped you out on that English quiz and since then, you’ve become ‘cheatmates’.

“Stop bothering her” Jimin said as he shoved Taehyung, making the latter chuckle as he ran off towards the classroom, shouting a thank you to you before he disappeared with Minjae inside the room.

“Here, let me help you” Jimin grabbed your books from you whilst offering you the sweetest smile you’ve ever seen.

This is one of the reasons why every girl in high school looks at him with hearts in their eyes but who wouldn’t anyway when Jimin has such a loving nature and an angel like personality - a total surprising quality for boys like his age who are rather rowdy and annoying.

Not to mention, he’s also smart and reliable thus the reason why he has been consistently elected as the class president for years now which is totally a plus point and it is true, that Jimin is indeed irresistible but let’s just say that you could describe your admiration for him as a passive one.

Reason is, it’s way too exhausting to like a boy that every girl likes and you don’t even want to deal with the competition so you don’t even wanna bother to join the other girls though you can’t guarantee that you’re safe away from exhibiting the same heart eyes for him from time to time because come on, we’re talking about Park Jimin here - no one can resist his charms.

“Thanks” you said as Jimin placed it on your table, smiling once again before he went towards the teacher’s table.

“Don’t start” you glared at Sora just as she was about to open her mouth.

“I haven’t even said something”

“I know what you’re going to say” you annoyingly replied, knowing full too well that she was just about to tease you as she always does since she’s that kind of person that sees malice in every little kind gesture from a boy and you sometimes hate how she thinks like that but oh well, you’re teenagers after all.

Jimin then walked towards the teacher’s table as he listened to whatever instruction Ms. Sung is giving him and then he politely bowed with a smile after they were done. He then went up the platform, walking towards the center as he spoke to call everyone’s attention.

“Everyone, I think you’ve all known that the project has been more competitive now that Class 4-1 reclaimed their place but there’s nothing to worry about. We still have one quarter left to top them and our recyclables are less than three kilos from them so it’s not much of a hassle to reclaim the top as long as we work on this together.” Jimin said with full determination, igniting everyone’s competitiveness. He was about to step down the platform that is until one of your classmates shared a brilliant suggestion for everyone to follow.

“I’ve got this from our neighbor” Jihyun stood up, raising her four liter plastic water container she brought with her today for the project, “Why don’t we start to collect recyclables around our neighborhood? It could help raise our numbers for this.”

Jimin clapped his hand as she pointed to Jihyun, “Ah yes, that’s a nice idea Jihyun. Any more suggestions?”

Everyone then started to relay one by one all their brainstormed ideas and it’s just fun to watch how the class looks so eager to win the project much like the attitude everyone exudes when it’s the school’s field day.

Nothing unites a class more when they’re after the same goal of winning, specially when we’re talking about an exclusive year end class pool party.

“Hey, isn’t it time for your shift already?” Sora asked you whilst looking at her wrist watch, making you do the same only for you to see that it’s already 12:40 in the afternoon which could only mean that you’re duty as the student librarian started ten minutes ago.

You scrambled on your feet as you aimlessly collected all of your things including the book you’re too engrossed reading that caused you to miss the time, “I’ll see you later!”

You hastily went out of the cafeteria as you rushed to the short cut, climbing the stairs two steps at a time until you finally made your way inside the library. You paused for a bit as you tried to catch your breath whilst you leaned your hips against the circulation desk.

“Y/N, you’re late” Ms. Kim, the school librarian, looked at you with a smile then looked back down to continue her duty of photocopying some papers, “I’ll let this pass since you’ve never been late.”

“I’m sorry, i was too busy reading and i didn’t notice the time” you said with relief evident in your voice as you went behind the desk to take the remaining papers from her.

Being a student librarian was not something you imagined to do but ever since junior year started, you decided to take on anything that could build up your student resume and get extra credits in preparation for the college entrance exam you’ll be taking in your senior year.

It’s not like it’s an actual bad thing considering you love reading books anyway but besides that you’ve also decided to compete during the school’s field day for the Volleyball game that got your team winning first place and to top that, your Science Investigatory Project was chosen to be featured during the Science Fair.

An average student is what describes you best but you muster every effort you got in you to be one of the best students out there since you’ve been dreaming of getting into Seoul National University though you must say that you’re still quite lacking when it comes to academics, specifically at Math.

“Is there anything else i can do?” you asked, placing down the stack of photocopied papers next to her.

Ms. Kim shook his head no at you, “There’s nothing else to do so why don’t you use this as your free time.”

You went to sit down on the corner meant for student librarians like you as you do what Ms. Kim has instructed you and it isn’t quick before you get fully immersed again in reading until you notice that you have a few pages left before the book ends.

“Ms. Kim, has the sequel for this book got returned already?” you asked, remembering how the book is supposed to be returned by now but you don’t recall putting it back on the shelf.

“Oh right”, Ms. Kim snapped her fingers as she remembered something, “I forgot to tell you it was returned last week.”

Getting up, you then proceeded to go to the fiction section where you instantly spotted the second book. You’re reading one of the most in demand book series today which is The Maze Runner. Since everyone’s been dying to borrow it, you took it out of the fiction section as you went at the far right end of the library where the Math section is located to hide it there just because no one really scans Math books anyway which makes it the perfect hiding spot.

As you were about to leave, you heard a knock coming from the back door of the library, causing you to furrow your brows at why would someone knock there when that door isn’t meant to be used since it leads to the fire exit. Regardlessly, you walk around the bookshelf covering the door only for you to discover something unusual.

A boy is crouched down in front of the door as he got an old newspaper from the pile next to him, slipping it under the door where it was pulled fastly as if there’s another person at the other side of the door. You were confused about what's happening until you started to piece out everything just when you recalled Namjoon’s announcement regarding the Paper Drive Project.

Holy shit, this must be the culprit who’s stealing newspapers for the project.

“Ms. Kim! I found the…” you shouted out, ready to snitch the boy who’s cheating their way in the project but you weren’t able to finish your sentence when the boy turned around with a quite startled look and next thing you know, he had his hand around your mouth to shut you up, eventually pinning you against the bookshelf in the process.

“Y/N…?” the boy in front of you sighed, removing his hand from you to place it instead on top of his chest.

“Jimin?” you bewilderedly looked at him with so many questions running around your head as you look over the pile of newspapers and then back at him, “Are you...the one stealing newspapers?” you asked, lowering your voice as you said the last part.

Before Jimin could answer you, he went back to the door to knock on it two times as if he’s sending some sort of a signal to someone from the other side. Jimin ran his hands along his hair only for him to pull it from frustration whilst he had his other hand rested on his waist with a quite stressed look.

“You’re not going to report me, are you?” Jimin glanced up at you with a worrisome look.

“I don’t know?” you stammered as you try to process everything.

Of course, he forgot that you’re a student librarian and it’s obviously your job to report instances like this but a part of him is confident that you won’t snitch him just because you’re in the same class and you both know that you don’t want the class to get eliminated from the project though he could only hope you’re thinking the same thing as him.

“Um, I guess i need to explain” Jimin grabbed your hand to drag you out behind the bookshelf as he guided you both towards the rows of tables and chairs but your attention was called before you could even settle on your seats.

“Y/N? What happened?”

Well, you thought you’re being so clever to find out the culprit only for you to end up digging your own grave or let’s just say a mass grave for your class because what are you supposed to say to Ms. Kim? That you find the newspaper thief who happens to be Jimin?

No,you can’t do that - you can’t risk your class not when the pool party is at stake here.

You should probably think of a lie right now but what’s worse is that you’re a very bad liar and that’s a fact but you should put your best into saying something that’ll make sense. You’re way too deep making up a lie in your head that Jimin had to squeeze your hand - that is surprisingly still holding his - when he noticed you’re taking way too long to answer.

“Ah i found the sequel” you nervously laughed as you pointed your hand swiftly towards the Math section, too swiftly that your hand almost slammed into Ms. Kim’s face who’s clearly startled by your sudden movement, causing you to bite your lip in embarrassment.

God, I’m so awful.

“I was looking for it in the fiction section and it’s - Sorry, i just got excited...i guess” you stopped yourself from rambling, not trusting yourself that you might spew out some nonsense and make yourself more obvious.

“Alright but remember the rule” she eyed the acrylic banner on the wall that says ‘Please Keep Quiet.’

“Yes, Ms. Kim and I’m sorry again”

Ms. Kim smiled at the both of you as she left, leaving Jimin to tug you towards the table that’s the farthest from the occupied ones and you are once again reminded of your still intertwined hands that you’ve unknowingly been holding on to ever since you caught him at the back of the library.

As you both sat down side by side, you cleared your throat awkwardly as you tried to unclasp your hand from Jimin who quickly detached your hand from his as he muttered an apology.

“Thank you for not telling,” Jimin muttered as he intertwined both of his hands instead on top of the table but he was suddenly taken aback with the tone of your voice when you spoke up.

“You could’ve been in so much trouble only if it weren’t for me! What would you do if you were caught by someone else!?” you whispered shout as you voiced out your frustration but more so because you’re still stuck in a state of disbelief that Jimin did this and it looks like there must’ve been a glitch in the system for him to be the culprit.

“Well, I guess, I’m lucky you caught me,” Jimin said as he tried to gauge your previous reaction, not really expecting for you to go off on him.

“That’s not the point. I mean, why do you have to steal those newspapers?” you can’t decipher why he needs to risk the class by stealing when there are good various suggestions made by your classmates awhile ago for you to win.

“I’m not stealing, I’m recycling them” Jimin stated out, causing you to furrow your brows even further at his dumb sounding statement, “Look, do you want to have the pool party or not?”

“I do, as much as everyone else” Jimin pointed at you, thinking he got his point across when you’re in fact still a bit lost.

Jimin then began to explain to you that this plan started after the end of the second quarter when your class placed first for the project and everyone looked joyous at the achievement. That specific moment sparked some kind of pride in him hence the reason why he felt the need to win the project for the class.

“Why newspapers though? Why not cardboard boxes, don’t they weigh heavier?”

“Yes, cardboard boxes are heavier but newspapers are being printed daily and they become pretty much useless the next day” Jimin glanced back towards the back of the library before continuing, “There are newspapers there dated five years ago. Why just keep them there when you can recycle them, right?”

Jimin quirked his brows along with a mischievous smile and you could swear that you feel like he’s being such a villain yet a hero at the same time - a Robin Hood of some sorts when he got you convinced by his statement right then and there.

“You’re not the only one on this plan, are you?” you narrowed your eyes as you remember how the newspaper was fastly pulled out as soon as he slipped it under the door.

“Taehyung and Minjae as well but i hope you won’t tell this to your friends or the class since you know, it could be risky and the fewer, the better”

“Okay” you sighed as you got up, ready to leave to go back to the circulation desk but Jimin is a bit discontented with your answer as he’s still perplexed if he could really trust you not to tell everyone.

“Wait” Jimin held your arm, making you sit back down “Do you think it would be smart to have another one in?”

“What do you mean?”

“I just realized that you can be my lookout and since you’re the student librarian, that automatically makes you the least suspicious one to be doing this”

“Like an inside job?” you gave Jimin a deadpan look because if you agree, you could be at risk of losing your extra credits and potentially ruin your credentials if you were caught by chance but on the other note, the pool party is too tempting.

“If you like to call it that way. So is it a deal?” Jimin cheekily smiled, leaning forward to you with his hand held out under the table.

You didn’t contemplate it too much because next thing you know, you grabbed his hand to seal the deal.

You were out of focus as soon as you heard your stomach grumble, too hungry to even process the discussion about the difference between Ionic Bond and Covalent Bond in Chemistry. As if the gods were in your favor, you looked at the clock above the whiteboard to see that there’s five minutes left before lunch time.

Bored as wits, you pushed down on your click pen as you synchronized it with the ticking movement of the second hand of the clock but it looks like Sora’s not too pleased at what you were doing as she snatched the pen away from your hold.

“Stop, it’s annoying” Sora hissed.

“I’m hungry” you grumbled, regretting it now that you skipped breakfast and recess just because you told yourself that you’re going to take your diet seriously now but it looks like you can’t even make it through your first day.

“What did I tell you? Skipping meals is unhealthy.”

“It’s called intermittent fasting” you reminded Sora as you huff, laying your back against your chair, still looking at the time that seems to be slower than ever so you decided to observe your classmates in the room.

Half the students at the back were either sleeping or chatting up with their seatmate while those who are in front are too engrossed in the lesson whilst you in the middle seems to be caught in between the mood of those who are at the front and back.

Your eyes then remained to the person on the right side of the room who’s seating one row ahead of you, realizing that it has been a week already since you caught him stealing newspapers at the back of the library.

Also, it has been a week when you became part of the plan though you still have not done your job of being a look out since you suggested to Jimin that you need to wait for at least a week for the issue to die down before you could continue.

You have mutually agreed that you could only steal the newspapers once or twice a week with no particular day since having a pattern could get you caught plus you still have to do your job of being a student librarian.

But that’s not what you have in mind right now because you’re stuck in admiring Jimin’s face and observe how he has such a perfectly nice jaw yet he has such cute fluffy cheeks that you’d want to squish and bite if given the chance because look at him, he looks like such a warm rice cake served every new year.

You snapped out of your weird thoughts that are definitely caused by your hunger and thankfully, the bell rang just as you glanced back towards the clock, causing you to immediately stand up as you rushed towards the door but your attention was called before you could make it outside.

You looked at the source to see Jimin raised his eyebrows at you, taking the hint that today’s going to be the first time you’ll be executing the plan with them and you’re painfully nervous for it that you only even spent twenty minutes out of your allotted thirty minutes lunch time before you got yourself in the library.

Thankfully, Ms. Kim’s always lenient with you and you don’t have that much task to do today besides stapling twenty sets of papers. After that, you headed straight towards the back of the library to meet Jimin who’s sitting on the floor as he patiently waited for you and once you’re back there, he began to slip the newspapers under whilst you stayed behind the bookshelf as you peeked outside in between the spaces.

“Do you know the reason why the council was able to find out about the stolen newspapers” you asked as you looked back on Jimin who’s busy slipping the newspapers under the door whilst he’s crouching down.

“Why?”

“It’s because the school seal is stamped at the back.”

Jimin paused for a moment to look at the back of the newspaper to confirm your statement and sure enough, the school seal is there to straight up remind him how dumb he must’ve been to not notice it.

“So you better remove that page before you put it in the paper drive” you said.

“See, this is the reason why it’s smart to have you in” you shook your head, smiling as you went back to looking outside.

“I think it’d be also good if you could switch your place with Taehyung or Minjae to not raise suspicion”

“Okay, then we’ll do that”

Since there are only a few students inside the library, you sat down on the floor with your crossed ankles and your right shoulder against the bookshelf. Your position right now has given you a perfect view of Jimin discarding his blazer at the moment, leaving him only with his buttoned up white shirt but not only that, he also rolled up the sleeves up to his elbows as if that isn't such a sight to look at.

Jimin may be facing his back to you but this is enough for you to get a good view of his physique but then you should really stop these inappropriate thoughts.

As if Jimin sensed you watching him, he’s just right in time to catch you in the act of gawking at him that made you straight out bashful as you try to look anywhere but him.

“Are you tired?”

“Just a bit” you twisted your body so you could direct your gaze through the gaps of the bookshelf whilst you busy your hands as you pressed your palms down on your legs to act as if they’re hurting though you’re more likely just fizzing out your embarrassment.

It was silent after that and it just made things awkward, specifically for you as you try to think of a topic you could talk about since you and Jimin are not close to begin with, maybe just an acquaintance.

You were racking your brain for some ideas until your eyes wandered over the Math Section, “You’re good at Calculus, right?”

“I think i just take it in well”

You let out a little huff as soon as you heard his humble remark, “You always get the highest scores in exams.” The compliment made Jimin shy as he smiled in a way that made his eyes turn into little crescents, making him look so undeniably adorable.

“What about you?”

“I suck at Math” you chuckled, “I’m pretty good at History though since i could memorize the dates or details pretty easily.”

“Well, i suck at History so that makes us fair”

Jimin knocked on the door twice, once he slipped the last newspaper as he dusted off his hand before sitting down with his back against the door and is now facing you, “I could teach you Calculus if you want.”

“Huh?” The offer came out of nowhere and it was so sudden, causing you to raise your eyebrows at him in surprise.

“I mean, we have a test on Calculus this Thursday” Jimin said as he looked at you, waiting for your response but he was met with none, “If you just want help is all.”

You don’t have to say anything for Jimin to figure out that you were not interested at all and he regrets it now that his statement might have sounded too forward for you so he stood up, unrolling his sleeves as he grabbed the blazer off of the floor as quickly as possible.

“Yeah, sure” you stood up as well, straightening down your skirt as you watch Jimin halt his movements.

You don’t even know why you got nervous for a moment when Jimin just asked if he could help you in Calculus but your mind sure does have a way of thinking that maybe he’s making a move on you when in reality he’s just being the kind person he is.

“Oh okay, does after class sound good?” Jimin’s voice peeked a little at your answer.

“I still have to go here after class though.”

“I could go here then we could also study here, is that okay?”

You think your heart just skipped a little after hearing that but you composed yourself as you nodded at him but you think your heart skipped for the second time when he smiled to display once again those cute little crescented eyes that you so began to adore just now.

Sora twirled the blue ribbon from your ponytail around her fingers as she watch how focused you are in writing down the notes for your last subject whilst her attention is the total opposite from you, too eager for the class to be dismissed so you could now both go to the mall to eat out and do some window shopping.

“Where do you want to eat?” you stopped writing, head turning sideways as you raised your eyebrows until it dawned on you that you have agreed to go to the mall with her last week and it must’ve totally slipped your mind hence why you’re giving her now an apologetic look.

“Can we go tomorrow instead? I kind of need to study today”

“Study with Jimin?” you playfully rolled your eyes, ignoring her question as you went back to write, “What’s with you and Jimin?”

“Nothing”

“Well, you sure do spend a lot of time together lately” Sora is in fact not lying when she said that. Not only were you just getting the archived newspapers at the library but your after class study sessions have become a daily routine for you two ever since last week.

You understood Calculus much better now and thanks to Jimin’s help that you’re now able to get higher scores in your quizzes and you must say that he’s equally doing good in History too because as it turns out, you discovered that Jimin retains the details much better when someone is quizzing him.

“Normally, i’d be pissed you forgot our mall date but i’ll let you pass since we’re talking about your lovelife here.”

“Sora” you warned, getting annoyed at her constant teasing.

“What? I have a feeling you’d end up with Jimin before the end of the school year” you scoffed at her oddly specific statement.

“And how could you be so sure about that?”

A piece of paper was placed on top of your notebook and upon seeing it, you immediately saw your full name and Jimin’s though it’s a bit incomprehensible to read because of how the common letters are crossed off for unknown reasons until you saw the word ‘FLAMES’ written on capital letters below your names and you could only glare at Sora when you saw where the circle landed on - L for Lovers.

“What are you? A middle schooler?” you soon burst into a chuckle, finding the whole thing ridiculous.

“FLAMES never fails, trust me” you shook your head as you went on to pack your things once you heard the bell ring.

“I’m sorry Sora, See you tomorrow then” you waved, slinging your backpack over your shoulder.

“You better not forget it” Sora accusedly pointed at you, chuckling as you nodded your head as you went out of the classroom.

You stopped by your locker first to stuff in your things except for your Calculus book and notes since Jimin will be teaching you about Limits on Combined Functions for today.

Arriving first in the library, you then proceeded to finish your task for today which is to return books into their proper place. Thankfully, there were only four books that got returned, leaving you with pretty much nothing left for you to do after so you instead got yourself settled on one of the tables as you opened the textbook and scanned the notes you took that you barely understand anyway but might as well try.

“Hey” Jimin greeted you, sitting himself down next to you as he unzipped his backpack to get out his things, “Did you understand the lesson a while ago?”

Shaking your head, you give him an apologetic look, “Not so much.”

“That’s okay, I'll just explain it from the start” Jimin told you as the sweetheart he is.

Opening the textbook, Jimin started to explain the lesson a while ago with no difficulty as he constructed graphs and wrote out the solutions so you could see the step by step process. You’re thankful that he’s being so patient with you no matter how many questions you throw at him but he said that it’s good to be inquisitive than to be uninterested.

Once you finally get the gist of it, you find yourself staring lost at his face and watch how he looks so cool just talking about functions and their limits. How unfair is it that he doesn’t have to exert much effort to look so ethereal, no wonder he’s so good at catching everyone’s hearts.

So handsome.

Jimin suddenly looked at you with a smile forming on his face when he caught you looking at him and you panicked thinking that you might’ve voiced out your thoughts out loud but he’s looking at you as if he’s waiting for you to speak.

“Huh?”

Jimin smiled as he then pointed towards the parabola he constructed on the Cartesian Plane, “I said, What’s the f(g(-8))?”

“Oh um wait” you grabbed the paper from him as you analyzed the graph, “It’s 5.”

Jimin enthusiastically nodded his head, “It’s not so hard is it?”

Your study session for Calculus went on as Jimin gave you five more exercise questions from the textbook before you called it a day once you proved that you understand the lesson when you answered all the questions right.

“Aren’t you going home yet?” Jimin asked as he stood up to push in his chair, backpack clinging into his shoulder.

“I still need to clean up a bit then I'm good to go” you told him as you picked up some crumpled papers under the table.

“I’ll help you”

“No, it’s fine” you dismissed him as you waved your hand no to him but he already removed his backpack as he helped you by aligning and fixing the tables and chairs. Knowing Jimin, he would persistently insist to help you no matter how many times you try to deny his offer so you just let him be as you went on to shut down the computers.

“Leave that, it’s fine” you chuckled when he was about to remove the trash bag from the bin, “Good bye, Ms. Kim!”

“Good bye” Ms. Kim waved to the both of you, “Oh and thank you Jimin for helping us clean.”

“No worries, Ms. Kim. Take care!” As you said your farewells, you and Jimin both descended down the stairs as you got out of the building.

It’s such a weird sight for the quadrangle to be this empty and you figured that you must’ve studied longer than the usual when you see the sky painted in hues of pink and orange that could only mean that the sun had already begun to set - it’s already quarter to six when you took a look on your wristwatch.

“Ah, I can't believe it's rush hour already” Jimin sighed once he saw how crammed the bus stop right beside your school is with everyone aggressively fighting for their way to get onto the bus quickly, “Do you want to go to 7-Eleven to past time?”

“Yeah, sure” It’s late anyway so what’s the difference with getting home later when you know that you’ll be standing at the bus stop for fifteen minutes or so before you could eventually get in a bus and go home.

The door chimes rang once you got inside the store with you heading straight towards the Slurpee machine to get yourself some Wild Cherry. Jimin followed suit as he got a cup for himself, placing it under the dispenser for Coke but what intrigued you the most is that he mixed it with Wild Cherry.

“Does that taste good?” you gave him a look of distaste as you watched him put the lid on his cup.

“Why don’t you try it for yourself”

“My cup’s already full”

“Drink it, the attendant wouldn’t even see you�� Jimin stood beside you to give you some cover and you took the chance to hurriedly sip on your slurpee which you kind of regret now that you got a brain freeze.

“Sometimes i think you’re just being nice so you could cancel out doing your little evil things” you chuckled as you mixed a quarter of Coke into your Wild Cherry.

“Not really” Jimin smiled as you both lined up, “Do you want some snacks? It’s my treat.”

“See, you’re back to being nice again but you don’t have to, it’s okay” you said, opening your wallet to get some money but Jimin beat you to it when he handed the bill to the attendant.

“Think of it as my reward for you since you did pretty well on Calculus today.”

“Okay, thank you then” you smiled, walking over towards the seat and table by the window, you both sat down side by side, sipping on your mixed flavored Slurpees - which is surprisingly good - as you watch the bus stop across from where you are.

“You sure you don’t want anything to eat?”

You shook your head, “It’ll be dinner time soon and my mom would scold me if i told her i’m full.”

“Well, same here” Jimin chuckled as he stopped eyeing the aisle of chips behind you, joining you instead in looking out the window.

“Who do you think will get on the bus first? Miss striped shirt girl or Mister black turtleneck?” you asked as you take interest towards the two figures standing in front, giving them an advantage to get in the bus quicker than the others.

“Wanna bet on it? You need to treat me the next time we’re here if i win.”

“Okay and if I win, you need to treat me again”, you said, “I’ll pick Miss Striped Shirt”

Jimin stroked his chin as he think of something to say about the man, “I think Mister Turtleneck will let Miss Striped Shirt go in first just because he dresses like a gentleman to me”

You scoffed, “Chivalry doesn’t exist when it’s rush hour, specially when everyone is equally itching to go home.”

“Let’s see and wait” and so you did with full seriousness as you put both of your arms on the table, still sipping on your slurpee as you keep your eyes focused on the two of them until a bus arrived, blocking your view of Miss Striped Shirt and Mister Turtleneck completely thus you wait until you can fully see again the bus stop.

“What do you want?” you spoke defeatedly as soon as Miss Striped Shirt disappeared, leaving behind Mister Turtleneck on the bus stop.

“This same Slurpee and a Jjapaghetti.”

“Fine.”

“Oh and some hot bar too and maybe -”

“Hey! you’re milking it” you argued whilst you pushed his shoulders albeit playfully.

Jimin laughed, standing up as he readjusted his backpack and throwing out the now empty red cup into the bin, “Let’s go, it’s getting dark.”

And that’s how your daily study sessions in the library also turned into daily food trips across the 7-Eleven in front of your school while you wait for the rush hour to die down, betting on people at bus stops as you drink on Slurpees and snack on convenience store food finds that is sometimes treated by you or Jimin - depends on the winner of the last bet.

Slowly, you’ve come to learn that rush hours are not so bad after all.

It’s lunch time and you’re supposed to be at the back of the library but you’re stuck behind the circulation desk this time as you were told to cut up evaluation forms which means that Jimin is left to fend for himself though you’ve warned him to be cautious for the time being you’re not there to be his look out.

Letting out a hiss, you dropped the scissors as you pressed your fingers on the red spot that appeared along the base of your thumb and index finger, relieving them from hand fatigue. If it had not been for the broken paper cutter, you would’ve been done by now but it just had to be broken when you needed it the most - how cruel this world is.

You didn’t let the sound of the door opening bother you but you were able to make out the conversation between the student and Ms. Kim for your ears to perk up. The student is asking her for an Accounting Book - not sure why she’s looking for it but Ms. Lee answered her with delight as she pointed out that it’s in the Math Section.

Math Section.

Those two words are enough for you to drop what you’re doing as you leaned backwards in your chair, taking a good glimpse of who this student is and to your surprise, she just happens to belong in Namjoon’s class.

Before you could interject to say that you’ll look it up for her, she left as she walked straight further down at the back of the library, causing you to stand up as you briskly follow her footsteps but she just seems to be much quicker than you now that she’s halfway through.

Gladly, she stopped from walking as she looked over the voice that called her name. She waved to the group of students seated on a table as she first made her way to them which is enough for you to buy some time and go towards the back of the library to remind Jimin.

“Someone’s coming over here” you whispered as you tapped on Jimin’s shoulder.

“Who?”

“I don’t know but she’s in Namjoon’s class” you told him frantically but Jimin rather looks way too relaxed as he still continuously slips out newspapers, “Come on, let’s go before we get caught.”

“Just a few more.”

“Jimin, I think that’s enough already” you’ve seen way too many movies or documentaries about thievery or such for you to know that most of them goes unsuccessful because they’re being greedy at the last minute when they could’ve made it if they just chose to let some of it go.

Well, you could only hope that it won’t happen to the both of you.

“Two newspapers and i’m done” you huffed as you let him be, seeing that Namjoon’s classmate is still talking with those students.

You continue to peer through the spaces of the shelf until Jimin alerts you with bad news, “Shit, it’s stuck.”

“Push it” you looked back to see that Jimin managed to insert a bunch of newspapers in one go, making it impossible for the newspaper to go through the other side no matter how much he pushed it with his hands.

Abandoning your position by the shelf, you went to the door as you kicked the newspaper forcefully but it wouldn’t budge so you lower your head down by the space under the door to give out a message.

“Taehyung, pull it out harder.”

“Why won’t it go through!?” Jimin whispered in frustration as he continued to push it whilst you just stared at him with an annoyed expression when he should have listened to you in the first place but this is no place for you to argue so you just stood up as you went back behind the shelf.

Panic settled in within you once again when you saw Namjoon’s classmate gone on the table and now see that she’s making her way towards the Math Section.

“She’s coming! Hurry!” you whispered and looked back to see that there was no progress for the stuck newspaper, making you lose your mind as your anxiety picked up because getting out of the place is surely not a viable option for you anymore, not when she’s too close in your area.

“Fuck! What do we do now!?” Jimin’s hair is messed up with how many times he mindlessly ran his fingers through it.

“I don’t know, just pull it back inside” you clutched both of your hands on the shelf, causing a book to fall with a thud, cursing yourself when Namjoon’s classmate looked at your direction and you swear you wanted to cry right then and there when she instead took the path towards where you’re hiding.

“Oh shit, she’s going here” you try to think of any lie to save your asses but you can’t come up with anything and this might be the end of it - Karma finally managed to catched up to chew on you both and you could now only bid your farewell towards the pool party you’ve all dreamed to have.

You heaved, finally accepting your demise when you suddenly heard the two knocks coming off of the back door but before you could even process it. A pair of hands grabbed you by the shoulders, turning you around so swiftly that made you step back to regain your balance until your back hit against the shelf.

There’s a little to no space between you and Jimin but that space was soon closed off when Jimin leaned dangerously close to your face and you didn’t have enough time to ask what he was doing when you felt a pair of lips against yours, taking your breath away completely.

You’re not entirely sure what’s happening right now or maybe your mind cannot wrap around the fact that Jimin is kissing you right now and holding you so close with his hand placed on your waist whilst the other is on your neck.

Instinctively, you flutter your eyes shut as you place your hand on his shoulders, kissing him back and it must’ve caught Jimin off guard when you felt his body suddenly get tense and how his hold on your waist tightened a bit.

You can hear the sound of your rapid heartbeat through your ears and you’re quite clueless if it happens to be coming off from the adrenaline or right in this exact moment but just as you were getting into it, your thoughts were then interrupted by an audible gasp coming from your side.

“Oh um...sorry.”

You broke the kiss, head turning to the side to conceal your face away from the person who just caught you two kissing. You let out a breath you didn’t even know you were holding in the beginning as your mind wandered at the fact that Jimin’s arm is still around you, keeping you close as ever.

You gently pushed Jimin’s shoulder to create some distance between you two because you’re quite not sure if your heart could bear more this kind of intimacy that felt so foreign yet felt so good at the same time and you don’t know what to make out of this situation.

What the hell just happened.

Stunned, you touch your still tingling lips with your fingers as you try to process everything. You’d actually thought you were going to be caught but you totally weren’t expecting that you’d end up kissing Jimin or how you actually didn’t expect for this to be your first kiss even.

Glancing up, you were immediately met with Jimin’s eyes but you instantly avoided his stare as you tried to look elsewhere other than him as awkwardness began to slowly fill in the air. It must’ve looked like Jimin’s dumbfounded with what just happened too as he started to act fidgety just like you do.

“You uh have something there” you broke the silence as you pointed to the corner of his mouth where you could perfectly see the pink stain that came from your tinted lip balm. Jimin glided his tongue along his lips before he wiped his mouth with the back of his hand.

The awkwardness remained when Jimin refused to talk, leaving you to move your feet quickly as you tried to escape out of there but you didn’t have the chance when Jimin suddenly grabbed your hand, holding you back in place.

“Y/N, I’m - There’s no other way to explain why we’re here” Jimin said as he scratched the back of his neck.

Well, that’s a fair point because honestly, it’s more reasonable for two students to be caught making out at the back of the library than to be caught stealing archived newspapers except that the former sounds way too controversial but do you really have a choice back there?

“Um yeah, at least we’re not caught” you chuckled and you cringe at how forced it sounds.

“Yeah” Jimin muttered that’s barely above a whisper. It’s definitely getting more awkward here so you take this as a cue to leave again.

“I have to go back” you eyed Jimin’s hand that’s still holding you, “you know, to cut up some forms.”

“Right, yeah” Jimin chuckled as he loosened his hold around your wrist to pick up his blazer off the floor instead, “Um are we good?”

“Yeah, of course” you reassured him with a smile as you finally met his gaze.

Walking back, your smile completely faltered as you thought about how Jimin believed you right there when in fact you’re still a bit unsure for yourself if things could go back to normal after this but it looks like you must’ve improved in telling lies and you don’t know if this is something you should be proud of.

Lowering down your book, you take a glimpse of the surroundings around you and your gut feeling is right to tell you that someone is staring at you or should you say that everyone is staring at you unsubtly.

“Is there something on my face?” you asked Sora as you closed your book to put it down the table, making everyone look away as they go back into their own worlds.

“You have a new pimple on your chin” Sora pointed out to you using her chopsticks before picking another piece of Gimbap to chew on.

That isn’t surely something for everyone to look at but you have a bad feeling that this has something to do with the kiss you shared with Jimin yesterday but could news really be that fast to spread out?

“Anyway, i need to get going”

As you walk to exit the cafeteria, you try to keep your head down, feeling extra conscious today with everyone’s attention on you and that is something you hated - to be the center of attention.

When you got yourself inside the library, you went inside the circulation desk to sit on your corner as you grabbed the scissors to finish up the remaining forms but your movement was halted when a hand was placed on top of your shoulder.

“Y/N, how are you feeling today?” Ms. Lee said with a lace of concern in her voice.

You were confused for a moment until you recalled that you excused yourself for your after class duties in the library yesterday, telling her that your dog had just died even though you clearly don’t even have a pet at home.

“I’m fine, still a bit sad is all”

“I’m sorry again for your loss but it’ll get better day by day” Ms. Lee rubbed her hand on your back before she went back to her seat, leaving you to continue your task.

Honestly, you’ve made up that excuse just so you could go home right away and not meet Jimin for your study session in fear of facing him. You just can’t control being shy or an awkward mess around Jimin after the kiss hence the reason why you try your best to avoid him in all places as much as possible to save you from embarrassment but you can’t help but be curious about one thing.

“Was Jimin here yesterday after class?” you asked.

“Oh yes, he was actually looking for you so i had to relay the news to him if you don’t mind.”

You smiled, nodding your head in understanding but there’s also one thing you’re curious about, “Did he stay here to study?”

Ms. Lee hummed, “He even helped me to clean the library before I closed it down, such a good friend you have”

“Yeah, he is” you mumbled, feeling bad that you stood him up and how childish it is of you to avoid him just because you really don’t like confrontations. You’re just trying to compose your thoughts and feelings before you could muster the courage to face him is what you like to prefer what you’re actually doing.

Before you could delve into it too much, the ringing sound of the landline phone distracted you. Ms. Lee then tapped you on the shoulders, telling you if you could attend to the student in front of her whilst she answered the call.

“Hi, how may i help you?” you asked as you sat down on Ms. Lee’s chair.

“I’d like to check out these books please.”

“Please scan your I.D.” you instructed whilst you typed in the necessary details but you can’t help but notice how she whispered something to her friend who’s right beside her but you were only able to coherently hear the word ‘ribbon.’

You lifted your head only to be able to meet her widened eyes as she frantically blurted out a question to you, “Your ribbon looks nice, where’d you get that?”

You touch the ends of the blue ribbon wrapped around your ponytail, a bit skeptical for her sudden enthusiasm about the ribbon when it’s plainly just an ordinary thing and can be commonly found almost everywhere but you gave her an answer nonetheless.

“I bought it in a department store” you politely smiled as you handed her borrowed books.

“Ah it’s very pretty” she gathered her books off the desk, smiling at you, “thank you!”

You suspiciously looked at the girl as she left the library but shrugged it off completely, thinking you’re just being too paranoid and she’s just genuinely curious to know about your ribbon.

There’s no way this is about you and Jimin.

Lunch break flew by in a matter of seconds because next thing you know, you’re sitting inside the classroom once again, taking down notes about the Joseon Dynasty when you noticed Sora looking at you in your peripheral vision.

“What?” you asked. Normally, you’d just ignore her but it bothers you that she’s evidently looking at you the way everyone has been doing since this morning.

Sora lifted her fingers as she gingerly twirled your blue ribbon around her fingers, “You never told me you weren’t just studying with Jimin.”

“What do you mean?” you leaned closer, hoping that she won’t say the exact same thing you’re thinking about.

“Well, according to the news spreading around. Jimin was seen in the back of the library making out with a girl wearing a blue ribbon around her ponytail”

Oh no.

So you weren’t being delusional after all but you guessed it right that news about you and Jimin has spread like wildfire around the campus judging by everyone’s looks and how the girl from the library awhile ago isn’t actually curious about your ribbon but she was particularly playing to be interested because you happen to be the mystery girl involved in the school gossip.

“And everyone thinks it’s me?” you scoffed.

“It’s a very specific detail and it perfectly describes you plus all i know, your hair has always been styled like that ever since middle school.”

You were about to get more defensive that is until a sudden loud thud caught you by surprise, making everyone in the class direct their attention in front to discover that Mr. Song apparently slammed the textbook against the teacher’s table on purpose.

“Ms. Yun and Y/L/N, would you like to share your conversation with the class?”

In a matter of seconds, everyone’s eyes turned towards the both of you and you could never wish more for the floor to swallow you whole.

“I’m sorry” you meeked with Sora following after you.

“I’m sure everyone is interested to hear whatever you’re talking about, right class?” Mr. Song chuckled and you swear you’re so close to tearing up because your teacher has to downright embarrass you in front of everyone as if today’s events aren’t the worst for you.

Biting your lip, you remained silent as your shaking eyes scanned to look at your classmates and you’re just thankful they didn’t find Mr. Song’s statement to be humorous at all as their face remained stoic or they’re just too intimidated to speak up.

Coincidentally, your gaze fell on Jimin who offered you an apologetic smile and you can’t say that the gesture comforted you a little bit though you didn’t explicitly show it to him as you quickly diverted your eyes back on the floor.

“I won’t endure this kind of behavior again, is this clear for everyone?” Mr. Song sternly looked at the both of you before he continued the discussion.

You slumped on your seat as you put your hand against your temple. Sighing, you picked up your pen, trying your best to diligently take down notes despite your worsened mood and as you remembered your conversation with Sora, you loosened the blue ribbon around your ponytail, letting your hair cascade down your face for the first time ever in school.

You can’t believe you find yourself at the back of the library again despite how the place has gone controversial for you because of the school gossip but you remind yourself that you’re only here because this is going to be the last time you’ll play your part as the lookout since the winner for the project will be announced at the flag ceremony on Monday.

Obviously, you’re not with Jimin this time but with Taehyung. It has been a week and you’re still avoiding Jimin who’s still consistently trying to get you to talk with him. He would constantly send you messages but you never click on it to view it or how he would still go to the library after class even though you won’t show up.

All those efforts made by him eventually stop after you have ignored him for four days - he altogether didn’t send you messages anymore, he didn’t even come at the library after class, or how he would also ignore you whenever you pass by each other at the classroom or the hallways which eventually made the gossip rapidly die` down when everyone seemed to not believe it with the way you were acting around each other.

You would say you started to feel bad for avoiding him but you just don’t know how to approach him. It’s so easy for you to tell yourself to act normal but you always chicken out whenever you try to come near him and apologize because there has been one thing you’ve realized.

You’re crushing really hard on Jimin.

“Which cram school are you going to this summer?” Taehyung asked you, snapping you out of your thoughts.

Oh right, summer’s coming and that means you have to get yourself into a cram school by the end of the school year to prepare for college entrance examinations and it looks like you were too preoccupied with other things to forget about this.

You pick on the loose thread at the end of your skirt, twisting it around your fingers before you pull on it to remove it, “I don’t know, I still haven’t looked around, what about you?”

“Same here but i think i’ll go with whatever Jimin picks.”

With the mention of Jimin’s name, you looked back on Taehyung who knocked on the door twice before he sat down on the floor to face you. Taehyung has never mentioned to you about the gossip before, thinking that maybe he’s just clueless to what’s happening or he’s just minding his own business.

“Speaking of”, maybe he’s not clueless after all, ''What university are you planning to go to?”

You chuckled, thinking he would bring up Jimin, “Seoul National University, I hope.”

“Oh wow, it’s hard to get in there” Taehyung exclaimed and you thought that maybe you sounded way too ambitious.

“I was just hoping for it but you’ll never know. What about you?”

“I was hoping for Seoul National University too but i don’t think i’ll get in there so i’m fine with wherever i’m accepted” Taehyung said it like it isn’t much of a big deal to him though it’s clear that he’s serious in talking about it and surprisingly, you’ve never seen Taehyung act so seriously until now.

“You’re smart, Taehyung”, you assured him.

“You think? I mean, I have good grades this year and it’s all thanks to you.”

“You’re just not serious about it now but i can tell you’re smart. I mean, you helped me on an English quiz before so you’ll never know, right?”

“I guess, thanks” Taehyung gave you a warm smile.

You continue to talk with Taehyung for the rest of your lunchtime and you eventually talked about the Project Paper Drive that’s coming off to an end today. Time surely does fly by quickly when you felt like it was only yesterday when you joined the plan and all you have to do now is wait for Monday to come to hear the results.

It’ll be a truly joyous moment if your class happens to win and have a year end pool party like what everyone is dreaming of but it’ll be disappointing if you happen to lose after all the efforts you’ve done for it.

As Monday rolled in, you’ve never been this excited or nervous to hear what Namjoon has to say about the results but as usual, you’re impatiently waiting once again for the school principal to finish her ‘short speech’.

The weather is beginning to feel hot which is very much the opposite back to Namjoon’s last announcement during the third quarter. Speaking of the devil, Namjoon has finally made his way towards the platform with the final result on his hand.

“Good Morning! I guess you all know that i am here to announce the winner for Project Paper Drive but before i could do so, i would like to thank everyone for participating and getting involved in helping the environment. All in all, we have accumulated a total of 328 kilos worth of recyclables.”

“Do you think we’ll win?” Sora asked you.

You nodded your head as you crossed your fingers, eyes closing as you whispered repeatedly the name of your section - your class is going to win and everyone will be having a pool party. You’re claiming it already because that’s how the law of attraction works.

“And the winner for Project Paper Drive is…” Namjoon unfolded the paper as he read out the result.

“Class 3-2!”

“Class 4-1!”

You whispered at the same time as Namjoon announced the winner but the roaring screams didn’t come from your line. Looking to your right, you see Class 4-1 jumping with joy as everyone hugged and cheered for each other whilst you looked back to your class to see everyone looking defeated, specially when you looked over at Taehyung, Minjae, and Jimin.

I guess, karma finally managed to catched up to you this time.

Once you all got back to the classroom, half of the class are quiet whilst the other half are conspiring against Class 4-1 for cheating the results when ironically, it was your class who had done it yet you didn’t even manage to win.

“Hey, you okay?” you looked back at Taehyung on your seat.

“No because why do we only get a chocolate bar for each person as the second prize?” you complained as you break a piece of chocolate to pop it in your mouth.

“A pizza party would’ve been nice huh?” Taehyung broke a piece from yours but he already ate it when you swatted his hand away.

“Hey! Eat your own” Taehyung chuckled, turning a deaf ear as he broke another piece from yours to feast on.

“How about we get to have our own pizza party for the class then we could also have our own but it’s just me, you, Jimin and Minjae - can’t let out efforts go in vain”

“Go tell it to Jimin then” you said but it kind of sounded spiteful the moment the words came out of your mouth though you don’t intentionally mean it that way.

“You tell him”, Taehyung gave you a knowing look as he raised his eyebrows in a teasing manner, breaking another piece from your chocolate again despite the cold glare you’re sending him.

“I guess, you don’t need my Chemistry homework then” you grabbed your paper off of Taehyung’s table but he stole it from you just in time.

“Alright, fine i’m sorry” Taehyung laughed, licking his fingers that are covered with chocolate before he grabbed his pen to do his homework.

It dawned on Taehyung that you and Jimin are not on speaking terms because of how you always divert the topic to another one whenever Jimin’s mentioned and that goes the same with Jimin as well.

There’s just something about it that makes the whole situation between you both amusing for him because he might be clueless at times but it’s not that hard for him to figure out that there’s clearly something going on between you two yet you’re just too stupid or maybe too stubborn to recognize and talk about it.

Final examinations are next week and you have trouble in keeping up with the new lessons in Calculus but no matter how many Youtube videos you’ve watched at home to help yourself, you just don’t seem to get it. It doesn’t look easy at all compared with the way Jimin's teaching it to you and that’s enough to frustrate you.

You let out a sigh as you lay your head down on top of your Calculus textbook, giving up from trying to understand it as you instead blow out puffs of air towards the pencil you place in between the pages, watching as it rolled back and forth towards your face and the middle of the book.

Looking over the expanse of the library, you noticed how you’re the only one remaining in the study area just because it’s already closing time and the reason you’re still here is because you still have to study more and help Ms. Lee in closing down the library.

You were then brought out of your state of staring into nothingness when the pencil hit your nose along with the sound of the doors opening, making you turn your head to the other side to see who’s this student that managed to get in here beyond closing hours.

You immediately scrambled into your seat as you sat up straight, bewildered at the sight of the unexpected guest as he went towards the circulation desk to talk to Ms. Lee and you hope that he’s just here to have some nice little chit chat.

What is Jimin even doing here anyway?

You thought it was clear that he has given up trying to reach you after his many attempts but he’s here, standing a few meters away from you. If anyone’s watching you right now, you looked honestly ridiculous for panicking as you try to search for exit points within the library just in case Jimin will come over in this area.

But then, maybe you’re just too quick to think things that he’s here for you and you just need to come off your high horse and stop thinking that the world revolves around you. You just wish that you could get rid of these feelings so you could stop being awkward around him but it seems like that will not happen any sooner.

Panic sure fully settled in when you saw Ms. Lee’s hand pointed towards your direction, causing you to instinctively remove yourself off the seat as you walked towards the nearest bookshelf to hide yourself.

It’s a disadvantage that you can’t see past the bookshelf to see what Jimin is going to do which just makes you more anxious and maybe it’s better to stay here until it’s time for the library to close. You’re just going to organize the books for the meanwhile to set off your panic state.

“Hey”

Why?

You whispered to yourself with your eyes closed as you recognized the voice to be Jimin’s. Sucking in a deep breath, you reminded yourself to just be normal and stop acting so scared all the time when there’s nothing to even worry about - a lie but you’ll just pretend it’s not until your brain believes it to be true.

“Jimin”, you smiled as best as you could muster, “What are you doing here?”

“Can you help me study History? I mean, we have a quiz for it tomorrow and finals are approaching but it’s fine-”

“Okay” you cut him off from rambling as you walked past him and sat down where you were sitting just a while ago, thinking you should start right away so it could also end right away.

Jimin followed you as he then sat down next to you, handing you the reviewer you sent to him weeks ago. You scan through it to find that he highlighted the important details and color coded it just like what you suggested to him before and you don't know why that made you feel a bit giddy inside.

In your peripheral vision, you can see that Jimin has his body facing towards you as if having him near you isn’t nerve wracking at all. You tried your best to compose yourself, focusing solely on the reviewer as you then read out the first sentence to quiz him.

“It was the last dynasty of Korea and the longest ruling Confucian dynasty.”

“Joseon Dynasty.”

“He was the fourth king of the Joseon Dynasty and the one who created Hangul”

“King Sejong.”

“What was the capital of Korea before the Joseon Dynasty started?”

The question isn’t actually hard at all considering you’ve been studying this topic since elementary school but it looks like Jimin’s mulling it over when you glanced at him once you noticed he’s been taking a while to answer.

“Sorry” Jimin muttered.

Clearing your throat, you then read the question more loudly just in case he didn’t heard it properly, “What was the capital of-”

“YN, I’m sorry”, Jimin said a bit more clearly, “I know that you don’t want me to be here since you’re probably mad at me but i just wanted to say that i’m sorry if the kiss made you uncomfortable and it wasn’t my intention to make you feel that way but i guess that’s too late for now and i understand if you truly hate me.”

“I don’t hate you”

“You don’t?”

“I’m sorry too for avoiding you but I was not doing it because I hate you” you momentarily looked at Jimin before you went back to look at the reviewer to fold it’s edges.

Are you really going to say the real reason?

You believe that Jimin’s just being nice as he is and you’re mistaking it for something else. Also, the kiss surely is nothing but only a cover up anyway so you figured that it’s best to let him know the real reason so that you could end your suffering quickly and move on from how you don’t stand a chance from him to begin with.

“I just feel awkward and I think that’s because” you lower down your head a bit so that you could perfectly hide your face behind your hair, “ I um...I like you.”

You whispered the last part, hoping he missed what you said though you know he had perfectly heard it - you’re in the most quiet place after all.

Jimin is probably used to hearing countless confessions made for him so this must be not a big of a deal for him but it sure is to you. You waited for a moment for him to say anything back and when you’re sure that he’s not going to open his mouth at all, you stood up as you quickly gathered your things.

“I guess, i have to go”

“Wait” Jimin grabbed your wrist, “Don’t run from me again.”

Jimin gently tugged you down, sitting you back in your place beside him. You were quiet as you idly stare straight ahead, not really knowing what you’re supposed to do now when you just want to get out of here, regretting the fact that you just confessed but Jimin’s hand is keeping you in place so it’s not like there’s no other way.

Suddenly, you got surprised as soon as you felt Jimin’s fingertips ghosting over your palm ever so slowly until he eventually slipped them in between the spaces of your fingers, completely intertwining your hands.

Could this mean that Jimin likes you too?

You looked up at Jimin to see him already staring at you with a sweet smile as he grazed his thumb up and down against your own. Flustered, you turned your head to the other side, biting down on your lip to contain your smile from getting bigger as you try to keep in mind to get a better hold on yourself.

As if the butterflies on your stomach couldn’t get any more wilder, Jimin then squeezed your hand three times and you guess that’s enough for your feelings to be reassured.

A/N: Hi! It’s been a while since i last posted and finally, i was able to finish this after procrastinating it multiple times and here you go hehe, hope you all like this! Anyway, how is the Dynamite comeback treating you all? Taehyung definitely had me dead with his ethereal beauty :(

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patton-cake · 4 years ago

Text

Past adventures and future experiences

Pairings: Logicality and very background Anaroceit, it's only mentioned.

Summary: The Christmas ball, a magical high school experience. At least that’s what it’s supposed to be. Patton knows that he has to ask Logan soon or else he might be too late. You know what? Forget it. There’s no way that Logan would want to be his date.

Word count: 3635

Additional information: Merry Christmas Gabi! I had the honour to be your Secret Santa this year and I really hope that you're not disappointed with that! Anyway, I love you and I hope that you'll like my gift :D @irritating-lady-knight

~The Story~

Books had always been Patton's escape from this repetitive world. Sure, there were a lot of good things in the world and he certainly wasn't complaining, but sometimes it just feels nice to be somewhere else you know? To be away from your annoying teachers, who think that 25 homework assignments due next week is completely reasonable. To be away from that one feeling you get when you think that you've finished everything, but you're not 100% sure, and to be away from himself for once.

That's why Patton started to read.

When he was younger, his mom used to take him to the library every Tuesday afternoon. They would spend hours reading together about brave princes who saved princesses ("But what if I want to save a prince instead of a princess mama?" "You can save whoever you want Mon Étoile"), they learned about the most beautiful creatures, and one day, they met one of Patton's future best friends.

Logan would teach him everything he had learned about the stars and their different constellations, the planets and their little baby moons ("They're not their children Patton.") And in return, Patton would read him his favourite stories and take him on thrilling adventures.

Unfortunately, the boys grew older and with becoming older, came more responsibilities. School wasn't much of a problem for the two friends. They both enjoy learning and Patton even made a new friend (who he immediately introduced to Logan, because the two were and always will be a package deal).

At the first sight, you would think that someone like Virgil would never become friends with someone like Patton. His dark black hair with faint purple dye, dark lether jacket decorated with punk rock pins and spiky boots have scared off a lot of people, but not Patton. Instead of running away, Patton basically adopted him.

Don't worry! He and Logan are still best friends! Patton has two hands and a lot of room in his heart, especially for someone like Logan.

"Thinking about Nerd number 1 again huh?" Patton shook his head and blinked a few times, before completely zoning back into reality. Oh right, school. Virgil laughed at Patton's 'angry' glare and pointed behind him.

"Good news Pattycake, your sweetheart is coming this way."

Patton poked his side and grumbled "He's not my sweetheart!"

With a look of disbelief, Virgil stared at his best friend and rolled his eyes. "You two are basically married already! Roman and I have a bet that you two got married years ago somewhere in France, because that's totally the type of romantic Logan would pick, but just didn't invite us to the wedding."

"If you keep bullying me then no, I won't invite you to the wedding!" Patton tried to hold back his laughter, but failed completely.

"So there is going to be a wedding??"

Before Patton could react, he heard a quiet voice calling his name.

"Salutations Patton, Virgil. I hope your day has been satisfactory so far." Logan had a slight blush on his face and was anxiously fidgeting with his tie.

"Goodmorning Lo! We saved you a seat!"

A small smile appeared on Logan's face as he sat down next to Patton.

"So mr. and mr. Nerd, did you two already hear about the nightmare that is the Christmas ball?"

Oh right. The Christmas ball. The event of the year.

The Christmas ball was this party for everyone in their last year. It was a sort of last goodbye before they graduated. Basically their school just took prom and slapped a different name on it to feel special and creative.

"Yeay! I bet that you, Janus and Roman are going together huh?" Patton winked at him and gave him a bright smile. He had been so happy for his friend when he and Roman finally got together and even happier when later Janus got added to the relationship. They were really adorable with the three of them.

"Mhm! Roman wanted to do some big promposal, but fortunately for us, Janus managed to talk him out of it. But how about you Logan? Anyone you wanna ask?"

Oh gosh Patton was going to kill Virgil. His friend knew that he wanted to ask Logan. In fact, he had tried to ask him like 5 times already, but every time he was about to pop the question, his anxiety took over and he asked some other random thing. This had lead him to asking Logan about the way ducks keep floating, their math homework and random facts about ladybugs instead. Patton truly was hopeless.

"Logan? Are you blushing? Now you gotta tell!" Virgil leaned over the table with a mischievous smile on his face.

"I did no such thing, but yes, I suppose there is someone I'd like to go with." Unfortunately for Logan, his face only turned darker red, which made Virgil laugh harder.

"Tell us more Logan!! Come on!" Virgil gently poked Logan's arm and leaned on his elbows, interrogating Logan,

"Well.. They're the most wonderful person in the world and I could not imagine my life without them, but I'm not telling you their name, not until I've asked them."

"Come on Lo! You can trust us! Right Patt? Patton? Everything okay?" His voice suddenly turned concerned when he looked at Patton, who was fidgeting with his necklace and looking at his hands, a sad smile on his face.

"Yeay, I'm fine," he grapped his backpack and stood up, "I'm gonna go to my next class, see you later guys."

In all honesty, Patton wasn't fine. He had failed to ask Logan to the prom and now he was too late. Gosh he was pathetic. He felt a few teardrops falling down his face as he walked outside. Patton desperately needed to get his mind off of everything, so he went to the place he always went when he was sad. The magic treehouse.

When they were younger, Logan and Patton had wanted to go on their own adventure. They tried to discover the hidden secrets from their library (the only thing they found was that the librarian was secretly dating ms. Williams. Patton still got shivers when he thought about that), they practised their sword fighting skills, discovered that Logan shouldn't be trusted with sharp objects and searched for hidden treasures in their backyard.

One day, after getting complaints from ms, Williams, their parents decided that they should have their own little place, somewhere where they didn't disturb other people. Logan and Patton had spent all summer building their treehouse together. Of course that meant that their parents build it and that they had decorated it with fancy fairy lights.

Patton smiled when he reached his backyard. The magic tree was located in the little private forest, behind their yard and right now, it looked absolutely magical. It had started snowing a few days ago so the whole scenery was covered in a little layer of white snow.

He carefully climbed up the ladder and entered the treehouse. Patton looked around him with a soft smile on his face, nothing had changed in their secret hideout. The shelves were covered with books, the fairy lights were still covering almost the entire ceiling and on the walls hang multiple drawings of their great adventures.

A chuckle escaped Patton as he looked through their drawings. Most of them were from when they were 9. He could barely identify the two blue stickman figures as Logan and him wearing their crowns. Logan always said that one day, he and Patton would become mighty rulers of their own library kingdom. They would have flying books and magical flowers that changed colours.

Patton's heart broke a little when he thought about that. Logan always claimed that they'd be together forever, Patton knew that they had only been children at the time, but still, he couldn't help but feel heartbroken. He'll get over it eventually, Patton would be happy for Logan and his date of course, but it still hurt.

Suddenly, his phone started to beep and he could hear the Sherlock theme song starting to play. Logan was calling him. Patton turned his phone off and sunk down to the floor. Class had started half an hour ago and here he was, crying in his childhood treehouse. How pathetic.

After a while, Patton's breathing had become steady again and he walked towards the bookshelves. A shiver spread over his body and he finally began to realise exactly how cold it was in the treehouse. Patton picked up the first book and started to read. Stories had always cheered him up a bit.

"I think that I remember that one."

Patton snapped his head towards Logan and let out a deep breath.

"Aren't you supposed to be in class?" Patton knew that he was being hypocrite but at this moment, he couldn't really care about that.

"As should you." Logan sat down next to Patton, taking in the their treehouse. "Nothing has changed here, has it? Do you remember when we were 11 and those bullies threatened me on the playground?" Logan chuckled softly and looked at their drawings, "We spend all day hiding here, drawing together."

Patton too, let out a soft laugh and looked at his hands, keeping his head low.

"Wasn't that the day we made the first drafts for our little kingdom? You know? With the weird roses and the unrealistic inhabitants?"

"Hey! Don't you dare insult Regno Libri like that!" Logan exclaimed. He tried to keep a serious face, but couldn't help but laugh. Patton giggled softly and finally looked Logan in his eyes.

"I'm sorry if I worried you Logan... I just needed some time for myself, I'll be fine."

Logan smiled soflty and took Patton's hand, gently fidgeting with his fingers.

"You're my best friend Patton, I know when something is bothering you. It's okay if you don't want to tell me, but just know that Virgil and I are here to help you okay? We care about you." He squeezed Patton's hand and moved closer so there sides were touching.

"I know Logan, thanks.." He slightly blushed at their intertwining hands and leaned onto Logan's shoulder. Physical touch had always been the best solution to cheer Patton up and especially if Logan was providing that touch. Logan would never admit it, but he secretly was a great hugger.

After a few minutes, Logan gently let go of Patton's hand and put his arm around Patton's shoulders instead, carefully pulling him closer. He gently stroked his hands through Patton's curls, softly twirling them around his fingers before speaking up again,

"Patton? There is something I'd like to ask you.." Logan smiled down at his friend with a loving gaze,

"I know that this might not be the most perfect time to ask, but do you might want to be my date to the Christmas ball? And perhaps we can try to become Promkings? Instead of rulers? Do you remember that?"

Wait

What?

Patton's thoughts zoned out and he looked at Logan with a shocked look on his face. Did.. did Logan actually asked him to prom?

"Patton? I- you don't have to, I understand if you don't see me that way, if you don't like me like that but-"

"Logan, please don't doubt yourself that much."

And with that, he kissed him. It only lasted a couple of seconds, but it was everything they needed. The kiss was sweet and gentle and it tasted a bit like vanilla, Patton couldn't get enough off it.

When Patton pulled away and looked up at Logan he giggled a bit. His (boy)friend (?) had a dazy smile on his face and his cheeks were bright red. After a few seconds, he spoke up

"I- you- is that a yes?"

Patton chuckled at the normally composed and stoic boy and kissed his cheek,

"Yes Logan, I'd love to be your date to the Christmas Ball." Patton leaned his head back onto Logan's shoulder and nuzzeld his cheek gently, taking in everything around them.

He had just kissed Logan

Patton had just kissed Logan

And it was perfect

After what felt like hours, Logan kissed Patton's forehead and carefully stood up. He reached out a hand to help Patton and linked there hands together,

"I think it's time to return, Virgil must be really worried." Patton let out a yawn and leaned into Logan's embrace,

"You're probably right."

And yeay, Logan had been right

"Where the hell were you Patton? I was so worried! Are you okay? Why did you leave and- Are.. are you two holding hands?" Virgil waved around with his arms, face full of worry. But when he saw Logan's loving gaze at Patton, something in him shifted. A soft smile appeared on his face and he smirked down at the two.

Patton looked down at their hands and blushed soflty. He loved Virgil, he really did and it was so funny to see him turn into this overprotective mother hen. Eventhough Virgil liked to act like he didn't care about other people, Patton knew how much of a softy he actually was.

"So when's the wedding?"

Logan almost choked on air.

It had only taken a few days before the entire city was covered in snow. Patton could hear the white crystals crunch under his feet as he walked through the park close to his house. Virgil and Patton had agreed to meet up a few hours before the Christmas ball was supposed to start. He checked his phone when he arrived at the old oak tree. The old oak tree had been in the park for ages, hence the nickname. Patton could remember being a little boy and trying to climb all the way to the top of the tree, even though Logan would always warn him that he could fall down and break his legs. Which he eventually did. Well, not both of his legs. Patton had only broken his left ankle, but he got a lolly from the nice nurse lady so he was fine. Giggling at the memory of Logan’s concern, Patton unlocked his phone to check the time. Five minutes until Virgil would arrive.

Just when Patton was about to send Virgil a message, letting him know that he had arrived, Patton saw something flying towards him before said thing hit the ground with a muffled sound.

“Damn that was supposed to hit you!” Patton turned around a saw a big bundle of purple coming his way. The purple blob tried hard to keep his balance on the slippery snow as it made it’s way to the tree. “Did it scare you?” It’s voice was slightly muffled by a fluffy scarf but Patton could still recognize the bright purple hair that always looked like an absolute mess.

“Oh I was terrified” Patton rolled his eyes while simultaneously trying to contain his laughter. Virgil scoffed and lightly hit Patton’s arm.

“Mission completed then I guess, but it’s not like you could have done it bette-“

Before Virgil could even finish his sentence, a cold snowball flew into his face. He quickly shook all the snow off of himself and looked at Patton who had a really sweet and innocent smile on his face

“Oh you bastard, it’s on” Virgil quietly mumbled to himself and began to collect more snow.

“What did you say Virgy? You looked like you needed a little cool down time!” and yeay it was really no ones fault besides himself when Patton too, got hit by a snowball right in his face.

A lot of snowballs later, Virgil walked up to his friend with his hands high up in the sky, slightly shivering from the cold.

“You won okay, I give up. I’m literally freezing.” Patton took this opportunity to hug Virgil around his waist and nuzzle close.

“Alright, alright we get it, you love hugs. Now come let’s get some hot chocolate or something. We deserve it after this intense battle.”

Patton nodded in Virgil’s chest and together the tried to find their balance while walking out of the park.

When the two friends walked into Patton’s house, they were met with an overwhelming smell of gingerbread and apple-pie. Which made sense because Patton’s parent had been baking Christmas treats for their family this morning.

“You mind if I grab one?” Virgil held up one of the chocolate chip cookies and ploffed down on one of the chairs in the living room. He took a bite when Patton motioned that he could eat it and let out a small noise of contentment.

“Your suit arrived last week right?” Patton nodded and Virgil continued, “Have you tried it on yet?”

Patton nodded again and smiled brightly at Virgil

“It fitted perfectly! I really hope that Lo will like it too”

He hugged himself anxiously and Virgil stood up to wrap him into a strong embrace

“Hey it’s okay Pat. Your boyfriend absolutely adores you. Believe me, if it would have taken you two any longer to get together I would have sued Logan, because he just couldn’t shut up about how handsome you looked and how he would just skip the prom because he couldn’t ask you.”

Patton giggled and blushed slightly

“And besides, if Logan does somehow decide to hurt you in any way or form, I will gladly kill him for you!” Patton lightly hit Virgil’s arm before looking up with his bright smile returned on his face.

“Thanks Virgil.”

After Patton changed into his light blue suit and Virgil had eaten more chocolate chip cookies, he also finally decided to put on his indigo purple suit with bright red and golden bracelets to match his boyfriends. Logan and Patton had agreed to wear matching ties, which meant that Patton was wearing a beautiful navy-blue necktie.

He triple checked if he had all of his stuff, including his phone, keys and if Virgil was ready, when he suddenly heard a soft knock on his door. With a mischievous smirk, Virgil walked up to the door and opened it slightly, leaning in the doorway.

"Hello Logan"

"Salutations Virgil, is something wrong?" Patton couldn't see Logan but he could identify the slight shake in his voice as anxiety.

"I don't know Logan. Tell me, are you going to dance with Patton tonight? Bring him some pretty flowers? Give him everything he deserves and more?" He could hear Logan clear his throat and Patton was sure that he was anxiously fidgeting with his necktie by now. Logan always did that when he was nervous.

"If Patton wants to dance tonight then I'll gladly join him, I did indeed bring him a flower and believe me, I will try to do anything I can to make him happy." Patton almost melted at the soft adoration in Logan's voice and he pushed Virgil out of the doorway.

"Virgil! Stop that! You're bullying the poor thing. I'm sure that Logan will be a true gentleman, as will I." Patton giggled at Virgil when he rolled his eyes and then turned back to face his boyfriend.

"Hi Logan," Patton whispered breathlessly, "you look absolutely amazing"

Logan, who looked equally as breathless, blushed slightly and whispered back with a soft voice "As do you Sunshine, as do you."

He then held his hand out and presented Patton a singular light blue and slightly bowed

"For you my love" Logan smirked up at Patton and chuckled softly.

"Move your domestic display elsewhere you nerds. This is too nauseating." Virgil smiled softly down at Patton and hugged him quickly before Logan took Patton's hand to escort him to his car.

The night sky was filled with stars when the two boys finally arrived at the oh so dreaded Christmas ball. Well, of course the ball wasn't that dreaded anymore. Patton wondered if anything could be dreadful when Logan was there by his side.

"Your mind is lost in space Sunshine, what is troubling you?" Logan intertwined their fingers and gently rubbed his thumb over Patton's hand to soothe him.

"Nothing's wrong Starlight, everything is perfect. Absolutely perfect." The honesty in Patton's voice made Logan blush and together, they entered the ballroom.

Suddenly, they were surrounded by hundreds of fake snowflake decorations. The fairy lights gave the room an enchanting atmosphere and because it was Christmas, in the corner of the room stood an eight feet tall Christmas tree, decorated with the most beautiful ornaments. It looked magical

"Well I did promised a dance didn't I?" Patton turned around to face Logan and saw that his boyfriend was holding out his hand for him.

"We don't want to disappoint Virgil now do we?" He giggled as he happily accepted Logan's invitation and followed him to the dancefloor.

The music started to play and Patton could feel Logan's hands gently wrapped around his waist. Somewhere in the back of his mind he could hear the other people entering the dancefloor, but Patton was too distracted at this moment. Blue. Beautiful dark blue. The only thing Patton noticed was how the lights reflected into Logan dark blue eyes, making him truly look magical.

"..Logan" Patton slightly cringed at the crack in his voice, but Logan didn't seem to notice

"Patton?" His boyfriend looked at him with a confused smile and a lot of admiration in his eyes.

"I love you"

"Well that's perfect Patton, do you want to know why?" Logan blushed while still keeping a smirk on his face leading them through their dance. He continued when Patton nodded,

"Because I love you too."

The two swayed the night away, living in their own private bubble. It was just the two of them and it was absolutely perfect.

#logan sanders #patton x logan #logicality #logan x patton #long post #patton sanders #virgil sanders #anaroceit #(mentioned)#pattoncake writes #Gosh I'm nervous about this one #I really hope that you like it Gabbee #This is my longest fic so far

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