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rmoonstoner · 2 years

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💙 ☁️ Lovely Little Sky ☁️ 💙

Chapter 6

Lead and Follow

***

Marc Spector x Reader, Steven Grant x Reader, Jake Lockley x Reader

Sorry, no smut this chapter.

You get up and find you're running late to meet up with your best friend, Safiya. Marc offers you a ride, you accept, and you introduce him and Steven to your bestie.

Warnings: lots of 'gurl', 'bitch' and trash talk that best friends say or do. Safiya is brutally honest and blunt. Marc hates malls, but Steven loves them. No sexy times in this chapter.

Also, please note the reason I leave a bunch of space between paragraphs, is because Google docs somehow puts two extra spaces in when I copy and transfer it over to Tumblr only, and not to my ao3. I'm a tired mom, and that's so much extra work to go through and delete like 200 spaces. If these spaces bother you, check out my ao3, where it this weird glitch doesn't happen.

***

You woke up from a damned good sleep, but you weren't in your own bed. You glanced around the dark room, squinting to see where you were. A loud snore caught you off guard, and you turned to see a lump of a man sleeping, face down. The only thing covering him was a thin, khaki-coloured sheet that molded perfectly to his well-shaped ass.

You smiled, and figured you were in Marc's room. You went to get up and your legs protested the movement so badly that your foot became entangled in the sheet, tripping you to the floor. You groaned, looking behind you to see if you had woken your bed partner. Luck was on your side, as the man merely snorted in his sleep, turned over, and hugged the pillow you left to his face.

You squirmed out of the sheet and made your way to the bathroom to have a quick shower. Once finished, you came back to see the man was sitting upright and looking around with a worried looking frown on his face.

"Good morning." You chirped at him, and his head snapped up to look at you. All the worry left his face, and a wide smile crept onto his features.

"Good morning." He replied softly as he took in your lack of attire. He sounded like Marc. His face quickly melted back to that worried-looking frown when he saw all the bruises and marks littering your skin.

"Shit, did I do that to you?"

"It's okay, Marc. Both you and Steven did this to me." You said as your hand came up to touch your neck. You could feel the three bite marks each one of them had left. Surprisingly, the one Steven had left was the worst.

"You sure? You're covered like a canvas. It looks like I beat the fuck out of you…" He replied while rubbing the back of his neck.

"You guys beat the fuck out of my pussy, and I had a great time while doing it." You snickered back with a wink. He sighed in relief, then reached out for you. You happily went to him and allowed him to bring you to sit on his lap.

"Fuck that's hot. Layla would have beat me up if I left a mark. Fuck, look at you…" He kissed you, smiling wider as you reached up to ruffle his hair. You wanted to say that he had been marked up badly, but you didn't say a word. You both acted like you didn't mark his body up in the same way, since he had healed every mark that you gave him.

"How are you feeling today?" You asked. Marc bit his lower lip, barely thinking about it.

"Pretty good, actually. No hangover. I suppose that's good." He said, but he didn't exactly sound happy about it. You could tell he was baffled that he wasn't in any pain from drinking so much last night. You even watched him stare at his back in the mirror while he glanced at you a few times. Again, you said nothing about it.

"How about you?"

"I'm alright. A little sore, but alright." You said, then slowly got up and off of him. He looked entirely disappointed that you were retreating away from him.

"Where are you going?"

"I have to go see my best friend today. She's been chomping at the bit to see me. I've been a bit of a hermit since I moved in here, and started cleaning for you." You told him your plan as you found your phone to check the time. You hissed, seeing that you were going to be late.

"Fuck… And it looks like I am going to be fucking late. I'll never hear the end of it." You quickly grabbed the set of clothes that Marc had loaned you. They were folded neatly on his dresser, and not just left where Jake had made you change the night before.

"So, I take it you're not going to stay in bed with me, then?" Marc asked with a touch of disappointment in his voice. He already knew the answer. You shook your head as you hopped into his shorts and tugged the tee over your head.

"Well, would you like a lift, then?" Marc offered. You paused as you considered it. A bus would make you an hour late, but if he drove you, it would make you about fifteen minutes early.

But then your best friend would flip her ever loving shit, demanding to know if Marc was the guy you slept with or not.

"Come on. Let me give you a ride. I can fuck off right after if you don't want your friend to meet me…" Marc chuckled.

"I know people don't like me much, but I can disappear, before they see me." You frowned when he mentioned the last bit. Did he really think you were embarrassed by him? It felt like it.

"Yeah. Sure. I'll take you up on that offer." You replied sweetly, and then turned away to leave.

"I'm going to get changed." You called behind you as you left. You didn't see the big, dopey grin he had on his face, or the excitement in his eyes at being told he could accompany you.

***

When you came back from your room, you were dressed in a brightly colored sundress, black tights, and a long cream colored cardigan. You held your purse and the gold shoes Jake had given you last night.

"You look amazing. Those shoes are sexy."

"Thanks. A… Uh… A really good friend gave me these shoes. They are very comfortable, despite not looking it." You replied as you saw what he was wearing. Marc was in a tight-fitting pair of jeans, a loose black shirt, and a brown canvas shirt with a collar. He was just throwing on a grey hooded sweatshirt when you cleared your throat.

"You don't have to fuck off after you give me the ride. If you want, you can hang out with us if you like." The second you mentioned he could hang out with you and your best friend, he grinned and looked very excited.

"Yeah? Awesome." He grabbed a set of keys from the bowl on his dresser, ones that didn't look like Jake's.

"I hope you don't mind if I take my car. I'm not very good at backing that limo up. The last time I drove it, I hit another car, and left a tiny scuff mark. Steven bitched about it for days after."

"Really?" You asked. Steven didn't seem like the type to lose his temper.

"Well yeah. Dunno how he found out, either. He purposely gave me the day so I could deal with my divorce, and he swears up and down that he didn't peek into my business at all, yet the next day… He glared at me, and didn't speak the entire day. Not a single word. Anytime I glanced in the mirror, he would sneer at me and mutter things I didn't understand under his breath." Marc said sadly. You could tell he didn't like it when Steven was mad at him. Like an older brother that just wanted his little brother to be proud of him.

"He what?" You asked as you thought about the way Marc was describing Steven's behavior while he was mad. It didn't sound right, like he was describing Jake instead.

"Yeah. When he gets mad at me, which is very rarely, he starts spitting out insults in other languages." He explained, causing you to squint at him.

"Do you know which languages he's yelling at you in?" You casually asked as you put your shoes on. He shrugged.

"Fuck, Spanish, I think? Maybe it was Italian. I don't know." Marc replied as he went to go find his shoes. He took you outside as your brain whirled about. How could Marc mistake Jake for Steven, like ever? Steven was a cute little cupcake, and Jake was… Well he was not cute. He was sexy, like liquid dark chocolate, spiced with hot peppers.

"Weird…" Was all you could manage to say. You didn't want to even entertain any ideas that could lead to you accidently telling him he had a third personality in there.

"Well, that's the thing. Steven knows a boat load of different languages. Him and Conrad would have whole ass conversations in Arabic, just so I wouldn't understand them, and they knew it pissed me off. I can speak a little bit of it, but not much." Marc said as he opened the garage door and walked past the limo to the door at the side.

"Oh neat. Steven's pretty smart. Isn't he a doctor or something?" You asked while trying to sound innocent about it. Truthfully, it amused you that Marc was jealous of Steven's intellect.

"Yeah… He said he is a doctor of Egypt." The second he said it, he violently twitched. His face morphed into an angry grimace, and he whirled to stare at the limo's mirror.

"I did not!" Steven shouted at the mirror. You looked at the mirror, seeing Marc's smug grin. You glanced to the side, seeing Steven's face was set in a hard frown, his brows furrowed, and his lips pursed tightly in annoyance. This was the closest you had ever seen him to being mad or upset. You glanced back at the mirror, and Marc's playful grin was still there. You decided to move into a spot where you could clearly see Steven's face, and his reflection.

They were both different, at the same time.

That was impossible. Unheard of, even. You shouldn't have been able to see his alter in the mirror. That was part of Dissociative Identity Disorder. Only they should be able to see each other that way.

Apparently you had been staring too hard, because Marc's face turned to you, and a look of intrigue passed over his features. It was as if he was trying to decide if you were looking at Steven's reflection, or really at him. You gave him a weak looking wave, and he slowly raised his hand to wiggle his fingers at you. Steven turned his head to look at why Marc was waving at you, and his mouth fell open in shock.

"Can you see him?" Steven asked as he stared at Marc, who by now was sticking his tongue out, with you mirroring him.

"If by him, you mean your reflection that's moving by itself, then yes. Is it safe to assume that's Marc?" You asked. Steven was still speechless, hand on his chin as he kept looking between you and Marc.

"That's not good. You're not supposed to be able to see us like that." Steven mused.

'She's really not.' Marc agreed as he crossed his arms. You watched, fascinated by the mirror, by seeing what Steven saw. Your eyes looked around to anything else that had a reflection, wondering if that was the only instance where Marc was visible. It would make sense, but you needed to check it out. They both watched you as your eyes darted to the windows of the limo, to the back up mirror that hung in the ceiling of the garage, to the slight reflections on the spare tire rims on the shelf.

They all showed Steven's reflection, every single one of them. Only the mirror in front of him displayed Marc. You let out a small breath of air as your eyes rested on your black phone screen.

There, in the shiny glass of your phone, you could see another reflection of Steven, but this one was smirking. This one had a dark jacket, with the creamy collar flipped up to show off the symbols embroidered to the fabric. This one was wearing a flat cap, with a gloved hand holding onto the front of it. He tugged his hat down just a bit, and he gave you a wink.

Good fucking God…

It was Jake.

You gasped and shoved your phone against your chest so Steven couldn't see it. Steven raised a brow at you, obviously wondering if you were alright or not.

"You okay?"

"Uh, yeah. Yeah. I am totally fine. You know… As fine as a girl can be when they find out they can see their boss's reflections the way he does. It's fine." You quickly explained.

"Are you sure? Because you looked at your phone, gasped, then hid it. Did Marc do something lewd? Is it some sort of inside joke I don't know about?" Steven questioned you with a concerned look on his face. You watched Marc's face morph into an annoyed one, his eyes rolling hard.

'Excuse me, I did not say shit, and it's no joke, Steven.' Marc huffed as he tapped his foot. He wasn't very keen on having this happen right now, when he was supposed to be getting his car and driving you somewhere.

"Oh, um… My friend sent me a text. It made me realize I only have thirty minutes to get to her in time. I mean, she'll wait for me, but then she can tease me about my tardiness the entire time." You explained, hoping the little lie wasn't caught by either of them. Steven nodded, seemingly accepting the answer. Marc just grumbled.

But when you looked over at the tire rims, you saw Jake's face again, and now he was grinning ear to ear.

"Well, alright then. I suppose we can talk about this later. But, if you can see Marc, or myself when we aren't in control, that does bother me a bit. Like, don't get me wrong, it's handy if you can, but you really shouldn't be able to. That's my mental illness, not yours." Steven said as he raked his hand through his hair. A moment later his posture changed, and he switched places with Marc, his reflection now clearly sporting Steven's soft smile, while Marc held a tight-lipped frown.

"That's enough, buddy. I'm stopping you before you continue to rant on and on, after saying we'll talk about it later. Sorry about that, sweetheart." Marc said as he jabbed his thumb towards the door. You still could hear Steven just rambling away quietly in the background as he followed close behind in all the reflections of the side of the limo. You nodded and came closer, your eyes still glued to Jake's reflection in the rims.

Without speaking, Marc turned to the door and opened it. He waited for you to go through, then locked it behind him. He took you around to the side of the garage. There, sat a very old Dodge Charger. It was all white and pristine, not a dent or a mark on it anywhere.

"This is your car?" You asked as he unlocked the door and opened it for you.

"Yeah. It was given to me by my attorney." Marc casually said as he waited for you to belt yourself in.

"Your lawyer gave you a car?" You asked while raising one brow in question. Marc rolled your window down and then closed the door.

"Yeah. Matt's good shit. He is a good buddy of mine. Knows all about my D.I.D. Said he had to get rid of this car, because people thought it was weird he owned one." Marc hopped into his side of the vehicle and started the engine. It purred to life, the engine rumbling as quietly as it could for being a muscle car.

"Wait, Matt? Matt Murdock?" You said in surprise. You knew about that lawyer. He was well renowned for winning most of his cases, but he lived in New York.

"That's the one!" Marc happily replied as he turned in his seat to back the car out of the driveway.

"Isn't he blind?"

"Yeah, that's why he gave me the car. His girlfriend doesn't like it, and he can't drive it, so I got it." Marc said. He sounded a bit dishonest, but you didn't want to push it by asking. Besides, you were being dishonest to him and Steven, and you had a feeling they both knew.

Marc drove you to your destination in record time, and he didn't even speed or blow through any stop lights. He barely spoke to you, his eyes focused on the road. Steven on the other hand, well, he was happy to chat with you in the vanity mirror. You didn't know why you could see and hear them like this, and you sure hoped you weren't going crazy.

Steven was nice enough to ask about your best friend, and if there was anything they shouldn't talk about. He asked if it was okay if they switched in use of the body, and you told him it would be fine, much to their surprise. You informed them your friend was sassy, and would call you a bitch, but in an endearing pet name sort of way. Steven was amused by that, and Marc just hummed a soft 'okay' in reply.

Marc was kind of happy you could see and hear them this way. That meant they didn't have to switch as often to talk to you, but he was worried you might forget about it, and accidently start talking up a storm to a mirror or something reflective in public. He didn't want others to look at you the way they looked at him.

But…

He was also growing more and more concerned the more time he spent with you. First, all the minor little injuries he would normally have acquired from sex, just weren't there anymore, while you were covered nearly head to toe in them. He knew for a fact that you had marked him up with your nails, and you had seen it. You had bitten him and Steven more than once. Then he woke up shirtless, and with clear skin, knowing you saw it.

But why didn't you say anything about it? Were you assuming they were a guy with a natural healing factor? Maybe you thought they were a mutant, or a super, and were just kind enough not to care about that kind of thing?

But then there was that shadowy figure he and Steven had seen last night. They needed glasses to read, but they could see exceptionally well in the dark at great distances, even now, now that they were no longer serving Khonshu. Speaking of the moon God, Marc swore up and down that he saw Khonshu, and Steven's reaction confirmed it.

Why was that nasty old bird here again? Was he stalking them? Was he waiting until Marc, or heavens forbid, Steven hurt themselves? He sure the fuck hoped not. Not now! He just met you. You understood their disorder, and you didn't give two shits about it, yet you still liked them enough to let both of them fuck you, and spend time with you. Him and Steven. Aaand you were still hanging around them, enjoying their company.

He really didn't need more shit to hit the fan now. Definitely not now… Not when his and Steven's lives were getting better. Marc huffed as he glanced at the radio to check the time. He was doing well, the cafe just at the other end of this busy street. When he got there, he parked the car, and gave you a hopeful look.

"You sure that you don't mind me tagging along? I don't have to. I know how weird it is when I switch, especially if others don't know about my disorder." He softly murmured as he looked at his hands. You reached out and took them in yours, rubbing his palms as you sighed

"Yes. I am sure that I don't mind. Just be yourself around her, alright? She will totally understand, and not judge you for your disorder."

"Really?"

"Yes, really. She has a family member with a similar disorder. Oh, but I must give you a heads up, my best friend is trans. Which means-"

"I know what that means. It's cool. I'm not prejudiced." Marc quickly replied. He smiled as you squeezed his hands.

"Okay. Right. Let's get going, then." You said, and got out of the car, with Marc happily following you. You walked up to a cafe and before you could open the door, Marc smiled like Steven, and his posture changed as he opened the door for you. As you passed them, you giggled.

"Thank you, both of you."

You looked around as the door shut behind you, the bells attached to it jingled as you glanced around the cafe for your best friend. Marc leaned over you as you checked your phone. You decided to send her a message, hoping to hear her notification sound somewhere nearby. Your friend always had her ringer on at maximum volume, and she never changed her ringtone. You sent her the message.

Hey gurl! I'm here!

A second later, you heard the ridiculous tone she had.

'Get riggity, riggity wrecked, son!'

The silly noise came from the back corner, and when your eyes came to rest there, you saw your friend's face light up as she furiously typed back a response. Your phone was on silent, so it didn't make an audible noise when you got her message, which was fine for you. You didn't want your boss to hear the one you had, which somewhat matched your friend's. It was from the same show as hers, but yours sounded like a robot, asking where their balls had gone off to.

Bitch! You're on time? Hath hell frozen over?

Nope. My boss gave me a ride over. He'll be hanging out with us today, if you don't mind. He doesn't have a lot of friends.

Oh, ho, ho! That's cool with me, chickie. I see you by the door. Come on over after you grab your drinks.

She looked up and waved at you, sporting a happy grin through her pink, cat-eye lenses. You waved and went to the counter to order your drink. You got yourself an overly complicated, blended ice beverage, making sure to get the heavy cream and real whip on top to treat yourself. Marc chuckled at your order, and he ordered a simple soy latte with vanilla in it.

When you went to pay, your hand was swatted to the side as Steven took over and stepped up to the cash register. He took out his wallet and paused, just staring at it for a long hard moment. The cashier cleared her throat and he withdrew some cash. You knew it was Steven, because he was overly polite to the batista, and he even held both cups as you went over to your friend.

"Hey, bitch!" She greeted you as she leapt from her seat with outstretched arms. When she drew back, her eyes darkened as she noticed the dark bruises on your collarbone, chest, and neck. Her brows furrowed, and she immediately looked at the man standing behind you. Steven's eyes went a bit wide, and he looked away with a slight blush on his cheeks.

You hugged her and then sat down across from her, with Steven sitting beside you. He passed you the cold concoction and he sat back into the chair with one leg crossed over the other. He was pointedly looking at the reflection in the napkin holder, looking at Marc.

"Hey Safiya. How's it going?" You asked, and Safiya chuckled as she wiggled her brows.

"Going great! This your boss? What's his name?" She asked as she looked right at Steven. Steven bit his lower lip and looked at you.

"Yes. This is my boss. His name is… Well…"

"Right now, I'm Steven. Dr. Steven Grant." Steven said as he sat up straighter and reached across the table to shake Safiya's hand. She raised a brow and shook it.

"Right now?" She asked, and you nudged her foot under the table.

"Oh, right. Right. Sorry. I forgot she told me you have Dissociative Identity Disorder. My bad." She grimaced with embarrassment, but Steven laughed to ease the tension.

"Naw, it's alright, mate. Sometimes I'm Steven, other times, I'm Marc. Would you like to meet him?" Steven waved his hand dismissively. Safiya seemed interested, and she nodded.

"Sure would, Dr. Grant."

"Please, miss, you don't have to call me that. Steven will do." He chuckled as he gave you a wink. You smiled at him, happy he was doing so well with your friend.

"Okay. Steven. I would like to meet Marc." She said as she watched Steven's posture go rigid for a moment, then his hand came up to smooth his hair back. The tell tale heavy furrow of his brows came back, but now he was sporting a small grin.

"Heya. I'm Marc Spector. Not a doctor, just a regular, ex-military guy."

"Oh, is Steven really a doctor?" She asked. You grinned as she got right to the point. You knew she was blunt, and eager to ask any question that popped into her head. That, and her family member would make shit up all the time that wasn't true. Questions you were dying to ask, but were too afraid to, and she knew it too.

'Tell her yes. It's true. I've got proof.' Steven piped up from the napkin holder. You held back a snort, and he stared at you with a smile.

"Yes he is. Has his doctorate, a certificate, and everything. It's hanging up in his office on his floor of our house." Marc replied as he took a long sip of his latte. He sighed happily and licked his lips.

"So he's a doctor, and you're not?"

"Yeap. He did the work. He did the schooling, not me. I don't know jack shit compared to him. I used to be in the military, but I was discharged when they found out about my D.I.D."

"Okay. I'm sorry that happened to you. What kind of doctor is he?" She asked with an amused grin as she gave you a lewd wink. You huffed and sipped your drink.

"Uh, how about he just tells you. I'm bad with big words." Marc replied with a nervous chuckle. In a second he was relaxing into his chair and fixing his hair back to his side part.

"Oh yes. I'm an Egyptologist. Hoping to bump it up to also being an Anthropologist soon."

"That's handy. Egyptian shit is kind of our thing. Did you know that she has just gushed about it since the whole mega battle between those two Gods not too long ago?" Safiya revealed, and you blushed as you looked down at the phone.

Steven seemed intrigued by Safiya's words. He turned to you, a large grin plastered to his face.

"That's nifty. My house is filled with Egyptian stuff. Well, my floor is. Marc's not too keen on it. He's… Biased and doesn't really like the culture too much. Had a bad run in Cairo a little while ago. Swears we are never going back, despite my loud protests." Steven said with a small frown. You could see the disappointment in his eyes at the fact Marc didn't want to ever go back there.

"Well, just so you know, she wants to go visit the place badly. You're going to have to give her some time off to go." Safiya chirped back bluntly. Steven tilted his head to look at you, and that's when you remembered the tickets Jake had given you.

"Oh, yeah… Haha… Looks like I'll be going to Cairo sooner than expected." You remarked as you dug into your purse to find your wallet. You pulled out the two tickets, and placed them down onto the table. Steven's eyes lit up when he saw them, and Safiya's eyes bugged out of her skull. She calmed down, noticing how excited Steven looked.

"I won two round trip tickets to Cairo. First class air fare, five star hotel with a spa, and then a whole ass round of shit to do while there." You happily said as you showed Safiya the tickets. You saw how the gears turned in her head, and you suddenly felt bad. You sure hoped she didn't expect you were taking her. The plan was for Steven and Marc to go, not her.

"That's really badass. So, who are you taking?" She asked as she looked the dates over on the tickets. You opened your mouth to speak, when she abruptly cut you off.

"And don't expect me to go with ya. These dates on these tickets show I'll be busy at work during that time." She finished as she shoved the tickets back into your hands. Relief washed over you, but then you stared at her. The dates on the tickets were the same dates she had already made a point of booking off from work to spend with you.

You knew right there what she was doing.

"Oh, well… I don't have anyone else to go with me. I don't want to go alone, that's for sure…" As you spoke, Steven had sat up in his chair, and he was now leaning on the table with his elbows, giving you large puppy dog eyes.

"No one? No one at all?" You could tell he was trying to suggest that you ask him to go, but the reflection in the napkin holder held Marc's scowl in it. He did not look happy one bit.

"Well, I'd ask you, but Marc would turn me down…" You started to say, and Steven slapped the table, shaking it bad enough that the latte almost fell over. He glanced at the napkin holder and gave Marc a pleading look.

'You can't be fucking serious…' Marc said, his voice tickling your ears, like he was speaking in an empty hallway. It was weird to be able to hear him, when Steven should have been the only one.

"Please, mate?" Steven whispered. Marc grumbled and crossed his arms as he pinched the bridge of his nose.

'I don't want to go back there. He's there.' Marc replied, seething when he mentioned the last part. Steven took a deep breath.

"Oh come on, he's probably busy with some poor bastard, doing his bidding. It'll be fun. Come on, please say yes? You know how fucking much I love Egypt." Steven pleaded with him some more. The entire time he was talking to himself, Safiya sat there politely and quietly, although both of her brows were sitting high on her head.

From her angle, she couldn't see Marc the way Steven or you could. All she saw as the same face talking to himself, and going quiet while Marc spoke.

She discreetly picked up her phone, turned her ringer off, and sent you a text.

Does he do this all the time?

Yes. Please don't judge him.

I am not judging him, fam. I just want to make sure he isn't a crazy murder hobo or something.

He's not a crazy murder hobo. He's perfectly sane.

A man with D.I.D. is not perfectly sane, but I get you.

Please be nice. He pays me well, he is always nice to me, and he's hot. Please don't fuck this up for me.

Bitch! I ain't gonna fuck this up for you. He is hot, though. Not my cup of tea, because you know…

Yeah, I know. You're hella gay.

And you're not. Speaking of which, did he cause those bruises on you? Cause gurl, if he laid a hand to you, I'll fucking kill him.

You stared at the last message, then at her. She glared at you, egging you on to answer her text.

I'd rather not discuss this right now.

He did cause them! You've got about ten seconds to let me know why, or I'll flog the guy with my heels, right here in the cafe.

Okay, okay. Yes. But he didn't hit me, or hurt me. We spent all night drinking and fucking.

"Aha! Fucking finally!" Your best friend shouted as she slapped the table a few times in excitement. She had her tongue stuck between her teeth as she grinned wildly, looking back and forth from you to Steven.

Steven had turned to look at her after her outburst, his face showing concern and confusion. He genuinely looked a little frightened.

"You fucked your boss!" Safiya said as she snickered like a happy little goblin. Steven's face fell, and he looked at you. You were hot with embarrassment, and you didn't know what to say. You didn't plan on her shouting about it after sending her that text.

"I, uh… Yeah." You replied softly, and refused to look at either of them. You were scared Steven or Marc might get mad at you for this.

"Damn, gurl! Is he, I mean, are they, good in bed?" She asked, her eyes wild with excitement.

Steven leaned a bit closer, now very interested in your answer. He was now no longer embarrassed. Even Marc was waiting patiently to hear your answer.

"They are right here, Safi. You don't have to talk like they aren't." You mumbled quietly. You sipped your drink, hoping to cool down a bit. Marc's reflection giggled at you, and you scowled at him.

"I don't give a shit. Tell me. I'm sure they'd like to know as well." She sassed you as she kept staring at you, her dark brown eyes telling you she wasn't about to drop the subject any time soon.

"Fine. They are amazing in bed, alright?" You answered her question, but she wasn't satisfied yet.

"How big is the stick shift?"

"Safiya!" You snapped at her as you turned to apologize to Steven, but his face was calm with an amused-looking smile.

"It's alright go on. Tell her. I don't mind, love."

"You guys! Fuck!" You put your hands on your cheeks as you blushed. You felt so hot, and you couldn't believe how much Safiya was teasing you.

"Come on. Ya gotta squeal, now that Steven just gave the go ahead." Safiya pressed as she rubbed her hands together.

"Ugh! Fine! They've got a monster cock. It's very big, thick, and they know how to properly use it. Ya happy?" You said, looking to Steven and Marc to see their reactions. Marc was thoroughly pleased, and Steven was grinning sheepishly.

"Now I am. Circumcised, trimmed, or..?"

"Damntt, Safi!"

"Sorry. So, if you're fucking him, are you going to take him with you to Cairo?" She asked as she wiggled her brows at Steven.

By now, Steven was smiling as he tapped your shoulder to get your attention.

"Marc said he'll go, if you still want us to." Steven happily said, while Marc looked quite defeated.

"Oh? That's great. Yes. I'd love for you guys to come with me." You declared, and hugged them. Steven was quick to wrap his arms around you, and he was beaming with joy.

"Awesome, love. Thank you. I promise you won't regret it."

Then Steven fell silent as you and Safiya talked about things. She embarrassed you before about Steven, so now it was your turn.

"So, how's life been treating you? Found a girlfriend, yet?" You asked, and Safiya scrunched up her nose.

"Not exactly. Remember how I told you that I met this gorgeous girl at the bar last week?"

"Yeah. The one you keep telling me looks like some sort of Goddess? With the big curly hair? The one you're too chicken shit to talk to?"

"Yeah. That one. Well, I happened to find out she's going to be at the bar tonight. I need you to come with me. Be my wing woman!" Safiya gleefully gushed as she requested you to come with her to the bar later. You happily agreed, forgetting about the prior commitment you had to Jake. Yours eyes glanced at your phone, and you clearly saw Jake's face staring back at you, instead of Steven's. He was glaring at you, which reminded you of your plans with him.

You sighed.

"Yes, but I might have to ditch early. I'm supposed to go out later tonight with a friend of mine." You quickly said while trying to recover from agreeing to Safiya's offer too soon.

Apparently saying you were going out with a friend later struck a nerve in both Safiya, and Marc. Steven went rigid, then he leaned back in his seat to sip his latte. You turned to look at him, realizing he was now Marc. And he didn't look happy. Safiya glanced at him, then at you.

"Who ya going out with, gurl?" She asked, and you fucking panicked. You didn't know what to say. Would telling Marc or Steven that you had plans with the groundskeeper upset them? You did spend the night being fucked silly by all three of them…

"Well, uh…" You started to say. You gave your phone a quick glance, seeing Jake staring at you with an amused grin.

Was that smug bastard entertained?

"I was invited to a midnight auction. It's a private function. A fundraiser for charity of sorts, I think. I am not sure, as I wasn't exactly given much info. All I was told is that there's free booze, free food, and I don't have to talk to anyone." You said carefully. Jake nodded, and mouthed the words 'good girl'. You shivered as you bit your lower lip and looked away to the napkin holder again. Steven gave you an odd look, then glanced towards your phone. You quickly grabbed it and stuck it into your pocket.

"Alright, bitch, but I asked who you were going with, not where or what you're doing." Safiya scoffed as she pushed her glasses back up her face.

"She doesn't have to say, you know." Steven's voice erupted from Marc's body. Marc coughed and rubbed his face.

"Steven, she doesn't have to, but I would really like to know." Marc quickly replied. Safiya raised a brow at the way they talked, switching accents like it was nothing.

"Yeah, what he said. You don't have many friends."

"Oh, fuck you. I do have friends." You raised both hands up with the middle fingers proudly displayed at Safiya. She snorted and laughed.

"Okay, okay. Who is this friend, then?" She pressed, and Marc started to drum his fingers on the table.

You took another deep breath in through your nose, then sighed as you rubbed your temples.

"His name is Jake. He's a little rough around the edges, but he's nice."

"My groundskeeper is your friend? I haven't even met the guy yet." Marc said with a touch of disappointment, and dare you say that you saw jealousy in his eyes.

"Wait, you're fucking your boss, and you're gonna go out with his groundskeeper on a date?" Safiya drawled as she tugged her glasses down to the edge of her nose while she peered at you with a questioning look.

"It's not a date. He just didn't want to go to the auction alone, alright? Besides, he assured me I didn't have to do anything. I just get to sit there and drink bad champagne, listen to snobby rich people talk about boring shit, and hopefully, eat all the hors d'oeuvres that pass by us." You explained as you gave a good glance to the napkin holder. Steven was nodding at you, eating every word up that fell from your lips like it was gospel.

Marc seemed to accept the answer. He didn't really want to discourage you from making friends with the only other employee they had. It would be silly to tell someone he hadn't met before to stay away from you…

But had this nagging feeling you were holding back some very important information about Jake. He knew the man spoke Spanish, drank tequila and weird Spanish beer, and he smoked cigarettes and weed. He knew Jake had his own phone in the limo that Steven and he owned.

The limo that Steven apparently allowed Jake to drive whenever he wanted.

"Okay. Right. Sorry that I embarrassed ya, gurl." She said as she took pity on you. She reached out and patted your hand.

"That's alright. If you don't give me a hard time, we don't laugh as hard later. Ha…"

"Well then… If you're fucking your boss, and taking him with you to Cairo, are you two dating, then?" She asked, now looking directly at Marc.

Marc looked confused for a moment, then he turned to look at Steven. Steven was rapidly nodding, holding his hands up in a silent prayer, but he wasn't saying anything, no doubt because you were able to hear him now.

"Well, I dunno. I haven't been in a good relationship in a very long time. He just got divorced as well, and I don't want to pressure him into doing anything he doesn't want…" You said softly as you looked away and at your drink. You could see a faint reflection in the cup's dome lid, and it was Jake again. He was giving you an odd look, one you couldn't quite read.

A large and warm hand came to rest on your thigh, making you turn to look at Marc. He was smiling, his eyes twinkling in the low light of the room.

"Well, it's true I'm divorced, and even though the divorce happened recently, I can assure you that I left my wife long before that. Both emotionally and physically. I still love her, but not the way I used to. She's more like a best friend now. Besides, she recently came out as a lesbian, so I definitely won't be going back to her any time soon." He said as he squeezed your thigh and rubbed it with his thumb. You smiled at the confession, and placed your hand over his.

"And Steven never got to really be with her. He got right mad when I told him about her, but the anger subsided quickly after."

"Why was he mad at you for it?" Safiya asked.

"Well, he-" Marc started to say, but then his eye twitched and his hand came up to run through his hair.

"I'd like to explain that myself, thank you very much, Marc. Anyways, I was mad, because she was beautiful, and a man like myself has absolutely no chance in hell with a girl like her. He ditched her, covered up the fact he was ever married, got a new flat, then just let me have the reins for a long while. I got over it quickly, because it wasn't ever my rodeo, and she didn't enjoy the fact that there was a whole other person inside her husband she never knew was there. Plus, I think she was salty as fuck that Marc's not very… How do you say… Gentlemanly or romantic enough?" He said with a bright smile, like he truly didn't care about his lost chance with Marc's ex wife. He leaned a little closer to you, pointing his thumb at your general direction.

"Sides, look at this one. She's much prettier. She's nicer, and she cooks amazing food. She doesn't care there's two of us in this body." Steven mused as he explained himself a bit better. You couldn't help the heat rising up in your cheeks at his words.

"Well that's nice and all, but that didn't answer my question. You two gonna date, or y'all just gonna be friends with benefits?" Safiya slowly clacked her long nails against the table as she leaned back, her glasses still at the end of her nose. Steven chuckled and he brought his hand up to your face, cupping your chin in his large hand.

"I would absolutely wish to date you, love." He said softly, and his eyes flashed, then his brows furrowed.

"Yeah. I agree with Steven. Considering he got to you, first, and he openly allowed me to experience you. That's a lot more than I gave him. Makes me feel like an asshole."

"Well, you can be a bit of a dick, mate." Steven's voice bubbled from Marc's throat, but his face remained the same.

"Don't rub it in, buddy. That's not classy." Marc muttered back.

By now Safiya was trying very hard not to laugh. She was amazed at how flawlessly Marc and Steven switched, and how he wasn't causing a scene. She had expected him to be some guy that flew off the handle and spouted crazy and absurd things, but he didn't. Instead, she got to see a perfectly sane person being calm and well-behaved.

Correction, two perfectly sane individuals in one body.

"Okay. Cool. But…"

"How about we just see how things go. We don't want to scare her away, especially not after last night. Fuck, last night was amazing." Marc said as his eyes darkened a bit, and he licked his lips.

"I would like that, Marc, Steven."

***

The cafe was fun, and Safiya begged you to go shopping with her. She needed a new outfit for tonight, in the hopes she could seduce the girl she had her eye on. She even offered Marc and Steven to come with, but you suspected she merely did that to get a ride and a locked car to hold her purchases in.

Marc didn't seem to care, and he happily agreed to come along to the mall with you and Safiya. Once at the mall, Safiya dragged you into nearly every store in it, acquiring at least one or two bags of purchases for each stop. Marc made the mistake of offering to hold the bags at the second store, and now he had ten bags in each hand as he sat on a bench waiting for you and your friend to get out of some makeup store.

"Fuuuck. Why did I ask to tag along?" Marc sighed as he leaned back, his head hanging off the back of the bench, with both legs outstretched before him. Steven appeared in the reflection of the stainless steel planter box beside him.

'Well, you wanted to spend the day with her, then you offered her a ride… Oh then you said yes to driving them to the mall-'

"Shut up, Steven." Marc hissed, which startled an old woman who was on the other bench behind him.

'Shhh. Watch it. There's a woman behind us.' Steven muttered back. Marc huffed and turned to look at the planter, glaring at Steven. He was about to say something, when you came hustling over with a single small bag. It was the only thing you had bought so far that didn't fit in your purse. All the bags Marc was holding, were Safiya's.

"Hey, sorry. Sorry. I told her we need to ditch the bags in the car, or straight up leave. I said I should ask you to make sure you're still okay being out with us, or if you wanna go."

"Well, I would have no complaints about hanging out longer, if I didn't have to hold this hoard of shit your friend bought." Marc grumbled. Steven heard the rude tone in his voice, and he quickly took over.

"Sorry about him. Tells me he hated shopping with Layla. I, on the other hand, love shopping. How about I front for a bit, give him a rest, yeah? Maybe take these bags to the car, and meet up with your friend after?" Steven suggested as he lifted his arms. The bags weren't really that heavy for him and Marc, but Marc was just done with being in a mall with no free hands to do anything with, like fiddle on his phone.

"Sure. I'll text her and tell her we're doing that. She's just having her eyebrows done."

"Her what?" Steven asked, sounding a bit confused.

"Her eyebrows. She's getting them plucked, and then refilled."

"But… Why? Why remove the hair, just to refill them? I don't understand." Steven asked, and you giggled at his lack of knowledge. You pulled up a few photos of what they had done to Safiya, and then explained how they filled the colour in with an eyebrow pencil.

"Ah, okay. I get it now. Dunno why she did that. Her brows were just lovely before." Steven said with a raised brow. You laughed at his response.

"Girls are finicky." You replied as you leaned down to take a few bags from him, but he refused to allow it. Steven got up and adjusted the load, while you shot Safiya a text to explain where you went.

The walk back to the car was short, and Steven went about putting all the bags into Marc's trunk carefully. When he was done, he shut the car and went oddly still. He was staring at his reflection in the shiny bumper of the car, staring right at a pair of eyes like his own, but slightly darker and full of a threatening aura.

"Steven? You alright?" You asked as you placed a hand to his shoulder. He straightened up right away, and he turned to look at you, coming back to his senses with a warm smile.

"Yeap. Yeah. Of course, love. Just hungry is all. Are you hungry?" He asked as he wrapped an arm around your waist and started walking with you back to the mall entrance.

"Yeah, actually. I am. I'll text Safi, and tell her we will be at the food court." You replied with a smile. Steven gave one last glance at Marc's car, his eyes searching for that one reflection that was different from his own, or from Marc's, but only his own distorted image was there.

***

Another!

Thank you to @mics59 for the Spanish translations

Thank you to @ruhro7 for proofreading

@snippychicke @eclecticpatrolroadlawyer @queenotaku23 @clairewinchester14 @promiscuoussatan @mona-has-friends @lazyotakujen @timeless-crow @crazylittlereader2474

#moon knight #moonknight #moon knight series #marvel moon knight #steven grant #jake lockley #marc spector #khonshu #jake lockley x reader #jake lockley x y/n #jake lockley x you #marc spector x reader #marc spector x y/n #marc spector x you #steven grant x you #steven grant x reader #steven grant x y/n

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bccky · 3 years

Text

Creams And Comfort

Pairing: Bucky Barnes X Reader

Summary: You wake up in the middle of the night to a loud noise, only to find Bucky standing in front of the bathroom mirror, hating the marks on his body

Words: 870

Warnings: insecure Bucky, self hate, scars, sad Bucky feels, comfort fic, body positivity, fluffy end

A/N: I think scars are beautiful and something you shouldn't have to hide, but it's up to you if you wanna use the scar removal or hiding techniques. This is a hate free and no judgement zone.

Beta'd by the lovely @give-me-a-moose <3 //repost of my own cause Tumblr deleted it // dividers by @firefly-graphics // hope you like it Xx

Main Masterlist • Marvel Masterlist

You try to quickly gauge the situation as you glance at the tiled floor, various bottles of lotions and oils you didn’t know you had are littered around like they were angrily tossed down and you guess that it must’ve been the sound that woke you up.

You spot ‘Scar Removal Cream’ on one of the labels and then another, and now you have an inkling of what’s happening.

You’re thankful, for the sound roused you at the time that your husband needs you the most. These are the darkest hours that none of the superhero movies, or comics warn you about, times when these heroes are at their lowest.

Taking a tentative step forward, you wait for him to give you a sign that he doesn’t want you close, but when he doesn’t move, his neck still bent downwards, you advance until you’re standing right behind him.

You gingerly place your hand on a patch of unblemished skin, feeling his taut muscles relax just so slightly at your touch as he tries grounding himself, fast, shallow breaths turning into slower, deeper ones.

Once you’ve made sure that he is calmer, you place your other hand on his bare back parallel to the first before moving them upwards to his neck and then slowly start descending again, this time taking a moment to feel the marred skin beneath your hands and your lips follow after them, pecking his skin lightly.

“I love your wit, your bravery, how you take care of everyone you love, including me and Steve too, even if he isn’t the tiny guy anymore.”

A sigh escapes his lips as he turns to face you, eyes still not meeting yours as you take the front of his body in. The area around the scars looks more sensitive and red since he could easily reach there and scratch, but the skin where his bionic arm meets his shoulder is a whole different story.

You take his hands in yours, guiding him to your bed and make him sit at the edge before you leave him to get the emergency kit to pull out a calamine ointment then going back to Bucky to kneel in front of him.

“You know, I love your body too.” You say as you put some ointment on your fingertips to apply the cool mixture on him. “I love how gracefully it moves while you’re on a mission, how you slump slightly when we’re in the Compound.”

Bucky winces when you come across a particularly tender area at his side and you stop for a moment until he nods as a gesture to continue.

“I love how much softer your skin feels now rather than just muscles, how healthier you look ever since you joined the Avengers.”

You now move to his left arm, gently spreading the ointment as he grits his teeth, “But I’m broken. Hell, Steve’s injuries don’t leave scars.” Bucky murmurs, and you lightly rub the last of the gel on your fingers before taking his face in your hands to make him look directly in your eyes.

“I love you as you are. If you feel like you’re broken, let me be there to help you pick up the pieces again. The scars are Hydra’s failure in duplicating the serum, not yours. They show how you’re capable of standing up again even after falling down hard.”

Your husband smiles for the first time tonight and you graze his cheek with the back of your hand before pulling him to you to kiss him as his hands encircle your waist.

“I didn’t know we had so many things for scar removal stashed.” You bite your bottom lip as you tease him when you pull away.

“Bought them last month. I wanted to try them one by one but didn’t work for me.” He says as his thumb draws circles on your back. “Wanna help me throw them out?”

“Of course,” You start, your tone light as your heart beats a little faster with what you’re gonna say, “But what if the scars are on me, would you love me less?”

His eyes widen as he starts checking you for any injuries. “What? No! Are you hurt?”

You stop him by holding his hands with a nervous smile, “I’m not hurt, but I may get stretch marks approximately after seven and a half months.”

His mouth falls open in surprise before he’s picking you up and whirls you fast before you can even understand what’s happening and you’re screaming at him to put him down.

Bucky slows down and then he’s laying you on the bed before he carefully climbs on top of you, and then, he caresses your stomach delicately, looking at you as if he can’t believe his eyes.

“I love you.”

“I love you too.”

I’d love to hear what you think of it! Please like, reblog and comment to let me know Xx

Wanna read more of my works? Check out the masterlist linked at the top!

If you wanna be added to my taglist, click here!

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illicitlimerence-writes · 3 years

Text

close friends | t. holland

pairing: tom holland x fem!reader word count: 3.1k warnings: some language, some angst if u squint. otherwise it's just fluff and tom being tom. didn't proofread this. a/n: so tumblr decided to be a little bitch and deleted this t w i c e. so i had to write this t h r e e times. this came up in my head after i got like three notifications that tom posted something on his ig story, and then it turned out he deleted them. as always, english isn't my first language so i'm sorry if this gets confusing bye. also, i was listening to cardigan by taylor swift as i wrote this.

my masterlist

so we all know tom sucks at instagram. that's a surprise to literally no one. no matter how many times you tried to teach him he still doesn't get it, and it was only a matter of time before he finally posted something he shouldn't have.

it was just one of those days, you missed him like hell. he was away filming the third spiderman, and you had to stay behind because of work.

naturally, you relied on face time and texts to survive and fill the void he left behind. you loved talking to him, listening as he rambled on and on about his adventures on set. a love-struck look on your face as you tried your hardest to stay awake despite the urge to close your eyes.

eventually, sleep took over you, and you drifted off with the sound of his voice lulling you to sleep. he stopped talking abruptly when he didn't hear your soft chuckling in reply to the story he was telling.

instead, he saw your sleeping figure, long steady breaths moving your chest up and down. and he cursed himself for making you stay up so late for him. he took one last look at you, taking a screenshot of your sleeping form.

he quickly hung up the video call and opened instagram instead, uploading the screenshot to his story,

'missing my favorite girl, thank you so much for everything you do for me. x @yourusername'

the next morning you woke up to the sound of your phone buzzing. at first, thought someone had died as one notification after another filled your screen. most of them came from instagram, so you opened that app first.

thousands upon thousands of mentions, tags and new followers. you frowned, and suddenly a text from your friend popped up at the top of your screen.

'omg just saw his story. so happy for u both'

who's story? what was going on?

you refreshed your timeline, and tom's icon appeared, a colorful circle around it. an odd feeling sank in your stomach. you tapped his icon and suddenly your screen was full of... you.

a picture of you, sleeping. tom's smiling form in a small rectangle on the bottom right corner.

oh god. you read the words he wrote, over and over again. your heart pounding in your chest, and a sudden wave of fear ran through your body. but then you read his words once more, and all you could feel was love. pure, unconditional affection.

sure, your families and closest friends knew about you, but you hadn't talked about making your relationship public yet, but there was nothing you could do now.

you sighed, leaning back on your pillows. a small chuckle left your throat.

you grabbed your phone once again, quickly facetiming tom. you knew he had an early call today, and you hoped you could catch him while he was still in his hotel.

it ran once, twice, and then you saw him, hair all over the place, bare chest. hands rubbing sleep off of his face.

"mornin', darling." he said, his raspy morning voice making you smile.

"hi, baby. did i wake you?" you asked, sitting up and crossing your legs.

"yeah but it's fine, princess. i did keep you up last night so it's only fair."

"i'm sorry about falling asleep on you, that was a really nice picture you took last night," you lifted one eyebrow, and watched as he smiled at you sheepishly.

"i thought you looked really pretty, you always look pretty," he said, grabbing the water bottle on his nightstand and taking a swing.

"thanks, i hope the whole world thinks so, too," you declared. leaning your chin on your fist, watching him expectantly.

he did not react like you had expected him to.

his breath hitched as he sipped his water, and suddenly all you could see was the cream-colored ceiling, as you heard him spitting out and coughing.

"tom! oh, my god! are you okay?" you asked, getting on your knees and holding your phone up to your face, "tommy?" you repeated when he finally stopped coughing, you could now hear his heavy breaths.

at last, you saw his curls appear from the bottom of the screen.

"wh-what did you just say?" his voice was rough, his chest heaving.

"are you okay?" you asked again.

"ye-yeah i'm fine. babe, what did you mean by 'the whole world'? did something happen?" he asked, frowning. you echoed his expression, watching him for a second.

“you posted a picture to your story,” you repeated, and he nodded.

“yeah, i posted it to my close friends, i-” he stopped mid-sentence, eyes growing comically wide. “oh shit, did i-” he caught himself off as he threw the phone to one side, you heard him fumbling around for his laptop and you snorted. “shit, baby, don’t tell me i posted it… fuck!” you couldn’t keep it in any longer, you broke out laughing.

“of course this is how the world finds out about us!” you continued giggling until your stomach hurt.

“fuck, princess i’m so sorry, i didn’t mean to, i swear i- why are you laughing!?”

“tommy, tommy! it’s okay, baby, don’t worry. i’m not mad,” you stopped once you noticed his pouting. “it’s fine, my love, i don’t mind. sure it’s unexpected, and a little sudden but i wouldn’t have it any other way. i knew what i was getting into when we started dating,” you told him honestly, wishing you were there to give him a hug and kiss him all over.

“darling, i’m really, really sorry. i swear i thought i tapped the green button like you told me to” he continued his sulking, nervous eyes glancing back and forth from his laptop screen to you.

“i know, baby, i know this is not your forte, and i really appreciate the sweet gesture, honestly. i love you so much,” you told him as you bit your lip. folding your legs to your chest, wrapping one around them.

“god, i love you. i swear i’ll make it up to you,” he ran his hand through his hair, giving you a quick peek of his bare chest.

“i’ll hold you to it,” you chuckled, you glanced to the clock on your nightstand, sighing when you saw the time. “i’ve gotta go,” you said as you stood up and stretched. a wicked idea ran through you head. “i’ve got like five meetings today, so i’ll probably be busy most of the day. just in case i don’t reply or something,” you made up you lie quickly. grabbing your laptop and opening a new tab.

“oh, okay. i’ll be on set until like 1 am, so we’ll talk tomorrow?” he asked, eyes bright. you nodded, biting your lip.

“definitely. i love you,” you blew him a kiss. he smiled, and you felt your heart swelling.

“i love you, too. good luck today!” he said as you reluctantly hung up the call.

you immediately got to work, calling your assistant and telling her you were taking a few personal weeks, and to email you in case of emergencies. next, you texted harry, asking him to call you once tom was busy on set.

you waited for the page to load, and once you had bought your one-way ticket to atlanta you hurriedly threw some pre-planned outfits into two suitcases, just in case. your phone rang and harry’s face popped up on your screen. you quickly answered the call, and let him know of your out-of-the-blue plan. he agreed to meet you at the airport and drive you to set. and because of your recent and sudden rise to fame, he suggested you wear all black and a cap. you followed his advice, throwing on some sunglasses as well, as you had seen tom do many times before.

once you reached the airport and checked-in, you bought some coffee and breakfast, as well as some food for the flight. you opened instagram, seeing all the messages and comments. you had seen how the fans reacted when their favorite celebrities announced a relationship, and you knew to expect the meanest comments, and even death threats. for your own sake and peace of mind, you allowed yourself to scroll until you read three of those, and closed the app.

once the plane took off, you tried to catch some sleep, preparing for the inevitable jet lag, but your mind kept buzzing from one scenario to another. so you took out your book and tried to read some chapters, putting in your earbuds, music playing quietly.

when you finally, finally landed, you stretched your legs and grabbed your bags, putting on the cap and sunglasses again, you spotted a familiar head of wild curls. you quickly approached harry.

“what happened to all black and a cap to go unnoticed?” you asked as he took one of your bags in his hands.

“think about it, two kids wearing black, a cap and sunglasses? people would think we’re up to no good.” he gave you a tight hug, you’d missed him almost as much as you’d missed tom.

he caught you up on everything he and tom had been doing these past months, you shifted in your seat in excitement, the sleep that was slowly taking over you on the plane had now disappeared from your body.

in what was probably a 15 -but to you felt like five- minute drive, you got to the hotel to leave your bags and take a quick shower. harry left you alone in tom’s room, making his way to his own room next door. he said he’d order something for you to eat whilst you got ready to see tom.

you took the quickest shower ever known to humankind, and when you walked out of the bathroom after using tom’s shampoo and conditioner, -you’d missed his smell all over you. the few forgotten hoodies and shirts that were once drenched in the smell of his soap and cologne, were now very faint.- you wrapped a bathrobe around your body, rummaging through tom’s clothes until you found one of his shirts.

you pulled it close to your face, sighing at the familiar scent you’d missed so much. you got dressed quickly, grabbing your now fully-charged phone and the key to tom’s room that harry had left on a coffee table. you knocked on harry’s door and he let you in.

“i just texted tom, he says they’ve got like three hours left.” you sat next to him on the couch, the table in front of you filled with food waiting to be devoured.

“my poor baby, they overwork him,” you pouted, reaching for one of the plates.

“it was his idea, said he’ll do anything that helps finish filming sooner.” you stopped chewing your food.

“wait, really?” you asked in disbelief, you knew tom loved his job, and you found it odd that he wanted to cut his time on set short.

“yeah, it’s been rough for him. not having you around, i mean, after he spent months with you. he’s been pretty distracted lately. messing up lines, he’s been waking up late and missing early calls...” your heart sank at the words. you ate the rest of your food with a knot in your stomach, cursing yourself for not getting there sooner. soon enough, you were back in the car, your leg bouncing up and down. you fell asleep on your way to set, waking up when harry parked the car and nudged your shoulder.

you stepped out carefully, your head turning back every few steps you took, in fear that tom might catch you. once you reached the stage where tom was filming, you flashed the visitor badge harry had given you to the guard and he let you both in. you walked in as you leaned down, your forehead against harry’s back, shielding you from the curious stares. harry told you to hide behind a giant box where they kept some lights whilst he spoke to the director.

although the box was big and tall enough to cover you completely, you crouched down, straining your ears for nearing footsteps. you heard two sets of feet approaching, your heartbeat racing.

you were met with your accomplice, a friendly-looking man behind him. you stood up as they approached you.

“this the girl?” the man asked, and harry nodded, “nice to meetcha, i’m jon.” you shook his hand, “okay, so we’ve cleared tom’s schedule for one week, we’ll need him back fully recharged and ready to work like it’s his first day on set, you’re welcome to stay as long as you like, if it means he’ll work better if you’re here you can stay until we're done. i really don’t mind, i just need my guy back.” you blinked at his words, nodding slowly. “we’ve got a couple hours left tonight, i’m all up for some cheesy reunion, but it’ll have to be when we’re finished, i can barely keep him focused as it is.”

with that he left, and harry led you to tom’s trailer, where you caught some sleep while you waited. like that morning, you woke up to your phone buzzing. you reached for it, sleep leaving your body as you read the text.

‘just finished filming for the night, i’m exhausted. miss u, love you. x.’

all rational thoughts left your head, you opened the door to tom’s trailer and sprinted out of there until you reached the set. your eyes finally, finally met his figure, and tears filled your eyes.

your legs moved on their own accord, you mumbled apologies as you crashed into people, but you didn’t care. tom had his back to you, and even though he wasn’t wearing the spiderman costume, you’d recognize that ass anywhere.

“tom!” you called out, stopping a few feet away from him. you saw him whipping his head around, eyes scanning the sea of people. you made your way up to him, “tommy!” you repeated, and he finally turned around.

his mouth wide opened in disbelief, arms twitching, feet running towards you as you did the same. you crashed into each other, your legs wrapping around him, arms around his neck, fingers curling on his soft hair. his hands running all over your back, your hair. pulling you as close as humanly possible.

whispers of ‘i love you’, ‘god, i missed you’, ‘never leave me again’, and ‘i promise’ were exchanged. you tightened your hold on his hair, pulling back to look at him.

“hi,” you whispered, your nose brushing his.

“hey,” he replied, burying his face on your neck again, pressing small kisses anywhere he could reach. his hands settled on the back of your thighs as he spun you two. you giggled, sniffling as a few tears escaped your eyes.

you could not care less about the people around you, all you could think about was the boy wrapped all over you, your favorite boy. tom led you back to his trailer, where you finally untangled yourself from him. he settled you down and you immediately wrapped your arms around his waist, pulling him close to you again.

you had been starved of his touch for so long, there was no way you were letting him go anytime soon.

after many kisses, touches, tears, promises and more kisses, you left for the hotel. harry had already left, getting a ride from another cast member to leave you two alone. at that moment you swore you’d make him godfather of your firstborn child.

as you waited for tom to step out of the shower -you would’ve joined him, but three showers in a day seemed kind of excessive-, you laid down on the bed, throwing the covers over your body, tom's scent engulfing you. you breathed in happily. you tapped on your phone, replying to some work emails when you received a text from harry.

‘i believe the ball is in your court. you’re welcome.’

next, you received a picture of you and tom. harry must’ve taken the picture when you and tom were too lost in each other to even notice anyone around you. in the picture, your legs are around tom, bodies pressed closed together, your noses touching as you stare lovingly into each other’s eyes. it was a beautiful picture. and the black and white filter harry had applied to it made it seem like one of those old pictures of wives reuniting with their spouses after the war.

you smiled, heart swelling with emotion as you contemplated your options. you hummed quietly, tapping the instagram logo and waiting for the app to load.

you quickly uploaded the picture harry sent you tagging both him and tom and adding a quick caption before you shut down your phone. you were drifting off to sleep when you felt familiar arms around you.

you leaned into tom’s touch, your back resting against his chest, legs tangling with his as he interlocked his fingers with your own.

“thank you so much for being here, my love. i love you,” tom whispered into your ear, pressing a kiss to your cheek.

“i’ll be here whenever you need me. i’ll always come back to you.” you turned around, facing him. you kissed the corner of his lips, and he cupped your cheek, his lips meeting yours in a slow kiss, filled with emotion. your fingers played with his fingers as you moved to straddle his waist. “i love you,” you broke the kiss reluctantly. as much as you both wanted to make love that night, you’d made it your top priority that tom took his time off to rest as much as he could, and that included that first night.

you gave him one last kiss, going back to your previous position. the familiar and comfortable weight of his arms around you, the feeling of his lips on your neck, his chest rising and falling against your back, you couldn’t ask for anything better.

the peaceful environment you had created suddenly burst like a bubble as tom’s phone pinged over and over again. you heard him grunting, arms reluctantly leaving you.

tom chuckled, putting his phone on do-not-disturb and throwing it somewhere on the bed.

“you’re perfect for me, my favorite girl.” you smiled, leaning into his touch as he kissed you all over. sleep quickly taking over both of you.

tom swore his heart stopped when he’d seen the picture you posted. you’d never looked more beautiful than when you were staring up at him, your bottom lip between your teeth. the words you wrote as a caption were the last thing on his brain as he finally succumbed to sleep.

‘i said, “i bet you can’t keep this a secret for five months.” he said, “darling, i won’t make it past three.” @ tomholland2013 it’s been 10 months, who won?’

edit: i just saw henry cavill's ig post and omg what is my life. pls respect celebrities' privacy and relationships.

#tom holland #tom holland imagine #tom holland fluff #tom holland smut #tom holland x reader #tom holland x you #tom holland x y/n #peter parker #peter parker imagine #peter parker fluff #peter parker smut #peter parker fic #peter parker fanfic #tom holland fic #tom holland fanfic #marvel #mcu #avengers imagine

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zevlors-tail · 4 years

Text

A/N: This was an emergency request from forever ago, and I’m SO SORRY it took so long to finish! Tumblr also deleted the original ask, so I don’t have it anymore, but it was for a poly tododeku x chubby reader who gained weight during quarantine. I hope this was what you wanted, and again, I’m so sorry it took so long! I also don’t have a title for this RIP.

Pairing: Poly TodoDeku x Chubby Reader

Words: 4k

Warnings: Insecurities about weight gain, weight gain, cursing, reader weighing themselves with a scale if that’s a trigger for you.

You yawned as you stretched, your eyelids still heavy with sleep. It was currently nine in the morning and both of your partners had already snuck out of bed to go to work for the day. You envied them a little, seeing as they got to leave the house often while you were cooped up inside all of the time no thanks to quarantine. Of course, you still worried for their health- although most hero agencies were taking preventative measures during the ongoing pandemic, there was still the chance that one (or god forbid, both) of them could come into contact with the very virus that quarantine sought to combat. You tried not to think about that idea too much, instead focusing on a smaller annoyance: the fact that your job wasn’t deemed essential enough to stay open during this time.

Sure, you were working from home, but the way things were now there was hardly anything for you to do anyways, and most nights you were finished with your tasks early. This gave you plenty of free time, which in reality would have been much more enjoyable if you were able to actually leave the house, but no. You were stuck at home instead, boredom and restlessness rotting your brain of anything useful. You’d done everything you could think of to occupy yourself; you cleaned your kitchen, washed your clothes, folded all the laundry. Hell, you even started dusting the mantle in the living room for god’s sake. But you could only clean so much, and even with two of Japan’s top pro heroes tracking in dirt and grime each night from work, the house was usually spotless by 5pm. The only things you had left to occupy yourself at that point were video games, movies, and food.

Oh…and of course, overthinking.

Perhaps that was how you’d ended up where you were now, your legs carrying you out of bed and to the bathroom mirror to see if your current suspicions were true. About a month ago, you had noticed that one of your favorite shirts (newly found and washed, since you’d finally made it through all that pesky laundry) wasn’t fitting quite right. You didn’t think much of it at the time, passing it off as drying it for a bit too long or using too high of a heat setting. But a week later, you had the same problem occur with a pair of newer pants, and suddenly you felt self conscious. You tried to to push the feeling to the back of your mind, to stay positive and not worry about it, but it was always there. No matter how much you smiled, no matter how many times you told yourself it didn’t matter, the last thing on your mind every night was the fearful thought that you might have gained weight recently.

You’d never been slim; you had been curvy for as long as you could remember, but even from a young age you learned to be confident in yourself and your body. You always had a strong sense of self, always told yourself that your weight did not equal your worth. You knew better, and it showed. People looked up to you and admired you for that. You never cared how much you weighed; you just let your bubbly personality shine through like a midsummer’s day ray of sun. You practically glowed when you were with your friends, the sparkly smile on your face never once faltering as you laughed with them and helped them pick out new outfits they liked during mall outings. So…why should now be any different?

As you stared at yourself in the mirror, you felt anxiety start to creep up your spine, winding tightly around your throat like a constricting snake before pooling in your stomach, as heavy as a stone. Your lungs tightened and you hardly felt like you were getting any air as you looked yourself over. It was hard to tell just from your reflection…but it did seem like you had gained weight. Well, there was only one way to know for sure.

Your eyes caught the gleam of the metal scale in the corner of the room, the square shaped object intimidating you just by lying there on the floor. It was a perfectly normal thing to keep on hand in a perfectly normal household, even more so when you were in a relationship with two pro heroes who worked out and kept track of their weight on a weekly basis. Regardless, nothing about using the scale felt normal to you. You only weighed yourself at the doctor’s office, and that was it. But you wanted to know- no, you had to. It was bothering you too much not to.

Everything about this felt foreign to you. The way the scale came to life suddenly as you stepped on it, the way it took it’s time to recalibrate as you stepped back off, and the way it set itself to “zero” when it finally booted up...all of it. It felt odd when you finally pressed all of your weight to it, awkwardly waiting for the flashing numbers on the tiny digital screen to settle. And when they did, you couldn’t help but frown. You remembered a ballpark number from your last doctor’s visit, and you were nowhere near that number anymore.

You had definitely gained weight since quarantine started.

Not wanting to stand there any longer than necessary, you hopped off the scale holding back tears and tossed your clothes to the floor, opting for a shower. That would make you feel better, and then maybe you would just forget about it. You weren’t going to let this bring you down. At least, that’s what you told yourself.

Lunch gave you more anxiety later on and only served as a reminder about your weight gain. But you ate anyways, because you were hungry and you knew you deserved to regardless of your weight. Still, the anxious feelings remained for the rest of the night. You only forgot about it when Izuku and Shouto returned from work minutes apart from each other, their smiles and hugs effectively chasing away any self doubts or worries that you harbored. After all, it was hard to feel anxious when you were wrapped up in a giant group hug, kisses and “I missed you’s!” being given and received all at once. The night ended on a good note, and in the end you fell asleep feeling safe and secure while nestled in between the two most beloved people in your life.

Morning came too soon, and with it, the familiar sensation of dread that you were trying not to grow accustomed to at this point, especially after yesterday. Today’s a new day, you told yourself. I can do this. You noticed that both men were once again up and at ‘em, already at work by the time you woke which left you alone in the spacious bed to your own devices. You, however, happened to have the day off, so you made a beeline for the kitchen to get breakfast before reclining on the couch, T.V. turned on for background noise while you surfed the web on your laptop. After you were finished eating, you cleaned up your dishes and took out the trash, and it was only as you were headed to the bathroom to shower afterwards that you caught sight of the sticky note on the mirror. It was in Shouto’s handwriting, short and sweet and to the point all at the same time.

Half day at work today. Be back at noon. Love you both. Shouto.

Upon closer inspection there was more writing underneath that, a little messier but still legible with a shaded in little heart drawn underneath it all.

Late shift tonight, don’t wait up for me. -Izuku <3

You smiled at the note before taking a seat on the edge of your bathtub to turn on the shower. You felt a bit of reprieve from your heavy feelings, but it was short lived as a sporadic thought crossed your mind in an attempt to seemingly ruin the rest of your day. You weren’t sure where it came from or why it was there, only that it was taking up space in your mind, and you couldn’t help yourself as you glanced to the corner of the room where the scale was supposed to be. Even though you already knew what numbers it was going to display, that didn’t stop you from wandering over and weighing yourself once more. Or, you would have, if the scale had been there. Oddly enough, it seemed to be missing. You looked around the floor for it feeling silly- all of this just to weight yourself even when you knew the outcome already? But you continued looking for it anyway. Just to make sure, you told yourself.

You found it in the cupboard under the sink, pushed all the way back to the right corner of the bottom shelf where it would be hard to spot. You didn’t think to question how it got there or who might have put it there. The only thing on your mind was confirming the digital numbers you’d discovered yesterday, so that was exactly what you did. You laid the scale on the floor before weighing yourself, and you felt…disappointed. Seeing the numbers on the screen spelled it out clearly for you, and suddenly you were spiraling again, worry settling deep into your soul as everything started to really sink in. What if other people could tell that you gained weight? What if they were judging you for it? What would they say? What would the boys think? Oh god, your boyfriends. Could they see it too? Did they pity you so much that they kept it to themselves but knew the whole time? And if they did know…how did they think about you now? Did they think you were disgusting? Did they still love you? Maybe they knew but didn’t say anything because they didn’t want to hurt your feelings?

Your thoughts spiraled out of control as you stripped down, clothes haphazardly landing wherever you tossed them. You practically entered the shower like a zombie, the boiling hot water doing little to calm your mind and ease the worries eating away at you. By the time you had lathered your hair in conditioner and started on body wash while the former was setting in, you’d been in the shower for quite some time, at least for a half hour, and the sound of the front door opening and shutting did nothing to phase you as you rinsed off the suds. Shouto’s muffled voice carried down the hallway and into the bathroom where you were as he kicked off his shoes at the front door.

“I’m home!”

It didn’t take you long to finish up after that, and soon you were drying the water off with your favorite fluffy towel and getting dressed in an old pair of comfort clothes. Since there was no need to pretend to act professional today, why not dress comfortably instead? You weren’t feeling very high maintenance today anyways.

“Hey babe.” There was a knock on the bathroom door just as you were finishing up getting dressed and tugging your shirt over your chest. You reached out a foot to swing the door open since both your hands were full, and Shouto peered in to greet you with a kiss to the cheek before nuzzling his face into yours. But you were too anxious and preoccupied to do anything other than let him love on you as hot steam filtered out through the now open door. “What would you like for dinner tonight?”

You shrugged your shoulders, “Hm, not sure. I don’t feel like making any decisions at the moment, so whatever you want is probably fine.” You finally toweled off your hair before fixing it up the way you wanted, then exited the bathroom with your partner in tow. You missed the way his gaze flitted to the corner briefly before he followed you out into the hallway.

“Are you sure?” he asked you, head tilting to the side in question.

“Yep, go ahead and pick. I don’t care either way.”

Something in your tone made him stand back for bit and watch with crossed arms as you wandered around the house with seemingly no objective. You weren’t really sure what you were doing; you didn’t really have the energy to be your happy go lucky self like usual, and so you hardly could pay attention to Shouto and shower him with your love like you normally did when he came home from work. Not to mention, you already had breakfast and watched TV, so now you just weren’t sure what to do. You felt like you were just going through the motions, in a daze like a zombie who couldn’t focus. Maybe that’s why you didn’t notice him come up behind you and place a hand on your shoulder, effectively scaring you out of your trance while you stood aimlessly by the couch.

“Are you alright? You seem a little off today.” He gently pulled you down to the couch with him, arms open for you to lay in while you cuddled up to his warm side.

“Huh? Oh, yeah! I’m just thinking a lot, sorry. Did you figure out what you wanted for dinner?”

Snap out of it, Y/N.

He gave you a skeptical look but said nothing more, letting the subject drop at that. “Well, I was thinking maybe we could order some take out and watch a movie at home. It’s been a while since I’ve gotten to spend some one on one time with you. I missed you. And Izuku too…”

“I missed you too.” You let him envelope you in a tight hug, some of the stress and fogginess melting away immediately. You were thankful he only had a half day today; it was entirely possible that you might have just sat at home on the couch all day zoning out until one of the boys came home. “Oh,” you added as an afterthought, “make sure you click no contact delivery and tip well. I know you do already, but it’s especially important now.”

A small smile formed as he kissed the top of your head. “Anyone who’s willing to bring food to my love is going to get tipped extremely well. And if we weren’t in the middle of a pandemic, I would tell them thank you in person for providing for my sweet.”

“And if they aren’t willing to deliver?” you challenged.

“Then I would still tip them and say thank you, because they make their living off of that. Life is hard enough without me adding even more stress to their day, isn’t it?”

“You’re a kind person, Shouto. I love you.”

The rest of the night passed by fast, food arriving earlier than you thought it would and Shouto picking one of your favorite movies to watch as the two of you snuggled up under a comfy blanket on the couch. You fell asleep on his chest, his heartbeat lulling you off while you pressed your cheek into the crook of his neck for warmth. It was easy to feel relaxed and comfortable like that, his arms wrapped around you creating a sense of security and safety that you adored.

You were a bit confused when you woke up in bed instead of on the couch the next morning. The last thing you remembered had been the steady rise and fall of your lover’s chest; taking in your surroundings, you realized you were now laying against your usual pillow and just about swaddled in the covers. Whoever had moved you last night had taken care to make sure you were comfortable and cozy while you slept.

“Mornin, sleepyhead,” someone murmured behind you. A hand found itself against your stomach, fingers splayed to lovingly rub against your midriff as Izuku curled around you from behind. You pressed up against him for warmth before turning to face him, and when your eyes met you could see the weariness from his night shift reflected in his gaze. The word exhausted was practically written across his forehead.

“Did you sleep at all?”

“A couple hours. Work was…tiring.”

You absentmindedly brought a hand to his face, your thumb stroking over his cheek before you ruffled his hair affectionately. He let out a heavy sigh as you doted on him, eyes closing in bliss. “You okay?”

He seemed to enjoy your touch for a moment longer before reaching up to take your hand in his much larger one, eyes fluttering back open as he pressed a kiss to your open palm and made a soft noise of content. “Mm, I’m more worried about you.”

Normally his actions would leave butterflies in your stomach and make your heart beat a little bit faster. Normally, you would appreciate the concern. But you would be lying if you said you weren’t confused- What was there to be worried about? It wasn’t like anything was obviously wrong; the three of you had been doing well recently with no major arguments and no qualms with each other or your living situation. The biggest problem you had was getting the boys to pick up after themselves when it came to laundry, but that was easily solved with one stern look and an apologetic smile as they rushed to clean up their mess. So it wasn’t about your relationship in general, but about you specifically. Was there something you had done, something you had said? You wracked your brain for a reason to cause your partners concern but could find none.

Shouto walked into the room just then, pulling your attention away from Izuku briefly as he made his way over to you. He slipped into the bed on your other side, the mattress dipping under his weight and squeaking as he nuzzled up against you. With you sandwiched in between the two of them, Izuku sought to continue his conversation with you.

“You do know the scale keeps track of numbers, don’t you, love?”

It took you a minute, but you were sure both boys could tell the moment that it clicked in your mind. The sheer amount of horror you felt was enough to steal your breath away, your eyes going wide as you realized what he was trying to say. They knew. They both knew, and you were terrified of what they would say. This was the last thing you wanted to deal with this morning, the one thing you didn’t want them to find out. You weren’t sure how to react other than to try and hide your face into the pillow, so that’s exactly what you tried to do. But shoving your face into the pillow couldn’t stop the tears even if you wanted it to, and soon you were furiously trying to wipe your cheeks dry as you stammered out something, anything to explain yourself.

“Normally this wouldn’t bother me! I’m s-sorry, I don’t know why it’s gotten to me like this…”

“Y/N, listen to us. Please?” Todoroki’s voice seemed to calm you a bit, the deep baritone sound grounding you as you nodded to let them know you would listen. “Izuku mentioned to me two days ago that the weights on the scale were different. I didn’t think much of it at first, but then when I came home yesterday, the scale was back out after I had put it away, which means you were the one who got it out, right?”

“Y-Yeah…so?”

“That means the different weight must be yours.” Izuku booped your nose with his finger lightly, a gentle smile gracing his lips as you stared up at him. “Sho said you’ve been acting strange lately, and I’ve seen it too. You just haven’t seemed like yourself, baby. Especially for the past couple of days…” Had you really been acting different? Come to think of it, you might have been a little more anxious and stressed than usual about your weight, and those feelings had seeped into your every day activities, slowing you down and making you feel sluggish and out of sorts. “You know we love you no matter what, right?”

You nodded once again but remained silent, too upset and relieved at the same time to say anything.

“It doesn’t matter how much weight you gain. We’ll still love you the same, and nothing could ever change that. Besides, quarantine has affected all three of us. You’re not alone in this.” Shouto rested his chin on your head as he spoke, a single arm draped over you and Izuku.

“I gained weight too since the start of all of this,” Deku admitted with a sheepish look. “It’s nothing to be ashamed about, though! It just means Shouto makes really good food. And you still love me, right?”

“Of course I do. I love you regardless of that.” You were quick to respond, the words leaving your mouth before you could stop them.

“See? We feel the same way. You didn’t even notice I’d gained weight until I said something, right?”

You hated to admit it, but he was right. To be truthful, you hadn’t noticed, and you hadn’t cared. Izuku was still your love no matter what he weighed, and you were much too captivated with his luscious green curls half the time to pay attention to something trivial like that unless he brought attention to it like he had done now.

“It’s okay to feel upset about it. We’re here for you no matter what, and you can always come to us with anything that’s bothering you. But something like this won’t change how we feel about you, and it never will. We just want you to feel good about yourself and love yourself. And if it makes you feel better…you saw how much of that pizza I had last night, right? I ate over half of the whole thing. I’m sure I’ve gained weight too.” Shouto laughed a little.

“You’re our whole world, Y/N. You deserve everything good that we can provide you and you’re worthy of all of the love we can smother you in.”

As if to prove his point, both boys gave you a bone crushing hug and rubbed their faces against you. Somehow, some way, they always managed to chase away your troubles and make you feel wanted and needed.

“Thank you both,” you managed to squeak out.

“We love you, Y/N.” Shouto pulled away from the two of you and sat up, a hand running along your side in a comforting way. “Do you have a preference on breakfast?”

“Bacon and eggs,” came the immediate reply from a smirking Izuku.

“That’s too bad, because I wasn’t asking you!” The other boy just laughed.

“Bacon and eggs are fine. But can we make pancakes too? With maple syrup and blueberries!” you added.

Izuku’s head shot up at the mention of pancakes, eyes so bright and excited you almost couldn’t tell he was sleep deprived. Almost. “I second that!”

“Alright, alright. Pancakes it is. But you,” Shouto turned to you, “stay here in bed and relax with Izuku. Make sure he rests his eyes a bit, please. I’ll bring the two of you breakfast in bed.” He cupped your face in his hands and brought you in for a tender kiss, and you felt every little bit of care and concern he put behind it. He gave Izuku the same treatment before standing to leave, his eyes locked on the two of you still laying in bed. “I better not hear either of you get up while I’m busy, or else.”

“What if I have to use the bathroom?” Your teasing words earned you an eye roll and a smirk.

“You know what I mean. Be good.” And just like that, he was on his way to the kitchen.

Beside you, Izuku snuck up on you while you were turned away from him, his strong arms wrapping around your torso and pulling you close while he started to press kisses against your neck.

“Izuku…” you whined.

“What?"

“What are you doing?”

“Showing you how much I love you.”

You felt the return of butterflies in your stomach as your heart raced. Izuku crawled over you and straddled your waist, lips still attached to your neck but slowly working their way down.

“This isn’t resting, you know.”

“I don’t care."

#poly tododeku x reader #tododeku x reader #poly bnha #poly bnha x reader #izuku x reader #shouto x reader #todoroki x reader #deku x reader #izuku midoriya #midoriya izuku #izuku #midoriya #shouto todoroki #todoroki shouto #shouto #todoroki

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dreaming-about-fanfictions · 4 years

Text

The Balcony - Geralt of Rivia x Reader

Summary: Of playing games with each other and meeting in your favorite spot in the castle at midnight. 18+

A/N: So tumblr decided to delete my story the last time I posted this -.- So here I go again. Also, fyi, this is my first time writing smut :D Enjoy <3

Words: 3481 Pairing: Geralt of Rivia x female!Reader Warnings: smut smut smut. Princess!Reader (again, lol).

You see him first.

He is standing on the balcony, looking out into the night. His arms are propped up on the balustrade, a glass of wine resting next to him. His composure is relaxed and he seems to feel at ease. An unusual sight.

You know who he is. Everyone does. The Witcher, people had whispered in the corridors, the Witcher is coming. To you, he was nothing more than a myth up until three days ago. Childhood stories, the handmaiden told you, to keep you from running into the woods alone. When you grew to be a woman, you forgot about them, thinking they were a mixture of exaggeration and fear. However, when he walked into the great hall with long strides and planted a kiss on your hand, your impression changed. He is everything they say.

You observe him, wondering what brings him out here this summer night. The chamber is far away from the guest wing and hasn’t been used in years. You are the only one who still comes up occasionally to sit on the balcony, listening to the howling of the wind and the rustling of leaves from the nearby forest. It comforts you in a strange way, makes you forget your life at court with all its intrigues, politics and bloodshed.

A soft breeze wafts through the room, moving the old heavy curtains ever so slightly. You shiver as your nipple harden against the soft fabric of your nightgown. It is the only thing you wearing. After all, you didn’t expect others to see you.

In this moment, the bell from the high tower sounds. Midnight. It takes you off guard and causes you to breath in sharply. He hears you and tilts his head almost inconceivably. Almost.

You bite your lip, contemplating your next move. The well-behaved royal daughter inside you tells you to leave. Turn around and go back to your room. Fall asleep and wonder if this encounter has only been a dream. The other daughter, the one who sneaks around the castle at midnight, wonders what will happen if you approach him. You decide to listen to her.

It takes you another three seconds to muster up the courage before you start walking towards the balcony, your bare feet making no sound on the cold stone. Outside the wind blows softly and goosebumps appear on your arms – a cloak would have been a good idea. You stand next to him, nervously fidgeting with the cloth of your gown. “Witcher.”

He does not acknowledge your presence, keeping his eyes fixated on the woods. You ask yourself if he sees something out there that stays hidden from you. After a moment, he grabs his wine and takes a sip and carefully places it back on the balustrade. “Princess Y/N.”

You nearly shudder by the way your name rolls of his tongue.

“How did you find this chamber?”

Again, he takes his time to answer. “Couldn’t sleep,” he finally says.

“Doesn’t answer my question,” you respond.

“Hmm.” The Witcher takes another sip of the dark wine.

Disappointment and confusion dwells up inside of you. He irritates you, as you are not used to people talking to you like in that manner. Or not talking, in his case. Almost pouting you try a third time: “Why did you choose to come up here? There are other balconies, closer to your chambers.”

For the first time since you stepped outside, he looks at you. He’s beautiful. It is impossible to read his expression as he is eyeing you up, his gaze lingering just a moment too long on your chest. Suddenly, you become aware of the transparency of your nightgown and your cheeks flush. You clear your throat nervously and cross your arms.

The corners of his lips move upwards a little and he meets your eyes again. “You’re a curious one, aren’t you?”

“I am,” you reply a little louder than necessary to chase away the nervousness. “More than that, I’m the princess of this kingdom so I can order you to answer me if you choose to stay silent.” In your head, this sentence had sounded strong and confident. In reality however, it has more resemblance with a spoiled, overreacting, defiant child.

The Witcher seemingly has the same impression and raises his eyebrows.

You keep staring at him. It is too late to take the statement back so you might as well go with it.

“Do it then.”

“What?” A little bewildered you uncrossed your arms.

“Order me,” Geralt demands.

“You want me to order you?”

“That is what I said, yes,” he shrugs.

He’s playing with me, the thought shoots through your mind. “Alright then,” you straighten your composure and he mimics it. Now, Geralt of Rivia towers over you. You have to look up to him and the same feeling of irritation that you felt just moments before resurfaces. “I demand to know how you found this place and why you’re here.”

His lips twitch again and you realize, he’s suppressing another smile. “I’m here because I had a hard time falling asleep. In moments like this, I enjoy taking a walk. Instead of going outside, I decided to come here.”

You ponder shortly about the reason for his restlessness. Is it the full moon, shining too brightly, or simply nightmares? Does the Witcher, the Butcher of Blaviken, even experience such a mundane thing as nightmares? Do the monsters and people he kills on his way through the continent haunt him sometimes?

He continues to talk and pulls you out of your thoughts. “As to why I’m here, it’s a more … delicate story,” for a reason unknown, his voice becomes even lower.

You are intrigued. “Try me.”

“I saw this balcony while walking through the forest two nights ago.” A smirk appears on his face.

It clicks right away with you. Oh. Your cheeks flush, embarrassment taking over. You know what he is hinting at and close your eyes to gather your thoughts. Oh no. When you open them again, the smirk was still plastered on his face.

“You don’t know what you saw, Witcher.”

He chuckles. “Oh, I think I do, Y/N.”

There it is again – the shiver running down your spine as he pronounces your name with his sharp rivian accent. Absent-minded, you lick over your lips.

“How dare you watch –“

“I didn’t. Not for long anyways.”

You are doubtful whether to believe him. “You can hang for this.” Factually true. What he did was worthy of the death sentence.

“Princess,” Geralt takes a step towards you. Firewood and leather, you smell and it makes you feel dizzy. He lowers his head, mere inches separating you. “If you want to see me hang, you have to give reason to the king.” Factually true as well. “Please allow me to witness that particular conversation.”

“Fucking jerk,” you blurt out. How does he do it? How does he make you feel like a sixteen-year-old girl who has never talked to a boy before? You are a princess, damn beautiful and even more powerful. No man has the right to take your control away like this and leave you breathless, desperately looking for words. Especially not a Witcher.

He smiles and lowers his head a little further. “I know.”

His lips are now so close to yours they would probably touch when you said another word. You can sense the warmth radiating from his body and his eyes watching you intensly, observing every movement of your face. You are blissfully aware of what he wants in this moment, what he craves. Quickly you become aware that there might be certain things he still has in common with other men and now you are the one with the smirk on your lips. The Witcher notices it, yet reads your reaction wrong and faintly brushes his fingers against the side of your body. It’s all your body needs. A tingling sensation and your breath hitches. He takes it as a another sign and parts his lips and …

… you take a step backwards. As if someone woke him up from a daydream, he regains his composure, a hint of bewilderment running over his face.

“Careful, Witcher,” you reprimand him. “Don’t forget who’s standing in front of you.”

Having the control of the situation was what you wanted – now you have it. Not without shooting him a last mocking smile, you turn around and walk away with your head held high. Left on the balcony in a chilly summer night is a dumbfounded Witcher, watching you exit the room and disappear into the dark corridor.

***

Over the next day, Geralt of Rivia leaves the castle with his bard. He is looking for the reason he traveled to the kingdom in the first time – a beast that already slaughtered half a dozen villagers.

He leaves early in the morning and as you pass him in the hall, you do not look at him. The back of your hand brushes against his, quickly, teasingly, as if you accidentally walked by too close. You feel his eyes on you and smile when he is out of sight.

When he returns in the evening, he announces his success. The monster is dead and the king and queen want to celebrate, so they order the staff to cook the finest dishes and bring out the best wine. He declines but four hours pass and the festivities start. People are dancing, drinking, and his companion sings of the Witchers latest victory.

At one point, Geralt is leaning against a pillar, drink in hand. He watches the crowd, seemingly bored, when his eyes trail in your direction and meet yours. This time, you don’t look away. The music and chatter around you start to blur as the two of you keep watching each other. Your fingers play with the heavy necklace resting against your bosom and he follows them as though he is captivated by the sight.

A glass falling, shattering and spilling its content all over the ground ultimately brings you back to reality. You break the eye contact and abruptly stand up.

“I’m tired, please excuse me,” you mumble, unsure if someone hears you.

***

One hour later, you are standing on the balcony again.

When you had left the party you were honest in wanting to go to sleep. So back in your chambers, you changed out of your dress into your nightgown, undid your hair and laid down. However, something keeps you awake and it is not possible to fall asleep. You toss and turn and for whatever reason finally decide to come back up here.

It is not as quiet tonight as you are used to. People from the party keep coming out for a breath of fresh air and guards are patrolling the gardens. You watch them silently.

“Figured I’d find you here.”

You don’t flinch or wince at the low voice sounding from the dark room behind you, having expected him to come here.

The door falls shut and a sense of excitement flows through you. His steps come closer until you feel him standing directly behind you. His hot breath touches the skin of your neck and a shiver runs down your spine.

“Why did you choose to come up here? There are other balconies closer to your chamber,” Geralts voice is nothing more than a whisper.

You smile softly. “Couldn’t sleep,” you murmur, repeating his words from last night.

“Hmm…”

His hand is resting on your hip now, only the thin fabric of your gown separating him from your skin. The touch makes your heart pound faster and the same tingling sensation, you had felt before, appears.

“Y/N,” he whispers in your ear. “Tell me, I’m not reading this wrong …”

“This?”

With a swift movement he spins you around and presses you up against the balustrade. You draw a sharp breath of air in surprise and are not sure if it’s the cold metal from his belt that causes your nipples to get hard or the way his hands hug your hips.

“This,” he repeated himself, his voice hoarse and his eyes as dark as the night sky.

Maybe it was the way your lips parted or that you tilted your head or how you moved your hips forward slightly – either way, Geralt realizes that he is not reading anything wrong at all and kisses you.

Finally.

The kiss is rough and demanding and you feel the need to grab him by his jacket to hold on to him. One of his hands cups your face and his tongue slips in your mouth. He is possessive and you feel as if he tries to claim you, tries to make him his. Suddenly Geralt lifts you up onto the balustrade and you immediately wrap your legs around his hips, pulling him even closer. The ground is thirty feet beneath you and you do not care for dying this way.

“I got you,” he whispers and groans when you grind your hips against his. “I won’t let you fall.”

He begins kissing down your neck, sucking on the soft skin. It will leave marks, you are sure of it, yet it doesn’t matter. One of his hand reaches your breasts, his thumb flicking over your hard nipples, and you sigh heavily as he plays with them.

“This gown,” he is out of breath when he speaks, “… it drives me crazy.”

You chuckle. “I know…”

A gasp leaves your lips when you hear the loud sound of fabric tearing and feel the wind on your bare skin. He kisses your collarbone and travels down further, his tongue reaching the delicate skin of your breasts, caressing your nipple playfully before closing his mouth around it.

You moan and your head falls back, eyes closed, and then you start pushing his jacket from his shoulders. You want to feel his skin too, touch it, kiss it. When it falls to the ground, you tug at his shirt, your hands sliding underneath it. It’s not enough, you think or maybe you say it out lout because you feel Geralt smiling against your skin.

You grab his belt, opening it, breathing heavily and letting out soft whimpers as he bites and sucks on your skin. When the pants finally spring open, they free his impressive length and the sight of him, hard and dripping for you, makes you shudder. You reach for it, enclosing it, slowly moving your hand up and down. Geralt groans deeply and pulls away to meet your lips. He holds you tightly as the kiss hastens together with the movements of your hands. Your insides twirl at the sounds he makes.

“I need you…” The expression on his face is pure bliss. Eyes closed, mouth opened slightly.

He is a sight for the gods.

“Then take me, Witcher.”

He doesn’t ask a second time and positions himself in front of your wet and throbbing cunt. His hot shaft against your skin, he curses when he feels how wet you are, and every fiber of your body wants him – wants him deep inside of you, filling you completely, fucking you until you forget your own name.

When he finally does, he is not gentle. He enters you with one hard trust and a loud moan escapes your lips. He stretches you far, so far, it almost pains you – and yet it is the most delicious pain you ever felt. You pull him in for another kiss, swallowing another curse from his lips. The moment he starts moving, pleasure overcomes you like a wave and you bite down on his lips so hard you are scared it draws blood. Geralt slides in and out of you, pressing your leg, forcing it to spread open even wider. You gasp at the new angle and your muscle clench around him. The two of you are panting heavily, groaning and curses fill the silence of the night.

It doesn’t take long and you feel a familiar heat start arousing in your body. Spots appear in front of your eyes and you scratch his back in an attempt to feel him closer to you.

“Oh, fuck – you fill me so good!” You are so close, so damn close –

The Witcher stops moving abruptly and you whimper, demanding to know what he think he’s doing. He doesn’t give you an answer and instead places a hand over your mouth.

“Quiet,” he murmurs into your ear between heavy breathing. “There are people outside.”

Only now you hear them talking, merely a few feet beneath. Guests from the festivities, you figure. Frustrated, you try to bite his calloused fingers covering your lips.

“Ah, Princess,” his hoarse voice in your ear makes you twitch and as you roll your hips against him, his breath hitches. “You don’t want them to see you like this, do you? Hot, sweaty, filled by my thick cock –“

You moan against his fingers.

He looks at you in surprise, a teasing smile on his lips. “Or maybe you do?” Slowly, he begins to move again. The pace is pure torture and your hips rock up, begging him to take you. He moans in your ear. “Does it turn you on, Princess? Letting me fuck you like this, making you beg and quiver underneath me and for the whole world to see?” Every other word is punctuated by hard thrusts and your whimpers.

“Is this why I saw you touching yourself three nights ago?” Geralt fucks you harder and faster, the sound of naked bodies smacking against each other filling the air. You don’t think it’s possible but his words make you even wetter, your slick juices running down your leg.

“Who was the man you thought about when I saw you, Y/N?” Now it’s not a simple question anymore, it’s a demand. “Who made you cum like that?” He is ordering you to answer him and it turns you on beyond imagination.

He removes his hand to steady himself on the balustrade and you moan so loudly that if anyone is still standing underneath the balcony, they definitely heard you now. However, your mind isn’t occupied with that particular concern.

“You,” you admit breathlessly. “I thought about you … touching me … taking me …” It’s the truth. It was the day you met him for the first time and the handsome Witcher wouldn’t leave your mind. So you came up here, unaware someone was watching you. When you touched yourself that night, you thought about what he would do to you. How he would take you, where he would kiss you. Yet, your imagination did not even come close to the way he feels inside you right now.

“Gods,” he groans, losing all control, fucking you violently, taking you as he pleases. You repeat his name over and over again, begging him not to stop, to never ever stop. Then your legs start shaking and you hear him calling out your name before you come all over his cock, muscles clenching around him. A wave of heat and pleasure hits you, taking over your body and mind and you cling onto him desperately, his name still on your lips. He follows shortly after, cursing and releasing himself inside of you.

Your breath trembles as you ride out the last waves of your orgasm and he keeps holding you close and safe in his arms.

After a few seconds or minutes, you truly are not sure, you plant a soft kiss on his shoulder. Geralt looks up, his breathing slowing down, and he pushes a strand of hair out of your face. A smile appears on his face. “I must say, I’ve come to understand what you like about this balcony.”

You snort. “It’s still my balcony,” you claim cheekily.

“Maybe the princess is kind enough to let me visit some times.”

“Maybe,” you lean in for a last kiss. It is sweet this time. Sweet and – in a way – loving. “If you behave yourself.”

“I’ll do my best,” he promises. Then he carefully pulls out of you and you sigh softly before you slide down the balustrade.

Geralt dresses himself, picking his jacket up from the ground, but when you attempt to do the same you see what is left of your dress. It isn’t much. “How am I supposed to get to my chambers now? Naked?”, you propose sarcastically.

His eyes travel up and down your bare skin at the question as he buttons up his pants and he licks his lips. “Maybe not at all,” he suggests seductively, a teasing smirk on his lips and you both laugh when he lifts you up and carries you inside the chamber.

Nearby, the old bell in the high tower sounds. Midnight.

***

For the sake of the story, imagine the balustrade of the balcony to be rather wide :D

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whipped-cream-writings · 4 years

Text

Midnight Coffee

In which you say something that you think no one will hear. Unfortunately for you, someone does. And that someone happens to be Akaashi.

Word Count: 1.3k

Warnings: None

A/N: Tumblr just keep it in the tags!! I’m not a bot I’m just super annoyed at this point >:(

Anyway, thank you @poccosticks and @emmicchi for being wonderful and helping me out with this!! Go give them lots of love! And thank you to my followers who have to deal with this. I’m so sorry but this is the last time I’m reposting!!

You should not be drinking coffee at 1AM.

But was it really your fault? There was so much homework. There was a test tomorrow and an essay that’s due at eight AM that was worth 100 points. It wasn’t your fault that you were doing it now, either - it was assigned two days ago and it had to be at least seven pages.

“Focus.” A soft voice reminds you. “The faster you finish, the sooner we can go to bed.”

“We?” You echo. You dragged your gaze from your bright computer screen to see him sitting cross-legged on your bed, a book on his lap.

“As in you’ll go to sleep in your bed, and I’ll go home and sleep in mine.” Akaashi’s smile is crooked as he looks up from his book. “But I wouldn’t mind either way.”

The shock you feel is just as effective as coffee. “Huh?”

“I sleep at Bokuto’s house all the time. Sometimes I even carry a pillow and blanket in my bag just in case.”

You can’t tell if that strange feeling in your stomach is relief or disappointment. You don’t have enough time to acknowledge it. Acknowledging it leads to thinking about it and that leads to thinking about him and-

“Oh. Must be tiring.” You respond, cutting yourself off.

“I’ve gotten used to it.” He sighs, laying on his back as he turns the page once again.

You turn back to the blank document in front of you and start to type up your paper. Will it be obvious that you’re typing up the paper six hours before it’s due? Maybe, but you don’t really care at this point. As long as you get a grade that’s higher than a D, then it’s fine.

You feel like someone is staring at you after page one is complete. A prickly feeling spreads all over your back and you turn to look at him.

“Do you need something?” You wonder aloud. Why was he staring at you? Not that you were mad about it, but-

“I think your formatting’s off.” He blurts, standing up from his spot on your bed and walking over to your desk.

You rub your stinging eyes and ask, “How so?”

“It’s MLA, right?” You nod, “Remove the empty line in between the paragraph and title.” He gestures to the gaps and hits delete before your brain even registered what he said.

“Thank you.”

“Anytime.” He gives you a small smile and walks back to where he left his book. You look at him for a moment longer before kicking yourself mentally and typing away.

It’s been about three years since you’ve met Akaashi, and you’ve been friends with him for two and a half. A year ago, your perception of him changed drastically. You don’t know what did it. Was it because of his willingness to help anyone at his own expense? Or was it his dedication and how responsible he was? You weren’t sure.

But you did know that you were smitten with him. Did he know that too? Maybe, but he’d never show that. A small part of you hoped he didn’t know and that he’d never find out. That would ruin the friendship, wouldn’t it? Even if it did work out, then how long would you two last? Would it end in a way that would make you two hate each other?

No, you told yourself. You had an essay to finish. You can think about that later, when he’s not reading in your bedroom.

You’re making fast progress. That coffee must’ve helped a lot more than you thought it did. Sure, your leg is shaking uncontrollably under the desk, but it’s a small price to pay for a passing grade.

The words are coming easy and your thoughts are organized just enough for it to make sense. The bottom of page three is so close, and it’s only been an hour! Or maybe two? You’re not sure, but checking the time will stress you out, so you keep going.

You put in earbuds once you get to page four. Three more pages and then you can go to bed.

Well, that’s assuming the coffee will let you sleep.

It’s now 4AM.

And your essay is done. You skim through it and hit submit once it’s ready, letting out a long sigh of relief. You turn to your bed, tempted to just flop down, but something stops you.

He’s still here.

The book is covering his face, but you can hear the smallest, quietest snores coming from under the book. His hand is dangling off the edge of the bed.

He’s asleep.

If your heart could burst out of your chest, it probably just did.

How long has he been here? Is he cold? You delicately take the book off of his face.

He looks so peaceful like this. It’s… really nice to see, actually. Today he looked stressed to you, so now, seeing him relax, it made your insides all warm and fuzzy.

You stop staring (after realizing that it’s kind of creepy) and place the blanket over him. You’ll have to sleep on the floor tonight, but you don’t mind.

You grab an extra blanket and pillow and place it on the floor. It makes your back hurt but it’s fine.

You sigh and try to get as comfortable as you can.

The thoughts come rushing back instantly. It’s hard for them not to, since he’s less than a foot away from you and he’s asleep. Maybe… maybe saying your thoughts would make you feel better. Maybe it wouldn’t feel so suffocating if you just said the words.

You hold his hand and take a deep breath. Why did it feel so hard? He was asleep and he wouldn’t know. He would never know. That was the plan.

So you say the words.

“I love you.”

It’s barely a murmur. It sounded light, partially because it was a whisper, but it contained all of the emotions that you’d been holding in for so, so long.

You let go of his hand. Yeah, you’re feeling a lot better. Now all you need is a good night’s-

Something grabs your hand in the darkness.

And it squeezes your hand gingerly, like you might break.

No.

This isn’t real, this can’t be real.

This is some sort of nightmare.

You look up and in the faint moonlight streaming through the window, you can see eyes. In particular, there are sapphire eyes staring down at you.

“I’m glad.” He whispers, voice raspy from just waking up. “Because I love you too.”

You’re silent. How are you supposed to respond? If a brain could melt, yours was. Yours had melted as soon as he grabbed your hand.

Words died on your tongue and you stared at him with a dumbfounded look. He laughed a little and a small smile blossomed on his face.

The moonlight is blocked by him and you don’t have time to say anything.

Because he’s kissing you.

His movements are delicate, his thumb rubbing your knuckles tenderly. His lips are a little chapped but you find that you don't mind. You close your eyes, letting yourself enjoy the sensation. You feel his free hand tilt your chin up just a little more.

But it gets to a point when neither of you can breathe, and break away, with barely enough space for your heavy breaths.

“Were you actually asleep?”

“I heard you moving around a little and it woke me up.” He admits. You try to apologize when he shakes his head. “I didn’t mind one bit.”

“Thank you.” He nods a little and lays back down.

“We can talk in the morning.” He notices your sleeping area and moves back, making space for you as well.

There are no more words spoken for the rest of the night. There’s only you, Akaashi, and your hearts beating in unison.

Thank you so much for reading! I appreciate everything you guys do! My requests are open so feel free to request anything you’d like! I hope you have a wonderful day 💕

#haikyuu akaashi #akaashi x y/n #akaashi x reader #akaashi keji x reader #akaashi fanfiction #haikyuu!! x reader #haikyuu!! x y/n #akaashi oneshot #haikyuu!!#my fics #whipped cream writings #please this is the third time I've posted it just stay in the tags

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wingedchildqueen · 4 years

Text

Thunderstorm Kisses

Well my god. I wrote this five years ago, under my old tumblr account that I deleted by mistake and thought I had lost it forever, as I had also lost the laptop I typed it on. I suddenly remembered the name of it and took a chance searching it up and what do you know. Tumblr aint completely useless. The post still exists even though the account is dead. This is a dead fandom, I’m quite aware but I’m posting it here for documentation sake and for any lucaya fans who may be still floating around on this god forsaken platform. Much love and happy reading. P.S My writing has gotten better since this was written (God I hope) lol but I have not edited or altered anything because I think my 18 year old self's writing style should be left as it is for the sentimentality of it all. Warning: This is so cringy, cheesy and teeny boppy (if that's a thing) eeekk

He’d always wondered what she tasted like. If her kisses would be as electric as the thunderstorm in her eyes. He knew it was wrong to have these thoughts when he had been in a relationship with her best friend for almost two years, and he loved Riley, he really did. But when this girl was always in his face , challenging him, teasing him and threatening him relentlessly, all he could do was stare down at this raging blond fury, and over time he happened to notice that she had the pinkest lips he had ever seen, almost perfectly shaped, with a permanent smirk that was always directed at him and he began to wonder what they tasted like.

He would catch himself thinking about her at the most random times. Strawberry lips and sunshine hair would flood his mind and afterwards he would hate himself for it because he knew he should be thinking about warm chocolate eyes and chestnut hair, but it was hard to do that when a sea of electric blue always invaded and washed away these thoughts.

After almost two years of letting her verbally and physically abuse him, he had finally begun to fight back. Not because he was sick of it, or because he wanted to hurt her, but because he knew she liked when he did, and he would do anything to see that fire in her eyes intensify. The first time he had actually fought back, by responding to one of her verbal jabs with a very clever remark in his opinion, her eyebrows had shot up in surprise and he was not sure if he should stay or run from her wrath, but surprisingly she had smiled. Though, he could not have been sure, because it had only lasted for an instant, until her face fell back to its usual smirk and she proceeded to call him one of her ever creative names in response. He noticed that she smiled a lot, especially with Riley, but he also noticed that a lot of her smiles were always a little too hard, or with a little too much teeth and they never really reached her eyes. He had never seen someone so committed to assuring the happiness of their best friend. She would sell her soul for Riley. Riley’s happiness was Maya’s occupation and he wished that she realized her happiness was important too and sometimes he would want so badly to tell her she was worth everything and more, and she deserved the world but he could not do that. They would be no windowsill conversations between them, no heart to hearts because he was Ranger Rick and she was his girlfriend’s best friend. And that was that.

He found her crying one time, underneath a staircase at school. He had never seen her cry before. The school was nearly empty and Riley had had cheerleading practice. He was not sure what to do at first, if he should just walk away and call Riley, but then a sob came from her that nearly broke his heart, and never in his life had he felt such a need to fix someone. She sat in the corner of the staircase, her knees drawn to her chest and her face in her hands, her hair cascading down her shoulders. Her shoulders shook and his insides hurt. He didn’t think she knew anyone was looking at her so he called her name. She remained in the same position and he called her name again. No response. She had to have heard him. She probably thought if she didn’t acknowledge him he would eventually go away but he refused to do anything of that sort. Without a second thought, he walked towards her tiny figure and slid down the wall next to her. He felt her body tense and then put his arm around her, pulling her into him. She lay stiff in his arms but he held on. After a few minutes he felt her finally relax against him and her head fell heavily against his shoulder. Her sobs had subsided but she still shook a little. His grip tightened and he rested his head against hers. Never did someone fit so perfectly in his arms. He heard her sigh, a sigh that sounded like it was filled with so much world weariness. They never spoke of it afterwards, it was as if it had never happened and though she had never told him to, he knew he was not supposed to tell Riley that he had found her crying. It was an unspoken agreement. The only acknowledgment that he got that had proven what had happened had not been a figment of his imagination was when the very next day their eyes had locked briefly across their lunch table with Riley and Farkle in the cafeteria and she had given him a small smile. Of gratitude? He couldn’t be sure but he thinks it was probably the most genuine smile he had ever seen on her face, even though her lips had only slightly turned upwards, but no matter how small, it had gotten to her sea glass eyes.

He could feel there dynamic slowly changing. He wasn’t sure he could say they were becoming friendlier with each other but they were becoming…something more than just two teenagers who tolerated each other for the sake of a mutual friend. They no longer needed Riley to be there to feel comfortable in each other’s presence. One day, all four of them, him, Riley, Farkle and Maya, were supposed to meet at “Topanga’s” to hang out but it had just ended up being the two of them as Farkle had ditched them to hang out with the AV club and Riley had to babysit Auggie at the last minute. He would have thought that Maya would have left to go and help Riley with Auggie but surprisingly she had stayed and it was then he had found out that she was a really good listener. Sitting opposite each other in one of the booths, with her hands clasped together on top of the table she listened as he told her about Texas sunsets, and how beautiful the horses looked when they ran together in the fields and how he had always woke up at five every morning to do things around his grandparents farm. He told her how much he missed his old home and his family and how sometimes New York could be so suffocating with all its skyscraper buildings and millions of people. Not once did she call him a name or interrupt him as he told her, she just listened. At the end of it, it was silent for a moment and she just stared at him with her piercing eyes, as if she was searching for something in him. After a moment she leaned back and said to him,

“ Even though here might not feel like home, always remember that we will always be your family, no matter what.” She told him this without her gaze ever wavering from his face and he thinks that that was the moment he started to fall in love with her.

He began to walk her home nearly every day after school especially on the days when they all hung out till dark. The first time he did, he realized how far she lived from Riley’s house, nearly five blocks and her neighborhood was not exactly the safest, especially in the night. The first few times she fussed about it and told him it wasn’t necessary but eventually she realized she could not convince him otherwise and it became a pattern. No matter how much she claimed she could take care of herself he always noticed how she would draw nearer to him whenever they walked passed a dark ally or she received a random catcall from a pedestrian across the street. In those moments it would take everything he had within him to prevent himself from enclosing her hand in his just to assure her that he was right here beside her, that nothing in hell could hurt her with him here. In those walks he found out a lot about her. That her mom changed jobs all the time and worked triple shifts and sometimes days would go by without her seeing her. He learned that her sick grandmother lived with them and that she tried to get home as soon as possible to make her dinner and watch tv with her. He got the impression that aside from Riley, her Grandma was her best friend. Her eyes always lit up when she spoke of her.

One day after almost six months of walking her home, she finally invited him inside. He could see how nervous she was as she fumbled open the door of the apartment. “It’s not much,” she had mumbled to him and he had told her he didn’t care if she lived in a box on the worst alley in New York. She laughed at that and he saw her relax a little. Her laugh was like a drug to him, and like any addict, whenever he rarely evoked one from her, he found himself on this high. She introduced him to her grandmother who hugged him with a grip so fierce it startled him. He could have seen that she had been beautiful when she was younger. He now knew where Maya had gotten her looks from. Her grandmother had held his hand while sitting on her rocking chair and studied him for a significant amount of time, with eyes very similar to Maya’s. She then turned to Maya and announced that it was abnormal for a boy to have such a beautiful face. He laughed and then heard Maya scoff behind him. He turned to her and winked and she rolled her eyes. She walked towards the small kitchen and he swore he glimpsed a smile that she tried to hide behind her hair. He helped her make dinner, despite her refusal, and though it was only Mac and cheese, it was probably the best meal he had ever had as he ate next to her on the couch in the living room, opposite her grandmother as they watched some Spanish soap opera with no english subtitles. Though he had no idea what they were saying he laughed along with Maya and her grandmother and he thinks this was the happiest he had ever seen her. Afterwards he stood next to her in the kitchen by the sink as she washed the dishes and he dried and in that moment he felt like this was something he would like to do for the rest of his life, not just wash dishes, but just stand next to her, unconsciously bumping shoulders, and brushing fingers, as she passed the dishes to him, that sent shivers down his spine.

He helped her make dinner at least three times a week and her grandmother loved him. She would pass him worried looks whenever her grandma barely touched her food, which was most nights, and he would fix the antenna on the television on the nights they tended to get a lot of static. He looked forward to these nights, more than anything else and though she would never admit it, he didn’t know how grateful Maya was for him coming. He made her nights less lonely.

One night, just after they had washed the dishes, they heard thunder rumble outside and in a few minutes there was a full out storm raging outside. They stood by the window and watched as lightning streaked the sky outside. He felt her turn her head to watch him and he met her gaze. She shrugged her shoulders and turned on her heel, heading for her room. How he knew that that was her way of giving him permission to stay the night? He wasn’t sure, but at some point they had begun to understand each other without the use of words. He stood still for a moment and eventually followed her into the room where she had already thrown a sheet and pillow on the floor for him. He told her that he could sleep on the couch but she just shook head, mumbling something about her grandma groaning in the night and he would never get any sleep on the couch.

Later on, they lay in the dark, with him on the floor and Maya on her bed. They lay in silence and he listened to her breathing and thought of a lot of things. He thought of Riley, innocent Riley, who was probably sleeping and he felt guilty because she was so kind, and beautiful and loving and he didn’t deserve any of it as he lay on the floor of her best friend’s bedroom, her best friend who he was falling in love with one Spanish soap opera at a time. And then he thought of Maya, and everything she was, and how brightly she burned in this black and white life she did not deserve and how underneath the entire tough façade she put on at school she was just a girl trying to hold it all together the best that she could with a sick grandmother and an almost absent mother and he thought of how he so much wanted to give her a life she deserved.

He heard ruffling of sheets and then the thudding of feet landing on the floor and the next thing he knew she was lying next to him. There was absolutely no physical contact, and they both just lay there, staring at the ceiling and he could feel her warmth, so close to him, part of her hair, which was fanned out on the floor tickled his neck. He turned on his side to look at her and she mirrored him and they both lay staring at each other intently. He fell asleep drowning in a sea of blue.

They didn’t talk about how the next morning they woke up wrapped up in each other, feet intertwined and his arms around her and her face in his neck. They didn’t talk about how they lay there for a few moments, without moving, even though they both were already awake and should have long detangled. Those things remained unspoken.

He could feel Riley beginning to suspect something. Innocent Riley who should not have to suspect these kinds of things. He wasn’t sure exactly what had made her aware of it, maybe it was the lingering glances between him and Maya in the cafeteria or the fact that Maya taunted him less and less these days or that he and Maya stood a little too close to each other by the lockers. She could feel her eyes on him at certain times, especially when they hung out together as a group and he couldn’t help but feel terrible. It wasn’t as if they had kissed or anything but he could feel Riley’s eyes burning into him and feared that she could see into his mind and see exactly what he was thinking. Maya, Maya, Maya.

He knew Maya could feel her suspicion too and they cut down his number of visits to once a week as much as he hated it. It wasn’t as if they were doing anything wrong even though, in reality they really were.

One afternoon, both him and Maya stood at Riley’s locker waiting for her to finish cheerleading practice. They had begun to laugh about something, something entirely stupid but it had him gasping for breath as he laughed and she bent over holding her stomach. They were a mess, even though whatever it was had not even been that funny. He steadied her from toppling over with laughter and she leaned against him heavily. Eventually they calmed down, leaning against the lockers with their shoulders pressed against each other. He looked at her, her hair an absolute mess and laughed, gently pushing a strand of her hair behind her ear and smoothing down the rest with his two hands. She smiled as he did this and suddenly there faces were so close to each other and he could feel her breath on his face with the scent of peppermint and she was so close and so warm and……

He heard someone clearing their throat and there stood Riley, her hands clenched at her sides and they both straightened up. He hated being responsible for that look of hurt in her eyes. Maya looked down at her shoes and he felt sorry for her as well. She had been trying so hard , all her life, to protect her friend from the hurt of the world and here she was, the person to hurt her, sealed and delivered.

Him and Riley’s three year relationship ended that night over the phone with a lot of silence and sharp words from her side of the conversation. You would think after three years he would feel hurt and be mourning the loss if his girlfriend, but instead, he felt free. He called Maya but she did not answer the phone. He tried a few more times but it went straight to voicemail.

He thought that maybe she just felt bad about the entire Riley situation and that at school he would assure her that everything was alright and that Riley was not even that mad anyways, but for three days she didn’t show up to school and he felt a panic rise in him. He didn’t ask Riley because she still wasn’t talking to him and obviously Farkle, his supposed best friend was taking her side. She still would not pick up her phone and with nothing else to do he found himself walking towards her apartment after school. He knocked on her door loudly and anxiously. There was no response. Where was she? He knocked again and shook the handle only to find that the door was open. The pace of his heart increased rapidly and his palms began to sweat. Why was her door open and why did he suddenly feel so scared? He slowly pushed open the door and there she sat on the couch, in front of the television that blasted a Spanish soap opera. As familiar as this scenario was to him, he could not help but feel something was missing. Only then did he realize the empty rocking chair and the door to her grandmother’s room that was wide open showcasing a stripped mattress and boxes on the floor for packing. Everything connected and his eyes fell back to her on the couch, knees drawn to her chest and unseeing eyes glued to the television. If he looked closely he could have seen that her hands trembled as they wrapped around her legs. He could see that she was trying desperately to hold herself together. “Oh Maya,” he said and he dropped his book bag to the floor and made his way to the couch. He enveloped her into his arms and this time she didn’t tense but completely melted into him. She buried her face in his chest and he rested his chin on her head, smoothing his hand over her hair and she cried and shook and soaked his t-shirt with her tears. And in that moment he held her together.

He held her hand at the funeral and stayed with her at the grave until everyone else left so she could say her goodbyes without the whole world to witness and just him, and he was not allowed to stay because he didn’t matter, but because he did. He took her for ice cream afterwards instead of them going back to the apartment to be surrounded by sad stories and the sickening smell of flowers. He tried to make her laugh and she appreciated it even though the most she could muster was a bitter smile. They stood on the sidewalk outside the ice cream shop and he held her hand tightly and whispered to her that it was all going to be okay and she rested her head on his shoulder. Death sucked, but it sucked a little less when you had someone to hold onto.

The first time he kissed her, they were on her fire escape. They had started to sit there a lot now because watching Spanish soap operas just really was never the same anymore. He was telling her about the stars in Texas and how when you looked up at night you could see billions of them dotting the sky unlike the too bright city of New York that drowned out the night sky. They lay on their backs looking at the sky and he had challenged her that she probably could not even count twenty stars in New York’s night sky. Of course she had looked at him determinately and started to count, hell bent to find twenty-one stars, the one extra just to make him look like an ass. And of course she did count twenty one stars exactly and she raised her arms in triumph above her head and then turned to give him the most breathtaking smile he had ever seen. This smile met her eyes and lit up her entire face, and she was brighter than any Texas sky. He took her face in both his hands and kissed her. She tasted like coffee and strawberries and Spanish soap operas and night skies and he loved her so much his heart hurt. She pulled away from him and looked at him, her eyes wide and questioning. He nodded his head in response to her unasked question and pulled her back in and his hands threaded through her sunshine hair. Her hands wrapped behind his neck and their bodies fit in ways that was too perfect too describe.

He no longer had to wonder if her kisses were as electric as the thunderstorm in her eyes. They were. And she tasted like everything he could ever want and in her arms and lost in her lips, he knew;

He was home

#lucaya #girl meets world #rileymatthews #maya hart #sabrina carpenter #rowan blanchard #lucayafic #farkle minkus #lucas #peyton meyer #girlmeetsworldfanfiction

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atlaese · 3 years

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✨AO3 Tag Game✨

tagged by: @pastafossa! I- what!! when i saw this notif i think my heart stopped. like. i did not realize you knew i existed i am such a big fan of your work!! i read the whole of TRT in like... a week when i should have been studying (i am hardcore fangirling rn!!)

1. How many works do you have on AO3? right now i have 9 works on there! i only made an account last month and decided to publish some of my beloved fics on there too!

2. What’s your total AO3 word count? 35.777 sksks, it's not much but it's something! i'm still working on a few things (bucky stuff and matt stuff) so we might see an increase soon!

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos? okay so i'll do the ao3 version, but like on tumblr there's a different top 5?? so interesting!! these are all bucky fics, except for the last one - thats a spencer reid fic!

loving dawn as certainty of sunrise

kill with kindness

wasteland, baby!

black holes

liability

more under the cut bc i don't wanna clog the dash

5. Do you respond to comments, why or why not? yes!!! omg i love responding to comments! i honestly don't get many, but the ones i do get warm my heart so much!! its just so nice to see someone who read your stuff give a short comment why they liked it and idk its so nice to hear and everyone who has ever commented has my heart!!

6. What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

i think homesick at space camp? that is just angst from beginning to end lmao! but i wrote a fluffy part two to it, so i don't know if it counts, but yeah, that one!

7. Do you write crossovers? If so, what’s the craziest one you’ve ever written?

ooh, i actually haven't and i haven't even thought about that! maybe one day, but i feel like my writing skills aren't good enough yet to write more than one complex character in a fic with like... a good plot lmao.

8. Have you ever received hate on a fic?

not yet! my stuff also isn't good enough to receive hate so thats like a plus too lmao we love the duality

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

i tried to write smut once. it was a part two to the pool tables have turned. i had horny thots that night. i published it. then i went to bed. i woke up 8 hours later and it had decent exposure? i reread it. i cringed. and then i deleted it. yes, that was the saga of me writing smut, deleting it and thinking i should never do it again, haha! so atm i don't write explicit smut, but i do like some allusions to it, hehe.

10. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

maybe in my wattpad days? also yes, i recently came across a site that all of the published wattpad stories copied onto it, my old stories to (from like 2014!!) so yes, my unfinished, downright horrible 5sos fics are also on that site :)

11. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

yes, i think in my wattpad days! i honestly cannot remember what it was about or what happened, but i did! recently i haven't! i might be open to it though!

12. What’s your all-time favorite ship?

me x fictional character because i am lonely lmao. no um. super niche but there was this book series called the chemical garden and i liked the main characters relationship with gabriel. i think it was rhine x gabriel. yeah, i liked those two together! i like most canon ships ngl so this one was the first that came to mind.

13. What are your thoughts about writing dialogue in another language in a fic?

depends on the execution honestly! i like little words here and there, sometimes a full sentence if i can deduce whatever is said through context, but when there's full on another language with translations at the end of a fic, i'm less inclined to read it! (most of the time i can understand what is said though! bless me and my obsession with languages!)

13. What was the first fandom you wrote for?

okay. this is hard. i am a little embarassed. so i wrote for 1D first BUT i was never a fan? i was a little capitalist back in my wattpad days and i saw those stories got way more likes and reads than original work? so i was like, lemme use these men to my advantage. i also was too lazy to make a complex character of my own. so yes, 1D, then 5SOS.

14. What’s your favorite fic you’ve written?

hmmm, difficult! black holes is one i adore, just because i put so much of myself in it. but then i also love my short matt fics, and i also really like this one from fatws... so i think those! they're also so different so egjzrgr

no pressure tags💞: @therootsinmydreamlands @belowva @imaginearyparties

#tag game !#bestie when i tell you i screamed #this actually kinda made my day???#our lord and saviour pasta from the matt murdock church tagged lil old me????#i freaked!!

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every1studio · 4 years

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true feelings series: “july: the falling out” [ateez: hongjoong]

genre: angst + slight fluff (non idol!au)

ficstyle: bulletpoints + oneshot + series [YUNHO] [HONGJOONG]

prompt: a series for feelings that one would experience for the sake of “love”

note: I know that it’s been a long time and this isn’t going to be a big RETURN to tumblr. I’ve been going through a lot; I’ve been so unmotivated and just going through a roller coaster of emotions. So if it’s not too much, I kinda wanna write a little of what I’m going through in this piece... I hope you don’t mind. Until next time, Yenni.

a/n: this is inspired by this song “JULY,” on SOUNDCLOUD. Check Valerie Thai out!!!

you remembered when you met him for the first time in July

it was at a little boutique street on 29th Avenue

you were working part time at a music instrument shop

the air conditioning in the shop kept you sane as you were busy carefully wiping the dust off of the display instruments

the tranquil sound of bells chimed as you got up to welcome in the customer

you were kind of stunned

it was cliche to think that he was the most handsome guy you’ve ever seen in your life; but you weren’t wrong

he smiled as you welcomed him into the shop as he patted the sweat running from his sideburns, “I must be blessed to come across a place with some strong a/c..”

he looks around the shop as he admired the instruments hanging all around and secretly at you

“I should come here more often..” the guy mumbled

“and you should..” you mumbled back, so sure that he wasn’t able to hear you

“hmm? why is that?” your face beamed with embarrassment as he shot a smile of curiosity at you

“uH.. We hAVe a gOOd seLEcTion oF inSTrumeNts.. and stuff...” you tried to direction his attention away from you

“I’m looking for a nice acoustic guitar.. could you help out?”

how could he be so smiley and so calm? he must be a player

you nodded but you kept your guard up

finally you were able to get your mind off of his distracting face and went to something you were familiar with

you always had a love for music; ever since you were little

so when your uncle opened up a music instrument shop, you were quick to ask him to work there

the guy caught himself looking at you more than the guitars you showed him

how could he not?

you were so excited to show him your favorite guitars as well as some popular ones

he could tell that you loved music just as much as he did

it showed in your eyes

“I think this one is good for you, what do you think?” he woke up from his daydream of a daze

“I think that I should ask you out on a date- BUT YOU DON’T HAVE TO IF YOU FEEL UNCOMFORTABLE!” you could tell that mid-sentence he got red, so red that you could feel it burn up to your ears

“I wouldn’t mind going on a date with you..” you whispered, gripping onto the neck of the guitar

the smiley guy stuck his hand out for you to take, “I’m Hongjoong..”

“I’m Y/N”

...

A COUPLE YEARS PASSED

it was the end of summer when you reminisced over the times you spent with Hongjoong

where you met

where you had your first date

when you two shared your first kiss

when you two had your first fight

how he made you feel then

how he made you feel now

you were so sure that you two were going to last forever

where did it all go wrong?

you could tell that the longer you stayed with him, the more he fell out of love with you

the little voice inside your head won

telling you that you weren’t going to make him feel like he did when he first met you

telling you that even if you gave him your whole heart, he wouldn’t take it

your insecurities pushed yourself away from him

the words that weren’t said out loud were the missing piece to fixing your relationship

but in the end, they were never said

the beginning of July was the last time you two talked

there was no closure

a small and petty fight grew into a larger one that had nothing to do with what was spoken about at the beginning of the conversation

after all the yelling, you stopped for a second

you were a whimpering mess as Hongjoong’s knuckles were white, holding himself back from something, you will never know

“do you still love me?” you whispered

you knew that he heard you, but you didn’t hear a reply

“when did you stop loving me?”

after a few moments, he just grabbed his jacket and left

you were bewildered as you collapsed onto your knees

Hongjoong could hear your muffled cries behind the other side of your door

he made it outside the place that you two shared, but he couldn’t step away from it

he didn’t know why he left you like that

everything just felt different, it wasn’t the same anymore

he waited for you to stop crying before he called his friend, Seonghwa, if he could crash at his place

you couldn’t sleep that night

when you closed your eyes, he was there

when you opened your eyes, you were hit with realization that your room will no longer have him in it

even as you wrapped yourself with the blanket, you were still cold

his warmth was no longer there and it made you uncomfortable

slowly but surely, you dragged your feet to continue on with your life without Hongjoong in it

Hongjoong didn’t know how to confront you; even after spending a part of his life with you for years, it was like he didn’t know you

the both of you had mutual feelings that the two of you were able to move on

the landlord called for him to pick up his things

that was when he found that the you moved out of the place that you two once called home

you quit your job at the music instrument shop

you changed your number

you deleted him out of your social medias, out of your life

well.. you tried to

despite of all of that, you couldn’t help but go by 29th Avenue

so many memories were held on this street

what if you called out to him that night?

what if you hugged him to stay?

what if?

you never said goodbye

there wasn’t closure

but it was for sure the end of the relationship

you sat on the balcony of your new apartment

you looked over the city as the warm summer breeze got caught in your hair

you stretched as you breathed in the air of your new life

as you were stretching, an old guitar at the corner of your room caught your eye

your arms fell to your side as you walked over to it

you gave it a small melancholy smile as you sat down next to it

“it’s been too long..”

...

JULY OF THE NEXT YEAR

Hongjoong adjusted his headset before going live on his live radio show

Hongjoong was a famous radio star and he dug a grave in his work to forget about you

“Hey everyone~ I hope you’re in a place with some nice, cool A/C~”

like an old record, he was reminded of the first time he met you

“I’m going play some songs that you guys have been requesting me to play on this station so let’s get to it!”

he scrolls down to read the first comment that caught his attention

Hongjoong clears his throat before he read the comment out loud, “From: Byul1117 “Hongjoong, I LOVE listening to your station so much! there’s this song that I’ve been listening to on REPEAT, listening to it is like drinking a glass of lemonade on a hot day in July. I recently discovered this artist and I’ve been obsessed with this song, it’s called “JULY” by Y/N! please check it out, it’s on soundcloud!!””

he froze after he read the comment

there’s no way that it was you.. right?

other people can have the same name

“thanks so much for the support, Byul1117.. let’s listen to “JULY” by Y/N..”

he turns off his mic as his staff plays the song that was requested

the moment you started singing, he knew it was you

did you write music before?

did your voice always sound this beautiful yet sad?

who was the inspiration of this song?

was it him?

as the song went on, he remembered everything that the two of you did

he unintentionally smiled as he remembered telling you that he fell in love with you for the second time on your first date at the quaint boba shop

remembered on how you looked at him in confusion, “when was the first time?”

he kissed your hand like some sort of prince before answering, “when I opened the door of a certain music instrument shop..”

you jokingly cringed as you pulled away from him, “are you actually this CHEESY?!”

the music slows as you sang that you’d be waiting for him at the place where you two had your first date

the month of July held so much for him and for you

when the song ends, he wanted to get up and run to where you said you were waiting

but he couldn’t; the rest of the broadcast was a blur to him

as soon as it ended, he ran to that street; 29th Avenue

Hongjoong couldn’t lie

he felt like it wasn’t the same

but that was because he didn’t make an effort to keep it that way

all of this was his fault and he knew it

and he knew deep down inside, that you wouldn’t be blaming yourself for what happened

what felt like an eternity passed, he made it to the shop

he was out of breath but that was the least of his concern

you never left his mind

everywhere he went he was reminded of you

maybe it was too late for him to do anything at this point

he didn’t know how to get to you when he felt like you were the one that was slowly pushing him away

Hongjoong hoped that you were there waiting for him

he was about to enter the shop when someone else enters before him

you got up with a smile

Hongjoong was so sure that you saw him

that you would run into his arms again and start over

but you ran into the arms of another man

you showed him a smile that was once only shown to Hongjoong

in those 60 seconds, it was like it played in slow motion

you had moved on

you were happy

how could he enter your life again after seeing that you got back on your feet without him?

Hongjoong sat down at a table with his back to you as he heard you making your way out of the door

“did he ever visit you? I heard someone requested your song on his radio show..” the man who was accompanying you opened the door for you

“no.. but there’s no helping it, we both walked out of each other’s life. for better or for worse.. I’m not going to lie, he still crosses my mind. especially in July.. I hope he’s doing well..” your voice comes to a stop

Hongjoong could tell that you were about to cry, even without looking at you

“I’ve been longing for closure for so long.. that now..now that I have you.. I don’t want it.. I don’t need it..” you murmured through tears the gently rolled off your face

the man before you wipes your tears away, “I don’t want you to bottle your feelings.. I want you to tell me everything that you’re going through.. I want to be there for you when you have the slightest feeling of sadness.. I want to be there.. as your boyfriend..”

both you and Hongjoong went wide-eyed, “Yunho..”

“even if you can’t accept me, I’ll be by your side... because I know how hard it was for you to go through the things that you did-”

“thank you Yunho..”

Hongjoong was clenching his hands, hoping that you’d turn him down

please, please, please; Hongjoong was holding his breath

“I would feel assured if you were by my side.. as my boyfriend..”

Hongjoong’s heart’s battery depleted as Yunho’s was energized

“okay okay okay, let’s go to the movies before it’s too late,” Yunho happily picked you up and ran off

as you two ran off, you were so sure that you saw Hongjoong

but you didn’t say anything, because if you did, you would probably get closure...

and if you got closure, you’d tell him how much you missed him

and if you told him how much you missed him, you’d fall for him for the third time

Hongjoong smiled as streams of tears ran onto his hand

the hand that still had the cheap gunmetal couple ring you got for the both of you on your first anniversary

he always had trouble taking off the ring because that would mean that he would finally move on from you

but he couldn’t so he didn’t

now?

seeing you finally be happy without him was a sort of closure he didn’t know he needed

he took off the ring as it was coated with his choked up tears

and left it on the table at the place where you two had your first date

29th Avenue in July was something that would always cross his mind

and it was something that would always cross yours

End.

[ masterlist + guidelines ]

#ateez #ateez writing #ateez fluff #ateez reactions #ateez scenarios #Ateez hongjoong #kim hongjoong #hongjoong scenarios #ateez kim hongjoong #ateez au #ateez angst #ateez x reader #ateez x you #ateez x atiny #ateez x male reader #ateez blurb #ateez oneshot

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kittybellestark · 4 years

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Time Can Heal All, But Maybe Not This

Tumblr deleted the original story and I was lucky enough to find it again and get screenshots of it before it disappeared for good. This story continues to delete itself but I will win this war. idc it’s 10 pages worth of writing and I backed it up this time. I will win. I cannot be stopped. Also it refused to take a page break so im sorry that half of this isn’t hidden, can’t win this battle.

Please enjoy this story I love it dearly and if you’ve read it before Tumblr deleted it and liked it im sorry that it’s here again but re-reads are always nice ?

TW: Depression, alcoholism, drug usage, suicidal thoughts, attempted suicide, declining mental health

So maybe Peter didn’t have the most friends. Or the largest family. He didn’t have the most money and Peter certainly didn’t have the most luck. Peter didn’t have a lot of luck objectively speaking. Peter didn’t have a lot to give the universe and in return the universe didn’t have a lot to give Peter.

Then one day the universe gave him Tony, and Peter shouldn’t have been as surprised as he was when Tony didn’t want to be gifted to him. Then Peter nearly died and Peter found Tony in his life, but this time for good, and not just for a trip to Germany followed up by nothing.

Tony brought a lot to Peter’s life, a lot that was once ripped away from him. Tony brought family and warmth and happiness into the places of Peter’s life that were left empty. Tony helped Peter in all the ways that May wasn’t able to. Tony gave Peter so much, and Peter felt like he gave nothing in return.

Then the universe gave Peter Harley. And Peter felt selfish from everything he took from Harley. He took his time and attention, he took and took and took. And it felt different than it did with Tony, the way he kept taking and taking. With Tony it was easier, just spending time, Tony still worked on important things when Peter was there. Peter didn’t take up Tony’s attention the way that he takes up Harley’s.

Peter felt selfish. All he did was take. He took up room in May and Ben’s apartment. Took up room in May’s life. Used May’s money, distracted her from her own grief of her husband. Peter took up room in Tony’s lab, a whole workbench! He took Tony’s money, (over a million dollars on the suit alone) and he took Tony’s time away from SI and the Avengers and Pepper. And Peter took Harley away from his family. Harley came to New York to meet Peter and visit Tony, but then Harley decided to stay.

Peter wasn’t lucky, so he knew, he knew something was going to happen. It’s been a streak of good things for too long. The last bad thing that happened to Peter was Ben dying, so Peter knew because it had been so long ago that something was going to happen soon. Peter just wondered who it would be. It could be MJ or Ned or Harley or Tony or May. And Peter wasn’t ready to lose anyone.

Peter’s life was already so full. He had so many people who meant so much for him. He had everything he’d ever dreamed of, and yet it all felt wrong. Everything felt seconds from crumbling. He has all these people who love him, and support him, Peter loves all these people and he knows, he knows that something will happen to his family. He knows that he’s going to lose someone. It’s just the way his life works.

And Peter is terrified. For good reason apparently.

The snap happens. And Peter dies in Tony’s arms. Though he only woke up what felt like a minute later, it was actually five years. He was alone on a planet with people he didn’t know. Then he was on Earth fighting a war. Then everything was over.

He was the only one of his family to be snapped. Tony gained a whole family. Ned and MJ grew up and were finishing college. May finally moved out to Italy, something she and Ben were supposed to do before Peter came into his life. And Harley moved out of New York and moved on from Peter.

Everything Peter knew changed. He didn’t have a home, or a family, he didn’t have friends. Peter knew the universe has something in store for him. He knew the universe would look down on him and laugh when it saw how comfortable Peter was. He just didn’t expect to lose everyone. Not like that. Peter never expected to be left behind.

May didn’t want to come back to New York. She didn’t want Peter anymore. The offer was made to fly him out to Italy, but May now had a boyfriend who she lived with in a small village working as a nurse to help those in the community. They had a kid together and there just wasn’t room for Peter in her life anymore.

Tony and Pepper wanted to take Peter in, but they just didn’t have the room in their house at the moment, and Tony needed a lot more attention after the snap due to his injuries and it would be a year at least until they could move back to the city and find a place with room for Peter too. Tony was still deep in recovery and he didn’t blame them for not wanting to add more to their plate, especially when they had a daughter.

Ned and MJ were adults now. They had reached out to him. MJ was going to school in California and Ned in Boston. They were happy and they were adults. Peter knew they wouldn’t be able to take him in.

Temporarily Peter would be living on his own. With his apartment that was loaned to him from the Stark’s just until they could find a place where they’d all fit.

Peter never tried contacting Harley. He wasn’t sure he could handle that.

Peter turned 20 alone. In his little apartment in Boston, right off the MIT campus. By the time Tony and Pepper were able to move back into the city Peter was ready to go to college. He graduated Midtown with no one in the audience cheering him on, with no friends other than Flash, who was also snapped and alone. They weren’t friends, but they were alone together.

The Starks bought the apartment by MIT for Peter. He received a full ride there, being apart of the ‘blipped’ population helped that.

But now he was 20 and still alone. He didn’t talk to May anymore, hardly spoke to Tony or Pepper. They only ever reached out when they felt guilty. It was easy for them to forget Peter when they had five years without him.

He was drunk and alone. A combination he never thought he’d be. He always thought he’d have someone. But now he has no one. Peter was by the Sailing Pavilion now, starring out at the water wondering if it was cold. If he jumped in and swam down would anyone notice. 20 was old enough, wasn’t it?

His phone starts to ring.

Peter looks down at it, it’s Flash. No one else has called.

“Happy Birthday, Peter.” Flash says, trying to sound happy.

“Uh, yeah, Thanks.” Peter laughs. It’s fake, and sounds like he’s crying. Which he is. Of course he is.

“Just me?” Flash asked, his voice sounding more like a whisper.

“Just you.” Peter confirms.

The two stay silent on the phone together. They stayed alone together. They understood each other in a way others couldn’t. They were left behind. They were alone. They came back to a world that didn’t have room for them. A world that no longer wanted them.

“I miss having a family.” Peter speaks up, taking another swig of the whiskey he poured into his water bottle.

“I don’t.” Flash snorts. “I miss having people around, but not my family. They were assholes. Dad was a drunk, abusive, it wasn’t great. Mom was heavily medicated for her issues and wasn’t very present. They always loved my sister more. Now they just throw money at me and hope I stay away.”

Peter hums. “I finally felt like I had a family right before we died. I had Tony and Pepper and May. They took care of me and I didn’t feel like I deserved it. May lives in Italy now. I think she’s engaged or married probably. She has a kid. Doing her dream job. Tony and Pepper buy me things when they remember about me. But they’re not in my life. Not really. MJ and Ned are 25 now. Haven’t talked to either of them since right after the snap. And Harley... I really thought the two of us were going to be something. I loved him. He moved away when we were dead. Moved on. I haven’t spoken to him either. I knew I was going to lose someone, Flash. Parker luck and everything. I just didn’t think it would be everyone.”

“I hated you for that.” Flash sounds like he’s smiling now. “ I hated you for having a family. You were supposed to be poor, orphaned, Peter Parker. You didn’t have a family, but then you did. I had a family, but I didn’t. I wanted to have a family like you had so bad. I never thought you and I would have the same thing. I guess you have to be careful what you wish for.”

“You think anyone would miss us if we died.” Peter asked.

He took another sip of his drink, moving himself closer to the water. He held in a sob, trying to not sound suicidal on the phone with Flash. Flash was in Vermont. Peter didn’t want to panic him.

“Peter whatever you’re thinking about doing, don’t. I refuse to plan your funeral, okay? You try anything and I’ll be in Boston so quick.”

“I’m not. I won’t. I’m not going to kill myself. Not now. I promise I’ll live another day. But do you think anyone would miss us?”

Flash was silent for a moment. He considered Peter’s words. He knew the answer already. They both did.

“No.” Flash finally said. “They’ve mourned us already, they’ve grieved for us. If we were both dead no one would miss us. They’d miss the opportunity of knowing us. They’d miss the idea of us. But no one knows us. Not anymore. Now one would miss us.”

Peter graduated when he was 22. There wasn’t a single person in the crowd for him. Just some empty seats and empty promises.

He was drunk and alone by the time night rolled around, a gun in his hand. There was a party raging on down the road, loud enough that people probably wouldn’t recognize the sound of a gun going off.

Bringing the gun up to his head, he drank more whiskey and cried. Peter’s finger hovered over the trigger, when he thought of Ben. He watched him bleed out everywhere, saw him get shot, watched the life face from his eyes.

Peter couldn’t do this tonight. Not with a gun.

At 25 Peter was still alone. He had a good job, a good company really, bought it out when he realized the company was about to fail and that his net worth was higher than the company who pays him. He travelled the world, as CEO. Accidentally made a name for himself. He was famous for some research, he couldn’t remember what. He was in the public eye often. Paparazzi followed him around. Yet Peter was still alone.

Peter and Flash still talked. They both were still alone. There’s pictures of them at bards in magazines. They were alone together once a month. Flash ran his own business, it was successful, especially with Peter’s new found fame.

Peter was stuck at some stuffy party, alone. Always alone. I mean, he has his P.A with him, she was nice, she just kept him on track. He was a the bar, a few too many drinks in, flirting up whoever might make him feel less lonely tonight.

He isn’t what he ever expected to be. But he never really expected to live this long either.

“Mr Parker, you’re expected on stage now for you’re award.” His P.A interrupts.

Peter sighs, standing up and making his way to the stage, leaving the person at the bar with a wink. His P.A followed quickly behind him as he brought his drink with him, taking another sip.

“What’s it for?” He asked.

“You’re research on the Mental Health of those who blipped.” She smiled taking his drink from him and straightening his tie.

“I have so much more interesting research than the blipped. Why that one. I could use another award on my development of AI tech at home, or my bio-medicine advancements or literally anything else.”

She shook her head at him, pushing him up the stage.

“Peter Parker everyone!” The host called out again, gaining applause.

“Sorry for being late everyone.” Peter winked to the crowd. “I like to build up the anticipation. Thank you for this award. This wasn’t a project I ever thought would gain the traction it did. I think this is something that a lot of us could resonate with. Fifty percent of us were blipped. We came back to a world we didn’t recognize. A place we didn’t git. A lot of our families moved on. Even if you were one of the lucky ones who returned you’re mental health was affected. So many of us were displaced. And I think this research struck close to home for so many of us. Thank you so much for this award.”

It wasn’t one of his better speeches. One of his worst ones, actually. He knew that. He couldn’t come up with anything quick. It was hard to come up with a way to say thank you without showing all your cards.

He took pictures with the appropriate people on his way out. Kissed people on the cheek. Answered questions in the interview section. Followed out by paparazzi with some guy on his arm.

Turning 27 was a nightmare. A big party was thrown in his honour. He blacked out in the first hour. 27 sex tapes were circulating by the morning, all from different times since his rise to fame. Peter didn’t want to live. He hated being alive.

His P.A found him passed out 27 days later in his office. He overdosed. Anti-depressants and sleeping pills swallowed down with half a bottle of whiskey.

Flash was in his hospital room when he finally woke up a week later. He wasn’t happy with Peter, but he understood better than most. They cried into each others arms.

Flash moved in with Peter for a while.

When Peter left the hospital he was mobbed by paparazzi's. He had to do a press conference that same day, about what happened. Like it was anyone’s business. Like anyone cares, other than Flash.

Peter was 30 and still alone.

He and Flash still met up. But Flash has a family now. He was married, to Peter’s P.A -Gwen- and they were expecting. He was finally able to move on. Peter, on the other hand, was stuck.

He made a big advancement in technology. Out to the public. An AI who would track a persons wellbeing. Who would act s a therapist until a person received the help they needed. An AI who would talk a person down from harming themselves and contact the right people. A resource for helping people with depression, anxiety and PTSD. An interactive interface where it’d help you work through your trauma. And it was affordable.

There was no one there to congratulate him. Another milestone he made on his own. Peter Parker changed the world. He game so much to the people and he didn’t expect anything, having had a family at one point. From having happiness in his life once.

Peter didn’t think he’d be alive now- especially since turning 27, things had been rocky, he was lucky Flash was there for him. He wasn’t even sure he was going to graduate high school, let alone MIT. But he had to pay off his debts to the universe. For the happiness he once had. Peter knew at this point he wasn’t going to find love, or family, or happiness. IT wasn’t written in the stars for him.

He’s 30 and alone. A drunk with no one to go to. The world seemed to love him. Deemed him the next Tony Stark. As if Tony wasn’t still alive with a 17 year old daughter and an 8 year old son. They called him the next Tony Stark like it didn’t bring any pain to him. The people didn’t know his history. The family he lost.

He’s in California now. Alone. Always alone. Always drunk and alone. He’s looking over the edge of the cliff at some tourist destination wondering if the fall would kill him. If the wave would pull him underwater. Would the universe miss him? Would the world mourn his death? Would there be anyone at his funeral?

He was drunk and the pull of jumping seemed so good. Peter was tired of paying off his debts for having had happiness. He was ready for it to end. He wondered if the universe would be so cruel as to keep him alive after death again.

Footsteps approached him. He put on a smile, knowing that whoever it was would want to talk. The person stood beside him, looking over the fence of the observatory.

“California is nice, isn’t it?” The person said, a slight southern accent, long faded in their voice.

“S’alright.” Peter shrugged. “Too hot for me. Besides the whole thing about California falling off the map, who would want to stay for that?”

“Better than Florida.” The man laughed.

“Anything is better than Florida.” Peter agreed.

Peter hoped this man would leave. Give him some privacy in what he wants to be his last moment. He didn’t leave though. So Peter offered him the bottle of whiskey in his hand. The man took it. He took a swig before passing it back to Peter, who raised his bottle and downed the rest.

“I know it’s been a good 13 years for you, Pete, a solid 17 years for me, but do you really not recognize me or are you hoping I’ll leave again?”

Peter stayed silent. Of course he knew who it was. He could never forget. He was just hoping the other man wouldn’t remind him of it.

“From where I’m standing, it seems like you want me to leave. But that ain’t gonna happen. You’re an alcoholic who looks to be a minute away from doing something that they can’t ever undo. So I’m going to stay. You hear me Peter Parker? I’m not leaving you.”

As it turns out the universe doesn’t hate Peter Parker. On what Peter decided to be his last day alive, the universe gave him back Harley Keener. A gift to him for all he’s been through.

On Peter’s 32nd Birthday he was one month sober.

Peter was learning what it means to have a family again.

When Peter turned 32 he learnt what it meant to be happy.

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imagination-is-key-in-my-world · 4 years

Text

Chime

Authors Note: I am 100% a big fan of A Cinderella Story which is what had inspired me to write this piece. I know it has been a long time since I had written anything but a lot has been going on in my life. This story is inspired by my own mental health issues as well as my ultimate dream that Tom Holland would sweep me off my feet. [Do not tell my Fiancé that I told you guys that!] Also, I got a brand-new laptop that has made writing so much more efficient than my iPad. Hopefully, I will be more active on my page. Please feel free to contact me to share your thoughts.

Summary: So, you are currently struggling with anxiety which is not easy as a high school student. Things are not getting easier now that your best friend is leaving to go to another school, leaving you behind to deal with your senior year alone. That is how you feel every day – alone. But your life suddenly changes when you stumble across an app that allows people to chat anonymously with people who share similar interests without sharing too much. Only you did not expect that this new app would take over your life and provide you with someone who you no longer think you could cope without. But who is on the other end of the phone?

Warning: Possible swearing and mental health triggers.

Pairing: Reader x Tom Holland

Word Count: 6,758

Counting the dew drops on the window was getting completely tedious at this point. There you sat in complete silence for what must have been a couple of minutes. But to you, it had felt like hours, if not days. Not that you were being dramatic at all.

You are not exactly the type of person who many people would typically associate with the nature of popularity. You did not have that many followers on your social media accounts. Therefore, it should not have been that surprising that your phone was not “blowing” up with notifications at this time of day.

Your best friend Cleo always told you that if you wanted to make something of your life, you needed to leave the house for more than just school.

“But!” You would always protest, “everything I need is right here.” Cleo was one member of a small social group that you bothered with both in and outside of school. When it came to forming groups in class, all your teachers knew that you needed to be put with a friend or you would be catastrophically unresponsive with a slight hint of a mini meltdown beginning to form.

The thing is you suffer with a high level of anxiety when it comes to meeting and conversing with people outside of your friendship circle. To make matters worse, the whole school was aware of this problem and would constantly tease and mimic the blubbering mess you turned into when you had to answer a question in the middle of class. There would be pointing as well as laughing as you would literally shake and break a sweat in front of everyone. Let us just say, this may have been one of the many reasons that your group only had 5 members and that includes you and queen Cleo.

The phone chimed and it shook you from your thoughts. When you finally unlocked it, you noticed that it was only Cleo cancelling on you yet again. Earlier that evening you had asked Cleo to come over and discuss the nature of Cleo moving schools in the fall. Both of you were meant to discuss how you personally were going to cope with the everyday torment and painful endeavours that was a big part of school life. But from that disappointed look on your face, it was obvious that Cleo was only blowing you off to spend more time with her new boyfriend.

“Knock knock” Your mother stated as she blatantly barged into your room. “Hey baby, I’m going to the store do you need anything at all?” As per usual you would shake your head and try not to make any eye contact with your mother at all. “Okay, well make sure that you feed the dog for me while I am gone and try and get some sun, you’re looking a little pale, baby.”

It was typical of your mother to attempt to force you out of your comfort zone. It was getting quite embarrassing for her at the teacher/parent evenings when she was called in to discuss another “issue.” It is not like you do not want to make more of an effort in class and with people, it just does not come as easy to you as it may for everyone else. The idea of people hearing you call out an answer in class and have it been wrong is absolutely devastating and crucifying for you.

You picked up your phone and decided that Facebook was worth one last scroll through before you decide that it was worthless and throw your phone back onto the bed for the 14th time that day. You were scrolling away half-heartedly, not really reading through the posts that people had shared as it was probably the same drama that it always was. It was as you thought, but suddenly your mind decided to switch back on when it reached a pop up that you would typically ignore. “Attention all Introverts.” Obviously, this caught your attention, it was in freaking bold print. You cannot ignore anything when it is in bold print! Clicking on the link, you decided to curiously read on.

“Attention all Introverts,

Have you ever felt lonely and isolated? Well this is the app for you. Become anyone you want to be, talk to anyone you would like – with total anonymity.

[This app gives you the confidence to express yourself to total strangers without the fear of judgements. If you are terrified of being vulnerable around other people while being your true self, then this is the app for you]”

Of course, you were sceptical at first but that was when you remembered how difficult it was to be your friend, relative and even teacher. Then before you could even stop yourself, you clicked onto the app and the download began. Nothing happened at all, other than the app appearing onto your phone’s home screen amongst other apps like Tumblr and Facebook. But you just thought there was going to be a sudden flash of lightning and you would be overwhelmed with confidence like you see in the movies. However, this was not the movies, this was your life and there you sat on the edge of your bed still shaking like a leaf.

It took you about half an hour to install all of your relevant information into the app. Mostly because you were trying to convince yourself that it was a stupid idea and that you should just delete it straight away. Although there was a faint voice in the back of your head telling you to do it. Part of it sounded like Cleo, while another part of the voice sounded like a stranger to you.

Once you had finished setting up the app, you left your phone on your dresser and walked into the lounge to watch that new episode of Ru Paul’s drag race that you had missed on Netflix. You managed to get through two episodes, a giant bag of Cheetos and a litre of Dr Pepper before crashing out on the sofa.

A loud chime from the bedroom woke you from your slumber. Your mother was sat on the edge of the sofa watching one of her true crime documentaries when she noticed you becoming startled.

“You okay honey?” You wipe your eyes and nod. “Do you want anything to eat or are you all set for bed?”

“Bed.” You mumble as you pick up the rubbish that had surrounded you on your makeshift bed for the afternoon.

“Okay, love you honey.” She called back as you threw away the rubbish into the trash and made your way into your bedroom. You practically fell onto your bed before you remembered the chime that had woken you in the first place. Grasping your phone, you unlocked it hesitantly, shielding your eyes from the brightness behind it to reveal a message from an unknown number. One word, one syllable and one emotion, fear.

‘Hey’

In your head these words kept rolling through your mind. What do I do now? Do I message back or do I leave it alone? Will they think I am ignoring them if I do not reply? Well of course they would, the app has probably notified them that it has been read. You started pacing in your bedroom chanting the words over and over in your head ‘What do I do? What do I do?’

It was almost like a reflex after a while as your fingers typed away.

‘HEY’ Too eager

‘Hiya’ Too girly

‘Hi’ Too blunt

Sup’ Too weird

Each message you typed your anxiety took over and criticised it, controlling your fingers to delete and retype.

‘Hey’ Was the message that you had settled for. It had been almost an hour and a half since you had received the message from Lonerboy101 and you had not even pressed send yet. The message was still sitting in your text box with the curser bouncing away at the end of the sentence.

There was a knock at your door which startled you, causing your fingers to slide across the phone’s screen. “I’m going to bed now Hun, goodnight.”

“Night.” You tried hard to sound cheery but as per usual failed to do so as your mother closed your bedroom door. ‘No, no, no’ you repeated in a small murmur. Fear washed over you as you regretted every minute that it took to write that message and the one milli second that it took to get sent out through the universe to reach this Lonerboy101.

You dropped the phone into your duvet and grabbed the pillow next to you. Bringing the plush cushion up to your face, burying it to let out a light scream.

*Chime*

Lonerboy101 - ‘How long did it take you to write that message. Mine took about 2 hours.’

You reread the message a couple of times because you couldn’t believe that although this person knew you were somewhat ignoring him off when you had initially received his message, he still replied to yours. Not only that but he had made a joke about how long it had taken to send a reply.

It took you a couple of minutes to decide whether you were going to go through with it and message this person back. Or whether you should just back out now and forget that this ever happened.

But that was your phone in your hand and those were your fingers typing a reply.

Hidingintheshadows - ‘About an hour and a half.’

You sent the reply off and almost felt a sudden pang of relief. That this was not as bad as you had originally perceived it to be. That it was almost the same as talking to Cleo or any of the other girls.

*Chime*

Lonerboy101 - ‘So, this is weird right?’

Before you knew it, the delays between the messages decreased quite significantly. There was the standard 3 minutes to think of a response and then another 5 to send the message but the conversation had felt a little less risky compared to how it did at the very start.

Hidingintheshadows - ‘It is a bit weird, I guess.’

Lonerboy101 - ‘So, are you an old creepy guy like me?

Hidingintheshadows - ‘That is a joke, right?’

Lonerboy101 - ‘Yeah it is a joke, sorry very dry sense of humour. Don’t have that many people to try my jokes out on.’

Hidingintheshadows - ‘That’s a relief.’

Lonerboy101 - ‘It’s a relief that I do not have many friends?’

Hidingintheshadows - ‘No! I did not mean that! I am so sorry.’

Lonerboy101 - ‘Another joke. Sorry when I am nervous, I tell bad jokes. I forget that I am not really good at them and text form is really hard to tell tone.’

Hidingintheshadows - ‘Sorry for not being able to tell when you’re joking.’

Lonerboy101 - ‘Don’t worry, you wouldn’t be the first. Although you probably are, I only just downloaded this app today.’

Hidingintheshadows - ‘Same.’

Lonerboy101 - ‘You don’t say [type] much do you?’

Hidingintheshadows - ‘Not really, sorry.’

Lonerboy101 - ‘You know you don’t have to keep apologising to me all the time, right?’

Hidingintheshadows - ‘Oh sorry.’

Lonerboy101 - ‘[insert face palm emoji]’

The last message made you smile. Cleo had always been telling you that you apologise way too much and that it can get annoying. It would get to the point where you would apologise for things you did not do just because it sounded like the right thing to say.

Hidingintheshadows - ‘I will work on it.’

Lonerboy101 - ‘So what brings you to Introverted Conversions?’

Hidingintheshadows - ‘Fear of the world and everyone in it, basically.’

Lonerboy101 - ‘Oh my gosh same!’

Hidingintheshadows - ‘Really?’

Lonerboy101 - ‘No, but I am touched that you still cannot sense my sarcasm.’

Hidingintheshadows - ‘I’ll work on that too.’

Lonerboy101 - ‘Promise?’

Hidingintheshadows - ‘Promise!’

It had almost become a routine for you and Lonerboy101 to talk during the late afternoon and evening. Occasionally, you would get notified in the middle of the day, but he knew that you were not ignoring him and that you had school obligations. No one really knows about him at all, you have done well at keeping this away from Cleo as you knew she would only judge you for it.

‘You’re talking to a stranger online who had admitted he was an old creepy man.’ Even the thought made you laugh. Since the first night, you had discovered a lot about Lonerboy101. Nothing like names and addresses. But more personal stuff like how it feels having crippling anxiety and not having someone who really understands.

***

It was the last day before Cleo left for her new school and you woke up feeling quite comfortable for the first time in a long time. It was almost as if your body has finally gotten used to the idea that the day was going to come that you would need to stand up on your own. It was not a good feeling per say, but it was slightly empowering to know that you could become your own person, instead of being Cleo’s weird friend.

*Chime*

Your heart began to beat rapidly in your chest as you practically dove for the phone on your bed. Only to have it violently shoot back down when the name on your lock screen did not read Lonerboy101.

Cleo – ‘Hey, I am downstairs! Snag me a piece of toast considering you are not exactly going to eat it!’

Every morning your mum would make pancakes, French toast, and scrambled eggs that you could choose from to snack on during your walk to school. Only you are not exactly a French toast and scrambled eggs kind of person and she knows that. It is just her way of trying to make a connection with you early in the day.

You – ‘Be right down, pancakes or French toast?’

You replied as you waved to your mum who was sliding through her emails while nursing a hot mug of coffee. “Hey, Baby! Have a great day at school, okay?” The last part of this routine she does every morning always feels like she is questioning you, making sure that you are aware that a ‘great day at school’ depends 100% on you alone.

*Chime*

Lonerboy101 – ‘Pancakes please. Although, I don’t think they will be any good by the time I receive them!’

‘Oh no!’ You thought. You did not think really think to check the contact that you were on when you sent the message out. You had simply read the lock screen and the most recent person you were chatting to was the person that appeared on the screen.

Quickly you grabbed a pancake and your bags and sulked out the door.

Hidingintheshadows – ‘I am so sorry, that was meant for my friend.’

Lonerboy101 – ‘Are we not friends? I am offended’

Hidingintheshadows – ‘Wait no I mean yes you are, but I do not really know you. God I am sorry…’

Lonerboy101 – ‘Wow! What did I say about the apologising? And what about the whole sarcasm thing? You should now know when I am pulling your chain.’

Hidingintheshadows – ‘Sorry’

Lonerboy101 – ‘No. More. Sorry.’

Hidingintheshadows – ‘Damn, I didn’t mean to I swear.’

Lonerboy101 – ‘Calm, it is okay. Chain. Pulling. But going back to this pancake…’

Hidingintheshadows – ‘What about it?’

Lonerboy101 – ‘You have made me hungry. And now I need to go out and find me a pancake to soothe this carb craving I have going on.’

Hidingintheshadows – ‘Good luck with that.’

Lonerboy101 – ‘Good Luck with school today! Speak to you later! X’

What the heck is that? Fear washed over your face as you met Cleo at the bottom of the stairs to your apartment building.

“Y/N? Are you okay? You look a little pale?” It took everything you had to not blurt out every little secret that you had been keeping about Lonerboy101 to Cleo. To almost get some advice on how to handle this newfound “boy drama” in your life. You open your mouth to begin to spill the beans. “Oh, I know!” Cleo interrupted, “it is because today is my last day and you have no idea how you will survive without me!”

Not quite on the nose but nice to see that your friend really does care about you, while she makes every drama about herself. This was just another typical response from Cleo. One you have put up with for an exceptionally long time. Instead of arguing with your best friend on the beginning of her last day, you decide to just bite your lip and nod.

“It will be okay, sunshine!” A little nickname she gave you when you were both little and in Kindergarten. “We will still have Facetime and we can still meet up during the holidays.” Suddenly you were pulled into a tight embrace as an overexaggerated sigh left her lips. “Now come on mopey.” Yet another nickname that you were given because of your constant state of enthusiasm caused by your mental condition. “Let’s get to school before people forget that they will never see this face walk those halls again.”

Meanwhile in your head the little “X” at the end of Lonerboy101’s latest reply repeatedly flashed across your mind as Cleo droned on about how annoying packing up her extensive collection of shoes and makeup has been for her.

***

It did not matter what lesson you were in, if you were having “a moment” as your mother likes to call it, everything just seems to become pointless. Science was one of your favourite subjects mainly because of the unpredictable experiments that you can perform. But today it just seemed as though someone had placed a weighted scarf on top of your shoulders and told you to “deal with it.”

“Can anyone tell me their findings from their group’s chemical reaction?” All eyes went to you as everyone in the class knew that you were Mr King’s favourite pupil. Mr King was the only teacher that managed to get a response out of you in class. But today, he might as well have been talking to a brick wall.

“Y/N?” This would later be explained to you after class that it was the fifth attempt Mr King had made to pry your attention away from your notebook where you had been filling in the margins with your pen.

When you looked up, there were people gossiping and snickering about what they had just witnessed. “Can I see you after class?” Mr King had asked once he regained the focus of the class.

This was not the first time that a teacher had asked to speak with you after class. Especially Mr King. Not that he made a habit to discipline you outside of lesson, but because he was always concerned about how you were feeling after you had one of you “moments.”

“What is going on, Y/N? Do I need to call your mother?” He did not say it in a stern way that other teachers would have. But for him, it was more of a genuine question for your own personal well-being. “Some of the other teacher’s approached me today in the teacher’s lounge to discuss you. They said that you have been unresponsive all day. I heard that Cleo is leaving today, does that have anything to do with how you’re coping with today?”

You shook your head. “Cleo has nothing to do with it!” You snapped, and you never snap which startled Mr King. “I’m sorry.” You whispered when you saw how set back, he was from your reply. “I just do not know what to do anymore.”

“With what?” He perched on the edge of his desk. Holding his hand up to stop the next class from entering the classroom. “What is getting to you? I can see if I can help?” While most teachers would just shrug you off, Mr King tried to get down to the root problem to help you resolve any issue that you may be having during the day. This was because Mr King had made you aware that his daughter too suffers from major anxiety issues as well.

“It’s stupid, I should not have said anything. I will be okay, Mr King.” You gathered your books from the table and stuffed them into the oversized backpack that was now slung over your shoulder. “Can you quickly write me a note for Mrs Bateman? I do not want the teachers to have more of a reason to talk about me.”

Mr King picked up a pad and pen and began to write a note excusing you for your lateness. “It will get better, Y/N. I am here whenever you need a chat, okay?” He handed you the note and you basically bolted out of the room.

Although you felt bad for being short with Mr King, you could not quite help it. It was not as if you could simply come out and tell him that you were not upset because your best friend for 16 years was now leaving you behind. But it was all down to an “X” placed on the end of a text message from a boy you have not met but have been talking to for 3 weeks non-stop!

***

You slowly approached the lunch table that you and your friends sat at during every lunch since you had started at the school. They were all laughing and joking which did slightly lift your spirits. Cleo had turned to look over her shoulder and noticed your arrival. The smile on her face had sank and the laughing at the table had died along with it.

“Hey Y/N!” Cleo tried to sound pleased to see you but you knew something was up. Since when was Cleo being false with you? She normally reserved that type of “hey” for the girls that talk about how amazing they are.

Sinking down into the spare chair that has been yours for years at the table you tried to force a smile. “So, we were all thinking…” Instantly you hated where this was going. “That it would be really fun to all go to the dance tonight as a final farewell to Cleo!” The girls shrieked as Hannah finished her sentence. A dance was the last place you wanted to be. Today of all days.

The girls all looked at you for your response. “A dance?” The girls all squealed again in unison, practically bouncing in their seats.

“Don’t you think it would be fun.” Hannah stated rather than asked.

“Dances aren’t really my thing.” You said hesitantly. The last thing you wanted to do was to annoy any of the friends that you had left. Especially considering how they were going to be the ones you would now have to rely on once Cleo had left.

“Nothing is really your thing!” Elizabeth snickered. Cleo’s death stare shot over to Liz and her head instantly fell. So that’s why Cleo was so weird when you came over. It was because she knew that you were not exactly going to be over the moon with the new plan for Cleo’s last day celebration. Before lunch, the plan was to go bowling and then get pizza. A less daunting but still hard to stomach plan. This new plan involved dressing up and trying to socialise with people who were not exactly the nicest to you.

“Y/N, it is completely up to you. We can go to the dance and party it up like it is the last day we are going to be alive. Or we can just go and get pizza and knock over a couple of pins with an over weighted bowling ball.” When Cleo said it like that, neither sounded appealing. But it was obvious the way that she laid it out that the dance was the one event she was going to be happy attending tonight.

“Can I think about it?” The girls all sighed and Callum shook you by the shoulders. Literally shook you as if physically moving your body was somehow going to make you change your mind. “Ow!”

“Callum! Do not do that!” Cleo yelled at her boyfriend. At least she was still defending you even if she was trying to push you to do something that made you uncomfortable. It was almost as if she defended you to make you reconsider. “Just one little dance? We can go whenever you want and stay however long you want.” Her puppy dog eyes were out and her hands were clasped in front of her.

Along with your crippling fear of being around other people, your anxiety also made you hate disappointing those that you care about. “Fine.” Was all you managed to say before all the girls and Callum began to cheer. At least he did not try to shake you again otherwise you thought you may physically puke from excessive unwanted physical contact.

While all the others were discussing what they were going to wear, you reached for your phone and began to contact the only person on the planet who didn’t make you feel like you were wrong for feeling this type of way.

Hidingintheshadows – ‘Have you ever been forced to do something you don’t really want do because your friends want you to?’

You debated for a couple of seconds before adding your own “X” onto the end of your text.

Your phone vibrated in your hand. Thank God you had turned the volume off when you got to school. Cleo would not have left you alone for one second if she knew you were texting a guy.

Lonerboy101 – ‘Who is making you do something? What something? Is it illegal? X’

Hidingintheshadows – ‘1. Nothing illegal. 2. Friends and 3. Go to a stupid high school dance where I will be uncomfortable for the entire evening. X’

Lonerboy101 – ‘That wasn’t the order that I put my questions in. X’

Hidingintheshadows – ‘I thought I would start with the one that could get me in a jail cell! X’

Lonerboy101 – ‘I’ve got this feeling that you’d rock an orange jumpsuit so you would be fine. Although the lack of our communication would be quite unsettling. X’

Hidingintheshadows – ‘I think I will cope. X’

Lonerboy101 – ‘I was talking about me! I look forward to my Chime every day. X’

You could not help but blush when you read that last part of his message. You could not bring yourself to message him back stating that it was also your highlight of the day too. Lonerboy101 has become a big part of your life and that was quite hard to admit considering you did not know his name or what he even looked like. You barely even knew the boy and yet it felt as though you knew everything there was to know about him.

Lonerboy101 – ‘Sorry was that weird? Let us get back to the problem at hand… A party was not it? X’

Hidingintheshadows – ‘No and my friend is leaving and I do not want to be mean and not turn up to her “leaving do” but I do not think I will be able to cope with that many people. Especially because they all think that I am a freak. X’

Lonerboy101 – ‘When is the party? You are not a freak by the way. Might I just add that is the longest text you have ever sent. X’

Hidingintheshadows – ‘Tonight, at school. I do not want to go and be the joke of the party. X’

Lonerboy101 – ‘This is a tough one. I can be there if you want. For moral support. X’

Hidingintheshadows – ‘You can’t obviously turn up to a school that you don’t go to just to attend a stupid dance. X’

Lonerboy101 – ‘I’ll be a virtual guest. You can text me whenever you think that it is getting too much and I will use my powers of persuasion to lift those spirits and put a smile on your beautiful face. X’

Hidingintheshadows – ‘How can you say I am beautiful. You have never even seen me? X’

Lonerboy101 – ‘I see the beauty in everything. But you, you are something much more. X’

***

“You cannot wear that!” Cleo snapped when she saw the outdated and over worn outfit that you were wearing on your body. “No this will not do.” Lucky enough for her, your mother and Cleo are quite close. Closer than you are to your own mother. “Leanne! Come and tell your daughter that this is terrible and that she cannot wear this to a school dance.”

Within seconds your mother was in your room judging the clothes that she paid for that you were wearing. “No baby girl, this is your first dance. There is no way in hell I am going to let you leave this apartment building wearing that.”

Your mother’s hand was now grasped around your wrist and you were being dragged into your mother’s bedroom. “Now try this on.” In her hand she was holding a long black dress with a sequin detail at the top of the bust. She could tell that you were resistant so she pulled you in front of the wall length mirror and placed the garment up to your neck.

You could not deny that it was a very pretty dress. One that you would love to wear in a different circumstance. The whole idea of you attending a dance had still not sunk in yet. “Mum I couldn’t pull this off!” You exclaimed. Jeans and a tea shirt were more your speed.

“No Sunshine, you are most definitely wearing this now that I have seen it.” Cleo was practically foaming at the mouth the minute she saw this dress. You were sure that if your mother had not offered it to you first that she would have snagged the dress up for herself. “Right now, hair and makeup.” She slapped her hands together and both your mother and best friend stared at you with excitement in their eyes. Which only put the fear of God into yours.

***

The dance was as horrible as you thought it was going to be. There was loads of people staring at you. One of the girls from your English class even asked a friend of hers if you were a new student at the school. Shows how invisible you were before your boobs were pushed up to your neck and eyeliner was thickly applied to your eyes.

Although this was a new experience for you, to have all eyes on you for a different reason that being the weird girl from school. It was not an experience that you enjoyed at all. High school was nothing but a gossip forum where girls pick on other girls for being themselves or for being slightly different than them. For caring less about how much their bag cost and caring more about why their grade in English was lower than French.

Your friends were all on the dance floor which sadly left you on your lonesome at the back of the decked-out gym.

*Chime*

Lonerboy101 – ‘Please tell me you are having fun now? X’

You smiled. Seeing his name pop up on your screen was possibly the only thing that made you smile tonight.

Hidingintheshadows – ‘Nope. Everyone is staring at me. X’

Lonerboy101 – ‘They are only staring because they are jealous. X’

Hidingintheshadows – ‘What could they possibly be jealous of? X’

Lonerboy101 – ‘Well I bet you look absolutely beautiful tonight. X’

Hidingintheshadows – ‘You couldn’t possibly know that? X’

There had been a couple of minutes since Lonerboy101 had messaged back and that smile you had previously been wearing was starting to fade. You glanced down to look at the time on your phone, 22:14. You let out a relieved sigh, at least you stuck around for over 2 hours.

Grabbing your bag, you began to sculk about the dance floor to try and find Cleo and the other girls to deliver the “bad news.” Cleo was locked onto Callum as they shared a slow dance to one of the most upbeat songs you have ever heard. This immediately made finding Cleo a hell of a lot easier.

“I am going to head off now.” You detached Cleo from her boyfriend which left him both grumpy and a little annoyed at you. Cleo gave you a less than enthusiastic hug before quickly turning back to Callum. “Bye then.” You said when she did not say anything back to you.

It was cold outside which instantly made you regret the dress and the heels made the idea of walking all the way home even more thrilling than you could imagine. Glancing down to check the time once again, you noticed a message featuring on your lock screen. You must have not heard it with all the music when you were saying goodbye to Cleo and the girls.

Lonerboy101 – ‘Wanna bet? X’

Everyone outside the gym began to suddenly gasp. All of them were looking in a similar direction. For once all the eyes were off you and that made you feel a hell of a lot better than you had all night.

Hidingintheshadows – ‘I will take that bet. You cannot comment on something you cannot see. X’

“Then maybe you should step out of the shadows and see what I can see right now.” This voice was strangely familiar but not familiar in a way that you had heard Mr King’s voice almost every day. It was familiar because you had heard it from somewhere, but you were unsure of where. “Because what I see is 100% beautiful just like I had predicted.”

The crowd of people started to open as the voice got nearer and nearer. There were girls practically peeing their pants with excitement. Cleo had appeared with the girls and practically everyone from whom were inside the gym. Suddenly, this voice had become the talk of the whole dance and now all the attention was right back on you again.

There was now a stunning familiar face to match the familiar voice standing right in front of you. One that you would never have believed to have been stood there. It was his smile that you caught first when he looked at you in that long black dress. His eyes lingered on you for a while before you both realised that it had been quite some time that slipped away since either one of you had spoken.

“Lonerboy101?” You asked quietly. Not really wanting anyone to hear how speechless you really were.

“Guilty.” There in front of you stood the one and only Tom Holland. The freaking man who brought you Spiderman, Ian Lightfoot, and Lucas in the movie The Impossible. He was Lonerboy101, how was that even possible?

It suddenly dawned on you that everyone and that honestly was everyone was now staring at the pair of you who were staring at one another. “Maybe we should go over there?” Tom had suggested to get away from prying eyes.

Once you were both certain that there were not any lingering eyes, your protection walls started to drop ever so slightly. “You’re the person I have been talking to for 3 weeks? You’re Lonerboy101?”

“Yes. I am Lonerboy101, but if I am being quite honest, Tom will do fine.” He joked which did make you feel only a small degree better. For all this time you had been talking to Tom Holland and you had no inclination that it was happening. “I wanted to tell you who I was, but it was so amazing to have someone to talk to who didn’t see me as this guy who acts for a living and attends red carpet events, you know?”

You did not know of course. “I am not mad. But why would you tell me you have anxiety issues when you do not?” You sighed and started to look at the shine from the diamonds reflecting from your heels. “Was it a way to make fun of me?”

Quickly Tom grasped your hands without thinking. “No!” He spoke urgently but delicately as if he did not want to put his foot in his mouth and make the situation worse. Truth be told Tom was expecting this whole revelation to go a little differently. The sombre look on your face was not the result that he had wanted from showing up at your school. “I never did it to make fun of you or anyone who suffers with anxiety. Truth be told I do suffer with it. Not as bad as most people, but I have days where I wonder if my friends are my true friends because they like me or because they like what I can give them.”

“I want you to know that every message that I ever sent you, I was being the real me. None of it was an act or fake for me.” Tom’s head was not facing down, almost defeated. “From talking to you I knew that you were the most honest and kindest person that I could possibly ever get to know.”

“Can I ask you something?” Your voice was soft and shaky as if you were afraid of the response that you were going to receive.

“Anything.” He was almost pleading. His voice as shaky as your own.

“How did you know who I was and what I looked like?” Tom looked you dead in the eyes. You could see the sincerity in his eyes and how much he wanted this to go right. “You knew to come right up to me, out of all the girls in the world. You knew to come to my school and then up to me, how?”

Tom let out a little smile. “Well, you know that section on the app right at the beginning?” You nod keeping eye contact as he continued to speak. “Well when it asks you for a name, you can keep it blank and then put in a username instead. You actually put in all of your details and made them public.”

“Oh!” You stated feeling stupid for doing so. This entire time he knew exactly who you were while you had no clue that you were talking to a celebrity.

“No, it was a good thing.”

“How?” You question. Doubting that knowing who you were was ever a “good thing.”

“Because, I felt really lucky to be talking to you. I saw how beautiful you were and how smart you are as well as how kind you can be.” You were quiet. You were not used to guys calling you beautiful, and here he was saying it for what must have been the 3rd time since you met him. “If it makes you feel any better, I only looked you up yesterday. I was worried when you did not answer my message and temptation got the best of me and I peaked. Are you mad?”

“No. I am not mad.”

“Would it help if I said sorry?”

“What did you say about saying sorry?” You smiled which made the flash of panic rush from his face. The corners of his mouth started to turn up and his eyes sparkled.

“Yeah but on me it looks cute.” Both of you allow yourselves to laugh at the situation. Remembering some of your earlier messages. “Would it be too much to ask for a hug?” He looked down at your hands which were no longer scrunched into fists which proved that you were no longer as uncomfortable as you may have been from the first encounter.

You allow yourself to smile as he pulls you into his arms. “It is exactly how I imagined it.” Tom said into your hair as he held you close to him.

“What is?” You questioned

“That I would be only just taller than you when you’re wearing heels.” Both of you let out a controlled laugh at his terrible attempt at a joke. “You don’t actually want to go back in there do you?” Tom gestured towards the gym that probably did not hold any students inside due to his arrival.

“I am not going back inside there! But thanks for wearing a suit for me.” You pull away slightly to admire the suit that Tom was pulling off handsomely.

“Anything for my girl.”

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staarshines · 4 years

Text

okay, i gotta explain what the hell happened last night. i don’t have time to clean up errors, so excuse those.

tw// self-harm/cutting via knife/blade, abusive parents (mentally, emotionally, and almost physically), gaslighting, guilt-tripping, talk of suicidal thoughts, depression, anxiety, this could literally qualify as a traumatic event.

my parents and i got into a fight, typical sunday night. i was the bigger person and left and then my mom started crying and my dad guilt-tripped me while i was sitting in the bathroom: bad choice because you guys know what happened in there. and then my dumbass decided to put a wet paper towel over the cut before going to go pray—just putting nothing or a band-aid over it would’ve made it undetectable. my mom guilt-tripped me into feeling bad for her and i gave her a hug; one thing she does while a hug is just rub random parts of your body to soothe you, you know? guess which part her hand went over. shit hit the fan. they did not react the way you think they would’ve—and a lot of you guys know how my parents usually act. it was a shit ton worse than you could expect—even from them. my dad went fucking nuts. and i’m not overstating. he threw his phone into the wall, threw my phone into the wall, stomped around the room, and then kicked the box of an expo board (that he’d ordered for my room) multiple times. he yelled about how i had hurt him and my mom, about how i was so ungrateful because i thought my life was hell (which i never said), and swore on his life that he would move us to pakistan (which is halfway across the world) and cut off any and every contact i have from everyone where i currently live. i was silent the entire time, and he just got angrier. then came my mom’s gaslighting. “i can’t believe you would do this”, “we didn’t expect this from you”, “are you hearing yourself?”, “what does this say about you?”, i could go on and on. this went on for two goddamn hours. 10:32-12:57, and yes, i was checking the time. i completely explained myself to them—because it couldn’t have made things worse—and that calmed them down a little bit. but the gaslighting and guilt-tripping went on as i explained myself to them. about how i thought i had anxiety, depression, was experiencing suicidal thoughts, was scared for my future, etc. they immediately invalidated all of those concerns.

and the worst thing is: they blamed my irl friends (they don’t even know about you guys, don’t worry) for me cutting myself. i genuinely don’t know what the fuck is going to happen at this point, but i had to give you guys an update. all i know right now, is: 1a) they’ve cut me off from any and every form of communication with my friends—or so they think, because they don’t know about my spam instagram account or my tumblr. they’ve taken away my phone, are monitoring my texts, and are going to delete my instagram and tiktok. 1b) they want me to completely cut off my friend group. the only friend group i have because, and i quote, “yes, it’s a rule in this house. no social interaction outside of school.” there’s not much i can do about this except make it look like that i’ve cut them off based on my messages and main instagram, but i’ll still be able to text them via my spam every once in a while. it’s unlikely that they’ll want to stay friends with me though, because only being able to talk to someone via their spam which they barely log into takes more effort than it should. 2) they’re saying they’re moving to somewhere else—and at the very least, they’re moving schools. i’m not worried about this too much, even the fact that they might actually move me to pakistan because the minute they do that i’m running away when i hit 18, no questions asked. i’ll still be able to have contact with you guys from anywhere as long as i have my laptop, though. 3) now they’ve done a complete 180º after my entire life: they’re saying they won’t give a shit if i’m a world-class neurosurgeon or if i work at mcdonald’s. they’re obviously lying, but this is a slap to the face for me because i’ve been yelled at for approximately three hours—nope, not overstating—for getting a b+ in a honors class i took as a freshman which you’re supposed to take as a junior. i was taking three other honors classes, one ap class, and was in 8 clubs/organizations that year (this was last year). they “admitted” that they were “pressuring” me into becoming a doctor; what they really said was they “saw potential” in me so they decided to “push” me. 4) they’ve moved my mattress to their room and are checking me about every 15-20 minutes. i literally have to sleep and do my homework in their room now. i woke up around 4am-ish and couldn’t go back to sleep until 6 which is how i figured out that pattern. 4a) they are constantly asking me what i’m doing. and it’s not even “what are you doing?”, it’s “who are you texting now?” when i start to type even a single word. (i have a macbook, so i can text my friends via my laptop.) i will literally be sitting in class, listening to the teacher lecture: “who are you on facetime with? you’re staring at the screen.” it is impossible for me to get work done. my mom has quieted down now but she’s been watching me, yes, watching me, for a good almost 1.5 hours. she doesn’t even have her phone. she’s just sitting on her couch, staring at me.

and yep, she’s been staring at me for the past 1 hour and 34 minutes as i wrote this (yes, it took that long because my parents constantly kept asking me shit and i had to close out of the tab a couple of times without saving the draft). shit is going to change on tumblr now: 1) writing has to come to a stop or at least slow down for now. i write to destress and i need that more than ever, but i’ve moved to completely writing my stories out in my notebooks and that takes time to transcribe. i know some of you guys have been waiting a while for me to get your request done and i’m on the verge of finishing those, but i just can’t do it right now. 2) activity is about to go down. i may be truly inactive for days or even weeks at a time, again, it all depends on how my parents decide to fuck up my life from here. i really wish i could be here talking to you guys every day, but that just can’t happen anymore.

if i have any other updates, i’ll let you guys know asap. i love all of you guys and i hope everyone stays safe. i’ll try my best to get things back to normal, but i can’t promise anything.

#nat logs off

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rik-eif · 3 years

Text

Social Media Experiment : 24 hours off the grid

Over the course of 24 hours I logged my social media use and screen time. I was honestly not very shocked with the results. I’m aware that I am on my phone for a large part of my day, as well as on social media for almost half of the time, so seeing the results just confirmed what I already believed. The worst part might be that I’m actually kind of okay with it! I do however, want to try and ease off on my screen time in order to be more aware and in tune with life happening around me. I think it is important

As an experiment, I stopped using all social media for 24 hours. I deleted Snapchat, Instagram, TikTok, Twitter, and Facebook. These are my most-used and favorite social media platforms to use on a daily basis. However, I am allowing myself to keep Tumblr just for school purposes. I predicted that I would get bored a few times during the day and feel like I was missing out on things, but here is how things actually went:

I woke up this morning and like always, I reached for my phone to turn off the alarm which I had labeled “wake up/ no social media day” so that I remembered I was doing this experiment. Immediately I was annoyed and considered pushing off the experiment to another day, but ended up following through with it anyways so I could use social media on my vacation this week. instead of sitting in my bed for 20 mins to half an hour, I got up and started my day a little early. I was nervous I was missing out on funny Snapchat stories my friends were posting, and if there were any birthdays I had forgotten that Facebook would’ve reminded me of. Once I shook the fear of missing out I was able to focus on getting some things done.

I am currently in the middle of moving my family to Alaska, so I am living in an empty house with no car and no job. I thought social media was just an easy way for me to stay entertained, but during this experience I realized I was using it to keep myself distracted from how empty the house is and how lonely moving feels. Not to be dramatic, but being in an empty house that used to be filled with you and your family’s items is kind of emotional. It brought me back to my childhood when we would move and I didn’t have anything to distract me from how empty it felt. It was both refreshing and painful.

Deleting the apps off my phone was a good idea because every time i heard a family members phone buzz I checked mine out of habit thinking it was a Snapchat or Instagram notification. I’m sure if I had seen those red bubbles at the corner of the apps telling me that i had unread notifications, I would’ve caved immediately and clicked to open an app. I had many urges throughout the day to re-download and login to the apps just for a few minutes to catch up and see what I had been missing. The urge got easier to resist as the day went on and i found other ways to keep myself entertained and busy.

I was extremely productive and got everything on my to-do list for the day complete much faster than i had planned. I even had a chance to go to the pool and relax for a few hours. Normally I would’ve been in and out of the water checking my phone or taking pictures to post to my story or account. It was refreshing to just enjoy the water and time with some family as well.

As my day came to a end I started to miss having social media again, especially TikTok. I could hear my brother in the other room laughing and watching videos which normally I would be doing too before/after dinner. Once dinner started I put my phone in the other room so I wouldn't check it like I normally do. It felt a bit awkward at first but then I ended up having decent conversation with family instead of me half paying attention to what’s being said. After dinner, I did my normal bedtime routine and actually went to bed around the time I was aiming for (9pm, so I can be up early to leave for vacaton) since I wasn’t sucked into the never-ending scroll central that TikTok provides.

Overall, this experiment was a bit rough for me. I had a hard time resisting the urge to just take a peak at my social media. I was anxious at times when I didn’t have much to keeping me busy, but in turn led me to enjoy things I normally wouldn’t have been able to if I was stuck scrolling the day away. I was however surprised at how much I enjoyed certain parts of my day without social media being involved. I definitely want to try and cut back on my usage because it’s almost embarrassing how much of my day I waste away using Snapchat and TikTok. That being said, i’m sure I will be downloading all the apps I deleted last night, tomorrow morning.

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hamsterrivals · 4 years

Text

ok, so.

I made a youtube video, of me narrating Ashita no Joe episode 4.

I was wondering for awhile if it would be ok to upload a video that’s just directly an anime episode of Ashita no Joe.

I thought partly, maybe it would be ok, since that anime came out like before 1970 or something so maybe it’s free domain,

but nah. It is blocked. I can’t find the video at all.

but, that isn’t going to stop me..

I will do the impossible, (even though I am depressed, about someone I know. irl)

and narrate Ashita no Joe episode 4.

I made a whole video of me narrating it with my voice. but it’s blocked aaaa. I refuse to let it go, though.

giga..drill...breakeriswhat I’d say but I am too depressed about someone I know irl.

Ok so anyways, this was gonna be a YouTube video, especially cuz-- [had to delete the explanation] anyways here:

[deleted stuff.....] ...

anyways here:

oh shizzat its 4am I’m fluffin’ tired. so I’m just gonna skim the episode and post screenshots argh my foot is pulsating as I type that as if my entire body is thinking “wow I know you re-watched Ashita no Joe episodes again yesterday but you should watch the whole episode again its godly” I’m sorry ewotjwte its just almost 4am and I had to wake up at 10am yesterday.

the opening plays. and then:

that one guy that is like my dad reads about my stuff

Jebus freakin’ RICE I’m tired. But I need to do something productive today cuz after I woke up at 10am for my social worker I was tired and drained all day from hearing the voices of the people upstairs and the noise in the wall.

my dad I mean Danpai keeps reading the newspaper (like how in -- gah nevermind [deleted cuz I’m paranoid about what [NEVERMIND deleted the explanation]] and

my freakin’ dad I mean Danpai gets mad at Joe just like

I DELETED [can’t say] like 8 years ago cuz of that time when I [=/ Can’t say the details]

GOSH DARN IT this is just like something irl and I can’t even say what it is because I’m too paranoid about people [deleted explanation here]

ok so basically Joe is super successful and doing good things in this world but no one believes him cuz his stupid azz danpai adopted dad figure is a dumb bummie, and then

and then I wanna explain 99 lines but we’re not even 2 minutes into the episode, so I guess I have to skip some parts; I mean it is 4am after all

and then

ok so there’s this snobby lady (at the time ? perhaps she changes at the very very very very end but I won’t give any spoilers about how the very final episode goes itjewiot btw I literally watched this anime starting from the very last episode cuz someone said this series has best ending in anime/manga of all time, and then I started back at early episodes after that, when I first watched this however years ago,)

and then

yes we printed this article cuz .. you’re trustworthy and popular but Joe is just an unpopular guy who helps out orphans and gives his money away to help out orphans

ya know how when I watched the first 11 episode with [won’t say but the guy that begins with Sau and ends with ce that I was friends with for 15 years and he kept making fun of it multiple times in the chat saying “More like a shit a joe.”] well these guys are like wow Joe is a delinquent cuz he is helping out orphans

wow Yabuki Joe used an alt account or some shiz and made a complete lie to try to help society for the better like making a peaceful game and then I mean boxing I mean waterver and then

no one believes ni the main character Joe who is LITERALLY helping out local orphans; and they’re basically like just jealous of him and twisting the truth to make him look bad is what these snobby popular people are doing t hat actually have friends unlike the wondering loner Joe Yabuki,

this very popular snobby lady who actually has friends unlike ab- Yabuki Joe doesn’t care that Joe is actually being helpful and wants to make projects that will bring peace to this world, she will not give him a chance because she cares more about appearances and keeping up her reputation.

....She takes on the full pressure and responsibilty. But can she handle it?

they’re basically like “uhhh do you have [deleted in case it comes off as offensive, since I know some others that make fun of that stuff >=\ which I don’t like either cuz I get made fun of [the deleted thing] too . It shouldn’t even have to be deleted >=\ but I was in a [DELETED] and they made fun of [the deleted thing] so I guess it has to be [deleted] which is so sad for this world ??] and so

the really cool person who *doesn’t reveal spoilers of the end of the series aa* says please leave Train- Yabuki Joe to me !!

i have faith in him he totally will not somehow break this faith that I vaguely have in him and am kinda too shy to publicly admit..

I wonder what Joe is feeling like right now and doing:

s o anyways Joe keeps laughing 99 times in this episode, and, cuz he knows he’s right and just helping out orphans and people that aren’t popular and too afraid to join the b- never mind.

some of his followers don’t respond to his long rants and are like maybe he is going too far and should back down fro mthe very popular snobby lady

Yabuki Joe laughs again

he says What’s the matter with you!? Stop siding with the very popular lady that actually has friends and a good reputation who is a stuck up and like do what is right instead of what . will make people think better of you even if you know in your hear that maybe it might be wrong.

The snobby lady posted on Twit- I mean irl the anime known as Ashita no Joe the they posted a screenshot of me saying “I have family.....” and they mocked him saying “Um.... I have family too....?” as her followers mocked Yabuki Joe on twitter in the 1970s anime or something,

but family isn’t what matters, everyone has family,

what matters is that you all still have a poor reputation because you have no friends which I think is 100% ok but the stuck-up lady who hates Joe for some reason atm just cares about how they’re rich in [deleted snarky remarks] reputation.

stop caring about the dislikes and haters and appreciate the supporters that you do have;;.

yabuki Joe says F THE HATERS THIS IS Just the beginning of [would say but I wanna here but X_X; [deleted the reason why I won’t] because of [deleted] because of [deleted]]

,y gpa; s 1 million followers cuz then they at least know what is right

in this world.

and then joe is like

and then;

then he’s like yea in my heart I know its good to have that many followers cuz I know the true true truth about Yabuki Joe the anime and manga character from Ashita no Joe, he just wants that many followers to program an indie game about- I mean anyways

they say

[OK WHAT THEH ECK I SERIOUSLY DID RECORD A VIDEO OF ME JUST NARRATING THIS ENTIRE EPISODE AND I uploaded it yesterday on a video sharing site but it is blocked cuz of copyrighted content aaa even though this was from before 1970 aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa now I gotta explain in text instead of voice like I already did last night AAAAAAAAAAaa]

they say But what would you do with that much power, that many internet I mean irl followers in 197o in Ashita no Joe the anime/manga series?

and then Yabuki Joe says teh

then he’s like What the gosh darn shiz in yoshville mans,

and then

and they’re like Look Yabuki Joe lives in a Terrible place with Terrible living conditions wher e brick dust keeps falling down and then

and like Joe has no problems like getting kawaii innocent ppl to follow him, but the others are a bit suspicious.. of Joe and his behavior..

Joe is like i’m gonna build a huge online hamster game soon.

and then someone tells Abu in tumblr messages I mean they tell

Someone tells Yabuki Joe as you can see if you flippin’ watch the episode yourself (I don’t blame you. I hope someone will check this series out, though. It’s my favorite anime series, to be honest.) anyways and then someone from his fandom of - anyways someone says

He’s so full of himself.

I guess you suffer from delusions of grandeur?

the bully who is even in the same exact fandom as ab- Yabuki Joe of being an orphan says that, and because they’re so big inside, people blindly listen to them.

the true actual innocent follower that knows trainerab- Yabuki Joe is actually honest and truthful is like, wow shut the fak up brah, and then:

Then the “Are you sure you don’t suffer from delusions of grandeur?” doubtful follower who is keeping an eye on Ab-Yabuki Joe I mean and watching over him to try to keep the orphanage safe falsely then says “This is a clown. See this clown? Abu is hiring th I mean Yabuki Joe had this younger person defend him” Wow and then

one of the only innocent ppl in this show besides Yabuki Joe and a bunch of later characters in this series in later episodes that happen soon, know Joe really is telling the truth and that he really is honest and she’s pizzed awf at that hater troll person trying to Provoke joe and such on [deleted] anime & manga series Ashita no Joe the anime/manga series, and then

then they’re like, uh oh maybe Joe does have some loyal followers who know the real truth and we should hold our distance and see what he does and what he is truly like, first, and then

so, then

so then Yabuki Joe shows them their steam profile and the gam I mean the BY- I mean

Joe is like ok I played retro games my whole life and watched cool cartoons like the Rugrats and I play cool games and twisted trolls like the snobby girl try to make it look like I “change my interests to appease others” but come into my YouTube channel office and c the truth that I really DID play a lot of SNES games and then

I mean Yabuki Joe says this is my office and this is where I live,

I live in a factory that rains brick dust,

and then,

AND THEN I WANNA NARRATE THIS ENTIRE EPISODE BUT IT IS FREAKIN’ 4:35am and I gotta get up soon

I mean I flippin’ already narrated this entire episode and commented on it etc. and made a cool video of it but YouTube blocked it AAAAAAAA even tho it was an anime made in

1970 I thought it would be free domain by now and o.k. to upload a video of it to YouTube with audio commentary GOSH AAAaaaa GOSH I WANNA NARRATE THE WHOLE EPISODE

AS I SAID IN THE youtube video that is blocked on YouTube I think it is a requirement cuz like it really pejeroyjoirjyorejijioe

ok have a nice night.

#Ashita no Joe #anime #manga #Megalo Box #screencap #screengrab #screencaps #screen caps #boxing #series #1970 #best #relatable #The best series ever #imo

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