#i think it had even LESS Gags than level 2 though im not sure....

[anythinganywhereanytimeanyone]

The Simpsons Hit & Run

Level 5

[akvtsuki-ari]

Sweetheart (Ch.1)

Warnings: Mentions of BDSM and bunch of other kinks but nothing sexual in this chapter lol. Sub!Spencer and Femdom!Reader 

Length: 5.3k 

Authors Note: this is hands down the most self-indulgent shit ive ever wrote but do i care? the answer is no dsjk  but this that series i had planned where the reader introduces spencer to proper BDSM and all that. hoping to make this fic kinda informative also lol. also im uploading this fic on ao3 as well. also no tags for this fic bc its really specific and ill probably be writing for it for a while! sorry about that

Plot Summary: Spencer Reid just wanted to be.., well, you know. He doesn’t expect to find much when he signs up for a BDSM dating website but somehow he manages you and he couldn’t be more delighted

Spencer Reid was certainly a lot of things. He was a lover of the arts, someone who had a particular affinity for 15th-century literature, a magician at best, a theater nerd at worst, and a teacher when life called for it. He loves the world even when it's really dark and he loves sleeping in even more. He loves his friends and they love him too - even when they pretend that his random facts annoy them. Spencer Reid was a friend, an FBI agent, a genius with an IQ of 187, and a son to a mother he loves wholly. He was a lot of things and for the most part - he knew a lot about what he really loved to do. He supposed that it's been like that his whole life.

It's not everyday that he discovers something new about himself. About everything else? Always. He loves to learn, but about himself? There's never all that much on the frontier.

It's hard to say, because of that, when Spencer discovered he was a sub. It's difficult to pinpoint a specific time and place, or even how the pieces got put together. He just remembers how it felt when it hit him, like a freight train going 100 miles an hour into a concrete wall. Or a plane crashing onto an island. Or like a fly hitting the glass panes of a delivery truck. He remembers the feeling when he was deftly reminded of this fact. Spencer Reid was a sub - through and through and he wasn't really sure what to make of it.

Surprisingly to most of his direct peers, Spencer wasn't a virgin. He'd had sex with 2 people who he'd been kinda friends with at some point, but it always got a little weird after that. The second time though, the girl ended up choking him a little bit when she got off and Spencer thought he had died. Not in a bad way, more in a "I'm so turned on by this I feel like I've genuinely gone to heaven," sort of way. He didn't think it was possible for a sexual encounter to make him feel like that but it did. It didn't stop after that either, which was the most agitating part. 

Spencer doesn't consider himself a sexual person. Sex is about intimacy and companionship, and hopefully love when he finds that someday. Sex isn't necessarily about pleasure but that wasn't an easy lesson to learn.

Spencer just wanted to understand - so like any great genius he participated in thought experiments. It's normally a female superhero/supervillain that crosses his mind (he has an affinity for Poison Ivy), and he just kinda imagines what it would be like if they did what she did. The choking turned him on, but it wasn't enough. Through that, he figures out that he had more than a choking kink and that he was more than a little interested in a partner having complete access to him. He thought about it for weeks and the getting off was working for him but he couldn't get the fantasy out of his head. He wanted more - he wanted someone to fulfill his wishes.

It was too much for him to ignore. Those months of being able to hold off through masturbating are over and he's just sorta itching. Aching to act on those impulses with another person who can give him what he needs, and he doesn't want it to be transactional. Maybe it's too ideal to want a partner out of such an endeavor but was it so wrong? To want real affection and romance from someone who could also overpower him wasn't a crime and he'd be damned if he pretended to want any less. Spencer was just searching, even if it was rather desperately. 

So, when Spencer finds himself on a BDSM dating site and he feels like his life is in shambles, he can only blame himself. It's not something he'd normally do but he's getting a little more than relentless about it but he also just wants to see what's out there. He's so out of it was it happens, it felt like he was being possessed as he made a fake email and wrote out his account information. Definitely blaming it on possession, he thinks. 

It's too late to go back, as he scrolls through tons of profiles of rather intense looking people. He's not surprised, this is where people go to express themselves. They're entitled to that, it just sucks since he's just not ready for such levels of intensity. He wonders if he's in too deep yet, but he figures he'd hit that mark a long time ago and keeps scrolling through profiles. There wasn't much to go off of, many people not choosing to use photos for the sake of anonymity, which was good for Spencer. He clicks onto his own profile, reading his own bio carefully.

USERNAME: DOC187 

SUB/ SWITCH / DOM 

M / F / O

FETISHES: N/A

BIO: Interest in a dominant female companion. Completely inexperienced.

Spencer feels ridiculous, but he doubts anyone would even message him. He doesn't have much on his profile and he keeps things short for that purpose. He wanted to stay as low to the ground as possible - more curious to explore what was going in the world than to find anything legitimate. He scrolls through hundreds of profiles, mostly of people who were BDSM vets looking for new connections or fun. Some people catch his eye but they don't match his interests so he doesn't bother.

Except, one profile. The bio was beyond interesting to Spencer.

USERNAME: MISS—LILAC

SUB / SWITCH / DOM 

M / F / O 

FETISHES: Sadomasochist, Degradation, Humiliation, Pegging, Overstimulation, Edging, Crossdressing, Exhibitionism, Mutual Masturbation, Dacryphilia, Shibari/Gags/Bondage, Wax Play, Impact Play, Breath Play, General Sensation Play, Discipline, Collaring, Begging. Willing to try most things. 

BIO: Interested in submissive males of any experience level. Helps if you're interesting and like to read and watch indie films. Looking for genuine connection and plenty of good banter. Curly hair is nice too. lol.

Before Spencer can think about it for too long his mouse clicks over that stupid little message button next to your profile. Spencer shakes his head at his own existence as he types you a message. Says you're online right now, but Spencer's sure he won't get a response for a while.

DOC187: Seems I fit who you're interested in. I even have the curly hair.

Spencer chews on his nails anxiously before he sighs at himself. He has no clue what's gotten into him belle before he can think he sees your 3-dotted bubble pop up. He feels his body wracked with nerves.

MISS—LILAC: I'm guessing you like to read and watch indie films too?

Spencer smiles. You seem interesting and the fact that the two of you were just talking normal was making Spencer happy.

DOC187: Indeed. I'm a sucker for 15-century literature and anything in Russian and foreign language. You?

MISS—LILAC: 15th century huh? I'll assume Chaucer. And Russian? You're interesting, doc. I'm more modern and English, hope you're not deterred.

Spencer smiles, surprised that you recognize an author as niche as Chaucer. He shakes his head at your commentary. He almost forgets that both of you are on a BDSM dating site and the irony doesn't escape him.

DOC187: Deterred? Never. I think you're rather interesting too, Miss Lilac.

MISS—LILAC: Ever the gentleman doc. I'm hoping you won't run away if I ask you more personal questions.

Spencer swallows. He types back quickly.

DOC187: What kinds of questions?

MISS—LILAC: If it's okay, you're real name and what you do. My names Y/N, and I'm a florist. I live in DC and I love romance novels.

Spencer smiles. He appreciates you laying down the path for him, knowing the stakes.

DOC187: My names Spencer and I work for the FBI. I also live in DC, and I love magic.

MISS—LILAC: Magic? I'd love for you to show me sometime.

Spencer swallows. Part of him feels like it's a stupid idea to ask you out so early but if you asked, he'd likely say yes. He decides to wait it out.

DOC187: I'd be more than happy to show you.

MISS—LILAC: I suppose you could send me a video but that's not the same as seeing the magic in real life, now is it?

Spencer is smiling like an idiot at this point. He shakes his head a little, jittery.

DOC187: Infinitely better live, I would say.

MISS—LILAC: Seems like I've found an excuse to ask you on a date then. Saturday's work for me but I'm sure it depends on you, FBI man. Before that, I'm gonna drop my number and I'll be expecting your call. (XXX-XXX-XXXX)

Spencer giggles. It's a little out of range for things he's used to doing, giggling aloud for someone else is certainly new. Spencer picks up his phone and dials away, anxious to call you but excited nonetheless. He heard you pick up the phone and his heart catches in his throat.

"Hello?," Your voice is smooth, and a little bit lower than he was expecting. It sounds pretty.

"Hello, Y/N," Spencer says back. He heard you laugh on the other side and can't help the way his heart flutters.

"Lovely to talk to you doc,"

"Still Doc? Not Spencer?" Spencer questions. You smile on the other side of the line.

"Doc seems to fit you. But, for the sake of formality, hello Spencer,"

"I like Doc too, but it feels like I should have a nickname for you as well. Only seems fair," Spencer says laughing quietly.

"If it's your prerogative you can call me Miss Lilac, or just Miss but..." you trail off for a minute. Spencer squints.

"Miss is a title, you know? Doesn't seem fair for you to call me that when I haven't earned it from you yet. I'm sure we'll get there but for now you can just call me Y/N," you say softly. Spencer blushes bright red, his voice betraying him as he speaks.

"O-Oh, well um - where does the name Lilac come from? Normally people go with their names when it comes to stuff like that," Spencer says shyly. He heard you laugh on the other side of the phone and blushes again, grateful you can't see him.

"I love the language of flowers and flowers themselves. It's a way to speak that not many people know - but I like the meaning and look of lilacs. White lilacs represent purity, so that was a bit of irony, but light purple lilacs mean first love," you say carefully.

"First love?," Spencer asks. You bite your lip for a moment.

"I joke that BDSM is my first love since it's such a big part of my life. Not as big as some but not small for certain. It gave me much needed confidence so I joke that it was my first," You say lightly. You hear Spencer giggle on the other side and you smile.

"What about your username? Any significance to DOC187 that I should know of?," you readjust your seat on your couch as you talk. Spencer grows a bit embarrassed.

"I normally introduce myself as Doctor Spencer Reid for work, not a medical doctor but I have three PhD's," Spencer admits. You raise your brows but hear the hesitation in his voice.

"Very, very impressive doc. What about the 187? It could be a plain ol' number but my guess would be otherwise,"

"That's my IQ, actually. I don't think intelligence can be boiled down and quantified like that but I couldn't think of anything else," Spencer explains.

"So you're a certified genius with 3 PhD's? To say I'm impressed is an understatement. Anything else impressive you'd like to tell me before I totally pick your brains," you say a little shocked.

"You wanna pick my brains?," Spencer asks. You wanna laugh at the irony of such a silly question from such an intelligent man but you refrain.

"Who wouldn't?," you say incredulously. Spencer smiles shyly.

"The only other thing is that I can read 20,000 words per minute," Spencer says trying to deflect. Your jaw dropped before but it manages to unhinge a little further.

"There's a lot to get to know about you Doctor Reid,"

"I'm sure it's the same for you," Spencer replies.

"Guess we'll have to find out won't we?," you say smiling.

Damn, Spencer got lucky. Hopefully he'd get to find out soon

_____

"Reid, are you listening?," Derek's voice snaps Spencer out of his entranced state. His smiling expression snaps up to look at Derek who looks a little exasperated.

"Sorry, what was that?," Spencer asks back. Derek puts down the case file they were working on. They had just finished a case and needed to complete some paperwork before submitting it for review and to be used in court. The job was given to him and Morgan and Spencer was evidently distracted.

"Alright, kid - what is up with you? All case you've been checking your phone non-stop and spacing out, all smiles and giggles. C'mon now kid, seriously. You got a little lady at home waiting for you or is there something else I don't know about?," Derek interrogates. Spencer doesn't really know what to make of it, though it's not really in his interest to hide you, it hasn't really come up with anyone on the team yet so it was proving difficult to decide what to do. The smile on his face manages to appear again as he starts to think about you, the tips of his ears red.

"Reid," Morgan says again, with a small look of irritation.

"Her names Y/N," Spencer blurts out faster than he can't think. Derek gives him a huge grin, holding his hand out to dap Spencer up. Spencer just looks at it confused for a second before getting the memo.

"'My man," Derek says chuckling. Before Spencer can continue Prentiss, JJ, and Garcia walk in. Hotch is the only one missing, and Spencer's a little grateful.

"What are we celebrating in here you guys?," Prentiss asks first. Spencer goes to say something to move away from his sudden confession but Derek is quick to cut him off.

"Our boy genius over here got him a little lady," Derek announces. The whole team erupts in questions and Spencer wants to bury himself.

"Congratulations, Spencer!! How long have you two been dating?," Prentiss asks.

"You guys are so dramatic. It's only been two months but no first date because well..." Spencer trails off. JJ just nods her head.

"Duty calls, I'm guessing" JJ finishes. Spencer nods deflated hearing Emily draw a breath between her teeth.

"That's tough, Spence,"

Just as Spencer goes to give a response back he gets a text from you that makes his day a little better. It's a selfie of you at work, a picture your employee must've taken of you in a room full of new flower deliveries. You're giving Spencer a toothy grin as you hold a bunch of gardenias in your hand.

Y/N 🌸: *image attachment* 

Gardenias// You're lovely + Secret Love <33

Spencer cannot control the way his whole face bunches up in a smile, as if there's no one else in the room with him. Everyone just looks at him surprised, Garcia giving him a side-eye.

"How can you guys trust this stranger? We don't even know who she is! I haven't even run any background checks on her," Garcia complains. Prentiss nudges her side.

"I don't know if it matters - look at how hard he's smiling over there," Prentiss says. Garcia reluctantly looks and can't help but sigh.

"Okay well he seems really happy but still! We don't even know her," she pouts.

"I'm sure we'll meet her soon," JJ snickers at Spencer's lovestruck expression. Derek leans over Spencer's shoulder and raises his brows.

"Is that her, kid?," Derek asks. Spencer nods, simply staring at the picture you sent. Derek whistles when he sees you - you're genuinely stunning and he's surprised to say the least.

"Hot mama, pretty boy - how'd you manage that?," Derek asks, dumbfounded. Emily rolls her eyes.

"C'mon Derek, I'm sure - oh wow," Emily leans over Spencer's shoulder to see you and is met with the same reaction. JJ and Garcia are quick to follow thereafter, both looking equally as surprised.

"She's..." JJ trails off. The rest of the team just nods as Spencer grins ear to ear.

Spencer 🐻: Beautiful, as always.

Spencer ignores the rest of the team as they look at each other in disbelief.

Y/N🌸: Me or the flowers, Doc?

Spencer🐻: Both, but mostly you.

"Wow, Spencer you're really -" Prentiss starts

"You're whipped, kid. I mean seriously whipped," Derek finishes, nodding in agreement. JJ can't help but smile, giving Spencer a small pat on the back.

"She seems lovely, Spencer. How'd you two meet?," JJ says. Garcia stands around looking rather suspicious. A blush creeps onto Spencer's neck as he's reminded of how you two met.

"Online," Spencer says shortly. No one decides to question it, and Spencer thanks every god he can think of.

"Have you two FaceTimed yet? How can we know she's not, I don't know - catfishing you? Or scamming you in some other cyber criminal way?," Garcia sounds distressed. Spencer gives a small smile.

"We fall asleep over FaceTime every night," Spencer admits. Penelope's expression falls, and Prentiss gives a smile.

"That is disgustingly cute," JJ says laughing.

"Okay, well - I'm still running a background check on her," Garcia says stubbornly "But, I'm happy for you,"

"Thanks Garcia," Spencer mumbles out as he texts you again.

Y/N🌸: I wanna see you, love

Spencer blushes red as he reads your message. The word love makes his whole face hot.

Spencer🐻: I can't take a selfie for my life

Y/N🌸: You're with your team aren't you? Get them to take a picture of you.

Spencer wants to fold away, not ever really being the picture type, but how could he ever deny you.

Spencer🐻: How could I ever say no to you?

"Hey guys, can one of you take a picture of me for Y/N?" Spencer asks embarrassingly red. The whole team sends him a look of surprise.

"I'll take it Spence, try not to look as uncomfortable as you do right now," JJ says. The whole team refrains from laughing as Spencer gives an awkward smile. He thanks JJ who hands him back his phone before texting you again.

Spencer🐻: *image attachment* You owe me one

Y/N🌸: you're stunning as always. hadn't seen you in so long I almost forgot what you looked like.

Spencer🐻: stunnings an interesting choice of words.

Y/N🌸: I said what I said, doc. 

Spencer can't help but do a little giggle, that causes the whole team to give him a look. Morgan just shakes his head, shrugging. Emily, JJ, and Garcia just look at each other before the room draws into a subtle but comfortable silence as Spencer just smiles, totally unaware of how whipped he happened to look. He didn’t seem to mind either way. 

___

"How was work?," Spencer asks over the phone, kicking his shoes off as he looks into his fridge for something to eat. He hears you sigh on the other side of the line.

"Busy today - wedding season is coming up so tons of calls for centerpiece designs and costs. It's going well though, business couldn't be better," you say, clearly tired yet content. Spencer gives a small smile and feels relieved that things are going okay for you.

"That's really good. I'm glad you're feeling alright," Spencer replies. You ease into the couch as you talk to Spencer, relaxing by the second. 

"What about you, FBI man? You have an okay day?," Your voice is full of a gentle concern that Spencer appreciates.

"Yeah, just paperwork and JJ said that we shouldn't have any upcoming cases this week to be worried about so I have the weekend off," Spencer says without thought.

"Have any special plans for the weekend?," you say cheekily. Spencer, still not having caught on, shakes his head for a second.

"No, why?,"

"Hm... well - would you like to go on a date with me then Doctor Reid?," You ask, giggling. Spencer's eyes widen in realization as he facepalms for a moment.

"Wow, I didn't even think... yes - yes I would love to go on a date with you Y/N," Spencer says laughing at his own misfortune. You shake your head instinctively, but the growing smile and even further growing adoration makes it hard to sit still.

"Hey, Spencer," you say, butterflies filling your stomach.

"Yeah?"

"I really like you,"

____

Saturday comes quicker than Spencer can really understand. You told him not to worry about what the days plans would be but he can't help it. Anxiously awaiting you in front of the cafe that the two of you were supposed to meet at, in a part of town Spencer hasn't really seen before. You said that you'd lead the way and the irony isn't lost on him.

"Spencer?," Your voice is small, as you call out to what you think is Spencer Reid. Of course, you'd seen him before but to see him in person like this was still so unfamiliar. His head shoots up, eyes searching for you. He's delighted to have found you, certainly that was true as he walks towards you. Your arms envelop him in a friendly hug and he can't help but find himself sinking into. You smelled sweet, like fruit and flowers (which makes sense, the more he thinks about it)

"Lovely to finally meet you, Y/N,"

"Same goes for you, doc. Would you like to be informed of our plans for the day, or do you prefer the element of surprise?,"  You ask smiling. Spencer laughs at your question.

"Details would be appreciated, but I get the feeling you're not gonna give me those."

"You're right! It's a trick question, since it's a surprise. But, promise it'll be good,"

"I'll take your word for it then," Spencer says with a small smile. You hold your hand out for Spencer which he accepts, locking his hands with yours. The affection makes him feel full of warmth, as you lead him away for the day you had planned for the both of you.

___

Spencer underestimated how well you knew him. He really, really did. It's hard to explain since Spencers been on a date before but this was so profoundly different. He's a little touched, but beyond that he's just.. surprised? Every date he'd been on before this, he'd have to play the gentleman but it never seemed like the other person was interested in just him. It was always casual small-talk over dinner, or a mid-day coffee date or something else that just felt mundane but this was beyond Spencer's imagination.

The first place you took him was a bookstore - which was in Spencers mind already a winner for best date he'd ever been on. You walked inside with him and told him he had to pick up a book for you and you had to pick up a book for him and to say his heart absolutely fluttered would be an understatement. He picked up up a copy of "The Screwtape Tales," by C.S. Lewis for you, and you gave him a copy of Shel Silverstein's "Where The Sidewalk Ends." For you, you got a glimpse to see what Spencer's sense of humor was and you gave Spencer a piece of your childhood. Both equal but opposite forms of intimacy. The only thing was Spencer had to wait to read his book because it's relatively shorter than yours and he reads 20,000 words per minute.

The next place you took Spencer was an indoor butterfly garden. Does he have to explain why that's a good date? He heard you talk about all the scientific names for the different flowers and why they attract butterflies and he wasn't sure he could crush any harder on you if he tried. A particular moment sticks out to him on which a butterfly landed on your shoulders and just stayed there like it didn't want to leave. Spencer's eyes were fixated on it the whole time - and he had never wanted to be a butterfly in his life before but he figures there's a first time for everything.

The last place, where the both of you were at now was just a small coffee shop, locally owned and supported by the community here. You told Spencer that when you started up your shop, you'd come in here to work on big orders before you'd expanded enough to have employees. Spencer admires your work ethic, much more than he could ever anticipate as he sits down at a small booth, totally covering the both of you as you return to the table with a little plate of banana bread and two iced coffees. Spencer pouts as he looks up at you, watching you flash him a grin.

"I could've helped you carry this over," Spencer complains gently. You roll your eyes.

"Maybe next time doc," you say softly. You hold back your commentary often on the date, and Spencer pretends not to notice for your sake but he'd be lying if he said he didn't wanna know. You always had something sly to say but you'd kept it from him so many times now he figures it's better if he didn't ask.

Spencer looks at you as you push a plate of banana bread towards him. He looks at you with curious eyes before reading your clearly excited face and laughs. He picks up a piece and examines it, before taking a bite. If it tasted as good as it smelled then he would be more than obliged.

The involuntary moan that escapes Spencer's throat makes you choke with laughter. Shit, you weren't kidding when you said this was the best banana bread in the city. Spencer just looks up at you like he's about to cry with joy as you double over in giggles.

"I know," You say softly, taking a bite yourself eyes filling with joy "I ordered some more for us to take home - you're welcome," you say with confidence. Spencer smiles because that is genuinely thoughtful, but it was more endearing to see you pretend it wasn't. He just shakes his head, a blush arising to his face as he looks at you. You're staring at him with intent. He quirks his brow at you in question.

"I had a good time today, Spencer" You say warmly. You only called him Spencer when you were saying something affectionate and a bit serious. He gives you a toothy smile.

"I haven't been on very many dates, but this was easily the best one I'd ever been on," Spencer says honestly. You grin ear to ear, hands carefully holding Spencer across the table, running your thumb over his knuckles for a few seconds. You couldn't say for sure whether it was too soon to ask him to be your boyfriend, but you'd be damned if you said it didn't cross your mind.

Spencer was mind-numbingly unaware of what good boyfriend material he was, but beyond that - what good submissive boyfriend material he was. It was driving you nuts, but you knew this was all new for him and you didn't wanna freak him out. Even when guys say they're interested in being submissive, they're still often times uncomfortable with you being fully dominant. Dominant in public and in bed, if you will. You wanted to pay for dates, and buy him flowers, and make him feel special too - at least on the occasion. That role came naturally to you, that let me make you feel owned type affection that only a dominant person can give. It scared men off - out of relationships, and you totally got why - but you liked Spencer too much as a person to risk iit.

Spencer holds your hands together, gathering your attention. You looked at him spaced out and he gives you a look of concern.

"You okay?," Spencer asks. You nod, chewing your lip in debate of whether or not you should express your concerns. Spencer just tugs on your hand and looks at you intently.

You sigh, looking at Spencer softly.

"I'm okay I just really like you," you say a little exasperated. Spencer laughs but is filled with relief.

"I'm glad to hear that. What else is on your mind?,"

"I really like you - like in an, I want you to officially by my boyfriend way and I hope it's not too soon but I'm just, worried I guess," you say nervously. Spencer can't help the way his heart beats in his chest when he hears you say boyfriend. God did he want to be your boyfriend.

"What're you worried about?,"

"I'm worried about freaking you out. I can be a lot since I'm... you know?," You say nervously. Spencer looks at you  to continue.

"I'm more than just dominant in bed, and for a lot of guys it's not their thing and that's their right but I like you so much. I really don't want that to happen if I ask you out now and you realize that it's not for you," you say in clear upset.

Spencer looks at you in disbelief. You were worried that he was gonna freak out over that? That you were too dominant for him? It feels like such a silly concern but the expression on your face tells him you're speaking from experience.

"I mean, it's all kinda new to me but, well - I do like how you treat me? It's a nice change, I can't imagine myself getting tired of it, or of you. I really like you too," Spencer tried his best to reassure you without totally embarrassing you. You smiles at Spencer but your face is still full of doubt.

"If that ever changes, I'll tell you but I'd really like to call you my girlfriend," Spencer finishes. You can't help the warmth that spreads in your stomach at the offer. You just nod, looking up at him. You stand and walk to Spencer's side of the booth, sliding in next to him, leaning your head into his shoulder for a few while seconds. You sit back up, and Spencer turns to you.

"Hey, doc," you say softly. Spencer hums in acknowledgement.

"Can I kiss you?," you ask softly. Spencer chews his lip and nods, looking down at your lip. You're wearing lipgloss and it makes them look pretty - you are so pretty to Spencer.

Kisses are their own language, Spencer figures. The way someone kisses you can tell you a lot about who they are - so, when you put your hands on the side of Spencer's face, pulling him closer to you with such care and adoration - Spencer can feel what you were referencing earlier. The word Miss rings out in his mind, the way you pay attention to him with your hands. He feels your lips press against his, slowly gliding your fingers in his hair, thumb brushing agains the side of his cheek. Your other hand rested on his inner thigh and he has to think about anything other than that not to get hard. Spencer didn't get how much he'd been thinking about touching you until you'd do with no hesitation and he lets out a small whine. You pull back and Spencer has to catch his breath.

His lashes blink up at you and you're absolutely beaming.

"You're cute baby,"

Baby? Spencer wants to cover his face when you say it. You kiss him again and he can't help but feel flush.

You were Spencer's girlfriend and then some and he couldn't be more happy.

[survivormarmoreal]

Episode #12: "FUuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuoooouuoock me." - Maynor

Well. Looks like Bryce wasnt trust worthy at all. I can only have annabelle but we dont talk too much. I need to win immunity or my ass is gone next.

I definately need to win this immunity if I want to regroup. A even bigger fire in me wanting to play even more aggressive. Ive been passive. Now I dont really care who goes. Except for Annabelle ❤️. Im going to try and throw wrenches in their plans and try to get someone from their side out.

I’m on 230. Idk what my goal is going to be but i think im going to stop around 2pm so i can go back to 1 before 5pm deadline comes. I really need to win this immunity. 😰

Update. I am now at 500 for the number. Its barely noon. Idk if i should keep going or start to go back down to one. I just hope im the furtherest from everyone else. I would die if i dont win.

I feel so terrible. like that Nathan vote was the hardest thing I have had to do in this game so far. He betrayed my trust a lot. But I really got along so well with him. And Nathan deserves better. Ugh. Like Brian and I literally feel gross. And now I have to do damage control with Anna and make it seem like a last minute switch when actually it was me being a terrible person and plotting all round against one of the nicest players ever. I'm feeling rough and this season is getting really tough.

Well I am still here! I am honestly shocked that I am, but I will TAKE it gladly! Maybe I will stop being the target now cause nathan is gone (we shall see though, I feel like Bryce and brian are now HATED by Maynor and Anna) which will be nice. I now have the lovely (....) distinction of having the most votes cast against me in celestial history. and ALL Since the merge started lmao! I really am a magnet for votes huh. I feel good, might have to be rude to someone to get a target off my back though so uh maybe bitch boi matt will make a return at some point? We shall see

its so awk trying to talk to annabelle bc 1 she doesnt talk to me but more importantly idk what to say like. she feels betrayed but sharkys the one who threw nathans name out NNN she should be glad if it were up to me shed be in ponderosa right now ASFKJADSHFKJS. idk like i literally just forced a convo with her so i could confront her about leaking to sharky and she just ghosts. i want DRAMA. i want TEA. and yet nothing. maybe instead of doing the most i should be doing immunity but counting is literally so anxiety inducing and daunting JKHDAFSDKJFHKJ. anyways 6th is cute too

FUuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuoooouuoock me. I got to 626 to pay my respect to Stitch and i mess up gojng down from 323 and put 321. I never wanted to cry so bad. I wanted to scream into the void. I cant even with this challenge. I restarted and back at 404. Its 1:25 and deadline 5. Hopefully itll be enough time.

OK, so I definitely won't win immunity, but I tried to do well!  I don't think my submission will be good enough, but I can hope and pray it is!!  I don't even know if I fucked up, but I don't think I did... so hopefully 317 is the number for me!!

In other tea time news, Nathan... ya... um... when you see this I want you to truly understand how heartbroken I am at what happened.  I knew with all the strong-minded gameplay and trust you had in me that we would've been final 2 given the chance, but I also think that what threw me off was Annabelle's constant tea spilling at Sharky and the fact that your closest allies (aside from myself) were her and Maynor, who I like but have little to no actual game relationship with.  In addition, your desire to take out Matt every single round of the merge?  Wig.

I also found out Bryce was the other Matt vote during the merge vote... so... wow I'm powerful....

According to me and Bryce's plans in this game, ideally, Sharky will go this round... but after sending home Nathan last round, my whole ass heart is on some different shit.  I just feel like me doing that would be another rough ass round, and I don't think I could handle it.  It was easier when people like Nick, who annoyed me on a game level, were the names being thrown out, especially with how cocky he was... but now I'm like... wow, these people?  Amazing.

I think Sharky winning immunity wouldn't be too bad because then I can finally push Annabelle out and won't have to worry about her, so I'm banking on that!  I don't wanna ruin Bryce and I's plans in this game, I just feel more confident sitting with Sharky than like anyone else.

I also think my relationship with Maynor is so much better, and I can actually work with him further down the road.  He sketched me out a lot in the past, but I really think it's a solid ally for me if I can get him passed this round.  Annabelle or Sharky are the ideal targets, but I'm really feeling an Annabelle vote this round.  I may not be in the best spot for immunity this round, but I know I'll have my A-game on and ready next round, so I'm READY.

I was doing so well in this challenge. I had like 900 and I screwed up. Now I'm feeling the pressure. And I keep messing up. Now I've got less than 3 hours to make it up and hopefully finally win something. Brian told me he did not do well. And I don't want anyone else to win because it will limit our options going forward.

I'm over it. I screwed up HARD. And now I have like no time to recover. I'm over it.

I decided to go back to 626. And at 2:41pm i was able to get back down to 1. Im happy but i really hope that was enough because if it wasnt then im going to cry. I really want to win this. Stitch my favorite please give me luck. 🦑

last round was so risky i hope it doesnt just get me 6th. i tried to get together with anna again and i think we are but maynor not so much which sucks but as long as brian is real with wanting to keep me i should be good imagine if it was fake and he wasnt really taking me to the end NNN adsjkfhadskj the gag of the season? but ugh sharky really wants me out again like maybe get a clue and stop.

That was upsetting. But Bryce did really well so I applaud him. Its most likely going to be me tomorrow night. It sucks but i can at least try and see if i can find a way to stay.

There is some hope. Annabelle and I want to make it a tie with Matt. And when its rock time, Brian or Sharky hopefully get the odd color and they are sent home. Thats the only play right now that I think can save me. I have to rely on Bryce who i dont trust at all anymore. But kind of have to if i want to survive tomorrow.

i'm down for some mutual destruction this vote. I hope that this pays off or it could totally fuck me over but it is what it is if this works out i'll take this as like a win for nathan and i'll  be in a much better spot i think. wish me luck <3

I WON IMMUNITY PPL CAN TRY TO COME FOR ME BUT THEY CANT SURE MAYBE I PLAYED BAD IDK I HAVE BAD SENSE OF SELF WORTH BUT MAYBE I DID PLAY WELL BUT MAYBE I DIDNT BUT U KNOW WHAT IS TRUE AND FACTS!!! ME WINNING THIS IMMUNITY. BRIAN DOESNT WANT TO VOTE SHARKY ALL OF A SUDDEN WHICH IS SKETCH BUT NOW THAT I HAVE IMMUNITY IM NOT AFRAID OF VOTING SHARKY AND HOPING ANNABELLE AND MAYNOR VOTE WITH ME IM TALKING IN CAPS BC IM SO EXCITED MY STOMACH WAS LITERALLY A MESS ALL DAY BC OF HOW NERVOUS I WAS COUNTING UP AND DOWN AND SEVERAL BREAKDOWNS LATER I WON WOOOOOOOHHOOO IT REALLY IS BRYCE HISTORY MONTH!!!! anyways yaa i hope f5 is me brian matt maynor anna and that brian is real one and uses vote steal there so we auto have immunity but maybe i try to win immunity again anyway to make sure im safe.... but then at f5 i think anna has to go but she'll be so mad idk maybe maynor.. or  maybe matt whomst knows KJASDHFKJS but wooh in this moment... i am at peace

Im convinced annabelle is like a marine biologist or something with how much she loves sharky! i just want him out KFJASDHFKJ i love being pushy jk i literally hate it but i just want him out its not a lot to ask and i feel like im getting played idk but at this point my loyalty is to brian so if he betrays me its like w/e NNN just hoping itll work out maybe i comp my way into a losing finalist spot... anyways i just got into dear evan hansen again so love that renewed obsession

The Fajita Fellas are actually a solid alliance. I know I've been skeptical of Bryce in the past but I'm actually starting to trust him which is cool. HOWEVER it's also an issue because if I'm going to keep trying to save Anna it's only going to get harder. I'm hoping this vote will be easy squeezy. I told the FF that Maynor is easy and least likely to have an idol. They seem good with that. So...we'll see.

I am very nervous for tonight. I am 2 of the options for Sharky, Brian, and Matt to do. Annabell and I are throwing each other under the bus to them. But our plan is to vote Sharky and hoping have Bryce with us and cause a tie. And on the revote hope one flips on Sharky or we go to rocks. And hopefully Matt or Brian get the rocks.

The vote is me tonight. If plan goes according to it should be 3 vote sharky and 3 vote me. Im really hoping they flip on sharky or that Matt or Brian get rocked out. 🤞🤞🤞

So this vote seems so simple, its like kinda amazing for once. Last tribal had so much deceit and lying to get Nathan out and this tribal is like. so. quiet? you could literally hear a pin drop. Maynor and Anna seem like they have legit given up trying to get further, with both apparently voting for the other. How quiet it is is making me slightly nervous, but I do know that if i do somehow leave i am very proud of my game I have played. and I will have the same placement as Standrea so like nothing could be wrong with that huh?

The vote ties, 3 votes Maynor and 3 votes Sharky.

Im died. It worked but now here is hoping for matt or brian to flip. Im scared n excited.

bro... wtf. Can I say I am mad at Bryce? no not really I saw this coming from a mile off, hell even from the other side as the Atlantic. so like mad? nah? Its just... making me so sad. Like I REALLY DO NOT want to go home, i've been through too much to get to this point. But like,... I REALLY love sharky as a person. Like, I love him loads so this is a REALLY hard decision. Fuck my life I don't know what to do

I HATE REVOTES. SO. MUCH. i AM REFUSING TO TELL ANNA ANYTHING cause i like know she will immediately run to sharky and if I am to flip I am gonna tell him first not let him hear via Anna cause that is fucking SHADY. she's just pissing me off tbqh and its just like??? at least be cordial and get off invisible for fucking once

i think the plan worked? it was so awk trying to talk to matt i felt bad but i hope he understands he said he did so! and like... idk its just so hm idk idk. hm. like brian and matt both prob gonna flip wooh. matt said i played well so maybe i did like i tend to never think i played well but maybe i did but maybe hes just lying so KJFSDHJFA wooh

BRIAN IS THE SKETCHIEST PERSON IVE EVER PLAYED WITH I JUST WANNA GO TO THE END WITH HIM BUT HES LITERALLY BACKSTABBING ME I WANTED HIM TO JUST 4-2 SHARKY BUT NO HE WANTED TO MAKE IT GO TO ROCKS TO FEEL BETTER OR WELL GO TO TIE NOT ROCKS AND NOW HES LIKE SORRY SHARKY HAS TO STAY LIKE NO HE ACTUALLY DOESNT HAVE TO STAY IF U VOTE HIM AND ANNA STOPS BEING FAKE AND TRYING TO KEEP HIM WHEN HES DONE NOTHING BUT LIE TO HER AHHHH THIS IS SO FRUSTRATING SJDKFHADSKJFHSDKJF DSHFKJADSHFKJADSHFKASJFHKADSJFHADSKJSKFHASDKJFHASKJFAHKJFS ps: i love everyone in this game... but in this moment? i was ATTACKED

It’s almost about that time. 20 more minutes. I am very nervous. I hope that Bryce and Annabelle stick with me and hope Matt or Brian flipped if not then at least go to rocks. Im really hoping that this move works. But this final 6. I ❤️ Annabelle. ❤️ Sharky. ❤️ Brian. ❤️ Bryce. ❤️ Matt. They are all awesome.

Brian is rocked out.

[poweredbydietcoke]

Gobi March 2017 Race Report

TL;DR this is going to be really, really long as I attempt to cover months of race prep, gear selection, travel to western China, gear replacement, the race, the people, and the lessons...so be warned. The summary is this: three of us (Mark Gilbert, Angela Zäh, and I) trained (not enough), traveled to the Gobi Desert in far western China (losing only one bag of gear in the process), and ran ~250km and 4000m of vertical in conditions varied from cold pouring rain to brutal sun and heat up to 48*C (119*F), carrying all of our supplies (except water and tents) on our backs for the 6 days. And we enjoyed it! 

The event was reasonably well-run (the race organizers were in a little over their heads, I think, but also faced a ton of challenges planning a race of this scale in China, especially with the local government; the medical team was clearly A+ and seemed to bleed over into actually managing large parts of the race, which was incredibly helpful) and the 107 competitors who started were awesome and totally fun. Probably the best part of the entire event was getting to hang out in the mountains & deserts for a week with these people and become friends. It's always amazing to me how well people work together when they're faced with a big challenge, and the amount of sharing (of advice, gear, food, you name it) to make sure everyone made it was fantastic.   

Origin Story

This whole idea (for us) started late on New Year's Eve of 2015, when Mark and his sister-in-law Sue were looking for a challenging event for the year (recall that the past N years, Mark and I along with various other friends have always picked something silly to do without really training enough ... Mallorca 70.3, IM Australia, etc). Sue's challenge was the Gobi March or another Ironman in Capetown (I think). Mark texted me and offered the options, and I said we'd just done an Ironman, let's do something else, so we agreed to do Gobi (neither of us had imbibed at all by this point, of course). With all that was going on at work and only a few months to train for the 2016 event, we ended up doing a 50k together in Wyoming to train (and I did my first 100mi in Arizona), and signing up for Gobi 2017. Vlad Fedorov of course agreed to join us, and he dragged poor Angela into the mix before abandoning her, as he was forced to stay back in SF to handle a couple things (in his defense, Angela ran the 400m hurdles and the 800m in college, so she clearly enjoyed pain already). 

Training

Being such dedicated athletes with loads of free time, we promptly wrote out and followed extensive training plans to the T ... largely consisting of weekly red-eyes to New York (our equivalent of sleeping in an altitude chamber -- it literally is), walking 1x1s during the day, and trying lots of different hydration options (white wine, red wine, rum & coke, whiskey). By the time the race was only a few months away, we were convinced we were in peak shape, but our better halves ganged up on us and forced us to another level of training we didn't even know existed. I started running with a 20lb weight vest to simulate the pack I'd be wearing (which looks like an odd cross between a bulletproof vest, and a suicide-bomber vest ... got some very strange looks running in that + my tights on the Embarcadero in San Francisco), Mark started carrying his pack with extra weight once we finally acquired packs...and we even tried a few of the freeze-dried meals we planned to eat on the course (those turned out great). In the end I'd say our training was actually more than adequate for our goal (to finish), although not nearly enough if we'd wanted to be competitive.

Race Format

This type of race (particularly the 4 Deserts series) have an interesting format. You start in a campsite on a Saturday night, and start racing Sunday morning. The first four days are roughly a marathon each (technically it increases every day from ~35km to ~45km, but it's close), and then the fifth day is called the Long March (~80km, or 50 miles), which you have a total of 30 hours to complete (bleeding into the sixth day, which is a rest day for people who finish quickly), and the seventh day is a "victory lap" that makes up the last of the 250km (usually ~10km). Of course all of this planning goes up in smoke given the weather and the government, but more on that later. 

Gear

The race organizers required every competitor to carry a fixed list of mandatory gear -- you could choose the exact item, but it had to fulfill certain requirements (a sleeping bag rated to 32*F or below, a waterproof jacket, etc), and then you could choose to carry extra gear on top of that (more food, a sleeping pad for comfort, etc)...but everything you choose to carry is on your back and added weight, and the more weight you carry, the more calories you burn, and therefore the more food you need to carry, meaning the more weight you carry again, and so on (we called this the "rocket fuel problem"). In the end the lightest pack I saw was about 7.5kg, and the heaviest were upwards of 15kg (hint, your pack weight was directly and strongly correlated to your finishing position -- the lower the weight, the lower your time). Mine ended up weighing in at 9.6kg without water, Mark's was about 10.4kg, and I think Angela's was high 8s. 

If you're interested in the gear or are planning to do this race (or something like it), read this post in detail...if you don't care, skip it, because it will get boring fast. :)  Food

As mentioned above, they required you to carry a minimum of 14,000 calories a day, or 2,000 calories per theoretical day you were on the course. Really, though, you're going to want more than that (at my height and weight, roughly 6' and 200lbs, I probably burn 2,500 calories a day *without* running), but the good news is, you're not really running 7 days. Saturday night and Sunday morning you're in camp 1, so you don't need to count that weight -- it's never in your pack for a run. Friday is a rest day, so you don't need that many calories; and Saturday is an easy 10km to the finish line (and it doesn't count for official results, so most people walk/jog it together rather than racing), so worst case you could do that with no food and just plan on eating a lot at the finish line. Of course cutting this too close could cause you problems if/when plans change. :) 

I settled on roughly 19,000 calories for the week, broken down like this: 

(Yes, everyone has pretty complex spreadsheets to manage this, including calorie distribution per day, weight-per-gram trade offs, when to eat, etc).  I ended up planning on about 800 calories for breakfast each day (we were usually up by 6am for an 8am race start, so plenty of time to get warm food in), about 1200 calories on the course / right after, and another 800 calories for dinner, with more calories on the day before/of the Long March, a lot less for rest day, and 400 calories for breakfast on the last day. 

Aside from United losing 6800 calories of that (which Mark & I were able to replace in Shanghai with mostly ramen and oatmeal ... happily all of my bars/gels/powders were in my carry on, as those would have been much harder to replace), I think I did pretty well on food. 800 calories turns out to be about the most I could get down for breakfast, but not too much at all...some people brought 1200 calorie breakfasts but were getting really sick of them by the end and couldn't finish them. The Mountain Home breakfast skillet was the best, and savory was much better than sweet (eg porridge-type stuff) where possible. 800-1000 calories for dinner was great, with the hits being local ramen, Mountain Home beef stroganoff (always a favorite of mine, so much so that when I first started eating freeze-dried meals backpacking 25 years ago, I was convinced I would enjoy it at home in normal circumstances...not so much!), and Mountain Home chili mac with beef (so good!). I also brought a Recoverite to add to my water bottle for every day right after I finished, which seemed to work incredibly well (maybe I just recovered easily/well, but I felt great starting each day). I also brought a desert (dark chocolate cheesecake from Backpacker's Pantry) as a surprise to share with my tent-mates on the rest day, which was nice but in the end not worth it (a couple of us split it and it was fine but not as delicious as we thought it would be given our hunger). 

During the day was a little harder -- every day I took two bars (a Tram Bar from Jackson Hole, and an almond-butter-filled Clif Bar), one Perpeteum, one Heed, and an almond butter packet, and a couple Gu gels for emergency energy. The Clif Bars were great and easy to get down with the almond butter center, but only 250 calories. The Tram Bar at 370 cals was great energy but a little harder to get down, especially when thirsty, and a little too much to take at once but hard to hold onto for two hours since I didn't have a great place on my vest to stash it. In hindsight I might take more Clif and less Tram next time, same number of calories. The only Perpetuem I could find before I left was Orange Vanilla, which was mediocre at best. It has the advantage of 270 cals and 220mg sodium, so it helps with electrolytes as well (a good thing), but it tastes like garbage...so by the end of the Long March I couldn't choke it down without gagging and risking vomiting (which would make things much worse because you lose all your hydration + calories + electrolytes and start over). 

Next time I'd find a better flavor (strawberry? Both my Recoverite and Heed were strawberry and great) and train with it more to make sure I could get down 3-4 packets on a long day (1 was easy, and 2 was doable, which was my training max). The Heed was a nice change, but with only 100 cal and 70mg sodium I might drop it next time for just more Perpetuem if I can stomach it. And the almond butter was unnecessary on most days (a lot of it went to Mark who had brought more meals and fewer daytime snacks), but worked well when I wanted it / used it. The gels were a lifesaver (most of them went to Mark), I'd have brought a few more next time for quick fixes especially when I bonked on the Long March (happily Angela force-fed me a Stroupwaffle since I was out of my own gels)...they turn out to be not that dense (weight-per-calorie) so not great for the bulk of your calories, but good for speed-of-absorption. 

To replace electrolytes (salt++) in the heat, I was relying primarily on Perpetuem supplemented by Endurolyte salt pills (80mg per two)...these worked fine but were annoying (I was scarfing them 4 at a time during the hot days), and next time I'll switch to Nuun or Gu Hydration...they dissolve in water with 320mg per tablet, and although they make me burp occasionally (because of the carbonation they introduce, I assume) if I can find a flavor I like they are much easier. Lots of the faster guys were using Tailwind for nutrition, which was like a denser Perpetuem combining more calories with more sodium, so I plan to try that going forward. 

Finally, Mark & I both brought 12x Starbucks Via instant coffee for the mornings (we each only had one per morning, leaving us lots of extras to give someone else and make them happy -- for a few grams per packet, this is so worth it). Mark specified "Italian or French, dark roast only, with powdered milk" so he lived the high life, while I just drank whatever I'd found (a medium roast Colombian) and did just fine. :) We also each threw in a few cubes of chicken bullion, which has a lot of salt but not many calories, for cold nights when we were hungry ... totally worth it, both for ourselves and to share (put these in a separate bag as they turn out to be super oily). Angela brought a small bottle of olive oil to add to food for flavor + calories (it's super calorically dense), which was an amazing idea (mine was once again United'd so I had to borrow). Mark brought a small container of salt which was also helpful. 

Getting There

The race itself started in Hami, a "small" town of half a million in the rural western Chinese province of Xinjiang...this a lesser-known version of Tibet, with lots of "interesting" political situations (Mark said that when he lived in Shanghai, the internet in this province was "turned off" for two solid years). To get there, we all met up first in Shanghai (Angela & I went direct, Mark went through LA, Seoul, fourteen other places, and then to Shanghai) and spent a night at Le Royal Meridien. Thinking it would be hard to screw up a bag on a direct flight, I checked my knife, hiking poles, bottles of olive oil for us, and stupidly also put some of my food, sleeping pad, and camp clothes/shoes in there because I had space. Of course it stayed in San Francisco for an extra few days and by the time it made it to Shanghai, I was in the middle of the Gobi. Oh well -- Mark made a trip to Decathalon to get some stuff he needed anyway, Angela borrowed a mat and poles from Luke for me, and I found a grocery to stock up on ramen etc. 

We then hopped on Juneyao Airlines for the flight to Urumqi (or Wulumqi, depending on how you transliterate), the capital of Xinjiang province, and all carried on / managed to make it with all our gear, and crashed at the Sheraton for a night (clearly the most happening place in this rural metropolis of 3-4M people). The next day we took the high-speed (3.5 hour) train to Hami, which included another two security screenings (everywhere has outside magnetometers + X-ray to get into the building, then the normal travel checkpoint, as well as a few passport checks to control movement of people), where people finished their sewing...leaving the train station we got detained for a while by the police who were surprised to see a bunch of gweilos in this area (to say it's an occupied province is to put it lightly, the tensions between the Han Chinese and the native Uighurs appears to be quite high), but we'd made friends with some of the other (native Chinese) competitors on the train who spoke both perfect English, Mandarin, and some of the local dialects, and they very helpfully sorted it out for us before getting us all in taxis to the hotel...thanks guys! 

(photo credit Angela)

Saturday at the hotel was occupied with race briefings, gear checks, medical checks, running out to get anything you were missing in the market (Mark and I went out to buy cheap pocket knives ... it seems you’re not supposed to have knives in this province, though, as there are magnometers and X-rays at the entrance of every single shop/building ... amusingly if you walk through with your bag on your shoulder and keep going, people rarely say anything ... but in the end the helpful shopkeeper wrote us a note saying we needed the knives to cut fruit in case anyone stopped us. When in China...)

Saturday afternoon we boarded busses for the three hour drive to the start and found ourselves in a beautiful yurt campground at the base of some large mountains. We were supposed to change camps every night as we progressed along the original Silk Road, over the mountains, and out into the desert, but the government had other plans, "for our own safety." So instead for the first four days we'd pack up everything, leave the camp (which was sometimes guarded by very bored-looking local police in whatever dark clothing they could cobble together, with every group of 4-5 guys issued one shield, one baton, one vest that said SWAT, and one belt that said SWAT ... not kidding ... and they always faced inward, not outward), run a while, and then return to the same camp. 

(photo credit unknown)

Anyways, we'd pack up, go run 40km, and then come right back to the same camp. At least it was, aside from the pit toilets, quite a nice place to be!  Saturday night at camp we got our first chance to meet our tent-mates for the week. Beside Mark, Angela and I, we had Ben & Richard, both British ex-pats living in Hong Kong, and serious runners -- Ben would finish the race 5th, and Richard 9th. Then Aussie Mark, who also lived in HK with Ben & Richard, Michael (an American who lived in Singapore with Chevron and was just moving back to SF with Google), and Donald, a retired Scottish policeman from Edinburgh who ran everywhere in amazing Tartan shorts, and whose lovely wife was volunteering to help out with the race. We'd have a chance to spend a lot of time together, on and off the course, over the week, and we couldn't have asked for a better group -- I would happily do another week or more of racing with every single person in that tent, which is saying something given the pain and smells we endured! 

We also got to start hanging out with the race's wonderful medical team, six doctors (all seemingly Stanford emergency- or trauma-affiliated, and all with wilderness/backcountry backgrounds) who would precede and follow us everywhere and help with everything from the smallest blister to people passing out on the course, always with a smile and a word of encouragement. Doc Julie led the team, along with her husband Doc Adam -- both of them live in Salt Lake City and work with a friend of mine from undergrad, Nick Kanaan (turns out that Nick had volunteered for Gobi a few years ago and all the docs knew him, which was funny). Adam had previously raced in a 4 Deserts race (the Sahara, I think) and Julie had worked a bunch of them. Avi was the other old-timer, I think this was his 8th race, and it turns out that he lived about 2 blocks from me in San Francisco; Patrick, Michael Shaheen, and Alexis (all from Stanford, some now at San Diego I think) rounded out the team on the younger side...and all were fantastic. 

After our first freeze-dried meal on Saturday night (note to self, next time bring good fresh food for that first meal!) and an early bedtime, we were up at 5:30am Sunday to start getting ready. Breakfast, a race briefing at 7:30am, and onto the busses at 8:00am to head to the start line (we would start elsewhere and run back to camp on day 1, given our newly confined schedule). It was only supposed to be 35km and 600m of climbing, and given the changed plans, promised to be even shorter and less climbing that planned...so it seemed easy. Wrong attitude. 

It all started out pretty easy and downhill, and we ran the first while to get ahead of the pack. The first few legs were fast and fun, and on pretty good terrain, until we hit the last aid station at the base of the Barkhol sand dune. It was a strange but gorgeous collection of dunes in the middle of the plains, the tallest one being probably 300-400m tall, and we were going up one ridge, along the top, and down the other end. But it's ok, only 12km to go and a little sand. The first approach was easy, but quickly got very steep very fast, and all of us went anaerobic just trying to make forward progress (each step slid back a good percentage of the distance you covered), wearing us out before we made the first ridge line. Our low gaiters with Velcro turned out to be no match for sand that was mid-calf, so our shoes were quickly filled, and the temps were climbing past 35*C, but we made it up and trekked along the ridge lines, up and down along the dune. Breathtaking views 

(photo credit Angela)

We found the end and tumbled down, having a lot of fun on the descent until we hit the base and realized we had a lot more sand to wade through, and camp was a lot farther away than we thought! I stopped to empty my shoes and tape a toe that had started to rub in the sand (happily it would actually improve and heal entirely during the week!), and we kept pushing on. An hour or two later we were seemingly no closer to the camp, and I started to regret my decision not to keep any Endurolytes in the front of my pack...by 5km to go I was starting to get kind of out of it, but Mark stuck next to me, forced me to take some more (I kept thinking we were close enough just to tough it out), and made it home only losing a few minutes of time. That left us the rest of the day to hang out in camp and get to know people, which was consistently fun.

Day 2 started early again

with a 7:30am briefing and 8:00am departure straight from camp...4km down a gravel road before we turned up into the forest and started climbing the mountains, ultimately up to 2900m. We were supposed to continue straight through the pass and down the other side, but plans change, and we were running out-and-back...all good, at least it was pretty! We cruised out to the base of the climb pretty fast and then just dug into the switchbacks, trying not to be offended when mountain goats passed us...but we made good time together to the middle checkpoint at the pass, almost 20km and 1200m in under four hours with pretty full packs. We passed the race leaders on their way back as we were starting the final climb, stopped to refill at the top, and a torrential downpour started. 

Waterproof jackets on and start hammering down...Angela started to chill so she went ahead to keep moving fast and stay warm, and I hung back a bit with Mark, and we just cruised down and back. All in all a nice day, and the rain wasn't too bad. Back in camp we took over the fires to dry everything (clothes, shoes, backpacks) and passed out early. I think this was the night that both Mark and Angela decided / were convinced that carrying deodorant was a waste of weight, and so got rid of it (the rest of us never even tried). Of course from then on we complained about Angela's lack of deodorant... 

Day 3 was a bus to the start, and a bus home. Yuck. But the terrain was maybe the most consistently beautiful we had all week, a river valley up and down about 1000m, so life was good. We started in a slightly gray morning and climbed up and up and up through this valley, cresting the top a few hours in. Angela cruised ahead again to stay warm, and Mark and I started the descent...it started to warm up but Mark had hammered on the way up and seemingly didn't cool down enough on the way down, as he started to overheat. By 7km to go he was hating life and couldn't stop shivering (despite it being 27*C outside and wearing lots of layers), so we stopped by one of the roving 4x4 support vehicles, got his feet up, and got Doc Adam on the radio...he was there pretty quickly and immediately said "heat exhaustion", got him de-layered and in the shade, a cold Pepsi for a quick sugar hit, and we were back on our way down within the hour. We were pushing it closer to the cutoff times than we wanted, but made it easily and on the last bus back to camp, where the whole tent helped sort out gear, get it dry, get food ready, and generally speed up recovery. 

Day 4 was another out-and-back from camp, which was nice to avoid busses and see other people on the course, despite not being as much new scenery. 1.5km on a gravel road down to the forest, 6km through the forest out into the plains, up the foothills through a lot of pasture to some lower hills, and then down a beautiful valley on the other side to the 22.5km mark, turn around and do it again. It would be about 45km with another 1200m of climbing, which suited us given SF-based hill training, and the temperatures would stay down well under 40*C for another day, which was nice. Given the cold day and our pace, Angela hammered ahead to stay warm (if you get cold it's really, really hard to get warm again) and Mark and I just took it easy on the way out...Angela would end up finishing as second woman that day, I think, and emerge as a dark-horse contender for the overall race if she wanted it). 

We climbed to the first checkpoint in 2.5 hours, just under the cutoff, and then did the second leg in 3 hours out to CP2, where Adam was waiting for us to check in. The previous day's exhaustion had also hammered Mark's feet (when you get tired your form goes, and blisters start/take hold), so the climb out was torture for him, in addition to the exhaustion and not a lot of time to recover...feeling as if he was just going to repeat day 3, he sadly (but very intelligently) decided to call it at CP2 and ride back with the 4x4s. I loaded up on water and advice from Adam and left CP2 in 104th place for the return journey, 22.5km and lots of climbing to get back, and only 2.5 hours to make the cutoff for CP3. I was feeling great, though, and passed almost 30 people on the way to CP3 in 1:45 flat...I barely broke stride going through to refill my bottles and keep pushing home. I passed another 25 people on the last leg to finish 49th on the day, in a little under 3:30 for the return trip. It was a huge bummer to lose Mark but a really smart decision not to risk it, and the trip back turned out to be a lot of fun even solo. Stopped by at the end to hang out with the docs and say thanks, and ended up lucking into some sprayable painkiller for the small shin splints that had developed on my legs. Better living through chemicals! 

Day 5 turned into a rest day with our new plans, so we slept in until 8 or 9am, had a leisurely breakfast, and we all tried to stay out of the sun and rest. Our yurt basically spent the day inside reading, laughing (my sister would send me a really bad running joke every day, which I would happily relay to a large chorus of groans), and napping, as we got ready for a midnight bus departure to the start line of the Long March. Most memorable quote of the race: 

Donald: "does anyone have any extra salt I can put in my lunch?" Richard: "you could wring out one of my socks in there, I'm sure it has plenty of salt." 

And Laura's jokes: 

What's Forest Gump's password? 1forest1 

What do you get if you run in front of a car? Tired What do you get it you run behind a car? Exhausted 

It might be hard to picture from here, but we were having a blast. :) We had a leisurely lunch and went back to sleep, an early dinner and back to sleep, and then woke up around midnight to make more food (we were all furiously trying to recalculate our food plans to have enough calories on a pre-long-march rest day and still have enough food for the long march, and there was a lot of trading / sharing of food) and get on the busses. Our government protectors decided we couldn't leave yet, so we sat around until 1:30am or so and finally pulled out in a giant convoy of flashing lights for the slow drive to the start...finally arriving sometime around 5:30am. Quick pit stop, top off water bottles, and it was time to go. Angela & I decided to stick together for the long march, with a strategy of running as much as we could early in the morning before it got hot to put in some distance, and then just a forced march during the peak heat until it cooled off or we finished. 

We pulled away early, scarily close to the leaders, and ran a lot through the first two checkpoints and 26km before it started to get hot and we backed off a bit. By the third checkpoint at 37km it was getting hot, and the next 6km through a dry, still wadi were an absolute slog (at least for me)...at some point I managed to pee and it was a dark brown-yellow, which is never a good sign, and I'd already consumed over 7L of water in 6 hours. We made it to CP4 by 12:45pm, where we were forced to stop for 3 hours (the race implemented a mandatory 3 hour rest for everyone given the heat)...which was amazing. 29 people made it to CP5 for the stop, 20 people at CP4 (we were numbers 4 and 5 to make it there), and the rest stayed back at CP3. Flat on our backs in the shade (which at this point was 45*C ... rumor had it that a thermometer in the sun read 56*C, but the highest confirmed temp I heard was 48*C), with an amazing volunteer (Katya) walking around the tent with a spray bottle in each hand for three hours, misting water on us, and trying to get in more water, electrolytes, and calories. Talked to Adam about my water consumption and tried to up it even more (by the end of the day I consumed almost 20L) and then it was time to get back to it. As each person got ready to leave, Adam would quietly go over and say "drink some of your water...ok now give me the bottle", and come back a minute later with a few ice cubes in the top. Cool water never tasted so good (most of the water on the course by this point was 40-45C at least).

Back on the trail and we were feeling pretty refreshed after a break and lots of water, so we pushed through to CP5 at a decent pace given the temperature (through all of this Angela appears basically unaffected to me and barely drinking water, although she promises it was hard). At some point in here we stopped to perform some more shoe surgery on her heel to free up the Achilles, which was a nice 2min break in the one piece of shade we saw. 

Making it to CP5 I decided it was the opportune time to use Laura's latest joke, which I'd received on the satcom during the rest stop...we walked into the tent and I told the lead volunteer that I'd started hallucinating on the course. She looked concerned and called for the doctor, Avi, as I told her I'd seen a talking pig (Angela is rolling her eyes), and he told me that I needed to help him because "he was bacon out here." It took her about ten seconds to process just how bad of a joke it was and that I wasn't in fact hallucinating (which made it even funnier), just enough time for Avi to arrive and pronounce that I did in fact need treatment if I was telling jokes that were that bad...and quickly launch into his own series of bad jokes (all of which he blamed on Nick). We had a blast telling dumb jokes for 10 minutes in the shade while we nursed our surprise Pepsis from the medical team (they brought enough for every single competitor to get one at CP5!)...the best one: "What do you call someone who tells bad jokes but isn't a dad? A faux pas" 

(photo credit unknown)

Before it was time to head back onto the course. The Pepsi carried us through the next 10km to CP6, where Donald's wife was waiting (we'd seen him at CP4 during the rest stop and he was doing ok, if hot, which she was happy to hear), a quick (to me, maybe 10-15min in real terms?) shade and water break and back on the trail to CP7. We saw Dirk, one of the race leaders, at CP6, where he'd unfortunately been forced to drop out due to heat exhaustion...he'd spent an hour sitting in a 4x4 with the AC running and still couldn't stop hyperventilating, so he decided to call it, and was just starting to recover by the time we arrived. :( 

I tried to get my last Perpetuem down on this leg and just couldn't, so by the time we were a few km from CP7 I started to run out of gas, hard. Electrolytes and water were ok, but I just hadn't had enough to eat for the day (or at least not enough simple sugars that didn't require too much blood to digest, since it was mostly busy carrying oxygen to my legs)...I tried to push through it again to get to CP7 (because the first thing a bonk does is make you dumb), but happily Angela forced me to eat, first one of her sugar-filled waffles and then one of my Clif bars, so that by the time we crawled into CP7 I had some calories in my stomach to start digesting. 

CP7 was a war zone, with at least 6 people splayed out all over the floor passed out and trying to recover from heat, electrolytes, calorie deficits, etc. I got another bar in and laid on my back for 20min to get some calories to digest before we picked up and moved again, just as the sun started to set. We had 11km along a road to go to the finish, and we just forced-marched it under headlamps. We'd long ago given up talking much, instead favoring simple "thumbs up" for "you good? I'm good", hands flat and wiggling for "I'm so-so", and happily never getting to thumbs-down, but we kept moving, I managed to get my Heed down, Angela's Achilles stayed ok, her knee didn't get much worse, and we crossed the finish line just before midnight on Friday. Ben and Richard had crossed the line together just before sunset, Michael was probably an hour ahead of us at 23rd, and we finished 26th and 27th for the day. Mark was already there having helped out at camp and the aid stations during the day, and they'd all claimed a big tent for us near the finish line. After a few minutes of catching up and joking, getting weighed and prodded for medical tests, and chugging our almost-cool finish line Pepsis and waters, we were all fast asleep by 12:30am. 

Unfortunately that didn't last long, as we were rudely awakened by a huge sandstorm that started to collapse our tent around 3:15am. We traded off holding the tent in place while everyone hurriedly packed their kit, and then hung out in the tent for a bit debating what to do while the wind whipped around outside and quickly destroyed about half the camp. We decided with all the metals poles flying around we were probably safer away from the tent, so everyone loaded up and we made a run for the leeward side of a big rock formation nearby, where the winds were lower and there were fewer flying projectiles. We made our little post-apocalyptic refugee camp there and were gradually joined by more and more people from collapsed tents...at least it was cool (ish) outside! 

We all had our buffs wrapped around our faces 

And dozed in and out between brief sleep and chatting all night, curled up on some shared sleeping pads. The last finisher finally crossed about 9:45am (happily under a huge cloud of dust, the sun stayed slightly hidden and the temperatures stayed lower, probably under 40*C), we all got up to run the final "victory lap" (which was really just so the race organizers could get marketing photos, so it was cut down to probably under 1km) and cross the official finish line together to get soda, beer, and bowls of real food (rice, veggies, and a little unspecified meat). 

(Donald at the finish line, photo credit Donald’s wife Elaine?)

30 minutes later we were all ready to get on the busses and head back to Hami, which was a solid 2+ hour drive. 

And that was it. We got back to the hotel, drank beer in the hallways while we waited for our rooms to be ready, enjoyed very long showers, drank more beer while we waiting for dinner, had a great big banquet (of course our yurt all sat together...it was strange to us that most tents didn't), drank more beer in the lobby, and passed out. 

(Photo credit Angela)

The travel home was less eventful, although fun to do a lot of it with these groups of people we'd gotten to know so well. The trains to Urumqi were easy, although the security checks caught some more stuff (people just cared less), we just kept walking and didn't stop. :) The airport at Urumqi was clearly on high alert, as they ran each of our carry-ons at least 4 times, and to their credit (as annoying as it was, because it was pointless), they found almost everything that we weren't supposed to have (those sewing scissors and hiking poles were clearly a threat) and ended up with a large haul of stuff for themselves. Back in Shanghai after a few-hour delay we had a day to rest, get massages, and eat, and now on the plane back to SF. 

Lessons Learned

I mentioned a bunch inline above, but fundamentally this was an exercise in logistics and training more than anything else ... no individual race day was that challenging by itself (granted I finished in the mid-40s place-wise and not top-10, where I'm sure the running itself was much more challenging), and if you had a lightweight pack, managed your nutrition well, and took care of your feet every day, you seemed to have a pretty good chance of finishing well (modulo heat & exhaustion issues like Mark faced--I think he might have been sick at the same time, because he was eating and drinking well all day). Then it's just a matter of persistence, but even less of that is required here than in eg. a straight 100-miler. 

I did find this race format far more enjoyable than a one-day 100-miler, I think largely because of the camaraderie on the trail and in camp. It would be cliche and dramatically exaggerated to say I made best-friends-for-life in this race, but I certainly made another 5 friends who I look forward to visiting around the world as our paths collide. 

In the end I could have carried a little less food, as I think I only lost about 10 pounds over the course of the race (I wouldn't skimp on on-course food, but less weight for dinner and run a higher calorie deficit at night would have worked). This would have been less weight, and let me run less conservatively on the first few days, probably saving a lot of time. Only one toenail (so far) fell victim to the trails, and a few annoying blisters on the last day, but remarkably few given the terrain and mileage and they're already largely healed. And the hotel in Hami collected a large pile of donated/trashed gear...my beloved shoes (complete with an extra lining of velcro for the gaiters) were pushing 600 miles and didn't make the return trip, along with the gaiters themselves (wouldn't use that style again, and they were trashed), my socks (biohazard), running top (likewise), and camp clothes and shoes I'd purchased cheaply in Urumqi along with the crappy folding knife from Hami. And, of course, Luke's poles he so generously loaned me, confiscated by the crack airport security team (happily, only on the return trip!)...Luke, I still owe you a beer (or many) for those poles!