#i think im really losing it guys and everybodys just acting like im ~sensitive~ and should stop watching the news

[whx-m]

over 500 children killed in gaza.

[bratz-kitten]

questions i have for the signs

libra suns – do you learn a lot from observing other people’s behaviours? because libras do so well in group settings, and they value their emotional intelligence and ability for being likeable a lot. once, a libra sun man came up to me and just told me that he learned a lot of his behaviours from observing others and that’s how he learned better coping mechanisms/better ways of expressing himself and his emotions. at first, i found that absolutely preposterous because as someone who’s always focused so much on my own individuality and authenticity, the thought of taking aspects from other people just repulsed me, but the more i think about it, the more it makes sense – after all, there’s so much to learn from others and since observational skills are so important, why not use them to better ourselves?

also, to my libra suns once again – how the hell have you managed to build a reputation for being stable and peaceful? i swear every libra i’ve ever met was absolutely unstable – the type to throw their phones on the wall during arguments, to randomly go up to me and start psychoanalysing me, to immediately go confrontational mode no matter if they were in the middle of class, simply because they couldn’t leave shit unresolved. i’ve noticed your tendency for playing devil’s advocate in every situation in the name of “fairness” has you being VERY confrontational. it’s kinda refreshing not gonna lie.

now, ladies.. have we noticed how misogynistic cancer sun men can be or am i losing my mind? i swear to god i’ve never met ONE in my life who didn’t have extremely sexist opinions. even the ones who seem like great people and who get along with everybody – they still think that girls who sleep around casually have no self-respect and that sex workers are disgusting. also, hating on girls for doing the buss it challenge and for posting pictures where they’re showing skin and feeling themselves? saying they’re sluts? as if they’re not the same men who click on those videos? not only the misogynist part, but also extreme anger issues that come out at the most unexpected times. i believe it’s their traditionalist views and their hatred for their own femininity that has them projecting their insecurities onto other women. either way, cancer men terrify me. perhaps it’s that my father’s a cancer and he’s the blueprint of all terrible men in my life, or perhaps cancer men really are batshit crazy. either way, please change my mind lol there are probably some good ones out there but my experience has me believing otherwise

pisces mars – (18+) do you get pleasure from simply pleasuring your partner? i do this and i feel like it’s to a point where it’s toxic, every time i’m the one receiving i’ll be thinking about how i could be using this time to pleasure them instead, even if it feels really good. i don’t know what it is but the act of knowing i’m making someone feel good feels 1000 times better than everything else, it feels my soul and i think it’s a pisces mars thing. it’s crazy because it’s only in sexual matters, in day-to-day basis i’m very assertive but in bed i’m extremely submissive and just want to fulfil all of my partner’s needs. do you also have very intricate sexual fantasies that you’re constantly thinking about? also, are you masoquistic? i’ve seen other pisces mars talking about this, about how they get off on pain a lot and it makes me feel less alone. it might also relate to lilith in the 12th house because it indicates mixing pain with pleasure + escapism through fantasies + some very extreme fetishes like r*pe-play. let’s start this discussion lol

leo placements – how does it feel like being the baddest bitches alive? serious answers only. also stop making me fall in love with you it’s annoying

capricorn/scorpio suns, do you gravitate a lot towards one another? im a capricorn and i attract a lot of scorpio placements, and scorpios are the people who bring me the most intense personal transformations. it’s also definitely because i have scorpio in the 8th, but either way, i feel like these two signs attract each other like crazy because they’re the darkest signs. scorpio simbolizes death while capricorn simbolizes the devil, they’re both so difficult, complex and drawn to dark topics that i feel like it’s a match made in heaven – or hell. i’ve also observed that the most powerful power-couples in media are always relationships between capricorns and scorpios, too.

moon in the 10th house natives – do people baby you a lot? i feel like i’ll just be walking down the streets and my friends will be screaming at me to be careful like i’m a 5 year old, or offering to do things for me, or feeling an inherent need to supervise me as if i’ll get in deep shit if i’m left alone for more than 5 minutes LOL but i do think it’s something about this placement. moon in the 10th indicates being very emotional and getting easily overwhelmed, also a lot of charisma and being very sensitive when it comes to personal relationships. also the way we radiate authority makes others unconsciously be more obedient towards our needs, and we have a very strong need to protect others and create a family within our friend groups, which might be creating these dynamics.

leo suns/moons/risings – do you feel like having a low self-esteem quite literally contributes to the deterioration of your physical health? i think there’s such a stark difference between when you’re feeling insecure and in an unhealthy relationship vs when you leave the toxicity behind and work on your self-confidence, there’s an immediate glow up, like you’re literally glowing and it shows.

gemini suns – why do so many people hate you? even people who know nothing about astrology will say they hate geminis. genuine question because geminis are one of my favorite signs. i think it’s something about the way you easily adapt to other people’s personalities and mirror their energy, so you’ve built this reputation for being two-faced when you’re literally just.. socially intelligent.

air moons – how tf can you turn your emotions off? what do you mean using logic instead of feelings i will literally unalive myself

capricorn moons – how does it feel like having healthy coping mechanisms? oh wait, it’s not like you’d know LMFAOOOO

scorpio mars – are you as sexual as people portray you to be or do you feel a bit weird about the way people talk about you? because people always talk about scorpio mars as this sex machines, but like.. scorpio’s a water sign. very sensitive. i’ve noticed you guys literally avoid having sex with people because it’s like giving them a part of your soul, and you know you’ll get extremely attached to them afterwards. is sex a casual thing for you or can you only feel satisfied when there’s an emotional connection established? this goes for all water sign mars by the way.

scorpio risings – do you only listen to music that you feel has a deep meaning? my brother is a scorpio rising and he prides himself a lot on his music taste and how deep the music he listens to is. and as an aries rising im just like.. sir i listen to doja cat because hearing her sing about sex and fat tiddies makes me happy

[imagine-plus-ultra]

Hiya! It’s always nice to seem new blogs starting off, so I wish you the best of luck! （╹◡╹）♡ Anyways, I was wondering if you could do a request for me, please! Head-canons for Mirio pinning after the sweet, and rather meek girl in his class! How he’d act around her, confess, once they’re in a relationship, whatever you like! Thank you, and I hope you have a good day or night!~

Hiya to you! Thanks for the good wishes @katsukiveronica, I really love Mirio, so thanks for asking for him. I’m not really sure how thise came out, half of me loves them and the other half not so much. Regardless, I hope you like them! ❤

Starts with admiration. You have a powerful Quirk,you know it, he knows it, everybody knows it. Your encounters in the SportFestival are always a great show and you’ve catch the eye of several pro heroeswho want you in their agency and yet he’s never seen you act all mighty andbraggy. He’s seen other prominent promises in his own internship, so he knowshow easy is to lose the ground.

Mirio considers all his classmates his friends,and you’re not an exception. So, at first, he doesn’t realize that he’s startingto see you in more than a friendly way. He thinks you’re awesome and as far ashe can remember you’ve always been good with him and the rest of the class.

Without him noticing, he starts paying more andmore attention to you. He looks forward to seeing you and finds any opportunityhe can to talk to you. Whenever he’s with you he’s just at ease, you have a soothingeffect on him, soon enough he can’t get enough of you.

He finds himself thinking about you more andmore, at the internship, when he’s supposed to be doing homework. You’ve manageto claw deep in his life and you’re not aware of it. At that point he’s certainthat he likes you.

It might seem out of he blue for you when hefinally asks you out, but he’s been thoroughly thinking about it. As much as helikes you, Mirio is 100 % focused on being the greatest hero he can be. Heknows he has a busy schedule and he just doesn’t want to throw himself into arelationship without knowing he’ll be able to be an awesome boyfriend. He feelsyou deserve his best after all.

It’s not that easy to know that Mirio has acrush, he’s naturally lively and kind, so you’ll have to really know him toknow that something’s up.  After all, hegets crushes rather easily, but Nejire and Amajiki know for sure that you’redifferent.  When Mirio confesses that helikes you they’re not surprised and simply go with something like: “Finally,” and “Well, it was pretty obvious”.

He’s awesome boyfriend material. Seriously,this guy will dedicate any free time he gets to you and he’ll make the best outof it. Spending time with him is amazing, cause he’s able to turn even the mostcommon of situations into a special moment. Like, study date? He´ll encourageyou with kisses. Chilling in the couch? He makes it feel like the best thingever.

One of the best things of dating Mirio is that you can feel he’s really there for you. Itdoesn’t matter if you can’t see each other that often because of schoolwork orhero duty. You can be damn sure he’ll come to support you whenever you needhim. Phone calls at 2 AM to rant? He’s perfectly fine with it. He’ll phase throughthe building to get by your side and cuddle.

Speaking of Phasing, he definitely uses his quirkto prank you, so be ready for his sudden apparitions that make you jump. He’s aplayful guy in general so, he’s really fun to be around, you’ll spend lots of timelaughing when you date him. He loves to see you smile and is really proud ofbeing the reason of your laugh.

Hug this boy please, he lives for hugs. He givesthe best hugs in the world. In his arms, you’ll feel save, loved and completelyat peace. PDA is a must for him, but he’ll respect your boundaries if you’renot particularly fond of getting touchy. Forehead kisses are his favorite to give,he finds them completely sappy and cute. He’s a tease btw, he’ll proudly getyou flustered any time.

Spoiler alert! He’s a tease and loves to seeyou all flustered and blushing. It’s his guilty pleasure. But you can always counterback kissing his neck, he’s really sensitive and his knees will buckle. He’llstutter and blush and ask what you are doing, but at the same time he can’t helpto love it. He likes when you get bold with your PDA.

[riotatthemovies]

Helloooo Everybody.. 

QUESTIONS WITH RIOT. TODAYS GUEST RON FORD!

So here is a nice big post for you to read, see it on my tumblr page and the facebook group and maybe in a new book someday. I will be reaching out to B movie directors and actors in the next week or so with a handful of (often similar questions) . They are not real time interveiws , I just sent them the questions and they msgd me back. Todays victim of Riots questions is actor director RON FORD, not to be mistaken to Toronto past mayor Rob. Those who know Riot at the Movies and our regular screening parties in Toronto will know of Ron Ford from when I was given a vhs copy of Mark of Dracula. Ron directed the film and played the amazing Sheriff in it. That movie became a regular talk to the group as we saw how his cast and contacts would connect to other Riot at the movie favorites like Eyes of the Werewolf AND if you read my first book you will remember my writing about Alien Agenda Endangered Species during my first 24 hr marathon with films chosen by you the readers. Also I play the trailer for his movie TIKI about yes a killer Tiki on a regular basis before my monthly screenings so Im sure lots of you know that as well. So lets get to the questions.. hello Ron Ford, first question iiissss, Whats your favorite type of monster?

Ron Ford: Oh I like all kinds. The Creature is my favorite from a design standpoint. I love giant monsters a lot, Kong is probably the greatest monster movie ever, though there are really only a handful of truly good movies in the genre. Most of them are indistinguishable from each other, plot wise. I also love those that are rich with societal and psychological subtext. The Invisible Man, vampires and Frankenstein fall into that category. Werewolves too. - So how's that for dancing around a question?

Adam Riot : I dont think danced I think I got what I expected from the guy behind Hollywood Mortuary. Of all the movies you have made what was your favorite?

Ron Ford: Of the features I like The Crawling Brain the most. It is the closest to the movie I saw in my head when writing it. But my absolute favorite is a short called The Cosmological Constant, which sort of encapsulates all my conclusions about science and religion. It's a drama with science fiction overtones, not one for gore hounds or those looking for action, but it's very thoughtful and even-handed and all the performances are professional, polished and moving. I hope to share it with the world soon. It's currently enrolled in a dozen or so festivals, so I've got to let that play out.

Adam Riot :From experience or finished project, what made it your favorite?

Ron Ford: It is the most polished film I ever made, and for once I didn't cast just friends (although they are all my friends), but sought out the best actors in town. I also am proud of it's subtlety and even-handedness. Personally I definitely side with science over religion. But I treated both sides of the debate with compassion and sensitivity. Religious people will relate to that side of the story without feeling slighted. It is my most thoughtful and my most emotional film at the same time. I always hear sniffles in that audience every time I screen it. And frankly it still chokes me up when I watch it, and I've seen it literally a hundred times. It also captures my deep interest in cosmology and astrophysics.

Adam Riot: Have you made films that you have not shown to the world that you just didnt like so you hid it away?

Ron Ford: Yeah some I cringe to watch, but I don't hide them away. Even my worst (Snake-Man) is on YouTube for the world to scoff and laugh at. Bad reviews often give me a tickle, if they are written with humor. I know they are not masterpieces, and I'm glad people can enjoy some of them as camp.

Adam Riot: Ohhhh I have not seen Snake Man, cough cough made a Snakemen movie recently but wont be finished till after the isolation.

Next question, What movies in a micro budget genre have impressed you recently?

Ron Ford: I am afraid I'm not up on the current micro-budget filmmakers. I have always enjoyed the works of Eric Stanze, Scooter Macrae, Kevin Lindenmuth and Jeff Leroy. The only one I've seen lately was a preview of Seb Godin's Erotic Rites of the Vampyr which was a lovely mood piece.

Adam Riot: We love Seb here as we played Dinogore at our festival from last month.

Next Question What makes you lose your love for independent films, the people? the money? the response from friends or buyers?

Ron Ford: Making money is the most difficult part. Gone are the days when you could sell the most poorly shot piece of junk based solely on some cool box artwork. My biggest bitch with most of them is poor sound and poor acting, two things I am woefully guilty of myself, especially in my early works.

Adam Riot : You have been making movies for a long time with a lot of different people , how do you feel friendship in the independent film world is important and how hard would it be without close friends?

Ron Ford: Essential. Since people are volunteering their time, you better be nice to them and you better make it fun for them. That's easiest with friends. Many of the friendships I've made making films have become lifelong pals.

Adam Riot: What do you like doing more directing or Acting?

Ron Ford: Directing, but I have improved as a screen actor a lot, to the point that I am now a SAG actor. I do lots of commercials and TV. I spend a lot more time as an actor than a director these days, and make a shit ton more money at it. My other great passion in life is the theater. On stage I would much rather act than direct. In fact it's what I love more than anything. I have directed a couple plays, but stopped doing it because it's just not something I enjoy that much.

Adam Riot: Ron Ford musical on broadway, I am hoping thats down the road. But whats your thoughts on the streaming services, direct download, tubitv that kind of thing? Any opinion?

Ron Ford: I'm glad for them. Now lots of films not produced expensively enough to get play on tv or in theaters can still find a home and an audience. The more venues the better.

Adam Riot: The world is waiting for more Mark of Dracula, what is the sheriff doing these days?

Ron Ford: He's still in there, policing my moods and calling me out when I act like an asshole. He is my conscience. It's one of my earliest efforts and, despite it's crudeness, it has a warm place in my heart. I'd love to see it on DVD or Blu Ray someday. I am so grateful that some hardcore microbudget watchers are still watching and enjoying it.

Thank you so much Ron I hope to see so much more in the future, stay safe and stay awesome. BUT for you readers and watchers in the group we will have Ron Fords emotion short Cosmological Constant as the pre show for Toonie Tuesday.. this week, so yeah two days away. At 8 30 we will play Rons short and at 9 is a random older b movie for us to stream here in the Riot at the movies facebook group. Join us for Rons deeper side science and religion and I apologize if I ruin it with something cheesy right after as I have yet to decided on our nights feature, hey its online and its madness out there we can swing what ever emotion we want right now. Again thank you Ron and I hope to see all of you on Tuesday, two days aways, April 7th, 8 30 right on the facebook page wwooo.

[palace-of-freedom]

I'm drained.

I want everyone to leave me alone, but i want them to care and ask me how i am. I want people around, but I also want to cry and i cant cry around people- i hate doing it. I just want to cry and cry and cry.

The one thing that was keeping me going was just get through life till april. that was it. Then it became May. Now I'm waiting till July for my friends to come back. and then within 2 months, they all leave. And this year is gonna be much much much harder to get through and I dont know if I'm strong enough to handle it. I dont think I am, but its not like I have much of a choice. Anyway now I'm just telling myself to make it through till september 2020. But that's waaaay too far away. I dont have that kind of strength or patience.

i dont want to be here. I dont want to be anywhere. I dont want to be abandoned. I dont want to have to deal with people leaving. I just want to be happy, but the only happiness I can get is induced happiness. Happiness from alcohol or sugar, excercise or music. I literally cannot cope right now. I can't feel anything but all consuming sadness. I want to scratch my skin off. I want to bite my lips off. I want to rip my head off. The latter will at least solve some of my problems. I want to *poof* into thin air and thats it...be done with everything.

Too much is changing and I cant deal with it. I dont know where even to begin. I think a good starting point is when i had to break up with my boyfriend of two years. That shattered me. Going through the breakup and hearing the words he said to me - it ruined me. It broke my confidence. It took away all my self worth. I saw myself as a selfish, worthless, useless bitch. I tried to be nice to everyone to compensate for that side of me - the bad side. I tried to be there for everyone. I wanted to be the nice, sweet person I used to be, but it was difficult to even muster up a smile. It was tough to be as observant as I was. I became lost in the negative thoughts so I tried looking for only positivity in the world. Through most of my 13th grade, the only feeling I remember having is being drained. My only clear memories are crying in school washrooms. The good memories are still there, but they're vague. I remember sitting outside school with some of my best friends and just talking for half an hour at least, every single day. I remember going for movies. I remember going to the park. I remember walking around the school and drinking lemonade with my best friend during break. But for the life of me, I can't remember what conversations we used to have (good ones). I can tell you all the bad though. I can tell you about everyone's drama. I can tell you about the fights I had with my best friend. I can tell you about every single bad grade I got. I can tell you about my very stupid crush on a guy who wasnt good for me and all the consequences it had on my mental health.

Actually lets delve into this crush. So i liked this guy for six months on and off, just a few months after my break up and that left me feeling like I had no worth or value. And over that, my ex used to keep messaging every few days telling me how selfish i was, how i fucked up his life, how everything was my fault, how i was too sensitive and how the two years he spent with me were just completely worthless to him. This new guy, was the complete opposite. Where all others invalidated me or told me I wasnt capable of anything, he told me I had skill and talent. That I would make it in a career I was doubtful of choosing. He made me feel better about myself. He was very positive and optimistic and being around that gave me that happiness I lost after my break up. He was easy to talk to. He genuinely listened to me. He opened up to me quite a lot. It made me feel validated. Accepted. Cared about. Something that was lacking from most others. So we began talking a lot. Whatsapp conversations, Skype calls, phone conversations..it was endless and it was addictive. It felt good. It felt like a high. The sad thing about highs is that the higher you go, the lower you fall. There's no helping it. I crashed flat on the earth once that high faded away, and there wasnt even a relationship. it was more of a teenage, childish crush that everyone, but me, could see end in disaster. In fact I think I was called a stupid idiot at least a 1000 times for even thinking about the guy that way. What went wrong was he couldn't see me that way, and he had a crush on two other girls during that same time. And on the night of my birthray, he sent me these really long paragraphs about how he was sorry that he couldn't feel anything for me, but that me liking him gave him a big confidence boost.

That summer i moved on from him, but it cracked another piece of me. I redeveloped feelings for my ex, who i hadnt seen in a year, apart from stalking him, and i chased happiness by stalking him on instagram. It gave me satisfaction to see he was happy, but it also made me jealous. The problem was all of this stalking was done through my best friend's account and he wasnt happy. He yelled at me for stalking and said some other stuff that I dont remember, and then went on to ignore me for 3 days because of that. A month later another very good friend decided she had it with me and walked out of my life as well. she believed I was too biased and that we couldnt be friends anymore because I fucked up. Again. I dont regret it...but i dislike losing people, but somehow its just become a thing. Everyone leaves. I fuck up. All people fuck up, but I think my fuck ups are bigger than most. The consequences are more drastic.

despite losing so many people that summer and the amount of arguments I had to go through, it was still the best summer of my life, because the friends that did stick around made it worthwhile. They made life fun. I felt happy. Thats when i realized that I dont need any of the people who walked out to keep me happy. I needed the ones who stuck around. The new friends. The people i vibed with better. People who actually listened to what I had to say and valued my thought process. We had fun and I was growing up, driving, cooking and it felt nice.

But then I had to go to India, and it was a major setback. All the growth was down the drain. More arguments came behind me. More fights. More detachment from people I cared about. and some death. I fell into a bad slump. It lasted throughout my first year of university and got better only when my friends came back from abroad and the fun hangouts started again.

I spent the entire first year of university only arguing with my closest friends from school. There were lots of tears, lots of emotions...and a conditioned thought - everybody leaves. My best friend of 15 years couldn't stay in my life so why should anyone else? It comes down to me - I'm that bad a human being. I'm that intelorable. My value in another person's life is that little.

My fear of abandonment has always been bad. But now its almost unmanageable because its mixed with a lot of insecurity. so now I want to push people away. I want to hurt them. I want to distance from everyone. And if I feel like a shitty human being on the inside, I may as well act like one on the outside. At least it'll hurt less when everyone walks away, because people have time limits and expiry dates. But at the same time, I dont want to hurt anyone. so now im just worming to kill all my expectations, stop asking or demanding anything from anyone - then at least the pain of it all decreases. maybe then at least, receiving bad news from a friend, or having a friend annoyed at me, or finding out people are going abroad, wont feel like my heart is being ripped out of my chest. it'll just feel like a punch. And you can live through punches. It hurts for a few minutes and then its all ok. you heal. You find an escape, and right now, im plotting mine.