#i think im happy with it. i hated how the last attempt came out

[eclipseberrycake]

Poly! MoonBerryCake x Reader Pt. 13

AN: Whoever recommended Glimpse of Us, I'm sending you my therapy bill. /lh IT WAS SO GOODDDD OH MY GODDD Also, yeah Im convinced I have the Ao3 curse bc like I was doing okay and now my g.gma is dying and there was a bomb threat at my school like GIRL STOP IM NOT GODS STRONGEST SOLDIER

So, I have a confession. I lowkey-highkey hated part 12 of this, so it put me off writing for a while, but I was on the bus today and Indigo by Sam Barber and Avery Anna came on and yeah. I decided to hurt today.

Part One -> Part Two -> Part Three -> Part Four -> Part Five -> Part Six -> Part Six 1/2 -> Part Seven -> Part Eight -> Part Nine -> Part Nine 1/2 -> Part Ten -> Part 11 -> Part 12

Warnings: idk I'm sad, take that as you will, mentions of past abuse (Ooh, Ciara when we catch you Ciara-), Mentions of being turned into a twisted/ past mentions, Reader lowkey does not have a good time, angst, but with comfort, mentions of vomit

☁ Cosmo had known you a long time. A very long time. He had known you far before Astro and Sprout had entered the picture He had been in love with you far before he had known what the feeling was.

☁ The first time Cosmo had met you, he knew he wanted to know you. Just just know of you, but know you inside and out. How you started your mornings, or how you handled your anger, watch you settle down for the night. He wanted to be apart of those aspects of your life. To understand your little habits, your isms, and know your ways of speech enough that he finds himself saying them.

☁ If you knew you would've called him a hopeless romantic while pinching one of his cheeks with that same cheeky grin you always wore to hide when you were too flustered to think straight. He had no reason to really hide how long he's had a 'big, stinkin' crush' on you, but it felt nice to keep it to his chest for now. Close and safe and a happy little secret.

☁ Watching you now, he knows that the feeling has always been there, but where it was one an electric thing that lit up his nerves and made his stomach flutter with butterflies, it's now a softer comfort that eases his mind and soothes his weary soul.

☁ He doesn't really remember when it happened, nor does he care to know. It's always been you for him, only bolstered when he got to know Astro and Sprout. But you were first.

☁ He remembered more than most of the other toons of the pre-break. Nothing large or substantial, but small moments. Moments spent with you that he would ache to remember fully during his time as a twisted, clawing at his bad eye as he yowled at the pain blooming from the thought of loosing you.

☁ He remembers learning to bake with you, way before he was worth any nickel with his baking and hearing you laugh over his failed attempts. He remembers the hum of a tune you made while you took great care in placing new sprinkles in his icing every other day. He remembers the weight of your hand as you pull him into another adventure, sneaking past Ciara to pull some sort of prank.

☁ He remembers the quiver of your back as you sobbed into his chest, burrowed into his sweater to muffle to sounds of your cries as he soothed you to the best of his ability.

☁ They sit in the back of his head, a constant prodding at him if the quiet lasts too long. It was why he needed the reminder of the several blankets if he went to bed earlier than the rest of you. He needed to be grounded, to have that weight around him to remind him that he was no longer left ambling uselessly, half-blind and doing nothing but thinking, and thinking, and remembering and thinking.

☁ He groans, rolling his shoulders back before switching his stretching position, laying on his back and pulling his left knee to lay on his right side- feeling at least four things crack, making him groan. You were across the way, headphones on and your feet pounding on one of the treadmills. You were keeping good track of your improvement as a runner since distracting, moreso since your recovery. It seemed almost manic the way you would track every minute, every second, timing yourself and the distance you could make.

☁ It was both uplifting to see and oh so disheartening.

☁ it was no secret that Sprout had the most stamina out of all of you, it was a fact you all were very well acquainted with, however it seemed recently you had taken that as a personal challenge. You kept pushing yourself whenever the two of you went on jogs, always yearning to not only be faster but out last Sprout, even if he shot you worried glances.

☁ Cosmo knew that Sprout had no interest in becoming a distractor. Astro knew this. Sprout had made this explicitly clear to everyone when Vee had tried mentioning that he could do more than the brief save should a twisted become lose. He had no want or interest in becoming a distractor. That would be taking resources from you, he would say. You knew this as well. So none of them could understand this sudden need to just...outdo him.

☁ Sprout had brought up his concern about this one night while you all were doing your weekly check in and while you gave him a smile that seemed to ease his worries, Cosmo caught the flicker in your body. The shift of your weight. So miniscule and quick, a true blink and you miss it moment, he himself only caught it due to his years of learning you, your body, your reactions.

☁ It stuck him then and there. It may have been unconscious, but something was bother you. Maybe it had yet to fully manifest, but it was something that your hindbrain was already raising as a red flag.

☁ But you were so determined to be what you once were, pushing yourself further and further. Anything to be more than what you are. That determination burned so bright, sparking like it's own personal show.

☁ Ginger had once compared you to a phoenix. He wasn't sure she knew the entire legend of the phoenix, but every time that same scene flashes behind his eyes, of your gaping features as your side was hit, he wonders if she actually knew more than she let on.

☁ Phoenix's burned out, even if they came back brighter than ever. There's a part of Cosmo that whispers you won't. That you are as ethereal as ever and that turning was a flickering in your smoldering flame.

☁ Switching sides, he knows better than to believe that something as easy as being turned would make you burnout. No, it would be something much deeper.

☁ He clocked it in the elevator as well, watching your anger bubble and burn even when they all thought he wouldn't notice. He did. He does. He notices.

☁ He notices the little things in all of you. Astro refuses to extend all of his arms at the same time and when he cries, he hides his face. He doesn't drink anything unless it has a straw. And he absolutely refuses to touch his own cheeks. The only ones really who are allowed are you, Cosmo and Sprout.

☁ Sprout's are harder, but no less there. He keeps his right side angled to the other toons and favors said side. He went from a rather ambidextrous individual to right exclusive and keeps the end of his scarf tucked into his sweater- that is, if he wears it at all. Some days it's too much and he simply leaves it behind. He also compulsively watches where he steps and is exceptionally anal if one of you trips.

☁ But you? Cosmo can see you desperately clinging to the life you previously lived, refusing to let even the smallest part go, even if he sees your hands shake every time you reach for one of the toons.

☁ Breathing out the last few seconds, he gives a final pull to his stretch before sitting up. You upped the speed, he noticed. It's higher than it's ever been, even at your peak. You look like your struggling but keeping your footing. If barely.

☁ He should stop you. But the way you're running is desperate. It's like your back in that run and rushing at Vee. You aren't crying, but the visible distress on your face pushes Cosmo to stand and approach, carefully knocking on the control panel. You barely glance his way, waving slightly before continuing. He glances at the clock.

☁ You've been at this for his entire workout, already on it by the time he came in.

☁ In the second it takes for him to read the time you've been on the blasted machine, you lose the little control you had. Your hand slaps the arms of the treadmill as your foot falls too far back, the safety key pulling itself free and slowing the equipment as you place your raised foot on the side part.

☁ Cosmo's right there right away, catching you from collapsing. You lean your weight onto him, and sobs are already choking you before he can even ask.

☁ Your mumbling an assortment of things too fast for him to really comprehend, but he tries, picking select things out to focus on. You're angry. You're upset. You're frustrated about your lack of progress. You're...scared.

☁ One thing he manages to pick up is the continuous of "Not again, almost did it again, not again-"

☁ In a practiced habit that's practically muscle memory at this point when he picks you up, sinking to his butt with a dull thud and crossing his legs to properly cradle you. Your head is tucked into his shoulder, close enough you can cling to the soft notes he hums.

☁ It's a slow process to ease you back to a state where you can articulate how you're feeling, but one Cosmo is, unfortunately, well acquainted with. Rubbing your back, he waits for your hands to retract from his sweater before daring to utter anything.

☁ "What's your color?" Is all he says.

☁ You pause, hiccup, sniffle and wipe your eyes. "Yellow."

☁ He nods, taking this into account. "Okay." Is what he begins with before taking your hands in his and flipping them so your palm is facing up. One by one, he prods each of your paw pads, gently counting. One he counts all of them, he starts over and does it again. Then again. And again. Then, you join in. You skip a number every now and then, but when you're able to keep up smoothly, he finishes with a kiss to your temple.

☁ "Color?"

☁ "...Green." You mutter with a deep breath. He nods at this again, gently rubbing his thumbs into the flesh of your thighs. The muscles are tight and tense, unrelenting which will make you sore tomorrow. "What're you feeling, pudding?"

☁ You take a moment to collect your thoughts, fiddling with your sportswear. "Frustrated." You finally say. "With myself."

☁ It isn't a surprising revelation, but still makes Cosmo pause. Before he can even think of something to say though, you're pulling away and scrambling to the trashcan, ducking your head deep enough he worries you'll fall in. He's by your side in a heartbeat, gently pulling anything that gets in the way back with soothing hums and rubbing your back. He'll make a note of this trashcan and take it out later, but for now, he lets you do what you need to do. He's honestly surprised it's taken this long given how long you were running, but he's guessing your internal systems were waiting for your adrenaline to crash.

☁ It leaves you sobbing again and he picks you up this time, cradling you to his chest as he makes his way to your room. Sprout and Astro are supposedly in there and if nothing else, Cosmo knows the extra people will help him help you, if not help you directly.

☁ They're cuddled up in the bed with Sprout laying on Astro's chest, playing with two of the celestial's hands while the other flick through Sprout's leaves. Both immediately sit up at the sight of you, easily making space for Cosmo to sit between them. Astro's already brushing a hand along your forehead while Sprout grabs one of your hands. "What happened?" The berry asks, noting the scrapes on your one knee.

☁ "Hard day." Is what Cosmo responds with, settling enough he can hand you his pillow. You cling to it, holding it to your chest. It takes a moment before you let out a shaky breath. "I-...I'm not-..." You struggle to articulate your words properly for a moment, hiding in the pillow for a long moment before returning. "I am frustrated with myself. I-...I don't think I'm getting better in the way I want to."

☁ Astro looks at Cosmo for a moment, trusting the cake roll to take the lead since he seems to understand how to help you best. But Cosmo simply let you be, letting you explain exactly what was going on without speaking for you.

☁ Sprout opens his mouth, not quite having the same manners, but stalls as your own voice cuts through. "I understand it takes time, but I think I'm taking steps backwards. What happened with Teagan the other day, I-" You stall, eyes glazing over for a second. "I shouldn't have done that."

☁ You all have gone over this situation a number of times, explaining the feelings that were happening during that time, but there was the sense that there was always some piece missing. You weren't quick to anger, and even while the situation was scary, you admitted you felt your reaction was...a lot, even after Astro had been placed in a much safer area.

☁ "I didn't...feel like myself. I felt like I did when I was-...When I was a twisted. Like I was back in that mind frame and focusing on nothing but the anger." You hold your hands out in front of you. Your nails need to be trimmed. They've been growing differently since. "I think I'm going about this in the wrong way, but I don't know any other one. I'm not... the same. That much is obvious-"

☁ "Bud," Sprout begins, but your shake your head. "It's not just that. It's a whole selection of things. I still can't see Astro like I used too, seeing Brightney in dark rooms irks me more than I like to admit, I can't even sneak up on anyone anymore!" You exclaim before deflating. "I'm more twisted than any of you. And I hate it. I want to be like I was before."

☁ You're crying. You're crying heavy, full tears, but they don't seem to be of anguish. They seem to be of relief as you finally explain the heavy stones that seem be a common partner in your gut these days.

☁ Cosmo continues being a heavy support for you, hushing your wails softly. The pieces begin to click into pace, one after another. You don't feel you are progressing since you were so hyperfixated on being a twisted all over again. It hurts his heart, deeply, and judging by the faces Sprout and Astro are making, they feel the same, but flounder on how to help.

☁ Cosmo has known you a long, long time. He's known you isms, your dreams, and your biggest fears. Back then, he was the only other one you went to for support other than yourself. You two could only find solace in each other, clinging to each other like loosening your grip would take the other away entirely.

☁ But this isn't then. It's not longer just the two of you.

☁ So he looks at them. They look at him. He nods to you. They can't just be him when it comes to supporting you. They need to figure out their own way to support you.

☁ Sprout opens his mouth again. "I did...notice your eyes, when that whole thing with Teagan. I worried, but trusted you had it under control. Which you did. I'm not...scared of you becoming anything more than who you are now." He explains softly, bringing his leafy tail over so you can play with it. "Nothing ever stays the same. And I don't think we can expect it to. So I think it's unfair to yourself to think it will."

☁ "I think you've done remarkably, personally." Astro adds, now mindlessly smoothing down your fur. "Honestly, I probably would've done worse."

☁ "And he doesn't even have the excuse of being turned twice." Cosmo scoffs making you sniffle as you giggle. Astro takes this as a good sign, giving a faux affronted gape as he throws two of his hands up. "If that's what it takes to put Teagan in her place!"

☁ "You cannot hit Teagan, oh my god-" You snicker, dragging your hands down your face. You can't lie and say you don't feel a little silly about how easily they defuse feelings that have keep you laying away and staring at the ceiling at night. At least now you know there are 49 glow in the dark stars on the roof that you had put up there as a surprise for Astro. You thought there was more.

☁ With a final breath, you sit up, and Cosmo lets you, smiling as you lean back onto his chest. Normalcy has settled again, even if he's sure there's more that'll come. But just as he was then, he'll be there for you again.

☁ Still, just to ensure your mind gets off it, he pokes a sleeping bear. "Did you guys hear what Glisten did?"

☁ You take the bait, eagerly turning to Sprout and Astro, happily exclaiming, "HE KISSED GOOB-"

☁ Cosmo hides his chuckle in your back at the gasps ring out and the other two are immediately demanding details.

[sacrosanction]

did the feral ref sheet finally