#i think i've unlocked a new level in Not Normal About My Fave

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Why you should vote for Sparrow Ben in the Spiteful Bitches bracket

[Plain text: Why you should vote for Sparrow Ben in the Spiteful Bitches bracket. End plain text.]

A masterpost of reasons why he is the most spiteful bitch of all. I tried to mostly stick to that theme, but I also included a few funny moments, and a bit of explanation of the character so you can understand him better if you don't watch the show.

Warning: Major spoilers for The Umbrella Academy season 3!

[ID: Sparrow Ben Hargreeves, from "The Umbrella Academy." He is facing away from the viewer, shirtless. The word "asshole" is written on his back, in all caps. His right arm is up in the air, as he holds up his middle finger. End ID.]

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@spitefulbitches

He's an alternate timeline version of the Umbrellas' dead brother, who was also named Ben. Umbrella Ben was beloved by his siblings and the fandom, often described as the kindest of the Umbrellas. After a heartbreaking scene in which his ghost disappears for good, the Umbrellas end up in a new timeline, and come face to face with Sparrow Ben. Their beloved dead brother is now alive... but he's not the same Ben, he doesn't know them, and he's also a huge dick now.

A bitch since his literal first moment onscreen; his very first line in the series is "Dad? Who the hell are these assholes?"

He had this emo hairstyle in his first appearance (the s2 cliffhanger finale). It was then retconned to a spikier hairstyle in s3 (and both of them are so stupid, god bless).

[ID: Sparrow Ben in the season 2 finale. He has an "emo" hairstyle, with bangs hanging over one side of his face. He has a slightly confused expression. End ID.]

Extremely uptight, irritable, and hostile. Always angry, annoyed, or scheming. He will insult or even physically hurt someone (even his own siblings) with little to no provocation. He's vicious, but so over-the-top it's almost comical.

He used to be Number One (AKA the leader) of his superhero team, the Sparrows. For a currently unknown reason, he was demoted to Number Two, and he has been bitter about it ever since.

Fist-fought a 13-year-old with no hesitation. Five, the kid, is actually a 58-year-old man stuck in a 13-year-old body, but Ben didn't know that. He also didn't know at the time that Five had powers. As far as Ben knew, Five was just a normal 13-year-old. He had 5 adults and 1 kid to choose from when the fight broke out, and he immediately went for the kid. He punches said kid multiple times, wraps his arms around his neck, and attempts to use his power on him (eldritch tentacles that emerge from his chest).

Kidnapped The Umbrellas' Number One (Luther) when the Sparrows' Number One (Marcus) disappeared, without even knowing for certain that the Umbrellas were the ones who took him (they weren't).

When Luther asked where Marcus was, Ben reacted by stabbing a fucking knife into the table they were eating at, and saying "That's what we'd like to know."

Decided that Marcus' disappearance was his chance to take his place as leader again. He spoke like it was a burden he had to bear, but it was clearly what he wanted.

When his sister/teammate Fei brought up his demotion from leader, he grabbed one of her crows, crushing it with his hand. Due to Fei's connection with her crows, she felt the pain as well.

Upon finding out that the Umbrellas were possibly linked to Marcus' disappearance, Ben decided to attack them without finding out the full story. He commanded his brother Christopher to use his debilitating electricity on them, then commanded the rest of his siblings to kill them.

Slapped Fei in the face for saying he was a shitty leader, then told her that she was the real problem.

Fei is right by the way. He tends to act impulsively and irrationally, without thinking his plans through. He doesn't care about the team, he just wants to be the one calling the shots.

In a flashback, he took a training session way too damn seriously. Once he had his sister Jayme restrained with his tentacles, he threatened her by saying "Either tap out or pass out, it's your choice." *leans in* "Hey, it's your life." He then proceeded to tighten his grip on her, smiling sadistically as he hurt her, despite the others' protests.

Rage quit and stormed out of the room when Jayme managed to escape and win the match.

Witnessing a relationship-ruining argument between two siblings, he sat down with a giant jar of cheese balls and started making bets. He visibly enjoyed said argument, which ended with one of them being punched.

[ID: Ben, sitting next to Five, and holding a large plastic jar of cheese balls. Ben looks offscreen, watching intensely, and says, "Twenty bucks on the little one," before eating a cheese ball. End ID.]

HAS A FUCKING POSTER OF HIMSELF HANGING ABOVE HIS BED LMAO. I WILL LITERALLY NEVER GET OVER THIS [Plain text: Has a fucking poster of himself hanging over his bed lmao. I will literally never get over this. End plain text.]

Said, "Stop crying on my bedsheets, emo" to a man who was grieving a loved one's death.

His reaction to his sister Sloane being engaged to Luther was "Kill me. Jesus." *drinks from flask* (This one is pretty fair in context, I just think it's really funny.)

To recap: Ben kidnapped Luther, antagonized Luther's family for the whole season, physically attacked multiple of them, and even attempted to kill them at one point. After all of this, Luther didn't invite Ben to his bachelor party, and Ben was fucking pissed about it. 5 out of his 6 siblings were dead, all of existence was being torn apart, and the thing that upset him the most was not being invited to the bachelor party of a guy he didn't even like. He would not fucking let it go.

Did the Sharpay pose on a balcony while brooding about not being invited.

Moments after doing said pose, he said "Ugh. What-ever!" while looking in a mirror. Why is he literally a mean girl

Said the line "Let's get this over with before I die of cringe" at his sister's wedding. [Plain text: his sister's wedding. End plain text.]

The only time in the whole season he ever relaxed, was genuinely nice to people, and enjoyed himself was when he was super drunk at the wedding.

This episode is when we start to see another side of him. That's right, he's not pure anger and malice, he has depth! Remember the whole "alternate version of the Umbrellas' beloved brother" thing? The Umbrellas are constantly comparing him to their Ben, saying how much better he was. It turns out, these comments hurt Sparrow Ben more than he lets on. His shitty dad always made him feel like he's not good enough, and he's insecure about it. Deep down, he really just wants people to like him, and his father to be proud of him. He also states that the Sparrow Academy is all he has, which is why it's so important to him.

All that said- he's still fucking horrible lmao. He's so damn hostile to everyone for no reason, and then gets upset when people don't like him. Why is he like this.

The morning after the wedding, once sober, he returns to his normal bitchy self.

[ID 1: Ben, shirtless, says intensely and angrily: "I hate you."

ID 2: Angrier, Ben says, "I do, I do, I really do." He turns and walks away. The word "asshole" is written on his back, in all caps. End ID.]

This is, of course, shortly followed by the image at the top of this post. Honestly, I think that image alone should be enough to convince you.

Kept trying to convince the others to go on this super important and dangerous mission to save the universe, and then once they were there, he just bitched and watched the others fight instead of helping. (He did eventually help when it really mattered though, and it was super cool and badass. I love him.)

His final line of the season is "I'm out, bitches!"

In conclusion, he is the definition of spiteful bitch. He is so unbelievably terrible, but he also has hidden depths. He's a genuinely complex and fascinating character, but he's also a fucking loser and I love bullying him. I could go on about him forever. Trust me when I say this post is me holding back.

If none of the above convinced you to vote for him... please, at least do it for me. He's my absolute favorite character, and I love him so much. I want him to win so badly that I stayed up all night working on this post. Excessive, yes, but it has to count for something.

If not for me, then do it for Justin.

Thank you so much for reading! Vote for Ben!