#i think i’m gonna cancel my therapy appointment genuinely i wanna just sleep for a hundred thousand years
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okay maybe i just end my life i’m thinking abt it and it’s not worth it anymore
#in neg city#i cant keep fucking doing this shit man. what am i doing. genuinely what am i doing with my life.#i don’t even wanna be here anymore i’m sick of it i’m sick of everyone and everything#fuck. i just like really don’t wanna be alive! like not a joke not a goof i have no more will to live!#and like i’m not gonna do anything don’t get me wrong#my suicidal ideation is very passive i have no desire to try anything#but fuck man. i cant. i genuinely just can’t anymore#i don’t even wanna get into it w people anymore i like can’t do it#i think i’m gonna cancel my therapy appointment genuinely i wanna just sleep for a hundred thousand years
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Had a rough night and I wanna vent about it...
All I ever try to do is stay away from people and keep them safe from me. I feel like I was born with a slow-acting poison that has spread throughout me and touches people via contact. I really don’t know what to do besides go off and live off in the woods and never speak to a person again. I know this sounds so fucking overdramatic but I’m a logical and analytical person and I know that I’m the only common thread. I’m too aware to understand that I’m the problem but not aware to understand how or why and no one can seem to figure it out. I just wanna know what it is about me that makes people so angry and hate me and wanna hurt me. I just wanna stop hurting them with my presence and I don’t fucking know how.
I really really hate my life. Which is ungrateful and pathetic. Because my life is pretty good on paper and I’m very privileged and blessed in so many fucking ways and I still fuckign hate it. I’m so unhappy with it and I can’t imagine any future where I am ever happy. I can’t even think of anything that makes me happy. I can think of all the things that are supposed to make me happy and then feel guilty that they don’t, but they don’t. And I don’t know what to do about it. It’s hard for me to imagine a future where I’m happy and fulfilled because I genuinely can’t think of that as a possibility. I can’t think of anything that would make me feel that way. I don’t know what to do. I just want someone to be there for me and tell me what to do but I have no one. Even the people I have I don’t have. Everyone acts like they wanna be there for u and listen to your feelings but the truth is no one wants to put with thatshit because everyone has their own shit and shit is just ridiculously stupid. I really don’t know how to solve all my fucking problems because htey’re idiotic dogshit fucking problems. I think I need to un-cancel my therapy appointment. But I also lowkey have too much going on. And also not enough.
My life is legitimately fucking oathetic and sad. To the point I can’t even admit the things that are making it fucking pathetic and sad in this private ass doc. I can’t admit it out loud or on paper or in private and I swear to fucking god I don’t fucking know what to fucking do about it and it just sucks so fucking bad and how the fuck do I handle it. What the fucking fuck is the solution.
I’m just gonna go to sleep and forget about it now. Fuck this shit.
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