#i think i normalized it sm bc i alwaysssdid it
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#k so. im both wanting to relapse hsrder than ever and justnot give a shit.#i want to eat but i want to see myfavorite bones#i want to be chill and not constantly think abt my ed but i want to be 10 kg lighter again#likkkkeeeeeeee#i want to go off my antipsychotics completely bc i lose most of my appetite when i do that#but i legit cannot sleep if im not on my meds .#and idk if im going to become suicudsl sgain??????? if igo off my meds?.#also im realizing how muxh i was overexercising when i had my highest step count#i think i normalized it sm bc i alwaysssdid it#now it’s like…. walking 15 k steps us NOT the bare minimum#it takes so much time?? and efforg?? and i did that every day for years? like????#idk i feel guilty when i dont exercise but i never feel line it’s enough either so.#it’s so annoying.#i just want to be effortlessly bmi 16 but also be healthy have energy and be muscular and be in shape.#and i want to eat and not obsess over it lol#u cant have it all
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