#i think i never meet east coast people until i remember they just hide amongst us. silent

[saulwexler]

what is it about people from the midwest that need to tell you they’re from the midwest immediately

[tahneef]

2 years 6 months

I moved to Queenstown, New Zealand in April 2018, as much as I would love to say all I had was a backpack and beautiful intentions, this is not true. I had a snowboard wrapped in bubble wrap, a big ass suitcase, a huge backpack filled with clothes folded by my beautiful mother and prepacked travel kit with everything I needed also packed by her. I was searching for purpose, change, lessons on the cultural differences between Aussie and NZ, and growth. What I found was a kiwi boyfriend, shitty housemates, freezing house conditions, a lot of MDMA, a kickass, inseparable girl crew, long nights out clubbing and the most amazing views I have ever seen and lived amongst my entire life. I shared a bed with this English girl who I didn’t know before moved in together. Turns out we didn’t get along well, but luckily I had other beautiful housemates I connected with in this house of 9 people. My best memories of this house were getting up every morning and walking onto my balcony and seeing Lake Queenstown and the mountains, getting covered with snow more and more each week. The cats that would just show up in the house and were so so fluffy and affectionate, my house mates Mackenzie, Kate, Dom, Gabby and Colligan, creating this beautiful little family. And everyone bagging out my accent and telling me how brave I was for moving away from home and my country at 19. 

My 2018 snow season turned into this blur of happiness and my memories blend into a crazy, free time. We would work 12 hour shifts, 6 days a week, then numb the pain by clubbing until morning, then doing it all over again. Me and my girl crew would ride as much as we could. Challenging ourselves every day and occasionally riding park. 

At the end of the season everyone had plans to move to the North island or continue their travels elsewhere; I felt lost, with a new beautiful relationship (my first proper boyfriend) who wasn’t willing to move out of home to live with me, I didn’t know where to go or what to do. All I knew is I wasn’t ready to say bye to him or come home to Aussie; So I stayed for summer, which wasn’t very good, I was yet to find my passion for summer, if you love hiking, lakes and being outside constantly then Queenstown is perfect, but I always felt like I was suffocated by the mountains. Like they were closing in on me, my soul was longing for the ocean. Growing up on the coast this makes sense, but all I would do at home by the beach is swim and I could swim in the lakes; I was yet to realize the real energetic pull from the ocean; unable to surrender to the pull at this stage in my 19 year old self.

Months went by, friends moved away and all I had was my boyfriend and his lovely family. I was contemplating coming home but then he told me he was willing to move out of home to move in with me, and this is how I ended up living in a cupboard under the stairs in Fernhill… Long story short Finn didn’t want to move out of home. I have learned that I don’t want a relationship that isn’t full of passion, love and dying to be together, a connection so strong that life without each other seems impossible. Why be together if you don’t want to wake up next to this person every day? Why be together if you don’t feel an inseparable energetic pull that leaves you longing for each other?

This is when I ended our relationship. Going through a  breakup of my first and longest relationship without any of my family or friends was hard, but the timing was good; I had just started my new job in Rentals at Coronet peak, I was living in a cupboard with amazing housemates for cheap, it was the best accommodation I ever had in Queenstown. And then I met David… What a beautiful man, dreadlocks down to his belly, a cheque republic accent, beautiful brown skin and full of passion, I have never met anyone like him. Our connection was first just through eyes, I felt such a strong gravital pull towards him and my heart would race every time he was near me; I worked in rentals and he was a shaper on the mountain. It wasn’t long until we kissed on a night out the first time we saw each other out. We sat down and told each other how much we wanted each other already but the first thing he said was that this was only for the season. He is going to Austria after and we would be exclusive until then. It hurt my heart but I would be stupid to lose this opportunity of love even if it was temporary.

We were inseparable after this night, I was completely head over heels in lust, I felt like I was literally walking on clouds, on such a high, just being in his arms was the most peaceful feeling I had ever experienced. Lots of snowboarding, love making, drum and bass nights out and dreading the future where we would part, it was the best winter I have ever lived; On our last night together it was the hardest night of my life. I remember between all of the pain and tears, I said to him ‘Do I have to tell you how I really feel about you?’ but he knew. Every single day he knew the way I looked at him and he could feel it too, how he’s the first person I have ever been in love with, how ready I was to jump on the next plane and go to Austria to be by his side, to spend my life’s savings in Europe just to have another second with him. What a blessing to feel and have the ability to feel this purity, desire, love for someone else, this drive to keep living until every last drop of energy, love, sensation is given to them. At just 20 I had already felt the strongest love imaginable and it was all his. But the worst part was, he didn’t feel the same way. Next thing I knew I was letting go of him at the airport with a 20 hour flight ahead of him and a heart that I could literally feel breaking in my chest.

 Breathe… relax and release the pain, there is so much ahead of you; My whole world felt like it was over, but the next day I had to pack my whole life into my Subaru outback, and get on the road, leave all of Queenstown behind, with my shattered heart, 18 months behind me and I didn’t even know where I was going. I Drove right up north of the South Island, I camped on the beach with seals in Kaikoura. There are literally snow capped mountains that meet the ocean there. It is incredible and watching the sunsets in Kaikoura was slowly piecing my heart back together. I blasted Tash Sultana and practiced yoga, with tears falling down my cheeks and on to the mat I knew I was healing myself slowly every time I practiced.

I caught the ferry with my car and headed for Napier which is a small town on the east coast of the North Island; It was pissing down rain, which felt like a reflection of my pain, so of course I was balling my eyes out with it, my tire looked like it was going to pop and I pulled up to this free food market my Queenstown friend had told me about. There is an organization in Napier which all of the supermarkets donate their expired goods to instead of dumping them straight away. It is amazing. My expectation was hippy, nice backpackers appreciating the market and generosity. Instead half the people looked like serious junkies. I felt so out of place and scared that I was hiding my car keys…My heart raced the entire time, but I ended up with SO much food, they had so many loafs of bread, veggies, even bakery sweets! It was so amazing.

 I then drove to a campsite that was full. It was almost dark at this point and there was only one other place I could stay. It was a 30 minute drive to a holiday park. So I had no choice but to drive there. When I arrived, there was the reception, which was covered in spider webs and had smashed glass windows. It looked abandoned... My heart was racing then a sweet man came over and I gave him $10 cash for the night. There were families permanently living in caravans, and they all looked at me as in what the fuck is this young girl doing here. I felt so unsafe, I couldn't even go to the toilet, I was so petrified something would happen to me. I could not believe the comparison, coming from posh Queenstown to this town of poverty, I had NO idea this was a problem amongst New Zealand.

I sat on the beach watching the sun go down, and I just let it all come out. My heart literally felt shattered and I had no idea how I could pick up the pieces. How do I pretend like I'm okay? How am I going to meet other travellers with my heart closed? I called my mum and told her I have to come home, that I couldn't go on, that I was completely broken. And she said to me with so much kindness and support, ‘Love, I truly believe if you come home now you will regret it. You have to see what Raglan is like, just give it a chance’. She changed my whole life just with one sentence. I don't think I slept all night, the man was supposed to look at my exploding tire in the morning but as soon as it was light I got up and drove all the way to Raglan.

When I arrived I drove straight to the beach. My mood was okay but as soon as I got there, I broke, once again. There were lots of vans with cool people. Not one other person alone. Everyone was in families or groups and again I felt so lost. But I somehow pulled it together enough to drive myself to this $10 campsite. It had such an amazing view of raglan and this nice Maori lady called Kaz checked me in. She saw through me completely. She just knew I was lost, and completely reassured me in everyway that I am in the right place. She said I would find work easy and even offered a caravan for me to stay in. Then I spent the night with Mary. A 61 year old kiwi woman who is travelling on her own. We shared a beautiful vegan dinner. I opened up about David leaving and she said what are they good for anyway? She just went through a divorce and said it's the most free and happy she has ever been. 

The next morning I went into town! It was the first time I wore my cord flares and I felt like I fit in so well. I went into bohemian gypsy which is the most amazing shop and met this gorgeous girl called Becca. Then I met Tony the boss and he said he would call me for work. Becca and I went out for a drink after her shift and we bonded so much over passionate European men, heartbreaks and yoga. I love her. I checked into the hostel and met some nice people. Every time something positive happens I feel a little more healed. I am picking up the pieces. I can't wait to grow and heal into the best version of myself possible. 

But seriously, Raglan is fucking amazing. Hands down the best place in New Zealand... And I've been all over the country. At my favourite coffee shop called Indis, you have your coffee and pay later, plus everyone plays guitar and smokes weed at the cafe and the police don't even look twice. Plus the owner is an absolute legend. He tells Aucklanders to shove their plastic takeaway cups up their arse. He doesn't do any take away cups, just have the coffee here, bring a keep cup or forget about it.

I know knew that Raglan was the town for me. Being in a town that is so environmentally sustainable/ aware, accepting of all, hippy and beautiful, I felt like I was glowing. Next thing I knew I was offered a job as a Receptionist at Raglan Backpackers and I was working at Bohemian Gypsy, making my jewellery and making new friends every day. Living at the hostel was one of the best experiences of my life. I have checked in and shown around people from over 30 different countries in the world and had sleepovers with all of them! I cannot put into words how amazing my day to day life was there and I am so deeply grateful for these experiences and every single person that was by my side.  

I wasn't ready for surfing when I first arrived in Raglan. I would try but the ocean always made me feel more vulnerable, I would cry every time I got smashed in the whitewash, looking back on it, it was just a reflection of how I was feeling inside and I didn't have the strength at the time to fight back. Instead I picked up skating. As soon as I saw people going around the pump track I was hooked. I knew I had to be able to do it. Within 7 days I could do one lap and just got better and better everyday. I got to know a lot of the locals from being at the skatepark as well. They are so friendly and have some amazing bands. Muroki is a fucking rockstar and I’m so glad I got to tell him that in person. He's going to be huge one day. We ended up with a sick summer crew at the hostel. Plus I got to live in a stationary van so I had my own space and privacy which was so amazing. Enzo, Bea, Sacha, Chris, Mash, Jamie, Lottie, Merryn, and Aaron. 

People from all over the world to come together and create this amazing versatile family. Something I had never experienced before. It was the best summer of my life and I'll never forget it. Everyday I would heal more. At the end of February I decided to give surfing a proper shot on a longboard. And I paddled straight out the back, and was hooked just by sitting in the line up. That day changed my life. Now above anything else in the world, surfing was and is my healer. The lessons from the ocean are like no other. I now have my very own 9ft single fin which I'm in love with, I live for surfing. And it's how I want to spend my life. I want to get up at 5am and go surf, I want to stay out surfing until 9pm. It turned me completely off alcohol (along with some massive mistakes) and I am forever grateful for this love that I have found.

I was planning to come back to Australia then fly to Indo to travel with my best friend Daisy. And then all this Covid stuff went down. 

That's when I met Julius. My beautiful blonde hair and blue eyes French man. After having the most amazing summer of my life I had lots of time for myself, and for the first time in my life I wasn’t looking for anyone. I was so content and happy with my life every moment. 

So when he came, I was ready for him. I knew we were meant to be together as soon as I saw him. On his second night at the hostel, we had a party and we kissed for the first time. A few days later all of NZ went into full on Level 4 lockdown. I was so happy, all 45 of us backpackers, it felt like a more down to earth, hippy version of Love Island. 

We had everything at that hostel from cooking lessons, yoga classes, stick n poke tattooing, parties, weed brownie days and so much more I cannot even put it into words what went on. Having a sleepover every night with 45 backpackers from different countries was indescribable. Falling in love alongside with my two best friends (Mash and Maria) was indescribable. It really did feel like a reality TV show where we were all stuck in a house together, with no supervision and the only worries in our worlds was our beautiful new relationships, friendships and new connections.

Within a week Julius had completely moved into my van and I was so happy. It was so nice to have a man in there, he would always be fixing things so I wouldn’t hurt myself and tell me I have to keep ‘our home’ clean. His energy is always so positive and beautiful, he can put a smile on anyone’s face and is so proud to be with me. We were falling for each other more and more everyday and I feel like he was literally made for me. 

We went skinny dipping in the bioluminescent water and they had never shined so bright. It was the most beautiful moment. He told me he loved me for the first time and my heart was full of so much energy and love. I am so in love with this man and I will be forever.

We were inseperable. A couple of months later we moved together to a small town on the coromandel coast called Whangamata. We lived in a tiny home and got jobs at the same cafe. We would ride our bikes together every morning and work the exact same hours. Months went by and we continue to grow together. This is the right love. The love that is returned, nurtured, it is a choice every single day of our lives and it still is. It is only now I realize, I have never ever ever been in love like I am with him. Lust, sure. Obsessed, sure. But this is different. I have never in my life been truely loved back unconditionally. In this moment he is the love of my life and I am eternally grateful.

I cannot express it enough how grateful I am to have had these life changing experiences. Thankyou New Zealand, Thankyou to my 19 year old self, Thankyou for pushing yourself, Thankyou for moving to a country where you knew absolutely no one. Thankyou for changing my life, forever.

[solaciummeae]

Disclaimers:

This is merely my interpretation of things post series. I own nothing but my protrayals and original content added, but please please please be respectful. Know that this is a plot I worked on for quite some time and this is the plot I’m going with in the Post Series for my muses. I write John, Cara, Stephen, Jedikiah, Astrid, Marla, && Luca, as well as a host of OCs. I will be turning this into a drabble series so please don’t come at me telling me I’m wrong or should change anything about it. I’m finding what works best for the story I’m attempting to tell. I welcome anyone who wants to take part in it.

                                               PART THREE

With more and more homosuperiors flooding into New York all the time, there’s been a great influx in the population of the state overall. Not all of those seeking the source of the beacon choose to reside in the city, but they remain in contact with the leaders of the underground. The increase is so felt even amongst the human world that reports of this migration briefly reach the televised news.

With greater numbers the responsibilities of those in leadership is greater. The original council becomes the high council to smaller groups delegated authority for each certain region of people. At the advisement of Stephen, Cara decides to take on certain new partners as the head of their people. She gives authority to both Emma and Zoey, creating a unit of four ranked as leader. The intent behind this being, that should one of them fall there is still someone else to lead their people.

As the community grows, the alliance with the west coast underground only grows. In fact, the connection is secured and trips are taken to and from in order to fortify that alliance. With new players in the game, they’ve got to be ready for whatever comes next. There are even efforts to push further out along the east coast to other states in search of their people. The hope is that they as a species in this country are acting more offensively at this point rather than just defensively.

With more of Zoey’s people arriving, they take it upon themselves to provide support to the former lair dwellers and anyone else who like them is new to this home. They spend time helping people find their feet, getting accustomed to living less in the shadows and having real lives.

New systems are put into place as they as a people become more organized. They settle into a semi-regular life of work and balancing their duties to the underground, all the while ready to move at a given notice. There’s a sort of emergency alarm in place, a psychic currant given off by Stephen who remains one of the most powerful of them all. It’s designed to reach a certain distance among their people, therefore by proxy setting off the alarm in the minds of those which then reach a greater distance and continues spreading.

During this time, Stephen struggles to find some semblance of normalcy with his family. His mother is often around but determined to keep her youngest son safe, she’s never far from him. Luca continues growing up, now faced with a completely different lifestyle than the one from before that now seems so much simpler. They remain in their family home, as Marla is hell bent on fighting Jedikiah should he try anything.

Cara has her own demons to battle when Jordan finally convinces her to confront her father after all this time. It’s an awkward and uncomfortable situation but necessary. On this trip she gets to spend a fair amount of alone time with Jordan who– quite frankly, has become one of the closest to her. After her sister died, the rift between herself and Stephen crippled the once seemingly romantic fate ahead of them. She now finds herself feeling a familiar kind of attachment to Jordan– seeing much in him that she used to see in John. Likewise, he’s become that similar kind of family to her. She trusts him with her life, but with the knowledge that John is out there and the complexity of her relationship with Stephen– it causes her to feel conflicted.

On Jedikiah’s end, he continues to manipulate John against his people while John lies to him about seeing Emma and certain others. In this time, he’s come to meet and briefly get to know both of his half brothers, Caelan and Cameron who have been in the city for some time now.

However, it would seem that he has yet another brother. A man by the name of Marshall Quade, who like so very few– is someone that John remembers from before his “accident.” Marshall too, grew up in Ultra being to Roger what John was to Jedikiah. After John left Ultra and with Roger seemingly dead, Marsh was left to take his place with Jedikiah. He too had been Anaxed but with a longer kill list than John under his belt.

When John returned to Jedikiah after the fall of Ultra, he found Marshall still working for the older man, having only gotten worse than his memory served. They found that they had a great many things in common, not the least of which being that they were both hiding things from Jedikiah. John– his obvious connection to Emma and the underground, and Marshall– his strange connection to a somewhat mysterious woman named Genevieve who seems to know an awful lot and is well connected.

The two younger men bond over years of brutal experience growing up in Ultra, the ability to kill, and wanting desperately to be out of Jedikiah’s influence. Really no one knows John like Marsh does. It’s because of this long history and their aligned interests that Marshall is the only other person that John trusts aside from Emma. He knows that they both have much to lose and is quite protective of the younger man, seeing him as a little brother.

In this time, another potential major player emerges from the shadows. The woman mentioned earlier, Genevieve Knight. Having spent months keeping to herself and observing what she could from both sides of the supposed war, she’d made her decisions carefully. She comes from a wealthy and influential family in a similar realm as Bathory but with far different pursuits. Whereas Bathory focused on this country and manipulation of their kind, Genevieve’s family are members of a couple international organizations for homosuperiors and are in the opinion that he only sought to exploit their people.

She was raised to be not only a warrior, but a diplomat. For this reason, she has many assets at her disposal and took her time to decide where it was best to dedicate those resources. She of course, supports her people but having grown up out of state she’s seen a different side of their world. Ultra never held a threat to her and even now, she’s all but untouchable to Jedikiah. With her abilities and resources, given hard evidence that she is who she says– she’s made a member of the high council. But she isn’t without her own secrets.

Early on in her arrival in the city she’d been followed by the very same soldier of Jedikiah’s mentioned earlier, Marshall. When he’d caught up to her, upon their eyes connecting, there seemed to be a psychic bomb that had gone off. Suddenly, neither of them– while both normally more than adept at mental blocking– could keep the other out. She’d, of course, tried to sever the connection and keep her distance from him, but even when they were apart she could feel him and hear his thoughts.

Still, he persisted in seeking her out at times when he knew she was alone, claiming curiosity over their bond. It wasn’t until some such occasion where he told her they needed to stay together because it was safer that it occurred to them both that it was more than they’d thought. That they were in fact, in love after the months of spending every waking moment with the other in the back of their minds.

Genevieve keeps this relationship concealed to everyone she knows for fear of what would happen to him. Even with her high rank among their people, she can’t risk the others finding out that she’s involved with someone who is the left hand to John’s right when it comes to Jedikiah.

As time goes on she becomes more and more desperate to free Marshall from Jedikiah’s hold and so strikes a deal with him. The price being that she comes to work for Jed, full with Anax so as to properly replace one of his best and most efficient killers. Thinking it was the only way to save him, she’s ready to take his place. She tells only Trey and Emma that she’s doing it– making the latter swear to keep him safe in her absence.

It seems as though it will go as planned until John comes to the newly freed Marshall to explain that Gen is in danger and that they need to move quickly. As it turns out, Jedikiah had no intention of using Genevieve as a soldier but more for experimentation and the harvesting of her powers before rendering her human. The scientist being up to old tricks, thinks that if he cuts off her abilities, without their unique connection, she will be nothing to Marshall. This he hopes, will bring him back.

The two fight their way through any and all guards set between themselves and Genevieve in one of the many large warehouses Jedikiah now operated out of. It becomes more and more evident that they’re running out of time by the way Marshall depletes as they move through the building. You see, Marshall is so connected to Genevieve that he feels whatever pain she experiences– mental, emotional, and physical.

By the time they get to her, she’s already heavily drugged up, but conscious enough to feel the cuts that have been made and the shots that have been given. She’s sure she’s hallucinating when they come in, doing her best not to pass out on the table where she’s strapped down.

John simply wants to freeze time to get her out of there, but Marshall has other ideas. While the blonde is charged with freeing and helping Genevieve, Marshall takes his aggression out on the man he’s sure now that he hates more than anyone else he’s ever known. The only reason that Jed’s story doesn’t end here is because Gen begs him to stop so they can leave.

And so the three of them leave together, the two men now completely resolved to leaving their former superior behind. John and Marshall are placed in a safe house with Genevieve, Trey, Emma, and Marshall’s long lost brother Bellamy. Essentially all of those fiercely in favor of protecting the two men who might have once been considered enemies.

While Gen and Marsh recover from the incident, Emma tries to help John begin to adapt to being back among their people. It’s difficult for him to be back amidst so many people, some that he’d supposedly been close to and others still who he wouldn’t know anyway. He’s more than a little overwhelmed by his surroundings and still keeps to himself, trying to work through what he’s been through and where he’s going.

Emma and the others try to advocate for John and Marshall, both those on the high council and those in lower positions. However, it would seem that the majority of their people aren’t willing to so easily trust the two men who once conspired against them.

The frustration goes on for weeks, the two of them remaining mistrusted and not utilized for their skills. Until finally they speak up at a high council meeting specifically called to decide what to do with them. John all but lays it out in an ultimatum which Marshall then agrees with and reiterates. Use them or get rid of them.

Upon this ultimatum, Bell is the first to stand up for both of them, likewise Gen and Trey follow suit, and finally Emma with a clear message to all of them. That if they’d so quickly turn on their own for only doing that which they themselves would do to survive if put in their position, they’re doomed to fail. Three more rise after she speaks, both leaders from California, Will and Zoey, and Emma’s partner from Omega, Anthony.

With the majority of the high council willing to walk away for the sake of these two men, it’s decided that they stay and are treated as equals. They too are inducted into the high council for their knowledge of Jedikiah and his plans.

From this moment, changes are made. The community begins evolving again. A core group of their most skilled soldiers take over training larger groups of their people. Each are tasked with training those under them in a certain base set of skills, while each is also assigned a specialty that they train on. For example, Marshall specializes in hand to hand combat and the use of weapons. How to take hits that are less than fatal and won’t render them unconscious.

With there already being talk of taking out Jedikiah, with the knowledge of Omega’s existence, as well as people like Gen’s family– they need to be ready now more than ever for what comes next.

With clear alliances forming across the country, Cara and Stephen look to not only just unite their people, but to strengthen them. There are even hopes that if handled properly, they could be entering a golden age for homosuperiors in the states. This is only amplified when it is learned that in his last will and testament– Hugh Bathory left Omega and all of it’s resources to one Emma Harper.

{ mentioned: Jordan Reynolds @bloodbulletsandbytes Marshall Quade && Bellamy Reed @deadbeatcentral. All other muses mentioned are mine. }

[lisa99460]

Solo Uno.

On Friday night I returned home from Barcelona. I took the trip on a whim, by myself, after thinking about it for all of 30 minutes before booking it. I wavered back and forth about whether or not it was a good idea and continued to ask myself that question until I got off the plane. I wrote the post below while laying on the most beautiful beach in Costa Brava when the answer had finally become clear. It was not only a good idea, it was the best idea I’d ever had.

“Solo uno.” I tell the waiter who insists on putting down a second place setting at the table where I am sitting. I already told the receptionist this as she walked me into my hotel room where there were two bathrobes on the bed and two pairs of slippers on the floor.

“Solo uno.” I told her, as she took away the second robe and slippers.

“Ah! Brave girls in estado unido.” She says; her Spanglish cracked like an egg, but she is trying. I nod and smile. I just spent 10 minutes to explain that I wanted an iced coffee only to end up with a shot of espresso with an ice cube in it and so I am not trying anymore.  

She looked me up and down, glancing at my tattoos and then at my outfit, not hiding the fact that she was doing so while rolling her eyes. A common trend that I had noticed amongst Spanish women, a complete lack of fucks to be given. I respect it, I decided early on in my trip.

I think she was wondering why I was in yoga pants and why my hair wasn’t done but I convinced myself she was staring at me wondering how the hell a 27 year-old girl from the States ended up in Begur, Spain by herself. Gotta tell you guys…not sure how I ended up there either. What I do know is I drove two hours down the highway laughing as Siri tried to dictate directions to me by butchering the Spanish street signs with her horrible robotic accent, so I guess that’s sort of how I got there.

I just walked down 105 stone step to get to Platja Fonda. The view at the bottom looked like the scene from Game of Thrones except with neon green-blue water, or, as Tula calls it when she selects a polish color at the nail salon “greenish mixed with a little bluish” Case in point, it was unlike anything I had ever seen before. The woman at the hotel explained to me that Platja Fonda and most of Begur had been taken over from Cubans who settled there. Many of the large “castles” I saw on the beach were made of red clay stones and bricks that were crumbing. They were uninhabited for years but they looked full of life to me, like the cracks were actually mouths with years of stories waiting to be told.

I’m suddenly floating in the same green-blue water that I had been looking down at. The water is colder at Platja Fonda, in comparison to the bath water at La Barceloneta beach. It is so crystal clear that I look down and can see the goosebumps on my legs. Every once in a while the sun reflects off the water and creates an illusion that looks like a neon green laser zapping the sky. It is blinding but it is beautiful. I look around and realize there is no one else here and suddenly I feel like I’m on the island from Cast Away. In theory I had been “alone” all week but this was the first time that I had truly been alone. Salted tears come down my face and I can’t tell where they end and where the Mediterranean begins. It doesn’t matter though; in that moment we were one.

I imagine someone is looking at me and wondering how I could be crying in such a beautiful place. I would tell them I am crying BECAUSE I am in such a beautiful place. Not just this physical place, but just in life; I am in such a beautiful place. Last year at exactly this time in June, I was not in such a beautiful place. I was sleeping about 13-14 hours a night, some nights before the sun even went down. I felt defeated, anxious, and was doing anything I could to avoid the majority of my life because I hadn’t liked the way it turned out. I don’t talk about it much to anyone because I don’t like to remember that I ever felt that way, but being in a place like Platja Fonda where I felt so alive and appreciative reminds me that I have to talk about the other times, too. Remembering a time when I felt alone made me appreciate more the choice that I had made to be alone, here, in Spain. 

I don’t talk about that time in my life very much, but last night I talked about it with Patrick and Andrea, a young couple from Ireland that I met when they were seated at a table behind me on a quiet outdoor patio at Hotel Aiguablava. They were with their adorable 8 month old daughter, Alice, who naturally…I was waving at (to be fair, she was waving at me, too.) Fast forward six hours later, two bottles of wine, and two plates of Crepes Suzettes and we were finishing eating dinner together. We talked about traveling, our families, our childhoods; we talked about really hard times and then really good times. We talked about enjoying life because it’s short and even though I just met them I knew they were special because they weren’t just saying that to sound like they had perspective on life- they really meant it.

I could hear the waves crashing at the beach next to us and I had one of those moments again when I knew I was in exactly the place I was meant to be. Begur, Spain…the random beach town I had found, the outdoor patio I sat at, the table I chose; I realized none of it was random. We erupted into laughter as Andrea asked me to do my best “Bahstan” accent. I repeatedly inserted the word “Dorchestah” into sentences as she belly-laughed into her glass of wine. She asked if they would be in my blog, and also if Alice would be in my blog, and I said of course they would, as their connection was so much so the meaning behind why I chose to travel alone.

I got back to my hotel at the end of the night and the silence was penetrating. I thought about all of the people I had met that week and all of the places I promised to go visit. I thought about how before I took this trip my therapist told me it would be life-changing and I didn’t really believe her but I nodded anyways because she’s basically a genius and I’ve been nodding in agreement to everything she has said for the last year and it’s worked for me thus far.

I came to Barcelona alone. Like, really alone. I said “solo uno” so many times that it began to feel natural, it began to make me proud. Mind you this is coming from the girl who picks up my best friends to come along for the ride when I go put gas in my car. I don’t do things alone. I put out the energy that Dr. Berger had encouraged me to put out: this trip was life changing and I was ready for life to change.

And then I met TJ, who was traveling alone as well after going to his friend’s wedding in London. He was from New York and we connected instantly on being two east coast kids from the states randomly introduced in a foreign country. We had dinner on a rooftop terrace followed by pitchers of sangria and then we roamed the charming streets of Barcelona until 4 am. We found an Irish pub when we were tired of the sangria and drank beers as we sang loudly (and terribly) to the acoustic cover band playing “Wonderwall.” We went to the beach the next day and had drinks again the next night.

TJ went back home to New York and we vowed to keep in touch, vowed to visit and half-heartedly but maybe seriously joked that we would meet up in a foreign country again next year. Then the next day I met Paige and Corey while on a wine tour, two girls about my age traveling here from Denver. The wine tour became pitchers of sangria over dinner that night and life talks about our families and hopes and dreams followed by night out and a drive to the beach the next day where we floated in the ocean and had talks that felt surreal in a setting that felt surreal. We continued to reiterate to each other that there were moments we had to pinch ourselves because we didn’t believe we were really there. There was so much to soak in and so little room left in me to add more memories and more emotions. When we parted we vowed to keep in touch and visit each other. Spending time with them felt like spending time with old friends and it both amazed me and saddened me that I had only met them 48 hours before and that I had not known them longer.

I came here alone, and in theory, I was alone, but what I realized was that when I was finally okay being alone, all of these amazing people came to me with an almost magnetic force. Like they were meant to be a part of this journey with me. Like I was constantly in the right place at the right time.

“Solo uno” I said to the waiter at breakfast this morning. It is the last morning of my trip. TJ is home. Paige and Corey are back in Barcelona before heading home, and Andrea and Paddy are continuing their “holiday” down the coast with little Alice. He puts down a second place setting, again. I wonder if he doesn’t understand me so I gesture for him to take the other setting away. He looks at me puzzled and so I let him leave the place setting. I think to myself that maybe he has never traveled alone and that maybe he should and then he will stop putting down extra place settings in front of people who are trying to eat a meal by themselves.

I finish my day by driving up the coast to the spa at Mas Ses Vinyes. I don’t even know what that means but doesn’t it just sound beautiful? I find it and it is a hidden oasis again made of red clay buildings nestled behind lush green and bright pink flowers. They tell me Noelia is my masseuse but she is late so I must wait by the infinity pool. They tell me this as if they are sorry about it and I laugh. This place is serene as can be. My skin is still glistening with salt crystals that are saved on it from my swim this morning. The landscapers are drilling lawnmowers into the grass next to me and I am so still even that sounds like a lullaby.

A week ago, I came here alone. Tomorrow I am leaving alone, but I am in the best company. “Solo uno” I say again, when the masseuse greets me and asks if it will be a massage for one or two. This time I just smile.

[solaciummeae]

{ Verse Update: }

Disclaimers:

This is merely my interpretation of things post series. I own nothing but my protrayals and original content added, but please please please be respectful. Know that this is a plot I worked on for quite some time and this is the plot I’m going with in the Post Series for my muses. I write John, Cara, Stephen, Jedikiah, Astrid, Marla, && Luca, as well as a host of OCs. I will be turning this into a drabble series so please don’t come at me telling me I’m wrong or should change anything about it. I’m finding what works best for the story I’m attempting to tell. I welcome anyone who wants to take part in it.

                                             PART THREE

With more and more homosuperiors flooding into New York all the time, there’s been a great influx in the population of the state overall. Not all of those seeking the source of the beacon choose to reside in the city, but they remain in contact with the leaders of the underground. The increase is so felt even amongst the human world that reports of this migration briefly reach the televised news. 

With greater numbers the responsibilities of those in leadership is greater. The original council becomes the high council to smaller groups delegated authority for each certain region of people. At the advisement of Stephen, Cara decides to take on certain new partners as the head of their people. She gives authority to both Emma and Zoey, creating a unit of four ranked as leader. The intent behind this being, that should one of them fall there is still someone else to lead their people. 

As the community grows, the alliance with the west coast underground only grows. In fact, the connection is secured and trips are taken to and from in order to fortify that alliance. With new players in the game, they’ve got to be ready for whatever comes next. There are even efforts to push further out along the east coast to other states in search of their people. The hope is that they as a species in this country are acting more offensively at this point rather than just defensively.

With more of Zoey’s people arriving, they take it upon themselves to provide support to the former lair dwellers and anyone else who like them is new to this home. They spend time helping people find their feet, getting accustomed to living less in the shadows and having real lives. 

New systems are put into place as they as a people become more organized. They settle into a semi-regular life of work and balancing their duties to the underground, all the while ready to move at a given notice. There’s a sort of emergency alarm in place, a psychic currant given off by Stephen who remains one of the most powerful of them all. It’s designed to reach a certain distance among their people, therefore by proxy setting off the alarm in the minds of those which then reach a greater distance and continues spreading.

During this time, Stephen struggles to find some semblance of normalcy with his family. His mother is often around but determined to keep her youngest son safe, she’s never far from him. Luca continues growing up, now faced with a completely different lifestyle than the one from before that now seems so much simpler. They remain in their family home, as Marla is hell bent on fighting Jedikiah should he try anything.

Cara has her own demons to battle when Jordan finally convinces her to confront her father after all this time. It’s an awkward and uncomfortable situation but necessary. On this trip she gets to spend a fair amount of alone time with Jordan who-- quite frankly, has become one of the closest to her. After her sister died, the rift between herself and Stephen crippled the once seemingly romantic fate ahead of them. She now finds herself feeling a familiar kind of attachment to Jordan-- seeing much in him that she used to see in John. Likewise, he’s become that similar kind of family to her. She trusts him with her life, but with the knowledge that John is out there and the complexity of her relationship with Stephen-- it causes her to feel conflicted.

On Jedikiah’s end, he continues to manipulate John against his people while John lies to him about seeing Emma and certain others. In this time, he’s come to meet and briefly get to know both of his half brothers, Caelan and Cameron who have been in the city for some time now. 

However, it would seem that he has yet another brother. A man by the name of Marshall Quade, who like so very few-- is someone that John remembers from before his “accident.” Marshall too, grew up in Ultra being to Roger what John was to Jedikiah. After John left Ultra and with Roger seemingly dead, Marsh was left to take his place with Jedikiah. He too had been Anaxed but with a longer kill list than John under his belt.

When John returned to Jedikiah after the fall of Ultra, he found Marshall still working for the older man, having only gotten worse than his memory served. They found that they had a great many things in common, not the least of which being that they were both hiding things from Jedikiah. John-- his obvious connection to Emma and the underground, and Marshall-- his strange connection to a somewhat mysterious woman named Genevieve who seems to know an awful lot and is well connected.

The two younger men bond over years of brutal experience growing up in Ultra, the ability to kill, and wanting desperately to be out of Jedikiah’s influence. Really no one knows John like Marsh does. It’s because of this long history and their aligned interests that Marshall is the only other person that John trusts aside from Emma. He knows that they both have much to lose and is quite protective of the younger man, seeing him as a little brother. 

In this time, another potential major player emerges from the shadows. The woman mentioned earlier, Genevieve Knight. Having spent months keeping to herself and observing what she could from both sides of the supposed war, she’d made her decisions carefully. She comes from a wealthy and influential family in a similar realm as Bathory but with far different pursuits. Whereas Bathory focused on this country and manipulation of their kind, Genevieve’s family are members of a couple international organizations for homosuperiors and are in the opinion that he only sought to exploit their people. 

She was raised to be not only a warrior, but a diplomat. For this reason, she has many assets at her disposal and took her time to decide where it was best to dedicate those resources. She of course, supports her people but having grown up out of state she’s seen a different side of their world. Ultra never held a threat to her and even now, she’s all but untouchable to Jedikiah. With her abilities and resources, given hard evidence that she is who she says-- she’s made a member of the high council. But she isn’t without her own secrets.

Early on in her arrival in the city she’d been followed by the very same soldier of Jedikiah’s mentioned earlier, Marshall. When he’d caught up to her, upon their eyes connecting, there seemed to be a psychic bomb that had gone off. Suddenly, neither of them-- while both normally more than adept at mental blocking-- could keep the other out. She’d, of course, tried to sever the connection and keep her distance from him, but even when they were apart she could feel him and hear his thoughts. 

Still, he persisted in seeking her out at times when he knew she was alone, claiming curiosity over their bond. It wasn’t until some such occasion where he told her they needed to stay together because it was safer that it occurred to them both that it was more than they’d thought. That they were in fact, in love after the months of spending every waking moment with the other in the back of their minds.

Genevieve keeps this relationship concealed to everyone she knows for fear of what would happen to him. Even with her high rank among their people, she can’t risk the others finding out that she’s involved with someone who is the left hand to John’s right when it comes to Jedikiah. 

As time goes on she becomes more and more desperate to free Marshall from Jedikiah’s hold and so strikes a deal with him. The price being that she comes to work for Jed, full with Anax so as to properly replace one of his best and most efficient killers. Thinking it was the only way to save him, she’s ready to take his place. She tells only Trey and Emma that she’s doing it-- making the latter swear to keep him safe in her absence. 

It seems as though it will go as planned until John comes to the newly freed Marshall to explain that Gen is in danger and that they need to move quickly. As it turns out, Jedikiah had no intention of using Genevieve as a soldier but more for experimentation and the harvesting of her powers before rendering her human. The scientist being up to old tricks, thinks that if he cuts off her abilities, without their unique connection, she will be nothing to Marshall. This he hopes, will bring him back.

The two fight their way through any and all guards set between themselves and Genevieve in one of the many large warehouses Jedikiah now operated out of. It becomes more and more evident that they’re running out of time by the way Marshall depletes as they move through the building. You see, Marshall is so connected to Genevieve that he feels whatever pain she experiences-- mental, emotional, and physical. 

By the time they get to her, she’s already heavily drugged up, but conscious enough to feel the cuts that have been made and the shots that have been given. She’s sure she’s hallucinating when they come in, doing her best not to pass out on the table where she’s strapped down. 

John simply wants to freeze time to get her out of there, but Marshall has other ideas. While the blonde is charged with freeing and helping Genevieve, Marshall takes his aggression out on the man he’s sure now that he hates more than anyone else he’s ever known. The only reason that Jed’s story doesn’t end here is because Gen begs him to stop so they can leave.

And so the three of them leave together, the two men now completely resolved to leaving their former superior behind. John and Marshall are placed in a safe house with Genevieve, Trey, Emma, and Marshall’s long lost brother Bellamy. Essentially all of those fiercely in favor of protecting the two men who might have once been considered enemies.

While Gen and Marsh recover from the incident, Emma tries to help John begin to adapt to being back among their people. It’s difficult for him to be back amidst so many people, some that he’d supposedly been close to and others still who he wouldn’t know anyway. He’s more than a little overwhelmed by his surroundings and still keeps to himself, trying to work through what he’s been through and where he’s going. 

Emma and the others try to advocate for John and Marshall, both those on the high council and those in lower positions. However, it would seem that the majority of their people aren’t willing to so easily trust the two men who once conspired against them. 

The frustration goes on for weeks, the two of them remaining mistrusted and not utilized for their skills. Until finally they speak up at a high council meeting specifically called to decide what to do with them. John all but lays it out in an ultimatum which Marshall then agrees with and reiterates. Use them or get rid of them. 

Upon this ultimatum, Bell is the first to stand up for both of them, likewise Gen and Trey follow suit, and finally Emma with a clear message to all of them. That if they’d so quickly turn on their own for only doing that which they themselves would do to survive if put in their position, they’re doomed to fail. Three more rise after she speaks, both leaders from California, Will and Zoey, and Emma’s partner from Omega, Anthony.

With the majority of the high council willing to walk away for the sake of these two men, it’s decided that they stay and are treated as equals. They too are inducted into the high council for their knowledge of Jedikiah and his plans. 

From this moment, changes are made. The community begins evolving again. A core group of their most skilled soldiers take over training larger groups of their people. Each are tasked with training those under them in a certain base set of skills, while each is also assigned a specialty that they train on. For example, Marshall specializes in hand to hand combat and the use of weapons. How to take hits that are less than fatal and won’t render them unconscious. 

With there already being talk of taking out Jedikiah, with the knowledge of Omega’s existence, as well as people like Gen’s family-- they need to be ready now more than ever for what comes next. 

With clear alliances forming across the country, Cara and Stephen look to not only just unite their people, but to strengthen them. There are even hopes that if handled properly, they could be entering a golden age for homosuperiors in the states. This is only amplified when it is learned that in his last will and testament-- Hugh Bathory left Omega and all of it’s resources to one Emma Harper.

{ mentioned: Jordan Reynolds @bloodbulletsandbytes Marshall Quade && Bellamy Reed @deadbeatcentral. All other muses mentioned are mine. }