#i think i literally feel keith panicking through these pics...

[caramellles]

"my presence at this event was mandatory for two reasons. first of all, of course, we had to maintain the perfect picture for our father’s environment. a successful businessman and his children who are happy to spend a christmas evening together. that was the impression we had to make. the second reason, of course, was the meeting with future partners. from an early age, my father began to prepare me as his successor. i was destined to inherit the family business and my father did everything to make me the perfect man for this role. the only thing he didn't take into account was my wish. or rather, its absence. running a business, money, and success didn't interest me at all. i tried to explain it to my father at first, but then… it became completely useless. after my mother left, he focused all his attention on me. i became his project. and it wouldn’t be an exaggeration if i said that i became the project of his life." beginning | previous | next

[noheroes-allowed]

12/10

officially got rejected today. laid in bed finishing my 4740 project and my other group members don’t even know the amount of effort I put in. it’s fine though. they didn’t purposefully slack off or anything. I just have unusually high standards I suppose and can’t function in groups.

other news. today was the segc social. maya definitely likes keith. hahahahahahaa she literally got up halfway through and went to sit on the other side of the table to be next to him. this girl jesus. I sat next to her bc there was only one seat left and was like oh you’re maya right. which I only know from stalking her fb. and she was like yeah and you’re lucy right and went back to talking to mahdia lmao. I talked to chloe and sergio and xavier though. and it was a lot more fun than I thought it would be. we were talking so much that everyone else on the other side finished their food and we weren’t done at all. also when we were ordering it skipped all the way down to me without me knowing. and I was like wait what. and then the waitress came down and sergio was like wait what. and then spent so long picking his dinner. like she went and got everyone else’s. and came back and he still wasn’t ready. and then collected everyone’s menus and he finally settled on something. and when chloe came in the waitress came back and asked her. and she was also panicked. idk I think it’s funny how we all went through that. on our way out keith was like I felt so far away from you guys. directed mainly at xavier. and I was like you missed our game.

secret santa was also really cute. we went around and said clues for what we bought and I guessed phyllis bc she said decor. she got me the hanging picture thing. and a plant. when everyone went around via was like oh you’re holding the present in your hand. and phyllis was like no this plant is for me. but then she was like plot twist! this is for you. and I was the surprised pikachu meme. it was so cute. ahhhhhh. also like mahdia knew what I got her and I knew what phyllis got me bc we all made wishlists. but wow I did not expect to be so happy opening it. and I talked to mahdia after and she was so happy to get my gift too. gifts are so nice. so weird

when we were walking after dinner the group got split up. bc half of us was waiting for xavier. we saw a party bus on the way and jokingly said we should just say it was ours and get on. but then xavier was like no wait lemme ask if we can take a pic inside. and we did lmao. and then I was talking to keith going upstairs and I told him he missed it. he was wearing his athletic jacket from high school and idk if it was his jacket or what but his shoulders looked hella good today. fuuuuck. maybe I never paid attention but also maybe it was the jacket. when thomas said his gift was $40 and keith and I both mouthed 40 and looked at each other. I went to the bathroom and opened the door to him. lmao I’m lame but at least I know it.

we played the voting game and I got first in line for hell. which I love. lucy is short for lucifer. also people said I was mysterious. also that I would be from the future. also dhanush was like the funny thing is and said a spiel about trivia and then I was like wow that was so funny sarcastically and everyone laughed. making fun on dhanush is easy. damn I miss our invested team. on our way out dhanush was like lucy is wrecking me today but I know she has a soft spot for me. which is true in a way. like I wouldn’t make fun of him if I didn’t know him enough. but then I said sungjae was my favorite. he’s so unproblematic and soft.

I’m really glad I went today. sergio is cool. I wanna hang out with him more. chloe is cool too. I wanna be friends with them and xavier and sungjae and phyllis and thomas. he’s so funny. and keith oops. although I feel like I could actually really like phyllis and thomas and sergio. there was a post semester survey and I think I answered those three for the people I wanna get to know better. I didn’t put keith bc I didn’t wanna expose myself even though only the presidents probably see the survey. but now I genuinely have those three as my answers. and tbh anyone there today was chill. like why did I waste so much time. I could’ve like tried talking to people more. watch me next semester though forget this feeling. and have that irrational anxiety around these people again.

I’m happy I went. I’m happy I stayed even when a huge group of people left after secret santa. accidentally fell asleep and woke up at 6:40 and then stayed in bed for another 10 minutes debating if I should just not go. bc getting ready and walking would take 30 min and sometimes showing up late sucks more than not going at all. but I did it. I took a bus and was only 15 minutes late. I think it was a blessing in disguise when there was only one seat left and it was at xavier’s end. even though initially I was like oh keith is on the complete other end of the table. like in my row and furthest from me where I couldn’t even glance at him if I wanted to since he was too far to talk to. but it’s ok. sergio and chloe and xavier made up for it.

when we were leaving xavier was like lucy you should talk more during g-body. aw. I will try I guess. I hope so. also I need to go to secon next sem. bc I definitely missed out on bonding last year bc I didn’t go.

yesterday keith and I talked before class. and it was fun. he asked about my project and I asked about his. he said that apparently his guy thought they weren’t working on the project and sent an email like yeah this semester was a failure. apparently a bit nicer but still. I thought it was mean. and I asked him about his finals. and then this dude like heard him talking about public finance and interrupted. and then he was like wait sorry what was your question. cutie. I love when he turns around to talk to me. bc he could just talk to his friend sitting next to him but he turns around and talks to me and includes me in the conversation sometimes even when I don’t even really know his friend. he asked me what I’m doing next summer. and oof. I was like don’t ask me that question. he asked me if I was doing anything over break. he’s going to florida to visit family. I’m getting my wisdom teeth out. he did it summer after freshman year. his friend is gonna be in sab fran. I said I had family there and visited last summer. we talked about the masters presentations. and I said one of them was sloppy and kind of annoying. I asked him when his last day was. his last final might be the 17th but I don’t remember. I said mine was the 16th but I’m leaving the 21st. and he was like oh that’ll be a chill few days then. but I’m picking up shifts for work. oh that’ll be a profitable few days then. I asked if he was gonna be on my project team next sem. and he was like will you have a good project. but it would be fun. more fun than the other ones. I do not know for sure if I heard the last part right but if he did. damn son

also I felt bad when I walked in late and they were like lucy! and I saw keith turn a little to wave at me but I was like too anxious and trying to figure out where to go and didn’t like say hi to him. sad. I asked him yesterday if he was going today. he said he was going to dinner but had to leave kinda early afterwards. he said he wanted to sleep. which sad. why didn’t he stay longer. I wish he was there for the voting game.

hahahaha last semester I wanted to ask keith to go to an apo fellowship with me. but I didn’t wanna expose myself. but it’s the end of the semester again and I wanna hang out with him again. oof this time I don’t even have anything to ask him to do with me. I just wanna hang out and eat lunch or something