#i think i have like 13 or 14 weeks til graduation

[daydreaming-in-daisies]

👏🏾APRIL👏🏾 3RD👏🏾 AND 👏🏾 GRADUATION👏🏾 DAY (whatever day that is idek lol)👏🏾 CANNOT👏🏾 COME👏🏾 FAST👏🏾 ENOUGH👏🏾 HURRY👏🏾 UP👏🏾 SO👏🏾 I 👏🏾CAN👏🏾 GRADUATE👏🏾 AND👏🏾 NOT👏🏾 WORK👏🏾 AT👏🏾 THIS👏🏾 FUCKING👏🏾 FACILITY👏🏾 ANYMORE👏🏾 AND👏🏾 END👏🏾 THIS👏🏾 NIGHTMARE 👏🏾EXPERIENCE 👏🏾THAT 👏🏾WAS👏🏾 UNIVERSITY👏🏾

[xxxdrummysdaughterxxx]

i opened up. about everything (sorta). for the first time in years the other day

i was talking to an old friend about a tattoo i’m getting to cover old sh scars and i told him i was a fucking mess. and he asked me what happened that fucked me up. SO I TOLD HIM. only my husband and therapist ever knew anything about it.

i’ve decided to open up about it here… so be nice.

when i was 13, 2 weeks before starting my freshman year in august, i was raped. this ruined all of my future relationships. i said no, but it didn’t matter. i started cutting to help numb the pain. i told my friends it was consensual. it wasn’t.

i turned 14 in september and in october one of my best friends committed suicide. i was devastated. i stopped eating and developed an eating disorder and starting cutting more. i didn’t recognize myself anymore.

personal hygiene was nonexistent to me. i didn’t want attention, i didn’t want to be touched again. other kids complained (OBVIOUSLY.) so i took more time on hygiene-just enough to go to school.

a few months later i was assaulted on a school bus. i told my best friend and opened up about the first time and being raped. she told my mom. my mom called the school and I WAS BLAMED. i should have gotten help when it happened, i should have made it a big deal. i was on an elementary bus, with tiny humans. but i should have made a scene. it was never “he shouldn’t have done that to you. i’m so sorry”

i started taking pills on top of everything else. i just wanted an escape. i attempted suicide. i wanted it to end.

then i met the first boy i fell in love with. the boy who ruined me. i started acting out sexually since i couldn’t be invisible. we started sleeping together. it went on for 2 years.

i wasn’t getting better, i was just hiding. i wasn’t eating, i was cutting, i was smoking and taking pills. anything i could to escape, to feel nothing.

i pushed everyone away. i didn’t need help, i was fine! i could control it.

i never dated in high school because my trust was completely gone. i didn’t want to be alone with another boy. until i started dating my husband.

after we graduated, he left with the military for a few months. the best guy friends i had all 4 years had also turned their backs on me. whoever said guy friends are less drama fucking lied. so i started getting really good at hiding everything. i was working-i didn’t need to eat at home. i was getting high more and more, hardly ever sober.

when my grandfather died (october after i graduated. literally on the 4th anniversary of my best friends suicide) i realized i needed help. i wasn’t okay. i went into therapy. finally someone could help me!! wrong.

my mother (who thinks she knows everything) was called into a session where my dr diagnosed me with BPD. my moms exact words were “everyone’s borderline as a teenager” but i believed my mom!! i started lying to my therapist. to my family. to my boyfriend. I WAS FINE!

until i wasn’t fine.

i cut too deep one morning. i was fighting with my boyfriend over something stupid and told him i wasn’t okay. i was having a mental breakdown or panic attack or something.

when i was cutting i would black out. i couldn’t feel anything so i’d end up with a ton of cuts. i didn’t stop til i could feel it again. but this time was different. i wanted to die. in that moment i just wanted everything i was feeling for so long to just end.

i cut too deep. i sunk to my bathroom floor. i started passing out from the blood loss. something in me told me to stay awake. fix this. i tried calling my boyfriend (yes i married him, he’s better now) and told him i need to go to the hospital and he ignored me. he said he was busy. i was drifting in and out so i called my best friend and told her. she rushed to my house (this was like 730am) in her pajamas and spent the entire day with me, took me to the hospital to get stitches. helped me. that night my boyfriend called me and apologized. i could have died and he didn’t care. it took a long time for us to get better after this.

i didn’t get better until i was 19 and found out i was pregnant with my son. i started going back to therapy to keep us both alive. she explained what BPD was and it made so much sense. the self harm, manipulation, unstable relationships etc etc. everything i felt finally explained.

my son saved my life. had i not gotten pregnant with him, i’d probably be dead. i wouldn’t have him or my 2 amazing girls. i wouldn’t have fixed my relationship and been with him for almost 10 years.

after 14 years i am finally covering my past.

[blouisparadise]

Upon request, we’ve added to our friends to lovers rec list. You can find part one here and there will also be a part three (and possibly a part four!) up eventually, which will be linked here when it’s been posted. We hope you enjoy these fics! Happy reading.

1) Roses In The Rain | Mature | 5267 words

“Don’t- I know what you’re going to ask, and I… Harry, I can’t,” he said, his voice cracking. “Please. You know that I can’t.”

Louis had his six siblings and his old house with its falling-apart porch to take care of. This town was where people still approached him, 8 years after high school graduation, to tell him that they loved him as Danny in Grease. This town was where he had his pick of suitors, where he had his first kiss, where he took his first steps, where his mama lived, died, and was buried, and he couldn’t leave just to follow some man that he loved.

Harry, for now, seemed to understand that.

“Okay, baby,” Harry sighed, rubbing his eyes. “Okay.”

2) Candy In Your Mouth (I Know You Love Me) | Explicit | 6937 words

Things have shifted since last Christmas.

3) Glimpse Of The Silhouettes | Explicit | 7181 words

Harry isn't sure what the rules are for this. It's hard to believe that there are any, that's there's a handbook just waiting for him to buy: why is my best mate getting hard in my lap when I touch his arse?

4) Woke Up Feeling Knotty | Explicit | 7903 words

Beta Louis has a kink for knotting and the secret aesthetic porn blog he runs about it is more than proof.  When he accidentally finds out his alpha best friend Harry is one of his biggest fans, he knows he has to come clean after everything that has already happened between them.  Harry just might be willing to help him out anyway.

5) A Love Reaction | Explicit | 9968 words

It's never been a thing. Not until now.

6) Got It Right Such A Long Time Ago | Explicit | 9699 words

Four months into One Direction's hiatus, Louis comes to stay with Harry after a bad breakup.

7) (You're Gonna See Me In A) New Light | Mature | 13631 words

A fake relationship AU where everyone knows it's real but Louis.

8) As A Memento From Me | Explicit | 15817 words

Five lives in which Harry and Louis didn’t end up together, and one in which they did.

9) I Put A Spell On You | Explicit | 17525

A BBC/Secret Santa mashup featuring Captain Niall, our intrepid weatherman/amateur matchmaker, rather clueless sports reporter Liam, charming political analyst Zayn, and cheeky entertainment reporter Louis. Harry is the new fashion correspondent who prefers to dress like a flamingo. And pining. There’s a lot of pining.

10) Oblivious | Explicit | 19095 words

Where Louis gets a little crush on Luke and for some reason Harry starts acting weird.

11) Break Open The Sky | Explicit | 20372 words

Werewolf AU. Harry might be a werewolf, but he still wants to experience Uni like everyone else. Turns out he learns a lot.

12) Runnin’ Like You Did | Explicit | 20061 words

The college AU where Louis knows how to hold a grudge and is definitely not in love with Harry Styles.

13) UN(RE)SOLVED. | Explicit | 20873 words

The ghoul boys are back, but this time around there are some unresolved feelings involved. Harry is a skeptic, Louis is not. Watch them go on their ongoing investigation into the question: are ghosts real?

14) Hats Off To My Distant Hope | Explicit | 20990 words

Harry is in White Eskimo. Louis is in London.

15) The Way The Storms Blow | Explicit | 20649 words

Louis doesn’t have a habit of thinking about Harry’s dick.

That would be weird, seeing as they’re best mates, and they share a flat, and they’ve spent holidays at each other’s family homes. Their friendship hasn’t ever risen to a point where Louis should want to see his mate’s dick, and he’s happy to keep it that way.

Except, all that Louis can think about is exactly that. The size of it. The shape. The amount of people it’s been in.

Maybe it’s the tequila talking, or the fact that Louis’ just recently walked in to an eyeful of Harry taking turns on some slags that he’s never seen before, but. Louis’ mind can’t stop obsessing over the idea.

16) Love Like Wildfire | Explicit | 21774 words

Louis was an Omega and a Prefect. Harry was an Alpha and a little rascal. They were mates, drawn to each other since they first met in the Hogwarts Express. They worked well like that, or at least they tried, which only made their relationship way more interesting.

17) Indestructible | Explicit | 24423 words

“Hi,” Harry murmurs, and Louis hiccups out a sob.

“Hi,” he manages, still clutching onto Harry’s shoulders. Harry’s fingers drift across Louis’ cheeks, and there’s something off about Harry’s expression, but Louis can’t figure out what it is.

“I’m okay,” Harry says, and Louis is going to say something to that, even if he doesn’t know what, except Harry’s kissing him.

Louis freezes.

18) A Whole New World | Not Rated | 24967 words

Louis has moved into his new apartment to start his new job as a teacher. Things would be great. If only his arsehole neighbour didn't wake him up every morning by playing piano.

19) Another Day Gettin’ Into Trouble | Explicit | 25619 words

Harry’s drunk when the idea occurs to him. He’s also a pop star, so sometimes his drunk ideas turn into actual things instead of just ideas. The clone-a-willy kit is one of them.

In Harry’s defense, when he first thinks about it his intention is just to buy the kit and give it to Louis to make his own dildo with, because that’s what he wants anyway, right? To have a penis filling him up?

Then he realizes that it would be weird if Louis made a copy of his own dick to fuck himself with. It’d be super weird. Louis fucking himself? That’s a weird idea. Harry’s pretty sure Louis wouldn’t like that.

Clearly the only solution here is to use his own dick for the mold.

20) Brooklyn Saw Me | Explicit | 28537 words

In the cold and unforgiving city of New York, Louis doesn't have a home and Harry wants to give him one. But as their heartstrings become increasingly intertwined, and the snow continues to fall, home is getting harder and harder to find.

21) Rivers ‘Til I Reach You | Explicit | 29315 words

AU. Louis studies astronomy; Harry studies Louis. They spend their summers on the water and it shouldn't be complicated (spoiler: it is).

22) If Ignorance Be Bliss | Mature | 30429 words

Uni AU: Harry is too experienced, and Louis just wants to get to experience him.

23) Blind From This Sweet, Sweet Craving | Explicit | 31170 words

"So, I guess we'll go?" Louis asks later, when Harry has calmed down and eaten his weight in Chinese food. He plays with this chopsticks, spearing another piece of chicken and pops it in his mouth. "I mean, I wouldn't mind. We could make it an adventure."

Harry observes him, watches him seated across from him on their old living room carpet, with a container of food on his lap. He's fidgeting, avoiding meeting Harry's gaze–he probably knows that Harry's mad at him for ruining the one chance they had to get out of this situation. And he's not wrong, Harry is definitely very mad. Harry wants to strangle him and castrate him and smack him upside the head.

But he's also Harry's best friend, and despite everything, despite all the fuck-ups and the plot twists and everything just not playing out the way it should, he'd still rather be stuck in this situation with Louis than any of the other boys. He's got Harry's back, and in a weird, abstract way, he knows they'll be able to get out of this situation, together.

Harry sighs. "We're going," he says resignedly, his shoulders slumping.

Oh well. There are definitely worse ways to spend the weekend than pretending to be engaged to his best friend.

24) Welcome Back From The Friend Zone | Mature | 32354 words

The one where an idea to create a fake wedding with the sole intent to receive gifts from billionaires took a turn no one, but also everyone, saw coming.

25) The List | Mature | 32074 words

'In the weeks that follow, Harry opens his old journal more than he has in the past two years each time he remembers Venice or thinks about Louis. He always flips to the same random page in the middle of the book, marked by the picture of himself that Louis sent him a few days after they got home. There’s a message on the back that says, ‘Spontaneous looks good on you! See you soon,’ and it makes Harry’s chest warm each time he reads it. He wedges their list out from between the worn pages, and it feels silly staring down at a folded up piece of paper with a strange sense of nostalgia for experiences they’ve yet to have; for places they’ve never even been.'

26) Mark My Word (We Gon’ Be Alright) | Explicit | 35524 words

An A/B/O AU featuring an oblivious Harry as the pack leader, a pining Louis as his second-in-command, and an entourage of friends and family who are a little too good at keeping their mouths shut.

27) The Sun Will Rise With My Name On Your Lips | Explicit | 37927 words

When Eleanor breaks up with Louis he finds it hard to keep pretending that Harry isn’t what he’s wanted since the day he first met him.

28) Runner On Third | Explicit | 39643 words

Note: The sequel to this fic is not BL.

The AU where Louis and Harry were best friends growing up, but lost touch after Harry moved away. Ten years later, Harry has moved back to town, but he and Louis don't pick up where they left off.

29) My Sweetest Downfall | Mature | 42048 words

Louis is a retired guardian angel. After the death of his last charge, he became jaded. Humans die—what use is prolonging the inevitable?

He's more than happy to forget about humanity altogether until one day, when Louis is pulled from his desk job for a new assignment: protect One Direction's Harry Styles. It doesn't help that there's something about Harry that Louis can't resist, and it's making him question everything he's ever known. Humans are strictly off limits, and breaking that rule means risking everything, but Harry just might be worth it.

This is a story about forgiveness and discovery, featuring an angel who wants to be a little more human and a human who is so much more than he seems.

30) For the Sake of Propriety | Mature | 52360 words

Louis Tomlinson is the caretaker of an estate that is not truly his, and when his Uncle calls upon him to take it back, Louis knows he will soon be out on the streets with four overly zealous sisters to care for.  His only solution: wed the eldest two off and pray for the best.  When an even better solution unexpectedly presents itself in the form of the charming Mr. Styles, Louis is faced with a difficult choice.  But as with all things in the regency era, reputation very well may threaten to outweigh the fleeting matters of his heart.

31) The Bachelor | Explicit | 53953 words

The one where Harry dates six other guys and still falls in love with Louis Tomlinson.

32) We’ve Got the World in Our Hands | Explicit | 54964 words

Note: This fic has been locked and can only be read by AO3 users.

A mutants/superpowers AU. Louis and his friends attend the Cowell Institute for General Education and Mutant Training in London; when Louis meets Harry, the newest student at the Cowell Institute, he immediately recruits Harry to help play matchmaker for his friend Zayn. Harry and Louis are so caught up in meddling in Zayn's love life, though, that they don't notice that their own friendship is progressing into something more. Meanwhile, an ominous threat up north grows slowly until suddenly, no mutant - or human - is safe.

33) Waiting For The Tides To Meet | Explicit | 49873 words

Soulmate AU. Everyone is born with heterochromia — one eye is their own eye colour, while the other is the colour of their soulmate's. It's only when they meet their soulmate for the first time that their own eyes match properly. After a hazy night at a frat party, Louis wakes up to blue eyes and the shocking realization that he had met his soulmate, without any sober recollection. Seven years pass where Louis comes to terms with the fact that he'll never know who his soulmate is. Then one fated summer, a beautiful green-eyed photographer arrives at Louis' workplace, with promises of endless laughter and a familiar feeling in Louis' heart.

34) Since I’ve Found You | Mature | 74005 words

Louis woke up on the morning he was meant to volunteer at the Feed the Homeless program at St. Mary's church hoping for an opportunity to give back a little to a city that has given him everything he could ever want. Little did he know, there was one more great thing waiting there for him; a boy with radiant green eyes in a weathered jacket and a beat-up backpack slung over his shoulders.

35) Saving Symphony Hall | Mature | 124766 words

Note: This fic is a sequel to this fic.

“I think I have an idea,” Louis said. Slowly, and reluctantly, but with a growing sense of the inevitable. “God damnit, I think I have a really good idea.”

“Oh christ, that's the problem-solving face,” Babs said. “Last time we saw that face, he sold a company.”

“Wait, what?” Zayn asked.

“Right place, right time,” Louis said. “Also, fuck my life,”

“What?” Zayn repeated. Niall patted his hand.

“I usually just roll with whatever Louis is about to do,” he said. “It’s better for us all.”

“That’s the attitude,” said Louis, “I’ll tell you tomorrow. Tonight, I need to do some research. Zayn, give me your number. I’m gonna save our symphony.”

36) Falling Into You | Mature | 143517 words

In the grand scheme of adolescence and boyhood, Harry was still working himself out, so far with little luck. But four things he could say for certain: 1) he'd been at the top of his class all through primary and secondary school, 2) he was the shittiest alpha to ever walk the earth, 3) Liam Payne never let him forget it, and 4) he’d been in love with this boy, Louis Tomlinson, ever since he was fifteen years old.

Check out our other fic rec lists by category here and by title here.

[dorevenge]

where ignorance is bliss - chapter 5: beside your pillow

SUMMARY: Maria and Howard fly out of Monaco and continue to get to know each other abroad. [AO3 LINK]

CHAPTERS: 1 2 3 4 [5] 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 ☆

November 21, 1959 – Nice, France, Nice Cote d’Azur Airport

My bags packed silently that night, I board a flight in first class next to Howard bright and early the next morning. I had left Obadiah’s ring on the empty pillow beside him as he continued to sleep, and I was content to never think of him again. I did not realize what I was becoming, or even know the word for it, but a girl my age should not be traveling across Europe with a man Howard’s age, thinking nothing of prior engagements.

We had taken one of Howard’s private helicopters from Monaco to Nice, France, and from Nice to who-knows-where. Howard wants to surprise me, and, on the plane, I write a letter to my parents explaining that I’ll be missing Thanksgiving. The letter probably won’t get there in time from France, but I’ll be able to make it up to them at Christmas.

It feels like every flight attendant’s head turns to look at Howard as they stroll up and down the aisles, looking right past me to him to meet every one of his potential needs, recognizing him from last month’s Vogue cover. He’s probably the most-attended-to passenger on the flight, offered refill after refill on his champagne. He ends up handing every other glass over to me.

I don’t know what face I was making, but when Howard sees it, he leans into me, whispering reassuringly. “They only like the idea of me. They only know the Howard Stark who does magazine spreads, not the kind you philosophize on rooftops with.”

“You never did tell me your opinion on natalism.” I smile into my champagne flute and sit up a little in my chair. The cushions in first class are so soft I feel like I’m being swallowed whole.

“Another time. We don’t want to run out of things to talk about. What are your thoughts on arc reactors?”

“Let me get back to you on that,” I laugh, perhaps a bit too loud, and the couple across the aisle turn their heads sharply at us. I don’t particularly mind. Howard decides to explain the reactor to me anyway, how it’s theoretical clean energy that will change the world, and it’s important to get in the hands of people who need it, and how it shouldn’t be weaponized. The policies and protocols go over my head, but I enjoy watching him ramble. His hands move excitedly, and I feel held in his warm eyes. If this is what falling in love feels like, I don’t think I’ll mind it at all.

After a few quick minutes, he pauses. “You didn’t get any of that, did you?” he asks, almost sheepishly, an awkward smile on his face. His arms fall to his sides, and he fiddles with the seatbelt.

I reach out and take one of his hands in mine. “Truthfully, I didn’t understand a lick of it, but I’m sure I’ll come to understand it someday. I rather enjoy your ramblings, however.”

The rest of the flight goes on incredibly quickly, us jumping from conversation topic to the other faster than the speed of sound (which, as Howard tells me, is faster than light). Howard’s presence is almost intoxicating, but more akin to nicotine than alcohol. I feel alert and present with him, engaged. I don’t feel talked down to or stupid for not knowing what a quark is.

Howard doesn’t tell me where we’ve landed until we leave the airport terminal, and it’s there I’m accosted by green, red, and white flags and touristy trinkets, and mini Tower of Pisa’s everywhere.

“Rome?” I turn to him.

“Carbonell is Italian, right? Meeting you reminded me that I have been to Rome in a while. It always makes me feel refreshed.”

“And I take it you know all the best places to visit?”

“Of course, doll. Who do you think you’re traveling with?”

-

By the time the trip is over, I can’t remember all the places we saw, or where we took photographs, where we dined, where we shopped, or who we met. He paid for everything, separate hotel rooms, extra dessert, dresses he caught me gazing at as we strolled past window displays, and shipping them back to Peggy’s place. Every moment is like a dream, and I never stopp to think it might be too good to be true. I don’t want it to end, but, realistically, I know it must, like all good things.

He waits in my hotel room for me to gather my things and repack my suitcase. As I fold my dresses, something falls to the floor.

“I’ll get it,” Howard jumps up and hands it to me; it’s one of Obadiah’s ties. He looks at it quizzically but doesn’t ask.

“Emergency tie. He often forgets. Can’t have the boss looking bad in meetings.” I take it away without looking at him. Howard looks content at my answer and sits back down on the edge of the bed, but a pit is forming in my gut. I haven’t thought of Obadiah the last five days, drowning in Howard’s attention. But what of my job at Stane International? Do I assume that I’m fired? And my things at his place? I had never completely moved in, cycling between his place and my parents’, but there’s enough there that I’d miss. I can’t knock on the door, look at his face, and demand back my things. Can I? I don’t notice I’m wringing the tie between my fists until Howard takes my hands in his.

“What’s wrong, doll?”

My breath catches in my ribs. “I haven’t been completely honest with you, Howard.” I drop the tie into my suitcase and sit next to him. “Obadiah wasn’t just a work partner, nor just my boss. He… I suppose we were engaged.”

Howard stiffens, his shoulders tensing, but his voice is soft. “How do you only suppose something like that?”

“I don’t even remember him proposing, it was just something that happened because it’s something you do. You say yes when a nice man proposes to you, even if you don’t love him.”

“I don’t think that’s fair, to you or to him – or to any man smitten with you – to get engaged to be married to a man you don’t love.” He doesn’t look at me when I glance at him over my shoulder.

Tears fall from my eyes, and I let them sit on my face. “I’m sorry that I deceived you, I… I don’t know what came over me. I’m not a liar by nature. I do know that I’ve felt more with you this last week than I ever did with him.”

“Feel more what?”

“Feel anything.”

“He didn’t make you feel anything? And how long were you with him?”

“Barely ten months.”

He gently wipes the tears off my cheeks with the pads of his thumbs, peering up at me with softness in his face. “Ten months. Hell, if I were with you ten months, doll, I’d have married you four months ago.” He pauses. “I take it you didn’t say anything before you left.”

The tears pour out now, and I hide my face between my hands, the guilt overwhelming me. “I left the ring on his pillow like a damn coward.”

Howard places an arm around me and pulls me into his shoulder. “You know, I think we have an open lead accountant position available at Stark Industries. In case your job at Stane is compromised.”

I sit up, leaving wet mascara butterflies on his starch-white button-down. “Are you sure? You don’t have to do that.”

“I don’t have to do anything. I own the damn company. My investors don’t control me.”

“I don’t think that’d be fair to the other applicants.”

“There are no other applicants. The job just opened up two seconds ago.”

“Can I at least submit an application? Resume, cover letter, formal interview?”

Howard turns to me. “Let’s interview right now. Are you good at accounting? It says here you went to Columbia Business School, is that right?” He taps at an invisible paper in front of him.

I laugh, smiling, the apples of my cheeks rising and pushing the new tears down the sides of my face. “Yes, and yes. I graduated with honors, even.”

“Hell, that’s good enough for me, doll.” Howard sticks his hand out to me. “You’re hired.”

I pause before I accept his handshake, thinking over my next move. In one motion, I take his hand, using it to pull myself closer to him, reaching out my free hand to cup the side of his face, and I kiss him. I kiss him more deeply and more earnestly than any other kiss in my life. He reacts quickly, placing his hands on my hips, then to my shoulders, to my face, he can’t decide where he wants to touch me. My hands shuffle from his chest, to his neck, to his hair; I tug on his tie because I can’t get close enough to him. My tears transfer from my face to his, my lipstick from my mouth to his, I don’t know what the difference is anymore; I just want him. His movements feel restrained, almost overwhelmingly gentle, never touching me firmly like the way I want him to.

My body betrays the restrictions of our culture, and my tongue darts out from my lips and grazes his. He jolts straight up, hesitating for the faintest moment before granting me passage. When our tongues collide, his restraints break. He grabs my thigh, tightening his grip on my waist, pulling me in ‘til our chests touch, and I can feel his strength through the layers of fabric of my skirt. I inch forward onto his lap to kiss him deeper, my hips starting to grind on their own in an unfamiliar way. I feel desired, for the first time, and I feel warm in places I’ve never felt warm before. And the only thing I know is that I want him in ways I’ve never wanted anything, or anyone, before. The dance between our mouths elicits a moan from my lips, and I sit back, embarrassed.

I catch my reflection over Howard’s shoulder, not recognizing the woman straddling him, with runny mascara, smeared lipstick, and messy hair. I freeze and cover my mouth.

“Tell me what you want, doll,” he says hoarsely, pupils wide and lips swollen. He cradles one side of my face in his hand to look into my eyes, his thumb brushing away tears. “If you want to stop, we’ll stop. If you want to stay right here, we can do that, too. Whatever you want.”

I take a deep breath. Not breaking eye contact, I put my hand on top of his – the one still gripping my thigh – and guide it underneath my dress.

“I know what I want, Howard.”

One side of his face pulls into a dopey half-smile, still partially stunned, piecing together what’s happening.

“You’ll have to use your words, doll.”

I never thought I would be the kind of girl to sleep with a man before marriage, having been raised in a Catholic family and all its associated guilt. I didn’t have enough time to let the guilt fester, however, seeing as, right after Rome, Howard and I flew to Las Vegas and were married the next week, and the week after that moving into his mansion in Manhattan.

[the-gayest-tree-you-ever-did-see]

same! we were supposed to go last year, but we might actually go this year cause it been a really long time. i haven’t lost any close family to covid, which makes me really lucky. i’m so sorry to hear that you have.

(wait you’re friend was like 12 or 13 when she got married? i know it shouldn’t be that surprising given it’s India, but that doesn’t make it any more okay. i hope she’s doing okay though.)

i’m not too close with any of my uncles to confirm if that’s true though, tbh all my uncles kind of creep me out. but i can confirm that any indian man gets all the info from his wife lol

they did nico so dirty with the official art and don’t even get me started on annabeth. i’m glad the rick got the viria art licensed for his use though!

just bare acknowledgement that isn’t negative in telugu media is so much to ask for. i’m glad that dancee has it though- i might watch it!!

i still have a diary that I’ve been writing in since i was like 12 and it’s so fun to go back and read like gossip about all my old friends and the things that made me excited. it’s actually really helpful every time i get overwhelmed cause writing things down distracts me.

ahhh i forgot how jealous alec was in the books, especially in the mortal instruments! i do love the little cameos they had in the other series though. like in the infernal devices, magnus talks about how his type is black hair and blue eyes and then he ends up with alec (chefs kiss, good job cassie). i love their kids too, but i think the wedding in the books was a bit rushed. i know that in the show they do get married, but like there’s a whole plot line before that where alec has an arranged marriage to a woman and stuff so idk if I’d ever watch it lol.

i think we can formally declare this as a letter just for the fact of how long these are (i love it though! its like having multiple conversations at once).

i never thought of 5’8 as tall until i went to india and all my relatives were half my size lol. also sometimes i forget people online are like real humans, so now i’m trying to imagine you as a person but all i can’t think of is a literal 5’2 tree. anyway irl you would like be so tiny!! *crouches down awkwardly to give you a hug*

mwah (a sickly kiss cause i just got my second dose of the vaccine)

- indi <3

no, its okay, its just that im from rural areas so its pretty bad there.

(she turned 14 when she graduated and was married right before she turned 15, so thats not that great. my family's been keeping a lot of info about it from me so im worried, but i know someone wouldve told me if something happened. its sort of a helpless-til-something-happens scenario, so theres not much i can do)

lmao, yeah, for some reason im really close with a few of my uncles, so i get so much gossip from them. idk, i always migrate to the dads at indian functions, its the best place to be

omh no, nico was sooo ugly, like no sugarcoating about it, he was very very blech. later with his version of the magnus chase characters, i was like hmm okay not bad especially alex was pretty nice, but overall, i like fanart much better than the official art. aru shah was much, much better about that, specifically aiden looking Like That, definitely indian input on that

no yeah definitely. i just finished the first season, i dont think theyve done the second one yet, and theres one direct homophobic joke in one of the dances, and one as a little skit thing, so two out of the 47 episode first season isnt that bad! i skipped a few other skits though, so there may be more, but honestly who is watching those skits anyway.

lmao same, i have a diary ive been keeping since i was ~eleven, but i keep forgetting about it. like ill make one entry each day for a week and never again for two years, and repeat. i like writing out my thoughts and everything, so every time i remember that, i write in it, but otherwise not really. honestly, nowadays i dont even have time for it lol

AHHH exactly!!! when magnus is like hmm blue eyes, black hair is my type and straight up says not will fucking herondale though, and then later in the mini-series meets edmund with the same and cant help but help him, and then james with gold eyes and he's like gotta stay away from herondales even though theyre all my type and then alec with blue eyes and black hair but a LIGHTWOOD and hes like oh. oh fuck it all i just adhajshka i love it so much

i agree though, the wedding was a bit rushed, but the whole theme of it and everything was stunning, and especially since it felt like they got married as soon as they were allowed to, it was like ☹🥺 they just wanna be together forever 😭 but i think the plotline of the marriage was in the books, but it was at an engagement and alec was like ha no and made out with magnus. i think it was a lot sweeter in the show than it was in the books, the books were more panicked oh my angel im in love with magnus quick kiss me its an emergency

we can definitely declare this a letter, and i completely agree! it feels like i can talk about fifty things and once and you'll respond with fifty answers, its kind of amazing.

i am such. a smol tree. jusst a leetle boy. tiny tiny branches. *shakes in the wind* no DONNT WORY i am oka 👍🏽

mwah mwah (congrats on the vaccine!! now we can kiss for real :D i should be getting vaxxed near the end of the month, but we'll have to see!!)

love you indi <3

[caatws]

tagged by @justanalto to answer some questions !! :)

1. What is the color of your hairbrush? it’s like a blueish/greenish color and has moana on it! i usually comb my hair so i bought that brush just bc it was moana themed a few years ago lol. i don’t use it often

2. Name a food you never eat. there are many.....#justchildhoodocdthings ermmmm i don’t eat a lot of snack foods like chips or goldfish

3. Are you typically too cold or too warm? too warm, esp these days bc the weather is hella warming up so i wake up feeling hot a lot

4. What were you doing 45 minutes ago? i was working on some post-grad work stuff and then crossed over into my roommates’ room to watch the facebook livestream graduation 2020 thing cuz miley was on singing the climb

5. What is your favorite candy bar? i love a good hershey’s special dark chocolate moment

6. Have you ever been to a professional sports event? yes, quite a lot actually! my mom is super into sports, so i grew up going to a handful of pro sports games - mlb, nba, and nhl. never nfl tho bc my mom said the price of tix wasn’t worth it LMAOOOO. also when the olympics are here in la in like 8 years i wouldn’t mind checking out some events here !!

7. What is the last thing you said out loud? i asked my roommate if she wanted me to close the door as i was leaving her room bc she was abt to hop on a zoom call

8. What is your favorite ice cream? chocolate.....esp if it’s dark chocolate which is Rare

9. What was the last thing you had to drink? starbucks peppermint hot chocolate bc i’m a basic bitch!!!!

10. Do you like your wallet? yeah, i only upgraded from my middle school wallet like back in 2018 to a normal adult looking one. it’s purple and has enough pockets for all my shit! still bulky tho

11. What was the last thing you ate? ....nothing LMFAOOOO lunch is usually my first meal of the day and i haven’t had it yet. but last night i had ramen for dinner

12. Did you buy any new clothes last weekend? last time i bought clothes was i ordered one of the black widow hoodies from hot topic like a month ago....other than that i have not gone clothes shopping since pre-quarantine

13. The last sporting event you watched? i don’t even know....i didn’t watch the super bowl, so it’d either be some time my roommate was watching hockey on our tv or whatever sports my mom was watching when i was still home for winter break in january

14. What is your favorite flavor of popcorn? KETTLE CORN!!!!

15. Who is last person you sent a text message to? i sent a pic of miley singing the climb on the fb livestream on my friend’s laptop to my fam being like “lol miley is our commencement performer!!!!” and my mom was just like cool

16. Ever go camping? yes unfortunately....never for more than a night at a time tho bc i literally Cannot

17. Do you take vitamins? no bc what is Health

18. Do you go to church every Sunday? used to back in the days of catholic school (pre college), but now no longer

19. Do you have a tan? nah bc we can’t go outside bro

20. Do you prefer Chinese food or pizza? chinese food 100% i personally think pizza is overrated

21. Do you drink soda with a straw? i don’t believe i ever do tbh

22. What color socks do you usually wear? i only own socks with colorful patterns/designs on them which is extra but very me i suppose

23. Do you ever drive above the speed limit? always! (a reasonable amount over tho, like within 5-10 mph over...this is average for californians, while many others speed hella)

24. What terrifies you? not a fan of heights nor uncertainty, and this pandemic has essentially destroyed my post grad hopes/plans and now i enter an uncertain future

25. Look to your left, what do you see? my bed, with a lot of stuff piled on top

26. What chore do you hate? all of them???? i guess doing the dishes mostly tho bc i hate the smell of wet dishes with food waste/residue on them and it just feels so gross i can’t

27. What do you think of when you hear an Australian accent? i think wow australia sounds like a wild country

28. What’s your favorite soda? orange soda 4ever

29. Do you go into a fast food place or just hit the drive-thru? drive-thru if i can !!! but i don’t mind going in if there’s ample parking available

30. Who’s the last person you talked to? my roommate, when i asked if she wanted me to close the door LMAO

31. Favorite cut of beef? all of them????? i’m not picky with meat dsflkbn

32. Last song you listened to? as i was driving back into my garage the radio station i was listening to started playing sugar we’re going down which threw me for a time loop

33. Last book you read? i’ve been reading fanfic mostly recently so ig whatever the last thing i read for my internship weeks ago was, it would be that

34. Favorite day of the week? even tho time doesn’t matter in quarantine, i’ll always be a friday stan

35. Can you say the alphabet backwards? i used to be decent at it but i’m out of practice now. i’ll try to just type it rly quickly and see: zyxwvutsrqponmlkjihgfedcba (ok so this took me like 5ish secs to type so that’s p good!)

36. How do you like your coffee? i don’t! i just drink peppermint hot chocolate :^)

37. Favorite pair of shoes? my doc martens, but they are now out of season for most of the rest of the year bc i live in southern california where it’s Hawt so i probs won’t wear them again til december

38. The time you normally go to sleep? sometime between 1 and 3 am

39. The time you normally get up? sometime between 9 and 11 am

40. What do you prefer, sunrise or sunsets? sunsets are dope!!!

41. How many blankets on your bed? three, including my sheet, comforter, and a small quilt

42. Describe your kitchen plates. some are just round and plain white, some are round and white with a red decorative border, one is a pokémon plate meant for children that i bought cheap at target

43. Do you have a favorite alcoholic beverage? piña colada!!! but if i’m trying to get drunk i need vodka or somethin

44. Do you play cards? not much tbh! my apartment has been on a mahjong streak as of late

45. What color is your car? silver!!

46. Can you change a tire? no i’m useless but also my parents believe i’ll get murdered if stuck on the side of the road (which is possible) so they’d prefer me to call aaa for help

47. Your favorite province? uhhhhhhh no provinces here in the u.s. but canada has provinces and i went to british columbia (to visit vancouver) once as a kid so???? if we talking states tho y’all know i will die for california

48. Favorite job you’ve ever had? honestly my job at my school’s mail center this past year was rly cool! my boss was so great and the other student workers were chill, so it was a nice environment and i enjoyed learning all these mail-related skills

49. How did you get your biggest scar? i have no scars ;))))

50. What did you do today that made someone else happy? i had my final appointment with my therapist from my school since i graduated, so i thanked him for working with me the past year and a half!

i tag: anyone who wants to do this, i’m lazyyyyy hehe so feel free to steal!!!! i wanna read y’all’s answers

[bezgoesboo]

––  m i c   t a p !    “ an’... ohp !  we’re live ! ”    

               r u s t l e   r u s t l e . . .   

“ well, if you’re listenin’, welcome to another episode of witchin’ hour, in which i’ll do a real valiant job of wastin’ your precious time. 

                             we got the tunes, we got the loons, and the night’s fresher                              than a pack of fuckin’ mini mart twinkies. yep. i’m bez.                                                              whaddya say we get jinkie with it ? ”

or, alternatively:  my name is linc, this is bez holmes, and i hope you brought your schnazziest seatbelts ‘cause, oh bud... you’re in for quite the trip.

( timothee chalamet, ghost, he/him & cismale ) is that ( another one bites the dust ) by ( queen ) playing? guess ( killian beelzebub holmes)’s comin’ in hot! heard folks say the ( twenty three ) year old ( local radio host ) was at the thanksgiving fair, ( throwin’ darts at the balloon wall with his buds ) when chaos ensued. during the glitch, ( he was killed by one of his best supernatural pals he was tryin’ to talk down while everyone else was bookin’ it to the woods, but ain’t the faintest clue he’s dead… yikes ).

b a c k g r o u n d    .  .  .

the autumn of 1959 brought the youngest holmes sibling into existence and knocked out their mother in one fell swoop. killian beelzebub holmes was born to mr. holmes and his late wife at precisely 3:33am just before an uncharacteristically frosty dusk.

mrs. holmes chose the name killian long before her second-born ever killed her, so... heh !  joke’s on her !  bez’s pops didn’t have the heart to call him *cough* er, killian, so the family settled for the next best thing so they could still honor his mother’s wishes: beelzebub. except... well. that still was a lil problematic, given the timing of his birth. and callin’ beelzebub on class attendance? not exactly the best look. hence, the nickname bez was born, and he’s been goin’ by it ever since.

bez has an older sister lee and the two are as thick as thieves. growin’ up, they always kept their father on his toes –– wherever the holmes kids go, trouble follows.

mr. holmes served as county sheriff until he was killed by his second wife when bez was 13 and lee was 14. lee went back to art school after the local police department covered up the bear out as a fuckin’ armed robbery gone wrong. lee ‘n bez were sworn to secrecy, but nothin’, not even authoritative men in police badges, can erase the image of stepmonster slashin’ dad to bits and lettin’ him fall face first into a plate of spaghetti.

bez never liked stepmonster to begin with, but killin’ their dad was the kicker. lee returned to art school and bez struggled to keep the peace in the household. the bitch stepped up the loving stepma act until a year later, when she wigged out again ‘n landed him in the hospital for a couple days. after that, lee returned home, ‘n it was officially holmes vs. mama bear.

movin’ out was the dream, but unfortunately, mr. holmes overextended when he bought this nice shiny new house for his new wife ‘n kids; most of his insurance money went to getting the house out from underwater, ‘n the rest went to funeral expenses. so... the kids were kinda stuck with her. still are.

bez never let himself be stupid enough to dream ‘bout leavin’ letum falls. he likes it here. he’s got his people. throughout school, he romped ‘round with the cool kids. hung out with all the supernaturals. in fact, you’d be hard pressed to find bez holmes chillin’ ‘round anyone who’s actually human. contrary to his sister, his father’s death didn’t turn him off from supernaturals –– if anythin’, it made him desperate to prove to himself just what a wildcard stepmonster was.

after high school graduation, bez pestered his way into workin’ at the local radio station. what started as a simple soundboarding gig morphed into hostin’ his very own show, the witchin’ hour, on which he talks about letum falls’ spooky happenings and engages with live callers. he’s got a sleep with me bit –– callers name celebrities, fictional characters, or even existing locals bez has to seduce via song and cheesy pickup lines. basically, the whole show’s a hangout with bez –– more often ‘n not, he’s high as a bird. so the witchin’ hour’s got itself a steady cult of listeners. bez loves every second of it.

he’s got a reputation for bein’ sexually ambiguous. he was outcasted pretty young as bein’ a lil... off? never into sports. liked to paint his nails colors sometimes. borrow lee’s shirts. his dad never raised issue with it, but stepmonster definitely had her reservations. still does. bez holmes is a kid some fathers told their sons to steer clear of. for fear of, bez’ll laugh as he tells ya, spreadin’ it around.

labels are for chumps, he’ll tell ya, mid-cigarette drag. size y’up real good. odds are, if you’re attractive ‘n mysterious in some way, he’ll fuck ya. ( not countin’  six months of abstinence in 1980 when he was convinced everyone he fucked wound up dyin’ two weeks later... there were a string of incidental deaths. but honestly, sometimes ?  he thinks ‘bout it. )

fuckin’ klutz. yeah, he skateboards. yeah, he looks cool doin’ it. yeah, he’ll even wear his shades while he’s doin’ it at night. but surprise him? make him laugh? he’ll trip over his own two feet.

addicted to cinnamon waffles, enough syrup to drown atlantis a second time. he always haunts the local diner. when he’s not there, he’s likely playin’ pinball or skeeball at the local arcade, or slurpin’ down a rootbeer float and annoyin’ the living shit outta earl at the mini mart.

if it’s illegal? sign him up.

he owns a shit ton of thrifted clothes. lots of chunky jackets, v-necks, rings, necklaces. funky pants. he’s recognized around town by his crazy curls. they’re never tame. he’s always lookin’ artfully disheveled. smirkin’. stealin’ looks.

t h e    f a i r     .  .  .

bez was hangin’ out with his supernatural buds ( wanted connections )when all hell broke loose. he was actually makin’ a fool of himself with balloon darts, but he made a ten buck bet he could win a stupid hat.

while everyone else ran, bez tried to talk down one particular friend ( wanted connection ) who was tryna keep themselves from attackin’ him. he got so far as to get ‘em calm, place a hand on their shoulder. lean in to look ‘em in the eye real close. 

“ hey man, hey now. listen. y’don’t gotta do this. killin’ ain’t punk, ‘kay? y’hate blood, hear me? i believe in you, ‘n even though you serve killer looks –– you’re not a killer. ”

even in the face of death, this kid fuckin’ joked around, and... basically this friend slashes his throat and ripped his heart out right after bez managed a hopeful smile. talk ‘bout a magical fuckin’ friendship.

lee and dean hollis took bez’s body with them when they fled the scene.

bez woke up a few days later in the woods near the fairgrounds. he wandered ‘n wandered, almost in a sleep-like trance, ‘til he reached dean’s house. walked in, blinked right at the guy. they exchanged words, albeit bitter ones, before bez left and walked on over to the radio station. did his show like normal, like he’d never even died. no memory of the glitch. no nothin’. 

heads on over to earl’s mini mart like usual. but earl won’t check him out. earl isn’t hearin’ him. so he fuckin’ leaves with a bag of doritos and a big bottle of mountain dew. runs into his boyfriend, xander chapell. all’s fine ‘n well. he’s overjoyed to see the other male. everythin’s normal.

the next mornin’, he slinks home. finds lee cryin’ in her room. pieces it together and thinks it must be dean hollis. must be ‘cause of that asshole.

c u r r e n t l y    .  .  .

ain’t nobody got the heart to tell this poor kid he died. he’s dead. and since he doesn’t know he’s a ghost ?  he thinks wakin’ up near hose weird ass woods, near the fairgrounds ? it’s all a dream. he thinks the worsened insomnia ? ah. that’s just the weather. ‘n when his hand sometimes goes through things ? when people sometimes don’t see him ? some witch is probably havin’ trouble controllin’ their abilities.

stepmomma has a hunch bez’s spirit might be hauntin’ the house. she keeps tryna sage it. tryna figure out what’s gonna help get her stepson to the beyond. ‘cept bez doesn’t know this, and lee’s playin’ damage control.

he’s still so hopelessly in love with xander, but neither of these two goons have actually shared that with one another. it’s all in the looks. the touches. and now... there’s an added bonus that bez is dead –– technically a goner, unless he never resolves whatever’s keepin’ him here. which, y’know. he won’t. ‘cause he’s got no clue.

can he please get a waffle ?  now some of the waitstaff won’t serve him at the diner ! the fuckin’ nerve !  it’s really okay because he’s got duffy ‘n georgia there to help him out. but damn. no one’s ever been this cold ‘cause of his off-color humor before. what’d he do ?  lord knows.

weird shit’s happenin’. people in town are actin’ strange. something’s up. but then again, somethin’ always is. so bez doesn’t mind it. keeps on hummin’ his stupid tunes. carries on with his show. the radio station producers are scared shitless ‘cause like... this dead kid keeps goin’ on the air. what kinda cruel joke is this, huh ?

c u r r e n t     c o n n e c t i o n s  .  .  .

older sister – lee holmes.  the holmes kids are revered and feared. always up to somethin’... tragic, what happened to ‘em, but lordie. that dead sheriff raised some weird kids.

low key love of his life – xander chapelle.  they started dating a few months ago and bez... never... expected... this. he ain’t the feelings type, no sir. but xander lights somethin’ in him. somethin’ new. yeesh. now you’ve got him all fluttery.

chaos crew – maya shen.  partners in crime, in an endless pacman and pinball war. they’ll beat one another’s scores back ‘n forth and back ‘n forth, never ending. bez is fascinated by maya’s family line ‘n all. she’s great to have ‘round, too, when he’s got a hankering for a cig but needs a decent light.

row, row, row your boat the fuck away from me – dean hollis.  dude was pretty cool, ‘til y’know... he fuckin’ dumped his feelin’s on lee and skipped town. yeah, football. yeah, nfl. cool beans, huh? what’d he have to go and fuck with his sister’s heart for? and now that he’s back and lee’s actin’ weird... bez knows he’s the cause of it for sure. and he doesn’t like it one bit.

grew up together – georgia duchannes.  bez, lee, ‘n georgia all grew up peas in a pod. mr. duchannes took over the role as sheriff because he sniffed somethin’ fishy goin’ on in the department and wanted to protect bez ‘n lee. bez gets a real kick outta georgia, ‘n folks even thought he had a crush on her back in the day. which is hilarious. ‘cause everyone ‘n their mother always knew georgia’d end up with vanetten.

the case he’s gonna crack – teejay vanetten.  bez always liked vanetten, thought he was a chill guy, y’know? a lil’ vanilla, but hey. not everyone can be as ace as him. the dude’s always been a lil’ defensive around bez though, ‘cause of georgia. bez thinks it’s funny. plays into it sometimes, just to get a rise outta him. after the glitch, it becomes clear teejay’s goin’ through something not human, so bez is tryna get lee on board to help this guy figure out his shit.

w a n t e d    c o n n e c t i o n s    .

the best supernatural friend who killed him.  bonus points if things get, like. real fuckin’ angsty.

past hookups.  bez has gotten around. guys, gals, non-binary pals. sex is sex.

supernatural kool krew.  this squad has a runs with wolves kinda vibe. bez might be the glue that holds it together. keepin’ up with supernaturals as a human, though? fuckin’ full time job.

avid radio listeners / callers.   i... would love for some routine callers? maybe some peeps he knows from around town who he has ongoin’ banter with on the air?

goofy gays.  all the gay vibes, just... we need a power gay squad mmkay?

enemies.  i’m sure bez is on a lot of people’s shit lists. he speaks his mind. he goes outta his way to be a nuisance. but he’d just find this whole thing abso-fuckin-lutely hilarious.

music jam peeps.  music is a huge part of bez’s everyday life. he listens to bands more than he listens to people. ‘n he dabbles in some musical shit himself. piano, some songwritin’ here ‘n there. nothin’ too major, but it’d be cool to have some pals who also feel as connected to music as him. he does, after all, run a radio show.

post-glitch connections.   dude roams ‘round letum falls a lot now. he did before, too, but maybe there are some people who knew of him but didn’t know him before who’re now startin’ to talk with him? ‘cause they can see he’s a ghost, ‘n they feel bad? i dunno. at this point, bez is startin’ to yammer on ‘n on to whoever’s gonna listen. maybe they just see one another in odd ass places. like earl’s mini mart. or the arcade. or maybe this person’s willin’ to speak to someone for him when they’re doin’ that stupid ass ignorin’ game again.

[bohemianrhapsody86]

200 Things About Me (originally 200 Things You Can Put In My Ask)

I got this off of @rami-malek-trash - don’t know who the original poster was, sorry if it’s you. I’m bored and cramping and no one usually sends me asks anyway, so I’m just going to answer all of these myself 

200: My crush’s name is: Drew (Now boyfriend, but he was my middle school crush) 199: I was born in: 1986 198: I am really: cool 197: My cellphone company is: T-Mobile 196: My eye color is: green 195: My shoe size is: 9.5/10 194: My ring size is: 9/10 193: My height is: 5′6″ 192: I am allergic to: Nothing 191: My 1st car was: 2001 PT Cruiser 190: My 1st job was: Server at a local pizzeria 189: Last book you read: Startalk: Everything You Ever Need to Know About Space Travel, Sci-Fi, the Human Race, the Universe, and Beyond by Neil DeGrasse Tyson 188: My bed is: Not very comfortable. I need a new mattress, but I need a job first.  187: My pet: A siamese cat named Chico. 186: My best friend: Amanda  185: My favorite shampoo is: I like using Aussie 2-in-1, I also like using Shimmer Lights occasionally so I can keep my gray hairs nice and shiny.  184: Xbox or ps3: PS3 183: Piggy banks are: Cool. I have one that counts my change lol 182: In my pockets: Nothing because they hate putting usable pockets in women’s pants.  181: On my calendar: I marked where I started my period yesterday, and my boyfriends 32nd birthday is next Tuesday.  180: Marriage is: Something I want everyone to have the option for if they want it. 179: Spongebob can: use his imagination 178: My mom: is amazing! 177: The last three songs I bought were? Cool and Sucker by The Jonas Brothers, Don’t really buy many singles, just albums if I’m interested and their cheap.  176: Last YouTube video watched: Brooke Candy - Paper or Plastic 175: How many cousins do you have? Too many to remember 174: Do you have any siblings? Yes, an older brother and older half-sister. 173: Are your parents divorced? Yes, they divorced back in 1999 172: Are you taller than your mom? Yes. We used to be the same height, but gravity has taken a hold of her and squashed her down.  171: Do you play an instrument? I used to play the trombone in middle school, but that was 20 years ago. I’m sure if I ever got my hands on one again, I might remember a scale or two.  170: What did you do yesterday? Went around town job hunting and then bought a maxi dress at a local craft store.  [ I Believe In ] 169: Love at first sight:Yes 168: Luck: Yes 167: Fate: Yes 166: Yourself: Sometimes 165: Aliens: Yes 164: Heaven: Yes and No 163: Hell: We live there now. 162: God: No 161: Horoscopes: Yes 160: Soul mates: Yes 159: Ghosts: Yes 158: Gay Marriage: Yes 157: War: No 156: Orbs: Yes/No 155: Magic: Yes [ This or That ] 154: Hugs or Kisses: Kisses 153: Drunk or High: High  152: Phone or Online: Online 151: Red heads or Black haired: Black haired 150: Blondes or Brunettes: Brunette 149: Hot or cold: Cold 148: Summer or winter: Winter 147: Autumn or Spring: Autumn 146: Chocolate or vanilla:Chocolate 145: Night or Day: Night 144: Oranges or Apples: Apples 143: Curly or Straight hair: Curly 142: McDonalds or Burger King: McDonalds 141: White Chocolate or Milk Chocolate: Milk Chocolate 140: Mac or PC: PC 139: Flip flops or high heals: Flip Flops 138: Ugly and rich OR sweet and poor: Sweet and Poor 137: Coke or Pepsi: Always been a Pepsi girl 136: Hillary or Obama: Obama 135: Burried or cremated: Cremated and turned into a tree or my ashes made into a vinyl 134: Singing or Dancing: Singing 133: Coach or Chanel: Neither 132: Kat McPhee or Taylor Hicks: Katherine McPhee 131: Small town or Big city: Small Town 130: Wal-Mart or Target: Target 129: Ben Stiller or Adam Sandler: Ben Stiller 128: Manicure or Pedicure: Mani 127: East Coast or West Coast: East Coast - never been to the West Coast 126: Your Birthday or Christmas: Birthday because it sometimes falls on Thanksgiving.  125: Chocolate or Flowers: Chocolate 124: Disney or Six Flags: Disney 123: Yankees or Red Sox: Neither, Cubbies til the day I die.  [ Here’s What I Think About ] 122: War: Pointless 121: George Bush: Better than the asshat in office now. 120: Gay Marriage: If I can get married to my boyfriend, the my friend Jerry should be able to get married to his boyfriend, Josh.  119: The presidential election: I hate that orange buffoon.  118: Abortion: I’m pro-choice.  117: MySpace: Always had trouble figuring out my Top 8 and what background I wanted to use.  116: Reality TV: Only thing I really watch are cooking competitions. Those are the only ones that matter. Not a fan of the Kardashians or the Bachelor/ette bullcrap.  115: Parents: My mom is amazing, my ‘dad’ was never really there.  114: Back stabbers: Asshats 113: Ebay: Hardly use it.  112: Facebook: Good to stay in touch with people you want to/some of the groups on there are awesome.  111: Work: Don’t have a job as of yet. *keeps fingers crossed I hear back from someone soon* 110: My Neighbors: Loud AF and nasty. I live in an apartment and the neighbors upstairs have so many kids and animals up there it’s ridiculous. I wish they’d leave.  109: Gas Prices: Ridiculous, but not as bad as I’ve seen it before.  108: Designer Clothes: Meh, not my style unless I find something in my size at Goodwill.  107: College: Been there, done that. Not really for me. Never graduated.  106: Sports: I like watching them, mainly baseball and basketball. The NFL can go fuck themselves.  105: My family: Love my blood relatives and my chosen family.  104: The future: It’s so bright, I gotta wear shades.  [ Last time I ] 103: Hugged someone: last night when my boyfriend came over and brought me my phone charger.  102: Last time you ate: An hour ago. 101: Saw someone I haven’t seen in awhile: At my bestie’s baby shower.  100: Cried in front of someone: Sometime last week 99: Went to a movie theater: When Endgame came out 98: Took a vacation: 2010 97: Swam in a pool: A few summers ago 96: Changed a diaper: 2007? 95: Got my nails done: 2007? 94: Went to a wedding: 1999 93: Broke a bone: Never *keeps fingers crossed* 92: Got a peircing: 2012? 91: Broke the law: I probably broke the speed limit yesterday at some point.  90: Texted: about 2am this morning.  [ MISC ] 89: Who makes you laugh the most: My bestie Amanda and boyfriend Drew 88: Something I will really miss when I leave home is: my cat. 87: The last movie I saw: Ant-Man  86: The thing that I’m looking forward to the most: getting a job 85: The thing im not looking forward to: Interviewing for a job 84: People call me: loyal 83: The most difficult thing to do is: finding a job 82: I have gotten a speeding ticket: Yep, 77 in a 55. 81: My zodiac sign is: Sun - Sagittarius, Moon - Leo

80: The first person i talked to today was: If you count texting my boyfriend at 2am, then him.  79: First time you had a crush: Sometime in Elemetary School.  78: The one person who i can’t hide things from: my mom 77: Last time someone said something you were thinking: yesterday 76: Right now I am talking to: myself 75: What are you going to do when you grow up: I have no clue 74: I have/will get a job: soon 73: Tomorrow: Never Comes 72: Today: Is the day 71: Next Summer: Not here 70: Next Weekend: I have no clue 69: I have these pets: 12 year old 17 lb cat named Striper.  68: The worst sound in the world: My cat hacking up a hairball.  67: The person that makes me cry the most is: myself 66: People that make you happy: my mom, brother, sister-in-law, boyfriend, best friend. 65: Last time I cried: sometime last week 64: My friends are: amazing 63: My computer is: pretty cool and loaded up with Sims stuff.  62: My School: I don’t go to school anymore.  61: My Car: gets me there.  60: I lose all respect for people who: disrespect me or my loved one.  59: The movie I cried at was: Endgame 58: Your hair color is: salt & pepper 57: TV shows you watch: Legends of Tomorrow, Worst Cooks in America, Any cooking show really.  56: Favorite web site: Tumblr 55: Your dream vacation: Somewhere away from my town 54: The worst pain I was ever in was: when I had that ovarian cyst. 53: How do you like your steak cooked: medium 52: My room is: messy 51: My favorite celebrity is: too many to list  50: Where would you like to be: in bed 49: Do you want children: nope 48: Ever been in love: yes 47: Who’s your best friend: Amanda 46: More guy friends or girl friends: About the same.  45: One thing that makes you feel great is: music 44: One person that you wish you could see right now: my grandma 43: Do you have a 5 year plan: I don’t even have a 5 minute plan 42: Have you made a list of things to do before you die: Kinda, not really 41: Have you pre-named your children: Nope 40: Last person I got mad at: The Dump, but that’s a daily thing.  39: I would like to move to: out of the US 38: I wish I was a professional: crocheter/crafter [ My Favorites ] 37: Candy: Butterfinger Cups 36: Vehicle: Don’t really have one 35: President: Barack Obama 34: State visited: Pennsylvania 33: Cellphone provider: Always been with T-Mobile 32: Athlete: Anthony Rizzo 31: Actor: Tom Hanks 30: Actress: Sandra Bullock 29: Singer: Freddie Mercury 28: Band: Queen 27: Clothing store: Lane Bryant 26: Grocery store: Aldi 25: TV show: Don’t really have one 24: Movie: Too many to count 23: Website: This black hole of a site 22: Animal: Cat 21: Theme park: Don’t really have one. I did enjoy Six Flags over Georgia when I went back in 2002. Dollywood is always fun but it’s been even longer than that since I’ve been there.  20: Holiday: Halloween 19: Sport to watch: Baseball 18: Sport to play: Nothing.  17: Magazine: Entertainment Weekly 16: Book: Harry Potter 15: Day of the week: Thursday 14: Beach: Virginia Beach 13: Concert attended: Jonas Brothers in VA Beach 12: Thing to cook: bacon 11: Food: bacon 10: Restaurant: Hmmm....don’t know that one.  9: Radio station: Classic Hits 102.7...hardly any commercials and they tell you the artist and song title after every song. 70s, 80s, and 90s songs.  8: Yankee candle scent: Don’t have one 7: Perfume: The scented oils from a local curiosity shop have some of my fave scents.  6: Flower: Iris 5: Color: Blue 4: Talk show host: Jimmy Fallon 3: Comedian: I’ve got several 2: Dog breed: Corgi 1: Did you answer all these truthfully? Yes.    

[mill3nniumforc3]

200: My crush’s name is: Russell :) 199: I was born in: April 1994 198: I am really: energetic 197: My cellphone company is: Verizon 196: My eye color is: hazel 195: My shoe size is: 7.5-8.5, depending on the shoe 194: My ring size is: 7.5 193: My height is: 5′5″ 192: I am allergic to: penicillin, cats, pollen, and strong scents 191: My 1st car was: I’ve never owned my own car. 190: My 1st job was: babysitting. First real job was a desk job at my university 189: Last book you read: I don’t remember. I don’t have time to read for leisure. 188: My bed is: comfy 187: My pet: Seamus the miniature schnauzer and Sugar the Aussie-mo 186: My best friend: Ashlyn 185: My favorite shampoo is: Dove 184: Xbox or ps3: neither 183: Piggy banks are: for kids and rainy days 182: In my pockets: nothing 181: On my calendar: going river tubing on Saturday, party next Saturday, trip for T’s birthday weekend, and possibly going to Kennywood and Kings Island sometime in August. 180: Marriage is: something for my future self 179: Spongebob can: do anything 178: My mom: is the bestest 177: The last three songs I bought were?: who buys music anymore? 176: Last YouTube video watched: probably an ASMR video 175: How many cousins do you have?: too many to count 174: Do you have any siblings?: three sisters 173: Are your parents divorced?: no 172: Are you taller than your mom?: yep 171: Do you play an instrument?: piano, drums, bells, and I know three chords of the guitar 170: What did you do yesterday?: sleep [ I Believe In ] 169: Love at first sight: sure 168: Luck: yes 167: Fate: maybe? 166: Yourself: depends on the day 165: Aliens: not really... 164: Heaven: yes 163: Hell: Do I believe in it? Yes, because God is just. Do I believe people are damned there? No, because God is loving. 162: God: yes 161: Horoscopes: no. It’s funny to see “horoscope” posts and see if they apply to me, but it’s a bunch of b.s. A bunch of Aries aren’t going to have the same day/month/year. That’s ridiculous. 160: Soul mates: I’m not sure if I do or don’t, but I do believe in love. 159: Ghosts: no 158: Gay Marriage: of course! 157: War: it’s an unfortunate and unnecessary part of life 156: Orbs: no 155: Magic: yes [ This or That ] 154: Hugs or Kisses: both 153: Drunk or High: drunk 152: Phone or Online: online 151: Red heads or Black haired: no comment 150: Blondes or Brunettes: brunettes 149: Hot or cold: hot 148: Summer or winter: summer 147: Autumn or Spring: spring 146: Chocolate or vanilla: chocolate 145: Night or Day: night 144: Oranges or Apples: apples 143: Curly or Straight hair: straight 142: McDonalds or Burger King: McD’s (though I’m probably biased because I work there) 141: White Chocolate or Milk Chocolate: both 140: Mac or PC: PC 139: Flip flops or high heals: flip flops 138: Ugly and rich OR sweet and poor: sweet and poor 137: Coke or Pepsi: neither 136: Hillary or Obama: Obama 135: Burried or cremated: I want to be cremated and have my ashes buried with a seed and grow into a tree 134: Singing or Dancing: dancing 133: Coach or Chanel: neither 132: Kat McPhee or Taylor Hicks: Kat 131: Small town or Big city: small town 130: Wal-Mart or Target: Target 129: Ben Stiller or Adam Sandler: Ben 128: Manicure or Pedicure: mani 127: East Coast or West Coast: east coast 126: Your Birthday or Christmas: Christmas. My birthday stopped being special after I turned 19. I get good food every year on Christmas. 125: Chocolate or Flowers: chocolate 124: Disney or Six Flags: Six Flags 123: Yankees or Red Sox: Indians [ Here’s What I Think About ] 122: War: What is it good for? Absolutely nothing. 121: George Bush: he had some good policies. Better than Trump, that’s for damn sure. 120: Gay Marriage: should never be illegal again. 119: The presidential election: #FuckTrump #VoteBlueNoMatterWho #ImpeachTheMF 118: Abortion: all my life, I was told to be pro-life. These days, I don’t know anymore, but I think my beliefs are closer to pro-choice than pro-life. 117: MySpace: it’s not 2008 anymore. 116: Reality TV: glad it’s not my life 115: Parents: they’re doing their best. I’m not looking to be one anytime soon though. 114: Back stabbers: bye! 113: Ebay: Amazon is better. 112: Facebook: these days, I use it to get laughs and memes. I don’t interact with people I know IRL much. 111: Work: good for the money. Not good for my mental health. 110: My Neighbors: they’re ok. 109: Gas Prices: #ThanksTrump 108: Designer Clothes: I can get good clothes at Target. The only “splurge” I do for clothes is at Spencer’s or Kohl’s. 107: College: I plan to go back soon. 106: Sports: entertaining. 105: My family: family is life. 104: The future: anything can happen [ Last time I ] 103: Hugged someone: Tuesday. 102: Last time you ate: a couple hours ago (chik’n patties and cheese) 101: Saw someone I haven’t seen in awhile: last week. I saw a manager I hadn’t worked with in like a month. 100: Cried in front of someone: Monday 99: Went to a movie theater: July 2nd 98: Took a vacation: June 97: Swam in a pool: back in February 96: Changed a diaper: I don’t remember 95: Got my nails done: way too long ago 94: Went to a wedding: in April 93: Broke a bone: 2017 (broke my toe) 92: Got a piercing: 2006 91: Broke the law: never. I’m a good person. 90: Texted: three hours ago [ MISC ] 89: Who makes you laugh the most: Russell 88: Something I will really miss when I leave home is: my dog 87: The last movie I saw: in theatres, Toy Story 4. At home, Adventures in Babysitting. 86: The thing that I’m looking forward to the most: being off on Saturday 85: The thing im not looking forward to: working tomorrow 84: People call me: Vonnie, Vonn, Bonbon, Sophia, and “the girl” 83: The most difficult thing to do is: not cry while watching Grey’s Anatomy 82: I have gotten a speeding ticket: never 81: My zodiac sign is: Aries 80: The first person i talked to today was: my sister 79: First time you had a crush: kindergarten. His name was Wally, and we were “boyfriend and girlfriend” til about third grade, and we remained friends til we graduated 8th grade. Haven’t talked to him much since. 78: The one person who i can’t hide things from: Russell 77: Last time someone said something you were thinking: Sunday 76: Right now I am talking to: nobody because it’s 3:30am 75: What are you going to do when you grow up: I hope to be teaching English education 74: I have/will get a job: I currently work at McDonald’s, but within the next 6-12 months, I’ll be moving out of state, so who knows where I’ll work.  73: Tomorrow: work 72: Today: work 71: Next Summer: I’ll be in a whole new state, so that means new amusement parks to visit and rollies to ride. 70: Next Weekend: party. Oh, and next Saturday makes officially 18 months with me and Russell, so go us! 69: I have these pets: two dogs 68: The worst sound in the world: the beeping in the headset when I work back cash. It haunts my nightmares 67: The person that makes me cry the most is: Heather because she sends me to back cash all the time 66: People that make you happy: Russell, my mom, my dogs, Ashlyn, and Aunt Dolly because she sends me lives on Candy Crush 65: Last time I cried: Monday 64: My friends are: Ashlyn, Mikayla, Jon, Rilee, Lamar, Tae, Alexus, Clare, Katie, Mario, and Kel 63: My computer is: all mine because I bought it with my own money 62: My School: not in school  61: My Car: don’t have one 60: I lose all respect for people who: lie 59: The movie I cried at was: Avengers: Endgame 58: Your hair color is: natural 57: TV shows you watch: Grey’s Anatomy, Once Upon a Time, House, The Simpsons, Bob’s Burgers, and... I don’t really watch TV because I don’t have cable. 56: Favorite web site: YouTube 55: Your dream vacation: Just a big coaster trip 54: The worst pain I was ever in was: my period this month. I had cramps for days leading up to my period that were so bad that, the day my period actually came, I couldn’t stand straight. 53: How do you like your steak cooked: I don’t eat steak 52: My room is: a mess, like my life 51: My favorite celebrity is: NPH 50: Where would you like to be: with my boyfriend 49: Do you want children: someday, but not today 48: Ever been in love: ohhh yes. 47: Who’s your best friend: not answering again 46: More guy friends or girl friends: i think i have a fair amount of both 45: One thing that makes you feel great is: this is tmi, but sex with my bf. 44: One person that you wish you could see right now: Russell 43: Do you have a 5 year plan: no 42: Have you made a list of things to do before you die: yes 41: Have you pre-named your children: I don’t have any definitive names, but I’m thinking MaryGrace Linda for a girl, and James Sebastian for a boy 40: Last person I got mad at: Anna because she put me on back cash 39: I would like to move to: someplace south 38: I wish I was a professional: dancer.... no, writer.... no, why not both? [ My Favorites ] 37: Candy: peanut butter cups 36: Vehicle: Jeep 35: President: FDR 34: State visited: North Carolina (not just saying that because I lived there for two months) 33: Cellphone provider: Verizon 32: Athlete: Trevor Bauer 31: Actor: Justin Chambers 30: Actress: Amy Poehler 29: Singer: Chester Bennington 28: Band: Linkin Park 27: Clothing store: Kohl’s 26: Grocery store: Marc’s 25: TV show: Grey’s Anatomy 24: Movie: 13 Going on 30 23: Website: Pogo 22: Animal: seal 21: Theme park: Cedar Point 20: Holiday: Christmas 19: Sport to watch: baseball 18: Sport to play: softball 17: Magazine: I only read magazines at the dentist office, and I’ll read whichever has an interesting cover story 16: Book: A Series of Unfortunate Events 15: Day of the week: Saturday, as long as I’m not at work. If I’m working, then Mondays, I guess... 14: Beach: Huntington 13: Concert attended: Winter Jam, because I got to see Skillet play, and I met Matthew West. 12: Thing to cook: desserts 11: Food: eggplant parm 10: Restaurant: Olive Garden 9: Radio station: Star 102 8: Yankee candle scent: vanilla 7: Perfume: I don’t wear perfume 6: Flower: Daisies 5: Color: pink 4: Talk show host: Ellen DeGeneres 3: Comedian: Steve Rannazzisi 2: Dog breed: I really like terriers lol 1: did you answer all these truthfully ?: For me to know and you to find out :)

[frighthouseofalighthouse]

I know it's a lot! But all of the 65 questions you aren't used to!! I love getting to know the blogs I follow!

Okay love! The last one was a freebie so I guess I’ll just leave that one out haha.

1. Do you ever doubt the existence of others than you?

Na, usually it’s the opposite for me. I don’t feel important enough to be real.

2. On a scale of 1-5, how afraid of the dark are you?

Maybe a 3? I don’t mind the dark as long as my imagination isn’t getting the best of me, which it usually is. I always have my little touch-activated lamp in my room left on at the dimmest setting at night.

3. The person you would never want to meet?

Donald Trump.

4. What is your favorite word?

Drumonios. It’s an Ancient Greek epithet of Artemis, and it means “haunting the woods.” (hey, no one said English word)

5. If you were a type of tree, what would you be?

*in Monty Python voice* THE LARCH

No, but in all seriousness, I’d be a willow. So gentle and comforting, like the tree leaning over to hug you and give you shade.

6. When you looked in the mirror this morning what was the first thing you thought?

Yikes.

7. What shirt are you wearing?

A black shirt with images of moon phases that says “to the moon and back”

8. What do you label yourself as?

Is this a gender/sexual identity question??? Cuz if not I could label myself as anything. But genderwise I’m a cis female and orientation-wise I’m lesbian, biromantic, possibly somewhere on the ace spectrum?

9. Bright room or dark room?

Dark room. Or mostly dark. Dim with a yellowish lamp because I hate white lights.

10. What were you doing at midnight last night?

Talking to my gf on the phone.

11. Favorite age you’ve been so far?

tbh this year, 19. My anxiety’s been better than it ever was. I haven’t been actively suicidal at all this year. I’m just in a better place all around.

12. Who told you they loved you last?

Probably my mom?

13. Your worst enemy?

Myself

14. What is your current desktop picture?

15. Do you like someone?

Romantically? My girlfriend. In general? Everyone who hasn’t crossed me.

16. The last song you listened to?

Right now I’m listening to LA Devotee by Panic! At The Disco :)

17. You can press a button that will make any one person explode. Who would you blow up?

Donald Trump, while he’s in a cabinet meeting so it blows up everyone else there too

18. Who would you really like to just punch in the face?

Donald Trump or my ex

19. If anyone could be your slave for a day, who would it be and what would they have to do?

I don’t really want a slave? Kinda against the whole idea? But ig Thomas Jefferson bc he needs to know what it feels like (Hamilton pettiness coming out oops)

20. What is your best physical attribute? (showing said attribute is optional)

My eyes! Idk if I have a picture that shows them really well? But you can check my selfies tag. They’re deep hazel green with gold flecks.

21. If you were the opposite sex for one day, what would you look like and what would you do?

I would look like historical Alexander Hamilton and I would hang out in history museums freaking people out.

22. Do you have a secret talent? If yes, what is it?

Wouldn’t be a secret if I told you. ;) But seriously, I’m not very private about my talents because I’m proud of them. I write, read, make up codes, solve puzzles, sing, do calligraphy. Sometimes my eyeshadow looks decent.

23. What is one unique thing you’re afraid of?

Most of the unique things are PTSD triggers. The rest of my fears are just normal.

24. You can only have one kind of sandwich. Every sandwich ingredient known to humankind is at your disposal.

Grilled mac and cheese sandwich.

25. You just found $100! How are you going to spend it?

Put it towards saving up for a Switch so I can get the new Pokemon game when it comes out this fall.

26. You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere in the world, but you have to leave immediately. Where are you going to go?

The British Isles, where I will do historical tours and live in the Highlands for a year.

27. An angel appears out of Heaven and offers you a lifetime supply of the alcoholic beverage of your choice. “Be brand-specific” it says. Man! What are you gonna say about that? Even if you don’t drink booze there’s something you can figure out… so what’s it gonna be?

I don’t drink, I’m pretty against it in part because my uncle’s a recovering alcoholic, but I’d say strawberry daquiris? Idk brands, man.

28. You discover a beautiful island upon which you may build your own society. You make the rules. What is the first rule you put into place?

Socialism and if you’re gonna mess up the process and turn it into communism then you’re off the island.

29. What is your favorite expletive?

Fuckweasel. Thanks, Raven Cycle.

30. Your house is on fire, holy shit! You have just enough time to run in there and grab ONE inanimate object. Don’t worry, your loved ones and pets have already made it out safely. So what’s the one thing you’re going to save from that blazing inferno?

My phone I guess?

31. You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?

Nothing. As much as I hate what I’ve been through (assault by my ex, manipulation by my dad) it’s taught me so much strength and made me who I am. I know red flags. I came out of my shell. I know how to say no, how to cut out toxic family.

32. You got kicked out of the country for being a time-traveling heathen who sleeps with celebrities and has super-powers. But check out this cool shit… you can move to anywhere else in the world!

Scotland.

33. The Celestial Gates Of Beyond have opened, much to your surprise because you didn’t think such a thing existed. Death appears. As it turns out, Death is actually a pretty cool entity, and happens to be in a fantastic mood. Death offers to return the friend/family-member/person/etc. of your choice to the living world. Who will you bring back?

FDR. We have a polio vaccine and he was my favorite president.

34. What was your last dream about?

I was doing a crossword puzzle but, like, it never ended. And the clues kept changing every time I started to write the answer. It sucked.

35. Are you a good….[insert anything you’d like here]?

Nothing was inserted haha so yes. I am a good.

36. Have you ever been admitted to the hospital?

Twice. Once as a baby for my open heart surgery, and once when I was 4 for severe dehydration from the flu.

37. Have you ever built a snowman?

Yes but it’s been like 13 years.

38. What is the color of your socks?

Light blue and white stripes.

39. What type of music do you like?

Pop, rock, folk, Celtic, classical, old country, like, Woodie Guthrie, and some new country like Kelsea Ballerini.

40. Do you prefer sunrises or sunsets?

SUNSETS

41. What is your favorite milkshake flavor?

Cherry!

42. What football team do you support? (I will answer in terms of American football as well as soccer)

Um, I guess the OSU Buckeyes cuz that’s where I live and I hate pro football.

43. Do you have any scars?

I have a huge scar down my chest from my heart surgery, a few self harm scars left, and quite a few from old cat scratches. Also my left knee is covered with scars from being a clumsy child. And I have small birthmarks which correlate to past life injuries which is fun

44. What do you want to be when you graduate?

A librarian/history or English teacher

45. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?

My weight.

46. Are you reliable?

Sometimes I flake on plans bc of mental illness, but yes. I am a strong shoulder to lean on, and I will always be there for you.

47. If you could ask your future self one question, what would it be?

Am I trying for the right things?

48. Do you hold grudges?

Not consciously. But there are certain things I haven’t been able to forgive just yet.

49. If you could breed two animals together to defy the laws of nature, what new animal would you create?

Sloth dragon. Sloth with little back scales and wings who flies very slowly and breathes fire when threatened.

50. What is the most unusual conversation you’ve ever had?

My mom and I have the funniest conversations. I couldn’t pick one. Every day between us is just hysterical.

51. Are you a good liar?

Yes. But I don’t lie anymore except when I have to.

52. How long could you go without talking?

Probably forever as long as I could write or text.

53. What has been you worst haircut/style?

When I was 9 I decided to get a shoulder length bob. My hair did not approve. Constant white-fro. I don’t have a picture of it full glory, but this is after having it styled, at age 11, as flat as it would go.

54. Have you ever baked your own cake?

Noooo I suck at baking. I’ve made cookies though.

55. Can you do any accents other than your own?

British, I guess? I do a good Hermione.

56. What do you like on your toast?

Butter lmao I’m classic

57. What is the last thing you drew a picture of?

Uhhh I sketched a flower on my church bulletin last week? Nothing fancy. I don’t draw.

58. What would be you dream car?

‘67 Impala baby.

59. Do you sing in the shower? Or do anything unusual in the shower? Explain.

I, uh give political speeches to the showerhead? It’s the Hamilton mood.

60. Do you believe in aliens?

I definitely believe we can’t live in a universe infinitely big all by ourselves.

61. Do you often read your horoscope?

I don’t read my actual horoscope, but I look at those zodiac posts a lot, and I know my full birth chart.

62. What is your favorite letter of the alphabet?

A and S.

63. Which is cooler: dinosaurs or dragons?

Both. Dinsoaurs could have been dragons, we don’t know.

64. What do you think about babies?

They’re okay til they cry or poop or throw up lmao.

Thanks bb!

[stephhannes]

eulogy

hi, first of all for whoever i haven’t met yet- i’m stephanie. i was nathan’s fiancée.

thank you to everyone who has reached out to me in the last week, i appreciate all of the kindness that i’ve been shown, from close friends, from people i’ve never met before, from everywhere possible.

it feels so wrong being here right now. just a few days ago, we were talking about how we really needed to get started with wedding planning and this last week, instead of picking out floral arrangements, or making seating arrangements, i’ve been helping to make funeral arrangements 

i’ve loved nathan for so long.

we met when we were 11. when i was the new kid in abilene and when i only knew him as the genius who sat next to me in a math class that i definitely shouldn’t have been in.

when we were 13, we became friends. he sat behind me in english class in eighth grade, the same way that he did freshman year and the same way he did sophomore year. i’m pretty sure every single year we got in trouble for laughing during class when he’d lean forward and make some terrible joke.

i fell in love with nathan when i was 14. i knew then that i wanted to marry him. and maybe it was because we were reading romeo & juliet in penick’s class and i was just getting really into that, or maybe it was because of the way he made me laugh every day. and the way that he listened to me, and cared about all of the things i had to be upset about when i was 14 and angsty. he never made me feel like my emotions were insignificant, everything i ever felt mattered to him.

we were inseparable in high school. i had never been closer to anyone before, never felt like i could tell anyone everything about me and not worry about being judged. nathan always accepted my flaws and my quirks and still wanted to be around me for some reason.

when nathan left high school early, we lost touch. our lives were in different places- me a senior in high school and him a freshman in college. more time passed without us talking, but i always thought about him. he was always there in the back of my mind. i always missed him.

finally, when i was a sophomore in college i texted him out of the blue. telling him how much i missed him, how much i wanted to see him again. four days later he had driven from abilene to austin to spend the weekend with me.

that weekend felt like any other time we had been together, like it hadn’t been two years since i’d seen his curly eyelashes looking right at me. that’s when we both realized that there was still something there between us.

and as they say- “the rest is history.”

shortly after that, we made the executive decision that we had to be together. i had never felt more complete in my life.

saying goodbye has never been easy for us. when i was a senior in college, he was going off to new york to start school at columbia, i’ll never forget standing in his parents’ driveway, my car packed ready to head back to austin, and his suitcases packed ready to embark on a new journey. that was the first time in eight years that i’d seen him cry. we stood in the driveway, tearfully holding each other for over an hour, which probably would have been longer had it not started raining. we promised each other that that would be the last time we’d ever have to say goodbye.

that day, he gave me a letter and i think this paragraph from it summarizes where i’m at now- “This year is going to be really hard. It doesn’t feel fair at all that we could somehow find the one person in the universe that we truly want to be with, only to have to be separated again. I hated the time we spent not being a part of each other’s lives, and it pains me to think that we have to wait another year before I can wake up every morning and kiss your beautiful face.”

except this time it isn’t just waiting one year. it’s waiting another lifetime before i can kiss his face again.

after i graduated college, i moved up to new york and we got our first apartment together. when i first moved, i was terrified. i was never one of those people who loved new york and dreamed of making it big there or whatever, i had literally never been to the city before i moved there. nonetheless, i was excited to finally live with nathan, and he did an incredible job of helping me adjust to being in nyc. his unending patience was exactly what i needed. living there was tough, mostly because we were both dirt poor and you can barely even walk outside without having to pay money. at the time, being there was wearing down on both of us and we were incredibly excited to move out of the city.

looking back on our time there, i remember all of the places that we found joy. like the halal cart that we would go to so often it got to a point where the guy would see us coming from down the street and have our order ready by the time we got up to the cart. or taking walks up to ft. tryon park during the fall. or staying up until 5am and watching the sun rise over the george washington bridge through our bedroom window.

the day nathan asked me to marry him was the most incredible day of my life. everything we had been through was behind us, and we were starting our new life together.

we moved to philadelphia so he could start his job as a biostatistician at a pharmaceutical development company. he loved his job and would come home every day and excitedly tell me about the projects he was working on. in philly we spent a lot of time eating cheesesteak, complaining about how terrible the traffic was, trying to deal with a random bee infestation in our apartment and arguing over how cold to keep the apartment at night.

a month after we got engaged, i started brainstorming what i’d say to him on our wedding day, and i guess since that day will never come, i’ll say those few words now.

“i knew i could always count on you after the time i called on you in 2014. after we hadn’t talked in over a year, i randomly texted you and told you i missed you and 4 days later i was holding a bag of your stuff outside my apartment. you have continually showed up for me, and continually given me everything i’ve needed. that’s why i love you.

i always felt like it would be til death do us part. if we had ended up in some alternate timeline where we didn’t start dating when we did, i know that we would have continued to come in and out of each others lives the way we have since we met. maybe after a starter marriage we would have ended up together or maybe we would have just kept peeking in on each others lives forever, but i know that’s how it would have been. luckily, we’re in the Good Timeline where we realized that we had to be together and made it happen, eventually. when we were in high school, i remember once you said to me “i can’t imagine my life without you in it,” and today proves that that will always ring true.

i’ve given you a lot of letters and words over the years, but i guess these are the most important. today i give you my word that i will always love you- for better or for worse, in sickness and in health, for richer or for poorer, for all the other traditional things people say in their vows. today i give you my word that until death do us part i promise i will continually try to be better- to be a better partner, to be better at leaning on you, and most importantly, to be better at taking out the trash.”

that was as far as i had gotten, but at least i was right. it was til death do we part, i just didn’t expect it to be this soon, and i didn’t expect to be declaring it here.

it has been an honor and a privilege to have nathan in my life for the last 12 years, and i am so thankful for every day i’ve gotten to spend with him. while i wish there could have been more days, the ones we had were the absolute best and i will eternally be a better person because of how he loved me.

[lalka-laski]

1. Have you ever seen two movies at the theater in a row?   I have at the drive-in. There's always double features.

2. If you were to go to Starbucks right this second, what do you think you’d order? I just tried the funnel cake latte a couple weeks ago and LOVED it, so probably that.

3. Do you own any dice? I don't believe so.

4. Do you like to wear cardigans? I wear them for convenience but honestly I don't look very good in them. I'm broad shouldered but flat chested so wearing cardigans with a low cut top just make me look like a board. LOL

5. If I were to ask you nicely, would you please consider making a survey for me and everyone else? I don't make surveys, just take them.

6. What is the worst thing a child has ever done to you while you were babysitting? The kids I've babysat have all been well-behaved and nothing traumatic comes to mind. Except once when I was putting a girl to bed and she went "are you sure there's nobody in the house?" BITCH WHAT DO YOU MEAN

7. If you wear contacts, do they tend to get really dry after only wearing them for just a couple hours? –

8. Have you ever watched any British television shows? Of course. Britcoms are my favorite!

9. Do you own a nightgown? Actually yes, although they're more like sleep shirts.

10. If you could get any pet right now, what would you? I'm ok not having pets

11. Have you played Grand Theft Auto: IV? If so, what do you think of it? Never

12. How often does your internet disconnect? Kind of often at my apartment. I only connect to the guest wifi as opposed to the wifi for my individual unit because I'm too lazy to type in my long-ass password.

13. Have you ever actually been stuffed into a locker? Uh no.

14. Do you / did you decorate the inside of your locker at school with stuff? I honestly didn't, which is quite unlike me.

15. How many teenagers do you know who have babies? None currently but I knew a few teen moms.

16. Is there a fan in the room you’re in right now? Yep on my desk

17. Do you believe that chivalry is really dead? I guess in the strictest, most traditional sense? But that's not a bad thing.

18. If you have one, what’s your favorite novel by Chuck Palahniuk? I've never read anything by him, surprisingly. I think because I'm so turned off by the type of guys he seems to attract as readers.

19. Do you get your surveys from your subscriptions page or do you actually go to specific sites and search for them? I get most of them from this girl I kind of cyber-stalk. She posts the best surveys! 20. How much is your cell phone bill each month I'm not sure because it's a family plan

22. Have you ever made a house out of a giant cardboard box? Mmm nope

23. Have you ever made a tent out of sheets in your bedroom? Oh yes. I loved making forts!

24. What’s the coolest thing you’ve made with Legos? I've never built anything with legos I don't think. 25. When you make a survey, do you answer your own questions? I don’t make 'em

26. If you could keep your parents or trade them for other parents, which would you pick? God, I wouldn't trade mine for anything! 27. Do kiwis make you think of testicles or is it just me? That's def just you buddy

28. Do you think it’s cool how peroxide gets all fizzy when you put it on a cut? I guess?

29. Is there a piggy bank in the room you’re in? Nope

30. If I had to power to give you one thing right now, what would it be? A fast-forward through this workday so I can get home and get back in bed!

31. Do you want to get pregnant right now? I wouldn't *MIND* it however Glenn & I would like to be officially married first, and I'd like us to be more financially stable. And preferably have a house or townhome.

32. Do you know anyone who doesn’t like the internet? The only person I can think of who doesn't use it is my grandfather.

33. Do your grandparents know how to operate a cell phone? I only have one remaining grandparent and he can barely operate his landline.

34. Have you ever housed a friend for a long period of time because they had no place to live? Nah. A day or two, yeah. But nothing beyond that.

35. If you have a favorite comedian, have they ever been in a movie? I like Jim Gaffigan stand-up a lot, and a few other comedians who's names escape me.

36. How many sets of twins do you know? Several

37. Has anyone ever made fun of you for using proper grammar? I've actually been ridiculed for using "big" words. The same guy also made fun of me for being a college graduate so, not really sure what those insults were about ha.

38. Do you own any hemp jewelry? Nope

39. Have you ever cut carpet with a carpet cutter? Uh no.

40. Are there any books you want to read? I have a few on my TBR list but that won't happen 'til I finish the one I'm currently reading. It's taking me forever because the writing is so dry and boring.

41. Is it before of after 3 pm? Way way before

42. If you have younger siblings, are you very protective of them? Yeah but I don't need to be. She has a good head on her shoulders.

43. If you have older siblings, are they very protective of you? She is, yeah. And she's scary too!

44. What are your plans for New Year’s Eve? Glenn & I usually have a cozy night at home with champagne and homemade appetizers. I have so much fun cooking up a whole spread and then relaxing for the evening. It's way more my speed than the rowdy NYE parties of my early years...

45. Would you like a beer? I mean I'd love one but it's 8 am and I'm at work so

[burgeonmeraki]

20 Random Things You Don’t Know About Me

Hi guys! I thought I would do something a little fun, humiliating (LOL), and different on my blog today and share 20 things you might not know about me. I get it. As a reader, I, too, love learning a bit more about the people I read. So here goes!

1. I have this weird habit where I want my feet warm especially at night before I go to sleep. I usually put some lotion on it and then put my socks on. And if there are no socks, I put a pillow under my feet, like I'm a mermaid LOL. Weird, I know! But it prevents me from having leg cramps in the morning. 

That is my trophy for the singing contest. This picture was taken 2010, and I couldn’t find my trophy anymore so deal with that picture. Just kiddin’ 

2. I won first place at a singing contest at a talent show back when I was in kindergarten. I sang this 90s hit song My Heart Will Go On By Celine Dion. And I believe that if my parents put me or enrolled me in a voice lesson, girl, I could've been a singer today, and I might be joining singing contest like The Voice. But I only do the singing thing at the shower and karaoke. Hahaha

Left Pic: My oldest brother wasn’t there because he was working abroad Right Pic: My oldest sister is living in Canada, and my older brother is living in South Korea. My mom was holding her phone because that's them on the videocall.

3. I was supposed to have six siblings so that would make us a total of seven. I had an oldest sister, supposed to be the second child, who died because of some complications in her heart when she was still a newborn. Next is my Ate Jaz, which makes her my oldest sister alive. Then after Ate Jaz, my mom had a miscarriage. Basically, my Ate was in between two dead babies. And if ever my two siblings were alive today, I might not be here or I probably don't exist. I have such a huge age gap with my siblings because my mom had me at the age of 38, and she said that I was her only child who made her pregnancy and giving birth so hard. I was born via C-Section and the rest of my siblings were all delivered normal. So, lucky me for being here! LOL

My collection of Candy Magazine back in High School.

4.  Back in High School, I used to collect Candy Magazine until first-year college. This magazine helped me with all my teenage issues like self-esteem, body image, peer pressure, beauty, fashion, dating, friendship, career, etc. They have a bunch of articles there that I enjoyed reading. And I've always wanted to be one of their models, but I was an ugly duckling, and I'm not the confident type of girl back then. I still kept these magazines inside my sentimental box. 

This is my box full of photos, letters, diaries, and other stuff.

5. Speaking of the sentimental box, I'm a very sentimental person. I have boxes of stuff from my friends, family, and ex-boyfriends. I kept this stuff for good memories purposes because I like reminiscing good memories. It reminds me of these real moments that I was once shared with these people, and it's like my return ticket to that memories, whether it's funny, romantic, or sad. Plus good times need to be remembered. They need to celebrate and felt. You know, we're not getting any younger anymore, time will come that a part of our brain might forget those memories. So keeping pictures, letters, and diaries is one way to keep those memories alive.

These are my IDs from the Youth Camp Fellowship.

6. I used to be active in Church back when I was in High School. I even joined the Music Ministry and tried to learn how to play the piano. I went to a few Youth Camp Fellowship and met a lot of people, and it was fun. The reason why I became so active in Church because I had a crush on our drummer guy (he’s my first kiss). Yuck! LOL

Love Me Like You Do By Ellie Goulding (Short Clip) / Stay By Rihanna (Cover)

7. As I was saying on number 6, I used to play the piano before. They made us choose a musical instrument that we want to play, and I was supposedly gonna go for drums because it's cool, plus I used to listen to a lot of rock bands back then, but I didn't choose it because my crush is going to be the one who's going to teach us, and I was shy, so I end up with piano. I actually tried learning how to play the guitar but you got to have callouses on your fingers in order to play it well because it freaking hurts girl! Hehe

8. Okay, let's talk about Puppy Love. When I was in grade school, I have a crush on this guy who's like 3 years older than me, and he's our neighbor. When I got into 6th grade, he started noticing me, and we became, I don't know, together? Like boyfriend and girlfriend? Haha. But since I'm a shy type kind of girl, I was having a hard time talking to him without blushing, I couldn't even let him hold my hands, or hug me, or kiss me. None of that happened. So we write letters to each other (cellphone is not a thing at that time). I know it's all cheesy and mushy and all, but anyways. I asked my niece to be our messenger haha. So I will give the letter to her, and she will give it to him, and then vice versa. Okay, so this is the funny part!! My niece left my goddamn letter for him at our dining table! And my sister and brother read the whole thing. I was so annoyed at my niece. My siblings were like mad at me for having a boyfriend at such a young age because you know, I'm their little sister, and little sissy is not allowed to have a boyfriend LOL. And then they threatened me that they're going to tell it to my mom, so I broke up with him after a week using a letter haha. We kept in touch til I got into High School. I think we went out before, we watch a movie but I brought a chaperone with me. HAHA we didn’t end up together because he’s such a playboy. FYI: I don't count him as my ex-boyfriend. LOL

9. I had a puppy named Mocha because she’s dark brown and it suits her. She’s a shih tzu and she’s the cutest puppy in the world but she died because she got sick. I miss her so much! :(

Snorkeling at Coron, Palawan.

10. I love going to the beach. I love swimming! My mom’s sister owns a beach resort and it was just an hour away from our place. We always go there every summer, and that’s where I learned how to swim, not in the swimming pool, but in the ocean. I was supposedly going to be a swimmer. My 4th grade teacher trained me, and he trained other students in other sports like badminton and volleyball, and they joined sports competition, and they win medals. So I got very interested because I want to win medals too. So I did my training but I was having a hard time to dive. I know I'm doing it wrong because the water kept going inside my nose and it freaking hurts. So I stopped and quit the training because I couldn't do it properly. Haha

I think I was in 3rd Grade in here. Lol

11. I joined Girl Scout back in grade school. I can't remember why I joined. All I know is I am going to have a lot of fun in here. And that was my first camping experience. We camped out at our school, and yeah, it was fun and scary at the same time because there are lots of ghost stories in our school. Our motto: "Girl Scouts are always ready and prepared.” 

I also joined Drum & Bugle. I was a Majorette, the one who throws the baton in the air and twirls it. I just love to dance back then, and nope, I'm not a professional dancer. It's just that life is better when you dance! :)

Junior Year High School. Cheer Dance Competition during our Intramurals Day. 

12. When I got into High School, I've always wanted to join Cheer Dance Competition since I was in my freshman year. But most of the girls in my school back then were all pretty and mean. I only joined when I was in my junior year, and we won 2nd place. I'm really not a good dancer, but I know I've got moves. I just don't know what happened today LOL. I'm one of those girls who they always lift and toss because obviously in the picture I'm thin as a rake haha. Then I tried joining again in College, and I got into an accident. I freaking fell flat on my back while we're doing our pyramid stunt and no one's there to catch me. Ouchie! I'm on the second level, standing on my right leg at this guy's shoulder, and then my left leg was angled and lifted because on the third level, a girl's going to stand on my left thigh. She was scared and not keeping her balance well so she dragged me backward with her. Someone caught her and none for me because the way I go down the pyramid is by jumping in front. Our coach didn't see that coming and I thought I am gonna go home with broken hips.

Left to Right: Elementary Graduation Day; Sophomore Year in College; Junior Year - wearing retainer; Retainer and Braces Free 

13. I first had my braces when I was in 6th grade because my sister got one, so I want one too LOL. I had it for a very long time. Since I got it at such a young age, my teeth were not complete yet. And based on my x-ray, I've got several impacted wisdom tooth that's going to come out so my doctor waited for it. I only got it removed when I was in my 3rd-year college. So I had my braces for 7 years. HAHA

14. I can’t whistle. I tried. I don’t know how to. I can’t do it. PERIOD

Cupcake Nail Art, Cheetah Print Nail Art, Polka Dots Nail Art

15. I love doing my nail art from when I was in High School to College. I don't like my nails plain and simple back then, so I put a design on it and make it fun. I'm always into art and being creative. Creativity is inventing, experimenting, growing, taking risks, breaking rules, making mistakes, and having fun. So my parents saw that potential in me, and they made me choose Architecture as my profession.

These are my high school arts that I saw on my facebook LOL.

Circa 2015. Photographed By: Iks Virina

16. I'm not a morning person. I hate waking up so early. I only wake up so early if I have important errands to run or if I have to go to work. I love sleeping during the day and staying up during the night. I'm a night owl. There's something about being up at night that makes it more peaceful to work and think. Most of my creative juices come out during the night. And I've read that night owls have better mental alertness than early risers. I don't need caffeine to keep me up at night. LOL

Circa 2015. Photographed By: Iks Virina

17. I'm not a coffee person. Don't get me wrong, I love the smell of coffee. It's just that the coffee doesn't like me at all. Every time I drink coffee, especially those with high caffeine like espresso, I end up palpitating and having heartburn. I can drink it but not too much, and sometimes I preferred Frappuccino. I'm more of a tea person. I love chamomile and red berries flavors.

FEU I.D. vs BPSU I.D.

18. I went to two schools back in College. When I was in my senior year in High School, I didn't really plan my college life. I have no idea what school I am going to attend. I only know was my mom wants me to take up Architecture even though I don't want to. So yeah, I end up going to Far Eastern University for 2 years. Then, my Dad, he was working abroad in Libya, and there was a war at that time in the Middle East. So they had to go home and stopped working. We have no income, we had financial issues, and that's when I decided to return home and study in my hometown, get a scholarship because I have no choice. I was in college for 6 years, supposedly 5 years only but I had to retake some of my subjects that I already took up in my previous school because the school didn't credit it.

Back in 2015, I tried to dress up like Blair Waldorf. She loves wearing headband hehe

19. My favorite show of all time is Gossip Girl. It's like the first rated r tv shows that I really got hooked up and fall in love with. It's the reason why I've always wanted to go to New York. I have watched this already a few times, and it doesn't get old. I love Serena Van Der Woodsen (Blake Lively), her style, and the way she carries her clothes. She's this free-spirited, charming, nice, laidback IT GIRL. And then Blair Waldorf (Leighton Meester) aside from her classy, preppy style, I like her domineering and loyal personality. Plus her romantic on and off love affair with Chuck Bass (Ed Westwick). But my biggest crush on this show is Nate Archibald (Chace Crawford), oh god I love his eyes, it's so sexy! HAHA

Sandbox Adventure at Pampanga; Bike Trailing and Wakeboarding at Nuvali, Laguna; and Skimboarding at Boracay

20. I love some good adventure. I have this bucket list of things to do before I die, and I want to fulfill that. Like traveling the whole world, plus I want to go skydiving or bungee jumping. Aside from that, you're just not creating memories, you're also trying new things. And I'm always up for trying new things, and I like challenging myself sometimes. Life is boring if you don't at least try or go out of your comfort zone. Just try new things once in a while, and don't be afraid to soar high.

What’s something random about you? And if you make a post, share it below. Thank you so much for dropping by!

Love Lots, Jamie

[dorevenge]

where ignorance is bliss - chapter 11: without the hurt

SUMMARY: Maria and Tony are decorating for the holidays while Howard is still tied up with work. [AO3 LINK]

CHAPTERS: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 [11] 12 13 14 15 ☆

December 19, 1973 – Manhattan, New York, Stark Manor

“Mama, Jarvis needs a stocking!”

Three green and red striped stockings hang from the fireplace, with “Tony”, “Howard”, and “Maria” printed on them in gold, glittery cursive. They’re accompanied with plastic pine wreaths that shed everywhere and decades-old unopened candy canes. All the decorations smell faintly of dust and abandonment.

“You think so, Bubba?” I reply to Tony. The mantelpiece does look a little empty with just the three of us. It’s a reflection of how big our home is and how little of it we fill up.

“It’s okay. I’ll make it, Mama.” I admire Tony’s independence, already thinking more for himself than I ever did.

Dozens of totes are spread out around us in the living room, dug out of the second garage, in the middle of the process of decorating for Christmas. We normally start the festivities on December first, but Tony insisted we wait for Howard to decorate, and Howard insisted he stay late every night to finish the reactor and whatever new project has his attention. Howard is home, for once, but he’s locked himself in his office, stating he has to finish this tonight while he’s thinking about it.

Tony rips the lids off one of the totes and starts pulling everything out one by one, tossing various ribbons and ornaments behind him.

“Tony, honey, what are you looking for?” I grab what he’s just taken out and put it back in its place, catching his hands before he can throw more out.

“Jarvis’s stocking!”

“They’re in this box over here, Bubba. We have to write his name on it first, nice and neat so Santa can read it. Let me help you.”

“I can write it, Mama. Let me do it.”

I spread newspaper underneath the stocking and the glitter glue, so Edwin’s gift doesn’t turn into another chore for him. I write out “JARVIS” several times on the newspaper for Tony to practice tracing before putting on the real thing. Like everything else he tries his hand at, Tony knocks it out of the park on the first try (he’s already graduated from picture books), and he prints the name on the stocking.

“Good job, Bubba. Where should we put it?” I ask Tony once it’s dried.

“Here! Next to mine.”

We hang Edwin’s stocking on the mantel and continue decorating, setting up the Nativity on the piano next. I hang the ornaments up on the higher part of the tree, and Tony helps where he can reach, and we save the star topper for last for when Howard finally joins us. It’s starting to come together nicely. One of the glass balls slips from Tony’s short, round fingers with a loud “uh-oh!”, and Edwin comes running in.

“Just a decoration, Edwin. No injuries here,” I say. He returns a moment later with a broom and dustpan. Before he can leave again-

“Jarvis, look! Jarvis, c’mere!” Tony’s voice reaches a high note, joined with a burst of giggles. He gives Edwin’s calves a tight hug, before tugging on his hand and leading him to the mantel. “Look, it’s for you! Next to me. Mama and I made you a stocking because you’re my best friend and you’re right next to be. ‘Cause you’ll always be right next to me.”

“That’s very thoughtful of you, Master Tony.” Always the proper British butler, I think I see Edwin fight back tears. “Did you and your mother have a good time decorating?” The boxes are nearly empty now. I set the empty totes aside to take back to the garage later this evening. To think we’ll have to put everything away again in just a couple weeks.

Tony’s too distracted to answer his question. “Jarvis, I want a puppy for Christmas.”

Edwin and I both laugh.

“I believe it’s a bit too late to file that request with Mr. Claus, Master Tony. Could I interest you with a nap instead, perhaps?”

“No!” Tony takes off down the hall, Edwin along with him, and I realize they’re headed towards Howard’s office.

“Tony, not in there!” I run after him.

He’s faster than both of us, and he’s just tall enough to reach the handle to pull open the door to the office. Tony lets himself in.

The smell of cigars and bourbon pours out of the room in waves.

“Everything is achievable through technology,” Howard begins, having spent the last week going over his lines, sometimes even in his sleep. At this point, I can recite the script he’s written for himself from memory. “Better living, robust health, and, for the first time in human history, the possibility of world peace.” Tony sneaks into the room, just out of frame, ducking under Howard’s Stark Expo model for next year, sprinkled with tiny trees and miniature buildings. Edwin and I stand just behind the doorway, ready to run in and grab him if need be, not wanting to ruin the take.

Howard continues on with the scene, introducing himself, going again and again ‘til his delivery is satisfactory. Always the perfectionist. Tony’s head pops up and, before anyone can stop him, picks up the model arc reactor. Howard sees him out of the corner of his eyes and whips around.

“What is that? Put it back where you got it from. Where’s your mother? Maria!” I step into the office, where on the other side of the room I find a whole production team. A bulky camera sits in front of the model, with our friends Barney and Johnny, the reel still running. One of them yells cut and stops the camera. A small bronze plague on the model reads “The key to the future is here.”

I scoop Tony into my arms, he tries to fight me, wiggling with all his might and calling for his father, but I hand him off to Edwin, standing by, where he instantly becomes more compliant. Edwin promises him some applesauce on their way out of the room.

“Maria,” Howard says raggedly. “I told you we were working in here, and that we were not to be disturbed.”

“We both tried to run after him, and you’ve been at this all day,” I sigh. “You know there’s no stopping Tony once he puts his mind to something, and right now he just wants to spend time with his father. Would it kill you to put this aside for the holiday and do something with him?” I don’t blame Tony for barging in; I miss Howard just as much as he does, even when he is home.

“Everything I do is for him, Maria!” Howard has never yelled at me before. We’ve fought plenty of times, countless disagreements, but never before has he raised his voice at me. Never before has he drunk so frequently, either. “He’s the future. Everything I’m building is a foundation for him to build upon. I’ll never get this fucking reactor to work, I know it, Obadiah knows it, everyone at Stark Industries knows it. Hell, Anton knew it, too. It’s pointless, but I know he will.” Howard points in the direction that Edwin and Tony left. “Tony is the best thing I’ve ever made. Nothing else will ever compare to him. That’s why I’m hard on him.”

“He’s three, Howard.”

“He’s three now, but he’s my legacy. He won’t always be three, and that’s why I’m starting now. Down the road, I don’t want him to be slacking off, wasting his potential. I push him because I know he can make it there. He’ll be better than all of us.”

“And that’s fine for down the road,” I say, taking the glass of bourbon from his hand and setting it on a grassy knoll on the model. “But right now, he needs his dad, and he needs you to pay attention to him. This legacy, the money, the future, even Stark Industries, it will all mean nothing to him if he doesn’t have a relationship with you.”

Howard hangs his head. “This is the most important thing I’ve ever done, Maria,” he says, pointing to the model. He places his hands on my hips and pulls me in, resting his forehead on y shoulder.

I shake my head, dejected, and take a step back. “You’re right; he won’t always be three. Soon enough he’ll be a jaded teenager who thinks you prefer your machines and trinkets to him. When he leaves for college, he won’t ever come back. We’re both going to lose him because of you. You know, you can be a better father than your father was to you.”

Howard doesn’t look at me. He takes a moment, before kissing me on the cheek. “Goodnight, Maria.” Angry, I turn around and leave. The two Starks in my life are the most stubborn people I know. There’s just no changing their mind once they decide they’re right, no matter who they may hurt in the process.

“Barney, let’s do another take. Just keep it rolling, shoot some b-roll. Ahem. Tony, you’re too young to understand this right now…” I hear him trail off as I leave, feeling defeated and trying not to cry. I go to Tony’s room, where he’s tucked in and passed out. Edwin can speak to him like no one else can; their relationship is unique, and I’m glad that even though Tony might not have Howard, he’ll always have his Jarvis. I sit in the rocking chair beside his bed for a just a moment, admiring him now that’s he’s quiet and in one place for once. His dark brown hair curls around his ears, his long eyelashes casting small shadows on his round cheeks. As I fall asleep, I hear Howard’s voice, echoing in from down the hall.

“What is and always will be, my great creation…”

Notes: Parts of scene from “Iron Man 2”, where Howard films the intro for the 1974 Stark Expo https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=reQs3g5LO8E

[claryvoyantfray]

Do all of them u coward

WHO ARE YOU CALLING A COWARD, FARMER???1: Is there a boy/girl in your life?Yes there is2: Think of the last person who hurt you; do you forgive them?I mean, I forgive people very easily so I guess. I havent seen that person in over a year since going to college, but I don't hate them3: What do you think of when you hear the word “meow?”Firstly I think of a cat, and then I think of that one song/video where the only word is meow4: What’s something you really want right now?Chinese food and pickles just because I feel like it's been so long since I've had either5: Are you afraid of falling in love?Kinda, just because I get attached easily6: Do you like the beach?I love the beach! Last time I went was with family on vacation (and the time before was senior skip day)7: Have you ever slept on a couch with someone else?I have. The las time it was for my friend's birthday. Me and this one girl fell asleep on the couch together and in the morning I felt like my legs were cut off8: What’s the background on your cell?Lockscreen is a series of 10 pictures. My home screen is from my brother's Christmas concert. He's in the middle being hugged by our friend Bean and my boyfriend9: Name the last four beds you were sat on?Mine at college, mine at home, my boyfriend's, and my friend's10: Answered11: Who was the last person whose phone number you added to your contacts?This girl who I met at winter conference. Her name was Bekah12: Which hurts the most, physical or emotional pain?Emotional pain by far. With physical those things go away (and you might have some cool stories to tell) but with emotional, that stick with you for a long time13: Answered14: Are you tired?I always am lately. I took a 4 hour nap today. But since it's a little after 1 (1:02 to be exact) I'm a little tired15: How long have you known your 1st phone contact?Like first alphebetically? That would be Abby and I've known her for 2 years. If it's first ever, that would be my mom or dad 😂16: Would you ever consider getting back together with any of your exes?Ha... that's funny. Considering that my last ex is a terrible person who cheats on his girlfriends and the one before is gay (and my best friend), I'm going with a strong no. Although me and my best friend keep saying we'll get married at like 40 if we don't have anyone17: If you knew you had the right person, would you marry them today?No I would not, especially since I'm a stressed out college student. I would wanna wait til I graduate to do something like that18: How many bracelets do you have on your wrists right now?A total of zero19: Is there a certain quote you live by?None that come to mind, but I do love a lot of quotes20: What’s on your mind?Just stuff for the future and what living with 3 of my friends will be like next year21: Do you have any tattoos?NO BUT I WANT SOME22: Next time you will kiss someone on the lips?March 10 (the day I come home for spring break)23: Who are you texting?Nobody really right now, but I did just send a text to my friend Colin24: Have you ever had the feeling something bad was going to happen and you were right?Alwayssssssss25: Do you have a friend of the opposite sex you can talk to?That would be Colin26: Do you think anyone has feelings for you?Well I would hope so27: Answered28: Were you single on Valentines Day?You bet I was, but I gave my friends super cute gifts29: Has anyone upset you in the last week?I don't think so30: Have you ever cried over a text?Yeah, but only like once or twice31: Where’s your last bruise located?I get a lot of random bruises everywhere, but there's one on my thigh currently32: Last time you wanted to be away from somewhere really bad?Probably in the middle of last semester. I just wanted to go back home33: Who was the last person you were on the phone with?My dad. I was asking him what I could use as a bottle opener if I didn't have one34: Do you wear hats if your having a bad hair day?No because every day is a bad hair day for me. I just own it35: Answered36: Do you make supper for your family?No I don't. Me and my brother did a couple times, but not recently. I like baking more than cooking37: Does your bedroom have a door?Yes, but no lock (it's an old house so it's like those skeleton keys, my door could lock if I knew how to work the key)38: Does anything on your body hurt?My shoulders. I need to get a massage39: Are goodbyes hard for you?Depending how me/them are gone40: How is your hair?Long and messy with purple tips41: Do you wish you were somewhere else right now?I kinda wish I was home, but I'm alright42: Answered43: What was your last thought before you went to bed last night?Probably wondering if any of my friends snore (I had 3 of them over last night)44: Have you ever tried your hardest and then gotten disappointed in the end?Yes. I always try way too hard45: How old will you be in 5 months?19 and a half46: Where is your Mum right now?Probably in bed sleeping, unless she worked overnight, then she's at work47: Have you held hands with somebody in the past three days?Sadly I haven't48: How many people have you liked in the past three months?I think 3 on varying degrees49: Has anyone seen you in your underwear in the last 3 days?Not my underwear, but last night my friends saw me in my bra50: Will you talk to the person you like tonight?Already did51: If your BF/GF was into drugs would you care?If it was weed, no (because everyone I know does it). But if it was the hard stuff I would be concerned depending on what it was. So yeah I would care52: Who was your last received call from?A blocked random number53: Have you ever trusted someone too much?I trust everyone I talk to way more than I should (but it's fine. It's only been bad twice)54: Do you get along with girls?Oh God I would hope so. But yeah I do55: Are you keeping a secret from someone who needs to know the truth?Yeahhhh. I'm supposed to tell my mom something that I refuse to talk about (just because she'll be mad)56: Answered

[familyxbonds-blog]

Odds for Will, evens for Dan!

random questions for character building (and fun)

{ ivy } : this is going to be fun !! 

1. go to karaoke song?

Ooooh, Will ADORES karaoke, this is the best question!! I think his fav song for karaoke is one of the classics, like I will survive or Everybody because he’s a nerd who loves boy bands (he’ll probably end up try to do all the voice at once, too, because William Garrick Keller isn’t a quitter). 

2. a song that describes them?

I think for Dan I’m gonna go with Show You by Shawn Mendes because a) he loves Shawn Mendes, and b) since he’s the youger brother, he always get this sense of helplessness that he’s unable to do much for his family? So this is probably like his power song to feel better. I think he’s adorable tbh. 

3. are they good at sports?

Will, like every other generation three Keller, is a baseball junkie. He played it for most of his high school and college years, in a small league with some of his friends; he could’ve gone pro (or at least Wesley says he could) but he decided it just wasn’t for him. Nevertheless, he’s actually a great batter, and a fantastic pitcher. 

4. do they have a favorite movie?

Dan’s favorite ever is Atlantis, The Lost Empire. He used to watch it all the time as a kid because Milo reminds him of Seth. He feels some sort of comfort by watching it. It’s also an amazing movie that he feels is underappreciated. (Part of it might also do with the fact that he wants to have scientific adventures like those one day, my cute nerd.) 

5. three things in their fridge?

Ugh, Will and Wes are the worst at stocking up their fridge. They both forget to eat sometimes and when there’s nothing they’ll just be too tired to go outside and never go get anything. They’re both a disaster so they’ll probably only have like some really old ham for sandwiches they never made, expired milk, and one really old Powerade. 

6. three recently watched on netflix?

Dan spends so little time on Netflix, so all the times he gets to actually watch it is when Seth is home for the holidays or weekends. They watch anything Star Trek (and I mean everything; they’re starting Discovery right now), Young Justice now that it’s on Netflix, and Trollhunters. 

7. celebrity crush?

William is in love with Gina Rodríguez, I’m sorry, that’s just how things are. 

8. are they close to their family?

Dan loves every single Keller. I probably say this all the time, but after the third generation was born, they kinda stuck to each other like leeches. They all come from a really broken family, where trust was shattered and a lot of drama went down. While most of the young ones never got to live the situation in Keller Manor when things were ugly, they still know most of the stories from the older generations. They know the things that were done, and they’re aware of the kind of people they come from. Because of this, everyone is so closely knit together, especially in recent years when a certain family was found to exist (you know, Grayson’s family). Dan lost his dad, almost lost his brother, and knows all the stories. He loves everyone in his family and would probably go through pretty extreme extents to protect them. 

9. best thing in their life?

BY THIS POINT, THIS IS REPETITIVE, BUT KELLERS LOVE KELLERS. William will (hah) forever be thankful for having been born last to a family of such loving people. I think, form everyone, he’s the most thankful for Wesley, since they get so well along. That’s not to say that he doesn’t love Graham and Gabriel (because he does) but he feels a lot closer to Wes than he ever will to the other two. The age gap is pretty big for him, but he still is very happy to have his family so close to him. 

(He was very excited when he found out he had more nephews and nieces!! He was less excited when he met Lucas and Lucas would not stop annoying him about his age!!!) 

10. greatest regret?

He was 13 at the time, but he will always regret not being there when Seth tried to take his own life. He’s thankful for Uncle Sebastian coming in to save the day, but Seth is Dan’s very best friend, and he will forever regret not being there while Seth was hurting so much. Seth has been there for him through it all, even in his darkest days, and thanks to him coming out and being himself was never hard, and he’s just so guilty that he couldn’t give that to his brother. 

11. biggest lie?

“Yes, Graham, we just had dinner.” Honestly, Will needs to start taking care of his diet a little bit more because one day he will faint on the job and Graham will be there to stare down at him. He’ll feel like he’s five years old again after getting his white shirt all dirty aND THAT’S WHEN HE’LL START EATING WELL, OKAY? 

12. biggest flaw?

I don’t particularly think being too-trusting is a flaw, but I’ve been told that it is, and I have seen first-hand the kind of trouble that it can get you into. Daniel trusts everyone too much, kinda like his Uncle Robin. Seth’s the one who has gone through a lot of bad stuff, and he tried his best to keep Dan away from that, so the boy is actually pretty naive and soft-hearted. 

13. best accomplishment?

I think for Will his biggest accomplishment is actually passing his probation period before he became a cop, and then making it to detective as fast as he did was actually a feat on itself, too. Some people side-eye him and say it was because he had an older brother already in the force, but Will did actually work for it--he was just transferred to Robbery from Vice because he wanted to have his brother’s back. 

14. greatest fear(s)?

Disappointing his mother or brother. Dan loves his immediate family very much, and the thought of making them unhappy or upset with him is actually pretty awful for him. 

15. what is their vice? (wrath, greed, pride, lust, gluttony, sloth, envy)

For Will, this one is really easy, since I have this thing written down for him since he started appearing in my head. Wrath. He has anger management issues. He’s trying to fix them, and tries to never let it get in his way during work, but it’s something very real for him and for his brothers. He’s not violent, mostly, but Will can shout, okay? And like, he’ll have his normal spurts when people call him cute, but it’s nothing compared to when he is really, really angry. 

16. what would their hogwarts house be?

Dan is a Ravenclaw!! He’s a very curious and inquisitive young man!

17. did they graduate high school? if so did they attend college?

Yes, and no. William got his high school diploma and immediately went for police academy. He was a little scared at first because Wesley and Graham have an undergrad, but Gabriel didn’t get one and he’s doing just fine. Granted, Gabriel is a model, but he was still very supportive when Will said he didn’t want to go to college. 

18. when was their first real relationship? how’d it go?

Dan hasn’t had his first real relationship. He’s very shy and tends to not speak up very much, so while he’s had had crushes everywhere, he still hasn’t told anyone about his feelings, which results in him never getting a relationship. 

19. have they ever broken someones heart? has someone broken theirs?

William has gone through a couple of relationships, but he’s never been in too deep to hurt someone or to have someone hurt him. It makes him kinda sad that he has never gotten that kind of love tbh. 

20. have they ever been married? are they married?

DANIEL IS A CHILD, OKAY? 

21. do they have children? have they before?

Will hasn’t had any kids, but Duke is his light and entire life. He tries to talk to him at least once a week on the phone or through a videocall--he’s a helicopter uncle like that tbh. Since he’s too close to the fourth generation Keller’s age he gets along really well with Seth and Lucas just disrrespects him all the time because of it. Dan and Eliza are teenagers, so he struggles to understand them (even though he was one til like seven years ago), but he also loves them very much. 

(And yes, he loves Lucas, but Lucas is an asshole.) 

22. do they want children?

Dan definitely wants children once he’s done with med-school!! 

23. opinion on pets? cats or dogs?

Will has wanted to get a kitty adopted since Wes and he moved in together, but Wes says that the poor kitty will always be alone because of their work schedule, so Wes won’t let him. 

(He’s gonna get one.) 

24. opinion on horror films?

Dan doesn’t hate them, but he doesn’t like them either unless they have a really very interesting plot. His brother is very criticizing of movie plots, and it’s a habit that he passed down to Daniel, so now he’s always scrutinizing the movies he watches. 

25. do they have allergies?

Nope! Which is good because Will is an idiot and could get himself killed. 

26. do they have a certain aesthetic or style?

If you mean like clothes he wears a lot of flannels in several different styles. He’s a flannel bab. If you’re talking like what you could find in his aesthetic board, he’ll probably have a lot of books, journal spreads (a habit he picked up before Seth), and the likes. 

27. do they have tattoos or piercings?

Will doesn’t! He’ll never admit it but he’s scared of needles and sharp objects. 

28. do they have any distinctive features or marks?

Dan kept the freckles! Seth and he were both very freckle-y when they were born (and so was Selena when she was younger) but he was the only one of the two who kept them. 

29. do they enjoy coffee or tea? hot or iced? 

Will cannot escape the clichés. He loves both, tbh, and as an Englishman and a police officer, that’s kind of stressful for him. He loves them iced, however. 

30. are they religious or spiritual?

I think Dan is way too much into science to pay much attention to religion or spirituality. He is very curious by nature, so he likes to investigate things that are around him--like he’ll listen to his classmates or friends and look up the things that they talk about, and some of those things happen to be religion. He’s not sure what he believes in, since it’s never been a huge part of his life, but he’s interested in learning!

31. are they a morning person or night person?

Will is definitely a morning person! He doesn’t like staying up too late and he’s way too chipper in the mornings when Wesley just wants to die. It’s great. Mornings are fantastic in their apartments. 

32. if they could have any superpower what would it be?

The ability to heal! Dan wants to be a doctor someday, he still doesn’t know where he is really headed to, but he knows that the health sector is very interesting. 

33. who is their ride or die friend?

I mean, Wesley and he are literally partners in the force, so I think that might just be it. But if anyone’s interested in giving William a ride or die friend, I’m game!