#i think because i’m having that delayed grief thing a lot of autistic ppl have. like i’m only now realising it is permanent | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

the-casbah-way · 1 year ago

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grief is weird because it has been twelve years and i still sometimes find myself watching strangers go about their day like everything is fine and normal and think like wow they never knew him. like the world has ended a bit and you’re all just okay. how can you be fine when there is now a gaping hole in the universe that will never go away

#idk. i’m going through it with that rn. past four years have just been so rough with it #i think because i’m having that delayed grief thing a lot of autistic ppl have. like i’m only now realising it is permanent #and like. that really was my favourite person in the entire world i mean it. my favourite person ever is just gone #like doesn’t even exist any more. that was the person who raised me. and none of my friends will ever get to meet him #i can’t think of another human more deserving of getting to live and see nice things #i’m supposed to just keep all of this inside me and be normal about it huh. like ok #started crying in fuckin asda of all places bc we saw a cat on the way there that came up and cuddled me #and brother is like ‘cats love u. cats were like that with him too’#like you can’t say that. you can’t just drop that in there like it’s nothing and expect me to be normal #i dunno it’s fine i’m normal #ask to tag

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