#i think alfred is a lightweight for drinking (ironic! only time he can ever be considered lightweight!) so any booze causes him to crash out

[dolcinos]

LOVE the idea of a drunken Alfred going on a binge after a few weeks of dieting. He’s teetering on the edge of mobility before the diet, and just barely getting his massive ass around with a walker… before he gets feverish, craving a sugar bomb and squeezing his fat ass into *the* most awkward uber ride of his life… until after his binge, and literally rolls out of the car in front of Arthur, pathetically watching the driver watch in awkward horror… especially when he notices Arthur’s… interesting aura about the whole situation.

his cravings had started the first week and have just gotten worse ever since. after three weeks it is literally so unbearable that it has him folding LOL. he can usually force himself to have some willpower through the torturous diet and starvation methods he’s used to, but once alcohol comes into the picture it’s absolutely over. he folds big time. alfred is tipsy and ranting over the phone to arthur about how much he hates this diet, and screw it, he’s going to go out to a swanky dessert place at 10pm and eat his heart out!

i like to think that outside of the countryside/south, alfred spends a great majority of time in NYC which is very walkable in the city! so just imagine how pathetic it is that he’s calling an uber just to get down the block to the bodega on the corner these days!!!! literally not even a far walk at all but his legs start screaming and turn to jello just from walking a few feet, so it’s totally out of the question.

alfred’s hunger can overpower that humiliation ritual though. like, he shakily takes his very sturdy titanium walking cane and heaves his fat ass outside his house for the first time in a long time, he seriously can’t remember the last time he went out since all he does it order constant food deliveries…

the driver is literally sweating seeing alfred’s massive form approach, LMAO. maybe not sweating as much as 750lb alfred is, wobbling over very slowly with his cane, crossing the sidewalk to the curb where a very old silver honda civic is waiting for him. it’s trouble just to try and force one of his fat, rolly, lipedema-filled legs in, and even then— dude is taking up the entire back row of the little car. the bumper is kissing the ground, the tires are screeching, the suspension is fucked. alfred’s ass had been so jiggly and huge that it’s a wonder he even squeezed in. it took plenty of sucking in, and his double rolled belly is pushed up firmly against both the driver seat and passenger seat as he sits taking up the whole row…but he’s wedged in. fucking finally!

all of this strain is worth it to eat his precious chocolates and whipped cream and cakes again! nevermind the fact that he’s already winded and breathing heavy like a woman in labor. arthur is meeting him there and alfred just has to binge. his body is itching for it, his lardy heart literally pounding in anticipation (arousal!)

alfred nearly trips and falls over himself when he finally squishes out of the uber. arthur has to help him and the driver certainly doesn’t miss the way that arthur is very eagerly grabbing every bit of fat in order to “get alfred out of the car.” and how he licks his lips, too!

but at least alfred tips the guy well for his troubles!

sidenote— i just know arthur loves to see him try to squish into small places. in fact he does it on purpose most of the time, like meeting alfred at a restaurant and purposefully having reserved a booth, or taking him out to a pub that he knows has very narrow doorways… even better that he can frame those situations as wanting to humiliate alfred for getting so obese :) that is the aura: arthur framing it as poking fun of the guy like always when in actuality he’s hard as fuck underneath his trousers.

[leonicscorpio]

GOD I FREAKING LOVE AND HAVE BEEN OBSESSED WITH THIS HC FOR SO LONG.

I definetly feel while underground, while he did spend lots of times focusing on how to get revenge on Bruce/Joker/controlling the crime networks. Jason DEFINETLY went back and got his GED during the days. Jason was arguably the most academically inclined of all the bats.

Maybe in a more quiet time (and in a better universe where Roy and Lian are still alive) Jason goes to Bruce and tells him he just wants to take a break from this. He wants a future. That he wants to go to school.

Bruce tells Jason to his face that he's just happy Red Hood won't be terrorizing the streets anymore for the time being (Bruce smiling and wanting to cry inside because he set aside money for all of his kids to go to any college they wanted no questions asked)

Jason would chose either an Ivy or an elite private school. Bruce is giving me his money, gotta use it to its fullest. I don't think Jason would chose Princeton since Bruce went to (and dropped out of) Princeton. But I also don't see Jason being the NYU guy. I think he'd do Columbia or Fordham. Close enough to home that if he needed to get to Gotham it's just a train ride away.

Much to Bruce's chagrin Red Hood and Arsenal are still showing up in Gotham. Bruce threatens Jason saying if he has time to be Red Hood he should be studying. After finals each semester Jason ALWAYS sneaks into the Batcave and prints out hundreds of copies of his final marks. The lowest grade Jason ever got was an A-. (Alfred gladly helps)

Jason reaming Bruce, Dick, and Tim all for not completing their education. And Damian, who has no plans originally of attending uni now is devouring SAT prep books solely to SPITE Jason when he gets into Harvard or Stanford without Bruce's help.

ROY HELPING TUTOR JASON IN PHYSICS AND CALCULUS AND COMPUTER SCIENCE.

Jason would be the one to ironically go to college parties. He doesn't drink more than beer (because he's a lightweight) and he's against harder drugs than cigs. But I just can't get it out of my head that Jason went to a Halloween party where they had a superheroes theme. Jason entered the Red Hood look-alike contest and out of 9 people he came in 4th. Jason loved it.

Maybe it's me imprinting too much but one of my best friends on campus in my undergrad days was head bartender at the college hotel's ritzy sports bar. And on days when it was quiet after class but before rush i'd sit at the bar and just do homework. Jason would do the same thing.

Jason and Steph meeting at cafe's to to homework and study. Steph bring genuinely taken aback by how usually brash and snarky Jason is very serious about studying and retaining the information.

JASON WOULD TAKE UP A GIG AT THE UNIVERSITIES MENTORSHIP CENTER AS AN ENGLISH TUTOR. Jason would be one of the most popular tutors. He'd be so good and color coded. He'd be sure to highlight the areas of strength as well as improvement and genuinely sits you down, goes over your work to ensure you've retained what he's tried to get across.

I feel finals week Jason would be that student who just like sets up a fort in the library. He'd grab a sofa, push it that one hidden study book on the higher floors of the library in a far off corner, Steph brings pillows and blankets and the two live only off of Coffee and what can be bought at the cafe.

Graduation day would be one of the happiest days of Jason's life. He initially thought only Roy and Artemis would show but Bruce and Alfred brought the whole family. Even Kori showed up. Dressed to the nines. So many happy pictures and fantastic smiles. Everyone got Jason a gift.

Soon Jason would receive his piece of paper in the mail, which read Fordham University conveys and confirms this Bachelor of Arts in English Literature with a minor in Computer Science and Criminal Justice Summa Cum Laude to Jason Peter Todd.

One thing I think DC missed out on is the chance for Jason to go back to school. For him to start university and for him to be really passionate about something other than crime (fighting/ally/doing).

I would love to see more of Jason catching up on what he lost while in the league and while underground.

Jason telling Roy all the weird facts he learned while on their date & Jason being the go to person for Liam when she don’t know how to do a complicated homework assignment when she gets older.

I would love to see Steph and Jason study together and bond over how fucking terrible professor Jamison is.

I would love to see Jason learn more about the city he grew up in but from a more academic view.

I would love to see Jason make fun of his brothers and dad for being the first of them to get a actual degree.

And y’all can bet your ass that if Jason ever get a PHD he would never respond to any of his family members unless they put a doctor in front of his name.

Just.... Jason in uni pls