#i think about you a lot thougg!!

[gigglesx333]

i absolutely adore Welcome Home and even though this post might be niche I think it's worth it 🎉🎉

Wally is ABSOLUTELY an avatar of the eye. Look at that little fucker. He EATS with his EYES. He has SOME FORM of sentience or self awareness. He literally looks at you through the screen. Eye avatar that's also touched by the Spiral? Even though they counteract a bit I feel it makes sense.. False friendships, your mind is Lying to you, madness, et cetera,.

Frank is absolutely an avatar of the corruption. Look at this motherfucker and tell me he is not FASCINATED by bugs and mold and rot. He has fucking SHELVES of self written notebooks filled to the brim.

Poppy would probably be an avatar of the End or the Extinction- look at her. Stuck in her barn, afraid to even touch cooking materials. Paranoia driving her to the Lonely, maybe??

Julie. Julie is wholeheartedly, probably not an avatar. I cannot think of anything I'd classify her as. Same with Howdy, I don't think he'd be an avatar of anything except maybe Corruption? Because he's a bug.

Eddie. Eddie you are ABSOLUTELY a surviving victim of the Stranger. Never getting the name of the unknown place he came from right, not talking much about his mother despite clearly looking up to her or having an otherwise positive relationship due to his profession and disposition? TEEEXTBOOK I Left and Came Back Wrong.

Barnaby. I adore Barnaby.,,., I feel like he wouldn't be an avatar exactly but definitely affiliated with Something. Maybe the flesh? The animalistic dread that you are only electrified meat, manifesting as bones, meat, animals, slaughterhouses? Fear of body horror, dysmorphia, being eaten or killed for meat? There are things insinuating he was killed (a patch in Wally's chair with his pattern, etc) so maybe.,

Sally!! Sally is is very Likely an avatar of the Vast in my opinion. Look at her introduction; it speaks for itself. "Sally had once been the brightest star in the sky, even more than those that surrounded her. However, upon looking down at a nearby celestial body from her spot, she knew there were still places she had yet to truly shine and fell from above as a shooting star. She has seemingly accomplished her aspired stardom, as there are only nine visible neighbors in Home, all of whom know her." Though that may be too surface level? I'm writing this slightly inebriated. Oops.

House.. House is wholeheartedly an avatar of the Web or Slaughter.. maybe both? Lots of calculated violence and secrets hidden below it.. Not sure, thougg.

[lonespektr]

I heard a rumor about polyamory, black polyamory no less but idk if I can endure however many seasons it will take to get to it

V cringe great song

Who parks in yellow

Commune slander

Sight unseen rent??

Sisters ...shagged, they are so fake

I don't like that guy as a main character

Nobody in CA calls a UC a state school even though it technically is

San Digeo Sate University is the "state" school

UCSD University of California San Diego is a "UC"

The universal human pursuit of justice is the epitome of passion and all lawyers do is argue but sure being a lawyer doesn't require passion

All I have is second hand embarrassment

Can't imagine having a "sister" and lying to her about something like that

Is this all secondhand embarrassment ???

At least they acknowledge family dinner as the prominent most important feature of communal living

Trash humans ...all around well just..basic and uninteresting maybe

I think that's the idea though, I think it's like that...shit what...uh... Conviction?

Oh it's a spectrum issue

I do appreciate the overt description of the YOU HAVE THE AUDACITY TO APPROACH YOUR SUPERIOR

Like you think you are the fucckin pope or something

The blonde crushin on the intern?

Precedent is inherently conservative and empathy isn't a cloud it's a basic human competent

Also wonder how legit hostility to progressive opinions is in those offices

Biphobia nice

Odd and she wants to watch but now she won't touch him with a ten ft pole

So nice to have a gay and a straight talking about bi shit

So exhausted with elevating basic white girls especially when it's gorgeous woc sitting right there and they like look at this plain white T

It's a lot about like shitty work environments thougg

I loathe when they start using relationship words YOU LITERALLY JUST Met YOU ARE NOT IN A RELATIONSHIP

But accurate depiction of the incetous nature of the non-monogamous commune space

Cringe very difficult to film protest scenes ever like its never good

[hollypies]

I’m stealing you from your family and you’re coming with me >:)

Okay but seriously, I don’t know how it is all the time in your household but it doesn’t seem like the greatest. I really do hope you can somehow get away in the future. Even if you can’t change their minds on certain things, it’s good that you are trying to educate them. I just really hope you’re okay.

P.S: I love you /p

Hhghhg I would like to come with you oughgh. And it's like this a lot so I don't know why I even bother anymore honestly :(

My dad especially is very. Vocal about how he'll never change for anybody because he is who he is or whatever. And he's. Well just yesterday he called me a . The abliest R slur so. And he says it a lot and I just hsve to act like it doesn't affect me and they think im just. Going through a phase an ill grow out of it . And now . Idk

All my brothers have. Well, my youngest is only 11 and he . Well. He'd eleven haha.

But my older brother (I'll call him Red) got a job an he wants to run away. I mean. Us older kids know and we're sick of . Of all of this. And my other brother (Calling him Blue) who's my age went to public school just to get out. I cant.

I can't get out. I'm stuck here. I'm stuck here until I'm twenty.

And its not alwasy bad. Sometimes it's reallt good but I can never tell my parents anything because they just won't listen and they WILL twist it against me later. I'm s . I'm so tired. I dont even feel safe in my room, I can't even lock the door. Or shut it.

And . I dont even have Red or Blue to fall back on because I got left behind! Blue and I were so close and we still are but he just left to go to school and. Here on tumblr is all I have! I don't have any friends or a support system here! I have to . I'm deadnamed so much and misgendered an im tired

Sorry. I really do appreciate you reaching out gghgh I'm. Thank you! I'll be back to normal soon an uhm. I'll feel better soon so! Hhaha

Sorry for ranting!

[newobsessioneveryweek]

If You're Thirsty Have A Drink, Just Not This One

Chapter 3: Zumi & Rola

Previous | First

Sorry for the immensely long wait. I've been busy writing a game for the LU AU. There's a link in my description if you're part of that fandom and want to check it out.

Anyway! Here's the story.

A blue force engulfed the pair of travellers and before Sidon could comprehend the bizarre weightlessness he felt he and Link were deposited onto the platform of Monya Toma shrine a little ways away from Serenne stable.

Prince Sidon took an unsteady step off of the dais and took in the vista; a declining hill with sparse trees dotting the area, the stable below and little ways to the right. Link hopped down next to him and pulled out two shields from his slate. Sidon was curious.

"Pardon if I'm being foolish Beloved, but what are those for," Sidon said, pointing at the shields in Link's hands.

Link didn't answer immediately. Instead he gave Sidon one of the shield and placed his own on the ground facing down. He then brought up his hands to answer Sidon's question.

'They're for shield surfing,' he signed with a devilish smirk. Sidon looked horrified, yet eager. He'd never done anything as daring as shield surfing and was excited to try it. But there was also a reason for staying away; it was an awfully dangerous activity. 'Don't look so nervous. It will be fun. I promise,' Link signed, excitement written plain as day on his face.

Sidon tried to keep quiet about the last time Link promised something would be fun. He still couldn't look at hylian rice without gagging. He decided to entertain Link's enthusiasm for a while.

"A-alright Dearest. I trust you, somewhat" Sidon said, whispering that last word to himself. "As long as you return me in one piece to my father."

Link waved his hand dismissively and nodded. The gesture seemed like it was out of annoyance, but Link had a smile on his face which said otherwise.

He showed Sidon how to adjust his stance on the shield before he whizzed off toward the stable at a great speed.

Sidon tried to keep up, but his delayed start left him metres behind Link, travelling at a pathetically slow, stuttered pace due to his inexperience. When he finally reached the bottom he failed to slow his momentum and rammed straight into the fence, pivoting over by his abdomen and ramming his face hard into the fence and flipping all the way over until he landed painfully on his back

Link failed miserably to keep his composure and burst out laughing so hard that tears pricked at his eyes.

Sidon sat up shakily and glared intensely at Link, though without much anger. He got to his feet and walked over to Link, who was still killing himself laughing. He lifted Link's head up by his chin with one claw and looked straight into his eyes. Link stopped laughing, but had a slight, almost imperceptible smile on his face. "That," he said with false venom, "was not fun."

Link snorted and once again started laughing, nearly falling on his back due to Sidon's attempt at being intimidating. Sidon immediately gave up the pretence and started laughing as well, tackling Link to the ground and lying down next to him, both of them cracking up at what they had experienced.

After the pair calmed down they headed to the stable to take out two of Link's most beloved horses. Before they reached the counter a tall blonde girl trotted over to them. She stopped in front of Link, a hair's breath away from his face.

"Hey Link! Here for a visit," she moved away from him and giggled to herself and whispered behind her hand, "You should probably stay here forever just to be safe," she giggled again.

Sidon strained to hear, but when he did he was appalled.

The gall of this woman!

"I beg you pardon?"

"What," she asked carelessly.

Sidon realised his tone was a bit more harsh than he intended but he didn't change it. He huffed. "N-never mind," he said, thougg with a slightly embarrassed tone.

Link probably didn't even hear what she said... or maybe he did and was just thinking over her offer!

Sidon fumed. He did not find this girl very endearing at all given her disregard for other pateons and her blunt nature.

"Excuse me, but we have more important business to attend to," Sidon said putting his hands on Link's shoulders and ushering him away from the girl.

Who does that girl think she is? Stay here forever? What kind of fool's question-

Sidon's train of thought was interrupted by the girl calling out to them.

"H-hey! Wait," she began and ran after them. "Who even are you? I was talking to Link," she said angrily.

Sidon turned around sharply, "I am Sidon, the Zora Price." He folded his arms and Link just stared at the rivals, dumbfounded.

She scoffed. "Oh yeah. And I'm Zumi, the stable queen," the girl said undeterred. "I'm not buying your little act fish boy."

Link stepped between the two people who were getting dangerously close to each other the louder they argued. Link spread his arms, separating the warring people. When he was sure they wouldn't continue he began signing, "Enough, the two of you. Sidon," he turned to the prince, "you are a prince, conduct yourself accordingly. Zumi," he turned to Zumi, "How dare you treat a prince with such disrespect. I'm disappointed in the both of you," Link said taking turns to look each of them in the eyes. When they both looked rightfully ashamed Link dropped his scolding attitude and put on a smile. "Well! Now that that's sorted, me and Sidon are going to saddle up. See you later Zumi," Link picked up Sidon's hand and darted for the counter. Zumi just stood there in shock then huffed and walked away angrily.

Once Link selected their horse he introduced Sidon to his stallion."This is Price," Link signed, gesturing to the pure white horse he offered to Sidon, "He's a descendant of Princes Zelda's horse from 100 years ago. I think he'll take to you nicely considering the shared title," Link snickered.

Sidon accepted his horse and petted the creature's flank. He wondered about Link's chosen steed; a mare with a stunning white main contrasted against her brown body. She had white fur on her legs that looked adorably like she was wearing socks. "And your horse Dearest?"

"This is Epona," Link stated with a sweet smile gracing his features, "The horse of Legend. She was meant for me apparently, and I can understand why," Link said in almost a dreamy state as he reminisced. He petted his horse lovingly and fed her a swift carrot. He gave the other carrot to Sidon to give to his horse to help Prince trust Sidon before instructing him to climb on.

With much difficulty, and a lot of help from Link and the stable keep, Sidon was situated in his saddle and ready to go.

"We'll take the scenic route; it's also the shortest route to Rito Village. We should get there in a few hours if monsters don't bother us on the way. If that's the case it might a whole day. Don't worry though. I took care of all the monsters en route after the last blood moon so there shouldn't be any trouble," Link signed.

Sidon was grateful that they wouldn't have to account for monster attacks, but he was still on guard nonetheless.

0_0_0_0_0_0_0_0_0

Rito Village, the village in the sky, looked stunning from Rito Stable stable.

Sidon and Link boarded their horses and prepared for a long, boring meeting with the village elder.

They made their way across the three bridges connecting Rito Village to the main land. When they arrived they made a beeline to the hut situated at the very top of the impeccably built structure against the monolith.

Once at the top the pair greeted the elder with the due respect and introduced the reason for their visit; building alliances for the benefit of both parties.

The elder was delighted at the proposal and allowed the Prince and the Hero to plead their case.

A proper meeting with the village council was agreed upon to solidify their new alliances.

0_0_0_0_0_0_0_0

Sidon breathed a long sigh of relief once the meeting was over. He'd always hated long meeting with council members (everyone disagreeing with everyone, long, unnecessary tangents, and, worst of all, making arrangements).

A break was needed, desperately. But, damn was it freezing."

"Beloved, do you perhaps know where I could acquire some warm clothes?"

Link was wearing his snowquil outfit, but had completely forgotten about Sidon. "I'm so sorry! I totally forgot." He hurriedly apologised. "There's a clothing store you can go to. It's called Brazen Beak. I'll take you there."

Once there Sidon bought himself the same snowquil outfit Link wore, save for the headdress, as Sidon didn't have any hair to tie the ribbons around. Instead he borrowed Link's Ruby Circlet that he bought in Gerudo Town.

"Now that I'm warm Dearest, is their anything recreational you'd like to do during our stay?"

Link thought for a moment before responding with an eager nod. "I want to go shooting at the flight range. It's just by those mountains over there," he said pointing at a distant mountain range.

"Over yonder? That seems a bit far wouldn't you say?"

Link shook his head and brought out his slate, an indication that there was a shrine situated near the location of interest. He tapped the tablet a few times and before Sidon could protest they were being transported to the Flight Range via strange harnessed technological energy.

0_0_0_0_0_0_0_0

When Sidon and Link climbed the ladder up to the small stilted hideout a white Rito was sitting next to a fire with a hatchling.

"Ah Link, it's good to see ya. How've you been?"

"Link," Tulin exclaimed excitedly.

"Hi Teba, hey Tulin. It's going great. This is Sidon," Link gestures to the Zora and sat down next to the Rito.

"So what are you doing here. It's been a while. Come to test your skills?" Link nodded. Sidon had been meaning to see Link's archery skills in action. "Well, you're in luck. Tulin's been looking for a teacher. Care to help him brush up on his technique?" Tulin nodded excitedly from his place at the fire.

"Sure thing, Teba." Link grabbed a bow and quiver from his slate and nocked an arrow. "Ready Tulin?"

"Ready," the little hatchling called out.

The two archers made their way to the platform. Link drew his paraglider and Tulin spread his wings, and the pair took to the sky.

Link adjusted Tulin's grip while flying next to him, his quiver hanging by his hip and his bow held between his right hand's thumb and index finger while he held onto the paraglider. Link let go of the paraglider, the object disappearing into blue light and Link loosed and arrow, nailing a target in the bullseye. The paraglider promptly reappeared in Link's hand and he continued to make adjustments to Tulin's hold of the bow and his aim.

Sidon was flawed by Link's mastery. He continued to do this for two hours, showing Tulin examples until his arrow supply ran out and he finally returned to the platform.

"Well Teba, it's been fun but I gotta restock," Link signed with a smile.

"I get it. Thanks for the lesson. I'll see you next time-"

"Yeah, thanks Link," Tulin interrupted as he gave Link a crushing hug. Link returned it and the two went on their way.

0_0_0_0_0_0_0_0

"There are no arrows stocked in the market. We'll have to go elsewhere," Sidon stated.

"Yeah. We could make our way to Kakariko Village to talk with Impa. While we're there I can buy some arrows. Ready for round four of Warp Travel," Link asked with a smirk.

Sidon swallowed hard then nodded.

Link held out his hand for Sidon to hold and Sidon took it. As Link pressed the button to activiate the warp feature Sidon leaned down and laid a small kiss on his beloved's forehead to remind himself that he was safe.

0_0_0_0_0_0_0_0

Sidon stumbled gracelessly off the platform. His stomache did a somersault in his abdomen and he deeply regretted his decision to travel all around Hyrule.

Link snorted at Sidon's misfortune and walked over to him. He mocking kissed Sidon's hand in a motherly action to 'kiss it better'.

Sidon retracted his hand and started down the hill. Link followed.

Once they were down they made their way to The Curious Quiver. Sidon thought the name was a bit strange until he saw the owner; a woman, dark of complexion, with dark hair and a creepily enthusiastic smile. She spotted Link as he walked in and waved him over.

"Link! You're back- I-I mean welcome to The Curios Quiver."

Link waved at the woman, "Hi Rola, what's your variety look like?"

"Oh, um, mostly fire arrows. Why? Interested in renewing our little challenge," Rola asked with a not-very-subtle wink.

Sidon, once again, for the second time that day, was appalled by a woman's bluntness and audacity. Not only did she completely ignore him, she was actively flirting with his lover!

How dreadfully rude.

"I'm sure my beloved has business to attend to with me," Sidon put emphasis on the word 'beloved' when he spoke to make sure this 'Rola' didn't mistaken their relationship as that of friends.

What was this 'challenge' anyway, Sidon wondered.

Judging from the way the woman said it and then winked it sounded awfully risqué. That definitely did not calm Sidon's nerves.

As Link bought his arrows Sidon grumbled audibly to himself. Link giggled at that.

The pair walked out of the shop, Sidon forcing his hand into Link's as a display of ownership to his 'challenger'.

Link couldn't contain his laughter for the second time that day and burst out laughing at Sidon's jealously. "Ok tough guy, what was that about," he asked, although he already had a very obvious clue.

"Hng, it's just, why do so many people in this goddess-forsaken land want you so badly? I mean- I completely understand, but since you fail to make this relationship public, they take the liberty to assert themselves and 'make their move' as people say. Why don't you stop them," Sidon complained.

Link just stared at him, a softness in his features. He smiled lightly."Because I love you, and that cannot be changed. No matter how many people push themselves on me they cannot change how I feel about you. I don't stop them because I know that they know that too; they can see it in the way I look at you, because when I see you I see the most amazing, caring, and kind person I've ever met. You don't have to worry because that will never change."

Sidon and Link just stood there at the goddess statue, staring lovingly into each other's eyes.

"And because I like seeing you get jealous," Link signed and ran to Impa's house.

"Wha- hey!" Sidon began running after Link. "That's not very kind of you, Beloved."

The pair barged into Impa's lodging and Sidon unwittingly tackled Link to the ground and they tumbled forward.

"Zora Prince, Hylian Champion," Impa said and the hero and prince promptly looked up at her. "I believe you have come to make a proposal. Am I correct?"

Aaaaaand DONE! Finally. I'm so sorry about the long wait, but wait no more!

It's not that great of a chapter, but I'll try to make the next one better.

Original post by @hylianfury

[duermannenimitliv]

GUYS okay so i've been thinking about all the subplots that happened so far in skam, and how some of them became the main subject of a season (noora texting willhelm and willhelm 'expressing' his interest throughout season 1, isak's sexuality that was a thing throughout the entirety of s1/s2). Now, the other subplots that have been very obvious is sana and her religion, and vilde and her wanting to belong (i can't word this properly but i hope you get my drift). There is no doubt in my mind that they will get their own season. BUT, if there are going to be six seasons (note: this hasn't been confirmed, i think a lot of people seem to forget this) that leaves one season without a main that had a subplot. My guess is that this might be jonas? He's the only one i can think of that's been this apparent throughout all the seasons and who's a '99er. It doesn't make that much sense to me thougg but according to my theory it kind of does??? I can't think of anyone else who has had a subplot??

[galimatios]

t/a rambles 1

back on my bullshit part 1

... should look into the tactics ogre games for novel inspo bc my novel is also a political drama ... UNINTENTIONALLY actually id call it a coming of age story in rhe new adult genre since mc is probably 23-25 i have so many feelings about the novel ugh i love my ocs so much and i put them all om opposing sides for this novel the most complex relationship i have in it i think is alex and his mother or rather prince kreutzer in this au queen elaine and her son prince kreutzer .. god its so fucked up bc kreutzer loves his mother- he was largely isolated as a child and his mother was always so loving and sweet and they were so so close but the prince never knew of the shit his mother did as queen she is a tyrant she must have lost a child once. a princess, i think probably to the king who she may have ... overthrew or usurped maybe but regardless of that shes in power now and because she lost a child she became overly protective of kreu and consolidated her power heard of a plot to infiltrate her kingdom and assassinate the son of the previous tyrant king (?) and she just fucking ruled with an iron fist because she has so little trust in the goodness of people that she thinks the only way to achieve good is to force it and as a result she kills anyone who steps out of line thus making the people resent her deeply but to kreutzer shes his mother his loving and doting mother who does all she can to protect him the novel actually starts um after the queen is assassinated h a its not her story but shes a big part of it even after her death bc a big portion of the theme is like coming to terms with the complexity of individuals no one is all good or all bad and kreu starts out unable to understand this he has a very black and white view of moralitt like his mother at the beginning on his coronation day theres an assassination attempt made on him but he gets whisked away by the court jester after that a coup is staged and rebels take over the country and the prince is forced to hide with a traveling circus that the jester brings him to where every performer... is a fugitive or criminal! and thats where his personal growth really begins bc he learns abt these people and realizes his world view was wrong people are complex people do bad things... for just reasons and vice versa esp Keith who makes a major appearance in the novel his entire bg story takes place outside the novel as well hahaha but its a lot after a raid on his village, hes orphaned along w his little sister who is ill so to make ends meet / buy medicine he does literally every fucking crime under the sun starting off with petty theft and scaling up to murder literally sacrificing every last shred of innocence he has for the sake of his ailing sister who... dies anyway! and im thinking, tbh, its a fantine/cosette/thenardiers type sitch where this quack doctor is basically scamming him except instead of fantine dying cosette does anyway thats where he fucking hits rock bottom he could handle things as long as he had someone to fight for you know he was alright with it bc his sister was there, his saving grace but when she dies hes all alone thats probably when lydia finds him i imagine he would he on the verge of suicide or at the very least dying of self imposed starvation and neglect but honestly probably suicide julie's death on top of the crushinf weight of all the crimes hes committed the innocence he lost, the lives he took its just way too much and hes just a naive kid lydia finds him and takes him back to the circus takes care of him gives him food and water and shelter and slowly tries to reach him slowly teaching him that there is still life to be lived that he is so young, and it is far too soon for him to lay down and die that he should live for his dead family, because that is what they would want to keep their memory alive in his heart and he begins to come around slowly starts doing chores for the troup then he finally sees one of their performances acrobats and the trapeze and the glitz and the glamor its the first time in years where he ... wasnt thinking about his dead sister or his trauma he asks lydia to teach him how to "do that" he says while pointing at the stage and so she does and ever since then hes taken up performing full time as a .. daredevil type act doing outrageously dangerous things for the thrill of it it excites him, the risk he loves to see how close to the edge of death he can walk without falling and it fuels him makes him enjoy being alive again and he's.. happy god by the time you meet keith in the novel he's just this happy go lucky teen with this smugness about him a kind of dangerousness belying a sweet exterior he's all jokes and laughs at this point and you'd never be able to tell what he went thru at first glance or at all really bc honestly, at this point he honest to god is okay lies and dirt - Last Thursday at 6:00 AM he... doesnt need anyone's pity. he doesn't need anything but the feeling of being alive now and one of the major points of the novel is prince kreu's relationship with him... bc at first they really clash and kreu is just... he's a fucking criminal and all of then deserve to hang keith plays this off w jokes at first but kreu keeps being antagonistic bc he just cant believe a criminal like him is getting away without punishment but then one day keith snaps at him knife to the prince's throat dangerous, cat like eyes, the usual smile on his face no where to be found you're right. i'm a thief. a liar. a criminal. a murderer. i'm all those things. but i'll tell you one thing, prince: i'm not worthless. he pulls the knife away and walks off leaving the prince stunned after this lydia talks to kreu explaining that maybe he shouldn't judge keith so quickly hinting that the circumstances of his life were... not ideal when i first found him, he was already half dead. perhaps not physically, but in the eyes. you could see the reaper in them. hhmgmgn i need to think more abt the circumstances around this scene ah keith must have been looking for a good place to die

the music from the circus reminded him of better days, when he played songs with his family. i imagine him.. outside the tent, somewhere obscured and there's music flowing from its interior... he's tired. he sits down against a barrel and he's been starving, exhausted... letting sleep take him away on the songs from the circus back to a time he used to be happy...

lydia fines him and shakes him but his eyes look glassy and he's unresponsive

he's taken poison must have been something from his former days working as an assassin something he saved for himself just in case and that's when lydia takes him in and nurses him back to health she's a water mage w healing capabilities so she's able to do it and i imagine at first keith is hurt, angry why am i still alive? i im fucking myself up in the feels i hate this THIS ISNT EBEN IN THE FUCKINF BOOK IT ALL HAPPENS BEFORE IT KEITJS NOT THE MAIN CHARACTER HERE BUT IM SO FUCKED UP ugh after kreutzer learns a bit abt keiiths origins he actually thinks a lot. and tries to make amends. apologizes to keith who doesnt say anything much he's sitting, eyes away from the prince, fiddling with the knives he uses for his performances

"a raid took my parents away. illness took away my sister."

"i did a lot of things for money. most of it i'm not proud of. but i would have done anything to save her... you know?"

"you've got someone you love too, don't you?" kreutzer thinks of his mother. the surrogate brother who disappeared on him and never returned "i do." "then, you get it." after this they start to really bond almost as siblings.. which is really funny bc kreutzer doesnt need to be protective of keith keith can MORE THAN take care of himself but its new for kreutzer to feel.. responsibility for someone else like this he was always the one protected before keith laughs at this a lot what're you trying to do? be my big bro? but secretly he ...really likes having family again as idiotic as kreutzer is ofc lydia has always been there for him but as a surrogate mother an older sib is new and.. kind of nice in canon modern au they really are basically bros LOL actually cousins via mothers but alex/kreu goes to live w keiths family after his mom (lain) dies so they essentially grow up like brothers i didn't even get started w the fucking mess that is alan and kreutzer alan goes by calisto also and he hes the court jester but he was trained from a young age as a snake in the kings court he was supposed to kill the prince when the time was right but alan and his dumb fucking gay ass FALLS IN LOVE WITH HIM INSTEAD spoiler alert: its unrequited btwn alex and alan is NEVER requited in ALL aus its because alan ... doesnt love himself at all. he has no sense of... purpose or identity alex can never love someone like that but either way he becomes the prince's personal servant and entertainer and this idiot falls for him the naivete he displays, the timid stateliness, the unfitting title of prince bestowed on his shoulders- kreutzer is far too soft to be the leader of this kingdom and alan increasingly has the desire to protect him even as kreu grows older and more skilled in his studies there is always the anxious trepidation they also grow up together from around ages 11-present at the time of the novels start god alan loves him so much it hurts me but its so one sided alex loves cyrus in modern au ): alan could never be more than just a phase tbh poor guy alan and his low self esteem and depression the worst part of this thougg is that because alan feels aimless and without purpose when he falls for kreutzer he ... finally has his OWN cause to fight for and he takes it to the extreme betraying everyone that trusted him to do his job for the sake of a man who wont ever love him it bites him in the ass too bc i kill him off as a catalyst for other stuff h ahahahhahahahahahahaha not just kill him off but horribly because HE FUCKING BETRAYED HIS ENTIRE SIDE THEY ARE, UNDERSTANDABLY, PISSED Alan is so fuckong flawed hes a fuckinf mess and i love it ugh im thinkijg of another scene in the novel once kreutzer gets captured bt the coup rebels he actuallt submits himself voluntarily bc keith gets kidnapped and used as ransom keith tells him hes a fucking idiot keiths life doesnt matter dont fucking come for me! but kreu doesnt listen obviously and they torture kreutzer bc i love suffering and after that they make him listen in a mock trial to the testimonials of all the people hurt by his mother death to the queen! death to elaine of koel! all the horrible stories of lives unjustly cut short because of his mother it breaks him because he loves his mother so much but she's done all these horrible things he doesn't know what to do how to make amends the damage was done and he takes their wrath their scorn and anguish and i'm sorry as if sorry could ever fix anything but it is his burden to carry, his punishment to suffer in place of the queen ironically this makes lilya have a change of heart she was infiltrating the queens court just as alan did and she is directly responsible for her death her assassination, i think or the king's? either way shes part of the rebel forces and she DESPISES the queen good fucking riddance as far as she's concerned that woman made her life hell(edited) so she can rot in it for all lilya cares for but seeing kreutzer there bloodied tortured sobbing broken and taking the punishment doled out to him without so much as a word of protest(edited) she thinks... this... isnt right this is wrong. because kreutzer was not responsible for the sins of his mother as much as people want to blame him, take out their anger on him lilya was at first all gung ho about ending the royal bloodline lies and dirt - Last Thursday at 7:02 AM but she reconsiders this moment feels something tugging at her this isnt right

she remembers her sister back at the circus— lydia. who she always loved dearly but clashed with, leading to her abandoning the circus and joining the rebellion.

retribution is deserved, but should it be served? what then makes us different from our oppressors?

or sth like that so she rescues kreutzer takes him back to the circus. and reunites with her sister after so many years after that ik not entirely sure what to do w the novel LOL bc i know there has to he a big battle bc the rebellion forces begin to quell opposition like how the communist regime in other countries started in ernest bc people felt oppressed but then they went too far and started culling the middle class so then kreutzer leads his own rebellion force against them to take back the country then once he wins he uses his kinghood to dissolve the monarchy and embrace democracy instead asking lydia to lead hes much too tired to lead, and she is much better suited for it but hm inhabe to think more about that entire segment after this he takes over lydias spot in the circus as its owner and organizer and with keith he spends the rest of his days helping people just like keith also they properly mourn alans death it takes forever for kreu to come to terms w his mothers assassination and crimes he probably never truly works it out but he begins to be able to recognize that she is both the tyrant queen and his loving mother that they do not cancel eachother out, that they are not mutually exclusive they are one in the same UGH IM SO UPSET I WISH ID FUCKING WRITE THIS BC I WANT TO FUCKING READ IT the message i wanna convey is like people.. are complex, imperfect, and the systems they create are also subjected to that but everyone does things for a reason. no matter what that reason is and i want lydia to address this too when she becomes the new prime minister of koel a democracy is not perfect, because man is not perfect. there will be hardship, mistakes made along the way. but together we can grow, improve, and learn about one another— and better our society for it. and i believe anywhere injustice goes, justice will always follow(edited) sth like that ig