#i tell delethil to shup up but riven is just as bad if not worse

[soartfullydone]

Riven, what would have been your ideal, perfect solution if everyone had actually listened to you? I'm just curious; no one could have handled the Inquisition better than you did. You're amazing and I love you.

And I love you back, friend!

My “ideal, perfect solution” to... which part? The part where I was locked up like a criminal after the Fade spit me out? Well, alright. It was pretty smart of them to do that, even if the charges were all wrong. I would’ve greatly preferred to not be at the Conclave at all, but my Keeper wasn’t about to let his First go, and while I might not be amazing at spying, I am the sneakiest. Funny how it all went tits up anyway.

I suppose... I would’ve liked to toss the whole Herald of Andraste thing and just been recognized as an elf, bored enough and invested enough to save everyone’s arse. At first, I liked the title. Not what it meant, but the way it sounded. “Herald,” “Your Worship,” very impressive, a little kinky. Even I understand the value of a symbol, but I mean, c’mon. I barely give due reverence to my own gods; what would Andraste ever mean to me? But no matter how many entreaties to Andruil or “May the Dread Wolf take you”s I made, all anyone ever wanted to talk about was how their Maker sent me. Would’ve been nice if the Chantry had any legs to stand on for a real fistfight of faith, but felt too much like kicking a dog. By the time I noticed just how far the Herald thing went off the deep end, it was too late to do anything about it other than to be extra irreverent. It’s a wonder that Mother Giselle likes me, but... I’m glad she does. Need more like her.

Would’ve been nice, too, if I could’ve recruited the mages and the templars. I get there’s a war on, but wasn’t bringing them together the whole point of the Conclave? Why does it always have to be a choice, one or the other? It’s ironic that I somehow beat a time-traveling magister to the mages, but I couldn’t do gobshite for the templars, and by ironic, I mean pretty fucking stupid. Of course, if I had managed to blow up Corypheus at Haven in the first place, maybe I could’ve sat them down, said, “I’m the fucker with the magic hand now, so quit acting like a bunch of narcs. We’ve got soup, have some, that red stuff’ll kill ya.” [sighs] The dragon threw the whole thing off. That was cheating. 

Otherwise, I pretty much solved our many problems the way I wanted to. Because magic hand and leadership and so much misplaced trust. Well, except for Stroud and even Gaspard. I... regret that. But I only executed one person! That’s growth for me! And only ‘cause he really asked for it. 

The things I would’ve done differently are the smaller things that might’ve become bigger. Like how I wish I had been unable to understand Vivienne better. Or insisted on bringing our forces to the meeting with the Qunari, hang their paranoia. That way, the Chargers could be alive and Iron Bull could still be one with the Qun he loves so much. If I’d known Cullen liked me sooner, I would’ve spent more time teasing him. I do still wonder about Blackwall, but... Well, let’s just say I don’t take deception and betrayal well. It was for the best. I wish I could’ve helped Leliana see that stabbing doesn’t solve every problem---I’ve tried that---because she would’ve been a brilliant Divine. Cassandra will do great---and I really wanna see her in the robes, she’ll look ridiculous---but Leliana... I think we missed an opportunity there to burn more shit to the ground in clever fashion.

And I really, really wish the orb hadn’t broken. I knew Solas was a bit upset, but not enough to just leave without a word. I feel bad about it. Bad like it’s my fault but also bad like... something’s off. But it’s nearly been two years, so... Maybe I should stop worrying and let it go. Something would’ve happened by now if it was gonna happen. Still, Smartypants could’ve tried talking to me first! We were---are friends [sigh]. Idiot.

Everyone’s gone their own way by this point, even Cole. I’m rather ready for the Inquisition to come to an end myself; it’s mostly just paperwork now. But a bunch of round-eared bastards want us to go to Halamshiral in a few days just to tell me to disband it, so now I’m feeling a wee bit contrary. “Surprise! Indefinite Inquisition! Bet you didn’t expect that. Thanks for the popcorn shrimp.” Ah, Dorian would’ve laughed if he were here. I miss him so much, but don’t tell him I said that. Tevine bastard will never shut up about it. Hmm, I’d better go, though. Josephine looks like she’s gonna pace herself right off the battlements from the stress.