#i swear you dont chew

[silverskye13]

What the f yck am I going to make for dinne r

[strangegutz]

starting off by saying I'm a Big HBG enjoyer - i remember when you first started posting about it and was so hyped to see more, and it's always a delight to see you post anything about it! but it might be worth it to consider a sideblog for it if people are being lame about it? Just so you have less stress posting it in an environment that there for it totally vs one that feels unappreciative/like they don't want to see it? I feel like there would be an audience for that if you decided to give it its own space. Hope this isn't out of pocket/unwanted advice, can't wait to see more of your work, be it dolls, HBG, or any other endeavors

i talked more about this on my side blog, but no. I've been getting this suggestion a lot, but I do not want to manage whole other sets of blogs/accounts. People aren't /that/ lame about it, I just like to remind people they can block the tags since i lose a couple people each post. I'm not looking for a fix, and if I'm coming off as being moody about it, I apologize. Ultimately "STRANGEGUTZ" will always and forever be for any art i make, for better or worse- being a multimedia artist, with a wide style range, and inspired by many very different subject matters, means no matter what I make, I'll be alienating a chunk of my audience- which even if I'm frustrated in the moment, I gotta be content with that at the end of the day, cause on the flipside that just means i have a little something for everybody. I'm SUPER thankful for the followerbase I have, I just have massive imposter syndrome, a lifelong complex about being successful, and lizard brain dont like when number go down, haha

(and if i only ever posted cute art dolls people would make assumptions about who i am as a person that would Drive me Crazy so I gotta post the dipshit cowboys. thats whats reallygoing on in my head)

((and if it's me repeating the tagging thing that is making me seem upset, you should see how many times I've had to repeat to people I use super sculpey))

[unfortunatelyilikebnha]

Every time I remember that bitch* jumped off the roof (he was FINE even though he shouldn’t have been but whatever, anime logic) I always get way too concerned abt it like YOURE GOING. TO BREAK YOUR ANKLES BE MORE CAREFUL FOR THE LOVE OF GOD

*kai toshiki

[aroaceleovaldez]

okay that is all i can muster for tonight. my insanity will have to wait.

[the-gayest-sky-kid]

on another note wow. i applaud you for trying to appear you've put even a modicum of care into this video. but you've:

shown net zero fucking information. your cast should know most of this already, and you'd know that if you paid fucking attention

done no elaboration on important topics. your videos hammer in the same few points and your dialogue restated that information almost verbatim. you've also failed to cover anything else important about the character. this could be overlooked if your video was any good or if you were focusing on one event in the first place, but its NOT and you're NOT

failed to present any character relationships in a meaningful way. even between the people in the fucking room. you could at least show their interactions between each other if you didn't want to go into interpersonal relationships (despite them being a humongous part of the character) but NO

GOT YOUR FUCKING TIMELINE WRONG HOW DO YOU EVEN FUCK IT UP THAT BAD???? HOW????? ITS SO FUCKING BAD WTF

[kxllerblond]

I preface this by saying my only black mask knowledge is under the red hood and fucking that silly batman game but half of the DC verse in my dumb little brain is just me picturing their business dynamic because i think he'd be like...the only one clark would willingly have sit downs with and be serious with. anyone else he encountered would be by unfortunate necessity or happenstance kdjfbngdfg

[ybcpatrick]

are you there god? it's me kell.......................... yeah, it's that wrestler again.

[st4rguy]

i love chewing things gum, ice, plastic wrappers its the best

[companionwolf]

Wolf: going to listen to the blaseball podcast or such to learn more lore (:

Me, hitting them furiously with a cardboard tube: NO THAT COUNTS AS A NEW TTRPG CAMPAIGN PLOT DEVELOPMENT ACTIVITY AND YOURE STILL BANNED FROM THOSE

[corvuscorona]

Nobody is wrong for having bitter feelings abt having been inconvenienced by webp while it WAS not supported by software they were trying to use to edit images they downloaded from websites they expected to be handing them pngs or whatever, is the thing. I get what you're saying + agree with the essence of most of it, but I think you're underestimating the amount of responsibility that Software Knowers & Doers just kind of. have. to make interactions like "new file format is suddenly getting downloaded onto your computer instead of the old one you know about already" not piss people off.

the people involved in this kind of interaction WHO KNOW WHAT IS HAPPENING probably should assume that to avoid problems down the line they either have to make Sure the change goes smoothly for the end user, or explain themselves coherently somewhere the end user is likely to notice and understand the explanation. I recognize that this is easier said than done but this isn't, like. something I personally think Should Be Done for moral reasons or whatever; it's just the only way I can think of to realistically have the webp problem not happen. specifically:

1. the onus is on developers to build support into their shit for formats they consider to be up-and-coming in some way, Before most people need it, if they want to live in a world where bitter intractable end users don't manifest all over the place and then stay there. (+NUANCE JUST IMAGINE THERE IS NUANCE HERE FOR YOUR USE CASE OF CHOICE.)

2. the onus is also on web developers to not be changing images into formats that aren't supported (YET.) by software people are going to want to use to do stuff with those images, or bitter end users Will Manifest. they just will. (imagine slightly less nuance here. I'm The Most mad at whoever typed characters that made webps start happening to my downloads folder instead of pngs.)

3. the reasons these things weren't done don't matter as long as the statement being made is "for a lot of end users, this behavior made webp suck bad"

4.a. there is a third onus, on everyone who knows why webp is good, why it got made to suck bad for end users, and whether when & under what circumstances end users can expect it to STOP sucking bad, to explain those things non-confrontationally in public sometimes, if they would like to get complained in front of less.

4.b. "there's no reason for webp to exist" is an IGNORANT complaint but calling it a "bad" complaint is reductive, imo. you have more of a reason to understand why someone might think webp is pointless than the average Webp Complainer has to know what the whole deal was & is with it.

5. hyperspecific thing: I personally would prefer to live in a world where ESPECIALLY playful, low-effort editing of images downloaded from the internet were frictionless. I believe that a lot of parties' reasons for not prioritizing or considering this when designing software are stupid and suck. my believing this isn't going to like generate change in the world by itself or anything but it seemed relevant to mention. who decides what criteria are important & when !! how much responsibility does Websites Georg have to cater to my sense of whimsy. legally NONE ethically IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY.

& finally 6. I use computers in a way that is annoying and webp still isn't supported by my image editing program of choice or my file browser (thumbnails don't work), which is annoying, and it's also annoying to have to navigate this whole file format conversion issue when I'm working on picky shit like video games or low-effort shit like spur-of-the-moment discord emotes. so I still get hyperspecifically mad about webp on a semi-regular basis, unfortunately.

one piece of Computer Guy contrairianism i can't stand is "webp isn't actually bad, the programs you use just aren't equipped to support it!" okay well. soudns like for all intents and purposes its bad then innit

[d3stinyist1red]

ʏᴀɴᴅᴇʀᴇ ʟɪɢʜᴛ x ʀᴇᴀᴅᴇʀ ᴘᴀʀᴛ 𝟸

yan light who is the sassiest man you've ever met

yan light who literally looks at Misa up and down in such disgust, it literally its like a popular mean girl looking at a nerd like damn hoe

yan light who wraps his arms around you, and literally says the sweetest things to you but then when it's Misa, he acts like she doesnt even exist

yan light who tells you he has to pretend to be misa's bf crying, like he's actually crying tears, blood, sweat, and everything

"b-babbyyy!! I d-dont wanna be wit-with that g-girl, I pro-promise!!"

"wife, does this mean I'm free?"

"Y/n L/n, leave me and I swear to God, i will roam the fucking earth searching for you."

yan light who even a complete stranger could tell he doesn't like Misa at all compared to you, he literally hugs you in public, kiss your jaw, hold your arm, hand, meanwhile with Misa, the farthest thing he has ever done was pat her shoulder 💀

yan light who in college, spends all his free time searching for you to hang out

yan light who memorizes your schedule, waiting outside your class whenever the bell rings

yan light who now sleep over at your house because he loves searching through your closet, searching for a hoodie that smells the most like you

yan light who literally thinks of ways to absolutely destroy ur TV and phone, he's quite literally only in some tight black shorts and ur hoodie and u don't wanna devour him??? Why tf are you tryna watch Tom and friends when he's literally there suggesting sex

yan light who you don't pay attention to all night, watching some Tom and friends cuz that shit mad entertaining, and light is over here rubbing his thighs together, glaring at the TV

Yan light who grabs you hand and puts it on his thighs, making your hand grip them.

Yan light who looks at you for a reaction, but you were STILL not bothering to look at him,

yan light who was pissed and sassy at you the whole night, turning his back to you and huffing, furrowed eyebrows

"hey, aren't ya gonna hug me? im cold"

Yan light who scoffs but turns around and begins to cuddle you, head between your boobies, forgetting why he was mad in the first place

yan light who wants to cut handcuffs on both you and him so you'll NEVER be seprated from him, literally wanting to bawl and cry at the thought of him without you

yan light who feels like he cant breath without you

yan light who literally thinks about the worst thing happening to you when you dont answer his call or text within a minute, about to start pulling at his hair and chewing on his nails with a crazy look on his face

yan light who memorizes your voice, the way you walk, the way you eat, the way you clean and everything just because hes that obsessed over you

yan light who is so close to using his death note on misa just because she managed to small talk you, glaring at her with such hatred you would think she killed his dog or sum

yan light who always making sure he holds the door open for your and giving you snacks when you dont have any

yan light who buys you things you've been recently talking about, telling you he deserves a kiss for what he did for u

yan light who is ur jealous lil wife <333

SOMEONE HELP NO MORE REQUEST P<LS ITS LIKE I SOLD MY FUCKIGN SOUL OMG I DONT EVEN KNOW WHERE TO START ATTHIS POINT

JKJK SEND REQUESTS IF U WANT

[arminsumi]

"what if nanami saw you like this?"

💗 hubby!GOJO さとる

note : feral trashy smut 🫡

summary : just a thought abt hubby gojo punishing u for flirting with his coworker nanami at a work party...! :(

warnings : 🔞 minors dni/dnr, smut, toys, fingering, spanking, pussy slapping, dirty talk abt cheating on him w nanami, talk abt threesome w nanami, namecalling (sl*t), kinda mean/cold n condescending hehe, some roughness, dirty talk, edging, not proofread expect lotsa errors oopsie!!, not rlly plot just horny

juuust envision this 😩 it's been a long night out, you attended a party with your husband and his work team... and then he suddenly glareddddd when u giggled a little too hard at nanami's uncharacteristically dirty joke.

so ur husband snaked a possessive hand round ur waist and rasped annoyedly, "i think we'll be heading home early."

and the poor man... he drove home with gritted teeth and a boner poking in his pants.

gojo pushed you into the penthouse with a roughness that made you giggle like a brat... and you kept giggling until he pinned into the bed and kissed u roughly... n that's how u know he meant business. he was pissed off abt smth. u had no idea what!! :( and he just said "panties off, bend over my lap. now. i won't repeat myself."

anddd jumpcut to satoru spanking u while u have a vibrator stuffed so deep inside ur sloppy cunt....

his hands are big, leaving stinging slap after slap, each one harder and meaner and done with more conviction than the last. he makes ur body jolt forward a little. he's admiring the sight of your pussy clenching around the pink toy, relishing in the sound of it buzzing in your leaky hole.

he's refused you his dick for a whole hour now, just occasionally toying the vibrator into your tight squishy pussy and playing with the settings. he's such a child when it comes to using toys on you, he laughs at how weak you become just from some buzzing silicone.

He grabs its handle and grinds it in deeper, cooing into your ear about how you dont deserve to cum because youve been a bad girl, and then getting you close to orgasm just to rip the toy out of your pulsing cunt and plant a harsh slap to your stinging ass.

"nah-uh, no cumming. you hold it in." he seethes. he's not playful or sweet or kind when he's determined to punish his pretty little wife.

and his idea of punishment alwayssss involves edging you until youre nearly crying, sobbing from pleasure. if you try help yourself reach climax with your own hands? oh he'll smack them away and chew you out about it. that's his pussy, he likes to remind you, not yours.

"i told you not to go around flirting with nanami, didn't i? yeah, i did warn you, hm?"

"i wasn't flirtinggg" you whine, "i swear!"

"aw... seems like the only thing telling me the truth is your pussy. i'm sure it's just dying to get stuffed up with nanami's dick, right? you want him to pound you into the bed 'till you break? mmm... but he's a bigggg boy... d'you really think you could take it... hm? you'd probably cry. aw, yeah... i know... you'd just love to fuck around with him, wouldn't you? yeah, you'd just fucking love that, you god damn slut. you'd want us to share your body..."

he's so cold and condescending. and he knows it makes your clit buzz. satoru's not entirely opposed to a threesome with his coworker, actually, he gets off to the idea of you struggling to take his cock.

"this is where you're sensitive, right?" he sharply taps his palm against your pussy, making sure your tiny clit felt the collision. he bullies your pussy with his big hand, sinking his fingers in and out as he pleases, slapping your ass and cupping your gushing pussy.

"such a sloppy fucking mess... all from a little spanking 'n sweet talk? my my... what if nanami saw you like this..." he's knuckle deep, pressing his fingertips into your sweet spot and slowly massaging it.

"... i think he'd help me plug up those holes... give you a good, thorough punishment... hm~?"

he feels you start to shake, and that's when he fucks his fingers hard into your hole. you're split open, feeling his palm flattening against and squishing your pussy, squishing your little clit, making it buzz with subtle friction as he pumps his fingers inside.

"listen to that..." he rasps, pumping his fingers into your hole faster just to embarrass you with the loud, nasty squelching sound. "fuckkkk.... listen... listen to how nasty your pussy sounds for your husband..."

[imwetforyourmom]

Can you write a fluff about Matt x reader, and he invites her to film a video for his personal channel introducing the reader as his girlfriend to the fans and answering some questions about their relationship.

meet her

warnings: fluff, swearing, kissing, just very slightly suggestive

a/n: y’all, be honest, does the cover photo match? green and brown? idk 😕

a/n 2: yall I dont have instagram and dont have any idea how the qhole questions thing works, so bare w me

~

“my girlfriend”

“hi everyone, welcome back.” matt says, looking at the camera, his lips parted as he thinks of what to say next and how he’d like the video to go. “as you know, i made a post the other week about having a girlfriend but didnt say who she was.” he spoke, taking in a deep breath to calm his nerves before continuing.

“i’d, uh, like to introduce you all to my-“ matt took in a sharp inhale, glancing over at his girlfriend, whom was silently encouraging him. “my girlfriend.” he finishes, grabbing his girlfriends hand and bringing her into frame.

“hi!! my name is y/n.” she says, waving at the camera, her voice enthusiastic with a grin on her face. y/n has been waiting to finally announce her and matt’s relationship. she’s been waiting patiently for matt to be ready, as much as she wanted to, she’d never do such a thing without his consent.

matt fidgeted with her fingers, a nervous smile on his face. he was ready to introduce the love of his life to the internet, he was always ready. he just wanted to make sure y/n and him would last long enough for it to be okay to tell everyone. he didnt want to show everyone his girlfriend just for them to break up a week later.

and he knew y/n would never leave him. he was sure of it, she’d proved it so many times before.

another thing he was nervous about, he didnt want anyone going and bashing his girlfriend, sending death threats or doxxing her. she meant so much to him and he didnt want to risk their love, the love he’d been desiring for years.

“we’ll be answering some of your questions.” he spoke up, clearing his throat and letting go of y/ns hand. he grabbed his phone from his pocket and went to his instagram, reading the answers of the ‘questions?’ thing he put up the other day.

y/n stared down at his phone, chewing on her cheeks in order to hide the growing grin on her face. she was just so excited.

“alright,” matt said, looking up from his phone and at the camera. “first question is,” he mumbled, his eyes scanning the letters. “how long have you been together for?”

“y/n and I have been together, for about, six or seven months now, I’d say?” he said, looking over to y/n for re-assurance.

“yep! best seven months of my life.” she replied in return, balancing onto one of her legs as she stood. her legs getting slightly tired. (she was still recovering from last night)

matt noticed this and pushed his chair out some so y/n could sit on his lap easily. he grabbed his phone and looked for anothe reasonable question. as he did so, he pat his lap, inviting y/n.

y/n took the offer and gently sat on him, leaning her back into his chest and her head on his shoulder. basking in the moment, sitting with her boyfriend and answering questions about their relationship. it was so nice and comforting.

“okay, another one says, ‘have you guys dropped the L bombs yet?’” he giggled, resting his chin on y/ns shoulder.

y/n giggled along with him, a big grin on her face. “yes, we have.” she answered, their giggles dying down as they read matts phone together.

“can I read a question?” y/n asked, leaning her head to the side some, resting her forehead onto matts neck to get a better look at his phone.

“sure” matt passed his phone over to her, wrapping his arms around her waist and folding his hands together on y/ns thighs.

“are you dating to marry or dating to play?” y/n spoke, her eyes widening as she realized.

matt looked over at her in surprise, a light scoff leaving his lips. “what? i’m dating to marry. why the fuck would I date to play?” he looked over at the camera, raising his eyebrows.

“I probably should proofread these questions first” y/n chuckled, her hand coming down to rest ontop of matts. gently rubbing his hand with her thumb, comforting and assuring him.

“dating to marry” y/n answered shortly, her voice trailing off as she was already scanning another question.

“alrighty, this question is good, good as in like, acceptable.” she mumbled, perking her head back up and looking at matt through the camera.

“has your girlfriend moved in?” she read, a small grin growing on her face.

“not yet, but im planning on moving in, in about a..?” she looked over to matt for an answer.

“a month or two. she needs to pack her apartment up and etc” he replied, a chuckle slipping past his lips.

“alright you guys, thats all for today. thanks for watching!” matt finished off the video, letting y/n wave bye before he grabbed the camera and screamed in the lens, hearing y/n fall into a fit of giggles.

895 words

@luverboychris @chrissturniolosfavoritesexdoll @meg-sturniolo @junnniiieee07 @genshin-addict @mels22lunchbox @ssilentzom @haunted-headset @dollyspsychoxo @sturnib-tch @b2cute @livvy4realll @graysturns @wh0resstuff @mattsmad @sturn-bugz @e1ias3 @sunsetsturniolos @strniolo @sturnssmuts @simply-a-simper @stunza

[cutecherrygirl]

Sunoo - Gummy bears and pleasure

Warnings: Smut, if you dont like when somone uses food in bed dont read this please 🙄😒😗, Oral sex

You are laying on your bed while Sunoo is in the shower. Your bare back is pressed against the soft sheets on the bed, your shirt is tossed somewhere in the room along with your night shorts. You're laying in only bra and panties. Your hair is wet since you took a shower before Sunoo and You're scrolling through your phone while eating gumny bears.

You pop the red gummy bear in your mouth tasting the sweet and sour cherry flavour. Few moments later, you hear the shower turn off and wet steps around the bathroom, you turn your head to the door and wait for your boyfriend to come out of the bathroom.

You loved watching Sunoo without short on, its your favourite thing, he doesn't have abs or muscles but was still shaped like greek god. He is so entirely beautiful and gorgeous. And the best of all, he is only yours.

The door handle of the bathroom shake slightly and the door opened revealing Sunoo with wet hair, one towel wrapped around his waist and one around his neck, he is followed by white steam from the hot shower he took. He looked so damn sexy. You bit your lip and went back to look at your phone.

Sunoo layed on the bed next to you and put his arm behind his head to rest his head on it, the other hand on his stomach and his eyes shot close.

"Give me one" he commanded and opened his mouth right after, you looked at him confused but then realised he is talking about gummy bears "get it yourself" you say with a smile. You liked teasing him, its fun to see his reactions, you both are sassy towards each other.

Sunoo sighed annoyed and reached his hand out to take handful of gummy bears but you took the bag and put it on the other side of the bed, out of his reach with a giggle.

"I swear" Sunoo Sighed again and just stayed still, you pout when you see he doesn't care at all, but then you get an idea. You take few gummy bears and place them on your stomach creating a line "baby" you say in seductive tone and Sunoo opens his eyes and looks at you his eyes immediately going to your stomach. You continue making line out of gumny bears, the line went from your chest down to your hips.

"Im not a dog, bitch" Sunoo said and you laughed "dog? Who called you that? This is just for fun". Sunoo chuckled and lifted himself from the laying position and on top of you (not laying on you) and kissed your lips. You kissed him back feeling water drops from his hair and on your forehead, Sunoo bit your lip and suck it right after which made you moan into the kiss.

Sunoo went down and kissed your chin then kissed from your chin to your jaw then down to your neck, he took his sweet time teasing you before going down to your breasts. Sunoo bit the fabric of your bra cup and pull it down with his teeth to reveal your right boob. You ran your fingers through his wet hair amd push his towards your exposed breast "relax" Sunoo said in low tone before wrapping his plump lips around your nipple and sucking it slightly. You leaned your head back and let out a soft gasp arching your back to press yourself more into Sunoo's mouth. Sunoo smirked and brushed his teeth around your nipple followed by his tongue. You felt like he could bite your nipple off any second but you knew he won't because who tf would do that 💀

He glanced up to see your head leaned back and your lip between your teeth, he went up and pecked your chin "you look so beautiful baby" he said in low voice before going down to your stomach and finally eating some gummy bears. He took each gummy bear in his mouth and chewed it slowly to tease you. When he got to the last gummy bear, he sucked it into his mouth and kept it there.

He looked at your white panties with mini ribbon in the middle and lace around it and smiled. He bit the fabric of your panties and pulled them down exposing you completely. Sunoo tossed the gummy bear in his mouth for a bit before sliding it between his lips and on your clit, the gumny bear us still pretty hard so it puts some pressure on "mhm" you moaned quietly and Sunoo smirked before pressing his lips against your clit and sucking it gently, the action made your hips jerk up a bit and Sunoo laughed "relax baby, or ill have to tie you down" he moved his mouth to your hole and slide his tongue in while pressing the gummy bear on your clit with his nose. You moved your body more down to ride his tongue but he wrapped his arm around your hips to keep you in place, he pushed two fingers inside you and start moving them in and out while sucking your clit and gumny bear. "Yes! Just like that!" You moaned and ran your fingers through his hair again and pushed his head more down which he didn't mind. "Im close" you whined and he Kept doing his tang, your back left the softness of the sheets as you arch it "Yes!!" You moaned loudly and came in Sunoo's mouth, he licked you dry before going up to you and pecking your lips, he slipped the gummy bear between his lips letting you bite off half of it so you can share (so romantic 😒).

He layed his hips between your thighs and kissed your lips passionately. He felt your legs vibrating from the previous activity and smiled to himself. "Do you want me to suck you off?" You whispered against his lips "No, I want to fuck you" he whispered back and went back to kissing you hungrily. You slide the towel off his hips using your legs, when the towel fell on the ground his dick flew up and hit his stomach. He grind his dick against your entrance few times before pushing inside. "Fuck" he groaned and bit your shoulder "why the fuck are you so tight still?" He asked and you just moaned and moved your hips against his making him start moving on his own.

He fucked his hips into yours hard and fast, you dig your nails into his back "Yes!! Oh my god baby!" You cried out as Sunoo ran his fingers through your hair and pull it backwards along with your head, he sucked your neck and throat while your crying of pleasure. After few moments, he flipped you on your stomach and smacked your ass before gripping your hips and holding them up so your ass is in the air then pounding into you again "God, you feel so good" Sunoo moaned and gripped your hips harder leaving red finger prints all over them, You try holding yourself up using your arms but failed and collapsed back into bed, Sunoo watched you while smirking, he ran his fingers through your hair again and pushed your head down into thr matress "you're such a good girl baby" he said softly abd increased his pace "you like when I fuck you hard and good? You like having my dick inside your wet hole?" He said as he gripped your hair, he was getting more turned on by his own words "are you going to cum for me baby?" You could only moan in response, you couldn't find words to say. Sunoo gripped your hips harder and pounding into you even faster and deeper "AHH!!!" You screamed "YES!! YES!!" you gripped the bed sheets as hard as you can, with one last thrust Sunoo cumes inside you and you with him. Sunoo pressed his hips against your ass for a few more moments, he felt his thighs shake slightly from all the pleasure "you did so well baby" he breathed out before collapsing next to you. You layer on your stomach trying to calm down from intense pleasure.

"Was I too rough?" Sunoo asked as he caressed your back with his fingers, you shook your head "no, it was perfect" you whispered before sitting up on your knees.

"Should we take shower, again?" You smiled down at him and he chuckled "lets chill a bit first" he said before pulling you on top of his and laying your head on his chest, you closed your eyes and sighed happily "i love you" you whispered "I love you too" he whispered back and kisses your head.

The whole time I was writing this, I imagined Sunoo with crown on his head lmfao 😭😭

[calliesmemes]

IN-CHARACTER QUOTES FROM DISCORD

UNHINGED SENTENCE STARTERS FEATURING THINGS SAID BY MYSELF AND MY FRIENDS WHILE WRITING AS OUR MUSES IN A CRACK-BASED NONCANON GROUP CHAT. This post is dedicated to Em, Liz, Tanny, Nellie, Mel, Ange, and everyone else in the server who recognizes these quotes — you know who you are 😈

CHANGE gendered words and in-universe phrases as needed.

SPECIFY muse for multimuses.

“   Have you forgotten that you should not steal someone’s property? ”

“   I could slap that smug look off his face right now! ”

“   Your ears are a lie. ”

“   Woah woah that's - that's a bad word. ”

“   I don’t know if it’s allowed and quite frankly I don’t care. Fuck the rules. ”

“   Time for gremlin activities! ”

“   I hate this man. Let's prank him. ”

“   We are all going on strike today I swear ”

“   Looks like I need to invest in a kid leash. ”

“   DONT BE COWARDS!! JOIN THE STRIKE!! ”

“   I support her saying what needs to be said! I am done with the silencing of women!!!! ”

“   I like the dramatics. ”

“   I did not ask for a second opinion. ”

“   You seem to be doing a great job at being a nuisance. ”

“   NO BITING MY EMPLOYEES! ”

“   do you want me to bring you cheese? ”

“   Next move, start chewing on the door frames ”

“   I like crumbs. They are like a little midnight snack in my bed at night. ”

“   if he wants to be a worm, LET HIM BE A WORM ”

“   the rest of you suck my toe ”

“   To be fair I am simply vibing. ”

“   I am going to commit a war crime! ”

“   I am manifesting being happy. ”

“   Am I gonna talk shit WITH you guys? because im down to talk shit about pretty much anyone ”

“   Who says? We shall revolt without question. ”

“   Let's just start burning stuff. ”

“   Did you just call me... small? ”

“   Can I convert you with my kazoo propaganda? ”

“   We were radicalised by The Little Mermaid. ”

“   Penny in the swear jar, now. ”

“   My last words are, bros before hoes. ”

“   The old men are trying to be trendy. ”

“   I can do whatever I want too! ”

“   Can we go one day without an interruption from an American? ”

“   I am so sorry. He enjoys conflict. ”

“   Why is he so tall? ”

“   For legal reasons, kids, that's a joke. ”

“   Would you like to fight the adults? ”

“   You're not meant to bite people, it's frowned upon. ”

“   He’s a fun killer, don't listen to him! ”

“   Ow! Stop kicking me! ”

“   I have quite literally begged you not to kick, hit, or bite today. ”

“   BUT I thought we were buds, pals, amigos, chums, friends. ”

“   Oh shiiiii someone’s in trouble ”

“   How much caffeine have you had in the last hour? ”

“   I'll be honest they wouldn't be so bad if they didn't speak. ”

“   Is this goof meant to be dead or what? ”

“   I am a witch. ”

“   This one reeks of self confidence when he clearly doesn't think before opening his mouth. ”

“  I call bullshit on that rule! ”

“   The point is I have a cane and I’m not afraid to use it. ”

“   If you slap me, I’ll cane you. ”

“   Yippee for women. ”

“   FUCK THE PATRIARCHY ”

“   Sorry for being British. ”

“   Oi who's playing that ominous music? ”

“   I'm strong because I eat carrots. Oh wait or is that to see in the dark.... it's for something. ”

“   I will say sorry when i'm caught, don't you worry. ”

“   AND YOU CALLED ME UP AGAIN JUST TO BREAK ME LIKE A PROMISE! ”

“   ... He's done for. Broken beyond repair. Someone play Taylor Swift. ”

“   Please refrain from punching one another. ”

“   He is becoming one with the spider I believe. ”

“   If anybody asks I will say I made you, then you will not get in trouble! ”

“   Can I be a girlboss too? I am not rude to women and I do what i like ”

“   Yippee for patriotism! ”

“   … i could make you guys rat costumes ”

“   Do you think if we started stealing bread we would lose our jobs? ”

“   why do British people ”

“   … you all need therapy. ”

“   Do you ever feel if you breathe the wrong way he will bite you? ”

“   I actively avoid whatever this is. ”

“   CARRY ME. ”

“   What if, and hear me out, they both promise not to do it again? ”

“   I wanna steal all his socks. ”

“   My socks were stolen! ”

“   Hey, watch it now. Only I'm allowed to insult me. ”

“   You couldn’t whisper to save your life. It’s pitiful. ”

“   Both of you are insufferable. ”

“   The law is overrated. ”

“   I’m afraid. Miss, you aren’t my type. ”

“   No. I swear on my life. I am being a gentleman ”

“   I support women’s wrongs. ”

“   ONE FOR ALL AND ALL FOR ONE!!! ”

“   GET YOUR ASS BACK HERE RIGHT NOW ”

“   He bites? Are you .. joking? Please say you're joking. ”

“   If you like piña coladas and getting caught in the rain ifyou're not into yoga if you have half a brain if you like makin' love at midnight in the dunes on the cape then I'm the love that you've looked for write to me and escape 🎶🎶 ”

[chleem]

Flashing Lights #3

Series; actor Drew x actress reader

Summary: Drew gets involved in the worst scandal of his career. One way to solve it? Proving to the whole world that he’s the sweetest lover to exist. Who better to help than the one person he can’t stand? You, an A class actress with an alcohol addiction. So, will Drew clear up his reputation, or leave with a bigger mess to clean up?

Genre: fake dating, enemies to lovers(?, slow burn, angst, smut,

Warning: mentions of alcohol, swearing, mentions of k!lling oneself, mentions of rape & sa, mentions of drug usage, smoking & vaping,

⋆.˚ please dont copy my work, if inspired please tag me

⋆.˚ this is entirely fictional, if uncomfortable then don't read

♡⸝⸝ chapter four out ! index

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

Early March 2024

Okay. Maybe Drew was a little attractive. 

Or was he always attractive? Or was it because you haven’t seen him in weeks, and you just forgot about how he looked like? Either way, the man sitting next to you in the car was not the same guy that you met with weeks ago. 

He cleaned himself up good, dressed in a nice white button up and jeans, styled his short hair a bit, and sunglasses that he was sponsored for. The watch adds a richer vibe to it, and several rings on his hand. 

Nah. It’s his outfit that makes him look so attractive right now. Definitely not how he looks. 

Worse of all, you were matching with him. Wearing a classy white dress with white heels, and accessories that you sponsored. You visibly cringe at your outfit choice, hating how well it went with his. 

But what bothered you more was your first public appearance with him, as a couple. A few weeks ago, the pictures of you two together on set was leaked out, and the company immediately confirmed that you two were currently dating. The comments online were mostly negative, with some wondering about the woman he ‘impregnated’ and wondering how you ended up with this guy. 

Now, you had to prove to the whole world that you like this guy, that you are in a committed relationship. This is harder than trying to act for dark films. But you had faith that you could wing it, just like how you always wing auditions and films. 

You reach for your purse, opening it and grabbing a pack of cigarettes. You get ready to smoke one, but he takes it out of your hands. “The fuck?” You curse, glaring at him. His sunglasses make it hard to read his expression, but he was chewing gum, with no smile apparent. “Give it back.”

“No; you’ll smell,” he says. 

You roll your eyes. Well, you needed something to calm your nerves down, so you just grab another one. But Drew grabs both the cigarette and the pack out of your hands, and out of your reach. “Hey!” You yell, reaching for it. “Give it back! Seriously.”

“And I’m being serious too,” he replies, before throwing it to the back trunk. 

You gasp at the audacity, anger running through your veins right now. “What the fuck is wrong with you? I needed that!”

He reaches into his pocket, before grabbing a pack of gum out. “Eat this instead. It’s better and doesn’t smell.”

“You think I’m a fucking idiot? I’m not eating that.”

“It’s all I got,” Drew shrugs. “You want or not?”

You glance behind him at the window, and see the thousands of fans outside, all here to watch the Bahrain Grand Prix. Multiple paparazzi are also pulling up. 

Fuck it. You take the pack from his hands, and eat three at a time. The gum is lemon flavored, and minty too. Somehow, it does relax you. You chew on it, focusing on the minty scent of it instead of how much people were outside. 

“Thanks would be nice,” he murmurs, but you heard him. 

“Hey, you threw my shit back there. You owe me,” you say, slapping the bag of gum against his chest. 

Then, the car comes to a stop, and the driver turns around. “We’ve arrived.” You look outside at the entrance of the F1 paddock, a few paparazzi already standing there.  

The bodyguard at the entrance hurries out, and opens the door at Drew’s side. 

He steps out, and stands in front of you. His hand reaches out for you, and you take it reluctantly, knowing that many people are staring. Flashes go off, and you adjust your dress with Drew’s body big enough to cover. 

“Good?” He asks, and you nod. He lets go of your hand after, walking ahead of you. 

Do tall people genuinely walk faster? Plus, why isn’t he holding your hand or walking beside you? The both of you have an image to sell, and thirty seconds in, he’s not selling anything. 

You slightly run to catch up, and when you do, you lock your hands with his. 

He stops and looks back at you, and you just give him a smile that doesn’t quite reach your eyes. His hand is warm, big, and also, very stiff. Has he never held hands with anyone before? “Hey, you’re my boyfriend. Did you forget that?” You tug him down to whisper in his ear. 

His red ear doesn’t go unnoticed, and his grip on you tightens. “Right.”

You pat his shoulder away, and walk towards the gate. Paparazzi aren’t allowed in the paddock, so once the staff gives you your passes, you hurry in. But even in the paddock, you attract attention. Cameras turn over to the both of you, and fans glance over. 

You ignore them, just chewing on your gum. You feel very tempted when you pass by the smoking area, but get reminded by your pack of cigarettes disregarded in the back truck. 

Eventually, some photographer comes up to the both of you. You obviously want to keep walking, but Drew stops to listen to what he has to say. “Y/n, a photo for Vogue magazine?”

You open your mouth to say no, but Drew answers instead. “Sure.”

You mentally roll your eyes, smiling for the camera. But the photographer frowns at the man beside you. “Sorry, just Y/n.”

Drew nods, wanting to let go of your hand but you pull him closer. “No; my man stays in the picture,” you confidently say, to which the photographer just nods. You smile for the camera, and the flash goes off. The photographer thanks the both of you, and walks off. 

“What was that for?” Drew asks you as you two continue walking down the paddock. You can feel his eyes on the side of your face as the two of you walk hand in hand. 

But you turn to face him, wanting to see his blue eyes but his sunglasses cover them. “Don’t do that shit ever again. I hate it,” you say instead. 

“Do what?”

“Responding to randoms. I don’t like that, okay?”

“Why not?” 

Can’t he respond properly? What’s with the questions. “None of your fucking business. Just, just don’t answer anyone, or even acknowledge them.”

“Well that’s just rude.”

“And you’re the nicest person alive?” You snicker, once you reach the VIP building, that leads to the observatory and bar upstairs. “Trust me. Your rookie ass has no idea.”

“‘Rookie ass’?” Drew mocks, once you’re in the building. He presses the elevator button, and takes off his sunglasses, hanging them by his button up. “I debuted ten years ago.”

“Not the fucking point,” you say, and see that no reporters or paparazzi were around. You immediately drop his hand and cross your arms, looking away. “And I only did that to sell this stunt.”

The elevator door opens, and you step in quickly, Drew following in. He presses the third floor, the door closing. 

You don’t say a word in the elevator, part of you angry and annoyed. The door opens, and you hurry in. The staff asks for your names, and you give it to her. You ignore the spark in her eyes as she sees the two of you walking together, and leads you to your seats. 

There was a bar area with seats around them, dining tables, and an outdoor balcony area that gave a perfect view of the racetrack and garages. She leads you to the dining area, but Drew buts in. “Could we sit outside?”

You raise an eyebrow at Drew wondering what he's thinking of, and he just ignores your look. “of course,” the staff smiles, taking you to the balcony. 

The two of you sit across each other once you get to your table, and the staff leaves to give you some time to look through the menu. You don’t; instead, you pull your phone out and start scrolling on it. 

Drew, however, looks through the menu and keeps looking around down at the racetrack. Drivers getting ready, and staff rolling the gear out. You’ve been at these races for countless of times, so you’ve gotten used to what goes on here. But Drew? This is definitely his first time here. You chuckle at his widened eyes, as if widening his eyes could get him a better view of downstairs. 

“What?” He turns to you, his expression mean. 

“So obvious that you’ve never been here,” you chuckle.

“And it’s funny?”

“Yes. I’m sober as shit right now, so anything might as well trigger me,” you give him a fake smile, signaling the staff over. She hurries over, and asks for what you would like. “Um, give me five cups of your strongest alcohol drink.”

She nods, and looks over at Drew. “Uh, two lobster and bison ribeyes, and one red wine.”

“Will be right up,” the staff chirps, walking off.

“Two? What, you got a family of four living in there?”

“No; one’s for you,” Drew says. “It would be weird if you didn’t eat and just drank.”

“No one cares,” you say, crossing your arms. 

“I do; can’t have people saying I’m dating an alcoholic.”

“I’m not an alcoholic,” you argue, feeling offended. Yeah you drink, but only because it calms your nerves down. And who is he to judge? He ordered a drink too.

“Really? So people normally wake up and drink what, four five bottles of whiskey? People show up to places smelling like they lived in a basement all their lives? You’re a fucking alcoholic, Y/n,” Drew confronts you. 

You scoff, brushing your hair off your shoulder. “Hey, you’ve only met me for three times. Those three times you just happen to bump into a drunk me. So, don’t accuse people of what they aren’t.”

“The first time we met and you called me a cunt.”

“Because that’s who you are,” you say. “you’re a cunt, and I’m not an alcoholic.”

Drew pokes his tongue against his cheek; your argument sucks. 

“Why are you denying your drinking problem, Y/n? And it’s not just you, but the whole industry. You sure they don’t know a single thing? The people you worked with?”

You look away. Why was he lecturing you right now? Its annoying and it’s getting on your nerves. The last thing you needed was a stranger telling you how to live your life. And while he goes to say something else, you snap at him. “Hey! I didn’t sign up for therapy here. Shut the fuck up. No one knows, okay? Plus, the whole industry knows I’ve been through worse.”

You don’t elaborate; but you’re ninety percent sure he knows. The hell, everyone in this whole world knows. 

The drinks arrive, five pink drinks that you’re sure is yours, and Drew’s red wine. 

You spit the gum into a tissue, then immediately gulping down the first one. You’ve gotten used to the burning feeling that alcohol has, so it was like drinking water. Drew just watches you with his blue eyes, slowly sipping his drink. 

You look over at the paddock. The race is starting, five red lights showing. “Its starting,” you comment to Drew, and he puts his drink down, walking over and leaning against the railing. You look at him with amusement, how he’s watching the race with anticipation. 

You gulp down your second drink, and relax, letting the alcohol slowly take over you. After a few minutes, you feel a bit tipsy, but you get up, standing next to him. “Who do you think will win?” You ask, the alcohol getting you friendly. 

“Max,” Drew replies, looking at the big screen across. “You?”

“Sainz,” you say, since he is your favorite driver and driving the car of the brand you ambassador for. 

“Do you even watch the sport?” He teases, his eyes on the racetrack.

You cross your arms, looking at his side profile, “Ferrari never disappoints.”

“So does Max.”

“Its a new season; anyone can win.”

“Not if you’re in Ferrari.”

“Then let’s bet on it.”

He stays silent, still staring at the racetrack.

“Didn’t take you as a gambler as well,” he says after a few seconds. 

“Well, are you scared to lose?” You tease, shrugging your shoulders. 

Drew turns and looks at you amused, his blue eyes staring deeply into yours. Gosh, why does he have to have the most gorgeous shade of blue to be his eye color? He shrugs too, smirking. “No; just scared that you’ll turn into a vicious bitch when you lose.”

You roll your eyes, before looking around for something to bet on. But your eyes land on his phone on the table. Then, you thought of an idea. “Loser, has to post a picture on their instagram of the winner. Caption and photo of the winner’s choice.”

Drew’s eyes widen, but he nods, holding his hand out. You take it, and you shake on it. You walk over and drown the third drink down your throat. The alcohol was definitely working, because you feel friendlier next to Drew. See? Alcohol does help one’s mental, and in your case, it makes you an entirely different person. One that’s nice and less moody. Of course, Drew notices it. But he doesn’t comment on it, knowing sober you would bash at him like crazy. 

You spot his phone, and you hand it over to him. “Since you’re going to lose, why don’t you take some pictures of me?”

Drew raises an eyebrow at you in amusement, taking the phone. You just smile at him, leaning against the railing, getting some poses ready. Drew reluctantly walks across from you, and does the craziest pose in order to get a photo of you. It actually causes you to laugh, and you cover it with your mouth. 

And that gets Drew smiling too. Feeling tipsy, you definitely thought you were seeing things. You calm yourself down, continuing to serve face for the photos he’s taking right now. 

Aw. The image of a perfect couple? Completely sold.

——

The internet goes crazy once again.

First was Drew’s visit to your set. Second was the confirmation of the relationship. Third? The hard launch that you posted. 

A picture of Drew, who’s hugging you from the back, his arms wrapped around your neck. His face is pressed besides yours, and he’s making the most lovestruck face to the camera. And so are you. Well, with the help of alcohol, you’re smiling as if Drew’s the best thing that’s ever happened to you. 

With the caption, “Mine.”

Drew smiles proudly while staring at the instagram post, your first post in five years. He glances over at you in the car, only to see that you’ve fallen asleep, your head resting against the window. He reaches over and carefully moves your head to lay on his shoulder, thinking it would be more comfortable. 

You’re deep in sleep that you don’t even care, and Drew just stiffens his posture, to make sure even his smallest movements won’t wake you up. 

While you sleep, Drew just continues to stare at the photos he took of you today, an unexpected smile on his face. Which was just weird, so fucking weird. 

-------------------------------

word count: 2.5k

ִ ࣪𖤐 a/n: does the ending look familiar? 😚 hoped you enjoyed the first date with Drew! i saw new photos of him at loewe he looked tooooo good. edited till late last night bc i was so excited for you guys to read this one! (also, i'm a big fan of f1, and wondering if there's any sainz fans here other than me.) anyways, like/share/comment to show support! thanks for reading babes <3