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barbararomance · 2 years ago

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my lover, you x dtqk

synopsis! being in a relationship with the dtqk / separate!!

read me! likes, feedbacks, and especially reblogs are highly appreciated; come talk to me if you wanna repost my writings on other sites please. very soft stuff, light cursing, and all the love from your barbara mwah - should i do this with other people too lmk!! / leave a request

word count! written in bullet / hc form! 5 bullets each!

dream "suspicious that everyone who sees you wants you"

he's caring and a bubble of chaotic energy, mans likes to see you giggle so he kids around with you when the two of you are alone

the two of you on the couch just cuddling with patches, your hand lost in his fluffy hair and just snuggled up in each others warmth

hearing him yell while he's filming for twitch or youtube, him flexing him to the guys and them just loving you.

he plays around with george right? acting possessive and all, but that just radiates protective and will fight anyone who insults or hurts you boyfriend kinda vibes. i mean you've seen him on twitter right?

mildly jealous, supports your dreams lol dream will 100% not cheat. he treats you with respect unless you like being disrespected o_0

george "i take this magnetic force of a man to be my lover"

gentleman and eye candy.

millions of stupid, quirky, funky, images of the two of you together on his phone - to keep in track of your beautiful relationship.

likes to go on walks, holding hands. matching clothes!! wearing the iconic goggles together <33

you help him with his job sometimes and he helps you with yours! george gets you this cute techy e-card that says you make his world more colorful for an anniversary and your heart just melts

i think with time, communication with george becomes more and more efficient - he's sorta shy at first and then he'll eventually share tmi with you for shits and giggles.

sapnap "you'll save all your dirtiest jokes for me"

you're his sweet cuddlebug. little dirty talk to make you blush and see you get shy.

he listens to you go about your day and you guys laugh about stupid shit you find on the internet, sends you memes that reminds him of you cause you do be on his mind 24/7.

going on road trips, vibing with him without a specific place to go to in mind really - y'all would go to a fucking minecraft inspired place, y'all would go to the ends of the damn earth, as long as y'all are together y'all would be down to go anywhere.

discord calls, skype videocall, chitchatting from the latest of nights to the earliest of mornings with him.

wearing his clothes, and him just staring at you with the softest look in his eyes - just for him to remind you in the cheesiest high pitched voice "you better wash that before giving it back, sweets" with an eerie smile and wide eyes

quackity "swear to be overdramatic and true to my lover"

playful, charming, and growing smile lines because of him always cracking you up.

two swifties in love >< / the two of you having a lot of inside jokes and people mentioning them unknowingly making the two of you snicker at each other

always checks up on you and tells you about his day, taking care of him and cheering him up - giving him energy to study and cooking him his favorite!

ngl the biggest simp. not really, but he likes to spoil you. period.

you are honored and blessed to see his gorgeous smile endlessly.

karl "all's well that ends well to end up with you"

attentive and sweet.

likes to make fun of you, in a non insulting way of course. he easily matches energies with you, loves to get into whatever you're into and spend quality time together

remembers details, likes to note things you like so he doesn't forget and when you mention something that makes him remember something he tells you; it just warms your heart

you get to meet cool people you love through him, but at the end of the day he's still the coolest.

dancing in the middle of the night, lip syncing to the most random song together and just having a blast with your boyfriend

#dtqk imagine #dtqk x reader #dtqk headcanons #dtqk #dtqk x you #barbararomance wrote this!

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jamaiskookie · 4 years ago

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i would like more soundcloud rapper yoongi x idol y/n please it’s so cute

v-live alert! -myg

pairing: idol! y/n x soundcloud rapper! yoongi

wc; 2.9k

a/n: lots of you asked, and so you shall receive. ps, i wrote this really rushed but i kinda love it. lmk what you think, love you guys <3

[V LIVE] Surprise LIVE!

the v-live notification. or, more accurately, the sound of war. alternatively, you dance around your studio on a livestream and yoongi has a mental breakdown.

masterlist PREV

“i miss you too!“ you say, replying to one of the first comments that pop up on the live.

you probably should’ve showered before going live... and you probably should’ve changed out of sweats.

whatever.

it’s not like your fans haven’t seen this before.

half of your pre-debut pictures are just downright disgusting.

the number of viewers on the top of your phone begins to climb up to the thousands, increasing every half a second.

it always amazes you how many people show up to your lives. sometimes you wonder if your fans genuinely have nothing better to do. how do they always show up so fast?

the comments begin to flood with greetings and exclamations of ‘oh my god i’m so early!11!1’ and the multicoloured heart pop up on your screen, building up an impressive stream of likes.

“where am i?“ you read through the comments and look around, as if you forgot where you were. “in the studio.“ you grin when the comments flood with questions asking if dreamcloud is getting new music.

you can’t answer, of course, but it’s fun to see. you squint at your phone, which is propped on an elaborate setup that you spent the past twenty minutes preparing.

(three books on one eyeshadow palette and a selfie stick gingerly placed on a small stool)

((you pray to every deity out there that it won’t fall))

“i was just bored,“ you shrug, speaking to the screen. “so i decided to come on here and talk to you guys. how have you been?“ you ask.

hundreds of comments answer.

“i’m alright“

“i’m good!“

most of them contain some form of sappy declaration like ‘my day is much better now that you’re here!’ it makes you smile. how cute.

the v-live notification.

or, more accurately, the sound of war.

that cursed, terrible ding! haunts yoongi’s darkest and most terrifying nightmares. the sheer amount of panic that rushes through his veins when he hears that godforsaken noise, god.

the number of lives he’s missed- yoongi can’t even bear to think about it.

so maybe it was a blessing in disguise that yoongi put his phone on do not disturb so he didn’t have to hear that disgusting sound. instead, he found out the news via a gorilla’s screech.

“Y/N’S LIVE RIGHT NOW STARTED FOURTY SECONDS AGO HURRY UP YOONGI GET YOUR ASS UP AND STOP STUDYI-“ jimin yells from his room down the hall.

yoongi almost falls out of his chair scrambling to get to his phone. it’s not like he was really studying anyways- more like using his pencils to tap out a cool-sounding beat on his desk out of boredom.

watching your live > passing his music theory class.

priorities.

with shaky hands, he grabs at his phone, slumping onto the floor and he sees the familiar blue icon with the notification popped up on the screen.

[V LIVE] Surprise LIVE! Y/N: let’s chat <3

an unnatural squeak that slightly resembles the sound a mouse slips out of yoongi’s mouth.

even when he was a baby starrie and was glued to his phone at all times, he’s never been this early to a live. he unlocks his phone, cursing his momentary clumsiness. he clicks into the live, smiling when your beaming face blasts up on his screen.

you haven’t gone live in so long- it’s nice to see your face again.

“- how have you been?“

“good.“ yoongi types out in the comment box, mumbling the words as he’s typing. “way better now that you’re live.“ sometimes yoongi cringes at himself when he types these things. i mean, who could possibly guess that min yoongi, resident scary-emo-couldslapyouintheface bad boy socially un-responsible simped over a k-pop idol?

he can already see his reputation go down the drain.

he also wonders what it says about himself that he’s a 20-something college student who’s life practically revolves around you, an idol who’s just about a year younger than him.

but dreamcloud is a part of his identity now. he identifies as a starrie no matter what. you know how the old saying goes-

once you stan, you can’t unstan. or something like that, he’s honestly not sure.

you tuck your head onto your hand, diligently trying to keep up with all the comment. with a gasp, you nod at something. “oh, you’re right, user yoonalova98!” - that’s another thing special about you. whenever you read out comments, you also read out the username of whoever wrote it.

you explained in one interview- that it’s cooler to give credit and talk to your fans as if you’re just chatting as friend. saying the username feels like you’re saying their names.

what kind of lucky fan would get their comment read aloud by Y/N?

ugh.

yoongi blinks when he remembers that technically, he’s sort of part of this group of elite, recognised fans.

his twitter stan account got almost five thousand more followers after Y/N replied to his selca. the post itself has tons and tons of likes and retweets.

insane, that Y/N- Y/N herself- knows of his existence. Y/N- the love of his life, has seen his FACE. she commented three HEART emojis below a selfie that he took.

if he thinks about it too much, he’ll start feeling faint again.

“our anniversary is coming up soon! i can’t believe it’s been three years already. time does pass by when you’re having fun.“ you say. yoongi thinks that it’s rather ironic that you would forget your anniversary, when yoongi’s had a calendar countdown to January 14th since the beginning of september.

“ahh,“ you say, leaning in closer to the screen. “from user lialiarach, ‘did you watch jisoo unnie’s acting debut’ - i did! we all watched it and cheered her on during the premiere!“

jisoo’s new drama is good. it’s a fantasy-horror blend, and he, jimin, namjoon and jin finished all 16 episodes in two days when streaming hit Netflix.

your head tilts and you smile. “song recommendations?” you wonder aloud, and yoongi scrambles to get a pen and notepad out. you don’t do ‘y/n’s listening parties’ as much anymore, but your taste in music is impeccable and he collects all the songs in a playlist.

it’s called ‘wedding tunes’ (jimin named it, not him, yoongi swears)

everytime he tries to change it back, it somehow switches back to wedding tunes the next day.

it’s disturbing how good jimin is at this kind of stuff. hopefully yoongi won’t have to bail him out of jail one day.

“okay!“ you say, pulling your laptop open. you hum as you scroll through some page that yoongi can’t see- and he anxiously waits for the first song to be played with twitchy hands and a strong grip on his pen.

the first bar plays out and yoongi’s already in love.

“this is,“ you say over the music, double checking just to make sure. “don’t need your love by NCT...“ you squint. god knows there are too many NCT members. “dream! NCT dream featuring HRVY.“

“NCT dream...“ yoongi mumbles to himself, writing the song down on the notepad.

“you know,“ you say over the music, spinning in your chair and nodding to the beat. “i’ve only met the NCT guys a couple times at music shows and such but they’re all so nice. i can’t remember all their names, but i’m decently familiar with their faces. how do they even have 23 members? how does it all work??“

you dance around the studio, singing along nonsensical lyrics that don’t make sense but sort of fit the rhythm of the song (??)

“don’t need your loo-ooove-!!! dum dum duhhhh duhros noya!!!” yoongi stifles a laugh. there’s a reason why you constantly forget lyrics on stage.

which is quite ironic, actually, because half the time you’re forgetting the lyrics to a song you wrote yourself.

afterwards, you play all the hidden gems- and yoongi’s proud to say he’s familiar with quite a few of them.

airplane by j-hope (a youtube star turned successful rapper-vocalist-dancer)

sweet night by v (the internet’s resident eye-candy)

and then you continue to scroll through your laptop, biting your lip and murmuring quietly to yourself. you glance once back at your phone screen.

okay, listen.

yoongi knows that he’s delusional, okay?

but everytime you look straight in the screen it’s almost like you’re looking directly at the camera it’s almost like you’re staring into his soul. which makes zero sense, but it still makes his heart skip a beat.

let him dream, please

“what am i scrolling through?“ you say, reciting a question from the chat. “soundcloud, user chachachae.“

soundcloud?

oh.

that’s pretty cool.

he didn’t know you had a soundcloud account!

you usually post all your covers and random shorts to instagram or another one of your personal blogs.

for a moment, yoongi indulges himself by wondering if you’d ever listened to his music. his soundcloud account is linked in his twitter bio, after all...

but he shakes those thoughts away as fast as they came. he doesn’t need to entertain himself with such silly thoughts.

“ooh, this one’s good!“ you say, clicking onto something.

still with you by JAYKAY (pffftt haihdkahjd) starts playing and you lean back, humming along. yoongi knows this one too!! now he’s 3 for 3!! he and you do share a similar taste in music, so maybe it does make sense.

even though you’re actually main vocalist and lead dancer, you do listen to a lot of rap music. but the music you make is nothing like the old school hip hop tracks that yoongi is partial to.

the music you make- how can he explain it?

sweet like honey with a little bit of tang.

like barbecue honey!!!!

ok that was a bad analogy.

all of his favourite dreamcloud tracks are written by you- cloud nine, up in the sky, are u still here, quicksand- the list goes on and on and on.

it’s like listening to your voice solves anything he goes against. bad day? dreamcloud. something to celebrate? blast your debut song. in need of a party song? easy fix. he gets aux cord rights? (granted, this doesn’t happen very often, since seokjin insists that his music taste is superior to his friends.) but anyways, y/n can fix it.

listening to your voice feels comforting. it invokes something in him that he honestly cannot explain with words. you’re his inspiration. not just in music- but in life. he admires how you’re able to smile through anything, how you take responsibility for your own actions.

he admires your kind heart, which offers generosity and forgiveness to even the most underserving people.

he admires your passion, for music, for your members, for the smallest things. he admires how you’ll love everyone and anyone.

even though he’s never really met you, he feels like he knows you. he wishes he could, anyways. he wants to thank the person who’s gotten him through such bad days.

yoongi curses himself again for being so delusional.

he keeps telling himself that he can’t get so attached. then he’ll end up like one of those creepy fans who are convinced their idols actually like them.

blech.

“okay, next song!“ you exclaim cheerfully. “i really like this one, guys. he’s this soundcloud star. he makes really cool music.“ yoongi readies his pen. if this person really is a soundcloud star, then there’s a high chance yoongi knows of him. a smaller chance that he actually knows the guy personally; either online or from real life.

you press the space bar almost obnoxiously, like you’re about to reveal something grand. you look into the camera, and you lock eyes with yoongi- through that cursed, horrible screen.

the first note plays and yoongi thinks that it sounds... oddly familiar, actually. for a moment, he sighs in disappointment. this one doesn’t sound as great as the previous few songs. almost like it’s incomplete, imperfect. something about it bugs him at the very bottom of his gut.

jimin figures it out before he does.

“AHHHHHHHHH YOONGI!!! OH MY GOD-!!!! YOONGI ARE YOU SEEING THIS? YOONGI!! HYUNG!“ yoongi grumbles, wondering what the hell jimin is screeching about now.

“oh, for fuck’s sake,“ he mumbles. the difference between him and jimin is the way they express their emotions. while yoongi bottles it all up, choosing to deal with things alone and slump around, jimin has no other choice but to scream things out. it’s a wonder they’re such good friends, really. “what is it now?“ yoongi mutters to himself.

“yeah yeah, a gentle breeze- “ and then it hits him. all at once.

“holy fucking shit.“ he whispers to himself, slumping down on the floor. he can barely hear what you say next.

“this song is called people by agust d. he goes by the name suga on social media-!“ yoongi falls down, gasping for air. “i’m a fan,“ you remark casually. “mr. suga producer-nim!! i’m your fan! please continue to make good music!“ you chuckle. “what am i doing right now? he probably isn’t even watching.“ you stare innocently at the phone camera, as if you don’t even know that you’re changing someone’s life right now.

out of his peripheral vision, he can see jimin rushing into the room, crouching next to him and placing a hand on his back, murmuring something yoongi can’t hear through the sound of his sobs.

huh. when did he even start crying?

“he makes rap and really cool hip hop music. you guys should give him a listen. his lyrics are really meaningful, too.“ you nod along, reciting the lyrics word for word- even though you really can’t rap.

“what kind of person am I? am I a good person? or a bad person? many of ways to judge just a person. everyone will live on, everyone will love, everyone will fade away“ you headbang along to the beat.

yoongi slides down the wall inch by inch. he wonders if he’ll faint or vomit first.

other people seem to make fun of people like him- people who find solace in idols, in music. that’s partially why he doesn’t like disclosing the fact that he’s a diehard fan of an idol girl group.

but in hindsight, that’s so stupid. who gives two fucks about his interests? hell, yoongi’s been depressed half his life. and if a group of girls who sing songs and perform make him feel better, what’s so wrong with that?

jimin’s voice is a little clearer now, and so is yours. you’re singing along to the lyrics- the lyrics that he wrote. the lyrics that he spent hours agonising over, wondering whether his shortcomings and anxiety in his life were worth posting on the internet for his measly following to see.

wondering if the music he made had any impact at all, if one day he might see his dream come true, to see his music being played in public. wondering if anyone might hear his songs and think that it helped them get over a bad day. just like you have for him.

yoongi’s sobs wrack through his body, tears flowing freely on his face. he’s crying hard. ugly crying, like a baby throwing a temper tantrum. his cries echo through the room. if he could see himself right now...

well, he doesn’t want to think about it. he’s sure it’s not a pretty view.

jimin looks over him, smiling proudly. his eyes are glassy, and he tucks yoongi’s head in his chest, putting his arms around him and embracing him.

yoongi’s shoulders shake. if it was any other day, he would usher jimin out the room. he hates it when people see him being vulnerable. even his own family hasn’t seen him cry that much.

but right now, he can’t bring himself to do anything but cry. other people may ask why this is such a big deal, why someone emotionally constipated like min yoongi would cry like this for such a small matter.

this, he doesn’t know how to explain either.

all he can think about is how much it means to him. that someone he admires so much is now, in turn, saying his music- no, his life- is good. nothing much else. but just knowing that you’ve listened to his work, that you know of his alter ego’s name...

his crying sounds grow larger.

jimin pets at his hair. “shh,” he murmurs. “it’s okay.” jimin’s voice also grows a little shaky. he tears up, but continues to comfort the crying boy in his arms. “you did it, hyung. it’s okay. you made it. you did it. why are you crying? this is good news! this is so great! i’m proud of you, we’re all so proud of you.”

yoongi tries to speak; it doesn’t go very well. but when he tries again, he manages to choke something out.

“i did it.“ he says, before burying his face back into jimin’s hug. the two boys sit on the ground, crying together. an hour passes, then two.

slowly, yoongi drifts off to bed on the ground, the melody of his own song blended with sound of your voice echoing in his head.

my ordinary became your special, my special became your ordinary. so what? what if you just brush by? what if you get hurt? sometimes you might get hurt again, sometimes you might shed tears. so what? so what if you live like that?

~ people by agust d

tags; @jksbbyfacebunny @extremeobsessions101 @dwcljh @stonyiscanon @bishuthot @s0seo @cecedrake2217

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psych0midget · 5 years ago

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Secret Stan Account AU Part 2

Part 1

It doesn’t take long for people to figure out that A. Minyard’s book is dedicated to Neil Josten. NEIL FREAKING JOSTEN. Like Neil Josten, the one and only exy player who can play every position? He’s a formidable backliner, a precise dealer (though he hates the position, fiercely) and one of the most promising strikers of the exy panorama? That Neil Josten? Oh. My. God.

Neil has thousands, millions of fans out there. But he had seriously underestimated it. It doesn’t take long for his fans to put two and two together, realise that he has a secret stan account and start looking for it.

It also doesn’t take them long to find it, not when Neil didn’t have the foresight of using a fake name on twitter. There are only so many book twt accounts run by someone called Neil.

Most of his fans are excited about it. Some are not. Especially when they realise that his account is also a Kevin Day stan account.

It’s a pr nightmare, that’s what Allison tells him as soon as he picks up the phone. She tries to keep everything under control, but by the time Neil’s done with the meetings, the interviews and all the unnecessary drama, he opens up Twitter only to find out that his stan account has been deleted.

And so has Drew’s.

Neil curses. He hadn’t had time to text Drew and tell him that he’d seen the dedication. And Drew, or rather A. Minyard has no official social medias. He’s fucked, he’s well and truly fucked.

The only source of info is the website of Drew’s publisher. But there’s a just a short bio saying that A. Minyard is a 27 year old author from Columbia. Has three cats and knows how to use knives, he swears the fight scenes in his books are all real. There’s also a photo and it’s the portrait of a blond man with eyes the color of honey staring impassively at the camera. And It’s the only thing Neil has left of Drew.

Jean Moreau gets back home only to find his roommate looking at his laptop, tabs and tabs and tabs open on his desktop. There’s a cup of coffee on the ground, a half-eaten sandwich on the rug (!!!) and a phone book (he had no idea those things still existed in 2019) on the sofa.

Jean ushers Jeremy inside the apartment, closes the door behind them and sighs. “Have you tried calling your uncle yet?” he asks. “I tried, but it’s 3am in the UK, he’s not picking up.”

Jean had meant it as a joke. A joke. Jean will kill Neil if the FBI doesn’t kill him first. “You tried calling the British mafia just to find your internet boyfriend? Are you nuts?”

Neil, the bastard, doesn’t even look sorry.

Jean almost starts shaking as he tries NOT to throw a chair at Neil’s, but Jeremy wraps his arm around his waist and rubs slow circles on his hip till he calms down. God bless Jeremy, god bless Jeremy especially when he says “You know Minyard’s doing a book tour right? He should be in Chicago next week, you could always show up there?”.

And Neil, Neil who’s lost his fucking mind for a guy he became friends with on twitter, finally relaxes his shoulders and looks at Jeremy like he’s hung the moon. (Jean is going to murder Neil if he keeps staring at his boyfriend like that.)

Neil goes to the M&G with Minyard in Chicago. He pretends he’s not nervous, but he is. If the endless queue in front of the book shop is any indication, this won’t go down well.

And in fact it doesn’t.

It doesn’t because the fans recognize him, they start asking for selfies and autographs and all hell breaks loose. When Minyard finally appears he just glares at him, at the caos around him and tells him to fuck off. Nothing more, nothing less.

Jean welcomes him home with a bottle of vodka and Neil doesn’t drink, but he’s with Jean and Jean knows everything about him. He downs more than half a bottle before he finally passes out on the sofa.

Neil wakes up to the sound of his phone pinging and pinging and pinging. There’s phone calls, texts, more phone calls and hundreds, probably thousands of twitter notifications. Apparently, drunk Neil had tweeted “a mynyard s a douche” from his official account. Neil groans. Allison is gonna kill him.

Turns out that it’s Kevin Day who tries to kill him.

It goes like this.

When Neil had said that Kevin Day could punch him in the face and he’d thank him, he hadn’t meant it l i t e r a l l y.

And yet he’s at the Christmas gala with his team in South Carolina. He’d thought the 12-hour drive drom Chicago to Columbia would be the worst part of it. But apparently Kevin Day is set on changing his mind.

Neil doesn’t even get to say “Hi” to him before Kevin grabs the collar of his shirt and hoists him up against the wall. He almost chokes him. But it’s the words he utters that really do the thing. “Don’t you ever insult my brother again.”

It’s Nicky Hemmick, the Seakings’ physio, who picks him up off the floor as soon as Kevin leaves. “What the fuck’s wrong with him?” Neil asks while Nicky’s busy checking Kevin hasn’t seriously hurt him. “He’s just a protective asshole.” “But I don’t even know who’s his brother.” “Ever heard of A Minyard?”

And that fucker winks at him, he winks at him.

Neil tells himself that Nicky deserves it when he pushes him away and makes a run for Kevin. If he runs fast enough, he should be able to get to him before Kevin leaves the building. The problem is that, when he catches up to Kevin, he doesn’t even think twice before shouting “I didn’t know he was your brother, but in my defence he really is a douche.”

This time there’s nobody who can help him when Kevin punches him in the face and knocks him out. Sometimes Neil wishes he was born mute.

Things only escalate from that moment on.

Neil wakes up on a hospital bed, Minyard staring down at him. Maybe it’s the painkillers. It must be the painkillers. But he’s pretty sure he hears Minyard saying “if it wasn’t for Andrew, I would’ve left you to die and blamed Kevin,” before he blacks out again.

The second time he wakes up, he just thinks he’s still hallucinating (or maybe he’s dead?) because he sees double. There’s two Minyards staring down at him. He doesn’t even try to make sense of what he’s seeing, he just closes his eyes.

The third time he wakes up, he sees Kevin on his bedside and Neil tries to fake his own death. The ECG beating next to his bed betrays him, though. “I’ve been told I have to apologise if I don’t want a knife between my ribs.”

Kevin begins telling him that he is the adoptive brother of Drew, also known as Andrew Minyard. Who also happens to have a twin brother, Aaron Minyard, neurologist by day and fake-Andrew by night. Who didn’t really like the idea of anyone lying to his twin. That’s why he’d been rude to him in Chicago.

And would he please, please, talk with Andrew because he’s become insufferable since Neil had stopped texting him? He’s been threatening to kill Aaron at least twice as much as he used to.

“He even said that he’s miscalculated everything, you had a crush on me and didn’t like him at all -“ “Fuck’s sake NO, I wouldn’t touch your pompous ass with ten feet pole.”

And it’s at that point that Andrew barges into the hospital room telling Kevin to shut up. Looks Neil in the eyes, says “you just because of what you said to Kevin” and then he kisses him. He kisses him.

Years and years later, after some more pining, thousands of kisses and a key to an apartment in Chicago, Andrew would say that he had not done such a thing. But he had, oh he had.

Years and years later Andrew would also admit that the main character of the Tragic Waste of Skin saga was actually inspired by Neil. Apparently, he’d seen Neil’s face on one of Kevin’s sports mags, he’d read the transcript of the interview that had made a goalkeeper cry on tv and he hadn’t been able to stop thinking about him.

Years and years later Andrew would write the final book of his saga. The dedication would say: “To Neil, Marry me? Yes or no? Drew”

Years and years later Neil would tweet from his official account “a minyard’s still a douche”. Attached to the tweet a photo of Andrew glaring at the camera with his hands wrapped around a cup of hot chocolate, a wedding ring on his finger.

#all for the game #aftg #andreil #tfc #aftg fic #andreil fic #andreil au #mine*

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coindraws · 5 years ago

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Idk what this is, just going to be me babbling because I don't want to get out of bed and do uni stuff oopsie. I'll put it under a read more anyway.

Let's call this a little life update because I can't seem to shut up and it's my blog after all and if you came here for art only then now’s not your time hehe

The last few weeks have been pretty much a blur for me, there's just so much going on, wow. Both in real life and online... Lots of university stuff and the upcoming exams don't really make it better. I only have two written ones and I don't know if I'll even attempt the second one, I'll have to talk to the prof on Monday if that's still possible for me. Been planning a short vacation after exams with a friend as well, because I need to get away from here and chill for a few days, lmao. After that I'm not entirely sure when I'll drive back to Bavaria again, I miss my friends there and it hurts 😔

I have to say, though, university is only half as bad as I imagined it to be. Sure, I've already tried studying but that particular thing just wasn't for me and that made things a lot more difficult. I think I can really say that I like studying history as far as "liking university" is even applicable. I swear, everybody who says studying is so much fun is lying, I won't accept that for even a second.

Also been procrastinating on cleaning my room for such a long time but I'm always so exhausted. Might do so next week since I'll barely have any lessons. It's driving me nuts, I hate living in an dirty environment, even when it's my own fault.

Apart from that, I haven't been drawing thaaaat much either. That's probably connected to me being exhausted and tired all the time as well with me working on university stuff. Anyhow, could also be that I've been overwhelmed by small things a lot lately. Might as well turn off anon asks or close my inbox completely for a few days. If I decide to disable anon asks, then that might be for a longer period of time.

Sure, that sucks for shy people wanting to say things to me, but nowadays it has become more of a curse than a blessing.

I'm not trying to be rude, I just don't like the development lately. People hiding behind the anonymous function, so they don't have to face any consequences for their actions if it backfires. I'm out here putting my name everywhere and others don't... Kind of feels weird since in the end there will always be my name attached to it if I want it or not.

That's also one of the reasons why I kind of started keeping things more to myself again. I don't want to deal with weird comments. Don't get me wrong, I love joking around, but it's a very thin line when it comes to complete strangers doing the same about me. I'll always give the benefit of the doubt and be one of the first to say "They didn't mean it like that", but sometimes it's really hard. Especially when it's things that get sent to me anonymously. A few months back I posted everything I drew, but that has changed. There's just some things I don't want to deal with, especially when it's stuff concerning my art, which is something very personal and very dear to me. You be the judge if you're missing out on it or not. It'll stay like this for a while and I'll keep observing how things develop. For the moment though I'm a little more careful with what I post and what stays away from the internet. This sounds so cryptic, almost like I'm hoarding forbidden lewds or so, but that's not the case I swear 😂

All I want is that people think twice if they make a comment or not. It's different when you try to joke with complete strangers on the internet. Sure, one might think they know that person since they've been following them for months, but that person might not know them. It just comes across in very different ways in my eyes.

Also some of y'all have no manners it seems like so I'm just saying 🧐

Apart from that, been working on a secret project hehe. Don't know when I'll make it public, but will happen one day. Or hopefully that is, but I'm sure I'll push through.

Oops, I sound like a whiny brat again this is my cue to leave my bed and work on uni stuff ✌🏻

#laber net

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devinsfm · 5 years ago

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joe keery. cis male. he/him. ／ jack devin just pulled up blasting video killed the radio star by the buggles — that song is so them ! you know, for a twenty - four year old radio show host, i’ve heard they’re really impulsive, but that they make up for it by being so captivating. if i had to choose three things to describe them, i’d probably say obscure vintage horror comics, blurry photographs of mysterious figures in the woods, and vivid descriptions of spine - chilling tales . here’s to hoping they don’t cause too much trouble ! ( sam, 23, est, she/her )

hey there, demons ! *ba tum tss* i’m sam and i never do this, but i really felt like it was time for a change, so i drew lots of inspiration from some of my favorite ocs and i love what i’ve come up with ! character info is under the cut and please feel free to message me if you would like to plot !

i. stats

𝔣𝔲𝔩𝔩 𝔫𝔞𝔪𝔢: jackson willard devin

𝔭𝔯𝔢𝔣𝔢𝔯𝔯𝔢𝔡 𝔫𝔞𝔪𝔢𝔰: jack, spooky guy, the night watchman

𝔥𝔬𝔪𝔢𝔱𝔬𝔴𝔫: salem, massachusetts

𝔡𝔞𝔱𝔢 𝔬𝔣 𝔟𝔦𝔯𝔱𝔥: ocotber 31st, 1995

𝔷𝔬𝔡𝔦𝔞𝔠: scorpio

𝔬𝔯𝔦𝔢𝔫𝔱𝔞𝔱𝔦𝔬𝔫: demisexual

𝔬𝔠𝔠𝔲𝔭𝔞𝔱𝔦𝔬𝔫: host of the graveyard shift, a radio program airing every weeknight from 12am to 5am

𝔭𝔬𝔰. 𝔱𝔯𝔞𝔦𝔱𝔰: captivating, witty, resolute.

𝔫𝔢𝔤. 𝔱𝔯𝔞𝔦𝔱𝔰: impulsive, gauche, naive.

ii. history

jackson willard “jack” devin was born on halloween day ( yes, really ) in salem massachusetts ( yes, really ). his mother stayed home with him as he was growing up while his father is a boston cop turned sheriff of the county and he’s an only child.

outside of the popular tourist spots, his hometown has a very close - knit, stuck in the 80s vibe. it’s the sort of place where everyone knows everyone for their entire lives because no one ever leaves and no one new ever moves in. phone and internet signals are nearly impossible to come by, so the local arcade and the video store still have quite a booming business in the year 2020. jack grew up in a not - so - typical small town suburban gothic environment, his dad’s income being just enough for them to get by every month.

he was an energetic kid who cycled through all sorts of interests, trying out everything from little league ( disaster ) to music lessons ( not as much of a disaster, but he wound up getting bored of it ). nothing seemed to really stick until he got his first horror comic : a vintage issue of tales from the crypt with tattered, yellowing pages. he was five years old and paid five cents for it at an elderly neighbor’s yard sale and from that moment on he was hooked. it started with the comics, but he quickly expanded his horizons to movies, books, and television in the genre of horror.

he got intro drawing and that was the only thing besides his newfound interest in horror that he could sit still for. at first he would just try to re - draw the panels in his comic books, but soon he was drawing anything and everything that caught his interest and he was getting good. he was being homeschooled by his mother at the time, but once friends and family and, well, everyone took notice of his skill, they were encouraging his parents to nurture his talent.

his parents fought about it. his dad didn’t see the value in his skill and wanted him to instead focus on academics, aspiring towards his son one day becoming a lawyer or a businessman or even following in his footsteps. jack never wanted that for himself. he was homeschooled by his mom up until then and she believed in him. it was with her blessing that he would go to a real school for the first time at the age of fourteen, starting off his freshman year at a high school that was a thirty minute train ride away in boston and catered exclusively to youth who demonstrated an exceptional talent in some area of the fine arts.

jack did well in school, but his grades probably would have been a lot better still if he didn’t start purposely acting out as his relationship with his dad got worse and worse. he started skipping classes, getting caught trespassing in cemeteries at 2am, and smoking a lot of weed.

when it came time for college, jack planned to attend art school. he swears he did. he looked a few schools on the west coast to get away from his dad for a few years yikes and planned to apply, but on the deadline date he got so high that he forgot to submit his portfolios. yes, really.

he loaded up his van ( a turquiose monstrosity he painted to look like the mystery machine ) and headed out to california anyway after telling his parents that he would be attending UCLA. of course, they quickly found it that it was a lie and his dad was furious. the two got into a huge fight over the phone and things were said. the result is that jack and his father haven’t spoken to each other ever since.

he did lots of odd jobs while he was on the road and basically lived in his van, which didn’t change right away when he decided to settle in LA, but he eventually got a job fetching coffee for the late night employees at a local radio station.

it was the typical, cliché story : the regular late night host called out of work at the last minute, there was no one else around and they were going to be on air in ten seconds. jack was thrown in front of the microphone and told to think fast !

he did, and the listeners loved him for it. whether it was his ramblings about horror movies or his thick boston accent or his reckless use of swear words on live radio, he turned out to be a massive hit. the successful night earned him a gig as an occasional substitute deejay, and with each broadcast he grew more and more popular, and about two years ago he was finally given his own program.

the graveyard shift is a radio program that airs every weeknight from 12am - 5am in the los angeles area and on apps such as iheartradio. jack hosts the show as his ( thinly veiled ) alter ego the night watchmen and discusses topics such as the paranormal, conspiracy theories, and all things horror. it’s one of the most popular programs of the time slot in the country.

it’s something that he never expected or picturing himself doing, but now he can’t imagine doing anything else. he’s become really passionate about revitalizing the field and bringing radio into the 21st century. he signed a HUGE contract with the studio when his show first started and now he’s a quite well known radio personality in the area and across the country.

iii. extras

huge stoner. high as fuck 90% of the time, and the other 10% of the time he’s probably still high, just not as fuck.

well known for his on air antics. he’ll light a joint in the middle of his radio show, he’ll prank call a friend and broadcast it to the entire city, he’ll curse in every single sentence and skate by on the after hours excuse when he’s reprimanded for it. he’s so outlandish and bizarre and like nothing that’s ever been heard on the radio before, and it just draws people in.

he often seems shy in person, but it’s more like he’s just a little socially awkward, something which also shines through in occasional non - malicious but blunt remarks and general lack of regard for what people think of him. he really just...doesn’t care.

genuinely seems to believe it’s either halloween day and / or the year 1986 at any given moment as that’s about as recent as his pop culture references get. he’s never heard of the k*rdashians, he doesn’t know what the mcu is, and the phrase yeet means absolutely nothing to him. mention any of it to him and he’ll just stare blankly bc he honestly doesn’t have a clue.

HOWEVER, he did start the area 51 meme from last summer. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

still draws. especially if he has to still for a stretch of time, then he’ll take out his latest sketchbook ( he goes through a lot of them ) and start doodling. he’s still quite good, mostly in his favored comic - esque style.

BIG CHAOTIC ENERGY and ZERO IMPULSE CONTROL

a chatterbox with friends but don’t be fooled...he’s been giving his own dad the silent treatment for almost seven ( 7 ) years now. it’s his preferred method of expressing anger towards someone because he isn’t really a fan of confrontation, but he’s maybe a liiiittle bit stubborn.

most of the time he’s a really easygoing person, a good friend and very loyal to the people he cares about. well - meaning, not the best at advice but he’s more likely to try and cheer a person up anyway.

he has a pet pied ball python named the crypt keeper ( tkc for short ) who he sometimes just carries with him because he likes to just chill wrapped around jack’s hand and arm.

iv. wanted connections

maternal or paternal cousins ( their grandparents probably live in boston or new england but otherwise anything goes for this )

close friends

friends

guests on his radio show

fans / haters of his radio show

people who don’t like him / find him annoying

exes ( 1 - 2, can be on good or bad terms )

“casually dating” but it might get real complicated soon - allie james

( these are just ideas and i’m trash at coming up with stuff, so please don’t feel limited by what’s listed here. )

#excess:intro #drugs tw #i decided that i needed something new but i just ''created'' this ''new character'' instead #countdown until i mess up his name has officially begun

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chipsandwaffles · 5 years ago

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hi there! i really enjoy your writing and your blog. i'm a new account and wanting to start writing nct fanfics/scenarios. what is some advice you have for writers on tumblr?

I meant to answer this when i got on my computer and i fucking forgot im so sorry. Im glad you enjoy my shit even if i havent posted in a while 🥺🥺 that means a lot

But some advice for new writers 🤔🤔

First of all make some friends! They really get you through the whole process and can really help inspire you, especially writer friends. Ive only been surviving from being inspired by my good friend so

Another point is to not stress over getting shit done because after all its your time and creativity and you dont want to burn out from being stressed. With that also dont write for others write for yourself. Even if you got a lot of people reading your stuff or theres none you should still focus on whether or not you like what youve created. You gotta create for yourself and no one else otherwise youll burn yourself out super quick. Of course notes are always appreciated but sometimes people just dont bother with giving thanks to free shit written on the internet so you just gotta focus on the people that do and especially yourself.

Another thing to do is if youre writing a multiple chapter/part fic do not post unless you have it all done or at least know the direction youre definitely going in otherwise i swear to god youll never get it done ive done it so many times and then am like "i dont even know where im going" but then again thats how i function and i will constantly just wing it and never plot out anything. Truly its a blessing and a curse but if it works i gUESS it works. But try your best to avoid because you will leave many things unfinished.

Thats all i got for now but if you need any move advice just ask and i will help as best as i can ^^ i hope your writing ventures go well and i hope i can read soon 🥺🥺🥺🥺

#sheep talks #sheep gives advice??#anon #i hope you're still around anon im sorry for replying so late

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devinfm · 5 years ago

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hey there, demons! *ba tum tss* i’m sam and i also write parker ( @prkrfm ) which is the best place to contact me for plotting!

i. stats

𝔣𝔲𝔩𝔩 𝔫𝔞𝔪𝔢: jackson willard devin

𝔭𝔯𝔢𝔣𝔢𝔯𝔯𝔢𝔡 𝔫𝔞𝔪𝔢𝔰: jack, spooky guy, the night watchman

𝔥𝔬𝔪𝔢𝔱𝔬𝔴𝔫: salem, massachusetts

𝔡𝔞𝔱𝔢 𝔬𝔣 𝔟𝔦𝔯𝔱𝔥: ocotber 31st, 1995

𝔷𝔬𝔡𝔦𝔞𝔠: scorpio

𝔬𝔯𝔦𝔢𝔫𝔱𝔞𝔱𝔦𝔬𝔫: demisexual

𝔬𝔠𝔠𝔲𝔭𝔞𝔱𝔦𝔬𝔫: host of the graveyard shift, a radio program airing every weeknight from 12am to 5am

𝔭𝔬𝔰. 𝔱𝔯𝔞𝔦𝔱𝔰: captivating, witty, resolute.

𝔫𝔢𝔤. 𝔱𝔯𝔞𝔦𝔱𝔰: impulsive, gauche, naive.

ii. history

the graveyard shift is a radio program that airs every weeknight from 12am - 5am in the los angeles area and on apps such as iheartradio. jack hosts the show as his ( thinly veiled ) alter ego the night watchman and discusses topics such as the paranormal, conspiracy theories, and all things horror. it’s one of the most popular programs of the time slot in the country.

iii. extras

huge stoner. high as fuck 90% of the time, and the other 10% of the time he’s probably still high, just not as fuck.

HOWEVER, he did start the area 51 meme from last summer. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

BIG CHAOTIC ENERGY and ZERO IMPULSE CONTROL

a chatterbox with friends but don’t be fooled…he’s been giving his own dad the silent treatment for almost seven ( 7 ) years now. it’s his preferred method of expressing anger towards someone because he isn’t really a fan of confrontation, but he’s maybe a liiiittle bit stubborn.

he has a pet pied ball python named the crypt keeper ( tkc for short ) who he sometimes just carries with him because he likes to just chill wrapped around jack’s hand and arm.

iv. wanted connections

maternal or paternal cousins ( their grandparents probably live in boston or new england but otherwise anything goes for this )

close friends

friends

guests on his radio show

fans / haters of his radio show

people who don’t like him / find him annoying

exes ( 1 - 2, can be on good or bad terms )

“casually dating” but it might get real complicated soon - allie james

( these are just ideas and i’m trash at coming up with stuff, so please don’t feel limited by what’s listed here. )

#excess:intro #just posting for reference!

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branch--chief--faba · 5 years ago

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Branch-Chief--Faba

It's me, the former owner of branch-chief--faba.

Someone I know pointed out the post @trash-troll made and after reaching out to them they did imply me with their post. So let's start out with the obvious; me writing this post means I'm alive. Though I should add 'barely' to that.

Trash-Troll showed me screenshots of people talking about me. And after them convincing me to do it I've decided to write my version of what happened or more importantly.. how I feel about the whole thing. I am not here to debunk anything.. because it will become a he said/she said thing. Let’s just go into this wall of text by saying both parties fucked up.

The end of 2017 and all of 2018 were pretty bad for me, mentally. I was hurt and lost and I didn't know what to do. A year prior to that I made the blog. It was fun! I never had so many people reaching out to me and willing to spend time to me. That was a whole new experience and in hindsight I didn't know how to deal with it. This isn't me debunking or saying something did or didn't happen but I guess I was in over my head. I had never been popular or even had friends before. Or friends who weren't forced to hang with me because of college or them being co-workers. You know how proud I was that people found me cute or pretty when I posted a selfie? Yeah that never happened before. It boosted my self esteem sky high.

I did some things that in hindsight weren't smart or downright stupid. I let people play me. I fought battles for people I should have never fought. I was just so afraid that if I didn't do it- they leave and I'd be alone again. I didn’t purposely stick my nose in other’s business. I just wanted to help and now i feel that some people really took advantages of that. In that sense this blog was both a blessing.. and a curse for me. I was so obsessed with keeping everyone happy that I forgot my own happiness and I forgot to look further than the tip of my nose and to please some people I hurt some others, unintentional at the time.. but I understand now and I’m sorry.

I can only apologise for it now. I am to blame for my actions even though they were inspired by others and sometimes it was peer pressure. I admit that I should've been stronger when i was in a discord made to slam a group of people. I've been a fool and absolutely stupid. You know those PSA’s when they tell you doing nothing is as bad as the bullying? Yeah. At times i was the bystander... and I wish I could undo it but I can’t.

I feel like (now that I've seen screenshots..) that sometimes I was set up to vent about a person only for it to be shared. Was it fair for me to vent? Yes and no. In my eyes- I was hurt by a few people and I thought the person i was talking to (this venting only happened one on one, never in a group.) was someone I could trust. I know better now and I feel stupid. I said things in pure emotion and in confidence. I was angry and hurt and I just wanted to vent those feelings. Again, I'm the fool for walking into such an obvious trap. I don't blame anyone but myself. I should’ve know better. I really should. However, this isn't just about me.

There are things people did that are wrong too. Things that hurt me. I will never forget me finding the courage to call someone out on how their actions harmed me mentally and them saying that 'It was my own fault for being too emotionally attached to them'. That's painful and that hurts, even today it haunts me to my core.

I won't forget that I was doxxed, that i got daily anons to kill myself, that they wish I had cancer, etc. Even though I enjoyed writing Faba up till that point I just had to slow down. I had up to 1000 asks at the end of it and a lot of them were nasty anons. I deleted one and two came in it's place. Eventually I just had to stop for my own sanity. I know people suggested and would suggest now that I just should’ve turned the anons off but again. I couldn’t bring myself to do it. I thought that turning them off would mean people wouldn’t like me anymore, because there were good anons too! I figured ‘why should they suffer because of a few’ and in hindsight.. I should’ve just turned the anons off. I know hindsight is 20/20 but..

It was around that time almost everything went sour and I still don't know why. This is not me being a idiot, I really don't know why. I am still so socially awkward and figuring out human emotions is hard for me. Sometimes I don't understand until someone tells me 'Hey I'm mad at you because you did X or Y' I'm working on it though but it's not easy.

I won’t forget how a duo of a cis man and a cis woman reached out to someone and pretended to be a gay couple. And I will never forgive myself for not stopping it. And if you were the victim of this and if you read this then I’m so sorry. Know that I am absolutely disgusted with myself.

I will not forget how a new discord was made without me.. and the reason I wasn’t welcome? I was a supposed transphobe. I am not. Since deleting I’ve had A LOT of time to myself and I came to few conclusions about my gender and my sexual identity. DO NOT even think about use my dead name. I can’t believe someone would say that about me.

I know people think I’m just some money hound and out for that but I’m not. I don’t give a single shit about money. I care about happiness and I’m not getting it and because of it I’m not growing as a person.

I won’t forget how hurt I was by the actions of a few. And I can’t forget because I feel it .. even today. It consumes me and I already hear people laughing about it. Because ‘haha look at this dumb fuck, right? It’s been a year.” but I just can’t. It’s etched so deep inside me that it makes me sick.

I know you know who I'm talking about it. And I know you know it's you. I’m doing a favour and not tag anyone I’m going to leave the responsibility to owe up to your actions to you and if you don’t.. then that also speaks volumes about you as a person. And those people I'm talking about need to take a good hard look at themselves. Instead of posting that 'the evil is defeated' gif or celebrating someone deleting out of despair. Because this is not the only story to tell. There are LOADS more. Trash-Troll showed me. Please just be kinder..

I cannot change the past and I will never deny myself having some part in it.. but no one should feel like I do over fandom stuff. NO ONE. And no one can really help you if you see someone get doxxed, bullied or threatened and you sit back thinking 'eh they deserve it' no one deserves it. I know we live in an age where internet is part of our lives. But for many the internet is a safe space where they can just be a little looser than usual. Just block people.

What happened after I left this blog? I started by deleting my Discord, there were too many bad memories attached to it so I just dumped the whole thing out. I send a message explaining why I did it and send a few people who I thought I could trust my new discord. That not a single soul accepted my new friend request.. yeah that stung pretty hard. So, after keeping it up for two months and resending the friend requests.. I just deleted that one too.

I stopped using my other socials, Facebook, Twitter, Instagram. I had to quit my job. If you can recall it wasn't a job that required a lot of thinking so my thoughts were allowed to run wild. Sometimes I started working and I just didn't know how I got to the end of my shift. It was just.. there. I'd black out thinking about the whole mess. I was feeling numb for months, nothing would bring me joy or sadness. It was like I was stuck in the ocean. Just below the surface and not being able to reach out. I could see people on the shore and I could swear they could see me too, but it was safer to let me drown.

I deleted all my tumblrs too. All of them. I didn't want anything to do with this place. I moved to twitter for a bit when I got lonely but that didn't stick. I had a few odd conversations but Twitter isn’t really the best place to talk about things I figured.

I tried to get myself to draw and write again but I couldn't.. I just couldn't. I tried but every time I opened a word document or put pen on paper I'd get antsy and panic-y. I couldn't bring myself to create anything at all. Not writing, not art, nothing. Even drawing original characters or other fandom stuff. I couldn't.

I was and still am too afraid to share anything with anyone. My brain goes through a whole series of 'what ifs' when i'm trying to write or draw. "What if they like it and we get talking and I mess up again." or "What if I put a lot of effort in a work and people will ignore it on purpose because they know it's me?" those kinds of thoughts.

My whole memory is warped. What really happend and what did my brain make up. I am not saying I’m not to blame for things, either partly or wholly but I NEVER had the intention to hurt people on purpose. I’m not hiding behind anything but fact remains that I am socially malformed. I don’t understand things. I spend the first 16 years of my life basically talking to no one and when I did.. I was the ‘weird kid’ or I heard my peer saying ‘Don’t talk to the freak.. so weird!’ I was never raised to be social and then I was dropped in a very social group full of very colourful people.I didn’t know how to handle it and it drove me literally nuts.

I feel into a deep depression and the last two months of 2018 are a haze for me. I barely remember anything. I don’t remember Christmas, I don’t remember New Years. It’s a blur. I almost died a couple of times, it's no secret. And for that I have the permanent reminder... I'm glad I didn't do it though.

Now it's 2019 and 2019 is almost over; how am I doing now?

Not much better. I still have the fear to create. I want to but I can’t. I still barely touch my socials because of my paranoia of people finding me and the whole circus starting again. I use my instagram because of cosplay commission stuff and I only use my Twitter to support some artists on there. Even then I keep this ‘neutral-someone-everyone-can-like-persona’ just this safe ‘brand type’ posts.

I'm only back on Tumblr for this and I won't be coming back. This isn't a revival tour. It's like one last song to send everyone on their way.

Please leave others alone. I truly am not on Tumblr and do not plan to come back not now or ever. I do not have a sneaky hidden blog. All the blogs I used to own are either dead or I just gave it to people who used to own blogs with me.

It's very painful for me to write this all out. I know I'm missing a lot of parts. To summarise; while I did some things that I'm not proud of. I cannot believe the lengths people went to to make me feel horrible about myself.

I cannot believe you guys would share some things about me that I wanted to keep private. That I thought was pretty private and you would understand. I'm sickened by the lies told about me and disgusted that it's still going in 2019, almost a year after I deleted everything.

I gave my new discord to people and those people never accepted and that's fine, it hurts but it's fine. I never bothered them or sought contact. I will admit that I once accidentally send a snapchat to someone.. but I promise that was an honest accident. I didn’t mean to. But I just don't get the feeling the same thing is happening and I have proof from people that I'm right.

Can you not post my trauma for all to see? That's not justice that's just being a dick... I have no other word for it. Being an evil dick. I never spoke badly about any of you after the whole thing. I will admit that .. in my anger when it all was going on, I did vent to people and TRUST me I regret that. I thought it would stay between us but it leaked..

Do the same for me and please have the decency to apologise for the things you did and just.. stop putting my private shit online without my consent. What I shared, I shared because I felt I could trust people. It was never about sympathy because I do not want it.

You gain nothing except the satisfaction that you gave me a kick again by sharing it. Which is a horrendous move. You’re not getting even, you’re winning at being a dick..

I want to be left alone. I want that confirmation of 'hey we're leaving you alone now'. I want to go back before I was paranoid. It’s not a fun thing. It’s maddening to think something behind EVERYONE’s action. Deep down.. I know better but I can’t stop. It’s a problem and I’m working on it.

I want NOTHING to do with Pokemon OR it's fandom. I won't be purchasing games or other media from it. I just gave away my copies of the 3DS games to people who wanted them. The whole thing is too triggering to me.

I wish I could pick up a pencil or pen and draw and write again without having a panic attack and I wish I could show myself on my private social media again without people watching me.

I know you guys doxxed me before using my Facebook- It's not weird of me to think people could do it again.

I don't mind it, if you hit me up and talk to me via this blog. You can reply to this post or just us DM. My only rule is to be civil. I am being civil too even though I feel empty, numb and sick.

And finally.. I apologise for EVERYONE who people thought were me. You don’t deserve that. No one does.

Well I guess this mystery is solved, what happens next is wholly up to you. I am not going to reach out myself. I made that promise.

I’m posting this because I have nothing else left to lose. Please show me you’re capable of human decency. And some things only God can forgive. That goes for me too.

And just to proof it’s me; I will be tagging this post as I always did; using my old tags.

#branch-chief--faba #spring bean text #faba #branch chief faba #pokemon #pokemon rp #pokemon rp community #aether foundation

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amasiuncula · 3 years ago

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⋆ part nine - the cut that always bleeds ⋆

◇──◇────◇────◇────◇────◇

“I thought I wanted love until you showed me what it was, and I’ve never been golden, but I swear that I showed it. It's a blessing and a curse, for the better, it's only worse, wouldn’t wish this on no one, it's one hell of a low one. Late at night, going out of my mind. Praying that the sun doesn’t rise. Waking up, wishing that you don't. Up at night drinking liquor like its water. I need some medicine, this shit that my head is in.”

⋆ PART NINE – THE CUT THAT ALWAYS BLEEDS⋆

The past couple of years have been on a constant loop filled with nothing put pure pain and self-loathing for Michaela Williams, she had been on over drive for years because of the death of her father and the fact that she didn’t handle his death well. She did everything physically possible to try and drown out the pain of losing him but also the guilt of not being with him during that time, she never went to see him in the hospital, and she would regret that for the rest of her life, but did that mean she deserved the pain that Josh put her through? That question she couldn’t answer or maybe deep down she thought that was exactly what she deserved that this was her punishment for being selfish when her family needed her the most, but she wasn’t sure. For some reason, she continued to blame herself. Sometimes she did blame Josh, but she blamed herself more, all of this was her fault and no matter how hard she tried to move on or find happiness…she was reminded that she was a lost girl that had her rape blasted all over the internet. She had finally gotten to a place where she knew what she had to do, the only way she could end all of this would be with blood; ℍ𝔼ℝ 𝔹𝕃𝕆𝕆𝔻.

The water that was once clear had turned a crimson color, her chocolate tresses cascaded outward as the young girl sunk deeper and deeper. Michaela was fading away; she was in a limbo on the brick of living and dying and the darkness was calling to her like a siren song. She was slipping further away from reality because she was tired of living – barley living. Michaela was ready to end her suffering; she was ready to be anywhere but here because it wasn’t as if she had anything to keep her here. The pain was too much, and she could no longer find the light at the end of the tunnel. All she saw was darkness, claiming her.

She had already lost her father.

Her mother thought she was a waste of space.

Josh, Victor and Lance had raped her on camera.

Her sister was no longer around.

She was a burden to her best friends.

But the one thing she felt was that she was tired, she was tired of crying. Tired of the constant pain and the weight of it all. She couldn’t understand why she had to continue to deal with this pain. What was the reason? Why her? Why was she cursed to forever walk in this path? Michaela didn’t see the light; she didn’t believe that the pain would ever end. Her heart was shattered into pieces, and it continued to pierce her until all the blood poured out.

"…And I feel lost without you, never thought to doubt you. Oh, who else is there to blame? So, save your best excuses they can't get me through this. Maybe time can, maybe space, I’m trying. Give me a reason to let you go because right now I can't, I'm in pain. Should I say I'm sorry? Did I mess it up? All that you got from me, was it not enough?..."

“Michaela? Mich?” The male voice uttered in a concerned tone, his eyes widen at the sight of her naked physique floating in the bloody water, and swiftly he pulled her body out of the water. Tears glided down his face as he lifted her upward in his arms, her body was lifeless. Michaela was on the verge of death. “Selina, how did this happen?” The pain and the grief were evident in his voice as he shifted his gaze from the brunette in his arms to her best friend. Lucas and Selina were both confused. Lucas Wright felt as if someone had pierced him with a sharp object as he carried her lifeless body down the stairs; moist droplets cascading down his face. Lucas knew that he had to get her to the hospital as soon as possible, he didn’t want to lose her. He couldn’t lose her, not like this. “Someone, help! Someone, please help me! She needs help!” As the words were uttered from his throat, cracking. He was pleading for someone to save her. A nurse with brunette hair and a few doctors came to his aid and took Michaela from his arms. Lucas felt the weight of the world on his shoulders, all he could think was. How did this happen? He had thought Michaela had gotten better or maybe that’s what he told himself because of the smile that was always plastered on her lips. Clearly, she wasn’t okay. Lucas couldn’t believe that Michaela had gotten to this level, she had always been so strong, and he thought that she could do anything and the demons that controlled her wouldn’t win but it looked like the demons were winning and no matter how much he wanted to protect her, he couldn’t.

That fact alone was eating him alive.

Lucas didn’t know what to do, he was still focused on seeing her lifeless body in the water, the blood was an image that he couldn’t shake out of his head. The image was burned in his memory. “Are you okay?” Lina’s words caused him to snap out of his thoughts, and he shook his head. He couldn’t speak as he leaned against the door, his eyes fixated on the mirror as Michaela fought for her life. “I figured you wouldn’t be okay.”

● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ●

“The demons crawl across my skull, clawing and gouging at my bone and brain.”

“Michaela, my sweet emerald.” The sound of her his voice caused Michaela’s eyelids to flutter open, the light from the room caused a groan to utter from her lips as the binds that held her arms together caused a surge of pain to glide down her back. “Lucas…?” Confusion swept her features as she tilted her head slightly as her blurry vision became clear. The sight of him caused her heart rate to pick up, the question she asked caused his eyes to roll slightly as he shook his head. A single finger glided against her cheeks as he pushed the strand of brunette lock from her mien. “Breathe. If you don’t breathe, this could get worse for you.” Michaela’s eyelids blinked, she wanted to scream but nothing came out. “Good girl. I just came here to tell you that you are still mine. I’m sorry for what I did to you, I should’ve never done that, but you are mines. Not Shawn’s and not Lucas’s. You are mine. The only way this will ever be over is if one of dies and don’t worry, I’ll always fine you. Even in death, emerald.” His lips curled into a smirk, he bent down and pressed a chaste kiss on her lips. “I’ll see you soon.” Her eyelids slowly fluttered shut, his vision slipping away from her as she was slowly falling into a deep slumber.

“Anyone here for Michaela Alexandra Williams?” Lucas and Selina both rose to their feet, turning their direction towards the male doctor. Inhaling a deep breath. “Yes, we are here for us and before you ask, we are not family, but her mother is at work and her sister isn’t answering. I’m Lucas her ex-..” He paused and Selina placed her palm against Lucas’s shoulder as she spoke, “I’m her roommate, I’m the one that found her.” The doctor nodded his head a few times, breaking his silence as the words uttered from his voice in a soft tone. “Normally we wouldn’t do this but due to the circumstances I will allow it, Michaela tried to kill herself and if she wasn’t rushed to the hospital when you did then she would’ve succeeded. You can go see her within two hours because she needs her rest.” The doctor placed a palm against Lucas’s shoulder blade, patting it slightly. Lucas and Selina glanced at one another, signing in relief. Neither one was prepared to deal with losing her, but the reality was clear as day, she didn’t want to live and only she could save herself.

● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ●

“I'm in the corner of your cage, mascara running down my face; the door is open, but I stay. You think you can keep me in keep me afraid; you're twisting, squeezing… inside my head. I won't just lie down and play dead—take a good look at my face, you think you can keep me afraid.”

Her eyelids blinking a couple of times, her reflection starring back at her. “Are you sure about this?” Michaela hues shifted towards her blonde best friend her head nodding a few times. “Yes, Audrey, I don’t want to be brunette anymore. I can’t be his sweet emerald; I can’t let him win.” Audrey nodded her head and a smile curled against her lips. “Don’t you worry, I’m here now. We will figure this out together.” Michaela had to start over, change herself from the girl he knew to someone he would never see coming. The first step was to get rid of her dark. hair, she knew. how much he liked it on her.

She would no longer allow him to break her.

#michaelawilliams #tickets to my downfall #oc rpg

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philsdesktopcomputer · 7 years ago

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Feelings, a blessing or a curse?

This is a older fic that i wrote when i was REALY FUCKING CAFINATED at like 6am, so if its’s a bit weird that’s why, but this is still one of my favs ive ever written

Summary: “sometimes i wonder if feelings are a blessing or a curse, they’re both”

Tw: idk if this counts but slight self hate bad dreams mention of blood

>Dans point of view< Phil's talking to the camera, rambling on about things that I can't seem to focus on because he's just to beautiful.

All I see are his perfect lips and his perfect cheek bones and his perfectly perfect kissable lips....

And I love him.

I can't do anything about it, of course, 'cause there's this little fact that he's straight and can't feel anything for me, and any advances towards him would ruin or friendship. But at least I get to stare at him, and make him happy as my friend. At least. But he'll never love me, and will likely end up marrying his dream girl, having a family. Forgetting me.

This hailstorm of roller coaster feelings burst through my mind in a matter of seconds, morphing my happy gaze into a slightly less happy gaze, into a dread full gaze. Actual tears forming in my eyes.

Stupid.

I quickly change my focus, continuing the video, pretending I didn't just buy my own one way ticket to dread-town through a simple gaze at this man I've loved for the past, what is it now, years.

He can't love you back stop thinking about him.

We finish the video, Phil making a joke that I half heartedly laugh at, forcing as much joy as I can into my smile.

"I'll edit that later, right now I'm getting tired, see you in the morning," I tell Phil collecting my chill, which had been scattered across the metaphorical world, like it was every time I thought to deeply about my impend-able doom loving Phil.

Some times I wonder if feelings are a blessing or a curse. They can destroy people like me, drag me down a dark, lonely pit of 'what if' and 'don't bother he'll never love you'

My mind can be a cruel place when I got into this state, sadness masking itself as an ocean and drowning me. Phil.....

I fall asleep three hours later, his name replaying in my mind, almost as if a broken record had been turned on and no one had the energy to fix it, leaving it to torture my mind with it's sad notes. Over and over again.

>Phil's point of view<

The video we're filming is going just fine, jokes and laughter. We talk to the camera and smile at the thousand people who will smile back, even though we don't see it.

As I'm talking absent mindedly about what I would do if giant space lazer-cats invaded, I glance over at Dan, his features shocking me for a moment, I somehow forgot how absolutely beautiful this man was.

Yeah, I had been majorly crushing I him for a while now. Okay maybe full out head over heels, 'I'll wait for you forever' in love with him.

I don't really care that he doesn't seem to have feelings for me, I'm just happy to be here. Living with him as my best friend. Able to bask in his beauty like a starved man in the presence of food.

I smile at my thought and continue with the video.

Dan tells me he's going to bed, it's only eleven but he seems on the verge of passing out in his chair, so I bid him a good night and head towards my bedroom.

I clumsily slide out of my jeans and t-shirt, flopping onto my bed and opening my laptop. Internet time.

Seeming two minutes later I glance at the time, 3 am. How the frickety-frick-frack did that happen?

I shut down my laptop and get out of bed to put it away on my dresser, as I don't feel like accidentally nocking it of my bed in the middle of the night.

The warmth of my bed welcomes me as I slide back under the colorful covers. Mmmm, sleep.

My mind is slowly teetering into the bliss of sleep when a loud, blood curdling scream jolts me right out of whatever abyss I was happily falling into.

Another scream has me scrambling, quite sleepily, out of my bed and across the hall without thinking.

Dan. Something is wrong with Dan.

>Dan's pint of view<

They chase me. The shadows. Their laughter is a chorus of terrifying shrieks. Help. The wet pavement burns my feet, wet with my blood. I run, but fatigued is chasing me even faster than the beasts. I fall, I scream. Help. Again. Help. They're hands on me. Shaking, then my name.

My eyes tear open to meet a gorgeous blue that instantly calms me, blue as the sea and just as peaceful.

I become aware of not only the tears streaking my cheeks, racing to my neck almost as if it were a race. The wetness clouding Phil's angelic features. I also notice Phil's wearing nothing but boxers. My speeding heart stops, for a second. My dream forgotten. But Phil still looks as if he just witnessed a murder. Scared out of his mind.

"Danogmygodareyouokayyouscreamedsoloud" bursts out of his mouth, faster than a spreading bullet. I can feel the corners of my mouth tug upwards, "yeah, I just had a bad dream" Phil smiles softly, and brushes away a tear with shacking fingers.

I've never loved him more than I've loved him at this moment.

"But can you sleep in my bed with me, I'm scared" it comes out in a whisper, not because it's late, or I'm tired, but because that's the highest level I can get my voice to with Phil's perfect face so close to my less perfect face.

"Yes, of course!" He slides under the blanket with me, his arm pressed against mine. This won't do. I don't care if attempting to cuddle him will hint at me liking him, I need his warmth, his safety, almost as much a I need air to breath. I turn on my side and prompt Phil to do the same, he does and he's told, I wrap my arms around his waist and he does the same, then I go a step further,pressing my face into his shoulder. It feels amazing, even if my hearts in my thought. I fall asleep almost instantly, his safety acting as a shield to the destructive tornado of my nightmares.

And I swear I hear Phil say he loves me, in my dreams that night. And I wish I could say it back, in real life.

>Phil's point of view<

I push the door to Dan's bedroom the see him thrashing violently on his bed, trapped in a nightmare. I rush to him and shake his shoulders, yelling his name. DAN!! His eyes fly open, tears falling from them. Our eyes meet and I am instant aware of the two inches between us. So close.

"Danohmygodareyouokayyouscreamedsoloud" flys right out of my mouth, so fast I'm sure he only understood every other word.

He smiles "yeah I just had a bad dream" I smile back and brush away a tear that slips out of his eyes.

"But can you sleep in my bed with me, I'm scared" something twist inside my stomach and my smile grows "Yes, of course!" It comes out a little faster, and louder than I thought it would, but Dan doesn't seem to notice.

I slide into the bed next to him, savoring the feeling of his arm against mine. He whines, slightly, getting me to turn on my side and face him, his arms slide around my waist, heart beating faster than I thought possible, I wrap my arms around his waist as well.

He buries his face into my shoulder and I smile to myself, "I love you," I whisper when I'm sure he's asleep, testing the words. It feels amazing, but as much as Dan's face pressed into my bare shoulder.

*le quick time skip to a week later*

It happened again, for the third time that week. Dan had a bad dream, screaming his lungs out until I woke him, cuddling him for the rest of the night. Again, whispering 'I love you' to him in his sleep. Maybe one day I'll work up enough courage to say it out loud. Maybe.

My eyes fluttered open that morning to Dan's back presses tightly to my chest, my arms wounded around him like someone was going to take him from me.

He seemed to be asleep, I smiled to myself. Slowly running my head through his adorable hobbit hair, pressing my face into his shoulder blade. "I love you." I whisper

"I love you, too."

I sit quickly, taught, like a live wire What

> Dan's point of view<

The feeling of Phil's fingers in my hair wakes me.

Than his face is pressed into my shoulder blade, and I smile.

Then he speaks and my heart stops.

Instead of pretending to be asleep I say it back. Not knowing where this will go and where it is already.

I shiver as he quickly pulls away from me to sit up, I turn and look at him, tears already wetting my eyelashes. What have I done? What if he wasn't saying it to me? What if he was on the phone? What if he didn't mean it?

We stare at each other for a minute. A soul shattering 60 seconds.

And then Phil's on top of me, his lips against mine, and we kiss. The second the kiss is broken I whisper "So does that mean we're boyfriends now?" He kisses me again and whispers a yes in my lips.

Sometimes I wonder if feelings are a blessing or a curse.

They're both.

Sorry ending was a tad bit rushed hope you liked it anyway

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secretlywritingstories · 8 years ago

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The Terrarium Incidence | Phan Tweet Dabble

Summary: Dan just wanted to build a damn terrarium to chill out. Unfortunately the universe and gravity had other plans. Bless Phil Lester and laughter though.

Words: 700

Warnings: Dan swears and feels a bit hopeless but nothing major

Reference below and supported by this part of Dan’s live show on the following day. I want to start doing dabbles based on Dan and Phil’s tweets because they are prone to hilarious and tragic incidences and I want to write about them.

The 16th of January 2017

It was supposed to be a calm night in the Howell and Lester residence.

Dan was ready for the quiet moment after somewhat of a hectic week. Hell, finally seeing Harry Potter and the Cursed Child had tired him well out, and then top off with the series finale of Sherlock and in the proceeding week, he’d looked through too many Dan memes for his own sanity. However, the video was now up and doing just as well as its predecessor it seemed.

The idea of a handmade terrarium had really appealed to Dan. He was aware he spent too much time on his computer, whether it was answering e-mails, editing videos, taking care of his social medias or just aimlessly browsing. It was good and important to step away a bit sometimes and do something with his hands.

His perfectionist tendencies appreciated making the whole making-a-terrarium-from-scratch project. He could make it in the structure of his image and he could already imagine it hanging in the corner of his room, attributing to his aesthetic.

He spent about an hour making it, fighting with all the small parts and struggling sometimes to get proper access to rearrange them time and time again. It was still very relaxing and something to get his mind to quiet down for moment. 9 hours of Harry Potter, including the break, had been a lot for him.

He didn’t like being out and about and surrounded by people for that long. It had been better because Phil had been by his side and the show had been amazing but he now craved doing hard-core amounts of nothing. Building the terrarium didn’t count, it was just an activity to give his mind some sensatory rest. Browsing through the unreal amount of cringe and embarrassing Dan memes submitted to his Tumblr made him want to step away from the Internet for a bit.

Finally satisfied with the look of it, he got up and prepared to hang it. He’d decided to hang it in the corner of his room, opposite side of his door and above his full-length mirror. It would fit nicely there. It wasn’t a Phil houseplant but it was something Dan had made with his own hands and it looked good. He’d be able to look at that every single day. The thought calmed him.

Of fucking course, the universe didn’t quite agree with Dan’s ideas of aesthetic bliss.

The string snapped and the glass sphere came crashing down. Dan heard the glass break, undoubtedly into a million pieces that he’d never be able to get out of his carpet.

Hopelessness and pure unbelief swelled in his chest.

He’d just wanted to sit down peacefully, make something with his hands and have a nice decoration for his room. In the hour it took to make, he’d already grown attached to the idea of the bloody terrarium, which was now lying completely destroyed on his carpet. The materials inside, most noticeable sand, had sprayed out everywhere and Dan just stared down at the chaos.

He’d had a rough week. He didn’t deserve this. He knew it was bit ridiculous taking this so hard but when you were feeling a bit worn down and vulnerable a fucking DYI project had no business crushing your dreams.

Dan didn’t even hear Phil call his name but he did feel him step into the room beside Dan, undoubtedly staring at the mess left by the foot of his giant mirror. Dan sighed and looked up at his roommate.

Phil looked like he was suppressing a giggle and as soon as Dan saw the mirth in those blue eyes, he tipped over the edge. A loud, kind of hopeless, laughter rang from his body. This was fucking typical. It was such a Dan thing to happen.

Dan and Phil laughed for longer than was probably deemed socially acceptable. Neither of them cared one bit.

Dan hadn’t said a word and yet Phil must have known exactly what he was thinking. He’d given Dan that look and Dan wondered how Phil singlehandedly could change Dan’s entire experience by displaying that emotion in his eyes.

Laughter felt good. It felt much better than having his hard work snap and break. Dan let the feeling run through him while occasionally glancing over at Phil, who laughed just as maniacally.

They laughed for an hour.

***********

A/N: Thank you so much for reading. I’ll hopefully make more tweet-based dabbles in the future because they’ve so calming and fun to write. If you like my writing, you might want to check out this list of my fics and stories - I have several longer phan one shots on there. Any and all feedback is appreciated and thank you for taking the time to read this.

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spiralingworm · 8 years ago

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Let's Switch it up!

So us you probably all know I like Nintendo products. There are couple of reasons for that, but I think nostalgia has a lot to do with it. I liked playing games like Contra or Mario in my younger times, because those games were simply fun. Nintendo still has some great ideas when it comes to game designing. I think Splatoon is one of the prime examples here.

(You’re a kid, you’re a squid now!)

For those of you that don't know about what game am I talking now Splatoon is a team based platforming arena shooter about squids. Oh and paintball... You win by covering map with your team colour, and by turning into a squid you can swin in your paint for higher movement speed and longer jumps. If this very brief explanation doesn't seem exciting for you it's okay, because I really think you need to play it or extensively watch to understand. This whole bizzare concept for a game came from young team of game designers in Nintendo. In the world of really violent shooters like Titanfall 2, Doom or Battlefield the non-violent route seems risky to say the least. Nintendo is known from this high risk high reward move or in other words cheese.

(Triforce... cheese joke...)

Nintendo's whole bussines relies on three fundamentals let's call this a Triforce for humour purposes.

Zelda

Link started his adventure on Nintendo Entertainment System with Legend of Zelda and it quickly proved everyone that he is here to stay. There is something magical about all those games starring Link. Maybe it is everyone's dream for the grand adventure where you save a princess. You know the one that takes place in a kingdom far, far away. You just pick up a sword and charge into unknown. Is it safe out there? Of course not and that is why you have a sword. Maybe it is the fact that Link is just another random noname boy and he simply believes that what he is doing is right. By the way this is courage App... back to the point. I know that this seems like a typical story in typical world by lazy writer, but I don't know it just works. It is simple and it is fun.

Mario

Platformer about a plumber who saves a princess, but in Mario defense those games actually have very little story to it. This game is all about precise jumps and last second decisions. Nobody actually cares who Mario is, why he is here or why the hell he has a mustache. He just is here to beat King Koopa and his minions and free princess Peach from her prison. Ridiculous? Of course it is, but again this a game about story. Everyone plays Mario for great level design and interesting mechanics or power ups. Thanks to the succes of the first game Mario became an icon for Nintendo. So much so the company venture into other genres with him like kart racing or RPG. He even was briefly considered as a playable character fo Splatoon and thank Jim they went with squids. Mario is on the front line for gaming not just for Nintendo.

Gimmicks

Wait, what? Yes, I think that trying to be as innovative as possible with every product is the fundament of Nintendo and it is the most important one for them. It is at the same time a blessing and a curse for them. I mean just look at the Wii succes versus Wii U failure. Yeah the marketing for the latter was just so painly bad that it is hard to even comprehend, but it is also showing the mentality of Nintendo “Play big or don't even bother”. They create hardware that relies on some new interesting idea and then they will try to build a game that use it to its fullest potential. Most of the times this approach really works and we receive a well balanced gameplay that is just fun to play around. The problem appears when N will try to reinvent a wheel and gameplay will suffer because they refuse to use schematics that simply work. Nintendo is Nintendo biggest enemy in this situations.

youtube

(That was actually very good)

Okay so with all that in mind let's talk march 3rd and the upcoming release of Nintendo Switch. Brand new hybrid of handheld and stationary console which was, for a very long time, known under a codename NX. As, hopefully, you can see the premise is simple but actually really exciting. Play your games on a TV and when you need to leave your home just snap Joycon's on the console and take your game with you. Even the click sound is something that still sits in my head and does not want to leave. I don't know this console just spoke to me when on october 20th this clip saw the light of day. It was awesome till like 5 minutes after the clip realeased. It went only down for me after that.

(My excellent hype versus time line)

I think the biggest problem for me is the attitude that Nintendo presented after that. They simply refused to say anything about their shiny new console until January 12th. They didn't want to comment on anything, not even a confirmation that Skyrim would be ported for the device. Why would you show gameplay of a game if you aren't ready to acknowledge it will be on your console. You could say that they wanted to avoid drowning in sea of mud that is christmas, but for me this just shows that you don't believe in your product. You don't have anything new this holiday season so why in the hell you go silent? Okay so maybe this is just my gamer ADHD speaking. Maybe the January presentation will be awesome and it will be all fine.

youtube

(I feel kinda meh..)

Well... yes and no. The price is actually quite nice and of course the games are actually really interesting. Of course we already knew a lot about Breath of the Wild and it actually looks really good from gameplay perspective. There is of course new Mario game which looks really weird and awesome at the same time. The hat throwing in particular seems like a mechanic that can provide really hard and really satisfying manouvers. Splatoon is coming back with some more splatting and while it looks like just more of the same it is fine, because this game is just that good. Of course Nintendo wouldn't be itself if it didn't introduce something entirely new to the table.

(Arms a new IP)

Arms is game about putting on some boxing gloves and stepping on a ring to fight 1on1 with some absurd enemy. Oh and your character is also absurd just to let you know. I mean the over stylisation is fine, because at this point you just don't expect anything else from Nintendo. Not to mention that they are the company that actually can deliver when it comes down to simple fun from gameplay. So actually while Arms may as well seem really stupid it can actually work pretty well.

(Series of mini games.)

1-2 Switch is actually series of mini games that tries to show off what an actual hardware can do. In most cases you don't even need to look on the screen to play. There are games like cow milking, wizard fight, cowboy quick draw... Simple stuff that will entertain your guests for like an hour and it will be put back to the box and never shown again. In their defense Wii Sports is on the second place when it comes to copies sold, but it also was bundled to Wii for a very long time. 1-2 is not budled it is a stand-alone product with MSRP 49.99. This is a lot I don't care how many mini games are there.

(Those are of course included in base console, but additional cost...)

I think this is the problem I have with Switch the cost is low, but not as low to reason day one/year one purchase. It may seem like there is a lot games coming to Switch now in March, but no. Mario will be released in holiday season. Arms will be month or two after Switch and the same goes for Mario Kart. Splatoon 2? Summer 2017. Of all that games only Zelda and 1-2 Switch is coming day one. No, wait Bomberman R... wait no... Do I want to count it? Well early adopters sure as hell will need to do it because there is nothing else they will be able to do with this device.

(Wii U got crap for too big controller. How is it any different?)

There will be no video apps available for them at launch and before you ask. No, not even Youtube. Meaning that you are either happy with Zelda or will use Switch as shiny statue on your shelf. I don't expect Zelda to suck as the matter of fact I can safely claim this will GOTY for 2017, but some choice would be nice. Surely we can compromise I mean Wii U had some awesome internet browser and almost everything worked there. There is only one small exception for this Nintendo Switch will not feature aa internet browser on launch. If and when it will appear remains a secret. Not that you could use internet on the go. Switch will not have sim card slot for 3G or something like that. So maybe let's turn to third parties, indies of this world.

(The indies)

So there will be World of Goo on day one, great. Except people that would want to play this game already did on other devices. We have Binding of Isaac great game that will debut on march 17th, but wait currently only for NA region. Despite claiming on the presentation that will not be region locked we still need to jump through hoopes of company own regional politics. I would be lying if I said that I wasn't sometimes pissed on Sony for the very same thing, but I swear Nintendo is worse. We also have Shovel Knight great game... here actually have a list and sort by date here. It seems like a lot but keep in my mind that most of those are just rereleased products. Please don't exactly believe people saying something along the line of “X game is amazing I bought it on y, z and t, and I will buy it for Switch”. I mean maybe believe them, but are you seriously consider them sane? For comparison PS4 here, and of course sort by date and look at day one/month one anything after that is pointless.

(JoyCon)

Remember when I said that the biggest enemy of Nintendo is Nintendo? I think the villain strikes again. Aside the horrendous accessory prices for Switch. Single Joycons that presumably are perfect for a grown-up. Like hell they are... There is the problem of power. There is reason as to why specifics about GPU or CPU can be found only in rumours and leaks. Official specifications here basicly says “Yes, we have a GPU here.”... Well I hope so. The internet got mad about Mohammad Alavi comment "No. F*** no. No you're not going to be able to fit Titanfall on it. That's the same Zelda from the Wii U [laughs].". This is Respawn Entertainment senior designer saying no to prospect of porting TF2 to Switch. Just to let you know they did exceptional optimisation for PS4 in my eyes. You receive nice 60 FPS and I swear sometimes I blinked and missed the load times for couple MP matches. The amount of work needed to downgrade a game like this so it will work like this is absurd and not worth the money. AAA developers would need to create games specifically for Switch and they will not create games for a platform that doesn't sold well. It didn't sold well because people are not especially keened on buying Nintendo only exclusive device... I mean I have Wii U, but I am not entirely sane... exactly... So the playerbase will stay low and... You see where I am going here? Okay, but you could say Wii and try to shut me down this way.

(Wiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii)

Well the whole premise of motion controls simply worked for everyone. Gramma, granda, mother, father, uncle, three year old sister, that cousin that hate games. Pretty much all of them know how to swing a tennis racket or play golf using Wiimote. The stereotypical housewives played Wii Sports to stay fit and it was a perfect sell. I mean if there was one thing that nerds don't do is exercise. So no I don't think Switch even remotely compares to what Wii have to offer. Not to mention that those housewives does not have any reason to buy a new shiny box. At this point I am fairly convinced that Nintendo hardware would endure atomic bomb, napalm strike, Cyclops laser beam, dropping from 100 meters and Hugh Jackman.

youtube

(That’s right!)

As always only time will tell if Nintendo is a genius or they will need to live through another generation of weak sales. I wish I was wrong. I wish that Switch will be a great game changer, but at this point I think there only be one true game changer. Pokemon. If there ever was a franchise that literally moved consoles and people bought a device only to play one game it is this one. It would also need to come with the news of killing New 3DS. It is possible, but when?

#nintendo #nintendo switch #pokemon #teamrocket #splatoon

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lethe-distillery-blog · 6 years ago

Text

Revelations Part One

I grunted as I pulled my sword from the man's chest cavity. Depravity, it seemed, was not something that was strictly paranormal in nature. Humanity seemed to have its own evils, the blessing was, they simply didn't have the powers available to them to really be a threat. They only were dangerous when they bartered with demons for magiks, when they ran for office, or when they became thralls of some vampire. I fucking hated vampires.

I shuddered at the mere thought of being so devoted to the hope for power that I would essentially sell my soul for it. In exchange, I got strength, speed, bloodlust, and the ability to carry out tasks against my whim should the vampire desire it. And as much as I wanted to kill a vampire, it was dangerous. This was not the simple common logic of cut off the head and the rest dies. Oh no, the gods would have been far too kind if that had been the case when they brought down this calamity. No, kill the vampire and the thralls turned into vampires. They essentially were already, we just called them thralls because in general they were controlled by their masters enough that they weren't allowed to procreate. Thus our distinction between thrall and vampire, though there really wasn't much of a difference. The only real reason the older seemed more powerful was that they were older. I sighed, wiping my blade and watching the thrall crumble away into dust and an errant breeze whisked him away.

"It seems so unusual to me," I spun to face the voice around me, the hairs on the back of my neck rising as I fought to control my breathing, down girl, down." That evil is so deprived that evil strikes down evil." The figure turned to me, eyes glowing a deep mystical gold as though lit from some inner source. I knew what he was simply from the way he talked. Though the golden eyes, red cross at the breast, and the silver one around his throat were plenty enough to mark that I was in some trouble. I didn't bother trying to explain to the Templar that I couldn't control my parentage, didn't bother trying to explain to him that the thrall I had just dispatched had been attacking an orphanage. I didn't bother explaining any of that. He wouldn't listen. They never did.

Good saw evil. It was a tale as old as time, I couldn't help that my father was a demon, didn't know rank, species, hell, I didn't even know his name. Didn't really know my mother either; a lost soul that sought to pay for her addictions with her body. I didn't pity her, she was pitied enough for something that I doubted she would have picked for herself. In the rare times she was in a good mood after getting high came my good memories, going to press my face against the glass to look at toys that I would never be able to own, to play in the park and watch happy families wondering what it would feel like, and sometimes when I was really lucky, we'd go get ice cream from the McDonalds that was about a half mile away. At five, I was taking care of my mother; I knew how to deal with someone going through withdrawals, how to clean her up after a particularly vicious suitor had had his way with her. I had lost my virginity a couple years later, and after that it only took three more to finally have enough and leave. Though it took until I was fourteen to have my powers come in, because you know, puberty, the greatest bitch of all.

I slammed into the Templar, catching him off guard slamming him into the wall and stepping down hard on his instep with my combat boot before jumping back. It was a race; and well I knew it. I took off at a sprint even though I was already winded from my encounter with the thrall. I looked ahead, about fifty feet out of the alley. It wasn't worth the shifting to my, natural, form, and then back again. Though it was quick, and it would give me extra speed, charging out into public view with a tail and horns didn't exactly seem like my idea of fun. Though I had heard that the general population had gotten rid of the torches and pitchforks a couple centuries before I had been born, I really didn't want to test that theory, the internet itself was vicious, didn't want to see how that translated into the real world. I felt the arrow more that I heard it as it whispered by my face, my hair blowing out in the wind of its passing and I cursed. God damn fucking Templars and their god damn ability to summon whatever they god damn fucking needed! Lucky for me, my friend seemed to have a poor shot, small things in life, small things.

I darted out and did a once around before I kept running. At six foot one, I tended to stand out, most women were under five eight. Easier to keep running and hope to get some distance than to blend in the crowd. I caught sight of my hands, the fingernails long and dark and I forced myself to calm down, even as I was running for my life. My powers, thankfully, were emotionally based. Think of it like the Hulk but instead of turning big green and giant, I grew horns, a tail, hooves, and essentially turned into a half demon. Go figure.

I stopped outside a massive brick building, a rectangle really, with molded concrete edgings, the doorways were high and arched with small details that were worn away by time to nothing but ghosts of what was there originally. I only waited to catch my breath and make sure I had lost my pursuer before I entered the sacred building. I did not want to make Otis stressed out over my extracurricular activities. I walked up the steps, slowing my breathing with every step while doing a once over in the massive windows trimmed in wood doors. No horns, no tail, and my walk was good. Excellent. I took a half a heartbeat longer to try and straighten my hair. Damn running for your life, ruined a hairstyle worse than sex. I didn't exactly need either rumor floating around the tiny college. It was a small thing, privately run by Master Otis Eden and his wife, Tigg. none of my three classes ever exceeded over twenty people, I doubted that the building could have fit much more. There were four rooms, and over the course of the day, there were eight courses taught here. It was a quaint little setup, and to get in had taken a lot of hard work on my behalf, especially since I didn't I have the social standings pull that a lot of these other students did. Hell, I shared my Studies of Christian Theory with Daniel Howard, son of one Isaac Howard and if that name doesn't ring a bell in everyone's head they lived under a box. He was the head pastor for the Grace United Megachurch of Texas and likely a multi-billionaire but that led into my issue with the way Christianity was run, the tax exemption, the getting rich off the gullible, the-, enough, down girl.

I knocked on the heavy teak door after wondering a maze of hallways that over the last few months had become to be as familiar as home. That was saying quite a lot really. I cringed as I looked at my watch and waited. "Come in." The tone was as solemn as it ever was, the tone of sacred teachings deep within the depths of him. I entered, I didn't even have to pretend to be meek as I scurried to my chair and sat down. Even little playboy Daniel knew better than to cross Otis Eden, the man ruled with a serene sort of dominance. Don't let the dreamy expression fool you, the man was bright, and he took shit from no one, if you pushed, he would simply kick you out without the ability to come back. Multimillionaire or street girl, it didn't matter. I sat in the overstuffed armchair, listening intently as he continued, not a break to be had aside from my intrusion and I snuck some helpful starter information from the notes of Dorthea Calahea as she kept working. I swear, she copied down every word of the Ancient Practices of the Catholic Church lecture.

I was well aware of the irony of my being here, and thankfully all my classmates were either vanilla humans or other demonspawn, likely here for the same reason I was. A road of self-discovery. It was hard not knowing a parent, and unlike the human world that provided something as simple as getting your DNA tested and then doing a manhunt, though I had heard mixed results of the results of such a discovery. You'd be surprised at how many demonspawn are in the world, actually, you might not be. Demons are held in a bad light, at least in western cultures. I didn't religiously follow any of the groups that others banded together to create, a sort of protection and early watch for those that thought themselves better than us, or sought to use us. I listened to the steady voice, allowing it to work through me and take out the nightmare fuel of this morning, the what if I hadn't made it to where the Thrall was going to be snacking, what if I hadn't outrun the Templar, what if. It all faded as this man spoke in the quiet comfort of a man that truly enjoyed his work.

Class carried on for another fifty minutes, only the occasional cough or Otis taking a sip of water breaking the lecture. I was engrossed by the details. It was fascinating in a sort of horrifying way, the way that the Catholic Church operated. And soon enough, class was done and we were all getting up to go. I hated these moments, Bart and Maria taught in a non-traditional environment. Large couches, overstuffed chairs, pillows, a beautiful expansive fireplace that covered most of one wall, and antiques that would be at home in any muesum decorated each room. Tigg's were often a bit brighter, decorated in shades of blues and the other in an emerald green where her husbands were darker in tone but made up for it in stained glass. it held the old world charm of sitting rooms. Bookshelves covered most available wall space eliminating the need for a central library with the only real indications of the modern century were the several computers that seemed to awkwardly grace an antique dining room table in the far end of each room. Each table was intricately carved wood, nymphs, gods, scenes of mythology carved into the legs and the entire face, though I had only seen one in entirety once, were delicate art, deserving of their own praise that were beautifully inlaid with different wood species, mother of pearl, and semiprecious stones.

"Anastasia," I stopped at the door, turning to where Bart was seated behind the massive desk this room provided, it was a deep cherry, well worn but also beautifully cared for. "May I have a moment?" Well, I knew that I wouldn't be able to get away with it forever.

"Sir, I-." I looked up into a single raised eyebrow over an eye so pale a grey it appeared nearly white with rainbow kaleidoscope from refracting stained glass. I tried again. "I'm sorry Mister Otis, I am trying to get better, I really am. I-."

"Are you going to let me speak?" The question was mild, though he could have reached over and slapped me. I shut up. Twisting my hands together and looking up at him, he was a handsome middle-aged man, his dark hair looking to be greying at the temples, his features neatly covered by a trimmed beard. His lips were plump and full, his knuckles knobby from arthritis coming in, but still, he looked content, a man that knew his place in the universe, I wish he would share how he had figured it out with me. He shook his head, eye smiling in a way that lips cannot, wry amusement shining at me. "I was your age, once upon an eon or two ago." I flushed, though I was unsure why, out of everyone in the world, he always made me feel like a small child, not a woman in her mid-twenties. "I too struggled with mornings, even now, I don't like to wake up before ten, Tigg always starts the day." He pulled out a file and opened it to show my reports, grades, assignments. As I said, he was old school. "I can see you're doing well in your classes despite your tardiness, Maria has no complaints with you in Ancient Civilizations and you aren't late any more than the average in our class later." He closed the file. "But that's not what I wanted to talk about, I just enjoyed making you twitch."

Bastard. I really could have said it out loud, my body response practically yelled it at him and the way that he looked at me I knew he had heard it plenty loud and clear. "So," I ventured, still hesitant but slightly braver now, "why did you ask for a moment of my time." I watched where he was staring out the window to the side, watching a raven hop foot to foot with the sort of eager dance of one anticipating a meal. Must be roadkill and he was waiting for traffic to slow in order to fetch it. I knew that he had heard me, but the man was very often lost in his head. Tigg had complained about it more than once on the days it was really bad in class. I couldn't imagine trying to live with that, though he was kind and brilliant, I would probably throttle him over that flaw.

"Ah, yes." he turned back to me, and I felt that same annoying feeling of being a small girl before him, as though he knew everything, and I was just in the process of learning. "I heard from a little bird that you had someone looking for you. I sent him on his way, I wasn't sure if you knew him so I figured that you may want to warning. Tall, handsome," he looked down at his note and squinting at it. I always wondered how hard it would be to live with one eye, though he seemed to handle it well enough. "Golden eyes." Mr Eden looked up at me, eyes searching mine curiously.

My blood chilled at the thought, there was no way the Templar had seen me come in, I had searched thoroughly, I had made sure I wasn't followed. No, it had to be just a lucky guess. I forced myself to stay relaxed, to breathe evenly, though my hands were tightened around the arms of the chair so much that my knuckles started to ache. I smiled, politely. "No, sir, can't say I know him at all."

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