#i swear i'm cis i'm just fucking ugly

[insomniamamma]

.

nothing quite like having my ten year old question whether or not I'm actually a woman after i explained PCOS to him because he wanted to know why i have so much facial hair. You have XX genes right? Far as I know? That's not something ancestry dot com checks for. I gave birth to you, isn't that proof? The hubby had to yell at him to let it go.

Gosh, i wonder where he heard about this kind of nonsense in the first place.

[schizosamwincester]

OH I HAVE SO MANY. LET'S GO. In order from least to most fucked-up, by my standards. Also yes there is a lot of non-con here. I really like rape fics.

Orion - look, by my standards, "John makes omega!Sam wear a chastity belt" is nothing, but the absolute frustration that comes with that, with Sam being in heat and unable to touch himself and get even a hint of relief? It is absolutely sickening. I don't know how the author managed to capture that feeling so well, but my God, it hurts. (Wincest)

Shimmer and rot - Probably not fucked up enough for this list, but screw it, it's a good fic so I want to include it anyway. Wincest after deanjohn, and Sam steps over Dean's boundaries and triggers him.

the world was so easily won - I don't know if sick is exactly the right word for how this makes me feel, but it's adjacent. The way Dean is willingly just an object passed between Sam and John, that he's willing to make himself a pawn in their rivalry for just the slightest hint of attention? My God. It definitely makes me feel all kinds of ways and none of them are good. (Wincest and deanjohn)

Truth Hurts - Baby Dean tries to earn money for the family without knowing what he was signing up for. John doesn't realize what happened, and so he reopens the wounds. Really nice. (No ships)

then leave me the bones - ugh just. Dean who used to know why he was with John, and now he's just going through the motions. He swears his father is worth saving. He swears the sex used to be good. But right now, all he can see are the ugly parts, and he's killing himself for a man who will never thank him. Just trying to save John from getting into too much trouble and from his own slow decline. Maybe it's just because it's the second one I ever read, but I think this is the best deanjohn fic.

Matryoshka Dolls - okay I try not to recommend anything this long (24k) when I'm doing stuff like this, but I had to make an exception. This is the most complete deanjohn fic. It is so toxic, and what really hurts is how dean believes that the pain is what a good relationship is supposed to feel like. It's just. Exquisite. The most thorough examination of that dynamic. @goshen-applecrumbledore is very talented.

Wire Inside Me - I think this is the best wincest fic. Cis dude Sam is pregnant by Lucifer, and there's all the dread and pregnancy as body horror that implies, but this isn't really about that as much as it is about how it throws a wrench into the Sam and Dean relationship. Because, well, Dean is jealous of Lucifer. And what's really good at this is just how much the whole way Sam is hurting from it all and how terribly Sam copes.

don't say you need me when you leave and you leave again - I can't say a damn thing about this one without ruining it except that it's deanjohn, but it is truly sickening. If you really want it to be good, don't read the tags. Figure it out by yourself. The way the reader has to slowly catch on, and the way Dean won't confront what he definitely already knows deep down, are just so good.

7 - I mean. Come on. I think Lucifer rapes Sam's corpse before resurrecting him and Sam has to deal with the emotional effects of that is the definition of fucked up. Oh and there's good Sam and Jack and Sastiel as well.

cradle of smoke - If you only read one of these, make it this one. Dean pushing himself to give his brother what he needs. It's so claustrophobic in the best ways, and the ending is chilling. I love Dean forcing himself to do what needs to be done until eventually he wants it, and I love the utter atomsphere of dread and inevitability. (Wincest with past samjohn)

until heaven and hell are satisfied - This. This. This. Pregnancy as body horror to the highest degree. Dean was raped and impregnated by a demon and the child is killing him from the inside out. An absolutely flaying fic. Gut wrenching. Dean is not just being literally killed by it, it is also robbing all his sanity. (No ships, but great Sam & Dean fic)

Shattered - A wincest fuck or die that really deeply acknowledges the wild thing about fuck or die — it creates a scenario where both participants in sex are raped. Neither of them want this, but they have no choice, and nothing will ever be the same. Absolutely sickening. Really, really, really good. Highly recommend.

Hard to Love - impressively, the most fucked up fic on this list has no non-con. As per the tags, it's just deanjohn with past destiel and samifer, but I'd say it's sastiel and wincest as well. Sure, the last two aren't having sex, but they sure have their own fucked up dynamics that go well beyond platonic. The basic summary is that Amara brought back John instead of Mary. Saying more than that would spoil it. But Dean, John, Sam and Castiel are all tied up in their own terrible knots, especially Sam, and none of them can deal with their relationships with each other, and in my opinion it is the best SPN fic. It is deeply fucked up from beginning to end and masterfully written.

There's a lot of wincest and deanjohn here and I know you don't really fuck with that (although granted I realized that *after* I wrote all of this. I was like "I know he's commented on my fics, so he prooooobably is an incest person?" which is kind of silly when I write more gen than anything else), but for what it's worth, I'm an aro who tends to like ships for their toxicity and horror. So. It's not like any of these are "incest is good" fics.

@spnyuri and @wastemanjohn have a fair few fics each on this list so I will tag them.

Oh. And I've written a dead dove. I guess I should link that. like the baptism he never had if you want angsty wincest piss necrophilia.

does anyone have fucked up spn fic recs. like horrifying or sickening or upsetting. <3

[itscalled-ashitpost]

Can someone please explain why the FUCK I feel so ugly when I try to look cute? I tried to put on a cute dress and I did my makeup really well and then I looked in the mirror and I just look like a boy in a dress. Why am I build like this? Like a fucking fridge?!

[transmed-rover]

Who the fuck is this idiot? Commenting on all my posts, acting like they're the fucking leader of the transgender community.

What the fuck?

Saying I should have been aborted?

I fucking hate pulling the minor card but I'm fucking 16 and this disgusting human being decided to tell me that I should've been aborted and thrown away.

Tucutes this is why no one fucking likes your community, not only that but you are de-medicalizing transitioning just so you cis trenders can feel "valid uwu"

Instead of helping real trans people who are desperate to transition due to the fact that if they fucking can't their dysphoria will make them kill them selves.

And before you post a bunch of "sources" saying "uwu you don't NEED dysphoria to be trans because gener is a feeling you ugly truscum uwu uwu" The only reason companies say that is because the de-medicalicalization is already happening.

How about all those stories of non dysphorics who de transition because they were always cis and never had dysphoria?

All the fucking sources saying you need dysphoria to be trans?

I swear the fucking God you tucutes are going to be the fucking death of me.

Oh yeah and if you want you can block and report @k-con .

[sharksa-shivers]

(Stuff from ye ol 2021 that fits right in with Sharky being trams (still canonoically cis tho, again, see above for why...) (Just Sharky and Kristy arguing)

Kristy:(trying to help)Dude, you look fine though!!!

Sharky:(grabbing at his chest)Kristy, im so fat i literally fucking have tits!!!! I literally fucking have tits!!!!

Kristy:(throws her arms up)Yeah???? I mean���So do i???? Am i ugly now????

Sharky:(he just fucking stares)……..I swear to fucking god…(sits down, trying to grasp the situation)…..Literally gonna need fucking top surgery at this point to get my chest flat again, fucking, goddamnit… --- Alt too lol Sharky:(distressed)Kristy, i literally am so fat, i have tits!!!!

Kristy:(confused)Ok, and?

Sharky:(distressed)I'm a guy!!! I'm not supposed to have tits!!!!

Max:(floofs chestpuff, smirks)Speak for yourself my guy. Guys with tits are hella valid and that includes you, deal with it.

(looks at Skylissa/Skaxel and then Sharksty) ..........So my shipping type is bi dudes in queer relationships, ok lol Skylissa/Skaxel-They legit have a poly thing going on if you haven't noticed. Skylar is bi, Axel's bi and ace, Alyssa is straight but like...Lol, we'll see if that holds up by the time i do something with Roomies (tho i do like making the token straight joke with her, ngl lol) And then Sharksty: Sharky's bi, Kristy's pan. and like...Sharky's cis but he gives off trans man vibes to me in certain ways, hrmmmm, he's still cis tho HOWEVER i love the idea of it...Part of why Sharky's cis is because with all his body image/self depercation/self hate and whatnot, i feel like making him trans would be...Incredibly difficult for me to navigate since idefk what my gender rn is but iiiiiiiii think it'd be better if a full blown trans man did a story like that vs my gender nonconforming confused ass lmaooooo, like, maybe some trans peeps could write that aspect, idk, but uhhhhhh, for rn, he's cis soooooo yeahhhhhh...I would NOT want to fuck up a story like that yknow?