#i surprisingly sang part of this quietly w/o crying

[fishii28]

i'll take a quiet life, a handshake of carbon monoxide

[dramaqueeenamby]

4AM (6.1)

TAGLIST: @texasbama @profilia @90sinspiredgirl @msincognito67@janellemonaenae @onyour-right@beautifulbashfulblackqueen@skysynclair19 @ilcb7@theresnomoregoodones@siriuslycollins@kumkaniudaku@inlovewithmakeupcomicsanimelove @theunsweetenedtruth @chi-chi97@aieyr@sarcastic-sunshines @chaneajoyyy @airis-paris14@karensraisns@cockyboysandsugarism@siriuslycollins @sisterwifeudaku@issa-melanin @babygirlofwakanda@niecey4cocaine @gibunpa@ashanti-notthesinger @idilly  @wakandawinning @autumn242@chaneajoyyy @SUNFLOWER-HOE @palmsofgranate  @lavitabella87 @purple-apricots@missumuch1918  @simplyjaydaa @-harmonytbh @simplyyamberr@melanisticroyalty @forbeautyandlife @fentybabyy  @amethyst09@ilcb7@maliadestiny @blackpantherimagines @heyauntieeee@youcantkillamutant @tadjoa @mejustme06@bugngiz@aieyr@bamakakechick @blackbypurpose @yourwonderbelle@multipersonalitygirl @chefjessypooh @hamato-rue159 @blublubleu@elaindeereads @girlie94 @nubian-queen18 @autumn242 @romanticcandle@nubian-queen18 @romanticcandle @girl-with-the-pen @headhunchess@afraiddreamingandloving @thatbish27 @almostpurelysmut @halfrican-heat @blkintrovert @xxthotii @marvelislifemarvelisbae @muhhhkrysta @dreamlloudly @k-o-jass @yoyolovesbucky @kileynoelle852 @mademoiselleoya @supersizemeplz @violet-ines @silentlikethe-g-inlasagna @brianabreeze

IF YOU WOULD LIKE TO BE TAGGED IN THIS STORY, CLICK HERE.

Words: 1.3k

Side Note: Thank you all to everyone who’s left/leaves beautiful comments and just for all of you who even read this fic. It really means a lot to me. YOU all mean a lot to me. ❤️❤️ 

MASTERLIST

4AM

Bashira was teetering on the verge of a nervous breakdown.

In the two weeks since she’d (reluctantly) revealed her pregnancy to close family members (her parents, Ramonda, and Shuri), her life had been nothing short of hectic.

Behati hounded the future mother damn near every day to ensure that she was properly taking care of “the future of Wakanda.”

All Bashira had to do was take fucking prenatal vitamins, yet her mother was acting as if she needed to be covered from head to toe in bubble wrap.

Ramonda put herself in charge of planning the baby shower and other public events to celebrate the pregnancy once Bashira’s “condition” was relayed to the kingdom. Never mind the constant passive aggressive bickering that commenced every time Behati and Ramonda were in the same room.

The two never did get along.

Shuri harassed the girl almost every day over “what made you and brother decide to have a child so soon” and a plethora of name suggestions.

It was all in good spirits, but it was too much.

They were suffocating her with their enamored involvement with her pregnancy, a pregnancy that she didn’t even want.

Not if her loved ones were going to continue to prostrate her.

She sniffled and increased the volume of her earphones, allowing Vanessa Williams to soothe her soul with a timeless rendition of one of her favorite songs on repeat.

“You think the only people who are people….” She sang along quietly, thinking back on how she would cry and sing the same tune as a child. It was her go-to whenever she felt consumed by stress from her mother. However, the track never resonated with her as deeply as it did when she married T’Challa.

The man was so out of tune. So judgmental. So cold. And it was all usually directed toward her.

Now she was having their baby.

She started to cry harder, legs pulled up to her chest as she sat on the floor on the side of her bed.

So consumed by her tears and the music that flowed through her ears, she didn’t even hear as the door to the Master Suite open or as he walked into the room, finding her in such a vulnerable state.

“Bashira?” He questioned, taking in her position. She didn’t hear him. “Bashira.”

She heard him the second time around and immediately went to pause the music. She couldn’t even jump from her surprising him with his presence. “What the hell do you want?”

As always, he was unreadable. “What is the matter?”

Bashira scoffed. “You mean is the baby alright?” She hit play while wiping her face with one hand. “Just fucking fantastic.”

He sighed. “That is not what I asked you.” She ignored him, moving over when he crouched down on one knee so that he was almost eye level with her. “You do realize that your emotional health is tied directly with the ba-”

She laughed loudly and acridly. “Is this not amazing? I become pregnant with your child and now you suddenly care about my emotional health.”

“You need to calm down, Bash-”

“Go away, T’Challa.” She hissed, standing up and flattening the creases in her dress. “It is what you do best, anyway.”

He was unrelenting. “Bas-,”

“I said go away!” She shouted, pulling from him when he went to grab her arm. Something came over her as she swung at him with a closed fist, landing right in the middle of his face.

“For Bast sake,” he started out, blinking a few tunes. It didn’t hurt him due to the herb that flowed through his system, but she definitely packed a punch. “What is wrong with you, woman?”

“You, my mother, your mother-

“She is not my mother,” he interjected with a low voice. “And you need to calm the fuck down. The baby-”

“Baby this, baby that, I can’t go three seconds without being reminded that I am nothing more than a surrogate!”

He paused. “What?”

Bashira was fully immersed in her tearful rant. “If not for that stupid prophecy, it would be Nakia carrying your child. Nakia as your wife and Queen, and I wouldn’t be married to a man who despises me, and I him!”

His hands were clenched at his side, his gaze hardened. “I do not-”

“Don’t you dare stand there and lie to me!” She threw her fists against his chest. “You hate me T’Challa! Admit it!”

“You’re being hysterical-”

“Hyst-” She was bug-eyed. “You took my virginity and left me alone to figure out how the hell I was supposed to feel while you pounded into my sister the next fucking morning!”

The king stilled, not expecting this outburst. He truly felt physically and emotionally trapped. “It….it was not anything you did.”

“How could it have been? I’d never done anything but try and make this ruination work! But all you’ve done is treat me as though I asked to be with a man who hates me, who can’t even look at me for two minutes without disgust-”

“That is enough,” he lifted his hand and turned around to avoid her tear stained face.

“I didn’t ask for this, T’Challa!”

“Be quiet, Bashira.” He was gradually losing his sense on control as the seconds passed.

“I didn’t want any of this! I still don’t!” She threw her arms up and shook her head. “So stop blaming me!”

Her last statement caused something in him to snap as he turned on his heel to voice his own feelings. “Do you know why I can barely stand the sight of you half the time?” He stalked toward her. “Because every time I see you, I see not you, but the woman who is responsible for the death of my umama and ubhuti! You are not Behati, but you might as well be. She is your fucking mother, the one who reared you. You are her blood. She is you, and she is someone who I will never forgive.”

Bashira couldn’t move. “W-w-what are you talking about?”

“Tell me, has Behati ever told you why she ended her time as a War Dog?” T’Challa questioned, his eyes surprisingly and completely unveiled. She saw everything: rage, frustration, and a generous amount of pain. “Did she tell you how she befriended my mother to get close to my father? Did she tell you how she would visit the palace after missions under the guise that she was there to see my mother when in fact she just wanted to fuck my father? Did she tell you that when Baba finally tried to stop the affair after he found out my mother was both sick and pregnant, Behati lied about being pregnant for my father when she knew that it was Akili‘s child the whole time?” T’Challa’s eyes watered as Bashira struggled to take it all in. “Did she tell you how she threw her pregnancy in my mother’s face, the stress sending her into premature labor-”

Bashira slowly started to back away, shaking her head as she covered her mouth. “No-”

“I watched my mother take her last breath, Bashira. I heard my father break down as they told him the child didn’t make it either.” She gasped loudly as a single tear leaked from the king's eyes. “So forgive me for not wanting to allow myself to get close to the daughter of the woman who took my heart from me when I was just a child.”

She said nothing. What could she say? The man had finally told her the source of his hate, and there was nothing that could have prepared her for the truth.

A part of her didn’t want to believe him, to call him a liar, to hit at him again. But she couldn’t because it all made sense.

Why her mother was so disliked by so many people.

Why Palesa and her never got along. Nakia’s mother and Queen N’Yami were best friends their whole life. Surely, she held the same amount of contempt.

Contempt she possibly taught Nakia to share.

“And I don’t hate you, Bashira.” She looked up to see that T’Challa was halfway out the door. “I never have.” A beat. “That’s always been the problem.”

A/N: Hurt people hurt people. There is definitely a lot of healing that needs to take place, but this is a start.

T’Challa is still a dick, but he’s a dick with a background.

Oh, and to clear up any confusion. He’s telling the truth. These aren’t lies that he’s been fed. The lies will be revealed later on. 

I told you Behati was a mess

On a funnier note, I imagined when Bashira hit T’Challa....I imagined Starkeisha 😂😂😂

Split this up into two because the following chapter deals with the couple talking about what’s been laid out on the table.